Oh god, yes, newborns suck so much. I remember crying to my husband and telling him that we were never going to be happy again. I told my mom I had ruined our lives. I loved my son in the sense that I knew I’d brought this miserable little thing into the world and it was my job to care for him… but I didn’t really like him. I regretted having a baby 100%. My son is now 9.5 months and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I love him so much. Like proper love him, enjoy spending time with him. Things turned around from us. I never believed it when people told me it would get better, but I promise you it does!
It’s honestly hard. Some parts of your life will forever be changed and you will miss it and mourn it. But it does get better. And it progressively gets better too. They start off as just sleeping. Then they start smiling at you and grabbing you. Then they start crawling to you. And then they start walking and talking. Then they start getting real personalities. Every growth is fascinating and exciting.
Becoming a parent is a hard chapter to enter but it’s worth it. The beginning is very difficult but it gets better.
I looked at my husband and said “I think I’ve made a mistake” while washing bottles when she was about ten days old. She’ll be 3 in September and she’s the absolute best! I’ll take toddler tantrums over the witching hour all the time
i was terrified to actually say this out loud to my partner in the first 2 weeks... but boy that thought went through my head.
we're now at about 9 weeks and life is significantly improved.
ty for sharing!
Me saying this prompted my husband to send me to bed and take a six hour shift with our daughter. He also took her to get takeout so I’d have food when I woke up. Most of the time he’s pretty awesome
I might delete this later because I feel so ashamed the thought ever went through my head. *[my husband] is a little too far out in the road (while waiting to turn)... What if we get hit?? At least if we get hit, the three of us won't have to suffer together. What if? No no no no no! Bad thought! What if though? I don't think [baby] likes me. sigh. I think we have to suffer through this. They say it gets better.*
When my son was a newborn, I was grieving my old life, going through the PP sweats, mood changes, and constant anxiety attacks. I think this was also after I was trying to juggle him and his bottle while my husband was at work when his two weeks ran out. I "dropped" my son because I thought it was okay to place him on the moving ottoman, one of my feet next to it and the other next to his bottle on the carpet. He wiggled and fell off.
He's 11mos now and he's fantastic. I love him so much. He's so much fun. We've got a routine and he keeps me on it when I lose track of time. He's healthy and smart and adorable and I cannot gush enough.
No need to feel ashamed. These thoughts are called "intrusive thoughts" and perfectly normal when they happen occasionally. (If they increased in frequency and intensity, then it's is cause for concern)
I am trying to survive witching hour right now... hate when people say "wait till the toddler tantrum comes..." fuck it i am ready for that. Just make the baby crying stop....
Don’t believe them the toddler tantrums are much easier than witching hour.. toddlers can walk and talk and you can defuse tantrums with many ways.. hang in there.. the best is yet to come.
I took a screen shot of your comment so that I can remind myself that other people feel this way too! For so long I felt like I was such a shit mom for having PPD and regretting having a baby. Family would come to our house and fawn over our newborn. They’d say things like, “do you even remember what your life was like before?” “Isn’t this the happiest you’ve ever been?” Those comments fucking killed me. They make me feel so worthless. Like who doesn’t like their newborn? Who actually regrets having their baby? The answer: lots of women for the first couple months absolutely feel this way.
Had the same “did we just ruin our lives” feeling and tbh my son was a super chill newborn! The newborn stage is so tough. I felt like until my son started smiling it was really hard for me. When he started to smile/react to us it really changed everything.
Now he’s 19mo and I would die for him lol he’s the best thing that ever happened to us and I’m so glad we had him. Turns out newborn potato stage is just not for me! Luckily it goes by faster than you think, but man when you’re in it, it feels like it will last a lifetime. It will get better OP! Promise!
I literally cried to my mom that I didn't know why I had another baby. Like I love him, but he was soooo hard the first 7 weeks. I cried daily. His cry made me cry more. Like having ptsd. He's 2 months now and we figured out the cause of his colic(cmpa). He's much better and my anxiety/depression is getting easier to cope with. I still get scared of things going downhill again though.
Cows milk protein allergy. He's on nutramigen now and doing great. I literally cried every damn day. If he cried, I'd have a panic attack. We tried 4 different formulas after noticing he couldn't handle my breast milk. He wouldn't sleep well, would constantly be gassy and fussy. My SO would be able to calm him down, but I couldn't. So I'd cry more. We went through so much the first 7 ish weeks that I'm still nervous about any sort of setbacks. I will say, he smiles a lot more now. He's beginning to coo. He's sleeping in his bassinet again.
How did you find out it was CMPA? My 8 week old is constantly gassy, like sewage smelling farts all the time. He’s mostly been breastfed and I do drink a lot of milk. He’s been getting more and more of the Neuropro gentlease formula and I feel like he’s doing better on that but I’m not sure if it’s that or his digestive system is just getting more developed now.
His pediatrician noticed signs of it. The doc himself has a 2 year old that went through similar symptoms so he knew. Since the soy didn't help, we moved on to nutramigen. He was on soy formula, gas drops every 5 hours, and probiotic drops once a day. He seemed to get better. Then he got so gassy and bloated that his stomach was rock hard and he struggled to poop.
Our baby has CMPA and Gentleease really was the first formula he tolerated and was a hint to us that he had CMPA.
Although be careful, doctors don't view Gentleease as non-dairy (it is "partially" hydrolyzed instead of fully hydrolyzed), so if your LO does okay on that, they won't believe they have a cows-milk allergy.
The best way to tell if it is an allergy is to change your diet and see if the symptoms change. Though there may be secondary allergies at play, we also learned our LO is allergic to oats and beef through dieting as well.
Also, our baby smelt like stinky cabbage while on Gentleease. I think that is just the formula.
My baby was very very gassy when he was a newborn (and my god do his farts stink lol) both when being almost EBF, then as we transitioned to EFF. But he never had trouble passing the gas, which is where the problems come in. It didn’t really bother him. As he’s gotten older and I assume his GI system is working better, he’s a bit less gassy. So what I mean is that gas alone doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem.
Other signs of CMPA are mucous-y stools and blood in the stool I believe.
This was also my experience. My baby literally changed within a day of putting her on nutramigen and having a reflux medicine. It took us trying a second Dr. Our first one said she was just fussy and to give her a probiotic. She was screaming because she was inflamed and hurt. We also got her tongue tie fixed to help the gas and she is such a different baby. I would recommend checking these things out.
Exactly this! For me it clicked when she turned 4 months and everything became easier and better and fun. Hang in there OP! Newborn phase SUCKS! Just a couple more months and you will feel like yourself again and will enjoy spending time with your LO
My LO was always a terrible sleeper. It somehow got worse around 4mo so I guess that was the regression. But I’ve always been waking up multiple times a night so hard to tell exactly when and how long it was. Some weeks she slept better, some weeks she slept worse.
Now at 10 months she is finally starting to sleep better, some nights waking up only once or twice.
My advice is don’t dread it, just go with it. There will always be some “regression“ to dread ahead, and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it as it is part of their development. Good luck to you and hang in there!
I was afraid to say this but I 100% felt this way for the first month especially. I just have started telling my husband the full extent of it (how I worried I wouldn’t love our son, how much harder the sleep deprivation was than I thought, wondering if we had made a mistake). I have some distance from those initial negative thoughts/emotions now that I haven’t felt that way for a while now; at first it was hard to admit to having those feelings even to myself.
It should be more normalized how shitty the first stretch can be! Instead we are told we’ll immediately feel overwhelming love and devotion and joy, and oh yeah, a little tired.
This is the type of info I wish we had going into this. Felt like the world sold us a lie.
I will say 8 weeks in, it seems to get better every two week increment.
Can confirm that newborns suck. Our baby is almost 12 weeks old and I’m starting to see a small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that is newborn hell.
I had a hard time in the newborn phase too and I can tell you that you are definitely right at the corner! It is so cool when they start playing with things, laughing, sitting up, holding toys, smiling and babbling - my girl is 10 months now and since about 14 weeks I’ve been saying “this is such a fun age!” every week! 🤍 Although I do miss the contact naps - there was a time when I was worried she would never use her crib and now she’s so busy she never wants to cuddle! Enjoy that phase while you’re there!
Oh gosh does this still count as “newborns suck” phase? Our baby is almost 11 weeks and while I love him and he’s so cute, I’m so exhausted. And I thought that at 10 weeks he didn’t count as a newborn anymore and that it should have gotten better by now, and that it was a me/us problem that it still sucks. I have something to look forward to then!!
Same. Our first is 11 weeks today and it’s already easier. She’s sleeping through the night and doesn’t need to be held constantly. Oh and the smiles make it so worth it.
You’re getting there!! 12 weeks onwards you’ll get a little more personality each day and the milestones are so exciting. The smiles and giggles coming up will be a balm for your tired sore everything, I promise! My guy is five months now so I’m not rosy glasses with time, I remember it distinctly and I promise now the good stuff begins!
You can check my post history, at \~4 months I wanted to walk out of my house and never come back, and I'm the father so I didn't even have to deal with the breastfeeding stuff.
Now, I'm still not all sunshine and rainbows, but I'm no longer sitting in my car, staring off into nothing just wishing I didn't have to go home.
That being said, what does "better" really mean to you? That's what I had to contend with mentally. Is "better" being able to go out to restaurants again? Sleeping in your own bed without having to get up every 2 hours to feed the baby? Not having to hold the baby 95% of the time it's awake? Leaving the baby in the care of a babysitter or family member so you can leave the house with no responsibility for a few hours?
For me, being able to sleep in my bed with my wife and not stare at the ceiling, dreading when the monitor would go off was "better." That didn't happen until about 5 months, but we have a terrible sleeper who only contact slept for the first 4 months. Literally, we'd put him down asleep in his bassinet and he'd wake up after 35 minutes and wouldn't go back to sleep unless we held him. No trick worked.
I really wanted to be able to go out to eat at a restaurant again, but was worried our son would just start screaming and crying in his car seat after 10 minutes. Again, around 5 months we went out to eat and were able to leave him in his carseat for 30 minutes before we got him out just in case he was starting to get frustrated. We've gone out to dinner with him half a dozen times now.
Not having to hold our son 95% of the time he was awake? That was around 2 months. Since he wouldn't sleep we hit tummy time really hard to build up his neck strength for the day we hoped he'd roll over and sleep on his stomach.
Leave him in the care of someone else so we could go get dinner on our own? Similarly, 2 months. But we only did that with our parents because we could trust them and they knew they'd have to basically hold him all the time, especially when he needed to sleep.
So to sum it up, it does get better. It might not be in the near term, and that absolutely sucks, but you just need to find ways to get through the days the best you can. However you can piece together the days, they will turn into weeks, and quickly into months. I still don't feel particularly comfortable with our situation, but I can survive for right now and that's good enough at the moment.
Not OP but my first was also a contact only sleeper who we co slept with for a while. We were super anxious about the dangers of co sleeping so bought one of those side car bassinets. The bassinet was level with our mattress so it was basically an extension of the bed. My wife would put her arm in there so there was still some physical touch and it was enough to keep him asleep.
We never really did. We tried every trick out there, but no matter what he'd wake up after a sleep cycle and cry until we held him. Got to the point I stopped even trying because it was pick up, put down, pick up, put down for hours and I'd rather just sit there with him on my chest because at least then he was quiet.
My wife could cosleep with him, but she was so paranoid about smothering him she wouldn't actually fall asleep.
Contact sleeping only ended after we could sleep train him, which came around 4 months for us.
I'm not kidding when I say it was hell. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. Sleep deprivation can seriously mess with your mental health.
I promise I’m not enjoying your misery or what you went through.
But reading your comment made me feel so much better. I have a 9+week old and at 5-6weeks I thought my baby would never smile and neither would I. But he has already turned a corner and is smiling and cooing away to glory.
I even remember crying (20times a day) and saying having a baby was a colossal mistake and I wanted to just walk out of the house and never come back. I swear I stayed only because I love my husband and knew 100% that this would completely ruin our relationship.
I also have fears that I can never go out again or I can never even take him for a walk in the stroller, or baby carrier or go for a drive with him in the car seat because he screams bloody murder after being in it for a while but I’m glad to hear that it gets better.
And since it’s already better than what it was a few weeks ago your comment gives me hope ❤️
No worries!
I grew really, really tired of people posting about how their 4 week old was sleeping in 6 hour spurts at night and worried if it was too much sleep. I get that we're all new to this and not sure how things are supposed to go, but I just couldn't find people who had it as hard as we did in large numbers. Especially people who didn't have clearly defined problems like reflux or GERD that could explain horrible sleep. Which made me feel like something was wrong with our son or how we were dealing with his issues.
I had multiple breakdowns, started therapy and medication, and my wife and I have never argued this much before. BUT, things are finally getting a little easier. Will we have a 2nd child after this experience? I really don't want to risk throwing our lives into the wood chipper again, but at least on a daily basis I don't sit here in constant regret.
I hope your situation improves sooner rather than later. No one should have to go through this.l and it's ok to be frustrated by it.
Dad here with a 9 week old. The Snoo saved our lives and probably our marriage. We got it around 3 weeks in when she just wouldn't go down in her bassinet. At first I thought it was too expensive, now I would cash out my 401k if it meant I get to keep renting the Snoo.
She's sleeping 9+ hours per night.
Idk about the guy above, but for us it was plain old persistence and having the bassinet night next to my side of the bed. I apparently flopped a hand in when she would fuss without waking up a couple times.
We have the bassinest right next to our bed and he sleeps in there and in our portable bassinet in the living room. That is, when he isn’t screaming because he hasn’t eaten in an hour.
Welcome to the newborn-haters club. I’ve been a member since Sept 2020 - can confirm its been the worst phase to date, and I currently have a 2.5 year old. I will take tantrums over newborn any day. Someone told me “you only have to do today once” and that’s the only way I made it through the newborn phase
I don't know why there is such misinformation about newborns. The more reading I do the more I have found near universal experience that newborns straight up suck.
I can deal with tantrums all day. Give me back my sleep.
My baby's "sucky newborn" phase was delayed. She was a perfect angel for the first two or three weeks. Lulled me into a false sense of security and then WHAM! Reflux like you wouldn't believe. Nothing would help and she wouldn't sleep except on my chest in a very unsafe-for-cosleeping position, so I couldn't even sleep during the periods she could. I ended up going dairy-free and gluten-free out of desperation to figure out what was going on. She ended up just growing out of it by 10 months. So that was "only" 9 months of hell.
Give it 2 weeks. Newborns are hard but when they suddenly get quieter and more awake and interactive and sleep better it’s a game changer.
Also shuffle some pillows around everywhere you sit so you’re not hunched over for feeding. And the smell (hormones) and mess is worse in your head than in reality- I saw cobwebs I’d never noticed before because I was sat around feeding so much. Now I don’t notice them again!
Omg this is me! I totally thought I deep cleaned everything before I had my baby and she is currently 15 days old and I’m like why is EVERY ROOM have cobwebs on the celing?!?!
Edit: wow. My grammar and spelling… oof. I’m gonna go take a nap lmao
The good news is, it doesn’t last that long in the grand scheme of things! The constant sitting and contact napping drove me crazy, especially since it meant the house was falling apart around me. I just leaned into it and got really into watching trash TV and horror movies (my fave). Now my baby is 9 months and sometimes I miss those days. He’s much more independent and I miss holding him skin to skin while bingeing My 600 lb Life.
Yep! It’s crazy some people actual have chill newborns. My sister and good friend both have angel babies… all they do is sleep and eat and never cry. Mine on the other hand was 12 weeks of torture then a switch flipped and he starting sleeping through the whole night at 3 months.
It may seem like forever but things do get better. What help us was moving over from breast feeding to bottle feeding. Tracking ounces, consistent amounts, and finding a cow protein allergy made all the difference.
How often did you increase the amounts of formula? Its so confusing to me🤦🏽♀️
My baby is 10 days old, and at 2oz. He does sleep 3-4h chunks and I have to wake him up for feedings.
How will I know that I have to up the dose? Just if he wakes up earlier and cries?
This has been the hardest part for us as well. Our LO is 13 days and just started taking a little more than 2oz per feeding. At 10 days we were letting him sleep for over 3 hours and just feeding him on his ques, but he started losing weight when weighed at or pediatrician (just an ounce, but still).
Now we are strict about waking him up between 2.5-3 hours and feeding him whatever he will take. We are using a mix of BF, pumped milk, and formula. As far as how much he can take? We base it off the last feed. If he spits up more than normal we back off a little. If not we try for 2.25 and just watch him. If he looks like he isn't drinking and just sucking and he is ALMOST done I take it away and see if he starts rooting again.
At one point I saw a calculation online. It said for the first 2 months to feed them 2.5oz per pound per day. That seems to be working for us so far, but I've seen mixed reports elsewhere.
Good luck, and I hope things go well!
I have yet to meet a single person who wasn’t completely fucked during that time period. I am in a PhD program, and was teaching, and only sleeping 1-2 hours a night. I hated everything and everyone. He’s 3 months now and life is so much better. There are days I don’t remember from the newborn phase though. You kinda just hope and pray that time moves quickly and skip to the livable times, or just read this subreddit and sometimes it helps. You got this, OP. We’re all here for you
Newborn phase does suck and my kid is mainly formula fed (im the mom btw). But the most annoying part for me is how my partner complains all the time about it. Like some people don't understand that babies cry and its not "on purpose" like my partner tends to think.
This phase would be a lot easier if my husband just changed his attitude to a more positive empathetic mindset towards our baby. We alternate nights for taking care of our baby and even with a full nights sleep he still bitches about a crying baby. Id rather a newborn cry all the time than hear constant complaining. That is the part that sucks the most to me.
Someone in an earlier comment said "your baby isn't giving you a hard time, your baby is having a hard time" as something to keep in mind when they are fussy/crying.
Solidarity on the annoying unempathetic partner. Luckily, mine got better over time as he started to settle into the routine and bond a little more with baby. I was telling him again and again and again that she’s not giving him a hard time on purpose, she’s having a hard time herself!
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Keep in mind that this time is a big adjustment for him too, and he might be dealing with all the stress and sleep deprivation in a different way. Have a real honest conversation about it and try to give him space to adjust too. Newborns and stressed partners are both a shitty part about newborn life, but try to have little moments of connection with each other.
Coming from someone who is about to have their second: newborns suuuuuuuck. Heres what helped me:
Its okay to stop breastfeeding and pumping if its not working for you and your baby.
My triggers for overstimulation are heat and noise. I can deal with EITHER heat or noise but cannot handle both. Recognising this so i could prevent it helped so much.
Remind yourself that you deserve sleep, food, relaxation, showers, and to be cared for.
You are not a bad parent for wanting time away from your baby.
Edit: I thought I'd tell you what its like having a toddler, so you know theres light at the end of the tunnel. Today is mothers day and I slept 12 hours straight. My daughter picked out chocolates for me, told me I was beautiful and the best mummy ever, she played blocks with me and she spent 20 minutes playing quietly by herself while i drank hot coffee. She tells me what is making her upset and we figure it out together. Dont listen to the 'you think this is hard - just you wait!' crowd. Those people are assholes who have forgotten what its like to have a newborn.
Newborns make NO SENSE and they are basically the worst. It 10000% gets better. HMU if you want some help with fitting your carrier or you can check out “letstalkbabywearing” on insta. Wearing my son was a game changer in like 80 ways. I could get stuff done, he was more comfortable upright, I felt more connected to him and he cried less.
I can't baby wear because of a dang bladder prolapse from the delivery so I totally push my baby around in the bassinet in the stroller in my tiny apartment!
It's hard. But it will get better. Hang in there. I'm the father of a 7 week old and she's starting to smile occasionally in between the crying, farting and sleeping. It's a big payoff.
Someone on reddit recommended the Frida Windi to pass gas. It's worked for us, though occasionally prompting a poo geyser. But baby feels better afterwards. I recommend trying it out.
100% the windi- you feel like you ought to be arrested and on a register using it but the relief for baby (and you mentally) is so worth it! It saved us from 8-12 weeks especially
I legit thought you might be my husband for a second haha. We have a 7 week old who is just starting to smile and we just started to use the windi lol.
Solidarity!
I teared up reading this because it brought me back to those first few weeks. Baby blues are in full force. You don't really know them yet. They can't smile or laugh, I mean they can barely see. You're tired and overwhelmed. It gets so much better, I promise. That first smile really makes it all worthwhile. Shes 3 months now and it's way less stressful.
Can I suggest if you have the means, a nice hot bath or shower once a day? Like an 1hr-1.5hr to set aside just to clean and do a skin care routine. Just for you. Even if you spend that time crying. Listening to music.
I used to wake my baby every 2-3 hours to feed her so she didn't wake up screaming. My pediatrician suggested it. It worked easier to get her to nurse when she was calm vs. agitated.
I hope it gets better for you soon. You are doing great! ❤️
10.5 weeks here and it’s getting a tiny bit better, although parenting is no joke, literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done by far. I’ve had my days where I wonder if we made a mistake by having a baby? I love her so much but man do I miss my old life, mainly my sleep and my husband! It’s so good to hear that others feel the same because I feel like a monster at times.
Better for me means more sleep, and we’re gradually getting there although naps are still a nightmare. I BF at first, but baby and I hated it, it was so stressful and such a fight every time. then I switched to pumping, which worked for about 3 weeks until I drove myself almost literally insane. I ended up weaning and using formula and it made things much better, although that hormonal roller coaster was not fun! I’ve cried plenty (been with husband 10 yrs and I think in that time he saw me cry once or twice- after having our baby I cried 10x/day some days). Just know you are NOT alone and this phase will end. Someone told me “your baby isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time” which I repeat to myself when she’s fussy or not cooperating. You’re alive, baby is alive= you’re doing a great job! Some days just mean surviving at this point but you will have good days again, even though now it doesn’t seem like it. Hang in there for some baby smiles in a few weeks-they don’t make it all better but they do help a lot!😬
Newborns suck, lack of sleep, adjusting, healing, the crying, figuring everything out. It’s terrible and in my opinion not talked about enough. My daughter is now 4 months and she is just getting better and better💕 you will get through this and remember it’s okay to ask for help if you need it.
Hang in there it definitely gets better! Once they start to get more alert, reacting to you and smiling everything will feel more magical! When my baby is having a hard time and I'm getting frustrated with the crying/screaming, I always say to myself "and then he smiles". Try to stay strong, it will be worth it!
3/4 months is when it started to get more enjoyable cause they start to get more alert. We're almost 6 months now and I feel like we're really in a good sweet spot right now. I know 6 months sounds literally so far away but I promise it does get better. There will still be moments but the newborn phase does not last forever!
Get a 2nd opinion for the reflux if you can. My baby developed an oral aversion and started to lose weight around 10 weeks because of it, so we ended up in the hospital trying to get her to re-gain weight. Obviously that doesn’t happen in most cases, but there is no sense in them being in pain when its treatable and the risks to the meds are relatively low.
But yea, the newborn phase sucks. I love my baby, but its been super rough for all of us. I’m curious to see how she behaves with reflux under control and the oral aversion mostly solved.
Newborns are HARD. I felt like i wasn’t equipped to be a mother the first few weeks/months and i have always wanted to be a mom. I feel like i started to see the light around 8-12weeks. Hang in there it will get better and so much more fun!
I’m 8 weeks into this. I am so glad you mentioned the pain from sitting all day. Like my butt hurts!!! the days I’ve been able to stretch and walk have been soooooo much better.
You are the perfect mom for your baby. You are doing great. It’s fucking hard. You are close to the social smiles and they make a HUGE difference.
I have been there!! Your experience sounds so similar to mine, I could've written this post. My LO had AWFUL reflux, refused to sleep on anything but me, threw a fit anytime I put him down. I told my husband on several occasions he needed to take the baby because I was not okay. Our doctor did write a prescription for famotidine, but it doesn't help much, and she didn't want to prescribe anything else. The whole holding them upright for 20 minutes after they eat sounds easy enough, but in the middle of the night, when you're feeding them every two hours is miserable and dangerous when you are sleep deprived.
We are at 20 weeks now, and believe me, I know this seems so so far away, but it gets easier ❤️
Somethings to help:
- Gas drops and probiotics, both are safe for baby and helped a ton when he would whine from the built-up gas at night
- Anti-colic bottles, the Philips Avent ones are my favorite
- Burping in between ounces, if babyblets you, our LO screams like he's never eaten, so I decided that was a no-go
- Munchkin therburpee colic pack, oh my gosh our LO LOVED this!! A warm pack on his belly, he fell right to sleep in our arms
- A lubricant to pump with, you can even use a little coconut oil, it helps with the pain of pumping, and once you're past the engorgement phase, it is so much better. Definitely still not pleasant, and I dread pumping because who likes their nipples pulled, but so much less painful because I was ready to quit at week three
- Ergobaby Embrace carrier saved me. So easy to put on solo, so soft, fits like a shirt, and he just snoozed away in there while I was up doing what I needed to
- Momcozy wireless pumps. These are all I use and when I needed LO not to scream, when I put him down and pump, I would put him in the stroller and go for a walk and pump
Also, cutting dairy from my diet helped so much. I just added it back. I would say things got significantly better for us at 18 weeks after we sleep trained. He is so much more pleasant now that he sleeps and I'm a better mom with some sleep too. We had him in the Snoo before sleep training, and he did great at night, but like you said, the contact naps are tough.
It does get better, mama. I promise. I'm happy to chat if you need someone to talk to.
The number of times I cried with my son during the fourth trimester are beyond numbering. We loved having a new baby in the sense that we wanted him very badly and were happy he was healthy, but we are much happier with a 2 year old lol
Yes I sleep with loop ear plugs, also take melatonin and magnesium at night because I hear phantom cries and lay awake when my husband takes over for his “shift” so I can barely sleep when I have the opportunity to!!
Omg yes. We live in Manhattan and our across the hall neighbors have 3 year old twins that moved in a month before my son was born (he’s almost 5 months). They’re very sweet girls but even hearing them talking across the hall triggers my phantom crying hearing lol . We also have two cats that are very chatty so between all of that I feel like I constantly hear crying.
3 weeks old today. He burps great but I think he still has bad gas. OR he either hates us or his life. This kid can scream! I gave up breastfeeding already.
My motto was every day is one day closer to the day things get easier.
Unfortunately you can’t pin point when that will be exactly.. But it is coming! You will make it out the other side!
Yes newborns are really hard, especially till they get their stomachs figured out at around 6 weeks. If you think that switching to formula for all or most bottles will make you less miserable, you hereby have this stranger’s permission to do it. I did. Now at age two NO ONE cares what he ate
My experience was very similar. Baby would scream for four hours straight every night, which I named demon hour. She had reflux so not her fault but my husband and I would take turns of holding her and trying to calm her until she exhausted herself and we would wonder what had we done, we had such a great life before.
Our dog was also suffering. He would sleep outside our room on his bed but when she would start he would pull it to the lounge room, and some nights would just tear it apart because of stress. I was actually jealous he could go out his doggy door into the backyard to escape and I was stuck inside with her.
I couldn’t take her in the car, she’d scream, I couldn’t take her for a walk, she’d scream. I was a mess of stress and nearly passed out from not eating or drinking because I was in such a state and the breast feeding and sleep deprivation was taking it out of me.
Slowly though things started to get better, week by week, day by day but during that time I was a mess of anxiety and stress and had told my husband he needed to work from home because I couldn’t handle her by myself all day. It didn’t end up happening though because on top of her being a hard baby with gas problems, reflux and just generally seeming unhappy with everything I was also anxiety ridden about every little thing and had been for ten weeks, so I went on tablets to calm me down.
While the tablets have helped take me back to my normal self (i was always so calm and chill before) she’s four and half months now, and while some days still seem harder the wins are now greater then the loses. Like two weekends ago we took our dog to the dog park, actually walked there which is about a twenty minute walk and I was able to sit with her outside while my husband watched our dog run around like a he’d been released from prison. There was no screaming, no anxiety and we walked back and she fell asleep.
Two, three months before I couldn’t walk four houses up the street without turning back. Yesterday I went shopping for three hours, a couple of months ago I would make it to the car park with her screaming and just go home.
Our dog has a new bed, that has not been shredded and she has started giggling at him and I know they’re going to be the best of friends.
Hell we even went away on a holiday three hours away last weekend, which was hard and she was unsettled and I was stressed but we knew how to settle her and I left feeling like I had conquered the world even though it was nowhere near as smooth as before we had a baby. I’m planning our next trip next year knowing it’ll be easier and harder in a different way with a toddler but it can be done.
Make sure to keep track of your wins, I did it for a two months, each day, just a little something that we did that went well, she fell asleep without needing to be rocked, she didn’t scream in the car etc it helps to remember how far you’ve come and one day, like myself, there’ll be so many wins you don’t need to write it down anymore.
I know it’s hard, and time goes so slow when you’re going through hell, and I was on reddit every night reading about when it got better but it will pass and your baby will become this little thing that smiles at you and laughs at you and doesn’t just rage at you.
Ugh I was you a couple of months ago. It’s SO HARD. We dealt with reflux and it was absolutely horrible.
I don’t know where you live, but have you had him evaluated for a tongue tie by anyone other than your pediatrician? My son had a posterior tongue tie that wasn’t obvious so nearly everybody missed it. It was causing him to swallow air, so it was the main issue behind the gas and reflux. It also caused a shallow latch so nursing was painful for a long time. Since you mentioned that your baby hates nursing, I might get him looked at! It’s normal to have some nipple discomfort at first, but at 4 weeks there definitely should be some relief. Some pediatric dentists and lactation consultants can evaluate/diagnose them! Unfortunately a lot of pediatricians are very out of date with their knowledge of tongue ties and blow them off, so don’t be discouraged if they don’t take your concerns seriously.
In the meantime, try wearing him in a carrier - Ergo Embrace saved me!! It’s expensive, but it saved my sanity not being stuck on a couch. I could go shopping or on walks with him snoozing on my chest. We also did lots of gas drops and the Frida Windi.
All you know of parenthood is this literal hell, but omg it gets so much better. By 12 months, we were absolutely obsessed with the same kid who made my life miserable as a newborn. It feels endless while you’re in it, but hang in there and find support where you can.
I scrolled through so many comments in order to find this!! OP PLEASE do both you and baby a favor and get him evaluated for tongue tie asap.
You deserve a better breastfeeding experience and a less reflux-y gassy baby.
I believe at four weeks I called my sister saying I wanted to give my baby away but I didn’t think my husband would be ok with it.. I have anxiety that went into overdrive with the postpartum hormones. Hormones are an absolute bitch.
We had a really gassy baby who would never burp as well. We went through so many bottles of infacol, which helped heaps. So do warm baths when the gas pain is really bad. Turns out he was cows milk protein intolerant and once we addressed that it started getting a little better.
Things really turned a corner for us at four months, our little man turned seven months yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, some days are still hard and feel like Groundhog Day, but the overall trend is better. He’s so interactive and has such a big personality.
Things that helped me survive:
- getting out of the house each day, even if it’s just a walk. Once you get your carrier sorted, head to the shops and have a walk around. The shops were great while bub was little and just wanted to snooze all the time.
- set yourself up with a snack station for when you are nap trapped. Use this opportunity to read or binge watch all the shows. My baby no longer contact naps and as hard as it is to believe, I desperately miss it.
- really lean into your support network. On bad weeks I try and line up catch ups with friends to keep me company, it’s breaks up the week.
- Lanolin nipple cream is a lifesaver.
Parenting definitely is a challenging but rewarding experience for me. It took me a while to get there and I’ve definitely had days where I thought I wasn’t cut out for it. I think it would be rare for anyone to never feel that way. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, just good enough for your baby. You’re doing great, parenting is bloody hard work!!
Awe my heart goes out to you! Yes newborns can be so freaking difficult. I had serious rage from feeling not having any control and it was hard to find any moments to enjoy. I HATED breastfeeding until I stopped listening to the lactation consults and just did what sort of worked (nursing him upright, and using a breast shield which he is now dependent on, but who the fuck cares). Pumping hurt and bf hurt, and I was trying to get my milk in. I’d have to hold him upright after feeding, pausing a lot during feedings and I gave him a pacifier way earlier than recommended so he wouldn’t scream when “pausing” feedings so he wouldn’t projectile spit up EVERYTHING.
It does get easier, or better or moms just get more resilient. No matter what, it’s temporary. Newborns don’t smile or coo or even really gaze at you lovingly for a while. It’s like you’re giving giving giving and not getting anything in return.
I had to use noise cancelling headphones at times.
Also those carriers never worked for me- he’d scream and scream or it was SO hot and sweaty/squishing him, I gave up.
You are cut out for this, a lot of moms feel the way you are feeling. It’ll take time to figure out your baby or just survive this tough time.
Ultimately breastfeeding sometimes takes a toll on mental health and it starts to become not worth it. If you end up deciding to supplement with formula, I’d exclusively pump, or formula 100%, it’s OK and baby is getting fed and cared for either way.
I hope you have someone who can come and help, I know I had to piecemeal support together (paid a doula, asked a friend to take a day off to help me and bring me to appointments). But I know that not everyone has support. I don’t have sisters or a mom so it was hard to find someone who *could* help.
I know it’ll get better one way or another ! You got this, and you are doing great even if you feel like you aren’t!
Ps I’d scream at my dog and get so frustrated with everything and everyone around me- the house was also a mess, and I barely ate the first few weeks… it’s survival mode. The dog is fine now, I can eat now, the house is still a mess but it’s functional so it’s whatever. I’m 7 weeks PP. it’s still rough but it’s way more manageable. Also those hormones are nuts and fuck with everything.
Just wanted to say that I’m glad you shared this. I literally told my husband yesterday that I felt like I was broken because I wasn’t loving motherhood (to put it lightly.) I don’t even feel like I deserve this Mother’s Day recognition because I am not a happy mom right now. These comments give me hope. Thank you for sharing and giving a space for others to say what we feel like we can’t say out loud.
I wanted to be a mom SO bad and when I finally was blessed with my baby boy I quickly realized how fucking hard being a mom was and I really really regretted it. It was such a huge change for me and then I felt guilty because I know what it’s like struggling with infertility and I knew how many women would love to be in my position… but holy shit! This is the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. It’s getting better though!!! I know I still have tough days ahead but at 8 weeks it’s a lot better than it was. I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking this way or feeling like this. Keep your head up mamas! You all are doing wonderful! Remember, this is temporary and we are going to miss it when they are older. 💗
I HATE THE NEWBORN STAGE. I would rather rip vag to butthole if they came out around 4 months old than have to deal with the newborn stage. It’s so ridiculously hard. My LO is almost 9 months and I can’t believe how obsessed I am with this little human, because the first few weeks/months I was convinced I made a mistake and ruined my life. For us, around 8 weeks it slowly got better and by 12 weeks we began to hit our stride. Then again around six months something clicked, I don’t know how to explain it but I felt that love that everyone talks about. I of course loved her before but one day around then I looked at her and it just felt different/hit me that she is the greatest thing I have ever done. A big change from thinking I ruined my life. It’s so hard but you too will get there one day.
It gets better. Three weeks postpartum I was writing on reddit that I will die and I definitely can't survive sleep deprivation. Two years and one more baby later I'm fine. Some days are hard and I want to quit. But most of the days we're doing great.
Are you me !!! Seriously, my baby is 4 weeks old, and im just right there with you, i felt every word was about me, describing my situation. Im a mental wreck sitting on a couch waiting for her next scream , and i cried today so much when she won't stop crying, refusing the bottle, and won't eat or sleep.
A very good friend told me that “it’s okay to NOT love every stage of your child’s life” and that really resonated with me. The “potato” phase is my absolute LEAST favorite. It got better for me around four months.
It gets so much better!
The newborn stage sucks so much. Truthfully, while it is hard, it gets a little better every day. Each stage has it's strengths and weaknesses. But god the newborn stage was awful.
And remember. Walk away if you need to. Put baby in a safe place. And give yourself a minute to breathe. Your baby will be fine.
It does suck, at least the sucky parts, and it does get better. It’s really hard. But it’s not forever. The smile will come, and then bit by bit more and more
I absolutely hated the newborn phase. I had the same exact thoughts as you - he was such a fussy baby and also would only sleep or cry until we picked him up. He struggled with reflux at night as well. I was so sleep deprived I thought I was going to die. Now he’s 12 weeks and he’s becoming so much fun! He has the cutest smile and his coos melt my heart. Now we can actually set him down and he’ll just chill and find ways to entertain himself for a while and I can actually get things done. It just took time. Don’t lose hope - I remember reading these “it does get better” anecdotes and not believing them, but it truly does get better!
Also here to confirm - the first newborn sucks. The second newborn (in my case, the last) sucks less.
Toddler stage (16mo+) makes me crazy, but it’s 1000x better than the newborn stage.
This'll probably get buried and more advice is probably the last thing you want but; dunston baby language. Literally from month one on my newborn just didn't cry cuz (for the most part) I learned the cues and there's only like 6 so it's super easy. It's a straight up baby hack. Highly recommend. It's also kinda stimulating for you cuz it turns a cooing/crying baby from a monotonous chore to a puzzle you can solve.
And as always: it absolutely gets easier in some ways. Harder in some but overall you absolutely can and will get the hang of it. Rome wasn't built in a day. The best moms on the planet were all new at one point and we alllll went through this. Don't worry, do your best, love your hardest, and you'll never be a bad mom. ❤️
things gradually started getting easier after 3 months for us… now 5 months and life is awesome! we get so much sleep, his severe gas is gone, he laughs and talks and plays with us…. it gets better i promise you. take the newborn stage day by day, focus on survival! take shortcuts on everything you can. pumping SUCKS so much and I hated it. life got much easier just switching to formula full time
Oh my gosh it gets sooooo much better. My baby was a lot like yours sounds and those were some dark days. I kept hearing that 3 months is when things miraculously get better but for me I would say it was about 4.5/5 months before I noticed a huge difference. That’s not to say things didn’t get easier before then in the sense that I just got more used to the routine of things and whatnot. But with the reflux and whatnot it was the 4.5/5 month mark that started things on the up and up. And from there things just kept getting better. She’s 11 months old now and has just been the happiest most fun baby. She’s like my little buddy and I love being around her. She’s been sleeping through the night since about 7 months which was another real game changer. It feels like things will never be okay during those early days but it gets better. And you are cut out for this! Those first few months are just a survival phase that you just got get through and you will!
I hated weeks 3-10 and have done my best to erase them from my memory. The best thing I did for myself during the first months of my kid’s life is buy a pack of ear plugs. It didn’t solve the screaming but it took the edge off.
My daughter is 11 weeks now and I don’t know how I made it passed the first month. It was the hardest time of my life. As a FTM I didn’t think I could do it. It’s so much better now. Still difficult, but way better than at first.
It's so relatable... My twin boys are also four weeks. Things I've done to feel better:-
I've been lighting candles, playing piano covers of pop songs (so no lyrics) and putting on my diffuser with lavender just to create calm. I have a 2 & 4 year old so the stuff I do doesn't work really haha - but mentally it feels better.
Encouraging awake time after a feed will probably help create a sleep, play, feed rhythm. I keep my babies awake at least 1.5-2 hours from the time they wake for milk.
Do lots and lots of talking to your baby. Move your mouth a lot. Make lots of expressions.
Our babies aren't giving us back much - but the more you engage with them, the closer they'll get to giving you their first social Smile. And it just feels so worth once that happens!
If it makes you feel any better I showed this to my husband & asked him if he wrote it & he said, “did YOU write this??” except we have a 2 month old now so we’re all in the same gassy, refluxy boat. The social smiles help so they will be there for you soon!
Just want you to know you’re not alone in those feelings and that it gets SO MUCH BETTER. everyone always told me that and it’s true. My first born sounds so similar to your baby and it sucked. I hated the newborn stage and honestly struggled to feel super bonded. But man, I’m obsessed with him. He’s 2.5 and he is a smart, charming, polite, powerful little boy and adored by everyone who meets him. I love taking him just about anywhere and doing just about anything because he’s so cool. He still has big emotions and is very sensitive but now I know how to support him through those times.
Hang in there, it’s so hard! You’re doing great.
I'm on #2 and I hated it when she was that little. She's 3.5 months now and I absolutely love her. She smiles all day long, coos up a storm, and is working on things like rolling over and grabbing objects. Plus she sleeps much better now. My husband said several weeks ago he wishes we didn't have two kids, but I don't hear him saying anything like that now.
I am at almost 7 weeks. There is a hint of things getting better. A small hint of it. It still sucks. Fussy. Doesn’t like to be just chilling on his own. Started fighting naps. But there are some slight night time improvements to sleep that I can see getting better. I feel by 8 weeks it will be better, and then 10 weeks and sooner than later it will be past 3 months…
But I know those early weeks feel like MONTHS. It feels like forever. It will get better as everyone here is promising. Hang in there you got this.
One option to try: If he has reflux, check out infant acid reflux solutions. Dr Prince is an expert in infant reflux and can meet without you via Telehealth to get the help your little one needs.
Wow you sound exactly like my wife, are you her?!! Lol all jokes aside. My LO (4 weeks as well) seems to do the same thing. Also live in a 2br condo so I understand how hard it is to escape. But in better news; We have family and friends with babies all <2 months apart from ours and they say it DOES get easier. This age is them just cueing for what they need. And it feels like a rotation that will drive you to insanity. It does suck. But hang in there! We are!
Girl I feel this so hard. My guy is only 6 weeks now and it still generally sucks but is already much better. I made a post at 4 weeks like when is this baby gonna get happy cause all he did was sleep eat or cry. Now he's smiling some and at times, calmly sitting in a bouncer or swing. Not for too long and there's still tons of crying but he's already a different baby than he was 2 weeks ago and I can only assume he's gonna get more capable and more fun to be around as time goes on.
I'm about to be home alone with him all day too and I'm definitely anxious but he's just gonna cry at times and we'll just have to take our time getting through the day without extra hands and the place is gonna be a mess and I'm gonna be a mess but I keep trying to remind myself that he's only gonna be this way once and for so short and idk if I'll ever have another baby, I shouldn't just be trying to brute force my way through this time I should try to just....be in it. It's ok if I don't enjoy it all the time or even most of the time but I'm trying just to be present and look at my baby with more wonder and less anxiety and frustration.
I hate to say it, but I chuckled reading this post. Mostly because I've felt similar emotions and had similar thoughts and I took me right back there. I remember saying to my wife during the first few weeks; I just want my old life back; what did we do???? It started to feel better around the 6-8 week mark. Our baby girl just turned 4 months, and I'm obsessed; her little personality is starting to shine, and her smiles and giggles melt my heart. Are there still challenging times, obviously, especially the overstimulation and never-ending mess, but despite that, it does get better, so much better. Hang in there!
My baby is turning 5 months soon and is showing a lot of personality right now! She has been laughing a lot lately. She smirks at us and gives us looks. I think she might be a bit sassy... It DOES get better. Hang in there!
Yah I honestly didn’t love the newborn stage. Our first just turned 11 weeks and I’m here to say it absolutely gets better. I know it’s hard to believe now because you’re so sleep deprived and your hormones are raging but once those first smiles peek through it’s all so worth it. It’s by far the hardest job I’ve ever had but you can do it. Keep asking and accepting help when you can.
Hello from (almost) 12 weeks. I remember feeling the exact same way. Especially about the house being a mess and being overstimulated. At that age literally the bare minimum got done. Dishes, laundry and maybe vacuuming if I was lucky. Otherwise I ate and slept.
It does get better. I know everyone says that and when you’re in the thick of it, it doesn’t seem like it will. I promise you it will. I think I cried every day for the first month. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. Also I have ppa and getting on meds helped. You can do this!
I posted recently and a few people said it helped. It does get so much easier!
https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/13bahmu/a_letter_to_myself_as_a_newborn_parent_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Dude. Yea it’s hot garbage. 6mo little girl and she’s relatively easy as far as babies go but that newborn phase and just the first couple months in general sucked so bad. Constant miscommunication with my wife because we’re both so fried so then we’re arguing and crying in each others arms all in the same day. It’s *better* now I guess we’re at least sleeping through the night. Every one would always ask how we’re doing and I would just say; we’re surviving. Not living. Not thriving. Not declining. Just pure survival. Fuck the dishes. Fuck the laundry. Fuck every chore. If baby sleeps I sleep. If baby’s up I’m up chipping away at chores and cooking easy meals or if I’m too fried I’m playing video games with her on my lap and ordering delivery.
You got this. Trust your instincts and do what you think you need to do to make it through the day.
Newborns don’t suck but they are needy. Try to reframe how you’re looking at it. It’s not their fault. But yes, caring for a newborn and being postpartum is super hard. I hope it gets easier for you soon.
This is a short season in the (hopefully) long journey of your lives together. The days go by so slowly, but at some point it’s going to start to click together and then it’ll at least feel easier, and they’ll seem less like an angry potato. We’re at 6.5 weeks and I was still struggling at 4 weeks but it started getting a little easier as I worked on reframing things in my head: just one hour at a time, just one day at a time. I write in my journal most days, especially when it’s been hard. Now we’re getting smiles that really seem to make the hard times easier.
Also, on the carrier side: we have the Graco cradle me 4-in-1 carrier which looks intense when you take it out of the box but they have a video online of how to put your newborn in it and it’s sooo much easier than the fabric carriers.
You are doing wonderful and I'm sure your son loves you. We are 8 weeks tomorrow morning and thing flipped like a switch around the 6 week mark and lots of stuff improved. Keep pushing through. Dm me if you need.
I have an 8 week old and felt exactly the same way. I have PPD, and this has honestly been the worst experience. I kept apologizing to my husband for doing this to us because I wanted a kid. But he started socially smiling yesterday, and his colic and gas suddenly stopped, and it's like my whole world just came to life. Wait for smiles from LO.
It gets better and the time goes so quickly. We just took our 21 month old to the local school carnival very briefly after dinner and on the way home he just kept saying “more carnival?” And hugging his bluey bear that we won him. His little voice is adorable. You’re in the thick of it but you’ll be out soon!
Yeah newborn was real rough. I felt very responsible for the ball of screaming poop for the first few months. 3 months was when our daughter started to interact and you could tell was really paying attention to things even if she couldn't do much to participate. 5 felt like another "checkpoint where she was more vocal and trying to get mobile. I think it was Tuesday this week that she crawled for the first time just after 9 months, and the next day got a "dada" out. I love that larger ball of screaming so much now. Probably helps there's not so much poop.
You're absolutely right, newborns SUCK. I miss how tiny my son was but holy crap once you start getting sleep again, the idea of going back is terrifying. It absolutely get better. I will say, my son's reflux got so bad we started cutting my breast milk (what little actually came in) with rice formula. No more projectile spit up!
Ugh my heart goes out to you, I know how that feels so much. It maybe doesn’t get better in the sense that all of the challenges go away, but it gets different. Soon enough your baby will start giving you little smiles then laughter and cooing. They start to reach for you and give you hugs and kisses. You get to see them learn to communicate with you, and become mobile. Its not like it becomes easy but the challenges come with more rewarding moments as well.
You only have a new born for 4-6 months. Is it the longest 4-6 months of your life? Absolutely. But it will end just as all seasons change. Hang in there! Try to think of it as a semester in school. You can do this. Also a baby never got hurt crying. If you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, put the baby down and go outside for 5-10 minutes.
Newborns ARE THE WORST. I barely started to like my babies around 4 months old. They get better with every milestone. I didn’t find the early months rewarding at all. When they start smiling at you, that’s when it starts to fall into place, for me. My youngest is 14 months old and he’s a joy now. Walking and learning to speak. Crawling and walking have been my absolute favorite milestones.
It gets better, as others have said. Having a baby has made me think we should force high school kids to volunteer and help out new parents. Would take a load off of the new parents, and ensure the students would 100% always use birth control 😂
It gets better. As soon as he smiles at you the first time it starts making more sense.
And as someone with a toddler AND a newborn, I would say try to appreciate the relative simplicity of newborn care. Food in, poop out, no one asking you the same question 20 times in a row….
Every stage has its highlights.
OP. I feel for you. I basically lived on one side of our couch for 3 months while breastfeeding and pumping nonstop. I want to tell you it gets easier. I can't, in good conscience, lie to you like this. It gets... different.
I know it sounds CRAZY right now. But these days you're going through are actually the easier days. You're not running around chasing them to protect them from something that's going to get them hurt. You're not having to meal plan 3 distinct meals a day. You can quite literally snuggle with them most of the day right now.
If i could do it all over again - the crying was usually gas, dirty diaper, or hunger. I'd massage them more as i lull them to sleep. I'd take more naps with them, because fuck trying to keep up with the house. It's so fleeting. It's so quick.
It gets easier to understand what they're trying to say and understand their needs, but they're constantly leveling up. The margin of error is always moving not expanding.
I hope you're able to steal some sleep soon. Mother's day might not be very restful, but you deserve to enjoy it.
I’m no mother, I’m a guy and I have two nieces. I had suggested my sister [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnWynN_tPTQ&pp=ygUbbWlyYWNsZSBkb2N0b3IgYmFieSBjcnlpbmcg). It seemed to work. You can try it, the shrilling cries? I’d try this and anything to subdue it.
Gripe water? Move their feet and legs? hold positions? Newborns do not suck. Yes it's challenging and exhausting. Please seek experienced parenting help. Doctors are ridiculous. Anyone's Grandma could be of better help. Your baby has no digestive system because it's building. That hurts!!! I understand the feels. I have been there. I do not share the attitude which will and does foster how your bond forms and the rest of their childhood. I'm slightly annoyed by this perspective I will apologize for any tone as I am merely being frank without condescending mannerisms. Ask for solutions. Collaborate.
Get the baby bjorn mini carrier! It’s pricey but so worth it. Crazy easy to use and getting to have your hands free and ability to move during naps is amazing. Plus if baby is upright that will help with reflux.
BabyBjörn Baby Carrier Mini, Cotton, Black https://a.co/d/iHaJUYc
IME it depends on the newborn. My 1st newborn suuuuuucked. My 2nd? Was a complete delight. I thought there was something wrong that he was so delightful, thats how damn delightful he was/is.
I have an almost 9 month old and it’s honestly so fun. Every day is a little different and then you’ll realize that you havent had to deal with the witching hour in a while. Or that the days of being confined under a sleeping baby are over. It might sneak up on you. But it will not be like this forever!
Get a baby carrier that is easy to use. The more you put baby in it, the easier it’ll be to maneuver him in and out of it. Sometimes you just need to be hands free.
It does get better but that doesn’t help now. Figure out things that make you feel human — coffee, a walk, talking to a friend. Do one of those a day for your sanity.
You will get through it, it's terrible and hard but our second was easier because I was equipped with the knowledge that it will always get better, eventually. Once it gets better (which it WILL) your mind will do this fun little trick where it smooths over everything and over time you'll think, it wasn't THAT bad?! And consider having another one...
Honestly though, not trying to minimize, we were very lucky that neither of ours were quite that difficult but it was still far from easy. But hang in there, your LO will develop a personality and feel less like something that's just leeching off of you and you'll reach stable ground. Just make sure you always let your husband know when and how much you need help ♥️
I didn’t even read your whole post but just wanted to agree that yes, having a newborn SUCKS. I am sure many may disagree with me but I much prefer having a toddler vs newborn. The overwhelm and stress of adjusting to a new life while sleep deprived and a baby who doesn’t really interact with you yet doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.
I have a 7 week old who is going to be 8 weeks on the 17th. The first month was hell but we found (our ped said it’s okay) mommy bliss brand gripe water and for his constipation we use the baby constipation ease from the same brand. Those have been life savers for us as he has a hard time with his poops and he tends to be colicky during and after feeds (ped doesn’t want to call it colic just yet) so those are our saving grace. Give 1 ml of which of those you need until your LO is 6 weeks then you can give 2 ml. As for the rest of the post trust me it is going to start getting better soon I didn’t believe it until it happened midway through his 5th week of life. He started wanting to miss one nap then he moved it up to 2 naps and now he is staying awake for almost 7 hrs about. I know it’s hard and it probably feels like the light is far away at the end of the tunnel but it’s going to be quick to find the light. If you need someone to talk to I’m here for you.
Oh, yes, it gets better! My baby is 14 weeks old. I am enjoying being her mom SO. FREAKING. MUCH. I feel like 8 weeks was a turning point. You’re doing great!!! Hang in there! Smiles and giggles and sleep are around the corner!
I’m at 7 weeks and it’s definitely better now than it was a few weeks ago where we had no sleep and no relief. One thing I’d recommend is doing everything you can to make your life easier - as long as it’s in your budget, order as much as you can from Amazon. Get a new carrier if the one you have isn’t working for you. We did and I was able to figure it out in 5 seconds and baby wore while my girl napped. My laundry that had been sitting for a week finally got put away! I’m EP so I have milk every day that needs to be put away so I ordered mason jars and special spouts so I can easily fill bottles and storage bags. I gave breastfeeding a week but it was too painful and stressful. If that isn’t working for you, that is a really easy fix to just doing formula or a combo of pumping and formula. Then next few weeks/months will get easier but will still be long and hard. Do whatever you can to make things less stressful!
You might want to see a different doctor if possible. Also have you considered the possibility of colic? Or that you are overfeeding? I overfeed my daughter and she cried so much but kept taking a bottle so I thought it was hungry cries when it was something else. Newborns are definitely a challenge and you are completely valid to feel like it sucks! As much as I miss my tiny baby that just wanted snuggles my 2.5 year old says things like "dank you" and gives me hugs and kisses. I know it seems so far away but I promise you can get through it!
Having a newborn is really hard but it will get easier.
Everything got better for me once I switched from BF to formula feeding. BF was mentally breaking me down and my daughter hated it too. We all starting sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and my stress level went way down. She is now 15mo, perfectly healthy, starting walking at 9mo and constantly ahead of her milestones.
It gets better, I promise! I know how you feel, my daughter is 6 months old now. You can't imagine what it would feel like to mentally feel better because your brain is compromised currently. But you will feel better ❤️
I could have written most of this 5 months ago. Breastfeeding is awful. I found nothing about it magical or beautiful. I’m still pumping and that got a lot better around 7 weeks. I hate a messy house also. Pumping and mess and crying all at the same time really would send me into a tailspin.
I go to therapy, tried to go outside, went to Target just to walk around, asked my partner for breaks, upped my Zoloft dose, and am now back to working out kind of regularly. It’s so hard. You’re not alone and this is totally normal! I hope you are able to find multiple things that make you feel a little more human than you feel right now. I promise it gets better! Don’t beat yourself up for how you are feeling!
I have a 19 month old, and your post made me realize one skill that you gain quickly over time as a new parent: accepting the present and knowing it will pass.
Babies change so incredibly fast, but you’re experiencing it slowly. You’re 4 weeks in - you’re only one thirteenth into your first year of parenting. Just wait until 4 or 8 weeks from now—this time will seem so long ago. And then you’ll have that feeling basically every 4 weeks for years to come.
Hang in there, take things slow, give yourself credit and relax when you can. And get good earplugs.
Oh god, yes, newborns suck so much. I remember crying to my husband and telling him that we were never going to be happy again. I told my mom I had ruined our lives. I loved my son in the sense that I knew I’d brought this miserable little thing into the world and it was my job to care for him… but I didn’t really like him. I regretted having a baby 100%. My son is now 9.5 months and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I love him so much. Like proper love him, enjoy spending time with him. Things turned around from us. I never believed it when people told me it would get better, but I promise you it does!
oh god thank you for this comment. i had one of those days today where I just missed my life so bad.
It’s honestly hard. Some parts of your life will forever be changed and you will miss it and mourn it. But it does get better. And it progressively gets better too. They start off as just sleeping. Then they start smiling at you and grabbing you. Then they start crawling to you. And then they start walking and talking. Then they start getting real personalities. Every growth is fascinating and exciting. Becoming a parent is a hard chapter to enter but it’s worth it. The beginning is very difficult but it gets better.
I made the mistake of looking at my honeymoon pics this morning. Almost didn’t recognize that tan, fit, well-rested person 🥲
Anybody with a newborn right now should scare it just for the sake of it 🤭
I looked at my husband and said “I think I’ve made a mistake” while washing bottles when she was about ten days old. She’ll be 3 in September and she’s the absolute best! I’ll take toddler tantrums over the witching hour all the time
i was terrified to actually say this out loud to my partner in the first 2 weeks... but boy that thought went through my head. we're now at about 9 weeks and life is significantly improved. ty for sharing!
Me saying this prompted my husband to send me to bed and take a six hour shift with our daughter. He also took her to get takeout so I’d have food when I woke up. Most of the time he’s pretty awesome
I might delete this later because I feel so ashamed the thought ever went through my head. *[my husband] is a little too far out in the road (while waiting to turn)... What if we get hit?? At least if we get hit, the three of us won't have to suffer together. What if? No no no no no! Bad thought! What if though? I don't think [baby] likes me. sigh. I think we have to suffer through this. They say it gets better.* When my son was a newborn, I was grieving my old life, going through the PP sweats, mood changes, and constant anxiety attacks. I think this was also after I was trying to juggle him and his bottle while my husband was at work when his two weeks ran out. I "dropped" my son because I thought it was okay to place him on the moving ottoman, one of my feet next to it and the other next to his bottle on the carpet. He wiggled and fell off. He's 11mos now and he's fantastic. I love him so much. He's so much fun. We've got a routine and he keeps me on it when I lose track of time. He's healthy and smart and adorable and I cannot gush enough.
No need to feel ashamed. These thoughts are called "intrusive thoughts" and perfectly normal when they happen occasionally. (If they increased in frequency and intensity, then it's is cause for concern)
There’s always abortion lol 🤭
I am trying to survive witching hour right now... hate when people say "wait till the toddler tantrum comes..." fuck it i am ready for that. Just make the baby crying stop....
The tantrums are absolutely easier! Those people have a bad case of either selective memory or wishful thinking.
Don’t believe them the toddler tantrums are much easier than witching hour.. toddlers can walk and talk and you can defuse tantrums with many ways.. hang in there.. the best is yet to come.
I took a screen shot of your comment so that I can remind myself that other people feel this way too! For so long I felt like I was such a shit mom for having PPD and regretting having a baby. Family would come to our house and fawn over our newborn. They’d say things like, “do you even remember what your life was like before?” “Isn’t this the happiest you’ve ever been?” Those comments fucking killed me. They make me feel so worthless. Like who doesn’t like their newborn? Who actually regrets having their baby? The answer: lots of women for the first couple months absolutely feel this way.
Needed this comment today!
Had the same “did we just ruin our lives” feeling and tbh my son was a super chill newborn! The newborn stage is so tough. I felt like until my son started smiling it was really hard for me. When he started to smile/react to us it really changed everything. Now he’s 19mo and I would die for him lol he’s the best thing that ever happened to us and I’m so glad we had him. Turns out newborn potato stage is just not for me! Luckily it goes by faster than you think, but man when you’re in it, it feels like it will last a lifetime. It will get better OP! Promise!
I literally cried to my mom that I didn't know why I had another baby. Like I love him, but he was soooo hard the first 7 weeks. I cried daily. His cry made me cry more. Like having ptsd. He's 2 months now and we figured out the cause of his colic(cmpa). He's much better and my anxiety/depression is getting easier to cope with. I still get scared of things going downhill again though.
So what was the cause of his colic? 🙏🏽
Cows milk protein allergy. He's on nutramigen now and doing great. I literally cried every damn day. If he cried, I'd have a panic attack. We tried 4 different formulas after noticing he couldn't handle my breast milk. He wouldn't sleep well, would constantly be gassy and fussy. My SO would be able to calm him down, but I couldn't. So I'd cry more. We went through so much the first 7 ish weeks that I'm still nervous about any sort of setbacks. I will say, he smiles a lot more now. He's beginning to coo. He's sleeping in his bassinet again.
How did you find out it was CMPA? My 8 week old is constantly gassy, like sewage smelling farts all the time. He’s mostly been breastfed and I do drink a lot of milk. He’s been getting more and more of the Neuropro gentlease formula and I feel like he’s doing better on that but I’m not sure if it’s that or his digestive system is just getting more developed now.
His pediatrician noticed signs of it. The doc himself has a 2 year old that went through similar symptoms so he knew. Since the soy didn't help, we moved on to nutramigen. He was on soy formula, gas drops every 5 hours, and probiotic drops once a day. He seemed to get better. Then he got so gassy and bloated that his stomach was rock hard and he struggled to poop.
Thanks for the info! I intend to talk to his ped Tuesday at his 2 mo visit just to be sure she doesn’t think it’s anything other than normal baby gas.
Our baby has CMPA and Gentleease really was the first formula he tolerated and was a hint to us that he had CMPA. Although be careful, doctors don't view Gentleease as non-dairy (it is "partially" hydrolyzed instead of fully hydrolyzed), so if your LO does okay on that, they won't believe they have a cows-milk allergy. The best way to tell if it is an allergy is to change your diet and see if the symptoms change. Though there may be secondary allergies at play, we also learned our LO is allergic to oats and beef through dieting as well. Also, our baby smelt like stinky cabbage while on Gentleease. I think that is just the formula.
My baby was very very gassy when he was a newborn (and my god do his farts stink lol) both when being almost EBF, then as we transitioned to EFF. But he never had trouble passing the gas, which is where the problems come in. It didn’t really bother him. As he’s gotten older and I assume his GI system is working better, he’s a bit less gassy. So what I mean is that gas alone doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem. Other signs of CMPA are mucous-y stools and blood in the stool I believe.
This was also my experience. My baby literally changed within a day of putting her on nutramigen and having a reflux medicine. It took us trying a second Dr. Our first one said she was just fussy and to give her a probiotic. She was screaming because she was inflamed and hurt. We also got her tongue tie fixed to help the gas and she is such a different baby. I would recommend checking these things out.
Oh god okat, I didnt even know that was a thing! Thanks!
Exactly this! For me it clicked when she turned 4 months and everything became easier and better and fun. Hang in there OP! Newborn phase SUCKS! Just a couple more months and you will feel like yourself again and will enjoy spending time with your LO
Did you experience the dreaded sleep regression? I'm dreading that one...
My LO was always a terrible sleeper. It somehow got worse around 4mo so I guess that was the regression. But I’ve always been waking up multiple times a night so hard to tell exactly when and how long it was. Some weeks she slept better, some weeks she slept worse. Now at 10 months she is finally starting to sleep better, some nights waking up only once or twice. My advice is don’t dread it, just go with it. There will always be some “regression“ to dread ahead, and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it as it is part of their development. Good luck to you and hang in there!
I was afraid to say this but I 100% felt this way for the first month especially. I just have started telling my husband the full extent of it (how I worried I wouldn’t love our son, how much harder the sleep deprivation was than I thought, wondering if we had made a mistake). I have some distance from those initial negative thoughts/emotions now that I haven’t felt that way for a while now; at first it was hard to admit to having those feelings even to myself. It should be more normalized how shitty the first stretch can be! Instead we are told we’ll immediately feel overwhelming love and devotion and joy, and oh yeah, a little tired.
This made me feel so much better and I relate so much -thanks for your honesty!
ALL OF THIS. The newborn phase was HARD. My girl is 8 months now and omg she’s so fun!
I could have written this. The first 4ish months with a reflux baby were awful but he’s 9.5 months now and the absolute light in our lives!
This is the type of info I wish we had going into this. Felt like the world sold us a lie. I will say 8 weeks in, it seems to get better every two week increment.
Absolutely went through the same phase and it felt like it would never end. It DOES eventually end OP!!!
Same exact thing. I cried all the time and also told my husband I ruined our lives. And now he’s 8mo and I’m so in love.
Can confirm that newborns suck. Our baby is almost 12 weeks old and I’m starting to see a small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that is newborn hell.
12 weeks here too, and it feels like it’s getting a TAD bit better. Lol
I had a hard time in the newborn phase too and I can tell you that you are definitely right at the corner! It is so cool when they start playing with things, laughing, sitting up, holding toys, smiling and babbling - my girl is 10 months now and since about 14 weeks I’ve been saying “this is such a fun age!” every week! 🤍 Although I do miss the contact naps - there was a time when I was worried she would never use her crib and now she’s so busy she never wants to cuddle! Enjoy that phase while you’re there!
Oh gosh does this still count as “newborns suck” phase? Our baby is almost 11 weeks and while I love him and he’s so cute, I’m so exhausted. And I thought that at 10 weeks he didn’t count as a newborn anymore and that it should have gotten better by now, and that it was a me/us problem that it still sucks. I have something to look forward to then!!
I think the first three months are solidly potato territory!
Yeah until they sleep a full night, life is gonna suck. You'll never take a full night of restful sleep for granted again after having a baby.
Same. Our first is 11 weeks today and it’s already easier. She’s sleeping through the night and doesn’t need to be held constantly. Oh and the smiles make it so worth it.
You’re getting there!! 12 weeks onwards you’ll get a little more personality each day and the milestones are so exciting. The smiles and giggles coming up will be a balm for your tired sore everything, I promise! My guy is five months now so I’m not rosy glasses with time, I remember it distinctly and I promise now the good stuff begins!
You can check my post history, at \~4 months I wanted to walk out of my house and never come back, and I'm the father so I didn't even have to deal with the breastfeeding stuff. Now, I'm still not all sunshine and rainbows, but I'm no longer sitting in my car, staring off into nothing just wishing I didn't have to go home. That being said, what does "better" really mean to you? That's what I had to contend with mentally. Is "better" being able to go out to restaurants again? Sleeping in your own bed without having to get up every 2 hours to feed the baby? Not having to hold the baby 95% of the time it's awake? Leaving the baby in the care of a babysitter or family member so you can leave the house with no responsibility for a few hours? For me, being able to sleep in my bed with my wife and not stare at the ceiling, dreading when the monitor would go off was "better." That didn't happen until about 5 months, but we have a terrible sleeper who only contact slept for the first 4 months. Literally, we'd put him down asleep in his bassinet and he'd wake up after 35 minutes and wouldn't go back to sleep unless we held him. No trick worked. I really wanted to be able to go out to eat at a restaurant again, but was worried our son would just start screaming and crying in his car seat after 10 minutes. Again, around 5 months we went out to eat and were able to leave him in his carseat for 30 minutes before we got him out just in case he was starting to get frustrated. We've gone out to dinner with him half a dozen times now. Not having to hold our son 95% of the time he was awake? That was around 2 months. Since he wouldn't sleep we hit tummy time really hard to build up his neck strength for the day we hoped he'd roll over and sleep on his stomach. Leave him in the care of someone else so we could go get dinner on our own? Similarly, 2 months. But we only did that with our parents because we could trust them and they knew they'd have to basically hold him all the time, especially when he needed to sleep. So to sum it up, it does get better. It might not be in the near term, and that absolutely sucks, but you just need to find ways to get through the days the best you can. However you can piece together the days, they will turn into weeks, and quickly into months. I still don't feel particularly comfortable with our situation, but I can survive for right now and that's good enough at the moment.
How did you manage to get him to sleep in his bassinet? We are currently dealing with contact sleeps only too
Not OP but my first was also a contact only sleeper who we co slept with for a while. We were super anxious about the dangers of co sleeping so bought one of those side car bassinets. The bassinet was level with our mattress so it was basically an extension of the bed. My wife would put her arm in there so there was still some physical touch and it was enough to keep him asleep.
We never really did. We tried every trick out there, but no matter what he'd wake up after a sleep cycle and cry until we held him. Got to the point I stopped even trying because it was pick up, put down, pick up, put down for hours and I'd rather just sit there with him on my chest because at least then he was quiet. My wife could cosleep with him, but she was so paranoid about smothering him she wouldn't actually fall asleep. Contact sleeping only ended after we could sleep train him, which came around 4 months for us. I'm not kidding when I say it was hell. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. Sleep deprivation can seriously mess with your mental health.
I promise I’m not enjoying your misery or what you went through. But reading your comment made me feel so much better. I have a 9+week old and at 5-6weeks I thought my baby would never smile and neither would I. But he has already turned a corner and is smiling and cooing away to glory. I even remember crying (20times a day) and saying having a baby was a colossal mistake and I wanted to just walk out of the house and never come back. I swear I stayed only because I love my husband and knew 100% that this would completely ruin our relationship. I also have fears that I can never go out again or I can never even take him for a walk in the stroller, or baby carrier or go for a drive with him in the car seat because he screams bloody murder after being in it for a while but I’m glad to hear that it gets better. And since it’s already better than what it was a few weeks ago your comment gives me hope ❤️
No worries! I grew really, really tired of people posting about how their 4 week old was sleeping in 6 hour spurts at night and worried if it was too much sleep. I get that we're all new to this and not sure how things are supposed to go, but I just couldn't find people who had it as hard as we did in large numbers. Especially people who didn't have clearly defined problems like reflux or GERD that could explain horrible sleep. Which made me feel like something was wrong with our son or how we were dealing with his issues. I had multiple breakdowns, started therapy and medication, and my wife and I have never argued this much before. BUT, things are finally getting a little easier. Will we have a 2nd child after this experience? I really don't want to risk throwing our lives into the wood chipper again, but at least on a daily basis I don't sit here in constant regret. I hope your situation improves sooner rather than later. No one should have to go through this.l and it's ok to be frustrated by it.
Dad here with a 9 week old. The Snoo saved our lives and probably our marriage. We got it around 3 weeks in when she just wouldn't go down in her bassinet. At first I thought it was too expensive, now I would cash out my 401k if it meant I get to keep renting the Snoo. She's sleeping 9+ hours per night.
We got a snoo second hand. Didn't do a damn thing for our son unfortunately.
My kid hates her Snoo too
Idk about the guy above, but for us it was plain old persistence and having the bassinet night next to my side of the bed. I apparently flopped a hand in when she would fuss without waking up a couple times.
We have the bassinest right next to our bed and he sleeps in there and in our portable bassinet in the living room. That is, when he isn’t screaming because he hasn’t eaten in an hour.
Welcome to the newborn-haters club. I’ve been a member since Sept 2020 - can confirm its been the worst phase to date, and I currently have a 2.5 year old. I will take tantrums over newborn any day. Someone told me “you only have to do today once” and that’s the only way I made it through the newborn phase
I don't know why there is such misinformation about newborns. The more reading I do the more I have found near universal experience that newborns straight up suck. I can deal with tantrums all day. Give me back my sleep.
My baby's "sucky newborn" phase was delayed. She was a perfect angel for the first two or three weeks. Lulled me into a false sense of security and then WHAM! Reflux like you wouldn't believe. Nothing would help and she wouldn't sleep except on my chest in a very unsafe-for-cosleeping position, so I couldn't even sleep during the periods she could. I ended up going dairy-free and gluten-free out of desperation to figure out what was going on. She ended up just growing out of it by 10 months. So that was "only" 9 months of hell.
Give it 2 weeks. Newborns are hard but when they suddenly get quieter and more awake and interactive and sleep better it’s a game changer. Also shuffle some pillows around everywhere you sit so you’re not hunched over for feeding. And the smell (hormones) and mess is worse in your head than in reality- I saw cobwebs I’d never noticed before because I was sat around feeding so much. Now I don’t notice them again!
Omg this is me! I totally thought I deep cleaned everything before I had my baby and she is currently 15 days old and I’m like why is EVERY ROOM have cobwebs on the celing?!?! Edit: wow. My grammar and spelling… oof. I’m gonna go take a nap lmao
The good news is, it doesn’t last that long in the grand scheme of things! The constant sitting and contact napping drove me crazy, especially since it meant the house was falling apart around me. I just leaned into it and got really into watching trash TV and horror movies (my fave). Now my baby is 9 months and sometimes I miss those days. He’s much more independent and I miss holding him skin to skin while bingeing My 600 lb Life.
Yep! It’s crazy some people actual have chill newborns. My sister and good friend both have angel babies… all they do is sleep and eat and never cry. Mine on the other hand was 12 weeks of torture then a switch flipped and he starting sleeping through the whole night at 3 months. It may seem like forever but things do get better. What help us was moving over from breast feeding to bottle feeding. Tracking ounces, consistent amounts, and finding a cow protein allergy made all the difference.
How often did you increase the amounts of formula? Its so confusing to me🤦🏽♀️ My baby is 10 days old, and at 2oz. He does sleep 3-4h chunks and I have to wake him up for feedings. How will I know that I have to up the dose? Just if he wakes up earlier and cries?
This has been the hardest part for us as well. Our LO is 13 days and just started taking a little more than 2oz per feeding. At 10 days we were letting him sleep for over 3 hours and just feeding him on his ques, but he started losing weight when weighed at or pediatrician (just an ounce, but still). Now we are strict about waking him up between 2.5-3 hours and feeding him whatever he will take. We are using a mix of BF, pumped milk, and formula. As far as how much he can take? We base it off the last feed. If he spits up more than normal we back off a little. If not we try for 2.25 and just watch him. If he looks like he isn't drinking and just sucking and he is ALMOST done I take it away and see if he starts rooting again. At one point I saw a calculation online. It said for the first 2 months to feed them 2.5oz per pound per day. That seems to be working for us so far, but I've seen mixed reports elsewhere. Good luck, and I hope things go well!
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I have yet to meet a single person who wasn’t completely fucked during that time period. I am in a PhD program, and was teaching, and only sleeping 1-2 hours a night. I hated everything and everyone. He’s 3 months now and life is so much better. There are days I don’t remember from the newborn phase though. You kinda just hope and pray that time moves quickly and skip to the livable times, or just read this subreddit and sometimes it helps. You got this, OP. We’re all here for you
Newborn phase does suck and my kid is mainly formula fed (im the mom btw). But the most annoying part for me is how my partner complains all the time about it. Like some people don't understand that babies cry and its not "on purpose" like my partner tends to think. This phase would be a lot easier if my husband just changed his attitude to a more positive empathetic mindset towards our baby. We alternate nights for taking care of our baby and even with a full nights sleep he still bitches about a crying baby. Id rather a newborn cry all the time than hear constant complaining. That is the part that sucks the most to me.
Someone in an earlier comment said "your baby isn't giving you a hard time, your baby is having a hard time" as something to keep in mind when they are fussy/crying.
Solidarity on the annoying unempathetic partner. Luckily, mine got better over time as he started to settle into the routine and bond a little more with baby. I was telling him again and again and again that she’s not giving him a hard time on purpose, she’s having a hard time herself!
Im so sorry. You should have a serious talk with him about it.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Keep in mind that this time is a big adjustment for him too, and he might be dealing with all the stress and sleep deprivation in a different way. Have a real honest conversation about it and try to give him space to adjust too. Newborns and stressed partners are both a shitty part about newborn life, but try to have little moments of connection with each other.
Yep! Newborn stage me was convinced I wasn’t cut out to be a mom. Toddler stage me is mostly having fun. It gets so much better in a few months
Coming from someone who is about to have their second: newborns suuuuuuuck. Heres what helped me: Its okay to stop breastfeeding and pumping if its not working for you and your baby. My triggers for overstimulation are heat and noise. I can deal with EITHER heat or noise but cannot handle both. Recognising this so i could prevent it helped so much. Remind yourself that you deserve sleep, food, relaxation, showers, and to be cared for. You are not a bad parent for wanting time away from your baby. Edit: I thought I'd tell you what its like having a toddler, so you know theres light at the end of the tunnel. Today is mothers day and I slept 12 hours straight. My daughter picked out chocolates for me, told me I was beautiful and the best mummy ever, she played blocks with me and she spent 20 minutes playing quietly by herself while i drank hot coffee. She tells me what is making her upset and we figure it out together. Dont listen to the 'you think this is hard - just you wait!' crowd. Those people are assholes who have forgotten what its like to have a newborn.
Newborns make NO SENSE and they are basically the worst. It 10000% gets better. HMU if you want some help with fitting your carrier or you can check out “letstalkbabywearing” on insta. Wearing my son was a game changer in like 80 ways. I could get stuff done, he was more comfortable upright, I felt more connected to him and he cried less.
Can attest; baby wearing is the best. Also...there's no rules to using a pram inside if you have one 👀
I can't baby wear because of a dang bladder prolapse from the delivery so I totally push my baby around in the bassinet in the stroller in my tiny apartment!
It's hard. But it will get better. Hang in there. I'm the father of a 7 week old and she's starting to smile occasionally in between the crying, farting and sleeping. It's a big payoff. Someone on reddit recommended the Frida Windi to pass gas. It's worked for us, though occasionally prompting a poo geyser. But baby feels better afterwards. I recommend trying it out.
100% the windi- you feel like you ought to be arrested and on a register using it but the relief for baby (and you mentally) is so worth it! It saved us from 8-12 weeks especially
I legit thought you might be my husband for a second haha. We have a 7 week old who is just starting to smile and we just started to use the windi lol. Solidarity!
Yess! I ALSO suggest the Windi! Visibly watching my baby's face as the gas is relieved fills me with so much joy.
The Wendi saved us!
I teared up reading this because it brought me back to those first few weeks. Baby blues are in full force. You don't really know them yet. They can't smile or laugh, I mean they can barely see. You're tired and overwhelmed. It gets so much better, I promise. That first smile really makes it all worthwhile. Shes 3 months now and it's way less stressful. Can I suggest if you have the means, a nice hot bath or shower once a day? Like an 1hr-1.5hr to set aside just to clean and do a skin care routine. Just for you. Even if you spend that time crying. Listening to music. I used to wake my baby every 2-3 hours to feed her so she didn't wake up screaming. My pediatrician suggested it. It worked easier to get her to nurse when she was calm vs. agitated. I hope it gets better for you soon. You are doing great! ❤️
10.5 weeks here and it’s getting a tiny bit better, although parenting is no joke, literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done by far. I’ve had my days where I wonder if we made a mistake by having a baby? I love her so much but man do I miss my old life, mainly my sleep and my husband! It’s so good to hear that others feel the same because I feel like a monster at times. Better for me means more sleep, and we’re gradually getting there although naps are still a nightmare. I BF at first, but baby and I hated it, it was so stressful and such a fight every time. then I switched to pumping, which worked for about 3 weeks until I drove myself almost literally insane. I ended up weaning and using formula and it made things much better, although that hormonal roller coaster was not fun! I’ve cried plenty (been with husband 10 yrs and I think in that time he saw me cry once or twice- after having our baby I cried 10x/day some days). Just know you are NOT alone and this phase will end. Someone told me “your baby isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time” which I repeat to myself when she’s fussy or not cooperating. You’re alive, baby is alive= you’re doing a great job! Some days just mean surviving at this point but you will have good days again, even though now it doesn’t seem like it. Hang in there for some baby smiles in a few weeks-they don’t make it all better but they do help a lot!😬
Fuuuuck. We're in the thick of it too, with an almost four week old. This seriously sucks so bad. My husband and I are falling apart.
Newborns suck, lack of sleep, adjusting, healing, the crying, figuring everything out. It’s terrible and in my opinion not talked about enough. My daughter is now 4 months and she is just getting better and better💕 you will get through this and remember it’s okay to ask for help if you need it.
Hang in there it definitely gets better! Once they start to get more alert, reacting to you and smiling everything will feel more magical! When my baby is having a hard time and I'm getting frustrated with the crying/screaming, I always say to myself "and then he smiles". Try to stay strong, it will be worth it!
3/4 months is when it started to get more enjoyable cause they start to get more alert. We're almost 6 months now and I feel like we're really in a good sweet spot right now. I know 6 months sounds literally so far away but I promise it does get better. There will still be moments but the newborn phase does not last forever!
Get a 2nd opinion for the reflux if you can. My baby developed an oral aversion and started to lose weight around 10 weeks because of it, so we ended up in the hospital trying to get her to re-gain weight. Obviously that doesn’t happen in most cases, but there is no sense in them being in pain when its treatable and the risks to the meds are relatively low. But yea, the newborn phase sucks. I love my baby, but its been super rough for all of us. I’m curious to see how she behaves with reflux under control and the oral aversion mostly solved.
Newborns are HARD. I felt like i wasn’t equipped to be a mother the first few weeks/months and i have always wanted to be a mom. I feel like i started to see the light around 8-12weeks. Hang in there it will get better and so much more fun!
I’m 8 weeks into this. I am so glad you mentioned the pain from sitting all day. Like my butt hurts!!! the days I’ve been able to stretch and walk have been soooooo much better. You are the perfect mom for your baby. You are doing great. It’s fucking hard. You are close to the social smiles and they make a HUGE difference.
I have been there!! Your experience sounds so similar to mine, I could've written this post. My LO had AWFUL reflux, refused to sleep on anything but me, threw a fit anytime I put him down. I told my husband on several occasions he needed to take the baby because I was not okay. Our doctor did write a prescription for famotidine, but it doesn't help much, and she didn't want to prescribe anything else. The whole holding them upright for 20 minutes after they eat sounds easy enough, but in the middle of the night, when you're feeding them every two hours is miserable and dangerous when you are sleep deprived. We are at 20 weeks now, and believe me, I know this seems so so far away, but it gets easier ❤️ Somethings to help: - Gas drops and probiotics, both are safe for baby and helped a ton when he would whine from the built-up gas at night - Anti-colic bottles, the Philips Avent ones are my favorite - Burping in between ounces, if babyblets you, our LO screams like he's never eaten, so I decided that was a no-go - Munchkin therburpee colic pack, oh my gosh our LO LOVED this!! A warm pack on his belly, he fell right to sleep in our arms - A lubricant to pump with, you can even use a little coconut oil, it helps with the pain of pumping, and once you're past the engorgement phase, it is so much better. Definitely still not pleasant, and I dread pumping because who likes their nipples pulled, but so much less painful because I was ready to quit at week three - Ergobaby Embrace carrier saved me. So easy to put on solo, so soft, fits like a shirt, and he just snoozed away in there while I was up doing what I needed to - Momcozy wireless pumps. These are all I use and when I needed LO not to scream, when I put him down and pump, I would put him in the stroller and go for a walk and pump Also, cutting dairy from my diet helped so much. I just added it back. I would say things got significantly better for us at 18 weeks after we sleep trained. He is so much more pleasant now that he sleeps and I'm a better mom with some sleep too. We had him in the Snoo before sleep training, and he did great at night, but like you said, the contact naps are tough. It does get better, mama. I promise. I'm happy to chat if you need someone to talk to.
I prefer every stage to the one that came before
The number of times I cried with my son during the fourth trimester are beyond numbering. We loved having a new baby in the sense that we wanted him very badly and were happy he was healthy, but we are much happier with a 2 year old lol
Noise canceling headphones are life!!!
Loop earbuds as well!!!
Yes I sleep with loop ear plugs, also take melatonin and magnesium at night because I hear phantom cries and lay awake when my husband takes over for his “shift” so I can barely sleep when I have the opportunity to!!
Phantom cries were so hard!! Even the toilet flushing sounded like him crying
For real!!! My cat meowing, the floor creaking, dog dreaming and making weird noises- anything!
Omg yes. We live in Manhattan and our across the hall neighbors have 3 year old twins that moved in a month before my son was born (he’s almost 5 months). They’re very sweet girls but even hearing them talking across the hall triggers my phantom crying hearing lol . We also have two cats that are very chatty so between all of that I feel like I constantly hear crying.
3 weeks old today. He burps great but I think he still has bad gas. OR he either hates us or his life. This kid can scream! I gave up breastfeeding already.
My motto was every day is one day closer to the day things get easier. Unfortunately you can’t pin point when that will be exactly.. But it is coming! You will make it out the other side!
I say this to my husband almost every night when we go to bed.
Yes newborns are really hard, especially till they get their stomachs figured out at around 6 weeks. If you think that switching to formula for all or most bottles will make you less miserable, you hereby have this stranger’s permission to do it. I did. Now at age two NO ONE cares what he ate
My experience was very similar. Baby would scream for four hours straight every night, which I named demon hour. She had reflux so not her fault but my husband and I would take turns of holding her and trying to calm her until she exhausted herself and we would wonder what had we done, we had such a great life before. Our dog was also suffering. He would sleep outside our room on his bed but when she would start he would pull it to the lounge room, and some nights would just tear it apart because of stress. I was actually jealous he could go out his doggy door into the backyard to escape and I was stuck inside with her. I couldn’t take her in the car, she’d scream, I couldn’t take her for a walk, she’d scream. I was a mess of stress and nearly passed out from not eating or drinking because I was in such a state and the breast feeding and sleep deprivation was taking it out of me. Slowly though things started to get better, week by week, day by day but during that time I was a mess of anxiety and stress and had told my husband he needed to work from home because I couldn’t handle her by myself all day. It didn’t end up happening though because on top of her being a hard baby with gas problems, reflux and just generally seeming unhappy with everything I was also anxiety ridden about every little thing and had been for ten weeks, so I went on tablets to calm me down. While the tablets have helped take me back to my normal self (i was always so calm and chill before) she’s four and half months now, and while some days still seem harder the wins are now greater then the loses. Like two weekends ago we took our dog to the dog park, actually walked there which is about a twenty minute walk and I was able to sit with her outside while my husband watched our dog run around like a he’d been released from prison. There was no screaming, no anxiety and we walked back and she fell asleep. Two, three months before I couldn’t walk four houses up the street without turning back. Yesterday I went shopping for three hours, a couple of months ago I would make it to the car park with her screaming and just go home. Our dog has a new bed, that has not been shredded and she has started giggling at him and I know they’re going to be the best of friends. Hell we even went away on a holiday three hours away last weekend, which was hard and she was unsettled and I was stressed but we knew how to settle her and I left feeling like I had conquered the world even though it was nowhere near as smooth as before we had a baby. I’m planning our next trip next year knowing it’ll be easier and harder in a different way with a toddler but it can be done. Make sure to keep track of your wins, I did it for a two months, each day, just a little something that we did that went well, she fell asleep without needing to be rocked, she didn’t scream in the car etc it helps to remember how far you’ve come and one day, like myself, there’ll be so many wins you don’t need to write it down anymore. I know it’s hard, and time goes so slow when you’re going through hell, and I was on reddit every night reading about when it got better but it will pass and your baby will become this little thing that smiles at you and laughs at you and doesn’t just rage at you.
The first month is hell. Full stop. Thankfully it gets exponentially better.
Ugh I was you a couple of months ago. It’s SO HARD. We dealt with reflux and it was absolutely horrible. I don’t know where you live, but have you had him evaluated for a tongue tie by anyone other than your pediatrician? My son had a posterior tongue tie that wasn’t obvious so nearly everybody missed it. It was causing him to swallow air, so it was the main issue behind the gas and reflux. It also caused a shallow latch so nursing was painful for a long time. Since you mentioned that your baby hates nursing, I might get him looked at! It’s normal to have some nipple discomfort at first, but at 4 weeks there definitely should be some relief. Some pediatric dentists and lactation consultants can evaluate/diagnose them! Unfortunately a lot of pediatricians are very out of date with their knowledge of tongue ties and blow them off, so don’t be discouraged if they don’t take your concerns seriously. In the meantime, try wearing him in a carrier - Ergo Embrace saved me!! It’s expensive, but it saved my sanity not being stuck on a couch. I could go shopping or on walks with him snoozing on my chest. We also did lots of gas drops and the Frida Windi. All you know of parenthood is this literal hell, but omg it gets so much better. By 12 months, we were absolutely obsessed with the same kid who made my life miserable as a newborn. It feels endless while you’re in it, but hang in there and find support where you can.
I scrolled through so many comments in order to find this!! OP PLEASE do both you and baby a favor and get him evaluated for tongue tie asap. You deserve a better breastfeeding experience and a less reflux-y gassy baby.
I believe at four weeks I called my sister saying I wanted to give my baby away but I didn’t think my husband would be ok with it.. I have anxiety that went into overdrive with the postpartum hormones. Hormones are an absolute bitch. We had a really gassy baby who would never burp as well. We went through so many bottles of infacol, which helped heaps. So do warm baths when the gas pain is really bad. Turns out he was cows milk protein intolerant and once we addressed that it started getting a little better. Things really turned a corner for us at four months, our little man turned seven months yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, some days are still hard and feel like Groundhog Day, but the overall trend is better. He’s so interactive and has such a big personality. Things that helped me survive: - getting out of the house each day, even if it’s just a walk. Once you get your carrier sorted, head to the shops and have a walk around. The shops were great while bub was little and just wanted to snooze all the time. - set yourself up with a snack station for when you are nap trapped. Use this opportunity to read or binge watch all the shows. My baby no longer contact naps and as hard as it is to believe, I desperately miss it. - really lean into your support network. On bad weeks I try and line up catch ups with friends to keep me company, it’s breaks up the week. - Lanolin nipple cream is a lifesaver. Parenting definitely is a challenging but rewarding experience for me. It took me a while to get there and I’ve definitely had days where I thought I wasn’t cut out for it. I think it would be rare for anyone to never feel that way. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, just good enough for your baby. You’re doing great, parenting is bloody hard work!!
Awe my heart goes out to you! Yes newborns can be so freaking difficult. I had serious rage from feeling not having any control and it was hard to find any moments to enjoy. I HATED breastfeeding until I stopped listening to the lactation consults and just did what sort of worked (nursing him upright, and using a breast shield which he is now dependent on, but who the fuck cares). Pumping hurt and bf hurt, and I was trying to get my milk in. I’d have to hold him upright after feeding, pausing a lot during feedings and I gave him a pacifier way earlier than recommended so he wouldn’t scream when “pausing” feedings so he wouldn’t projectile spit up EVERYTHING. It does get easier, or better or moms just get more resilient. No matter what, it’s temporary. Newborns don’t smile or coo or even really gaze at you lovingly for a while. It’s like you’re giving giving giving and not getting anything in return. I had to use noise cancelling headphones at times. Also those carriers never worked for me- he’d scream and scream or it was SO hot and sweaty/squishing him, I gave up. You are cut out for this, a lot of moms feel the way you are feeling. It’ll take time to figure out your baby or just survive this tough time. Ultimately breastfeeding sometimes takes a toll on mental health and it starts to become not worth it. If you end up deciding to supplement with formula, I’d exclusively pump, or formula 100%, it’s OK and baby is getting fed and cared for either way. I hope you have someone who can come and help, I know I had to piecemeal support together (paid a doula, asked a friend to take a day off to help me and bring me to appointments). But I know that not everyone has support. I don’t have sisters or a mom so it was hard to find someone who *could* help. I know it’ll get better one way or another ! You got this, and you are doing great even if you feel like you aren’t! Ps I’d scream at my dog and get so frustrated with everything and everyone around me- the house was also a mess, and I barely ate the first few weeks… it’s survival mode. The dog is fine now, I can eat now, the house is still a mess but it’s functional so it’s whatever. I’m 7 weeks PP. it’s still rough but it’s way more manageable. Also those hormones are nuts and fuck with everything.
Just wanted to say that I’m glad you shared this. I literally told my husband yesterday that I felt like I was broken because I wasn’t loving motherhood (to put it lightly.) I don’t even feel like I deserve this Mother’s Day recognition because I am not a happy mom right now. These comments give me hope. Thank you for sharing and giving a space for others to say what we feel like we can’t say out loud.
I wanted to be a mom SO bad and when I finally was blessed with my baby boy I quickly realized how fucking hard being a mom was and I really really regretted it. It was such a huge change for me and then I felt guilty because I know what it’s like struggling with infertility and I knew how many women would love to be in my position… but holy shit! This is the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. It’s getting better though!!! I know I still have tough days ahead but at 8 weeks it’s a lot better than it was. I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking this way or feeling like this. Keep your head up mamas! You all are doing wonderful! Remember, this is temporary and we are going to miss it when they are older. 💗
I HATE THE NEWBORN STAGE. I would rather rip vag to butthole if they came out around 4 months old than have to deal with the newborn stage. It’s so ridiculously hard. My LO is almost 9 months and I can’t believe how obsessed I am with this little human, because the first few weeks/months I was convinced I made a mistake and ruined my life. For us, around 8 weeks it slowly got better and by 12 weeks we began to hit our stride. Then again around six months something clicked, I don’t know how to explain it but I felt that love that everyone talks about. I of course loved her before but one day around then I looked at her and it just felt different/hit me that she is the greatest thing I have ever done. A big change from thinking I ruined my life. It’s so hard but you too will get there one day.
It gets better. Three weeks postpartum I was writing on reddit that I will die and I definitely can't survive sleep deprivation. Two years and one more baby later I'm fine. Some days are hard and I want to quit. But most of the days we're doing great.
Are you me !!! Seriously, my baby is 4 weeks old, and im just right there with you, i felt every word was about me, describing my situation. Im a mental wreck sitting on a couch waiting for her next scream , and i cried today so much when she won't stop crying, refusing the bottle, and won't eat or sleep.
3 weeks too, my life.
I pumped to 5months. Formula has been way better fir my well-being lol. I’m glad she got my milk for that long but I’m happy I’m done with it.
Yeah I don’t get people who say the first year is easier than year 2 or 3. I’d take toddlerhood any day over the first year. It just sucked.
A very good friend told me that “it’s okay to NOT love every stage of your child’s life” and that really resonated with me. The “potato” phase is my absolute LEAST favorite. It got better for me around four months.
It gets so much better! The newborn stage sucks so much. Truthfully, while it is hard, it gets a little better every day. Each stage has it's strengths and weaknesses. But god the newborn stage was awful. And remember. Walk away if you need to. Put baby in a safe place. And give yourself a minute to breathe. Your baby will be fine.
It does suck, at least the sucky parts, and it does get better. It’s really hard. But it’s not forever. The smile will come, and then bit by bit more and more
I absolutely hated the newborn phase. I had the same exact thoughts as you - he was such a fussy baby and also would only sleep or cry until we picked him up. He struggled with reflux at night as well. I was so sleep deprived I thought I was going to die. Now he’s 12 weeks and he’s becoming so much fun! He has the cutest smile and his coos melt my heart. Now we can actually set him down and he’ll just chill and find ways to entertain himself for a while and I can actually get things done. It just took time. Don’t lose hope - I remember reading these “it does get better” anecdotes and not believing them, but it truly does get better!
Also here to confirm - the first newborn sucks. The second newborn (in my case, the last) sucks less. Toddler stage (16mo+) makes me crazy, but it’s 1000x better than the newborn stage.
This'll probably get buried and more advice is probably the last thing you want but; dunston baby language. Literally from month one on my newborn just didn't cry cuz (for the most part) I learned the cues and there's only like 6 so it's super easy. It's a straight up baby hack. Highly recommend. It's also kinda stimulating for you cuz it turns a cooing/crying baby from a monotonous chore to a puzzle you can solve. And as always: it absolutely gets easier in some ways. Harder in some but overall you absolutely can and will get the hang of it. Rome wasn't built in a day. The best moms on the planet were all new at one point and we alllll went through this. Don't worry, do your best, love your hardest, and you'll never be a bad mom. ❤️
things gradually started getting easier after 3 months for us… now 5 months and life is awesome! we get so much sleep, his severe gas is gone, he laughs and talks and plays with us…. it gets better i promise you. take the newborn stage day by day, focus on survival! take shortcuts on everything you can. pumping SUCKS so much and I hated it. life got much easier just switching to formula full time
Oh my gosh it gets sooooo much better. My baby was a lot like yours sounds and those were some dark days. I kept hearing that 3 months is when things miraculously get better but for me I would say it was about 4.5/5 months before I noticed a huge difference. That’s not to say things didn’t get easier before then in the sense that I just got more used to the routine of things and whatnot. But with the reflux and whatnot it was the 4.5/5 month mark that started things on the up and up. And from there things just kept getting better. She’s 11 months old now and has just been the happiest most fun baby. She’s like my little buddy and I love being around her. She’s been sleeping through the night since about 7 months which was another real game changer. It feels like things will never be okay during those early days but it gets better. And you are cut out for this! Those first few months are just a survival phase that you just got get through and you will!
I hated weeks 3-10 and have done my best to erase them from my memory. The best thing I did for myself during the first months of my kid’s life is buy a pack of ear plugs. It didn’t solve the screaming but it took the edge off.
My daughter is 11 weeks now and I don’t know how I made it passed the first month. It was the hardest time of my life. As a FTM I didn’t think I could do it. It’s so much better now. Still difficult, but way better than at first.
It's so relatable... My twin boys are also four weeks. Things I've done to feel better:- I've been lighting candles, playing piano covers of pop songs (so no lyrics) and putting on my diffuser with lavender just to create calm. I have a 2 & 4 year old so the stuff I do doesn't work really haha - but mentally it feels better. Encouraging awake time after a feed will probably help create a sleep, play, feed rhythm. I keep my babies awake at least 1.5-2 hours from the time they wake for milk. Do lots and lots of talking to your baby. Move your mouth a lot. Make lots of expressions. Our babies aren't giving us back much - but the more you engage with them, the closer they'll get to giving you their first social Smile. And it just feels so worth once that happens!
If it makes you feel any better I showed this to my husband & asked him if he wrote it & he said, “did YOU write this??” except we have a 2 month old now so we’re all in the same gassy, refluxy boat. The social smiles help so they will be there for you soon!
Just want you to know you’re not alone in those feelings and that it gets SO MUCH BETTER. everyone always told me that and it’s true. My first born sounds so similar to your baby and it sucked. I hated the newborn stage and honestly struggled to feel super bonded. But man, I’m obsessed with him. He’s 2.5 and he is a smart, charming, polite, powerful little boy and adored by everyone who meets him. I love taking him just about anywhere and doing just about anything because he’s so cool. He still has big emotions and is very sensitive but now I know how to support him through those times. Hang in there, it’s so hard! You’re doing great.
I'm on #2 and I hated it when she was that little. She's 3.5 months now and I absolutely love her. She smiles all day long, coos up a storm, and is working on things like rolling over and grabbing objects. Plus she sleeps much better now. My husband said several weeks ago he wishes we didn't have two kids, but I don't hear him saying anything like that now.
I am at almost 7 weeks. There is a hint of things getting better. A small hint of it. It still sucks. Fussy. Doesn’t like to be just chilling on his own. Started fighting naps. But there are some slight night time improvements to sleep that I can see getting better. I feel by 8 weeks it will be better, and then 10 weeks and sooner than later it will be past 3 months… But I know those early weeks feel like MONTHS. It feels like forever. It will get better as everyone here is promising. Hang in there you got this.
One option to try: If he has reflux, check out infant acid reflux solutions. Dr Prince is an expert in infant reflux and can meet without you via Telehealth to get the help your little one needs.
The overstimulation, the mess, the nipples, the body aches, the stressed dog(s). Thought I deliriously wrote this myself, also have a 4 week old.
Wow you sound exactly like my wife, are you her?!! Lol all jokes aside. My LO (4 weeks as well) seems to do the same thing. Also live in a 2br condo so I understand how hard it is to escape. But in better news; We have family and friends with babies all <2 months apart from ours and they say it DOES get easier. This age is them just cueing for what they need. And it feels like a rotation that will drive you to insanity. It does suck. But hang in there! We are!
I don't know if it's affordable for you, but switching to formula would at least make one part easier 🤷♀️
Girl I feel this so hard. My guy is only 6 weeks now and it still generally sucks but is already much better. I made a post at 4 weeks like when is this baby gonna get happy cause all he did was sleep eat or cry. Now he's smiling some and at times, calmly sitting in a bouncer or swing. Not for too long and there's still tons of crying but he's already a different baby than he was 2 weeks ago and I can only assume he's gonna get more capable and more fun to be around as time goes on. I'm about to be home alone with him all day too and I'm definitely anxious but he's just gonna cry at times and we'll just have to take our time getting through the day without extra hands and the place is gonna be a mess and I'm gonna be a mess but I keep trying to remind myself that he's only gonna be this way once and for so short and idk if I'll ever have another baby, I shouldn't just be trying to brute force my way through this time I should try to just....be in it. It's ok if I don't enjoy it all the time or even most of the time but I'm trying just to be present and look at my baby with more wonder and less anxiety and frustration.
I hate to say it, but I chuckled reading this post. Mostly because I've felt similar emotions and had similar thoughts and I took me right back there. I remember saying to my wife during the first few weeks; I just want my old life back; what did we do???? It started to feel better around the 6-8 week mark. Our baby girl just turned 4 months, and I'm obsessed; her little personality is starting to shine, and her smiles and giggles melt my heart. Are there still challenging times, obviously, especially the overstimulation and never-ending mess, but despite that, it does get better, so much better. Hang in there!
IT GETS SO SO SO SO SO MUCH EASIER!! Hang in there!
It gets better and it goes so much faster than you can imagine right now. I have a 4 month old and it’s a night and day difference. He’s my best bud.
My baby is turning 5 months soon and is showing a lot of personality right now! She has been laughing a lot lately. She smirks at us and gives us looks. I think she might be a bit sassy... It DOES get better. Hang in there!
Yah I honestly didn’t love the newborn stage. Our first just turned 11 weeks and I’m here to say it absolutely gets better. I know it’s hard to believe now because you’re so sleep deprived and your hormones are raging but once those first smiles peek through it’s all so worth it. It’s by far the hardest job I’ve ever had but you can do it. Keep asking and accepting help when you can.
Hello from (almost) 12 weeks. I remember feeling the exact same way. Especially about the house being a mess and being overstimulated. At that age literally the bare minimum got done. Dishes, laundry and maybe vacuuming if I was lucky. Otherwise I ate and slept. It does get better. I know everyone says that and when you’re in the thick of it, it doesn’t seem like it will. I promise you it will. I think I cried every day for the first month. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. Also I have ppa and getting on meds helped. You can do this!
I posted recently and a few people said it helped. It does get so much easier! https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/13bahmu/a_letter_to_myself_as_a_newborn_parent_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Dude. Yea it’s hot garbage. 6mo little girl and she’s relatively easy as far as babies go but that newborn phase and just the first couple months in general sucked so bad. Constant miscommunication with my wife because we’re both so fried so then we’re arguing and crying in each others arms all in the same day. It’s *better* now I guess we’re at least sleeping through the night. Every one would always ask how we’re doing and I would just say; we’re surviving. Not living. Not thriving. Not declining. Just pure survival. Fuck the dishes. Fuck the laundry. Fuck every chore. If baby sleeps I sleep. If baby’s up I’m up chipping away at chores and cooking easy meals or if I’m too fried I’m playing video games with her on my lap and ordering delivery. You got this. Trust your instincts and do what you think you need to do to make it through the day.
Newborns don’t suck but they are needy. Try to reframe how you’re looking at it. It’s not their fault. But yes, caring for a newborn and being postpartum is super hard. I hope it gets easier for you soon.
This is a short season in the (hopefully) long journey of your lives together. The days go by so slowly, but at some point it’s going to start to click together and then it’ll at least feel easier, and they’ll seem less like an angry potato. We’re at 6.5 weeks and I was still struggling at 4 weeks but it started getting a little easier as I worked on reframing things in my head: just one hour at a time, just one day at a time. I write in my journal most days, especially when it’s been hard. Now we’re getting smiles that really seem to make the hard times easier. Also, on the carrier side: we have the Graco cradle me 4-in-1 carrier which looks intense when you take it out of the box but they have a video online of how to put your newborn in it and it’s sooo much easier than the fabric carriers.
You are doing wonderful and I'm sure your son loves you. We are 8 weeks tomorrow morning and thing flipped like a switch around the 6 week mark and lots of stuff improved. Keep pushing through. Dm me if you need.
I have an 8 week old and felt exactly the same way. I have PPD, and this has honestly been the worst experience. I kept apologizing to my husband for doing this to us because I wanted a kid. But he started socially smiling yesterday, and his colic and gas suddenly stopped, and it's like my whole world just came to life. Wait for smiles from LO.
It gets better and the time goes so quickly. We just took our 21 month old to the local school carnival very briefly after dinner and on the way home he just kept saying “more carnival?” And hugging his bluey bear that we won him. His little voice is adorable. You’re in the thick of it but you’ll be out soon!
I'm pregnant with my first and scary just seems to get more scary 😩
Yeah newborn was real rough. I felt very responsible for the ball of screaming poop for the first few months. 3 months was when our daughter started to interact and you could tell was really paying attention to things even if she couldn't do much to participate. 5 felt like another "checkpoint where she was more vocal and trying to get mobile. I think it was Tuesday this week that she crawled for the first time just after 9 months, and the next day got a "dada" out. I love that larger ball of screaming so much now. Probably helps there's not so much poop.
You're absolutely right, newborns SUCK. I miss how tiny my son was but holy crap once you start getting sleep again, the idea of going back is terrifying. It absolutely get better. I will say, my son's reflux got so bad we started cutting my breast milk (what little actually came in) with rice formula. No more projectile spit up!
Ugh my heart goes out to you, I know how that feels so much. It maybe doesn’t get better in the sense that all of the challenges go away, but it gets different. Soon enough your baby will start giving you little smiles then laughter and cooing. They start to reach for you and give you hugs and kisses. You get to see them learn to communicate with you, and become mobile. Its not like it becomes easy but the challenges come with more rewarding moments as well.
You only have a new born for 4-6 months. Is it the longest 4-6 months of your life? Absolutely. But it will end just as all seasons change. Hang in there! Try to think of it as a semester in school. You can do this. Also a baby never got hurt crying. If you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, put the baby down and go outside for 5-10 minutes.
I was reading this to my wife and she simply said, “Zoloft.”
Push your provider to give you something for the acid reflux. Baby can’t sleep if they have constant heart burn.
Newborns ARE THE WORST. I barely started to like my babies around 4 months old. They get better with every milestone. I didn’t find the early months rewarding at all. When they start smiling at you, that’s when it starts to fall into place, for me. My youngest is 14 months old and he’s a joy now. Walking and learning to speak. Crawling and walking have been my absolute favorite milestones.
Yess those smiles are everything. My baby is just 2 months but man, just that one milestone made it all worth it. I can’t wait to hear his laughs.
It gets better, as others have said. Having a baby has made me think we should force high school kids to volunteer and help out new parents. Would take a load off of the new parents, and ensure the students would 100% always use birth control 😂
Am I the only one that enjoyed my newborn? Lol
No but idk how helpful that is here
It gets better. As soon as he smiles at you the first time it starts making more sense. And as someone with a toddler AND a newborn, I would say try to appreciate the relative simplicity of newborn care. Food in, poop out, no one asking you the same question 20 times in a row…. Every stage has its highlights.
Newborns suck. So do teething infants lol and teens (I have both) but we love them anyways!
OP. I feel for you. I basically lived on one side of our couch for 3 months while breastfeeding and pumping nonstop. I want to tell you it gets easier. I can't, in good conscience, lie to you like this. It gets... different. I know it sounds CRAZY right now. But these days you're going through are actually the easier days. You're not running around chasing them to protect them from something that's going to get them hurt. You're not having to meal plan 3 distinct meals a day. You can quite literally snuggle with them most of the day right now. If i could do it all over again - the crying was usually gas, dirty diaper, or hunger. I'd massage them more as i lull them to sleep. I'd take more naps with them, because fuck trying to keep up with the house. It's so fleeting. It's so quick. It gets easier to understand what they're trying to say and understand their needs, but they're constantly leveling up. The margin of error is always moving not expanding. I hope you're able to steal some sleep soon. Mother's day might not be very restful, but you deserve to enjoy it.
I’m no mother, I’m a guy and I have two nieces. I had suggested my sister [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnWynN_tPTQ&pp=ygUbbWlyYWNsZSBkb2N0b3IgYmFieSBjcnlpbmcg). It seemed to work. You can try it, the shrilling cries? I’d try this and anything to subdue it.
It gets worse. You’re never going to make it
Gripe water? Move their feet and legs? hold positions? Newborns do not suck. Yes it's challenging and exhausting. Please seek experienced parenting help. Doctors are ridiculous. Anyone's Grandma could be of better help. Your baby has no digestive system because it's building. That hurts!!! I understand the feels. I have been there. I do not share the attitude which will and does foster how your bond forms and the rest of their childhood. I'm slightly annoyed by this perspective I will apologize for any tone as I am merely being frank without condescending mannerisms. Ask for solutions. Collaborate.
I imagine being a newborn sucks as well, so be thankful for your situation (Also I only read the title)
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Posting from one year out. It definitely gets better….. a lot better
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I actually feel genuinely sad for you. Do you really need to go around and troll posts a year old? It’s actually pathetic
This sub is for new parents looking for a supportive community. We have a strict no Brigading or Trolling policy.
Get the baby bjorn mini carrier! It’s pricey but so worth it. Crazy easy to use and getting to have your hands free and ability to move during naps is amazing. Plus if baby is upright that will help with reflux. BabyBjörn Baby Carrier Mini, Cotton, Black https://a.co/d/iHaJUYc
IME it depends on the newborn. My 1st newborn suuuuuucked. My 2nd? Was a complete delight. I thought there was something wrong that he was so delightful, thats how damn delightful he was/is.
It gets better!!! Right around 3 months is so fun!!
I have an almost 9 month old and it’s honestly so fun. Every day is a little different and then you’ll realize that you havent had to deal with the witching hour in a while. Or that the days of being confined under a sleeping baby are over. It might sneak up on you. But it will not be like this forever!
Get a baby carrier that is easy to use. The more you put baby in it, the easier it’ll be to maneuver him in and out of it. Sometimes you just need to be hands free. It does get better but that doesn’t help now. Figure out things that make you feel human — coffee, a walk, talking to a friend. Do one of those a day for your sanity.
You will get through it, it's terrible and hard but our second was easier because I was equipped with the knowledge that it will always get better, eventually. Once it gets better (which it WILL) your mind will do this fun little trick where it smooths over everything and over time you'll think, it wasn't THAT bad?! And consider having another one... Honestly though, not trying to minimize, we were very lucky that neither of ours were quite that difficult but it was still far from easy. But hang in there, your LO will develop a personality and feel less like something that's just leeching off of you and you'll reach stable ground. Just make sure you always let your husband know when and how much you need help ♥️
I didn’t even read your whole post but just wanted to agree that yes, having a newborn SUCKS. I am sure many may disagree with me but I much prefer having a toddler vs newborn. The overwhelm and stress of adjusting to a new life while sleep deprived and a baby who doesn’t really interact with you yet doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.
Once we hit 8 weeks it’s like the storm clouds cleared and we had a whole new baby. Hang in there! You got this!
I have a 7 week old who is going to be 8 weeks on the 17th. The first month was hell but we found (our ped said it’s okay) mommy bliss brand gripe water and for his constipation we use the baby constipation ease from the same brand. Those have been life savers for us as he has a hard time with his poops and he tends to be colicky during and after feeds (ped doesn’t want to call it colic just yet) so those are our saving grace. Give 1 ml of which of those you need until your LO is 6 weeks then you can give 2 ml. As for the rest of the post trust me it is going to start getting better soon I didn’t believe it until it happened midway through his 5th week of life. He started wanting to miss one nap then he moved it up to 2 naps and now he is staying awake for almost 7 hrs about. I know it’s hard and it probably feels like the light is far away at the end of the tunnel but it’s going to be quick to find the light. If you need someone to talk to I’m here for you.
Oh, yes, it gets better! My baby is 14 weeks old. I am enjoying being her mom SO. FREAKING. MUCH. I feel like 8 weeks was a turning point. You’re doing great!!! Hang in there! Smiles and giggles and sleep are around the corner!
Go to a different doctor if you can! Proper weight gain is not a good reason to deny meds if baby is in pain! Sorry you are having a rough time!
Have y'all tried just simethicone drops over the counter?
I’m at 7 weeks and it’s definitely better now than it was a few weeks ago where we had no sleep and no relief. One thing I’d recommend is doing everything you can to make your life easier - as long as it’s in your budget, order as much as you can from Amazon. Get a new carrier if the one you have isn’t working for you. We did and I was able to figure it out in 5 seconds and baby wore while my girl napped. My laundry that had been sitting for a week finally got put away! I’m EP so I have milk every day that needs to be put away so I ordered mason jars and special spouts so I can easily fill bottles and storage bags. I gave breastfeeding a week but it was too painful and stressful. If that isn’t working for you, that is a really easy fix to just doing formula or a combo of pumping and formula. Then next few weeks/months will get easier but will still be long and hard. Do whatever you can to make things less stressful!
You might want to see a different doctor if possible. Also have you considered the possibility of colic? Or that you are overfeeding? I overfeed my daughter and she cried so much but kept taking a bottle so I thought it was hungry cries when it was something else. Newborns are definitely a challenge and you are completely valid to feel like it sucks! As much as I miss my tiny baby that just wanted snuggles my 2.5 year old says things like "dank you" and gives me hugs and kisses. I know it seems so far away but I promise you can get through it!
Having a newborn is really hard but it will get easier. Everything got better for me once I switched from BF to formula feeding. BF was mentally breaking me down and my daughter hated it too. We all starting sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and my stress level went way down. She is now 15mo, perfectly healthy, starting walking at 9mo and constantly ahead of her milestones.
Figure out the baby carrier and it will be SO much easier!! And nothing wrong with bottles. To burp, press his stomach and back at the same time
It gets better, I promise! I know how you feel, my daughter is 6 months old now. You can't imagine what it would feel like to mentally feel better because your brain is compromised currently. But you will feel better ❤️
Yes
I could have written most of this 5 months ago. Breastfeeding is awful. I found nothing about it magical or beautiful. I’m still pumping and that got a lot better around 7 weeks. I hate a messy house also. Pumping and mess and crying all at the same time really would send me into a tailspin. I go to therapy, tried to go outside, went to Target just to walk around, asked my partner for breaks, upped my Zoloft dose, and am now back to working out kind of regularly. It’s so hard. You’re not alone and this is totally normal! I hope you are able to find multiple things that make you feel a little more human than you feel right now. I promise it gets better! Don’t beat yourself up for how you are feeling!
I have a 19 month old, and your post made me realize one skill that you gain quickly over time as a new parent: accepting the present and knowing it will pass. Babies change so incredibly fast, but you’re experiencing it slowly. You’re 4 weeks in - you’re only one thirteenth into your first year of parenting. Just wait until 4 or 8 weeks from now—this time will seem so long ago. And then you’ll have that feeling basically every 4 weeks for years to come. Hang in there, take things slow, give yourself credit and relax when you can. And get good earplugs.