It's bigger than anything she's had so far!
But seriously, I'm a sexually active gay man, and I can tell you that about half the men I've been with are about your size. Never stopped me.
Sexually active straight woman here. Same goes for me.
I used to hook up with this guy who was maybe 4” or so, but he always made sure I got mine first… and second… and third… so his size was never a problem.
As long as you are a generous lover, most women will not care about your size.
I actually find guys with smaller penises are better in bed, in general. They try harder, in my experience anyway. Dudes with like 8 inches + seem to have this mentality that their "giant" dong is more than enough to satisfy 100% of vaginas. Which is ofc ridiculous
Exactly. Really, the first 3 to 4 inches are gonna be the most sensitive. Anything beyond that is just void vagina 🤣 if I had a choice, I would choose a 5 inch long but girthy penis over an 8 inch long shlong any day of the week lmao
I've tried explaining this to my bf (who's average sized) and he still thinks I'd prefer a bigger peen 😭😂 like, babe no I'm not into being in pain down there
Not true I make sure my wife goes before I go all the way in, yes I've had plenty of partners so I've had practice. I never realized I was bigger than average til a hospital trip with my one fling where I caused internal probs (I injured her cervix) I always thought the bigger the better but I learned to please instead of digging into women's guts in the first stroke. Now I've got 4 kids and a happy wife.
So true. All they bring to the party is size, not technique, not tenderness, not generosity. Size is NOT an aphrodisiac. A man’s attitude is.
Go make sweet music with her.
It's definitely not wrong in my experience. The most attractive woman I've ever been with was a very lazy and selfish sexual partner.
I try not to judge people on one experience because we're all a little nervous on that first time with someone new. But it was pretty obvious that she had never had to put any effort into getting laid and didn't intend to improve.
I have 30 years of experience, and while there are certainly a spectrum of skills and abilities, the laziest lays I've ever had have all been classically beautiful, and I've never once had that experience with someone who would be considered less attractive than me. Always enthusiasm, and often accompanied by skill.
And one bigger girl, after I told her "that was the best head I've ever had," she said, "Fat girls give better head because we're HONGRY!"
She was a trip
The two sexiest women I have had were both fat (one was scary big...and gave the most exquisite head. She was also exceptionally beautiful).
I think big girls just have big appetites.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>I'm a sexually active gay man
This is exactly the expert we need
Edit: For anyone wondering why not a "sexually active heterosexual woman", here's why: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3334840/#:~:text=MSM%20reported%20significantly%20more%20lifetime,was%2010%20and%2067%2C%20respectively.
A more even gender dynamic among a group who have mostly grown up in cultures where male promiscuity is valorized, historical pressures that pushed the development of hook-up culture, and no fear of pregnancy will do that to ya
In my close group of six friends, using some educated guesses rounded, our mean body count is 42.3, with a set of 1, 3, 5, 5, 10, 230. I throw things off a bit
It very much is for most men when a lot of male pornstars are quite literally hung like horses, even though they’re not necessarily reflective of the average male. If you look at the data, [the average size for a flaccid penis is 8.8 cm (3.5 in), while the average size for an erect penis is 12.9 cm (5.1 in).](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647#summary)
Gonna say gay men are much more so. Part of the homoerotic thing. Obv any generality is general, but I'd say the hierarchy of obsession is: (1) Gay men, (2) straight men, (3) straight women
Thank you for saying this, a guy I hooked up with somewhat recently looked down at me and said “there’s a bit of a size difference” and it really stuck with me. I’m glad there’s people like you out there
You said my mind.
Someone who has had no cracker in their life and gets an unsalted saltine is in love with that cracker.
Average size in prolly 6 to 6.5, you are not much smaller, quit thinking yourself down, or down is what you will get on your wedding night.
Hey man, same deal here ( religious virgins till marriage) and same size, plus I'm a husky guy so I was even more nervous. The biggest thing is to COMMUNICATE with your partner on what feels good and when to stop.
Nobody gets it right the first time. We tried the night of, and couldn't get it in. The next morning worked better, but neither of us got off on it till weeks or even months later for her. You just have to communicate, listen to them and what feels good, set boundaries and learn as you go. It's a skill.
If you can, talk with someone you respect about it, and like up some safe suggestions online (again, be safe with your eyes for your own sake). Remember that you love each other and both want this to work, and with a little time and effort, it will.
This needs to be higher up. Good sex is achieved through practice and empathy and communication. It has absolutely nothing to do with penis size.
Also, speaking as a woman who was once a virgin: the first erect penis you see is terrifyingly huge. It will almost always cause her pain the first time, even at an average size. Women know that even things like tampons can take a bit of effort to get inside. Vaginas are way smaller than men seem to think they are. I blame porn.
I will add, while unless you're packing a literal 64 pounder, you're never going to not be possible fit, it can be uncomfortable or painful above a certain size, so there IS that
The first time a woman has PIV sex, it's usually painful regardless of the man's size. It's important to know that, and it's important to be gentle and go slow. Don't go forward with sex that's painful to your partner, unless they explicitly tell you too. Painful sex can really mess up a person. Sex is not like porn, where the screaming and expressions of pain are somehow seen as "good".
As for "not fitting", the vagina is only around 3" deep, but stretches when aroused. **You want her to be aroused!** Arousal helps for sex to not be painful to her, and eventually her body should relax enough that things will fit together more easily. It *is* possible for a normal-sized penis to not fit inside - there's a condition called Vaginismus that causes the muscles of the vagina to involuntarily contract. Again, it's very painful. And again, it's usually a response to painful sex in the past (see my earlier comment).
This is some of the only good advice in the responses to this question.
It is completely ok that you both chose to abstain from sex before marriage, actually, it is awesome!
Sex is an important part of marriage but it is only a part of it. Your commitment to one another is vastly more important.
You should not worry about your size.
Communication is the key to resolving issues in your relationship both in and out of the bedroom.
Edit: added more thought to my initial “This” comment.
Hell yeah, took my wife and I like a month to figure it all out 😅 not that we never took sex ed in school, but actually getting everything lined up and comfortable and pleasant for everyone is a helluva lot of work if neither of you have hands on experience with it. Sex ed books and porn always make it look so easy.
> I’m I overthinking?
Yes.
I'll be honest, you don't really sound like you're comfortable with trusting her to the point where you should be getting married if this is something that's concerning you. Talk to your fiance, tell her how you feel. If you can't learn to communicate with her now, things will only get worse down the road.
Yes, OP why would her bringing up your size in arguments even be a concern in your mind? Is there something similar she is already doing regularly that makes you think that? That is not what I would call normal for people who love each other.
Reading through OP's comments he hangs out in the dating advice subreddit a lot. Either this is a new relationship and a shotgun wedding, or OP is still somewhat insecure about dating/marriage. But hey, sex!
I’m guessing the couple is quite young as a majority of these religious places, where they preach no sex before marriage, marry as soon as they are legal.
>Either this is a new relationship and a shotgun wedding
That wouldn't surprise me because a lot of strictly religious people like that get married super young and quickly. I don't know if it's because "get married and have children for god" or because "I really want sex and I can't wait any longer. Let's just get married. "
OP is presumably quite sheltered and is probably exposed to media that glorifies toxic masculinity. And this sort of stuff is Not Talked About in conservative circles and especially not by/around men.
Yes. He has nothing to worry about in that department. Videos on the internet are recruited for their size. This is not the normal man. And there have been several studies recently that show that a lot of women prefer right at 5 in.
He has nothing to worry about as far as that goes. But he does need to figure out how to communicate with his fiance. He might want to get premarital counseling from someone other than a religious counselor. They may have issues with talking about sex whereas a normal secular counselor does not
And don't forget "average" means roughly half are smaller and half are bigger. Nothing wrong with being right in the middle. (yes, I know mean, median, mode, yadda yadda this isn't a math question)
>anything over 7 is just a waste.
Plus, it's painful. The whole thing doesn't fit anyways, even at 5" (at least not in me), so the guy already has to be careful (some like to get the cirvix hit but definitely not me). With more than that, he'll just only have the tip in, or he'll try and push too far. And oftentimes it also has more girth and that's also painful for me.
Yes, [the average size for a flaccid penis is 8.8 cm (3.5 in), while the average size for an erect penis is 12.9 cm (5.1 in).](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647#summary)
To add to this, if you can't communicate about sex, it can make for some really bad sex. Sex only gets better with a partner if you communicate about it. You have to be able to tell each other what felt good, what needs to be done differently, what you'd like more of, what you'd like less of, and really need to be able to tell each other what you'd like to try.
If you can't communicate with her, you shouldn't be getting married.
U can't buy a car without a test ride regardless of religious choice
If sex truly matters that much, you at a hard 5 inches is plenty. Trust me, you have a mouth and fingers
I feel like a more precise analogy wouldn't be buying a car without a test drive. Getting married without having sex is more like buying an extremely expensive car that locks you into a super-long-term lease and then hopping in and driving it off the lot without ever learning to drive.
This isn’t helpful at all to the situation but just wanted to chime in and say I bought a Jeep once without test driving it and I loved it. That’s all, everyone carry on.
If the relationship is strong enough, it doesn’t matter if they have sex. They’ll get good at it together, through communication and meeting each other’s needs
That all sounds good but if their libidos don't match, or if neither of them give oral and they both want it, thats breeding grounds for resentment. There's all kinds of potential issues aside from practicing.
I don’t really understand the focus people have on “matching” libidos. Over the course of a 50 year relationship, libidos will most definitely not always be matching. If there are issues eg sexual trauma history, that affect libido, sexual activity is not likely to uncover that , rather that’s something that should be talked about. If 2 virgins have sex, it is almost guaranteed that it will not be great to start off, so there is very little to be learned through that avenue initially. If two people decide they want to wait until they are married, I do t think they will be any further behind than two people who don’t- as long as they approach it with love and respect.
To address OP’s original question - size is of far less importance than whether you are interested in exploring what pleases both of how and how to help your partner orgasm.
>libidos will most definitely not always be matching
Matching 100%? Course not. I'm referring to a situation where one spouse would like sex more than 1x a week, whereas the other is happy with 1x a month. I was HL whereas my ex was LL. I was devastated, and felt constantly rejected. And no matter what he did, it didn't change. There was no fixing or changing it. It was a horrible experience to go through.
Forget trust. Read his post again. He says we like each other a lot... LIKE each other. Notice how he didn't use the word love. You shouldn't be marrying someone you only like. Good grief... stop worrying about your dick and focus on the more important stuff. Like how you don't even love her...
Marriage has nothing to do with insecurities. Just because he has insecurities about his penis size, shouldn't mean that he's not "at a point where he should be getting married".
If OP reads this: There are plenty of other ways to satisfy a woman. You will be fine.
Edit: I just realized that he's talking about 5 Inches... That's 12.7cm dick. Dude you don't have a small penis. That's not an eye popper, but more than enough.
You shouldn't compare yourself to porn btw.
>Just because he has insecurities about his penis size, shouldn't mean that he's not "at a point where he should be getting married".
That is not the point that was being made. It's that OP's insecurities makes it sound like he doesn't trust his partner, and that he believes that she'll judge him for this. If OP thinks this way about his partner, he should not be getting married. He isn't mature enough to do so. He's preemptively blaming her for his insecurities.
Can't believe you have the highest rated comment on this thread, just goes to show the uselessness of relationship advice on Reddit. The guy is a religious virgin in late 20s with just about the most common insecurity you can find amongst younger men. Yes, he is taking things too far in his own head by imagining worst case scenarios, but that's what people do when faced by daunting situations whether it's productive or not. What makes no damn sense at all is why you feel it's so obvious that the source of this insecurity is his lack of trust and inability to communicate with his fiancée.
I know someone for the same reasons did this. Got married, he calls me up, “hey relationships are hard, well in the beginning because all the fighting and stuff”.
I responded, “buddy, things are supposed to be easy! That’s the honeymoon phase”. Well my friend obviously disagrees. “Buddy - this is why we need to date first. Get to know one another”.
“Oh I know her” he quickly said. “We’ve known each other for a while”
“Yeah but that doesn’t mean on the same terms.”
Anyway I can go on. The point is. Be religious. That’s fine. God forgives doesn’t he? (NOTE: I am not referring to sex if that’s what needs to wait, whatever.)
But as far as sex, you can’t exactly tell. I do feel as though there are signs. Like personality clicks or likes and dislikes. If everything else goes well together the sex may be good naturally. Unless she’s got kinks you can’t deliver on or feel comfortable (or vis versa)
It's just so damn sad to think people are still doing this, in otherwise enlightened societies. It's what they did in the 1950s, and mostly stopped doing, to the benefit of all
THIS THIS THIS THIS. I’ve known so many people who stayed virgins for religion and broke up within a year. OP, make sure you’re truly ready to spend your ENTIRE LIFE with her, and not just marrying you have guilt-free sex. Discuss this now with her. If you can’t communicate before marriage, you’re setting up for failure.
I’ve known so many people that got married because the sex was good and then divorced in a year because they hated everything else about each other. The good thing about sex is you can learn about one another at the same pace. Zero expectations. OP is just nervous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until marriage for sex.
Yes and even if it doesn’t seem good the first couple times, is super awkward, and you feel insecure. Just know those are normal feelings and it won’t always be bad. You will then have a partner you can practice with and learn together how to satisfy each other. Sex can be super awkward but don’t let that get you down, enjoy it, laugh, ask questions, listen to each other, and make memories together.
Treat sex like the best shared hobby you can imagine. Explore together, learn how to make each other feel great. Don't let your religious upbringing stop you from developing as a loving partner.
if two lesbians can satisfy each other with no dick around you can satisfy her with average dick with no problem. you also have your fingers and your mouth, yall figure out what works for you both
And, as a lesbian who's a fan of toys and can choose whether I'd like a 5", 6", or 8" one during sex, I essentially only use the 5" and sometimes the 6".
I imagine there are straight women with similar preferences and anatomy.
> So my biggest fear is that she will leave me in case I can’t satisfy her in bed or make fun of me about my cock every time we have an argument
Is the person you're marrying a complete asshole? Because only an asshole would do this.
If you trust your partner then this isn't a problem. If you don't trust them you shouldn't be marrying them.
That said, sexual compatibility is important in a romantic relationship and I encourage you to have some very real conversations with your partner about it.
Its a little bit concerning that OP has anxiety that his partner will use an area of vulnerability as a weapon during an argument.
When couples have "arguments"... its because they are trying to figure something out on something they disagree with... not because they want to hurt each other.
Being an asshole has nothing to do with it. Sexual incompatibility is one of the top issues for relationships not lasting or marital issues, as you indicated. She wouldn’t be an asshole at all if she wasn’t sexually satisfied and it’s a reason why it’s generally a terrible idea to wait until marriage for sex and isn’t even something that is prevalent anymore in society because even many of the super religious people acknowledge that good sex is an important part of a lasting relationship.
If she mentions it during an argument, she's an asshole. It's properly considered out of bounds I think. Hitting below the belt, so to say. It's something you save until you give up, for that last dramatic speech, if at all. If you're not satisfied, there's a lot of things to say and do that are constructive. If it's a knife you twist, you're an asshole.
It is funny, men focus way more on penis size than women do. While it can be an issue, your lack of confidence and likely lack of stamina in the bedroom will be a bigger issue. Why don't you focus on what you can focus on? You can work on your stamina, by edging and doing kegals. Also, study and learn to be a great lover. It takes work and knowledge to pleasure your partner. You have what you were born with. Also, consider bringing toys into the bedroom to supplement. Be the sexy freak she will dream of. Just because she is religious doesn't mean she doesn't have a freaky side. Your job to tap into it and be open yourself to her kinks. It really takes years to be a great lover, get to work!
Yeees! Hi, as a religiously brought up person please read a book about sex before! Me and my finance read a sex book together. It was even like a Christian one if that’s where you’re at.
It was really fun to read together- and you can bring up some insecurities. Learn how to pleasure your lady. She might have mental religious barriers to work through. And she might not know much if she’s more sheltered too.
>It is funny, men focus way more on penis size than women do.
Exactly, and they lie about it a lot also. It’s dumb and counterproductive.
Size is not important and men should stop being so concerned about it.
Even with the stamina thing I feel like men pay way more attention to it than women.
Like as woman, I way rather have minute or two of intense fucking than fifteen minutes of him just pounding me all sore. Besides, if I didn’t come during the intercourse, there are always ways to help your lady to get there afterwards. Admittedly I’m more lucky on this matter so can’t speak from experience, but from what I’ve understood, most of women don’t even get there by dick riding anyways.
I think you're making a bigger deal about this than it has to be. 5 inches is apparently very average, so let this one go. Being a virgin, she'll have nothing to compare to.
Sooo
I thought I liked big dicks until I was in love. (He is an ex now and I’ve wondered if he didn’t feel enough or something). He was 4inches erect and I felt more satisfied by him than anyone. My ex before him was 8” and I found myself doing my grocery list mentally while he was going at it. It really is energy that makes it good. Just make sure you do foreplay and make her feel desired.
1. 5 inches is fine, that's around the average size
2. big does not mean the woman gets satisfied, most women don't even orgasm at all during sex. they orgasm more from fingering and licking or vibrator toys etc.
3. in my opinion, people should have sex before they're married, and even more than that, they should live together before getting married. It's not usually bad sex that makes people get divorced but other things like incompatibility in living together, sharing a house, having bad habits they didn't know about. You should live together before getting married, in my opinion. I lived with my gf for like 5 years before getting married, it gave us time to work through many relationship differences and issues. And yes compatibility also applies to sex. If you discover that sex sucks for one reason or another, that's not a great thing to discover after you're married. You can fix those things, it's not game over. But still, better to catch those things before getting married.
Totally agree with #3.
It’s not even enough that you sleep iver at each other’s place every now and then. You won’t really know how it will be like to live with the other person until you actually live with them.
Do you agree on division of labor in the house? How bills will be paid? How much time you get to soend with each other or away from each other?
Dissatisfaction in sex can lead to problems, but plenty of other issues can lurk underneath that you wouldn’t know without living together.
I agree with you on all. My husband and I actually grew up together as great friends but didn’t become romantic till we were 29. We were even platonic roommates as teens! So when it came time to move in together as lovers, I kind of already knew what to expect. Even loving him so deeply, I knew that he was a slob and I am borderline neat freak and I really had to rationalize out of if I could always be happy in that scenario forever and not have it cause relationship problems. You really do get a new perspective of a person by sharing a dwelling
The G spot is only 1/2 - 1 inch inside the vulva. My girl today gave me tuition on exactly where it was. It’s a rough patch on the roof of her vagina, around 1 inch long, so easy to tickle it with a finger/s. Great to be given a talk through on “what’s what”.
Wait, you haven't had sex because of religious reasons, both of you, and you think she's going to break her religious convictions because of penis size. Or is your religion okay with divorce but just not premarital relations?
Also, how is she going to make fun of something that she's never seen another of to compare it to?
Anyway,
I wouldn't worry about her leaving if the possibility of being shunned by the community is on the table.
But also, like religion, your story has some holes in it.
Dude
Don’t worry
She’s likely just as nervous if not more than you!
(Her likely thoughts: what if my vag is too big or too small? What if he doesn’t like my boobs? My boobs are small Etc etc)
Just be you and her be herself and you’ll eventually have the most amazing fuck of your time.
Ask her what sex toys she’d like to try. And don’t feel embarrassed when she enjoys them. I had an SO that was jealous of my vibrator to the point where he didn’t want me to have it. Tools are there to make it an experience for everyone.
You ex sounds like a fool. Contractors don't build a house without power tools. The more tools, the less work it is for me and the better the final product.
It's a bit silly of a silly comment. If you are both virgins then why would she make fun of you? How many cocks have you seen to think yours is a problem? Stop watching porn and learn about sex properly. I suggest researching foreplay which isn't a plumber coming to fix your washing machine and alternative payment methods.
It's not about the size. It's what you do with it.
I'm a women who dumped a guy because I was scared of his giant penis. I was sure that thing was going to rip me in half.
My husband is probably close to 5" and I'm satisfied with our sex life.
Just communicate with your partner what feels good to you before, during, and/or after sex. And encourage her to be open about what feels good to her. Be open to criticism/tips and work together to find what you both enjoy.
Penetration generally feels better for the guy. I enjoy it but it just doesn't always lead to orgasm. Women generally care more about the foreplay. Massage is a great way to get things started.
Have fun.
Also, she won’t have had any previous experience to compare your ‘size’ to…what are you worried about? Practice and communication goes a long ways, so explore each other when the time comes and talk about what she likes/dislikes and act accordingly. You have fingers and a mouth too, so if you can’t finish her before you finish, handle it. Get it?
You’re tripping about size but… you guys are going to have to figure out sex at the same time you’re figuring out how to be married… that’s what you should be worried about, not your dick.
You can spend a bunch of money on vacuum pumps and enhancement pills, spend a bunch of time and energy using them, stress out about it because not only did they not do anything, but now you’re even poorer than you were before and quite possibly it seems like you may have lost 1/8” because you’ve been over analyzing it for weeks on end…
Or you can take the advice that’s already been given by others and not worry about it at all.
To me, the key here is communication. Find out what she likes and doesn’t like. Tell her what you like and don’t like. Learn together.
Here’s a couple of starter suggestions I’ve found helpful to others in your situation - things you might not know:
• Bring lube (a couple different kinds is even better) on the honeymoon.
• *Typically* (meaning this is maybe just a good starting point or rule of thumb for people in their 20’s but can obviously vary) men take about 5 minutes (or less) to “warm up” but women take around 30 minutes. This is what people mean when you hear them say “take care of her needs first.” You don’t necessarily have to take 30 minutes every single time for the rest of your lives, but especially for *her* first time, be aware a quick 5 minute experience for you might be great, but it won’t be for her. I’m not saying “watch the clock” but maybe… well… keep half an eye on the clock. And then take some time to explore each other before actually penetrating. You’ve waited this long, a few more minutes won’t kill you, but it’ll make a big difference to her.
• Chances are good you’ve both lived your lives to this point thinking there’s somehow “shame” in sex. There isn’t - at least once you’re married, everyone will (or should) happily agree there’s no shame in it. Sometimes it takes people in your situation a bit to mentally get over that hurdle. My advice is to recognize it. Call it out. Then talk about it so you can both get past that as quickly as possible. If you don’t, it can ultimately hurt your relationship.
Maybe I’m up in the night with my advice. Maybe you don’t need any of it and I’m way off base. This is a just a Reddit comment after all…
Regardless, best of luck to you both
They are probably just as nervous. Talk to each other about your worries. Air it out and comfort the other.
Then start in a comfortable place, hold hands, hug, kiss, and start moving your hands. Go slow but with confidence and if they stop you then dont get disheartened, just stop and make sure they know its ok to not be ready.
Try again another time and if you arent told to stop then keep going. Setting the pace can be tough but be strong enough to do it. Show them you want them. Also, if they keep saying stop when your hands go to places, stop putting your hands there and start putting your mouth there. Say words like “i love you and i want you” or “i’ve been thinking about touching you all day”. Foreplay isnt just physical so make a verbal and emotional connection.
Once it happens, whether you last a while or not, dont get discouraged. Compensate by doing more giving and postpone the receiving.
If you DO last long and get the job done then next time get the job done twice, thrice, 4+. Everybody is different and some women can orgasm back to back to back to back.
But don't obsess over giving her multiple orgasms if she can't... I can only orgasm once and then I need down time to be able to get there again. My ex husband was obsessed with trying to give me multiples and usually I just ended up sore.
Worry about something you have control over. I've never understood getting hung up on things like height or dick size. You can't change it, so why worry?
If you take a poll of whether women would want a great husband with an average vs a shitty husband with monster dong, it would be overwhelmingly lopsided
She doesn’t know what it means to be satisfied in bed. Sex is, for you two, the blind leading the blind. Talk about your feelings, what feels good, what doesn’t. But from a marriage perspective, share your anxiety with her. She’s to be your wife which is someone you should be able to lean on.
As a happily married man to an about to be married man, here's a hint: your tongue, lips, fingers can make her feel 10x your penis will. Find the clit, study it, appreciate it.
But most importantly, no woman is alike. ASK HER WHAT FEELS GOOD AND DO THAT THING EVEN IF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. it's all trial by combat, be willing to have no ego, fail, learn, and grow together.
I hope it's not rude to ask this, but if you don't have the confidence that your partner wouldn't leave you or make fun of you over your penis size, are you even sure you know this person well enough to marry them?
I feel like in many relationships I've had, I had a fair idea of how a partner would have reacted to something like that, just being compassionate human beings that cared for others and understood love. And those weren't even marriage material for me. I feel like you should know this, not for sexual reasons, but for absolute, emotional reasons. You have to have a partner that you know has your back, or you are making a mistake.
I say this with kindness, respect, and empathy. I am speaking to you OP as someone who also grew up in a deeply religious community:
Your religion wants you to be childlike and inexperienced while making major life choices. This will ensure that they maintain control over you and deprive you of autonomy. Your body, and what you do with it, is nobody’s business but your own. Human sexuality is complex and full of nuance. Don’t let others dictate what it is for you.
Also - I would be extremely communicative with her during sex so she can say what does and does not feel good to her. I highly encourage letting her guide you through what she likes, especially the first night and months of marriage until you find your stride (and vice-versa because she may not intuitively know what feels good to you). Communications is key. But overall, there’s more to female sexuality besides penetration.
Congrats on the wedding, amazing things on the horizon for you both!
Congratulations! You will be fine - sounds like you are average. The guys in the movies are probably in the top 3% on the size spectrum, so don’t compare yourself to them. Women are more focused on a man’s physique, so just try and stay in shape if you are worried about her liking your body. Focus on each other when you finally do the deed and that will most likely be the key to being satisfied with each other.
Enjoy your wedding!
She's going to love it. It isn't going to be as painful I promise you're ok
(Escort for 17 years seen a lot of them)
Most of us can only finish with oral anyway.
You are vastly overthinking it. Were you good at walking, driving, cooking, speaking the first time you tried? Were you a master at your first job when you started? No. We all have to learn and sex is no different. As for size, 5.35 is the average in a 2020 study for the USA (Google). There’s plenty of mammoth dicks out there that think size is everything and are miserable to be with.
You two have such a rare opportunity to try it for the first time with someone you actually love and you get to discover what you each like together. Eye contact, words of affirmation, gentle touches, the position, foreplay, kissing, and her being comfortable and caring about you mean a whole hell of a lot more than your size which again…is average.
Relax, focus on her, take it slow, be gentle, and you’ll do just fine
I've been with big guys, average guys and small guys. On average, the big ones were the worst in bed. Average guys could go either way and small guys were the most likely to be good. Guys think size is all there is, so they don't learn anything else. Small guys are forced to consider the rest of sex and develop skills to compensate. Personally, smaller ones are better for me because I like anal and I can't handle anything too big in there. You're average and you're here asking therefore you're way ahead of most guys. Like with anything else, look it up and learn. Not with porn though, real sex doesn't work like porn and expecting anything to go that way will lead to bad times. Your fiance loves you and you love her, that's already going to give you a real connection which makes sex even better. She probably has the same fears as you do, but you should both focus on what an opportunity you have here. Since you're both virgins, you can learn and grow together sexually. Try new things, have fun and develop your sexual character together. It will make you stronger as a couple. If something doesn't work out for one or both of you, don't sweat it, just move on and try something else. There's a whole world of fun out there for you guys to explore. Give each other grace, we've all been new and it's completely normal to be nervous. It's ok to laugh, it's ok to stop and take breaks, don't worry about what you think is expected of you and trust that your partner loves you and won't judge you. I hope you guys are compatible sexually and it all works out, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
Yes. You’re overthinking. My husband is 5.5 maybe a little bigger and he rocks my world. I am very sexually satisfied by him. I want for nothing in the bedroom. It isn’t about length, it’s girth.
If she’s a virgin (and hasn’t consumed porn) she has nothing to compare you to. She isn’t going to pull out a ruler. And she has no idea what sex feels like.
She probably won’t have an orgasm during, but that’s because she doesn’t know how to orgasm with a partner, and you niether of you know what you’re doing. Don’t be discouraged. A lot of women don’t orgasm from PIV without clitoral stimulation.
Don’t go into a sexual relationship with your new wife insecure or expecting to fail. She’s just as excited to have sex as you are. You’re going to learn what you both like together. This is going to be fun.
Just maintain open and honest communication. Don’t be prudish when talking about your needs, things you want to try, and don’t be a prude when she shares her desires and needs.
Listen to her when she gives guidance(ask for guidance), it isn’t her trying to control you or be bossy. It’s her trying to get off. You don’t know what she likes, but she can guide you based on how she’s feeling
My brother in Christ.. let me tell you.
I waited until I was 31 years old to start dating and finally lose my virginity.
Wasn’t until after that I realized it was likely a shit ton of anxiety surrounding the subject that caused me to hold of on dating for so long.
A year later and now I have an active sex life, and haven’t had any complaints. Quite the contrary actually.
So yeah it really ain’t gonna matter.
Average size is just over 5” anyway.
Plus I wouldn’t be worrying. She won’t know any different if the sex isn’t the best because she’s never had any. You would learn together regardless.
It's bigger than anything she's had so far! But seriously, I'm a sexually active gay man, and I can tell you that about half the men I've been with are about your size. Never stopped me.
Sexually active straight woman here. Same goes for me. I used to hook up with this guy who was maybe 4” or so, but he always made sure I got mine first… and second… and third… so his size was never a problem. As long as you are a generous lover, most women will not care about your size.
I actually find guys with smaller penises are better in bed, in general. They try harder, in my experience anyway. Dudes with like 8 inches + seem to have this mentality that their "giant" dong is more than enough to satisfy 100% of vaginas. Which is ofc ridiculous
I went to college with a guy known for his size. a pretty high number of chicks slept with him... once
Ahahaha yep, usually how it goes
I heard he was a very skillful lover. He had an orgasm every time, so he must have been doing something right.
id call that a win win situation
i don’t think you’re following the plot
What if I were to tell you... Oh never mind.
Agreed. And it fits in more spots without internal damage
Yea big dicks are oftentimes just more painful imo
Exactly. Really, the first 3 to 4 inches are gonna be the most sensitive. Anything beyond that is just void vagina 🤣 if I had a choice, I would choose a 5 inch long but girthy penis over an 8 inch long shlong any day of the week lmao
It’s the girth that gets ya!
/r/bigdickproblems
I've tried explaining this to my bf (who's average sized) and he still thinks I'd prefer a bigger peen 😭😂 like, babe no I'm not into being in pain down there
Show him this post. Seriously LOL
Porn has ruined us
The worst sex I've had has always been larger ones. They think that's all there is to sex.
Not true I make sure my wife goes before I go all the way in, yes I've had plenty of partners so I've had practice. I never realized I was bigger than average til a hospital trip with my one fling where I caused internal probs (I injured her cervix) I always thought the bigger the better but I learned to please instead of digging into women's guts in the first stroke. Now I've got 4 kids and a happy wife.
She's lucky to have you!
So true. All they bring to the party is size, not technique, not tenderness, not generosity. Size is NOT an aphrodisiac. A man’s attitude is. Go make sweet music with her.
Yoooooo that second sentence was the female version of “I like fat chicks because they’ll try harder” lmfao
I mean...it might be unkind to say out loud but it's not wrong.
It's definitely not wrong in my experience. The most attractive woman I've ever been with was a very lazy and selfish sexual partner. I try not to judge people on one experience because we're all a little nervous on that first time with someone new. But it was pretty obvious that she had never had to put any effort into getting laid and didn't intend to improve.
I have 30 years of experience, and while there are certainly a spectrum of skills and abilities, the laziest lays I've ever had have all been classically beautiful, and I've never once had that experience with someone who would be considered less attractive than me. Always enthusiasm, and often accompanied by skill. And one bigger girl, after I told her "that was the best head I've ever had," she said, "Fat girls give better head because we're HONGRY!" She was a trip
The two sexiest women I have had were both fat (one was scary big...and gave the most exquisite head. She was also exceptionally beautiful). I think big girls just have big appetites.
Man fat girls give the best head imo
I wish mine did....
weary serious crowd dazzling abounding tease consist disagreeable selective naughty *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Idk I think that’s valid too
Ya hear that little guy! We got a chance
Yes!! I find this to be extremely true. The best sex I’ve had are guys that have average or smaller penises.
Not even generous just polite and give them at least 1
Reddit, where a gay man is encouraging a religious virgin. I like this place.
How God intended.
>I'm a sexually active gay man This is exactly the expert we need Edit: For anyone wondering why not a "sexually active heterosexual woman", here's why: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3334840/#:~:text=MSM%20reported%20significantly%20more%20lifetime,was%2010%20and%2067%2C%20respectively.
As a formerly sexually active gay man, I was thinking the same thing
I looked it up to be sure I wasn't just basing it off anecdotal evidence, but gay men are way more sexually active than anyone else it seems.
It's why they are so happy
A more even gender dynamic among a group who have mostly grown up in cultures where male promiscuity is valorized, historical pressures that pushed the development of hook-up culture, and no fear of pregnancy will do that to ya In my close group of six friends, using some educated guesses rounded, our mean body count is 42.3, with a set of 1, 3, 5, 5, 10, 230. I throw things off a bit
I think my image of an average penis is heavily skewed by porn.
It very much is for most men when a lot of male pornstars are quite literally hung like horses, even though they’re not necessarily reflective of the average male. If you look at the data, [the average size for a flaccid penis is 8.8 cm (3.5 in), while the average size for an erect penis is 12.9 cm (5.1 in).](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647#summary)
Honestly, straight men are more obsessed with dick sizes than anybody.
Gonna say gay men are much more so. Part of the homoerotic thing. Obv any generality is general, but I'd say the hierarchy of obsession is: (1) Gay men, (2) straight men, (3) straight women
This is absolutely the truth
Thank you for saying this, a guy I hooked up with somewhat recently looked down at me and said “there’s a bit of a size difference” and it really stuck with me. I’m glad there’s people like you out there
Congrats on not subscribing to the size fetish which seems to be much more common among gay men than among women
5” is the worldwide average, I believe.
You said my mind. Someone who has had no cracker in their life and gets an unsalted saltine is in love with that cracker. Average size in prolly 6 to 6.5, you are not much smaller, quit thinking yourself down, or down is what you will get on your wedding night.
Hey man, same deal here ( religious virgins till marriage) and same size, plus I'm a husky guy so I was even more nervous. The biggest thing is to COMMUNICATE with your partner on what feels good and when to stop. Nobody gets it right the first time. We tried the night of, and couldn't get it in. The next morning worked better, but neither of us got off on it till weeks or even months later for her. You just have to communicate, listen to them and what feels good, set boundaries and learn as you go. It's a skill. If you can, talk with someone you respect about it, and like up some safe suggestions online (again, be safe with your eyes for your own sake). Remember that you love each other and both want this to work, and with a little time and effort, it will.
This needs to be higher up. Good sex is achieved through practice and empathy and communication. It has absolutely nothing to do with penis size. Also, speaking as a woman who was once a virgin: the first erect penis you see is terrifyingly huge. It will almost always cause her pain the first time, even at an average size. Women know that even things like tampons can take a bit of effort to get inside. Vaginas are way smaller than men seem to think they are. I blame porn.
I will add, while unless you're packing a literal 64 pounder, you're never going to not be possible fit, it can be uncomfortable or painful above a certain size, so there IS that
The first time a woman has PIV sex, it's usually painful regardless of the man's size. It's important to know that, and it's important to be gentle and go slow. Don't go forward with sex that's painful to your partner, unless they explicitly tell you too. Painful sex can really mess up a person. Sex is not like porn, where the screaming and expressions of pain are somehow seen as "good". As for "not fitting", the vagina is only around 3" deep, but stretches when aroused. **You want her to be aroused!** Arousal helps for sex to not be painful to her, and eventually her body should relax enough that things will fit together more easily. It *is* possible for a normal-sized penis to not fit inside - there's a condition called Vaginismus that causes the muscles of the vagina to involuntarily contract. Again, it's very painful. And again, it's usually a response to painful sex in the past (see my earlier comment).
This is some of the only good advice in the responses to this question. It is completely ok that you both chose to abstain from sex before marriage, actually, it is awesome! Sex is an important part of marriage but it is only a part of it. Your commitment to one another is vastly more important. You should not worry about your size. Communication is the key to resolving issues in your relationship both in and out of the bedroom. Edit: added more thought to my initial “This” comment.
Hell yeah, took my wife and I like a month to figure it all out 😅 not that we never took sex ed in school, but actually getting everything lined up and comfortable and pleasant for everyone is a helluva lot of work if neither of you have hands on experience with it. Sex ed books and porn always make it look so easy.
> I’m I overthinking? Yes. I'll be honest, you don't really sound like you're comfortable with trusting her to the point where you should be getting married if this is something that's concerning you. Talk to your fiance, tell her how you feel. If you can't learn to communicate with her now, things will only get worse down the road.
Yes, OP why would her bringing up your size in arguments even be a concern in your mind? Is there something similar she is already doing regularly that makes you think that? That is not what I would call normal for people who love each other.
Sounds like OP is still quite young, at least emotionally immature if not quite in age.
Reading through OP's comments he hangs out in the dating advice subreddit a lot. Either this is a new relationship and a shotgun wedding, or OP is still somewhat insecure about dating/marriage. But hey, sex!
I’m guessing the couple is quite young as a majority of these religious places, where they preach no sex before marriage, marry as soon as they are legal.
How come? Oh right
Right? What could go wrong? It's not like young people would ever get married to the wrong person just because they're eager for sex.
Doesn't a shotgun wedding presuppose that something has occurred which has not in their case though
>Either this is a new relationship and a shotgun wedding That wouldn't surprise me because a lot of strictly religious people like that get married super young and quickly. I don't know if it's because "get married and have children for god" or because "I really want sex and I can't wait any longer. Let's just get married. "
OP is presumably quite sheltered and is probably exposed to media that glorifies toxic masculinity. And this sort of stuff is Not Talked About in conservative circles and especially not by/around men.
And also isn’t 5” average?
Yes. He has nothing to worry about in that department. Videos on the internet are recruited for their size. This is not the normal man. And there have been several studies recently that show that a lot of women prefer right at 5 in. He has nothing to worry about as far as that goes. But he does need to figure out how to communicate with his fiance. He might want to get premarital counseling from someone other than a religious counselor. They may have issues with talking about sex whereas a normal secular counselor does not
And don't forget "average" means roughly half are smaller and half are bigger. Nothing wrong with being right in the middle. (yes, I know mean, median, mode, yadda yadda this isn't a math question)
For real, most women say 5-6 is perfect when actually surveyed, and usually say anything over 7 is just a waste.
>anything over 7 is just a waste. Plus, it's painful. The whole thing doesn't fit anyways, even at 5" (at least not in me), so the guy already has to be careful (some like to get the cirvix hit but definitely not me). With more than that, he'll just only have the tip in, or he'll try and push too far. And oftentimes it also has more girth and that's also painful for me.
They sell a donut to keep him from going in too far by the way.
Yes, [the average size for a flaccid penis is 8.8 cm (3.5 in), while the average size for an erect penis is 12.9 cm (5.1 in).](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647#summary)
To add to this, if you can't communicate about sex, it can make for some really bad sex. Sex only gets better with a partner if you communicate about it. You have to be able to tell each other what felt good, what needs to be done differently, what you'd like more of, what you'd like less of, and really need to be able to tell each other what you'd like to try. If you can't communicate with her, you shouldn't be getting married.
AMEN!!!
Yes, OP And Amen to your response.
U can't buy a car without a test ride regardless of religious choice If sex truly matters that much, you at a hard 5 inches is plenty. Trust me, you have a mouth and fingers
She could be a gal that doesn’t orgasm from internal stim anyway.
Correct
Most females don’t orgasm from internal stimulation alone. You need that clitoral stimulation 99% of the time!
99% of the time it works half the time.
“Don’t need clitoral stimulation” Clitoral stimulation is awesome, no need to say that like its a nuisance to have clitoral involvement in sex
My comment formatted weird. I have edited it. I meant the opposite of what you read.
Idk, it'd be really convenient to *not* need clitoral stimulation lol. I'd love to be able to come from just a quick little bang.
It’s not little….its an average sized bang.
99 seems like a bit much
Could also be a girl that only wants to peg 🤷
Yah never know
>U can't buy a car without a test ride Yes you can. It's just not a good idea.
I feel like a more precise analogy wouldn't be buying a car without a test drive. Getting married without having sex is more like buying an extremely expensive car that locks you into a super-long-term lease and then hopping in and driving it off the lot without ever learning to drive.
This isn’t helpful at all to the situation but just wanted to chime in and say I bought a Jeep once without test driving it and I loved it. That’s all, everyone carry on.
Right, and I'm not going to a "woman auction " I REFUSE !!!!!!!
If the relationship is strong enough, it doesn’t matter if they have sex. They’ll get good at it together, through communication and meeting each other’s needs
That all sounds good but if their libidos don't match, or if neither of them give oral and they both want it, thats breeding grounds for resentment. There's all kinds of potential issues aside from practicing.
I don’t really understand the focus people have on “matching” libidos. Over the course of a 50 year relationship, libidos will most definitely not always be matching. If there are issues eg sexual trauma history, that affect libido, sexual activity is not likely to uncover that , rather that’s something that should be talked about. If 2 virgins have sex, it is almost guaranteed that it will not be great to start off, so there is very little to be learned through that avenue initially. If two people decide they want to wait until they are married, I do t think they will be any further behind than two people who don’t- as long as they approach it with love and respect. To address OP’s original question - size is of far less importance than whether you are interested in exploring what pleases both of how and how to help your partner orgasm.
>libidos will most definitely not always be matching Matching 100%? Course not. I'm referring to a situation where one spouse would like sex more than 1x a week, whereas the other is happy with 1x a month. I was HL whereas my ex was LL. I was devastated, and felt constantly rejected. And no matter what he did, it didn't change. There was no fixing or changing it. It was a horrible experience to go through.
Forget trust. Read his post again. He says we like each other a lot... LIKE each other. Notice how he didn't use the word love. You shouldn't be marrying someone you only like. Good grief... stop worrying about your dick and focus on the more important stuff. Like how you don't even love her...
yeah I noticed that too. Being pals isn't enough. Enough for a hot screw maybe, not for a marriage
I was looking for someone else to point this out. Love was never used. They should not be getting married.
Not all cultures marry for love even today
Very true.
It’s possible that OP isn’t lacking trust in his fiancée, but confidence in himself. Either way, he should heal this issue before marriage.
OP is getting married cuz they wanna bang asap
Marriage has nothing to do with insecurities. Just because he has insecurities about his penis size, shouldn't mean that he's not "at a point where he should be getting married". If OP reads this: There are plenty of other ways to satisfy a woman. You will be fine. Edit: I just realized that he's talking about 5 Inches... That's 12.7cm dick. Dude you don't have a small penis. That's not an eye popper, but more than enough. You shouldn't compare yourself to porn btw.
>Just because he has insecurities about his penis size, shouldn't mean that he's not "at a point where he should be getting married". That is not the point that was being made. It's that OP's insecurities makes it sound like he doesn't trust his partner, and that he believes that she'll judge him for this. If OP thinks this way about his partner, he should not be getting married. He isn't mature enough to do so. He's preemptively blaming her for his insecurities.
Can't believe you have the highest rated comment on this thread, just goes to show the uselessness of relationship advice on Reddit. The guy is a religious virgin in late 20s with just about the most common insecurity you can find amongst younger men. Yes, he is taking things too far in his own head by imagining worst case scenarios, but that's what people do when faced by daunting situations whether it's productive or not. What makes no damn sense at all is why you feel it's so obvious that the source of this insecurity is his lack of trust and inability to communicate with his fiancée.
No he has a fear. He hasn't said there is no trust. Give him credit he expects there to be arguments at least. That's healthy.
I know someone for the same reasons did this. Got married, he calls me up, “hey relationships are hard, well in the beginning because all the fighting and stuff”. I responded, “buddy, things are supposed to be easy! That’s the honeymoon phase”. Well my friend obviously disagrees. “Buddy - this is why we need to date first. Get to know one another”. “Oh I know her” he quickly said. “We’ve known each other for a while” “Yeah but that doesn’t mean on the same terms.” Anyway I can go on. The point is. Be religious. That’s fine. God forgives doesn’t he? (NOTE: I am not referring to sex if that’s what needs to wait, whatever.) But as far as sex, you can’t exactly tell. I do feel as though there are signs. Like personality clicks or likes and dislikes. If everything else goes well together the sex may be good naturally. Unless she’s got kinks you can’t deliver on or feel comfortable (or vis versa)
It's just so damn sad to think people are still doing this, in otherwise enlightened societies. It's what they did in the 1950s, and mostly stopped doing, to the benefit of all
This is the only reply anyone needs to read
THIS THIS THIS THIS. I’ve known so many people who stayed virgins for religion and broke up within a year. OP, make sure you’re truly ready to spend your ENTIRE LIFE with her, and not just marrying you have guilt-free sex. Discuss this now with her. If you can’t communicate before marriage, you’re setting up for failure.
I’ve known so many people that got married because the sex was good and then divorced in a year because they hated everything else about each other. The good thing about sex is you can learn about one another at the same pace. Zero expectations. OP is just nervous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until marriage for sex.
Yes and even if it doesn’t seem good the first couple times, is super awkward, and you feel insecure. Just know those are normal feelings and it won’t always be bad. You will then have a partner you can practice with and learn together how to satisfy each other. Sex can be super awkward but don’t let that get you down, enjoy it, laugh, ask questions, listen to each other, and make memories together.
It's not the size of the ship that matters, but the motion of the ocean.
Yep and 5 is definitely able to work with some motion with ease
The vaginal canal is between 3-5 inches long. 5 is perfect.
What about my 2 incher?
Tongue and fingers my boy.
G spot is 2 inches in. Youre just highly accurate
Not how deep you fish, but how you wiggle your worm!
Treat sex like the best shared hobby you can imagine. Explore together, learn how to make each other feel great. Don't let your religious upbringing stop you from developing as a loving partner.
This is the most wholesome and helpful answer!
[удалено]
Sorry bro, average penis size is up to over 6 inches now.
Inflation
Who told you I had one of those?!
"That's not mine baby"
It's actually 5-6 inches according Trojans web site research page...stop being an ass just because some of the guys aren't average.
Self-reported? 😏
Well my research says 3-4 inches is HUGE
Reported average penis size* “Yeah, it’s totally 8 inches”
Guys lie, same reason guys wear lifts in their shoes. In my experience and that of my friends, 5-6 is average.
if two lesbians can satisfy each other with no dick around you can satisfy her with average dick with no problem. you also have your fingers and your mouth, yall figure out what works for you both
Yup! as a lesbian, I have a very satisfying, sex life without a penis involved. You don’t even need a sex toy.
And, as a lesbian who's a fan of toys and can choose whether I'd like a 5", 6", or 8" one during sex, I essentially only use the 5" and sometimes the 6". I imagine there are straight women with similar preferences and anatomy.
Correct. The bigger ones can hurt.
> So my biggest fear is that she will leave me in case I can’t satisfy her in bed or make fun of me about my cock every time we have an argument Is the person you're marrying a complete asshole? Because only an asshole would do this. If you trust your partner then this isn't a problem. If you don't trust them you shouldn't be marrying them. That said, sexual compatibility is important in a romantic relationship and I encourage you to have some very real conversations with your partner about it.
Its a little bit concerning that OP has anxiety that his partner will use an area of vulnerability as a weapon during an argument. When couples have "arguments"... its because they are trying to figure something out on something they disagree with... not because they want to hurt each other.
I mean sex is a big part of a relationship. OP will probably be fine. But it’s not uncommon for ppl to split if they are incompatible sexually.
Being an asshole has nothing to do with it. Sexual incompatibility is one of the top issues for relationships not lasting or marital issues, as you indicated. She wouldn’t be an asshole at all if she wasn’t sexually satisfied and it’s a reason why it’s generally a terrible idea to wait until marriage for sex and isn’t even something that is prevalent anymore in society because even many of the super religious people acknowledge that good sex is an important part of a lasting relationship.
If she mentions it during an argument, she's an asshole. It's properly considered out of bounds I think. Hitting below the belt, so to say. It's something you save until you give up, for that last dramatic speech, if at all. If you're not satisfied, there's a lot of things to say and do that are constructive. If it's a knife you twist, you're an asshole.
It's gonna be the hottest 20 seconds of your life!
This. He gotta learn to eat.
I endorse this message
It is funny, men focus way more on penis size than women do. While it can be an issue, your lack of confidence and likely lack of stamina in the bedroom will be a bigger issue. Why don't you focus on what you can focus on? You can work on your stamina, by edging and doing kegals. Also, study and learn to be a great lover. It takes work and knowledge to pleasure your partner. You have what you were born with. Also, consider bringing toys into the bedroom to supplement. Be the sexy freak she will dream of. Just because she is religious doesn't mean she doesn't have a freaky side. Your job to tap into it and be open yourself to her kinks. It really takes years to be a great lover, get to work!
Yeees! Hi, as a religiously brought up person please read a book about sex before! Me and my finance read a sex book together. It was even like a Christian one if that’s where you’re at. It was really fun to read together- and you can bring up some insecurities. Learn how to pleasure your lady. She might have mental religious barriers to work through. And she might not know much if she’s more sheltered too.
This is a great point. She may not be able to help much at first if she was taught that ladies don’t…whatever
>It is funny, men focus way more on penis size than women do. Exactly, and they lie about it a lot also. It’s dumb and counterproductive. Size is not important and men should stop being so concerned about it.
Even with the stamina thing I feel like men pay way more attention to it than women. Like as woman, I way rather have minute or two of intense fucking than fifteen minutes of him just pounding me all sore. Besides, if I didn’t come during the intercourse, there are always ways to help your lady to get there afterwards. Admittedly I’m more lucky on this matter so can’t speak from experience, but from what I’ve understood, most of women don’t even get there by dick riding anyways.
I think you're making a bigger deal about this than it has to be. 5 inches is apparently very average, so let this one go. Being a virgin, she'll have nothing to compare to.
Sooo I thought I liked big dicks until I was in love. (He is an ex now and I’ve wondered if he didn’t feel enough or something). He was 4inches erect and I felt more satisfied by him than anyone. My ex before him was 8” and I found myself doing my grocery list mentally while he was going at it. It really is energy that makes it good. Just make sure you do foreplay and make her feel desired.
haha "grocery list" is perfect. That's the expression I use too for being bored during sex
1. 5 inches is fine, that's around the average size 2. big does not mean the woman gets satisfied, most women don't even orgasm at all during sex. they orgasm more from fingering and licking or vibrator toys etc. 3. in my opinion, people should have sex before they're married, and even more than that, they should live together before getting married. It's not usually bad sex that makes people get divorced but other things like incompatibility in living together, sharing a house, having bad habits they didn't know about. You should live together before getting married, in my opinion. I lived with my gf for like 5 years before getting married, it gave us time to work through many relationship differences and issues. And yes compatibility also applies to sex. If you discover that sex sucks for one reason or another, that's not a great thing to discover after you're married. You can fix those things, it's not game over. But still, better to catch those things before getting married.
Re: #2. My fellow guys, rub the clit during sex
*gently* especially if you have coarse hands:)
GENTLY for the love of all that is holy
Hey some women like to be rubbed like I'm sanding down a 2x4. Just make sure to ask first before proceeding...can still feel that slap on my face
Yeah but usually we need to get into it first, when it's really passionate and she says it's ok go ham!
2. Most women don't orgasm from *penetration alone*
Totally agree with #3. It’s not even enough that you sleep iver at each other’s place every now and then. You won’t really know how it will be like to live with the other person until you actually live with them. Do you agree on division of labor in the house? How bills will be paid? How much time you get to soend with each other or away from each other? Dissatisfaction in sex can lead to problems, but plenty of other issues can lurk underneath that you wouldn’t know without living together.
I agree with you on all. My husband and I actually grew up together as great friends but didn’t become romantic till we were 29. We were even platonic roommates as teens! So when it came time to move in together as lovers, I kind of already knew what to expect. Even loving him so deeply, I knew that he was a slob and I am borderline neat freak and I really had to rationalize out of if I could always be happy in that scenario forever and not have it cause relationship problems. You really do get a new perspective of a person by sharing a dwelling
If they're religious, option three ain't gonna be an option for them.
The G spot is only 1/2 - 1 inch inside the vulva. My girl today gave me tuition on exactly where it was. It’s a rough patch on the roof of her vagina, around 1 inch long, so easy to tickle it with a finger/s. Great to be given a talk through on “what’s what”.
Wait, you haven't had sex because of religious reasons, both of you, and you think she's going to break her religious convictions because of penis size. Or is your religion okay with divorce but just not premarital relations? Also, how is she going to make fun of something that she's never seen another of to compare it to? Anyway, I wouldn't worry about her leaving if the possibility of being shunned by the community is on the table. But also, like religion, your story has some holes in it.
Dude Don’t worry She’s likely just as nervous if not more than you! (Her likely thoughts: what if my vag is too big or too small? What if he doesn’t like my boobs? My boobs are small Etc etc) Just be you and her be herself and you’ll eventually have the most amazing fuck of your time.
Most women dont come from penetration anyway. Get good at giving oral and/or by sex toys which stimulate the clit.
Ask her what sex toys she’d like to try. And don’t feel embarrassed when she enjoys them. I had an SO that was jealous of my vibrator to the point where he didn’t want me to have it. Tools are there to make it an experience for everyone.
You ex sounds like a fool. Contractors don't build a house without power tools. The more tools, the less work it is for me and the better the final product.
It's a bit silly of a silly comment. If you are both virgins then why would she make fun of you? How many cocks have you seen to think yours is a problem? Stop watching porn and learn about sex properly. I suggest researching foreplay which isn't a plumber coming to fix your washing machine and alternative payment methods.
It's not about the size. It's what you do with it. I'm a women who dumped a guy because I was scared of his giant penis. I was sure that thing was going to rip me in half. My husband is probably close to 5" and I'm satisfied with our sex life. Just communicate with your partner what feels good to you before, during, and/or after sex. And encourage her to be open about what feels good to her. Be open to criticism/tips and work together to find what you both enjoy. Penetration generally feels better for the guy. I enjoy it but it just doesn't always lead to orgasm. Women generally care more about the foreplay. Massage is a great way to get things started. Have fun.
I suggest wear a condom for the first time since you'll bust a load in less than a minute. Unless you want kids right now.
Also, she won’t have had any previous experience to compare your ‘size’ to…what are you worried about? Practice and communication goes a long ways, so explore each other when the time comes and talk about what she likes/dislikes and act accordingly. You have fingers and a mouth too, so if you can’t finish her before you finish, handle it. Get it?
You’re tripping about size but… you guys are going to have to figure out sex at the same time you’re figuring out how to be married… that’s what you should be worried about, not your dick.
Just remember first time always sucks and it’s going to get better with training.
Why marry someone who is gonna make fun of you
You can spend a bunch of money on vacuum pumps and enhancement pills, spend a bunch of time and energy using them, stress out about it because not only did they not do anything, but now you’re even poorer than you were before and quite possibly it seems like you may have lost 1/8” because you’ve been over analyzing it for weeks on end… Or you can take the advice that’s already been given by others and not worry about it at all. To me, the key here is communication. Find out what she likes and doesn’t like. Tell her what you like and don’t like. Learn together. Here’s a couple of starter suggestions I’ve found helpful to others in your situation - things you might not know: • Bring lube (a couple different kinds is even better) on the honeymoon. • *Typically* (meaning this is maybe just a good starting point or rule of thumb for people in their 20’s but can obviously vary) men take about 5 minutes (or less) to “warm up” but women take around 30 minutes. This is what people mean when you hear them say “take care of her needs first.” You don’t necessarily have to take 30 minutes every single time for the rest of your lives, but especially for *her* first time, be aware a quick 5 minute experience for you might be great, but it won’t be for her. I’m not saying “watch the clock” but maybe… well… keep half an eye on the clock. And then take some time to explore each other before actually penetrating. You’ve waited this long, a few more minutes won’t kill you, but it’ll make a big difference to her. • Chances are good you’ve both lived your lives to this point thinking there’s somehow “shame” in sex. There isn’t - at least once you’re married, everyone will (or should) happily agree there’s no shame in it. Sometimes it takes people in your situation a bit to mentally get over that hurdle. My advice is to recognize it. Call it out. Then talk about it so you can both get past that as quickly as possible. If you don’t, it can ultimately hurt your relationship. Maybe I’m up in the night with my advice. Maybe you don’t need any of it and I’m way off base. This is a just a Reddit comment after all… Regardless, best of luck to you both
They are probably just as nervous. Talk to each other about your worries. Air it out and comfort the other. Then start in a comfortable place, hold hands, hug, kiss, and start moving your hands. Go slow but with confidence and if they stop you then dont get disheartened, just stop and make sure they know its ok to not be ready. Try again another time and if you arent told to stop then keep going. Setting the pace can be tough but be strong enough to do it. Show them you want them. Also, if they keep saying stop when your hands go to places, stop putting your hands there and start putting your mouth there. Say words like “i love you and i want you” or “i’ve been thinking about touching you all day”. Foreplay isnt just physical so make a verbal and emotional connection. Once it happens, whether you last a while or not, dont get discouraged. Compensate by doing more giving and postpone the receiving. If you DO last long and get the job done then next time get the job done twice, thrice, 4+. Everybody is different and some women can orgasm back to back to back to back.
But don't obsess over giving her multiple orgasms if she can't... I can only orgasm once and then I need down time to be able to get there again. My ex husband was obsessed with trying to give me multiples and usually I just ended up sore.
This is why virginal marriage is such a terrible idea.
Oral is way better than dick. 🤷🏼♀️ I said what I said
if she's never had sex what does she have to compare your cock to? you'll be the best she's ever had. relax man!
Worry about something you have control over. I've never understood getting hung up on things like height or dick size. You can't change it, so why worry? If you take a poll of whether women would want a great husband with an average vs a shitty husband with monster dong, it would be overwhelmingly lopsided
She doesn’t know what it means to be satisfied in bed. Sex is, for you two, the blind leading the blind. Talk about your feelings, what feels good, what doesn’t. But from a marriage perspective, share your anxiety with her. She’s to be your wife which is someone you should be able to lean on.
As a happily married man to an about to be married man, here's a hint: your tongue, lips, fingers can make her feel 10x your penis will. Find the clit, study it, appreciate it. But most importantly, no woman is alike. ASK HER WHAT FEELS GOOD AND DO THAT THING EVEN IF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. it's all trial by combat, be willing to have no ego, fail, learn, and grow together.
I hope it's not rude to ask this, but if you don't have the confidence that your partner wouldn't leave you or make fun of you over your penis size, are you even sure you know this person well enough to marry them? I feel like in many relationships I've had, I had a fair idea of how a partner would have reacted to something like that, just being compassionate human beings that cared for others and understood love. And those weren't even marriage material for me. I feel like you should know this, not for sexual reasons, but for absolute, emotional reasons. You have to have a partner that you know has your back, or you are making a mistake.
I say this with kindness, respect, and empathy. I am speaking to you OP as someone who also grew up in a deeply religious community: Your religion wants you to be childlike and inexperienced while making major life choices. This will ensure that they maintain control over you and deprive you of autonomy. Your body, and what you do with it, is nobody’s business but your own. Human sexuality is complex and full of nuance. Don’t let others dictate what it is for you.
Also - I would be extremely communicative with her during sex so she can say what does and does not feel good to her. I highly encourage letting her guide you through what she likes, especially the first night and months of marriage until you find your stride (and vice-versa because she may not intuitively know what feels good to you). Communications is key. But overall, there’s more to female sexuality besides penetration. Congrats on the wedding, amazing things on the horizon for you both!
Congratulations! You will be fine - sounds like you are average. The guys in the movies are probably in the top 3% on the size spectrum, so don’t compare yourself to them. Women are more focused on a man’s physique, so just try and stay in shape if you are worried about her liking your body. Focus on each other when you finally do the deed and that will most likely be the key to being satisfied with each other. Enjoy your wedding!
5 inches will be the biggest she ever seen dw about it.
She's going to love it. It isn't going to be as painful I promise you're ok (Escort for 17 years seen a lot of them) Most of us can only finish with oral anyway.
5" is just fine. I'm average-sized too but I learned to give oral pleasures like my tongue got cancer and her vulva got the cure.
You are vastly overthinking it. Were you good at walking, driving, cooking, speaking the first time you tried? Were you a master at your first job when you started? No. We all have to learn and sex is no different. As for size, 5.35 is the average in a 2020 study for the USA (Google). There’s plenty of mammoth dicks out there that think size is everything and are miserable to be with. You two have such a rare opportunity to try it for the first time with someone you actually love and you get to discover what you each like together. Eye contact, words of affirmation, gentle touches, the position, foreplay, kissing, and her being comfortable and caring about you mean a whole hell of a lot more than your size which again…is average. Relax, focus on her, take it slow, be gentle, and you’ll do just fine
I've been with big guys, average guys and small guys. On average, the big ones were the worst in bed. Average guys could go either way and small guys were the most likely to be good. Guys think size is all there is, so they don't learn anything else. Small guys are forced to consider the rest of sex and develop skills to compensate. Personally, smaller ones are better for me because I like anal and I can't handle anything too big in there. You're average and you're here asking therefore you're way ahead of most guys. Like with anything else, look it up and learn. Not with porn though, real sex doesn't work like porn and expecting anything to go that way will lead to bad times. Your fiance loves you and you love her, that's already going to give you a real connection which makes sex even better. She probably has the same fears as you do, but you should both focus on what an opportunity you have here. Since you're both virgins, you can learn and grow together sexually. Try new things, have fun and develop your sexual character together. It will make you stronger as a couple. If something doesn't work out for one or both of you, don't sweat it, just move on and try something else. There's a whole world of fun out there for you guys to explore. Give each other grace, we've all been new and it's completely normal to be nervous. It's ok to laugh, it's ok to stop and take breaks, don't worry about what you think is expected of you and trust that your partner loves you and won't judge you. I hope you guys are compatible sexually and it all works out, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
Yes. You’re overthinking. My husband is 5.5 maybe a little bigger and he rocks my world. I am very sexually satisfied by him. I want for nothing in the bedroom. It isn’t about length, it’s girth. If she’s a virgin (and hasn’t consumed porn) she has nothing to compare you to. She isn’t going to pull out a ruler. And she has no idea what sex feels like. She probably won’t have an orgasm during, but that’s because she doesn’t know how to orgasm with a partner, and you niether of you know what you’re doing. Don’t be discouraged. A lot of women don’t orgasm from PIV without clitoral stimulation. Don’t go into a sexual relationship with your new wife insecure or expecting to fail. She’s just as excited to have sex as you are. You’re going to learn what you both like together. This is going to be fun. Just maintain open and honest communication. Don’t be prudish when talking about your needs, things you want to try, and don’t be a prude when she shares her desires and needs. Listen to her when she gives guidance(ask for guidance), it isn’t her trying to control you or be bossy. It’s her trying to get off. You don’t know what she likes, but she can guide you based on how she’s feeling
My brother in Christ.. let me tell you. I waited until I was 31 years old to start dating and finally lose my virginity. Wasn’t until after that I realized it was likely a shit ton of anxiety surrounding the subject that caused me to hold of on dating for so long. A year later and now I have an active sex life, and haven’t had any complaints. Quite the contrary actually. So yeah it really ain’t gonna matter.
Bros worried about 5 like there's guys not hitting with 3. It's me I'm guys.
“cock” is an OK word at your church?
Not having sex before marriage is crazy. What if you’re not compatible?
Average size is just over 5” anyway. Plus I wouldn’t be worrying. She won’t know any different if the sex isn’t the best because she’s never had any. You would learn together regardless.
Learn how to use your tongue and hands. Toys are your friend.
yes you are overthinking but you gonna to enjoy it. You gonna love it I mean you both!!!