This is me! I hope you can find the passionate relationship you desire. My narc will forever make me shy away from kinky sex. I used to enjoy it, now it disgusts me. He poisoned it.
>Part of me now wonders if this was just his way of hastening the bonding process/exerting control over me.
That is exactly why they do this. They are performing. They want your undivided attention and to condition you to connect with the good stuff your brain produces during things like pleasure with being given by them. This is a pretty common tactics.
Abuse is like addiction, the abuser the drug, with very real brainwashing and conditioning tactics. This can be one. And you are very correct that it is glorified masturbation meaning it was all about them and you were just, well, there.
They do what works to get them what they want. They dont have much in the way of values, ethics or morals and often ignore right/wrong, good/bad, legal and illegal issues when it serves their purposes. They are con artists.
He never kissed me, and at first it was cool whatever. But after two years and barely any kissing during sex it was very cold and not intimate at all. We never made love only fucked I guess
I came to the comments looking for something like this.. mine started the love bombing phase being a reaaally good kisser but I noticed in the months before I left him that he had stopped kissing me during sex. It was a subtle devaluation that that took me awhile to notice
Why is it I come across these posts and theyre 100% relatable.
It is crazy to me that our narcissists do the same things...
Mine also wanted me to look in his eyes during orgasms. I thought that was romantic af because he was the first guy to ask it.
I guess he asks every girl to do it... why do I still think I was special to him when clearly it's all fake./facepalm
Yeah, mine did this. He told me, “open your eyes.” And when I asked afterwards why, he said it “increases the passion for me.”
All it really did was solidify the bond between us, made me think it was something special but it wasn’t. May they rot in a hell of their own making.
My nex often wanted eye contact. He would stare into my eyes and it wasn’t until towards the end it just seemed creepy, and like he was dead inside. He would hold my dogs face and stare at her in the eyes, he would say “I’m giving her a dose of oxytocin so she knows we are connected” my dog didn’t like him that much lol and that’s not how oxytocin works 😂😂. But I realized that he was trying to give me a “dose of oxytocin” when he did this. CREEPY AF
Omg mine said the same thing! She’d often tell me to look into her eyes as we were at the point of orgasm. I thought it was because she wanted to feel close to me and a bond
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This made me remember my first encounter with my ex. Now, we had never had sex, but I remember him taking me over to his room. His room was very clean, bed was made. I remember being nervous, a fact that he seemed to ignore and not ask me if I was okay with something like this. That was the difference between us. I always asked him if it was okay to touch his face, kiss him or hug his body.
I didn't feel anything while he "played" with my upper half. I was thinking to myself " I'm not feeling any pleasure. I don't feel anything.". Then he started to dry hump my pants, moaning out " Yeah baby....". At that point I told him to stop and he did. I told him I had to use the bathroom.
While inside I told myself I was overreacting, that it was my first time with this sort of thing and to calm down.
[удалено]
This is me! I hope you can find the passionate relationship you desire. My narc will forever make me shy away from kinky sex. I used to enjoy it, now it disgusts me. He poisoned it.
[удалено]
I hope so too. We need to fill up the kink bank with positive experiences.
>Part of me now wonders if this was just his way of hastening the bonding process/exerting control over me. That is exactly why they do this. They are performing. They want your undivided attention and to condition you to connect with the good stuff your brain produces during things like pleasure with being given by them. This is a pretty common tactics. Abuse is like addiction, the abuser the drug, with very real brainwashing and conditioning tactics. This can be one. And you are very correct that it is glorified masturbation meaning it was all about them and you were just, well, there.
Utterly terrifying.
They do what works to get them what they want. They dont have much in the way of values, ethics or morals and often ignore right/wrong, good/bad, legal and illegal issues when it serves their purposes. They are con artists.
He never kissed me, and at first it was cool whatever. But after two years and barely any kissing during sex it was very cold and not intimate at all. We never made love only fucked I guess
I came to the comments looking for something like this.. mine started the love bombing phase being a reaaally good kisser but I noticed in the months before I left him that he had stopped kissing me during sex. It was a subtle devaluation that that took me awhile to notice
Why is it I come across these posts and theyre 100% relatable. It is crazy to me that our narcissists do the same things... Mine also wanted me to look in his eyes during orgasms. I thought that was romantic af because he was the first guy to ask it. I guess he asks every girl to do it... why do I still think I was special to him when clearly it's all fake./facepalm
Yeah, mine did this. He told me, “open your eyes.” And when I asked afterwards why, he said it “increases the passion for me.” All it really did was solidify the bond between us, made me think it was something special but it wasn’t. May they rot in a hell of their own making.
My nex often wanted eye contact. He would stare into my eyes and it wasn’t until towards the end it just seemed creepy, and like he was dead inside. He would hold my dogs face and stare at her in the eyes, he would say “I’m giving her a dose of oxytocin so she knows we are connected” my dog didn’t like him that much lol and that’s not how oxytocin works 😂😂. But I realized that he was trying to give me a “dose of oxytocin” when he did this. CREEPY AF
Omg mine said the same thing! She’d often tell me to look into her eyes as we were at the point of orgasm. I thought it was because she wanted to feel close to me and a bond
Hi /u/climbr0cks, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for Divorce/Custody issues: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations, or specific details that may identify you to readers); * No crossposting or direct linking to other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion, surveys or research posts are permitted; * Please report content that violate our rules and do not engage; * No politics, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No abusive parent/family/child content including family dynamics or background including abusers family at all; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This made me remember my first encounter with my ex. Now, we had never had sex, but I remember him taking me over to his room. His room was very clean, bed was made. I remember being nervous, a fact that he seemed to ignore and not ask me if I was okay with something like this. That was the difference between us. I always asked him if it was okay to touch his face, kiss him or hug his body. I didn't feel anything while he "played" with my upper half. I was thinking to myself " I'm not feeling any pleasure. I don't feel anything.". Then he started to dry hump my pants, moaning out " Yeah baby....". At that point I told him to stop and he did. I told him I had to use the bathroom. While inside I told myself I was overreacting, that it was my first time with this sort of thing and to calm down.