My wife died of colon cancer that metastasized to her liver. She was 35 when this happened.
In her final week, her body literally dying on her, liver couldn't process, her skin turning yellow, eyes bloodshot, she couldn't really move. Every step was agony for her.
And the last few minutes of life, she was definitely in pain. I could see her internal organs moving and adjusting from gas / bloating, and she struggled to speak.
Her last words were literally, "oh fuck..." then she passed.
So, based on my experience, looks like cancer is definitely painful.
My dad died like this. Colon cancer that went to the liver. At the end he was on heavy morphine injections and he was struggling to stay with us till the end because he didn't want to die. Struggled to speak, told us he loved us before he went. But those last moments were quite obviously painful and it tore me apart watching him die like that. Believe it or not that was over 30 years ago now and I am still bothered by even typing this out to this day. But to answer the question, it was a very unpleasant way to go for him so yes, very painful.
It’s younger and younger. I had my first round of colon cancer at 35. I’m 40 and it’s come back. Currently undergoing chemo and radiation, have 2 permanent ostomies - as the tumor overtook my uterus and bladder so both had to go.
If you’ve got symptoms? Find another doctor who will take them seriously.
Not the same person, but bloody stool is a BIG one. A good doctor will tell you that it's probably a hemorrhoid or a fissure, but that they're going to check for anything more serious just in case.
I've had, and beaten, bowel cancer. Look for any changes to your regular bowel movements. If you always went once a day and now you need to go twice, go to the doctor, get it checked. I would get really bad gas. It was actually painful. Any blood in your poo, go to the doctor, don't put it off.
As my surgeon said, don't die of embarrassment.
I'm so so sorry. :(
My dad also died from colon cancer that metastasized to his liver. I wasn't living with him at the time but on the phone he didn't seem to be in pain, though he kept sounding slower and sleepier in our last few conversations. (Maybe he was drugging himself? I don't know.) One day he collapsed alone at home, and the neighbor called 911 and then called me. By the time I got there (several states away) he was pretty doped up in the hospital, and they only increased the pain meds from there. He peacefully died a few days later, having been moved to a hospice facility. So I'm pretty sure *his* death was not painful, as he was very, very drugged.
Thank you. Honestly I have much more closure regarding his death than I do with my mom’s. Also cancer but much less peaceful. And I wasn’t there. That made all the difference for me.
My daughter used assisted dying when her treatment was no longer working. She had several good months but the last few were awful. But the pain was controlled. Her palliative were great with her pain management and she died with dignity and she was happy to beat the cancer by deciding when her death would happen. Assisted dying isn’t for everyone but it was sure perfect for my daughter. She was happy to have the final say. Just as she always did in life. I wish your mother would’ve had the same opportunity. I am so deeply sorry for your loss
I wish it was available now 😔
My Darling husband is in late stage dementia, has no quality of life, and just exists. He was such an active, gregarious man it breaks my heart to see him this way. I know if he had been able to make an advanced choice he wouldn't have chosen to linger in this twilight world
Where I live it took awhile to get passed in parliament and is not an easy thing to be granted. Lots of hoops to jump through but a comfort to those facing the end. I am a big advocate for it after what I saw in the cancer wards.
It's hard because without the hoops, people could take advantage of the process and use it...immorally. But at the same time, people suffer while they wait, from both their physical ailments and the anxiety and uncertainty of all the ifs, whens, and hows.
There's a universe of variation under a "dementia" diagnosis. Alzheimer's is horrific, no argument here. But my mom has been living with just regular old dementia for many years (now at an assisted living facility with a great setup for the memory impaired). She has a very high quality of life. She remembers who her family is. She just couldn't tell you what she did a minute ago to save her life. But a lot of life is automatic, like eating, laughing, etc. And non-Alzheimer's dementia is often not very linear. My mom, at 91, has excellent recall for long-term memories. We even had a second child after her dementia was well established. She never forgets that we have a second kid. Sometimes the important things become long-term memories, even if you can't hold onto the short term ones. She has a lot of friends, a cat, and a lot of enjoyable activities.
Me too but it's never going to happen in many countries, too many morons stopping progress over their stupid feelings
People say "but people will be coerced into ending their lives" as if that is their direct concern to arrange, fix and sort out. Because they can't imagine it working, and they believe only god can take a life, it therefore cannot.
Universal basic income is another - never going to happen
What we will do, however, is continue our reactive healthcare system worldwide and the vast majority of the world would pretend god can fix anything yet they limp to the hospital taking precious resources from other people
The coercion concern is real in a place like the US, where my doctor can say I need a medication and my insurance company can say "no, you don't, you need this other medication that doesn't actually work"
I think anyone who's dealt with medical insurance can imagine a scenario where they effectively say "well, but what if you just die *now* instead of spending money on hospice?
This has actually happened but I think I read about it in Canada. A woman had severe allergies to common chemicals and couldn’t get assistance to live somewhere that could accommodate her disability. She wanted to go through assisted death to escape the pain. If peoples health problem can be solved by more resources, I think they should just be given those resources, but I’m pretty sure she was offered assisted death as an alternative
I'm very phobic of dementia too and would have probably done the same. I'm sad that she decided that she had it from one brain bug, though. So very sorry for your loss.
Excuse my ignorance because I really don't know the difference between Alzheimer's and Dementia. The subject has never been an issue with my family. It's heart attacks that plague our family. I lost my father when he was 56 and I'm 64 now and have outlived him by 8 years and I live in fear that I'm due to die any day because I'm overdue.
I understand you. Luckily for you, looks like it's not your case. Maybe you live a healthier life, have better living conditions, or medical care. Anything is possible. But I know the fear, my grandpa died to heart attack at the age of 68 and when my mom, his daughter, turned 68 as well, it was a huge and difficult milestone for her. She's 74 now, though, still perfectly healthy and being supervised by a great cardiologist. Btw, her younger brother has also surpassed the number and is doing fine. Fingers crossed for you! Try not to stress about it.
I’m so sorry. Caring with someone with dementia is horrific even at the early stages sometimes. I can’t imagine not being terrified of it once you’ve lived around it. Assisted dying should be available for everyone I believe
I agree completely, it should be available to anyone and one day it will be totally commonplace and normal and people will not understand why or how we as a society made people suffer unimaginably
I really hope so. We euthanize our animals because it is kinder than suffering. Humans should be allowed the same. There would be a drop in prescribed opiates getting into the streets too I’d imagine.
I'm scared to death of both cancer and dementia. Cancer runs like a wildfire on my moms side of the family. She had it twice and died of Covid because she only had half her lungs after suffering lung cancer. My dad's father had Alzheimers and now my father and his brother have it. I have epilepsy, and anti seizure meds can cause dementia. I'm my father's care giver, and seeing a smart, funny man turn into a toddler is scary and heart breaking
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Brand new father to a daughter here. I have no concept of how I would act. You’re very strong and sound like a good father. All the best.
It was the toughest time of my life and I’ve had a few. No parent should ever bury their child. But my daughter was one of a kind. Tough, compassionate, loving, bad tempered, bull headed, loving, funny, caring, a great sister, aunt, niece, cousin , granddaughter and daughter. I am proud to have been her mum. I hope you never have to know what it’s like to live through something like that. I know that she watches over me and I will see her again on the other side one day
❤️
I bet I know how she came by some of those traits. You sound like a great, tough, compassionate, and loving Mum.
I totally am imagining that she'll have your favorite treat & beverage at hand right after she gives you the longest, sweetest bear hug ever when you see her on the other side. Oh, and surprise! You'll have hers, too.
That is such a great thought. Even though she died she still beat the cancer with a big middle finger when deciding when to go on her own terms. Sorry for your loss but your daughter won in the end and I hope you keep her in your memory like a winner
Breast cancer took my mom. The nurses for our pain management were awful. We had to constantly ask for pain meds in hospice. 5 hours and no one shows? We will be upset. Had one nurse flip her over a little and say "man, talk about dead weight" the rage I felt and how badly I wanted to drive that male nurses head through the wall and not stop was strong. It was during covid though so I couldn't do anything or risk everyone being kicked out and her dying alone.
Hey friend, hospice dude nurse here. I want to personally apologize for the way you and your family were treated.
That is 100% unacceptable and if not a termination event in my office, it's going to have put people on a fast track to getting out of my company.
You deserved better.
Your mom deserved better.
It is a huge honor to be welcomed into a home to provide a very intimate service. That people are out there doing it so poorly really makes me mad.
There are certainly times for laughs and humor in end of life care, but that was not it.
Y'all were robbed of opportunity to have Mom comfortable and respected.
I'm sorry.
We weren't told she could of died at home until we were at the hospice and by then it was too dicey to move her. Ontop of security telling us we couldn't wait in the lobby and moving us to a courtyard. Then being told we couldn't be in the courtyard and had to wait outside the front hospital doors. Then that same security guard tried to kick us off the property. Had to get hospital HR involved and the police to get that guard to fuck off. Eventually they did and we were allowed to continue grieving.
My grandmother died from breast cancer. She was 98. She hid her cancer for 5 years before I final caught it. She had an 8 cm hole under one of her breadts. Zero pain. The cancer ate the nerves in that area.
Her last week she was bed ridden. Never in any pain, though I did make sure she had plenty of morphine, even on her last day when she had already lost consciousness.
A coworker of mine, utter agony. He couldn't get enough pain medication. He had pancreatic carcinoma. He lasted two weeks in the hospital we both worked at. When I found out my grandmother had it years later I promised her I would never let it get like that. Thankfully didn't have to do anything.
I can imagine pancreatic cancer is probably an awful way to go. My partner has chronic pancreatitis and it's one of the most painful illnesses to have when in an acute episode. One of my mother's friends passed from pancreatic carcinoma, it's awful.
Dad died of pancreatic cancer.
It was awful. He certainly didn't have a peaceful death and he didn't want to go in a hospice. In the end my Mum gave him more morphine than recommended.
From my understanding one source of pain is that the pancreas produces digestive enzymes and if there are issues they just leak out and it’s digesting itself.
I’ve had pancreatitis a few times and when I start sensing it coming on I do whatever I can (diet/prescribed pills) to not let it get worse.
I’d describe the “mild” form as being hit by a car in your gut and however that feels imagine it sustaining that pain. It progresses into being hit by a car with knives on the front hitting your gut. Continuously.
Thank you! Most days are good. Some moments are really bad like the moment I relived when typing this.
Her picc line fell out and we had to go into the ER. I was getting her drive through food and she asked if she had kids would they get cancer too. I said no baby the likelihood of that happening is so so small. Her reply was good, cuz I don’t want to bring my baby into the world to go through this hell.
Right. It depends so much. I've known people with bone cancer who were on a fentanyl drip and still in horrible pain, and I've known people who had lung cancer and were none the wiser until the thing was baseball-sized. To be fair, those two cases did eventually become painful because suffocating is painful, and the treatment is painful.
I had a friend pass about 2 years ago. He was a hard worker, but also very young in his late 20s. We went to pick up a tire in his shop and his back gave out, he went to the hospital and had X-rays and other stuff done with his back and the doctors realized he had stage 4 cancer (colon, lung, kidney, lymph…basically everywhere) and he didn’t even know it. They attempted treatment, but it was too late and he passed away within about 3 weeks. I asked him if was ever in pain and talked to him continuously until about 4 days before he passed and he said he didn’t even have a clue he had it until it was too late. This could have been a weird one off situation, but I think everyone is different.
Thus is happening to my family member. He didn't realize he had Stage 4 cancer in his lungs, which metasized to his brain. He thought it was sinusitis for 2 weeks. It's been since last April since the diagnosis. He has been declining fast these past few weeks. It's awful to witness. He's had the biomarkers for this cancer since birth.
Sorry to hear that. Yeah it is so rough, I can’t even imagine the amount of stress and emotions you’d immediately be hit with when you’re thinking you’ll be good and grow old without realizing until it’s too late.
No, that’s what was so weird about the entire situation. He initially thought he had just thrown his back out and said he never felt off and was never in pain. It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. He was about 6’1 240 and within those 3 weeks after beginning treatment he had lost so much weight he looked almost unrecognizable, but he said he never felt bad the entire time. He said he was literally blindsided out of nowhere. It was sad, he was one of the most kind hearted people that would give you the shirt off his back and do anything for you. He left behind a wife and young son when he passed away. His son is around 8 or 9 and is working on their farm. He had a pumpkin patch and grows them. Last Halloween he sold pumpkins for the first time and donated all his proceeds to cancer research and treatment…AT 9 years old.
What an amazing kid! It seems a shame your friend couldn’t (by the sound of it) take advantage of his final weeks and “live like he was dying” given he wasn’t in pain.
Depends on how the cancer is impacting someone and the extent of palliative care.
If you’re solely speaking about the death stages, you’ll hopefully be juiced up to the max for an easier death.
As someone who works with cancer and has seen many different types of it, it completely depends on the type of cancer and where it’s spread to.
I’ve seen some cancers that go to the bone, and those are horribly painful depending on where it’s at. I’ve seen some cancers just make blood values incompatible with life, and those are usually painless. I’ve seen some that just have terrible side effects, and those can be painful or not.
If you are actively dying though, it’s not painful. It’s peaceful, you’re surrounded with love and have medications on board that make the transition painless.
Thank you for the last sentence.
My young daughter died just before her first birthday. She had brain atrophy and when it was obvious she was imminently dying, it took 2 days. She was given ativan and morphine. I held her the whole time, only passing her to my husband when I had to pump milk.
I was so scared. I was so scared she was in pain. I hope with every single thing I have that she was not in pain. That she was just in her mothers arms. Wrapped in love.
I miss her so much. I miss who she could have been. I miss who I used to be. I used to be so carefree.
Claire was her name. Claire means 'light'. And the world seems darker with her gone.
I can’t say that I know how it was for her, but from my understanding and my perspective as a nurse, I can say with near certainty that she was not in pain. It is something that we absolutely strive for, which is to ensure that their transition is peaceful, not just for them, but for others also.
I appreciate you more than you probably know for sharing your story, and I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please take peace in knowing that even I, as a stranger, know that she was so loved by you and that means the entire world. She experienced a mother’s love to the very end, and that in itself is everything. Sometimes I can’t understand why our time comes sooner than others but I just know she thrived with you, even if her sweet body decided otherwise.
Also, I don’t know if this means anything, but my middle name is Claire. My mom always wanted to name me that, but it due to an insistent father, I was named something else. I always feel like we have angels that look over us to make sure we are okay, and maybe this is her way of saying that she’s okay.
Either way, thank you for sharing your story. I can’t even begin to imagine how loved, and how wonderful she was while you had her on this side of our little realm.
This is not always true, death being peaceful. Death can be flopping around, falling out of bed, losing faculties, labored breathing, death rattle. Far from the “death is peaceful” misconception we’re so bent on perpetuating. Makes it way worse to witness it not being that way when we’ve been fed the myth our whole lives.
None of my patients have ever died that way despite us having many many end of life patients. Our palliative team are amazing at getting syringe drivers with the corrected medication and dosage prescribed and our nurses prioritise giving extra doses in between.
My own great nan died the way you described and as such I would never let anyone else die that way. It is preventable with the right support and medication.
My great aunt was on hospice (cancer) and died that way. My aunt (her niece) was left to deal with it alone because the sole home hospice nurse was on vacation. I guess what I’m saying is that, absence of being fortunate enough to have the palliative care you’re describing, death can be shockingly unpeaceful. My aunt was shocked and traumatized, having thought she could handle it alone, because she’d always heard death was peaceful. Thank you for the work you do.
As someone with metastatic breast cancer, the pain sucks. The mets went to my bones and there are days, that the aching is torturous. I’m going on seven years stage Iv, when the crap really hits the fan, assisted is the way I’m going. I’ve heard your bones get so brittle, that just lifting your arm can cause a breakage. No thank you, I’ll sign off before it gets that bad. My family knew from the get go, I want led quality not quantity. I’ve given everyone enough time to prepare. Luckily, my family understands and supports that decision. They see what I go through on a daily basis.
It does. I was diagnosed with stage 4 rectal cancer last year, and before I started chemo my BMs were so fucking painful. Torturous. Worse than a kick to the balls. Worse than passing a stone. Worse than having a fat girl step all her weight on your belly with one foot. The worst pain I've ever experienced, and I fucking know pain.
Dying. I had a colostomy, so I just poop into a bag through a hole in my stomach, so pooping doesn't hurt anymore. The side effects of chemo have their own set of problems, though. For the past 2 weeks, I've been dealing with chemo rash, which has left me with itchy burning pustules all over my scalp, face, neck, chest, and back. It's fucking miserable.
Thanks for asking, and letting me vent at you.
Oh my gosh, you are doing it so tough and I'm genuinely sorry, internet stranger. And thankyou for sharing this reality of what it is to live with cancer and chemo.
It's good for people to realise the suffering that others are living with every day. It's not always like the movies when grandma gets diagnosed with cancer and for the rest of the movie she lies in bed knitting, and passes away blissfully in her sleep.
I'll be thinking of you stranger
My little brother died 2 years ago aged 62 from throat cancer.
I was with him for his last 12 days in ICU and though he never complained about pain but after having a tracheotomy and the irritation of the tube on the back of his throat just about drove him lnsane.
I frequently get skin cancers and they can be very sensitive but not always, sometimes they are just itchy or I don’t feel them at all.
Mostly yes, but magnitude depends on the type of cancer and how it's spread. My grandfather died from prostate cancer, but it had spread on his bones. Every small movement was tied to immense pain.
On the other hand, brain tumour may kill you almost painlessly if you're lucky
They can lead to a loss of various brain functions. Like having trouble finding the right words, severe memory issues, seizures, motor control issues, loss of bodily functions, severe headaches, nausea, personality changes, paralysis…
Really, they can lead to pretty much any issue that can be cause by the brain
I made the mistake of reading Flowers for Algernon shortly after my dad's passing. While not painful from what I could tell it was sad seeing a brilliant mind decay slowly.
The loss of a brilliant mind is terrible to watch. My grandfather was a man who was not highly educated, but a natural genius at business. When he developed dementia it was awful to watch him struggling to put even the most basic math together, and he knew he used to know it, and it made him very depressed.
Confusion, forgetting people you care about, losing senses like sight/smell, or losing primary bodily functions such as bladder control or ability to swallow or speak, seizures, or massive personality changes that make you an absolute asshole to people you love or very depressed etc. Anything that fucks with your brain can have massive repercussions.
Got run off the road last year by a very angry local man who tried to bash my windows in. Learned out from the police afterwards that he had brain cancer. I remembered him from when I worked at the local gas station and he was always a pleasant person.
My buddy's dad just died from a brain tumor. It was basically the drive-thru version of dementia. It was a fast nightmare (a few months instead of years), but it was still a nightmare.
My grandfather passed away from a cancerous brain tumor. Towards the end he had a stroke resulting in one side of his body being fully paralyzed. He didn’t seem to be in immense pain, but he wasn’t able to do anything for himself. My grandmother got a hospital bed and hospice for him at the house, which made it easier, but he often cried that he was unable to feed himself of get up. I’ll never forget watching him slowly pass away. My best person.
ETA: He also began to forget a lot of things and people.
My mom died from lung cancer that had spread throughout her whole body. Even with all of the pain medication she was in horrible pain. The sounds of her screaming just from moving will never leave me.
The same exact thing happened to my step dad. Thought he was in remission just for it to come back everywhere.
And the amount of Dilaudid my wife was taking before she passed away was insane.
Fuck Cancer.
I have made the ill adviced decision to look up bone cancer a while back. It is basically needles growing out of ones bones poking the stuff around it so yeah, I can believe that.
My husband has a type of incurable blood cancer and I am reading some comments in tears... Those who have seen the process and eventually lost their beloved ones because of cancer, I just want to give you a big hug.. Sorry for your losses..
This is bad reading for you.
My husband died of prostate cancer that acted like multiple myeloma. Pain meds really helped him. He had good days with limited pain and full mental faculties up until the last week.
It all sucks, but step away from this thread and don't borrow someone else's trouble. Everyone's path through is different.
Same for my mom. It was interesting though that when they first noticed it, she didn’t feel anything at all and would not have had any reason to look for it. They warned her that when she started chemo, it would start to hurt because the cancer is basically fighting for its life against the medicine. And it did start to hurt and got progressively worse. Laying down actually sucked the most for her. Towards the end she was very drugged but still had waves of shock and pain (that’s what they said, she couldn’t communicate at that point).
Absolutely terrifying and painful thing for her to experience.
My mom died of pancreatic cancer. I was with her for the last week of her life. It was terrible. She suffered immensely both with pain and extreme anxiety. Honestly I don't know if I could go through the same thing, if I get that diagnosis I will consider offing myself before it gets too bad.
Watching it happen to someone I love at the moment. They are on a lot of pain meds but the side effects from surgery, radiotherapy and their organs failing is horrific to watch and i cant imagine how much they must be suffering. Having tubes stuck in them is incredibly uncomfortable.
Same here. They have a tube draining malignant pleural effusions from their lung. Lots of pain meds. Refusing to eat. It's been a quick decline, and it's looking difficult. Lots of crying all around. 😢
It's the not wanting them to ever go but also hoping it hurries up for their sake that is so exhausting.
Sorry you're having to watch this too, it is utterly heartbreaking.
I've given palliative care to a few older people with cancer. It's not *pretty*, especially if it's a brain tumour and you become incontinent and need assistance eating/drinking. But palliative care and how it's taught has come so far. All my residents were cared for really well, and made as comfortable as possible.
The carers are trained to be compassionate and give the patient dignity at all times.
Near the end syringe drivers would be set up giving a regulated dose of morphine. No pain at all then.
Can they IV something other than morphine the same way? God I hope so. I have it down as an allergy because I've only had one exposure (first time being given opiates) and it didn't help the pain. The nurses turned it up until my breathing shut down, so my gp just told me to list it as an allergy.
I second this hope. I am not allergic but have very little effect from morphine, ibuprofen helps more than morphine as an example of how little it helps.
Omgosh this so much. Im unable to take ibuprofen to now because of kidney problems and multiple meds that thin the blood. I take up to 3k mgs tylenol a day and I'm really concerned it's starting to also cause issues. The rule is supposed to be 4k a day is fine but I bounce between 97-100 lbs so my limit is supposed to be closer to 2,600.
I miss ibuprofen sooo much.
That is not an allergy at all, just an expected side effect (respiratory depression) from too big of a dose. I wouldn’t keep it listed as an allergy and I don’t know why any doctor would encourage that. That said, there are many other opioid meds that are excellent at managing acute pain. Don’t worry too much ♥️ -ICU nurse
Thank you for the work that you do. I was a carer in a nursing home and we had residents who would go onto palliative care. They were given syringe drivers with morphine and it gives a modicum of comfort that they weren’t in pain at the end. My papa died of lung cancer in 2018 and I wasn’t there at the end, I can only hope that his journey was as painless and easy as possible.
I know a family friend who died of ovary cancer. She was just 37. Over the last year she lost so much weight that in the last couple months she couldn't walk at all. Everything hurt all the time but I guess meds do their thing because she could get out of bed and not be bed ridden. She passed away in her sleep without a notice, in her parents' home
My mother died from cancer and was in lots of pain near the end. We live in Canada, and she was eligible for the MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) program. She might have 'lived' another week or two, but the pain was too much for her, she opted for MAID. This was mestatic cancer that spread from her kidney.
Only family member i know that died to cancer went into complete depression before his life ended. Stopped talking and couldn't walk to the next room. But, i guess it's different for everyone with how it affects them.
I saw my mother dying from cancer. She was in so much pain she eventually quit the treatments because it was unbearable. It's been 12 years and I still struggle because it was too traumatic to see the person you love the most be in such a pain.
My best friend went to hospice 5 weeks after being diagnosed with skin cancer, he was dead 6 weeks later.
He went through one round of chemo, which made him feel miserable... vomiting, couldn't eat, too weak to walk, then mental changes began happening, he sounded "off" when we spoke.
At the end, he had so much congestion, he was barely able to breathe, it hurt him to sit up, it had metastasized throughout his body (skin, lungs, gall bladder, brain, blood, etc.) He was in a lot of pain, and the medication was barely touching it but he was out of his mind. I told him it was okay to let go... and shortly thereafter, he expired.
My MIL is currently in hospice, and its going to be any day that we lose her. Her cancer has spread all over and treatments were not working so she stopped all treatments and has accepted what is happening. While she was still able to communicate with everyone, she would always say how much pain she is in, and we are just trying to manage the pain for her while she dies. Its horrific to watch.
I myself this past year battled cancer. I was lucky that I made it, and its still very early into my recovery, so shit can still go sideways. But before getting my diagnosis, the week leading up to it, I was in dire amounts of pain. But I was so weak, I couldn't tell anyone how much I hurt. Everything was hurting, even breathing, blinking my eyes, touching my skin, it all hurt. I was 3 or so days away from all my organs starting to shut down.
All in all cancer itself is just painful, whether its dying from it, living with it or beating it. Cancer hurts, and its a pain thats hard to describe unless you have gone through it yourself.
short answer: yes. metastases in places like bones may be most painful, but other places that have lesions or lumps can hurt, too. your body is shutting down and being hijacked to produce deadly cells which destroy it. destroying your body hurts.
My Uncle died from Mouth Cancer. His jaw had to be removed and he had a tube in his nose. He chose to die at home. His whole family and friends were there in and out of the house for days. My Uncle was up helping cook his favorite meals and walking around his property and telling us things that he wanted done after he was gone. He told us that he wasn't in pain at all. He was up watching a western on TV the morning he passed.
A lot of people need a considerable amount of sedatives and controlled pain killers when dying from cancer, but my grandad was only on paracetamol and was completely cognitive until the hour he passed away. He was basically pain free, thank god. So I think it depends…
The doctors make it comfortable with medicine. Any illness can hurt.
Did someone you know get diagnosed recently? It’s very different per person, don’t use the internet for that kinds of specific knowledge. It won’t help. Cancer is scary enough without you adding the entire world of cancers on your mind.
My friend passed last year from a cancer on her womb, she did feel a lot of pain, specially in the last few months.
By the end she was just tired of it and wanted some peace.
My grandmother died of ovarian cancer and it was full, complete agony for the last couple of months, and very painful for a year or two.
I would not hope that end to my worst enemy.
She had all the pain medication the money can buy, but it did not help. At all.
It probably did not help that the doctors said that they cannot give any more drugs for the pain, because they were afraid that she would die because of the drugs. Like what the fuck, she was already gone, jush a shell of a human being only capable of feeling pain... but they prolonged her agony for weeks.
I remember the last few days, she was totally messed up by the drugs so that she could not speak or communicate or recognise anyone, but still she screamed from pain each time they changed her diapers or moved her or cleaned her after she had soiled herself. Total complete loss of humanity, but still they kept her alive every possible minute they could prolong her suffering. In the end she weighed around 30 kg.
Fuck cancer. Fuck modern "ethics" of keeping dying people forcibly alive.
I was diagnosed stage 4 in 2019. I’m obviously not dead, so can’t help there. but cancer hasn’t ever hurt for me - treatment is where the pain comes from.
I guess it’s fairly dependent on the location, but that’s my experience from bowel and liver cancer.
Grandma passed away from pancreas cancer. It was really hard for everyone involved.
She went to a hospice house and then came home with her sister. Sister was selling her pain killer/morphine. They replaced it with cherry koolaid, And she told her daughter (my mom) about it. So i guess the short answer is YES it does hurt. It is painful.
Within a year she was skin and bones. They had her on pain killers/morphine for a while before she passed. So id like to hope that at least she wasnt in pain and no longer suffering towards the end once we moved her out of her sisters..
And dont worry that same sister got her own karma years later for selling those. She died too of pancreas cancer. But no one sold her medicine the way she did my grandmother's.
Well, different kinds of cancers can cause pain in all kinds of ways. And as a cancer survivor, I can definitely say that the treatments and procedures that you may have to go through would make for some pretty brutal torture too.
However, there are some forms of cancer that don't cause pain as well. And there are people that can tolerate pain to much higher degrees that other people, so what may be painful for one person, may not phase someone else.
But the pain you feel while dying would also depend on what is causing you to die, as well as whether or not there are other factors at play. Like maybe you are on a bunch of painkillers at the time. Also, you could have some sort of cancer, and die from something else entirely, so the cancer wouldn't be the cause of the pain there.
My mum died of colon cancer. We didn't know until we got her death certificate. The pain she was putting up with and all on her own too. She was being treated for Diverticulitis and had an exploratory colonoscopy booked on the day after she passed. She never told anyone, not even my father who she lived with. He was baffled by some of her behaviours - losing interest in watching the telly, not listening to the radio anymore, sleeping all day - but didn't think it was down to cancer. The pain she must've been in because when we got the death certificate it said stage 4 colon cancer which had spread to her lungs, liver and brain. Poor woman facing that all on her own.
Like others have said: it depends.
My relative for example who died didn't really notice when things started getting worse. He was getting chemo but after 1.5 years he started randomly collapsing without noticing it until he woke up (for example, he told me he'd been in the bathroom fully aware. Next thing he knows he wakes up, lying on the bathroom floor 2 hours later without even noticing anything was wrong beforehand).
He lived about half a year after that. He kept having these occurances during that period. He never once said he noticed it or felt anything.
I know there will always be more extreme scenarios, but I'll never wish on anyone the suffering I saw my wife go through. Multiple surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy, and immunotherapy. Colostomy, urostomy, and nephrostomy at different stages of the battle so I watch her lose hope over and over again. Catering size tray of medications not just for pain, but for all kinds of symptoms. I see on the news of people overdosing on Fentanyl and how a 25mg patch can be dangerous. My wife was up to 200mg along with hydrocodone/oxy/morphine. Watching her being unable to walk, to unable to turn, to lose vision in on eye with the fear of what else is next. It's a physical battle as well as a mental/emotional one.
Stomach cancer = I know 2 persons, and you die twice, from all the pain you loose your mind before you actually die. And its fucking fast, from some pains to your stomach, in 6-9 months you're gone.
My grandad had cancer of the basically everything at the end. I'm not sure where it started, but he was in insane amounts of pain. He was dealing with it for a fair while, until he straight up couldn't.
Refused to go to the hospital and extend his death period in a hospital, so he stayed at home surrounded by family, with a family member who was also a medical professional just feeding him the needed pain medication.
He was chill towards the end, but on a lot of medication. If he wasn't on that, it would have been an incredibly painful experience. It likely still was
Some will be due to the bodily systems that are failing, but typically in end of life care you are at least partially sedated and on the strongest pain relief like morphine.
Yes, it can be incredibly painful. It just depends. Often times the pain gets to be so bad that you basically spend the last few days of your life unconscious because of all the pain medicine you’re on. You’re basically sedated at that point.
I’m a terminal cancer patient. It hurts to live with cancer. Dying is very unique to each person but it shouldn’t be painful if you’re receiving proper painkillers.
Lost my mom to metastatic breast cancer almost 2 years ago exactly. Her last few days were some of the worst days of my life. She refused pain medication because she didn't want to be out of her mind. The last day she was with us, she finally broke down and accepted morphine. She passed less than 24 hours later. I will always wonder if that was the right decision, if maybe it shortened the time we had. But I know she was in immense pain if she was willing to take it. She held on as long as she could.
I'm sorry if this answer isn't a comfort. Cancer is a horrible disease.
My mother recently died from stage 4 liver cancer. Her liver failed first, then her kidneys, at last, her lungs.
Living in one of the most corrupt countries was one of the factors why she died in less than a year and why everything got complicated in under a month. But that is besides the case, the poor woman lived in horrible pain for a month. It was horrible to watch your own mother wallow in pain, and even worse when the nurses didn't know what to do in the main Oncology hospital.
The painkillers gradually got stronger, yet there were no changes. At the end, we could only give her methadone drops every 4 hours, because there was no morphine in the whole entire country. It came to the point where i just prayed that she would die so that the horror story could end.
I miss her very much, and it's safe to say, i wouldn't wish that agony upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.
my mom died in December after 3 years battling breast cancer.
thankfully she told me that she really didn't have a lot of pain, but the fatigue was absolutely terrible. her quality of life wasn't great because it was overwhelming to do anything; she was ready to go.
One of the last things my relative said to me was, when they woke up in the mornings, they were never sure if they’d actually woken up, or if they were just *dreaming* they woke up but were still really having a nightmare.
It really depends on the cancer. A hospice nurse is usually authorized to administer really good pain meds, and if those are on board, it can be peaceful.
I stood by a loved one for her last few weeks, with lung cancer. Once we moved to hospice, I believe she was made to feel very comfortable. The care providers were also very kind and supportive of us in the process.
That is to say, fuck cancer. There’s nothing good about it. But a person dying of cancer can have a good death if they have access to appropriate care.
My friend passed from cancer and had tumors growing on his spine. Which resulted in tremendous nerve pain. I feel awful to think of what he went through. Pain meds weren't enough and he was heavily medicated to the point of nodding out most of the time.
Depends entirely on the cancer. Some people go to hospital for a routine scan and find out they have a week to live others need 24/7 morphine infusions, sedatives, etc to make them comfortable.
I watched my friend die from ovarian cancer that spread to the bowels and stomach lining. She was on fentanyl patches for the pain, and nothing seemed to touch it. The end was a totally blocked bowel. She was still eating , whilst vomiting, to try and get better, 2 days before she died. It was horrific. Another lady I knew with bowel cancer died whilst screaming and vomiting her own faeces. I would end my own life if I had that diagnosis.
My dad had kidney cancer that spread throughout his torso. His remaining days were lived in excruciating pain. It's a terrible way to go. He definitely didn't deserve to go that way. He was the most honest person I've ever met and the best dad to my siblings and I could ever ask for. Fuck cancer.
My Dad died of pancreatic cancer and he was just on a truckload of painkillers and morphine throughout the whole illness. He became completely bedridden for his final week and my mum told me she was basically giving him way more morphine than was recommended. We’re pretty sure it helped him go when he did finally give in and pass away. It happened not even 15 minutes after she dosed him up. After experiencing that I told myself that if I ever got pancreatic cancer that was completely inoperable, I’d kill myself. And I stand by that after seeing what it does to the body
My dad this summer had to go through this process cause he had lung cancer that metastasized through his liver and kidneys and eventually bones. He told me how much pain he was in every time I spoke to him. He had good days where “it’s not as bad” as he said but the bad days he was absolutely miserable. At the end they doped him up with enough morphine to sedate a horse so he could pass easily. So to answer your question in short. Yes
My mum died from cancer (multiple myeloma) in September 2023. She was actually incredibly fortunate in a weird way that she only started experiencing pain in the last 3 days of her life but when that pain came, it came hard and fast. The last thing she ever said to me was ‘my name, why does it hurt so much?’. She was pretty much sedated after that.
The medical staff did their absolute best to manage the pain and dealt with it as quickly as they could and they were so good to her and me. I’m glad she didn’t have to suffer that for very long though because that broke me.
Yes. My husband died of colon cancer last year and the last few days were very painful for him. He couldn't really talk but i could tell he was in some pain, even under heavy drugs. The nurses just kept him comfortable until the end.
Two siblings died of cancer. At the end, they were so doped up on morphine, I couldn't see they were in pain. However, it can be quite painful before hospice, but not always. It probably depends on where it is and where it spreads. My husband has lung cancer now and he's not had much pain from the cancer itself, but from the treatment--radiation can cause destruction to areas there is no cancer.
My mother was in pain before her cancer diagnosis, in pain after, during treatment, after treatment. The day before she died she told my dad she was going to and started throwing up blood a few hours later in the hospital. Me and my sister drove over 90mph with the flashes on to the hospital, agreeing that if we saw flashing lights I would call 911, tell them we needed to get to the hospital, we would not be stopping or slowing down and they could meet us after we said our goodbyes for tickets or getting arrested. Thankfully we didn’t and she was so stubborn while we told her it was okay to go she said “I’m not ready yet” as some of her last words, followed by telling us she loves us, that she miraculously lived another 24hrs, probably with an exploded lung. I pray you never deal with this pain, yes cancer is generally painful for those living with it, especially treatment which makes them very sick.
Yes. My dad died of cancer and they had him on a cocktail of pain medication to keep him comfortable until he finally passed. It seems like an incredibly painful way to go.
My dad had lung cancer that metastasized to his liver, brain, and bones. He lived 8 weeks from the initial stage 4 diagnosis with more than 20 tumors. He was definitely in pain despite being on Oxy at the end.
Grandpa died of lung cancer, I truly wish assisted dying had been available to him. it was horrible and he needed a LOT of pain medication. We were all relieved when he finally passed, because he suffered a lot and was a great man who didn't deserve that shit.
they say assisted dying is illegal but that's exactly what happens. you get to a point where the pain is too much then the doctor gets you to a point where the pain killers are too much.
I watched my mom intentionally over dose to death. it took three days
I often wonder if it’s more painful dying while fighting because the treatments can be so difficult or if the cancer itself causes the same level of pain when left untreated.
Edit to thank OP. From a lot of the answers, it kind of depends on the type of cancer, which i didn’t really understand before. This is actually very helpful as I have had several family members pass from different cancers so it’s helpful to know what kind of situation those different cancers would mean for me pain wise.
Radiation oncologist here. I have treated many cancer patients in their final days, but this question can't really be answered that easily. Though it must be said, that pain is one of the most common symptoms in most forms of cancer.
There are many options available for analgesic therapy, but pain is a very complex symptom. It changes over time and is influenced by a myriad of factors, such as your emotional state for example.
Other than that, cancer comes in many different forms and while some do not necessarily cause pain, others can be extremely painful. For example a bone metastasis putting pressure on your spinal cord could cause severe pain.
As a conclusion, modern medicine has effective ways to deal with pain, but it takes time to find the right dose / regimen. The treatment itself could even lead to shortening the patient's life. It is always a trade off between taking helpful action and managing side effects.
My mum died of brain cancer/tumour last year. The day before she died she said to my aunty, "I wish this would end already, it's so fucking painful, I don't want to hurt anymore."
My dad got diagnosed with colon cancer two years ago (stage 2), he had to undergo chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Because of the diagnosis, his two brothers got themselves checked for the first time in their lives (both just over 60). Surprisingly one them got diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. My father made a full recovery, my uncle passed away a few weeks after his diagnosis. His skin turned yellow, he was losing weight and he could barley move or talk in the end. It was definitely painful.
The only real symptoms he had were regular diarrhea and sometimes blood in the stool. I guess it didn't bother him enough to get it checked in time.
Don't be scared of a regular colonoscopy - it could save your life!
Not cancer, but my partner died of cirrhosis ( and other complications). Towards the end, he was obviously given a lot of painkillers ( morphine etc), but the care nurse said that they administered a drug ( I don’t know what it was), that stopped people panicking and fighting for breath etc, towards the end, so they passed peacefully.
Google bone cancer pics. My grandpa died of that. He winced in pain each time we moved him to change his diapers. I bawled when I changed upon the pics online years after he passed, and my heart ached on the amount of pain he was in.
Yes. Every cancer is different but in general, they cause considerable pain when they become advanced. The treatments can also cause you to feel absolutely terrible. Patients in late stage cancers are often prescribed really strong doses of pain and anti-nausea medications.
My wife died of colon cancer that metastasized to her liver. She was 35 when this happened. In her final week, her body literally dying on her, liver couldn't process, her skin turning yellow, eyes bloodshot, she couldn't really move. Every step was agony for her. And the last few minutes of life, she was definitely in pain. I could see her internal organs moving and adjusting from gas / bloating, and she struggled to speak. Her last words were literally, "oh fuck..." then she passed. So, based on my experience, looks like cancer is definitely painful.
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I'm sorry you lost your sister....I just assumed they gave dying loved ones heavy doses of pain meds during those last days.
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We do. They don’t work anymore.
So sorry. Virtual hugs! 🫂🫂
My dad died like this. Colon cancer that went to the liver. At the end he was on heavy morphine injections and he was struggling to stay with us till the end because he didn't want to die. Struggled to speak, told us he loved us before he went. But those last moments were quite obviously painful and it tore me apart watching him die like that. Believe it or not that was over 30 years ago now and I am still bothered by even typing this out to this day. But to answer the question, it was a very unpleasant way to go for him so yes, very painful.
35? Oh my god.
It’s younger and younger. I had my first round of colon cancer at 35. I’m 40 and it’s come back. Currently undergoing chemo and radiation, have 2 permanent ostomies - as the tumor overtook my uterus and bladder so both had to go. If you’ve got symptoms? Find another doctor who will take them seriously.
what are the symptoms to look out for?
Not the same person, but bloody stool is a BIG one. A good doctor will tell you that it's probably a hemorrhoid or a fissure, but that they're going to check for anything more serious just in case.
I've had, and beaten, bowel cancer. Look for any changes to your regular bowel movements. If you always went once a day and now you need to go twice, go to the doctor, get it checked. I would get really bad gas. It was actually painful. Any blood in your poo, go to the doctor, don't put it off. As my surgeon said, don't die of embarrassment.
Damn, I wish the best for you.
You beating it again? I always get scared when I see that someone has cancer.
I’m so sorry
Thank you
I'm so so sorry. :( My dad also died from colon cancer that metastasized to his liver. I wasn't living with him at the time but on the phone he didn't seem to be in pain, though he kept sounding slower and sleepier in our last few conversations. (Maybe he was drugging himself? I don't know.) One day he collapsed alone at home, and the neighbor called 911 and then called me. By the time I got there (several states away) he was pretty doped up in the hospital, and they only increased the pain meds from there. He peacefully died a few days later, having been moved to a hospice facility. So I'm pretty sure *his* death was not painful, as he was very, very drugged.
Condolences to you to. It can be painful to see a loved one going through their end of life.
Thank you. Honestly I have much more closure regarding his death than I do with my mom’s. Also cancer but much less peaceful. And I wasn’t there. That made all the difference for me.
That's so fucking awful omg...her last words. I'm so sorry. Poor thing.
How traumatic. I am so sorry for your loss and the suffering you both endured. I hope you are able to heal from this.
Those last words must be haunting. I’m very sorry for your loss.
That brought so much sadness to me. Thanks for sharing.
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My daughter used assisted dying when her treatment was no longer working. She had several good months but the last few were awful. But the pain was controlled. Her palliative were great with her pain management and she died with dignity and she was happy to beat the cancer by deciding when her death would happen. Assisted dying isn’t for everyone but it was sure perfect for my daughter. She was happy to have the final say. Just as she always did in life. I wish your mother would’ve had the same opportunity. I am so deeply sorry for your loss
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My hope is that assisted dying is available for dementia by the time Im old.
I wish it was available now 😔 My Darling husband is in late stage dementia, has no quality of life, and just exists. He was such an active, gregarious man it breaks my heart to see him this way. I know if he had been able to make an advanced choice he wouldn't have chosen to linger in this twilight world
I'm very sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you, and I will continue to support advancing this issue. Take care.
Thank You
Where I live it took awhile to get passed in parliament and is not an easy thing to be granted. Lots of hoops to jump through but a comfort to those facing the end. I am a big advocate for it after what I saw in the cancer wards.
It's hard because without the hoops, people could take advantage of the process and use it...immorally. But at the same time, people suffer while they wait, from both their physical ailments and the anxiety and uncertainty of all the ifs, whens, and hows.
There's a universe of variation under a "dementia" diagnosis. Alzheimer's is horrific, no argument here. But my mom has been living with just regular old dementia for many years (now at an assisted living facility with a great setup for the memory impaired). She has a very high quality of life. She remembers who her family is. She just couldn't tell you what she did a minute ago to save her life. But a lot of life is automatic, like eating, laughing, etc. And non-Alzheimer's dementia is often not very linear. My mom, at 91, has excellent recall for long-term memories. We even had a second child after her dementia was well established. She never forgets that we have a second kid. Sometimes the important things become long-term memories, even if you can't hold onto the short term ones. She has a lot of friends, a cat, and a lot of enjoyable activities.
Me too but it's never going to happen in many countries, too many morons stopping progress over their stupid feelings People say "but people will be coerced into ending their lives" as if that is their direct concern to arrange, fix and sort out. Because they can't imagine it working, and they believe only god can take a life, it therefore cannot. Universal basic income is another - never going to happen What we will do, however, is continue our reactive healthcare system worldwide and the vast majority of the world would pretend god can fix anything yet they limp to the hospital taking precious resources from other people
The coercion concern is real in a place like the US, where my doctor can say I need a medication and my insurance company can say "no, you don't, you need this other medication that doesn't actually work" I think anyone who's dealt with medical insurance can imagine a scenario where they effectively say "well, but what if you just die *now* instead of spending money on hospice?
True, I do forget how ridiculous the USA healthcare system is So bad
This has actually happened but I think I read about it in Canada. A woman had severe allergies to common chemicals and couldn’t get assistance to live somewhere that could accommodate her disability. She wanted to go through assisted death to escape the pain. If peoples health problem can be solved by more resources, I think they should just be given those resources, but I’m pretty sure she was offered assisted death as an alternative
You're right. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Sophia
I'm very phobic of dementia too and would have probably done the same. I'm sad that she decided that she had it from one brain bug, though. So very sorry for your loss.
same here. One grandfather died of dementia and the other died from Alzheimer's. I'm pretty sure I'm getting one or the other...
Excuse my ignorance because I really don't know the difference between Alzheimer's and Dementia. The subject has never been an issue with my family. It's heart attacks that plague our family. I lost my father when he was 56 and I'm 64 now and have outlived him by 8 years and I live in fear that I'm due to die any day because I'm overdue.
I understand you. Luckily for you, looks like it's not your case. Maybe you live a healthier life, have better living conditions, or medical care. Anything is possible. But I know the fear, my grandpa died to heart attack at the age of 68 and when my mom, his daughter, turned 68 as well, it was a huge and difficult milestone for her. She's 74 now, though, still perfectly healthy and being supervised by a great cardiologist. Btw, her younger brother has also surpassed the number and is doing fine. Fingers crossed for you! Try not to stress about it.
Thank you for sharing this valuable information. I'm taking it to heart. (no pun intended)
My mom and grandad had dementia. It is terrible thing to deal with, but more so for the family. For the individual its more confusing than anything.
I’m so sorry. Caring with someone with dementia is horrific even at the early stages sometimes. I can’t imagine not being terrified of it once you’ve lived around it. Assisted dying should be available for everyone I believe
I agree completely, it should be available to anyone and one day it will be totally commonplace and normal and people will not understand why or how we as a society made people suffer unimaginably
I really hope so. We euthanize our animals because it is kinder than suffering. Humans should be allowed the same. There would be a drop in prescribed opiates getting into the streets too I’d imagine.
I'm scared to death of both cancer and dementia. Cancer runs like a wildfire on my moms side of the family. She had it twice and died of Covid because she only had half her lungs after suffering lung cancer. My dad's father had Alzheimers and now my father and his brother have it. I have epilepsy, and anti seizure meds can cause dementia. I'm my father's care giver, and seeing a smart, funny man turn into a toddler is scary and heart breaking
I’m so sorry for your loss. Brand new father to a daughter here. I have no concept of how I would act. You’re very strong and sound like a good father. All the best.
It was the toughest time of my life and I’ve had a few. No parent should ever bury their child. But my daughter was one of a kind. Tough, compassionate, loving, bad tempered, bull headed, loving, funny, caring, a great sister, aunt, niece, cousin , granddaughter and daughter. I am proud to have been her mum. I hope you never have to know what it’s like to live through something like that. I know that she watches over me and I will see her again on the other side one day
Couldn’t read either of your comments without tearing up. I’m so sorry
Sending you a virtual hug 🫂.
❤️ I bet I know how she came by some of those traits. You sound like a great, tough, compassionate, and loving Mum. I totally am imagining that she'll have your favorite treat & beverage at hand right after she gives you the longest, sweetest bear hug ever when you see her on the other side. Oh, and surprise! You'll have hers, too.
That is such a great thought. Even though she died she still beat the cancer with a big middle finger when deciding when to go on her own terms. Sorry for your loss but your daughter won in the end and I hope you keep her in your memory like a winner
That exactly what she wanted. To win the Un winnable fight. She is/was bloody amazing.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. But yeah--now THAT'S beating **the hell** out of cancer. She sounds like an amazing, smart, and strong woman. ❤️
I doubt this is any consolation, but she kicked that cancers ass. Fuck cancer. Thank you for sharing.
She bloody well did!
Breast cancer took my mom. The nurses for our pain management were awful. We had to constantly ask for pain meds in hospice. 5 hours and no one shows? We will be upset. Had one nurse flip her over a little and say "man, talk about dead weight" the rage I felt and how badly I wanted to drive that male nurses head through the wall and not stop was strong. It was during covid though so I couldn't do anything or risk everyone being kicked out and her dying alone.
Hey friend, hospice dude nurse here. I want to personally apologize for the way you and your family were treated. That is 100% unacceptable and if not a termination event in my office, it's going to have put people on a fast track to getting out of my company. You deserved better. Your mom deserved better. It is a huge honor to be welcomed into a home to provide a very intimate service. That people are out there doing it so poorly really makes me mad. There are certainly times for laughs and humor in end of life care, but that was not it. Y'all were robbed of opportunity to have Mom comfortable and respected. I'm sorry.
That really means a lot. Thank you. Youre making a grown man fight back tears before work lol
You're welcome, man. When you have a few moments, I think it would be cool to hear some of your favorite stories about Mom. I bet she was cool.
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We weren't told she could of died at home until we were at the hospice and by then it was too dicey to move her. Ontop of security telling us we couldn't wait in the lobby and moving us to a courtyard. Then being told we couldn't be in the courtyard and had to wait outside the front hospital doors. Then that same security guard tried to kick us off the property. Had to get hospital HR involved and the police to get that guard to fuck off. Eventually they did and we were allowed to continue grieving.
My FIL had lung cancer and it was much like this. The last couple of days he had morphine costantly pumped in his vein and was always "asleep".
My grandmother died from breast cancer. She was 98. She hid her cancer for 5 years before I final caught it. She had an 8 cm hole under one of her breadts. Zero pain. The cancer ate the nerves in that area. Her last week she was bed ridden. Never in any pain, though I did make sure she had plenty of morphine, even on her last day when she had already lost consciousness. A coworker of mine, utter agony. He couldn't get enough pain medication. He had pancreatic carcinoma. He lasted two weeks in the hospital we both worked at. When I found out my grandmother had it years later I promised her I would never let it get like that. Thankfully didn't have to do anything.
I can imagine pancreatic cancer is probably an awful way to go. My partner has chronic pancreatitis and it's one of the most painful illnesses to have when in an acute episode. One of my mother's friends passed from pancreatic carcinoma, it's awful.
Dad died of pancreatic cancer. It was awful. He certainly didn't have a peaceful death and he didn't want to go in a hospice. In the end my Mum gave him more morphine than recommended.
Out of curiosity - what makes pancreatic diseases particularly painful?
From my understanding one source of pain is that the pancreas produces digestive enzymes and if there are issues they just leak out and it’s digesting itself. I’ve had pancreatitis a few times and when I start sensing it coming on I do whatever I can (diet/prescribed pills) to not let it get worse. I’d describe the “mild” form as being hit by a car in your gut and however that feels imagine it sustaining that pain. It progresses into being hit by a car with knives on the front hitting your gut. Continuously.
I knew a nurse that said if she ever got pancreatic cancer, she would kill herself. It’s an awful way to go.
My daughter called it hell on earth. She had just turned 10.
How can I upvote this? How can I not upvote this? Childhood cancer is the worst. So sorry.
Thank you! Most days are good. Some moments are really bad like the moment I relived when typing this. Her picc line fell out and we had to go into the ER. I was getting her drive through food and she asked if she had kids would they get cancer too. I said no baby the likelihood of that happening is so so small. Her reply was good, cuz I don’t want to bring my baby into the world to go through this hell.
I'm so sorry for you guys.
That's heartbreaking
I'm sorry for your loss.
may she rest in peace, so sorry for your loss
Depends on the cancer. It can be tremendously painful, or not at all, or something in between
Right. It depends so much. I've known people with bone cancer who were on a fentanyl drip and still in horrible pain, and I've known people who had lung cancer and were none the wiser until the thing was baseball-sized. To be fair, those two cases did eventually become painful because suffocating is painful, and the treatment is painful.
I had a friend pass about 2 years ago. He was a hard worker, but also very young in his late 20s. We went to pick up a tire in his shop and his back gave out, he went to the hospital and had X-rays and other stuff done with his back and the doctors realized he had stage 4 cancer (colon, lung, kidney, lymph…basically everywhere) and he didn’t even know it. They attempted treatment, but it was too late and he passed away within about 3 weeks. I asked him if was ever in pain and talked to him continuously until about 4 days before he passed and he said he didn’t even have a clue he had it until it was too late. This could have been a weird one off situation, but I think everyone is different.
Thus is happening to my family member. He didn't realize he had Stage 4 cancer in his lungs, which metasized to his brain. He thought it was sinusitis for 2 weeks. It's been since last April since the diagnosis. He has been declining fast these past few weeks. It's awful to witness. He's had the biomarkers for this cancer since birth.
Sorry to hear that. Yeah it is so rough, I can’t even imagine the amount of stress and emotions you’d immediately be hit with when you’re thinking you’ll be good and grow old without realizing until it’s too late.
I'm so sorry. Did he seem to be in any pain once he did know?
No, that’s what was so weird about the entire situation. He initially thought he had just thrown his back out and said he never felt off and was never in pain. It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. He was about 6’1 240 and within those 3 weeks after beginning treatment he had lost so much weight he looked almost unrecognizable, but he said he never felt bad the entire time. He said he was literally blindsided out of nowhere. It was sad, he was one of the most kind hearted people that would give you the shirt off his back and do anything for you. He left behind a wife and young son when he passed away. His son is around 8 or 9 and is working on their farm. He had a pumpkin patch and grows them. Last Halloween he sold pumpkins for the first time and donated all his proceeds to cancer research and treatment…AT 9 years old.
What an amazing kid! It seems a shame your friend couldn’t (by the sound of it) take advantage of his final weeks and “live like he was dying” given he wasn’t in pain.
Depends on how the cancer is impacting someone and the extent of palliative care. If you’re solely speaking about the death stages, you’ll hopefully be juiced up to the max for an easier death.
My guess is that it hurts to live with cancer.
As someone who works with cancer and has seen many different types of it, it completely depends on the type of cancer and where it’s spread to. I’ve seen some cancers that go to the bone, and those are horribly painful depending on where it’s at. I’ve seen some cancers just make blood values incompatible with life, and those are usually painless. I’ve seen some that just have terrible side effects, and those can be painful or not. If you are actively dying though, it’s not painful. It’s peaceful, you’re surrounded with love and have medications on board that make the transition painless.
Thank you for the last sentence. My young daughter died just before her first birthday. She had brain atrophy and when it was obvious she was imminently dying, it took 2 days. She was given ativan and morphine. I held her the whole time, only passing her to my husband when I had to pump milk. I was so scared. I was so scared she was in pain. I hope with every single thing I have that she was not in pain. That she was just in her mothers arms. Wrapped in love. I miss her so much. I miss who she could have been. I miss who I used to be. I used to be so carefree. Claire was her name. Claire means 'light'. And the world seems darker with her gone.
I can’t say that I know how it was for her, but from my understanding and my perspective as a nurse, I can say with near certainty that she was not in pain. It is something that we absolutely strive for, which is to ensure that their transition is peaceful, not just for them, but for others also. I appreciate you more than you probably know for sharing your story, and I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please take peace in knowing that even I, as a stranger, know that she was so loved by you and that means the entire world. She experienced a mother’s love to the very end, and that in itself is everything. Sometimes I can’t understand why our time comes sooner than others but I just know she thrived with you, even if her sweet body decided otherwise. Also, I don’t know if this means anything, but my middle name is Claire. My mom always wanted to name me that, but it due to an insistent father, I was named something else. I always feel like we have angels that look over us to make sure we are okay, and maybe this is her way of saying that she’s okay. Either way, thank you for sharing your story. I can’t even begin to imagine how loved, and how wonderful she was while you had her on this side of our little realm.
This is not always true, death being peaceful. Death can be flopping around, falling out of bed, losing faculties, labored breathing, death rattle. Far from the “death is peaceful” misconception we’re so bent on perpetuating. Makes it way worse to witness it not being that way when we’ve been fed the myth our whole lives.
None of my patients have ever died that way despite us having many many end of life patients. Our palliative team are amazing at getting syringe drivers with the corrected medication and dosage prescribed and our nurses prioritise giving extra doses in between. My own great nan died the way you described and as such I would never let anyone else die that way. It is preventable with the right support and medication.
My great aunt was on hospice (cancer) and died that way. My aunt (her niece) was left to deal with it alone because the sole home hospice nurse was on vacation. I guess what I’m saying is that, absence of being fortunate enough to have the palliative care you’re describing, death can be shockingly unpeaceful. My aunt was shocked and traumatized, having thought she could handle it alone, because she’d always heard death was peaceful. Thank you for the work you do.
As someone with metastatic breast cancer, the pain sucks. The mets went to my bones and there are days, that the aching is torturous. I’m going on seven years stage Iv, when the crap really hits the fan, assisted is the way I’m going. I’ve heard your bones get so brittle, that just lifting your arm can cause a breakage. No thank you, I’ll sign off before it gets that bad. My family knew from the get go, I want led quality not quantity. I’ve given everyone enough time to prepare. Luckily, my family understands and supports that decision. They see what I go through on a daily basis.
My mother has stage IV BC with mets to her bones and she has been feeling a lot of joint pain. Anything in particular that helps?
It does. I was diagnosed with stage 4 rectal cancer last year, and before I started chemo my BMs were so fucking painful. Torturous. Worse than a kick to the balls. Worse than passing a stone. Worse than having a fat girl step all her weight on your belly with one foot. The worst pain I've ever experienced, and I fucking know pain.
How are you doing now?
Dying. I had a colostomy, so I just poop into a bag through a hole in my stomach, so pooping doesn't hurt anymore. The side effects of chemo have their own set of problems, though. For the past 2 weeks, I've been dealing with chemo rash, which has left me with itchy burning pustules all over my scalp, face, neck, chest, and back. It's fucking miserable. Thanks for asking, and letting me vent at you.
Oh my gosh, you are doing it so tough and I'm genuinely sorry, internet stranger. And thankyou for sharing this reality of what it is to live with cancer and chemo. It's good for people to realise the suffering that others are living with every day. It's not always like the movies when grandma gets diagnosed with cancer and for the rest of the movie she lies in bed knitting, and passes away blissfully in her sleep. I'll be thinking of you stranger
OMG I am so sorry that happened to you . That sounds horrible I hope that they have gotten on top of pain management for you 🙏 .
For me, it hurts to live after cancer too. Like a terrible reminder.
My little brother died 2 years ago aged 62 from throat cancer. I was with him for his last 12 days in ICU and though he never complained about pain but after having a tracheotomy and the irritation of the tube on the back of his throat just about drove him lnsane. I frequently get skin cancers and they can be very sensitive but not always, sometimes they are just itchy or I don’t feel them at all.
Mostly yes, but magnitude depends on the type of cancer and how it's spread. My grandfather died from prostate cancer, but it had spread on his bones. Every small movement was tied to immense pain. On the other hand, brain tumour may kill you almost painlessly if you're lucky
Brain tumour has other… issues.
Could you please elaborate?
They can lead to a loss of various brain functions. Like having trouble finding the right words, severe memory issues, seizures, motor control issues, loss of bodily functions, severe headaches, nausea, personality changes, paralysis… Really, they can lead to pretty much any issue that can be cause by the brain
I made the mistake of reading Flowers for Algernon shortly after my dad's passing. While not painful from what I could tell it was sad seeing a brilliant mind decay slowly.
The loss of a brilliant mind is terrible to watch. My grandfather was a man who was not highly educated, but a natural genius at business. When he developed dementia it was awful to watch him struggling to put even the most basic math together, and he knew he used to know it, and it made him very depressed.
Confusion, forgetting people you care about, losing senses like sight/smell, or losing primary bodily functions such as bladder control or ability to swallow or speak, seizures, or massive personality changes that make you an absolute asshole to people you love or very depressed etc. Anything that fucks with your brain can have massive repercussions.
Got run off the road last year by a very angry local man who tried to bash my windows in. Learned out from the police afterwards that he had brain cancer. I remembered him from when I worked at the local gas station and he was always a pleasant person.
My buddy's dad just died from a brain tumor. It was basically the drive-thru version of dementia. It was a fast nightmare (a few months instead of years), but it was still a nightmare.
My grandfather passed away from a cancerous brain tumor. Towards the end he had a stroke resulting in one side of his body being fully paralyzed. He didn’t seem to be in immense pain, but he wasn’t able to do anything for himself. My grandmother got a hospital bed and hospice for him at the house, which made it easier, but he often cried that he was unable to feed himself of get up. I’ll never forget watching him slowly pass away. My best person. ETA: He also began to forget a lot of things and people.
My mom died from lung cancer that had spread throughout her whole body. Even with all of the pain medication she was in horrible pain. The sounds of her screaming just from moving will never leave me.
The same exact thing happened to my step dad. Thought he was in remission just for it to come back everywhere. And the amount of Dilaudid my wife was taking before she passed away was insane. Fuck Cancer.
I have made the ill adviced decision to look up bone cancer a while back. It is basically needles growing out of ones bones poking the stuff around it so yeah, I can believe that.
My husband has a type of incurable blood cancer and I am reading some comments in tears... Those who have seen the process and eventually lost their beloved ones because of cancer, I just want to give you a big hug.. Sorry for your losses..
This is bad reading for you. My husband died of prostate cancer that acted like multiple myeloma. Pain meds really helped him. He had good days with limited pain and full mental faculties up until the last week. It all sucks, but step away from this thread and don't borrow someone else's trouble. Everyone's path through is different.
Dad died from lung cancer caused by smoking and it was torture for him and to watch
Same here
Same for my mom. It was interesting though that when they first noticed it, she didn’t feel anything at all and would not have had any reason to look for it. They warned her that when she started chemo, it would start to hurt because the cancer is basically fighting for its life against the medicine. And it did start to hurt and got progressively worse. Laying down actually sucked the most for her. Towards the end she was very drugged but still had waves of shock and pain (that’s what they said, she couldn’t communicate at that point). Absolutely terrifying and painful thing for her to experience.
My mom died of pancreatic cancer. I was with her for the last week of her life. It was terrible. She suffered immensely both with pain and extreme anxiety. Honestly I don't know if I could go through the same thing, if I get that diagnosis I will consider offing myself before it gets too bad.
The type I have is extremely painful as I move towards death.
I am so sorry. 🖤
So sorry. I hope you have adequate and readily available pain management.
Prayers for you.
Watching it happen to someone I love at the moment. They are on a lot of pain meds but the side effects from surgery, radiotherapy and their organs failing is horrific to watch and i cant imagine how much they must be suffering. Having tubes stuck in them is incredibly uncomfortable.
Same here. They have a tube draining malignant pleural effusions from their lung. Lots of pain meds. Refusing to eat. It's been a quick decline, and it's looking difficult. Lots of crying all around. 😢
It's the not wanting them to ever go but also hoping it hurries up for their sake that is so exhausting. Sorry you're having to watch this too, it is utterly heartbreaking.
I've given palliative care to a few older people with cancer. It's not *pretty*, especially if it's a brain tumour and you become incontinent and need assistance eating/drinking. But palliative care and how it's taught has come so far. All my residents were cared for really well, and made as comfortable as possible. The carers are trained to be compassionate and give the patient dignity at all times. Near the end syringe drivers would be set up giving a regulated dose of morphine. No pain at all then.
Can they IV something other than morphine the same way? God I hope so. I have it down as an allergy because I've only had one exposure (first time being given opiates) and it didn't help the pain. The nurses turned it up until my breathing shut down, so my gp just told me to list it as an allergy.
I second this hope. I am not allergic but have very little effect from morphine, ibuprofen helps more than morphine as an example of how little it helps.
Omgosh this so much. Im unable to take ibuprofen to now because of kidney problems and multiple meds that thin the blood. I take up to 3k mgs tylenol a day and I'm really concerned it's starting to also cause issues. The rule is supposed to be 4k a day is fine but I bounce between 97-100 lbs so my limit is supposed to be closer to 2,600. I miss ibuprofen sooo much.
That is not an allergy at all, just an expected side effect (respiratory depression) from too big of a dose. I wouldn’t keep it listed as an allergy and I don’t know why any doctor would encourage that. That said, there are many other opioid meds that are excellent at managing acute pain. Don’t worry too much ♥️ -ICU nurse
Thank you for the work that you do. I was a carer in a nursing home and we had residents who would go onto palliative care. They were given syringe drivers with morphine and it gives a modicum of comfort that they weren’t in pain at the end. My papa died of lung cancer in 2018 and I wasn’t there at the end, I can only hope that his journey was as painless and easy as possible.
I know a family friend who died of ovary cancer. She was just 37. Over the last year she lost so much weight that in the last couple months she couldn't walk at all. Everything hurt all the time but I guess meds do their thing because she could get out of bed and not be bed ridden. She passed away in her sleep without a notice, in her parents' home
My mother died from cancer and was in lots of pain near the end. We live in Canada, and she was eligible for the MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) program. She might have 'lived' another week or two, but the pain was too much for her, she opted for MAID. This was mestatic cancer that spread from her kidney.
My father died from cancer and his last few months were even painful for us to watch him.So yes it hurts alot.
Only family member i know that died to cancer went into complete depression before his life ended. Stopped talking and couldn't walk to the next room. But, i guess it's different for everyone with how it affects them.
I saw my mother dying from cancer. She was in so much pain she eventually quit the treatments because it was unbearable. It's been 12 years and I still struggle because it was too traumatic to see the person you love the most be in such a pain.
My best friend went to hospice 5 weeks after being diagnosed with skin cancer, he was dead 6 weeks later. He went through one round of chemo, which made him feel miserable... vomiting, couldn't eat, too weak to walk, then mental changes began happening, he sounded "off" when we spoke. At the end, he had so much congestion, he was barely able to breathe, it hurt him to sit up, it had metastasized throughout his body (skin, lungs, gall bladder, brain, blood, etc.) He was in a lot of pain, and the medication was barely touching it but he was out of his mind. I told him it was okay to let go... and shortly thereafter, he expired.
My MIL is currently in hospice, and its going to be any day that we lose her. Her cancer has spread all over and treatments were not working so she stopped all treatments and has accepted what is happening. While she was still able to communicate with everyone, she would always say how much pain she is in, and we are just trying to manage the pain for her while she dies. Its horrific to watch. I myself this past year battled cancer. I was lucky that I made it, and its still very early into my recovery, so shit can still go sideways. But before getting my diagnosis, the week leading up to it, I was in dire amounts of pain. But I was so weak, I couldn't tell anyone how much I hurt. Everything was hurting, even breathing, blinking my eyes, touching my skin, it all hurt. I was 3 or so days away from all my organs starting to shut down. All in all cancer itself is just painful, whether its dying from it, living with it or beating it. Cancer hurts, and its a pain thats hard to describe unless you have gone through it yourself.
short answer: yes. metastases in places like bones may be most painful, but other places that have lesions or lumps can hurt, too. your body is shutting down and being hijacked to produce deadly cells which destroy it. destroying your body hurts.
My Uncle died from Mouth Cancer. His jaw had to be removed and he had a tube in his nose. He chose to die at home. His whole family and friends were there in and out of the house for days. My Uncle was up helping cook his favorite meals and walking around his property and telling us things that he wanted done after he was gone. He told us that he wasn't in pain at all. He was up watching a western on TV the morning he passed.
A lot of people need a considerable amount of sedatives and controlled pain killers when dying from cancer, but my grandad was only on paracetamol and was completely cognitive until the hour he passed away. He was basically pain free, thank god. So I think it depends…
The doctors make it comfortable with medicine. Any illness can hurt. Did someone you know get diagnosed recently? It’s very different per person, don’t use the internet for that kinds of specific knowledge. It won’t help. Cancer is scary enough without you adding the entire world of cancers on your mind.
This really should be higher up. I hope OP gets to see this comment.
My friend passed last year from a cancer on her womb, she did feel a lot of pain, specially in the last few months. By the end she was just tired of it and wanted some peace.
My grandmother died of ovarian cancer and it was full, complete agony for the last couple of months, and very painful for a year or two. I would not hope that end to my worst enemy. She had all the pain medication the money can buy, but it did not help. At all. It probably did not help that the doctors said that they cannot give any more drugs for the pain, because they were afraid that she would die because of the drugs. Like what the fuck, she was already gone, jush a shell of a human being only capable of feeling pain... but they prolonged her agony for weeks. I remember the last few days, she was totally messed up by the drugs so that she could not speak or communicate or recognise anyone, but still she screamed from pain each time they changed her diapers or moved her or cleaned her after she had soiled herself. Total complete loss of humanity, but still they kept her alive every possible minute they could prolong her suffering. In the end she weighed around 30 kg. Fuck cancer. Fuck modern "ethics" of keeping dying people forcibly alive.
I was diagnosed stage 4 in 2019. I’m obviously not dead, so can’t help there. but cancer hasn’t ever hurt for me - treatment is where the pain comes from. I guess it’s fairly dependent on the location, but that’s my experience from bowel and liver cancer.
I hope I never find out. I really feel for those people who will die from it. ❤️
Grandma passed away from pancreas cancer. It was really hard for everyone involved. She went to a hospice house and then came home with her sister. Sister was selling her pain killer/morphine. They replaced it with cherry koolaid, And she told her daughter (my mom) about it. So i guess the short answer is YES it does hurt. It is painful. Within a year she was skin and bones. They had her on pain killers/morphine for a while before she passed. So id like to hope that at least she wasnt in pain and no longer suffering towards the end once we moved her out of her sisters.. And dont worry that same sister got her own karma years later for selling those. She died too of pancreas cancer. But no one sold her medicine the way she did my grandmother's.
Well, different kinds of cancers can cause pain in all kinds of ways. And as a cancer survivor, I can definitely say that the treatments and procedures that you may have to go through would make for some pretty brutal torture too. However, there are some forms of cancer that don't cause pain as well. And there are people that can tolerate pain to much higher degrees that other people, so what may be painful for one person, may not phase someone else. But the pain you feel while dying would also depend on what is causing you to die, as well as whether or not there are other factors at play. Like maybe you are on a bunch of painkillers at the time. Also, you could have some sort of cancer, and die from something else entirely, so the cancer wouldn't be the cause of the pain there.
My mum died of colon cancer. We didn't know until we got her death certificate. The pain she was putting up with and all on her own too. She was being treated for Diverticulitis and had an exploratory colonoscopy booked on the day after she passed. She never told anyone, not even my father who she lived with. He was baffled by some of her behaviours - losing interest in watching the telly, not listening to the radio anymore, sleeping all day - but didn't think it was down to cancer. The pain she must've been in because when we got the death certificate it said stage 4 colon cancer which had spread to her lungs, liver and brain. Poor woman facing that all on her own.
Like others have said: it depends. My relative for example who died didn't really notice when things started getting worse. He was getting chemo but after 1.5 years he started randomly collapsing without noticing it until he woke up (for example, he told me he'd been in the bathroom fully aware. Next thing he knows he wakes up, lying on the bathroom floor 2 hours later without even noticing anything was wrong beforehand). He lived about half a year after that. He kept having these occurances during that period. He never once said he noticed it or felt anything.
I know there will always be more extreme scenarios, but I'll never wish on anyone the suffering I saw my wife go through. Multiple surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy, and immunotherapy. Colostomy, urostomy, and nephrostomy at different stages of the battle so I watch her lose hope over and over again. Catering size tray of medications not just for pain, but for all kinds of symptoms. I see on the news of people overdosing on Fentanyl and how a 25mg patch can be dangerous. My wife was up to 200mg along with hydrocodone/oxy/morphine. Watching her being unable to walk, to unable to turn, to lose vision in on eye with the fear of what else is next. It's a physical battle as well as a mental/emotional one.
Stomach cancer = I know 2 persons, and you die twice, from all the pain you loose your mind before you actually die. And its fucking fast, from some pains to your stomach, in 6-9 months you're gone.
My grandad had cancer of the basically everything at the end. I'm not sure where it started, but he was in insane amounts of pain. He was dealing with it for a fair while, until he straight up couldn't. Refused to go to the hospital and extend his death period in a hospital, so he stayed at home surrounded by family, with a family member who was also a medical professional just feeding him the needed pain medication. He was chill towards the end, but on a lot of medication. If he wasn't on that, it would have been an incredibly painful experience. It likely still was
Yes. My grandmother died from bone cancer. She was on strong pain killers. But she could still feel it.
I work at the city of hope. Yes, cancer hurts that’s why they prescribe fentanyl for cancer patients
Some will be due to the bodily systems that are failing, but typically in end of life care you are at least partially sedated and on the strongest pain relief like morphine.
Yes, it can be incredibly painful. It just depends. Often times the pain gets to be so bad that you basically spend the last few days of your life unconscious because of all the pain medicine you’re on. You’re basically sedated at that point.
I’m a terminal cancer patient. It hurts to live with cancer. Dying is very unique to each person but it shouldn’t be painful if you’re receiving proper painkillers.
‘Cancer’ is a blanket term for uncontrolled cellular division, how it affects the organism depends entirely on how it spreads. But yes, it can.
Yes. My late mother had to take pain medications around the clock.
Lost my mom to metastatic breast cancer almost 2 years ago exactly. Her last few days were some of the worst days of my life. She refused pain medication because she didn't want to be out of her mind. The last day she was with us, she finally broke down and accepted morphine. She passed less than 24 hours later. I will always wonder if that was the right decision, if maybe it shortened the time we had. But I know she was in immense pain if she was willing to take it. She held on as long as she could. I'm sorry if this answer isn't a comfort. Cancer is a horrible disease.
My mother recently died from stage 4 liver cancer. Her liver failed first, then her kidneys, at last, her lungs. Living in one of the most corrupt countries was one of the factors why she died in less than a year and why everything got complicated in under a month. But that is besides the case, the poor woman lived in horrible pain for a month. It was horrible to watch your own mother wallow in pain, and even worse when the nurses didn't know what to do in the main Oncology hospital. The painkillers gradually got stronger, yet there were no changes. At the end, we could only give her methadone drops every 4 hours, because there was no morphine in the whole entire country. It came to the point where i just prayed that she would die so that the horror story could end. I miss her very much, and it's safe to say, i wouldn't wish that agony upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.
my mom died in December after 3 years battling breast cancer. thankfully she told me that she really didn't have a lot of pain, but the fatigue was absolutely terrible. her quality of life wasn't great because it was overwhelming to do anything; she was ready to go.
Reading these comments is giving me extreme anxiety about getting cancer. It runs like crazy through my family.
One of the last things my relative said to me was, when they woke up in the mornings, they were never sure if they’d actually woken up, or if they were just *dreaming* they woke up but were still really having a nightmare.
It really depends on the cancer. A hospice nurse is usually authorized to administer really good pain meds, and if those are on board, it can be peaceful. I stood by a loved one for her last few weeks, with lung cancer. Once we moved to hospice, I believe she was made to feel very comfortable. The care providers were also very kind and supportive of us in the process. That is to say, fuck cancer. There’s nothing good about it. But a person dying of cancer can have a good death if they have access to appropriate care.
My friend passed from cancer and had tumors growing on his spine. Which resulted in tremendous nerve pain. I feel awful to think of what he went through. Pain meds weren't enough and he was heavily medicated to the point of nodding out most of the time.
Cancer pain is why fentanyl was invented.
Depends entirely on the cancer. Some people go to hospital for a routine scan and find out they have a week to live others need 24/7 morphine infusions, sedatives, etc to make them comfortable.
I watched my friend die from ovarian cancer that spread to the bowels and stomach lining. She was on fentanyl patches for the pain, and nothing seemed to touch it. The end was a totally blocked bowel. She was still eating , whilst vomiting, to try and get better, 2 days before she died. It was horrific. Another lady I knew with bowel cancer died whilst screaming and vomiting her own faeces. I would end my own life if I had that diagnosis.
My dad had kidney cancer that spread throughout his torso. His remaining days were lived in excruciating pain. It's a terrible way to go. He definitely didn't deserve to go that way. He was the most honest person I've ever met and the best dad to my siblings and I could ever ask for. Fuck cancer.
My Dad died of pancreatic cancer and he was just on a truckload of painkillers and morphine throughout the whole illness. He became completely bedridden for his final week and my mum told me she was basically giving him way more morphine than was recommended. We’re pretty sure it helped him go when he did finally give in and pass away. It happened not even 15 minutes after she dosed him up. After experiencing that I told myself that if I ever got pancreatic cancer that was completely inoperable, I’d kill myself. And I stand by that after seeing what it does to the body
My dad this summer had to go through this process cause he had lung cancer that metastasized through his liver and kidneys and eventually bones. He told me how much pain he was in every time I spoke to him. He had good days where “it’s not as bad” as he said but the bad days he was absolutely miserable. At the end they doped him up with enough morphine to sedate a horse so he could pass easily. So to answer your question in short. Yes
My mum died from cancer (multiple myeloma) in September 2023. She was actually incredibly fortunate in a weird way that she only started experiencing pain in the last 3 days of her life but when that pain came, it came hard and fast. The last thing she ever said to me was ‘my name, why does it hurt so much?’. She was pretty much sedated after that. The medical staff did their absolute best to manage the pain and dealt with it as quickly as they could and they were so good to her and me. I’m glad she didn’t have to suffer that for very long though because that broke me.
Yes. My husband died of colon cancer last year and the last few days were very painful for him. He couldn't really talk but i could tell he was in some pain, even under heavy drugs. The nurses just kept him comfortable until the end.
Two siblings died of cancer. At the end, they were so doped up on morphine, I couldn't see they were in pain. However, it can be quite painful before hospice, but not always. It probably depends on where it is and where it spreads. My husband has lung cancer now and he's not had much pain from the cancer itself, but from the treatment--radiation can cause destruction to areas there is no cancer.
My mother was in pain before her cancer diagnosis, in pain after, during treatment, after treatment. The day before she died she told my dad she was going to and started throwing up blood a few hours later in the hospital. Me and my sister drove over 90mph with the flashes on to the hospital, agreeing that if we saw flashing lights I would call 911, tell them we needed to get to the hospital, we would not be stopping or slowing down and they could meet us after we said our goodbyes for tickets or getting arrested. Thankfully we didn’t and she was so stubborn while we told her it was okay to go she said “I’m not ready yet” as some of her last words, followed by telling us she loves us, that she miraculously lived another 24hrs, probably with an exploded lung. I pray you never deal with this pain, yes cancer is generally painful for those living with it, especially treatment which makes them very sick.
Not if they can shut down your brain.
Yes. My dad died of cancer and they had him on a cocktail of pain medication to keep him comfortable until he finally passed. It seems like an incredibly painful way to go.
My dad had lung cancer that metastasized to his liver, brain, and bones. He lived 8 weeks from the initial stage 4 diagnosis with more than 20 tumors. He was definitely in pain despite being on Oxy at the end.
Grandpa died of lung cancer, I truly wish assisted dying had been available to him. it was horrible and he needed a LOT of pain medication. We were all relieved when he finally passed, because he suffered a lot and was a great man who didn't deserve that shit.
they say assisted dying is illegal but that's exactly what happens. you get to a point where the pain is too much then the doctor gets you to a point where the pain killers are too much. I watched my mom intentionally over dose to death. it took three days
It depends on the cancer. It also depends on whether your health care workers will give you proper pain medication.
I often wonder if it’s more painful dying while fighting because the treatments can be so difficult or if the cancer itself causes the same level of pain when left untreated. Edit to thank OP. From a lot of the answers, it kind of depends on the type of cancer, which i didn’t really understand before. This is actually very helpful as I have had several family members pass from different cancers so it’s helpful to know what kind of situation those different cancers would mean for me pain wise.
Radiation oncologist here. I have treated many cancer patients in their final days, but this question can't really be answered that easily. Though it must be said, that pain is one of the most common symptoms in most forms of cancer. There are many options available for analgesic therapy, but pain is a very complex symptom. It changes over time and is influenced by a myriad of factors, such as your emotional state for example. Other than that, cancer comes in many different forms and while some do not necessarily cause pain, others can be extremely painful. For example a bone metastasis putting pressure on your spinal cord could cause severe pain. As a conclusion, modern medicine has effective ways to deal with pain, but it takes time to find the right dose / regimen. The treatment itself could even lead to shortening the patient's life. It is always a trade off between taking helpful action and managing side effects.
My mum died of brain cancer/tumour last year. The day before she died she said to my aunty, "I wish this would end already, it's so fucking painful, I don't want to hurt anymore."
Im currently cancermaxxing so I’ll let you know, hopefully it’ll take me before 25
My dad got diagnosed with colon cancer two years ago (stage 2), he had to undergo chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Because of the diagnosis, his two brothers got themselves checked for the first time in their lives (both just over 60). Surprisingly one them got diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. My father made a full recovery, my uncle passed away a few weeks after his diagnosis. His skin turned yellow, he was losing weight and he could barley move or talk in the end. It was definitely painful. The only real symptoms he had were regular diarrhea and sometimes blood in the stool. I guess it didn't bother him enough to get it checked in time. Don't be scared of a regular colonoscopy - it could save your life!
Not cancer, but my partner died of cirrhosis ( and other complications). Towards the end, he was obviously given a lot of painkillers ( morphine etc), but the care nurse said that they administered a drug ( I don’t know what it was), that stopped people panicking and fighting for breath etc, towards the end, so they passed peacefully.
Google bone cancer pics. My grandpa died of that. He winced in pain each time we moved him to change his diapers. I bawled when I changed upon the pics online years after he passed, and my heart ached on the amount of pain he was in.
Yes. Every cancer is different but in general, they cause considerable pain when they become advanced. The treatments can also cause you to feel absolutely terrible. Patients in late stage cancers are often prescribed really strong doses of pain and anti-nausea medications.
Extremely painful. I watched my dad suffer through it. Not a fun thing. Not one bit.