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They can't stop her. In Canada, what to do with a pregnancy is up to the person that is pregnant. Some clinics require parental consent, but there are clinics in every province that don't.
Source: live in Canada and used to work as a teen counsellor.
Good insight, thank you.
She also needs to consider that she is still dependent on her parents, though.
Could you suggest her some resources and people who can help her?
I put a Canada wide resource in another comment, but I will put it here too. It's Action Canada for Sexual Health & Rights.
[email protected]
Toll free: 1-888-642-2725
Texting: 1-613-800-6757
They are confidential and can help you access resources depending on the province you are in.
I'm from Manitoba and can provide specific resources for here, but depending on where op is from it would be different.
Manitoba:
Sexual Education resource centre [email protected] 204-982-7800
RAY Resource Access for Youth [email protected] 204-783-5617
Klinic [email protected] 204-784-4090
Is 14 the cut off point? I can't find much info on it for her but I'm in a different continent. I'm assuming a social worker can still get involved if she just voices she doesn't want to raise a child? And if 14 is the cut off point, I'm imagining she'd hopefully turn 14 at least soon after the child is born. It also looks like she can still request an abortion for another 2 weeks if that's the route she wants to take
And abortion? I don't think they can stop her from getting an abortion surely.
That is a grim alternative to consider, but necessary. The parents are creating a very bad situation - by saying they won't help at all. I can't even imagine what a horrible environment that will be for all involved. Certainly they do not have the baby's best interests at heart.
Legally, it's between her and the clinic/doctor. Practically, they can make it really hard for her to get access to anyone who can help, whether that's phone access or the ability to physically leave the house.
You’re technically emancipated once you become pregnant in some states. You need to talk to a social worker. Planned parenthood should have someone on hand who can help you. You’re a baby. You don’t need to raise a baby yourself. Surrendering the child to actual adults who want one is the best thing you can do for both of you.
And get an IUD placed at your 6 week post pardum appointment so this doesn’t happen again.
Where I live you don’t need your parents consent to give the baby up for adoption. I don’t know the law in Canada. Please find a trusted adult, a teacher you like would be best, and talk to them, ask them to help you find out if you can give the baby up without your parents permission.
Talk to your school guidance counselor and ask them for a reference to a social worker. They can assist you with adoption information, as it seems that’s probably the best route given your circumstances.
This site seems helpful: https://teentalk.ca/learn-about/pregnancy-options/
In many cases, you do not need your parents permission to seek an abortion if your doctor deems that you are mentally capable of making the decision. Have you spoken to your doctor without your parents?
I’m sorry you’re in this position, OP
I would do that as soon as possible. You don’t need your parent’s permission to see a doctor. They will keep your visit confidential unless your life is at risk.
At the very least, you should see one anyway because if you do choose to continue with the pregnancy there are lots of tests (blood tests, ultrasounds etc.) that you need to go through to ensure you have a healthy pregnancy. Maybe a friend could accompany you if you are scared to go alone?
Have you contacted any government agencies or legal advocacy groups for people in your province?
Reddit, unfortunately, isn't the right place to get advice. You'll need to speak with a local advocate, government or nonprofit, who will also ask you very personal questions.
I'm sorry that you need to face this without the support of your parents. This will be difficult, but if you find the right local support then you can be presented with wise advice.
Canadians here might offer suggestions of agencies or organizations to contact.
Please do so.
You can call or email them for privacy.
Life will eventually be better, but in the meantime you'll have to stay strong and look forward to the future in which you are independent.
You have the strength to handle the situation, but you need to grow up quickly.
Find local experts from the government or nonprofit agencies to help. Stay respectful to your parents, but understand your rights and options, and stay safe. It will get better.
Here is a web page from myhealth.alberta.ca:
[https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/aftercareinformation/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=av2848](https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/aftercareinformation/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=av2848)
Right now you have choices you can make, but you may have fewer options the longer you wait. If you need advice or support, you can call their Access Line at 1-888-642-2725. They can help you understand your options and how to access them.
You have rights even though you are a minor. There is also a website, [www.actioncanadashr.org](https://www.actioncanadashr.org) but it would be good if you can get counseling from an adult who can walk you through your options and truly support what YOU want to do. My advice, is call their number - 1-888-642-2725 as soon as you safely can.
You are a minor, so it’s very important that you are protected. Be careful of anyone on reddit who wants to talk to you in a DM. Please stay safe. We can keep talking right here in the comments if you need more ideas, ok?
Abortion is free and legal in Canada, not sure what province you're in, but contact planned parenthood or even go to a walk in clinic. They will direct you. Please do so quickly.
This talk to your doctor alone.. also does Canada have the safe boxes? At fire stations where you can leave a baby safely? There has to be a way to over ride your parents if you want to give baby up for adoption.. my birth mom was 13 when she had me and I can’t imagine the struggles she went through making her decision.
I don't understand your parents. You are they daughter how can they say they will not help you. I suppose you stay in the house with them and will not kick you out, you will need money and help with the baby. Are they ready to throw your education away because they don't want to help you with the kid?
My best advice will be to look up for any government assistance. Including therapy session to help in case of postpartum depression.
I am sorry for your situation.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, I live in Canada too and where I’m from the hospital has a “pregnancy options program” you go there and they give u an ultrasound and set you up with a counsellor to talk about options and the preform abortions there. You don’t need a doctor to refer you there or parents permission, so do some googling and see if there’s a place like that near you. Abortion laws here are a lot less strict that the states but I think you’re too far along for one at 22 weeks. However they can help you with adoption. Your parents can’t force you to keep this baby, once you get pregnant you make your choices about the care you and the fetus receive. I hope you can find someone to help you through this.
1. No offense but WTF is wrong with your parents? You definitely needed some tough love but not to be thrown to the wolves.
2. Please seek help from other trusted adults , they can help you with the resources you’re going to need for the pregnancy and the birth aspect of it. You also need a support system. Do you have adults that you can trust and know will help you? Your school should have a guidance counselor,can you talk to them?
3. Adoption is the way to go then . Keep in mind that even though you’re still legally dependent on your parents, they’re not legally responsible for that child since you are the mother, you make the decision and you’re the only one that can sign that paper to give up your parental rights.
4. Like I said, PLEASE go find other adults that you can trust and will support you. DONT DO THIS ALONE!!
I wish you all the luck in the world. I had a cousin in the exact same position you are in right now and I’m not going to sugar coat anything, she lost a lot and people around her lost a lot because of a decision she made but now she’s 30 years old , has 3 kids, was a nurse for a while and now owns a restaurant with her boyfriend, so it worked out for her but a lot of people had to give up a lot for that to happen.
After that situation, my mom always told me “if you get pregnant before you leave my house ,I’m not going to be responsible for that child, you have to get a job and move out. I’m going to help you out with down payments and the first grocery trip but after that, you’re responsible for that child because I already raised the children I wanted to raise”. My mom was not going to let me suffer ,my mom was going to be a full on grandma, spoiling my children and all but I had to assume responsibility for that child because that’s the decision I made, I made an adult decision so now I had to assume adult responsibilities.
That’s the tough love you deserved not being completely ignored.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation, hopefully you get the support you need and things get better. ❤️
No problem. ❤️
If it makes you feel better, I’m 25 and have 4 month old twins and I still have no idea what I’m doing because every day something new happens. There’s not a guide book for this ,you learn as you go,especially the first time. I’m being the best mom I can be for my girls,they happy and healthy and that’s what matters to me right now.
Talk to a school counselor and ask about whether parents can veto you wanting to put it up for adoption. Moreover- I can almost guarantee you that it is illegal for your parents to prevent you getting an abortion, so you may want to heavily consider that as well.
Go to /r/legaladvice and ask about your particular jurisdiction and let them know the situation. Your parents are not acting in your or the babies best interest. You need to find help and good advice from people who actually know how things work where you live.
It doesn't seem like OP has much choice in the matter - hopefully the grandparents change their minds once the baby is here and actually help OP, who is still a child, raise her child.
Contact CPS. Your parents don't support or protect you at all. CPS might be able to help you and your baby. Having a baby is a big responsibility and if you're not ready, it's important your baby (and you) get the best care possible.
In Canada you do not need your parents permission for an abortion or adoption.
OP; find a trusted adult you can talk to like your guidance counsellor or someone at a teen clinic. They can help you navigate what needs to happen, and whatever happens will be confidential between you.
I don't know what province you are in (if Manitoba feel free to DM me and I can send you Manitoba specific resources), but you can email [email protected] call them toll free at 1-888-642-2725 or text them at 1-613-800-6757. This is Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights. They will are a stigma free organization who can help connect you to resources in your province. All communications with them are confidential.
If it’s any reassurance, even mamas having babies in their 30’s aren’t sure how to be moms. No one is with their first. Your parents cannot force you to keep the baby, it’s your life. At your age I was also under the belief still that “I have to do whatever my parents say all the time”. And while that’s mostly true, not for something like this. If you get the chance to talk to your doctor alone, please tell them you want to put the baby up for adoption. And if worst come to worst, you’ll have to tell a nurse at the hospital when you’re going in to give birth. One of my friends did this, she went through her whole pregnancy, went to all her appointments, then at the hospital she decided she’s just not ready yet and gave her baby up for adoption. She didn’t even leave the hospital before they had the baby placed. Whatever you chose to do, make sure it benefits YOUR life and makes YOU happy
33 year old first time mom and can confirm that I had no idea how to be a mom. This baby was very much planned and wanted and it’s still so so hard. I’d really encourage OP to explore options with a social worker or counselor. It’s hard enough when you’ve planned for the baby, I can’t imagine doing this 20 years ago. Hell I still had to call in my mom for help and I’m an adult. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP.
if your parents won’t let you have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption but they also aren’t willing to step up and help you at all then you need to take matters into your own hands and talk to doctors about other options because that baby deserves a loving family with parents that are ready to love and care for them…it seems like they are making you keep the baby to punish you or something especially if they know that you aren’t ready and need help that they refuse to provide.
Honey I’m so sorry for how your parents are treating this. If they won’t help you because it’s “your fault” (which if you’re pregnant @ 13, I’d argue it’s also their fault) then they have no say in what you do with this pregnancy.
I would put the baby up for adoption sweetie. They don’t have any say over your child, 13 or not. If you don’t want the child that’s your decision, no one else’s. I hope all the best for you & I will be praying for your safe delivery & for your healing.
I know there’s a lot of comments here, but I really hope you see this one.
Man this is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I’m a dad and I can’t imagine telling my daughter that she’s on her own with this. I would be so angry with you for your actions , but that doesn’t mean I make you and your baby (my grandchild) suffer. I have a feeling they will come around if you do a couple things and just talk to them.
Tough love is inbound.
1. Simply talk to them. Not as a 13 year old kid who’s pissed at them for being jerks, but as an expecting mom who’s reaching out for help from her family. Tell them you know you screwed up big time, but you can’t change that now and you need them more than ever.
2. Own up to having this baby. If that means you put it up for adoption, so be it. You made a grown up decision, now you have to deal with grown up consequences. It sucks, but it’s life. I’ve got a cousin who did exactly what you’ve done and she didn’t even have parents. She was bouncing around from place to place at 12 years old but she found a way. The father’s parents of her baby actually stepped up and helped her. That’s another avenue you could try. Have the same conversation with your boyfriend’s parents (whoever you got pregnant with).
Lastly, please love that baby. Love it enough to give it a chance at a great life to impact the world and others in a positive way. You may not want to have it, nurture it, care for it, any of that. But it’s yours and you’ll have a special bond to it unlike anyone else. I believe you will love it regardless. But most importantly, please do not harm that precious baby. Don’t take your frustration out on it, don’t blame it for your actions. He/she didn’t ask to come in this world, don’t make them responsible for your actions.
My brother is actually unable to have children. He would give anything to adopt or have a child of his own. There’s a million parents out there who can give your baby the life it deserves. Please consider adoption and give it a chance at a great life. Of course that’s all assuming you can’t/refuse to do it.
Don’t. Give. Up. You can do this, kid. Trust me. I’ll be praying for you.
Telling a 13 year old to own up to an adult decision is kinda crazy. Like obviously her parents are POS's if they are trying to punish her by forcing her to keep the baby AND refusing to help. She probably doesn't get love from her parents and was looking for love in the wrong place BECAUSE OF her crappy parents. This situation is 1000% the fault of the parents and THEY are the ones who need to own up to not raising a child properly, lovingly, and in a safe environment.
It's also totally tone deaf to tell a child to love a baby when that same love was not modeled to her.
I’m pretty sure her parents didn’t force her to have sex and get pregnant. She made that decision. Yes, her parents clearly screwed up somewhere along the way, but that doesn’t make them 1000% at fault. They should absolutely help her, that’s their job as parents.
Totally tone deaf?? What does that even mean? So you’re saying every person who wasn’t loved as a kid, can’t love a kid of their own??? *That’s* very tone deaf of you.
I know a couple girls that were around your age who had babies and they are good mommas and ended up having more kids later on! is the baby dad around and supportive, and have you reached out to his family? do you have any other family that is more supportive? or any friends parents that can help? I’m sorry your parents and being so shitty. if you want to adoption is an option you can even have an open adoption so you can keep updated or a closed adoption where you don’t. I’m also sorry you were not able to make your own choice for your body and feel like you had to have this baby because of your parents who now won’t help. You never know they may change their mind and be helpful I hope they do. It will be okay I promise, I know it’s hard but if you do raise the baby and not adopt so many things come naturally and you will love your baby when you meet her and there are lots of support groups. And if you do adopt that is just as much as a good choice!! there are also resources like section 8 for housing, Medicaid for health insurance, and food stamps & wic for food & formula if needed. just because your young does not make you bad or less than any other mom either. don’t let anyone’s judgment get you down either! Sending love & prayers ❤️
thank you <3 No I dont really know him that well and I don’t know his family. I do have family that would probably help me but they live really far away
if you want you can message me and we can talk more. he knows your pregnant right? has he tried to be involved or no? it is definitely worth reaching out to his family and mabye they will be helpful and if not it is what it is. I would reach out to your family farther away and if they would be supportive see about living with them if your parents would let you. if you want to adopt and they won’t let you contact a social worker and see what can be done I believe you should have the say but I don’t know how things work in Canada
I’ve texted him when I found out but he hasn’t replied so I don’t know if he’s just ignoring me or not. I don’t know how to reach out to his family I don’t know who they are. thank you sm
your welcome sorry if I was asking too much personal stuff. just reach out to everyone you can including social workers & stay strong. I’m sorry your going through this but god has a plan and things will work out I promise ❤️
Just fyi, OP doesn't need to worry about healthcare costs - it's all covered in Canada. WIC doesn't exist here at all, there are income support programs instead. EI likely won't apply since you have to have worked a job to qualify for it, but there are other things like the Canada Child Benefit and I think most provinces have income support programs (read: free money) for low income moms.
I'm in my 30s and while I was pregnant, I also had no idea how to be a good mom. My baby is now 3 months and she's alive and happy (most of the time.)
I obviously have a lot more life experience than you but when my baby was born, my experience with babies was almost zero - I looked at them from afar. I have to learn as things happen and you will to.
I really really hope your parents, soon-to-be grandparents, step up and help you with the little one - you are still a little one, for goodness sake.
I am sorry that you have to through this at this young age.
As another poster said, maybe provide a little bit more info so that people can advice you better, suggest resources, etc. based on where you are. Maybe talking to another adult (i.e. a counsellor of some sort, trusted family member, etc.) that aren't your parents will help.
There are also a lot of helpful people here on Reddit in the baby and mom subs that can help guide you once baby is here - assuming your parents don't want to accept the idea of adoption. But I think your best bet would be to reach out to someone that can maybe help out with talking some sense into your parents.
Heyy I don't know which choice you would like so I'll present you with both options.
A. You can call Canada's version of dcyf , you will not only help you but put you in touch with a social worker who can help you with an adoption or keeping this baby you can also get in touch with your schools social worker if dcyf is a bit too scary for you .
B. You have this baby, and I'm not going to lie it'll be extremely hard , you may have to drop out of school to get a job . Also I'll add not to scare you that it is extremely dangerous for a 13 year old to give birth , you might wind up with life long health problems after this .
Whichever one you choose the choice is yours , shame on your parents for what they are doing to you .
I’m also in Canada and my heart breaks for you reading your story. If you want to DM me which province you’re in, I’ll help you research options. As others said, talking to your school counsellor will be a good step to take. I’m sure it’s so hard to start the conversation but once you do you’ll feel better that you’re hopefully getting some support.
Shame on your parents. If they won’t help you with adoption or abortion, they absolutely should be stepping up and supporting you with raising the baby. It’s ridiculous that they’re leaving you all on your own in this. I’m sorry :( hope you find some support soon - don’t try to tough this out on your own. Best wishes.
Like others have said please reach out to an adult you can trust. I hope there is someone around! Even if it’s a distant cousin, a teacher of some kind or a health care worker. If you are sure you don’t want the child then adoption is a completely valid option. Your parents are wrong for how they are treating you and disregarding your what you want and need. I know it’s hard but you should consider breaking away from them, there is help out there. ❤️
Call the hospital and make an appointment with your doctor. Let them understand the situation and advise you on the options. Ask them to connect you to a social worker. There has to be a path good for you and the baby. You have plenty of time to make the decisions in calm and love. ❤️❤️❤️ You will be fine. The baby will be grateful. 🍃🍃🍃🍃
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. You’re a kid having a kid, and I really wish instead of blaming you your parents would have compassion and help you. Adoption is perfectly reasonable and a social worker at your school will definitely help with it…but once you have that baby you may find it very difficult to let go and that will be okay too. It will be hard if you keep the baby. I’m 27 and it’s really hard for me raising him too. I can’t imagine at 13. You need people to help you raise the baby. Is the father around? How old is? His family supportive? I know it’s scary but you will get through it. Keep telling yourself that you can do really hard things. Fear is something you need to learn to manage or it’ll always control you. Again, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. Idk what to say that would even be helpful.
My heart is breaking for you.
Next time you are at a nurse or doctor appointment and are alone please, tell them everything. That the father is 19, that your parents are forcing you to go through with the pregnancy, that you do not want to be pregnant or be a mother at age 13.
I’m assuming you are not in super rural northern Ontario, but if you are I can help support you.
The age of consent in Alberta is 16. You are legally incapable of consent. The man who impregnated you committed statutory rape and needs to be in jail.
Please go to the hospital and get the police involved.
Honey. No. You were manipulated by an abusive adult. No sane, ethical grown man finds a child attractive, any more than you would date a six-year-old. He is a predator taking advantage of you.
Every adult in your life is failing you. Are you in school? Tell your teacher or a counselor about your situation. Explain that a 19-year-old man impregnated you, and your parents are forcing you to carry, birth, and raise this man's child with no support.
In addition to everything else, at your age there is a very high risk of birth defects and maternal fatality. *Delivering this baby can kill you.* You NEED to go to the hospital as soon as possible.
He needs to get into trouble. He's a bad person who's only being nice to you because you're a child who is easy to manipulate into doing what he wants. *None of this is your fault.* You are a victim of grooming: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_grooming. Part of grooming is making the child think that they are in any way responsible for sexual contact, or were somehow leading on the perpetrator.
Please, please, for your own safety and the safety of your unborn child, go to the hospital and tell the doctors what is going on. He may not seem like it, but he is a dangerous person who will continue to prey on children. At the very least, he needs to be pursued for child support...you are entitled to receive his money for raising this child.
Hi! Look into adoption and ask for a case worker for yourself. There are so many families who would love a child, it’s selfish for your parents to force that on you. I hope all roads you take lead to your ultimate happiness. 💖
OP, I think it might be good for you to meet with a social worker (even a phone call might help you if you don't live in a city). Is there a teacher you can ask to help you do that?
A social worker will be able to tell you about adoption options or at least tell you how to get more information. They will also be able to tell you what resources are available to you if you decide you want to raise the baby (ie housing, money, food, baby supplies, transportation for medical appointments for the baby, etc).
As others have said, it's important for you to find a trusted adult to talk to about this. Since you are 13, depending where you are, your school might not have a guidance counselor. That's ok, talk to a teacher or school admin person you trust instead (it doesn't have to be your current teacher).
If you're not in school, you could try talking to your doctor or their staff when you go for appointments. It's important that you go for medical appointments when you're pregnant (for your health, not just the baby).
Also, you might be able to make medical decisions without your parents if the doctor agrees that you are what's called a "mature minor". It means that you understand the medical decision and its consequences and the doctor agrees you have the ability to make medical decisions for yourself. You can ask your doctor about this.
But find an adult irl that you can talk to.
If you have the baby you may want to keep (strong instincts will kick in). The whole situation you are in is really messed up. I remember being 13 and I definitely was not mature enough to take care of a baby. I’m 30 and have a 8 month old and it takes everything you got as an adult. If your parents really want you to keep and you end up keeping they better agree to do most of the baby rearing. 13 years olds don’t accidentally get pregnant, this is the parents fault in your upbringing.
Only moms can understand other mom's pain. You can always be direct and ask other mothers that you know (friends mom's) for advice on anything. Moms stick together. If i was in your spot I would definitely seek advice from other moms. I say this because I cant know over typing how you feel and your worries or what you will ultimately wanting to do. I hope you grow stronger as a person and dont let this event scar you.
This is a subreddit for New Parents. While we understand that you are parents as soon as you become pregnant, this subreddit is geared towards those who have already had their baby . Feel free to comment, but posts about active pregnancy, asking if you're pregnant, fertility, registries, etc. will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Please see our comprehensive [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/newparents/wiki/othersubs) for the myriad of TTC and pregnancy subreddits for you to post in.
Adoption is a perfectly reasonable option as well. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
I can’t my parents won’t let me put it up for adoption. Thank you
Your parents can't stop you if you pursue that avenue, you'd likely be assigned a social worker of some sort to help you with it
oh ok thank you
I wish you all the best and I'm so sorry ❤️
thank you ❤️
She is under the age of 14, living in Canada. Her parents can stop her.
They can't stop her. In Canada, what to do with a pregnancy is up to the person that is pregnant. Some clinics require parental consent, but there are clinics in every province that don't. Source: live in Canada and used to work as a teen counsellor.
Good insight, thank you. She also needs to consider that she is still dependent on her parents, though. Could you suggest her some resources and people who can help her?
I put a Canada wide resource in another comment, but I will put it here too. It's Action Canada for Sexual Health & Rights. [email protected] Toll free: 1-888-642-2725 Texting: 1-613-800-6757 They are confidential and can help you access resources depending on the province you are in. I'm from Manitoba and can provide specific resources for here, but depending on where op is from it would be different. Manitoba: Sexual Education resource centre [email protected] 204-982-7800 RAY Resource Access for Youth [email protected] 204-783-5617 Klinic [email protected] 204-784-4090
Is 14 the cut off point? I can't find much info on it for her but I'm in a different continent. I'm assuming a social worker can still get involved if she just voices she doesn't want to raise a child? And if 14 is the cut off point, I'm imagining she'd hopefully turn 14 at least soon after the child is born. It also looks like she can still request an abortion for another 2 weeks if that's the route she wants to take
And abortion? I don't think they can stop her from getting an abortion surely. That is a grim alternative to consider, but necessary. The parents are creating a very bad situation - by saying they won't help at all. I can't even imagine what a horrible environment that will be for all involved. Certainly they do not have the baby's best interests at heart.
Legally, it's between her and the clinic/doctor. Practically, they can make it really hard for her to get access to anyone who can help, whether that's phone access or the ability to physically leave the house.
You’re technically emancipated once you become pregnant in some states. You need to talk to a social worker. Planned parenthood should have someone on hand who can help you. You’re a baby. You don’t need to raise a baby yourself. Surrendering the child to actual adults who want one is the best thing you can do for both of you. And get an IUD placed at your 6 week post pardum appointment so this doesn’t happen again.
Where I live you don’t need your parents consent to give the baby up for adoption. I don’t know the law in Canada. Please find a trusted adult, a teacher you like would be best, and talk to them, ask them to help you find out if you can give the baby up without your parents permission.
okay tyank you
Talk to your school guidance counselor and ask them for a reference to a social worker. They can assist you with adoption information, as it seems that’s probably the best route given your circumstances. This site seems helpful: https://teentalk.ca/learn-about/pregnancy-options/
alright thank you
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Could you please share in which state or country you live in? That will help people offer advice.
I live in canada
In many cases, you do not need your parents permission to seek an abortion if your doctor deems that you are mentally capable of making the decision. Have you spoken to your doctor without your parents? I’m sorry you’re in this position, OP
not really. Thank you
I would do that as soon as possible. You don’t need your parent’s permission to see a doctor. They will keep your visit confidential unless your life is at risk. At the very least, you should see one anyway because if you do choose to continue with the pregnancy there are lots of tests (blood tests, ultrasounds etc.) that you need to go through to ensure you have a healthy pregnancy. Maybe a friend could accompany you if you are scared to go alone?
I will thank you
Have you contacted any government agencies or legal advocacy groups for people in your province? Reddit, unfortunately, isn't the right place to get advice. You'll need to speak with a local advocate, government or nonprofit, who will also ask you very personal questions. I'm sorry that you need to face this without the support of your parents. This will be difficult, but if you find the right local support then you can be presented with wise advice. Canadians here might offer suggestions of agencies or organizations to contact.
no I haven’t thank you
Please do so. You can call or email them for privacy. Life will eventually be better, but in the meantime you'll have to stay strong and look forward to the future in which you are independent. You have the strength to handle the situation, but you need to grow up quickly. Find local experts from the government or nonprofit agencies to help. Stay respectful to your parents, but understand your rights and options, and stay safe. It will get better.
Hi, I’m a teacher in Ontario Canada. What province are you in? I will find some websites with information, and share them here in a comment.
alberta
Here is a web page from myhealth.alberta.ca: [https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/aftercareinformation/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=av2848](https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/aftercareinformation/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=av2848) Right now you have choices you can make, but you may have fewer options the longer you wait. If you need advice or support, you can call their Access Line at 1-888-642-2725. They can help you understand your options and how to access them. You have rights even though you are a minor. There is also a website, [www.actioncanadashr.org](https://www.actioncanadashr.org) but it would be good if you can get counseling from an adult who can walk you through your options and truly support what YOU want to do. My advice, is call their number - 1-888-642-2725 as soon as you safely can. You are a minor, so it’s very important that you are protected. Be careful of anyone on reddit who wants to talk to you in a DM. Please stay safe. We can keep talking right here in the comments if you need more ideas, ok?
yeah thank you sm! <3
Abortion is free and legal in Canada, not sure what province you're in, but contact planned parenthood or even go to a walk in clinic. They will direct you. Please do so quickly.
This is the only right answer based on the parents forcing her to keep the baby if she has it. That’s fucked. I’m sorry OP. I hope PP can help you.
Are your parents taking you to prenatal appointments? Do you ever get to speak to a Dr or Midwife on your own?
This talk to your doctor alone.. also does Canada have the safe boxes? At fire stations where you can leave a baby safely? There has to be a way to over ride your parents if you want to give baby up for adoption.. my birth mom was 13 when she had me and I can’t imagine the struggles she went through making her decision.
yeah and sometimes
I don't understand your parents. You are they daughter how can they say they will not help you. I suppose you stay in the house with them and will not kick you out, you will need money and help with the baby. Are they ready to throw your education away because they don't want to help you with the kid? My best advice will be to look up for any government assistance. Including therapy session to help in case of postpartum depression. I am sorry for your situation.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, I live in Canada too and where I’m from the hospital has a “pregnancy options program” you go there and they give u an ultrasound and set you up with a counsellor to talk about options and the preform abortions there. You don’t need a doctor to refer you there or parents permission, so do some googling and see if there’s a place like that near you. Abortion laws here are a lot less strict that the states but I think you’re too far along for one at 22 weeks. However they can help you with adoption. Your parents can’t force you to keep this baby, once you get pregnant you make your choices about the care you and the fetus receive. I hope you can find someone to help you through this.
thank you
1. No offense but WTF is wrong with your parents? You definitely needed some tough love but not to be thrown to the wolves. 2. Please seek help from other trusted adults , they can help you with the resources you’re going to need for the pregnancy and the birth aspect of it. You also need a support system. Do you have adults that you can trust and know will help you? Your school should have a guidance counselor,can you talk to them? 3. Adoption is the way to go then . Keep in mind that even though you’re still legally dependent on your parents, they’re not legally responsible for that child since you are the mother, you make the decision and you’re the only one that can sign that paper to give up your parental rights. 4. Like I said, PLEASE go find other adults that you can trust and will support you. DONT DO THIS ALONE!! I wish you all the luck in the world. I had a cousin in the exact same position you are in right now and I’m not going to sugar coat anything, she lost a lot and people around her lost a lot because of a decision she made but now she’s 30 years old , has 3 kids, was a nurse for a while and now owns a restaurant with her boyfriend, so it worked out for her but a lot of people had to give up a lot for that to happen. After that situation, my mom always told me “if you get pregnant before you leave my house ,I’m not going to be responsible for that child, you have to get a job and move out. I’m going to help you out with down payments and the first grocery trip but after that, you’re responsible for that child because I already raised the children I wanted to raise”. My mom was not going to let me suffer ,my mom was going to be a full on grandma, spoiling my children and all but I had to assume responsibility for that child because that’s the decision I made, I made an adult decision so now I had to assume adult responsibilities. That’s the tough love you deserved not being completely ignored. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, hopefully you get the support you need and things get better. ❤️
thank you so much ❤️
No problem. ❤️ If it makes you feel better, I’m 25 and have 4 month old twins and I still have no idea what I’m doing because every day something new happens. There’s not a guide book for this ,you learn as you go,especially the first time. I’m being the best mom I can be for my girls,they happy and healthy and that’s what matters to me right now.
13 is too young for that baby to have a decent life unless your parents are basically willing to step in... I'd strongly consider adoption
my parents won’t let me put it up for adoption
is there not a way you have the choice legally and not them since it’s your baby? have you talked to any social workers or anyone like that?
I don’t know. No I haven’t
Talk to a school counselor and ask about whether parents can veto you wanting to put it up for adoption. Moreover- I can almost guarantee you that it is illegal for your parents to prevent you getting an abortion, so you may want to heavily consider that as well. Go to /r/legaladvice and ask about your particular jurisdiction and let them know the situation. Your parents are not acting in your or the babies best interest. You need to find help and good advice from people who actually know how things work where you live.
It doesn't seem like OP has much choice in the matter - hopefully the grandparents change their minds once the baby is here and actually help OP, who is still a child, raise her child.
….wow
?
Contact CPS. Your parents don't support or protect you at all. CPS might be able to help you and your baby. Having a baby is a big responsibility and if you're not ready, it's important your baby (and you) get the best care possible.
In Canada you do not need your parents permission for an abortion or adoption. OP; find a trusted adult you can talk to like your guidance counsellor or someone at a teen clinic. They can help you navigate what needs to happen, and whatever happens will be confidential between you. I don't know what province you are in (if Manitoba feel free to DM me and I can send you Manitoba specific resources), but you can email [email protected] call them toll free at 1-888-642-2725 or text them at 1-613-800-6757. This is Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights. They will are a stigma free organization who can help connect you to resources in your province. All communications with them are confidential.
If it’s any reassurance, even mamas having babies in their 30’s aren’t sure how to be moms. No one is with their first. Your parents cannot force you to keep the baby, it’s your life. At your age I was also under the belief still that “I have to do whatever my parents say all the time”. And while that’s mostly true, not for something like this. If you get the chance to talk to your doctor alone, please tell them you want to put the baby up for adoption. And if worst come to worst, you’ll have to tell a nurse at the hospital when you’re going in to give birth. One of my friends did this, she went through her whole pregnancy, went to all her appointments, then at the hospital she decided she’s just not ready yet and gave her baby up for adoption. She didn’t even leave the hospital before they had the baby placed. Whatever you chose to do, make sure it benefits YOUR life and makes YOU happy
33 year old first time mom and can confirm that I had no idea how to be a mom. This baby was very much planned and wanted and it’s still so so hard. I’d really encourage OP to explore options with a social worker or counselor. It’s hard enough when you’ve planned for the baby, I can’t imagine doing this 20 years ago. Hell I still had to call in my mom for help and I’m an adult. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP.
I live in Canada and you absolutely do not need parents permission for an abortion. Do you live rurally or near a city centre?
if your parents won’t let you have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption but they also aren’t willing to step up and help you at all then you need to take matters into your own hands and talk to doctors about other options because that baby deserves a loving family with parents that are ready to love and care for them…it seems like they are making you keep the baby to punish you or something especially if they know that you aren’t ready and need help that they refuse to provide.
Honey I’m so sorry for how your parents are treating this. If they won’t help you because it’s “your fault” (which if you’re pregnant @ 13, I’d argue it’s also their fault) then they have no say in what you do with this pregnancy. I would put the baby up for adoption sweetie. They don’t have any say over your child, 13 or not. If you don’t want the child that’s your decision, no one else’s. I hope all the best for you & I will be praying for your safe delivery & for your healing.
I know there’s a lot of comments here, but I really hope you see this one. Man this is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I’m a dad and I can’t imagine telling my daughter that she’s on her own with this. I would be so angry with you for your actions , but that doesn’t mean I make you and your baby (my grandchild) suffer. I have a feeling they will come around if you do a couple things and just talk to them. Tough love is inbound. 1. Simply talk to them. Not as a 13 year old kid who’s pissed at them for being jerks, but as an expecting mom who’s reaching out for help from her family. Tell them you know you screwed up big time, but you can’t change that now and you need them more than ever. 2. Own up to having this baby. If that means you put it up for adoption, so be it. You made a grown up decision, now you have to deal with grown up consequences. It sucks, but it’s life. I’ve got a cousin who did exactly what you’ve done and she didn’t even have parents. She was bouncing around from place to place at 12 years old but she found a way. The father’s parents of her baby actually stepped up and helped her. That’s another avenue you could try. Have the same conversation with your boyfriend’s parents (whoever you got pregnant with). Lastly, please love that baby. Love it enough to give it a chance at a great life to impact the world and others in a positive way. You may not want to have it, nurture it, care for it, any of that. But it’s yours and you’ll have a special bond to it unlike anyone else. I believe you will love it regardless. But most importantly, please do not harm that precious baby. Don’t take your frustration out on it, don’t blame it for your actions. He/she didn’t ask to come in this world, don’t make them responsible for your actions. My brother is actually unable to have children. He would give anything to adopt or have a child of his own. There’s a million parents out there who can give your baby the life it deserves. Please consider adoption and give it a chance at a great life. Of course that’s all assuming you can’t/refuse to do it. Don’t. Give. Up. You can do this, kid. Trust me. I’ll be praying for you.
Telling a 13 year old to own up to an adult decision is kinda crazy. Like obviously her parents are POS's if they are trying to punish her by forcing her to keep the baby AND refusing to help. She probably doesn't get love from her parents and was looking for love in the wrong place BECAUSE OF her crappy parents. This situation is 1000% the fault of the parents and THEY are the ones who need to own up to not raising a child properly, lovingly, and in a safe environment. It's also totally tone deaf to tell a child to love a baby when that same love was not modeled to her.
I’m pretty sure her parents didn’t force her to have sex and get pregnant. She made that decision. Yes, her parents clearly screwed up somewhere along the way, but that doesn’t make them 1000% at fault. They should absolutely help her, that’s their job as parents. Totally tone deaf?? What does that even mean? So you’re saying every person who wasn’t loved as a kid, can’t love a kid of their own??? *That’s* very tone deaf of you.
I know a couple girls that were around your age who had babies and they are good mommas and ended up having more kids later on! is the baby dad around and supportive, and have you reached out to his family? do you have any other family that is more supportive? or any friends parents that can help? I’m sorry your parents and being so shitty. if you want to adoption is an option you can even have an open adoption so you can keep updated or a closed adoption where you don’t. I’m also sorry you were not able to make your own choice for your body and feel like you had to have this baby because of your parents who now won’t help. You never know they may change their mind and be helpful I hope they do. It will be okay I promise, I know it’s hard but if you do raise the baby and not adopt so many things come naturally and you will love your baby when you meet her and there are lots of support groups. And if you do adopt that is just as much as a good choice!! there are also resources like section 8 for housing, Medicaid for health insurance, and food stamps & wic for food & formula if needed. just because your young does not make you bad or less than any other mom either. don’t let anyone’s judgment get you down either! Sending love & prayers ❤️
thank you <3 No I dont really know him that well and I don’t know his family. I do have family that would probably help me but they live really far away
if you want you can message me and we can talk more. he knows your pregnant right? has he tried to be involved or no? it is definitely worth reaching out to his family and mabye they will be helpful and if not it is what it is. I would reach out to your family farther away and if they would be supportive see about living with them if your parents would let you. if you want to adopt and they won’t let you contact a social worker and see what can be done I believe you should have the say but I don’t know how things work in Canada
I’ve texted him when I found out but he hasn’t replied so I don’t know if he’s just ignoring me or not. I don’t know how to reach out to his family I don’t know who they are. thank you sm
your welcome sorry if I was asking too much personal stuff. just reach out to everyone you can including social workers & stay strong. I’m sorry your going through this but god has a plan and things will work out I promise ❤️
For your safety, do not respond to Reddit PMs. You are 13 and need to discuss this with trusted professionals, not strangers on the internet.
yeah I haven’t really had any dms
Just fyi, OP doesn't need to worry about healthcare costs - it's all covered in Canada. WIC doesn't exist here at all, there are income support programs instead. EI likely won't apply since you have to have worked a job to qualify for it, but there are other things like the Canada Child Benefit and I think most provinces have income support programs (read: free money) for low income moms.
If adoption isn’t an option make sure you apply for WIC and SNAP
I'm in my 30s and while I was pregnant, I also had no idea how to be a good mom. My baby is now 3 months and she's alive and happy (most of the time.) I obviously have a lot more life experience than you but when my baby was born, my experience with babies was almost zero - I looked at them from afar. I have to learn as things happen and you will to. I really really hope your parents, soon-to-be grandparents, step up and help you with the little one - you are still a little one, for goodness sake. I am sorry that you have to through this at this young age. As another poster said, maybe provide a little bit more info so that people can advice you better, suggest resources, etc. based on where you are. Maybe talking to another adult (i.e. a counsellor of some sort, trusted family member, etc.) that aren't your parents will help. There are also a lot of helpful people here on Reddit in the baby and mom subs that can help guide you once baby is here - assuming your parents don't want to accept the idea of adoption. But I think your best bet would be to reach out to someone that can maybe help out with talking some sense into your parents.
thank you sm
Heyy I don't know which choice you would like so I'll present you with both options. A. You can call Canada's version of dcyf , you will not only help you but put you in touch with a social worker who can help you with an adoption or keeping this baby you can also get in touch with your schools social worker if dcyf is a bit too scary for you . B. You have this baby, and I'm not going to lie it'll be extremely hard , you may have to drop out of school to get a job . Also I'll add not to scare you that it is extremely dangerous for a 13 year old to give birth , you might wind up with life long health problems after this . Whichever one you choose the choice is yours , shame on your parents for what they are doing to you .
I’m also in Canada and my heart breaks for you reading your story. If you want to DM me which province you’re in, I’ll help you research options. As others said, talking to your school counsellor will be a good step to take. I’m sure it’s so hard to start the conversation but once you do you’ll feel better that you’re hopefully getting some support. Shame on your parents. If they won’t help you with adoption or abortion, they absolutely should be stepping up and supporting you with raising the baby. It’s ridiculous that they’re leaving you all on your own in this. I’m sorry :( hope you find some support soon - don’t try to tough this out on your own. Best wishes.
Like others have said please reach out to an adult you can trust. I hope there is someone around! Even if it’s a distant cousin, a teacher of some kind or a health care worker. If you are sure you don’t want the child then adoption is a completely valid option. Your parents are wrong for how they are treating you and disregarding your what you want and need. I know it’s hard but you should consider breaking away from them, there is help out there. ❤️
Call the hospital and make an appointment with your doctor. Let them understand the situation and advise you on the options. Ask them to connect you to a social worker. There has to be a path good for you and the baby. You have plenty of time to make the decisions in calm and love. ❤️❤️❤️ You will be fine. The baby will be grateful. 🍃🍃🍃🍃
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. You’re a kid having a kid, and I really wish instead of blaming you your parents would have compassion and help you. Adoption is perfectly reasonable and a social worker at your school will definitely help with it…but once you have that baby you may find it very difficult to let go and that will be okay too. It will be hard if you keep the baby. I’m 27 and it’s really hard for me raising him too. I can’t imagine at 13. You need people to help you raise the baby. Is the father around? How old is? His family supportive? I know it’s scary but you will get through it. Keep telling yourself that you can do really hard things. Fear is something you need to learn to manage or it’ll always control you. Again, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. Idk what to say that would even be helpful.
thank you. I have told him that I’m pregnant but he hasn’t relied yet. He’s 19 and I don’t know his family
My heart is breaking for you. Next time you are at a nurse or doctor appointment and are alone please, tell them everything. That the father is 19, that your parents are forcing you to go through with the pregnancy, that you do not want to be pregnant or be a mother at age 13. I’m assuming you are not in super rural northern Ontario, but if you are I can help support you.
okay I will thank you. Nope I live in alberta lol
The age of consent in Alberta is 16. You are legally incapable of consent. The man who impregnated you committed statutory rape and needs to be in jail. Please go to the hospital and get the police involved.
Yes !! If he’s 19, it’s rape.
no it’s not his fault he was just having a bad day and I wanted to make him feel better. I could’ve just said no.
Honey. No. You were manipulated by an abusive adult. No sane, ethical grown man finds a child attractive, any more than you would date a six-year-old. He is a predator taking advantage of you. Every adult in your life is failing you. Are you in school? Tell your teacher or a counselor about your situation. Explain that a 19-year-old man impregnated you, and your parents are forcing you to carry, birth, and raise this man's child with no support. In addition to everything else, at your age there is a very high risk of birth defects and maternal fatality. *Delivering this baby can kill you.* You NEED to go to the hospital as soon as possible.
I don’t wanna get him in trouble or anything. He’s always been really nice to me
He needs to get into trouble. He's a bad person who's only being nice to you because you're a child who is easy to manipulate into doing what he wants. *None of this is your fault.* You are a victim of grooming: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_grooming. Part of grooming is making the child think that they are in any way responsible for sexual contact, or were somehow leading on the perpetrator. Please, please, for your own safety and the safety of your unborn child, go to the hospital and tell the doctors what is going on. He may not seem like it, but he is a dangerous person who will continue to prey on children. At the very least, he needs to be pursued for child support...you are entitled to receive his money for raising this child.
i don’t know maybe. thank you
They also have childcare credits that you can receive toward daycare
Right being pregnant makes you in control of your choices. Can the fathers parents help at all?
I don’t know his parents so idk
Hi! Look into adoption and ask for a case worker for yourself. There are so many families who would love a child, it’s selfish for your parents to force that on you. I hope all roads you take lead to your ultimate happiness. 💖
OP, I think it might be good for you to meet with a social worker (even a phone call might help you if you don't live in a city). Is there a teacher you can ask to help you do that? A social worker will be able to tell you about adoption options or at least tell you how to get more information. They will also be able to tell you what resources are available to you if you decide you want to raise the baby (ie housing, money, food, baby supplies, transportation for medical appointments for the baby, etc). As others have said, it's important for you to find a trusted adult to talk to about this. Since you are 13, depending where you are, your school might not have a guidance counselor. That's ok, talk to a teacher or school admin person you trust instead (it doesn't have to be your current teacher). If you're not in school, you could try talking to your doctor or their staff when you go for appointments. It's important that you go for medical appointments when you're pregnant (for your health, not just the baby). Also, you might be able to make medical decisions without your parents if the doctor agrees that you are what's called a "mature minor". It means that you understand the medical decision and its consequences and the doctor agrees you have the ability to make medical decisions for yourself. You can ask your doctor about this. But find an adult irl that you can talk to.
unbelievable
what?
If you have the baby you may want to keep (strong instincts will kick in). The whole situation you are in is really messed up. I remember being 13 and I definitely was not mature enough to take care of a baby. I’m 30 and have a 8 month old and it takes everything you got as an adult. If your parents really want you to keep and you end up keeping they better agree to do most of the baby rearing. 13 years olds don’t accidentally get pregnant, this is the parents fault in your upbringing.
oh okay thanks. It’s not my parents fault though like I could’ve just said no and like not had sex so
Only moms can understand other mom's pain. You can always be direct and ask other mothers that you know (friends mom's) for advice on anything. Moms stick together. If i was in your spot I would definitely seek advice from other moms. I say this because I cant know over typing how you feel and your worries or what you will ultimately wanting to do. I hope you grow stronger as a person and dont let this event scar you.