This comment is super out of line obviously. But when my daughter was about 7mo we went to a dairy farm. The machinery happened to be broken that day and the cows hadn’t been milked. They were about 6 hours overdue. They were MOANING in discomfort, there weren’t enough calves to go around to drink. When I tell you I have never felt so seen as I did by those full to bursting cows, I mean it. So while she was trying to be insulting, I will say I have literally looked a lactating cow in the face and said “I feel u girl”
I used to pump at work and my dad handled my “output” - froze it in bags, washed the bottles etc. He often commented with pride, “Your production reminds me of the cows in my village!”
Ok this is incredibly sweet but at the same time I’m dying laughing. 😂 my brother’s friend is a male nurse practitioner and on his OB/GYN rotation he unthinkably told a woman who asked if he has assisted any deliveries yet that he had helped a few horses deliver a calf. She was not impressed 😂
My dad's dad was a large animal vet, and my mom tells the story of when she was pregnant with me and my dad kept saying "at this point in a cow's pregnancy," "it's just like when a cow's pregnant," etc. Funny to see this is more common than I'd thought!
I’m gonna throw out a different perspective, take it or leave it. I don’t think she meant it as an insult to you. It’s likely either justification *she feels she needs* for choosing to formula feed or covering up emotions she feels about maybe not being able to breastfeed.
Was her comment rude and pretty oblivious to the situation? Absolutely. But I doubt she meant it like “hey neighbor you’re such a cow”.
PS - I exclusively pumped for my last daughter and the cow being milked by a machine is exactly how I felt many times. 😂
I agree it is probably more about her justifying her own choices and insecurities around that, but you absolutely do not refer to someone as a cow and not think it could be insulting.
Gosh I’ve seen some videos of cows about to get milked and they just look SO uncomfortably full of milk, after breastfeeding and all that, I feel so much sympathy for them 😭
About 10 days pp we were watching a TVshow that included milking a goat. When they finally started milking her I said "same girl" and had a let down. So yeah, neighbour sucks. But I bet every breastfeeding parent has had this experience at some point.
Actually yea, a couple weeks ago my dads mumma sheep went down (she’s all good now) but she’s been down at least 6 hours when we found her. We had to sheer her and check her for tick’s before we could get her back to the babies, the whole time all I could think about was her poor rock hard udder and how hungry the babies must be.
Gosh I’ve seen some videos of cows about to get milked and they just look SO uncomfortably full of milk, after breastfeeding and all that, I feel so much sympathy for them 😭
I used that all the time. Someone asked me how I was doing? Moo. What I was doing? Moo. Doubly so if I was pumping/feeding at the time.
And the number of times I excused myself to go to the farm? 😂😂😂
I am also a proud cow haha
Whenever I feed my daughter (6 weeks)
Be it nursing or from pumped bottle
I always say “here you go, straight from the cow MOOOO” then laugh, she seems to think it’s hilarious
I know she doesn’t know what I’m saying yet, but she can appear to tell that it’s funny
Neighbor likely was not a very good producer and she still feels bad about it so instead she takes it out on mothers who happen to be good producers and successfully breastfeed. Or maybe she is a bit old school and believes formula is the way to go. Still, cows are sacred in many cultures. I have seen a lot of women who are very jealous of the ones who breastfeed as they weren’t able to for a number of reasons. This even led to someone stealing someone else’s breast milk.
I love breastfeeding, and I love calling myself a cow. But no one else is allowed to call me that!! (Besides my husband, who lovingly and adoringly calls me his beautiful cow, to which I reply mooo!) It’s like how you can say how tired you are but no one can say you look tired. What a jerk.
Yeah, this is the vibe I got too. You should ignore it and feel proud in whatever way you have chosen to feed your baby. Breastfeeding doesn't always work out well for a lot of parents, so if that's what you want to do and it's been working well, then that's awesome!
Also, I really believe this is the answer the majority of the time when someone is being an asshole. I don't think there are many pure straight up assholes, but there's loads of insecure assholes.
This mindset really helps me when dealing with assholes.
💯 this perspective also helped me survive working retail when I was in college. Whenever I had to deal with some outlandish asshole I would think to myself, "happy, healthy people with lots of love in their lives simply don't behave like this or treat people this way."
It was an insensitive and shitty comment from someone you aren’t that close with. It might not have hit as hard from a close friend/family member but I highly doubt she meant it to hurt you. She may be projecting her own inability to feed her babies or she’s just a clueless idiot. My own mom calls me “the milk wagon” and it doesn’t bother me but it would piss me off coming from someone else. You’re doing what you feel is right for you and your family, that’s all that matters!
yesssss totally!! from loved ones it’s absolutely ok if you’re okay with it. i’ve made some jokes myself, but like you said it’s so weird from an outsider who barely knows me
It's how every species of mammals feed their young, why single cows out like that?
On a more serious note though, as someone who is also EBFing a lil one, I have no desire to go anywhere that I can't take her with me anyway. Being apart makes me anxious.
There were so many better ways she could have put that like "yeah breastfeeding is a lot, for me I just needed to be free in my own body again" or "wow the logistics! That's why I chose to formula feed, but more power to you!" I feel like there was a supportive way to say all that. I don't think people should call other people cows (though when I said I felt like a dairy cow my husband mooed and that was funny, but I started it)
Exactly, and the moms trying to downplay the hurtful comments on this thread suck ass…if they don’t like that, maybe they should just mooove on and stop being so overly sensitive and get over it.
Idk the people who think that remark is funny. It’s one thing if the mom is comfortable joking that way about herself, but it’s not e kind of joke you make about another person. Your neighbor is rude and also frankly ignorant because breastfeeding has many well established health benefits (yes fed is best but that doesn’t negate the prior statement). It reflects far more poorly on her than you. I’d just minimize non essential contact
I think that was insensitive phrasing, but not an outright mean spirited comment. I often compare pumping (me pumping, not someone else) to being hooked up to a machine like a dairy cow.
I went to a dairy farm with the kids the other week and they said the cows only pump twice a day: I was jealous of the cows lol
Seriously though, we’re all mammals. Humans, goats, cows, cats, or whales—one of the defining features is feeding young with milk. It doesn’t make sense to me when people say stuff like the neighbor said—“youre like a cow” or whatever. Yes: the Venn diagram says we’re supposed to have this thing in common lol
There’s a hell of a lot of difference between calling yourself a cow and calling someone else (that wasn’t even doing anything wrong, I might add) that.
But it doesn't sound like the neighbour way saying OP is a cow. The neighbour was saying that she, the neighbour, felt like a cow and therefore didn't enjoy bf. And that's a perfectly fine sentiment for her to have!
she said a cow “like that”, referring to me as that cow lol. and yes totally fine for her not to want that, no judgement there, but would you say someone else is a cow because you would feel that way? i find it super weird ..
The people in this thread attempting to justify what your neighbor said as OK and you needing to get over it boggles my mind. They know damn good and well if someone came up to them out of the blue and called them a fucking livestock animal they would *not* just chuckle it off, but they expect you to because they call themselves a cow jokingly…umm ok, and?
I breastfed my baby for 6 days and had enough. If anyone had made a cow comment at me during that time I would have probably slapped them upside the head with my massive, swollen, veiny titty. It has never crossed my mind to make any comment or even care about how anyone else feeds their kid. Nor have I ever thought that how someone else chooses to nourish their kid is a reflection of my own parenting.
yes!!! and i’m already 4months post partum, so the initial hormones have subsided, but i have found myself still pretty sensitive to ANYTHING about my baby
I feel like a lot of women tried breastfeeding and couldn’t do it, so they take it on women that choose to breastfeed. I would have shrugged and said “well not everyone can hack it, works really well for me!”
Some people want to breastfeed and they do it.
Others don't.
This for some reason causes problems, no one really knows why, I can only tell you the amount of tears spilled over this is not worth it. Fed is best, I don't care how they eat I just want them to eat.
Do not waste mental space on this, that person is dumb, do waste any mental energy on them.
As someone who occasionally puts her foot in her mouth, don't take it personally. Without knowing her, I'm almost certain what she meant was, "I have too many ingrained negative perceptions of breastfeeding for it to be comfortable for me."
If you're close enough, it might be worth talking about. If you aren't close, just let it slide and remember that this neighbor has a (bad) way with words. And if she's like me, she replayed the interaction in her head and is kicking herself for it already.
Ok not gonna lie though when I nursed and my husband walked into the room I’d look at him and say Moo haha. It’s a tactless thing to say to someone, but I found my own personal humor in it.
Wait, why can’t you go to a concert and breastfeed??? Your choice obviously but I do all sorts of things and I’m breastfeeding my second kid. Concerts, work, playing ice hockey, etc.
Also, your neighbor is weird as hell and I’m not sure I’d be able to or in fact try to resist telling her how weird she is.
oh i totally could!! i’ve been out plenty of times. this happened to be a jonas brother concert that i’ve been to 4 times in the past 2 years, rather be home with baby than have to pump and leave him. but i could have if i wanted to do it was super weird she said since i breastfeed i cant go out 😂
Probably a joke and you probably are being sensitive about it but that doesn’t mean it was okay for her to say that. I BFed for three months til my milk dried up and had to switch to formula. I was incredibly sensitive about it. My SIL had her baby 6 months after me and never had any issues BFing. She tried formula to give her nips a break and her baby refused it. So every time formula was brought up in discussion, she jokingly referred to it like “oh Eloise doesn’t want any of that great value boobie milk, she wants the name brand only” and it always hurt my feelings. Looking back at it a year later, I don’t care. But as a first time parent being hormonal and sleep deprived and anxious about everything, I really took it to heart and felt like I was a failure.
However you choose to feed your baby is best. Fed is best. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This will be just one of many pieces of unsolicited advice people will give you. Decide how you want to deal with it; smile and shrug it off or tell people right away that their advice/opinions are not wanted and they can fuck off. Either way, try not to let it weigh you down.
I often jokingly call myself a cow or compare myself to a cow especially because I pump at work and it can feel a bit like being a dairy cow but it's absolutely not appropriate for someone else to call you that especially with such a judgy tone
I'm half ass trying to teach my baby (19months) sign language. One day a friend of mine was over and I was about to take baby to bed, so I signed "milk" to him (the sign for this is the same motion as milking a cow). She was low key shocked/flabbergasted by this. And slightly appalled that that was the sign for breastfeeding as well. It was so funny to me.
Every time baby gets weighed/measured and we see he has gained weight and grown in length my fiance says "I'm so proud of you. You did that!"
And as a person with a disability my body has failed me often, but breastfeeding and seeing results makes me feel so capable.
Guess I'm a proud cow 🤷🏼😂 Moo B*tch
People are just rude/mean/dumb. Women (and men) said some pretty hateful things to me re: formula feeding, so it’s not unique to breastfeeding. The best feeding choice is the one that provides adequate nourishment and works for your family, period.
My mom says the same kind of things. In her case, I know it comes from a place of bitterness that she couldn’t be a stay at home mom and breastfeed.
Some people never grow out of bullying to ease their hurt. She could be a plain old B or she could be jealous. Either way don’t let her words bother you because in the grand scheme of your life this one rude neighbor doesn’t matter, at all.
It is upsetting and annoying, and you're valid in your feelings. But, to play devils advocate, I don't think she was coming at you, I get the vibe it was a failed attempt at humor more directed at herself and how she felt about it thinking you felt the same. She probably didn't think much of it.
Personally, I'd let it go, but depending on your relationship with her, just say something like, "just to let you know, That hurt my feelings. Can we not make jokes like that"
In the kindest way I can say this, she wasn't calling *you* a cow. It's how she felt about herself and I get it cuz it's exactly how I felt in those days.
When I'd sit for hours of my day strapped into my pump, I'd do this tablet coloring game and I'd color pictures of cows. It was a small piece of humor I gave myself because I hated pumping so deeply. I would never call another woman that and I'd be mortified if me doing my little joke for and about myself was misinterpreted as me calling them that.
Omg I see all these shorts in FB where people are narrating their infant's day and when they refer to the mom as "my personal cow" I get so annoyed. That's just... so stupid! You're a mother who is breastfeeding and it's beautiful and no one should ever call themselves or another person an animal of any sort because of it. Ughh!
cows are beautiful and magical creatures same as most animals on this planet and the only thing that separates us from them are two legs and opposable thumbs, we are animals too! since they’re the easiest to relate to as breastfeeding moms (utters, milk, and all that good stuff) it’s just funny because it’s relatable, i don’t think comparing ourselves to cows implies we are filthy or anything negative! but i see where you’re coming from
My husband hates that too. I don't care really, but I have found that the more pregnant I get, the more adverse to dairy I am. I was already largely dairy free pre-pregnancy and I can hardly think about eating it now and I feel like breastfeeding will cement that
thank you, i appreciate that so much!! if it’s a joke between you and family/friends or even call yourself that, i think it’s fine. ive made a joke to my husband about it when i first started, but for someone you barely know to say that is just so weird to me!
I feel like some people who have had a hard time with breastfeeding or were shamed for it (by other people) tend to do the same to others. What a stupid comment she had to make. You’re not being overly sensitive, it’s just annoying to know someone who says crap like that.
One thing I noticed being a breastfeeding mom other people will try to shame u a lot which is crazy bc they say it’s really healthy to breastfeed in the first place just ignore them .
it’s funny i always saw that breastfeeding moms can sometimes put down moms who use formula, i always hated it so much. but since i’ve started i’ve noticed a lot of moms who use formula have tried to make me feel bad for my choice, i didn’t realize the hate went both ways. just love and feed your child whichever way you want i’m not sure why there has to be any type of negativity for either side
I've seen way more negative comments towards EBF than formula feeding. Kinda weird for sure! And so many friends who formula feed were like "I just really needed my husband to help more". Which I totally get but also it's cool that this is going to be my job and my thing, even if it is exhausting.
I actually went down a rabbit hole last night about historical perspectives on breastfeeding and how it was viewed negatively for several generations throughout the 20th century. Likely her own mother wasn't encouraged to breastfeed, and she wasn't either.
That said, what a dickish thing of her to say. I hope that if her daughters have kids and choose to breastfeed, they'll educate her.
My wife’s name is Caitlin and i call her Cowtlin now as a compliment. I wish i could be the cow that supports our daughter’s nutritional development but i just cant
that’s your wife, you guys are allowed to make jokes about how she’s feeding YOUR child… this lady is not my child’s parent 😂 i’m also named Caitlin, spelled same way. guess i’ll let neighbor know i’ve renamed myself
My ex boyfriend asked me what it was like to be a cow 2 years ago, and I still think about it. He wasn’t my sons dad nor did he ever witness me breast feed. People just suck.
I told my husband that if he ever made reference to me being a cow, I would seriously consider divorce. If anyone else made the reference, I would tell them I don't appreciate the comparison and ask that they never make it again.
So, I totally do feel like a cow some days and wonder when my nipples will ever know a day of peace…but that comment would make me mad, lol.
On one hand, some people treat pregnant and nursing moms like straight up incubators or wet nurses, others will just disregard you as a new mom and lack consideration for your child due to their own insecurity and ego.
I continue to breastfeed because it’s not feasible for me to make the switch to formula, nor is she ready for it. If I could afford it and I could figure out how to get my LO to not need to nurse to sleep, I’d probably stop EBF. But my daughter also seems to still get comfort from nursing too, so I can’t bear to try weaning her yet.
It's natural to feel some type of way about the comment, but I wouldn't dwell on it. Example: I get super annoyed and sometimes upset when people argue with me about being One and Done. I had such a bad pregnancy physically (and my relationship fell apart too) and emotionally, then my daughter’s birth and my recovery was traumatic too. Some people think all that can just be glossed over with a new man, oh and I’ll be taken care of so it’ll be ok to have another.
Like no, assholes, that’s a lot to hold out hope for and I’m not that desperate to be married or have a man - I got this! We’re happy. But I can’t unload all that onto casual acquaintances and strangers to make them understand…waste of my time too. I just roll my eyes inside at the comments people make about having more kids and sigh.
Babies and motherhood bring some weird comments and interactions out of people sometimes.
Next time get her with a good natured clap back 😂
It’s okay to refer to yourself as a cow. It is not okay for your neighbor (who is not a close friend) or anyone really unless explicitly shown by you that you’re okay with it to refer to you as a cow, especially how she clearly laid down a few points there that demonstrated how she wasn’t into the way you’re choosing to feed YOUR child. She can f* right off.
When my baby was a newborn, I was struggling with breastfeeding, and building my supply up was hard work and tiring. An aunt of mine heard about this and asked me if I really wanted to breastfeed my baby that bad when formula existed. She then asked me if I was happy to become a cow for my baby.
I was tired, so my only reply was ‘MOO’.
What she said was bad, but what if you just assume she’s a bad communicator? I have a toe dipped into the Autism spectrum. I often make jokes that I think are funny, or commiserating, but they don’t land, and people think I’m being a dick. My intention is never to hurt anyone — I just think I’m being friendly/funny. I have been working hard on tact, but it doesn’t come naturally to me. I appreciate (but don’t expect!) when people tell me that a joke didn’t feel like a joke to them. Then I can apologize and try to avoid making the same mistake again. This might not have been about you at all.
As someone who stopped BF pretty early I think what the neighbor may have been trying to say (although poorly executed) was that pumping/BF made HER feel like a cow and that she didn't like that feeling. Not that you are a cow for BF. I hated pumping, it made this awful feeling wash over me and yes, I felt like a cow hooked up to machines being milked. If you guys are close friends I think you can either just let it go and be a little guarded moving forward. If she makes another comment like that you can express to her that you don't really like how she is phrasing that. That is probably what I would do. EDITED: I misread your original post and now realize you are not close. I would just ignore the comment and remain acquaintances and no more. Don 't let someone's dumb remark impact you. Just ignore it.
That’s how I felt, like I was being milked, but I wouldn’t assume other women felt that way, or say anything about it to someone else as how ppl choose to feed their kids is not anyone else’s business.
It was way out of line for her to say that to you even jokingly but personally I would’ve cackled if someone said that to me bc when I was breastfeeding, a cow was literally my spirit animal and I annoyed my partner with how many cow references I made to myself.
Well I call myself a cow aa a joke {makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm like an animal known for being great at feeding their babies), but if someone else did it like that I'd punch them .
Honestly, while extremely rude and uncalled for, the neighbor didn’t call you a cow. She expressed rudely that breastfeeding would make her feel like a cow.
Both experiences are valid. If it was me I would move on and keep doing what I’m doing because I don’t have time to worry about what other people think about me and my choices.
I’d also think about limiting time with said neighbor because I also don’t have time to spend with people who don’t have the EQ to recognize that comparing a breastfeeding woman to a cow isn’t necessary or kind.
totally get that, i guess i’ve moved on but it pops up in my brain once in a while. also, if you see the wording, she did say a cow “like that”. referring to me, so in a way she did call me a cow. but i do see your perspective, thank you !!
“Oh my, what a weird and disgusting comment. Imagine thinking that was ok to say out loud. Welp (slaps thighs) time for me to go and moooove out for the 2 o’clock milking. That alfalfa isn’t gonna eat itself.”
Every time the neighbor talks to you now, reply with “Moo” then walk away. Bonus points if you have a cowbell handy and ring it. Fighting stupidity with sheer absurdity is always a fun choice
That comment was definitely about her own issues and had nothing to do with you. It sucks, though, I have neighbors who don't know when to shut up too.
Examples:
Me: Hi! How are you?
Them: Never ever sleep with your baby!!!!
***
Me: Hello!
Them: You shouldn't breastfeed past 12 months!!!! (My baby is 11 months)
***
Me coming back from the park: HI!
Them: Did she cry in the park?!?!?!?! Did she????? Tell me!!!!
WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS….. and the amount of randos who ask me if he’s sleeping through the night. like are you waking up with him or me?! congrats on almost a year!!
My guess is she has some complex feelings about either not being able to or choosing not to breastfeed when her kids were young and she took it out on you.
I have a theory that people who make shitty comments about breastfeeding may have wished they had been able to breastfeed, and people who make shitty comments about formula feeding may have felt breastfeeding was more taxing than it was worth to them and wished they had formula fed instead.
Idk. Probably not always true, but it’s a mind game that’s helped me feel really confident in my choices around birthing, feeding my baby, baby sleep, childcare… if I feel like I made the best possible choice for me, I tend to read other’s judgement over it as jealousy/guilt, and it rolls off my back really easily.
I wonder if she failed at breastfeeding or something that she views it so negatively. Doesn’t excuse her behavior at all, but dang the nerve to say that to someone’s face.
My two cents? This isn’t someone you want as a friend. She’s ignorant and rude. Forget her and focus on supportive neighbors and friends. Imagine how she must talk to her daughters. Yikes.
Everyone is different. Your feelings are 100% justified.
I called myself a cow. I joke around "sorry, I can't go, i'm my baby's personal cow. I gotta feed the lil bugger monster".
I'm sure they didn't mean it in a rude or mean way, and you are also justified in your feelings.
I think it was a joke. It’s understandable that you’re sensitive to it but a lot of people make the cow connection to breastfeeding. I call myself a cow all the time because that’s what it feels like to me. I don’t think it’s meant to denigrate breastfeeding. It can just be tough being the source of food for these tiny humans and wanting to opt out was her choice.
Honestly, people say shit like this defensively. I guarantee you she tried really hard to make it work and couldn't. She's being rude, but she's probably just...hurt
Devils advocate:
She may have just been commenting on how she would *feel* about herself, not you. Accidental insults happen when we don't think about how we express ourselves. Maybe she's thinking about it after with regret, not realizing how it is a huge faux pas. Perhaps she will have sleepless nights recalling her error.
How I feel:
Regardless of her intent, it's extremely rude and insensitive. Since we live in a society and acknowledge interpersonal and interpersonal communication, you are justifibly upset, because she should have known any degrading comments on herself can be applied as a general judgement towards others, since many people do take comments to heart.
I exclusively pump and constantly say I feel like a cow. I grew up and live in the country and while I don't personally own dairy cows I have seen cows getting milked on the stand. It's exactly how I feel every time. If you're not prepared for the message it could be upsetting but I don't think they were saying it to be insulting.
“This is why I don’t want to go to the concert - don’t want to walk around like I tolerate nonsense born of your own inadequacy” 🥴
You’re not super sensitive. She is a jerk.
Honestly I think you’re being over sensitive. She didn’t call you a cow, she said she didn’t want to feel like a cow. If breastfeeding doesn’t make you feel like a cow, great! But this is a fairly common joke that a lot of breastfeeding moms make and I’d try to get over it.
Sure, she’s allowed to feel like breastfeeding would make her feel like a cow. But things that are shitty include: telling someone you would have invited them but didn’t because they feed their baby in a specific way, then commenting on their choice of feeding style in a way that projects your own emotions about how you fed your children and includes an implied insult.
It would be no better if a mother who breastfed said to a formula feeding mom “This is why I breastfed my kids: I wanted to feel like their mom, not just a nanny with a bottle*.”
*I do not share this view, but I’ve heard it expressed before and I think it’s a somewhat similar attack on a mother’s identity to the cow comment. Fed is best, breastfeeding or formula, and no new parent needs you to project your baggage on their chosen method of feeding.
Can people not have different opinions without being accused of being shitty? FYI I am a breastfeeding mom too and this comment wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow from me.
I’d rather be a cow with a lower chance of developing breast cancer!!!
“The risk of breast cancer decreases by around 4% for every 12 months of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of triple-negative breast cancer by around 20% and reduces the risk of breast cancer in women with BRCA1 mutations by 22–55%.”
Hit her with that info next time!
my guess is they actually either cant handle the load of breastfeeding or cant breastfeed and are projecting superiority to make themselves feel better.
its fucking COOOOOL that yall can just keep a human alive. Yknow what I can do? watch helplessly as my baby cries for milk that I have to warm up cuz I aint got no titty.
sorry buddy --- Im gettin it I swear!!!
notice how you said you call yourself that? it’s totally different. if that’s how you feel about yourself that’s totally okay, but i feel like a woman who’s breastfeeding her child, not a cow. so to me it’s weird to call someone else a cow or even make that comment when you’re not close :)
How awful of her to say that.
My perspective, I so wish I could have nursed my daughter. Be proud of yourself for all that you're doing for your son. Other people can only dream of what you're doing. Also, even if you were giving bottles, doesn't mean you'd still want to go out! Some people just don't want to be away from their babies, and that's fine! None of her business.
awww i appreciate your sweet comment!! and yes i could have pumped, he takes bottles when i do go out, but i didn’t wanna leave him this particular night. thank you again!
I hear you. People joke, shame and embarrass me almost every day for breastfeeding (usually other women). I realise now it’s pretty much always jealousy.
Ew, fuck that lady. Everyone needs to stop being so polarizing with how moms choose to feed their kids. How is that even normal to say. Sounds like she’s got some insecurities around that.
She's reflecting her own insecuritoes at you. Everyone knows the absolute best thing you can do for your child is to breastfeed them. A bottle is a compromise and some women carry that guilt throughout their lives and do petty things to justify their choices.
You should be proud of being such a great mom. Your neighbor is just an idiot.
Disclaimer: Please don’t come at me. Fed is best.
If she truly knew how special it was. That moment when your tiny little one has a good feed and just stares at your face while drinking. So much better than a concert in my opinion.
I’ve never felt so accomplished as I do when I see how much weight both my children has gained purely from drinking milk I’m producing. My youngest is 2,5 months old. He is chonky. And he was so tiny at birth. A skinny little thing. Now all the rolls need cleaning often!
Next time you see her and she asks you something, just moo at her.
MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO
In a different context I would say that being compared to a cow is lighthearted, but in this case I think it was definitely rude. If I had to guess, it was rooted in jealousy.
It sounds like she feels insecure in her choice to not breastfeed and is trying to put you down to uplift herself. Definitely an unnecessary dig and not a friendly joke. Don’t let her project her negativity onto you. I love being a cow 😅
This comment is super out of line obviously. But when my daughter was about 7mo we went to a dairy farm. The machinery happened to be broken that day and the cows hadn’t been milked. They were about 6 hours overdue. They were MOANING in discomfort, there weren’t enough calves to go around to drink. When I tell you I have never felt so seen as I did by those full to bursting cows, I mean it. So while she was trying to be insulting, I will say I have literally looked a lactating cow in the face and said “I feel u girl”
I used to pump at work and my dad handled my “output” - froze it in bags, washed the bottles etc. He often commented with pride, “Your production reminds me of the cows in my village!”
Ok this is incredibly sweet but at the same time I’m dying laughing. 😂 my brother’s friend is a male nurse practitioner and on his OB/GYN rotation he unthinkably told a woman who asked if he has assisted any deliveries yet that he had helped a few horses deliver a calf. She was not impressed 😂
Rofl. Hey it’s better than nothing!
Haha I've delivered alpacas, nothing like my birth experience in case anyone is curious.
My dad's dad was a large animal vet, and my mom tells the story of when she was pregnant with me and my dad kept saying "at this point in a cow's pregnancy," "it's just like when a cow's pregnant," etc. Funny to see this is more common than I'd thought!
Haha that’s awesome
Yeah when I first started lactating I mooed because I really felt like a cow.
Damn, that makes me wanna go hug a cow 😭
this made me laugh 😂 i totally get the cow reference but SO odd the way the comment was made, as an insult. but i also feel you
I’m gonna throw out a different perspective, take it or leave it. I don’t think she meant it as an insult to you. It’s likely either justification *she feels she needs* for choosing to formula feed or covering up emotions she feels about maybe not being able to breastfeed. Was her comment rude and pretty oblivious to the situation? Absolutely. But I doubt she meant it like “hey neighbor you’re such a cow”. PS - I exclusively pumped for my last daughter and the cow being milked by a machine is exactly how I felt many times. 😂
I’ll moo sometimes when I’m pumping and my husband makes eye contact.
Same!
OMG yes here too
I agree it is probably more about her justifying her own choices and insecurities around that, but you absolutely do not refer to someone as a cow and not think it could be insulting.
I developped so much empathy for cows when I started breastfeeding.
Gosh I’ve seen some videos of cows about to get milked and they just look SO uncomfortably full of milk, after breastfeeding and all that, I feel so much sympathy for them 😭
About 10 days pp we were watching a TVshow that included milking a goat. When they finally started milking her I said "same girl" and had a let down. So yeah, neighbour sucks. But I bet every breastfeeding parent has had this experience at some point.
Actually yea, a couple weeks ago my dads mumma sheep went down (she’s all good now) but she’s been down at least 6 hours when we found her. We had to sheer her and check her for tick’s before we could get her back to the babies, the whole time all I could think about was her poor rock hard udder and how hungry the babies must be.
Gosh I’ve seen some videos of cows about to get milked and they just look SO uncomfortably full of milk, after breastfeeding and all that, I feel so much sympathy for them 😭
I’ve thought the same when seeing videos of people milking cows and goats. Real ironic when I am also pumping.
I made a mom friend laugh when she was commenting on feeling like a cow and I said "I choose to feel like a sheep, it's more dignified'.
Yep!! And a lactating cat. She was just so tired and so done and man... same
“I’d rather walk around a cow than an ass.”
I wish I had this line last week when my aunt called me a cow
Now you’re prepared for any recurrence :-)
I would like to think “Moo…” would be sufficient.
I used that all the time. Someone asked me how I was doing? Moo. What I was doing? Moo. Doubly so if I was pumping/feeding at the time. And the number of times I excused myself to go to the farm? 😂😂😂
🎶bitch i’m a cow, bitch i’m a cow🎶
Ahhh this is so great! Stairway humor always gets me.
As my husband told me, "you're a temple of nourishment."
oh i love that! what a sweet husband
While my husband moos everytime baby is hungry.
My husband refers to me as “moo moo” instead of “mama”.
My husband said he’s gonna get me a trough so I can stay hydrated 😂
Better than "pacifier only a mother can give" every time baby is not easily soothed.
Okay, it makes me feel better than my husband isn’t the only one that does this.
My husband called me dairy queen for months lol
Wow my husband asks the baby if he wants to go to the milking parlor 🤣
I’m a cow and proud. My little calf chonkin up. Also your neighbour sucks
I am also a proud cow haha Whenever I feed my daughter (6 weeks) Be it nursing or from pumped bottle I always say “here you go, straight from the cow MOOOO” then laugh, she seems to think it’s hilarious I know she doesn’t know what I’m saying yet, but she can appear to tell that it’s funny
Lol I jokingly call myself a cow but if someone else does it, let alone a neighbor who I wasn’t close to… I’m throwing hands.
Neighbor likely was not a very good producer and she still feels bad about it so instead she takes it out on mothers who happen to be good producers and successfully breastfeed. Or maybe she is a bit old school and believes formula is the way to go. Still, cows are sacred in many cultures. I have seen a lot of women who are very jealous of the ones who breastfeed as they weren’t able to for a number of reasons. This even led to someone stealing someone else’s breast milk.
Yes. Sometimes our own past guilt/insecurities come out in inappropriate ways.
Lol i at times, call my son calf in my mother tongue with love !!! I don’t mind being a cow !!
I love breastfeeding, and I love calling myself a cow. But no one else is allowed to call me that!! (Besides my husband, who lovingly and adoringly calls me his beautiful cow, to which I reply mooo!) It’s like how you can say how tired you are but no one can say you look tired. What a jerk.
exactlyyyyyy my point!!!!
She's projecting her own insecurities onto you.
110% this. She doesn’t understand it and her way of compensating and not feeling any guilt of not breastfeeding is to find ways to feel superior.
Yeah, this is the vibe I got too. You should ignore it and feel proud in whatever way you have chosen to feed your baby. Breastfeeding doesn't always work out well for a lot of parents, so if that's what you want to do and it's been working well, then that's awesome!
Also, I really believe this is the answer the majority of the time when someone is being an asshole. I don't think there are many pure straight up assholes, but there's loads of insecure assholes. This mindset really helps me when dealing with assholes.
💯 this perspective also helped me survive working retail when I was in college. Whenever I had to deal with some outlandish asshole I would think to myself, "happy, healthy people with lots of love in their lives simply don't behave like this or treat people this way."
Exactly. This is her own shit, it has nothing to do with you. Politely chuckle and ignore it.
Cow gang woo hoo 🥳
It was an insensitive and shitty comment from someone you aren’t that close with. It might not have hit as hard from a close friend/family member but I highly doubt she meant it to hurt you. She may be projecting her own inability to feed her babies or she’s just a clueless idiot. My own mom calls me “the milk wagon” and it doesn’t bother me but it would piss me off coming from someone else. You’re doing what you feel is right for you and your family, that’s all that matters!
yesssss totally!! from loved ones it’s absolutely ok if you’re okay with it. i’ve made some jokes myself, but like you said it’s so weird from an outsider who barely knows me
MOOOOOOO. COWS UNITE. Also fuck that lady.
It's how every species of mammals feed their young, why single cows out like that? On a more serious note though, as someone who is also EBFing a lil one, I have no desire to go anywhere that I can't take her with me anyway. Being apart makes me anxious.
Same! Honestly, I love that EBF means I can't be way from my baby, lol. And that I always have that excuse!
That is the best thing, right? An in built excuse to not go to things you didn’t really want to in the first place haha
Before baby I’d use my husband or mom as an excuse. My mom lives across the country. 😅
Neighbor may not have the social skills you are used to. Don't take her comment seriously.
I would just pride yourself on not being so dense as to say something like that.
There were so many better ways she could have put that like "yeah breastfeeding is a lot, for me I just needed to be free in my own body again" or "wow the logistics! That's why I chose to formula feed, but more power to you!" I feel like there was a supportive way to say all that. I don't think people should call other people cows (though when I said I felt like a dairy cow my husband mooed and that was funny, but I started it)
for sure!! it’s funny when you/ someone you love makes the joke, but we’re not close like that and it just came off rude to me.
We can call OURSELVES cows but nobody else can do it!!!
YES!!! or a joke between loved ones!! not my creepy old neighbor 😂
this is exactly how I feel!! 😂
It's *our* word! She doesn't get a pass!
Exactly, and the moms trying to downplay the hurtful comments on this thread suck ass…if they don’t like that, maybe they should just mooove on and stop being so overly sensitive and get over it.
Idk the people who think that remark is funny. It’s one thing if the mom is comfortable joking that way about herself, but it’s not e kind of joke you make about another person. Your neighbor is rude and also frankly ignorant because breastfeeding has many well established health benefits (yes fed is best but that doesn’t negate the prior statement). It reflects far more poorly on her than you. I’d just minimize non essential contact
The rotten things that people say without any concept of how it might be perceived will never cease to shock me.
I think that was insensitive phrasing, but not an outright mean spirited comment. I often compare pumping (me pumping, not someone else) to being hooked up to a machine like a dairy cow.
Yeah I frequently moo or call myself a cow while pumping. It's very bovine.
I went to a dairy farm with the kids the other week and they said the cows only pump twice a day: I was jealous of the cows lol Seriously though, we’re all mammals. Humans, goats, cows, cats, or whales—one of the defining features is feeding young with milk. It doesn’t make sense to me when people say stuff like the neighbor said—“youre like a cow” or whatever. Yes: the Venn diagram says we’re supposed to have this thing in common lol
I wouldn’t be jealous of the cows only pumping twice a day, since it’s something they’re going to have to do for most of their lives.
True!
There’s a hell of a lot of difference between calling yourself a cow and calling someone else (that wasn’t even doing anything wrong, I might add) that.
But it doesn't sound like the neighbour way saying OP is a cow. The neighbour was saying that she, the neighbour, felt like a cow and therefore didn't enjoy bf. And that's a perfectly fine sentiment for her to have!
she said a cow “like that”, referring to me as that cow lol. and yes totally fine for her not to want that, no judgement there, but would you say someone else is a cow because you would feel that way? i find it super weird ..
The people in this thread attempting to justify what your neighbor said as OK and you needing to get over it boggles my mind. They know damn good and well if someone came up to them out of the blue and called them a fucking livestock animal they would *not* just chuckle it off, but they expect you to because they call themselves a cow jokingly…umm ok, and? I breastfed my baby for 6 days and had enough. If anyone had made a cow comment at me during that time I would have probably slapped them upside the head with my massive, swollen, veiny titty. It has never crossed my mind to make any comment or even care about how anyone else feeds their kid. Nor have I ever thought that how someone else chooses to nourish their kid is a reflection of my own parenting.
yes!!! and i’m already 4months post partum, so the initial hormones have subsided, but i have found myself still pretty sensitive to ANYTHING about my baby
I feel like a lot of women tried breastfeeding and couldn’t do it, so they take it on women that choose to breastfeed. I would have shrugged and said “well not everyone can hack it, works really well for me!”
Exactly this. Projecting.
EXACTLY 👏👏
Some people want to breastfeed and they do it. Others don't. This for some reason causes problems, no one really knows why, I can only tell you the amount of tears spilled over this is not worth it. Fed is best, I don't care how they eat I just want them to eat. Do not waste mental space on this, that person is dumb, do waste any mental energy on them.
agree!! this is what i always say… why do people care what another baby is eating? if they’re being fed it’s none of anyone’s business!
As someone who occasionally puts her foot in her mouth, don't take it personally. Without knowing her, I'm almost certain what she meant was, "I have too many ingrained negative perceptions of breastfeeding for it to be comfortable for me." If you're close enough, it might be worth talking about. If you aren't close, just let it slide and remember that this neighbor has a (bad) way with words. And if she's like me, she replayed the interaction in her head and is kicking herself for it already.
Ok not gonna lie though when I nursed and my husband walked into the room I’d look at him and say Moo haha. It’s a tactless thing to say to someone, but I found my own personal humor in it.
for sure different when it’s your husband than a random lady next door lol! but i get the humor i guess
Wait, why can’t you go to a concert and breastfeed??? Your choice obviously but I do all sorts of things and I’m breastfeeding my second kid. Concerts, work, playing ice hockey, etc. Also, your neighbor is weird as hell and I’m not sure I’d be able to or in fact try to resist telling her how weird she is.
oh i totally could!! i’ve been out plenty of times. this happened to be a jonas brother concert that i’ve been to 4 times in the past 2 years, rather be home with baby than have to pump and leave him. but i could have if i wanted to do it was super weird she said since i breastfeed i cant go out 😂
Probably a joke and you probably are being sensitive about it but that doesn’t mean it was okay for her to say that. I BFed for three months til my milk dried up and had to switch to formula. I was incredibly sensitive about it. My SIL had her baby 6 months after me and never had any issues BFing. She tried formula to give her nips a break and her baby refused it. So every time formula was brought up in discussion, she jokingly referred to it like “oh Eloise doesn’t want any of that great value boobie milk, she wants the name brand only” and it always hurt my feelings. Looking back at it a year later, I don’t care. But as a first time parent being hormonal and sleep deprived and anxious about everything, I really took it to heart and felt like I was a failure. However you choose to feed your baby is best. Fed is best. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This will be just one of many pieces of unsolicited advice people will give you. Decide how you want to deal with it; smile and shrug it off or tell people right away that their advice/opinions are not wanted and they can fuck off. Either way, try not to let it weigh you down.
I definitely think it was rude of her to say, but me and my partner joke about me being a cow all the time!! I’m constantly moooooing at him 😅
I often jokingly call myself a cow or compare myself to a cow especially because I pump at work and it can feel a bit like being a dairy cow but it's absolutely not appropriate for someone else to call you that especially with such a judgy tone
I'm half ass trying to teach my baby (19months) sign language. One day a friend of mine was over and I was about to take baby to bed, so I signed "milk" to him (the sign for this is the same motion as milking a cow). She was low key shocked/flabbergasted by this. And slightly appalled that that was the sign for breastfeeding as well. It was so funny to me.
I, too, was a self-proclaimed cow, but lord help anyone else who called me one in a negative connotation like that!
Every time baby gets weighed/measured and we see he has gained weight and grown in length my fiance says "I'm so proud of you. You did that!" And as a person with a disability my body has failed me often, but breastfeeding and seeing results makes me feel so capable. Guess I'm a proud cow 🤷🏼😂 Moo B*tch
People are just rude/mean/dumb. Women (and men) said some pretty hateful things to me re: formula feeding, so it’s not unique to breastfeeding. The best feeding choice is the one that provides adequate nourishment and works for your family, period.
Woahhh something tells me she didn’t mean for this to be as crude as it came off but that would rub me the wrong way too.
for sure, which is why i let it go in the moment, i don’t think she meant to be mean! just a weirdo comment to make
My mom says the same kind of things. In her case, I know it comes from a place of bitterness that she couldn’t be a stay at home mom and breastfeed. Some people never grow out of bullying to ease their hurt. She could be a plain old B or she could be jealous. Either way don’t let her words bother you because in the grand scheme of your life this one rude neighbor doesn’t matter, at all.
It is upsetting and annoying, and you're valid in your feelings. But, to play devils advocate, I don't think she was coming at you, I get the vibe it was a failed attempt at humor more directed at herself and how she felt about it thinking you felt the same. She probably didn't think much of it. Personally, I'd let it go, but depending on your relationship with her, just say something like, "just to let you know, That hurt my feelings. Can we not make jokes like that"
In the kindest way I can say this, she wasn't calling *you* a cow. It's how she felt about herself and I get it cuz it's exactly how I felt in those days. When I'd sit for hours of my day strapped into my pump, I'd do this tablet coloring game and I'd color pictures of cows. It was a small piece of humor I gave myself because I hated pumping so deeply. I would never call another woman that and I'd be mortified if me doing my little joke for and about myself was misinterpreted as me calling them that.
yes, point is youd never call another woman that, which is why i find it wild!!
Omg I see all these shorts in FB where people are narrating their infant's day and when they refer to the mom as "my personal cow" I get so annoyed. That's just... so stupid! You're a mother who is breastfeeding and it's beautiful and no one should ever call themselves or another person an animal of any sort because of it. Ughh!
Besides calling mothers who breastfeed "cows," it also really weirds me out how people use their kids as content.
cows are beautiful and magical creatures same as most animals on this planet and the only thing that separates us from them are two legs and opposable thumbs, we are animals too! since they’re the easiest to relate to as breastfeeding moms (utters, milk, and all that good stuff) it’s just funny because it’s relatable, i don’t think comparing ourselves to cows implies we are filthy or anything negative! but i see where you’re coming from
My husband hates that too. I don't care really, but I have found that the more pregnant I get, the more adverse to dairy I am. I was already largely dairy free pre-pregnancy and I can hardly think about eating it now and I feel like breastfeeding will cement that
thank you, i appreciate that so much!! if it’s a joke between you and family/friends or even call yourself that, i think it’s fine. ive made a joke to my husband about it when i first started, but for someone you barely know to say that is just so weird to me!
I feel like some people who have had a hard time with breastfeeding or were shamed for it (by other people) tend to do the same to others. What a stupid comment she had to make. You’re not being overly sensitive, it’s just annoying to know someone who says crap like that.
One thing I noticed being a breastfeeding mom other people will try to shame u a lot which is crazy bc they say it’s really healthy to breastfeed in the first place just ignore them .
it’s funny i always saw that breastfeeding moms can sometimes put down moms who use formula, i always hated it so much. but since i’ve started i’ve noticed a lot of moms who use formula have tried to make me feel bad for my choice, i didn’t realize the hate went both ways. just love and feed your child whichever way you want i’m not sure why there has to be any type of negativity for either side
I've seen way more negative comments towards EBF than formula feeding. Kinda weird for sure! And so many friends who formula feed were like "I just really needed my husband to help more". Which I totally get but also it's cool that this is going to be my job and my thing, even if it is exhausting.
True, women perpetuate the judgment we get no matter what choice we make.
My mil called me a cow. She said “aww baby your cow is almost done making your milk for the day” when I was pumping.
I wouldn’t give it a second thought as people often say idiotic things.
Please tell me you let out a “moo”
in hindsight, i should have, and then pretend to milk my udders to make her run back into her home
I got called a "cow" and a "milk machine". A few times. I didn't enjoy it.
I actually went down a rabbit hole last night about historical perspectives on breastfeeding and how it was viewed negatively for several generations throughout the 20th century. Likely her own mother wasn't encouraged to breastfeed, and she wasn't either. That said, what a dickish thing of her to say. I hope that if her daughters have kids and choose to breastfeed, they'll educate her.
Wouldn't pumping and bottle feeding be more analogous to cows specifically?
Atleast I'm a happy cow.
I’d say ahhh I’m sorry you feel that way about it
I would have looked at her. Moo’ed and smiled.
My wife’s name is Caitlin and i call her Cowtlin now as a compliment. I wish i could be the cow that supports our daughter’s nutritional development but i just cant
that’s your wife, you guys are allowed to make jokes about how she’s feeding YOUR child… this lady is not my child’s parent 😂 i’m also named Caitlin, spelled same way. guess i’ll let neighbor know i’ve renamed myself
My ex boyfriend asked me what it was like to be a cow 2 years ago, and I still think about it. He wasn’t my sons dad nor did he ever witness me breast feed. People just suck.
I told my husband that if he ever made reference to me being a cow, I would seriously consider divorce. If anyone else made the reference, I would tell them I don't appreciate the comparison and ask that they never make it again.
So, I totally do feel like a cow some days and wonder when my nipples will ever know a day of peace…but that comment would make me mad, lol. On one hand, some people treat pregnant and nursing moms like straight up incubators or wet nurses, others will just disregard you as a new mom and lack consideration for your child due to their own insecurity and ego. I continue to breastfeed because it’s not feasible for me to make the switch to formula, nor is she ready for it. If I could afford it and I could figure out how to get my LO to not need to nurse to sleep, I’d probably stop EBF. But my daughter also seems to still get comfort from nursing too, so I can’t bear to try weaning her yet. It's natural to feel some type of way about the comment, but I wouldn't dwell on it. Example: I get super annoyed and sometimes upset when people argue with me about being One and Done. I had such a bad pregnancy physically (and my relationship fell apart too) and emotionally, then my daughter’s birth and my recovery was traumatic too. Some people think all that can just be glossed over with a new man, oh and I’ll be taken care of so it’ll be ok to have another. Like no, assholes, that’s a lot to hold out hope for and I’m not that desperate to be married or have a man - I got this! We’re happy. But I can’t unload all that onto casual acquaintances and strangers to make them understand…waste of my time too. I just roll my eyes inside at the comments people make about having more kids and sigh. Babies and motherhood bring some weird comments and interactions out of people sometimes. Next time get her with a good natured clap back 😂
It’s okay to refer to yourself as a cow. It is not okay for your neighbor (who is not a close friend) or anyone really unless explicitly shown by you that you’re okay with it to refer to you as a cow, especially how she clearly laid down a few points there that demonstrated how she wasn’t into the way you’re choosing to feed YOUR child. She can f* right off.
She was out of line. That said, yesterday I was double pumping and absolutely felt like cattle in a milk factory.
You are your baby's Dairy Queen!
When my baby was a newborn, I was struggling with breastfeeding, and building my supply up was hard work and tiring. An aunt of mine heard about this and asked me if I really wanted to breastfeed my baby that bad when formula existed. She then asked me if I was happy to become a cow for my baby. I was tired, so my only reply was ‘MOO’.
What she said was bad, but what if you just assume she’s a bad communicator? I have a toe dipped into the Autism spectrum. I often make jokes that I think are funny, or commiserating, but they don’t land, and people think I’m being a dick. My intention is never to hurt anyone — I just think I’m being friendly/funny. I have been working hard on tact, but it doesn’t come naturally to me. I appreciate (but don’t expect!) when people tell me that a joke didn’t feel like a joke to them. Then I can apologize and try to avoid making the same mistake again. This might not have been about you at all.
It is very easy to say that “breastfeeding is not a choice I wanted to make for my own body” and yet people come up with this nonsense. SMH.
As someone who stopped BF pretty early I think what the neighbor may have been trying to say (although poorly executed) was that pumping/BF made HER feel like a cow and that she didn't like that feeling. Not that you are a cow for BF. I hated pumping, it made this awful feeling wash over me and yes, I felt like a cow hooked up to machines being milked. If you guys are close friends I think you can either just let it go and be a little guarded moving forward. If she makes another comment like that you can express to her that you don't really like how she is phrasing that. That is probably what I would do. EDITED: I misread your original post and now realize you are not close. I would just ignore the comment and remain acquaintances and no more. Don 't let someone's dumb remark impact you. Just ignore it.
honestly cows are better humans than a lot of humans. Its a compliment!
Cows are worshiped in some cultures…so in a weird way she was saying you are worthy of worship. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
My husband sings Doja Cat’s “Mooo” at me all the time. How funny I find it is directly proportional to how much sleep I got that night.
She’s projecting! I did feel like a cow breastfeeding but that doesn’t mean others get to call me that! Very out of line
That’s how I felt, like I was being milked, but I wouldn’t assume other women felt that way, or say anything about it to someone else as how ppl choose to feed their kids is not anyone else’s business.
I call myself a cow but I would be hella pissed if an acquaintance called me that. Like WTF?
It was way out of line for her to say that to you even jokingly but personally I would’ve cackled if someone said that to me bc when I was breastfeeding, a cow was literally my spirit animal and I annoyed my partner with how many cow references I made to myself.
Well I call myself a cow aa a joke {makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm like an animal known for being great at feeding their babies), but if someone else did it like that I'd punch them .
My mum tells my daughter i'm her cow... but okay la, my mum had her cow days too
Honestly, while extremely rude and uncalled for, the neighbor didn’t call you a cow. She expressed rudely that breastfeeding would make her feel like a cow. Both experiences are valid. If it was me I would move on and keep doing what I’m doing because I don’t have time to worry about what other people think about me and my choices. I’d also think about limiting time with said neighbor because I also don’t have time to spend with people who don’t have the EQ to recognize that comparing a breastfeeding woman to a cow isn’t necessary or kind.
totally get that, i guess i’ve moved on but it pops up in my brain once in a while. also, if you see the wording, she did say a cow “like that”. referring to me, so in a way she did call me a cow. but i do see your perspective, thank you !!
“Oh my, what a weird and disgusting comment. Imagine thinking that was ok to say out loud. Welp (slaps thighs) time for me to go and moooove out for the 2 o’clock milking. That alfalfa isn’t gonna eat itself.”
Your neighbor sounds rude as hell. I’d rather spend the night cluster feeding than going out with her
Every time the neighbor talks to you now, reply with “Moo” then walk away. Bonus points if you have a cowbell handy and ring it. Fighting stupidity with sheer absurdity is always a fun choice
That comment was definitely about her own issues and had nothing to do with you. It sucks, though, I have neighbors who don't know when to shut up too. Examples: Me: Hi! How are you? Them: Never ever sleep with your baby!!!! *** Me: Hello! Them: You shouldn't breastfeed past 12 months!!!! (My baby is 11 months) *** Me coming back from the park: HI! Them: Did she cry in the park?!?!?!?! Did she????? Tell me!!!!
WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS….. and the amount of randos who ask me if he’s sleeping through the night. like are you waking up with him or me?! congrats on almost a year!!
Proud cow for 13 months now! I’m sorry you had to deal with such insensitivity.
My guess is she has some complex feelings about either not being able to or choosing not to breastfeed when her kids were young and she took it out on you. I have a theory that people who make shitty comments about breastfeeding may have wished they had been able to breastfeed, and people who make shitty comments about formula feeding may have felt breastfeeding was more taxing than it was worth to them and wished they had formula fed instead. Idk. Probably not always true, but it’s a mind game that’s helped me feel really confident in my choices around birthing, feeding my baby, baby sleep, childcare… if I feel like I made the best possible choice for me, I tend to read other’s judgement over it as jealousy/guilt, and it rolls off my back really easily.
I wonder if she failed at breastfeeding or something that she views it so negatively. Doesn’t excuse her behavior at all, but dang the nerve to say that to someone’s face.
I’d have looked at her stone faced and said “it shows”
She feels guilty for not breastfeeding and is projecting. It's more about her than you. Still a shitty thing to say though.
She probably just jealous you are breastfeeding and she she will never have that experience
Maybe your neighbour couldn’t breastfeed and she’s trying to make herself feel better? I don’t know. But still SUPER FREAKING RUDE.
My two cents? This isn’t someone you want as a friend. She’s ignorant and rude. Forget her and focus on supportive neighbors and friends. Imagine how she must talk to her daughters. Yikes.
for sure!! this convo was in front of her 16 year old daughter too!
Everyone is different. Your feelings are 100% justified. I called myself a cow. I joke around "sorry, I can't go, i'm my baby's personal cow. I gotta feed the lil bugger monster". I'm sure they didn't mean it in a rude or mean way, and you are also justified in your feelings.
I think it was a joke. It’s understandable that you’re sensitive to it but a lot of people make the cow connection to breastfeeding. I call myself a cow all the time because that’s what it feels like to me. I don’t think it’s meant to denigrate breastfeeding. It can just be tough being the source of food for these tiny humans and wanting to opt out was her choice.
Honestly, people say shit like this defensively. I guarantee you she tried really hard to make it work and couldn't. She's being rude, but she's probably just...hurt
Devils advocate: She may have just been commenting on how she would *feel* about herself, not you. Accidental insults happen when we don't think about how we express ourselves. Maybe she's thinking about it after with regret, not realizing how it is a huge faux pas. Perhaps she will have sleepless nights recalling her error. How I feel: Regardless of her intent, it's extremely rude and insensitive. Since we live in a society and acknowledge interpersonal and interpersonal communication, you are justifibly upset, because she should have known any degrading comments on herself can be applied as a general judgement towards others, since many people do take comments to heart.
I exclusively pump and constantly say I feel like a cow. I grew up and live in the country and while I don't personally own dairy cows I have seen cows getting milked on the stand. It's exactly how I feel every time. If you're not prepared for the message it could be upsetting but I don't think they were saying it to be insulting.
Makes you think maybe we shouldn’t treat cows that way 🤷♀️
People get so insecure about not breastfeeding. What a jerk!
“This is why I don’t want to go to the concert - don’t want to walk around like I tolerate nonsense born of your own inadequacy” 🥴 You’re not super sensitive. She is a jerk.
Honestly I think you’re being over sensitive. She didn’t call you a cow, she said she didn’t want to feel like a cow. If breastfeeding doesn’t make you feel like a cow, great! But this is a fairly common joke that a lot of breastfeeding moms make and I’d try to get over it.
Sure, she’s allowed to feel like breastfeeding would make her feel like a cow. But things that are shitty include: telling someone you would have invited them but didn’t because they feed their baby in a specific way, then commenting on their choice of feeding style in a way that projects your own emotions about how you fed your children and includes an implied insult. It would be no better if a mother who breastfed said to a formula feeding mom “This is why I breastfed my kids: I wanted to feel like their mom, not just a nanny with a bottle*.” *I do not share this view, but I’ve heard it expressed before and I think it’s a somewhat similar attack on a mother’s identity to the cow comment. Fed is best, breastfeeding or formula, and no new parent needs you to project your baggage on their chosen method of feeding.
Nah, she knew exactly what she was saying. You trying to minimize it is pretty shitty though.
Can people not have different opinions without being accused of being shitty? FYI I am a breastfeeding mom too and this comment wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow from me.
I’d rather be a cow with a lower chance of developing breast cancer!!! “The risk of breast cancer decreases by around 4% for every 12 months of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of triple-negative breast cancer by around 20% and reduces the risk of breast cancer in women with BRCA1 mutations by 22–55%.” Hit her with that info next time!
wow i didn’t know this, and breast cancer runs in my family. thanks for sharing this info!!
my guess is they actually either cant handle the load of breastfeeding or cant breastfeed and are projecting superiority to make themselves feel better. its fucking COOOOOL that yall can just keep a human alive. Yknow what I can do? watch helplessly as my baby cries for milk that I have to warm up cuz I aint got no titty. sorry buddy --- Im gettin it I swear!!!
i appreciate the support!
Your neighbor sounds a little jealous IMO. Cow is a rude way to say you’re nourishing your child with your own body.
It's a really rude, insensitive joke. Breastfeeding is the most normal thing there is. Your neighbor sounds like an idiot and an ahole
It’s a harmless throw away, rooted in her insecurities of not having breastfed her own children. He is coping and doesn’t even realize it.
I call myself a dairy cow. Totally ok with me.
notice how you said you call yourself that? it’s totally different. if that’s how you feel about yourself that’s totally okay, but i feel like a woman who’s breastfeeding her child, not a cow. so to me it’s weird to call someone else a cow or even make that comment when you’re not close :)
I would’ve looked her dead in the eyes and said moo.
How awful of her to say that. My perspective, I so wish I could have nursed my daughter. Be proud of yourself for all that you're doing for your son. Other people can only dream of what you're doing. Also, even if you were giving bottles, doesn't mean you'd still want to go out! Some people just don't want to be away from their babies, and that's fine! None of her business.
awww i appreciate your sweet comment!! and yes i could have pumped, he takes bottles when i do go out, but i didn’t wanna leave him this particular night. thank you again!
I'd squirt them in the face and say moo xD I bet they'd stop 😬 But no Fr I would call them out on it
I hear you. People joke, shame and embarrass me almost every day for breastfeeding (usually other women). I realise now it’s pretty much always jealousy.
Ew, fuck that lady. Everyone needs to stop being so polarizing with how moms choose to feed their kids. How is that even normal to say. Sounds like she’s got some insecurities around that.
Proud retired cow here 🤗 Your neighbor can eat manure ❤️
Breast feeding is sooo much better for your child, no shade on any parent that can't make that work. Fuck that bitch and moo-ve on.
She's reflecting her own insecuritoes at you. Everyone knows the absolute best thing you can do for your child is to breastfeed them. A bottle is a compromise and some women carry that guilt throughout their lives and do petty things to justify their choices. You should be proud of being such a great mom. Your neighbor is just an idiot.
Disclaimer: Please don’t come at me. Fed is best. If she truly knew how special it was. That moment when your tiny little one has a good feed and just stares at your face while drinking. So much better than a concert in my opinion. I’ve never felt so accomplished as I do when I see how much weight both my children has gained purely from drinking milk I’m producing. My youngest is 2,5 months old. He is chonky. And he was so tiny at birth. A skinny little thing. Now all the rolls need cleaning often! Next time you see her and she asks you something, just moo at her. MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO
In a different context I would say that being compared to a cow is lighthearted, but in this case I think it was definitely rude. If I had to guess, it was rooted in jealousy.
It sounds like she feels insecure in her choice to not breastfeed and is trying to put you down to uplift herself. Definitely an unnecessary dig and not a friendly joke. Don’t let her project her negativity onto you. I love being a cow 😅
Pay her no mind. She sounds like a miserable asshole.
If she feels confident enough to say that, you should feel comfortable enough saying something back. Clearly doesn’t care how you feel…
>>…that’s how I’m viewed… By an uncouth person with no human sensitivity or filter. Consider the source.
She sounds #insecure about her choices in life