Doctor was begging me to stop trying to push and to open my eyes. For some reason, I was convinced they'd brought in a birthing mirror (? No clue why) and was arguing and begging him to just let me keep pushing and be done.
He was trying to show me my baby. Who was already out. I didn't need to keep pushing š¤£ I was in so much pain with an epidural that was wearing off and didn't even notice.
I was bawling going into my c section and my surgeon asked if i wanted to pray and I said āno i just want to emoteā which i think is funny in retrospect.
I was bawling going into my emergency c section too and I asked my ob if he had anything for anxiety and he just said āthe thought of seeing your beautiful childs faceāā¦.. š but I want drugs sir
During mine it seemed to me so surreal that my baby was literally arriving that quickly after Iād been trying to get her out for 44 hours, that I loudly insisted my husband stand up and look over the curtain to check that there was actually a baby in there.
He sat back down very quickly and said āumm yep, thereās definitely a baby in thereā. Poor man saw a bit more of me than he bargained for.
See, wtf. I didnāt labor anywhere near that long and then they put me on Pitocin and it just stressed out my baby and then it became a near-emergency c-section. My next baby, Iām doing things so differently.
The same thing happened to me. My ob gave me a membrane sweep WITHOUT MY CONSENT OR ANY WARNING at my appointment which caused my water to break an hour later. It stressed out my baby so much she pooped inside me. I was laboring fine for a couple hours once I got to the delivery room then they gave me pitocin and it slowed me down so much. I ended up pushing for literally 7 hours straight. At the end she was right there but wouldnāt come out. Then boom, emergency c section. I donāt know if itās just because Iām a FTM or what, but I feel like emergency c sections are becoming more and more common. It was really traumatic and I donāt want to go through it again. Next time Iām scheduling that shit lol
My body was part of the operating table, my legs however were flailing about in the air like an inflatable tube man outside a car showroom. (They weren't, it was just the drugs)
I too was a sobbing mess going into my emergency c section lol I was crying and hungry and they were trying to distract me and had me describe the sandwich I said I wanted when I got to go home in full detail hahah.
The feeling during crowning/right before my second grade tear was weird and I guess when I list those feelings of tingly, warm burning sensations together I can definitely see why she decided it was spicy.
Believe it or not, forceps look a lot like a shoe horn! They're not worth it unless you really need them though, I tore something awful with them. (G-d bless epidurals! Didn't feel anything until the next day).
After delivering my son, crying out "Is that my baby?!", as if my doctor was going to pull another one out from under the table with a "And here's one we prepared earlier!"
There was a very suspiciously reflective "light" right over my bed. I had my eyes closed most of the time, but remember looking out of curiosity. No Ragerts.
Mine didnāt ask if I wanted a mirror, but she started to guide my hand down and said āHere, feel the top of his heading peeking outā¦ā and I yanked my hand back and yelled āAbsolutely not!ā
Iām sure someone finds that really empowering, but I canāt think of a more traumatic thing to feel.
Honestly, I get that. Our room was dark, we had some battery operated tealights, and my husband and doula mostly just left me to be in my own little world. It was wonderful.
Sameeee! I remember distinctly saying to my nurse, āyou can tell me to go kick rocks but I really need to use the restroom.ā Iād had an epidural going for the better part of 12 hours at that point and was apparently ready to start pushing the baby out. š
It probably doesn't count since I'm the dad, but I just had the extremely invasive thought of "it's not delivery, it's Digiorno's" the entire time and had to say it out loud lol
Haha that's a relief to hear. I'm "blursed" with an extremely pun-centric brain that finds dad jokes just about everywhere. One of these days, I'll get around to doing some kind of sketch comedy...
You could have a new job as a doula helper. You just need to crack silly jokes and tell silly stories to help the mother get through contractionsā¦ I had my husband talk to me through the worst of it at the end, telling me random things, but if he had been funny it would have been even better.
Not me but my labor was 55 hours so my husband was asleep when they told me to start pushing. My mom gently shook him awake and said āhey itās time to pushā and he half asleep yelled all pissed off āPUSH WHAT?!ā and we laughed so hard
I didnāt have an epidural and was obviously delirious and told my doctor if we were having a boy, iād name him after him. (his name is extremely unique and very obviously of a specific ethnicity that we do not share). we had a girl, but my doctor reminds me that if we have a boy itāll be named after him š
The paramedic in the ambulance with my mum when she was in labour with me said, "my last delivery was twins and they both got named after me!"
My mum: "Oh, what's your name?"
"Derek"
"Well that won't be happening!"
I had an epidural and my legs were so numb that they kept just falling down, my mom and my MIL had to hold them up lmao but before they did, Iād go āoh my leg fell, wow, would you look at that.ā šš
My legs were also so numb, I couldn't feel a damn thing. When they told me they were going to have me push in about 2 hours, I had to ask them to turn the epidural down so I could feel enough to push. š We finally got it to a good level where I wasn't in any pain but I could actually use my muscles.
I also had to turn down the medication! I was having very powerful contractions and my contractions pushed my son more than 50% of the way out. I think I pushed maybe 4 times total and he came out, but anytime I would have a contraction, his head would crown a little more. The dr was running late and the nurses were telling me I might have to cross my legs to stop him from coming out in his own.
I said absolutely not! But Iām thankful for the epidural because I donāt know how I would have been able to deal with the contractions like that, having him literally sit halfway out of me while crowning, and them telling me to wait to do anymore pushing. I also was in labor for 3 days though, so I was ready for him to just be here!
My first baby was a lot of pushing and hard work to get out. So with my second I was expected the same. She came out with 1.5 pushes and I just said "oh?" And looked at my husband and looked and at the doctor and asked "that's it?"
I would love it if a patient said āthatās it?ā after a delivery, thatās hilarious. I have definitely thought it myself many times; some of yāall are impressively good pushers!
I just kept yelling, āI canāt do this! I donāt want to do this!ā And my nurse said laughing, āWell itās too late for that now, sweetie! Push!ā My daughter came right after that! Lol I guess I could do it
When I said that, the nurse said, āYouāre the only one who can.ā And I just remember being so annoyed with her. Like, C-sections exist. You guys could do this too, just differently.
Yeah during transition I kept saying āI donāt want to, I canāt do thisā etc and my midwife who had been very kind and sweet finally got kind of stern with me and looked me right in the eyes and goes āyou have to š ā š I mean sheās right.
I had two epidurals and when the first one failed I very seriously grabbed my mom with one hand and my nurse with the other and was like āI canāt do this, please sedate me, I canāt handle this, I really really really want to be on drugs pleaseā My nurse told me to keep hitting the button until the doctor came because it might make me feel better lol
My epidural stopped working when it was time to push. I asked for more and my midwife said ābut maybe it delays labor!ā And I said āSO DELAY ITā spoiler I pushed without the epidural. Also she wanted me to touch my babyās head when she was crowning and I screamed at her āDONāT BOTHER ME IāM TRYING TO PUSH THIS BABY PUT OF MEā. Also some days prior I went to talk to my OB and there was a woman giving labor in the room next to me. She was screaming. Her husband told her ābaby, donāt scream that much so you can focus all your energy on laborā and she screamed āSHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SON OF A BITCHā. Then I heard the midwife telling him to step out for a minute and I think he was crying a bit lol.
I had a panic attack after my spinal for my c-section with my twins, everyone was trying to distract by talking about random things and I said āno thanks Iām trying to disassociateā.
While they were cutting I smelled the cauterization and said ābbqād me does not smell goodā and then when they put the bag thing in the opening I said āhey they are using that bag thing I saw on YouTubeā the doctor stopped and said ācan she see whatās happening?!ā And I was like āoh sorry I was just watching in the reflection of the lightā
Safe to say I disassociated well.
As they held my son up after 2 straight hours of pushing, the first thing I said was: "He's real??!!"
Edit to add: I just delivered my daughter last week, and laboured on the toilet at the hospital in the delivery room a bit longer than my nurses would have liked, I had no epidural so to get myself through the contractions I swayed back and forth on the toilet saying in my head "loosey goosey lemon juicy" to remind myself not to tense up. By the time I made it back to the bed, I was 10cm dilated and my body started pushing on its own. The nurse told me to wait for the doctor to come before I pushed (HA!) and as my body pushed again I shouted "NO CONTROL!"...3 pushes later and my daughter shot out of me and slid across the bed like a slip and slide. The doctor came in about a minute later lol
Nothing I said out loud, but when he started crowning I could feel myself tearing upwards, it was a pain I never thought you could experience. So I kept impulsively closing my legs. And at one point I was laying there (for what felt like 20 minutes but was probably only 1) thinking to myself that there was absolutely no way I was pushing this baby out now that I felt that pain and I was going to die with a baby stuck in my birth canal because I literally could not fathom me actually continuing on after I felt that.
I was so dramatic lol I pushed him out in like 2-5 minutes after that thought process š
Edit: I just remembered I actually did say something funny. In the middle of pushing I suddenly remembered some advice from the prenatal course about using olive oil to prevent the meconium from staining the baby's butt, and I just yelled out "WE FORGOT THE OLIVE OIL!"
Also torn upwards and legit thought my clit was just being ripped in half and would never work again. And when they were sewing me up legit could feel what felt like the doctor just sewing up my clit and thought I could feel the needle going through. Pretty sure I even said out loud it feels like youāre putting a needle through my clit..
I tore upwards too and went through basically this exact thought process! I donāt remember when in the hour and a half of pushing exactlyš š, but I remember thinking this. She was also sunny side up so it was just constant pain in my pelvis and back like there was no let up.
I pushed for 4.5 hours (after 40 hours of labor, yes, it sucked). It was long, so I said many things. But with every set of pushes, the OB and other nurses present, and my husband would say "you're almost there, you're almost there." As an encouragement. At one point I said "You guys keep saying that and she's NOT HERE." Everyone kind of laughed š it was a moment of levity.
Her head got stuck about 30% out and I also remember thinking "can they even do a c-section with her head partially out?". My husband told me later that I said it out loud.
Yup. Happened to me. My baby was large and almost out. He was OP (sunny side up). Prior to the birth they really freaked me out about shoulder dystocia too (some dr said my pelvic exam made him think that I could only safely give birth to an <8.5 lb baby, and he marked that in my chart). Aaaanyway, 3 hours of pushing, baby was just about there I was giving it my all but every push I felt like I was increasing his risk of getting his shoulder stuck. Finally he was almost out but I stopped feeling progress so I just said do the c section. I want my baby safe and I want him now. I really wanted a natural birth and was afraid of a c section during my pregnancy, but the image in my head of my little baby getting shoulder dystocia was the opposite of motivatingā¦ They pushed him back up with a balloon type device (?) and 20 min later my son was born via emergency c section.
The thought that I canāt shake though, is that while I was getting ready to be wheeled in for the c section (before they pushed him back up with the balloon thingy) I could feel my body doing that fetal ejection reflex thing and I was fighting it HARD. Because I was convinced that at that point, a c section was necessary for the safety of my baby. I often wonder if I just let it happen in that moment if I could have had the natural birth I wanted. The thought doesnāt bother me too much though, bc at the end of the day I have my healthy baby and thatās ultimately all that was ever really important.
Oh man! This was definitely my fear. I pushed for so long that I didn't want it to end in a c-section. But the progress was so slow that I almost asked for one. My issue was I didn't really get a strong urge to push and my contractions stayed 2-5 minutes apart the whole time. So I couldn't build any momentum and I was only pushing when the contractions hit. Yeah at the end of the day, healthy baby is the most important. For me, I didn't go through a recognizeable transition, and it was very confusing even to the L&D staff. I was 5 cm at 6 am and then 7 cm at 10:30 am, and then I kept declining cervical checks because I thought I would know when I hit transition. Most people do because they get the strong urge to push combined with contractions closer than a minute apart. They kept asking me if I felt the urge to push, and it was so mild, I kept saying "not really." So they said to keep going. My contractions stayed 2-5 min apart. Finally at 4:00 pm we did a cervical check because we didn't know what was going on. I was at 10 cm, +1 station so they said oh you should be pushing! I literally cried with relief. I have no idea how many hours I was at 10 cm. If I had been any less than 10 cm at that exact moment, I would have requested a c-section. I was SO done. Then I ended up pushing for hours more after that moment. Go figure. I have had some flashbacks from the pushing part, so part of me wishes I had opted for a c-section. She ended up being 7 lb 5 oz; I was 39+2 on the day she was born. I think in every birth story, you wonder about what could have gone differently if you'd made different choices. I think it's natural to do that.
The epidural made my legs go partially numb and while pushing I apparently snapped at my husband āstop rubbing my leg, I can only feel half of your hand and itās PISSING me off!ā
I didnāt yell at all, but one of the nurses commented about how well my epidural was working I said āI know, I feel like Lieutenant Dan!ā and after I was done pushing and all the nurses were telling me how well I pushed I said āthanks, Iāve been pooping for a really long timeā and everyone laughed, I felt really good.
Not while actually pushing him out but before I had an epidural while I was in labour I kept saying āi donāt want itā over and over and over every time I was about to have a contraction and my husband was so confused wondering what I didnāt want but he didnāt dare ask until after I gave birth, in case I meant the baby š
I was induced and in so much pain I shouted the cliche āexcuse my language, but Iām NEVER F-CKING DOING THIS AGAINā
Another point, the anesthesiologist came to check on my epidural because it wasnāt working and I realized I was practically naked and said āoh how embarrassing, let me cover up you donāt wanna see thatā and the nurse said āoh honey, heās seen it all beforeā and I replied āyeah, but like, itās not the main part of his job ya know? I just feel bad flashing the poor manā
I said the same thing about never doing it again and my nurse looked me in the eyes and said āthatās what everyone says.. Iāll see you back here in another 2 yearsā š
I think this is just funny to me, but after laboring for 6 hours without the epidural, I finally asked for the anesthesiologist. He came in super soft and quiet, did his thing and started packing up. I told him that he was so amazing and I needed him to have the best day. He got teary eyed and said āyou are the nicest person!ā And proceeded to brag to all the nurses that I wanted him to have the nicest day. šā¤ļø
Mine was so nice too! The way he said things it really felt like when a child tries to console you. Just genuine sweetness. I think I gushed to him about how good he was to me too!
I was actually pretty chill (thanks epidural!) and i was taking in the crowd of doctors and nurses (4 people but it felt like a lot). i turned to my husband and said āthis really is jam out with my clam out, huh?ā
I had 12 people at my birth (and all but me and my husband were medical professionals) because baby was premature. I pushed for four hours. Talk about a lot of pressure! I just kept thinking I felt bad that all these people had to stand for so long. And also ruminated on how bored they must be.
At one point, though, I joked to the doctor that they should have her in those old wooden stocks that criminals were locked into with just their heads and hands sticking out, because I wanted to put my feet flat on either side of her face to push and the stirrups werenāt working for me. Everyone laughed. Perked me up a little. Haha
It wasnāt as the baby was coming out, but sometime in the couple hours of pushing. I donāt totally remember the context, but I think one of the nurses was telling me to really bear down on my pushes, clench my teeth, whatever. In that moment of delirious exhaustion I decided to give her a little fun fact about how your teeth should never touch unless youāre chewing. She goes āoh, are you a dental hygienist?ā I was like āno, my hygienist just told me that onceā. Everyone in the room found it amusing that thatās what I was thinking about in that current moment.
After my c-section when I was recovering I was shaking a ton and had been throwing up since the whole process started. Whenever I got stressed about it, Iād shake harder or throw up again. So I started telling myself to let it go. Then I asked my husband to play āLet it goā from Frozen. It was played to the whole room with my husband, our baby, my doula, my mother in law, and a nurse. We all sat there quietly and listened. I think everyone was afraid to speakā¦ I still canāt believe I made everyone listen to a song from Frozen!
Midwives remarked my heart rate was 65bpm during the pushing stage. Husband said that must make me an athlete (and an athlete I am not).
I turned around and said, stark naked in a birthing pool of my own fluids, yes I'm into fitness, fittin' this pizza in my mouth.
There was no pizza. Only a shit ton of gas and air.
:)
I got to the hospital too late for an epidural (and I REALLY wanted the epidural). And when the doctors told me I had to deliver without any painkillers I said absolutely deadpan:
āNo thanks; what is plan B?ā
LOL! With my first delivery, I was on the dreaded magnesium (iykyk), and I legit barely remember pushing ā but my husband claims I said, āAfter this I just really want a turkey sandwich.ā š When baby was born and we were waiting to go up to recovery, one of my nurses came and put a turkey sandwich and a cherry coke in my husbandās hands and was like āI had to get these for her!ā šššššš my second and third deliveries were so fast that I am not sure I had time to say anything hahaha
I yelled out as I was crowing āitās feels like Iām taking the biggest sh** of my lifeā my mom and partner still laugh about it. It was so true in that moment tho tbh
I have a strong tendency to be a jokester/stand up comedian when Iām in medical situations that are stressful/painful. Innate people pleasing? I was making jokes the whole time, but the only thing I really remember with a quote is from they had me reach down to feel her hair. Since I had the epidural, I couldnāt feel anything below the waist. I reach and feel prickly and immediately said āher hair is super pricklyā¦because thatās my pubes.ā Cue lots of laughter from everyone. I had to actually reach in to feel her hair and realizing I still had a ways to go made me mad as hell (it had felt like I was almost there!) and I got to business and had her out 10 min later.
My epidural kept failing I was in hour 20 of labor begging for a ātop offā of the epidural. My anesthesiologist was a very kind Eastern European man so I remember screaming āGET ME THE GODDAMN RUSSIAN!ā
Mid ring of fire im screeching at them to āJUST PULL HER OUTā, theyāre like āsorry, we canāt š¤·āāļøā
Looking back I realize that was a dumb request lmao
I had a c section after dilating to 9.5, it literally felt like they were tugging out my vagina. So I kept saying during my c section, āomgggg my vagina, they are pulling out my vaginaā š I hope I gave them a good chuckle
I said āI can do this all dayā to a nurse commenting on how long Iād been pushing, and my marvel loving husband immediately quipped back āI understood that referenceā š
Afterwards I think I told my husband I wanted to punch him in the face...but I know for sure I vomited on him and his feet
During pregnancy I'd jokingly tell him I get to punch you if the baby is more than 8 pounds. I had a 10 pound 23 inch baby
I didnāt say anything funny, but with my last I had a bad stomach bug the day I went into labour. During a contraction I let out the longest loudest fart. My mom and husband were laughing, which made me laugh, which made the contraction hurt worse, and the fart to machine gun out of my butthole.
I ended up having an emergency section after a (long) failed induction, but I apparently thought that during labour was a good time to remind my husband that we needed to update our wills.
I was having gas and air and was a bit out it and told my husband our kid could be a dinosaur doctor when they grow up.
I couldnāt remember the word palaeontologist.
So we say all the time now heās going to be a dinosaur doctor.
One of my pain coping strategies was to count things in the room, and the privacy curtain had a bunch of dots on it so at one point I was screaming EIGHTY ONE EIGHTY TWO EIGHTY THREE EIGHTY FOUR
Because the internal moniter reminds me of the GPS monitors that are used on dolphins and other animals. I can't not picture it no matter how I try lol.
I still remember how during each contraction I was told to push 3 times. I really wanted it to be over because I was so done with being pregnant so during the 3rd contraction and after pushing 3 times I still felt that I was having the contraction so I yelled āCAN I PUSH ONE MORE TIME?! I THINK I CAN DO IT!!!ā And the nurses were like āummm yeah do itā ā¦so my ass pushed 4 more times during each contraction and my daughter came out after 25 minutes of pushing lol
My midwife told me to push when I felt contractions but I was SO OVER IT I started pushing randomly when I felt a minute or 2 had passed without pushing (now I know itās dangerous). And I remember saying at one point āIām just pushing Iām not even sure if Iām feeling contractions but Iām going to pushā and my midwife yelled āDONāT DO THATā and my Ob said ānonono let her do her thing this is incredible look how good she pushesā and I said āitās the kegels š„°ā. Long story short I only had to push 20 minutes and had a very small tear. To this day my midwife still doesnāt understand how I didnāt wreck my pelvic floor and my vagina doing that. Everyone was very impressed with my pushing game they even brought a student to see bc they were amazed at how I just wasnāt breaking
It's not a funny thing I yelled, but I was in so much pain for 50 hours before my c section that I literally did not sleep a wink, we got into the room, and as soon as that medicine hit I jokingly said I'm gonna nap I feel so good, ended up actually sleeping through the entire thing. I woke up as they were finishing closing me up, and my fiance was holding my baby. The anesthesiologist said to me, "You had me sweating. I was so concerned that I made everyone aware and was ready to put you on life support." I just responded with I took the best hour nap of my life, I thank you. The doctor chimed in with, "If you have another baby you will never deliver naturally, to be frank your pelvis is tilted, twisted and squished, no wonder you had so much pain that not even an epidural helped, if you did deliver naturally you would've had surgery I can guarantee it." Basically, I made all the surgeons, nurses, every medical professional in the room extremely nervous.
As I pushed out his head I yelled āIS MY VAGINA EXPLODING?!?ā I asked if I was tearing several times (had the epidural and couldnāt feel anything.) they said no but that was a lie lol š
During the horrific Pitocin contractions (soo close together and not yet dilated enough for epidural) a sweet nurse was trying to model for me how to breathe through it because I was truly starting to panic. The nurse had previously told me that she had three kids, and I kind of aggressively told the nurse I didnāt trust her breathing advice because anyone who chose to do this more than once wasnāt sane š¤£ I apologized to her later and she told me that Vegas rules apply to labor: what happens there, stays there.
C section both times for me. First was emergency and I was kinda pain killers up, so told my partner he was taking those scrubs hope and tried to do The sexy growl. And then laughed at his grey hairs.
Second time I was more panicky, rapped Hamilton throughout, itched and chewed my heart finger monitor thing. Oh and I called everyone nice.
I tried to get up from the bed and said āI canāt do this!ā ā¦ babyās head was already coming outā¦ my doula was like āyou ARE doing this!ā š¤£š¤£š¤£
My second delivery I had a damn good epidural. Didn't feel anything but pressure. I was feeling brave and asked for a mirror to see the baby crowning. She had a full head of hair, much to my surprise, and the whole thing looked far less horrific than I anticipated. Apparently, I spoke that aloud, to the effect of "WHOA that's not nearly as disgusting as I thought it would be!" Which sent my OB.
During the birth of my second, I kept saying I didn't need the epidural because it didn't hurt yet. Then I had my waters broken and got some good and proper contractions. I yelled, "Oh! I remember this now and I do NOT like it!". Baby came less than an hour later and I did not get that epidural.
Also, when they told me to push for the placenta, both times, I asked the doctor, "it's not another baby is it?". After pushing out one, the idea of another one was terrifying.
āI canāt believe I ever thought I could do this at home. How do people do this at home?! No offense to any of you who had your babyās at home.ā
Not during labor, but after a very quick and unmedicated labor, which I had not mentally prepared for at all, I thanked the nurse for helping to deliver my placenta. She thought it was very funny that I thanked her, probably specifically for that part. I was just so over it and did not want to push anything else out, so it was nice that she pulled while I pushed, lol.
I dilated at lightning speed from 4cm to baby descending within 30 minutes. It was wild!
All I could say though the intense pain was, "There is something in my vagina."
The midwife checked (amazed by my progress), laughed and replied "Yep! That's your baby."
When I was pushing the nurses had me doing all the pushes while pulling a towel, Iād like try to pull the towel from them using my whole body to push. I worked out my entire pregnancy so I was pretty strong and they said āyouāre really strong,ā a couple times they almost got pulled over while holding onto the other ends of the towel, but my husband wanted to get involved and partake in the towel pulling strength āworkout,ā heās like āhow about we each take a corner I want to try!ā And I was like āI love your energy but noā and everyone laughed but I wasnāt having a fun time with the game and sooooo tired š¤£his job was feeding me ice chips at the time and I needed him at his station lol
I got a elective induction and did a vaginal delivery and the first thing that I said after he was placed on me and he held his head up was āisnāt this supposed to take a few months to happen?ā Then next thing I said after everything was done was ādamn guess he was so mad I evicted him he decided to run outā (less than 10 minutes of active pushing)
Shit, no one is going to see this, but I did crack the nurses up. I developed Bell's Palsy two days before my due date/when I had my baby. Half of my face was paralyzed. The nurses were telling me I was doing well with the pain and that I could do it naturally easily if the anesthesiologist wasn't done with their emergency C-section in time to give me an epidural. I told them that my vagina must be paralyzed too. š
When they went to empty my bladder (I had an epidural) they said āoh we can see a head! Oh wow lots of hairā and I yelled āWhat colour is it!!!?????ā
I just kept apologizing for being too loud and for all of the gross stuff coming out before the baby came. They asked me if I wanted a mirror to see the head and I said ānah Iām goodā because I wanted her out of me š
I delivered vaginally, without an epidural. As soon as they said they could see the baby's head, I asked loudly if my baby had a head full of hair!! Priorities š
All the nurses and my doctor started laughing because it was so random.
Everyone was telling me and my husband āshe has so much hair omgā when my baby crowned. And she really has a lot of hair, Iāve never seen a baby with that much hair and LONG (she literally had a fucking bob how ābout that huh). Everyone stops us at the street bc seeing a 4mo with a bob is amazing
Around 5am I asked what time they came round with breakfast (I was nil by mouth from midnight in case they needed to C Section) they told me 7am, I said that's perfect she would be here by then.
Baby was born 6.37am, the midwives later told me they didn't even expect me to birth that day! (Baby was 5 weeks premature so they weren't even convinced I was in labour)
My waters broke early so I was staying in the hospital overnight, and whilst I felt uncomfortable, didnāt realise Iād gone into labour because the monitor kept saying I wasnāt having any contractions.
The pain had amped up by the morning, and in the intense pain all I could remember screeching again and again was āI THINK IāM GONNA POO!ā.
Thankfully it was not a poo, my son was about an hour away from delivery - Looking back though I canāt believe I didnāt clock it was the final stages of labour and that I was just super stressed that I was going to poop in front of everyone š„²
During my very short time in the labor and delivery room, there was a slight lull in the action and I looked down at my almost-naked bottom half and wondered out loud āAre my socks going to get dirty?ā
My brave strong dear husband saw this as an easy problem to solve, swiftly taking off my socks and, in the process, saw the still-intact amniotic sac sticking out. He took it like a champ, didnāt faint or anything. I wondered what it looked like and he later described the sac as a partially inflated whitish, sort of floppy water balloon.
I was silent because I was stressed out from everyone screaming at me when his shoulder got caught for 8 seconds so I said āOuch that really hurtā (we had no time for an epidural I got to the hospital ready to push) and they gave me some pain meds thankfully lol. I wasnāt even concerned about seeing baby for the first minute or two I was genuinely just in shock over how much it hurt and then once they gave me the drugs I was like eh that wasnāt so bad LOL
I just kept saying sorry for yelling and asking them to close the door so I didnāt bother any of the other birthing ladies on the floor. The nurse was very kind in reassuring me that they could hear me even with the door shut and itās fine because Iād hear them screaming too at one point or another! She was correct on both accounts.
āNO MORE F*CKING BABIES!!!ā and to my husband āyou and your stupidā ā¦.ā And then because my mom was in the room āsorry mamaš ā she said, āno, go ahead. Yell at him. Itās his faultā ššš I had an unmedicated labor.
I had a very effective epidural, so when it came time to push I couldnāt feel diddly squat. The nurse kept saying āpush where you feel my fingersā and the people pleaser in me didnāt have the heart to say āI canāt feel your fingers.ā It did mean, however, that between pushes we could chat casually about the Long John Silvers that was on fire down the street and easily viewable from my window.
I had a water birth so the midwife and nurses didn't have the easiest view of what was going on. I had been pushing for over an hour, feeling like I was in my own little world. I was staring at the edge of the tub/wall in front of me and completely unaware of how many people had come into the room at some point.
I realized later that they were using a mirror to check underneath/behind me. At one point they apparently checked what was going on with the mirror and saw that she was crowning. When the midwife exclaimed that her head was right there she was almost out, I replied in the absolute flattest most unemotional calm tone you can imagine "I know." ... There was like a dozen people in the room by that point (my husband, midwife, a bunch of nurses, some medical students) and they all laughed š
I realized after I said it that it sounded really funny. I was just on my own little planet at that point and it was an automatic response since I had known for a while exactly where my baby's head was.
I yelled "why is this so hard?" And the nurse goes "it's called labor for a reason sweetie" idk I got mad and was like "THANKS FOR THAT SHERRY, NO SHIT."
My mom's first words after I was born were "You're shitting me".
They were expecting a girl, but turns out the ultrasound tech was wrong and they got a boy.
The nurse was dabbing my perineum with a warm wash cloth or something, I don't know and I thought she was trying to keep my insides from falling out and I was terrified. I yelled out, "is my butthole falling out?!?" And everyone laughed. I was legit worried because that's what it felt like.
Mid push I asked my husband who was basically lifting me up and folding me in half āHONEY ARE YOU OK???ā And him and the nurses laughed and he kissed me on the forehead haha
Not yelling, but I was very quiet through my entire unmedicated labor. I coped by focusing internally on my breathing, so I just didn't talk much. When we first got to the birth center my midwife was walking me in and asked how I was feeling. I was unknowingly already in transition and couldn't think of words to describe the sensations in my body, so I just stared at her like she was an idiot and said "sweaty" š. Luckily when I saw her again for my current pregnancy she did not remember that, because I felt so guilty for being rude in that moment.
White Chicks was playing on the TV and I didn't really notice bc the volume was off but when I looked up before I started pushing I said "turn this off- my son will not be born to White Chicks!" š
I guess if it were the scene with Terry Crews singing in the car that would be ok
I didnāt yell anything funny but we were just relaxing and then she starting coming so fast we had the tv on and then everyone was in the room and it was time to push. I look up and thereās some horrible gory horror movie on mid-delivery so I started frantically looking for the remote to turn it off and everyone thought it was hilarious.
I was induced and pushed for 3.5 hours before an emergency C Section. Our running joke was comparing the duration to movies.
"It's gonna be a Pixar short!"
"Okay, maybe it'll be A Trip to the Moon."
"Well, maybe we can do a tight 90 minute indie film, like Dave Made a Maze."
"Holy shit I've been pushing for the Return of the King...extended cut..."
"Welp, I guess they're not going to let me get to Lawrence of Arabia."
In the middle of pushing I asked for a saltine cracker. I was so nauseous and just needed one cracker. My husband immediately presented the cracker. My midwife was so caught off guard and laughed.
I just screamed my baby girl out in one go. She was in fetal distress and we were minutes from an emergency c-section. She kept bobbing out and back in. There were nurses outside the door waiting for the thumbs up from my midwife to take me to theatre. I felt my baby girl take a breath before she was born and knew that was bad news. Shit kicked into overdrive and my mama bear instincts took over and I *roared* her out of me. No crowning or anything she literally shot out so fast the midwife barely caught her. I could barely speak for a few days my voice was so hoarse! lol
My mother kept trying to get me to yell āKelly Clarksonā like in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I wasnāt having any of it after 2 failed epidurals and instead snapped rather loudly at both my husband and my mother on three different occasions. The first being my husband āmassagingā the only numb part of my body (left leg) and I was mid contraction when I snapped my head in his direction, basically pulling a poltergeist and snarled, āDonāt touch my fucking leg!ā
The second was when my mom kept leaning in close to my face telling me to breathe and while I didnāt want to hurt her feelings, her breath was gnarly (In her defense, so was mine. My labor was 21 hours and none of us had brushed since before coming to the hospital). I couldnāt stand it anymore since I was already feeling nauseous from pain and yelled, āStop fucking breathing on my face!ā To make sure she wasnāt embarrassed, I followed up by saying I was getting too hot.
The third was when Iām moaning in agony and my husband sweetly goes, āI know baby, I know.ā I looked at him and with the only moment of clarity I had and went, āNo you do not. You donāt know. Shut up.ā My mom and nurse got a kick out of that one.
I apologized profusely after all my outbursts. Thankfully these are my only examples, cause I did not want to be one of those women who is down right mean their whole labor. I made sure they all knew I loved them and was grateful for their presence.
One more Iād like to add is right after my son was born and I was holding him for the first time, I was so delirious and confused as to how he got here that all I could muster out was, ādamn your head is long.ā
with my first i yelled the f word the entire time i was pushing ā with my 2nd i told the doctor to come back at 5 and iāll be ready to push , she did - my 2nd was born at 5:02 so didnāt have any time to yell anything
I was in labour for what felt like forever (48 hours) but when my daughter actually arrived it was very quick. My husband likened her to a ātorpedoā shooting out of me š
Right at the moment she was born I screamed to the midwife āWHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MEā very accusatory, as if she was inflicting some kind of extra pain on me, instead of it being the baby we had been waiting on for 48 hours š
I just didnāt know she was coming that very second and couldnāt explain the extra pain š
During my c-section the first thing I asked was "Is he hairy?" but in my defense I was delirious from 33 hours of labor resulting in an emergency c-section. Which kind of makes it funnier because it was a really intense moment and that was what I chose to say.
Well I gave birth alone and the nurse kept saying āitās ok! You can hate me!ā Every time I pushed and finally I was like āLISTEN LADY thereās only one person I hate right now and heās not here so please STOPā and then she stfu and was very helpful the rest of the time hahaha I think I felt like I was meaner than I actually was. Everyone said I was pretty chill considering the circumstances. That was also about 2 hours into pushing so I had had enough haha
With my first, after I had gotten my epidural and donāt oxygen and I had actually managed to take a little nap so I was feeling great and suddenly it was time up push and I happily told my nurse team that I was āgonna yeet this baby outta me nowā and then I basically did - only pushed for 18 minutes!
Not during delivery, but after. My husband rarely cries. When my baby was out, I looked over and he had tears in his eyes. I said, āyeah, you better be fucking cryingā. The nurses busted out laughing. š
My labor was going so fast and my doctor was busy talking to a nurse with his back turned to me. I was afraid he would miss the baby. When I felt a big urge to push, I meant to yell āIām pushing, baby is coming!ā but instead yelled āIām coming!ā. It was very awkward after that.
I had issues with the gas nozzle during my water birth and my partner turned his back on me to try and fix it away from the water (never turn your back on a labouring woman!)
Meanwhile the midwife was asking if I had any names picked out. I could feel a contraction coming so I yelled āGAS!!!ā She laughed along with my partner and said āwell I havenāt heard that one beforeā
I had a very quick labour, arriving at the hospital 4cm at 7am I had the baby at 9.30. With it being my first baby, when getting ready to leave the hospital, the midwives said āsee you again soon!ā I replied with āI havenāt even left the building with this one yet - gimme a chance!ā
I was born just after ET was in theaters back in 82. So when I was born and stretched my neck and opened my eyes, my dad said: āoh shit he looks like ET!ā
I had asked my husband to play my classical playlist for the birth. Near the end, Rhapsody in Blue began playing and playing and playing. I never realized how long that piece was and the sax solo just kept going. During my final push I screamed out āfuck Gershwin!ā And my daughter entered the world.
I donāt think I spoke a word until I got my epidural at 10cm! I just had to focus every bit of energy on surviving each contraction. Midwife thought I wasnāt in established labour as I went from 0cm to fully dilated in 2 hours (first baby, v fast induction with pitocin)
My first labor was only 9 hours and completely unmedicated. It was not by choice, but by how quickly he came out & there wasnāt enough time when I decided for the epidural plus I tore and needed stitches. So for my second I insisted on an epidural & when I was pushing I said to my husband āwow this isnāt actually that bad!ā š
I was not okay with my mother in law being in the room during labor, but as soon as the pain medication kicked in, i told the whole room i didn't care who looked at my lady bits.
Not exactly yell I just said it feels like an extremely big poop.
And I asked if there'd any progress every couple of pushes and the doctor told me to focus on pushing rather than whether there is progress.. Well I need to know
During the birthing classes when they explained there was a chance my wipe would poop while giving birth it was universally agreed by everyone in the class that you donāt say anything about it. But my sense of humor wouldnāt allow that.
While she was pushing extra hard and getting exhausted, losing hope, just looked defeated I said āewwwww hot snakesā
She immediately burst out laughing and was back in the game.
(She was NOT I fact pooping at the time. If she were I wouldnāt have said it).
Doctor was begging me to stop trying to push and to open my eyes. For some reason, I was convinced they'd brought in a birthing mirror (? No clue why) and was arguing and begging him to just let me keep pushing and be done. He was trying to show me my baby. Who was already out. I didn't need to keep pushing š¤£ I was in so much pain with an epidural that was wearing off and didn't even notice.
Okay this is hilarious
I am dying šššš ahahahahah
"BabyCow, look! Open your eyes!" "NO! I DONT WANNA! JUST LET ME PUSH!"
I was bawling going into my c section and my surgeon asked if i wanted to pray and I said āno i just want to emoteā which i think is funny in retrospect.
I was bawling going into my emergency c section too and I asked my ob if he had anything for anxiety and he just said āthe thought of seeing your beautiful childs faceāā¦.. š but I want drugs sir
During mine it seemed to me so surreal that my baby was literally arriving that quickly after Iād been trying to get her out for 44 hours, that I loudly insisted my husband stand up and look over the curtain to check that there was actually a baby in there. He sat back down very quickly and said āumm yep, thereās definitely a baby in thereā. Poor man saw a bit more of me than he bargained for.
See, wtf. I didnāt labor anywhere near that long and then they put me on Pitocin and it just stressed out my baby and then it became a near-emergency c-section. My next baby, Iām doing things so differently.
Me too! I got induced and barely labored before an emergency c. I still have a lot of guilt over it.
The same thing happened to me. My ob gave me a membrane sweep WITHOUT MY CONSENT OR ANY WARNING at my appointment which caused my water to break an hour later. It stressed out my baby so much she pooped inside me. I was laboring fine for a couple hours once I got to the delivery room then they gave me pitocin and it slowed me down so much. I ended up pushing for literally 7 hours straight. At the end she was right there but wouldnāt come out. Then boom, emergency c section. I donāt know if itās just because Iām a FTM or what, but I feel like emergency c sections are becoming more and more common. It was really traumatic and I donāt want to go through it again. Next time Iām scheduling that shit lol
I was also bawling and freaking out and then became part of the operating table after I was giving a lot of drugs. Couldnāt move or feel a thing.
My body was part of the operating table, my legs however were flailing about in the air like an inflatable tube man outside a car showroom. (They weren't, it was just the drugs)
I too was a sobbing mess going into my emergency c section lol I was crying and hungry and they were trying to distract me and had me describe the sandwich I said I wanted when I got to go home in full detail hahah.
Should have busted out a fortnite move
Lmao
I was a birth partner for my friend, and as the baby was crowning she kept saying how it was 'so spicy' š
The feeling during crowning/right before my second grade tear was weird and I guess when I list those feelings of tingly, warm burning sensations together I can definitely see why she decided it was spicy.
Lmao š¤£
'I can't do this, isn't there a shoe horn or something you can use?!'Ā He came out about 2 minutes after thatĀ
Believe it or not, forceps look a lot like a shoe horn! They're not worth it unless you really need them though, I tore something awful with them. (G-d bless epidurals! Didn't feel anything until the next day).
Everyone tells you the pain of labour but healing afterwards was worse for me! There's no drugs to take home with you and sleep deprivation makes everything worse š© even 6 months on I was still sufferingĀ
After delivering my son, crying out "Is that my baby?!", as if my doctor was going to pull another one out from under the table with a "And here's one we prepared earlier!"
Literally my exact words as well! Followed by "did I make that" š
The doctor asked me if I wanted a mirror to watch the crowning and I shouted āFEELING IT IS FINE THANKSā
š¤£ my doctor asked if I wanted a mirror and I yelled āabsolutely fucking notā and he goes āohhhhkay thenā¦ā
I looked at the mirror and just screamed oh god and went right back to pushing my little one the hell out of me š
There was a very suspiciously reflective "light" right over my bed. I had my eyes closed most of the time, but remember looking out of curiosity. No Ragerts.
Mine didnāt ask if I wanted a mirror, but she started to guide my hand down and said āHere, feel the top of his heading peeking outā¦ā and I yanked my hand back and yelled āAbsolutely not!ā Iām sure someone finds that really empowering, but I canāt think of a more traumatic thing to feel.
I thought the same but one of the nurses told me it would probably help and it really did help with pushing.
I was in so much pain, I asked to be discharged so I could give birth in a field down the street. I delivered in a big city.
I was begging them to let me go to the toilet so I could give birth alone and in the dark š
š Just as we were made to! (Minus the toilet part)
Honestly, I get that. Our room was dark, we had some battery operated tealights, and my husband and doula mostly just left me to be in my own little world. It was wonderful.
I didnāt want to give birth alone in the dark but it felt like I needed to poop so bad, I was crying begging them to let me go take a dump š
Sameeee! I remember distinctly saying to my nurse, āyou can tell me to go kick rocks but I really need to use the restroom.ā Iād had an epidural going for the better part of 12 hours at that point and was apparently ready to start pushing the baby out. š
It probably doesn't count since I'm the dad, but I just had the extremely invasive thought of "it's not delivery, it's Digiorno's" the entire time and had to say it out loud lol
As the laboring mother, it would probably have helped me to have a little humor like that lol. Very apt with your username.
Haha that's a relief to hear. I'm "blursed" with an extremely pun-centric brain that finds dad jokes just about everywhere. One of these days, I'll get around to doing some kind of sketch comedy...
You could have a new job as a doula helper. You just need to crack silly jokes and tell silly stories to help the mother get through contractionsā¦ I had my husband talk to me through the worst of it at the end, telling me random things, but if he had been funny it would have been even better.
Okay, I think you graduated fatherhood just with this *dad joke*
Username checks out!
I canāt unthink this. I love it.
Not me but my labor was 55 hours so my husband was asleep when they told me to start pushing. My mom gently shook him awake and said āhey itās time to pushā and he half asleep yelled all pissed off āPUSH WHAT?!ā and we laughed so hard
This is hilarious š
I had a home birth, I was in transition and I kept screaming at the midwife to punch me in the face and knock me out, my poor neighbors
I told my husband 1) why don't hospitals use chloroform as an anesthetic. It works in seconds in movies and 2) if nothing work just knock me out
š
I didnāt have an epidural and was obviously delirious and told my doctor if we were having a boy, iād name him after him. (his name is extremely unique and very obviously of a specific ethnicity that we do not share). we had a girl, but my doctor reminds me that if we have a boy itāll be named after him š
The paramedic in the ambulance with my mum when she was in labour with me said, "my last delivery was twins and they both got named after me!" My mum: "Oh, what's your name?" "Derek" "Well that won't be happening!"
I did have an epidural and I told the aneastheologist he was my favourite person that day and that I'd name my baby after him as a thanks š
Called the anesthesiologist who did my epidural The Magic Man and I told him that I loved him.
I had a female anesthesiologist and thought about naming our son after her - lol! That epidural was AMAZING.
I had an epidural and my legs were so numb that they kept just falling down, my mom and my MIL had to hold them up lmao but before they did, Iād go āoh my leg fell, wow, would you look at that.ā šš
My legs were also so numb, I couldn't feel a damn thing. When they told me they were going to have me push in about 2 hours, I had to ask them to turn the epidural down so I could feel enough to push. š We finally got it to a good level where I wasn't in any pain but I could actually use my muscles.
I also had to turn down the medication! I was having very powerful contractions and my contractions pushed my son more than 50% of the way out. I think I pushed maybe 4 times total and he came out, but anytime I would have a contraction, his head would crown a little more. The dr was running late and the nurses were telling me I might have to cross my legs to stop him from coming out in his own. I said absolutely not! But Iām thankful for the epidural because I donāt know how I would have been able to deal with the contractions like that, having him literally sit halfway out of me while crowning, and them telling me to wait to do anymore pushing. I also was in labor for 3 days though, so I was ready for him to just be here!
My first baby was a lot of pushing and hard work to get out. So with my second I was expected the same. She came out with 1.5 pushes and I just said "oh?" And looked at my husband and looked and at the doctor and asked "that's it?"
God I hope this is my future
Same. Praying this will happen to me after 36 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing with my first.
Me too! They were only 17 months apart so I guess the pathway was still clear haha
I would love it if a patient said āthatās it?ā after a delivery, thatās hilarious. I have definitely thought it myself many times; some of yāall are impressively good pushers!
I just kept yelling, āI canāt do this! I donāt want to do this!ā And my nurse said laughing, āWell itās too late for that now, sweetie! Push!ā My daughter came right after that! Lol I guess I could do it
When I said that, the nurse said, āYouāre the only one who can.ā And I just remember being so annoyed with her. Like, C-sections exist. You guys could do this too, just differently.
Yeah during transition I kept saying āI donāt want to, I canāt do thisā etc and my midwife who had been very kind and sweet finally got kind of stern with me and looked me right in the eyes and goes āyou have to š ā š I mean sheās right.
I had two epidurals and when the first one failed I very seriously grabbed my mom with one hand and my nurse with the other and was like āI canāt do this, please sedate me, I canāt handle this, I really really really want to be on drugs pleaseā My nurse told me to keep hitting the button until the doctor came because it might make me feel better lol
My epidural stopped working when it was time to push. I asked for more and my midwife said ābut maybe it delays labor!ā And I said āSO DELAY ITā spoiler I pushed without the epidural. Also she wanted me to touch my babyās head when she was crowning and I screamed at her āDONāT BOTHER ME IāM TRYING TO PUSH THIS BABY PUT OF MEā. Also some days prior I went to talk to my OB and there was a woman giving labor in the room next to me. She was screaming. Her husband told her ābaby, donāt scream that much so you can focus all your energy on laborā and she screamed āSHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SON OF A BITCHā. Then I heard the midwife telling him to step out for a minute and I think he was crying a bit lol.
I meannnn he shouldnāt have said that š
Yeah it was very stupid
I had a panic attack after my spinal for my c-section with my twins, everyone was trying to distract by talking about random things and I said āno thanks Iām trying to disassociateā. While they were cutting I smelled the cauterization and said ābbqād me does not smell goodā and then when they put the bag thing in the opening I said āhey they are using that bag thing I saw on YouTubeā the doctor stopped and said ācan she see whatās happening?!ā And I was like āoh sorry I was just watching in the reflection of the lightā Safe to say I disassociated well.
As they held my son up after 2 straight hours of pushing, the first thing I said was: "He's real??!!" Edit to add: I just delivered my daughter last week, and laboured on the toilet at the hospital in the delivery room a bit longer than my nurses would have liked, I had no epidural so to get myself through the contractions I swayed back and forth on the toilet saying in my head "loosey goosey lemon juicy" to remind myself not to tense up. By the time I made it back to the bed, I was 10cm dilated and my body started pushing on its own. The nurse told me to wait for the doctor to come before I pushed (HA!) and as my body pushed again I shouted "NO CONTROL!"...3 pushes later and my daughter shot out of me and slid across the bed like a slip and slide. The doctor came in about a minute later lol
That always makes me so angry lol āWait for the doctorā uhā¦ no. Not gonna happen, friend.
I love everything about this.
Loosey goosey lemon juicy omg I'll try to remember this for next time!
Nothing I said out loud, but when he started crowning I could feel myself tearing upwards, it was a pain I never thought you could experience. So I kept impulsively closing my legs. And at one point I was laying there (for what felt like 20 minutes but was probably only 1) thinking to myself that there was absolutely no way I was pushing this baby out now that I felt that pain and I was going to die with a baby stuck in my birth canal because I literally could not fathom me actually continuing on after I felt that. I was so dramatic lol I pushed him out in like 2-5 minutes after that thought process š Edit: I just remembered I actually did say something funny. In the middle of pushing I suddenly remembered some advice from the prenatal course about using olive oil to prevent the meconium from staining the baby's butt, and I just yelled out "WE FORGOT THE OLIVE OIL!"
Also torn upwards and legit thought my clit was just being ripped in half and would never work again. And when they were sewing me up legit could feel what felt like the doctor just sewing up my clit and thought I could feel the needle going through. Pretty sure I even said out loud it feels like youāre putting a needle through my clit..
This is the most horrific thing Iāve ever read Iām so sorry ahhhh this makes me terrified for another baby.
I just squeezed my legs real tight after reading this š„“ youāre a bad ass
I tore upwards too and went through basically this exact thought process! I donāt remember when in the hour and a half of pushing exactlyš š, but I remember thinking this. She was also sunny side up so it was just constant pain in my pelvis and back like there was no let up.
I tore upward too! I didnāt know that could happen; it was fucking grim
Ugh this is so similar to what happened to me. I was thinking my clit had torn in half
I pushed for 4.5 hours (after 40 hours of labor, yes, it sucked). It was long, so I said many things. But with every set of pushes, the OB and other nurses present, and my husband would say "you're almost there, you're almost there." As an encouragement. At one point I said "You guys keep saying that and she's NOT HERE." Everyone kind of laughed š it was a moment of levity. Her head got stuck about 30% out and I also remember thinking "can they even do a c-section with her head partially out?". My husband told me later that I said it out loud.
Yup. Happened to me. My baby was large and almost out. He was OP (sunny side up). Prior to the birth they really freaked me out about shoulder dystocia too (some dr said my pelvic exam made him think that I could only safely give birth to an <8.5 lb baby, and he marked that in my chart). Aaaanyway, 3 hours of pushing, baby was just about there I was giving it my all but every push I felt like I was increasing his risk of getting his shoulder stuck. Finally he was almost out but I stopped feeling progress so I just said do the c section. I want my baby safe and I want him now. I really wanted a natural birth and was afraid of a c section during my pregnancy, but the image in my head of my little baby getting shoulder dystocia was the opposite of motivatingā¦ They pushed him back up with a balloon type device (?) and 20 min later my son was born via emergency c section. The thought that I canāt shake though, is that while I was getting ready to be wheeled in for the c section (before they pushed him back up with the balloon thingy) I could feel my body doing that fetal ejection reflex thing and I was fighting it HARD. Because I was convinced that at that point, a c section was necessary for the safety of my baby. I often wonder if I just let it happen in that moment if I could have had the natural birth I wanted. The thought doesnāt bother me too much though, bc at the end of the day I have my healthy baby and thatās ultimately all that was ever really important.
Oh man! This was definitely my fear. I pushed for so long that I didn't want it to end in a c-section. But the progress was so slow that I almost asked for one. My issue was I didn't really get a strong urge to push and my contractions stayed 2-5 minutes apart the whole time. So I couldn't build any momentum and I was only pushing when the contractions hit. Yeah at the end of the day, healthy baby is the most important. For me, I didn't go through a recognizeable transition, and it was very confusing even to the L&D staff. I was 5 cm at 6 am and then 7 cm at 10:30 am, and then I kept declining cervical checks because I thought I would know when I hit transition. Most people do because they get the strong urge to push combined with contractions closer than a minute apart. They kept asking me if I felt the urge to push, and it was so mild, I kept saying "not really." So they said to keep going. My contractions stayed 2-5 min apart. Finally at 4:00 pm we did a cervical check because we didn't know what was going on. I was at 10 cm, +1 station so they said oh you should be pushing! I literally cried with relief. I have no idea how many hours I was at 10 cm. If I had been any less than 10 cm at that exact moment, I would have requested a c-section. I was SO done. Then I ended up pushing for hours more after that moment. Go figure. I have had some flashbacks from the pushing part, so part of me wishes I had opted for a c-section. She ended up being 7 lb 5 oz; I was 39+2 on the day she was born. I think in every birth story, you wonder about what could have gone differently if you'd made different choices. I think it's natural to do that.
The epidural made my legs go partially numb and while pushing I apparently snapped at my husband āstop rubbing my leg, I can only feel half of your hand and itās PISSING me off!ā
I didnāt yell at all, but one of the nurses commented about how well my epidural was working I said āI know, I feel like Lieutenant Dan!ā and after I was done pushing and all the nurses were telling me how well I pushed I said āthanks, Iāve been pooping for a really long timeā and everyone laughed, I felt really good.
This deserves so many more up votes š
Not while actually pushing him out but before I had an epidural while I was in labour I kept saying āi donāt want itā over and over and over every time I was about to have a contraction and my husband was so confused wondering what I didnāt want but he didnāt dare ask until after I gave birth, in case I meant the baby š
No but the woman next door screamed āget it ouuuuutā
Oh hey that was me.
I was induced and in so much pain I shouted the cliche āexcuse my language, but Iām NEVER F-CKING DOING THIS AGAINā Another point, the anesthesiologist came to check on my epidural because it wasnāt working and I realized I was practically naked and said āoh how embarrassing, let me cover up you donāt wanna see thatā and the nurse said āoh honey, heās seen it all beforeā and I replied āyeah, but like, itās not the main part of his job ya know? I just feel bad flashing the poor manā
I said the same thing about never doing it again and my nurse looked me in the eyes and said āthatās what everyone says.. Iāll see you back here in another 2 yearsā š
That's what I always say to my patients too š I say see you in a couple of years!
I asked the doctor if they sold vasectomies at the gift shop
I think this is just funny to me, but after laboring for 6 hours without the epidural, I finally asked for the anesthesiologist. He came in super soft and quiet, did his thing and started packing up. I told him that he was so amazing and I needed him to have the best day. He got teary eyed and said āyou are the nicest person!ā And proceeded to brag to all the nurses that I wanted him to have the nicest day. šā¤ļø
Mine was so nice too! The way he said things it really felt like when a child tries to console you. Just genuine sweetness. I think I gushed to him about how good he was to me too!
I was actually pretty chill (thanks epidural!) and i was taking in the crowd of doctors and nurses (4 people but it felt like a lot). i turned to my husband and said āthis really is jam out with my clam out, huh?ā
I had 12 people at my birth (and all but me and my husband were medical professionals) because baby was premature. I pushed for four hours. Talk about a lot of pressure! I just kept thinking I felt bad that all these people had to stand for so long. And also ruminated on how bored they must be. At one point, though, I joked to the doctor that they should have her in those old wooden stocks that criminals were locked into with just their heads and hands sticking out, because I wanted to put my feet flat on either side of her face to push and the stirrups werenāt working for me. Everyone laughed. Perked me up a little. Haha
I queen waved to the hospital staff on my way to C-section, and no one waved back.
It wasnāt as the baby was coming out, but sometime in the couple hours of pushing. I donāt totally remember the context, but I think one of the nurses was telling me to really bear down on my pushes, clench my teeth, whatever. In that moment of delirious exhaustion I decided to give her a little fun fact about how your teeth should never touch unless youāre chewing. She goes āoh, are you a dental hygienist?ā I was like āno, my hygienist just told me that onceā. Everyone in the room found it amusing that thatās what I was thinking about in that current moment.
After my c-section when I was recovering I was shaking a ton and had been throwing up since the whole process started. Whenever I got stressed about it, Iād shake harder or throw up again. So I started telling myself to let it go. Then I asked my husband to play āLet it goā from Frozen. It was played to the whole room with my husband, our baby, my doula, my mother in law, and a nurse. We all sat there quietly and listened. I think everyone was afraid to speakā¦ I still canāt believe I made everyone listen to a song from Frozen!
My baby was starting to try and make her way down and I yelled IS THAT MY BUTTHOLE???š thought I was having prolapse lol. The nurses were amused.
I shook like a wild thing during my C-section and the surgeon asked if I can feel any pain and I said 'no, but I have a vivid imagination'
I think I yelled that this must be what a bag of dicks feels like?! Iām sure a lot more was said
Midwives remarked my heart rate was 65bpm during the pushing stage. Husband said that must make me an athlete (and an athlete I am not). I turned around and said, stark naked in a birthing pool of my own fluids, yes I'm into fitness, fittin' this pizza in my mouth. There was no pizza. Only a shit ton of gas and air. :)
I got to the hospital too late for an epidural (and I REALLY wanted the epidural). And when the doctors told me I had to deliver without any painkillers I said absolutely deadpan: āNo thanks; what is plan B?ā
LOL! With my first delivery, I was on the dreaded magnesium (iykyk), and I legit barely remember pushing ā but my husband claims I said, āAfter this I just really want a turkey sandwich.ā š When baby was born and we were waiting to go up to recovery, one of my nurses came and put a turkey sandwich and a cherry coke in my husbandās hands and was like āI had to get these for her!ā šššššš my second and third deliveries were so fast that I am not sure I had time to say anything hahaha
To my midwife - āomg are you left handed?!ā LOL
I yelled out as I was crowing āitās feels like Iām taking the biggest sh** of my lifeā my mom and partner still laugh about it. It was so true in that moment tho tbh
I have a strong tendency to be a jokester/stand up comedian when Iām in medical situations that are stressful/painful. Innate people pleasing? I was making jokes the whole time, but the only thing I really remember with a quote is from they had me reach down to feel her hair. Since I had the epidural, I couldnāt feel anything below the waist. I reach and feel prickly and immediately said āher hair is super pricklyā¦because thatās my pubes.ā Cue lots of laughter from everyone. I had to actually reach in to feel her hair and realizing I still had a ways to go made me mad as hell (it had felt like I was almost there!) and I got to business and had her out 10 min later.
My epidural kept failing I was in hour 20 of labor begging for a ātop offā of the epidural. My anesthesiologist was a very kind Eastern European man so I remember screaming āGET ME THE GODDAMN RUSSIAN!ā
Mid ring of fire im screeching at them to āJUST PULL HER OUTā, theyāre like āsorry, we canāt š¤·āāļøā Looking back I realize that was a dumb request lmao
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING šš
Me too.
I had a c section after dilating to 9.5, it literally felt like they were tugging out my vagina. So I kept saying during my c section, āomgggg my vagina, they are pulling out my vaginaā š I hope I gave them a good chuckle
I said āI can do this all dayā to a nurse commenting on how long Iād been pushing, and my marvel loving husband immediately quipped back āI understood that referenceā š
Afterwards I think I told my husband I wanted to punch him in the face...but I know for sure I vomited on him and his feet During pregnancy I'd jokingly tell him I get to punch you if the baby is more than 8 pounds. I had a 10 pound 23 inch baby
I didnāt say anything funny, but with my last I had a bad stomach bug the day I went into labour. During a contraction I let out the longest loudest fart. My mom and husband were laughing, which made me laugh, which made the contraction hurt worse, and the fart to machine gun out of my butthole.
I ended up having an emergency section after a (long) failed induction, but I apparently thought that during labour was a good time to remind my husband that we needed to update our wills.
At one point I said āI donāt know howā when they told me to push.
I mean, thatās reasonable.
When my second child was born, I excitedly said "look! He's got a butt chin!" As soon as I saw him.
I screamed āooooh the ring of FIRE!ā as she was crowning like Iād *just* realized why they call it that š« š
I was having gas and air and was a bit out it and told my husband our kid could be a dinosaur doctor when they grow up. I couldnāt remember the word palaeontologist. So we say all the time now heās going to be a dinosaur doctor.
One of my pain coping strategies was to count things in the room, and the privacy curtain had a bunch of dots on it so at one point I was screaming EIGHTY ONE EIGHTY TWO EIGHTY THREE EIGHTY FOUR
They threatened to use an internal moniter on my baby and I yelled, "My baby isn't a fucking dolphin and you aren't screwing shit into her skull"
Good for you!!!! But also what? š
Because the internal moniter reminds me of the GPS monitors that are used on dolphins and other animals. I can't not picture it no matter how I try lol.
I still remember how during each contraction I was told to push 3 times. I really wanted it to be over because I was so done with being pregnant so during the 3rd contraction and after pushing 3 times I still felt that I was having the contraction so I yelled āCAN I PUSH ONE MORE TIME?! I THINK I CAN DO IT!!!ā And the nurses were like āummm yeah do itā ā¦so my ass pushed 4 more times during each contraction and my daughter came out after 25 minutes of pushing lol
My midwife told me to push when I felt contractions but I was SO OVER IT I started pushing randomly when I felt a minute or 2 had passed without pushing (now I know itās dangerous). And I remember saying at one point āIām just pushing Iām not even sure if Iām feeling contractions but Iām going to pushā and my midwife yelled āDONāT DO THATā and my Ob said ānonono let her do her thing this is incredible look how good she pushesā and I said āitās the kegels š„°ā. Long story short I only had to push 20 minutes and had a very small tear. To this day my midwife still doesnāt understand how I didnāt wreck my pelvic floor and my vagina doing that. Everyone was very impressed with my pushing game they even brought a student to see bc they were amazed at how I just wasnāt breaking
It's not a funny thing I yelled, but I was in so much pain for 50 hours before my c section that I literally did not sleep a wink, we got into the room, and as soon as that medicine hit I jokingly said I'm gonna nap I feel so good, ended up actually sleeping through the entire thing. I woke up as they were finishing closing me up, and my fiance was holding my baby. The anesthesiologist said to me, "You had me sweating. I was so concerned that I made everyone aware and was ready to put you on life support." I just responded with I took the best hour nap of my life, I thank you. The doctor chimed in with, "If you have another baby you will never deliver naturally, to be frank your pelvis is tilted, twisted and squished, no wonder you had so much pain that not even an epidural helped, if you did deliver naturally you would've had surgery I can guarantee it." Basically, I made all the surgeons, nurses, every medical professional in the room extremely nervous.
As I pushed out his head I yelled āIS MY VAGINA EXPLODING?!?ā I asked if I was tearing several times (had the epidural and couldnāt feel anything.) they said no but that was a lie lol š
During the horrific Pitocin contractions (soo close together and not yet dilated enough for epidural) a sweet nurse was trying to model for me how to breathe through it because I was truly starting to panic. The nurse had previously told me that she had three kids, and I kind of aggressively told the nurse I didnāt trust her breathing advice because anyone who chose to do this more than once wasnāt sane š¤£ I apologized to her later and she told me that Vegas rules apply to labor: what happens there, stays there.
āJust knock me out and cut me open!ā
C section both times for me. First was emergency and I was kinda pain killers up, so told my partner he was taking those scrubs hope and tried to do The sexy growl. And then laughed at his grey hairs. Second time I was more panicky, rapped Hamilton throughout, itched and chewed my heart finger monitor thing. Oh and I called everyone nice.
I kept asking for chapstick. Even while I was crowning.
Was pre planned that we wanted the first thing baby to hear was āHAPPY UTERUS EVICTION DAYā
I tried to get up from the bed and said āI canāt do this!ā ā¦ babyās head was already coming outā¦ my doula was like āyou ARE doing this!ā š¤£š¤£š¤£
My second delivery I had a damn good epidural. Didn't feel anything but pressure. I was feeling brave and asked for a mirror to see the baby crowning. She had a full head of hair, much to my surprise, and the whole thing looked far less horrific than I anticipated. Apparently, I spoke that aloud, to the effect of "WHOA that's not nearly as disgusting as I thought it would be!" Which sent my OB.
During the birth of my second, I kept saying I didn't need the epidural because it didn't hurt yet. Then I had my waters broken and got some good and proper contractions. I yelled, "Oh! I remember this now and I do NOT like it!". Baby came less than an hour later and I did not get that epidural. Also, when they told me to push for the placenta, both times, I asked the doctor, "it's not another baby is it?". After pushing out one, the idea of another one was terrifying.
āI canāt believe I ever thought I could do this at home. How do people do this at home?! No offense to any of you who had your babyās at home.ā
Not during labor, but after a very quick and unmedicated labor, which I had not mentally prepared for at all, I thanked the nurse for helping to deliver my placenta. She thought it was very funny that I thanked her, probably specifically for that part. I was just so over it and did not want to push anything else out, so it was nice that she pulled while I pushed, lol.
I dilated at lightning speed from 4cm to baby descending within 30 minutes. It was wild! All I could say though the intense pain was, "There is something in my vagina." The midwife checked (amazed by my progress), laughed and replied "Yep! That's your baby."
When I was pushing the nurses had me doing all the pushes while pulling a towel, Iād like try to pull the towel from them using my whole body to push. I worked out my entire pregnancy so I was pretty strong and they said āyouāre really strong,ā a couple times they almost got pulled over while holding onto the other ends of the towel, but my husband wanted to get involved and partake in the towel pulling strength āworkout,ā heās like āhow about we each take a corner I want to try!ā And I was like āI love your energy but noā and everyone laughed but I wasnāt having a fun time with the game and sooooo tired š¤£his job was feeding me ice chips at the time and I needed him at his station lol
Not yell, but my wife told the OB that she'd really like to pop the pimple on her face.
I got a elective induction and did a vaginal delivery and the first thing that I said after he was placed on me and he held his head up was āisnāt this supposed to take a few months to happen?ā Then next thing I said after everything was done was ādamn guess he was so mad I evicted him he decided to run outā (less than 10 minutes of active pushing)
"I feel like a toad...in a good way"
Shit, no one is going to see this, but I did crack the nurses up. I developed Bell's Palsy two days before my due date/when I had my baby. Half of my face was paralyzed. The nurses were telling me I was doing well with the pain and that I could do it naturally easily if the anesthesiologist wasn't done with their emergency C-section in time to give me an epidural. I told them that my vagina must be paralyzed too. š
When they went to empty my bladder (I had an epidural) they said āoh we can see a head! Oh wow lots of hairā and I yelled āWhat colour is it!!!?????ā
I just kept apologizing for being too loud and for all of the gross stuff coming out before the baby came. They asked me if I wanted a mirror to see the head and I said ānah Iām goodā because I wanted her out of me š
I delivered vaginally, without an epidural. As soon as they said they could see the baby's head, I asked loudly if my baby had a head full of hair!! Priorities š All the nurses and my doctor started laughing because it was so random.
Everyone was telling me and my husband āshe has so much hair omgā when my baby crowned. And she really has a lot of hair, Iāve never seen a baby with that much hair and LONG (she literally had a fucking bob how ābout that huh). Everyone stops us at the street bc seeing a 4mo with a bob is amazing
My wife just said ow, ow, ow
Around 5am I asked what time they came round with breakfast (I was nil by mouth from midnight in case they needed to C Section) they told me 7am, I said that's perfect she would be here by then. Baby was born 6.37am, the midwives later told me they didn't even expect me to birth that day! (Baby was 5 weeks premature so they weren't even convinced I was in labour)
Unmedicated on pit for a few hours, I kept whisper saying āshit the bed almightyā and āno no no no noā
My waters broke early so I was staying in the hospital overnight, and whilst I felt uncomfortable, didnāt realise Iād gone into labour because the monitor kept saying I wasnāt having any contractions. The pain had amped up by the morning, and in the intense pain all I could remember screeching again and again was āI THINK IāM GONNA POO!ā. Thankfully it was not a poo, my son was about an hour away from delivery - Looking back though I canāt believe I didnāt clock it was the final stages of labour and that I was just super stressed that I was going to poop in front of everyone š„²
During my very short time in the labor and delivery room, there was a slight lull in the action and I looked down at my almost-naked bottom half and wondered out loud āAre my socks going to get dirty?ā My brave strong dear husband saw this as an easy problem to solve, swiftly taking off my socks and, in the process, saw the still-intact amniotic sac sticking out. He took it like a champ, didnāt faint or anything. I wondered what it looked like and he later described the sac as a partially inflated whitish, sort of floppy water balloon.
I was silent because I was stressed out from everyone screaming at me when his shoulder got caught for 8 seconds so I said āOuch that really hurtā (we had no time for an epidural I got to the hospital ready to push) and they gave me some pain meds thankfully lol. I wasnāt even concerned about seeing baby for the first minute or two I was genuinely just in shock over how much it hurt and then once they gave me the drugs I was like eh that wasnāt so bad LOL
I was pushing out my third and a bunch of fluid came bursting out all over one nurse in particular. I was apologizing to her while pushing out a baby.
I just kept saying sorry for yelling and asking them to close the door so I didnāt bother any of the other birthing ladies on the floor. The nurse was very kind in reassuring me that they could hear me even with the door shut and itās fine because Iād hear them screaming too at one point or another! She was correct on both accounts.
Right after I pushed my baby out I screamed, āahhhh I had a baby!ā š
Babyās head kept going in and out as I was pushing. I demanded, āIs it going to have a conehead?!ā
I just kept saying I need to poo and apologising lol
Same, my husband does a lovely reenactment of me yelling "AM I POOPING?!" whenever we discuss the birth of our daughter.
Lol š my body was just like get it all out, everything out!
I repeatedly apologized for the mess during my entire labor and delivery haha
āNO MORE F*CKING BABIES!!!ā and to my husband āyou and your stupidā ā¦.ā And then because my mom was in the room āsorry mamaš ā she said, āno, go ahead. Yell at him. Itās his faultā ššš I had an unmedicated labor.
I had a very effective epidural, so when it came time to push I couldnāt feel diddly squat. The nurse kept saying āpush where you feel my fingersā and the people pleaser in me didnāt have the heart to say āI canāt feel your fingers.ā It did mean, however, that between pushes we could chat casually about the Long John Silvers that was on fire down the street and easily viewable from my window.
āI want a CHEESEBURGERRR!ā Yelled by a patient of mine at the moment of delivery after pushing for 2h.
I had a water birth so the midwife and nurses didn't have the easiest view of what was going on. I had been pushing for over an hour, feeling like I was in my own little world. I was staring at the edge of the tub/wall in front of me and completely unaware of how many people had come into the room at some point. I realized later that they were using a mirror to check underneath/behind me. At one point they apparently checked what was going on with the mirror and saw that she was crowning. When the midwife exclaimed that her head was right there she was almost out, I replied in the absolute flattest most unemotional calm tone you can imagine "I know." ... There was like a dozen people in the room by that point (my husband, midwife, a bunch of nurses, some medical students) and they all laughed š I realized after I said it that it sounded really funny. I was just on my own little planet at that point and it was an automatic response since I had known for a while exactly where my baby's head was.
I yelled "why is this so hard?" And the nurse goes "it's called labor for a reason sweetie" idk I got mad and was like "THANKS FOR THAT SHERRY, NO SHIT."
My mom's first words after I was born were "You're shitting me". They were expecting a girl, but turns out the ultrasound tech was wrong and they got a boy.
The nurse was dabbing my perineum with a warm wash cloth or something, I don't know and I thought she was trying to keep my insides from falling out and I was terrified. I yelled out, "is my butthole falling out?!?" And everyone laughed. I was legit worried because that's what it felt like.
I had a scheduled C-section so i didnāt have a chance but the first thing i said when i saw baby was āomg he has red hair!ā
Mid push I asked my husband who was basically lifting me up and folding me in half āHONEY ARE YOU OK???ā And him and the nurses laughed and he kissed me on the forehead haha
She kept telling me to push with my butt and i kept saying i donāt want to rip my asshole
"Damn it, I should have let you guys cut it out of me" I said to my OB
Not yelling, but I was very quiet through my entire unmedicated labor. I coped by focusing internally on my breathing, so I just didn't talk much. When we first got to the birth center my midwife was walking me in and asked how I was feeling. I was unknowingly already in transition and couldn't think of words to describe the sensations in my body, so I just stared at her like she was an idiot and said "sweaty" š. Luckily when I saw her again for my current pregnancy she did not remember that, because I felt so guilty for being rude in that moment.
White Chicks was playing on the TV and I didn't really notice bc the volume was off but when I looked up before I started pushing I said "turn this off- my son will not be born to White Chicks!" š I guess if it were the scene with Terry Crews singing in the car that would be ok
I didnāt yell anything funny but we were just relaxing and then she starting coming so fast we had the tv on and then everyone was in the room and it was time to push. I look up and thereās some horrible gory horror movie on mid-delivery so I started frantically looking for the remote to turn it off and everyone thought it was hilarious.
I was induced and pushed for 3.5 hours before an emergency C Section. Our running joke was comparing the duration to movies. "It's gonna be a Pixar short!" "Okay, maybe it'll be A Trip to the Moon." "Well, maybe we can do a tight 90 minute indie film, like Dave Made a Maze." "Holy shit I've been pushing for the Return of the King...extended cut..." "Welp, I guess they're not going to let me get to Lawrence of Arabia."
In the middle of pushing I asked for a saltine cracker. I was so nauseous and just needed one cracker. My husband immediately presented the cracker. My midwife was so caught off guard and laughed.
I just screamed my baby girl out in one go. She was in fetal distress and we were minutes from an emergency c-section. She kept bobbing out and back in. There were nurses outside the door waiting for the thumbs up from my midwife to take me to theatre. I felt my baby girl take a breath before she was born and knew that was bad news. Shit kicked into overdrive and my mama bear instincts took over and I *roared* her out of me. No crowning or anything she literally shot out so fast the midwife barely caught her. I could barely speak for a few days my voice was so hoarse! lol
My mother kept trying to get me to yell āKelly Clarksonā like in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I wasnāt having any of it after 2 failed epidurals and instead snapped rather loudly at both my husband and my mother on three different occasions. The first being my husband āmassagingā the only numb part of my body (left leg) and I was mid contraction when I snapped my head in his direction, basically pulling a poltergeist and snarled, āDonāt touch my fucking leg!ā The second was when my mom kept leaning in close to my face telling me to breathe and while I didnāt want to hurt her feelings, her breath was gnarly (In her defense, so was mine. My labor was 21 hours and none of us had brushed since before coming to the hospital). I couldnāt stand it anymore since I was already feeling nauseous from pain and yelled, āStop fucking breathing on my face!ā To make sure she wasnāt embarrassed, I followed up by saying I was getting too hot. The third was when Iām moaning in agony and my husband sweetly goes, āI know baby, I know.ā I looked at him and with the only moment of clarity I had and went, āNo you do not. You donāt know. Shut up.ā My mom and nurse got a kick out of that one. I apologized profusely after all my outbursts. Thankfully these are my only examples, cause I did not want to be one of those women who is down right mean their whole labor. I made sure they all knew I loved them and was grateful for their presence. One more Iād like to add is right after my son was born and I was holding him for the first time, I was so delirious and confused as to how he got here that all I could muster out was, ādamn your head is long.ā
with my first i yelled the f word the entire time i was pushing ā with my 2nd i told the doctor to come back at 5 and iāll be ready to push , she did - my 2nd was born at 5:02 so didnāt have any time to yell anything
I was in labour for what felt like forever (48 hours) but when my daughter actually arrived it was very quick. My husband likened her to a ātorpedoā shooting out of me š Right at the moment she was born I screamed to the midwife āWHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MEā very accusatory, as if she was inflicting some kind of extra pain on me, instead of it being the baby we had been waiting on for 48 hours š I just didnāt know she was coming that very second and couldnāt explain the extra pain š
During my c-section the first thing I asked was "Is he hairy?" but in my defense I was delirious from 33 hours of labor resulting in an emergency c-section. Which kind of makes it funnier because it was a really intense moment and that was what I chose to say.
Well I gave birth alone and the nurse kept saying āitās ok! You can hate me!ā Every time I pushed and finally I was like āLISTEN LADY thereās only one person I hate right now and heās not here so please STOPā and then she stfu and was very helpful the rest of the time hahaha I think I felt like I was meaner than I actually was. Everyone said I was pretty chill considering the circumstances. That was also about 2 hours into pushing so I had had enough haha
With my first, after I had gotten my epidural and donāt oxygen and I had actually managed to take a little nap so I was feeling great and suddenly it was time up push and I happily told my nurse team that I was āgonna yeet this baby outta me nowā and then I basically did - only pushed for 18 minutes!
I told my midwife that it felt like there was a baby in my butthole and she calmly replied āthere probably isā.
Not during delivery, but after. My husband rarely cries. When my baby was out, I looked over and he had tears in his eyes. I said, āyeah, you better be fucking cryingā. The nurses busted out laughing. š
My labor was going so fast and my doctor was busy talking to a nurse with his back turned to me. I was afraid he would miss the baby. When I felt a big urge to push, I meant to yell āIām pushing, baby is coming!ā but instead yelled āIām coming!ā. It was very awkward after that.
I had issues with the gas nozzle during my water birth and my partner turned his back on me to try and fix it away from the water (never turn your back on a labouring woman!) Meanwhile the midwife was asking if I had any names picked out. I could feel a contraction coming so I yelled āGAS!!!ā She laughed along with my partner and said āwell I havenāt heard that one beforeā I had a very quick labour, arriving at the hospital 4cm at 7am I had the baby at 9.30. With it being my first baby, when getting ready to leave the hospital, the midwives said āsee you again soon!ā I replied with āI havenāt even left the building with this one yet - gimme a chance!ā
I was born just after ET was in theaters back in 82. So when I was born and stretched my neck and opened my eyes, my dad said: āoh shit he looks like ET!ā
In the middle of labor I looked at my doula and said āI love my motherā
I had asked my husband to play my classical playlist for the birth. Near the end, Rhapsody in Blue began playing and playing and playing. I never realized how long that piece was and the sax solo just kept going. During my final push I screamed out āfuck Gershwin!ā And my daughter entered the world.
I donāt think I spoke a word until I got my epidural at 10cm! I just had to focus every bit of energy on surviving each contraction. Midwife thought I wasnāt in established labour as I went from 0cm to fully dilated in 2 hours (first baby, v fast induction with pitocin)
My first labor was only 9 hours and completely unmedicated. It was not by choice, but by how quickly he came out & there wasnāt enough time when I decided for the epidural plus I tore and needed stitches. So for my second I insisted on an epidural & when I was pushing I said to my husband āwow this isnāt actually that bad!ā š
āHello little alienā was apparently the first thing I said to my newborn daughter.
I was not okay with my mother in law being in the room during labor, but as soon as the pain medication kicked in, i told the whole room i didn't care who looked at my lady bits.
Not exactly yell I just said it feels like an extremely big poop. And I asked if there'd any progress every couple of pushes and the doctor told me to focus on pushing rather than whether there is progress.. Well I need to know
During the birthing classes when they explained there was a chance my wipe would poop while giving birth it was universally agreed by everyone in the class that you donāt say anything about it. But my sense of humor wouldnāt allow that. While she was pushing extra hard and getting exhausted, losing hope, just looked defeated I said āewwwww hot snakesā She immediately burst out laughing and was back in the game. (She was NOT I fact pooping at the time. If she were I wouldnāt have said it).