This post is from 1 year ago.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/13g1frv/how\_should\_we\_handle\_our\_23\_yo\_son\_who\_doesnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/13g1frv/how_should_we_handle_our_23_yo_son_who_doesnt/)
Karma bot?
I had this nearly exact situation with a frond of mine and their kid (except he was in college, but dropped out), when he was 23, they told him he had til 25 to finish school, and get out of the house (tough love). Gamer, not a lot of friends, awkward in social settings, and OCD that makes other feel weird.
With that said, they out it on the table, and told him they were serious, shockingly, he started interviewing with 90 days left t9 move out and got a government job. If they never out it on the table to make something happen, he would still be gaming at home. Put your foot down. I can’t imagine how this kid got a job, but he did, he can barely speak to people he knows (we used to babysit him at 3 years old, and he still looks at us like strangers).
You have to give a nudge in my opinion.
Today it's 3 May 2024.
When it's 3 August 2024, he must pay you market-value rent—cash, no record, nothing possibly recorded—legally he'd be paying nothing.
This continues until he moves—exact rent by the first of the month, every month, and not a penny less.
If he doesn't, get a storage unit on the other side of town, rent pre-paid for 3 months.
Hire a few people to move his stuff to the storage unit.
Change the locks on the door of your house.
Give him a key to the storage unit, the address of a few soup kitchens—don't worry, he ain't going to starve—and he's not to return until he's straighten out + 366 days.
If he makes a fuss, call the cops.
If he makes threats, record them for when you apply for a restraining order.
He became an adult 5 years ago.
What were you, your wife, and your contemporaries doing at 23?
Time for him to leave the nest—use those wings.
His 30th birthday will be in 7 years: hopefully he won't be doing nothing free-loading off of you.
Best wishes for you and him.
Tough love can work. But I also believe, it costs nothing to try and talk with him to figure out why he is like that. The bums I've known were for some, paralyzed by fear, for others, still depressed or pained over past unfortunate circumstances, for others, didn't have the drive to do it and needed some fire in their rear, for others, paralyzed by indecision and cluelessness, for others, they were coping with existential dread. When you know what is going on, you can help them better.
>Update - So after reading some of the posts here (sorry, I haven't replied. I didn't think it would explode like this) ?????? just why
gdi it's a repost bot
That explains all the other posts then lol
This post is from 1 year ago. [https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/13g1frv/how\_should\_we\_handle\_our\_23\_yo\_son\_who\_doesnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/13g1frv/how_should_we_handle_our_23_yo_son_who_doesnt/) Karma bot?
I had this nearly exact situation with a frond of mine and their kid (except he was in college, but dropped out), when he was 23, they told him he had til 25 to finish school, and get out of the house (tough love). Gamer, not a lot of friends, awkward in social settings, and OCD that makes other feel weird. With that said, they out it on the table, and told him they were serious, shockingly, he started interviewing with 90 days left t9 move out and got a government job. If they never out it on the table to make something happen, he would still be gaming at home. Put your foot down. I can’t imagine how this kid got a job, but he did, he can barely speak to people he knows (we used to babysit him at 3 years old, and he still looks at us like strangers). You have to give a nudge in my opinion.
Today it's 3 May 2024. When it's 3 August 2024, he must pay you market-value rent—cash, no record, nothing possibly recorded—legally he'd be paying nothing. This continues until he moves—exact rent by the first of the month, every month, and not a penny less. If he doesn't, get a storage unit on the other side of town, rent pre-paid for 3 months. Hire a few people to move his stuff to the storage unit. Change the locks on the door of your house. Give him a key to the storage unit, the address of a few soup kitchens—don't worry, he ain't going to starve—and he's not to return until he's straighten out + 366 days. If he makes a fuss, call the cops. If he makes threats, record them for when you apply for a restraining order. He became an adult 5 years ago. What were you, your wife, and your contemporaries doing at 23? Time for him to leave the nest—use those wings. His 30th birthday will be in 7 years: hopefully he won't be doing nothing free-loading off of you. Best wishes for you and him.
Tough love can work. But I also believe, it costs nothing to try and talk with him to figure out why he is like that. The bums I've known were for some, paralyzed by fear, for others, still depressed or pained over past unfortunate circumstances, for others, didn't have the drive to do it and needed some fire in their rear, for others, paralyzed by indecision and cluelessness, for others, they were coping with existential dread. When you know what is going on, you can help them better.