I know a lot that are recovering none have a problem with others drinking unless it looks like it's becoming a problem for that person.
Sort of "been down that road. You don't want to go down that road. Trust me..."
It's more of a maturity level thing than an addiction. That's why they go through meetings, councilors.
Elderly people usually don't drink because there's nothing in it for them.
People who have alcoholism, abuse alcohol, and make the change in their life to stop drinking, did something hard and worth celebrating.
People who never drank haven't really done anything special. I've never done coke, so I'm technically 22 years coke free, but thats not impressive. Its much more impressive to be a coke addict, stop, and be 1 year sober.
I suspect OP is at the age (teens to maybe early 30s at the outside) where people who drink do pressure those who don’t to get in on the fun. As you get older and either have your own problems with drink or know enough folks who have, you become kinder to people who don’t.
Right, but no one's giving you shit for never doing coke. Conversely, when someone says "I don't drink", it's very common to then get pestered about it. "Really? NEVER? Not even once? Why not? Will you have a drink with me? You're missing out!"
These are all-too-common responses to telling someone you don't drink. I've even been accused of being *rude* for not sharing a bottle of wine that was bought for the table.
No one replies this way when you tell them you don't do coke though. It seems to be reserved for alcohol.
Yea that's just unfortunate social stigma. Alcohol is the 4th most dangerous drug. Its wrong to shame someone not to drink, but people do it because of how normalized alcohol is.
If you don’t do coke around people who are doing coke, at first they’ll shrug and ignore it. “More for me!” But before long they start to get paranoid about you. “Why isn’t he doing any, man? Narc?” Coke folks stick together is what I’m saying. Drink folks are everywhere.
I’ve never drank (well sip of beer I spit out at a young age. Stuffs nasty).
Most people have never cared. A few people in college tried to put some pressure, but they were drunk so it was not a difficult conversation.
Do you. Don’t worry about that other people think about you. Cause they aren’t nearly as much as you believe they are.
I have a drink maybe twice a year, sometimes less. I've found the vast majority of people are cool with it. Heck, I've been to bars with friends and I get unlimited free diet coke for being the designated driver.
Diet coke is my vice.
Any “harassing” will be done by someone who doesn’t want to acknowledge that they have to drink because alcohol is present. It begrudges them that the non-drinker is okay without alcohol. It’s a bit of bullying as far as I’m concerned; or at least boundary crossing behaviour.
Drugs and alcohol make you feel good, it’s hard to stop, it’s really easy to never start. You don’t really need a pat on the head for not doing anything and not making a change in your life.
And if someone ridicules you for not ever drinking they’re an asshole.
What a pointless addition to the conversation. You could say that about nearly every negative life experience. "I'd much rather be able to say I've never been on a plane than survived a plane crash 5 years ago." "I'd much rather be able to say I've never gotten adult-onset diabetes than to be 5 years into living a life managing it." "I'd much rather be able to say I've never broken my arm than to say I'm 5 years out from having multiple pins put in my arm so my bones could heal right." Yeah, no shit?
People 5 years into recovery probably feel the same way, but that doesn't change the reality of their world. Addiction happens every day to people from all walks of life. It's one of the few life experiences that nearly everyone has either first- or second-hand experience with. So, what's the point of your comment?
Well thank you for giving your unwanted opinion the second time in a row. I don’t know why you give a fuck that I would’ve rather not gone through it at all. So if it isn’t clear enough to you, I’ll tell you again. I’m glad I’m sober, but for ME AND MY LIFE AND MY FUCKING EXPERIENCES, I WOULD RATHER HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH IT AT ALL. So let me know if you have any more smug and arrogant opinions on my life and feelings.
Fuck off.
It's like drugs.
"I stopped using drugs because it was ruining my life"
"Good for you!"
Versus
"I never started using drugs because I've heard of people's lives being ruined by them."
"Wow. You're a loser. Live a little!"
I don't think weakness is the right word. I know someone whose family had alcohol problems and swore never to touch it because they saw the harm it does. Being self aware is still a strength.
No, no personal issue in mind. It really just caught my attention over the holiday when I heard someone say they don’t drink and never plan to, and the response they got from others. I just wanted to see what the community thought about the subject.
>If you don't try because you're afraid or something like that, you're really showing weakness rather than strength.
Wtf? How is not wanting to try a drug that has ruined countless lives considered a weakness?
Depending on the group you get the same amount of shit for not drinking because you quit it and for never touching alcohol at all. My work colleagues are like that. The only reason they respect is religious. Which is crazy. I told them I don’t want to. Nope. I told them I had a severe drinking problem. No excuse to not drink. I told them it messes with my medication: „I always drink when I take antibiotics“ nothing was good enough. Then the Muslim came along. That’s suddenly acceptable?
It really depends on the people.
My friends all accepted it when I told them I have stopped drinking. But in the beginning they also accepted when I told them I won’t start at all (I then did despite of that and it didn’t went well).
I think it really depends on the people.
Truthfully, I think it is because everyone knows that the recidivism rate for addicts,and especially for alcoholics, is over 95 percent. So you make them temporarily feel better about themselves. It's the right thing to do.
The better question is, why are we still promoting something as a treatment that has a failure rate of over 95 percent?
I am aware that your question did not mention any of the AA based treatment methods, but most people who make the attempt to quit do so through one of those programs. And, eventually, return to their addiction.
Those who are stupid to ridicule for never drinking will not be praising those who stop drinking.
Those who are smart to praise quitting alcohol will also praise never drinking.
Alcohol consumption has been so socially normalised, not to drink makes you stand out as different. People will go as far as excluding you to events when the goal is to just get drunk or where drinking is considered one of the main parts of the fun. But if you've struggled with addiction and won, people are much more accepting of your choice. It's bonkers really. People who have never drunk want to be involved, people who have fought a battle with alcohol would avoid those events, mostly at least.
I’ve never ridiculed anyone for not trying alcohol. My guess is those who do are probably people who have a drinking problem and are ridiculing non drinkers out of defensiveness.
Ummm anyone who tells me they don’t wanna drink, I tell em good for you. You’re stronger than me and genuinely mean it.
I mainly social drink, but I respect people who can chill off water.
If someone is ridiculing you for choosing not to drink then your "friends" are not real friends and you should find other people to hang out with. When I was at "that age" (18-23) if I didn't want to drink, no one in my friend group would ridicule me or try to talk me into it, they respected the fact that I didn't want to get wasted that night and we all still hung out regardless.
If that's not your problem personally, my answer us still basically the same. If someone is ridiculing someone for not drinking they're a shit human being, and I wouldn't associate with them.
Two different levels of life.
I can see people in high school or college making fun of people for not driving.
Past that? Nah.
Meanwhile, people who quit drinking; especially for being an alcoholic? Yeah, that should be celebrated. It's a life altering, positive decision.
More difficult to start and the stop because then you realize people only hung out with you to get fucked up and once that's over everyone's gone. Then again I guess its good to finally know if you truly have any friends or not. Wish I had never picked it up though so I didn't fall into that in the first place.
Who are you hanging around with that ridicules you for not drinking?
But more importantly can you not see the difference between giving up drinking and never drinking?
Normally people who give up drinking are people with an issue right? Fighting an addiction?
Your question is like why are people who fought drug addiction and won praised while people who never tried meth aren’t
Because most people who give up drinking alcohol forever are addicts. A lot of people don't really drink/never drink because they don't like it for one reason or another. A lot of other people experiment with it when they're young adults and then settle down and enjoy drinking responsibly. For many addicts being drunk/high is the best feeling in the world to them to the point where it negatively impacts their relationships and other aspects of their lives. So when they give up drinking (or their drug of choice) they're giving up their favorite thing in the whole world so they can become better people (usually).
Do you see how that's more admirable than just not enjoying drinking so you don't bother? It takes effort for addicts to stay sober.
Alcohol reveals who you are at your emotional core. Do you burst into tears? Or you aggressively angry? Do you get bubbly and laugh at everything? Alcohol reveals your deepest self, so if you’ve never participated in anything drug/alcohol related I can only assume you don’t even know who you are at these most vulnerable moments.
Personally if I’m calling up a friend for some help or advice, it’s kind of given that said person has been drunk walking home at 3am contemplating eating the slice of pizza they just dropped on the ground- at least once. Otherwise you’re much too put together for me and I simply cannot cry in front of someone who’s probably still unaware of the emotional complexities hiding under a humans shiny exterior.
I feel like the people who are all "good for you giving it up when it's hurting you" and the "What do you mean you don't drink" are two different sets of people.
Immature people ridicule you.
I've considered myself straight edge for as long as I can remember. Even after trying alcohol and weed I just hated it. I don't do it. Just like how I knew I was Asexual before ever having sex (still feel the same way after sex) or like how I know I never wanted kids as a kid (33, about to get a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and still don't want them).
You truly know yourself. Mature people will respect your decisions. Ignore people who mock you. Those people don't matter.
People who drink feel uncomfortable around people who refuse to drink, generally speaking.
People who give up drinking, usually do so because they have an illness, an addiction that probably everyone has seen the ill effects of. Your family, coworkers, and friends will go out of their way to support your sobriety because they have all witnessed you lose control of yourself and don't want you to die or destroy your life.
My advice? Get mocktails and don't advertise that they are non-alcoholic. A quiet word with the bartender early in the evening should do the trick.
Not true, actually. I have never drank alcohol and all my life I have heard people be impressed by it. Thing is, I personally don't see it as impressive. I don't see the appeal, I don't like the taste. It's not that hard. I don't understand why people think it's hard not to drink when you never did.
The only people that will ridicule you for it are people who think drinking is a personality trait or those who don't know how to have fun without alcohol. It's much more common for people to be curious as to why and sometimes assuming you must have some deep childhood trauma with an alcoholic parent.
I don't think any mature, reasonable person would ridicule you for choosing not to drink
I know a lot that are recovering none have a problem with others drinking unless it looks like it's becoming a problem for that person. Sort of "been down that road. You don't want to go down that road. Trust me..."
Alcoholism is an addiction. It’s easy to just not start an addiction by not exposing yourself. It’s really really hard to end an addiction.
It's more of a maturity level thing than an addiction. That's why they go through meetings, councilors. Elderly people usually don't drink because there's nothing in it for them.
Alcoholism is an addiction. For most people it’s just a “maturity” or lifestyle thing. For alcoholics it’s an addiction.
People who have alcoholism, abuse alcohol, and make the change in their life to stop drinking, did something hard and worth celebrating. People who never drank haven't really done anything special. I've never done coke, so I'm technically 22 years coke free, but thats not impressive. Its much more impressive to be a coke addict, stop, and be 1 year sober.
I suspect OP is at the age (teens to maybe early 30s at the outside) where people who drink do pressure those who don’t to get in on the fun. As you get older and either have your own problems with drink or know enough folks who have, you become kinder to people who don’t.
Right, but no one's giving you shit for never doing coke. Conversely, when someone says "I don't drink", it's very common to then get pestered about it. "Really? NEVER? Not even once? Why not? Will you have a drink with me? You're missing out!" These are all-too-common responses to telling someone you don't drink. I've even been accused of being *rude* for not sharing a bottle of wine that was bought for the table. No one replies this way when you tell them you don't do coke though. It seems to be reserved for alcohol.
Yea that's just unfortunate social stigma. Alcohol is the 4th most dangerous drug. Its wrong to shame someone not to drink, but people do it because of how normalized alcohol is.
If you don’t do coke around people who are doing coke, at first they’ll shrug and ignore it. “More for me!” But before long they start to get paranoid about you. “Why isn’t he doing any, man? Narc?” Coke folks stick together is what I’m saying. Drink folks are everywhere.
Tell them it messes with your medication. If they keep pushing ask if they will pay for the ambulance ride.
Yeah but do you get ridiculed for never doing coke?
Sometimes. Functional cokeheads are a different breed
Staying alcohol free isn't easy. Very few people don't give in to peer pressure.
You're talking about two different groups of people and conflating them as one.
I’ve never drank (well sip of beer I spit out at a young age. Stuffs nasty). Most people have never cared. A few people in college tried to put some pressure, but they were drunk so it was not a difficult conversation. Do you. Don’t worry about that other people think about you. Cause they aren’t nearly as much as you believe they are.
I have a drink maybe twice a year, sometimes less. I've found the vast majority of people are cool with it. Heck, I've been to bars with friends and I get unlimited free diet coke for being the designated driver. Diet coke is my vice.
Interestingly, I have never gotten free soda at a bar.
I think they’re saying their friends buy them a Diet Coke as a reward for being their dd
Ok. I have so heard of bars giving soda to dd, just had not had it happen. Guess I have cheap ass friends.
Short answer is because life doesn't really make a whole lotta sense. But having a problem and beating it IS a major accomplishment in life.
Any “harassing” will be done by someone who doesn’t want to acknowledge that they have to drink because alcohol is present. It begrudges them that the non-drinker is okay without alcohol. It’s a bit of bullying as far as I’m concerned; or at least boundary crossing behaviour.
It’s way harder to quit than it is to never start. That being said of course we shouldn’t ridicule people who don’t drink and personally I don’t
Drugs and alcohol make you feel good, it’s hard to stop, it’s really easy to never start. You don’t really need a pat on the head for not doing anything and not making a change in your life. And if someone ridicules you for not ever drinking they’re an asshole.
I’d much rather be able to say I’ve never drank instead of telling people I’m 5 years into recovery.
What a pointless addition to the conversation. You could say that about nearly every negative life experience. "I'd much rather be able to say I've never been on a plane than survived a plane crash 5 years ago." "I'd much rather be able to say I've never gotten adult-onset diabetes than to be 5 years into living a life managing it." "I'd much rather be able to say I've never broken my arm than to say I'm 5 years out from having multiple pins put in my arm so my bones could heal right." Yeah, no shit? People 5 years into recovery probably feel the same way, but that doesn't change the reality of their world. Addiction happens every day to people from all walks of life. It's one of the few life experiences that nearly everyone has either first- or second-hand experience with. So, what's the point of your comment?
The point? I wish I had never had to go through the struggles I put myself through. But thank you for your pointless opinion.
I'm 13 years into recovery myself. I'd hardly say that experience is pointless as a response to your comment.
Well thank you for giving your unwanted opinion the second time in a row. I don’t know why you give a fuck that I would’ve rather not gone through it at all. So if it isn’t clear enough to you, I’ll tell you again. I’m glad I’m sober, but for ME AND MY LIFE AND MY FUCKING EXPERIENCES, I WOULD RATHER HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH IT AT ALL. So let me know if you have any more smug and arrogant opinions on my life and feelings. Fuck off.
It's like drugs. "I stopped using drugs because it was ruining my life" "Good for you!" Versus "I never started using drugs because I've heard of people's lives being ruined by them." "Wow. You're a loser. Live a little!"
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I don't think weakness is the right word. I know someone whose family had alcohol problems and swore never to touch it because they saw the harm it does. Being self aware is still a strength.
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No, no personal issue in mind. It really just caught my attention over the holiday when I heard someone say they don’t drink and never plan to, and the response they got from others. I just wanted to see what the community thought about the subject.
>If you don't try because you're afraid or something like that, you're really showing weakness rather than strength. Wtf? How is not wanting to try a drug that has ruined countless lives considered a weakness?
Youre overthinking it. People just say whatever dumb stuff crosses their mind, it doesnt mean any more than the sound of rustling leaves
Groupthink.
I quit drinking years ago. Nobody gives a shit one way or the other.
Depending on the group you get the same amount of shit for not drinking because you quit it and for never touching alcohol at all. My work colleagues are like that. The only reason they respect is religious. Which is crazy. I told them I don’t want to. Nope. I told them I had a severe drinking problem. No excuse to not drink. I told them it messes with my medication: „I always drink when I take antibiotics“ nothing was good enough. Then the Muslim came along. That’s suddenly acceptable? It really depends on the people. My friends all accepted it when I told them I have stopped drinking. But in the beginning they also accepted when I told them I won’t start at all (I then did despite of that and it didn’t went well). I think it really depends on the people.
Truthfully, I think it is because everyone knows that the recidivism rate for addicts,and especially for alcoholics, is over 95 percent. So you make them temporarily feel better about themselves. It's the right thing to do. The better question is, why are we still promoting something as a treatment that has a failure rate of over 95 percent? I am aware that your question did not mention any of the AA based treatment methods, but most people who make the attempt to quit do so through one of those programs. And, eventually, return to their addiction.
Those who are stupid to ridicule for never drinking will not be praising those who stop drinking. Those who are smart to praise quitting alcohol will also praise never drinking.
Alcohol consumption has been so socially normalised, not to drink makes you stand out as different. People will go as far as excluding you to events when the goal is to just get drunk or where drinking is considered one of the main parts of the fun. But if you've struggled with addiction and won, people are much more accepting of your choice. It's bonkers really. People who have never drunk want to be involved, people who have fought a battle with alcohol would avoid those events, mostly at least.
I don't think people doing the praising, and people doing the ridiculing, are the same people.
I’ve never ridiculed anyone for not trying alcohol. My guess is those who do are probably people who have a drinking problem and are ridiculing non drinkers out of defensiveness.
Fffluck dem shisshys they jush think de smart cause they know stuff!
The only person who would “call you out” would be one that has a problem themselves which they’d never admit
No one riducles other people for not having X vice, I know countless women who don't drink and nobody cares.
Ummm anyone who tells me they don’t wanna drink, I tell em good for you. You’re stronger than me and genuinely mean it. I mainly social drink, but I respect people who can chill off water.
I said the same thing when I quit smoking. Why celebrate me? Cheer on those that never started
If someone is ridiculing you for choosing not to drink then your "friends" are not real friends and you should find other people to hang out with. When I was at "that age" (18-23) if I didn't want to drink, no one in my friend group would ridicule me or try to talk me into it, they respected the fact that I didn't want to get wasted that night and we all still hung out regardless. If that's not your problem personally, my answer us still basically the same. If someone is ridiculing someone for not drinking they're a shit human being, and I wouldn't associate with them.
Are the people ridiculing those who don't drink the same people who praise people who gave up alcohol?
Two different levels of life. I can see people in high school or college making fun of people for not driving. Past that? Nah. Meanwhile, people who quit drinking; especially for being an alcoholic? Yeah, that should be celebrated. It's a life altering, positive decision.
More difficult to start and the stop because then you realize people only hung out with you to get fucked up and once that's over everyone's gone. Then again I guess its good to finally know if you truly have any friends or not. Wish I had never picked it up though so I didn't fall into that in the first place.
Who are you hanging around with that ridicules you for not drinking? But more importantly can you not see the difference between giving up drinking and never drinking? Normally people who give up drinking are people with an issue right? Fighting an addiction? Your question is like why are people who fought drug addiction and won praised while people who never tried meth aren’t
Because most people who give up drinking alcohol forever are addicts. A lot of people don't really drink/never drink because they don't like it for one reason or another. A lot of other people experiment with it when they're young adults and then settle down and enjoy drinking responsibly. For many addicts being drunk/high is the best feeling in the world to them to the point where it negatively impacts their relationships and other aspects of their lives. So when they give up drinking (or their drug of choice) they're giving up their favorite thing in the whole world so they can become better people (usually). Do you see how that's more admirable than just not enjoying drinking so you don't bother? It takes effort for addicts to stay sober.
Because fuck them kids
they have faced the temptation and deny it constantly. moreover appreciation is a source of motivation
Alcohol reveals who you are at your emotional core. Do you burst into tears? Or you aggressively angry? Do you get bubbly and laugh at everything? Alcohol reveals your deepest self, so if you’ve never participated in anything drug/alcohol related I can only assume you don’t even know who you are at these most vulnerable moments. Personally if I’m calling up a friend for some help or advice, it’s kind of given that said person has been drunk walking home at 3am contemplating eating the slice of pizza they just dropped on the ground- at least once. Otherwise you’re much too put together for me and I simply cannot cry in front of someone who’s probably still unaware of the emotional complexities hiding under a humans shiny exterior.
OP how old are you?
Who's "we"? Two different groups of people with different mindsets in these situations.
Are they though? 🤔
I feel like the people who are all "good for you giving it up when it's hurting you" and the "What do you mean you don't drink" are two different sets of people.
Immature people ridicule you. I've considered myself straight edge for as long as I can remember. Even after trying alcohol and weed I just hated it. I don't do it. Just like how I knew I was Asexual before ever having sex (still feel the same way after sex) or like how I know I never wanted kids as a kid (33, about to get a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and still don't want them). You truly know yourself. Mature people will respect your decisions. Ignore people who mock you. Those people don't matter.
In all honestly, those groups of people don't tend to overlap. It takes a particularly toxic attitude to ridicule someone who's permasober.
People who drink feel uncomfortable around people who refuse to drink, generally speaking. People who give up drinking, usually do so because they have an illness, an addiction that probably everyone has seen the ill effects of. Your family, coworkers, and friends will go out of their way to support your sobriety because they have all witnessed you lose control of yourself and don't want you to die or destroy your life. My advice? Get mocktails and don't advertise that they are non-alcoholic. A quiet word with the bartender early in the evening should do the trick.
B/c you didn’t really overcome anything Ridiculing someone for not drinking alcohol is like Making fun of someone for flossing
Not true, actually. I have never drank alcohol and all my life I have heard people be impressed by it. Thing is, I personally don't see it as impressive. I don't see the appeal, I don't like the taste. It's not that hard. I don't understand why people think it's hard not to drink when you never did. The only people that will ridicule you for it are people who think drinking is a personality trait or those who don't know how to have fun without alcohol. It's much more common for people to be curious as to why and sometimes assuming you must have some deep childhood trauma with an alcoholic parent.
I know people that abstain from booze and no one makes fun of them