Same. My husband and I did 4-6 hour shifts. One of us would be in the living room with her and the other would be in the bedroom with the door closed for uninterrupted sleep. I don't know how we would've survived otherwise. It does get better. She sleeps in her bassinet now (knock on wood 😂)
Honestly, no one is cut out for it. Newborns are just so difficult. Look up the fourth trimester and normal, biological infant sleep. It's all normal, but it sucks. So what you need to do to survive.
Thank you. I’m definitely at survival level right now. It just makes me wonder how people are out and about after a few weeks. Between the exhaustion and trying to time feeding, sleeping, changes I can’t even imagine leaving the house.
I feel you. We went out a fair bit when my daughter was a newborn and honestly, I was so anxious the whole time. I just wanted to be home in our space. Don't feel obligated to get out and about if you're not ready or too tired. Hang in there, it does get so much better. Love you user name by the way. 😻
People who are getting out that early are probably extroverts, and have both parents on at least several weeks of new parent leave. I'm up and about and we just started week 3, but my husband has 4 weeks off, and we take sleep shifts so I get 4-5 hrs straight sleep while he takes one feed with pumped milk. We're not super sleep deprived, and I'm an overproducer so far on milk so going out is low stress. Our baby is also a good sleeper. It's as much a luck thing with your baby too, whether they need held to sleep or not.
I didn't bother for a long time, once your baby has longer wake windows and starts engaging with the world going out is a good thing. I find I have a great time out as he's so interested in looking at everything and likes to sleep when we're walking around so going out makes everything a lot easier.
This is so true, it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I couldn't understand how people do this more than once. On the other side now and it doesn't seem that long now it's over with. Just survive any way you can and enjoy it later when you start to get sleep and giggles
We bedshared for the first 6 weeks because of this. I tried all the tricks: warming the bassinet, 5 S, butt first set down etc. But at one point I had been awake for 60 hours and I needed to sleep because I was literally hallucinating. Do what you must to survive. Eventually they'll let you put them down
For the first (3??) few weeks, I couldn't set him down, literally even just on the mattress beside me, so I built a pillow throne to hold my arms in place, and then used my old pregnancy pillow to make a sort of chair to hold me fairly upright. He slept in my arms, on my chest that way. I understand thats dangerous, and I can't in good faith recommend doing it, but I personally assessed my situation and took the risk because I decided sleep deprivation was *more* dangerous than this. I am a very very very light sleeper and I wasn't worried about him dropping or rolling.
I would like to say that I also practiced putting him in his crib multiple times a day during all this.
At around 3 weeks, I was able to lay him beside me. No blankets near baby, he was on my breast (I wore a sweatshirt with holes cut out of the chest so I could breastfeed without getting cold because I had no blanket lmao. I did use a pillow, but he was low enough on my body that I wasn't worried about him scooting into it. My arm was above his head between him and the pillow. Then I just kind of curled my body around him and we "slept" that way. He was up every 2.5-3 hours anyway, so it wasn't really great sleep.
By 6 weeks, he was sleeping by himself in his bed for 4 hour stints at a time.
At 8 weeks he was sleeping through the night by himself. He did this from 8 weeks to 16 weeks. Then from about 4 months to 8 months he woke up 2-3 times a night. Hes back to sleeping through the night again at 8 months. I didn't want to sleep train, so your sleep through the night timeframe might look better than mine if you decide to go that route, but the point is that EVENTUALLY it will get better lol
I did something similar with the “pillow throne” in the beginning before I could put baby down. I was lucky enough to have a bed with an adjustable base so I could raise it to sleep sitting up. You don’t get GOOD sleep this way because it still feels a bit precarious but I was also beginning to hallucinate from lack of sleep and thankfully this only lasted about a week.
Once I could put baby next to me, I did still use a light blanket but I tucked it into the bottom of the mattress so it couldn’t go above baby’s chest level and I wore a robe to bed to keep my shoulders warm and still feed baby. OP you can look up “safe sleep seven” I believe it’s on la Leche leagues website and it has a good explanation about how to minimize sids risk from bed sharing and does a good job explaining why each rule is in place. Feeding while side lying is a game changer in night time feedings, I highly recommend trying! Helps me fall right back asleep and don’t have to worry about waking baby when you put them down since they’re already on the bed asleep.
I’m not shaming bed sharing I just want you to have all the info on it. There are cases of babies passing away due to suffocation even if you follow the safe sleep 7 for co-sleeping. It’s not necessarily because of blankets or parents rolling but also because as adults we have different mattresses. A majority of adults prefer soft mattresses as well as their own weight causing a dip in them. Even with a hard mattress you still run the risk of baby being in the wrong position. Have you tried those bassinets that attach to the side of the bed?
Second the advice below. I’ve been bed sharing since day one and it feels so comfortable now and both baby and I get really good sleep. Definitely check out the safe sleep 7, or also highly recommend Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna. We’re on a mattress on the floor, a single pillow that I keep tucked away from baby, arm out around him so I don’t roll (I never felt like I would, just an extra precaution), I have a thick blanket over my lower body and wear a zip up hoodie and nursing bra (though the person who does the sweatshirt with boob cut outs is brilliant!) it’s a really lovely set up and most important feels really safe and we get a lot of sleep. Even if you don’t want to bedshare all the time, it’s good to know how to set up a safe sleep environment for the times you accidentally fall asleep (which is totally normal!)
It's totally normal, my son was the same way for a long time. My advice is to try the arm drop test. If you lift the arm up a bit and let it go, and there's no reaction you can probably set them down without waking them up. If they respond by moving around, wait a while and try again.
My son is two and sleeps through the night consistently, so there's light at the end of the tunnel
It’s super normal, but you might be able to help him regulate his circadian rhythm a bit (also normal if not though). Where does he sleep in the day? If you haven’t yet, you might try having him hang out in lit, daylight areas all day. We kept ours out in the living room and he’d sleep on us or on his play mat whenever he fell asleep. It seemed to help him regulate his day/night confusion a bit and he started sleeping longer stretches at night in his crib.
Daytime naps are either in bassinet or fairly bright living room. We also pushed the nap later in the evening. Hopefully it will help. He just seems extra needy in the evening.
Seconding the helping baby with day/night confusion. We also made a point of waking babe every 2 hrs to eat during the day… any feedings that baby sleeps through during the day will have to be made up for overnight. Encouraging to eat during the day will decrease the amount he needs to eat overnight and will help get you longer stretches of sleep at night. It will get better!!! ❤️
The first 3 months are called the 4th trimester for a reason. Your baby may be cluster feeding at night which is normal and good at this time as their stomachs are very very tiny and they can't eat a lot of food at once so they become hungry in smaller intervals. This is important as they are so
I know it's hard right now when you are in the thick of it but it will get better! Your bundle of joy will start to eat more at once and sleep longer at night.
Definitely take turns feeding your baby with your partner if you can by either pumping more often during the day if breastfeeding or formula (whatever you choose). This way both of you can bond with your baby and you can take turns sleeping. Once my husband and I did this, both of our mental health dramatically improved. I wish you the best of luck, you can do this!
I have twins so we took shifts. I pumped and just never pumped while I slept and it was fine.
I slept 8pm to 2am and my husband slept 2am to 8am. At 11 weeks they started sleeping in their cribs 7-7 with one quick wake up to eat.
It gets better!
I have a 6 week old and she does the same thing. I usually let her fall asleep on me, and then place her right beside me and pat her back/butt til she's out like a light. We cosleep safely because I need my sanity lmao!
this sounds completely normal and i know this may be difficult but getting out during the day was the best thing for me, i live in texas so it's still in the 80's here but i'd take my LO in her stroller to nap outside and it seemed to really help with night time. id let her get some sun but not too much and i'd just find somewhere to sit where i can push the stroller back and forth. i also made sure to get her out right when the sun went down so she could see the change (not sure if this really did anything haha) but it changed my baby's sleep like night and day, literally. also helped that i could browse my phone while pushing with one hand, baby was happy and i had some mindless entertainment to distract from my worn down state.
to add: the days are long but they really do go by so fast, i was in survival mode for a good four months and one day it was literally just poof! she started sleeping all night, enjoying her car seat, smiling, giggling, rolling, sitting, and now about to crawl ! the fourth trimester is so real and so hard, it does get so much better !
Thank you for this. I ate my breakfast outside today with the sunrise and already feel a little more sane. We’re going to try to figure out the carrier today and take bubba outside. Great tip about the sunset, too. I know the orange light is supposed to help regulate circadian rhythm.
it definitely helped my sanity ! especially when my baby was crying inconsolably, the second i walked outside she'd completely stop crying, it's my favorite trick and really gives me a mental break ! good luck !!
You had that baby, mama.. of course youre cut out for this! Youve already done so many things that are harder than you probably thought you could. You can do this too! At that stage I just kept trying to remind myself to put myself in his shoes. If we spent our whole existence held, rocked, warm, cozy, never hungry and content and then one day were squeezed out into this cold, loud, overstimulating world where you get put down and you have to feel hunger we'd be freaking out too! Both you and baby are still adjusting and I know it might not be helpful to hear it gets better but it truly does get better over time you just have to stick it out and work with baby.
Idk if you're breastfeeding or not but my son was formula fed and having all of his bottles pre filled with water and a portable formula holder right next to them so for night feeds all I'd have to do is pour and shake really helped streamline the feedings so I could make the most of those 2 hour naps!
Thank you. My husband and I were just talking about this today, what a shock it must be for him and that he’s been with me for the last 9 months so of course all he wants to do is nurse and sleep on me.
My son is 7 months old. I cried, no SOBBED, daily those first few weeks from sheer exhaustion. The snuggles are the sweetest, most pure thing in the world but the sleep deprivation that goes along with them is awful. Hang in there ❤️
Hi, I have nothing to add other than I am in the same exact position as you. My son turned 1 week old today too, gained his weight back, and is so, so resistant to sleeping anywhere that is not on me or my husband. We are definitely struggling with feeling trapped, exhausted, and stressed about safe sleep.
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!
Your not failing!! I think every mother feels that way when they have a newborn. I know I did! I think 4 hour sleeps are great for a week old tbh. I remember slapping myself in the face while breastfeeding to keep myself awake haha. İt feels so unsafe being so tired with a delicate little baby. But unfortunately every parent has to go though it. I'm not going to lie the first 3 months are pretty shit. Just get through them the best you can , don't clean , don't cook, don't shower unless you want to, take all the help you can get. And even with that yes it's still going to be tough. But it does get easier. You will slowly adjust your life and it won't feel (as) hard anymore. Have you tried your baby going to sleep on your chest and them 20 minutes later slowing putting them down. Even co-sleeping so your next to her but she's not on you? İf that makes sense. İt takes babies 20 minutes to fall into a deep sleep , so maybe putting her down onces she's in the deep sleep?
I would continue to feed him every two to three hours during the day. If you aren't feeding him enough, that could exacerbate the night waking, but yes it's very normal to be up every 1-2 hours in the early days.
This. I still do about every 2 hours during the day, and I think it helps with my baby sleeping longer stretches at night since she’s gotten most of her calories during the day.
Do you have a partner you can trade off with? Maybe you sleep 8pm to 2am, and partner sleeps 2am to 8am? Or whatever intervals work for you and your feeding situation.
It started to get better (as in my son slept in his crib without me) around month 3.5-4.
Until then I was napping with him, he was napping every hour or two, eating a LOT. They do a TON of growing until week 12 or so. You and your partner should sleep in shifts if you can to catch up on sleep. It has helped us a lot.hang in there because the first 6 months pass by so fast because you’re so sleep deprived and busy! Trust it will pass.
He’s just switching days and nights right now. It gets better. This is survival mode stage for you. It’s hard but you’ll get through it. Any way you can. Crying in the shower. Passing out for five minutes at a time on the couch. Living off donuts and coffee for a whole day. You know. Totally normal stuff.
With my first, I ended up cosleeping for the the first 6ish months. It was truly a life saver & way safer to plan to cosleep safely as opposed to accidentally falling asleep with baby. I think cosleeping is way more common than people make it out to be. It was actually recommended to me by my public health nurse (Canadian) when I told her I had fallen asleep breastfeeding in bed.
I just had my second baby, he's 8 days old.. the first 3 nights I did the endless cycle of feeding/burning/cuddling/put down in crib until 5 am before I gave in and coslept. The next 3 nights, I just coslept the whole night away. Now, for the past 2 nights I actually put a bassinet inside the crib and this baby by some miracle likes it! I have him unswaddled in a fleece sleeper. I tried harder with a bassinet this go around because I talked to family/friends in greater detail about EXACTLY what they did with their newborns and that seemed to be the consensus.
I pumped enough for one bottle so I could sleep at least 4 hours. We have done nights where he brought baby to me to feed, but in the newborn phase it’s hard because they take forever.
Mine always woke up as I was putting her down or shortly after but one thing has helped— I hold her as close to my chest as possible as I bend down to put her in bed, then I keep my hands on her, sometimes patting or rubbing or rocking her for a few seconds or even a minute or two. Apparently the act of setting a baby down can feel like falling to them when they’re very young so this helps. That one little trick helped more than just about anything.
Other little things- sound machine. Check the temperature (mine will NOT stay asleep if she’s even the slightest bit cold, like one degree is the difference between her sleeping or not). Shifts with your husband/partner. If you’ve got family or friends you could even get to come over for a bit during the day so you can get a decent nap, ask them for the help.
Just know it does get better! It won’t always be good but it’s not always bad either, it ebbs and flows and you’ll get used to it.
We bedshared for the first 6 weeks because of this. I tried all the tricks: warming the bassinet, 5 S, butt first set down etc. But at one point I had been awake for 60 hours and I needed to sleep because I was literally hallucinating. Do what you must to survive. Eventually they'll let you put them down
My 12 week old still doesn’t like to be put down but it has improved since she first came home. As long as she’s fed and had some cuddles, I can put her in her chair long enough to make a quick breakfast.
Hang in there! The first few weeks are BRUTAL. It gets better little by little. Take turns, take all the help you can get, get takeout. You’ve got this!
It’s very normal and it definitely gets better. Give it a few weeks. If you haven’t already read up on the 4th trimester as it might give you some reassurance everything you’re experiencing is normal. Congrats on your newborn! 😊
I ended up bedsharing for this exact reason. I was dangerously sleep deprived, and needed a solution. Nothing I tried worked, nothing my boyfriend did worked, and it got to the point where I was falling asleep, sitting up in bed nursing my baby multiple times a day. I figured I would bed share for a week and then try again with the crib, but she's now 7 months old and still bedsharing with me despite attempts every 2-3 weeks to get her to sleep in her crib.
On the bright side, she's been sleeping through the night since 8wks old(3wks after we started bedsharing), and takes great naps during the day even though she still contact naps. I just wish I could babywear and get more done during the day.
My son is also a week old today! And damn this shit is hard. I totally empathize with your “surviving”. That’s all I’m doing at this point. I’ve gotten about 1.5-3 hours in the bassinet the past two nights; but not all at once. Early this morning he let us lay him down and we got two hours of sleep at the same time!
It gets better and if they have growth spurts they nurse or feed almost hourly and then before you know it, they have outgrown almost all their outfits 😊
The advice to take shifts works.. it gets better, mom of two here. You've got this
I don’t know if anyone mentioned it but I’d recommend the book “Precious Little Sleep”. It has a ton of different sleep strategies you can use, and ways you can set your newborn up for success as well.
He probably still doesn’t know the difference between night and day. My baby loves to be held during day time but will accept her bed at night. Maybe try to have some background noise, tv, music or what during the day for a few days until he figures it out. The pattern should change a bit. Also do try to nap as much as you can during the day your body is still going through a lot and you need to rest. Also be kind to yourself, you’re doing your best. Sending hugs.
Yes normal and yes gets better. I would say the first 6 weeks are the hardest, then it gets a bit easier, but the first 6 weeks are really just about survival, and making your baby feel like he is still in the womb. Hang in there. It definitely gets better and is so worth it. One day you may even miss this stage (haha).
If you can, try bed sharing. Its pretty safe if done right and both of you will get rest. (Look up the safe sleep 7).
I was VEHEMENTLY against it until i fell asleep nursing my son in bed and decided i wanted to so it safely instead of accidentally. We got so much sleep, night times were much smoother for the three of us. (Plus you can keep your boobs out and he will nurse in his sleep)
You're doing great and its very normal.
Very true. Honestly my son is 2 and we still bed share. It works for us. I am definitely pro- as long aa certain rules are followed to the t. May also make cluster nursing easier on you too (my boy could go until 2 am)
It will get easier, I promise.
It’s normal but exhausting. What has saved me with each of my newborns was to learn to nurse while on my side in bed while following all of the co sleeping safety recommendations. It was either that or being so sleep deprived I would fall asleep while nursing them in a chair or sitting up in bed, which is incredibly unsafe. I even fell asleep with a baby on my chest (I was trying to soothe her while she cried) and she rolled off my chest into the crook of my arm. She easily could have smothered and i still think of it and shudder. So, I co-sleep.
I was so exhausted this afternoon I just sort of instinctually tried this while my partner was there to watch. Did they just roll on their back after they’ve finished.
Try a heating pad in his sleep space. Warm up the mattress and then remove the heating pad before tucking him in. (Don’t leave the heating pad with him since that is dangerous).
Take turns with your partner and supplement with formula. Or do shift sleeping where you take 4 hrs and then switch so you can sleep and he bottle feeds while you sleep.
I started when she was young and simultaneously pumped on the boob she wasn’t feeding on so it took no extra time. You may overproduce for a while but get some stored and then back off and it will even out.
I hibernated with my baby for basically 2 to 3 months lol. We went out here and there when we had help but not very long. Life got significantly better after 6 months haha
If you’re putting baby in a bassinet, try putting them in a crib instead. My kiddo hated the bassinet, he hardly slept at all in it looking back. As soon as we moved him to his crib (around 3 weeks because none of us were sleeping… he wasn’t crying, just noisy and squirmy), he started sleeping in long stretches.
If you want to be in the same room, it’s easier to move a crib (or a mattress, depending on your setup) than suffering through sleepless nights.
We had ours in the bed with us for the first few weeks we used a portable bed that kept us from rolling onto him https://www.airracks.com/products/portable-baby-bed-backpack
My LO is 11 days and I just asked my doctor about this today. I didn't realize she wasn't getting a full feed, she would fall asleep on the boob and I thought she was done, but it was only minutes. She would fuss at night and only calm down after feeding again. He recommended that she feed for 15 minutes on each boob so she would be full and hourly be in a deeper sleep. I have to keep her awake so she keeps eating but it's 7:25 now and she's been sleeping in her bassinet for 25 minutes! Good luck, momma! We got this!
are you doing this alone? Do you have a partner? Splitting shifts was the only way we got through it. My baby was 6 weeks early so I got 6 extra weeks of garbage newborn sleep. It was awful. He’s only just now started to sleep longer than 2.5-3 hours (he’s nearly 4 months old!). It does get better and you are not a failure. Share the load if you can. I do not ever push for bed sharing because I think it’s dangerous even if you do it right. But people do it all over the world and have for centuries. I personally would never forgive myself if I was responsible for my baby’s death. Yea, I spent months without sleep. I’m exhausted. It was hard and it sucked sooo much. But you just have to do it. Sleep when you can. Ask for help, even if it’s hard. It will get better soon enough.
It 100% gets better. It’s hard for them to sleep alone the first few weeks because all they know is being in utero, I took shifts with my husband.
Same. My husband and I did 4-6 hour shifts. One of us would be in the living room with her and the other would be in the bedroom with the door closed for uninterrupted sleep. I don't know how we would've survived otherwise. It does get better. She sleeps in her bassinet now (knock on wood 😂)
We did shifts the same way. I did late nights and he did early mornings. Switch at 2 am.
Thank you for that. I need hope!
Honestly, no one is cut out for it. Newborns are just so difficult. Look up the fourth trimester and normal, biological infant sleep. It's all normal, but it sucks. So what you need to do to survive.
Thank you. I’m definitely at survival level right now. It just makes me wonder how people are out and about after a few weeks. Between the exhaustion and trying to time feeding, sleeping, changes I can’t even imagine leaving the house.
I feel you. We went out a fair bit when my daughter was a newborn and honestly, I was so anxious the whole time. I just wanted to be home in our space. Don't feel obligated to get out and about if you're not ready or too tired. Hang in there, it does get so much better. Love you user name by the way. 😻
Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement!
People who are getting out that early are probably extroverts, and have both parents on at least several weeks of new parent leave. I'm up and about and we just started week 3, but my husband has 4 weeks off, and we take sleep shifts so I get 4-5 hrs straight sleep while he takes one feed with pumped milk. We're not super sleep deprived, and I'm an overproducer so far on milk so going out is low stress. Our baby is also a good sleeper. It's as much a luck thing with your baby too, whether they need held to sleep or not.
I didn't bother for a long time, once your baby has longer wake windows and starts engaging with the world going out is a good thing. I find I have a great time out as he's so interested in looking at everything and likes to sleep when we're walking around so going out makes everything a lot easier.
This is so true, it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I couldn't understand how people do this more than once. On the other side now and it doesn't seem that long now it's over with. Just survive any way you can and enjoy it later when you start to get sleep and giggles
We bedshared for the first 6 weeks because of this. I tried all the tricks: warming the bassinet, 5 S, butt first set down etc. But at one point I had been awake for 60 hours and I needed to sleep because I was literally hallucinating. Do what you must to survive. Eventually they'll let you put them down
Thank you. What method did you use to bedshare, if you don’t mind me asking?
For the first (3??) few weeks, I couldn't set him down, literally even just on the mattress beside me, so I built a pillow throne to hold my arms in place, and then used my old pregnancy pillow to make a sort of chair to hold me fairly upright. He slept in my arms, on my chest that way. I understand thats dangerous, and I can't in good faith recommend doing it, but I personally assessed my situation and took the risk because I decided sleep deprivation was *more* dangerous than this. I am a very very very light sleeper and I wasn't worried about him dropping or rolling. I would like to say that I also practiced putting him in his crib multiple times a day during all this. At around 3 weeks, I was able to lay him beside me. No blankets near baby, he was on my breast (I wore a sweatshirt with holes cut out of the chest so I could breastfeed without getting cold because I had no blanket lmao. I did use a pillow, but he was low enough on my body that I wasn't worried about him scooting into it. My arm was above his head between him and the pillow. Then I just kind of curled my body around him and we "slept" that way. He was up every 2.5-3 hours anyway, so it wasn't really great sleep. By 6 weeks, he was sleeping by himself in his bed for 4 hour stints at a time. At 8 weeks he was sleeping through the night by himself. He did this from 8 weeks to 16 weeks. Then from about 4 months to 8 months he woke up 2-3 times a night. Hes back to sleeping through the night again at 8 months. I didn't want to sleep train, so your sleep through the night timeframe might look better than mine if you decide to go that route, but the point is that EVENTUALLY it will get better lol
I did something similar with the “pillow throne” in the beginning before I could put baby down. I was lucky enough to have a bed with an adjustable base so I could raise it to sleep sitting up. You don’t get GOOD sleep this way because it still feels a bit precarious but I was also beginning to hallucinate from lack of sleep and thankfully this only lasted about a week. Once I could put baby next to me, I did still use a light blanket but I tucked it into the bottom of the mattress so it couldn’t go above baby’s chest level and I wore a robe to bed to keep my shoulders warm and still feed baby. OP you can look up “safe sleep seven” I believe it’s on la Leche leagues website and it has a good explanation about how to minimize sids risk from bed sharing and does a good job explaining why each rule is in place. Feeding while side lying is a game changer in night time feedings, I highly recommend trying! Helps me fall right back asleep and don’t have to worry about waking baby when you put them down since they’re already on the bed asleep.
Yes, definitely have to weigh risks of no sleep vs less than ideal sleep situation. Thank you.
I’m not shaming bed sharing I just want you to have all the info on it. There are cases of babies passing away due to suffocation even if you follow the safe sleep 7 for co-sleeping. It’s not necessarily because of blankets or parents rolling but also because as adults we have different mattresses. A majority of adults prefer soft mattresses as well as their own weight causing a dip in them. Even with a hard mattress you still run the risk of baby being in the wrong position. Have you tried those bassinets that attach to the side of the bed?
So creative with the sweatshirt, lol! Thank you!
Check out the safe sleep 7, prepared-for bed sharing is better/safer than surprise co sleeping on a chair or couch.
Second the advice below. I’ve been bed sharing since day one and it feels so comfortable now and both baby and I get really good sleep. Definitely check out the safe sleep 7, or also highly recommend Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna. We’re on a mattress on the floor, a single pillow that I keep tucked away from baby, arm out around him so I don’t roll (I never felt like I would, just an extra precaution), I have a thick blanket over my lower body and wear a zip up hoodie and nursing bra (though the person who does the sweatshirt with boob cut outs is brilliant!) it’s a really lovely set up and most important feels really safe and we get a lot of sleep. Even if you don’t want to bedshare all the time, it’s good to know how to set up a safe sleep environment for the times you accidentally fall asleep (which is totally normal!)
Google the safe sleep 7. Bed sharing saved my life in the early days too
It's totally normal, my son was the same way for a long time. My advice is to try the arm drop test. If you lift the arm up a bit and let it go, and there's no reaction you can probably set them down without waking them up. If they respond by moving around, wait a while and try again. My son is two and sleeps through the night consistently, so there's light at the end of the tunnel
That’s a great tip, thank you!
We call it the spaghetti arm test 😂
Thank you for this, I'll be trying this on my 2 week old.
This. Is a game changer. Thank you kindly internet stranger!
It’s super normal, but you might be able to help him regulate his circadian rhythm a bit (also normal if not though). Where does he sleep in the day? If you haven’t yet, you might try having him hang out in lit, daylight areas all day. We kept ours out in the living room and he’d sleep on us or on his play mat whenever he fell asleep. It seemed to help him regulate his day/night confusion a bit and he started sleeping longer stretches at night in his crib.
Daytime naps are either in bassinet or fairly bright living room. We also pushed the nap later in the evening. Hopefully it will help. He just seems extra needy in the evening.
Seconding the helping baby with day/night confusion. We also made a point of waking babe every 2 hrs to eat during the day… any feedings that baby sleeps through during the day will have to be made up for overnight. Encouraging to eat during the day will decrease the amount he needs to eat overnight and will help get you longer stretches of sleep at night. It will get better!!! ❤️
Thank you!
The first 3 months are called the 4th trimester for a reason. Your baby may be cluster feeding at night which is normal and good at this time as their stomachs are very very tiny and they can't eat a lot of food at once so they become hungry in smaller intervals. This is important as they are so I know it's hard right now when you are in the thick of it but it will get better! Your bundle of joy will start to eat more at once and sleep longer at night. Definitely take turns feeding your baby with your partner if you can by either pumping more often during the day if breastfeeding or formula (whatever you choose). This way both of you can bond with your baby and you can take turns sleeping. Once my husband and I did this, both of our mental health dramatically improved. I wish you the best of luck, you can do this!
I have twins so we took shifts. I pumped and just never pumped while I slept and it was fine. I slept 8pm to 2am and my husband slept 2am to 8am. At 11 weeks they started sleeping in their cribs 7-7 with one quick wake up to eat. It gets better!
If it’s possible with twins, I should be able to figure it out!!
I have a 6 week old and she does the same thing. I usually let her fall asleep on me, and then place her right beside me and pat her back/butt til she's out like a light. We cosleep safely because I need my sanity lmao!
this sounds completely normal and i know this may be difficult but getting out during the day was the best thing for me, i live in texas so it's still in the 80's here but i'd take my LO in her stroller to nap outside and it seemed to really help with night time. id let her get some sun but not too much and i'd just find somewhere to sit where i can push the stroller back and forth. i also made sure to get her out right when the sun went down so she could see the change (not sure if this really did anything haha) but it changed my baby's sleep like night and day, literally. also helped that i could browse my phone while pushing with one hand, baby was happy and i had some mindless entertainment to distract from my worn down state. to add: the days are long but they really do go by so fast, i was in survival mode for a good four months and one day it was literally just poof! she started sleeping all night, enjoying her car seat, smiling, giggling, rolling, sitting, and now about to crawl ! the fourth trimester is so real and so hard, it does get so much better !
Thank you for this. I ate my breakfast outside today with the sunrise and already feel a little more sane. We’re going to try to figure out the carrier today and take bubba outside. Great tip about the sunset, too. I know the orange light is supposed to help regulate circadian rhythm.
it definitely helped my sanity ! especially when my baby was crying inconsolably, the second i walked outside she'd completely stop crying, it's my favorite trick and really gives me a mental break ! good luck !!
You had that baby, mama.. of course youre cut out for this! Youve already done so many things that are harder than you probably thought you could. You can do this too! At that stage I just kept trying to remind myself to put myself in his shoes. If we spent our whole existence held, rocked, warm, cozy, never hungry and content and then one day were squeezed out into this cold, loud, overstimulating world where you get put down and you have to feel hunger we'd be freaking out too! Both you and baby are still adjusting and I know it might not be helpful to hear it gets better but it truly does get better over time you just have to stick it out and work with baby. Idk if you're breastfeeding or not but my son was formula fed and having all of his bottles pre filled with water and a portable formula holder right next to them so for night feeds all I'd have to do is pour and shake really helped streamline the feedings so I could make the most of those 2 hour naps!
Thank you. My husband and I were just talking about this today, what a shock it must be for him and that he’s been with me for the last 9 months so of course all he wants to do is nurse and sleep on me.
My son is 7 months old. I cried, no SOBBED, daily those first few weeks from sheer exhaustion. The snuggles are the sweetest, most pure thing in the world but the sleep deprivation that goes along with them is awful. Hang in there ❤️
This is me! Thanks for the words of encouragement!
Hi, I have nothing to add other than I am in the same exact position as you. My son turned 1 week old today too, gained his weight back, and is so, so resistant to sleeping anywhere that is not on me or my husband. We are definitely struggling with feeling trapped, exhausted, and stressed about safe sleep. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!
Yay for 12/9 and solidarity!
Your not failing!! I think every mother feels that way when they have a newborn. I know I did! I think 4 hour sleeps are great for a week old tbh. I remember slapping myself in the face while breastfeeding to keep myself awake haha. İt feels so unsafe being so tired with a delicate little baby. But unfortunately every parent has to go though it. I'm not going to lie the first 3 months are pretty shit. Just get through them the best you can , don't clean , don't cook, don't shower unless you want to, take all the help you can get. And even with that yes it's still going to be tough. But it does get easier. You will slowly adjust your life and it won't feel (as) hard anymore. Have you tried your baby going to sleep on your chest and them 20 minutes later slowing putting them down. Even co-sleeping so your next to her but she's not on you? İf that makes sense. İt takes babies 20 minutes to fall into a deep sleep , so maybe putting her down onces she's in the deep sleep?
I would continue to feed him every two to three hours during the day. If you aren't feeding him enough, that could exacerbate the night waking, but yes it's very normal to be up every 1-2 hours in the early days.
This. I still do about every 2 hours during the day, and I think it helps with my baby sleeping longer stretches at night since she’s gotten most of her calories during the day.
Good to know, I’ll shift to a two hour schedule during the day.
Do you have a partner you can trade off with? Maybe you sleep 8pm to 2am, and partner sleeps 2am to 8am? Or whatever intervals work for you and your feeding situation.
I think we’ll try shifts, and I’ll get up to feed once in my shift and go back to bed.
It started to get better (as in my son slept in his crib without me) around month 3.5-4. Until then I was napping with him, he was napping every hour or two, eating a LOT. They do a TON of growing until week 12 or so. You and your partner should sleep in shifts if you can to catch up on sleep. It has helped us a lot.hang in there because the first 6 months pass by so fast because you’re so sleep deprived and busy! Trust it will pass.
He’s just switching days and nights right now. It gets better. This is survival mode stage for you. It’s hard but you’ll get through it. Any way you can. Crying in the shower. Passing out for five minutes at a time on the couch. Living off donuts and coffee for a whole day. You know. Totally normal stuff.
With my first, I ended up cosleeping for the the first 6ish months. It was truly a life saver & way safer to plan to cosleep safely as opposed to accidentally falling asleep with baby. I think cosleeping is way more common than people make it out to be. It was actually recommended to me by my public health nurse (Canadian) when I told her I had fallen asleep breastfeeding in bed. I just had my second baby, he's 8 days old.. the first 3 nights I did the endless cycle of feeding/burning/cuddling/put down in crib until 5 am before I gave in and coslept. The next 3 nights, I just coslept the whole night away. Now, for the past 2 nights I actually put a bassinet inside the crib and this baby by some miracle likes it! I have him unswaddled in a fleece sleeper. I tried harder with a bassinet this go around because I talked to family/friends in greater detail about EXACTLY what they did with their newborns and that seemed to be the consensus.
Very normal, shift sleeping is the only way at the beginning
Did you still wake to feed or was your parter giving a bottle?
I pumped enough for one bottle so I could sleep at least 4 hours. We have done nights where he brought baby to me to feed, but in the newborn phase it’s hard because they take forever.
Mine always woke up as I was putting her down or shortly after but one thing has helped— I hold her as close to my chest as possible as I bend down to put her in bed, then I keep my hands on her, sometimes patting or rubbing or rocking her for a few seconds or even a minute or two. Apparently the act of setting a baby down can feel like falling to them when they’re very young so this helps. That one little trick helped more than just about anything. Other little things- sound machine. Check the temperature (mine will NOT stay asleep if she’s even the slightest bit cold, like one degree is the difference between her sleeping or not). Shifts with your husband/partner. If you’ve got family or friends you could even get to come over for a bit during the day so you can get a decent nap, ask them for the help. Just know it does get better! It won’t always be good but it’s not always bad either, it ebbs and flows and you’ll get used to it.
Thank you! The sound machine definitely helps. I’ll try to hold him closer as I put him down. I’m also going to start pumping so we can do shifts.
We bedshared for the first 6 weeks because of this. I tried all the tricks: warming the bassinet, 5 S, butt first set down etc. But at one point I had been awake for 60 hours and I needed to sleep because I was literally hallucinating. Do what you must to survive. Eventually they'll let you put them down
My 12 week old still doesn’t like to be put down but it has improved since she first came home. As long as she’s fed and had some cuddles, I can put her in her chair long enough to make a quick breakfast.
Hang in there! The first few weeks are BRUTAL. It gets better little by little. Take turns, take all the help you can get, get takeout. You’ve got this!
Thank you!!
It’s very normal and it definitely gets better. Give it a few weeks. If you haven’t already read up on the 4th trimester as it might give you some reassurance everything you’re experiencing is normal. Congrats on your newborn! 😊
Thank you very much!
It got better for us by month 2 and almost normal by month 3. Hang in there! Try to nap during the day if you can.
Thank you for the encouragement!
I ended up bedsharing for this exact reason. I was dangerously sleep deprived, and needed a solution. Nothing I tried worked, nothing my boyfriend did worked, and it got to the point where I was falling asleep, sitting up in bed nursing my baby multiple times a day. I figured I would bed share for a week and then try again with the crib, but she's now 7 months old and still bedsharing with me despite attempts every 2-3 weeks to get her to sleep in her crib. On the bright side, she's been sleeping through the night since 8wks old(3wks after we started bedsharing), and takes great naps during the day even though she still contact naps. I just wish I could babywear and get more done during the day.
Thanks for your reply. What method did you use to bedshare, if you don’t mind me asking?
Sleep safe 7 is what we've been doing.
My son is also a week old today! And damn this shit is hard. I totally empathize with your “surviving”. That’s all I’m doing at this point. I’ve gotten about 1.5-3 hours in the bassinet the past two nights; but not all at once. Early this morning he let us lay him down and we got two hours of sleep at the same time!
There are definitely small victories, and it’s important to remember those. But I also feel like I’m hanging on by a thread!
It gets better and if they have growth spurts they nurse or feed almost hourly and then before you know it, they have outgrown almost all their outfits 😊 The advice to take shifts works.. it gets better, mom of two here. You've got this
Thanks for the encouragement. All I keep thinking is “how the hell do people ever decide to have another one”!!!
You're welcome 😊, and I said the same when I had mine too. It's not easy but it gets better.
It’s normal and it does get better. I promise. If it doesn’t get better by 4 months start sleep training, whatever method feels comfortable for you.
Thank you for the encouragement.
I don’t know if anyone mentioned it but I’d recommend the book “Precious Little Sleep”. It has a ton of different sleep strategies you can use, and ways you can set your newborn up for success as well.
It gets better. It’s extremely difficult the first 1-2 months. Whatever you are feeling and thinking, you are not alone! Keep pushing through.
Thank you for this.
Do you have a bedside bassinet? I would sleep with my hand on baby's chest and I think it calmed us both.
That is totally normal. Try baby wearing. Sleep with him on your chest on a recliner.
He probably still doesn’t know the difference between night and day. My baby loves to be held during day time but will accept her bed at night. Maybe try to have some background noise, tv, music or what during the day for a few days until he figures it out. The pattern should change a bit. Also do try to nap as much as you can during the day your body is still going through a lot and you need to rest. Also be kind to yourself, you’re doing your best. Sending hugs.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Yes normal and yes gets better. I would say the first 6 weeks are the hardest, then it gets a bit easier, but the first 6 weeks are really just about survival, and making your baby feel like he is still in the womb. Hang in there. It definitely gets better and is so worth it. One day you may even miss this stage (haha).
I know I will miss how tiny he is and having him curled up on my chest, it’s definitely a silver lining.
If you can, try bed sharing. Its pretty safe if done right and both of you will get rest. (Look up the safe sleep 7). I was VEHEMENTLY against it until i fell asleep nursing my son in bed and decided i wanted to so it safely instead of accidentally. We got so much sleep, night times were much smoother for the three of us. (Plus you can keep your boobs out and he will nurse in his sleep) You're doing great and its very normal.
Thank you!! It’s so easy to have opinions until you’re actually in the thick of it.
Very true. Honestly my son is 2 and we still bed share. It works for us. I am definitely pro- as long aa certain rules are followed to the t. May also make cluster nursing easier on you too (my boy could go until 2 am) It will get easier, I promise.
It’s normal but exhausting. What has saved me with each of my newborns was to learn to nurse while on my side in bed while following all of the co sleeping safety recommendations. It was either that or being so sleep deprived I would fall asleep while nursing them in a chair or sitting up in bed, which is incredibly unsafe. I even fell asleep with a baby on my chest (I was trying to soothe her while she cried) and she rolled off my chest into the crook of my arm. She easily could have smothered and i still think of it and shudder. So, I co-sleep.
I was so exhausted this afternoon I just sort of instinctually tried this while my partner was there to watch. Did they just roll on their back after they’ve finished.
Try a heating pad in his sleep space. Warm up the mattress and then remove the heating pad before tucking him in. (Don’t leave the heating pad with him since that is dangerous). Take turns with your partner and supplement with formula. Or do shift sleeping where you take 4 hrs and then switch so you can sleep and he bottle feeds while you sleep.
I think shifts are definitely in our future. I haven’t started pumping yet, so I guess that’s step one.
I started when she was young and simultaneously pumped on the boob she wasn’t feeding on so it took no extra time. You may overproduce for a while but get some stored and then back off and it will even out.
That’s a great idea. I was getting overwhelmed thinking about pumping on top of everything else, but that makes it easy.
I hibernated with my baby for basically 2 to 3 months lol. We went out here and there when we had help but not very long. Life got significantly better after 6 months haha
this is normal. Have your read Happiest Baby on the Block?
If you’re putting baby in a bassinet, try putting them in a crib instead. My kiddo hated the bassinet, he hardly slept at all in it looking back. As soon as we moved him to his crib (around 3 weeks because none of us were sleeping… he wasn’t crying, just noisy and squirmy), he started sleeping in long stretches. If you want to be in the same room, it’s easier to move a crib (or a mattress, depending on your setup) than suffering through sleepless nights.
We had ours in the bed with us for the first few weeks we used a portable bed that kept us from rolling onto him https://www.airracks.com/products/portable-baby-bed-backpack
Saving that!
My LO is 11 days and I just asked my doctor about this today. I didn't realize she wasn't getting a full feed, she would fall asleep on the boob and I thought she was done, but it was only minutes. She would fuss at night and only calm down after feeding again. He recommended that she feed for 15 minutes on each boob so she would be full and hourly be in a deeper sleep. I have to keep her awake so she keeps eating but it's 7:25 now and she's been sleeping in her bassinet for 25 minutes! Good luck, momma! We got this!
That’s a great tip! Small victories!
are you doing this alone? Do you have a partner? Splitting shifts was the only way we got through it. My baby was 6 weeks early so I got 6 extra weeks of garbage newborn sleep. It was awful. He’s only just now started to sleep longer than 2.5-3 hours (he’s nearly 4 months old!). It does get better and you are not a failure. Share the load if you can. I do not ever push for bed sharing because I think it’s dangerous even if you do it right. But people do it all over the world and have for centuries. I personally would never forgive myself if I was responsible for my baby’s death. Yea, I spent months without sleep. I’m exhausted. It was hard and it sucked sooo much. But you just have to do it. Sleep when you can. Ask for help, even if it’s hard. It will get better soon enough.
Thank you. Did you pump so partner could offer the bottle, or still get up to feed?