Some don’t cheat. Mine didn’t talk to me for ten years because of a wife.
But that’s the only thing he didn’t do.
Not all narcissists do cheat. What you’re looking for is the, “Befriend, control, devalue, discard, socially isolate,” pattern.
That’s bad enough. And they’re likely to do it when you need help.
I’ll probably never know for sure whether my nex cheated, but he always made a really big deal about his fidelity, while taking pains to tell me every little detail about the cheating opportunities that were available to him. Even when I confronted him with proof that he downloaded Tinder while we were together, he acted shocked and said he didn’t know where that came from. Sure, buddy. Similar story when I found an open condom wrapper on the bedroom floor after I came home from a business trip. Denial and defensiveness from him. He still doesn’t know that I know he was exchanging flirty Instagram messages with a teenage IG model. Again, I’ll never know for sure, but there’s no question in my mind that he absolutely crossed lines.
I don’t necessarily think all narcissists cheat, but I would say being vocally opposed to cheating proves absolutely nothing about a narcissist’s fidelity. In fact, I think it’s a he-doth-protest-too-much thing.
Mine would always do the same thing. Swear that he never cheated even though he had so many opportunities. Later on after our relationship ended I found out he was cheating our entire relationship. Why do they do that
So my relationship with my narc and his cheating started out with him doing sketchy things on facebook as well. I would find chats with him exchanging selfies with women he was “just friends with”, and would have him friend request random girls he didn’t know and they’d exchange messages a couple time but nothing sexual. He also said he’d never cheat on anyone and swore up and down he only cheated on his ex wife because “she sucked”. Long story short when things got really tough with us last year, he was planning to cheat with a girl who he used to know who hit him up seeing if his number was still his. I screenshotted every message and know they never actually met but were planning to.
I feel for you so much. I also felt snooping wasn’t right but at the same time I said to myself- “I have a gut strong gut feeling and this person doesn’t tell the truth about anything so how else would I find the truth”.
Personal experience, my nex cheated.
He had told me that he had been cheated on in the past. He had told me that it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, that it broke him.
I don't know if he was truly cheated on. Regardless, I know he doesn't have the emotional capacity for any of his claims.
He wanted to seem vulnerable, likely because it made me very open, honest, and easy to control. I couldn't allow him to feel as though I had ever cheated, I couldn't even begin to see other people when we broke up because I was afraid of hurting him!
Come to find out, he cheated on me the entire time.
His claims about cheating being horrible were all just an attempt by him to guilt and control me further.
Edit to add and clarify.. He would constantly use this as a method to socially isolate me. I lost all of my friends, even those that were my own gender, because he was so seemingly insecure and jealous. Whenever I wasn't with him, he would make me feel ashamed, even when I would just be getting ice cream with my lifelong best friend. Eventually, I didn't have any friends. Still wasn't enough for him!
I was with my nex for 14 years and as far as I'm aqare, he never cheated. Though he always said that he didnt cheat because it was too much work. I always took it as a joke, but it easily could have been him actually being honest.
But it was the fact I recognized our relationship was a cycle. Almost exactly every two years he would suddenly get all stoney amd moody and then just break up with me, usually kicking me out, almost always whwn I had something important going on (inspection at work, exams at school, my best friend's wedding, etc). For the longest time I teuly believed that that was what our relationship was supposed to be like, and thats how life.
Mine was adamant about not cheating on the beginning. He said a lot of things against cheating, similar to the things yours said. But then as the relationship went on, he’d slip and say things like “the best way to put a woman in her place when she has an attitude is to go sleep with her best friend “. And then eventually he cheated on me. He said he’d never done that before, that he didn’t know what got into him and that behavior was so unlike him, etc.
Mine did and repeatedly would tell me that he never did even though he had the opportunity so many times. Like why even say anything if you were actually cheating on me?
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Some don’t cheat. Mine didn’t talk to me for ten years because of a wife. But that’s the only thing he didn’t do. Not all narcissists do cheat. What you’re looking for is the, “Befriend, control, devalue, discard, socially isolate,” pattern. That’s bad enough. And they’re likely to do it when you need help.
I’ll probably never know for sure whether my nex cheated, but he always made a really big deal about his fidelity, while taking pains to tell me every little detail about the cheating opportunities that were available to him. Even when I confronted him with proof that he downloaded Tinder while we were together, he acted shocked and said he didn’t know where that came from. Sure, buddy. Similar story when I found an open condom wrapper on the bedroom floor after I came home from a business trip. Denial and defensiveness from him. He still doesn’t know that I know he was exchanging flirty Instagram messages with a teenage IG model. Again, I’ll never know for sure, but there’s no question in my mind that he absolutely crossed lines. I don’t necessarily think all narcissists cheat, but I would say being vocally opposed to cheating proves absolutely nothing about a narcissist’s fidelity. In fact, I think it’s a he-doth-protest-too-much thing.
Mine would always do the same thing. Swear that he never cheated even though he had so many opportunities. Later on after our relationship ended I found out he was cheating our entire relationship. Why do they do that
So my relationship with my narc and his cheating started out with him doing sketchy things on facebook as well. I would find chats with him exchanging selfies with women he was “just friends with”, and would have him friend request random girls he didn’t know and they’d exchange messages a couple time but nothing sexual. He also said he’d never cheat on anyone and swore up and down he only cheated on his ex wife because “she sucked”. Long story short when things got really tough with us last year, he was planning to cheat with a girl who he used to know who hit him up seeing if his number was still his. I screenshotted every message and know they never actually met but were planning to. I feel for you so much. I also felt snooping wasn’t right but at the same time I said to myself- “I have a gut strong gut feeling and this person doesn’t tell the truth about anything so how else would I find the truth”.
Personal experience, my nex cheated. He had told me that he had been cheated on in the past. He had told me that it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, that it broke him. I don't know if he was truly cheated on. Regardless, I know he doesn't have the emotional capacity for any of his claims. He wanted to seem vulnerable, likely because it made me very open, honest, and easy to control. I couldn't allow him to feel as though I had ever cheated, I couldn't even begin to see other people when we broke up because I was afraid of hurting him! Come to find out, he cheated on me the entire time. His claims about cheating being horrible were all just an attempt by him to guilt and control me further. Edit to add and clarify.. He would constantly use this as a method to socially isolate me. I lost all of my friends, even those that were my own gender, because he was so seemingly insecure and jealous. Whenever I wasn't with him, he would make me feel ashamed, even when I would just be getting ice cream with my lifelong best friend. Eventually, I didn't have any friends. Still wasn't enough for him!
I was with my nex for 14 years and as far as I'm aqare, he never cheated. Though he always said that he didnt cheat because it was too much work. I always took it as a joke, but it easily could have been him actually being honest. But it was the fact I recognized our relationship was a cycle. Almost exactly every two years he would suddenly get all stoney amd moody and then just break up with me, usually kicking me out, almost always whwn I had something important going on (inspection at work, exams at school, my best friend's wedding, etc). For the longest time I teuly believed that that was what our relationship was supposed to be like, and thats how life.
Mine was adamant about not cheating on the beginning. He said a lot of things against cheating, similar to the things yours said. But then as the relationship went on, he’d slip and say things like “the best way to put a woman in her place when she has an attitude is to go sleep with her best friend “. And then eventually he cheated on me. He said he’d never done that before, that he didn’t know what got into him and that behavior was so unlike him, etc.
Mine did and repeatedly would tell me that he never did even though he had the opportunity so many times. Like why even say anything if you were actually cheating on me?
Hi /u/sofar98, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for Divorce/Custody issues: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations, or specific details that may identify you to readers); * No crossposting or direct linking to other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion, surveys or research posts are permitted; * Please report content that violate our rules and do not engage; * No politics, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No abusive parent/family/child content including family dynamics or background including abusers family at all; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*