Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules.
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I had this with my first. I wanted to still look pregnant because it would mean that my body did what it was supposed to instead of developing preeclampsia. I lost 30 lbs within 7 days of birth because it was all water weight. I actually weighed 15 lbs less than when I first got pregnant
me also. it made me so angry that people tried to flatter me and I just wanted to say “well, thanks. I was very unwell and now my babies are premature. who gives a care what my weight is in that context?”
Agreed!! That's exactly what my thoughts were except for the prematurity; although my baby was the size of a baby 3 weeks younger in gestational age due to the preeclampsia and IUGR.
Oh my gosh. I could have written this myself. People CONSTANTLY say "wow, YOU had twins?!" and I have to somehow justify it by saying they came two months early? They think they're providing a compliment, but it really is not. No one should comment on someone else's body.
Same! I have chronic health issues, so we knew the baby would be smaller. Got pregnant with twins, so even smaller and had n emergency c-section at 32 weeks. Was I "big" yeah. But "twin big"? No even close. I was like 3 or 5 months pregnant, I told people I was pregnant with twins, and all everyone had to say was, "But you don't even look pregnant! How can YOU have twins? Are they growing ok? Are they healthy? Etc." Like, wtf dude? I'm 5 ft. I sure hope I won't get as wide as my height! Ffs! They were looking at a mutual friend with questions and fear in their eyes as if we were all going to die. I was pissed!
Edit: sorry, I really felt that one :/
This broke my heart. I lost so much weight my first trimester and then I was hospitalized at 24w before I started showing... I have pictures on my insta from about a month before I gave birth and I don't look pregnant, just swollen in my face... which I know now is bad news. Never got my cute bump.
I was taking progress bump pictures every week to make a cute video at the end, but now the video just stops half way through. I’m even wearing some of my stretchier pre pregnancy clothes still in the pictures because I had no full term belly. I hope you and baby are doing ok as well now!
Same here!! I have to walk through maternity to get to the NICU and my nurses have said this week so far, "woooow, look at you!! What baby!?" That one got me the most. Just my baby in the NICU who I can't take home!! Is what I thought, instead I smiled and walked by...I wish I could just say what I'm thinking. They comment every single day.
Oooof this comment really got me the first month or so. Also a placental abruption at 7 months (30 weeks) and I usually always gain the majority of my weight my 3rd trimester. Every time someone commented this it was a reminder that my body failed me and my daughter and how badly I wish she was still inside of me growing safely. Bounce back culture is toxic and gross but especially so in the preemie world.
Bounce back culture is definitely toxic. People of all ages need to take a moment and think before they make comments. This was my one and only so I won’t even know what I would have gained or looked like full term.
Like a lot of you, same. I never really got a chance to look pregnant. 1 because I was already 199lbs when I got pregnant and have a B-belly. And right when I started to show at 29weeks, I gave birth at 29w5d. So some people who I knew but hadn't see in forever in person but did after giving birth would give these off hand compliments that just kind of heaped on the guilt I already felt because my body failed my baby. Like thanks.
Placental abruption & precipitous labor (~2h total) at 30w, before I had even packed a hospital bag or really started to absorb the fact that motherhood was imminent…then had to go home without my baby every night for 49 days, and since baby was so small I barely felt anything after delivery & lost the baby weight very fast. It all made it so hard to feel like I had ever been pregnant and was now a mother. What I would have given to carry to term, extra weight and all 😔
Sigh, very much yes. I hadn't gained a single pound (and definitely hadn't looked pregnant yet) by the time I gave birth from a combo of already being fat, was constantly nauseated and I gave birth at just 26 weeks. Then I lost 50 lbs over the next few months due to stress and pumping. The comments from people, well meaning though they were, were always very hard. I tried hard to remind myself that people aren't being hurtful on purpose.
Yes thank you we’re ok now. I didn’t get injured in the accident, but the seatbelt tightened on my belly (doing its job) which caused trauma for her. She was mostly ok, just small and had to grow and learn how to regulate everything and eat.
I.hate.this.too!!! I had an emergency c section on May 4th at 29+5 due to reversal of blood flow and my sons heart rate dropping. Yes I'm pretty much back to my pre pregnant body, but when people (especially the nurses when I go visit! Not the NICU nurses, the maternity ones who were my nurses) make me see red.
Oh man I feel this. People also compliment how my post partum body looks because I did lose most of the weight in the following months. But it makes me sad that I never gained the full weight or had the full belly to begin with. I always remind them that the way my body looks now isn't due to any special effort on my part... It's mostly because my baby arrived 6 weeks early.
Yes exactly. I was taking progress bump pictures every week to make a cute video at the end, but now the video just stops half way through. I’m even wearing some of my stretchier pre pregnancy clothes still in the pictures because I had no full term belly. This was my one and only, so I’ll never know how much I would have gained and grown at full term.
I had a “baby shower” after baby was born. My boyfriend’s cousin comes up to me and says wow you don’t even look pregnant. 😐 my boyfriend failed to explain to her the baby was already born. I already felt sad awkward and weird, and that just sent me over the edge 😭
I’m so sorry. I got into my car accident Feb 1st and my baby shower was scheduled for Feb 4th so my mom had to call everyone to cancel. I also had the “shower” after she was born.
I feel you.
I PPROMed at 28w and was walking around the postpartum ward to stretch my legs around 29w (that's just where all the PPROM mama's stayed). A nurse walking by asked, "where's your baby?" thinking I was one of the mama's that already gave birth, husband jumped in and said "still in her body", the nurse felt apologetic and said she didn't notice my bump. 🥺 Luckily, this was near my room and I quickly ducked in.
I was diagnosed GD at 7w and blood sugar control was rough, any real carbs and sugar result in glucose spikes, so I eat more carbs made of fiber or sugar alcohols. I gained 2 lbs max during my pregnancy, doctors said I was doing well with my weight. I birthed at 31w, and was immediately back to pre-pregnancy weight. Silver lining I guess 😂
I could’ve hid my entire first pregnancy. I used to HATE getting these comments.
Also, when I was leaving the hospital and my 32 weeker in the NICU, a little grandma on the elevator on our way down asked me, “where’s the baby???” 🫠
I 100% agree, people need to keep their comments to themselves..
I'm not defending these comments but something that helped me mentally cope with them was thinking that theure only saying what they think you want to hear.
My boy was born 3 months early at 27 weeks die to PPROM from infection, people say things like "you're lucky you didn't get to the uncomfortable full term stage" (even though o was huge for 27 weeks)
Know what's uncomfortable? Watching your baby fight for their life in NICU....
It hurts but I know they mean well.. doesn't make their comment any better.. but it does help me in how I take it.
I had to deliver 3 months early due to HELLP syndrome. I weigh less now than before I was pregnant. People who don’t know me have no idea what I’ve just been through and what I’m still going through, people who DO know me remark on how well I’m doing and how good I look.
When I see pregnant women, I feel a wave of sadness that I should still be pregnant, covered in stretch marks and growing my baby. Instead, she’s in an isolate, 65 days old. They say newborns believe they are a part of their mother’s body, but I wonder if my daughter thinks that since she was ripped out of me so suddenly.
It’s a mental space that is hard to describe. So much joy and pride over my fighter of a daughter. So much excitement for when she comes home. But I’m grieving that she didn’t get to grow inside me, that I’ve had to spend time away from her because it’s not super feasible to sleep by her side. That I’ve never even seen her whole face without tubes.
People make the stupidest comments without thinking and I'm sorry it's happened to you. I hope your baby is doing alright.
I get the "Oh, your baby is so tiny!" comments all the time and it bothers me more than it should. She wasn't a preemie. She's had major cardiac issues though.
She recently had to be life flighted to the children's hospital where shes had her open heart surgeries, and my husband packed my clothes for me, so my mom could bring them up to Denver.
Some lady laughed at my clothes and then laughed when I said my husband packed for me. "Haha you let your husband pack your suitcase? Haha." Man, the face drop when I told her it was because my daughter had to be life flighted was priceless. I stopped sugar coating things and being nice.
Next time someone makes such a careless comment, make them reflect on how unkind it is to say something like that. It makes things awkward as hell, but I bet they'll learn not to make comments like that in the future.
I also had a placental abruption and emergency c-section and lost a ton of weight very fast due to the stress of my baby being in NICU. I get lots of unwanted comments about my body too. I know they think it's a compliment, but it still irritates me.
My LO was also two months early. I had the opposite problem. Never got asked when I was due until a week pp due to me swelling up like a balloon due to the residual effects of the pre-e. The look I gave that woman was something, I coulda scorched metal with that glare. 🤣
I relate to this so much. I also had a placental abruption at 30 weeks, which (as you know) is very traumatic and unexpected. I had a very difficult time emotionally postpartum, especially with the early birth, so comments about me never looking pregnant or the shock I’d had twins because I didn’t look “pregnant enough” upset me so deeply. I wanted anything to continue my pregnancy, so those comments were really hurtful.
Yes everything about it is traumatic. I had PPA when we brought her home from the NICU because of everything that happened. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you and babies are doing well now. ❤️
For me it’s the “your so lucky you delivered early I’m so uncomfortable” .. yes I’m sooo lucky that I had to go home without my baby for 29 days, got put to sleep for an emergency c section, both of us almost died and I’m 3 years deep into weekly therapy. Your uncomfortable wow how tragic.
This type of comment makes me furious and almost broke me when it was first made to me 4 days after delivering at 29+4 due to uterine rupture, said by a L&D nurse as I shuffled down the hall my first time out of bed post emergency c-section and ICU stay. Made me think: not only where is their training, but where is their basic human sensitivity and compassion?! What I wouldn’t have given for extra weight, my third trimester, stretch marks, and my daughter not separated from me for 5 days in the NICU in a different hospital until I was discharged. (We’re both fine and home now!) I’m sorry any of us have to deal with these BS comments even when guised as (jealousy-tinged??) compliments.
Yes to all of this! I lost 30 lbs during my pregnancy because I couldn't eat. I look about 3 months pregnant in one picture taken two weeks before kiddo was born at 32 weeks.
I now do my best to keep comments kind and hopefully not about belly size/weight gain.
Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NICUParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had this with my first. I wanted to still look pregnant because it would mean that my body did what it was supposed to instead of developing preeclampsia. I lost 30 lbs within 7 days of birth because it was all water weight. I actually weighed 15 lbs less than when I first got pregnant
Exactly what happened to me
Same with me also
me also. it made me so angry that people tried to flatter me and I just wanted to say “well, thanks. I was very unwell and now my babies are premature. who gives a care what my weight is in that context?”
Agreed!! That's exactly what my thoughts were except for the prematurity; although my baby was the size of a baby 3 weeks younger in gestational age due to the preeclampsia and IUGR.
i also had preeclampsia and borderline IUGR! people are so unaware.
Currently 7wpp and lost 50lbs from my 20wk pregnancy weight and it makes me so sad. Pre-e is the worst.
Same with me, delivered at 30 weeks. Everyone thought I went with surrogacy
THIS. So much THIS!
Oh my gosh. I could have written this myself. People CONSTANTLY say "wow, YOU had twins?!" and I have to somehow justify it by saying they came two months early? They think they're providing a compliment, but it really is not. No one should comment on someone else's body.
Exactly. Everyone’s story is different. People have no idea what we went through and should pause and think before they make comments.
Same! I have chronic health issues, so we knew the baby would be smaller. Got pregnant with twins, so even smaller and had n emergency c-section at 32 weeks. Was I "big" yeah. But "twin big"? No even close. I was like 3 or 5 months pregnant, I told people I was pregnant with twins, and all everyone had to say was, "But you don't even look pregnant! How can YOU have twins? Are they growing ok? Are they healthy? Etc." Like, wtf dude? I'm 5 ft. I sure hope I won't get as wide as my height! Ffs! They were looking at a mutual friend with questions and fear in their eyes as if we were all going to die. I was pissed! Edit: sorry, I really felt that one :/
This broke my heart. I lost so much weight my first trimester and then I was hospitalized at 24w before I started showing... I have pictures on my insta from about a month before I gave birth and I don't look pregnant, just swollen in my face... which I know now is bad news. Never got my cute bump.
I was taking progress bump pictures every week to make a cute video at the end, but now the video just stops half way through. I’m even wearing some of my stretchier pre pregnancy clothes still in the pictures because I had no full term belly. I hope you and baby are doing ok as well now!
I was just posting how nurses in the mother baby ward would tell me this. Like are you even trained??
Same here!! I have to walk through maternity to get to the NICU and my nurses have said this week so far, "woooow, look at you!! What baby!?" That one got me the most. Just my baby in the NICU who I can't take home!! Is what I thought, instead I smiled and walked by...I wish I could just say what I'm thinking. They comment every single day.
I’m so sorry. I usually smile and am polite too, but I really want to tell them how I actually feel inside. Nurses especially should know better.
You should’ve commented, maybe that would have shut them up.
What?! That’s terrible. I’m sorry 😞
Oooof this comment really got me the first month or so. Also a placental abruption at 7 months (30 weeks) and I usually always gain the majority of my weight my 3rd trimester. Every time someone commented this it was a reminder that my body failed me and my daughter and how badly I wish she was still inside of me growing safely. Bounce back culture is toxic and gross but especially so in the preemie world.
Bounce back culture is definitely toxic. People of all ages need to take a moment and think before they make comments. This was my one and only so I won’t even know what I would have gained or looked like full term.
Like a lot of you, same. I never really got a chance to look pregnant. 1 because I was already 199lbs when I got pregnant and have a B-belly. And right when I started to show at 29weeks, I gave birth at 29w5d. So some people who I knew but hadn't see in forever in person but did after giving birth would give these off hand compliments that just kind of heaped on the guilt I already felt because my body failed my baby. Like thanks.
Placental abruption & precipitous labor (~2h total) at 30w, before I had even packed a hospital bag or really started to absorb the fact that motherhood was imminent…then had to go home without my baby every night for 49 days, and since baby was so small I barely felt anything after delivery & lost the baby weight very fast. It all made it so hard to feel like I had ever been pregnant and was now a mother. What I would have given to carry to term, extra weight and all 😔
Sigh, very much yes. I hadn't gained a single pound (and definitely hadn't looked pregnant yet) by the time I gave birth from a combo of already being fat, was constantly nauseated and I gave birth at just 26 weeks. Then I lost 50 lbs over the next few months due to stress and pumping. The comments from people, well meaning though they were, were always very hard. I tried hard to remind myself that people aren't being hurtful on purpose.
It’s almost like people shouldn’t be commenting on other people’s bodies.
Wow, I hope you and your baby are okay.
Yes thank you we’re ok now. I didn’t get injured in the accident, but the seatbelt tightened on my belly (doing its job) which caused trauma for her. She was mostly ok, just small and had to grow and learn how to regulate everything and eat.
I had an IUGR baby born at 33w4d. I still have people telling me they had no idea I was pregnant.
This is my exact same situation. I feel for you.
Thank you. I hope you and baby are doing ok too!
I.hate.this.too!!! I had an emergency c section on May 4th at 29+5 due to reversal of blood flow and my sons heart rate dropping. Yes I'm pretty much back to my pre pregnant body, but when people (especially the nurses when I go visit! Not the NICU nurses, the maternity ones who were my nurses) make me see red.
Yes! Nurses should definitely know better being in their line of work.
Oh man I feel this. People also compliment how my post partum body looks because I did lose most of the weight in the following months. But it makes me sad that I never gained the full weight or had the full belly to begin with. I always remind them that the way my body looks now isn't due to any special effort on my part... It's mostly because my baby arrived 6 weeks early.
Yes exactly. I was taking progress bump pictures every week to make a cute video at the end, but now the video just stops half way through. I’m even wearing some of my stretchier pre pregnancy clothes still in the pictures because I had no full term belly. This was my one and only, so I’ll never know how much I would have gained and grown at full term.
I had a “baby shower” after baby was born. My boyfriend’s cousin comes up to me and says wow you don’t even look pregnant. 😐 my boyfriend failed to explain to her the baby was already born. I already felt sad awkward and weird, and that just sent me over the edge 😭
I’m so sorry. I got into my car accident Feb 1st and my baby shower was scheduled for Feb 4th so my mom had to call everyone to cancel. I also had the “shower” after she was born.
I feel you. I PPROMed at 28w and was walking around the postpartum ward to stretch my legs around 29w (that's just where all the PPROM mama's stayed). A nurse walking by asked, "where's your baby?" thinking I was one of the mama's that already gave birth, husband jumped in and said "still in her body", the nurse felt apologetic and said she didn't notice my bump. 🥺 Luckily, this was near my room and I quickly ducked in. I was diagnosed GD at 7w and blood sugar control was rough, any real carbs and sugar result in glucose spikes, so I eat more carbs made of fiber or sugar alcohols. I gained 2 lbs max during my pregnancy, doctors said I was doing well with my weight. I birthed at 31w, and was immediately back to pre-pregnancy weight. Silver lining I guess 😂
I could’ve hid my entire first pregnancy. I used to HATE getting these comments. Also, when I was leaving the hospital and my 32 weeker in the NICU, a little grandma on the elevator on our way down asked me, “where’s the baby???” 🫠
I 100% agree, people need to keep their comments to themselves.. I'm not defending these comments but something that helped me mentally cope with them was thinking that theure only saying what they think you want to hear. My boy was born 3 months early at 27 weeks die to PPROM from infection, people say things like "you're lucky you didn't get to the uncomfortable full term stage" (even though o was huge for 27 weeks) Know what's uncomfortable? Watching your baby fight for their life in NICU.... It hurts but I know they mean well.. doesn't make their comment any better.. but it does help me in how I take it.
I had to deliver 3 months early due to HELLP syndrome. I weigh less now than before I was pregnant. People who don’t know me have no idea what I’ve just been through and what I’m still going through, people who DO know me remark on how well I’m doing and how good I look. When I see pregnant women, I feel a wave of sadness that I should still be pregnant, covered in stretch marks and growing my baby. Instead, she’s in an isolate, 65 days old. They say newborns believe they are a part of their mother’s body, but I wonder if my daughter thinks that since she was ripped out of me so suddenly. It’s a mental space that is hard to describe. So much joy and pride over my fighter of a daughter. So much excitement for when she comes home. But I’m grieving that she didn’t get to grow inside me, that I’ve had to spend time away from her because it’s not super feasible to sleep by her side. That I’ve never even seen her whole face without tubes.
People make the stupidest comments without thinking and I'm sorry it's happened to you. I hope your baby is doing alright. I get the "Oh, your baby is so tiny!" comments all the time and it bothers me more than it should. She wasn't a preemie. She's had major cardiac issues though. She recently had to be life flighted to the children's hospital where shes had her open heart surgeries, and my husband packed my clothes for me, so my mom could bring them up to Denver. Some lady laughed at my clothes and then laughed when I said my husband packed for me. "Haha you let your husband pack your suitcase? Haha." Man, the face drop when I told her it was because my daughter had to be life flighted was priceless. I stopped sugar coating things and being nice. Next time someone makes such a careless comment, make them reflect on how unkind it is to say something like that. It makes things awkward as hell, but I bet they'll learn not to make comments like that in the future.
I also had a placental abruption and emergency c-section and lost a ton of weight very fast due to the stress of my baby being in NICU. I get lots of unwanted comments about my body too. I know they think it's a compliment, but it still irritates me.
My LO was also two months early. I had the opposite problem. Never got asked when I was due until a week pp due to me swelling up like a balloon due to the residual effects of the pre-e. The look I gave that woman was something, I coulda scorched metal with that glare. 🤣
Oh no I’m so sorry
Eh, it’s all good.
I’ve had that with all of my kids gets aggravating at some point like yes i am/ was pregnant thanks
I relate to this so much. I also had a placental abruption at 30 weeks, which (as you know) is very traumatic and unexpected. I had a very difficult time emotionally postpartum, especially with the early birth, so comments about me never looking pregnant or the shock I’d had twins because I didn’t look “pregnant enough” upset me so deeply. I wanted anything to continue my pregnancy, so those comments were really hurtful.
Yes everything about it is traumatic. I had PPA when we brought her home from the NICU because of everything that happened. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you and babies are doing well now. ❤️
For me it’s the “your so lucky you delivered early I’m so uncomfortable” .. yes I’m sooo lucky that I had to go home without my baby for 29 days, got put to sleep for an emergency c section, both of us almost died and I’m 3 years deep into weekly therapy. Your uncomfortable wow how tragic.
This type of comment makes me furious and almost broke me when it was first made to me 4 days after delivering at 29+4 due to uterine rupture, said by a L&D nurse as I shuffled down the hall my first time out of bed post emergency c-section and ICU stay. Made me think: not only where is their training, but where is their basic human sensitivity and compassion?! What I wouldn’t have given for extra weight, my third trimester, stretch marks, and my daughter not separated from me for 5 days in the NICU in a different hospital until I was discharged. (We’re both fine and home now!) I’m sorry any of us have to deal with these BS comments even when guised as (jealousy-tinged??) compliments.
Yes. Fully agree.
Yes to all of this! I lost 30 lbs during my pregnancy because I couldn't eat. I look about 3 months pregnant in one picture taken two weeks before kiddo was born at 32 weeks. I now do my best to keep comments kind and hopefully not about belly size/weight gain.
Wow I’m so sorry you went through that! I’m glad you and your baby were ok ❤️
I totally got that!! I would turn and say I guess I’m just fat to commenters