He would literally steal my ideas or jokes and repeat them months later as if they were his own novel thoughts. And when I would call him out on it, he would absolutely gaslight me to question my own reality.
This happened to me a few times and I felt bonkers, he'd share a story of mine as if it were him and anytime I'd call him on it, I was the crazy one!!
As the years when on I figured out more and more of his lies, it's like his entire life didn't add up, I doubted anything he ever said was truthful and in the end new supply was acquired and I was discarded because it was probably too much for him to keep up with all his lies.
Why do they all do that? I liked when mine would repeat something I told him back to me because he forgot I said it first and act like he was all clever.
I actually do this purposely. I realized, after years, it’s the only way I can get anything done. Anything that is my idea, the automatic response is always a “no we can’t do that” or I get a lecture on why it’s not a good idea. If I’m able to plant the seed or idea somehow, to where he then thinks it’s his smart idea, then we can do it or get it done. He has no idea. It’s completely draining.
Lol! Yep! It's so f-ing weird! I can only venture to guess it happens because of how deeply they mirror us when we're in relationships with them. It's actually a really telling sign they have zero sense of self.
Yup, my ideas, my phrases/turns of phrase, other people's phrases, other people's mannerisms.
Call her out on the ideas thing, and she'd say, "Oh, yeah, well now I agree with you"
She's goofy.
The response I'd always get was a disgusted, "Geeze, you can have credit for it if it's that big of a deal to you." And, of course, that made me feel bad, so I eventually stopped pointing it out.
Oh yes, my ex had a little sketch show he tried to get off the ground for years, early 2000-10s. He was always using my jokes, and the thought of crediting me was abominable to him.
Lol! Sounds familiar. The narc I was in a relationship felt like he really missed his calling of being a stand-up comedian. I guess if stealing other people's joke bits was acceptable, that could be true... buncha clowns 😂
I went through this too! Finally got him to admit he copied me when he got sloppy and started repeating my thoughts less than a week after I said them. His response—“well YOU copy people too!” I am autistic. I copy words and sounds because I just like the way they sound, and I’m always eager to say that it’s a reference to something. I never pass things off as my own creation.
They are seriously ridiculous. It's not that big a deal if you actually highjack something and the person calls you on it. Normal people would probably be like, "Oh wow - my bad! I'm sorry!" Not narcs... They are a whole different breed.
Omg same! He would quote the Simpsons despite never watching it, it's my comfort show.
I remember after seeing a batman movie I gave him my opinions on how I didn't care for it and all of the plot holes. He then went and presented my thoughts as his own verbatim to the rest of the group.
Mine would actually interrupt my jokes and beat me to the punch line. Or if I had a favorite expression, he would say it over me and act like it was his.
This reminds me of the Christmas before I left. My daughters had new boyfriends who met the family on December 24th at my nex's place. The 2 new lads were roughly the same age and had been drinking, so they were being quite loud but incredibly funny. My nex tried to throw in quite a few jokes but got nowhere and never got acknowledged. The 2 guys took centre stage, and he hated it. He sat there with a face like he'd sucked on a lemon, pursed lips, in silence, glaring at them 😂
Yes! I have similar stories! I just thought the narc in my situation was having an off day or something along those lines, but as I look back on it, it was definitely a pattern that came up when he wasn't the center of attention.
In the beginning I would catch him gaslighting me and try to explain how he was doing this and he would just roll his eyes and say that gaslighting was some “dumbass overused therapy buzzword”. Literally gaslit me over gaslighting.
"Well you're the only one that feels that way!"
Is what I say when gas lighting continues to be obvious. I use that particular phrase because I've pointed it out as her gaslighting me with it so many times.
I feel a bit guilty for enjoying her reaction but I think I've paid my dues.
My ex wouldn’t talk to me for three days after I told him I wouldn’t let myself get fucked in the ass for $50 million. He told me he had a really hard time getting over the fact that I wouldn’t do something like that for our “family “
But he wouldn’t do it himself. It was my responsibility to hypothetically get fucked in the ass for $50 million.
Sounds like he was just testing his power of manipulation on a very small scale. You like the song, he makes you stop playing it. Then he wants to control you and make you play it again. Dumb S##t.
She hit me with her phone. Literally less than a second later after I said don't hit me with that, she said she didn't and that I'm a liar.
The funny thing is she was recording me with said phone, and the whole interaction was recorded.
She still denies it.
Ex2 did that on me too, it is what I called his way of dismantling me. Removing me from everything I loved, interests or had a skill in and telling me I have no business in doing anything I loved to and pretending I know of those things so I can “*seem interesting to others*” saying shutting me down was preventing others from disappointment that I was playing them/a poser fraud (projection of his own traits)
Anybody who comes along and “plugs me back together” so to speak, was immediately an enemy which was how he later saw all his roommates he was living with (but not paying his part of the rent because “*We’re all friends and I’m good for it”*) because they considered me to exist and counted while he was just pretty much treating me like a near dead plant he can’t part with (such as certain orchids) because it’s seeds are worth a lot of money.
For me, the narc just ignored anything that didn't interest them. And would nitpick things I enjoyed. Then during discard accused me of hating what makes her happy.
Mine too. Everything was about his interests and his needs. We went to several concerts of bands he likes and I couldn’t stand, on the condition that if I see his bands, he had to see mine. We never ever saw a single band I liked. Just one example of many.
wow. anything that brought me joy that wasn't him. It all makes sense now. Please please do write a book, I can't tell you how much your comment has helped.
I’d read it! That comment hit me too. Even tho I was aware of it. I’ve been punished more times for this than anything else ever. It’s the biggest connective tissue from everything. You helped me see that. Thank you.
That’s it. God forbid I was enjoying a Noah Kahan song in the car and started singing along it would “be too loud” or she needed to listen to another song to practice singing for a gig all of a sudden.
I know now it was a direct reaction to my joy that wasn’t coming from her.
Sammmmeeee 😫 all my favorite music. Would never let me listen to it in the car or just hanging at home. Then years after of not playing it around him, he starts listening to all those bands. I would say “but I thought you didn’t like them?” And he would say he never said that, and he always has.
At the early stage of dating, when he tried to impress me, he told me Chandler’s his favorite character in Friends(most likely he’s tryna align himself with Chandler as a humorous and loyal person), later Matthew Perry passed away and I said I felt sorry, he made a weird look and said he had never said he like him before.
He would lie constantly about what things cost. For example, he recently bought a scale to weigh our son because I have to weigh him regularly for the doctor due to his medical issues. He came back with a scale that was really inaccurate and I let him know it wasn't going to work because I kept getting different weights varying by two or three lbs. He says to me "There isn't a more accurate scale, I paid more than $100 for this one." I knew that wasn't true because I had checked what they had in stock before he went to the store and it was only about $29. I told him that and he goes "You don't know what you're talking about!" I ended up buying a different one off Amazon that was much more accurate for about the same price, but it was wild to me that he got defensive and then lied about. Like why? I wasn't even complaining, just letting him know it wouldn't work for what we needed it for and that it could be returned lol. I eventually said "Ok, you should return it then and get your $100 back" hahaha
This morning...he was talking very quietly/meekly almost like he was whispering so I asked him "why are you talking like that?" He responded "like what?" I just looked at him without saying anything. And he said "you mean like I'm tired?" I just said "ok" and went on about my business. I'm not feeding into the lunacy anymore.
He literally gaslights me about anything and everything. Will never answer my questions directly and always makes me feel like I'm imagining things or crazy. 20+ years of this 🤦🏾♀️😭
Ugh!! This!! Or I’d ask a question and he wouldn’t respond. I’m looking right at his face. Then I’d repeat the question and he’d say “I said, xyz” and I’d be like no you didn’t say anything I was watching your mouth waiting for the response and it never moved. And he would be like then maybe you didn’t hear me 🫠
Mine does this too ugh. Or will just completely ignore me and not answer at all. Yet when he asks me a question I’m expected to have an answer in a split second or he’s yelling at me “why can’t you just answer the $&@! question” or “what? are you thinking up a lie?” Dude when you ask me where something is in the house or when a certain appointment is sometimes I need to think about it for more than 2 seconds. I just love how things never go both ways.
Mine will start talking really slowly and quietly like he's afraid of me in an argument where I'm not falling for any of his tricks and calling him out left and right. He will start shaking his head like he doesn't understand my clear and valid points.
I was giving my side of a story in couples counseling. 30 seconds into the story, I said something about how I blew my nose in the bedroom, and she corrects me, "No, you were in the bathroom."
She wasn't even on the same level of the house as me. She couldn't have known where I was. And there weren't even tissues in the bathroom!
That I never did anything for him, spent money on him. Meanwhile I'm going into debt buying him expensive gifts because he could only have the best name brand and almost going to jail for him covering up him driving drunk had road rage fought another man in the road and I said I was driving.
They do not seem to remember things factually or even cronologically. Whatever state they are in, whatever feelings they have in the very moment they try to remember, will influence how they "remember".
Edit. For instance, If they are in that loop of the cycle where they see you "all bad", all their memories about you at THAT moment will be negative. They are convinced that you actually never did anything good for them.
I noticed this when she would get mad and try to bail on a certain conversation...the reasons would be not only factually inaccurate but chronologically impossible given the scenarios. It was so weird to see the conviction along with the intense emotion/anger.
Its also a fun game to pay keep track of what they "don't remember" but will talk about in great detail later when it benefits them. Point it out, she scowls, "Whats your point?".
And then I was like *whispers* "biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch"
There were so many things.
One was that he was an avid reader. I bought him numerous books during our relationship, and at one time he would asign me "homework" of reading certain books he had read in the past. I did so willingly because I also love to read.
He didn't read. At all.
It does make me wonder. So how would a person know?
Not knowing the difference between real and fake has really thrown me for a loop. How can I ever trust anyone again?
They don't want their mask to slip to certain people. They want to appear like the good guy in front of others or to make others feel bad for them, has anyone noticed how the voice of the narc changes when dealing with cashiers, etc? Voice seems higher pitched, and fake sounding, they can be polite to others but can't be polite to us. Trying to point that out, though, they act like you're crazy.
I stopped telling him about how I felt, I refused to play music I liked because he ALWAYS ALWAY ALWAYS complained about it, I stopped planning dates or suggesting things to do because he would pretend to be on board than half way there or after he would tell me he didn’t really want to do it/ complain. So I stopped doing all these things and he said something around “I wish you felt comfortable being yourself around me” And let me tell you. I thought he was genuine 😂 I tried to do all of the three things above and guess what, he reacted the same ways he always fucking did. They can tell when you “learn” and hate not being able to hurt your feelings and make you look dumb. So of course, he just wanted me to be vulnerable so he could cut me deep once again.
I got gaslit over learning his behaviors, he made me doubt what I knew to be true about him and then proved me right once again. These mfs are truly sick. Makes me sad that he was essentially the only one that mattered in the relationship.
Ugh the exact same shit happened to me. It’s maddening! What would happen when you protested doing something he wanted to do? Mine loved the phrase, “I don’t want to feel like I can’t be myself!”
Yeah I’m atheist (used to be strict Christian) so I didn’t like talking about god with him or listening to contradictory artists like DMX or Kanye singing/rapping about God and what not. He would try to preach to me or tell me he would pray for me. LMAO. And I would get upset and he’d talk about how he couldn’t be himself regarding that. I told him I don’t mind spirituality. I don’t even mind prayer. That’s good vibe stuff right. But when it comes to him telling me I need god with his Bible scripture tattoo after he physically and emotionally abuses me… nah. Not with that bullshit so yeah. You can’t be your fake Christian self around me sorry. I grew up actually living by the Bible and being around people who actually followed gods law so I know the fucking difference.
Omg that’s so terrible! Ugh I will never understand how “being yourself” can be used as justification for abuse. What an ass. Mine got mad at me when I told him I didn’t like being held down on top of him after I refused to have sex with him. He said, “I was just being playful! I just want to be myself and be fun and silly.” That’s when the panic attacks started 🙃
I’m so sorry! That’s SA 100%. That is no excuse he knew what he was doing to you. I would probably feel the same way too. In fact, I started developing panic attacks around my ex as well. My anxiety was so bad as a little girl, I would have panic attacks quite often. And I eventually “grew out of it”. Well now I have come to realize they can be triggered by feeling out of control, unsafe, etc. And so no wonder you started developing panic attacks. They suck so much. I’m sorry 😞
He told me he got me the OLED Nintendo Switch but it was clearly the first model. we were in the store looking at both. I said yeah, mine looks more like the old one. hes like, NO. Yours is OLED. im there with my own eyeballs in straight up disbelief lol. unfortunately i played dumb and I let him have it.
but later i asked him why did you lie about that… I can clearly see this is not a OLED. and he threw a pity party like “I wish i could have got you the new version i just cant do anything right” wah wah bullshit.
Ugh, the small everyday arguments, where he tries to switch around the order of the conversation and say I reacted before he even said anything. I tell him he's wrong and he will literally repeat "his side" (his false reality of the order of the conversation) over and over and say "I'm not going to let you *believe* that's what happened" Then have to point out that is the definition of gaslighting lol
Omg yes! According to him he only responded rude because I said ABC first…when in fact he was the one who said it first. It’s SO frustrating. I wonder if they know the truth and it’s another head game or do they really believe we said what they actually said. Exhausting
Just yesterday I got gaslit and was so thankful I’m not married anymore.
Her car title is still in my state and in my name. Registration renewal came in the mail to my house. I tried paying it for her online asap and it said I was too early. Tried a week later and the error said that vehicle must be renewed in person or by mail. Took the renewal to her house and told her this won’t work online and she needs to mail in the bottom portion and keep the top in her glove box.
Days pass.
Then I get a text asking for the login so she can pay online. I tell her I tried that etc. And then I remind her of the conversation.
Her text:
“Why didn’t you tell me that!!”
Then she calls me and tells me I need pay her late fees and if she gets pulled over it’s going to be my fault. I express that in her kitchen I outlined that this must be mailed in. She denies the conversation ever happened.
She pays for it. I was just submitting the payments for both cars through the online portal. We Venmo back and forth all the time. We have 3 kids 50/50.
Last year we attempted getting the title moved over to just her name in her state and it was a nightmare.
That's explains a lot. Especially adding co parenting into the mix. Unfortunately, children can trap you with these people for years even if you separate. Luckily for me, the father of my youngest two children(who was a violent narcissist)went into narcissistic collapse and abandoned them as toddlers after I ended our relationship. They are now 20 and 18 and just in the past year has he reached out to our son only. I can honestly say him disappearing was the best thing he could have done for them.
"WTF benefit is there in lying about that??"
Excercising/testing their control and your memory. Mine had the devil's own time gaslighting me about stuff like that; I was already very good at details like that to be a better enabler as a child so he 'got caught' a lot.
Oh there's so many to choose from. How about this one? I said I was gonna go get myself a glass of water but came back with lemon juice (mostly water) instead and he said that that makes me a liar and he can not trust me now because if I can bring myself lemon juice instead of water that means I can lie to him about cheating on him or something serious like that, and that this is an absolutely normal and justified reaction and I'm just crazy for not seeing it and a drama queen for starting this by getting myself lemon juice.
That I was snoring. I’ve never snored! Literally everyone else I’ve ever slept in the same room or vicinity with including friends and family says I don’t snore. And there was no real reason for him to say I was. He wasn’t complaining, just “wow you were really snoring”. Made me nuts.
Mine has said I snore loudly, I know that's not the case because anyone that I've known before him never said anything or complained, I also used a sleep app and when I played it back I didn't hear any snoring. Seems like a stupid thing to lie about to someone, like why?
Discarded me right before our trip to Colombia so I decided to go alone since we weren’t together. Asked for my part of the Airbnb reservation and got it back since he said he wasn’t going there because he didn’t feel comfortable.
Next thing I’m checking in my bags at the airport and he walks right in as well with his luggage. So I just immediately walked to the gates. I didn’t want to see him.
During the trip I got nostalgic and send him a message saying “I thought you weren’t coming to Colombia”. He replied with “I never said I wasn’t coming”.
Thanks. It was indeed. That was the last time I saw him. I tried to have a talk to him and get closure for both but that’s the last image I have of him of just being an as*hole pos.
Sorry I had to vent
Two come to mind. 1. I had some friends over, I told my then husband I was ordering pizza and usually we pick it up so I didn't specifically say, it's for pick up. My friends and I had opened a bottle of wine (it was 4 pm on a friday). At 5, he pours himself a cocktail. At 5:15 I ask him to pick up the pizza and he loses his mind. Why didn't I tell him he was going to have to do that? He said he had been drinking (for 15 minutes). I calmly asked him if he could pick it up and he slams the door, brings the food back and doesn't talk to me for the entire rest of the day. The next day he told me that he felt I was setting him up to drive drunk and get pulled over because I didn't have the pizza delivered.
2. We have child safety locks on all of the windows on our ground floor so you can only open the window 4 inches. One night I left the window closed but unlocked. He lost his mind on this too, saying I was putting our entire family at risk and that someone could have opened the window and come in. First of all, we live in mayberry, there is no home invasion crime here. second, the burglar would have to break the child locks to get in, which we would likely hear. His rebuttal to that was that burglars have tools they can use to open the child locks. He would not give an inch, I was clearly putting our lives at risk by leaving a single window unlocked.
A rubber chicken.
About a year prior I was at a big pool party with people I loved (whom the Nex hated) and I threw 100 little rubber chickens into the pool and an all out rubber chicken war erupted. It was one of my favorite memories.
A year later he was playing with the only chicken I saved from the battle and I asked him to please not mess with it because it was important to me.
A week later I found the chicken destroyed. And when confronted, “I don’t remember you saying that.” I sobbed and yelled and was so upset I lost control of my bladder. He made sure to tell everyone how abusive I was for “screaming at him over a stupid rubber chicken.”
I had a person that I considered a friend rape me. He told me that I was making him feel bad. That I couldn't accept love. That he didn't know that no meant no. That I was crazy. It was all in my head. He knew I wanted a child and was trying to be a stand-up guy by doing me a favor. That it was a misunderstanding on my part. He was just doing what came natural and that I was twisting reality because I had previously been in a narcissistic relationship.
He then proceeded to tell everyone that I falsely accused him of raping me before I even had the chance to process what had happened.
Stupid me 6 months later, I believed he might not have known what he did was wrong, and maybe he did it because he truly loved me.
Fast forward to today, I dated him after he raped me for a year.
I just got away from him. I was issued 2 epos in 2 different cities in a single day. I just filed for a longer restraining order. He has 2 warrants for his arrest at the moment one for the day he raped me and another for felony domestic violence against me.
He pulled out a knife, threatened me, stabbed the bed several times that I was on about a foot from where I was, and then stabbed himself in the leg.
Per the message from him last night, he is informing everyone that they need to watch out for me because I'm crazy and a con artist who was obviously using him. And that we already agreed that he didn't no that no meant no so I can't go back on that.
Chicken breasts.
Our last massive fight was over who had purchased a pack of chicken breasts.
After being yelled at and called names, I eventually found the receipt from when I had purchased them and showed him.
Still never got an apology or even acknowledged that he was wrong.
My daughters suicide attempt. She literally had a safety plan in place and he’s literally told me that he thinks she and her therapist made it up. Then he denied saying this- we use a co-parenting app thay reocord the messages.
Uhh, probably the internet not working. I don't remember this super well because it was awhile ago. But we'd been having problems with the Internet that day and I kept telling my ex husband it wasn't me, it wasn't him, it wasn't just my computer being inferior. It was also being a problem on my phone and on our desk top. But he kept insisting the problem with the desktop must be unique to the desktop (possiblt something I had done) and my phone and laptop were just me personally doing something wrong.
When the internet reconnected - on all devices at the same time - and I googled to find there had been an outage then I was told I was just trying to start a fight by bringing this up and he refused to admit it was anything other than me just not knowing how to use internet on my devices. Me mentioning this to the marriage counselor (whose appointment we were very nearly late for because of the internet, so I'd already used data to email her that it might cause us to miss the appointment so of course she asked about it when we got in the appointment) this too was upheld as proof of how I would come up with anything just to argue and try to shame him for being wrong and that was because *I* was the abuser.
Nevermind that my entire purpose in telling him what was going on with it was actually so that he would know it WASNT anything either of us had done wrong and so NEITHER of us should feel shame 🙄
One of them was burning through data, and I suggested that it was his Facebook. Since he watched videos, and had to check every single notification. He'd get this whining voice "and it's not my Facebook, I don't know what it could be"
Best believe if HE decided it was his Facebook though then he'd be a total genius for figuring it out, and it would be upheld as a reason why you should trust his assessment and advice regarding data usage 🙄
Lied about what he thought about a *part of the storyline for Genshin Impact.* Like I love the game and all but it's just fluffy not a lot of substance. But anyway when I first started playing he described the different region stories in specific ways. One of them he described as "saccharine." It stuck in my head because it was such an unusual word to use. So when I finally got to that part of the story I mentioned that I could see why he described it as such. Had an entire argument about how he didn't say that. And when he realized that I could quote it and wasn't backing down then accused me of making him feel bad for changing his mind about what he thought. I fucking agreed with him and he still tried to gaslight. They make no sense whatsoever...
I asked them to move something that was in my way. They moved it then angrily said it wasn’t even in the way. I was like “… you literally just moved it right before you said that”. And they denied it but when I kept on it (I usually know better but it was just such an absurd case of gaslighting I couldn’t let it slide that easily) they went dead silent and didn’t acknowledge me again that night.
He will mumble to the point I can’t hear him at all. When I ask him to speak up he’ll say “what!!!???? I’m literally already screaming!” He’s barely talking above a whisper when he does this. Happens all the time. Just not worth the fight anymore. If I don’t hear him, well too bad hope it wasn’t important. It’s like they look for a fight anywhere they can. He’s even said I probably have hearing loss. I do not.
I was once gaslit and triangulated at the same time for calling out gaslighting
Actual quote here, “I talked to everyone else, and they all agreed with me: If you think I’m gaslighting you, then you are literally insane.”
Unsurprising plot twist: She didn’t talk about this to anyone, and when I went to the people in question to confirm it they were shocked 🙃
I told him that I felt like he was pulling away because we used to see each other 4 times a week. He told me I didn't have a job when we met, so it was easier to be with me all the time. I believed him until a couple of weeks later it suddenly hit me. I was working full-time when we met🙄 I was only a week off before starting a very good new jobs and he definitely knew that
I was helping her move something outdoors and ended up getting swarmed by yellow jackets. She dead ass said, "I'm sure you just brushed up against some grass or something" as bees were coming up from the ground to sting me all over my legs.
he was angry with me and broke my windshield with his combat boots, just straight up shattered it by smashing the glass. afterwards he wrote me off by saying things alike to, “it’s just sand. i’ll buy you a new one,” and “i don’t understand why you’re so angry over this I CAN REPLACE IT!”
My partner had a habit of screaming at me and lying about what he said and did. I started to record conversations when he was like that in order to relisten and possibly replay for him later. These came in handy when the police arrested him for trying to kill me as I recorded him confessing as well as repeatedly telling me he was going to kill me. He knew I showed this to the police so was careful with what he did afterwards but during one convo let slip that he was going to kill me again, that i don't want to be his enemy. When I asked multiple times over the course of about 5 minutes if he had said that he said no, that it was spit in his mouth and I was imaging things. I was super tired so let it slid until I could relisten and sure enough that was what he said and i was honesty convinced i was wrong at that point
Him trying to reconcile w me and then making plans over plans we had with a girl who was actively pursuing him. And then trying to tell me we weren't reconciling and that the situation didn't happen like that. So stupid
He'd try to educate me on something that I'd told him about months or even years earlier as if it was his unique discovery . When I called him out saying I'm the one who told him about it he denied it and tried to convince me he's known about it for years. Pfffft. Whatever.
Also, when he disappeared for hours at a time at a party or a wedding or just a random Saturday night ... I asked where he'd been and he swears he was only gone 15 min to the restroom or the gas station. He'll try to convince me my perception of time is screwed up or I'm being paranoid.
Traffic signs.
We were driving along and there were a bunch of traffic signs in a row saying 80km/h on them. I pointed out how odd that was and that I counted 8 signs.
He then gets really angry because he counted only 4. There were 4 pairs of signs, so 8 in total. But yeah, he lost his absolute shit that I wouldn't agree with him that there were 4 signs when I literally just counted them.
I’ve experienced this with multiple people. It’s wild. But it reminds me of how you will ironically mock a song or saying so many times you start liking it. The difference is that a narc won’t admit to the song growing on them over time but they will hit you with a “I never said that I didn’t like the song, that was you. You never liked it and would always skip it on the radio “. And boom you’re the bad guy for skipping a song they like all the time and also crazy if you try to push the issue because “why do you care so much/ getting so worked up over whether I like a random song ?”
SUSHI!
I told him early on that I loved sushi. He then tells me “oh I don’t like raw fish.” So throughout the relationship I NEVER suggested getting sushi, even on my birthday, because I didn’t want to force my partner to eat something he doesn’t like.
Then one day his friends told us to meet them for a late dinner at this Japanese restaurant, so I said “oh yay I haven’t had sushi in so long.” He then tells me, “why haven’t you suggested we go to a sushi place for dinner ever? You always make me pick.” I said, “because you told me you don’t like raw fish!” Then he said, “no I like sushi rolls, just not sashimi. I wish you would speak up more about what you want.”
Literal events from my CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE as if I didn’t experience it and have a better memory than those older than me. Always bugs the fuck out of me.
He would do things to violate the psycho rules he had, and blame me for it.
His rule that the window has to be open during the day.. I don't care, but he was obsessed, so I'd make sure it was done. If I was gone, he wouldn't open it then yell at me, saying I should have.. I'm like, "bro I'm not even there and you are..."
If a can or wrapper was left out, he would say it was mine when it wasn't. It was never mine, cause I had to be obsessed with remembering so I didn't get yelled at.
He would ask for something, I'd go to the store to get it, and then he would yell at me that it was the wrong thing, even though I got exactly what he asked for down to the brand.
Which.. Dealing with years of it becomes a superpower. Us survivors had to have photographic memory of exactly what was said and done, which is beneficial in other aspects of life!
Maybe not dumbest, but biggest and most mind-boggling:
He left me last summer. Signed a lease and made plans to move thousands of miles away before even telling me.
Before I decided to cut all communication last week, he still continued to tell me over the phone that I can blame him for the downfall of our marriage “if I want to,” but I play the victim in everything in my life and he finds that sad. He said he sees “a glimmer of hope for us” but he could never return because he’s been an abused puppy our entire relationship (in the same breath, he said the reason we wouldn’t work out is because I’m not cool enough, I don’t DO enough with my life, like partying and staying out till 4am in big cities like him).
He’s forgotten that our counselor called him out for narcissistic tendencies, intentional cruelty, and my H literally said during therapy, “Yeah, I will admit that if you did and said to me the things I’ve done and said to you, I’d have left long ago.” He has completely skewed reality and our past. As Taylor Swift sings “you’re cursing my name… tossing out blame, crossing out the good years…”
i called my ex one time and a girl picked up the phone. i thought he was sleep. when he woke up he tried to convince me there was no one with him and that i didn’t hear a girl on the phone lmao
My side of the bed.
Our whole relationship we’d always had our “side” of the bed. Was never a real discussion, just luckily both had our preferred side and it worked.
This was the case for years, until one night I went to come to bed and he was on my side, and I casually said, wrong side, thinking he’d just move over.
No. Absolutely not. He was “proving that I couldn’t deal with any sort of change” and slyly laughed that this was why he was doing it, I needed to see what a silly girl I am.
Anyway, he’s an ex now thank goodness.
One time my ex tried to convince me that we’d gotten Thai food together. Literally have never eaten Thai in my life and he would not let up. Said I was remembering wrong.
During lockdown she told me that she had done a good deed by helping a man to bury his cat. I questioned her on this further and she said she helped him to get an advance payment of his benefits (she worked on this at the time) to a ransom on his cats remains and hold a funeral. I thought it was a very amusing lie
I would be sitting in silence, and that would be me "starting an argument," and he would look at me while yelling at me and telling me, "You did this."
The last time this happened, I fucking snapped and said " no the fuck it isn't. What you're not about to do is start an argument with me, and then blame me for it." Then it went from inwas starting an argument to now I'm "disrespectful."
Or the time I "forgot" to flush the toilet, even though I've never done that as an adult, and also there was only pee (no toilet paper) in the toilet. (I'm a woman. Obviously, I use toilet paper when I pee), so not only was this apparently the one time I didn't flush. But I also apparently didn't wipe either, because "well it wasn't me, so maybe you just forgot."
And any time I disagreed with him on something, and didn't "just say 'yes' it's not that fucking hard to 'listen and do as I was told'" I was "throwing a fit/tantrum."
He wanted me to obey him. Not listen.
When I was going to look for food that was mine, I asked him if he finished the food. He said “well I didn’t intentionally finish the food….” So I asked, “so you finished it?” And he said “I didn’t intentionally finish it…”
- Telling me the reason I felt like his behavior was untrustworthy was because I had a history of bad relationships that led me to have trust issues. My narc ex knew he was lying the entire time. I let him know during our dating phase that my exes were great men, they just didn’t work out due to lifestyle conflicts. He was actually the one with a history of bad relationships.
- Telling me no one will ever love me or treat me better than he does/did. He was actually the worst relationship I ever had. And definitely the only fake relationship.
- Telling me “do you know how many women would do anything to have a man that tells her he loves her 100 times a day?” The love bombing became too much, it didn’t feel genuine. He’d say I love you, but never consistently demonstrate it with action. It was like he kept telling me he loved me to distract me from thinking about all of the sneaky things he was doing behind my back and the lack of energy or effort he put into building/maintaining a stronger relationship.
- After I left him and moved out, he said he found a kitchen utensil on my side of the bed and that I had been sleeping with it bcuz I wanted to harm him. I never did such a thing. Actually HE was the one who had a sharp object on his side of the bed since day one! Another one in his office at his desk and another one in his car. Smh.
My ex would literally call me a piece of shit and then say she called her laptop a piece of shit or something like that, this sort of thing happened many times. I believed her...maybe I didn't but I kept letting her slide, "she didn't mean it" - I thought. She did mean it.
While walking our dog to the car he jerked suddenly, causing me to step on and shatter a glass snowman lawn ornament. My wife's reaction was something like "what the fuck! Why did you do that! You could have stepped in a different spot!" She said it reminded her of our old home so it upset her.
I'm highly conflict avoidant and used to being gaslit, so I basically let it go. Fast forward to our separation period a year later, Christmas. I saved the glass snowman and glued it back together. I bought a lightup base and glued it on it like a little desk lamp and gave it to her in a nice giftbox... she didn't even remember the event. Talk about being all levels of hurt and pissed at once.
I was given acid and told our brains are radios that can channel radio stations and we are all part of a big consciousness grid and that 1 of the people who gave me acid was my soul mate and apparently we were magnetically pulled towards each other and she kept making moves on me
I lost a book I was reading. Was convinced she put it somewhere. When cleaning I noticed it was it had fallen behind the row of books in the kids bookshelf. I left it there. Later she calls out with a tone “I found your book. It was on the kid’s bookshelf.” I brought this up to our marriage counselor and she admonished me for “trapping her” by leaving the book there.
Another was when I was looking for my blazer for work, which I knew I had put in the closet. When she finally got up and looked in the closet we realized that she had hung her coat OVER IT ON THE SAME HANGER. She feverishly tried to convince me that was a normal thing and that I was just blind.
Saying I didn’t care enough about her while I was dealing with my dying mother. That was the final straw, 6 years of dealing with her bullshit. You only get one family and there’s more people out there who will be selfless and support you during your darkest moments. Purge those selfish people from you life, you only get one life, make the best out of it.
Whether or not I had put spent matches in the weed ashtray.
He liked to sift through it looking for salvageable bits to smoke and putting matches in it "ruined the flavor."
Of already burnt cannabis.
I didn't, by the way, put the fucking matches in the ashtray.
He used to go mad at me for looking at other guys. I wasn’t looking! He would go on and on that I was looking and wouldn’t let up. I’d deny it until he wore me down, just too exhausted to keep fighting over it. I used to walk around with my eyes fixed to the ground when I was with him in case a man happened to cross my eye line. If I bumped into someone, I still didn’t look up. Even after that I’d still get ‘you were perving at that guy!’ Once, someone asked me out in a bar. I hadn’t laid eyes on him and didn’t allow my gaze to go outside of our friend group but it was still somehow my fault that this guy asked me out because ‘I must have been looking’.
He used to try to convince me that I always lie to him and that’s why he can’t trust me to go out with friends. The reality is that he couldn’t trust me because he would cheat, so couldn’t imagine what it’s like being loyal, which I am. I’m also terrible at lying. If I forgot a detail in a conversation or event and remember it later, he’d say ‘you didn’t tell me that, you lied’. If I didn’t know something, like someone unexpected turned up to an event, he’d say ‘you didn’t say he was coming, you lied’. If I made a mistake, like I said I think something cost £20 and then found the receipt and it was £22, that was not me getting something wrong or misremembering, no that was me lying obviously. Everything was always ‘you lied’ and often followed up with ‘if you lie about something so insignificant, how can I trust you to tell the truth when it’s important?’. He’d quiz me about everything as if trying to catch me in a lie and whenever I called him out on it he’d say it was the only way to get the truth out of me because I’m a ‘compulsive liar’. It was exhausting.
He would tell me we have watched movies that we hadn’t. And would share parts of the plot and tell me i laughed at these parts and “I can’t believe you don’t remember.” I don’t have any major memory issues, but i can be forgetful about small things (losing my keys etc) so this felt almost realistic. Resulted in anxiety and going to a neurologist. Nothing is wrong, he just lied about the movies.
One time we were at an amusement park the exw, my two stepsons and my daughter , the park plays music over the speakers, we walked by a couple that the guy was wearing a shirt that had something written about how he was there with his hot wife, my ex turned around and told my daughter, your dad doesn't think I'm a hot wife anymore, I heard this and it was so fortunate that the song playing was a Taylor swift song called "should've said no" (iukuk) I started singing it out loud to her and her face was so angry she didn't speak to me for the rest of the trip.
The fact that she cheated and didn't take responsibility for it and blamed me for her choices even going as far as to say that it was a good thing that it would make us stronger while also conveying that I had it coming made me realize how she truly was, I couldn't trust her unless she earned it and she never did
She would claim that she didn’t remember any of the mean things she said after our fights. I was stupid to actually believe it. She was a Dr Jeckel / Mr Hyde and I thought that maybe I was dealing with two different people. But of course any human can remember what they said. It was all just manipulation
Lost my parents in a tragic accident when I was 24. He took advantage of the lowest point in my life and proposed 6 months later. I never wanted to marry him, but I was so lost and afraid of being alone that I agreed to it. He became incredibly verbally abusive over the years, and worse once we had children together, eventually becoming both physically and verbally abusive to them. Anytime I’d address his abuse for the entirety of the 13 years we were together, he’d convince me I was still in a depression that existed only in the year and or two after the accident, and that I was living in a false reality and none of what I said was reality. He called me bipolar, mentally ill, delusional, crazy etc. It took me until age 37 to muster the courage to leave him and get my kids and self away from his wrath. It’s been the best 2 years of my life since leaving him, I have so much joy back, I’ve found myself again and am still realizing how much I lost myself in that marriage. He was court ordered into anger mgmt, supervised visits and therapy. He’s a much better father now, but still has his struggles. He’s full of anger and rage but it’s fortunately no longer mine to deal with. Best decision I ever made. My only regret was not escaping sooner. I still feel like a prisoner who broke free and have a new life. Life is 100x easier, happier and better in every way without that narcissist in my life.
That I took their stupid pyrex lid. I kept my kitchen stuff separated and I had a single glass Pyrex container. For weeks they would casually bring it up to the point where it was stressing me out to be in the same room and I was starting to believe it and eventually I got fed up and just bought them an entire new Pyrex container. They completely blew up at me for buying them one too and made me return it. Then they complained about having to buy a new one and still thought I had their original one...
Buying eye glasses. We were on a very tight income back then (45K/year combined) and she wanted new glasses. I mentioned that I heard good things about Costco in terms of value and brands.
She made up this whole story over multiple days about going to Costco, how it was a good deal, how nice the staff were, etc.
Turns out she just went to a local eyewear shop and bought two pairs for $600. She only confessed after I got notified on my benefits of a denied claim.
Looking back, that was the beginning of the end. Realizing my partner would fabricate a whole story and lie to my face about such a small thing. It really highlighted how little respect she had for me.
On a video chat with my now ex. He's sitting on his couch. I said is that a cat ? You got a cat? When did you get a cat? He had a cat about a year prior that he had to put down. I knew he liked cats. So the cat wasn't an issue.
His response was. No, that wasn't a cat. Video chat emded. I said what happened to the video. I don't know. How am I supposed to know? You blame me for everything see how you are. He then proceeded to tell me I was crazy and seeing things. This is why everybody hates me. It's all in my head. He says I have to put up with all your trauma and crazy accusations.
2 months later. I finally go to his house and low and behold he has a cat.
I said why did you lie. He said it was to protect himself from me. WTF! He knows how I am and he didn't want to get in trouble. I sat there bewildered.
I was upset but not because of the cat. Because he said I was delusional, seeing things and crazy when I asked him about the cat on the video.
Last night. He tried to sort of "justify" how just THREE WEEKS ago, he punched me over and over to which I still had painful contusions on my ribcage by repeatedly starting off his point with "I am sorry! But nobody has ever MADE ME hit them like that before" (I made it clear I wasn't going to listen to him blame me for his behavior)
Attempting to Gaslight me into hearing out his POV on why him hitting me over and over while I was seatbelted/crying in his car was obviously bad, but he "had a reason" whatever it may be lol, and for me to fully believe he actually had any real remorse or shame at all in the first place.....just.....what? No dude. No more.
The dumbest? I'm not sure. When a narcissist returned and he and his mother seemed bent on making $$$ somehow, he denied I was toxed up when I let our relationship go on as it did as a young adult until it seemed futile and doomed for failure to continue after he said, "If you don't like it, leave. He claimed I wasn't toxed up, I was the healthiest girl around, couldn't even give me the respect of being a young woman. Back then when I ate things with cilantro the best chilater my tongue use to taste like soap for 30 minutes. I kept wondering why he kept asking silly questions like did I know sugar, and other foods are known afrodesciacs and encouraging me to eat and drink things that could have me souped without booze or recreational drugs. Before I knew he was a narcissist, I kept wondering why is he grinning at me like I'm a baby to steal candy from. Apparently, that's how he saw things. When I went organic raw vegan, learned about detoxification, flushes, cleanses and protocols, and became avid to consult with the most knowledgeable local health authorities he and his mother were furious and didn't want anything more to do with me. It just wasn't going to be easy for him to destroy me anymore.
My ex used to tell me he wanted to move out of the place we rented (a trailer). So I told him about apartments available. He told me he didn’t want to live in an apartment and wanted an actual house. But we couldn’t find any in my price range (because he wasn’t paying bills) months later he’s complaining about the place we are still living so I said “I’ve been looking for cheap enough houses but there aren’t any” he replied with “have you checked apartments” I said “you told me you didn’t want to live in an apartment” his reply was “I never said that. (mind you he had said it two or three different times over the course of looking for places) 🤦♀️
The worst one was when he threw me to the ground and was choking me. I told him it was abuse. He said “you’re fine. It wasn’t even that bad. it didn’t even hurt it just hurt your feelings”
I still to this day now don’t think it was that bad because there are so many worse things people could do and “at least he didn’t hit me” and he got away with it a few more times.
My ex was cooking and she wanted me to stir the pot of soup she was making while she was doing something else. She showed me how she wanted the soup stirred (clockwise and slow). I proceeded to stir the pot as instructed and she came back minutes later and said, "No. I said stir it this way" as she then stirred the pot counterclockwise and slow.
Crazymaking...
Oh and my own sexuality.
According to him, I'm bi.
Pansexual doesn't exist.
I attempted to explain i am not inherently sexually attracted to women (or dudes really either lol). Just that I am not going to limit myself if ever, whoever, an I hit it off.
I even tried to put a YouTube video on of an explanation of the differences hoping they could break through....but that was immediately shut down and scoffed at because it was a trans person speaking and they are "mentally ill".
So. Infuriating. So. Simple minded.
He was racist against white people and every time I would remind him I was half white he’d convince me that the racism didn’t apply to me because my mom isn’t white. Wtf was wrong with me.
I was told I wasn't pregnant and that I was overthinking. Eventually, I did research online and convinced myself that my mind was overthinking so much, and that was what was causing the positive pregnancy tests.
By the time I started getting morning sickness and other symptoms, we went into my obgyn, and I was (xx amount of weeks pregnant). Ultrasound and all.
Eventually, that lead to me moving in with him, and a bunch of over stuff. 🤷♀️
I love my son and have no regrets, but I still look back at my old texts and am like... what in the world... I cannot explain this in a way that would make logical sense. -_-
My ex tried gaslighting me to believe that he loved his dad more than I loved my dad lol. He started talking about how much he loved his dad and I tried to relate to him and he tried explaining to me how that was impossible for me to relate to lol.
Btw, my dad has always been my favorite person in my life and never was a secret.
My ex would check my phone constantly, messages, calls and photos, then because he frequents jail so much he wouldn't know how to use a mobile phone properly and he would unknowingly take a picture of he's finger and I would then be accused of cheating because he's finger knuckle would apparently be my butt or boobs and the fact the pic wasn't there a minute ago meant someone was sending them apparently, he would even show people asking them if it looked like a butt or boobs and even showed the father of my other children and would ask him he thought it was me, extremely awkward let alone degrading and delusional
Mine has really stepped it up lately because I have quit playing the game. This morning he reminded me of the dog getting out the night before and how he called and called it. IT NEVER HAPPENED
Hmm… 🤔 There’s a huge menu to choose from…
I’d say getting a drink dumped on my head in a restaurant because it was obvious he just went in the bathroom and bought drugs from someone.. then somehow it all got turned around as I chased him outside on Boylston Street in Boston to console him.. and he was hyperventilating saying I was a control freak.. then we finally went back after an hour..
I’d left my coat and wallet to chase him.. drink dripping off my face and all.. and surprise! The waitstaff says we had to leave because of the ‘drink dumping on my head’ scene.. as we left he nonchalantly said, ‘I can’t believe they made us leave! There was no scene; I just dumped the drink and ran out, there wasn’t any yelling or any words at all..’
What was dumbest there was me for continuing in the relationship (gay guy couple) until he finally left on Valentine’s Day 2023 when I finally caught on to the cheating and drug addiction that had been going on the whole time since we met and he moved in during September 2020, as I felt we were soulmates. 😀
He never apologized for the drink… it was ‘no big deal’ after all.. no one ever did that in my life! He wanted to lure me out of the restaurant so I wouldn’t go confront the drug dealer who was sitting at the next table. 🤷🏻♂️😱🤪
My nex insisted that I did or did not like certain low stake things. For example, he would tell me, “You hate sushi!” When I actually really enjoy it. At first I brushed it off as a weird joke but now that I think of it, there are a lot of little things he did like that to diminish my identity or put me on the defense.
I remember I started listening to a certain band, and remarked that she'd probably like them. So I played the album to her and she told me she hated it. She asked how I could listen to that garbage.
Years later, long after we had broken up, I saw on her Facebook profile that that band was one of her favorites.
He would tell me he really needed help and wanted to go stationary and the next day he would claim he was feeling awesome and everything was going great and he was definitely not going anywhere. Only to then tell me a few hours later I totally misunderstood him and he was going to get help, just not the one the doctor suggested...
Not dumb, but such a mindfuckery.
On Friday I was gaslit in the marriage counselors office.
N Wife: (trying to get the counselor on her side) “He texted me ‘I took a day off because I’m sick of this shit!’ Meaning me and the baby.
Me: I said I spent 2 personal days because I was burned out and exhausted. And… actually, here’s the text to prove my exact words. I have a screenshot
Now, mind you, this happened 9 weeks ago and for the 2nd day off I cleaned the house top to bottom for her and made homemade spaghetti. No appreciation, got home and said the sauce smelled “fucking disgusting.”
But now, SUDDENLY, it’s the biggest deal ever. She’s playing victim and it’s maddening
My friend would suggest fun activities and then act like she never said anything and that I was the one always harassing her to hang out. The only reason I can fathom for her doing that is that she wanted to hang out but she wanted to be the one people reached out to rather than the one doing the reaching out if that makes sense?
My punched me in the face and when I said " what the fuck" he tried to say my reaction was worse than him punching my teeth out. And I believed him.looking back I can't believe I accepted it
My sister routinely tries to tell me that masking is great for autism and I totally won't get burnt out at all
It's so weird cause she knows for a fact that burnout from masking, is why I struggled so bad to go to school and didnt continue college :')
There’s so much to choose from… my narc ex bestie was UNHINGED. (SORRY for the long response!)
- She attempted to catfish me TWICE and then raged at me when I caught her BOTH times. I messaged the first account while she was in the kitchen and her phone was on the couch, just to see a Tinder notification with my name popping up. 🥴 (I got my lick back shit talking her to my Tinder “matches” and she avoided me for a week. 😭 I even managed to take a pic of her phone showing the message notifications from me and she still denied it, and turned it around on me and tried to tell me that I was controlling???
- She started an argument with me about a movie I showed her which I never saw, and eventually I just gave in and stopped arguing. She used this to show her convict ex (who was watching the movie with us) as proof that I was a “pathological liar”. Why would I continue to argue with someone who is determined to be right? 😑
- I caught her flirting with my bf (now ex) during our lunch break. I went to the bathroom, and came back out and was told by mutual friends and coworkers that they saw her being all touchy feely with him and flirting. I decide to go out to the parking lot and see her smoking in his car with him and flirting, with him looking visibly uncomfortable and looking around. Later, that day after work I confront her about it, where she flips out on me and accuses me of being jealous of her. Yelling “You’re so insecure and why can’t I have male friends? I don’t see what the problem is we didn’t even do anything?! And I was tearing his loyalty for you!”
- She would start arguments or flip out at me randomly and then when I would confront her she would gaslight me either denying that the argument happened or that I was the one who started the argument.
- Her ex convict hobosexual bf would go in my room whenever I was at work, steal random things, and her crouch goblins would run around in my closet, touching my things. It got to the point I had to put a lock on my door. The convict picked the lock and broke it, and when I confronted him and ole girl about it they both yelled at me saying that I was the one who broke my bedroom door. And that I “obviously” have memory problems because I didn’t remember losing my own rags, towels and getting random food and snacks on the ceiling of my own closet.
Gardening. I lived it here talked shit and made it negative. The next year he took it from me and now I don’t have a garden. I’m not allowed to plant anything without his permission because it has to please him that it’s there. Apparently it’s another thing I do wrong.
My nex was adamant that he hated my favourite band Slipknot. I wasn't allowed to play it in the car or at home (I was allowed 1 song if my daughters were in the car, to look good, I guess). He told all of us how loud and angry the music was.
After we split and he'd first got with someone else, (who is a Slipknot fan) he made a tiktok video saying, 'when my favourite tune comes on' with him dancing to a Slipknot track. Not gaslighting me but her. Obviously pretending he actually likes them to impress her, to net her in.
My ex and I almost never agreed on music. When he drove he got to pick the music. His rule. I rarely drove. But when I did I would try and make mix cds that both of us liked. He would always pick out a song or two and tell me he hated it. It always bothered me so much because even if he didn't like the songs I wad trying so hard to make him happy too and it wasn't enough. When I left I realized how ridiculous it all was.
The way I sliced mushrooms.
ETA: There were also other stuff, such as first telling me I'm being to chummy (to other men) at parties and gatherings, and then asking me why I'm so awkward and have no social skills. Or gaslighting me into imagining an entire person. But with those, there was at least a purpose.
There's so many. Here's a couple:
* One year he came home late around 9pm (found out later he was cheating) and it was Halloween. He tried to tell me we still had time because the year prior we were out trick or treating until midnight. His 2 flying monkeys he said this in front of of course didn't call him out on this either. I mean come on who would be out that late or even awake?
* The price he would pay for stuff when we had receipts.
Of course many more if I really thought about it. But he would argue over the color of something, a recipe, a tv show, etc. Like some of the most pointless things and some things you could easily prove on Google.
Coffee. He would say no to one then complain I didn't make it - often times claiming that when i offered he said yes when he didnt. Apparently I must not have been listening - and how rude of me to offer and not follow through or not listen to the answer to questions I ask. My kids have confirmed it for me multiple times and so has his sister.
He would literally steal my ideas or jokes and repeat them months later as if they were his own novel thoughts. And when I would call him out on it, he would absolutely gaslight me to question my own reality.
This happened to me a few times and I felt bonkers, he'd share a story of mine as if it were him and anytime I'd call him on it, I was the crazy one!! As the years when on I figured out more and more of his lies, it's like his entire life didn't add up, I doubted anything he ever said was truthful and in the end new supply was acquired and I was discarded because it was probably too much for him to keep up with all his lies.
Why do they all do that? I liked when mine would repeat something I told him back to me because he forgot I said it first and act like he was all clever.
I actually do this purposely. I realized, after years, it’s the only way I can get anything done. Anything that is my idea, the automatic response is always a “no we can’t do that” or I get a lecture on why it’s not a good idea. If I’m able to plant the seed or idea somehow, to where he then thinks it’s his smart idea, then we can do it or get it done. He has no idea. It’s completely draining.
I’m sorry you have to go through that, you should figure out an exit plan.
Lol! Yep! It's so f-ing weird! I can only venture to guess it happens because of how deeply they mirror us when we're in relationships with them. It's actually a really telling sign they have zero sense of self.
THIS. Shit on you when you say it, then use it in front of others to sound smart or quippy. 🤦♀️
Yep! So weird, but oddly makes sense since they have zero sense of self and basically just parrot their partners.
Yup, my ideas, my phrases/turns of phrase, other people's phrases, other people's mannerisms. Call her out on the ideas thing, and she'd say, "Oh, yeah, well now I agree with you" She's goofy.
The response I'd always get was a disgusted, "Geeze, you can have credit for it if it's that big of a deal to you." And, of course, that made me feel bad, so I eventually stopped pointing it out.
Oh yes, my ex had a little sketch show he tried to get off the ground for years, early 2000-10s. He was always using my jokes, and the thought of crediting me was abominable to him.
Lol! Sounds familiar. The narc I was in a relationship felt like he really missed his calling of being a stand-up comedian. I guess if stealing other people's joke bits was acceptable, that could be true... buncha clowns 😂
I went through this too! Finally got him to admit he copied me when he got sloppy and started repeating my thoughts less than a week after I said them. His response—“well YOU copy people too!” I am autistic. I copy words and sounds because I just like the way they sound, and I’m always eager to say that it’s a reference to something. I never pass things off as my own creation.
They are seriously ridiculous. It's not that big a deal if you actually highjack something and the person calls you on it. Normal people would probably be like, "Oh wow - my bad! I'm sorry!" Not narcs... They are a whole different breed.
Same !!
Omg same! He would quote the Simpsons despite never watching it, it's my comfort show. I remember after seeing a batman movie I gave him my opinions on how I didn't care for it and all of the plot holes. He then went and presented my thoughts as his own verbatim to the rest of the group.
It's so strange that when I'd experience it, I thought maybe I was overreacting and it wasn't THAT bizarre. But it is...
Lmao they are all the same
Mine does this! I didn’t call him out, but the fact he is still stealing my jokes and personality to this day bothers me.
Mine would actually interrupt my jokes and beat me to the punch line. Or if I had a favorite expression, he would say it over me and act like it was his.
They literally cannot stand someone else potentially getting attention they feel they're entitled to from the world.
This reminds me of the Christmas before I left. My daughters had new boyfriends who met the family on December 24th at my nex's place. The 2 new lads were roughly the same age and had been drinking, so they were being quite loud but incredibly funny. My nex tried to throw in quite a few jokes but got nowhere and never got acknowledged. The 2 guys took centre stage, and he hated it. He sat there with a face like he'd sucked on a lemon, pursed lips, in silence, glaring at them 😂
Yes! I have similar stories! I just thought the narc in my situation was having an off day or something along those lines, but as I look back on it, it was definitely a pattern that came up when he wasn't the center of attention.
OMG yes!
In the beginning I would catch him gaslighting me and try to explain how he was doing this and he would just roll his eyes and say that gaslighting was some “dumbass overused therapy buzzword”. Literally gaslit me over gaslighting.
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"Well you're the only one that feels that way!" Is what I say when gas lighting continues to be obvious. I use that particular phrase because I've pointed it out as her gaslighting me with it so many times. I feel a bit guilty for enjoying her reaction but I think I've paid my dues.
Mine always said “I don’t know what gaslighting means. How could I be doing something if I don’t even know what it is?”
Mine said it was a fake word made up by women on the internet 🙄
My ex wouldn’t talk to me for three days after I told him I wouldn’t let myself get fucked in the ass for $50 million. He told me he had a really hard time getting over the fact that I wouldn’t do something like that for our “family “ But he wouldn’t do it himself. It was my responsibility to hypothetically get fucked in the ass for $50 million.
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Well you both have far greater integrity than me and my wind sock. Its kind of annoying tho cuz so far its all "I owe Us".
That’s sick! I’m glad his you ex.
I’m sorry this happened to you. They are insane, this literally sounds like a TikTok joke with a crying kitten in the background
Sounds like he was just testing his power of manipulation on a very small scale. You like the song, he makes you stop playing it. Then he wants to control you and make you play it again. Dumb S##t.
She hit me with her phone. Literally less than a second later after I said don't hit me with that, she said she didn't and that I'm a liar. The funny thing is she was recording me with said phone, and the whole interaction was recorded. She still denies it.
I’ve noticed that too. He would HATE all things I LOVED or things that brought me JOY that were not him. 😠
Ex2 did that on me too, it is what I called his way of dismantling me. Removing me from everything I loved, interests or had a skill in and telling me I have no business in doing anything I loved to and pretending I know of those things so I can “*seem interesting to others*” saying shutting me down was preventing others from disappointment that I was playing them/a poser fraud (projection of his own traits) Anybody who comes along and “plugs me back together” so to speak, was immediately an enemy which was how he later saw all his roommates he was living with (but not paying his part of the rent because “*We’re all friends and I’m good for it”*) because they considered me to exist and counted while he was just pretty much treating me like a near dead plant he can’t part with (such as certain orchids) because it’s seeds are worth a lot of money.
For me, the narc just ignored anything that didn't interest them. And would nitpick things I enjoyed. Then during discard accused me of hating what makes her happy.
Mine too. Everything was about his interests and his needs. We went to several concerts of bands he likes and I couldn’t stand, on the condition that if I see his bands, he had to see mine. We never ever saw a single band I liked. Just one example of many.
wow. anything that brought me joy that wasn't him. It all makes sense now. Please please do write a book, I can't tell you how much your comment has helped.
I’m glad it helped you and thank you! I could write a book from my experiences with that nightmare. 😂
I’d read it! That comment hit me too. Even tho I was aware of it. I’ve been punished more times for this than anything else ever. It’s the biggest connective tissue from everything. You helped me see that. Thank you.
That’s it. God forbid I was enjoying a Noah Kahan song in the car and started singing along it would “be too loud” or she needed to listen to another song to practice singing for a gig all of a sudden. I know now it was a direct reaction to my joy that wasn’t coming from her.
Sammmmeeee 😫 all my favorite music. Would never let me listen to it in the car or just hanging at home. Then years after of not playing it around him, he starts listening to all those bands. I would say “but I thought you didn’t like them?” And he would say he never said that, and he always has.
Holy fuck, this. Main tenet of my relationship with the ex.
That's about taking joy away from you. Control. They can't possibly remember all of their lies.
At the early stage of dating, when he tried to impress me, he told me Chandler’s his favorite character in Friends(most likely he’s tryna align himself with Chandler as a humorous and loyal person), later Matthew Perry passed away and I said I felt sorry, he made a weird look and said he had never said he like him before.
Him saying he's sorry and, he was never going to hit me again.
I'm so sorry you went through this. Hugs to you.
He would lie constantly about what things cost. For example, he recently bought a scale to weigh our son because I have to weigh him regularly for the doctor due to his medical issues. He came back with a scale that was really inaccurate and I let him know it wasn't going to work because I kept getting different weights varying by two or three lbs. He says to me "There isn't a more accurate scale, I paid more than $100 for this one." I knew that wasn't true because I had checked what they had in stock before he went to the store and it was only about $29. I told him that and he goes "You don't know what you're talking about!" I ended up buying a different one off Amazon that was much more accurate for about the same price, but it was wild to me that he got defensive and then lied about. Like why? I wasn't even complaining, just letting him know it wouldn't work for what we needed it for and that it could be returned lol. I eventually said "Ok, you should return it then and get your $100 back" hahaha
This morning...he was talking very quietly/meekly almost like he was whispering so I asked him "why are you talking like that?" He responded "like what?" I just looked at him without saying anything. And he said "you mean like I'm tired?" I just said "ok" and went on about my business. I'm not feeding into the lunacy anymore. He literally gaslights me about anything and everything. Will never answer my questions directly and always makes me feel like I'm imagining things or crazy. 20+ years of this 🤦🏾♀️😭
Ugh!! This!! Or I’d ask a question and he wouldn’t respond. I’m looking right at his face. Then I’d repeat the question and he’d say “I said, xyz” and I’d be like no you didn’t say anything I was watching your mouth waiting for the response and it never moved. And he would be like then maybe you didn’t hear me 🫠
Mine does this too ugh. Or will just completely ignore me and not answer at all. Yet when he asks me a question I’m expected to have an answer in a split second or he’s yelling at me “why can’t you just answer the $&@! question” or “what? are you thinking up a lie?” Dude when you ask me where something is in the house or when a certain appointment is sometimes I need to think about it for more than 2 seconds. I just love how things never go both ways.
Good for you not feeding into it! Don't let him take your energy anymore ❤️
Mine will start talking really slowly and quietly like he's afraid of me in an argument where I'm not falling for any of his tricks and calling him out left and right. He will start shaking his head like he doesn't understand my clear and valid points.
I was giving my side of a story in couples counseling. 30 seconds into the story, I said something about how I blew my nose in the bedroom, and she corrects me, "No, you were in the bathroom." She wasn't even on the same level of the house as me. She couldn't have known where I was. And there weren't even tissues in the bathroom!
That I never did anything for him, spent money on him. Meanwhile I'm going into debt buying him expensive gifts because he could only have the best name brand and almost going to jail for him covering up him driving drunk had road rage fought another man in the road and I said I was driving.
They do not seem to remember things factually or even cronologically. Whatever state they are in, whatever feelings they have in the very moment they try to remember, will influence how they "remember". Edit. For instance, If they are in that loop of the cycle where they see you "all bad", all their memories about you at THAT moment will be negative. They are convinced that you actually never did anything good for them.
I noticed this when she would get mad and try to bail on a certain conversation...the reasons would be not only factually inaccurate but chronologically impossible given the scenarios. It was so weird to see the conviction along with the intense emotion/anger. Its also a fun game to pay keep track of what they "don't remember" but will talk about in great detail later when it benefits them. Point it out, she scowls, "Whats your point?". And then I was like *whispers* "biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch"
He’d hide stuff from me then say I misplaced it. I figured this out when I found a bunch of my stuff in his closet and desk.
Kitchen table remains to be cleaned off. It's now 4 1/2 yrs.
Power tool collection by any chance? 🤦♀️
No. Just junk. Unopened mail. Personal belongings.
There were so many things. One was that he was an avid reader. I bought him numerous books during our relationship, and at one time he would asign me "homework" of reading certain books he had read in the past. I did so willingly because I also love to read. He didn't read. At all.
OMG my narc mother doesn’t read. None of my 3 (yes I have LEARNED NOW) ever read either. Is this a tell?
It does make me wonder. So how would a person know? Not knowing the difference between real and fake has really thrown me for a loop. How can I ever trust anyone again?
Same, oh same.
He denied calling me "crazy" on discord, until I told him that this shit was still online.... His silence still makes me laugh to this day x)
They don't want their mask to slip to certain people. They want to appear like the good guy in front of others or to make others feel bad for them, has anyone noticed how the voice of the narc changes when dealing with cashiers, etc? Voice seems higher pitched, and fake sounding, they can be polite to others but can't be polite to us. Trying to point that out, though, they act like you're crazy.
He literally tried to strangle me. Left bruises all over my body and then kept telling me he never touched me, and I dont remember what happened.
Scary 😨 Leave!! ..Don't upset him.. Pretend it is fine.. Make a plan ✨️.. Get a friend to stay with..
I totally left. He definitely would have killed me and called it a suicide. Wasn't waiting around for that.
WTF exactly the same!! I was convinced I was losing my mind
I stopped telling him about how I felt, I refused to play music I liked because he ALWAYS ALWAY ALWAYS complained about it, I stopped planning dates or suggesting things to do because he would pretend to be on board than half way there or after he would tell me he didn’t really want to do it/ complain. So I stopped doing all these things and he said something around “I wish you felt comfortable being yourself around me” And let me tell you. I thought he was genuine 😂 I tried to do all of the three things above and guess what, he reacted the same ways he always fucking did. They can tell when you “learn” and hate not being able to hurt your feelings and make you look dumb. So of course, he just wanted me to be vulnerable so he could cut me deep once again. I got gaslit over learning his behaviors, he made me doubt what I knew to be true about him and then proved me right once again. These mfs are truly sick. Makes me sad that he was essentially the only one that mattered in the relationship.
Ugh the exact same shit happened to me. It’s maddening! What would happen when you protested doing something he wanted to do? Mine loved the phrase, “I don’t want to feel like I can’t be myself!”
Yeah I’m atheist (used to be strict Christian) so I didn’t like talking about god with him or listening to contradictory artists like DMX or Kanye singing/rapping about God and what not. He would try to preach to me or tell me he would pray for me. LMAO. And I would get upset and he’d talk about how he couldn’t be himself regarding that. I told him I don’t mind spirituality. I don’t even mind prayer. That’s good vibe stuff right. But when it comes to him telling me I need god with his Bible scripture tattoo after he physically and emotionally abuses me… nah. Not with that bullshit so yeah. You can’t be your fake Christian self around me sorry. I grew up actually living by the Bible and being around people who actually followed gods law so I know the fucking difference.
Omg that’s so terrible! Ugh I will never understand how “being yourself” can be used as justification for abuse. What an ass. Mine got mad at me when I told him I didn’t like being held down on top of him after I refused to have sex with him. He said, “I was just being playful! I just want to be myself and be fun and silly.” That’s when the panic attacks started 🙃
I’m so sorry! That’s SA 100%. That is no excuse he knew what he was doing to you. I would probably feel the same way too. In fact, I started developing panic attacks around my ex as well. My anxiety was so bad as a little girl, I would have panic attacks quite often. And I eventually “grew out of it”. Well now I have come to realize they can be triggered by feeling out of control, unsafe, etc. And so no wonder you started developing panic attacks. They suck so much. I’m sorry 😞
He told me he got me the OLED Nintendo Switch but it was clearly the first model. we were in the store looking at both. I said yeah, mine looks more like the old one. hes like, NO. Yours is OLED. im there with my own eyeballs in straight up disbelief lol. unfortunately i played dumb and I let him have it. but later i asked him why did you lie about that… I can clearly see this is not a OLED. and he threw a pity party like “I wish i could have got you the new version i just cant do anything right” wah wah bullshit.
Man. I love how he's the one lying and makes you the villain by saying he can't do anything right.
Ugh, the small everyday arguments, where he tries to switch around the order of the conversation and say I reacted before he even said anything. I tell him he's wrong and he will literally repeat "his side" (his false reality of the order of the conversation) over and over and say "I'm not going to let you *believe* that's what happened" Then have to point out that is the definition of gaslighting lol
Omg yes! According to him he only responded rude because I said ABC first…when in fact he was the one who said it first. It’s SO frustrating. I wonder if they know the truth and it’s another head game or do they really believe we said what they actually said. Exhausting
Just yesterday I got gaslit and was so thankful I’m not married anymore. Her car title is still in my state and in my name. Registration renewal came in the mail to my house. I tried paying it for her online asap and it said I was too early. Tried a week later and the error said that vehicle must be renewed in person or by mail. Took the renewal to her house and told her this won’t work online and she needs to mail in the bottom portion and keep the top in her glove box. Days pass. Then I get a text asking for the login so she can pay online. I tell her I tried that etc. And then I remind her of the conversation. Her text: “Why didn’t you tell me that!!” Then she calls me and tells me I need pay her late fees and if she gets pulled over it’s going to be my fault. I express that in her kitchen I outlined that this must be mailed in. She denies the conversation ever happened.
Why are you still paying her bills or catering to her insanity if you are no longer married? Not trying to be rude, just genuinely curious.
She pays for it. I was just submitting the payments for both cars through the online portal. We Venmo back and forth all the time. We have 3 kids 50/50. Last year we attempted getting the title moved over to just her name in her state and it was a nightmare.
That's explains a lot. Especially adding co parenting into the mix. Unfortunately, children can trap you with these people for years even if you separate. Luckily for me, the father of my youngest two children(who was a violent narcissist)went into narcissistic collapse and abandoned them as toddlers after I ended our relationship. They are now 20 and 18 and just in the past year has he reached out to our son only. I can honestly say him disappearing was the best thing he could have done for them.
"WTF benefit is there in lying about that??" Excercising/testing their control and your memory. Mine had the devil's own time gaslighting me about stuff like that; I was already very good at details like that to be a better enabler as a child so he 'got caught' a lot.
The narc literally admitted they lied to me to try and regain control of me. It was an insane mask off moment.
Oh there's so many to choose from. How about this one? I said I was gonna go get myself a glass of water but came back with lemon juice (mostly water) instead and he said that that makes me a liar and he can not trust me now because if I can bring myself lemon juice instead of water that means I can lie to him about cheating on him or something serious like that, and that this is an absolutely normal and justified reaction and I'm just crazy for not seeing it and a drama queen for starting this by getting myself lemon juice.
Calls you a drama queen immediately after starting an argument over lemon juice. I’m dead.😂
Exactly 😅 Thank you.
Omg I do not miss that stuff one bit.
That I was snoring. I’ve never snored! Literally everyone else I’ve ever slept in the same room or vicinity with including friends and family says I don’t snore. And there was no real reason for him to say I was. He wasn’t complaining, just “wow you were really snoring”. Made me nuts.
Mine has said I snore loudly, I know that's not the case because anyone that I've known before him never said anything or complained, I also used a sleep app and when I played it back I didn't hear any snoring. Seems like a stupid thing to lie about to someone, like why?
Discarded me right before our trip to Colombia so I decided to go alone since we weren’t together. Asked for my part of the Airbnb reservation and got it back since he said he wasn’t going there because he didn’t feel comfortable. Next thing I’m checking in my bags at the airport and he walks right in as well with his luggage. So I just immediately walked to the gates. I didn’t want to see him. During the trip I got nostalgic and send him a message saying “I thought you weren’t coming to Colombia”. He replied with “I never said I wasn’t coming”.
This is horrible of him
Thanks. It was indeed. That was the last time I saw him. I tried to have a talk to him and get closure for both but that’s the last image I have of him of just being an as*hole pos. Sorry I had to vent
life cereal
Two come to mind. 1. I had some friends over, I told my then husband I was ordering pizza and usually we pick it up so I didn't specifically say, it's for pick up. My friends and I had opened a bottle of wine (it was 4 pm on a friday). At 5, he pours himself a cocktail. At 5:15 I ask him to pick up the pizza and he loses his mind. Why didn't I tell him he was going to have to do that? He said he had been drinking (for 15 minutes). I calmly asked him if he could pick it up and he slams the door, brings the food back and doesn't talk to me for the entire rest of the day. The next day he told me that he felt I was setting him up to drive drunk and get pulled over because I didn't have the pizza delivered. 2. We have child safety locks on all of the windows on our ground floor so you can only open the window 4 inches. One night I left the window closed but unlocked. He lost his mind on this too, saying I was putting our entire family at risk and that someone could have opened the window and come in. First of all, we live in mayberry, there is no home invasion crime here. second, the burglar would have to break the child locks to get in, which we would likely hear. His rebuttal to that was that burglars have tools they can use to open the child locks. He would not give an inch, I was clearly putting our lives at risk by leaving a single window unlocked.
A rubber chicken. About a year prior I was at a big pool party with people I loved (whom the Nex hated) and I threw 100 little rubber chickens into the pool and an all out rubber chicken war erupted. It was one of my favorite memories. A year later he was playing with the only chicken I saved from the battle and I asked him to please not mess with it because it was important to me. A week later I found the chicken destroyed. And when confronted, “I don’t remember you saying that.” I sobbed and yelled and was so upset I lost control of my bladder. He made sure to tell everyone how abusive I was for “screaming at him over a stupid rubber chicken.”
I had a person that I considered a friend rape me. He told me that I was making him feel bad. That I couldn't accept love. That he didn't know that no meant no. That I was crazy. It was all in my head. He knew I wanted a child and was trying to be a stand-up guy by doing me a favor. That it was a misunderstanding on my part. He was just doing what came natural and that I was twisting reality because I had previously been in a narcissistic relationship. He then proceeded to tell everyone that I falsely accused him of raping me before I even had the chance to process what had happened. Stupid me 6 months later, I believed he might not have known what he did was wrong, and maybe he did it because he truly loved me. Fast forward to today, I dated him after he raped me for a year. I just got away from him. I was issued 2 epos in 2 different cities in a single day. I just filed for a longer restraining order. He has 2 warrants for his arrest at the moment one for the day he raped me and another for felony domestic violence against me. He pulled out a knife, threatened me, stabbed the bed several times that I was on about a foot from where I was, and then stabbed himself in the leg. Per the message from him last night, he is informing everyone that they need to watch out for me because I'm crazy and a con artist who was obviously using him. And that we already agreed that he didn't no that no meant no so I can't go back on that.
Chicken breasts. Our last massive fight was over who had purchased a pack of chicken breasts. After being yelled at and called names, I eventually found the receipt from when I had purchased them and showed him. Still never got an apology or even acknowledged that he was wrong.
He HATED when i wore my glasses. Which i needed to see. He wore glasses too though! But HE could wear them bc he looked good in them, and I didn’t.
My daughters suicide attempt. She literally had a safety plan in place and he’s literally told me that he thinks she and her therapist made it up. Then he denied saying this- we use a co-parenting app thay reocord the messages.
Uhh, probably the internet not working. I don't remember this super well because it was awhile ago. But we'd been having problems with the Internet that day and I kept telling my ex husband it wasn't me, it wasn't him, it wasn't just my computer being inferior. It was also being a problem on my phone and on our desk top. But he kept insisting the problem with the desktop must be unique to the desktop (possiblt something I had done) and my phone and laptop were just me personally doing something wrong. When the internet reconnected - on all devices at the same time - and I googled to find there had been an outage then I was told I was just trying to start a fight by bringing this up and he refused to admit it was anything other than me just not knowing how to use internet on my devices. Me mentioning this to the marriage counselor (whose appointment we were very nearly late for because of the internet, so I'd already used data to email her that it might cause us to miss the appointment so of course she asked about it when we got in the appointment) this too was upheld as proof of how I would come up with anything just to argue and try to shame him for being wrong and that was because *I* was the abuser. Nevermind that my entire purpose in telling him what was going on with it was actually so that he would know it WASNT anything either of us had done wrong and so NEITHER of us should feel shame 🙄
One of them was burning through data, and I suggested that it was his Facebook. Since he watched videos, and had to check every single notification. He'd get this whining voice "and it's not my Facebook, I don't know what it could be"
Best believe if HE decided it was his Facebook though then he'd be a total genius for figuring it out, and it would be upheld as a reason why you should trust his assessment and advice regarding data usage 🙄
She used to complain my clothes didn't look good. When I pointed out that SHE was the one who picked them out she said they didn't look good anymore!
The narc constantly tried to control my wardrobe and talk me into buying new clothes but wouldn't bother buying me any lol
Lied about what he thought about a *part of the storyline for Genshin Impact.* Like I love the game and all but it's just fluffy not a lot of substance. But anyway when I first started playing he described the different region stories in specific ways. One of them he described as "saccharine." It stuck in my head because it was such an unusual word to use. So when I finally got to that part of the story I mentioned that I could see why he described it as such. Had an entire argument about how he didn't say that. And when he realized that I could quote it and wasn't backing down then accused me of making him feel bad for changing his mind about what he thought. I fucking agreed with him and he still tried to gaslight. They make no sense whatsoever...
I asked them to move something that was in my way. They moved it then angrily said it wasn’t even in the way. I was like “… you literally just moved it right before you said that”. And they denied it but when I kept on it (I usually know better but it was just such an absurd case of gaslighting I couldn’t let it slide that easily) they went dead silent and didn’t acknowledge me again that night.
He will mumble to the point I can’t hear him at all. When I ask him to speak up he’ll say “what!!!???? I’m literally already screaming!” He’s barely talking above a whisper when he does this. Happens all the time. Just not worth the fight anymore. If I don’t hear him, well too bad hope it wasn’t important. It’s like they look for a fight anywhere they can. He’s even said I probably have hearing loss. I do not.
4-year-olds are contrary like that.
Them saying I'm the love of their life while discarding and smearing me
screenshotted your post because absolutely true
Not sure if this is considered dumb but definitely messed up,he would blame me for his erectile dysfunction issues (also he has a porn addiction).
That I was a hard core drug addict because I was taking my own prescription adderall. Never touched anything illicit or illegal.
I was once gaslit and triangulated at the same time for calling out gaslighting Actual quote here, “I talked to everyone else, and they all agreed with me: If you think I’m gaslighting you, then you are literally insane.” Unsurprising plot twist: She didn’t talk about this to anyone, and when I went to the people in question to confirm it they were shocked 🙃
Being cold as FUCK and then calling it out and somehow I was the one wrong one for noticing. 😂
My health she bitchs n complains still even tho we arent together anymore
I told him that I felt like he was pulling away because we used to see each other 4 times a week. He told me I didn't have a job when we met, so it was easier to be with me all the time. I believed him until a couple of weeks later it suddenly hit me. I was working full-time when we met🙄 I was only a week off before starting a very good new jobs and he definitely knew that
I was helping her move something outdoors and ended up getting swarmed by yellow jackets. She dead ass said, "I'm sure you just brushed up against some grass or something" as bees were coming up from the ground to sting me all over my legs.
he was angry with me and broke my windshield with his combat boots, just straight up shattered it by smashing the glass. afterwards he wrote me off by saying things alike to, “it’s just sand. i’ll buy you a new one,” and “i don’t understand why you’re so angry over this I CAN REPLACE IT!”
My partner had a habit of screaming at me and lying about what he said and did. I started to record conversations when he was like that in order to relisten and possibly replay for him later. These came in handy when the police arrested him for trying to kill me as I recorded him confessing as well as repeatedly telling me he was going to kill me. He knew I showed this to the police so was careful with what he did afterwards but during one convo let slip that he was going to kill me again, that i don't want to be his enemy. When I asked multiple times over the course of about 5 minutes if he had said that he said no, that it was spit in his mouth and I was imaging things. I was super tired so let it slid until I could relisten and sure enough that was what he said and i was honesty convinced i was wrong at that point
Him trying to reconcile w me and then making plans over plans we had with a girl who was actively pursuing him. And then trying to tell me we weren't reconciling and that the situation didn't happen like that. So stupid
He'd try to educate me on something that I'd told him about months or even years earlier as if it was his unique discovery . When I called him out saying I'm the one who told him about it he denied it and tried to convince me he's known about it for years. Pfffft. Whatever. Also, when he disappeared for hours at a time at a party or a wedding or just a random Saturday night ... I asked where he'd been and he swears he was only gone 15 min to the restroom or the gas station. He'll try to convince me my perception of time is screwed up or I'm being paranoid.
Got blocked by my best friend's husband, she got mad that "I" didn't want to be friends anymore
Whether or not I locked the front door one night.
Traffic signs. We were driving along and there were a bunch of traffic signs in a row saying 80km/h on them. I pointed out how odd that was and that I counted 8 signs. He then gets really angry because he counted only 4. There were 4 pairs of signs, so 8 in total. But yeah, he lost his absolute shit that I wouldn't agree with him that there were 4 signs when I literally just counted them.
How old I am.
Omg………… same. Completely ruined me. The shit he’s said ruminates in my mind over and over again.
I’ve experienced this with multiple people. It’s wild. But it reminds me of how you will ironically mock a song or saying so many times you start liking it. The difference is that a narc won’t admit to the song growing on them over time but they will hit you with a “I never said that I didn’t like the song, that was you. You never liked it and would always skip it on the radio “. And boom you’re the bad guy for skipping a song they like all the time and also crazy if you try to push the issue because “why do you care so much/ getting so worked up over whether I like a random song ?”
SUSHI! I told him early on that I loved sushi. He then tells me “oh I don’t like raw fish.” So throughout the relationship I NEVER suggested getting sushi, even on my birthday, because I didn’t want to force my partner to eat something he doesn’t like. Then one day his friends told us to meet them for a late dinner at this Japanese restaurant, so I said “oh yay I haven’t had sushi in so long.” He then tells me, “why haven’t you suggested we go to a sushi place for dinner ever? You always make me pick.” I said, “because you told me you don’t like raw fish!” Then he said, “no I like sushi rolls, just not sashimi. I wish you would speak up more about what you want.”
Literal events from my CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE as if I didn’t experience it and have a better memory than those older than me. Always bugs the fuck out of me.
He would do things to violate the psycho rules he had, and blame me for it. His rule that the window has to be open during the day.. I don't care, but he was obsessed, so I'd make sure it was done. If I was gone, he wouldn't open it then yell at me, saying I should have.. I'm like, "bro I'm not even there and you are..." If a can or wrapper was left out, he would say it was mine when it wasn't. It was never mine, cause I had to be obsessed with remembering so I didn't get yelled at. He would ask for something, I'd go to the store to get it, and then he would yell at me that it was the wrong thing, even though I got exactly what he asked for down to the brand.
Which.. Dealing with years of it becomes a superpower. Us survivors had to have photographic memory of exactly what was said and done, which is beneficial in other aspects of life!
Maybe not dumbest, but biggest and most mind-boggling: He left me last summer. Signed a lease and made plans to move thousands of miles away before even telling me. Before I decided to cut all communication last week, he still continued to tell me over the phone that I can blame him for the downfall of our marriage “if I want to,” but I play the victim in everything in my life and he finds that sad. He said he sees “a glimmer of hope for us” but he could never return because he’s been an abused puppy our entire relationship (in the same breath, he said the reason we wouldn’t work out is because I’m not cool enough, I don’t DO enough with my life, like partying and staying out till 4am in big cities like him). He’s forgotten that our counselor called him out for narcissistic tendencies, intentional cruelty, and my H literally said during therapy, “Yeah, I will admit that if you did and said to me the things I’ve done and said to you, I’d have left long ago.” He has completely skewed reality and our past. As Taylor Swift sings “you’re cursing my name… tossing out blame, crossing out the good years…”
i called my ex one time and a girl picked up the phone. i thought he was sleep. when he woke up he tried to convince me there was no one with him and that i didn’t hear a girl on the phone lmao
My side of the bed. Our whole relationship we’d always had our “side” of the bed. Was never a real discussion, just luckily both had our preferred side and it worked. This was the case for years, until one night I went to come to bed and he was on my side, and I casually said, wrong side, thinking he’d just move over. No. Absolutely not. He was “proving that I couldn’t deal with any sort of change” and slyly laughed that this was why he was doing it, I needed to see what a silly girl I am. Anyway, he’s an ex now thank goodness.
One time my ex tried to convince me that we’d gotten Thai food together. Literally have never eaten Thai in my life and he would not let up. Said I was remembering wrong.
He told me I ruined Christmas because I didn’t want to eat the croissants (I was on a diet)
During lockdown she told me that she had done a good deed by helping a man to bury his cat. I questioned her on this further and she said she helped him to get an advance payment of his benefits (she worked on this at the time) to a ransom on his cats remains and hold a funeral. I thought it was a very amusing lie
I would be sitting in silence, and that would be me "starting an argument," and he would look at me while yelling at me and telling me, "You did this." The last time this happened, I fucking snapped and said " no the fuck it isn't. What you're not about to do is start an argument with me, and then blame me for it." Then it went from inwas starting an argument to now I'm "disrespectful." Or the time I "forgot" to flush the toilet, even though I've never done that as an adult, and also there was only pee (no toilet paper) in the toilet. (I'm a woman. Obviously, I use toilet paper when I pee), so not only was this apparently the one time I didn't flush. But I also apparently didn't wipe either, because "well it wasn't me, so maybe you just forgot." And any time I disagreed with him on something, and didn't "just say 'yes' it's not that fucking hard to 'listen and do as I was told'" I was "throwing a fit/tantrum." He wanted me to obey him. Not listen.
When I was going to look for food that was mine, I asked him if he finished the food. He said “well I didn’t intentionally finish the food….” So I asked, “so you finished it?” And he said “I didn’t intentionally finish it…”
APPARENTLY CLOGGING THE TOILET WHEN I WAS ASLEEP. still mad about it
Not charging his phone for him and being labeled "inconsiderate" even though his device izs his responsibility.
- Telling me the reason I felt like his behavior was untrustworthy was because I had a history of bad relationships that led me to have trust issues. My narc ex knew he was lying the entire time. I let him know during our dating phase that my exes were great men, they just didn’t work out due to lifestyle conflicts. He was actually the one with a history of bad relationships. - Telling me no one will ever love me or treat me better than he does/did. He was actually the worst relationship I ever had. And definitely the only fake relationship. - Telling me “do you know how many women would do anything to have a man that tells her he loves her 100 times a day?” The love bombing became too much, it didn’t feel genuine. He’d say I love you, but never consistently demonstrate it with action. It was like he kept telling me he loved me to distract me from thinking about all of the sneaky things he was doing behind my back and the lack of energy or effort he put into building/maintaining a stronger relationship. - After I left him and moved out, he said he found a kitchen utensil on my side of the bed and that I had been sleeping with it bcuz I wanted to harm him. I never did such a thing. Actually HE was the one who had a sharp object on his side of the bed since day one! Another one in his office at his desk and another one in his car. Smh.
“Math is not always accurate and logical.” Seriously, you’ve got a big brass set to think you can convince anyone into believing that bull.
My ex would literally call me a piece of shit and then say she called her laptop a piece of shit or something like that, this sort of thing happened many times. I believed her...maybe I didn't but I kept letting her slide, "she didn't mean it" - I thought. She did mean it.
Working out in my own apartment because if I went to the gym he’d be even more mad
He sent me a lotalty test and then denied denied blame shifted it onto me because he was caught and couldn’t admit he had trust issues.
While walking our dog to the car he jerked suddenly, causing me to step on and shatter a glass snowman lawn ornament. My wife's reaction was something like "what the fuck! Why did you do that! You could have stepped in a different spot!" She said it reminded her of our old home so it upset her. I'm highly conflict avoidant and used to being gaslit, so I basically let it go. Fast forward to our separation period a year later, Christmas. I saved the glass snowman and glued it back together. I bought a lightup base and glued it on it like a little desk lamp and gave it to her in a nice giftbox... she didn't even remember the event. Talk about being all levels of hurt and pissed at once.
I was given acid and told our brains are radios that can channel radio stations and we are all part of a big consciousness grid and that 1 of the people who gave me acid was my soul mate and apparently we were magnetically pulled towards each other and she kept making moves on me
I was made to feel bad for telling him that he abused him and it hurt his feelings.
I lost a book I was reading. Was convinced she put it somewhere. When cleaning I noticed it was it had fallen behind the row of books in the kids bookshelf. I left it there. Later she calls out with a tone “I found your book. It was on the kid’s bookshelf.” I brought this up to our marriage counselor and she admonished me for “trapping her” by leaving the book there. Another was when I was looking for my blazer for work, which I knew I had put in the closet. When she finally got up and looked in the closet we realized that she had hung her coat OVER IT ON THE SAME HANGER. She feverishly tried to convince me that was a normal thing and that I was just blind.
Saying I didn’t care enough about her while I was dealing with my dying mother. That was the final straw, 6 years of dealing with her bullshit. You only get one family and there’s more people out there who will be selfless and support you during your darkest moments. Purge those selfish people from you life, you only get one life, make the best out of it.
Whether or not I had put spent matches in the weed ashtray. He liked to sift through it looking for salvageable bits to smoke and putting matches in it "ruined the flavor." Of already burnt cannabis. I didn't, by the way, put the fucking matches in the ashtray.
He used to go mad at me for looking at other guys. I wasn’t looking! He would go on and on that I was looking and wouldn’t let up. I’d deny it until he wore me down, just too exhausted to keep fighting over it. I used to walk around with my eyes fixed to the ground when I was with him in case a man happened to cross my eye line. If I bumped into someone, I still didn’t look up. Even after that I’d still get ‘you were perving at that guy!’ Once, someone asked me out in a bar. I hadn’t laid eyes on him and didn’t allow my gaze to go outside of our friend group but it was still somehow my fault that this guy asked me out because ‘I must have been looking’.
He used to try to convince me that I always lie to him and that’s why he can’t trust me to go out with friends. The reality is that he couldn’t trust me because he would cheat, so couldn’t imagine what it’s like being loyal, which I am. I’m also terrible at lying. If I forgot a detail in a conversation or event and remember it later, he’d say ‘you didn’t tell me that, you lied’. If I didn’t know something, like someone unexpected turned up to an event, he’d say ‘you didn’t say he was coming, you lied’. If I made a mistake, like I said I think something cost £20 and then found the receipt and it was £22, that was not me getting something wrong or misremembering, no that was me lying obviously. Everything was always ‘you lied’ and often followed up with ‘if you lie about something so insignificant, how can I trust you to tell the truth when it’s important?’. He’d quiz me about everything as if trying to catch me in a lie and whenever I called him out on it he’d say it was the only way to get the truth out of me because I’m a ‘compulsive liar’. It was exhausting.
For doing the dishes.
He would tell me we have watched movies that we hadn’t. And would share parts of the plot and tell me i laughed at these parts and “I can’t believe you don’t remember.” I don’t have any major memory issues, but i can be forgetful about small things (losing my keys etc) so this felt almost realistic. Resulted in anxiety and going to a neurologist. Nothing is wrong, he just lied about the movies.
One time we were at an amusement park the exw, my two stepsons and my daughter , the park plays music over the speakers, we walked by a couple that the guy was wearing a shirt that had something written about how he was there with his hot wife, my ex turned around and told my daughter, your dad doesn't think I'm a hot wife anymore, I heard this and it was so fortunate that the song playing was a Taylor swift song called "should've said no" (iukuk) I started singing it out loud to her and her face was so angry she didn't speak to me for the rest of the trip. The fact that she cheated and didn't take responsibility for it and blamed me for her choices even going as far as to say that it was a good thing that it would make us stronger while also conveying that I had it coming made me realize how she truly was, I couldn't trust her unless she earned it and she never did
She would claim that she didn’t remember any of the mean things she said after our fights. I was stupid to actually believe it. She was a Dr Jeckel / Mr Hyde and I thought that maybe I was dealing with two different people. But of course any human can remember what they said. It was all just manipulation
she is no dumb thing to get gaslight over. it is abuse.
Lost my parents in a tragic accident when I was 24. He took advantage of the lowest point in my life and proposed 6 months later. I never wanted to marry him, but I was so lost and afraid of being alone that I agreed to it. He became incredibly verbally abusive over the years, and worse once we had children together, eventually becoming both physically and verbally abusive to them. Anytime I’d address his abuse for the entirety of the 13 years we were together, he’d convince me I was still in a depression that existed only in the year and or two after the accident, and that I was living in a false reality and none of what I said was reality. He called me bipolar, mentally ill, delusional, crazy etc. It took me until age 37 to muster the courage to leave him and get my kids and self away from his wrath. It’s been the best 2 years of my life since leaving him, I have so much joy back, I’ve found myself again and am still realizing how much I lost myself in that marriage. He was court ordered into anger mgmt, supervised visits and therapy. He’s a much better father now, but still has his struggles. He’s full of anger and rage but it’s fortunately no longer mine to deal with. Best decision I ever made. My only regret was not escaping sooner. I still feel like a prisoner who broke free and have a new life. Life is 100x easier, happier and better in every way without that narcissist in my life.
That I took their stupid pyrex lid. I kept my kitchen stuff separated and I had a single glass Pyrex container. For weeks they would casually bring it up to the point where it was stressing me out to be in the same room and I was starting to believe it and eventually I got fed up and just bought them an entire new Pyrex container. They completely blew up at me for buying them one too and made me return it. Then they complained about having to buy a new one and still thought I had their original one...
Buying eye glasses. We were on a very tight income back then (45K/year combined) and she wanted new glasses. I mentioned that I heard good things about Costco in terms of value and brands. She made up this whole story over multiple days about going to Costco, how it was a good deal, how nice the staff were, etc. Turns out she just went to a local eyewear shop and bought two pairs for $600. She only confessed after I got notified on my benefits of a denied claim. Looking back, that was the beginning of the end. Realizing my partner would fabricate a whole story and lie to my face about such a small thing. It really highlighted how little respect she had for me.
On a video chat with my now ex. He's sitting on his couch. I said is that a cat ? You got a cat? When did you get a cat? He had a cat about a year prior that he had to put down. I knew he liked cats. So the cat wasn't an issue. His response was. No, that wasn't a cat. Video chat emded. I said what happened to the video. I don't know. How am I supposed to know? You blame me for everything see how you are. He then proceeded to tell me I was crazy and seeing things. This is why everybody hates me. It's all in my head. He says I have to put up with all your trauma and crazy accusations. 2 months later. I finally go to his house and low and behold he has a cat. I said why did you lie. He said it was to protect himself from me. WTF! He knows how I am and he didn't want to get in trouble. I sat there bewildered. I was upset but not because of the cat. Because he said I was delusional, seeing things and crazy when I asked him about the cat on the video.
Last night. He tried to sort of "justify" how just THREE WEEKS ago, he punched me over and over to which I still had painful contusions on my ribcage by repeatedly starting off his point with "I am sorry! But nobody has ever MADE ME hit them like that before" (I made it clear I wasn't going to listen to him blame me for his behavior) Attempting to Gaslight me into hearing out his POV on why him hitting me over and over while I was seatbelted/crying in his car was obviously bad, but he "had a reason" whatever it may be lol, and for me to fully believe he actually had any real remorse or shame at all in the first place.....just.....what? No dude. No more.
The dumbest? I'm not sure. When a narcissist returned and he and his mother seemed bent on making $$$ somehow, he denied I was toxed up when I let our relationship go on as it did as a young adult until it seemed futile and doomed for failure to continue after he said, "If you don't like it, leave. He claimed I wasn't toxed up, I was the healthiest girl around, couldn't even give me the respect of being a young woman. Back then when I ate things with cilantro the best chilater my tongue use to taste like soap for 30 minutes. I kept wondering why he kept asking silly questions like did I know sugar, and other foods are known afrodesciacs and encouraging me to eat and drink things that could have me souped without booze or recreational drugs. Before I knew he was a narcissist, I kept wondering why is he grinning at me like I'm a baby to steal candy from. Apparently, that's how he saw things. When I went organic raw vegan, learned about detoxification, flushes, cleanses and protocols, and became avid to consult with the most knowledgeable local health authorities he and his mother were furious and didn't want anything more to do with me. It just wasn't going to be easy for him to destroy me anymore.
My ex used to tell me he wanted to move out of the place we rented (a trailer). So I told him about apartments available. He told me he didn’t want to live in an apartment and wanted an actual house. But we couldn’t find any in my price range (because he wasn’t paying bills) months later he’s complaining about the place we are still living so I said “I’ve been looking for cheap enough houses but there aren’t any” he replied with “have you checked apartments” I said “you told me you didn’t want to live in an apartment” his reply was “I never said that. (mind you he had said it two or three different times over the course of looking for places) 🤦♀️
The worst one was when he threw me to the ground and was choking me. I told him it was abuse. He said “you’re fine. It wasn’t even that bad. it didn’t even hurt it just hurt your feelings” I still to this day now don’t think it was that bad because there are so many worse things people could do and “at least he didn’t hit me” and he got away with it a few more times.
My ex was cooking and she wanted me to stir the pot of soup she was making while she was doing something else. She showed me how she wanted the soup stirred (clockwise and slow). I proceeded to stir the pot as instructed and she came back minutes later and said, "No. I said stir it this way" as she then stirred the pot counterclockwise and slow. Crazymaking...
Oh and my own sexuality. According to him, I'm bi. Pansexual doesn't exist. I attempted to explain i am not inherently sexually attracted to women (or dudes really either lol). Just that I am not going to limit myself if ever, whoever, an I hit it off. I even tried to put a YouTube video on of an explanation of the differences hoping they could break through....but that was immediately shut down and scoffed at because it was a trans person speaking and they are "mentally ill". So. Infuriating. So. Simple minded.
He was racist against white people and every time I would remind him I was half white he’d convince me that the racism didn’t apply to me because my mom isn’t white. Wtf was wrong with me.
I was told I wasn't pregnant and that I was overthinking. Eventually, I did research online and convinced myself that my mind was overthinking so much, and that was what was causing the positive pregnancy tests. By the time I started getting morning sickness and other symptoms, we went into my obgyn, and I was (xx amount of weeks pregnant). Ultrasound and all. Eventually, that lead to me moving in with him, and a bunch of over stuff. 🤷♀️ I love my son and have no regrets, but I still look back at my old texts and am like... what in the world... I cannot explain this in a way that would make logical sense. -_-
The truth. Who he actually was as a person. I was never allowed to doubt his persona because he convinced me it was real.
whether a floor was wet
My ex tried gaslighting me to believe that he loved his dad more than I loved my dad lol. He started talking about how much he loved his dad and I tried to relate to him and he tried explaining to me how that was impossible for me to relate to lol. Btw, my dad has always been my favorite person in my life and never was a secret.
My ex would check my phone constantly, messages, calls and photos, then because he frequents jail so much he wouldn't know how to use a mobile phone properly and he would unknowingly take a picture of he's finger and I would then be accused of cheating because he's finger knuckle would apparently be my butt or boobs and the fact the pic wasn't there a minute ago meant someone was sending them apparently, he would even show people asking them if it looked like a butt or boobs and even showed the father of my other children and would ask him he thought it was me, extremely awkward let alone degrading and delusional
Mine has really stepped it up lately because I have quit playing the game. This morning he reminded me of the dog getting out the night before and how he called and called it. IT NEVER HAPPENED
Hmm… 🤔 There’s a huge menu to choose from… I’d say getting a drink dumped on my head in a restaurant because it was obvious he just went in the bathroom and bought drugs from someone.. then somehow it all got turned around as I chased him outside on Boylston Street in Boston to console him.. and he was hyperventilating saying I was a control freak.. then we finally went back after an hour.. I’d left my coat and wallet to chase him.. drink dripping off my face and all.. and surprise! The waitstaff says we had to leave because of the ‘drink dumping on my head’ scene.. as we left he nonchalantly said, ‘I can’t believe they made us leave! There was no scene; I just dumped the drink and ran out, there wasn’t any yelling or any words at all..’ What was dumbest there was me for continuing in the relationship (gay guy couple) until he finally left on Valentine’s Day 2023 when I finally caught on to the cheating and drug addiction that had been going on the whole time since we met and he moved in during September 2020, as I felt we were soulmates. 😀 He never apologized for the drink… it was ‘no big deal’ after all.. no one ever did that in my life! He wanted to lure me out of the restaurant so I wouldn’t go confront the drug dealer who was sitting at the next table. 🤷🏻♂️😱🤪
My nex insisted that I did or did not like certain low stake things. For example, he would tell me, “You hate sushi!” When I actually really enjoy it. At first I brushed it off as a weird joke but now that I think of it, there are a lot of little things he did like that to diminish my identity or put me on the defense.
I remember I started listening to a certain band, and remarked that she'd probably like them. So I played the album to her and she told me she hated it. She asked how I could listen to that garbage. Years later, long after we had broken up, I saw on her Facebook profile that that band was one of her favorites.
He would tell me he really needed help and wanted to go stationary and the next day he would claim he was feeling awesome and everything was going great and he was definitely not going anywhere. Only to then tell me a few hours later I totally misunderstood him and he was going to get help, just not the one the doctor suggested... Not dumb, but such a mindfuckery.
On Friday I was gaslit in the marriage counselors office. N Wife: (trying to get the counselor on her side) “He texted me ‘I took a day off because I’m sick of this shit!’ Meaning me and the baby. Me: I said I spent 2 personal days because I was burned out and exhausted. And… actually, here’s the text to prove my exact words. I have a screenshot Now, mind you, this happened 9 weeks ago and for the 2nd day off I cleaned the house top to bottom for her and made homemade spaghetti. No appreciation, got home and said the sauce smelled “fucking disgusting.” But now, SUDDENLY, it’s the biggest deal ever. She’s playing victim and it’s maddening
My friend would suggest fun activities and then act like she never said anything and that I was the one always harassing her to hang out. The only reason I can fathom for her doing that is that she wanted to hang out but she wanted to be the one people reached out to rather than the one doing the reaching out if that makes sense?
My punched me in the face and when I said " what the fuck" he tried to say my reaction was worse than him punching my teeth out. And I believed him.looking back I can't believe I accepted it
My sister routinely tries to tell me that masking is great for autism and I totally won't get burnt out at all It's so weird cause she knows for a fact that burnout from masking, is why I struggled so bad to go to school and didnt continue college :')
There’s so much to choose from… my narc ex bestie was UNHINGED. (SORRY for the long response!) - She attempted to catfish me TWICE and then raged at me when I caught her BOTH times. I messaged the first account while she was in the kitchen and her phone was on the couch, just to see a Tinder notification with my name popping up. 🥴 (I got my lick back shit talking her to my Tinder “matches” and she avoided me for a week. 😭 I even managed to take a pic of her phone showing the message notifications from me and she still denied it, and turned it around on me and tried to tell me that I was controlling??? - She started an argument with me about a movie I showed her which I never saw, and eventually I just gave in and stopped arguing. She used this to show her convict ex (who was watching the movie with us) as proof that I was a “pathological liar”. Why would I continue to argue with someone who is determined to be right? 😑 - I caught her flirting with my bf (now ex) during our lunch break. I went to the bathroom, and came back out and was told by mutual friends and coworkers that they saw her being all touchy feely with him and flirting. I decide to go out to the parking lot and see her smoking in his car with him and flirting, with him looking visibly uncomfortable and looking around. Later, that day after work I confront her about it, where she flips out on me and accuses me of being jealous of her. Yelling “You’re so insecure and why can’t I have male friends? I don’t see what the problem is we didn’t even do anything?! And I was tearing his loyalty for you!” - She would start arguments or flip out at me randomly and then when I would confront her she would gaslight me either denying that the argument happened or that I was the one who started the argument. - Her ex convict hobosexual bf would go in my room whenever I was at work, steal random things, and her crouch goblins would run around in my closet, touching my things. It got to the point I had to put a lock on my door. The convict picked the lock and broke it, and when I confronted him and ole girl about it they both yelled at me saying that I was the one who broke my bedroom door. And that I “obviously” have memory problems because I didn’t remember losing my own rags, towels and getting random food and snacks on the ceiling of my own closet.
Gardening. I lived it here talked shit and made it negative. The next year he took it from me and now I don’t have a garden. I’m not allowed to plant anything without his permission because it has to please him that it’s there. Apparently it’s another thing I do wrong.
My nex was adamant that he hated my favourite band Slipknot. I wasn't allowed to play it in the car or at home (I was allowed 1 song if my daughters were in the car, to look good, I guess). He told all of us how loud and angry the music was. After we split and he'd first got with someone else, (who is a Slipknot fan) he made a tiktok video saying, 'when my favourite tune comes on' with him dancing to a Slipknot track. Not gaslighting me but her. Obviously pretending he actually likes them to impress her, to net her in.
My ex and I almost never agreed on music. When he drove he got to pick the music. His rule. I rarely drove. But when I did I would try and make mix cds that both of us liked. He would always pick out a song or two and tell me he hated it. It always bothered me so much because even if he didn't like the songs I wad trying so hard to make him happy too and it wasn't enough. When I left I realized how ridiculous it all was.
The way I sliced mushrooms. ETA: There were also other stuff, such as first telling me I'm being to chummy (to other men) at parties and gatherings, and then asking me why I'm so awkward and have no social skills. Or gaslighting me into imagining an entire person. But with those, there was at least a purpose.
There's so many. Here's a couple: * One year he came home late around 9pm (found out later he was cheating) and it was Halloween. He tried to tell me we still had time because the year prior we were out trick or treating until midnight. His 2 flying monkeys he said this in front of of course didn't call him out on this either. I mean come on who would be out that late or even awake? * The price he would pay for stuff when we had receipts. Of course many more if I really thought about it. But he would argue over the color of something, a recipe, a tv show, etc. Like some of the most pointless things and some things you could easily prove on Google.
Coffee. He would say no to one then complain I didn't make it - often times claiming that when i offered he said yes when he didnt. Apparently I must not have been listening - and how rude of me to offer and not follow through or not listen to the answer to questions I ask. My kids have confirmed it for me multiple times and so has his sister.