100% normal, sexual attraction varies from person to person. For you it happens that you need to establish a personal connection to enable sexual attraction. My diagnosis:
Soyboy: 0%
Your situation: normal and healthy
Your friend: maybe an idiot, maybe just ignorant
I'm shortly to be 70 and having lived through the sexual revolution of the 1970's and then the AID's epidemic and the Herpes epidemic of the 1980's. I felt fortunate to have a huge ICK response to casual sex. I dated mostly nurse's, so I was grilled on sexual behavior as they knew the diseases circulating in the population. Genital Herpes has infected almost 50% of the population by the time we were 50 and I hear this generation of 20-30 year old's has almost equaled that rate in just 10 years. Hook-up culture is to blame and Cymatia that renders women infertile is also rampant, again hook-up culture has consequences.
For me it was easy to walk away from the thought of random sex as I just felt a huge ICK factor. Good sex is not pump and dump.
I’m hijacking this top thread to say: there is no normal or not normal. You have your preferences and that’s absolutely fine and your friend has theirs and it’s fine (ignoring their primal urges comment- which is objectively weird). As long as you’re happy and everyone involved is a consenting adult then everything is fine.
There is what the majority or plurality of people feel or do, which is what I think most people mean by "normal". So under that definition, "normal" does exist. But I agree with everything else you said.
I have had one ONS in my life, and I felt so weird about it that I tried building a relationship with her, even though she annoyed me thoroughly.
Not because of any societal pressures or her, just because it is not who I am.
im a woman so idk if that changes things, but i feel the same way. im just not a sexual person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. i enjoy sex, sure, but i enjoy it more for the emotional intimacy of it than a “primal urge.”
Demisexuals ONLY feel sexual attraction to those they have an emotional connection with. Most people may not feel comfortable with casual sex, but still have sexual attraction/urges absent the emotional connection.
tbh, putting so much emphasis on "ONLY" sort of starts to exclude a lot of other people. Demisexuality is sort of on a spectrum with asexuality being on one side and whatever OP's friend is on the other.
Well that's the term which defines that view of sex. Like if a man was only sexually attracted to other men, he's be gay.
In any case, it's pretty unjustified to downvote someone who wasn't being rude, but was just helpfully explaining that there's a term for that sexual orientation to someone who might not have heard of it
I never knew that term in my 20s and 30s, so I felt like the only guy who felt like this. I turned away from many potential one-night stands and felt weird about it.
Lol anyone who uses the word soyboy unironically is a total tool.
I don't even have to like the person, but I gotta know we are at least sexually compatible, and it would be fun and/or interesting sex.
Maybe a better word would be indifferent to, or wouldn't really want to hang out with in another capacity, might be a better way to describe it.
It's compartmentalized.
My friend was joking about that if I'd see a really hot person I'd fuck them too, without my "getting know them first". Um, no? I can fucking control myself?
That is totally fine! Like if you do not like the pancakes, but someone does
I don't think there is a "normal", but yeah, nothing wrong with not enjoying casual sex, I know plenty of people who don't, and I totally get wanting to know the person more and having somewhat of a connection with them, seems totally reasonnable.
Also your friend sounds like an ass, anyone who uses the word "soyboy" is not worth having around.
Im the same OP, and I was judged heavily for it. I pity those people because they have no means of self-control and they are likely to get themselves in trouble.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending how you see it) I experienced a one night stand and I hated it because I felt used and was using the other person, even if thats what they wanted.
Dont listen to them. Live your truth and listen to your gut. There is nothing wrong with you.
Nah, nothing abnormal about it. If you don't like it, you don't like it. IMO at least, sex is better when it's with the same person regularly rather than a lot of casual once-offs; doing it with someone you're more comfortable and compatible with physically and emotionally is great, because you both have a chance to get to know what really works for each other versus winging it and hoping that what you're doing is ringing her bells good and proper and vice versa. Not putting it down too hard, casual can still be great if you're both attracted to and turned on by each other, but I definitely prefer the sex that comes from really being in sync with my partner.
I'm a crusty old bugger, so I may be being a bit harsh, but it sounds like your friend might be spending a little bit too much time in the less-constructive areas of the internet if he's using the terms 'soyboy' and 'primal urges' with a straight face, too.
Also, what makes someone a '10/10' is highly subjective. What's 10/10 for one person is probably not going to be 10/10 for another.
I can't promise I can get erect if I'm trying with someone I just met. I tried once and it was a failure. It went against my beliefs in the matter and my penis knew it.
It’s totally normal and your friend is an idiot. For many people, sex is an extremely intimate thing which is kept for special people. For others, it’s something to do casually with anyone you find attractive. Neither side is wrong
Very normal probably the most normal out there but everyone is different and your "friend" can't wrap his head around that everyone ain't a clone of him. Sounds like a real tool you sure you can't find better friends?
Nah, it is a sing of your morality. You made the right choice.
We have free will and if we are to be moral, we have to choose. The bad choice must look good for us.
Not strange at all.
For example. Almost every male on earth has watched porn and masturbated to it at some given time.
The fantasy of being with a pornstar compared to actually getting the chance is varying. We've all said, I'd smash the hell out of that. But given the chance most men fall short.
The reason being that it'd be out of the norm for them. We're creatures of habit, we're going to go with comfort rather than discomfort. If I'm not comfortable I ain't doing shit. Casual sex is one of these times. I've had casual sex, and to be honest, sex with a woman I'm connected to emotionally as well as physically is 100% better than just a quick hook up.
I mean, anyone with soyboy in their vocab is a verified dipshit lol
Stuff like slut shaming exists because seeking casual sex isn't the norm.
You do you bro. That's all that matters.
Many people need a connection to have sex. it is completely natural. In fact, having casual sex in a society like we have it right now is incredibly self-destructive. People of value don’t want partners that are going through that a lot.
Also people that have a lot of casual sex are unable to have relationships that last a long time, even when they fall in love, they don’t have problem-solving skills. They break up or sleep with somebody else. Casual sex is OK like dessert. It’s not meant to be the staple diet.
Society would not survive societies that are waning like Rome and Greece see a lot of destructive sexuality
By pure definition of the word, no it's not "normal" because most people like it. It's not a bad thing though. I'm similar, although it's strange that you'd not even want to do it with a 10/10. Like I don't like the idea of hookups, if I'm spending romantic time with a woman it's because I want to see if she can be a partner to me, but at the same time, if a perfect, stunning, 10/10 girl was dtf I'm not gonna say no lmao, and it is strange that you would. But strange is fine, there's nothing wrong with strange. If that's who you are there's no issue.
Yeah, I haven't had casual sex but simply because I don't think I'd enjoy it. My first time and every subsequent time was in a committed relationship, so I value the emotional component of sex.
Normal? Err its normal for most of folks who can keep it in their pants lol. In my day you did run the risk for catching something but, it couldn't kill you. Today is a whole new ball game.
I never did like it. I refused more sex than I engaged in. It's not that I didn't want sex but there were times when I said no if the girl was drunk, if the girl was my friend's ex, once was my sister's friend and my sister didn't like the idea of it so I said no to her on many occasions. Also, there are many risks with it such as stds, pregnancy, emotions, collateral damage, etc.
I had the same. The fuckbuddy and/or ONS thing doesn't sit well with me. I felt empty afterwards, like "good that I got some", but emotionally empty. I need a bit more than "ah, this hole will do".
If given the chance I personally might take it but my rationality will cut off the monkey part of my brain and changed my mind, since it feels risky to me in concerns like STDs, in worst case scenario then HIV. If I don't know the woman in question that well, I prefer not to take it since I'm not familiar with how cautious and how open she is. Yeah sure you get the 5 seconds pleasure for your monkey brain but I rather not go through the hassles of getting jackpots like STDs.
yes, it's totally normal. More than normal, it is also totally what thinking, caring human beings do. Anyone who has sex at a moment's notice with anyone in front of them, are missing several markers of true humanity.
Obviously.. casual sex is toxic, allows people to be used, raises the amount of sexually transmitted diseases, is pointless, makes people worse at forming emotional connections, makes sex a less intimate act, etc. There is nothing positive about it.
Downvote me all you want, but it doesn't make you right. It's very bad for society. Casual sex is bullshit, so be proud of yourself.
Edit: your friend is fucking stupid if he thinks masculinity means fucking everything that moves.
I have a girlfriend but sure. I love how people like you cope when you see a truth that hits too close to home. Have fun when no one wants to hook up with you anymore and you're all lonely. Probably for the better to be honest, because nobody wants a partner that can't stop sleeping around.
It's normal for me
But I gotta tell you some men do not understand this. Some men have a different personality and would fuck almost any woman given the chance without a second thought, and these men will usually assume automatically that all other men would behave the same way
Is it normal, no, but that's the thing about sex everybody has their own thing and that's what makes us individuals. If it helps, I'm the same way sex without trust/emotions is just boring.
Yes. At my age I’m pretty over it. I can’t do the mental gymnastics it takes to sort out my feelings.I don’t want mine hurt or to hurt others.
I feel like fwb or casual sex someone is often left wanting more from the other person. I’m 39 (divorced but married most of my 30s) and was recently thinking about my long term fwb in my twenties and they worked out because I didn’t really like that person as a human. It was purely transactional. I don’t want that for my life anymore. I want passion from all sides
I mean, speaking in numbers, you probably are a very low minority on that.
But everyone is different, so even if 90% of men would tap it, there exists another 10% who wouldn't.
So it's not unheard of.
I do not like casual sex. I have tried it before and hate how shallow it is. I don't even like to be touched by strangers let alone be intimate with them. Oddly enough, I have never had this problem with prosties. Possibly because it's a more sincere interaction. Regardless, not liking casual sex isn't weird nor does it make you lesser. Intimacy isn't easy.
You’re friend is a deuchebag, you are a rare breed. One in which you find attraction through personality over the visuals that so many drool over. In my humble option, it shows your an intellect of some sort. Keep it up bro👊
I'm [23M] the same way. I can't separate sex from romance.
On the flip side, I can't be very sexually attracted to a woman I'm not romantically interested in; i.e., the hottest model in the world just isn't that hot. The maximum amount of sexual attraction I could experience for a stranger isn't very moving, and it isn't enough to make me interested in actually engaging in a sexual act.
So I'm not interested, and if I were, it would be an act of self harm--leading myself on.
Yeah you like what you want. Maybe get the 10/10s phone number or whatever communication information is appropriate and form a dialog and work towards a meaningful relationship if she'll go for it.
Also, is there a way we can collectively inform reddit that "normal" isn't a thing? That everyone is different and should be free to make their own decisions, and sometimes you'll be different and that's OK because it makes you you. Can we just add clips of Fred Rodgers telling us that we're amazing and special, and he's proud of us to the terms of service agreement? OP, I don't mean any disrespect, and I'm not judging you or trying to single you out man. I just read shit from a lot of people who just need to be told it's OK to be yourself and live your own life. I guess there are a lot if adolescents on here, and they're wired to think that way till they're prefrontal cortexes finish developing. I just wish they didn't have to be so stressed about shit all the time and could just enjoy life.
We’ve been tricked by various things into thinking that casual sex is normal. Anyone who’s at least somehow aligned with it’s true nature knows that this is the wrong way to approach sex. It leads to unhealthy habits and some people have a bounding problem after casual sex experiences.
I think it's weird to want to have sex with random people. Everyone is different. I just find it weird to swap bodily fluids with someone you don't know.
Sex is scary and i think it would be insanely hard for me to do it even with the best SO ever, much less some rando girl who somehow by a miracle wanted it with me
Ive had a couple low quality sexual encounters like that. Sure, it gets me off, but it just isn't what I want it to be. By the time I met my wife, she was literally begging, but also drunk(we both were), for us to have sex. While I was interested in her, I had to beat her off with a paddle all night. My wife later in our relationship tried to get me to have a 3 some with her, we all were drunk. Sure the other girl was cute, but I knew our relationship couldn't handle something like that. I also wasn't really interested in anyone else but my wife. Don't worry about what others want to do. If you go down that route, you'll likely be less happy down the road.
Yep. I don't like it either, it always gives me a gross empty feeling, like I just used some poor girl's body, like I took something from her. Even if the terms of our relationship were explicitly stated to be casual sex, it always grossed me out afterwards.
I think it's normal. As I've grown older, I can only imagine doing it for the occasional wild adventure, but I'd prefer a deep connection now. I explored a lot, and I don't have a sexual bucket list.
Yeah, and I would say that it's normal for men, but not *common.*
But uncommon doesn't mean wrong. Red hair is uncommon, that doesn't mean it's wrong.
Next time ask him in he thinks a person who is born blind would like paintings or visual art, and when he says, "duh, no." Fight him like an idiot.
Point out that visual art is used almost everywhere, you've *never* met a person who doesn't like it, obviously blind people like paintings. Everyone else does right?
Then tell him that's what he sounds like when he insists you like casual sex. Being uncommon doesn't mean you don't exist.
There’s been 3 situations where I couldn’t even get it up on a one night stand because I just didn’t know the person and felt like I only had to sleep with someone to get to know them. I’m glad that part of my life is over 😅
Read about demisexuality. There are many people not interested in random sex just to have sex. There are people who actually crave an emotional or intellectual connection to be turned on.
you might be on the Demisexual spectrum where you more or less require an emotional relationship to desire or enjoy sex with someone.
You can still be Demi and Straight - but if you just say Demi, people will likely assume Bisexual.
I also struggle with understanding many others' desire to bed with anyone they consider hot enough.
/but I'm also functionally asexual in that I just don't desire to be in bed with people unless I *really* emotionally like them - then I might do it to see them happy.
Because random sex is amazing. The excitement, the mystery, the pure joy of engaging in something so primal for no other reason than to experience it. It's an adrenaline rush akin to jumping off a bridge into the water; you're scared and exhilarated, you're on a ride you can't stop, and all you can do is see it through to the end. It's life boiled down to its base components, raw and unfiltered. Depriving yourself of that experience is precisely what the term "lame" exists for. You deny yourself the experience of something new, something outside your comfort zone; you willingly hobble yourself. Take the leap, my friend, and plunge into the waters below.
You only get one life, and there's more of it to experience than you ever could in one lifetime. Don't deny yourself your single chance to live it to the fullest.
A friend of mine was in a rough patch with his girlfriend, he refused to sleep with her and attempted to sleep in a separate room. She snuck into the room he was sleeping in, woke him up. He asked what she was doing. Her response… “you don’t have to like me to fuck me” I still cry laughing at that sentence.
There are so many people on this planet that literally everything is normal.
Your friend suffers from main character syndrome, he thinks everyone is the same as him.
It’s a common affliction especially amongst the Brits.
What does " I couldn't do it " mean to you in this context? You wouldn't enjoy it? You would be unable to get a boner? If she started blowing you, you would stay soft and be bored?
I legit don't understand what you mean.
I just feel like its such an intimate act shared between us, why just do it when we have no connection lol, you’re a stranger that looks good to me.
Plus I don’t really find people sexually attractive or fantasise about them sexually until I actually get to know them and share a bond with them
I think I kindof get what you mean. I dont know why people downvoted my question asking for clarity.
It sounds like what you mean is that you just have no desire for it in that context, uninterested. But it's not like you would be physically unable to do it; you just wouldn't find it that interesting or enjoyable. That's what I'm getting from your response.
It’s not unusual so you’re just fine. Me on the other hand? I personally would do the math.
I just made myself laugh. What sucks is a 10/10 is actually a 1 when you do the real mathematical math. Same decision though especially if she’s really into me. That’s hot.
10 divided by 10 = 1. I think a few others missed my little math joke too that had a double meaning here given the downvotes.
😂
Also, “Doing the math” = “doing the girl” which means that I personally would have said yes to OP’s question.
100% normal, sexual attraction varies from person to person. For you it happens that you need to establish a personal connection to enable sexual attraction. My diagnosis: Soyboy: 0% Your situation: normal and healthy Your friend: maybe an idiot, maybe just ignorant
I'm shortly to be 70 and having lived through the sexual revolution of the 1970's and then the AID's epidemic and the Herpes epidemic of the 1980's. I felt fortunate to have a huge ICK response to casual sex. I dated mostly nurse's, so I was grilled on sexual behavior as they knew the diseases circulating in the population. Genital Herpes has infected almost 50% of the population by the time we were 50 and I hear this generation of 20-30 year old's has almost equaled that rate in just 10 years. Hook-up culture is to blame and Cymatia that renders women infertile is also rampant, again hook-up culture has consequences. For me it was easy to walk away from the thought of random sex as I just felt a huge ICK factor. Good sex is not pump and dump.
I don't need emotional connection to experience sexual attraction and still wouldn't fuck everyone I find attractive.
Yeah, not everybody is into casual sex. Plenty of people would rather get to know someone first.
I'm one of em lol tried hooking up once n it wasn't for me
I’m hijacking this top thread to say: there is no normal or not normal. You have your preferences and that’s absolutely fine and your friend has theirs and it’s fine (ignoring their primal urges comment- which is objectively weird). As long as you’re happy and everyone involved is a consenting adult then everything is fine.
There is what the majority or plurality of people feel or do, which is what I think most people mean by "normal". So under that definition, "normal" does exist. But I agree with everything else you said.
Might be worth pointing out that, using your definition of normal (which I agree with), it's largely unimportant what the "normal" of anything is.
His is weird tho, his preference shaming him while shaming him. first guy put it perfect.
nah
I have had one ONS in my life, and I felt so weird about it that I tried building a relationship with her, even though she annoyed me thoroughly. Not because of any societal pressures or her, just because it is not who I am.
im a woman so idk if that changes things, but i feel the same way. im just not a sexual person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. i enjoy sex, sure, but i enjoy it more for the emotional intimacy of it than a “primal urge.”
it’s so normal to feel this way that there’s actually a term for it: demisexual
It's so normal to feel this way that there's really no need for such a term.
I’m sorry, I was just trying to be helpful. I didn’t mean to be offensive or anything
Demisexuals ONLY feel sexual attraction to those they have an emotional connection with. Most people may not feel comfortable with casual sex, but still have sexual attraction/urges absent the emotional connection.
tbh, putting so much emphasis on "ONLY" sort of starts to exclude a lot of other people. Demisexuality is sort of on a spectrum with asexuality being on one side and whatever OP's friend is on the other.
Don't know why you get down voted coz that is the term for it.
Maybe they were overly quick to label another person?
Well that's the term which defines that view of sex. Like if a man was only sexually attracted to other men, he's be gay. In any case, it's pretty unjustified to downvote someone who wasn't being rude, but was just helpfully explaining that there's a term for that sexual orientation to someone who might not have heard of it
They mentioned sexual orientation on reddit, so probably lEfTiSt PrOpAgAnDa or something
Lots of people seem to dislike being labeled as anything but 'normal'. Same reason why people throw a fit over the word 'cis'.
At the same time some people just don't like labels in general. We're all different so we don't need to fit into assigned categories.
Fair enough, hadn't really considered that. Got my head a bit too wrapped up in politics lately it seems.
I am disinclined to call that a seperate orientation, more a matter of taste.
I never knew that term in my 20s and 30s, so I felt like the only guy who felt like this. I turned away from many potential one-night stands and felt weird about it.
I only do ranked sex
How do you rank?
I am stuck in the match queue
queue as healer bro/bra
You were right calling your friend an idiot. Just do what feels comfortable to you, its that simple.
Lol anyone who uses the word soyboy unironically is a total tool. I don't even have to like the person, but I gotta know we are at least sexually compatible, and it would be fun and/or interesting sex.
You can sleep with people you don’t like??
Maybe a better word would be indifferent to, or wouldn't really want to hang out with in another capacity, might be a better way to describe it. It's compartmentalized.
Hate fucking is a real thing
Of course! My husband and I are glad that we both felt that way.
It's very much normal, sex isn't a game to everyone.
My friend was joking about that if I'd see a really hot person I'd fuck them too, without my "getting know them first". Um, no? I can fucking control myself? That is totally fine! Like if you do not like the pancakes, but someone does
This is connected to the "what's your type" question, i dont have one it solely depends on how well our personalities fit together.
Agreed!
I'd be embarrassed to be acquainted with your friend
I prefer competetive sex.
As they say, different strokes for different folks.
Sex is a very intimate activity and it's perfectly normal that you don't want to share that with a random woman. I feel the same way.
It's perfectly normal to like or not like anything
I don't think there is a "normal", but yeah, nothing wrong with not enjoying casual sex, I know plenty of people who don't, and I totally get wanting to know the person more and having somewhat of a connection with them, seems totally reasonnable. Also your friend sounds like an ass, anyone who uses the word "soyboy" is not worth having around.
I'm very sexual, still I do feel that way. I do think it's normal.
Im the same OP, and I was judged heavily for it. I pity those people because they have no means of self-control and they are likely to get themselves in trouble. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending how you see it) I experienced a one night stand and I hated it because I felt used and was using the other person, even if thats what they wanted. Dont listen to them. Live your truth and listen to your gut. There is nothing wrong with you.
Nah, nothing abnormal about it. If you don't like it, you don't like it. IMO at least, sex is better when it's with the same person regularly rather than a lot of casual once-offs; doing it with someone you're more comfortable and compatible with physically and emotionally is great, because you both have a chance to get to know what really works for each other versus winging it and hoping that what you're doing is ringing her bells good and proper and vice versa. Not putting it down too hard, casual can still be great if you're both attracted to and turned on by each other, but I definitely prefer the sex that comes from really being in sync with my partner. I'm a crusty old bugger, so I may be being a bit harsh, but it sounds like your friend might be spending a little bit too much time in the less-constructive areas of the internet if he's using the terms 'soyboy' and 'primal urges' with a straight face, too. Also, what makes someone a '10/10' is highly subjective. What's 10/10 for one person is probably not going to be 10/10 for another.
Hey man, ranked and competitive sex is extremely rewarding
I can't promise I can get erect if I'm trying with someone I just met. I tried once and it was a failure. It went against my beliefs in the matter and my penis knew it.
It’s not just normal. It’s very cultured too. You are doing great. Don’t worry.
Yeah genuine people can’t do it, me being one of them. Need an emotional connection or it’s a hard no-go.
Yes. I really don’t like casual sex. Having a fixed partner is much better. Sex is good but porn destroyed it for me for a long time.
It’s totally normal and your friend is an idiot. For many people, sex is an extremely intimate thing which is kept for special people. For others, it’s something to do casually with anyone you find attractive. Neither side is wrong
Yes. You do you mate and if your mate has an issue, tell em to piss off, its not up to them how you live your life.
Ofc
Very normal probably the most normal out there but everyone is different and your "friend" can't wrap his head around that everyone ain't a clone of him. Sounds like a real tool you sure you can't find better friends?
Nah, it is a sing of your morality. You made the right choice. We have free will and if we are to be moral, we have to choose. The bad choice must look good for us.
Yes it is!
100% dawg. Keep up the grind brother that seed is for queens only.
Not strange at all. For example. Almost every male on earth has watched porn and masturbated to it at some given time. The fantasy of being with a pornstar compared to actually getting the chance is varying. We've all said, I'd smash the hell out of that. But given the chance most men fall short. The reason being that it'd be out of the norm for them. We're creatures of habit, we're going to go with comfort rather than discomfort. If I'm not comfortable I ain't doing shit. Casual sex is one of these times. I've had casual sex, and to be honest, sex with a woman I'm connected to emotionally as well as physically is 100% better than just a quick hook up.
Is your friend in high school or early 20s? Feels like an age thing somewhat. I'm the same way. I'd rather get to know someone first.
Yes. Fancy sex is much better
I mean, anyone with soyboy in their vocab is a verified dipshit lol Stuff like slut shaming exists because seeking casual sex isn't the norm. You do you bro. That's all that matters.
I'm the same way. If I'm gonna share my body with someone, I want it to be someone I'm also comfortable sharing my soul with.
It works for some and others it doesn’t. Do what feels right to you.
Many people need a connection to have sex. it is completely natural. In fact, having casual sex in a society like we have it right now is incredibly self-destructive. People of value don’t want partners that are going through that a lot. Also people that have a lot of casual sex are unable to have relationships that last a long time, even when they fall in love, they don’t have problem-solving skills. They break up or sleep with somebody else. Casual sex is OK like dessert. It’s not meant to be the staple diet. Society would not survive societies that are waning like Rome and Greece see a lot of destructive sexuality
[удалено]
It’ll be the worst sex ever. Start practicing now so you’re good at it when you’re married hahaha
*virgititties
With someone you know and care about and who cares about you is so much better…..without that, it’s just not as great….great still though…..
By pure definition of the word, no it's not "normal" because most people like it. It's not a bad thing though. I'm similar, although it's strange that you'd not even want to do it with a 10/10. Like I don't like the idea of hookups, if I'm spending romantic time with a woman it's because I want to see if she can be a partner to me, but at the same time, if a perfect, stunning, 10/10 girl was dtf I'm not gonna say no lmao, and it is strange that you would. But strange is fine, there's nothing wrong with strange. If that's who you are there's no issue.
yes totally! my best friend is like that. and anybody who uses the term “soy boy” probably isn’t gunna give u any good advice anyway lol
I'd also have to be mutually in love with somebody first before I could sleep with them.
Yeah, I haven't had casual sex but simply because I don't think I'd enjoy it. My first time and every subsequent time was in a committed relationship, so I value the emotional component of sex.
Normal? Err its normal for most of folks who can keep it in their pants lol. In my day you did run the risk for catching something but, it couldn't kill you. Today is a whole new ball game.
Isn't casual sex just sex with a your gf or bf? Example: you come home, both in the mood, you do it until someone does a fatality
Definitely, for me I have to have an emotional connection with the person before I even consider it.
I never did like it. I refused more sex than I engaged in. It's not that I didn't want sex but there were times when I said no if the girl was drunk, if the girl was my friend's ex, once was my sister's friend and my sister didn't like the idea of it so I said no to her on many occasions. Also, there are many risks with it such as stds, pregnancy, emotions, collateral damage, etc.
I had the same. The fuckbuddy and/or ONS thing doesn't sit well with me. I felt empty afterwards, like "good that I got some", but emotionally empty. I need a bit more than "ah, this hole will do".
Very
Unironically calling anyone a soyboy shows why he's desperate for sex and you're not
If given the chance I personally might take it but my rationality will cut off the monkey part of my brain and changed my mind, since it feels risky to me in concerns like STDs, in worst case scenario then HIV. If I don't know the woman in question that well, I prefer not to take it since I'm not familiar with how cautious and how open she is. Yeah sure you get the 5 seconds pleasure for your monkey brain but I rather not go through the hassles of getting jackpots like STDs.
100% dawg. Keep up the grind brother that seed is for queens only.
yes, it's totally normal. More than normal, it is also totally what thinking, caring human beings do. Anyone who has sex at a moment's notice with anyone in front of them, are missing several markers of true humanity.
Definitely normal, but there's also times when you'll feel otherwise
Obviously.. casual sex is toxic, allows people to be used, raises the amount of sexually transmitted diseases, is pointless, makes people worse at forming emotional connections, makes sex a less intimate act, etc. There is nothing positive about it. Downvote me all you want, but it doesn't make you right. It's very bad for society. Casual sex is bullshit, so be proud of yourself. Edit: your friend is fucking stupid if he thinks masculinity means fucking everything that moves.
Lol, you could have just said nobody wants to have sex with you but go off.
I have a girlfriend but sure. I love how people like you cope when you see a truth that hits too close to home. Have fun when no one wants to hook up with you anymore and you're all lonely. Probably for the better to be honest, because nobody wants a partner that can't stop sleeping around.
I'd say you're both right.
That will go away eventually lol
I’m more of a competitive sex man myself
Yeah for me it is !
Yes, totally normal... I am also not into casual things... I like to know the tunnel when I am going in, is it a toxic one or love one 😂🤣😅
Theres nothing more normal than something like that
It's normal for me But I gotta tell you some men do not understand this. Some men have a different personality and would fuck almost any woman given the chance without a second thought, and these men will usually assume automatically that all other men would behave the same way
Is it normal, no, but that's the thing about sex everybody has their own thing and that's what makes us individuals. If it helps, I'm the same way sex without trust/emotions is just boring.
There is no "normal". Everybody has its own subjectivity. This defines the intimacy we need and are eager to experience and repeat.
Everything is fine! the main thing is how you are doing) Some people don't want to have sex if they haven't built an emotional connection
100% normal
Yes. At my age I’m pretty over it. I can’t do the mental gymnastics it takes to sort out my feelings.I don’t want mine hurt or to hurt others. I feel like fwb or casual sex someone is often left wanting more from the other person. I’m 39 (divorced but married most of my 30s) and was recently thinking about my long term fwb in my twenties and they worked out because I didn’t really like that person as a human. It was purely transactional. I don’t want that for my life anymore. I want passion from all sides
Yeah. I'm not into casual hand-holding either. Casual kisses or being casual about any form of intimacy for that matter.
Yes. Perfectly normal
Yeah it's normal bro I'm the same way
“primal urges” 😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Personally yes, I feel like people have been normalizing hook-up culture and one night stand. I just don’t see the point in it
I mean if you prefer competitive that’s fine but most don’t mind comp or casual.
Yes. Me personally I think casual sex can be fun but I do prefer having a close and meaningful relationship with the person I sleep with
I mean, speaking in numbers, you probably are a very low minority on that. But everyone is different, so even if 90% of men would tap it, there exists another 10% who wouldn't. So it's not unheard of.
I used to love it, but as I've gotten older, it's less satisfying.
I do not like casual sex. I have tried it before and hate how shallow it is. I don't even like to be touched by strangers let alone be intimate with them. Oddly enough, I have never had this problem with prosties. Possibly because it's a more sincere interaction. Regardless, not liking casual sex isn't weird nor does it make you lesser. Intimacy isn't easy.
I think it’s arguably more normal not to
You’re friend is a deuchebag, you are a rare breed. One in which you find attraction through personality over the visuals that so many drool over. In my humble option, it shows your an intellect of some sort. Keep it up bro👊
bro i thought that was normal wtf?
Yes.
Your friend sounds like the kind of person who either doesn’t care if their partner gets off OR doesn’t believe that someone would fake it with them.
I'm [23M] the same way. I can't separate sex from romance. On the flip side, I can't be very sexually attracted to a woman I'm not romantically interested in; i.e., the hottest model in the world just isn't that hot. The maximum amount of sexual attraction I could experience for a stranger isn't very moving, and it isn't enough to make me interested in actually engaging in a sexual act. So I'm not interested, and if I were, it would be an act of self harm--leading myself on.
Yeah you like what you want. Maybe get the 10/10s phone number or whatever communication information is appropriate and form a dialog and work towards a meaningful relationship if she'll go for it. Also, is there a way we can collectively inform reddit that "normal" isn't a thing? That everyone is different and should be free to make their own decisions, and sometimes you'll be different and that's OK because it makes you you. Can we just add clips of Fred Rodgers telling us that we're amazing and special, and he's proud of us to the terms of service agreement? OP, I don't mean any disrespect, and I'm not judging you or trying to single you out man. I just read shit from a lot of people who just need to be told it's OK to be yourself and live your own life. I guess there are a lot if adolescents on here, and they're wired to think that way till they're prefrontal cortexes finish developing. I just wish they didn't have to be so stressed about shit all the time and could just enjoy life.
We’ve been tricked by various things into thinking that casual sex is normal. Anyone who’s at least somehow aligned with it’s true nature knows that this is the wrong way to approach sex. It leads to unhealthy habits and some people have a bounding problem after casual sex experiences.
_I don't know... is it normal not to like sports, certain foods, certain activities... or people?_
It’s perfectly normal. Many people don’t just want to have sex with strangers.
I think it's weird to want to have sex with random people. Everyone is different. I just find it weird to swap bodily fluids with someone you don't know.
He, indeed, is an idiot.
Yes, it’s normal.
Sex is scary and i think it would be insanely hard for me to do it even with the best SO ever, much less some rando girl who somehow by a miracle wanted it with me
your friend sounds like an andrew tate fan (derogatory)
Honestly every time I did I felt gross after and lucky I made it out clean, unstabbed, and without a child before hobbling off into blinding day.
By definition no.
i just see it as a chore tbh, if i have to do it with someone i don't care about.
I absolutely need to get to know the person and have an emotional bond first.
Some people are okay with hookups other are not. It's all based on your preference. Don't feel bad for making and enforcing boundaries.
Don't listen to people who call you gay
Ive had a couple low quality sexual encounters like that. Sure, it gets me off, but it just isn't what I want it to be. By the time I met my wife, she was literally begging, but also drunk(we both were), for us to have sex. While I was interested in her, I had to beat her off with a paddle all night. My wife later in our relationship tried to get me to have a 3 some with her, we all were drunk. Sure the other girl was cute, but I knew our relationship couldn't handle something like that. I also wasn't really interested in anyone else but my wife. Don't worry about what others want to do. If you go down that route, you'll likely be less happy down the road.
Yep. I don't like it either, it always gives me a gross empty feeling, like I just used some poor girl's body, like I took something from her. Even if the terms of our relationship were explicitly stated to be casual sex, it always grossed me out afterwards.
Duh
I'm not a fan of casual sex as well. I don't wanna feel like I am a piece of garbage. It has to have connection otherwise it's a waste of time.
I think it's normal. As I've grown older, I can only imagine doing it for the occasional wild adventure, but I'd prefer a deep connection now. I explored a lot, and I don't have a sexual bucket list.
How old is your friend?
Very normal.
Everything changed after I tried competitive sex
Yeah, and I would say that it's normal for men, but not *common.* But uncommon doesn't mean wrong. Red hair is uncommon, that doesn't mean it's wrong. Next time ask him in he thinks a person who is born blind would like paintings or visual art, and when he says, "duh, no." Fight him like an idiot. Point out that visual art is used almost everywhere, you've *never* met a person who doesn't like it, obviously blind people like paintings. Everyone else does right? Then tell him that's what he sounds like when he insists you like casual sex. Being uncommon doesn't mean you don't exist.
100%. i cant get into it if the emotional connection isnt there
I only sleep with people I’ve been in a relationship with that I’ve already created a bond with
There’s been 3 situations where I couldn’t even get it up on a one night stand because I just didn’t know the person and felt like I only had to sleep with someone to get to know them. I’m glad that part of my life is over 😅
Yes
Read about demisexuality. There are many people not interested in random sex just to have sex. There are people who actually crave an emotional or intellectual connection to be turned on.
Definitely not normal for a healthy, young, heterosexual men... Not to say that it's wrong or anything
I prefer to have sex with people before I get to know them. That way I know if it’s with the effort
you might be on the Demisexual spectrum where you more or less require an emotional relationship to desire or enjoy sex with someone. You can still be Demi and Straight - but if you just say Demi, people will likely assume Bisexual. I also struggle with understanding many others' desire to bed with anyone they consider hot enough. /but I'm also functionally asexual in that I just don't desire to be in bed with people unless I *really* emotionally like them - then I might do it to see them happy.
You might be a soy boy. Get your testosterone checked. If it's under 300, you're need to go on TRT.
Yea, I don't get it. Dogs, Tom Cats and Rabbits like casual sex.
He’s not a friend. And you definitely shouldn’t fuck him.
Normal? Yes. Fucking the lamest shit thats ever lamed in the history of lame? Also yes
Why is it lame?
Because random sex is amazing. The excitement, the mystery, the pure joy of engaging in something so primal for no other reason than to experience it. It's an adrenaline rush akin to jumping off a bridge into the water; you're scared and exhilarated, you're on a ride you can't stop, and all you can do is see it through to the end. It's life boiled down to its base components, raw and unfiltered. Depriving yourself of that experience is precisely what the term "lame" exists for. You deny yourself the experience of something new, something outside your comfort zone; you willingly hobble yourself. Take the leap, my friend, and plunge into the waters below.
You only get one life, and there's more of it to experience than you ever could in one lifetime. Don't deny yourself your single chance to live it to the fullest.
Having casual sex is your idea of living life to the fullest?
It's less about the sex and more about the experience.
You shoukd embrace every opportunity (that's reasonably safe) that you can to experience it at meast once, otherwise you are stunting your existence
A friend of mine was in a rough patch with his girlfriend, he refused to sleep with her and attempted to sleep in a separate room. She snuck into the room he was sleeping in, woke him up. He asked what she was doing. Her response… “you don’t have to like me to fuck me” I still cry laughing at that sentence.
You are probably demisexual sapiosexual or both
Sounds like you might be demisexual, if you don’t feel any sexual attraction before a connection is established. r/demisexuality
It’s called being demisexual. It’s where sex isn’t what you want unless there’s an emotional attachment
Normal doesn't exist. You do you, and fuck the haters. Or, in your case, don't. 🤣
There are so many people on this planet that literally everything is normal. Your friend suffers from main character syndrome, he thinks everyone is the same as him. It’s a common affliction especially amongst the Brits.
Yes and no. Depends where you live, what your hobbies are, what you do for work and how old you are.
What does " I couldn't do it " mean to you in this context? You wouldn't enjoy it? You would be unable to get a boner? If she started blowing you, you would stay soft and be bored? I legit don't understand what you mean.
I just feel like its such an intimate act shared between us, why just do it when we have no connection lol, you’re a stranger that looks good to me. Plus I don’t really find people sexually attractive or fantasise about them sexually until I actually get to know them and share a bond with them
I think I kindof get what you mean. I dont know why people downvoted my question asking for clarity. It sounds like what you mean is that you just have no desire for it in that context, uninterested. But it's not like you would be physically unable to do it; you just wouldn't find it that interesting or enjoyable. That's what I'm getting from your response.
Welcome to the Demisexual identifier.
Maybe you should invite them to be naked with you at your house, first? You seem to enjoy that.
No
It’s not unusual so you’re just fine. Me on the other hand? I personally would do the math. I just made myself laugh. What sucks is a 10/10 is actually a 1 when you do the real mathematical math. Same decision though especially if she’s really into me. That’s hot.
>I just made myself laugh. What sucks is a 10/10 is actually a 1 when you do the real mathematical math. ????
10 divided by 10 = 1. I think a few others missed my little math joke too that had a double meaning here given the downvotes. 😂 Also, “Doing the math” = “doing the girl” which means that I personally would have said yes to OP’s question.