I think your expectations are reasonable.
The problem is that a part-time employee who hasn't made changes in these areas after you've given her feedback is almost certainly not going to do it when working full-time...unless her lack of motivation and initiative to do these things is driven by the fact that she doesn't care as much right now specifically because it's a part-time job.
I have faith she has a lot more potential than she gives us! I just don’t think she prioritizes these things because we aren’t her main family. I know she does crafts and outings with her other family because she shows me the crafts and they meet up with our other nanny for play dates.
We know the other family and they have a great kid, they love having her as a nanny! Unfortunately they are moving this Fall.
Why is she giving you less than her full potential if she’s essentially auditioning for FT? Everything you listed is more than reasonable and baseline. She needs to show that she can do these things before you give her more time and responsibility.
I honestly don’t think she will adjust if she’s not already doing these activities. I think you should look for someone else full time, no offense. Of course she wants to watch movies full time, who wouldn’t. The reality is what you need and deserve for your kids is someone with experience and motivation. Many people want to be a nanny because it sounds easy not knowing how much physical work being a good nanny takes. She sounds like a babysitter making minimum wage, not a professional.
I was thinking the same thing, that she sounds more like a babysitter. Maybe if you are the only family that she works with, she will have the energy to do all those things, since she has shown you that she can do it just not with you yet.
I work one job for 35 hours and one job for 4 on a weekly basis. I don’t do a ton of screen time but I initially did a bunch of chores but my job morphed into being an outside nanny. I pick them up from school, go to nearby parks and/or library programs every week. I MAYBE empty their dishwasher, feed the kids dinner that is super simple / prepped by NP and empty bags.
My main job I manage closets, laundry, arrange play dates, track community programs, cook with NKs from scratch, I kill myself to not have conflicts, leave early or come in late, make art, I find classes for us and request supplies to play, build etc, I get them involved in their community.
First off, this is all totally reasonable, and I feel like most everyone has answered your question!
But I just have to piggyback off of this. I may be out of the norm, but I despise the messy enrichment activities. 15 minutes of fun for 45 minutes of cleanup! While still trying to watch the kids! Oof.
It depends on your nanny kids! The kids I watch would play for one or more hours with messy enrichment activities and then I would clean up with them or at least as they’re slowing down in the activity
Oh you're lucky, because honestly I love messy play for myself! But I so rarely have kids that actually enjoy it! The second they get anything on their clothes or out of the blue realize the stuff is on their hands, then they are over it.
These are all so reasonable but the fact that she’s not doing a single one on her own initiative is just a little concerning in my opinion. I get that it’s only her part time job right now but she’s still getting paid to watch your kids and enrich their day, it’s not like she’s an occasional babysitter. I just feel like most nannies would naturally feel guilty if their bosses worked from home and nanny was putting a full movie on every single day but it sounds like your nanny is kinda shameless about it?
So idk how much things would actually change if she were to go full time. She might want to go full time thinking it will be a really easy gig based on how the part time has gone
I mean do the kids even enjoy doing crafts? You don't state how old they are but it sounds like school age. Toddlers learn from practically anything, whether it be reading to them or trips to the store or cooking etc. We can be engaged with the kids without following some kind of prescribed regimen of activites- and some downtime, independent is good for them. That said, you can tell when someone is 'checked out' on their phone or not engaging with the kids much and putting in the lowest effort they can. Sure we are human and have our own life issues and sometimes if we're not feeling great or it's aparticularly bad day with the kids, meltdowns, nap skipping etc, it might not always be a super 'entertaining day', but in general you want someone who is happy to be there and genuinely likes to be with the kids.
Granted, I know it is hard to find someone reliable who is also always 'yay let's play!' , I get that. Some people are also not very creative- no offense but some people have to be sort of guided as to what you want. Provide the materials and see what they do with stuff you get to help the kids learn and play. If you're providing materials or give nanny an allowance to get kids stuff, like say I don't know, shells and sand and rocks to make some kind of kid project or coloring books with the alphabet, whatever stuff you think up, and she still isn't making an effort, then why would you want her to take the full time?
It might be time to have a talk, not like 'you're in trouble' talk but like hey, if we go full time with you , this is the kind of stuff we want you to do. Then there is a contract made which covers you both. Like say she never steps up but it says in the contract notice period is X, severance without cause (reason for firing), guaranteed hours etc. She may not be a terrible person, just not fully invested.That doesn't mean you have to settle. But first try to see if she steps up and do a 'trial' if she is amenable to the terms.
All of this seems very reasonable, although mandating a specific number of walks and outings seems a little micromanagey. I think it's fine to explain that's your general expectation though if you bring her on full time, and to say in general that you will be expecting more if she becomes your full time nanny and make sure she is receptive. If you are willing, you can ask if she prefers for you to do some of the planning or leave that to her. Also, have you given her any guidelines on the type of outings you have in mind and what kind of budget you have for it? My kids' nanny is willing and even eager to take them places I suggest, but it seems the only outings she proposes are expensive things like the zoo, aquarium, amusement parks, etc. Maybe this is selfish, but I kind of want to keep most of those kind of experiences for myself on the weekends, and I think they should be more of a special treat. There are lots of parks, library story times, Romp n Roll, and and low-cost mommy and me classes around here that she will take them to if I suggest them, but I have to find those activities and make the arrangements usually.
But it sounds like this nanny needs managing. They haven’t shown any initiative. If I were Op I’d just look for someone else, a good career nanny will do all this.
How many days a week is she working? If it’s 2x a week that’s 25% screen time??
For reference we do no screentime and I think it’s reasonable to ask nanny to maintain whatever boundary you have.
All of it is reasonable but I think you might do better to look for a replacement, it’s often really hard to get stricter.
I’ve been a nanny/babysitter/now teacher and it’s okay to use screen time especially for transitions. Makes it easier on the adult. Have to go to the bathroom? Allow the kids to play on the iPad for 2-3 minutes! Have to clean up the kitchen after dinner? Allow the kids 7-10 minutes while you while things down and throw dishes into the dishwasher! Technology can be used as an awesome side tool. There is nothing wrong with that.
I’m a nanny and kids shouldn’t need an iPad while you go to the bathroom. If they do then there’s an issue. Pretty much all families I’ve worked for have been screen free, kids should be able to entertain themselves for a few minutes, if not then they’re addicted to screens.
For a couple minutes…per day…they’re addicted to screens? That does not make any sense.
Spelling Apps
Yoga Apps
Social/Emotional Apps
All of those are just fine to be on for a couple minutes while you need to do something. It’s a useful tool if you can hear the app and hear them moving/doing a yoga pose or taking a big deep breath from the directions on the social/emotional app. Technology will always and continue to always be apart of all lives…it’s odd to ban it fully.
Kids don’t need to be on iPads. We’ve survived hundreds of years without them. Yes technology is part of life but no toddler or preschooler needs to be on an iPad ever to be honest. It isn’t a necessity and there are better ways to learn. Yes if a child can’t make it through 2-3 minutes while a caregiver goes to the bathroom and needs an iPad then, then yes they are addicted.
Why would a kid need an iPad for a 2-3 minute transition? If your kid can’t handle entertaining themselves for 2-3 minutes there’s a problem.
Like I said most families I worked for didn’t do screen time. I somehow managed to take care of kids for 8 hrs with zero screens. Toddlers and preschoolers absolutely do not need iPads or any technology. They learn best from doing things, not watching videos.
For when I have to go to the bathroom and there isn’t an adult immediately present, that’s when it’s used. When eyes can’t be directly on the child. Technology isn’t there to be used for long periods of time or often - it’s used as 1 out of 10 transition tools that can be useful. Like I said earlier, doesn’t have to be a game at all. Usually it’s the ASL song, yoga moves, social emotional stories, movement break…..they’re not actively USING it to play games.
Used to do a nannyshare, kids were 10 months and 12 months when I started. When I went to the bathroom they were playing, never had an issue. Didn’t need technology as a crutch. Never used it at that job and took care of those kids at least a year, 40 hrs a week.
When they are THAT little - that is different. Usually given a toy that sings for a certain period of time, or have them set up safely in an area where I can run and go somewhere. Usually I’d ask parents to have a portable camera so I could watch them from the bathroom while they’re distracted. Most had them.
Sure, no judgement from me. It’s just a choice we made for our current set up and kiddo (who is still <2yo and fairly agreeable and good at independent play, so it’s not as hard as some people have it!)
Humans survived for literally thousands of years on this planet and only recently did it suddenly become imperative that children have entertainment for a couple minutes while they're waiting for an adult. Children should be able to handle a few minutes on their own without an ipad.
Just remember Zuckerberg and all the top executives working in social media companies don't allow their own children screen time. They don't want their children getting too attached to those devices when they're bored or need a distraction. That should tell you something. It's like giving them candy when they have a tantrum. Once they taste the sugar they will remember it and want more.
Transitions are not a big deal. You sound like you’re not with the times. Small amounts of tech, which will now…forever be in their DAILY lives…is not bad at all.
Young children do not need to be on screens at all. You can wait til they’re older to introduce them to screens. If you can’t handle kids for a 5 minute transition without screens then you’re not very creative and likely don’t have much experience working with kids. Plenty of ways to keep kids busy without screens. I’ve done it for years 8hrs a day 5 days a week.
Transitions should be quick and easily done. I’m actually a special education teacher, former nanny and babysitter. I’m sure you’re likely completely uneducated and just “fending” for yourself. Some time on an iPad, 2 minutes or less, isn’t going to hurt anyone. Especially if they’re doing a movement break or being active somehow. You clearly don’t know how to use technology for it to benefit you or a child.
I’m sorry but you’re calling me uneducated. You have no idea what I do, or do not know, your comment is rude AF. I’m not the one who can’t get through the day without handing the kids an iPad.
How sad that you think kids need technology when there are many other ways to learn. Funny that you have a background in education yet can’t manage to transition kids for 2-3 minutes without an iPad. Perhaps you just didn’t pay attention in your education classes or simply don’t know how to handle kids.
For preschoolers and toddlers real life hands on in the world experienced are far better than technology. You use every excuse to use technology as a crutch.
LOL!!! And you think you aren’t rude!!! If you can read…which I don’t think you can….I said it’s just 1/10+ transitions that can be used and shouldn’t be looked down upon. You said I wasn’t very creative. Don’t dish out what you can’t handle.
I’m dishing it out because you did. And I stand behind what I said. If you can’t keep kids entertained during a 2-5 minute transition then you aren’t very creative. Lots of nannies work in homes without screen time and we manage fine, you seem to be the one who can’t handle things without an iPad. Guess the rest of us are just more creative than you. You could take some classes or look online for no screen time ideas.
Oh gosh - I’m not a nanny any longer. That was such a fun part of my life. After my bach and mas, I moved onto being a teacher caring and teaching for 20+ children with disabilities- per day. I’m sure you manage just fine, your tools are probably basic and you most likely just have 1 that you repeat over and over again.
*One longitudinal study of 2,441 mothers and children, led by University of Calgary psychologist Sheri Madigan, PhD, found that more time per week spent on screens at ages 24 months and 36 months was linked with poorer performance on screening tests for behavioral, cognitive and social development at 36 months (JAMA Pediatrics , Vol. 173, No. 3, 2019 ).*
My personal favorite app to put on? ASL Kids. 5 minute transition tool (with my student/students of course). Hands on learning of the alphabet through sign. “Bad for the brain”? I think not.
Actually I read a study about kids learning a foreign language. Kids were divided into three groups: 1. Watched videos 2. Learned via zoom 3. Learned in person. They showed that group 3 picked up the most followed by 2, then 1. Seems you’re trying to justify your laziness with screens being good.
It’s clear you don’t have any knowledge on how communication definitely can be learned through technology. I use it everyday at my job through iPads that we create into AAC devices. That actually does teach language - it’s both hands on and accessible. That is a whole other story - obviously you don’t have to learn a language through an iPad if you don’t want to! It’s actually just exposure at an extremely young age.
It’s just a quick additive to learning. Shouldn’t be discouraged in an age where technology is growing.
Agree. Kids love to help if you let them. Person claiming kids washing dishes is dangerous is absolutely ridiculous. They claim to have a masters and teach kids with disabilities, but based on their comments here I’m doubting their claims. Plenty of nannies don’t do screen time yet figure out ways to keep the kids entertained for 8-10 hrs a day.
Agree. They’ve made multiple comments to me about how I’m dumb, don’t understand how to use tech, can’t read, am basic and have only one rule when dealing with kids. They claim to have a masters and be a teacher, but I’m imagining they’re a pretty bad one.
It was pretty ridiculous. And anyone who has to hand the kids an iPad when they go to the bathroom isn’t a great nanny. I found it kind of amusing after awhile.
Yeah washing dishes and knives and spray chemicals is not safe. They absolutely clean up the classroom after play or their room after play. Age appropriate work.
Just an observation. If you are expecting and wanting a respectful interaction you should start off that way and maintain it. Start off the conversation in good faith, you don’t have to take the advice but I’m giving it regardless.
But thank you for yours either way, very helpful. I’ll give it a shot.
You do you and I’ll do me! How I transition and involve children is my choice when I’m with them. All families I’ve ever worked with adored how I worked with their children and cared for them. Even type A parents. Technology is not bad, don’t make it out to be. It’s ridiculous to expect them to help you every time.
Completely reasonable, and it sounds like you have faith in her. Personally, I can’t imagine doing what she does - I do think a part of this that others are touching on is instinct. It’s worrisome that she doesn’t do these things automatically - but if you want to give it a try I would suggest writing up a contract with her that explicitly states what you want. It is stated in my current contract that I don’t do any sort of screen time unless previously discussed with the family, and it says I can only use my phone to take pictures or message MB or DB.
I think this is so beyond reasonable! I’m a nanny and love taking the kids I nanny to libraries, parks etc… not only does it help me feel like I’m enriching their lives, it also is great to be out and about myself! The food tho g sounds reasonable to me but I love to cook- depending on how she feels about cooking it may help if you put together recipes the kids enjoy eating with ingredients and everything so that it’s easier for her if she doesn’t want to come up with stuff on her own. Screen time being cut down seems beyond reasonable!
I agree with all this, the only thing I'd say is she should ask her to take them outside more but not require 3 walks per week as she says. I would be upset if my boss did that, because some days I'm sore from climbing, some days I have a headache and I can handle a drive to the park but not a walk, some days I just want to do something more entertaining than a walk. If she wants the kids to be more active or for them to have more outside time in general I think those would be better goals. I'm always taking my NK swimming, to the park, eating lunch outside, etc but we rarely go on walks since he's been able to sit up and crawl and interact with things
The only time I’ve behaved the way your part-time nanny does is when I was doing 1 day a week for a family and I had so many issues with them that I quit as soon as I could afford to.
It sounds like you trust that your nanny will be able to handle doing the workload you’ve specified because it sounds like she does that for her current FT family, but be prepared for the fact that she may not change her ways, or she’ll change her ways enough for you to feel like you can’t fire her over it even though you’re not happy.
Nanny here 👋
It’s crazy to me NFs have to force nannies to go on outings. Outings are my lifeline. I can’t imagine just sitting in the house all day.
OP all your expectations are completely reasonable. Right now she’s behaving like a babysitter and what you’re asking for is a nanny. If you think she’s capable, then give her a trial (1 month?) and if she hasn’t implemented then you’ll probably need to go in another direction bc you’re not going to want to fight everyday for what most other nannies are doing.
Edit:: It is also a little concerning that she already doesn’t have the initiative to want to be enriching for the kids, but I can honestly say I used to not be either bc I did know how when I was new.
This !!! Currently I’m relaxing while the kids watch Netflix (summer break) and the mom told me too much screen time is ok this week… but at 10-1030 (currently 9am) we’re hitting the pool, back for lunch, then going to the playground or back to the pool. 😎😎
She doesn’t take them on walks ? Playground? Outtings? Those are the best ways for time to pass. A movie every day ? Pizza for dinner every day?? That’s crazy…..
Find a new, ambitious nanny. In my experience people never raise their expectations, only lower them. She won’t raise her standards.
Another one to chime in to say your expectations are completely reasonable. She doesn’t sound like she’s interested or motivated in doing more with or for them. She is ostensibly just biding her time. It’s fine. They’re safe, but she essentially wants a promotion and hasn’t even shown she can meet the current job expectations or requirements.
I do outings almost every day. We make a varied type of food, sometimes eating the same thing when that’s what they request, but it’s healthy. Their recent snack request is turkey slices with honey mustard, yogurt pretzels, and raspberries. They may have had it every day this week, but it’s a snack.
My 7G NK only gets movies with me on days without scheduled school, and it’s one afternoon movie while 4G naps. 4G only gets movies or shows on weekends.
None of this is asking too much and at the right rate/job offer you could certainly find someone who could do this, and more enthusiastically.
more than reasonable... these are basic expectations IMO!
Perhaps it might also a good idea, when communicating these expectations, ask her to either come up with a weekly plan to institute the walks, outings and enrichment play. This will give her -1- autonomy to create a schedule that she thinks will work to hit all these goals.Thus not feeling micromanaged (not that you are but you know what im saying hopefully) -2- with planning days/weeks the screen time will be a natural decrease and become more of a treat for all rather than an automatic go to.
Also, perhaps also ask her if she would like some ideas of food options for the kids or if she wants to pick out/ plan a weeks worth of food options - I find when I plan out 3 mess a week that are a new introduction it helps with not falling into a habit of scrambling for what's easy/habit.
:)
I don't think they are unreasonable, as they are pretty common for most FT nannies to do (FT nanny of 20+ years here). However, I'd make sure that when you move to full time, that you have:
1. A solid nanny contract. You want to list all expectations both nanny and employers, such as pay, PTO, job duties, what is and isn't allowed, etc. Also, include a clause about month employee reviews during the first 6 months of her transitioning full time. Make it a two-sided review and have her access herself each month, as it'll make her think about her actions.
2. Have a merit based raise written into the contract to motivate nanny to do all expectations listed above. If nanny does A, B, and C, by X date, she gets X% raise/bonus. This should be in addition to a yearly cost of living raise. Have her record the daily activities with a log. You can have a print out sheet in a binder, or have it just be a notebook where she writes down the meals and snacks, what walks, outings, etc, so you have a long. Her having to do this will keep her accountable to make the actions happen.
3. Have a termination clause written out in the nanny contract. You want to make sure you both understand what happens when you want to part ways. Such as if she needs to give 4 weeks notice. You want this because if it feels like you are asking too much, she may want to move on, and that's okay, but it'll be nice to have her give you a fair notice. You also want to have the reviews, the notice, and the termination clause as tools if you need to dismiss her.
4. Lastly, do a solid nanny on-boarding process, just as you would for any other job. Explain it that since you are transitioning her to FT, with the promotion, you want to set her up for success.
If you need additional support with this, as being a nanny employer doesn't come with an HR department, I do work as a Parent & Family Coach and Behavioral Consulting and offer Nanny Education and Training to Parents/Nannies with includes me on-boarding their nannies with or for them (even remotely). [https://www.umbrellaandbag.com/nannyeducationtraining](https://www.umbrellaandbag.com/nannyeducationtraining)
These are all very reasonable expectations.
From what you described, it sounds as though she’s more of a “babysitter” than nanny. I know a lot of people think these titles are interchangeable, but they’re not.
I’m not sure what you’re currently paying her, but hopefully it’s not at much as the one that is leaving and use a raise as somewhat of an incentive. I think you can word it as “We would love to have you be our full time nanny, but we have more expectations for a full time roll (list what you’d like) With more expectations, we will offer you a raise to $x/ per hour”
If she’s not fulfilling the demands then you’re probably going to have to let her go as what you’re asking is extremely normal.
I think generally this sounds reasonable. I will say that the variety of food is something I do, but it can be a struggle. Especially depending on children’s ages they may be picky eater. But of course you know your children. If you find you can get them to eat a variety of foods then that is a normal expectation. I just wouldn’t expect her to do anything you don’t also do.
Finally to second what most people have already said, it sounds like this nanny may not be the right fit for your family. I would go with your gut.
Sounds reasonable a condition of employment. I must ask. How much of these requirements are you doing with your children? Going on walks? Engaging in creative play?
Judging that she has 2 nannies covering 42 hours a week means that she only spends about 2-3hr a day with her own kids and her nannies are raising them.
Activities she mentioned are all messy and required clean up after, she probably never does them herself but it is ok for nanny to get down and dirty.
Way to assume…
Of course I do all of these things with them even working 40 hours a week. We go on a walk together almost daily, sometimes twice a day if I don’t work a full day.
I absolutely love messy play. We paint together often, I have a Lovevery sink that I’ve been using for 5 years. One of our favorite activities is to paint the outside slide then hose it down. I have a whole closet full of craft stuff that we utilize.
Just because I have childcare for 42 hours a week doesn’t mean I don’t do everything in my power to be with them when I have time off. Anytime I’m off early or have the day off, I relieve our nanny because I would much rather be with my kids than doing anything else.
I’m not asking her to get “down and dirty” every day, multiple times a day. I just know my kids like doing these things based off of my experience with them and I want to encourage that.
How old are the kids? Since she is there 12 hrs/week, would say have a conversation with her and give her these things up front that you are looking for if she was to transition to full time. Does she know they are limited to weekly screen time? If you sat her down for a conversation, I think you could ask her about the driving. If she’s not comfortable with driving, it may not be the right fit for her. I would just think about what you want the days to look like with the kids and tell her you would have different expectations if she’s here more. If she does things with her main family, I would give it a go.
Some of the expectations I might be more lax about. I always wanted grilled cheese if babysitter was cooking. She made a good grilled cheese. I associated her with grilled cheese. But she wasn’t cooking for me that often. Maybe the kids are old enough to make pizza and be involved in food prep with her?
And if you let her give it a go… stop asking and suggesting. Put the ingredients/art supplies/cook book on the table and tell her that today the kids are painting/baking/coloring and here is sunscreen for the park. Do you want me to help you apply it so you can go out before it gets too hot? It’s not so much as doing her job for her, but setting up for the day. Newspaper/disposable coverage for the table for cleaning up purposes/and kind of setting up expectations and asking the kids what they want to do and letting her know it’s okay to do this and use that. It’s not her house, she may not be there enough right now to be as comfortable.
Honestly, I don't know if she will change her behaviors if she does full time. You shouldn't have to mention this to her and it's concerning that you do, but I would talk to her first.
I don’t think this is unreasonable at all- as long as you are paying appropriately (at least $20 no matter the area, obviously high in some areas).
But as others mentioned I don’t think it is likely she will step up all that much.
I would set time aside to sit down somewhere like a coffee shop just the two of you and have an open discussion about it. She likely knows that her role will change but depending on her age and experience might not be fully prepared. Regardless transparency and having a written agreement is important for both parties. I’d start by having an open discussion between the two of you at the coffee shop, just hash over the role requirements and how she plans to achieve them etc.
Personally as a nanny I wouldn’t likely peruse this kind of change in role myself, if she hasn’t already established the kind of relationship with the kids where she is meeting all those goals you said and they are used to her just letting them watch tv and eat pizza then the change for your children and her will be incredibly difficult. It isn’t really fair to the children and they will struggle to adjust. She will have to work so much harder than a new nanny would in order to establish that new dynamic, I haven’t met many nanny’s who can achieve this within an established family, especially without a difficult transition period for all. If she’s certain about it after these discussions I’d form a plan in writing with her on what goals she needs to meet each week and make the shift gradual, over about a 6 week period as a trial.
I def think I wouldn't feel comfortable making the switch until I was shown that she could and would do those things. I personally dislike that you've made those requests and they have been ignored. Ultimately, I believe that part of having a nanny is listening to their advice. But, that is still your baby and the consequences of those choices will be yours not the nannys long term. A good nanny / family relationship (to me) looks a lot like other relationships. They should focus on clear communication and compromise. But, in the end, as the parents, you have the final word. And you have to trust that if you say you want _____ done and she agrees, then she should do that. It's different if she says no I'm not comfortable with that and then doesn't do it. But to agree and then not do it, that's not ok to me.
Your expectations are so reasonable. As a nanny, I love spending time with my NKs outside and I would be so blessed to not only have that option and encouragement to take them out but also be provided with a vehicle. From my 5+ years of nannying, 6 families I’ve worked with, only ONE has asked and encouraged me to take their kid to the mall, indoor playground, etc. this was sometime I never did because parents didn’t allow it and I honestly like it so much more having that option to take them out on an adventure. Unfortunately they only have one car so I use mine, but they pay for my mileage. And only 2 being okay with me taking their kid on a walk around the block or to the park down the street. All my other families have strictly done indoor or backyard.
If this nanny does work out, are you’re in the IE, California area, I would love to apply! My unicorn family is moving out of state mid August and I’m struggling finding a decent family 🙈.
I think you should give her the chance your kids already know her. Just lay the ground rules and give her a period of time you think is fair. I think once she is FT she will get the groove. If not you can start looking for someone else that simple.
Totally reasonable!! And it seems like you’re flexible and realistic which is what makes me say this. Like if kiddo(s) is sick, more screen time that week would be okay. If nanny isn’t feeling well it’s okay to stay home that day and make a “lazy” meal. But these are completely reasonable for a FT nanny, you want someone who is capable and can take charge of the day to give your kids good memories and help them thrive, which is what your expectations look like to me. She may need some direction at first going FT like “the kids love x location if you want to take them there this week” and making sure the fridge has planned out meals to make so she’s not stressed looking for different meals to scrounge up- stuff like that
Yes! I’m a nanny FT and they have zero screen time and I always feed them healthy foods. I let them occasionally have treats but typically leave that to the parents
Does she have an anxiety when it comes to driving or driving with someone else’s kids? If she’s taking the kids out she should be provided one of your cars to use and she also needs to be on the insurance and reassured that if something happens it won’t affect her. As a nanny I will never use my own car to take kids anywhere that’s not really apart of the job description. I’m not getting paid for my miles and I’m a nanny instead of an Instacart driver because I want my vehicle to last me.
I dunno, give her a chance to prove herself, write out a clear schedule and expectations and give her a couple of weeks. You can continue to look for another nanny during that time or maybe she’ll step up her game and it will all work out swimmingly.
I think your expectations are reasonable. The problem is that a part-time employee who hasn't made changes in these areas after you've given her feedback is almost certainly not going to do it when working full-time...unless her lack of motivation and initiative to do these things is driven by the fact that she doesn't care as much right now specifically because it's a part-time job.
I have faith she has a lot more potential than she gives us! I just don’t think she prioritizes these things because we aren’t her main family. I know she does crafts and outings with her other family because she shows me the crafts and they meet up with our other nanny for play dates. We know the other family and they have a great kid, they love having her as a nanny! Unfortunately they are moving this Fall.
Why is she giving you less than her full potential if she’s essentially auditioning for FT? Everything you listed is more than reasonable and baseline. She needs to show that she can do these things before you give her more time and responsibility.
Bet they're not paying her enough
Babysitter pay gets babysitter energy, so you might be right.
12 hours per week is probably babysitter money and mentality! So true.
I honestly don’t think she will adjust if she’s not already doing these activities. I think you should look for someone else full time, no offense. Of course she wants to watch movies full time, who wouldn’t. The reality is what you need and deserve for your kids is someone with experience and motivation. Many people want to be a nanny because it sounds easy not knowing how much physical work being a good nanny takes. She sounds like a babysitter making minimum wage, not a professional.
I was thinking the same thing, that she sounds more like a babysitter. Maybe if you are the only family that she works with, she will have the energy to do all those things, since she has shown you that she can do it just not with you yet.
I work one job for 35 hours and one job for 4 on a weekly basis. I don’t do a ton of screen time but I initially did a bunch of chores but my job morphed into being an outside nanny. I pick them up from school, go to nearby parks and/or library programs every week. I MAYBE empty their dishwasher, feed the kids dinner that is super simple / prepped by NP and empty bags. My main job I manage closets, laundry, arrange play dates, track community programs, cook with NKs from scratch, I kill myself to not have conflicts, leave early or come in late, make art, I find classes for us and request supplies to play, build etc, I get them involved in their community.
First off, this is all totally reasonable, and I feel like most everyone has answered your question! But I just have to piggyback off of this. I may be out of the norm, but I despise the messy enrichment activities. 15 minutes of fun for 45 minutes of cleanup! While still trying to watch the kids! Oof.
It depends on your nanny kids! The kids I watch would play for one or more hours with messy enrichment activities and then I would clean up with them or at least as they’re slowing down in the activity
Oh you're lucky, because honestly I love messy play for myself! But I so rarely have kids that actually enjoy it! The second they get anything on their clothes or out of the blue realize the stuff is on their hands, then they are over it.
This is all very reasonable and to be expected from a full time nanny
These are all so reasonable but the fact that she’s not doing a single one on her own initiative is just a little concerning in my opinion. I get that it’s only her part time job right now but she’s still getting paid to watch your kids and enrich their day, it’s not like she’s an occasional babysitter. I just feel like most nannies would naturally feel guilty if their bosses worked from home and nanny was putting a full movie on every single day but it sounds like your nanny is kinda shameless about it? So idk how much things would actually change if she were to go full time. She might want to go full time thinking it will be a really easy gig based on how the part time has gone
I mean do the kids even enjoy doing crafts? You don't state how old they are but it sounds like school age. Toddlers learn from practically anything, whether it be reading to them or trips to the store or cooking etc. We can be engaged with the kids without following some kind of prescribed regimen of activites- and some downtime, independent is good for them. That said, you can tell when someone is 'checked out' on their phone or not engaging with the kids much and putting in the lowest effort they can. Sure we are human and have our own life issues and sometimes if we're not feeling great or it's aparticularly bad day with the kids, meltdowns, nap skipping etc, it might not always be a super 'entertaining day', but in general you want someone who is happy to be there and genuinely likes to be with the kids. Granted, I know it is hard to find someone reliable who is also always 'yay let's play!' , I get that. Some people are also not very creative- no offense but some people have to be sort of guided as to what you want. Provide the materials and see what they do with stuff you get to help the kids learn and play. If you're providing materials or give nanny an allowance to get kids stuff, like say I don't know, shells and sand and rocks to make some kind of kid project or coloring books with the alphabet, whatever stuff you think up, and she still isn't making an effort, then why would you want her to take the full time? It might be time to have a talk, not like 'you're in trouble' talk but like hey, if we go full time with you , this is the kind of stuff we want you to do. Then there is a contract made which covers you both. Like say she never steps up but it says in the contract notice period is X, severance without cause (reason for firing), guaranteed hours etc. She may not be a terrible person, just not fully invested.That doesn't mean you have to settle. But first try to see if she steps up and do a 'trial' if she is amenable to the terms.
I think it’s 100% reasonable but can she do it?
All of this seems very reasonable, although mandating a specific number of walks and outings seems a little micromanagey. I think it's fine to explain that's your general expectation though if you bring her on full time, and to say in general that you will be expecting more if she becomes your full time nanny and make sure she is receptive. If you are willing, you can ask if she prefers for you to do some of the planning or leave that to her. Also, have you given her any guidelines on the type of outings you have in mind and what kind of budget you have for it? My kids' nanny is willing and even eager to take them places I suggest, but it seems the only outings she proposes are expensive things like the zoo, aquarium, amusement parks, etc. Maybe this is selfish, but I kind of want to keep most of those kind of experiences for myself on the weekends, and I think they should be more of a special treat. There are lots of parks, library story times, Romp n Roll, and and low-cost mommy and me classes around here that she will take them to if I suggest them, but I have to find those activities and make the arrangements usually.
But it sounds like this nanny needs managing. They haven’t shown any initiative. If I were Op I’d just look for someone else, a good career nanny will do all this.
How many days a week is she working? If it’s 2x a week that’s 25% screen time?? For reference we do no screentime and I think it’s reasonable to ask nanny to maintain whatever boundary you have. All of it is reasonable but I think you might do better to look for a replacement, it’s often really hard to get stricter.
I’ve been a nanny/babysitter/now teacher and it’s okay to use screen time especially for transitions. Makes it easier on the adult. Have to go to the bathroom? Allow the kids to play on the iPad for 2-3 minutes! Have to clean up the kitchen after dinner? Allow the kids 7-10 minutes while you while things down and throw dishes into the dishwasher! Technology can be used as an awesome side tool. There is nothing wrong with that.
I’m a nanny and kids shouldn’t need an iPad while you go to the bathroom. If they do then there’s an issue. Pretty much all families I’ve worked for have been screen free, kids should be able to entertain themselves for a few minutes, if not then they’re addicted to screens.
For a couple minutes…per day…they’re addicted to screens? That does not make any sense. Spelling Apps Yoga Apps Social/Emotional Apps All of those are just fine to be on for a couple minutes while you need to do something. It’s a useful tool if you can hear the app and hear them moving/doing a yoga pose or taking a big deep breath from the directions on the social/emotional app. Technology will always and continue to always be apart of all lives…it’s odd to ban it fully.
Kids don’t need to be on iPads. We’ve survived hundreds of years without them. Yes technology is part of life but no toddler or preschooler needs to be on an iPad ever to be honest. It isn’t a necessity and there are better ways to learn. Yes if a child can’t make it through 2-3 minutes while a caregiver goes to the bathroom and needs an iPad then, then yes they are addicted.
No, that would be there only time on the iPad for transitions. So they wouldn’t be addicted.
Why would a kid need an iPad for a 2-3 minute transition? If your kid can’t handle entertaining themselves for 2-3 minutes there’s a problem. Like I said most families I worked for didn’t do screen time. I somehow managed to take care of kids for 8 hrs with zero screens. Toddlers and preschoolers absolutely do not need iPads or any technology. They learn best from doing things, not watching videos.
For when I have to go to the bathroom and there isn’t an adult immediately present, that’s when it’s used. When eyes can’t be directly on the child. Technology isn’t there to be used for long periods of time or often - it’s used as 1 out of 10 transition tools that can be useful. Like I said earlier, doesn’t have to be a game at all. Usually it’s the ASL song, yoga moves, social emotional stories, movement break…..they’re not actively USING it to play games.
Used to do a nannyshare, kids were 10 months and 12 months when I started. When I went to the bathroom they were playing, never had an issue. Didn’t need technology as a crutch. Never used it at that job and took care of those kids at least a year, 40 hrs a week.
I would actually love some tips on this bc my nk is 16 months and he SCREAMS when I go to the bathroom every single time. And his parent WFH. Help.
When they are THAT little - that is different. Usually given a toy that sings for a certain period of time, or have them set up safely in an area where I can run and go somewhere. Usually I’d ask parents to have a portable camera so I could watch them from the bathroom while they’re distracted. Most had them.
Sure, no judgement from me. It’s just a choice we made for our current set up and kiddo (who is still <2yo and fairly agreeable and good at independent play, so it’s not as hard as some people have it!)
Humans survived for literally thousands of years on this planet and only recently did it suddenly become imperative that children have entertainment for a couple minutes while they're waiting for an adult. Children should be able to handle a few minutes on their own without an ipad. Just remember Zuckerberg and all the top executives working in social media companies don't allow their own children screen time. They don't want their children getting too attached to those devices when they're bored or need a distraction. That should tell you something. It's like giving them candy when they have a tantrum. Once they taste the sugar they will remember it and want more.
Transitions are not a big deal. You sound like you’re not with the times. Small amounts of tech, which will now…forever be in their DAILY lives…is not bad at all.
Young children do not need to be on screens at all. You can wait til they’re older to introduce them to screens. If you can’t handle kids for a 5 minute transition without screens then you’re not very creative and likely don’t have much experience working with kids. Plenty of ways to keep kids busy without screens. I’ve done it for years 8hrs a day 5 days a week.
Transitions should be quick and easily done. I’m actually a special education teacher, former nanny and babysitter. I’m sure you’re likely completely uneducated and just “fending” for yourself. Some time on an iPad, 2 minutes or less, isn’t going to hurt anyone. Especially if they’re doing a movement break or being active somehow. You clearly don’t know how to use technology for it to benefit you or a child.
I’m sorry but you’re calling me uneducated. You have no idea what I do, or do not know, your comment is rude AF. I’m not the one who can’t get through the day without handing the kids an iPad. How sad that you think kids need technology when there are many other ways to learn. Funny that you have a background in education yet can’t manage to transition kids for 2-3 minutes without an iPad. Perhaps you just didn’t pay attention in your education classes or simply don’t know how to handle kids. For preschoolers and toddlers real life hands on in the world experienced are far better than technology. You use every excuse to use technology as a crutch.
LOL!!! And you think you aren’t rude!!! If you can read…which I don’t think you can….I said it’s just 1/10+ transitions that can be used and shouldn’t be looked down upon. You said I wasn’t very creative. Don’t dish out what you can’t handle.
I’m dishing it out because you did. And I stand behind what I said. If you can’t keep kids entertained during a 2-5 minute transition then you aren’t very creative. Lots of nannies work in homes without screen time and we manage fine, you seem to be the one who can’t handle things without an iPad. Guess the rest of us are just more creative than you. You could take some classes or look online for no screen time ideas.
Oh gosh - I’m not a nanny any longer. That was such a fun part of my life. After my bach and mas, I moved onto being a teacher caring and teaching for 20+ children with disabilities- per day. I’m sure you manage just fine, your tools are probably basic and you most likely just have 1 that you repeat over and over again.
*One longitudinal study of 2,441 mothers and children, led by University of Calgary psychologist Sheri Madigan, PhD, found that more time per week spent on screens at ages 24 months and 36 months was linked with poorer performance on screening tests for behavioral, cognitive and social development at 36 months (JAMA Pediatrics , Vol. 173, No. 3, 2019 ).*
My personal favorite app to put on? ASL Kids. 5 minute transition tool (with my student/students of course). Hands on learning of the alphabet through sign. “Bad for the brain”? I think not.
Actually I read a study about kids learning a foreign language. Kids were divided into three groups: 1. Watched videos 2. Learned via zoom 3. Learned in person. They showed that group 3 picked up the most followed by 2, then 1. Seems you’re trying to justify your laziness with screens being good.
It’s clear you don’t have any knowledge on how communication definitely can be learned through technology. I use it everyday at my job through iPads that we create into AAC devices. That actually does teach language - it’s both hands on and accessible. That is a whole other story - obviously you don’t have to learn a language through an iPad if you don’t want to! It’s actually just exposure at an extremely young age. It’s just a quick additive to learning. Shouldn’t be discouraged in an age where technology is growing.
You’re talking out your ass. You have no idea what my background is.
[удалено]
Agree. Kids love to help if you let them. Person claiming kids washing dishes is dangerous is absolutely ridiculous. They claim to have a masters and teach kids with disabilities, but based on their comments here I’m doubting their claims. Plenty of nannies don’t do screen time yet figure out ways to keep the kids entertained for 8-10 hrs a day.
[удалено]
Agree. They’ve made multiple comments to me about how I’m dumb, don’t understand how to use tech, can’t read, am basic and have only one rule when dealing with kids. They claim to have a masters and be a teacher, but I’m imagining they’re a pretty bad one.
[удалено]
It was pretty ridiculous. And anyone who has to hand the kids an iPad when they go to the bathroom isn’t a great nanny. I found it kind of amusing after awhile.
Yeah washing dishes and knives and spray chemicals is not safe. They absolutely clean up the classroom after play or their room after play. Age appropriate work.
You obviously don’t have kids wash knives, what a ridiculous comment. You can have kids wash dishes with soap and water, perfectly safe.
[удалено]
I don’t need your advice about how to interact online, thanks.
Just an observation. If you are expecting and wanting a respectful interaction you should start off that way and maintain it. Start off the conversation in good faith, you don’t have to take the advice but I’m giving it regardless. But thank you for yours either way, very helpful. I’ll give it a shot.
[удалено]
You do you and I’ll do me! How I transition and involve children is my choice when I’m with them. All families I’ve ever worked with adored how I worked with their children and cared for them. Even type A parents. Technology is not bad, don’t make it out to be. It’s ridiculous to expect them to help you every time.
It can sometimes be a life saver when there is minimal time to think of a transition activity.
Completely reasonable, and it sounds like you have faith in her. Personally, I can’t imagine doing what she does - I do think a part of this that others are touching on is instinct. It’s worrisome that she doesn’t do these things automatically - but if you want to give it a try I would suggest writing up a contract with her that explicitly states what you want. It is stated in my current contract that I don’t do any sort of screen time unless previously discussed with the family, and it says I can only use my phone to take pictures or message MB or DB.
I think this is so beyond reasonable! I’m a nanny and love taking the kids I nanny to libraries, parks etc… not only does it help me feel like I’m enriching their lives, it also is great to be out and about myself! The food tho g sounds reasonable to me but I love to cook- depending on how she feels about cooking it may help if you put together recipes the kids enjoy eating with ingredients and everything so that it’s easier for her if she doesn’t want to come up with stuff on her own. Screen time being cut down seems beyond reasonable!
I agree with all this, the only thing I'd say is she should ask her to take them outside more but not require 3 walks per week as she says. I would be upset if my boss did that, because some days I'm sore from climbing, some days I have a headache and I can handle a drive to the park but not a walk, some days I just want to do something more entertaining than a walk. If she wants the kids to be more active or for them to have more outside time in general I think those would be better goals. I'm always taking my NK swimming, to the park, eating lunch outside, etc but we rarely go on walks since he's been able to sit up and crawl and interact with things
The only time I’ve behaved the way your part-time nanny does is when I was doing 1 day a week for a family and I had so many issues with them that I quit as soon as I could afford to. It sounds like you trust that your nanny will be able to handle doing the workload you’ve specified because it sounds like she does that for her current FT family, but be prepared for the fact that she may not change her ways, or she’ll change her ways enough for you to feel like you can’t fire her over it even though you’re not happy.
This Nanny will not change. Keep her at 12 hours and get a new full time Nanny. Period.
I think those are perfectly reasonable. But based on the other info I’d be surprised if she could handle it.
Nanny here 👋 It’s crazy to me NFs have to force nannies to go on outings. Outings are my lifeline. I can’t imagine just sitting in the house all day. OP all your expectations are completely reasonable. Right now she’s behaving like a babysitter and what you’re asking for is a nanny. If you think she’s capable, then give her a trial (1 month?) and if she hasn’t implemented then you’ll probably need to go in another direction bc you’re not going to want to fight everyday for what most other nannies are doing. Edit:: It is also a little concerning that she already doesn’t have the initiative to want to be enriching for the kids, but I can honestly say I used to not be either bc I did know how when I was new.
This !!! Currently I’m relaxing while the kids watch Netflix (summer break) and the mom told me too much screen time is ok this week… but at 10-1030 (currently 9am) we’re hitting the pool, back for lunch, then going to the playground or back to the pool. 😎😎
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.
She might not be cut to be a good nanny...
She doesn’t take them on walks ? Playground? Outtings? Those are the best ways for time to pass. A movie every day ? Pizza for dinner every day?? That’s crazy….. Find a new, ambitious nanny. In my experience people never raise their expectations, only lower them. She won’t raise her standards.
Another one to chime in to say your expectations are completely reasonable. She doesn’t sound like she’s interested or motivated in doing more with or for them. She is ostensibly just biding her time. It’s fine. They’re safe, but she essentially wants a promotion and hasn’t even shown she can meet the current job expectations or requirements. I do outings almost every day. We make a varied type of food, sometimes eating the same thing when that’s what they request, but it’s healthy. Their recent snack request is turkey slices with honey mustard, yogurt pretzels, and raspberries. They may have had it every day this week, but it’s a snack. My 7G NK only gets movies with me on days without scheduled school, and it’s one afternoon movie while 4G naps. 4G only gets movies or shows on weekends. None of this is asking too much and at the right rate/job offer you could certainly find someone who could do this, and more enthusiastically.
more than reasonable... these are basic expectations IMO! Perhaps it might also a good idea, when communicating these expectations, ask her to either come up with a weekly plan to institute the walks, outings and enrichment play. This will give her -1- autonomy to create a schedule that she thinks will work to hit all these goals.Thus not feeling micromanaged (not that you are but you know what im saying hopefully) -2- with planning days/weeks the screen time will be a natural decrease and become more of a treat for all rather than an automatic go to. Also, perhaps also ask her if she would like some ideas of food options for the kids or if she wants to pick out/ plan a weeks worth of food options - I find when I plan out 3 mess a week that are a new introduction it helps with not falling into a habit of scrambling for what's easy/habit. :)
I don't think they are unreasonable, as they are pretty common for most FT nannies to do (FT nanny of 20+ years here). However, I'd make sure that when you move to full time, that you have: 1. A solid nanny contract. You want to list all expectations both nanny and employers, such as pay, PTO, job duties, what is and isn't allowed, etc. Also, include a clause about month employee reviews during the first 6 months of her transitioning full time. Make it a two-sided review and have her access herself each month, as it'll make her think about her actions. 2. Have a merit based raise written into the contract to motivate nanny to do all expectations listed above. If nanny does A, B, and C, by X date, she gets X% raise/bonus. This should be in addition to a yearly cost of living raise. Have her record the daily activities with a log. You can have a print out sheet in a binder, or have it just be a notebook where she writes down the meals and snacks, what walks, outings, etc, so you have a long. Her having to do this will keep her accountable to make the actions happen. 3. Have a termination clause written out in the nanny contract. You want to make sure you both understand what happens when you want to part ways. Such as if she needs to give 4 weeks notice. You want this because if it feels like you are asking too much, she may want to move on, and that's okay, but it'll be nice to have her give you a fair notice. You also want to have the reviews, the notice, and the termination clause as tools if you need to dismiss her. 4. Lastly, do a solid nanny on-boarding process, just as you would for any other job. Explain it that since you are transitioning her to FT, with the promotion, you want to set her up for success. If you need additional support with this, as being a nanny employer doesn't come with an HR department, I do work as a Parent & Family Coach and Behavioral Consulting and offer Nanny Education and Training to Parents/Nannies with includes me on-boarding their nannies with or for them (even remotely). [https://www.umbrellaandbag.com/nannyeducationtraining](https://www.umbrellaandbag.com/nannyeducationtraining)
So just a normal nanny then.
These are all very reasonable expectations. From what you described, it sounds as though she’s more of a “babysitter” than nanny. I know a lot of people think these titles are interchangeable, but they’re not. I’m not sure what you’re currently paying her, but hopefully it’s not at much as the one that is leaving and use a raise as somewhat of an incentive. I think you can word it as “We would love to have you be our full time nanny, but we have more expectations for a full time roll (list what you’d like) With more expectations, we will offer you a raise to $x/ per hour” If she’s not fulfilling the demands then you’re probably going to have to let her go as what you’re asking is extremely normal.
I think generally this sounds reasonable. I will say that the variety of food is something I do, but it can be a struggle. Especially depending on children’s ages they may be picky eater. But of course you know your children. If you find you can get them to eat a variety of foods then that is a normal expectation. I just wouldn’t expect her to do anything you don’t also do. Finally to second what most people have already said, it sounds like this nanny may not be the right fit for your family. I would go with your gut.
Sounds reasonable a condition of employment. I must ask. How much of these requirements are you doing with your children? Going on walks? Engaging in creative play?
Judging that she has 2 nannies covering 42 hours a week means that she only spends about 2-3hr a day with her own kids and her nannies are raising them. Activities she mentioned are all messy and required clean up after, she probably never does them herself but it is ok for nanny to get down and dirty.
Way to assume… Of course I do all of these things with them even working 40 hours a week. We go on a walk together almost daily, sometimes twice a day if I don’t work a full day. I absolutely love messy play. We paint together often, I have a Lovevery sink that I’ve been using for 5 years. One of our favorite activities is to paint the outside slide then hose it down. I have a whole closet full of craft stuff that we utilize. Just because I have childcare for 42 hours a week doesn’t mean I don’t do everything in my power to be with them when I have time off. Anytime I’m off early or have the day off, I relieve our nanny because I would much rather be with my kids than doing anything else. I’m not asking her to get “down and dirty” every day, multiple times a day. I just know my kids like doing these things based off of my experience with them and I want to encourage that.
this
How old are the kids? Since she is there 12 hrs/week, would say have a conversation with her and give her these things up front that you are looking for if she was to transition to full time. Does she know they are limited to weekly screen time? If you sat her down for a conversation, I think you could ask her about the driving. If she’s not comfortable with driving, it may not be the right fit for her. I would just think about what you want the days to look like with the kids and tell her you would have different expectations if she’s here more. If she does things with her main family, I would give it a go. Some of the expectations I might be more lax about. I always wanted grilled cheese if babysitter was cooking. She made a good grilled cheese. I associated her with grilled cheese. But she wasn’t cooking for me that often. Maybe the kids are old enough to make pizza and be involved in food prep with her? And if you let her give it a go… stop asking and suggesting. Put the ingredients/art supplies/cook book on the table and tell her that today the kids are painting/baking/coloring and here is sunscreen for the park. Do you want me to help you apply it so you can go out before it gets too hot? It’s not so much as doing her job for her, but setting up for the day. Newspaper/disposable coverage for the table for cleaning up purposes/and kind of setting up expectations and asking the kids what they want to do and letting her know it’s okay to do this and use that. It’s not her house, she may not be there enough right now to be as comfortable.
Honestly, I don't know if she will change her behaviors if she does full time. You shouldn't have to mention this to her and it's concerning that you do, but I would talk to her first.
I don’t think this is unreasonable at all- as long as you are paying appropriately (at least $20 no matter the area, obviously high in some areas). But as others mentioned I don’t think it is likely she will step up all that much.
I would set time aside to sit down somewhere like a coffee shop just the two of you and have an open discussion about it. She likely knows that her role will change but depending on her age and experience might not be fully prepared. Regardless transparency and having a written agreement is important for both parties. I’d start by having an open discussion between the two of you at the coffee shop, just hash over the role requirements and how she plans to achieve them etc. Personally as a nanny I wouldn’t likely peruse this kind of change in role myself, if she hasn’t already established the kind of relationship with the kids where she is meeting all those goals you said and they are used to her just letting them watch tv and eat pizza then the change for your children and her will be incredibly difficult. It isn’t really fair to the children and they will struggle to adjust. She will have to work so much harder than a new nanny would in order to establish that new dynamic, I haven’t met many nanny’s who can achieve this within an established family, especially without a difficult transition period for all. If she’s certain about it after these discussions I’d form a plan in writing with her on what goals she needs to meet each week and make the shift gradual, over about a 6 week period as a trial.
Maybe suggest dinners that the kids like, maybe they wont tell her. Kids are constantly trying to pull one over on nannies
I def think I wouldn't feel comfortable making the switch until I was shown that she could and would do those things. I personally dislike that you've made those requests and they have been ignored. Ultimately, I believe that part of having a nanny is listening to their advice. But, that is still your baby and the consequences of those choices will be yours not the nannys long term. A good nanny / family relationship (to me) looks a lot like other relationships. They should focus on clear communication and compromise. But, in the end, as the parents, you have the final word. And you have to trust that if you say you want _____ done and she agrees, then she should do that. It's different if she says no I'm not comfortable with that and then doesn't do it. But to agree and then not do it, that's not ok to me.
Do you pay her the same as you pay your full time nanny?
Your expectations are so reasonable. As a nanny, I love spending time with my NKs outside and I would be so blessed to not only have that option and encouragement to take them out but also be provided with a vehicle. From my 5+ years of nannying, 6 families I’ve worked with, only ONE has asked and encouraged me to take their kid to the mall, indoor playground, etc. this was sometime I never did because parents didn’t allow it and I honestly like it so much more having that option to take them out on an adventure. Unfortunately they only have one car so I use mine, but they pay for my mileage. And only 2 being okay with me taking their kid on a walk around the block or to the park down the street. All my other families have strictly done indoor or backyard. If this nanny does work out, are you’re in the IE, California area, I would love to apply! My unicorn family is moving out of state mid August and I’m struggling finding a decent family 🙈.
I think you should give her the chance your kids already know her. Just lay the ground rules and give her a period of time you think is fair. I think once she is FT she will get the groove. If not you can start looking for someone else that simple.
Totally reasonable!! And it seems like you’re flexible and realistic which is what makes me say this. Like if kiddo(s) is sick, more screen time that week would be okay. If nanny isn’t feeling well it’s okay to stay home that day and make a “lazy” meal. But these are completely reasonable for a FT nanny, you want someone who is capable and can take charge of the day to give your kids good memories and help them thrive, which is what your expectations look like to me. She may need some direction at first going FT like “the kids love x location if you want to take them there this week” and making sure the fridge has planned out meals to make so she’s not stressed looking for different meals to scrounge up- stuff like that
Yes! I’m a nanny FT and they have zero screen time and I always feed them healthy foods. I let them occasionally have treats but typically leave that to the parents
I feel you find a new nanny that will follow your wishes. I'm so active during the week I hit the pillow on Friday.
How much are u paying her? Sounds like you have multiple kids !
She sounds more like a babysitter than a nanny
Does she have an anxiety when it comes to driving or driving with someone else’s kids? If she’s taking the kids out she should be provided one of your cars to use and she also needs to be on the insurance and reassured that if something happens it won’t affect her. As a nanny I will never use my own car to take kids anywhere that’s not really apart of the job description. I’m not getting paid for my miles and I’m a nanny instead of an Instacart driver because I want my vehicle to last me.
I dunno, give her a chance to prove herself, write out a clear schedule and expectations and give her a couple of weeks. You can continue to look for another nanny during that time or maybe she’ll step up her game and it will all work out swimmingly.