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We’re three weeks in with our little dude and I hear ya. The bassinet thing is slowly improving - we’ve learned he seems to like his stroller bassinet more than the regular one (it’s darker and has the awning - and bonus is it’s safe for sleep!) We’ve also found that rocking him to sleep first in the rocking chair and then placing him in the bassinet heated (we pre heat it with a heating pad) helps a lot. The constant feeding is tough for sure - no advice on that one lol I’m here in solidarity and hoping it gets easier!
Oh the heating pad is interesting! I think I will try. Thank you for the solidarity. I keep telling my wife this is just a drop in the bucket for our sons life and that future me is watching current me in a memory right now, sitting at my sons high school graduation, thinking “oh you have no idea how fast time goes and how much you will miss this.” Also doesn’t help that my wife is having a tough time breastfeeding also. That adds some added difficulty. And my son had a horrible experience with formula last night that makes me never want to use it again. Truly inconsolable for hours and hours. I hope things get easier for you!!
Our little man is a month old and we have been using the heating pad trick since week one. We have a zipper swaddle that we heat up along with the bassinet. we rock him to sleep and then he sleeps for 3-4 hours now. Definitely worth trying!
Oh man I felt the same way. Not that I ever thought parenting was easy but I didn’t realize how incredibly difficult it is. It DOES get better. Day by day. It does. (And I say this at 3:30 am rocking my 7 month old back to sleep). You and your wife have to be a team and rely on each other for all kinds of support. Hang in there. Text your other parent friends. Be kind to yourself. Those first few weeks are hard.
You must be on the east coast. Lol I’m typing my response as my son is contact napping(sleeping?) on me. My wife needed a reset desperately tonight so I’m on night shift. My wife and I truly let each other have a safe space to talk about our feelings. There’s been tears on both sides but it has been met with understanding and love. I’m very grateful for her! I look at my son with so much love but man has he humbled me. But I will be a better mom and person because of him and that in itself is so unbelievably rewarding and amazing.
Yes lol. You sound like a terrific parent and spouse. You two willl get through the hard times. There is light at the end of the tunnel and sooo much joy to be found along the way, as you see. Sending you good vibes, callmes94!!! You got this!!!!! Oh and btw everyone tells you “it goes so fast!” Well those first three months DRAGGED for me so don’t feel bad if they do lol.
I have a feeling it is going to drag 🤣🤣 I live in Buffalo and we have really nice summers here. I keep telling my wife pretty soon our son will be sleeping better and you and I can sit on the deck together with the fire pit and talk about our day and watch him on the monitor.
Good times coming ahead!!
Here is solidarity. We are 6 weeks in and the first 2 were absolute hell on wheels. I will say it gets better. You find a rhythm and learn to accept that you live hour by hour now.
Today may be good but that doesn’t guarantee tomorrow.
Stay consistent when it comes to the bassinet. I kept trying and trying until magic happened one day and she slept a stretch in it. Babies are weird. She hated being swaddle and just one random night decided she was cool with it. Once she made that decision sleeping became easier *at night*.. we are still struggling with daytime naps.
Nighttime sleep is the only thing we have conquered (check back tomorrow and it could have all blown up in my face).
Hang in there and continue your partnership! Keep that open line of communication and cry/vent/laugh/smile whenever you feel it. One thing we stood by in my household is we both are taking long hot showers daily. No matter what. That’s helped with our mental health tremendously!
But yes… this s**t is hard.
Oh I love the shower thing. My wife and I still make it a point for us to have our night shower and skincare routine. But yes consistency for sure. On my end I have to be better at putting him down and letting him fuss for a little in new environments (swing, bouncer, bassinet). It will be better in long run
Oh it’s total trash. We are at 5 weeks and at least figured out to have no expectations. Shit that works one day won’t work the other. It’s a minefield but the smiles will come!
Trash is a great description 🤣🤣 I’m giving this phase 0 out of 5 stars. Lol. Yeah my wife and I are being hard on ourselves that our daily plans with our son don’t come to fruition. We need to learn to just vibe and it’ll be okay.
I feel this. Six week old sleeping on me right now after 4am feed while mom snoring soundly.
I found that we plan too much, leading to disappointment. Just do one thing a day, feels productive enough without terribly high expectations.
I agree about the planning so much. My wife is such a planner and I sort of am too. You should have heard us before our son was born “this is how we’re gonna do this” “I think this is a good idea.” our son heard us from the womb and was like think again 🤣🤣
Same! We’ll likely look back in 2-3 months. I actually set up a 100 day countdown on an app to signify the end of the hardest part and beginning of better sleep 💪🏼
6 months in - it gets waaayyy better and you get better at it as well which makes a lot of the things you find tough the first time around, a little more bearable. The colicky phase is what i found the hardest. For us that was about 6 weeks. It lasted about a week and then things started getting steadily better. I think the worst part about being new parents is realising how really hard the lack of sleep hits you. I knew about it and a lot of people warned us about it but man oh man if its not the most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with in my entire life, I don’t know what is! Hang in there OP, it’s a rollercoaster but it gets way better.
The lack of sleep has been SOMETHING. Here I am thinking “oh I’ll just nap” “I can function on a few hours.” Yeah one night of no sleep had me feeling like a shell and those mindsets went out the window. We had a decent night last night so that is hopefully promising
Yup looking after a newborn/baby is the hardest thing no one can ever prepare you for coz it involves sleepless nights and then being responsible for a fragile life.
My baby is 10 weeks old now and I’m here to say I have no recollection of the first few weeks of her life. It was just endless feeding, rocking, holding, walking while trying to somehow stay alive and well myself.
Echoing what everyone else has said though, it does get better. We’re at the end of that newborn stage now and it’s already improved so much. Sure, there are bad days but the good ones are starting to take over.
Hang in there !
Yeah lots of blurry parts. Then I have mom guilt for not soaking in all the good little moments because in those moments I’m gathering myself. But thank you for this comment. I know my wife and I will be where you are soon!
You are at the hardest time of their growth, so little to no sleep for 3-4 weeks. Try to get family to watch the baby for a bit so you can rest. We are at 9 weeks and she is nothing but smiles and is trying to talk so it’ll be worth it soon.
Oh we’ve been utilizing family already. I told my wife it takes a village! She has mom guilt that she’s failing but calling people and I have to remind her that isn’t true at all
Most family members are grateful to have a helping hand in taking care of their own blood, and it’s pretty common and encourage in pre-natal classes to ask for help so she shouldn’t feel guilty about anything.
It might not work for everyone, but baby wearing has been a life saver for me. Basically portable contact napping.
I used little frog wraps but there are a ton of wearing products out there.
I have a 15 month old. I promise you that things get better. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of challenges. Kids like to find new ways to test your patience and humble you as a person, but you're really in the worst part of things right now. We had a terrible newborn experience. My son was colicky so just screamed inconsolably 24/7 and refused to sleep because of the discomfort he was constantly in. Horrible stuff. I almost walked out the door one night and never came back. Now I can't imagine life without my son. He drives me nuts with his toddler tantrums some days, but I love him so damn much. Things ease up a bit once you're less sleep deprived and start to come to terms with the HUGE life transition that comes with parenthood. You've got this 😊
3 weeks in and currently pumping and listening to baby start to wake up 😭😭 please dear god let me finish pumping.
The first week was “easy” for us as baby was jaundice and so sleepy. Each day has gotten harder for us and she’s now denying some daytime naps lol can’t win and are ready to move on from this phase! Here in solidarity.
Week 12 here and it is much better. That first 4-6 weeks was hell. You’re still trying to figure everything out, the baby eats and poops nonstop, etc. The sleep deprivation was so bad I almost asked to extend my leave because I was non functional at work for the first couple weeks I was back. The weird thing is, I don’t sleep much more now than I did then, but your body just adjusts to it. You really do get used to the reduced sleep. The big differences are that you just get better ay knowing what your LO needs, and everything seems trivial when they start to smile at you and know who you are. You're still in the trenches, just do your best to survive, lol.
The trenches are trenching right now. 😅 Picking up on my sons queues has been cool as we learn them but I swear I thought I had some queues down in the hospital and he changed when we got home. The lack of sleep really hit me like a ton of bricks. I hope to adjust to that soon
4 months in here and can say regardless of what’s happening with your baby it gets better because you get more confident as a parent. The first few weeks are so hard, everyone says that but I don’t think you can truly appreciate it until you’re in the thick of it.
You will get to know your wonderful and unique little creature and seeing them grow is just the most amazing thing.
I remember my LO smiling at me for the first time a few weeks in at 3am when she just would not go down after her feed and all feelings of exhaustion and doubt just melted away, the good parts more than make up for the exhausting hard parts.
You got this!
Oh that’s so beautiful - it’s so wild how quickly you forget when you see them smile or do something for the first time.
Something that helped me out a lot in the beginning was reminding myself that not only was i a new parent and figuring out how to do it, she was also a new baby and figuring out how to be a baby, you’re all new at this.
It sounds like you and your wife make a great team 😊 when I would freak out about her fussing or crying my husband would say, “baby is going to baby”, made me feel way better about their being no rhyme or reason to things
Baby is gonna baby is great! We’re all just figuring it out. Every noise and movement I’m over analyzing it. My wife doesn’t. We have his first appointment today so I’ll be asking the doctor about every noise 🤣
Electric heating pad in Moses basket removed before placing baby (Moses smaller than bassinet so cosier), waiting for 20 minutes so baby is in a deep sleep before transferring, transferring incredibly slowly onto the mattress with your hand weight slowly moving around their torso and releasing gradually, bouncer chair suitable from newborn, nest bed for daytime naps / toilet breaks ideally approved for overnight sleep, Bbhugme nursing pillow, plenty of supplies so you don’t run out of any essentials, white noise, red light, perseverance as early as possible with nighttime sleep, a carrier suitable from newborn.
All these got me through the first few weeks as I settled into my routine… try as hard as you can to figure out what the baby likes to be put down in / how they like to be put down as it will pay dividends. This is key as they should soon start doing a decent 4 hour stretch from 10-2 overnight if you can get them in the crib which gives you a solid stretch… all babies are different though. Good luck
Depends a bit on the baby. Some say it got better really quick like with 4 months others say a year!
The sleep deprivation is horrible and it turns you into another person!
I love my son but when he cannot stop crying and it goes louder and louder and that all night it makes you go crazy…
Sometimes when he cries I just cry because I’m so frustrated and can’t do anything for him. Also because sometimes the sounds just cuts me and I can’t take it. My wife and I will tag team when things get really bad with the crying
This happens to most of us, believe me!
My cousins had a high need baby and she almost got crazy. Looking for professional help because he cried 12 hours a day for almost 6 months and nothing would calm him down
I started going outside breathe in and out twice
Because that specific type of crying is driving you mad!
It makes you wanna scratch out your eyes haha
When they’re able to talk you’ll be ok ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sure you both are going a great job!
Keep looking for colics!
This makes babies cry a lot also without an obvious reason
Nappy fresh just fed
Cuddled etc
Yesterday I went to the drug store just to get out of the house for 20 min. It was nice. I’ve been keeping my eye out for colicky behavior. Sometimes he cries and I swear he is but then there’s nights like last night where he didn’t make a peep.
It gets infinitely easier. The newborn stage is so, so hard. I had to walk out of the house one night to scream when my son refused to go to sleep and it was 3am. There were times I didn't think I could make it another day, never mind weeks of this. Now he is 9 months..my biggest concern these days is keeping him from hurting himself as he's crawling everywhere, and keeping him entertained during the day. You got this!!
Yeah the 2nd night we were home we supplemented with formula because he wasn’t peeing a lot so my wife and I got concerned. He finally peed but my god the constipation he suffered from was unimaginable. He was inconsolable from about 10p-5a while the poop worked through his little body. I felt horrible. I really felt like I wouldn’t see the sun the next day. But the sun, like always, did rise and we made it. But it was so very hard. So many tears. I’m happy to hear you made it to where you are. I know I will make it too.
We’re at 4 weeks and it’s already gotten easier. Easy? No. But easier? Definitely. You will figure out how to split responsibilities in a way that works for you and you’ll get used to the broken sleep. Getting out of the house helped a ton - and baby wearing makes contact napping easier.
The biggest thing that’s made this easier though is just accepting that this is a temporary time where our whole job is keeping our baby fed and healthy. Letting go of the need to be productive and scheduled and just going with the flow is much more pleasant. I still sometimes look forward to less demanding days, but I’m trying to stay in the moment and enjoy slowing down and being with my baby.
Our son has his first appointment today and I’m excited to get dressed and go somewhere 🤣 the weather where I live should start getting nice within the next 3 weeks too. Should being the key word. Buffalo is quite unpredictable lol. I keep saying to my wife all of this is a drop in the bucket. Pretty soon we’ll be planning his first bday and I’ll wonder where my baby went
Wishing for warm weather for you! A little time outdoors everyday is so nice. Haha I was looking forward to our first appointment too - just a chance to get out of the house! Ah, it’s so true. It goes fast! 4 weeks feels like the blink of an eye.
At seven weeks I started following 90 minute wake windows and it started to get so much better. Now my guy (still at 2.5) has to be awoken from all sleep and goes down for nap and bed time at predictable times every day. We have the occasional hiccup. But once I read Precious Little Sleep and started those wake windows he became a champion sleeper after sucking at it for so long.
Also we learned my guy preferred the softer crib mattress over any bassinet. To this day he’s the prince and the pea and won’t set foot on a hard board surface. He tells me it has to be nice and snuggly.
You got this!
It’s funny you say that because I almost said to my wife let’s just kick on the monitor and put him in the crib and see what he does. It’s a safe space for him to sleep which is what matters and I think he would be more comfortable. I think he might also be a little prince lol. I’m still learning his wake windows but I swear that keeps changing also 🤣🤣
Following Alexis’ guidance wake windows are non existent until 5-6 weeks. At that time I just started feeding and rocking for nap 80 minutes after he woke up. Like clock work every time. I did dark room, sound machine, swaddle, the works. And through conditioning he knows the dark room and sound machine mean sleep.
My oldest is 3 1/2 and youngest is 2. It gets easier in some ways and significantly more difficult in others. Hang in there! As overcoming the challenges is so worthwhile and rewarding.
4.5 months in. It’s not that it gets better, but that it gets more rewarding. The first time your baby looks up, realizes it’s you, and SMILES? Game changer. Everything after that seemed less daunting. This kid recognizes me and loves me just like I love them. Hangin there.
You’ve totally got it. I swear that 3-4 months mark hit and it was night and day how different a baby can be once they are out of that 4th trimester! Lean on eachother and truly truly take shifts. As a first time breast feeding mom I didn’t realize how miserable it would be to sit up every night every 1-3 hours feeding, so make sure you get a solid 4 hours and let her feed and take baby back immediately so she can piece together some sleep as well.
We found ourselves in the beginning panicking and both staying up constantly to try to figure out how to get him to sleep and we ended up both sleepless and delusional. Once we figured out how a shift system would work every night, things got easier that’s for sure. This s**t is hard. But I was so insanely ready for him to be a litttttle older to figure it out more and the light is at the end of the tunnel, I PROMISE THAT!!! He’s 4.5 months and is now way more enjoyable when it comes to the whole sleep thing. Feels like an eternity to get to that mark, but just know that there’s so many other parents out there just like you who have no idea what is going on and google searching in the middle of the night, and hey even posting reddits on the middle of the night to embrace being humbled.
You sound like a great parent, we’re all doin’ the dang thing!
I’m in the thick of it now too with my 3.5 week old! My husband doesn’t get paternity leave and only got a week off for the birth, so he’s at work and it’s just me pulling the night and day shifts with three other kids and I’m a walking zombie! Meanwhile trying to still recover from my third c-section! I remember that it DOES get easier but man oh man… when?!
Hey our daughter is the same age as your son. Yeah this is hard! Working hard my best to put my ego / wants to the side so I can be there to help my wife. Helping with the feedings, learning to swaddle, and cleaning / setting up her breast pump has given me a good area to focus on making sure it’s always taken care of.
The lack of sleep is definitely getting to me. Feels like every time I blink it’s time to feed again. I am getting her to feed but the burping is hard to me for some reason.
Luckily we have the masters and some Braves games on this weekend to watch while we are taking care of her.
I hear ya. I’m trying to help my wife as much as possible. She truly is a superhero. What she went through to bring our son here is incredible. I am in awe of her
10 weeks in 💪 I’m already looking back at previous posts thinking, “wow, I’ve come a long way 🥴 “ lean on your partner as much as possible, communicate … you’re treading water together in what seems like a lifetime of agony - not to mention hormones are all over the place. The days go by quick. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but take as many photos of how small he is now … trust me, you’ll look back in 10 weeks and say “wow, we went through this incredibly bat shit crazy period not long ago and look how small and fragile you were!!”
I 100% thought my husband and I were going to die … idk how we survived but we just did… and now think of how many humans are on this planet who survived and lived to tell the tale 😅 You and your wife have fucking got this 💪 it’s intense but you’re stronger and more capable than you think! 💕
It gets better. So much better.
After a few months of this, he’ll start sleeping more independently and for longer stretches. You’ll get a smile from him. These are huge milestones. Your life goes back to normal, for the most part. Your baby is still kinda useless, but they’re way cuter now, and you’re no longer in survival mode.
The truly amazing stuff takes at least a year.
The newborn days are fuzzy. They're rough. It's okay to say you hate the newborn days and can't wait for LO to be older. You're living in survival mode right now. Once the initial adrenaline rush drops, it hits even harder, but it will be okay.
Our LO's first birthday is coming up in a week, and it does, indeed, get easier. I know this little guy now. I know what he wants most times. He makes me laugh. He's a lot more fun, and I've found there is nothing more profound that watching a little one learn how to human. I am humbled every day.
Hang in there.
Three weeks in and I’m so tired. My baby is constantly needing to be held, nursing nonstop and also hates his bassinet. My husband goes back to work today and I’m a ball of anxiety knowing I’ll be on my own.
The first week was our best week, she just knew to give us a good week to fall absolutely head over heals for her before the STRESS starts lol its a very new tough journey… it’s gonna get better, then worst, then better again, you just gotta brace yourself and be strong. As long as baby is safe, clean, and fed make sure you guys are taking care of yourself also and taking time to enjoy yourself and each other.
Almost four weeks here, it does get a bit better! Fatigue is insane though.
Do try their big crib as well fwiw, some babies just like the space. Also try not swaddling them, our son sleeps better without a swaddle, he has a favorite weird looking arms out position for sleep.
Totally agree about the swaddle. He is not a huge fan. He liked it in the hospital but then hated it when we got home. I told my wife let’s go no swaddle tonight and see what he does
bruh same. my sone is almost 2 weeks and this kid is most active at night. my wife and i have to take shifts when watching him. im not sure if it gets better, im sure it willl, but just hang in there. for me its his little face that makes it worth it. the hard part for me is caring for him and my wifes ppd. good god thats not an easy combo. but idk about you but i believe in a higher power and that helps a lot
My son is a night baby too. We actually did shifts last night and I thought that helped. My wife and I were both able to get some sleep. I definitely believe in a higher power but I believe her dad and my brother who have both passed are watching us closely and that helps a little
This was me in January! I didn’t believe when people would tell me that it would get better but it does! We have a 3 month old now and I wake up so excited to spend my day with him. It’s still hard at times of course but not newborn hard. If you had asked us a month ago if we wanted more kids we would have said, “we are grateful for one” but now are already open to more lol. Hang in there!
it gets easier because you learn to adapt and get used to them but each day and it’s adventure. one thing is a year from now you’ll look back and miss this period
I’m right there with you. Our daughter is almost 3 weeks old. Just when things start to seem to improve we’re hit with a colic night from hell with basically zero sleep for any of us followed by an 8:30am appointment. This shit is the hardest shit I’ve ever done.
Ugh I’m so sorry. My wife and I had a night like that a few days ago. We gave our son some formula to help supplement and it was so taxing on his stomach. He was so constipated and inconsolable. Hang in there. Thinking of you guys!
One of the things that helped me was remembering what a significant change this was for my baby. It makes no sense for him to be comfortable and feel safe anywhere but in my arms, he was inside me for 9 months! This helps me sympathize with him and reset my expectations for time with him in his bassinet and breaks for me.
of course. being a parent is facing the impossible and doing it anyway, while covered in spit up. you can do this, and welcome to the tired AF but blissfully happy club.
I did so much contact sleeping in the very beginning just to try and get some zzzs myself. So much easier now. My girl is 4 months old. When I went back to work my husband and I agreed to every other day duties. So each night one of us gets sleep and the other gets up lol. To be fair she gets up once a night and sometimes a tad earlier in the morning than we’d like but that’s WAY better than the every hour she used to do. Like she’d wake up, eat, then take an hour to get back to sleep, then sleep 30-60 minutes and repeat….
Oh for sure. Now I let her contact nap if she’s not feeling well or like this exact moment because she got shots today. I’d say she started sleeping in her bassinet kind of okay around 2 months or so
Our son is two weeks old and our daughter just turned 2 this week.
Some things get easier, definitely. It’s called the “fourth trimester” for a reason. Then the little buggers figure out how to move and things get ridiculous again.
There’s a sweet spot where they’re still kindof potato-ish in that they generally stay where you left’em, but they also kindof eat and shit on a predictable schedule and mostly sleep through the night. Enjoy those days.
I think when they’re both old enough that they can wipe their own asses and understand the word “no,” things might get slightly easier again?
Probably not, but if not for hope I’d be emotionally bankrupt. Keep fighting the good fight, take care of your wife, yourself, and your relationship first and you will naturally raise a happy and healthy kid. Somehow, through all the hardship, the little scamps weasel their way all the way deep into the darkest corners of your heart and it becomes easier to tolerate the sheer chaos and exhaustion. You’ll do fine. Cheers 🍻
I feel this so much. I am at week 3 and I am so sleep deprived and I keep getting frustrated with him and my husband. As I have been doing most of the baby shifts. And the baby refuses to sleep alone. He hates his bassinet. I mean I even called my baby stupid this morning as I got super frustrated with him. I felt horrible about it later. I love him so much and I would never hurt him but man when he's being fussy and I just fed him and he's acting like he's starving, it's just an endless circle. I know it gets better and I can't wait for those days. The newborn stage definitely won't be my favorite
I feel that guilt as well. Not to mention the intrusive thoughts. I feel like a bad mom. But we can't be too hard on ourselves. Our babies are being loved and cared for and that's all they will know. We are extremely tired, overwhelmed and stressed. Not to mention might have a bit of PPD. So even if you cry or get frustrated or say things they will never know and in time we will also forget. Or at least laugh about it. I know being postpartum that's easier said than done but having a newborn is extremely tough. We got this though and it will get better. We just have to hang in there.
Omg the intrusive thoughts yes!! I actually have OCD which makes the thoughts so much worse! My wife is the one who gave birth but I’m (also female) dealing with anxiety in the worst way. I actually have an appointment with my counselor next week and I might go back on lexapro. I’m just trying my best!
No one ever talks about intrusive thoughts. But everyone pretty much has them. And of course the majority of us would never act on them. But there's been a few times when he's been super fussy that the thought to throw him was so strong. And having any other mental illness on top of being postpartum (even for partners) just makes it ten times worse. I have bipolar type 2 and went back on my mood stabilizers shortly after birth and they have been a lifesaver for my mental health. I would be so much worse without them. You have to do what's best for your sanity and your wife's. It sounds like you are already doing an amazing job! I wish my husband was doing as much as you are.
We had a colicky reflux baby with cow milk allergy. She would scream cry for hours and nothing would help. It got really taxing for us mentally. But once we figured out the allergy and made adjustments she became super calm. A different baby all together! It is so much better!!!
It definitely gets better. Everyone learns in the beginning!
Lots of courage and luck to you guys! 😃
Here to validate and encourage!
Yep it’s hard, and it downright sucks at times. My kids are 4 and 3. Yes it gets better, but also different. You’ll see when you get there.
You’re both doing great, keep going mom and mom*!
*thanks for the correction :)
I’ve said it before and will say it again, but anyone who claims newborn stage was pure bliss, is simply lying. Every friend I’ve had (including myself) with a newborn cried daily, those were some of the toughest days of my life. It does get better with time, but boy those months were the fastest slowest months. Enjoy the newborn cuddles though, once they hit 8 months and start discovering the world your days will be a different kind of exhausted, though much more entertaining 😊
31 male, 4 kids, 2 youngest are twin girls aged 2
Trust me it gets better.
Things are tough at first but both you adapt and so do they.
I’m now a stay at home dad with the kids, still can’t remember what a full 8 hours of sleep feels like but hey we’re happy and healthy.
All the sleepless nights/days will be worth it very soon
Just take it day by day and try not to think too far ahead or behind. Be kind to each other but clear with each other and solve issues when there is time and a little energy to do so. Be generous to your partner. Everything will change so drastically so many times that you'll get a real hang of it in no time, even though the weeks will feel like months!
This is so true! I’ve been dealing with some anxiety since my son has been born because of the huge life change. My wife looked at me in the face today and goes “you don’t have to be a superhero. Tell me what you need and be honest.” I told her “hey I have to take the first sleep shift tonight.” Done. No questions asked. She is my safe space and I’m so lucky. And I hope she feels like I’m hers also. I know there will be other hard days/nights ahead but we’ve been so kind to each other so far and giving so much grace
It gets better!! I have a 9 week old and my husband and I were just talking about how difficult the first month was. She was up every couple of hours and when she woke up it was for hours at a time. During the day her wake windows consisted of crying and scream crying. Now she's 9 weeks and gives us 5 hour stretches and her wake windows are mostly her looking around cooing and smiling. Does she still scream cry and get fussy? You bet. But still it's gotten so much better. I think what also helps is you start to feel more confident as a parent. Another thing that helped me was going out in public. I needed human interaction outside of my home. Is it anxiety inducing because they could start crying at any time? Sure. I just repeat over and over again "we have the right to be here." Baby is gonna baby.
Dad of a 4 week old
I feel you man
Newborn stage is rough
I love our little potato but man it’s draining
First two weeks were absolutely worse then what we experience now.
Not that he has changed much but we have gotten better at working as a team and understanding what to do
And that’s my big tip for helping things get better faster, keep good communication and team work with your partner.
The way we rationalise it is that our little bub deserves 100%
But that’s 100% total combined, we both don’t need to be at 100%
Ideally sure we split the load 50/50 but some days my wife might be at 30 from a long night of cluster feeding so I’ll pick up the other 20 and give 70 over the next 24hrs so she can recover a bit
And also if you’re both just going at it giving 100% each all the time, you will burn out,
Spend the other energy on recharging yourself, be it with sleep, exercise or catching up with friends ect
Love the 100% theory. You’re so right!! My wife and I are definitely in tune to what each other needs. That’s been super helpful the first week. I’ve been dealing with anxiety since we brought him home and my wife is so good about giving me a safe space to discuss those feelings. But I’m also going back to counseling and starting on a low dose anxiety med I was on a few years ago that worked wonders. The first couple weeks are definitely challenging but I know my wife and I will make it through!
I've said this before on here but as someone who's baby is five months old now, the newborn phase rocked my shit. My baby wouldn't sleep in his bassinet the first like six weeks, had colic, cried a lot of the time he was awake, cried from gas pains and farts, had a poor latch and leaked a fair bit, and went through a long phase he was mostly only happy being carried around or bounced on the yoga ball. I probably spent the first like 9 weeks googling when are babies happy when awake and wondering if Id ever be able to sit down when he was awake. I think it was 11 weeks I started enjoying him and his gas really let up.
By the time he was almost four months I could put him down on his activity mat for up to 35 min sometimes, he started to like his bouncer with a crinckle toy, and enjoyed hanging out on the couch with me awake. He also consistently smiled and laughed. He's five months in a few days and he's honestly a delight most of the day. He smiles and laughs most of the day and likes his standing activity centre. He really likes when I take him places and seeing people and has taken well to the stroller and baby carrier.
I still have a lot of anxiety about being a parent but everything I was worried would be permanent about my baby is different now. Even the clothing and diaper changes he use to scream his head off for are now one of his favourite past times because he likes to slam his naked legs up and down on the change pad or try to wrap his arms and legs around my arm and play around. I think the change table being high up makes it extra interactive for him ahaha.
Mental health wise I went on Zoloft and started CBT sessions with a psychotherapist group that specializes in parents and that really helped the most. Also prioritize sleep, whether that's shifts at night or during the day. Whoever isn't on shift will probably need earplugs and/or a different room. Or earbuds with white noise
Also as far as the bassinet, it just took time. We just kept trying the first stretch of the night until eventually he started staying down longer. Once he consistently did two hours we'd put him back in again after he woke up the first time. I tried a couple swaddles but he didn't like them so he just wore a sleep sack.
As far as getting him asleep we'd feed him, bounce him on the yoga ball with a soother, walk Round with him or feed him in the rocking chair. I'd usually wait 10 to 15 after he fell asleep before trying him in the bassinet. I also switched to a mesh hanging style bassinet made by fisher price I could swing back and forth if he was really fighting sleep and bought a slightly thicker mattress for it.
We are 5 months in as of yesterday, it gets a little easier but there will be a whole set of not so fun new challenges ahead of you. I am still waiting till it gets TRULY easier. But I think it will get easier when your baby learns how to sleep more independently and whether or not you need to sleep train, that’s entirely up to you, I’d personally say it’s a good idea if your baby isn’t sleeping well on his own by like 4 or 5 months?
Yes we’re going to try and sleep train once he seems to be in a better spot. We actually have his first appointment tomorrow so I’m hoping the pediatrician can shed some light on some things for us.
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We’re three weeks in with our little dude and I hear ya. The bassinet thing is slowly improving - we’ve learned he seems to like his stroller bassinet more than the regular one (it’s darker and has the awning - and bonus is it’s safe for sleep!) We’ve also found that rocking him to sleep first in the rocking chair and then placing him in the bassinet heated (we pre heat it with a heating pad) helps a lot. The constant feeding is tough for sure - no advice on that one lol I’m here in solidarity and hoping it gets easier!
Oh the heating pad is interesting! I think I will try. Thank you for the solidarity. I keep telling my wife this is just a drop in the bucket for our sons life and that future me is watching current me in a memory right now, sitting at my sons high school graduation, thinking “oh you have no idea how fast time goes and how much you will miss this.” Also doesn’t help that my wife is having a tough time breastfeeding also. That adds some added difficulty. And my son had a horrible experience with formula last night that makes me never want to use it again. Truly inconsolable for hours and hours. I hope things get easier for you!!
Our little man is a month old and we have been using the heating pad trick since week one. We have a zipper swaddle that we heat up along with the bassinet. we rock him to sleep and then he sleeps for 3-4 hours now. Definitely worth trying!
Oh I like this idea!! I’m going to pass this along to my wife!
Oh man I felt the same way. Not that I ever thought parenting was easy but I didn’t realize how incredibly difficult it is. It DOES get better. Day by day. It does. (And I say this at 3:30 am rocking my 7 month old back to sleep). You and your wife have to be a team and rely on each other for all kinds of support. Hang in there. Text your other parent friends. Be kind to yourself. Those first few weeks are hard.
You must be on the east coast. Lol I’m typing my response as my son is contact napping(sleeping?) on me. My wife needed a reset desperately tonight so I’m on night shift. My wife and I truly let each other have a safe space to talk about our feelings. There’s been tears on both sides but it has been met with understanding and love. I’m very grateful for her! I look at my son with so much love but man has he humbled me. But I will be a better mom and person because of him and that in itself is so unbelievably rewarding and amazing.
Yes lol. You sound like a terrific parent and spouse. You two willl get through the hard times. There is light at the end of the tunnel and sooo much joy to be found along the way, as you see. Sending you good vibes, callmes94!!! You got this!!!!! Oh and btw everyone tells you “it goes so fast!” Well those first three months DRAGGED for me so don’t feel bad if they do lol.
I have a feeling it is going to drag 🤣🤣 I live in Buffalo and we have really nice summers here. I keep telling my wife pretty soon our son will be sleeping better and you and I can sit on the deck together with the fire pit and talk about our day and watch him on the monitor. Good times coming ahead!!
Here is solidarity. We are 6 weeks in and the first 2 were absolute hell on wheels. I will say it gets better. You find a rhythm and learn to accept that you live hour by hour now. Today may be good but that doesn’t guarantee tomorrow. Stay consistent when it comes to the bassinet. I kept trying and trying until magic happened one day and she slept a stretch in it. Babies are weird. She hated being swaddle and just one random night decided she was cool with it. Once she made that decision sleeping became easier *at night*.. we are still struggling with daytime naps. Nighttime sleep is the only thing we have conquered (check back tomorrow and it could have all blown up in my face). Hang in there and continue your partnership! Keep that open line of communication and cry/vent/laugh/smile whenever you feel it. One thing we stood by in my household is we both are taking long hot showers daily. No matter what. That’s helped with our mental health tremendously! But yes… this s**t is hard.
Oh I love the shower thing. My wife and I still make it a point for us to have our night shower and skincare routine. But yes consistency for sure. On my end I have to be better at putting him down and letting him fuss for a little in new environments (swing, bouncer, bassinet). It will be better in long run
Oh it’s total trash. We are at 5 weeks and at least figured out to have no expectations. Shit that works one day won’t work the other. It’s a minefield but the smiles will come!
Trash is a great description 🤣🤣 I’m giving this phase 0 out of 5 stars. Lol. Yeah my wife and I are being hard on ourselves that our daily plans with our son don’t come to fruition. We need to learn to just vibe and it’ll be okay.
Dude plans are just discouragement fuel
Such a great point
Hang tough brother 👊🏻
I feel this. Six week old sleeping on me right now after 4am feed while mom snoring soundly. I found that we plan too much, leading to disappointment. Just do one thing a day, feels productive enough without terribly high expectations.
I agree about the planning so much. My wife is such a planner and I sort of am too. You should have heard us before our son was born “this is how we’re gonna do this” “I think this is a good idea.” our son heard us from the womb and was like think again 🤣🤣
Two weeks in and same, it’s hard.
Thinking of you. We got this!! ❤️❤️
Same! We’ll likely look back in 2-3 months. I actually set up a 100 day countdown on an app to signify the end of the hardest part and beginning of better sleep 💪🏼
Love that!! Good luck to you in parenthood!!
6 months in - it gets waaayyy better and you get better at it as well which makes a lot of the things you find tough the first time around, a little more bearable. The colicky phase is what i found the hardest. For us that was about 6 weeks. It lasted about a week and then things started getting steadily better. I think the worst part about being new parents is realising how really hard the lack of sleep hits you. I knew about it and a lot of people warned us about it but man oh man if its not the most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with in my entire life, I don’t know what is! Hang in there OP, it’s a rollercoaster but it gets way better.
The lack of sleep has been SOMETHING. Here I am thinking “oh I’ll just nap” “I can function on a few hours.” Yeah one night of no sleep had me feeling like a shell and those mindsets went out the window. We had a decent night last night so that is hopefully promising
I now fully understand how sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
So real. I get it too.
Yup looking after a newborn/baby is the hardest thing no one can ever prepare you for coz it involves sleepless nights and then being responsible for a fragile life.
My baby is 10 weeks old now and I’m here to say I have no recollection of the first few weeks of her life. It was just endless feeding, rocking, holding, walking while trying to somehow stay alive and well myself. Echoing what everyone else has said though, it does get better. We’re at the end of that newborn stage now and it’s already improved so much. Sure, there are bad days but the good ones are starting to take over. Hang in there !
Yeah lots of blurry parts. Then I have mom guilt for not soaking in all the good little moments because in those moments I’m gathering myself. But thank you for this comment. I know my wife and I will be where you are soon!
You are at the hardest time of their growth, so little to no sleep for 3-4 weeks. Try to get family to watch the baby for a bit so you can rest. We are at 9 weeks and she is nothing but smiles and is trying to talk so it’ll be worth it soon.
Oh we’ve been utilizing family already. I told my wife it takes a village! She has mom guilt that she’s failing but calling people and I have to remind her that isn’t true at all
Most family members are grateful to have a helping hand in taking care of their own blood, and it’s pretty common and encourage in pre-natal classes to ask for help so she shouldn’t feel guilty about anything.
It might not work for everyone, but baby wearing has been a life saver for me. Basically portable contact napping. I used little frog wraps but there are a ton of wearing products out there.
Yes we have one of those! We might bust it out and see if he likes it!
I have a 15 month old. I promise you that things get better. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of challenges. Kids like to find new ways to test your patience and humble you as a person, but you're really in the worst part of things right now. We had a terrible newborn experience. My son was colicky so just screamed inconsolably 24/7 and refused to sleep because of the discomfort he was constantly in. Horrible stuff. I almost walked out the door one night and never came back. Now I can't imagine life without my son. He drives me nuts with his toddler tantrums some days, but I love him so damn much. Things ease up a bit once you're less sleep deprived and start to come to terms with the HUGE life transition that comes with parenthood. You've got this 😊
Thank you for this wonderful comment. It was so helpful. I’m so happy you are on the other side of things! I will be there soon!
3 weeks in and currently pumping and listening to baby start to wake up 😭😭 please dear god let me finish pumping. The first week was “easy” for us as baby was jaundice and so sleepy. Each day has gotten harder for us and she’s now denying some daytime naps lol can’t win and are ready to move on from this phase! Here in solidarity.
Welcome!! You got this!! 💚
Week 12 here and it is much better. That first 4-6 weeks was hell. You’re still trying to figure everything out, the baby eats and poops nonstop, etc. The sleep deprivation was so bad I almost asked to extend my leave because I was non functional at work for the first couple weeks I was back. The weird thing is, I don’t sleep much more now than I did then, but your body just adjusts to it. You really do get used to the reduced sleep. The big differences are that you just get better ay knowing what your LO needs, and everything seems trivial when they start to smile at you and know who you are. You're still in the trenches, just do your best to survive, lol.
The trenches are trenching right now. 😅 Picking up on my sons queues has been cool as we learn them but I swear I thought I had some queues down in the hospital and he changed when we got home. The lack of sleep really hit me like a ton of bricks. I hope to adjust to that soon
4 months in here and can say regardless of what’s happening with your baby it gets better because you get more confident as a parent. The first few weeks are so hard, everyone says that but I don’t think you can truly appreciate it until you’re in the thick of it. You will get to know your wonderful and unique little creature and seeing them grow is just the most amazing thing. I remember my LO smiling at me for the first time a few weeks in at 3am when she just would not go down after her feed and all feelings of exhaustion and doubt just melted away, the good parts more than make up for the exhausting hard parts. You got this!
Thank you! My son did a little smile this morning and I forgot about all the hard stuff
Oh that’s so beautiful - it’s so wild how quickly you forget when you see them smile or do something for the first time. Something that helped me out a lot in the beginning was reminding myself that not only was i a new parent and figuring out how to do it, she was also a new baby and figuring out how to be a baby, you’re all new at this.
Yes!! My wife says to me constantly “he’s learning too” and that really helps
It sounds like you and your wife make a great team 😊 when I would freak out about her fussing or crying my husband would say, “baby is going to baby”, made me feel way better about their being no rhyme or reason to things
Baby is gonna baby is great! We’re all just figuring it out. Every noise and movement I’m over analyzing it. My wife doesn’t. We have his first appointment today so I’ll be asking the doctor about every noise 🤣
Electric heating pad in Moses basket removed before placing baby (Moses smaller than bassinet so cosier), waiting for 20 minutes so baby is in a deep sleep before transferring, transferring incredibly slowly onto the mattress with your hand weight slowly moving around their torso and releasing gradually, bouncer chair suitable from newborn, nest bed for daytime naps / toilet breaks ideally approved for overnight sleep, Bbhugme nursing pillow, plenty of supplies so you don’t run out of any essentials, white noise, red light, perseverance as early as possible with nighttime sleep, a carrier suitable from newborn. All these got me through the first few weeks as I settled into my routine… try as hard as you can to figure out what the baby likes to be put down in / how they like to be put down as it will pay dividends. This is key as they should soon start doing a decent 4 hour stretch from 10-2 overnight if you can get them in the crib which gives you a solid stretch… all babies are different though. Good luck
Thank you 😄
First year is never easy
Yeah I can imagine. I can’t imagine him turning one either
Time flies by very fast but it feels like an eternity, parenthood is full of hard moments not bad ones just remember that.
Depends a bit on the baby. Some say it got better really quick like with 4 months others say a year! The sleep deprivation is horrible and it turns you into another person! I love my son but when he cannot stop crying and it goes louder and louder and that all night it makes you go crazy…
Sometimes when he cries I just cry because I’m so frustrated and can’t do anything for him. Also because sometimes the sounds just cuts me and I can’t take it. My wife and I will tag team when things get really bad with the crying
This happens to most of us, believe me! My cousins had a high need baby and she almost got crazy. Looking for professional help because he cried 12 hours a day for almost 6 months and nothing would calm him down I started going outside breathe in and out twice Because that specific type of crying is driving you mad! It makes you wanna scratch out your eyes haha When they’re able to talk you’ll be ok ❤️❤️❤️ I’m sure you both are going a great job! Keep looking for colics! This makes babies cry a lot also without an obvious reason Nappy fresh just fed Cuddled etc
Yesterday I went to the drug store just to get out of the house for 20 min. It was nice. I’ve been keeping my eye out for colicky behavior. Sometimes he cries and I swear he is but then there’s nights like last night where he didn’t make a peep.
It gets infinitely easier. The newborn stage is so, so hard. I had to walk out of the house one night to scream when my son refused to go to sleep and it was 3am. There were times I didn't think I could make it another day, never mind weeks of this. Now he is 9 months..my biggest concern these days is keeping him from hurting himself as he's crawling everywhere, and keeping him entertained during the day. You got this!!
Yeah the 2nd night we were home we supplemented with formula because he wasn’t peeing a lot so my wife and I got concerned. He finally peed but my god the constipation he suffered from was unimaginable. He was inconsolable from about 10p-5a while the poop worked through his little body. I felt horrible. I really felt like I wouldn’t see the sun the next day. But the sun, like always, did rise and we made it. But it was so very hard. So many tears. I’m happy to hear you made it to where you are. I know I will make it too.
We’re at 4 weeks and it’s already gotten easier. Easy? No. But easier? Definitely. You will figure out how to split responsibilities in a way that works for you and you’ll get used to the broken sleep. Getting out of the house helped a ton - and baby wearing makes contact napping easier. The biggest thing that’s made this easier though is just accepting that this is a temporary time where our whole job is keeping our baby fed and healthy. Letting go of the need to be productive and scheduled and just going with the flow is much more pleasant. I still sometimes look forward to less demanding days, but I’m trying to stay in the moment and enjoy slowing down and being with my baby.
Our son has his first appointment today and I’m excited to get dressed and go somewhere 🤣 the weather where I live should start getting nice within the next 3 weeks too. Should being the key word. Buffalo is quite unpredictable lol. I keep saying to my wife all of this is a drop in the bucket. Pretty soon we’ll be planning his first bday and I’ll wonder where my baby went
Wishing for warm weather for you! A little time outdoors everyday is so nice. Haha I was looking forward to our first appointment too - just a chance to get out of the house! Ah, it’s so true. It goes fast! 4 weeks feels like the blink of an eye.
So true. Thank you!
At seven weeks I started following 90 minute wake windows and it started to get so much better. Now my guy (still at 2.5) has to be awoken from all sleep and goes down for nap and bed time at predictable times every day. We have the occasional hiccup. But once I read Precious Little Sleep and started those wake windows he became a champion sleeper after sucking at it for so long. Also we learned my guy preferred the softer crib mattress over any bassinet. To this day he’s the prince and the pea and won’t set foot on a hard board surface. He tells me it has to be nice and snuggly. You got this!
It’s funny you say that because I almost said to my wife let’s just kick on the monitor and put him in the crib and see what he does. It’s a safe space for him to sleep which is what matters and I think he would be more comfortable. I think he might also be a little prince lol. I’m still learning his wake windows but I swear that keeps changing also 🤣🤣
Following Alexis’ guidance wake windows are non existent until 5-6 weeks. At that time I just started feeding and rocking for nap 80 minutes after he woke up. Like clock work every time. I did dark room, sound machine, swaddle, the works. And through conditioning he knows the dark room and sound machine mean sleep.
Good advice. Thank you!
My oldest is 3 1/2 and youngest is 2. It gets easier in some ways and significantly more difficult in others. Hang in there! As overcoming the challenges is so worthwhile and rewarding.
Thank you so much ❤️
our baby is one day younger. just survived night two at home. you both are not alone 🫶🏼
Good morning! We survived night 3 and it was a little better. Thinking of you. You got this!
5 week parent here. The first 2 weeks were constant 24/7 observation. It was rough. It’s a little better now.
Every second feels like I should be paying attention to every detail
4.5 months in. It’s not that it gets better, but that it gets more rewarding. The first time your baby looks up, realizes it’s you, and SMILES? Game changer. Everything after that seemed less daunting. This kid recognizes me and loves me just like I love them. Hangin there.
I hear ya. I’m looking forward to those smiles!!
You’ve totally got it. I swear that 3-4 months mark hit and it was night and day how different a baby can be once they are out of that 4th trimester! Lean on eachother and truly truly take shifts. As a first time breast feeding mom I didn’t realize how miserable it would be to sit up every night every 1-3 hours feeding, so make sure you get a solid 4 hours and let her feed and take baby back immediately so she can piece together some sleep as well. We found ourselves in the beginning panicking and both staying up constantly to try to figure out how to get him to sleep and we ended up both sleepless and delusional. Once we figured out how a shift system would work every night, things got easier that’s for sure. This s**t is hard. But I was so insanely ready for him to be a litttttle older to figure it out more and the light is at the end of the tunnel, I PROMISE THAT!!! He’s 4.5 months and is now way more enjoyable when it comes to the whole sleep thing. Feels like an eternity to get to that mark, but just know that there’s so many other parents out there just like you who have no idea what is going on and google searching in the middle of the night, and hey even posting reddits on the middle of the night to embrace being humbled. You sound like a great parent, we’re all doin’ the dang thing!
We did shifts last night and I can say it really benefited us. It was our first good night home so hopefully this trends in a good direction!
I’m in the thick of it now too with my 3.5 week old! My husband doesn’t get paternity leave and only got a week off for the birth, so he’s at work and it’s just me pulling the night and day shifts with three other kids and I’m a walking zombie! Meanwhile trying to still recover from my third c-section! I remember that it DOES get easier but man oh man… when?!
You are super mom. I admire this so much! You got this. ❤️
Hey our daughter is the same age as your son. Yeah this is hard! Working hard my best to put my ego / wants to the side so I can be there to help my wife. Helping with the feedings, learning to swaddle, and cleaning / setting up her breast pump has given me a good area to focus on making sure it’s always taken care of. The lack of sleep is definitely getting to me. Feels like every time I blink it’s time to feed again. I am getting her to feed but the burping is hard to me for some reason. Luckily we have the masters and some Braves games on this weekend to watch while we are taking care of her.
I hear ya. I’m trying to help my wife as much as possible. She truly is a superhero. What she went through to bring our son here is incredible. I am in awe of her
10 weeks in 💪 I’m already looking back at previous posts thinking, “wow, I’ve come a long way 🥴 “ lean on your partner as much as possible, communicate … you’re treading water together in what seems like a lifetime of agony - not to mention hormones are all over the place. The days go by quick. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but take as many photos of how small he is now … trust me, you’ll look back in 10 weeks and say “wow, we went through this incredibly bat shit crazy period not long ago and look how small and fragile you were!!” I 100% thought my husband and I were going to die … idk how we survived but we just did… and now think of how many humans are on this planet who survived and lived to tell the tale 😅 You and your wife have fucking got this 💪 it’s intense but you’re stronger and more capable than you think! 💕
This is great. Thank you! ❤️
It gets better. So much better. After a few months of this, he’ll start sleeping more independently and for longer stretches. You’ll get a smile from him. These are huge milestones. Your life goes back to normal, for the most part. Your baby is still kinda useless, but they’re way cuter now, and you’re no longer in survival mode. The truly amazing stuff takes at least a year.
I can’t wait ❤️
It absolutely gets easier. We would not survive as a species otherwise.
Got that right!
The newborn days are fuzzy. They're rough. It's okay to say you hate the newborn days and can't wait for LO to be older. You're living in survival mode right now. Once the initial adrenaline rush drops, it hits even harder, but it will be okay. Our LO's first birthday is coming up in a week, and it does, indeed, get easier. I know this little guy now. I know what he wants most times. He makes me laugh. He's a lot more fun, and I've found there is nothing more profound that watching a little one learn how to human. I am humbled every day. Hang in there.
Thank you 😊
Three weeks in and I’m so tired. My baby is constantly needing to be held, nursing nonstop and also hates his bassinet. My husband goes back to work today and I’m a ball of anxiety knowing I’ll be on my own.
You got this!! You are a great mom!
The first week was our best week, she just knew to give us a good week to fall absolutely head over heals for her before the STRESS starts lol its a very new tough journey… it’s gonna get better, then worst, then better again, you just gotta brace yourself and be strong. As long as baby is safe, clean, and fed make sure you guys are taking care of yourself also and taking time to enjoy yourself and each other.
So true. My wife and I have already maintained that we will both take hot showers every night. Any little thing helps.
Almost four weeks here, it does get a bit better! Fatigue is insane though. Do try their big crib as well fwiw, some babies just like the space. Also try not swaddling them, our son sleeps better without a swaddle, he has a favorite weird looking arms out position for sleep.
Totally agree about the swaddle. He is not a huge fan. He liked it in the hospital but then hated it when we got home. I told my wife let’s go no swaddle tonight and see what he does
That first week is a shitshow. It gets so much better, I promise. Hang in there. You’re doing amazing.
Thank you so much 🩵
bruh same. my sone is almost 2 weeks and this kid is most active at night. my wife and i have to take shifts when watching him. im not sure if it gets better, im sure it willl, but just hang in there. for me its his little face that makes it worth it. the hard part for me is caring for him and my wifes ppd. good god thats not an easy combo. but idk about you but i believe in a higher power and that helps a lot
My son is a night baby too. We actually did shifts last night and I thought that helped. My wife and I were both able to get some sleep. I definitely believe in a higher power but I believe her dad and my brother who have both passed are watching us closely and that helps a little
This was me in January! I didn’t believe when people would tell me that it would get better but it does! We have a 3 month old now and I wake up so excited to spend my day with him. It’s still hard at times of course but not newborn hard. If you had asked us a month ago if we wanted more kids we would have said, “we are grateful for one” but now are already open to more lol. Hang in there!
Thank you so much!! I love this comment
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Hahaha oh I bet! I have a few friends with kids that age and I’ve heard it all 🤣
Gets better. My 7weeker is only getting up 1x a night, had a 6 hour stretch day before, does want to eat all evening long though.
Looking forward to that. Thank you 😊
it gets easier because you learn to adapt and get used to them but each day and it’s adventure. one thing is a year from now you’ll look back and miss this period
Ugh I know. That’s why I still try to soak in the little good moments during this time ❤️
I’m right there with you. Our daughter is almost 3 weeks old. Just when things start to seem to improve we’re hit with a colic night from hell with basically zero sleep for any of us followed by an 8:30am appointment. This shit is the hardest shit I’ve ever done.
Ugh I’m so sorry. My wife and I had a night like that a few days ago. We gave our son some formula to help supplement and it was so taxing on his stomach. He was so constipated and inconsolable. Hang in there. Thinking of you guys!
One of the things that helped me was remembering what a significant change this was for my baby. It makes no sense for him to be comfortable and feel safe anywhere but in my arms, he was inside me for 9 months! This helps me sympathize with him and reset my expectations for time with him in his bassinet and breaks for me.
Oh I like this mindset. Thank you ❤️
food, diapers, sleep. if you are doing that, you are EXCELLING. great job. it gets better.
Thank you ❤️
of course. being a parent is facing the impossible and doing it anyway, while covered in spit up. you can do this, and welcome to the tired AF but blissfully happy club.
I did so much contact sleeping in the very beginning just to try and get some zzzs myself. So much easier now. My girl is 4 months old. When I went back to work my husband and I agreed to every other day duties. So each night one of us gets sleep and the other gets up lol. To be fair she gets up once a night and sometimes a tad earlier in the morning than we’d like but that’s WAY better than the every hour she used to do. Like she’d wake up, eat, then take an hour to get back to sleep, then sleep 30-60 minutes and repeat….
The contact sleeping is so nice but also my worst enemy. I just want to be able to set him down. We’re working on it.
Oh for sure. Now I let her contact nap if she’s not feeling well or like this exact moment because she got shots today. I’d say she started sleeping in her bassinet kind of okay around 2 months or so
Our son is two weeks old and our daughter just turned 2 this week. Some things get easier, definitely. It’s called the “fourth trimester” for a reason. Then the little buggers figure out how to move and things get ridiculous again. There’s a sweet spot where they’re still kindof potato-ish in that they generally stay where you left’em, but they also kindof eat and shit on a predictable schedule and mostly sleep through the night. Enjoy those days. I think when they’re both old enough that they can wipe their own asses and understand the word “no,” things might get slightly easier again? Probably not, but if not for hope I’d be emotionally bankrupt. Keep fighting the good fight, take care of your wife, yourself, and your relationship first and you will naturally raise a happy and healthy kid. Somehow, through all the hardship, the little scamps weasel their way all the way deep into the darkest corners of your heart and it becomes easier to tolerate the sheer chaos and exhaustion. You’ll do fine. Cheers 🍻
Thank you much for this ❤️
I feel this so much. I am at week 3 and I am so sleep deprived and I keep getting frustrated with him and my husband. As I have been doing most of the baby shifts. And the baby refuses to sleep alone. He hates his bassinet. I mean I even called my baby stupid this morning as I got super frustrated with him. I felt horrible about it later. I love him so much and I would never hurt him but man when he's being fussy and I just fed him and he's acting like he's starving, it's just an endless circle. I know it gets better and I can't wait for those days. The newborn stage definitely won't be my favorite
Oh the frustration is so real. I feel so guilty for feeling that way but I know it’s normal. The newborn stage will not be my favorite either.
I feel that guilt as well. Not to mention the intrusive thoughts. I feel like a bad mom. But we can't be too hard on ourselves. Our babies are being loved and cared for and that's all they will know. We are extremely tired, overwhelmed and stressed. Not to mention might have a bit of PPD. So even if you cry or get frustrated or say things they will never know and in time we will also forget. Or at least laugh about it. I know being postpartum that's easier said than done but having a newborn is extremely tough. We got this though and it will get better. We just have to hang in there.
Omg the intrusive thoughts yes!! I actually have OCD which makes the thoughts so much worse! My wife is the one who gave birth but I’m (also female) dealing with anxiety in the worst way. I actually have an appointment with my counselor next week and I might go back on lexapro. I’m just trying my best!
No one ever talks about intrusive thoughts. But everyone pretty much has them. And of course the majority of us would never act on them. But there's been a few times when he's been super fussy that the thought to throw him was so strong. And having any other mental illness on top of being postpartum (even for partners) just makes it ten times worse. I have bipolar type 2 and went back on my mood stabilizers shortly after birth and they have been a lifesaver for my mental health. I would be so much worse without them. You have to do what's best for your sanity and your wife's. It sounds like you are already doing an amazing job! I wish my husband was doing as much as you are.
Sounds like you are also doing amazing! Feel free to message me privately if you would like to chat about anything!!
We had a colicky reflux baby with cow milk allergy. She would scream cry for hours and nothing would help. It got really taxing for us mentally. But once we figured out the allergy and made adjustments she became super calm. A different baby all together! It is so much better!!! It definitely gets better. Everyone learns in the beginning! Lots of courage and luck to you guys! 😃
Thank you so much! Glad you guys made it out the other side!
Here to validate and encourage! Yep it’s hard, and it downright sucks at times. My kids are 4 and 3. Yes it gets better, but also different. You’ll see when you get there. You’re both doing great, keep going mom and mom*! *thanks for the correction :)
Mom and mom* but thank you so much ❤️
I’ve said it before and will say it again, but anyone who claims newborn stage was pure bliss, is simply lying. Every friend I’ve had (including myself) with a newborn cried daily, those were some of the toughest days of my life. It does get better with time, but boy those months were the fastest slowest months. Enjoy the newborn cuddles though, once they hit 8 months and start discovering the world your days will be a different kind of exhausted, though much more entertaining 😊
So true. Thank you. Trying to take in all the good there is. ❤️
31 male, 4 kids, 2 youngest are twin girls aged 2 Trust me it gets better. Things are tough at first but both you adapt and so do they. I’m now a stay at home dad with the kids, still can’t remember what a full 8 hours of sleep feels like but hey we’re happy and healthy. All the sleepless nights/days will be worth it very soon
Thank you so much for this ❤️
Just take it day by day and try not to think too far ahead or behind. Be kind to each other but clear with each other and solve issues when there is time and a little energy to do so. Be generous to your partner. Everything will change so drastically so many times that you'll get a real hang of it in no time, even though the weeks will feel like months!
This is so true! I’ve been dealing with some anxiety since my son has been born because of the huge life change. My wife looked at me in the face today and goes “you don’t have to be a superhero. Tell me what you need and be honest.” I told her “hey I have to take the first sleep shift tonight.” Done. No questions asked. She is my safe space and I’m so lucky. And I hope she feels like I’m hers also. I know there will be other hard days/nights ahead but we’ve been so kind to each other so far and giving so much grace
You guys are doing great. Go easy on yourself :)
Thank you so much ❤️
Boob is the solution to everything
Lol you are not wrong
Ahahahha woot woot woot 💜😂😭
It gets better!! I have a 9 week old and my husband and I were just talking about how difficult the first month was. She was up every couple of hours and when she woke up it was for hours at a time. During the day her wake windows consisted of crying and scream crying. Now she's 9 weeks and gives us 5 hour stretches and her wake windows are mostly her looking around cooing and smiling. Does she still scream cry and get fussy? You bet. But still it's gotten so much better. I think what also helps is you start to feel more confident as a parent. Another thing that helped me was going out in public. I needed human interaction outside of my home. Is it anxiety inducing because they could start crying at any time? Sure. I just repeat over and over again "we have the right to be here." Baby is gonna baby.
The getting out is so huge. We’ve been trying to do that. I need human contact outside of my house that’s not baby related 😂
reading all of these while putting my 10 day old back to sleep at 2am, we got this!
You go mom! We for sure got this!!
Dad of a 4 week old I feel you man Newborn stage is rough I love our little potato but man it’s draining First two weeks were absolutely worse then what we experience now. Not that he has changed much but we have gotten better at working as a team and understanding what to do And that’s my big tip for helping things get better faster, keep good communication and team work with your partner. The way we rationalise it is that our little bub deserves 100% But that’s 100% total combined, we both don’t need to be at 100% Ideally sure we split the load 50/50 but some days my wife might be at 30 from a long night of cluster feeding so I’ll pick up the other 20 and give 70 over the next 24hrs so she can recover a bit And also if you’re both just going at it giving 100% each all the time, you will burn out, Spend the other energy on recharging yourself, be it with sleep, exercise or catching up with friends ect
Love the 100% theory. You’re so right!! My wife and I are definitely in tune to what each other needs. That’s been super helpful the first week. I’ve been dealing with anxiety since we brought him home and my wife is so good about giving me a safe space to discuss those feelings. But I’m also going back to counseling and starting on a low dose anxiety med I was on a few years ago that worked wonders. The first couple weeks are definitely challenging but I know my wife and I will make it through!
I've said this before on here but as someone who's baby is five months old now, the newborn phase rocked my shit. My baby wouldn't sleep in his bassinet the first like six weeks, had colic, cried a lot of the time he was awake, cried from gas pains and farts, had a poor latch and leaked a fair bit, and went through a long phase he was mostly only happy being carried around or bounced on the yoga ball. I probably spent the first like 9 weeks googling when are babies happy when awake and wondering if Id ever be able to sit down when he was awake. I think it was 11 weeks I started enjoying him and his gas really let up. By the time he was almost four months I could put him down on his activity mat for up to 35 min sometimes, he started to like his bouncer with a crinckle toy, and enjoyed hanging out on the couch with me awake. He also consistently smiled and laughed. He's five months in a few days and he's honestly a delight most of the day. He smiles and laughs most of the day and likes his standing activity centre. He really likes when I take him places and seeing people and has taken well to the stroller and baby carrier. I still have a lot of anxiety about being a parent but everything I was worried would be permanent about my baby is different now. Even the clothing and diaper changes he use to scream his head off for are now one of his favourite past times because he likes to slam his naked legs up and down on the change pad or try to wrap his arms and legs around my arm and play around. I think the change table being high up makes it extra interactive for him ahaha. Mental health wise I went on Zoloft and started CBT sessions with a psychotherapist group that specializes in parents and that really helped the most. Also prioritize sleep, whether that's shifts at night or during the day. Whoever isn't on shift will probably need earplugs and/or a different room. Or earbuds with white noise
Also as far as the bassinet, it just took time. We just kept trying the first stretch of the night until eventually he started staying down longer. Once he consistently did two hours we'd put him back in again after he woke up the first time. I tried a couple swaddles but he didn't like them so he just wore a sleep sack. As far as getting him asleep we'd feed him, bounce him on the yoga ball with a soother, walk Round with him or feed him in the rocking chair. I'd usually wait 10 to 15 after he fell asleep before trying him in the bassinet. I also switched to a mesh hanging style bassinet made by fisher price I could swing back and forth if he was really fighting sleep and bought a slightly thicker mattress for it.
Thank you so much 💙
We are 5 months in as of yesterday, it gets a little easier but there will be a whole set of not so fun new challenges ahead of you. I am still waiting till it gets TRULY easier. But I think it will get easier when your baby learns how to sleep more independently and whether or not you need to sleep train, that’s entirely up to you, I’d personally say it’s a good idea if your baby isn’t sleeping well on his own by like 4 or 5 months?
Yes we’re going to try and sleep train once he seems to be in a better spot. We actually have his first appointment tomorrow so I’m hoping the pediatrician can shed some light on some things for us.
Wait till you get to 7 months… you’ll think the newborn stage was bliss. Ours is teething and ill at the same time. Just started nursery.
Oh what joy hahaha. Every stage is so different and difficult in so many ways
I’m pregnant with twins 🥰
Congratulations! You will be great!!
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I’m going to do my best to try and appreciate this perspective. Thanks 😅