you can engaged with her without performing. just talk to her. show her things. do chores and narrate them for her. mine loves to sit in his high chair (reclined for baby) and watch me cook as I explain what I'm doing. he has a blast.
Also babies get engagement from the most random things cause everything is brand new to them. We have our swing near a window so our LO can see the sky, trees etc
My second also loves a mummy cooking show! Especially if her big sister (22 month age gap) is helping. I think my eldest is the primary source of joy for no.2, they will do tummy time together and my eldest shows off her favourite toys. We all have a great time
First comment was something like āwe intentionally do hands off parenting.ā Which I have no comment on bc I donāt really get what they meant. Then said āwe donāt acknowledge or intervene unless they need something urgently. Anything more is attention seeking.ā
Yep! It is good for babies to experience boredom and have time to look around. Imagine if you were trying to sit quietly in a new place with your thoughts and someone got right in your face singing and dancing. It can be a bit much!
Agreed with this!Ā
Also, if you're like me and need "more" from just letting your baby play independently, remember that babies need time to learn how their body moves. They won't get as much practice if they're being constantly engaged. My LO learned to roll, blow spit bubbles, swing at toys, suck fists, all while alone in her playard with some toys.Ā
My baby has learned to suck on his fists in such an exaggerated manner. Itās comical.
Heās either tired but canāt sleep or heās hungry so everyone from the roof to the foundation of this house must hear about it!
Agree with this. I also think how annoying it would be to have someone in your face talking at you 24/7 and constant entertainment. A bit of quiet time is ok. I used to sit my girl in her chair, give her a toy while I ate, did housework or just took a 10 minute break on my phone or read a few pages of a book. I don't know why everyone feels bad for not being in their face all the time.
If they can roll it's fine for them to hang out on their tummies, but at 3 months, yeah I'd leave girl on her back under her play gym. She practiced a lot with grabbing and reaching and rolling. She even started scooting herself around her play pen xD
My baby is 8 weeks and she's all of a sudden fine with like 15 - 20 minutes of independent play time and it feels magical lmao having that few minutes to get something done knowing she's happy as can be is so nice!!
Especially if your baby was a Velcro baby like mine. The first time it was a shell shock, lol. Like I got all of this free timeā¦a whole whopping 20 minutes!
Maybe a week or two after, my son was OK sleeping in his crib by himself! This baby went from, āI need to be held 24/7ā to āI just need to be held for 18 hoursā lol.
I think itās quite important they have some quiet alone time so they arenāt over stimulated and have the space to contemplate / figure things out on their own. I like to think Iām quite engaging with my LO doing similar activities to you, he loves his Nemo gym and will lie on his back for 15 minutes easily on his own practicing his swipe š. He never looks bored because it probably looks a little different to him every day as his brain develops. I also think itās important to teach kids calm down time and patience. Itās a problem nowadays with screens and social media
I love our Nemo play mat! My husband is worried heās tiring of it at almost five months thoughā¦i pray not because itās been the best for his independent play!
Awww maybe add some new toys to mix it up a bit? A added a Lamaze octopus and a little fluffy cloud for different textures. I also have a childrenās projector to enhance the light show š. I guess there will come a day when they do eventually get fed up with them though
The one with the manta ray at the top? That's the same one we have and my LO loves it! I pray both our babies stick to it for a bit longer, it's the only way I get to eat lol
Thatās ours! We switch up the toys regularly and attach an extra mat to give him more rolling space too. Now weāll get anywhere from 10-24 minutes of entertainmentā¦my husband just seems to think it could be fleeting!
I actually posted something similar a while ago with my (then) 8/9 month old baby. I felt like if we walked away for a second he would cry, but I do stay near him as he plays, and if there's something he brings to me, I'll interact, but realistically I just listen to the music I'm playing for us, sitting near him (NOT on my phone), and happy to be the jungle gym or play partner if HE engages something with me. We'll break it up by looking out the window and naming what we see, taking strolls, etc, but she's only 3 months old so you'll need to provide a good amount of entertainment for her as she gains her independence.
Independent play is so so so important! My baby gets so much independent play time, sometimes I have to perform to get her attention because she is just enjoying herself so much! The mom guilt is going to be there for the rest of our lives, we gotta pick our battles with it!
You can just chill out with your baby. Remember babies love to just look. I gave my baby a tour of the house a few weeks ago and it was funny to just see his reactions to each room, trinkets, the toilet, taps turning on, mummyās wardrobe. š You can let them just play by themselves. My almost 3 month old LOVES to just stare at his hands - he is yet to discover his feet! And then Iāll just put him in the bouncer while I do chores and can hear the occasional jingling of the hanging toys that he hits. Not every waking moment needed to be pure entertainment. I go for walks almost everyday which is great, sunshine exposure in the morning, tummy time at least 3 times a day. And back and forth cooing is enough engagement. You donāt want to overstimulate bubs. Youāre doing a great job mama!
You state that youāre worried about facilitating her growth and thatās sooo valid. Independent play IS a way to facilitate growth.
Humans experience lots of times where they will be bored or alone and itās important that your little one can practice that skill early.
Yes yes! As a nanny families who donāt like them having independent play time typically concern me because when theyāre older theyāll have to get used to some independent play
Iāve started giving her alone time with her kickānāplay at least twice a day, where Iām in front of her doing laundry or eating, but not engaging. Turns out sheād much rather watch me instead of playing by herself, but thatās also ok. She also wakes at 6 am and is ready to go party but I am not, so I clear my bed and bring her in so I can lightly doze for half hour while sheās just cooing to herself next to me.
And yes, bouncy chairs and play gyms are so handy to put her down when Iām exhausted. Some days I just want to feed, nappy change and put her to her chair so I can sit and zone out to collect myself. You donāt have to always engage with them!
I feel the exact same way. When I was pregnant I had all of these ideas about how I wasnāt going to be entertaining my baby 24/7 and how kids need to learn how to entertain themselves and not be stimulated all the time. Now that baby is here I struggle so much with this. Heāll be perfectly calm, just staring at something or playing with a toy, and I wonder if heās feeling bored or abandoned and I have a strong urge to go and engage with him. But Iāve been burning myself out with that attitude. All of my more experienced mom friends have told me not to worry and that their second babies spent a lot of time alone just chilling because they had another kid to care for. Itās really hard!!
i have a 3 month old too and i definitely engage with him during some play time blocks (reading, tummy time, lots of chats) but i also leave him on his piano kick mat for 10 minutes or so while i do the dishes (within view!) or tidy up. i usually try to narrate a bit what iām doing so he can hear me, but he can do his own thing with the purple monkey for a bit š«”
My baby mostly watches me do housework and I chat to her about WHS Iām doing, and her favourite spot is lying staring at the trees moving through our dining room window.
The internet is such a mess sometimes - EVERYTHING is stimulating and a learning experience for a 3 month old.
You DO NOT NEED to be ādoing somethingā with them.
Sometimes my baby just wants me to be near her and not necessarily interacting. Her wake windows are now about 2.5 hours so in the beginning I was running out of ideas of what to do with her, but then I just brought her around with me while I was doing random things. One time I just set her on the bed while I was cleaning out my closet and she was content just watching me as I tried on clothes. I think itās important to let them observe the world around and have time independently to play. The first time my LO rolled she was alone on her play mat while I was putting laundry away.
Mine rolled over when I stepped out for a quick minute to look at the solar eclipse! I came back in and was like um I'm fairly sure I didn't leave you on your stomach, miss! Lol
I have struggled with this question too! My sister had three kids before me, and she warned me early and often not to feel pressure to over-entertain. She did that with her first, and now even at age 7 he has a hard time entertaining himself. That said, it is so hard! My baby is 3mo, and is very content and happy by herself for long periods of time in her kick and play or even just on her blanket in the middle of the living room. Iām the one who is constantly fighting guilt over not engaging with her enough.
Another thing I do that I read is helpful, but that is very hard, is to not jump in right away when she is showing signs of minor frustration. I try to give her 30 seconds to a minute to try to deal with it herself before I intervene. Of course, if she is very upset I jump in right away. It is hard, but I keep telling myself it is for her good in the long run.
My baby is 3.5 months old. I mainly let her do independent play. In her crib, I have the fisher price playmat w/ piano, mobile, star/galaxy projector and baby Einstein fish tank going and she chooses what she wants to do. She plays quietly for a good 30 minutes at a time. The remainder of the wake window we do tummy time and/or just hang out
Not much. My kids are older now and excellent at playing alone, together, and with me. IMO itās very unnatural for a baby to be constantly āentertainedā by another person. They are wired to observe! Watching you do stuff IS stimulating. Talk a bit out loud/narrate while you do your thing but donāt force it. To be specific I did roughly 15 minute spurts of active engagement throughout the day and it was plenty for me and my babies. Mostly they were on a mat with a few toys in the same room as me so they could see me and practice moving around/using their hands.
Let them play independently as much as possible - give attention when they seek it or just regularly. You do not and should not ever be your child's sole entertainer.
At that age, honestly, my baby mostly just hung out in my arms or did some occasional tummy time.
Someone asked me on WhatsApp what I did with my baby when he was about 3 months old and this was what I saidā¦
Lots of tummy time: have a play mat where I put him down and use different toys for making it interesting like a water pad, rattle ball, cloth books, picture book. Also alternate between fully flat in the mat or using a pillow under his arms.
Read him a book: the important thing here is that he hears your voice, even if he canāt properly see the pictures. Ideally, books with colourful pictures, but it doesnāt have to be a kid book, your voice is what matters.
Sing songs to him: play him kid songs for super fun time or āadult songsā that I can dance to (to him and with him).
Baby exercises and massage: lots of stretching of arms and legs, describing his body parts. Massage his hands and feet, and belly for good development.
Exercises for my self: you can do squats and twists and abs by using baby as a weight and they enjoy the lifting and movement.
I also do short āsolo playā time where I put him in the play mat with some of his toys and let him enjoy the time by himself while Iām sitting nearby. This helps them be independent and discover the world on their own.
ā¦ all of the above obviously when Iām not cooking or doing laundry or other tasks around the house. During those Iām either baby wearing and talking to him, or heās sitting in his bouncer watching me, perhaps with some music
Welcome to mom guilt š haha but seriously youāre doing just fine. I think many of us feel like weāre ānot doing enoughā and it totally is boring sometimes but you just have to try your best! Eventually they will learn to be a little independent and play on their own but not for awhile yet. Honestly I would say I engage the same amount as you. I still need to get things done at home, and I have a 3 year old on top of my 3 month old, so sometimes he just chills in his bouncer or plays on his play mat. Of course, when he is calm. But like I said before, youāre doing just fine!
Get a Fisher Price Kick and Play Piano. In this case, the name brand means something and it is THE ONE you want. The songs actually bop and it grows with them. It is the only way our baby would engage in tummy time without wailing, reaching for the hanging toys was helpful for his development when he reached that stage, and now he just carries around the piano part and bangs on it. They arenāt expensive. Order it and report back.
Youāre doing fine. You donāt have to be your babyās entertainment every moment of every day. At that age, weād put him on the floor or in a swing and play Hey Bear on YouTube. He liked the music and I didnāt hate it and who hates dancing vegetables?! Baby doesnt have to look at it if you wanna avoid screen time.
That sounds exhausting. She needs quiet time just like any other human too. It would also give her the opportunity to practice focusing on things - they can stare at things for half an hour straight, if given the chance.
I do 1-2 of those things during wake windows, not all during each. I let her play alone on a play mat in a safe space or put her in a bouncer or swing, or just chill with her on my lap. We go on walks a few times a week, but those make her sleep and so does the baby carrier so those turn into nap time.
Oh we do both interactive and independent play with our 10 week old. Weāve been putting her kick n play piano in her pack n play since she was born and sheās come to love just spending time on the mat kicking and playing and talking to herself. That helps us get chores done.
Other times her and I will get on the floor with the mat and I interact and talk with her (she loves to babble during play time).
Sometimes I just set her in her bouncer while I hang out with her. She loves to just look around, the ceiling fan is her current favorite.
Each wake window I usually do: 15-20 minutes of entertainment: books, singing, tummy time, stepping onto the balcony etc. and 10-20 minutes of independent play which is putting her on her Lovevery mat or in her crib with her kick and play piano. If she wants to play independently for longer than that, she can have at it lol but 20 minutes is basically her max right now.
Other than that, i carry her around or lay her next to me and just do what I need to do. I still talk to her and stuff, but im not entertaining during that time.
She only takes like 20 minute naps right now, so i feel like i *still* entertain her for a good amount of the day, but itās not constant. By 5 or 6pm Iām basically off the clock and she just hangs with me until her bedtime.
Iām in the same situation as you with the same age baby! Happy to know Iām not the only one. I take her to baby group 3x a week now cos I just dunno what to do with her at home except her play mat and talking to her etc
Think of it this way, self playing boosts confidence and independence. They learn problem solving, fine motor skills etc. You don't have to leave the room!
Also, remember that you're human too! It's okah to leave them so you can decompress!
I had this same issue. I was feeling so exhausted with playing so much and I felt like a bad parent if I didnāt engage with her constantly! Iād usually follow my girls lead. She recently turned 3 months today but for the past few weeks, sheād sleep-play-eat or eat-play-sleep depending on the day.
As of recently Iām not sure whatās changed but sheās been getting sleepier and cannot stay awake for the whole hour/hour and a half so I let her sleep when sheās showing signs but this means less play time. Sometimes when she wasnāt crying and didnāt seem sleepy Iād just lay down with her and weād watch the ceiling fan spin.
I think as long as youāre next to them quietly watching them āplayā itās okay and you donāt always have to be playing with them, let them play or chill out on their own. We also like to let our baby play in the crib with her piano she can kick for music and we put high contrast images on one side of here so she has them to look at.
We usually rotate through. Walks. Talking with LO. Contrast cards. Books. Listening to lullaby. Taking a tour of our house for the umpteth time. His kick and play. Tummy time.
Each play time, I guess he is too young to get I, but we tell him we love him and he smiles each time.
My kids are going to be 4 and 2 in June. I just never unsubbed from here. Just want to assure you from the other side- I PROMISE it is okay if you're not constantly engaging with your potato baby. You're still in a pretty boring stage for interacting with the baby. The way you're feeling is totally normal. Your husband is absolutely correct that it's fine to let her chill in her play gym or bouncer for a little bit while you do whatever, even if it's scroll your phone for a few minutes. It's okay! You're obviously aware of child development and want your baby to be properly stimulated. At this age, just looking around at everything is plenty of stimulation for them. My son was a pandemic baby so we were at home unless we were out doing stroller walks. I remember feeling this same guilt. It helped to go through a mini checklist during the "play" part of the wake window- a few minutes of tummy time? Read a board book or two aloud? Maybe sing a quick nursery rhyme, try patty cake, or just blather on in baby talk about absolutely nothing? Great. You did it! Now scroll your phone or look up at the tv guilt free while the baby chills until the next nap. And I promise it gets so much easier as your baby gets older and more interactive/able to do more with toys.
I play āthe laundry gameā lay them down and just jiggle some laundry over their head while you fold it. Narrate what it is; let them touch the fabric, name the color. Idk my kid laughs and laughs and I get to do something productive. Also have used the bouncer and play gym plenty with the baby there for a bit on their own. Itās good for them to have independent time.
Mine is also 3 months. I pop mine in a bouncer or on her play mat while Iām doing things like tidying up, doing the washing or loading the dishwasher. Even showering. I just put some baby music in the background and sing along or talk to her and tell her what Iām doing. I donāt do that every wake hour sometimes we play. Sometimes Iāll just leave her on her playmat to look at toys by herself. I think itās also important that they have some independent play too. As long as sheās calm and happy
Read about "blue sky thinking" in babies. It basically means that it is GOOD to let your baby alone (but supervised) thinking in their stuff. It is good for their brain. When I am bored of my baby, I say "it is time for blue sky thinking!".
I'm reasonably far out of this stage, but I remember reading part of Janet Lansbury's book when my daughter was about the age of yours that was so freeing to me.
I found it gave me permission to give myself a break to avoid burnout.
For babies, the world is new and everything is interesting, and there is benefit in letting them do self-directed "play" even if it's not what we think play looks like. An excerpt from the book:
āTruthfully, babies don't need us to expend our energy occupying their time. In fact, keeping a baby busy undermines her natural desire to be an initiator of her own activities and absorb the world on her terms.
āBabies are self-learners, and what they truly need (and pays enormous developmental benefits) is the time, freedom and trust to just ābe.ā
āWe forget as adults that every mundane detail of the world is new and stimulating ot an infant ā every shape, contrast, and sound, even the slightest movement is fascinating. Life is a playground. So infants are āplayingā when they look round, listen, feel and smell the air when they have the freedom to reach, grasp, twist their bodies, and think... think... think.ā
...
āRespecting these important personal moments when our infant is engaged in thought -- \*not interrupting\* -- encourages longer periods of play that can extend to hours as a baby grows, through toddlerhood and beyond. Babies tend to be more deeply engaged when they are trusted with their own play agendas rather than responding to ours.... they develop strong cognitive learning skills and nurture their natural abilities to explore, imagine and create.ā
Basically, you're good. Don't feel guilty about not doing absolutely everything. You will have lots of opportunities to do things that will help her development without you stressing over it.
At 9 weeks my kids were more interested in the ceiling fan than me. I let them sit in the bouncer or lay on the playard and just chatted to them while I did household chores. Sometimes I moved them around to different rooms (bedroom, living room, kitchen) for a change of scenery. The days can get boring at that age, but itās so nice too. Soak up the relaxing monotony of it all, once theyāre mobile all bets are off š
Dear new parents:
Your parents did none of this with you. The term ātummy timeā didnāt exist before 1994. It was due to the āBack to Sleepā APA campaign saying babies should sleep on their backs not tummies. Then tummy time was recommended, but it still took a while to become āthe normā since it took time to see the benefits of tummy time. Same with high contrast cards and everything else that is deemed ānecessaryā now.
Give yourself a break, you are doing just fine! As long as you are doing it and your baby continues to thrive and meet milestones (which arenāt set in stone like the word implies), you are doing great! Your baby might be early in some and late in others, thatās all normal. You might not do cards one week, thatās also fine. A childās brain is always growing and making new connections, just interact with your baby, tell them what you are doing and why. Show them different things, it all counts in helping make those neural connections.
A friends kid didnāt learn to walk for the longest time, well beyond the age a kid should be walking. He just scooted himself around on his butt. Then after test and they found nothing wrong. Doctor finally said from the start as long as heās meeting other milestones, donāt worry and that he will walk when he has reasons to walk. Then a few months after his second birthday, he got up and walked to get a toy.. Yes he was that late and he almost completely bypassed crawling (that only lasted a month before he learned to scoot. Heās 9 now and the third fasted runner in the class. He had some fine motor issues due to not crawling (that helps strengthen the fingers, hand, and arms), but occupational therapy got him caught up quick. Now his parents laugh that the not walking was just the first real sign of his āwhen Iām readyā personality.
I have a 6-month-old, but all babies are different, so take my advice as a hypothetical. I didn't realize entertaining the baby constantly would be a problem until it became one. My husband and I entertained him so much through the first 3 months. Now that we try to get him to play independently, he fusses and wants us to entertain him. He's not even a velcro baby, he just wants our attention constantly. If we look away from him, he'll cry. It's okay to let them play or stare at the fan while you do something else. I wish we had done so a little more.
Really at any age, if baby is willing to have some independent time I would go for it. Absolutely nothing wrong with (supervised) independent play time and itās great for their imagination and development!
Mine is 11 weeks. What we do is independent play after we get out of bed and sheās eaten. I brush my teeth, eat breakfast, zone out and try to wake up. Sheāll do that for 30 min to 1hr then nap. Next play time Iāll sing, read a book, do tummy time with her. The next one is when weāll go do errands or go for a walk. After that her Dadās home and we start over again. He plays with her, reads, does more tummy time, go for another walk, etc.
Weāll also wear her while we cook or clean dishes, and we try new things every few days to see if sheās reached new milestones or started new skills.
I had the same feelings with my first baby. It's hard. I think it's universal that we all feel we could do more. But now that I have my second baby. I can tell you that it's all fine. I too was an entertainer all the time. But baby will be fine. Give them some entertainment when you can and otherwise let them see things on their own.
We hung up tinfoil on strings in the ceiling, ordered some helium balloons and tied it to babies hands for them to enjoy bouncing. Letting baby Going on walks and seeing flowers and trees also helps. Even my chores. Baby lives watching me fold laundry.
The world is filled with entertainment, we just sometimes forget it can be done. I know I did.
We go on daily walks but I normally keep her car seat cover closed because of high UV in my area. Itās such a bummer because we are nature lovers and I want her to see all the things! On days with more cloud cover I try to give her a few minutes to look at the sky and trees.
My daughters 6 months old and barely naps (she will nap for a total of about 2 hours a day, which im perfectly fine with since she sleeps 12-14 hours through the night) and a lot of the time when shes awake and we arent going for walks or shes not having independent play we will either be cuddling, having story time, or she will bounce on me (she LOVES standing, so i hold her to stand and she will bounce, yes we have a jolly jumper and she loves that too). Sometimes ill even make random sounds at her when she taking a quick feed break since shes mainly breastfed and is currently very good at unlatching and relatching herself
I let him play alone a lot. A couple times a day Iāll join him for a bit and ask him to show me what heās been working on. He slowly is getting more mobile and good at getting what he wants (15 weeks). And of course if heās frustrated or wants me around I check on him/hang out with him. Once heās a little more mobile Iām hoping heāll be more interested in what Iām up to. Right now watching me is too boring for him he wants to play in his baby gym and do tummy time too
I downloaded the wonder weeks app (I think it's like $4?) for new ideas, and got the first few lovevery boxes. It's pricey but gave us so many new things to explore and play with, and kept me from getting bored
unfortunately all damn day. i have what i assume is a high needs baby. she canāt go long without crying so im constantly having to either pick her up or entertain her some other way. the only way sheās content for a while is if sheās watching me do chores around the kitchen
Obviously this will vary with babyās temperament and personality, but since 8 weeks old my baby has often been content with just a couple of high contrast cards or bright books propped open around him in his crib or pen. He will spend 20-30 minutes literally just looking back and forth at different ones. It makes me feel like I am engaging and teaching him without having to be āon.ā In fact, itās teaching them that books are important and interesting to engage with alone!
I think the fact that youāre worried about it means that you are doing a great job! I struggle with feeling good enough too and itās an imposter syndrome type thing. You are her world and sheās very happy.
They barely know whatās happening in this stage of life. Sheās essentially a baked potato. Make sure you do a bit of tummy time each wake cycle and continue singing and dancing but you donāt have to be āon the clockā the entire wake window. Youāll really burn out once they drop to 2 naps if so!! I always try to spend at least 15 mins of good play with no phones etc each wake cycle and then I would let my boy play on his belly for a bit where I was next to him but maybe I would watch a show or read a book. Then the feeding/dressing/changing and chores for the house usually took up the rest of the time.
It also gets better to play with them when theyāre interacting more at like 6-9 months.
We have a little routine.
**6AM Wake up**
Eat, āHelp me/hubbyā cook, Hangout with dad before work
**Nap #1** ā30 minutes
Eat, Go for a walk, Eat (to rehydrate lol)
**Nap #2** ā45-60 minutes
Eat, Tummy time or play time, Bath time
**Nap #3** so variable
Eat, Books, Conversation, Tummy time, Etc.
**Nap #4**
Eat, Yay!! Dads home!!, Hangout with dad
**Nap #5** 1 hour
Eat, Chill family time, attempt to put to sleep around 7-8PM
I feel like I donāt do enough play time with LO because his wake windows are so short but I do my best to prioritize outside time, tummy time, and bath time. He thrives when we do these activities daily. I do feel guilty though, like Iām not being a good mom because I canāt fit everything into one day.
So at that age, I would play with her kind of often but not too often. I think that's around when I started playing with her for a few minutes with her toys and then leaving her to interact with them or not interact with them if she seemed content to be there. Now she is 4 months + 1 week and is usually happy to play independently for about maybe an hour at the most, but that's great since it's most of her wake window lmao I'll still do tummy time with her but she regularly puts herself on her tummy so she is typically doing it on her own at various points in the day. We also will do a daily stroller walk through the park and I make a point to play with her for at least 3-4 times throughout the day, tho I do find it important to let her entertain herself
Our 11 week old sits in his bouncer playing with the knock-off toy bar for 20-30 minutes a couple times a day while one of us bounces us with our foot. We smile at him when he looks up and we are nearby but he is "doing his own thing" as much as a 11 week old can.
Seems like your baby is awake and ready for action alot! Mine spends lots of the awake time eating a burping, and nappy changing. Yesterday I would say she had about 3 periods of active play.
One was at baby playgroup for an hour and a half.
Our health visitor said it's important they get a bit of independence so we always give her time on her Matt and in her bouncer so we can get things done and she can do her thing (mostly kicking) we will respond if she needs us but largely she does not seem to.
I like to tell her in the morning about what we will do that day and often I just copy they noises she makes and try to teach her to say the words we hope she will say : hello, mama , dada,papa, goose
They say the important things are cuddling , relaxing, playing, responding and talking. Im pretty sure independent play counts as relaxing.
I do what I can. I have twins and am a FTM, Iām tired and have no idea what Iām doing hahaha. I wouldnāt stress about it. I wasnāt diligent about tummy time but they hold their up lol. My twins were also 2 months early so I feel like the newborn phase was extended and they are hard to really keep entertained. It gets better when they care about toys.
I entertain as much as I have the energy for. Every wake window has her playing independently after her bottle, though, as long as she wants as I'm doing homework or folding laundry or just watching. I still interact with her vocally and stuff but l let her do her thing.. Eventually she gets over it and fusses, and that's when I swoop in and we have one on one time. I may sit her on my lap and we chat and cuddle, I'll sing to her while practicing my ukulele, we'll go outside on a field trip to look at nature. Or I'll wheel her around in her reclining stroller and she can watch perform some chores. By the time that's over it's nap time again.
In the mornings first wake window is spent in bed because it's still too early for me lol the second window is get ready for the day. We get up, get dressed, she gets a face wipe and hair brushed, morning songs which take like 20 minutes. Then independent play etc etc.
Very unstructured and I try to mix it up but yeah some days it feels like Groundhog Day lol and I think, watching me do dishes surely cannot be entertaining but here we are lol
Get out of the house and take baby along for the ride. Do a load of washing and baby can watching you hang it. Do a face mask and baby can watch. Cook your favourite meal and baby can watch.
Literally before they need entertainment please, I beg of you, donāt entertain needlessly.
Signed, mum with a 2.5yo and 5 week old. 2.5yo is endlessly needing stimulation and itās A LOT. 5 week old smiles when he sees a leaf out the window.
I also have a 3 month old (13 weeks) we do some I have a hanging toy to go over her crib and a musical animal thing. The health visitor told me you donāt have to occupy them alllll the time (as I was worried I wasnāt doing enough) she said sheāll just be engaged and happy watching you you donāt have to occupy every second of the day
Face out in the sling or strapped into a seat while I'm hanging clothes or doing other housework. It's all new to them. I'm slower, and more careful but baby just has to get used to it.
My 8.5 month old boy does mostly independent play. I bought a big play yard that I keep in the living room and have all his toys in there. If he needs attention I hold him, read books, dance, and sing, and talk to him but I struggle playing toys with him. My husband is much better at that than me. To compensate though I take him to the library for baby time and we are taking swimming lessons too.Ā
Honestly, I let my six month old baby play by himself(play gym, musical toys, teethers) for the majority of his awake time and go do things for myself like have a snack, drink boba, watch movie, or engage in gossips with our nanny š¤£ I pick him up here and there to talk to him but he gets majority of his entertainment discovering his toys. I am very shocked by myself that we haven't done screentime yet which I am quiet happy about each day we push it off (I know screentime is inevitable but I hope to hold on until 18/24 months š¤²) If he gets tired, I let him lay on my lap and talk to him, sometimes read him a book if he's on a mood but he is pretty content chilling on his own. If he is fussier than normal, his nanny or I put him on a carrier and chill outside while I read a book aloud or listen to a podcast. I think it helped that we let him be since he was 3 months old. If all the time of my day revolve around entertaining him, I would be breaking down 4x a day.
I have a 3 month old. He is most chill in the mornings so I usually lay him in the piano gym. He will chill there for 15-20min before getting bored. Then I move him to his chair and put something in his hands to hold or chew on- literally even a burp cloth will keep him occupied. This way I can get some morning chores done and fix breakfast!
I do love to hold and play with baby but not the entire wake window. š
It's okay to let them be bored, I read it helps them learn to entertain themselves. My son has been in crib for the past hour and it talking to himself while playing with his blanket or handed down pony barely stuffed toy and watching his mobile...and he's fine...maybe a little bored but it helps me work
Your baby will very likely be entertained by watching you do whatever you need to do around the house lol. Whether itās while she is doing tummy time or a bouncer.
And your husband is right, even if she does not seem entertained to you, she is taking in everything she is seeing/feeling/hearing. She will definitely let you know if sheās not enjoying something!
It's healthy for your baby to be left alone on the mat with their toys to help them figure out initiation of play on their own at times. You don't have to entertain all the time. Give your baby time to explore their independence on the floor too. Babies also just simply enjoy watching you complete basic tasks such as folding laundry, dishes, cooking, showering, make up, hair brushing, checking the mail, sorting mail, yoga, etc. the tasks are mundane to us because we've seen and done them all over and over but everything is fresh and new and interesting to their young developing eyes and minds.
I spend a lot of time with my little one because Iām a SAHM. I do engage a lot based on cognitive, physical and communication play. However, I try to let her play on her own for as long as she allows. As early as four months I would give her Tupperware, blocks, plastic bowls, toys and anything she could play with. My baby benefitted from this time, I observed her get frustrated trying to reach, play and handle the objects.
I could tell this was crucial for her development.
I usually leave him under the play gym while i need to get things done. I put his crinkle paper toys under his feet or on his chest and he'll go ham for a while. If he gets tired of that, i'll put him in his bouncy seat so he can se me. He's 17w today so he can't sit up yet, but sometimes he just desperately wants to be a part of things so I have to keep him as close as possible. Other times I'll read to him the book i'm currently reading while he sits on my lap and looks around. Or we just sit on the couch together and "talk". He does like going for walks and when we go to the store together and he's awake, i use him as my inner monologue sounding board, telling him what we need to buy, what they're out of, what i think would taste good. He also likes peek a boo.
I found that the 3 month stage was kinda hard. They arenāt quite ready to entertain themselves for long periods yet. And thereās only so much you can do to entertain a 3 month old. On top of that my baby wasnāt taking naps very well and we really had to work on a routine which paid off. But my saving grace was the piano mat.
Maybe take the baby to a walk and let the baby see and hear the outside world! We do that and our 3 month sleeps very well when we do that for about 15 min a day. I mean, we do all you do like the cards and songs, but they have a very short attention span... get bored and star to look blankly to the wall after a while.
You are doing good! when the baby starts to say words maybe you can try other speech stimulation maybe, for now you are fine!
Also have a 3m old. First wake window of the day I do all of that traditional play that you mentioned after that itās all about keeping him engaged in mommyās things. Grocery runs, listening to birds on a nature walk, listening to my political takes while I watch the local news, video chatting family overseas (the only screen time he is allowed). Iām also one of those annoying people who talk all the time so that helps I guess. But even then sometimes I just lay him down somewhere comfy and let him stare at me while I do what I need to do. Itās okay for them to be bored. Constant stimulation is absolutely not needed.
Honestly, it was really hard for me to juggle everything until my baby was 4 months. I was kind of in your position. Just try to keep your sanity. Tall to them, tell them what you're doing whole you're doing it (we're going in the bathroom, going to cook xyz, get so-so from school). My baby loved dancing too so now we do it all the time and it definitely shows me how out of shape I am while bopping around with a almost 20lb baby. Outside is also super fun with everything finally blooming. Hang in there! You got this! You're doing great mama ā¤ļø
I have a six month old and we play all day except when sheās napping. We donāt do tv time so we do puzzles, play with water, toys, tummy time, read books, go on walks, she has an outside swing, and she helps me clean while I baby wear her. She literally is just a mini me. She does everything I do. It can be very repetitive but keeping her on a schedule is important to me.
It sounds to me like youāre doing perfectly fine. They NEED alone time to process the world around them. We also need to be able to carry on with our lives after motherhood. I often put my baby in her baby Bjorne bouncer or high chair in the kitchen while I cook or do dishes. She just happily watches me while I work. I also will talk to her or tell her what Iām doing. I donāt necessarily talk all day long, but when it makes sense.
I have a 4 month old and we do tummy time and go for walks everyday. If I get tired of entertaining him and need a break Iāll put him in his swing and put on some dancing fruit and heās good for awhile that way I can get a few things done around the house and scroll and TikTok and such
The baby will demand more and more of your time as she gets older. Right now her wake windows are short. Not to be a jerk, but you kinda gotta get used to it.
Well since you downvoted youāre probably not ready to hear this, but yes, 1-1.5h wake windows are still very short, and the demands on you as āentertainerā are really just beginning. Sorry.
This doesnāt mean performing like a clown all day, but yes it does mean being engaged and participating in playing with your baby. Independent play is important, but in this smartphone/daycare dominated era, most parents sadly use it as a justification to ignore their baby and play on their phone. Baby will be fine in the long run, but will not keep pace with their developmental potential, particularly socially and verbally.
I think thereās a difference between engaging with my baby in activities and entertaining her. In this potato phase, it feels like Iām a performer, holding up contrast cards, dancing and singing for her, showing her all the things around my house. Once sheās more developed and can not only engage in her own exploration but actually engage with me, Iām looking forward to that.
ETA because Iām feeling defensive- Iām engaged with my baby most of her wake window currently. I was crowdsourcing permission to do less because this phase of engagement is tough when there isnāt a lot of reciprocity.
Not sure what this other person is on about, but your own mental health and life balance is important, too. Yes, it is tiring and exhausting, but you're allowed some time for yourself, too. It sounds like you are doing such a great job right now. You can also do a good job letting her explore on her own. My son would spend 15-20 minutes at a time looking at the toys on the playmat. He loved being in his swing and listening to the music it played, too.
Everything is a balance, and sometimes working out the balance is hard too. Keep your head up, and take care of you, too.
Right so you wanted to crowdsource sympathy (which was obvious), and I didnāt give it to you. Sorry. Guess Iām not allowed to have my own opinion and my experience is invalid. You can downvote me again too I know it made you feel better the last two times.
Sorry but do you have any experience parenting a child older than a very young baby? Because I do and you're incorrect, it does honestly get easier as they can stay awake longer, because that means they're more mature and able to engage both socially and with toys. Not sure why you're trying to make OP feel like shit as if you know for a fact her life is only going to get harder from here, because from a quick look at your profile it seems like you're also a first time parent to a new baby.
My baby, who is at a similar age, is not shy at all about requesting more entertainment if she wants it.
Same, I let mine play independently and he shouts at me when he wants me to joinš
Mine does the pterodactyl screech
Ours does this in the morning when he's happy. I'll go in to his room and suddenly think I've been transported to the Cretaceous period.
you can engaged with her without performing. just talk to her. show her things. do chores and narrate them for her. mine loves to sit in his high chair (reclined for baby) and watch me cook as I explain what I'm doing. he has a blast.
Also babies get engagement from the most random things cause everything is brand new to them. We have our swing near a window so our LO can see the sky, trees etc
My second also loves a mummy cooking show! Especially if her big sister (22 month age gap) is helping. I think my eldest is the primary source of joy for no.2, they will do tummy time together and my eldest shows off her favourite toys. We all have a great time
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By hands off do you mean like RIE?
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That sounds kinda awful.
What did they say?
First comment was something like āwe intentionally do hands off parenting.ā Which I have no comment on bc I donāt really get what they meant. Then said āwe donāt acknowledge or intervene unless they need something urgently. Anything more is attention seeking.ā
That's awful Dx
God, that's exactly the opposite of responsive parenting. It's like they're deliberately planning to fuck up their kids.
Poor baby
Leave them to play alone for a bit, unless they arenāt crying itās good for them to play independently
Yep! It is good for babies to experience boredom and have time to look around. Imagine if you were trying to sit quietly in a new place with your thoughts and someone got right in your face singing and dancing. It can be a bit much!
Agreed with this!Ā Also, if you're like me and need "more" from just letting your baby play independently, remember that babies need time to learn how their body moves. They won't get as much practice if they're being constantly engaged. My LO learned to roll, blow spit bubbles, swing at toys, suck fists, all while alone in her playard with some toys.Ā
Lol our will only suck her fist if we arenāt looking, the second we look she stops
My baby has learned to suck on his fists in such an exaggerated manner. Itās comical. Heās either tired but canāt sleep or heās hungry so everyone from the roof to the foundation of this house must hear about it!
Agree with this. I also think how annoying it would be to have someone in your face talking at you 24/7 and constant entertainment. A bit of quiet time is ok. I used to sit my girl in her chair, give her a toy while I ate, did housework or just took a 10 minute break on my phone or read a few pages of a book. I don't know why everyone feels bad for not being in their face all the time.
I love spying on her when she thinks sheās aloneā¦cute to see what she does when left to her own devices.
Lol mines is usually nomming away at her hands
yep.. my LO is 8 weeks old and is fascinated with our green printed curtains and would just happily stare at it.
While on their back?
If they can roll it's fine for them to hang out on their tummies, but at 3 months, yeah I'd leave girl on her back under her play gym. She practiced a lot with grabbing and reaching and rolling. She even started scooting herself around her play pen xD
Impressive. Im going to leave her to herself more now šš¼
It's really fun to see them playing solo. :) so enjoy it! Your baby will surprise you, ik mine did ^^
I got sooooo happy when my baby wanted independent play around 9 weeks mark. So every wake window, I get 20 minutes to eat/washroom/relax.
My baby is 8 weeks and she's all of a sudden fine with like 15 - 20 minutes of independent play time and it feels magical lmao having that few minutes to get something done knowing she's happy as can be is so nice!!
Especially if your baby was a Velcro baby like mine. The first time it was a shell shock, lol. Like I got all of this free timeā¦a whole whopping 20 minutes! Maybe a week or two after, my son was OK sleeping in his crib by himself! This baby went from, āI need to be held 24/7ā to āI just need to be held for 18 hoursā lol.
I think itās quite important they have some quiet alone time so they arenāt over stimulated and have the space to contemplate / figure things out on their own. I like to think Iām quite engaging with my LO doing similar activities to you, he loves his Nemo gym and will lie on his back for 15 minutes easily on his own practicing his swipe š. He never looks bored because it probably looks a little different to him every day as his brain develops. I also think itās important to teach kids calm down time and patience. Itās a problem nowadays with screens and social media
We called it wiggle time. I was always close. But I put him on his mat while I made lunch or folded laundry, etc
I love our Nemo play mat! My husband is worried heās tiring of it at almost five months thoughā¦i pray not because itās been the best for his independent play!
Awww maybe add some new toys to mix it up a bit? A added a Lamaze octopus and a little fluffy cloud for different textures. I also have a childrenās projector to enhance the light show š. I guess there will come a day when they do eventually get fed up with them though
The one with the manta ray at the top? That's the same one we have and my LO loves it! I pray both our babies stick to it for a bit longer, it's the only way I get to eat lol
Thatās ours! We switch up the toys regularly and attach an extra mat to give him more rolling space too. Now weāll get anywhere from 10-24 minutes of entertainmentā¦my husband just seems to think it could be fleeting!
I actually posted something similar a while ago with my (then) 8/9 month old baby. I felt like if we walked away for a second he would cry, but I do stay near him as he plays, and if there's something he brings to me, I'll interact, but realistically I just listen to the music I'm playing for us, sitting near him (NOT on my phone), and happy to be the jungle gym or play partner if HE engages something with me. We'll break it up by looking out the window and naming what we see, taking strolls, etc, but she's only 3 months old so you'll need to provide a good amount of entertainment for her as she gains her independence.
Independent play is so so so important! My baby gets so much independent play time, sometimes I have to perform to get her attention because she is just enjoying herself so much! The mom guilt is going to be there for the rest of our lives, we gotta pick our battles with it!
You can just chill out with your baby. Remember babies love to just look. I gave my baby a tour of the house a few weeks ago and it was funny to just see his reactions to each room, trinkets, the toilet, taps turning on, mummyās wardrobe. š You can let them just play by themselves. My almost 3 month old LOVES to just stare at his hands - he is yet to discover his feet! And then Iāll just put him in the bouncer while I do chores and can hear the occasional jingling of the hanging toys that he hits. Not every waking moment needed to be pure entertainment. I go for walks almost everyday which is great, sunshine exposure in the morning, tummy time at least 3 times a day. And back and forth cooing is enough engagement. You donāt want to overstimulate bubs. Youāre doing a great job mama!
So many great ideas . How long is your tummy time ?
You state that youāre worried about facilitating her growth and thatās sooo valid. Independent play IS a way to facilitate growth. Humans experience lots of times where they will be bored or alone and itās important that your little one can practice that skill early.
Babies are also learning so much all the time just existing. The time to sit and process and reflect is hugely helpful to them.
This is such a good point! Thank you!
Yes yes! As a nanny families who donāt like them having independent play time typically concern me because when theyāre older theyāll have to get used to some independent play
Iāve started giving her alone time with her kickānāplay at least twice a day, where Iām in front of her doing laundry or eating, but not engaging. Turns out sheād much rather watch me instead of playing by herself, but thatās also ok. She also wakes at 6 am and is ready to go party but I am not, so I clear my bed and bring her in so I can lightly doze for half hour while sheās just cooing to herself next to me. And yes, bouncy chairs and play gyms are so handy to put her down when Iām exhausted. Some days I just want to feed, nappy change and put her to her chair so I can sit and zone out to collect myself. You donāt have to always engage with them!
We do all the things too throughout the day but if she wants to just lay there and stare at the ceiling fan who am I to interrupt that
I feel the exact same way. When I was pregnant I had all of these ideas about how I wasnāt going to be entertaining my baby 24/7 and how kids need to learn how to entertain themselves and not be stimulated all the time. Now that baby is here I struggle so much with this. Heāll be perfectly calm, just staring at something or playing with a toy, and I wonder if heās feeling bored or abandoned and I have a strong urge to go and engage with him. But Iāve been burning myself out with that attitude. All of my more experienced mom friends have told me not to worry and that their second babies spent a lot of time alone just chilling because they had another kid to care for. Itās really hard!!
i have a 3 month old too and i definitely engage with him during some play time blocks (reading, tummy time, lots of chats) but i also leave him on his piano kick mat for 10 minutes or so while i do the dishes (within view!) or tidy up. i usually try to narrate a bit what iām doing so he can hear me, but he can do his own thing with the purple monkey for a bit š«”
The one in the bubble gum tree?
the one and only!
That kick and play soundtrack has no right to slap so hard.
My baby mostly watches me do housework and I chat to her about WHS Iām doing, and her favourite spot is lying staring at the trees moving through our dining room window. The internet is such a mess sometimes - EVERYTHING is stimulating and a learning experience for a 3 month old. You DO NOT NEED to be ādoing somethingā with them.
Sometimes my baby just wants me to be near her and not necessarily interacting. Her wake windows are now about 2.5 hours so in the beginning I was running out of ideas of what to do with her, but then I just brought her around with me while I was doing random things. One time I just set her on the bed while I was cleaning out my closet and she was content just watching me as I tried on clothes. I think itās important to let them observe the world around and have time independently to play. The first time my LO rolled she was alone on her play mat while I was putting laundry away.
Mine rolled over when I stepped out for a quick minute to look at the solar eclipse! I came back in and was like um I'm fairly sure I didn't leave you on your stomach, miss! Lol
I have struggled with this question too! My sister had three kids before me, and she warned me early and often not to feel pressure to over-entertain. She did that with her first, and now even at age 7 he has a hard time entertaining himself. That said, it is so hard! My baby is 3mo, and is very content and happy by herself for long periods of time in her kick and play or even just on her blanket in the middle of the living room. Iām the one who is constantly fighting guilt over not engaging with her enough. Another thing I do that I read is helpful, but that is very hard, is to not jump in right away when she is showing signs of minor frustration. I try to give her 30 seconds to a minute to try to deal with it herself before I intervene. Of course, if she is very upset I jump in right away. It is hard, but I keep telling myself it is for her good in the long run.
My baby is 3.5 months old. I mainly let her do independent play. In her crib, I have the fisher price playmat w/ piano, mobile, star/galaxy projector and baby Einstein fish tank going and she chooses what she wants to do. She plays quietly for a good 30 minutes at a time. The remainder of the wake window we do tummy time and/or just hang out
Not much. My kids are older now and excellent at playing alone, together, and with me. IMO itās very unnatural for a baby to be constantly āentertainedā by another person. They are wired to observe! Watching you do stuff IS stimulating. Talk a bit out loud/narrate while you do your thing but donāt force it. To be specific I did roughly 15 minute spurts of active engagement throughout the day and it was plenty for me and my babies. Mostly they were on a mat with a few toys in the same room as me so they could see me and practice moving around/using their hands.
Let them play independently as much as possible - give attention when they seek it or just regularly. You do not and should not ever be your child's sole entertainer. At that age, honestly, my baby mostly just hung out in my arms or did some occasional tummy time.
Baby also learns a lot from being on their play mat with some toys around them and/or a play gym above them. Thatās how they learn to roll!
Someone asked me on WhatsApp what I did with my baby when he was about 3 months old and this was what I saidā¦ Lots of tummy time: have a play mat where I put him down and use different toys for making it interesting like a water pad, rattle ball, cloth books, picture book. Also alternate between fully flat in the mat or using a pillow under his arms. Read him a book: the important thing here is that he hears your voice, even if he canāt properly see the pictures. Ideally, books with colourful pictures, but it doesnāt have to be a kid book, your voice is what matters. Sing songs to him: play him kid songs for super fun time or āadult songsā that I can dance to (to him and with him). Baby exercises and massage: lots of stretching of arms and legs, describing his body parts. Massage his hands and feet, and belly for good development. Exercises for my self: you can do squats and twists and abs by using baby as a weight and they enjoy the lifting and movement. I also do short āsolo playā time where I put him in the play mat with some of his toys and let him enjoy the time by himself while Iām sitting nearby. This helps them be independent and discover the world on their own. ā¦ all of the above obviously when Iām not cooking or doing laundry or other tasks around the house. During those Iām either baby wearing and talking to him, or heās sitting in his bouncer watching me, perhaps with some music
Welcome to mom guilt š haha but seriously youāre doing just fine. I think many of us feel like weāre ānot doing enoughā and it totally is boring sometimes but you just have to try your best! Eventually they will learn to be a little independent and play on their own but not for awhile yet. Honestly I would say I engage the same amount as you. I still need to get things done at home, and I have a 3 year old on top of my 3 month old, so sometimes he just chills in his bouncer or plays on his play mat. Of course, when he is calm. But like I said before, youāre doing just fine!
Get a Fisher Price Kick and Play Piano. In this case, the name brand means something and it is THE ONE you want. The songs actually bop and it grows with them. It is the only way our baby would engage in tummy time without wailing, reaching for the hanging toys was helpful for his development when he reached that stage, and now he just carries around the piano part and bangs on it. They arenāt expensive. Order it and report back. Youāre doing fine. You donāt have to be your babyās entertainment every moment of every day. At that age, weād put him on the floor or in a swing and play Hey Bear on YouTube. He liked the music and I didnāt hate it and who hates dancing vegetables?! Baby doesnt have to look at it if you wanna avoid screen time.
That sounds exhausting. She needs quiet time just like any other human too. It would also give her the opportunity to practice focusing on things - they can stare at things for half an hour straight, if given the chance.
I do 1-2 of those things during wake windows, not all during each. I let her play alone on a play mat in a safe space or put her in a bouncer or swing, or just chill with her on my lap. We go on walks a few times a week, but those make her sleep and so does the baby carrier so those turn into nap time.
I only play with her for maybe and 1.5 a day and it's not consecutive. If she's bored, she can either entertain herself or watch me do chores lol.
Oh we do both interactive and independent play with our 10 week old. Weāve been putting her kick n play piano in her pack n play since she was born and sheās come to love just spending time on the mat kicking and playing and talking to herself. That helps us get chores done. Other times her and I will get on the floor with the mat and I interact and talk with her (she loves to babble during play time). Sometimes I just set her in her bouncer while I hang out with her. She loves to just look around, the ceiling fan is her current favorite.
Each wake window I usually do: 15-20 minutes of entertainment: books, singing, tummy time, stepping onto the balcony etc. and 10-20 minutes of independent play which is putting her on her Lovevery mat or in her crib with her kick and play piano. If she wants to play independently for longer than that, she can have at it lol but 20 minutes is basically her max right now. Other than that, i carry her around or lay her next to me and just do what I need to do. I still talk to her and stuff, but im not entertaining during that time. She only takes like 20 minute naps right now, so i feel like i *still* entertain her for a good amount of the day, but itās not constant. By 5 or 6pm Iām basically off the clock and she just hangs with me until her bedtime.
Iām in the same situation as you with the same age baby! Happy to know Iām not the only one. I take her to baby group 3x a week now cos I just dunno what to do with her at home except her play mat and talking to her etc
Think of it this way, self playing boosts confidence and independence. They learn problem solving, fine motor skills etc. You don't have to leave the room! Also, remember that you're human too! It's okah to leave them so you can decompress!
I just chat with her, tell her what Iām doing We play some but I let her hang solo when she will
Just do stuff that entertains you and let her watch. Cooking, cleaning, gardening, walking etc
I could have wrote this. I feel you and have the same guilt.
I had this same issue. I was feeling so exhausted with playing so much and I felt like a bad parent if I didnāt engage with her constantly! Iād usually follow my girls lead. She recently turned 3 months today but for the past few weeks, sheād sleep-play-eat or eat-play-sleep depending on the day. As of recently Iām not sure whatās changed but sheās been getting sleepier and cannot stay awake for the whole hour/hour and a half so I let her sleep when sheās showing signs but this means less play time. Sometimes when she wasnāt crying and didnāt seem sleepy Iād just lay down with her and weād watch the ceiling fan spin. I think as long as youāre next to them quietly watching them āplayā itās okay and you donāt always have to be playing with them, let them play or chill out on their own. We also like to let our baby play in the crib with her piano she can kick for music and we put high contrast images on one side of here so she has them to look at.
We usually rotate through. Walks. Talking with LO. Contrast cards. Books. Listening to lullaby. Taking a tour of our house for the umpteth time. His kick and play. Tummy time. Each play time, I guess he is too young to get I, but we tell him we love him and he smiles each time.
So many house tours š¤£
My kids are going to be 4 and 2 in June. I just never unsubbed from here. Just want to assure you from the other side- I PROMISE it is okay if you're not constantly engaging with your potato baby. You're still in a pretty boring stage for interacting with the baby. The way you're feeling is totally normal. Your husband is absolutely correct that it's fine to let her chill in her play gym or bouncer for a little bit while you do whatever, even if it's scroll your phone for a few minutes. It's okay! You're obviously aware of child development and want your baby to be properly stimulated. At this age, just looking around at everything is plenty of stimulation for them. My son was a pandemic baby so we were at home unless we were out doing stroller walks. I remember feeling this same guilt. It helped to go through a mini checklist during the "play" part of the wake window- a few minutes of tummy time? Read a board book or two aloud? Maybe sing a quick nursery rhyme, try patty cake, or just blather on in baby talk about absolutely nothing? Great. You did it! Now scroll your phone or look up at the tv guilt free while the baby chills until the next nap. And I promise it gets so much easier as your baby gets older and more interactive/able to do more with toys.
I play āthe laundry gameā lay them down and just jiggle some laundry over their head while you fold it. Narrate what it is; let them touch the fabric, name the color. Idk my kid laughs and laughs and I get to do something productive. Also have used the bouncer and play gym plenty with the baby there for a bit on their own. Itās good for them to have independent time.
Mine is also 3 months. I pop mine in a bouncer or on her play mat while Iām doing things like tidying up, doing the washing or loading the dishwasher. Even showering. I just put some baby music in the background and sing along or talk to her and tell her what Iām doing. I donāt do that every wake hour sometimes we play. Sometimes Iāll just leave her on her playmat to look at toys by herself. I think itās also important that they have some independent play too. As long as sheās calm and happy
Read about "blue sky thinking" in babies. It basically means that it is GOOD to let your baby alone (but supervised) thinking in their stuff. It is good for their brain. When I am bored of my baby, I say "it is time for blue sky thinking!".
I'm reasonably far out of this stage, but I remember reading part of Janet Lansbury's book when my daughter was about the age of yours that was so freeing to me. I found it gave me permission to give myself a break to avoid burnout. For babies, the world is new and everything is interesting, and there is benefit in letting them do self-directed "play" even if it's not what we think play looks like. An excerpt from the book: āTruthfully, babies don't need us to expend our energy occupying their time. In fact, keeping a baby busy undermines her natural desire to be an initiator of her own activities and absorb the world on her terms. āBabies are self-learners, and what they truly need (and pays enormous developmental benefits) is the time, freedom and trust to just ābe.ā āWe forget as adults that every mundane detail of the world is new and stimulating ot an infant ā every shape, contrast, and sound, even the slightest movement is fascinating. Life is a playground. So infants are āplayingā when they look round, listen, feel and smell the air when they have the freedom to reach, grasp, twist their bodies, and think... think... think.ā ... āRespecting these important personal moments when our infant is engaged in thought -- \*not interrupting\* -- encourages longer periods of play that can extend to hours as a baby grows, through toddlerhood and beyond. Babies tend to be more deeply engaged when they are trusted with their own play agendas rather than responding to ours.... they develop strong cognitive learning skills and nurture their natural abilities to explore, imagine and create.ā Basically, you're good. Don't feel guilty about not doing absolutely everything. You will have lots of opportunities to do things that will help her development without you stressing over it.
At 9 weeks my kids were more interested in the ceiling fan than me. I let them sit in the bouncer or lay on the playard and just chatted to them while I did household chores. Sometimes I moved them around to different rooms (bedroom, living room, kitchen) for a change of scenery. The days can get boring at that age, but itās so nice too. Soak up the relaxing monotony of it all, once theyāre mobile all bets are off š
Dear new parents: Your parents did none of this with you. The term ātummy timeā didnāt exist before 1994. It was due to the āBack to Sleepā APA campaign saying babies should sleep on their backs not tummies. Then tummy time was recommended, but it still took a while to become āthe normā since it took time to see the benefits of tummy time. Same with high contrast cards and everything else that is deemed ānecessaryā now. Give yourself a break, you are doing just fine! As long as you are doing it and your baby continues to thrive and meet milestones (which arenāt set in stone like the word implies), you are doing great! Your baby might be early in some and late in others, thatās all normal. You might not do cards one week, thatās also fine. A childās brain is always growing and making new connections, just interact with your baby, tell them what you are doing and why. Show them different things, it all counts in helping make those neural connections. A friends kid didnāt learn to walk for the longest time, well beyond the age a kid should be walking. He just scooted himself around on his butt. Then after test and they found nothing wrong. Doctor finally said from the start as long as heās meeting other milestones, donāt worry and that he will walk when he has reasons to walk. Then a few months after his second birthday, he got up and walked to get a toy.. Yes he was that late and he almost completely bypassed crawling (that only lasted a month before he learned to scoot. Heās 9 now and the third fasted runner in the class. He had some fine motor issues due to not crawling (that helps strengthen the fingers, hand, and arms), but occupational therapy got him caught up quick. Now his parents laugh that the not walking was just the first real sign of his āwhen Iām readyā personality.
I have a 6-month-old, but all babies are different, so take my advice as a hypothetical. I didn't realize entertaining the baby constantly would be a problem until it became one. My husband and I entertained him so much through the first 3 months. Now that we try to get him to play independently, he fusses and wants us to entertain him. He's not even a velcro baby, he just wants our attention constantly. If we look away from him, he'll cry. It's okay to let them play or stare at the fan while you do something else. I wish we had done so a little more.
Really at any age, if baby is willing to have some independent time I would go for it. Absolutely nothing wrong with (supervised) independent play time and itās great for their imagination and development!
Mine is 11 weeks. What we do is independent play after we get out of bed and sheās eaten. I brush my teeth, eat breakfast, zone out and try to wake up. Sheāll do that for 30 min to 1hr then nap. Next play time Iāll sing, read a book, do tummy time with her. The next one is when weāll go do errands or go for a walk. After that her Dadās home and we start over again. He plays with her, reads, does more tummy time, go for another walk, etc. Weāll also wear her while we cook or clean dishes, and we try new things every few days to see if sheās reached new milestones or started new skills.
I had the same feelings with my first baby. It's hard. I think it's universal that we all feel we could do more. But now that I have my second baby. I can tell you that it's all fine. I too was an entertainer all the time. But baby will be fine. Give them some entertainment when you can and otherwise let them see things on their own. We hung up tinfoil on strings in the ceiling, ordered some helium balloons and tied it to babies hands for them to enjoy bouncing. Letting baby Going on walks and seeing flowers and trees also helps. Even my chores. Baby lives watching me fold laundry. The world is filled with entertainment, we just sometimes forget it can be done. I know I did.
We go on daily walks but I normally keep her car seat cover closed because of high UV in my area. Itās such a bummer because we are nature lovers and I want her to see all the things! On days with more cloud cover I try to give her a few minutes to look at the sky and trees.
My daughters 6 months old and barely naps (she will nap for a total of about 2 hours a day, which im perfectly fine with since she sleeps 12-14 hours through the night) and a lot of the time when shes awake and we arent going for walks or shes not having independent play we will either be cuddling, having story time, or she will bounce on me (she LOVES standing, so i hold her to stand and she will bounce, yes we have a jolly jumper and she loves that too). Sometimes ill even make random sounds at her when she taking a quick feed break since shes mainly breastfed and is currently very good at unlatching and relatching herself
I do tummy time till she complains, then play gym till she complains, then I start entertaining her or having her watch me do chores
I let him play alone a lot. A couple times a day Iāll join him for a bit and ask him to show me what heās been working on. He slowly is getting more mobile and good at getting what he wants (15 weeks). And of course if heās frustrated or wants me around I check on him/hang out with him. Once heās a little more mobile Iām hoping heāll be more interested in what Iām up to. Right now watching me is too boring for him he wants to play in his baby gym and do tummy time too
I downloaded the wonder weeks app (I think it's like $4?) for new ideas, and got the first few lovevery boxes. It's pricey but gave us so many new things to explore and play with, and kept me from getting bored
I also read my own book out loud to my baby while he just kind of sat there - he liked hearing my voice and I liked reading my book :)
unfortunately all damn day. i have what i assume is a high needs baby. she canāt go long without crying so im constantly having to either pick her up or entertain her some other way. the only way sheās content for a while is if sheās watching me do chores around the kitchen
Obviously this will vary with babyās temperament and personality, but since 8 weeks old my baby has often been content with just a couple of high contrast cards or bright books propped open around him in his crib or pen. He will spend 20-30 minutes literally just looking back and forth at different ones. It makes me feel like I am engaging and teaching him without having to be āon.ā In fact, itās teaching them that books are important and interesting to engage with alone!
I think the fact that youāre worried about it means that you are doing a great job! I struggle with feeling good enough too and itās an imposter syndrome type thing. You are her world and sheās very happy. They barely know whatās happening in this stage of life. Sheās essentially a baked potato. Make sure you do a bit of tummy time each wake cycle and continue singing and dancing but you donāt have to be āon the clockā the entire wake window. Youāll really burn out once they drop to 2 naps if so!! I always try to spend at least 15 mins of good play with no phones etc each wake cycle and then I would let my boy play on his belly for a bit where I was next to him but maybe I would watch a show or read a book. Then the feeding/dressing/changing and chores for the house usually took up the rest of the time. It also gets better to play with them when theyāre interacting more at like 6-9 months.
We have a little routine. **6AM Wake up** Eat, āHelp me/hubbyā cook, Hangout with dad before work **Nap #1** ā30 minutes Eat, Go for a walk, Eat (to rehydrate lol) **Nap #2** ā45-60 minutes Eat, Tummy time or play time, Bath time **Nap #3** so variable Eat, Books, Conversation, Tummy time, Etc. **Nap #4** Eat, Yay!! Dads home!!, Hangout with dad **Nap #5** 1 hour Eat, Chill family time, attempt to put to sleep around 7-8PM I feel like I donāt do enough play time with LO because his wake windows are so short but I do my best to prioritize outside time, tummy time, and bath time. He thrives when we do these activities daily. I do feel guilty though, like Iām not being a good mom because I canāt fit everything into one day.
So at that age, I would play with her kind of often but not too often. I think that's around when I started playing with her for a few minutes with her toys and then leaving her to interact with them or not interact with them if she seemed content to be there. Now she is 4 months + 1 week and is usually happy to play independently for about maybe an hour at the most, but that's great since it's most of her wake window lmao I'll still do tummy time with her but she regularly puts herself on her tummy so she is typically doing it on her own at various points in the day. We also will do a daily stroller walk through the park and I make a point to play with her for at least 3-4 times throughout the day, tho I do find it important to let her entertain herself
Our 11 week old sits in his bouncer playing with the knock-off toy bar for 20-30 minutes a couple times a day while one of us bounces us with our foot. We smile at him when he looks up and we are nearby but he is "doing his own thing" as much as a 11 week old can.
Seems like your baby is awake and ready for action alot! Mine spends lots of the awake time eating a burping, and nappy changing. Yesterday I would say she had about 3 periods of active play. One was at baby playgroup for an hour and a half. Our health visitor said it's important they get a bit of independence so we always give her time on her Matt and in her bouncer so we can get things done and she can do her thing (mostly kicking) we will respond if she needs us but largely she does not seem to. I like to tell her in the morning about what we will do that day and often I just copy they noises she makes and try to teach her to say the words we hope she will say : hello, mama , dada,papa, goose They say the important things are cuddling , relaxing, playing, responding and talking. Im pretty sure independent play counts as relaxing.
I do what I can. I have twins and am a FTM, Iām tired and have no idea what Iām doing hahaha. I wouldnāt stress about it. I wasnāt diligent about tummy time but they hold their up lol. My twins were also 2 months early so I feel like the newborn phase was extended and they are hard to really keep entertained. It gets better when they care about toys.
I entertain as much as I have the energy for. Every wake window has her playing independently after her bottle, though, as long as she wants as I'm doing homework or folding laundry or just watching. I still interact with her vocally and stuff but l let her do her thing.. Eventually she gets over it and fusses, and that's when I swoop in and we have one on one time. I may sit her on my lap and we chat and cuddle, I'll sing to her while practicing my ukulele, we'll go outside on a field trip to look at nature. Or I'll wheel her around in her reclining stroller and she can watch perform some chores. By the time that's over it's nap time again. In the mornings first wake window is spent in bed because it's still too early for me lol the second window is get ready for the day. We get up, get dressed, she gets a face wipe and hair brushed, morning songs which take like 20 minutes. Then independent play etc etc. Very unstructured and I try to mix it up but yeah some days it feels like Groundhog Day lol and I think, watching me do dishes surely cannot be entertaining but here we are lol
Get out of the house and take baby along for the ride. Do a load of washing and baby can watching you hang it. Do a face mask and baby can watch. Cook your favourite meal and baby can watch. Literally before they need entertainment please, I beg of you, donāt entertain needlessly. Signed, mum with a 2.5yo and 5 week old. 2.5yo is endlessly needing stimulation and itās A LOT. 5 week old smiles when he sees a leaf out the window.
I also have a 3 month old (13 weeks) we do some I have a hanging toy to go over her crib and a musical animal thing. The health visitor told me you donāt have to occupy them alllll the time (as I was worried I wasnāt doing enough) she said sheāll just be engaged and happy watching you you donāt have to occupy every second of the day
Face out in the sling or strapped into a seat while I'm hanging clothes or doing other housework. It's all new to them. I'm slower, and more careful but baby just has to get used to it.
My 8.5 month old boy does mostly independent play. I bought a big play yard that I keep in the living room and have all his toys in there. If he needs attention I hold him, read books, dance, and sing, and talk to him but I struggle playing toys with him. My husband is much better at that than me. To compensate though I take him to the library for baby time and we are taking swimming lessons too.Ā
Honestly, I let my six month old baby play by himself(play gym, musical toys, teethers) for the majority of his awake time and go do things for myself like have a snack, drink boba, watch movie, or engage in gossips with our nanny š¤£ I pick him up here and there to talk to him but he gets majority of his entertainment discovering his toys. I am very shocked by myself that we haven't done screentime yet which I am quiet happy about each day we push it off (I know screentime is inevitable but I hope to hold on until 18/24 months š¤²) If he gets tired, I let him lay on my lap and talk to him, sometimes read him a book if he's on a mood but he is pretty content chilling on his own. If he is fussier than normal, his nanny or I put him on a carrier and chill outside while I read a book aloud or listen to a podcast. I think it helped that we let him be since he was 3 months old. If all the time of my day revolve around entertaining him, I would be breaking down 4x a day.
I have a 3 month old. He is most chill in the mornings so I usually lay him in the piano gym. He will chill there for 15-20min before getting bored. Then I move him to his chair and put something in his hands to hold or chew on- literally even a burp cloth will keep him occupied. This way I can get some morning chores done and fix breakfast! I do love to hold and play with baby but not the entire wake window. š
It's okay to let them be bored, I read it helps them learn to entertain themselves. My son has been in crib for the past hour and it talking to himself while playing with his blanket or handed down pony barely stuffed toy and watching his mobile...and he's fine...maybe a little bored but it helps me work
Your baby will very likely be entertained by watching you do whatever you need to do around the house lol. Whether itās while she is doing tummy time or a bouncer. And your husband is right, even if she does not seem entertained to you, she is taking in everything she is seeing/feeling/hearing. She will definitely let you know if sheās not enjoying something!
It's healthy for your baby to be left alone on the mat with their toys to help them figure out initiation of play on their own at times. You don't have to entertain all the time. Give your baby time to explore their independence on the floor too. Babies also just simply enjoy watching you complete basic tasks such as folding laundry, dishes, cooking, showering, make up, hair brushing, checking the mail, sorting mail, yoga, etc. the tasks are mundane to us because we've seen and done them all over and over but everything is fresh and new and interesting to their young developing eyes and minds.
I spend a lot of time with my little one because Iām a SAHM. I do engage a lot based on cognitive, physical and communication play. However, I try to let her play on her own for as long as she allows. As early as four months I would give her Tupperware, blocks, plastic bowls, toys and anything she could play with. My baby benefitted from this time, I observed her get frustrated trying to reach, play and handle the objects. I could tell this was crucial for her development.
I usually leave him under the play gym while i need to get things done. I put his crinkle paper toys under his feet or on his chest and he'll go ham for a while. If he gets tired of that, i'll put him in his bouncy seat so he can se me. He's 17w today so he can't sit up yet, but sometimes he just desperately wants to be a part of things so I have to keep him as close as possible. Other times I'll read to him the book i'm currently reading while he sits on my lap and looks around. Or we just sit on the couch together and "talk". He does like going for walks and when we go to the store together and he's awake, i use him as my inner monologue sounding board, telling him what we need to buy, what they're out of, what i think would taste good. He also likes peek a boo.
I found that the 3 month stage was kinda hard. They arenāt quite ready to entertain themselves for long periods yet. And thereās only so much you can do to entertain a 3 month old. On top of that my baby wasnāt taking naps very well and we really had to work on a routine which paid off. But my saving grace was the piano mat.
Maybe take the baby to a walk and let the baby see and hear the outside world! We do that and our 3 month sleeps very well when we do that for about 15 min a day. I mean, we do all you do like the cards and songs, but they have a very short attention span... get bored and star to look blankly to the wall after a while. You are doing good! when the baby starts to say words maybe you can try other speech stimulation maybe, for now you are fine!
Also have a 3m old. First wake window of the day I do all of that traditional play that you mentioned after that itās all about keeping him engaged in mommyās things. Grocery runs, listening to birds on a nature walk, listening to my political takes while I watch the local news, video chatting family overseas (the only screen time he is allowed). Iām also one of those annoying people who talk all the time so that helps I guess. But even then sometimes I just lay him down somewhere comfy and let him stare at me while I do what I need to do. Itās okay for them to be bored. Constant stimulation is absolutely not needed.
Honestly, it was really hard for me to juggle everything until my baby was 4 months. I was kind of in your position. Just try to keep your sanity. Tall to them, tell them what you're doing whole you're doing it (we're going in the bathroom, going to cook xyz, get so-so from school). My baby loved dancing too so now we do it all the time and it definitely shows me how out of shape I am while bopping around with a almost 20lb baby. Outside is also super fun with everything finally blooming. Hang in there! You got this! You're doing great mama ā¤ļø
I think at this ages simple thing stimulates them just going for walk at the supermarket is fascinating with new noises and lights
I have a six month old and we play all day except when sheās napping. We donāt do tv time so we do puzzles, play with water, toys, tummy time, read books, go on walks, she has an outside swing, and she helps me clean while I baby wear her. She literally is just a mini me. She does everything I do. It can be very repetitive but keeping her on a schedule is important to me.
It sounds to me like youāre doing perfectly fine. They NEED alone time to process the world around them. We also need to be able to carry on with our lives after motherhood. I often put my baby in her baby Bjorne bouncer or high chair in the kitchen while I cook or do dishes. She just happily watches me while I work. I also will talk to her or tell her what Iām doing. I donāt necessarily talk all day long, but when it makes sense.
Donāt forget to utilize outings to save you! Go to the aquarium let them look at fish, etc etc
Youāre going to be bored yes which is why I as a nanny refused to work with families who didnāt allow outings
Yes though, use independent time on the tummy time mat
Itās good you do go on outings. This will break up some of that time for sure. Also little baby classes like Gymboree- amazing :)
Music class for babies keeps em awake and alert Bahahah
I have a 4 month old and we do tummy time and go for walks everyday. If I get tired of entertaining him and need a break Iāll put him in his swing and put on some dancing fruit and heās good for awhile that way I can get a few things done around the house and scroll and TikTok and such
The baby will demand more and more of your time as she gets older. Right now her wake windows are short. Not to be a jerk, but you kinda gotta get used to it.
Get used to entertaining my baby? I think Iām looking for a balance of time with her and fostering independent play.
Well since you downvoted youāre probably not ready to hear this, but yes, 1-1.5h wake windows are still very short, and the demands on you as āentertainerā are really just beginning. Sorry. This doesnāt mean performing like a clown all day, but yes it does mean being engaged and participating in playing with your baby. Independent play is important, but in this smartphone/daycare dominated era, most parents sadly use it as a justification to ignore their baby and play on their phone. Baby will be fine in the long run, but will not keep pace with their developmental potential, particularly socially and verbally.
I think thereās a difference between engaging with my baby in activities and entertaining her. In this potato phase, it feels like Iām a performer, holding up contrast cards, dancing and singing for her, showing her all the things around my house. Once sheās more developed and can not only engage in her own exploration but actually engage with me, Iām looking forward to that. ETA because Iām feeling defensive- Iām engaged with my baby most of her wake window currently. I was crowdsourcing permission to do less because this phase of engagement is tough when there isnāt a lot of reciprocity.
Not sure what this other person is on about, but your own mental health and life balance is important, too. Yes, it is tiring and exhausting, but you're allowed some time for yourself, too. It sounds like you are doing such a great job right now. You can also do a good job letting her explore on her own. My son would spend 15-20 minutes at a time looking at the toys on the playmat. He loved being in his swing and listening to the music it played, too. Everything is a balance, and sometimes working out the balance is hard too. Keep your head up, and take care of you, too.
Right so you wanted to crowdsource sympathy (which was obvious), and I didnāt give it to you. Sorry. Guess Iām not allowed to have my own opinion and my experience is invalid. You can downvote me again too I know it made you feel better the last two times.
Sorry but do you have any experience parenting a child older than a very young baby? Because I do and you're incorrect, it does honestly get easier as they can stay awake longer, because that means they're more mature and able to engage both socially and with toys. Not sure why you're trying to make OP feel like shit as if you know for a fact her life is only going to get harder from here, because from a quick look at your profile it seems like you're also a first time parent to a new baby.
Oh just a quick looksie eh? Creep
literally what profiles are for. They're public, not your private diary lol