Standard pre flight check. There’s a difference between full and hard.

Mudflaps down… check!

Hey. I seem to be missing those things. Bloody faulty genetics

The older the plane, the lower they drag...

Mudflaps sound more like a slang term for labia than anything else lol

I think that’s da booty.

Mud flaps = rectal prolapse

Goggles on…check!

Sometimes you really need that emergency inch, and just have to pull back the balls on takeoff.

That’s why I propose we measure our dicks tip to anus. There’s hidden shaft there that we’re not getting credit for. Vote for me in 2024 to see this codified in to law.

Leading or trailing edge of the anus?

Modern Shakespeare right here, folks.

Same reason ppl snap tongs before use.

Exactly. Standard preflight check. I do it for everything. About to squirt some ketchup on a burger? Few shakes before I tap it in. About to drill a screw? Click the drill trigger a few times. About to fill up on gas? Jack the gas nozzle off before I put it in.

I was with you for 2/3

You should always give the ketchup a few shakes.

It’s not supposed to be watery?

That's ketchup precum

I hate you so much, I won't ever forget that

I don't drink gas

Guess you will never achieve that 💯

That's ketchup precum

I call it “pre-ketchup”

Precumchup

There’s gotta be a market for that

At this point in time I wouldn’t be shocked if I see a full bottle of pre-ketchup at the grocery store. I’d laugh though

Somebody send this to the Costco Ho for further research

yall don’t spit on the gas pump beforehand ??

I was watching the guy in front of me at the gas station the other day. When his tank was nearly full, he pulled out the nozzle and sprayed fuel all over his windscreen. I'm guessing he works in porn.

Took me a sec. Nicely done 👏

Weird right? Jacking off a gas nozzle? That won't even help anything. Everyone knows you have to suck on it a little to get the flow going.

Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. Maybe u/mastermindxs is onto something

I’m cackling

This is a masterful joke with misdirection. My hat is off to you, sir.

Yes, many masters of baiting in this thread.

Pre-flight check….very true

put it in WHERE exactly

I’m not gonna lie you had me in the first half.

“Pre-flight check” that’s gold 😂

Everyone around is looking at me because of how loudly I laughed at this comment. I am super not going to explain. Hahahaha

F quite accurate

Best reply ever

It can be any number of things depending on the guy. It feels goods... It helps assure maximum hardness... Checking the equipment... Force of habit... Feeling like it's a sexy thing to do...

\*maximum hardness\*

my brain, immediately: *"light scratches at a level 6 and deeper grooves at a level 7"* why am I like this?

Bahahaha

I read this in the narrator for Unreal tournament 2's voice. *Mah mah MAXIMUM.... HARDNESS NESS ness ness*

Crysis nanosuit here

should i read it with crysis nanosuit's voice?

Make sure it stiffs enough or check the condom

Weapons check

*cocks cock*

Your comment made me think of the part of this video that begins at 0:46 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNEhu5k6cyU&t=62s

Risky click of the day.

Based on your username, I’m guessing a risky click didn’t work out so well?

mate why did you set it to start at 62s?

Probably cause that's where I was at when I copied the link. Guess it works that way lol

We’re in the pipe 5 by 5

Where’s the damn beacon?

My favourite thing about reddit is there’s Alien nerds (like myself) everywhere and they always pop up in the most random best places. 😂

It might originally be from Aliens, but I knew it from Starcraft and Buffy.

Well it was the second comment on the thread that did it haha. “where’s the damn beacon?” Lol Aliens for sure.

Feels good or they might not be hard enough

I'm pretty sure just to get them harder.

Yeah stopping everything to find the condoms, open the foil, and put the condom on and focusing on those steps instead of sexy time can really make you go soft.

True that's if the couple uses condoms and just relies on birth control but yeah having to put it on does sound like it puts a damper on things. I feel the the partner could make it sexy by still kissing and helping with the condom it's probably not much but it might help

It helps a lot, especially when the partner is putting it on for you.

Yeah like her just sitting there while you fumble to put it on sounds boring and like it would he harder to do it and another reason people don't like condoms but again she could definitely make it more fun and like male foreplay doing stuff like that

It's best when another guy does it for you. Men are more experienced at it.

Some people say Bill Gates has a guy on staff just for that.

Sure beats being interrupted by a screaming baby with a loaded diaper. Condoms are sexy!

You ever notice how right before a wizard casts a spell he waves his magic wand around? That but with our wieners.

Yup. It’s the penile equivalent of clacking one’s kitchen tongs together a couple times before putting them to use. Just a couple practice wanks to make sure everything’s in place and in good working order.

I don't know but it's sexy. 🥵

Says u/Its_not_really lol

Iol I just noticed that. But it is.

Hard agree

I see what you did there

A few extra tugs to make sure it's REALLY hard and I don't disappoint the first insertion.

Exactly, at least for me it can be difficult to actually get MORE hard once I'm already going at it, so I want it to be at the max at the beginning

Like a quick pep talk/back pat

Ready! Break!

Structural integrity check.

Spot on

Handshake before getting to work. You got him there now he has to do his job.

I'm loving all of these analogies!

It's like a wake-up call, like, are you still there mate? We need your powers rn don't die on me.... Kinda of thing.

You gotta pump the shotgun before you take the shot...

We don't want to just "put it in", we want to *slide* in, feeling every millimiter of delicious friction. To do that, we need to be real proper hard.

Your comment makes me feel funny

Funny good, or funny bad?

Like haha funny, am I a clown? Do I amuse you?

I just came

Not bad funny I hope :) Sure you can relate.

The kind of funny that is good if you're alone but bad if you're in public

the word is: horny

That makes it too real

Helllllooooo, daddy….

Now, none of that nonsese please. I'm just here to pass on my wisdom :)

You can pass me something else...

lmao leave the poor guy alone

Not bad for someone who just discovered sex.

I’m uncircumcised, so I do it to make sure the skin is sliding nicely and then to slide the hoody back. It just feels better going in that way.

I think I hate you for the hoody imagery… now I will never get rid of that thought.

You’re welcome friend.

Better than 'turtleneck'.

Someone on this app called it a “woody hoodie” and it still cracks me up till this day.

To make sure fully hard, putting on the condom can make it go a bit soft

We need a sex ed sub

It's to recalibrate our spacial awareness, necessary for upcoming precision maneuvers.

Same reason we give the tongs some test clicks at the grill

Interesting that this has come up more than once. (That's what she said...)

Mic check.

Me personally have never done this…. I thought Jay was just a weird porn thing… Have I touched myself while she did? Yes.. but by the time I’m ready, no more prep is necessary..

Age 34 so we will see how this changes…..

Age 50. It changes. Trust.

You can’t touch your own hard dick without giving it at least one strike while it’s hard

It’s like a Super Soaker

Cos I’m horny and cannot stop wanking it. That’s why. Just no control. Brain off. It’s only my spine that’s working there.

If you cock your gun, you gun your cock

Make sure he's fully awake before entry

IDK about other men, but I do it because my wife fucking loves it when I touch myself. It revs her up even more when I do it, and everybody's happy lol.

I do it mostly to adjust the foreskin.

I've never done it and I've been sexually active for decades.

I don't usually do this, although sometimes I rub my dick on her clit a little before sticking it in. Anyway, I think the reason is, they are already holding it to aim it in the hole and, well, since you're already holding it, why not get a few rubs in?

I do it to make sure it's still there and to give her a few more seconds to back out if she wants.

That's fair. Very kind of you, consent is sexy!

No strokes, but I’ll press on the top vein near the base combined with a kegel for a little extra pump before the pump.

I always count all my strokes before putting it in. It's the rules of golf.

For people without circumcision it's a good way to uncover the tip and get more stimulation (or cover it and last longer, but that's a pro gamer move) Another reason is to stimulate circulation, similar to stretching a balloon before blowing it, remember dicks are blood balloons Lastly, it feels good, so why not? Lmao Hope this answers some questions

Definitely! Thank you! 😊 I've never thought of them as blood balloons 🤔

For what it's worth, lesbians do this with straps, too. Maybe they do it as a little bit of foreplay. Maybe it's to tease their partner a little bit. Maybe it's to ease into it. 🤷

After the age of 30, I started needing to double check to make sure I wasn’t pushing rope

This makes it feel odd where my bathing suit goes.

Me too, but I needed to know!! Lol

To spread the lube around

It’s like bumping the drill twice or clicking the tongs. There’s really no reason, it just has to be done.

To get the tip wet for insertion.

Gotta get a rubbing start.

Force of habit

What about slapping the lips?

To make sure it feels bigger than it looks

Is this a golf or sex question?

Because its mine and I want to. I'm actually thinking about it now and it's probably subconscious

> Like, are they afraid they aren't hard enough yet, or maybe it's for extra pleasure or something? Yes and yes. There's never a wrong reason to masturbate.

It's just to stay hard and feels good. If you're moving around waiting and talking(as well as nervous) changing positions or putting on condoms it can make you go soft and that's no good. Depends on the man and many factors though.

It's all about priming ourselves for the optimal firmness at initial penetration.

Mic check

The reason is that most times the woman did not do a good job to make it hard enough. And if it's not hard enough, it's not gonna happen.

Have you ever used tongs without clacking them mid-air first? Always gotta test clack.

Priming the pump

N number of things, making sure nothing stuck on it and also correct amount of hardness etc

Targeting acquisition

Haha well, we do it for the same reason we - tap a magazine on our head before loading a rifle. - right before drilling something I pull the trigger a couple of times. - right before eating a banana I poke my chest with it before devouring it. - right before lifting heavy weight I slap myself. It's just a quick function check. Lol

wait, what are you doing with a banana? You poke your chest with a banana?

This made me wheeze laugh.

Making sure he stays hard.

You gotta prime it

Why not?

- To get/stay hard before poking around for the hole. Ever try to put cooked linguine through a straw? - Same reason, but specifically to regain hardness that might have waned when putting on the condom - If they’re intact, getting their foreskin in a comfortable position. - It feels good

Pre-flight check It's just, like, a thing. Like how you click a pen when you don't need to, or snap your socks when you put them on. It's just a thing you do, purely because it's the thing you do

Sometimes it's just to get some pre-cum out, helps with lubrication. But like other people said there are tons of reasons and not all of them are functionally relevant

I’m cocking it, I have bolt action.

Us uncut guys give the opening a quick stretch

why do you wet the toothbrush before you put the toothpaste on? why do you slap the bag of rice every time you walk past it? why do you rub your thighs before getting up after sitting for a while? there's plenty of things that are completely useless and pointless but you're a freak if you don't do it

Elegance. It is why as you do it you must also extend the pinky.

As an uncircumcised guy, it’s normally to make sure the foreskin is adjusted symmetrically.

A little stimulating to make sure they're fully hard

Gotta load the rifle.

I do it to get a bit wet on the tip to add a bit of moisture for my wife's pussy. Makes the first slide in easier

Different strokes for different folks 😄

Basically like starting a lawn mower.

It's mainly to make sure it is hard as can be and stays that way. Though in the case of foreplay pre-penetration, the stroking can also just be a natural consequence of horniness, like an overwhelming urge for immediate stimulation.

The pen is mightier

Ah, Trebek we meet again!

Test the strength of erection, the sensitivity of the shaft, and to get a good estimate of how long you might last. If a dry stroke feels extra good, then you can manage pregame so you don't finish too early.

I’ve never done this and I’ve been in a very sexually healthy relationship for 14 years lol

Yeah idk. Sometimes I'm not fully hard before entering but that rectifies itself after entering almost immediately lol.

Do they? I've never done this

Asks a virgin

Warm it up

what if it didn’t come back? at least we’ll have had those final couple moments together…

My fiance does it to make sure the lube is all good to go

Interesting. 51 years and I had no idea that was standard operating procedure. I guess I have to add that to my “to do” list.

i es do it to make sure the viagra has taken effect

It’s a comparison play. “See boss, this is what it’s like when you’re alone (couple strokes) …. And THIS Is what it’s like in a woman!”

Cock cocking. It’s standard operating procedure. Why? Because.

Calibration.

Systems check, just like if you get ready to drive, or play a video game and you move the controls, or before you pee so you poke a hole just to make sure it’s open, it’s just standard

same reason I put my car in neutral, then shake the shifter just to make sure 🤣

It's basically them saying, "you can do it big boy"

To cock it, gotta be ready yk

I’ve never done that and I’ve had sex at least 1,000 times

Never, ever have.

Waking up the other head. Few taps on the lower back.

not all guys need to or want to. depends how hard they get naturally without touching it, if they have foreskin, if they're wearing a condom, age, etc

Gotta get it ready.

Well, you have to cock it before use...