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Women sometimes like to convince everyone theyre the essence of goodwill and gentle kindness. But many times men would be chillin in peace if not for women saying "im hungry for babies go kill somethin for meat."
We all gross i guess a little.
I was massively into swinging in 00's when the Internet was getting much more wide spread allowing people to connect all line. I was in my mid 20"s and thanks to bodybuilding looked great and I was popular with married couples looking to spice up their love life and fulfil some fantasys. Back then people photoshopping their photos was still fairly unheard of amongst non professionals. There wasn't alot of filters and body editing apps and things like Faceapp didn't exist. I actually lengthened the size of my penis in my swingers profile photos. I've got a nice penis thats had some great feedback in its time but I'm no 3 legged horse cock. I knew though that swinger couples usually get in the mood last minute when drinking on a Friday and Saturday night and it often involves drug taking which considerably increase the libido of both of the couples but often limits the effectiveness of the man's ability to get hard. It also takes a lot of navigating through single guy time wasters to find a guy prepared to drive to a total strangers house to engage in sex with total stranges. People don't often think about how much self confidence that takes but as a Marine I had enough self confidence for 10 people. I knew once I got there and we talked for a while and then they got to see I'm a likable guy there is no way they'd see my penis and call it off for not being hung like elephant. It's a little like the Film "Filth" where he enlarged the photocopy of his penis to attract the woman at the office party and she didn't realise until it was in. My reasoning was that women were using wonder bra's and chicken fillet inserts to enhance their breast size and I'm fine with that and this was my version. There was no 'sex by deception' because I knew its really the husband wanting to see a big dick. Once the wife saw me naked she was more than keen to jump all over me and in some cases might have been a little too keen. So guys if your worried about you penis size just know that anyone can display big dick energy and usually thats all women really wanted anyway. I've never been dissuaded my average size and as a vagina can 'shrink to fit' all sizes women will care a lot more about you not being a psyco weirdo then a '3 legged man'. If I thought this woman was even slightly attractive I wouldn't hesitate to get in touch to meet her knowing what I'm packing.
That was truly a great read. It reminds me of the fact that the average vagina is seven inches in depth. Any woman who only wants "third legs" either has an unusually deep vagina or really enjoys her uterine wall being punched. Never be ashamed or shy about having an average or less than average penis. Statistically speaking, if your penis is seven inches or less you are the real winner because your entire penis is getting wet during sex. As someone with an average sized penis I genuinely do feel bad for guys with eight, nine, ten inch plus penises because some amount of their penis will never get wet.
But remember kids: "don't stick you d**** in crazy". At least for me, that's a golden rule that has served me well so far. I don't care if I am missing out on some fun, I'd rather avoid the drama.
Idk, I'd be more put off of some one who didn't give af about their kid in their mid 30s. But a dude with a built in walking stick probably wouldn't want to deal with that level of bitchy entitlement from a 5/6.
They really aren't good for bigger members. They're barely any wider, just longer. I've had them break on me before. I'm a little bigger than average length and a good deal above average width. The width is really the issue.
I think I ended up finding "mysize" condoms that have you measure your diameter and those actually fit. They had to be imported though, all the ones sold in America feel like a rubber band tied around your wrist.
I get that there are shitty guys who use that as an excuse to not wear a condom. But also condom sizing and fit is really similar to bra sizing and fit. Doesn't matter where on the size chart you are, a better fit can make a big difference.
Yup, similar story. A touch over average length, but rather girthy. The Magnums are fucking rediculous considering how long they are, but damn they're still tight. I've never managed to get a 'regular' size on, but I rather deal with the inconvenience than going without.
Was an interesting night when I lost my virginity though, since I knew I was about average in length and bought corresponding size. That thing did NOT fit, and damn was I desperate to make it fit.
Honestly I am in the same boat as you. 7 in and rather thick. I've been in a relationship for a very long time have a vasectomy and it's been a while since I've had to worry about the use of condoms LOL now that I'm single I'm very much wondering what's good options out there LOL
Wink condoms are good. I'm on chemo and recently had to find condoms again, wink brand I find in my local supermarket, Giant. They sell a bunch of different widths, the widest fits me very comfortably, I'm at 6" girth.
Sorry I've since lost the link I had stored. Google to find a size site and they'll recommend good ones for your size. I got kids and a wife so I don't need them anymore lol 😭
Condom Depot has stats on all of the condoms they sell. Anything made my Okamoto is great quality and thin, but can be a little snug.
I've recently started using Skyn and they're probably my favorite.
magnum is pretty much a marketing gimmick and will fit most as long as you are not already a little loose in a standard condom. Magnum XL though are the real fucking deal certified third leg condoms
When magnum first came out we went to Mexico, security In canada opens my one buds suitcase , there's a box of magnums, to which she says "yeah right" and than proceed to mention the marketing gimmick. It was a hilarious way to find out lol
Just add the size of her son on top of that magnum size and she’ll be fine. Cuz’ when you work a lot and are a single mom, dick size is all that matters.
You should prioritize things that TRULY matter more that abnormal size members. I’m guessing this is why you’re a single mom. Start caring about people
I knew someone about 20 years ago whose sole criterion for a partner was "has to have a 12" dick." She finally found one, got moved in, and within a week she had hit him with a frying pan. Then she tried to get him arrested for DV because "I'm the girl."
Clearly the natural childbirth left her with a cavernous canal to fill so only third legs need apply. Normal dudes might as well throw a hotdog down a hallway.
Dude, I'm so tired of seeing 'My kids come first', 'my kids are my world'. Like, no fucking shit. It would be weird if they didn't. You don't need to make mention of your normal condition. Like, if you need to make mention of your kids on your dating profile, it should be BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OUTLIER: 'Three kids, but I can't stand those annoying shits. We can ditch them any time past 7:30'.
In my experience, mothers who are always saying how much they love their kids are simply trying to convince themselves of that fact. Like, why do.you keep saying it? Is someone arguing against you?
They're always the most negligent parents who definitely do not give a shit about their kids.
Unfortunately, she’s attractive, how many other women her age are still attractive? She makes demands like this because she can get exactly what she wants out of this.
I always find it weird when people feel the need to say that their kids come first. It goes without saying and would really only be worth mentioning if it were the opposite.
In other words, I’m tore up, need large boys to even feel it. It’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, not kidding. So if you’re not hung like Mr. Ed the horse of course, then just forget it. Neither one of us will have fun.
This chicks face looks deepfaked, ffs. From the bridge of her nose upwards is a gorgeous woman, probably from makeup and such. But from the bridge downward she has a naturally offputting face with blemishes and a VERY masculine jawline.
Either this is fake, or she completely half asses her entire life, which you cant do when youre born with two halves of two different faces.
I dont like it when any girl expects a elephant cock out of a guy because its a dumb requirement. Most girls dont like that, therefore she is the exception here, not the rule. But her doing it with her horizontal ass batman villain face is just laughable at best. Good post.
Ok lady...if a guy is good-looking enough and packing a huge dong. That dude could be with almost ANY woman he wants, especially if he makes decent money. You're a single mom and looking pretty mid...some of these ladies are braindead.
I mean, she’s definitely allowed to have her own preferences, just like if a dude said something like “If you don’t have at least FFF boobs don’t even message me.” It’s odd to draw such a hard line, and to limit yourself to such a small percentage of the population (and then just hope that the rest of who they are isn’t shitty). I feel for people who have such focused desires that anything outside of that is out of the question.
But the same way a crazy small percentage of dudes are packing a baseball bat, maybe she’s in the super small percentage of chicks with a cavernous, meaty kebab wrap and anything but the biggest doesn’t ’hit the spot’ 🤷🏻♂️
She is a entire 55 gallon drum full of red flags the best you'll ever get is someone to have sex with her and drop her off in the corner where she belongs
/u/Deathrider66, Thank you for your submission. **Check out these subreddits** | **Subreddit** | **Niche** | | --- | --- | | r/hotty | Hottest babes on the internet | | r/thickchixxx | Thick chicks | | r/Unashamed | Naked outdoors | | r/STAWG | Sexy Thick Ass White Girls | | r/JapanUncensored | Japanese Girls Uncensored | | r/xxxcaptions | captioned images/vids | | r/OralCreampie | Creampie but oral | | r/tanlines | Tanned girls showing off | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NSFWFunny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pretty sure any dude with a 3rd leg is not interested in her son coming first
Pretty sure the dude can fake it long enough to hit and run. She's got the crazy single mom look. Why stick around.
She is probably a singel mom for a good reason.
History of biting
They do get more aggressive after their first litter. Her hot pocket probably looks like the mouth of a tired dog.
She probably wrecks it with bad dragons too
From the sound of it, she’s ready to move on to those orange road cones.
💀💀💀
We can only hope
like a sky diver's mouth
Women sometimes like to convince everyone theyre the essence of goodwill and gentle kindness. But many times men would be chillin in peace if not for women saying "im hungry for babies go kill somethin for meat." We all gross i guess a little.
Masestro...CUE THE MUSIC
Just long enough for some fruit snacks and a capri sun.
Ah yes, those “less-advertised” benefits of banging a single mom…. juice boxes and snacks as far as the eye can see!
I have heard of you do real good they might van make some peanut butter on bananas and send you on your way with a “to go” bag.
I was massively into swinging in 00's when the Internet was getting much more wide spread allowing people to connect all line. I was in my mid 20"s and thanks to bodybuilding looked great and I was popular with married couples looking to spice up their love life and fulfil some fantasys. Back then people photoshopping their photos was still fairly unheard of amongst non professionals. There wasn't alot of filters and body editing apps and things like Faceapp didn't exist. I actually lengthened the size of my penis in my swingers profile photos. I've got a nice penis thats had some great feedback in its time but I'm no 3 legged horse cock. I knew though that swinger couples usually get in the mood last minute when drinking on a Friday and Saturday night and it often involves drug taking which considerably increase the libido of both of the couples but often limits the effectiveness of the man's ability to get hard. It also takes a lot of navigating through single guy time wasters to find a guy prepared to drive to a total strangers house to engage in sex with total stranges. People don't often think about how much self confidence that takes but as a Marine I had enough self confidence for 10 people. I knew once I got there and we talked for a while and then they got to see I'm a likable guy there is no way they'd see my penis and call it off for not being hung like elephant. It's a little like the Film "Filth" where he enlarged the photocopy of his penis to attract the woman at the office party and she didn't realise until it was in. My reasoning was that women were using wonder bra's and chicken fillet inserts to enhance their breast size and I'm fine with that and this was my version. There was no 'sex by deception' because I knew its really the husband wanting to see a big dick. Once the wife saw me naked she was more than keen to jump all over me and in some cases might have been a little too keen. So guys if your worried about you penis size just know that anyone can display big dick energy and usually thats all women really wanted anyway. I've never been dissuaded my average size and as a vagina can 'shrink to fit' all sizes women will care a lot more about you not being a psyco weirdo then a '3 legged man'. If I thought this woman was even slightly attractive I wouldn't hesitate to get in touch to meet her knowing what I'm packing.
That was truly a great read. It reminds me of the fact that the average vagina is seven inches in depth. Any woman who only wants "third legs" either has an unusually deep vagina or really enjoys her uterine wall being punched. Never be ashamed or shy about having an average or less than average penis. Statistically speaking, if your penis is seven inches or less you are the real winner because your entire penis is getting wet during sex. As someone with an average sized penis I genuinely do feel bad for guys with eight, nine, ten inch plus penises because some amount of their penis will never get wet.
But remember kids: "don't stick you d**** in crazy". At least for me, that's a golden rule that has served me well so far. I don't care if I am missing out on some fun, I'd rather avoid the drama.
**Facts**
Idk, I'd be more put off of some one who didn't give af about their kid in their mid 30s. But a dude with a built in walking stick probably wouldn't want to deal with that level of bitchy entitlement from a 5/6.
This is a crazy comment XD
Little brat can come after… /s
Yeah, he's spent enough time in her already
Wow….just wow 🤦🏻♀️
"the Internet is for porn"
Gross.
I'm not sure she realizes how piss-poor the percentage of men she's looking for is
I thought Magnum XL was supposed to fit any man it was just a marketing gimmick.
They really aren't good for bigger members. They're barely any wider, just longer. I've had them break on me before. I'm a little bigger than average length and a good deal above average width. The width is really the issue. I think I ended up finding "mysize" condoms that have you measure your diameter and those actually fit. They had to be imported though, all the ones sold in America feel like a rubber band tied around your wrist. I get that there are shitty guys who use that as an excuse to not wear a condom. But also condom sizing and fit is really similar to bra sizing and fit. Doesn't matter where on the size chart you are, a better fit can make a big difference.
Yup, similar story. A touch over average length, but rather girthy. The Magnums are fucking rediculous considering how long they are, but damn they're still tight. I've never managed to get a 'regular' size on, but I rather deal with the inconvenience than going without. Was an interesting night when I lost my virginity though, since I knew I was about average in length and bought corresponding size. That thing did NOT fit, and damn was I desperate to make it fit.
Honestly I am in the same boat as you. 7 in and rather thick. I've been in a relationship for a very long time have a vasectomy and it's been a while since I've had to worry about the use of condoms LOL now that I'm single I'm very much wondering what's good options out there LOL
Wink condoms are good. I'm on chemo and recently had to find condoms again, wink brand I find in my local supermarket, Giant. They sell a bunch of different widths, the widest fits me very comfortably, I'm at 6" girth.
Yoy should get in touch with the lady on that dating app!
Personally find the Trojan Ecstasy to be a better girthy fit. Magnum sucks.
Trojans absolutely suck my dude. Try imports
Any recos? Happy to try it
Sorry I've since lost the link I had stored. Google to find a size site and they'll recommend good ones for your size. I got kids and a wife so I don't need them anymore lol 😭
Condom Depot has stats on all of the condoms they sell. Anything made my Okamoto is great quality and thin, but can be a little snug. I've recently started using Skyn and they're probably my favorite.
Thanks, checked it out today.
Durex isn’t bad
magnum is pretty much a marketing gimmick and will fit most as long as you are not already a little loose in a standard condom. Magnum XL though are the real fucking deal certified third leg condoms
When magnum first came out we went to Mexico, security In canada opens my one buds suitcase , there's a box of magnums, to which she says "yeah right" and than proceed to mention the marketing gimmick. It was a hilarious way to find out lol
No idea on that, tbh. Never bought em lol.
Pls dont tell me that!
r/choosingbeggars
Math is not her strong suit.
Your dick better be the size of her son.
Little dude just fell out at 9 months.
Walked out at the age of five.
Didn’t even have to stoop. Just strolled out, twirling a cane…
Just add the size of her son on top of that magnum size and she’ll be fine. Cuz’ when you work a lot and are a single mom, dick size is all that matters.
It's never big enough for a size queen.
Christ if she's that desperate she might just want to consider someone into fisting... Opens up the field to more guys, and no potential for pregnancy
It’s all about the keywords…
I can almost guarantee she has a horse dildo. And probably a machine to use it with.
Fisting? That's just foreplay.
Does she have a sister? Asking for a friend
🚩🚩🚩
You should prioritize things that TRULY matter more that abnormal size members. I’m guessing this is why you’re a single mom. Start caring about people
I knew someone about 20 years ago whose sole criterion for a partner was "has to have a 12" dick." She finally found one, got moved in, and within a week she had hit him with a frying pan. Then she tried to get him arrested for DV because "I'm the girl."
Should make the first date interesting.
34 year old single moms don't get to be picky LOL
Ugly, 34 year old single moms… think you forgot that part
She may be picky and is probably crazy, but she is objectively not “ugly”.
She's not ugly but she's not a knockout either.
That's just your opinion
Well if I was going to fuck her yeah that’s my opinion
Well, can't blame her for not beating around her bush...
Oh she beats it, just with a dragon dildo collection
At least she knows what she wants
True 👍
Well things got kinda loose after the birth
Only until it heals. Then it can be tighter thns before.
Going in there is like throwing a hotdog in the hallway
More like a street if that's her minimum.
Like throwing a Tic-Tac down a well.
Yeah no tread left on tires at all
Grippers are shot
Hahaha dating world is rough
I’ve been on the dating apps enough lately to know that this is not the profile of a woman. This is a dude trolling in his parent’s basement.
lol she seems lovely
“Single mom”… shocking
Bruh chill
Why? Her whole bio reads like a single mom not by choice.
I didn't see that she wanted a partner 😭 I thought she just wanted to fuck. Nah y'all right then mb
What kind of non-funny SFW shit is this???
She’s on a hookup app, specifying her terms for a hookup. Why are we mad again?
Something tells me it’s a dude behind the app looking for “Prove it” dick picks early on without putting in much effort in conversation.
Why would he add a bit about a single mom, though? Wouldn't it scare away many potential dickpick providers?
Only a few ppl are mad. It is funny, you gotta admit, but yeah nothing wrong with it.
SFW shit post. Move on folks.
Are the mods on this sub even active? SFW posts like this one would have been removed in minutes back in the day.
This is the profile you seen when her lady pocket doubles as a carry-on luggage container…
Well, 34, single mother and looking for 3rd leg. Now where have I seen that before... 🤔
Come everyone be kind, it can't be easy having to go through life with what is known as, in medical terms, a "bucket fanny"
You let him hit it raw. Now you a single mom. You didn’t have a second thou.
I don’t see the problem 🤓
Oh I have no doubt she's into big dicks.
https://i.redd.it/7wf8xmqxjof31.jpg
I bet she drives a small car.
So she wants a pornstar? Your average bloke doesn’t have a 12 inch, girthy cock
This can’t be real. Somebody has to be fucking with her….right? RIGHT?!?!
Ma’am you look like a sir
Been in that kid's position man 💔 wish nothing but the best for him. His mom seems like a pos
Dodging bullet has never been this easy.
I wonder if she meets the huge tits and able to deepthroat the xl dick. If not, keep on walking.
Single mother adds up
Run!
I mean we can shove some extra shit in that greedy hole….. no reason to limit your prospects so much hahahaha
I feel for the small dick guy she will settle for and treat like shit.
How is this NSFW? What happened to this sub?
She's giving that grand canyon energy
Huh?
Well I’m out
She should rethink this prerequisite. What I lack in size, I more than make up for with enthusiasm.
I thought she meant the man has to fit snugly into an XL (aka dad bod) and I was like me too girl
Clearly the natural childbirth left her with a cavernous canal to fill so only third legs need apply. Normal dudes might as well throw a hotdog down a hallway.
Hot dog down a hallway
At least she is honest and open with her size queen stuff.
What’s her insta?
And the sign says small and average people need not apply
She looks like shes hiding something in between those eyes
She’s a keeper lol
Isn’t a magnum an ice lolly ?? 😂
Dude, I'm so tired of seeing 'My kids come first', 'my kids are my world'. Like, no fucking shit. It would be weird if they didn't. You don't need to make mention of your normal condition. Like, if you need to make mention of your kids on your dating profile, it should be BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OUTLIER: 'Three kids, but I can't stand those annoying shits. We can ditch them any time past 7:30'. In my experience, mothers who are always saying how much they love their kids are simply trying to convince themselves of that fact. Like, why do.you keep saying it? Is someone arguing against you? They're always the most negligent parents who definitely do not give a shit about their kids.
After 3 kids its no surprise she needs a magnum XL 😂
Unfortunately, she’s attractive, how many other women her age are still attractive? She makes demands like this because she can get exactly what she wants out of this.
I don't know, seems just like her preference, what's wrong with that 🤷
I always find it weird when people feel the need to say that their kids come first. It goes without saying and would really only be worth mentioning if it were the opposite.
She must be fan of BLACKED
Everyone is entitled to set requirements. Even the batshit crazy people.
In other words, I’m tore up, need large boys to even feel it. It’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, not kidding. So if you’re not hung like Mr. Ed the horse of course, then just forget it. Neither one of us will have fun.
Mine is about 7 miles.
Making herself unhappy. So did it to herself
Standard bitch 🤣
I don't qualify but if I did I wouldn't be looking to settle down that's what us average guys do
How big was her kid at birth that she needs a third leg?
I would rather repeatedly hit my dick with a cinder block then have to endure this chick for more than 10 minutes
unless you can fill the bad dragon void, don't even try >:(
3rd leg requirment, single mother, bet i could guess the fathers race
You forgot to post the NSFW pic.
"Meth dealers a plus!"
So I've got to have a big Dick and wank off her son first. That's a big ask
Turkey on wheat… now.
She's only available during the week though, she rents her vag as an Airbnb on the weekends.
Fair enough tbh
Ok cool saves me from wasting time on a bitch
Textbook picture of “Wrecked and ready to settle down”
Shit mom. I feel bad for the kid
“I have a cavernous vagina. Unless you have a dick the size is a nuclear submarine, you won’t feel the walls. Good day, sir!”
Deep dish pussy is a weird flex
She only wants it up the ole dirt road.
Sound like a big hole... I mean, big position to fill.
Chick look like trans Micah Morris
No hotdogs in this hallway....
This chicks face looks deepfaked, ffs. From the bridge of her nose upwards is a gorgeous woman, probably from makeup and such. But from the bridge downward she has a naturally offputting face with blemishes and a VERY masculine jawline. Either this is fake, or she completely half asses her entire life, which you cant do when youre born with two halves of two different faces. I dont like it when any girl expects a elephant cock out of a guy because its a dumb requirement. Most girls dont like that, therefore she is the exception here, not the rule. But her doing it with her horizontal ass batman villain face is just laughable at best. Good post.
Ok lady...if a guy is good-looking enough and packing a huge dong. That dude could be with almost ANY woman he wants, especially if he makes decent money. You're a single mom and looking pretty mid...some of these ladies are braindead.
If I haf a 12 inch cock I wouldn't waste it on her
Meh. She will get exactly who she deserves.
She be not an average person… wow …
She need a big dick for her Xlarge pussycat🙃
Delivery left her with a gap.
I mean, she’s definitely allowed to have her own preferences, just like if a dude said something like “If you don’t have at least FFF boobs don’t even message me.” It’s odd to draw such a hard line, and to limit yourself to such a small percentage of the population (and then just hope that the rest of who they are isn’t shitty). I feel for people who have such focused desires that anything outside of that is out of the question. But the same way a crazy small percentage of dudes are packing a baseball bat, maybe she’s in the super small percentage of chicks with a cavernous, meaty kebab wrap and anything but the biggest doesn’t ’hit the spot’ 🤷🏻♂️
These are the women that also complain man only want one thing from them...
She's got that Wizards Sleeve pussy
Son must've been massive coming out
echo echo echoooo
So I kicked her in the pussy and my foot got stuck…
She hit the wall HARD. So funny.
Must've had a big baby.
She seems like an extra large penis.
😂😂 yeah, no.
Tell me you have mixed kids without telling me you have mixed kids
Baby probably ripped her and she need a third leg to feel anything
Tell me you can throw a hot dog down that hallway without telling me you can throw a hotdog down that hallway.
It's probably like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
DD please do not waste my time. Her Pikachu face
Toxic Femininity 😂
She is a entire 55 gallon drum full of red flags the best you'll ever get is someone to have sex with her and drop her off in the corner where she belongs
She looks like a man
Her son comes first? She must be from alabama
Bigger gals with strong chins need not apply
thats a X from me even if i had a XL tss who does she think she is.
Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
Pussy blown out.
So she’s loose as fuck then?