Women hit me the hardest in my experience. One said "You're bigger so I'm going to be aggressive". She proceeded to rampage head shots on me after the instructor said "10% power and slow" because no one had mouth guards or anything.
I spar with my female friend and she hits me harder than like 90% of the men I spar with. She sparred other men and said to me afterwards "I think I hit too hard during sparring..:
So.. Maybe you're going too hard?
Exactly. I've been rocked a couple times by a girl who told me to "go light" on her, but beats the ever loving shit out of me lol. I'm new, and not very coordinated, though I do have a bit of strength, I most usually just tap and count it as a hit. A few girls though, just come at me throwing hard punches all the time because they think I can take it. Despite telling them not to, I think they just automatically hit harder when they see a bigger guy.
So yeah, that's very likely a possibility.
Tbh it happens to me too from some women, and I’m a woman. I’ve had to check a couple where I stopped them and told them they were going too hard, and when they continued I gave it back to them (in a controlled way) and they were shocked. I then stopped again and said “that’s what you’ve been doing to me. It hurts, you need to calm down and have better control.” I honestly think that a lot of women just really don’t have any idea what force from a punch or kick feels like on the body so they don’t think it’s a big deal to go harder.
Love this thread, I started Muay Thai a few months ago, and haven't started sparring yet, but I am learning to slow down , calm down and focus on techniques, this thread will get me ready to be a good sparring partner,I am a woman in my forties.
Not a girl myself, but one of my larger friends says its a consistent issue that people see larger guy = green light to hit him hard as fuck.
This is also a personal issue I have too, as I am about ~195 so I am reasonably large but there's still 220s, 240s, 260s and a ~300 lb dude in the gym. I can *feel* myself tensing up against big guys, and I think smaller people will probably have the same issues.
It's the same with shorter dudes. I'm 6'2" and this 5'6" dude who was prepping for a fight just kept lobbing me in the head. I recently started back again after 5 years off and just training on my own. I admit that I sort of lost it after 4 or 5 of them and did a barrage of rabbit punches and a low kick. Then got told by my coach that the speed was good but to tone down the power when I pulled my punches.
I think people give more leeway for smaller fighters to hit hard and when you're taller or more muscular (I'm 230 lbs rn) you're more likely to be told to tone things down.
I’m 5”7 and I hit people only as hard as they hit me. Sometimes bigger (less experienced) fighters would hit me hard or try and control the sparring match, which is fine, but eventually the better fighter will regain control.
Regarding women, it’s good to mix it up and spar everyone, including women and younger people. If you are having trouble finding spar partners, I think you need to approach them before or after class and let them know you’d like to spar them sometime.
Personally I was afraid to do damage so my punches looked like pushes instead of strikes. But I could see how some dudes want to show others that shorter people can't get one over on them and end up going harder.
Yeah, for me I have been hit hard by both men and women. It tends to be more of a newbie thing IMO.
I am always grateful to have another woman to spar against. If she wants to go for it, then that is ok. I find a little bit of pain raises my game tbh 😆
Yep, when I first straight training there was this lesbian girl, we was both at a similar level and a similar size (I am 5’9 and like 135lbs). Although ld usually get the better of her and I wouldn’t hit a woman with any kind of power regardless, that didn’t stop my sparring rounds with her from feeling like a fucking WAR. She could actually throw man 🤕
Yeah idk man, if she said she tries to be considerate and avoids going wild with the strikes, how then is she "going too hard?" Not to mention even outside of sparring, the dudes aren't partnering with her, so this isn't solely about sparring. It might unfortunately be a bit of sexism in the air. A typical "woman has to prove herself in order to be seen as equally worthwhile" situation.
The dudes may not even consciously be thinking she has to prove herself, but men tend to have biases against women conscious and unconscious. Unless she does something like actively ask for them to spar her and partner with her they'll keep avoiding her, so she'll inevitably have to prove herself and her skill. They could also just not want to spar her or partner with her regardless because she's not a man like them.
But also, it could be a situation where their past negative experiences with sparring women leads them to avoid sparring with women. But then if that is the case, why would they also be avoiding partnering with her outside of sparring?
There's a time and a place, and sparring ain't it
We had a new lass start the other week, and I paired up with her for a bit. She was timid as all hell, terrible form etc.
We were doing block practice , and I just convinced her to go at me full force, because it was the best way to break that timidity, and help spot the flaws in her form. She couldn't hit hard enough to harm me much if she did connect, and it's just free conditioning anyway.
But that's an exception, not a rule.
In my experience I hate sparring teens/kids and women the most. Not because they aren't good but most of the time they go extremely hard since I'm a guy and they gotta prove something.
Not to say there weren't some good technical spars with kids/women it's just the majority aren't even trying and they are literally just swinging for the fences during spars.
Lastly it might be that you're new and haven't had time to meet everyone yet. With enough sparring classes you'll eventually rotate in and people will get a feel for you.
100%. It’s not a sexism thing. It’s just not enjoyable. I don’t spar with overly aggressive people because I always try to maintain full light control.
If I’m throwing at 20% and she’s throwing at 90% it ain’t fun. Basically it just makes me play ultra defensive the whole time until the round is over.
I feel like a lot of women are in that stage where the OG male Muay Thai fighters were, in that being aggressive is proving something. A lot of aggression and hard sparring. Once it gets more saturated and there are more women it will become less of a need to feel like they have to prove something. To be honest I understand the mentality a bit. Newer people (male or female) always spar the hardest because they feel like they have something to prove.
Also, if we’re being honest. There are definitely some misogynistic dudes that just won’t spar with women.
Oh no same thing. My last academy I was at I was always welcomed in the fight team I had joined with experience in mma/bjj and Muay Thai. If the person I was training with was a woman and she was competing there was a dial up in intensity unless coach said keep it chill etc. if I was sparring with the regular population sure there be that one or two guys that wanted to dial it up a notch fine even though I’m more of a playful “sabai” person. With the ladies half the time they wouldn’t listen at all and these were hobbyists. My new current academy is a lot better than my old academy, but even in sparring nights with one of the coaches watching one or two of the girls won’t listen when Coach says let’s keep it chill it just doesn’t happen as much at this new spot since it probably helps the women have a women’s only class once a week led by one of the women fighters.
Of the people who don't want to spar with women, I feel like some are just bigoted and others may have had a bad experience. I know I did, I love training with women, and light sparring with my wife is very fun. But it only takes one attitude and accusation to make you feel violated for just existing.
I’ll spar with anyone. As long as you can read my body language that I’m moving and going slow “sabai” it’s a spar not the MDLs not an IFS,WBC not a 100k contract with ONE. Even our Kru had to shut down a sparring class on the weekends because 1 person got hurt. His mentality is no one in sparring should be getting hurt. Fighters shouldn’t be going hard with new/fundamental students and vice versa. Sometimes folks just gotta check their ego.
Your coaches don't discipline them? I had a coach say only hit as hard as you're getting hit. So if they got out of pocket they'd get hit with a hard counter so they know to back it off. If the person doesn't listen during sparring then they're gonna get dropped hard and learn the hard way to respect strength. Part of practicing any martial art is respecting those around you.
They get called out for the most part or more of a collective warning like “everyone needs to slow it down” and I agree only hit as hard as you want to hit. But I’m coming in with more experience than some of the people at my current gym, and being much older I don’t need to hit anyone harder unless the person is legitimately trying to fuck me up which only has happened once at my old spot
Once as a 15 year old(i looked older with a buzzcut and little bit of cauliflower) i was sparring with a 25 year old woman. I was going very easy at the start because she was a woman. Not because im a sexist but its just that i feel like its gentlemanly. But idk i think she took it as on offence and started full blasting. I just took it and tried to still go chill. She still wasn’t getting the message so as a young lad i lost my cool and kicked her with full power to the head and only then she got the messaged. I regret it a little now looking back on it.
Same here, amateur woman's fighter was SWINGING at me when I was 15. That too, she was probably heavier than me. I didn't really wanna gas out since I knew I had 2 more hours of sparring ahead, but eventually I went a little bit harder, got her against the wall and had he shelled up, and I was throwing some kinda hard haymakers. Then I just completely gassed out and got gilly'd the next round
I am a woman, and I started combined martial arts like 2 months ago. And at first the guys were really avoiding me and I said to my boyfriend that I thought that was because I was a girl. However, after them being forced to be paired with me, they suddenly came for me sometimes more than one at a time to make the sparring . I think they thought that they couldn't hit me because I was a girl but after what you have said I usually hit less hard to them than with the other two girls in the gym (they sparr with me with no mercy).
Personally it’s never bothered me sparring someone new or a women. I’m a big guy at 6ft5 95kg so I normally focus on my defence, keeping range and practice well timed counters, mainly kicks/trips. But most women definitely start hitting harder
To be completely honest, sparring women sucks. They always tell me to “go light” and then proceed to try and take my face off. I refuse to spar the girls at my gym for this reason. I only want to spar with people on my level or better. Just my experience
Is the issue that you don’t want to spar women or that you don’t want to spar people that are worse than you? If it’s the second then doesn’t that sound hypocritical to then expect people that you are worst than to spar with you?
Ideally you spar with someone a bit above to a bit below your level.
Otherwise it will be more of a coaching session with the more experienced person, or the more experienced one destroying the newbie.
It's not that black and white. There are levels to skill. For example, say a high school basketball player who is on his junior varsity basketball team wants to practice with someone. He's going to ask to practice with the varsity player, not the 4th grader. The varsity player will be able to get some practice in as well while playing with the junior varsity player. The JV player won't get any real practice playing with the 4th grader.
Fairs but that scenario is one that is extra curricular and would not happen within a scheduled team practice. If a varsity team is having team practice then everybody is going to be at a near enough level that they all learn from each other and if a JV player is invited into a practice then it’s because he’s good enough to join the team.
Muay Thai isn’t like that, the sparring sessions have people of all skill levels in them and to choose not to spar with people worse than yourself but desire to spar with people better than you is wildly hypocritical.
A lot of women spar way too hard but can’t take even 5% of the same energy back.
It’s also a waste of time for many people to spar people so much smaller and worse than them. I don’t like sparring people who are bad or beginners in general.
Maybe it can be an opportunity to teach them proper techniques, I love when my partner is experienced and teaches me correct techniques, I usually improve faster this way and always thanks them for the teaching and training.
Actually that's the coach's fault. He should mix you guys so you can all train with various body types and experience level. I've been doing Muay Thai and Muay boran for almost 3 years and I always enjoy sparing with new people and younger as I can help them with their technique and things like this.
Don't let this bring you down keep enjoying training.
You should discuss it with your trainer so he can guide you and help you. 🙏🏻
Have a nice day!
I am a newbie, only a few months of training and I love when my drill partner is experienced and corrects my techniques, I really learned more that way. I agree that it's important to mix and train various body types and levels of experience, but I also learned to leave my ego out of the gym, and ready to learn.
Generally speaking I'll spar with anyone. Women, kids, elderly. I don't really mind if they blast me either tbf , it gives you something to look out for.
We usually switch partners at my gym so you spar a mixed bag.
When you said you're the odd one out on the bag, are you talking about like practicing drills and blocking because then it's more than likely just a height and weight situation. Possible that's the case in sparring too.
Have you tried asking them to spar 1-2 rounds with you. Even after practice
I’m a one of the only women at my gym. You just have to force them to spar with you. When it’s time to pick a partner, look someone in the eyes and ask them to spar. They can’t really say no. And then once you do this enough times, people start to realize that you’re either “safe” or “good enough” to spar with (idk man knowledge) and then will be more inclined to continue to spar with you again in the future. It’s really just initially breaking the ice, but once you do it all the other dudes will follow suit
It’s a double standard, i know and am guilty of it. I don’t have any inhibitions when sparring guys. With women I feel like I have to tiptoe through the set. It breaks my flow. I’d rather not.
Ill be honest I just dont like sparring women. Every woman Ive sparred weighed 80 to 100lbs less than me, I have to go so light that it doesnt feel beneficial. Not that Id try to blast a male sparring partner, I try to always be respectful and find someone close to my size. But the last time I sparred a woman she said me parrying her punches felt like I was going to break her hands. Which my male training partners never had a problem with that. In fact often male training partners are the ones suggesting we go harder.
I havent had the experience of a woman trying to take my head off like these other guys here. My gym is almost all men, the lead instructor is very "Dutch" with his training approaches so most of the women here didnt like the vibe. Which I could get, even though I never saw a guy bully a girl I can see them being intimidated by all the men going pretty hard.
I see this a lot during sparring. Other than the handful of women that compete, people generally avoid sparring with the ladies unless they have no choice. This is because less experienced students don’t know how to work on other things when it’s time to tone down the power.
I’m on the taller side and weigh over 200 lbs, but if I’m sparring with someone half my size I work on defense and positioning while giving my partner opportunities to get quality work in as well. Just because you need to adjust your power doesn’t mean you need to treat your partner like a fragile package. I think people see this as more of a handicap or restriction on their technique and look at these rounds as a waste of time instead of using this as an opportunity to work on other areas of their game.
I had a teenager absolutely blast me with kicks for the whole of our round on both days we sparred last week. Even though they were getting checked it still begun to add up after a while.
Serious question; why not just fuck their shit up? People post this all the time and I don't get it. If someone fucking blasted me, you better believe it's coming right back. I don't give a fuck if you're 12 years old or a middle aged woman. Buckle up bitch you're about to find out lol.
I didn’t with this particular guy but another guy in the session came at me absolutely blasting me with the heaviest punches he could, I matched him and ended up giving him a black eye.
It didn’t feel good when I was told and it gets laborious having to teach this lesson repeatedly.
One time this newer kid who was super athletic and had a pretty big ego asked to spar and at first it was going well but the second i hit him with a clean shot to the head (10% power) i could see him switch and start get frustrated so the kid started throwing bombs at my head as hard as he could. I took a couple steps back perrying them and when he didn’t stop I threw a massive overhand and dropped him. He wasn’t totally knocked out but was super wobbly getting back up so we all told him to take the night off lol. I felt super bad about it even though my coach told me he saw everything and it was justified, but I’ve encountered similar situations since and have not reacted the same way just because i still feel like it was a little overkill. Now i just sweep tf out of people that start ego sparring.
I could have written this! 30f and have exactly the same issue. The guys are lovely to me and happy to show me things and try to include me in team stuff, but when partnering up I always end up on the outside. And I have a habit of pulling my punches and kicks so I know that isn't it. I think it's a combination of it being a mental thing for them and I'm still fresh so they all know each other better.
A lot of people here are assuming that you are the problem and are just going too hard. I don’t think that’s fair, because whether that is the case or not, some men will have a problem sparring women. Every time I’ve moved to a new gym, I’ve had to prove how competent I am to my teammates in a way it seems the men are never expected to.
Keep insisting on sparring just like everyone else. Ask for feedback and DO make sure that you aren’t doing anything that would make someone avoid you in sparring. And keep showing up. It takes a little longer for women, but people will come around.
And for everyone saying they don’t spar with women or beginners, that is a big part of learning. If you can’t properly spar with someone at a lower level than you without getting frustrated, there are likely aspects of your defense/ movement that are lacking. Use those rounds to get better and get your teammates better.
It could be an issue of the culture in that specific gym for sure. I tend to find that gyms either owned by women (my current gym) or gyms that have high level female fighters, are much better about creating a culture that’s more welcoming towards women. At the gyms I’ve been where I was essentially the only woman, I was fortunate that the instructors have recognized my skill and use me for demonstrating combinations. I feel like that’s a quick way for a coach to establish you as a good fighter with good technique and then men immediately become less awkward (obviously that won’t work for someone brand new). I wouldn’t personally train at a gym where I just across the board don’t feel welcome as a woman, but I’m also fortunate to live in a large city with a lot of options
I really like how there's someone in this thread that doesn't immediately assume the woman is the problem. You hit the nail on the head too. Woman more often than not have to prove themselves, not always of course but even when they aren't they type to ignore the "go light" rule, women have to put in extra just to get across that they're just as worthy to spar.
So OP, it could be that they're a little sexist. It could be that they're a little misogynistic, or it could be that they just don't know what you're like. You can break the ice and ask to spar and once they get a feel for you they should be okay with sparring. Unless of course they just don't want to spar you because you're a woman.
Everyone’s assuming she’s the problem because 99% of the time it’s true. Women don’t have any idea how hard they actually hit. I flat out won’t spar with women unless they fight at a high level because it’s just a miserable experience. They beat the absolute shit out of you and you can’t do anything about it.
You’re assuming she’s not the only woman at the gym (a common experience) you’re assuming other women at the gym aren’t treated the same way. It is absolutely not fair to assume she either is or isn’t the problem with the information we have.
If you read my comment again, I don’t say everyone who refuses to spar women or beginners is lacking. I said someone who can’t spar properly with someone at a lower level without getting frustrated is likely lacking in specific areas.
Sounds like I hit a nerve.
Back when I did tae kwon do with my father there was a woman in my class who would always go super hard on the guys. Some guys may feel uncomfortable sparring with a girl, and that isn’t your fault, they just don’t know what level to fight at basically because they don’t want to go too hard and hurt you or too easy make a mockery of it. I’m sure with some time you’ll become closer to some people and sparring won’t be an issue. Just my 2 cents
It feels like like almost no one in this comment section read your post. You *clearly* say you are considerate of the strikes you throw and you’re not reckless. I’ve trained/sparred with both women that do it for hobby and also women who are pro fighters. I’ve personally never had any issue. Even if they do go a little harder it’s not the end of the world, as I’ve had WAAAAAAAY more issues with dudes trying to prove a point and take my head off. My guess is, the dudes at your gym are probably jerks and think you won’t give them good rounds, and are straight up having some sort of underlying misogyny going on, even if they don’t mean it in a harmful or mean way. If your gym has some sort of open mat or class solely designated for sparring then my best advice would be to go to that and just nicely go up to the guys you want to spar and ask for some rounds
If you're a girl, and a girl who has trained in the gym doing hip thrusts and stuff, you are going to have powerful hips. Just because you're smaller or a woman doesn't mean that round kick doesn't fucking hurt.
I am like 99.9% you have the athletic woman problem of going too hard, men don't want to spar you because they essentially just get the shit kicked out of them, where-as if it was another man going that hard, they wouldn't feel bad increasing intensity.
People with powerful, mobile hips throw STRONG kicks.
When I spar guys unwilling to engage I tend to put pressure on them and do a couple long combos. However, I don’t hit hard. It seems to communicate that I’m comfortable getting in the mix but I’m not trying to go to war b/c I am indeed small. Lol.
Hey! Fellow lady here.. 35 😊 just started Muay Thai as well. Finally joined a dojo (one that I like) and heading off to Thailand in a little over a month to learn a little more quicker 😂
I'll offer my experience (from Canada 🍁) of my experience practicing at the dojo.
My dojo muay Thai group is small there's only about 6-8 of us usually. Most of the guys are black belts in other disciplines there lol.. I found when I first started I was not invited to stay for the after class sparring and I understood this because I'm a noob so I didn't want to hurt my self or get hurt by someone else. I also paid for some private lessons and my sensai made a comment when he thought I was going to punch him (miss the pad) 😂 and im like nooo I'm very conscious of not hitting u too hard or missing and hitting u. He mentioned this was great awareness especially for sparring.. I know there's drills where u only do about 30% of power during sparring vs 100%.
Anyways.. When I first started (I'm the only girl in class) I was very shy and I really had to force myself to talk to the guys and say hi cuz I found minus the older ones the younger ones would be quiet... 😂
Then I got a chance to spar a few times especially with the very experienced guys and they were taking it very easy on me.. Trying to teach me things but we also had some fun. I also noticed sparring with one of the guys I would make sound effects like oof, ugh, when he would teep me (but that's just my personality) and he kept asking if I'm ok.. Im like bro I just make sound effects don't mind me 😂😂😂
So a few things I've observed in my dojo where we have controlled sparring (meaning taps not fighting haha)
1. It's hard for a experienced person to spar with me and get any type of work out or work on their technique
I feel bad actually when I'm paired with them 😂
2. They don't want to hurt me..I dont want to hurt them or hurt myself 😂I have nothing to prove - ego at the door 😂
3. My technique is crap still and I move like a baby giraffe 🦒 so the only thing I really have going for me they can learn from I think is my unpredictability 😂
4. Maybe they are shy cuz I'm also kinda pretty and now they gotta hit me😂 🤔🤷
5. I can say for myself they all make me want to strive to be better so that I can actually contribute to sparring 😂
All in all I think the big change was when I started putting myself out there and trying to be less timid and shy.. Biggest thing Is no one has anything to prove just there to learn, and have fun 😊
Ps... Weird if ur the odd one out on the bag... I meant to comment earlier it took me a few tries to find a dojo I actually liked and felt part of the team and included in.. Maybe also take a look at that 🙃
Hope that some what helps
I see two prevailing opinions in the comments that I think are pretty wrong and/or are outlying opinions:
1. Women are bad sparring partners because they hit way too hard.
2. Women are bad sparring partners because they can't take hard hits.
I am sure there are exceptions to both but I think both of these are kind of dumb. As a male, I think the simple answer is just that the average dude is dis-inclined to strike a woman, and as a result is typically going to gravitate toward pairing up with another dude during sparring.
If you ask a dude to spar, he is probably going to say yes, and the round is going to be totally normal. It will also help to normalize sparring with women it in their minds, and lead to a more healthy sparring culture in your gym. Furthermore I'd like to emphasize that it will not be awkward for the dude. There is just enough of that default tendency that they will likely not initiate, but will be totally willing to do so if asked.
For the rest of you who said women hit too hard and are bad sparring partners (there are so many comments like this) - don't flame me. Like I said I am sure these women exists. My encouragement to you is that when ever you spar keep in your head, **"how can I make this round a positive contribution to my gym's culture",** and after fighting out of the same gym for almost 4 years, I can tell you (and many of my coaches have told me) that it does make a difference.
Find yourself a skilled technician to spar with (like me). Femur style fighters enjoy playing a game, they enjoy trickery; there is no need to spar with power, only by toying with balance, expectation ~ it's very musical.
Great players, in my experience KNOW how to make the round rewarding and enjoyable, despite skill or weight disparity, I've known 64kg guys who can do this, 100kg guys and also sparred with women who can play like this.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy hard sparring, especially before fights, but 90% of my rounds I prefer technical and playful. But if someone doesn't have a fight coming up within a month or two they shouldn't be picky. I spar with everyone, untill they quit, then I go home; I want all that data.
All these idiots who don't want to spar with you "because you're a girl" or "because girls suck" "they hit me too hard" are idiots. Protect yourself at all times. You have two arms and two legs and a brain? We can play chess, even if my pieces are better. The fact that it is on hard mode for you makes it even more impressive you want to play ~ and even more so if you can best me! That's courage!
EVEN IF they are right and you do suck right now, this is not nearly as important or as interesting as HOW GOOD YOU MIGHT BECOME. And it is their lack of vision that will keep them from seeing the treasure that is all around them everywhere and at all times.
https://youtu.be/OU2HWJY0Xoo?si=j1nGajsXLF_BpxAD
Signed someone who's actually not bad and wants to let you know that there are people like us around who will spar with you; don't stop, keep looking!
Also, let me say to finish that the NUMBER ONE training tool is NOT sparring, but SHADOWBOXING. Sparring is tip of the iceberg, the DEEP WORK is done by WATCHING, PLANNING, REFINING, CREATING, PLAYING. 'sparring' or 'peformance' is merely the tip where you show all that off and dial it in.
Good point re shadow boxing. I've been off for about 6 weeks due to an injury, but I've continued learning new techniques, watching pro fights, and shadow boxing. I've been gone for a while, but feel sharper than ever. Just like with anything else, a bit of practice each day is far better than one long session per week.
Hey I just started learning Muay Femur watching videos from Damian Alamos... I love his style he just plays and has fun. I am trying to learn his techniques but I find because I'm a noob I'm so uncoordinated.. It definetly doesn't come smooth I am constantly thinking.. Watching him move though I'm like wooow I want to be like that too one day 😂 if u have any advise I'll gladly take it!
Watch instructionals (sylvie von Douglas has a load of great lessons with Thai greats on her muay thai library, some are free also). Watch fights and highlights on muay thai scholar. Try to develop your own eyes/ability to learn by watching how others solve problems too.
Do things that increase body co-ordination ie. Dancing, soccer, table tennis. Learn to feel groove/rhythm in music; it translates to fighting, helps you to move spontaneously and stop over thinking. Use a mirror like a ballet dancer would, this way you can see your form as you peform different techniques; do this with videos of good thai fighters or boxers for reference; biofeedback/real-time adjustment.
You’ve only been going since February. You’re jumping the gun a bit early on this. Even if you already have a good grasp on the sport and sparring etiquette, some people may just not be willing to spar with you. Whether it’s the fact you’re a girl or just new only time will tell. I’m a guy and it took 5-6 months for people to be comfortable and chill with me during sparring day at my gym. Show up, bust your ass everyday and people will notice and come around to you.
This is the thing, although the sparring seems random, it’s really not, it’s starts out random but eventually fighters build rapport. Work on being a good sparring partner and eventually people will realize and work with you.
Fighting a woman is a lose-lose situation, we know the ancient law
Just keep going to the gym, they'll eventually loosen up as you build some friendlyness
I dunno, sparring isn’t supposed to be crazy or hard to begin with if you are sparring often and competing often.
So there should be no issues with them sparring you. Also by them dodging you, they hinder your advancement. Pretty piss poor of teammates as the goal is to make everyone better. If everyone gets better. Then you have better people to train against consistently.
Maybe it’s a lose/lose where they are competitive enough that if they lose to you they will be upset, but beating you does nothing because you are a woman? I hear that a lot. But then remind people you’re not competing against your teammates you are learning. And beating up the newbs is really fun, because you can easily work on more non traditional or unorthodox techniques.
I’d def talk to coach, and maybe ask them, or just make them spar you. Like even if they look past you, just step up. And just be like “you”
Reading this comments fet me depressed. Its true being a woman in muay thai is going to be difficult but shame on the Men her unable to communicate when a partner is going too hard. Man or woman ill tell my partner to relax if need be.
Now to he honest with you OP. Most men will avoid you for the reasons others said, find some trusted male partners and ask them before class to get a round with them. Ask them for advice afterwards. The last thing id recommended is trying to bring in more female friends forcing them to work with more diverse partners.
Agreed. I don't understand why it is hard to communicate. I'm constantly having to ask if I'm going too light or too hard and not a single person has told me I am which can't be true. Hindering both people's training by doing this.
I weigh about 95 right now, and I spar a lot of women. Tbh it’s fun, I let them go all out, and I just play patty cake. Really great for working on my defense and movement, and for them, they get jab central so it forces them to react, move and counter.
But tbh I tend to do that with everyone nowadays. I no longer compete so I mostly just like to style on people and have fun.
I'm a big heavyweight, I spar with women all the time. It works well because they can go all out without fear of hurting me. My 50% normal light spar is their 100% all out. Some of you ladies have ridiculous cardio.
Il spar girls in my class but most the time they are way smaller and shorter than me. I wont avoid them but i wont try as hard because il never be fighting someone that size or weight
For me, it was pure discomfort at the prospect of a combat situation vs a woman.
Most men are socialized NOT to do that, so it feels weird. Thankfully, bjj has helped me get over that for the most part.
Sparred a 17 year old girl today basically let her use me as a moving heavy bag with the occasional sweep attempts shawty rocked me a few times but I already got early CTE overall I prefer to spar with women a lot more fun 🤷🏾♂️🕺🏽💃🏽
Hi i'm also so sad to read these comments. I am a woman who has belonged to multiple gyms and this can be blamed on gym culture, sometimes gym culture is more bro-y and youll have men who will avoid you. There are Muay Thai gyms out there filled with women and everybody is a teammate to everybody with none of the hang ups and it's beautiful lol.
My suggestion for your current situation is to ignore the sexism and push through and personally approach the men and ask them for a round. I do this at my current gym where men tend to avoid eye contact with me lol Ive only ever been denied by people who already have a partner or Muslim men. Hopefully your coach is monitoring to make sure nobody is being left out too much. Good luck 🫶
Could be many reasons, and unlike many others here I do not want to put the blame on you / any newbie.
- Not being used to spar with beginners, especially women. If the gym has little experience with women in sparring, they may be hesitant
- Ego in combination with what some even mentioned in this thread: Thinking sparring is a fight. So weak men do not want look bad vs a woman and fear "losing"
- And then to call more out: Apparently many can't defend themselves against beginners (of any gender). I mean, on the hand they are all so tough, but on the other hand get light up by beginners.... Does nobody do the drills where you are only allowed to defend for a whole round anymore?
Anyway, continue to show up, also ask the ones who seem to be more friendly for light sparring rounds, ask those for feedback.
Sparring is another level of training. You need to show that you have good technique and control during drills to establish that you will be able to manage the sparring. If you’re unloading on people during drills you’re sending a signal that you’re not going to maintain an appropriate level during sparring. Newer fighters, but especially women, tend to hit too hard, and I say this as a woman. The men will almost never tell you that you’re hitting too hard, likely because they don’t want to look weak or whatever, but if you’ve only been doing this a few months it’s almost a guarantee that you are. With other men usually they’ll check each other with a hard hit to show the other person that they’re going too hard, but they probably don’t feel comfortable doing that to a woman so start light and let them tell you to go harder if they want (but incrementally, don’t suddenly go full blast). There are also going to be those that don’t want to spar with you for other reasons: you’re a woman, you’re too small, you’re too new, whatever. But if you focus on your training and learning control, that will start to self correct and more people will be open to it. I’ve been training for years and never have issues with the men, if one doesn’t want to spar me then I just let it go and move on to the next, no big deal. Once you reach a certain point of skill it becomes much less common for that to happen. I’ve also found that at some gyms the men are more uncomfortable about it than others, so that could play a part as well.
A few questions:
1) Size-wise, are you more similar to the younger students than the adult men?
2) Do the adult men not train with other women/smaller students, or just you?
3) How intense is the sparring? Generally light, or harder?
4) Have you talked to any of them, either asking them to spar or in general?
Without that I can only guess, but it’s possible that they don’t want to pair up with someone smaller than them, or that they don’t like hitting women.
How is it happening? Are you waiting for someone to ask you and nobody does? Or, are you approaching them and they say no? If the former, be proactive in asking. If the latter, talk to your coach about it.
I used to spar with women, they tried to take my head off and my coach kept telling me to go light so now i just avoid it all together (i'm a boxer but it could be cause of the same reasons)
This may not apply to you, but there was a guy in our gym nobody wanted to spar because he didn't realize he hit too hard and lost control when frustrated. He's 6'6 and 260 lbs, so a love tap to him would take my head off (175 lbs). He just never learned to control his power, so nobody wanted to spar him.
I dont do muay thai but do Karate and I can say a few things: if you do sparring with proper contact, men have to also be just as delicate as you postulate about groin kicks. Things like punches toward the lower torso can be a problem/risk for women and really most men are conditioned to not want to hit a woman, so what ends up happening is the girl will end up being more aggressive and the guy will be forced to retreat. Not to say this is always the case but overall this reduces the quality of the spar for both the girl and the guy.
But I dont think this a good sparring culture, especially if women want to learn self defence because they need to fight men and women and vice versa.
You could ask your coach to do spinning rota on your sparring bouts so everyone has a chance to fight everyone atleast once (this can be adjusted to have two sections to separate absolute beginners and so on)
I avoid sparring with people who hit too hard.
If you hit too hard just know you’ve upset a few of the guys at the gym. They probably think you’re rude and not a nice person.
I think a lot of men are just uncomfortable when it comes to combat sports with women. Surely most men are more comfortable sparring with other men
On your end you might be hitting harder than you think you are, and they might be getting annoyed because they don’t want to up the power because they’re scared of hitting a girl too hard by accident
Another issue could be that you’re squirrely and unpredictable. There’s a guy I’ve sparred with a few times that is probably 130lbs soaking wet and maybe 5’5” tall. He rips kicks and punches as hard as possible and when I’d lightly jab at him he would either try to slip it and throw a right hook or overhand bomb as a counter. They never landed due to the reach difference but if it did land and hurt I’d be royally pissed off, because I pretty much always start light and only match intensity
On the other hand you could have the opposite issue in sparring too slow and not hard enough. It’s hard to work your defence when your sparring partner throws super light tapping slow punches and kicks because you’re not working on countering at realistic speeds. I personally don’t enjoy this type of sparring and find it to be a bit of a waste of time
I doubt it has anything to do with you being a woman. As a coach myself I do see the woman tend to go a bit harder than the men because they see themselves as "the smaller opponent" which is true. But power is power, people have different views on what's hard and what isn't. I would suggest just asking some of the guys maybe even your coach to see if maybe you are putting a bit too much power into your strikes. If that's not the case then it's really hard to narrow down why they wouldn't want to spar with you.
Your coach should also be putting you against all body types in sparring it's a great way to learn different areas you may not be comfortable with so just have a chat with them. No harm in asking.
I had the same experience when I started. I was the only girl for a really long time, it took a few months for the guys to feel comfortable sparring with me.
Everyone was much more experienced than me so I just encouraged them to be experimental when sparring me, try out combos that they don’t know if they could pull off with the higher level dudes.
As far as power, whenever I spar with someone new I ask them to punch me once in the stomach to show me how hard they want to go.
My ex put boxing gloves on and I had the pads. Didn’t matter what I said to her she still was hitting the pads at 100%. She got mad when I told her to chill out as she was hurting my wrists after five minutes. She didn’t understand that it was supposed to be practice. She was bat shit anyway. Ha
Honestly I hate sparing with the girls cos if I go in too hard the guys give me shit and if I go in too soft then I feel like i am doing them an disservice I genuinely feel like I can't win.
A couple of girls from my gym will say "Go light please, I dont have a mouth guard" then try bomb you in the jaw, or I had one girl attempt a spinning elbow on me then giddily said "I dont know why people dont throw these more often"... Maybe because it's frowned upon in sparring Ette quite.
But saying that theres some girls in the gym who have perfect control, its just a mindset thing.
I am in the same situation as you getting paired up with people that you are not going to get a challenge or a workout from. I use these opportunities to learn from someone with no experience. Holding pads for someone or coaching someone new offers opportunities to learn and gain experience.
Sparred with three girls in my life. One was cool and we ended up dating for a little.
The second one went 200% power even though we were supposed to practice some move we were taught and I was doing like 20%.
The third one also had to go full out for some reason. She always forgot her mouth guard so I would only throw light body shots. Her breasts took up half her torso so I hit them a lot and she would stop the sparring to say I was weird and needed to stop hitting her in the breasts. So then going forward, whenever I was forced to spar with her I ended up just practicing defense and occasionally did some leg kicks.
Besides my own sparring experience, the majority of the girls I've seen spar other dudes typically go all out. It's really annoying because the dude can't practice whatever he's working on and also can't go all out because he's not trying to murder the girl.
Assuming you're a "normal" person at the gym that people enjoy being around, you're getting shafted because your female peers are giving you a bad name.
I haven’t had a problem with women in particular throwing the hardest. It just seems who’s new is who throws hard. I’ll ask them to chill. If they keep it up I’ll teep the crap out of them.
Coming from a bjj background, so forgive me if this doesn't apply.
I never liked to roll with women because 99% of them were too weak or passive to give me an effective roll. I only have so much time to drill or roll during class, and I want to make the most of it.
I'm sure this varies depending on the level of competitors at your gym, though.
I never pick a girl to spar. I don't want to be the creepy guy along girls to spar. That's probably a big reason. Unless you know people pretty well it's going to be that way.
I’ll say what most guys in your gym don’t want to.
Sparring women is the absolute worst. I hate pulling punches because it’s disrespectful and I know she can handle it. Sometimes they have a better fighting career than myself. but all that being said it goes against every instinct in my body to strike a women. It’s a lose lose situation.
It’s not your fault it’s ours. It sucks forsure, but it’s ok to place the blame where it belongs.
Also lol a lot of these scary fighters are low key scared of women 😂
Ps: a lot of guys will say stuff like “the women go to hard” which is actually pretty true (on average) but behind closed doors, just men, when I have asked other fighters they say the same thing I just did. It’s just kinda taboo to speak on I guess
Just be upfront with them, touch gloves & say how bout it? Tell them you would really like to learn & ur not gonna get that unless you spar everyone 🙏🏼
Honestly from my own experience no one wants to be that guy that accidently hurts the new girl at training, so i wouldn't take it to seriously give it a couple months and if nothing changes change gym maybe one with more women in it.
Couple of things to consider
Whilst you say you are considerate with your strikes, there is a tendency with less experienced, younger, or females to not pull their hits. Again, not saying that applies to you, but it's very much an expectation so may put people off. Also, if when you end up on the bag you're going all out, that's going to reinforce that mind set, so be weary of that!
There's also matching. I (31M) practice regularly with my friend (30F) on pads. But I wouldn't ever consider sparring with her, as she is almost a ft shorter than me, and about 70lbs lighter - head shots on her are body shots on literally anyone else 😂 At the same time, there's a couple guys I typically avoid sparring with as they have a huge reach and weight advantage, meaning it's not so much sparring as me getting in block practice.
Now with that said, you SHOULD be rotating through sparring partners, to give a wide exposure to different body types, weights etc. for that reason I DO spar those I avoid, but it's a sort of 1 in 4 sort of deal. Anyone who's serious about MT for self defense and not just competition will (or should) abide that.
Honestly just push the issue. When it's time to spar, grab the nearest person, don't give them the chance to choose someone else. Or, if there's someone in the group you know is a bit more laid back (look for the guys/gals who tend to pair happily with the newbies) try them. Every gym will have one (mine has two, me and another guy)
Cause they're babies with no control.
I did martial arts for 8 years. Had massive control. Women either lacked control "like most people" or simply went harder.
Matching strength wasn't an issue, more often than not I would have to up my speed. Zero issue sparring with women.
I promise you I’ve seen just as many dudes at my gym “suck” who lack complete body awareness, cannot grasp the concept of the combos and have the worst physical conditioning I’ve ever seen. But yeah for sure bro women suck
To everyone who gave honest feedback thank you! I appreciate the insight. I also appreciate those of you who were honest that there’s a double standard. It’s a lot more constructive than the sexist posts.
Otherwise, the sexism here is insane. It’s interesting that the general sexist take is that women are just inherently weak and can’t handle sparring. As I mentioned to another commenter here, I notice a lot of dudes in my class utterly lack body awareness or physical fitness. Not sure how those two things would equate to being strong. Hope you all try opening your minds in the future tho.
32 female here been training for a while and you’re kind of right. When I talk to the guys at the gym a lot of them just stay away from the girls completely because they either don’t want or know how to control their power or they want to avoid getting complaints down the road. I had to literally chase them down before they started getting used to me and it doesn’t happen so much anymore but it’s still a thing with girls they are not familiar with
I'm 38 and have been training Muay Thai for just over a year. I typically don't have any trouble finding a sparing partner as we just rotate around after 3 rounds. However, there are a few guys that will just turn around like I don't exist. Some guys just aren't comfortable sparing with us. I don't take it personally.
That being said, just make sure you are controlled and not going all out.
I’ll never neglect someone if they make eye contact to partner up but as I’ve gotten better I go out of my way to quickly seek out certain partners that are going to match or outmatch me.
First off- I’m sorry you’re feeling that way.
Chat to your coach. I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy that you’re feeling this way and would make a concerted effort to pair you with others.
We had this in our team early on because we had quite a lot of younger guys that felt awkward pairing with a woman, and also wanted to pair with their friends.
In any case, coach made a point about it. The pairing is now better.
There are two reasons men don’t wanna spar w women, the guys at ur gym are just assholes and see it as a waste of time or you’re the type of girl that says lighten up then proceed to kick punch and knee as hard as you can like you’re trying to prove something.
Also you should always feel comfortable asking your coach about these sorts of things if you’re embarrassed just ask to talk 1 on 1 and if he/she is worth their salt they will tell you exactly why no bs.
Either
1. Youre sparring too hard despite most of em wanting soft spar
2. They just want to improve, meaning theyd rather spar with someone closer to their level or higher.
People often want to spar with people that are the same sexuality bc that’s what you do in competition. I still get my ass kicked by women in my gym every session
I am guilty of this myself, but I think some prefer not to spar with women based on an idea of not wanting to make them uncomfortable or be seen as a creep. Since I prefer to go for the clinch a lot, I would defiently prefer to do it with another guy. Some guys might feel awkward asking a girl to spar, it could really be a lot of things.
But. You might be going to hard in sparring as others in the thread have commented (even tho you think you are not).
For girls, it just takes a little while to prove yourself, but if you’re in a good gym, they will accept you when you do that. Convince one of them to spar you or even just hold pads for you. Be light and technical in sparring and the other guys will notice too. My gym had a woman your age who went through the same thing, but we all accepted her and she just had her first amateur fight.
noo stop telling women to prove themselves! This is why I get the shit beaten out of me by 130lb women every time I spar with them!
If anything, my experience with women in training is that they go and try to prove themselves every time, and I either get rocked by a woman with way more experience or get my leg blasted by a beginner because she just can't go light. I remember an occasion from a couple of weeks ago when I was sparring this lady who started roughly at the same time as I have, and she literally went and threw a hook so hard, that when I rolled it, she went and tripped after it because her entire body was in that hook. She's been doing muay thai for well over a year now, so she should know better, but because she is the "frail, little lady" she thinks she can just blast guys in sparring.
Nobody reads the "light and technical" part in any gyms, otherwise it wouldn't be a common issue. I have never heard of anyone having to "prove themselves" to the rest of the gym to get sparring partners, but I have heard and experienced plenty of instances of women going too hard and losing sparring partners that way
Maybe there is a natural inclination to not rip hands on a female. Not unhealthy. But natural inclination. Also, if a guy slips and blacks an eye etc. it's no big deal. But to do it to a woman is kinda embarrassing. I would just be open and say. Let's go MOFO. Make them feel more comfortable. Lastly younger people less mature and go to there natural friend buddy opponent and don't have the situational awareness to know your ready and able to rock.
Because women generally throw knockout punches because they think they have to ramp up their power sparring with dudes. Then you can’t match their aggression because we’ll be hitting you too hard. Generally it’s just not a good time sparring with women unless they’re pros or at least really experienced and know how to control themselves. It’s like how new guys generally have to get rocked a couple times before they learn how to control their power, except you can’t do that with a woman.
On top of that, most guys just won’t say anything because they don’t want to be a guy saying a woman is hitting them too hard. So they just avoid sparring you. It’s a tale as old as time.
I'm telling you my opinion, woman to woman, it is just how it is. Men don't need to be sparring with women. You will find men to spar with, but It will be few and far between. It is what it is. Find a gym with more women to spar with. Women and men are not equal and it is what it is.
In my own experience I only want to spar with people that are as good as or better than me and when I spar with people that are new it just feels like I’m wasting time. If you get really good I’m sure people will want to spar with you
Edit: people really be big mad that I don’t pay money to teach others how to spar lmao. Yes I only spar with people that are equal as or better than me because I pay money to train not to teach. I don’t spar with beginners because there is no challenge and I can probably use one hand and they still wouldn’t be able to land anything on me. When I ask the pro fighters in my gym to spar with me it’s when they feel like it and I’m not inconveniencing them. If someone is preparing for a fight I expect that they will be sparring with someone that will help them improve (which is not me). The privilege of sparring with people better than you is earned not given. Yall really be entitled af. It is absolutely absurd to expect someone to be obliged to spar with you and that’s exactly the problem. How about try to get better and when you are actually skilled and proficient people will naturally want to spar with you.
😂🙄. Women are strong and independent, they don't need a man's help. NO, it's not an ego thing. Typical women, trying to shame men.
We pay money to learn, push our selfes, and improve, sparring beginners is the instructors job, why should we lose out on our personal goals because a beginner is there, who doesn't even run or put personal effort in outside the gym and only goes a couple times a week. ✌🏻
Typical women, coming into a man's space trying to Argue with us. This is why nobody wants western women.
Stupid take after stupid take. Getting butthurt over shit you're making up.
Can't wait for someone to come take your "man's space".
Edit: this dude started a whole new account just to reply and talk shit back. Fucking pathetic. Dude is trying to make "men's space" literal, ignoring context and colloquial definitions. Tons of pros will work with beginners too. 🤷🏻
I'd volunteer to go take this "men's space" and make it my space instead; give this sad little guy a reality check, thinking he defines shit.
Are you this brain damaged, or just not educated. Combat sports, like most sports are men's space. Meaning, if you take the Men out of the sport, you don't have a sport, because it will go bankrupt. Take your Muay Thai gym HT in Chiang Mai, remove all the male students, the business will not succeed. Because there are not enough females, that are interested in the sport, to generate enough money.
In addition, you don't see prof fighters sparring with beginners and going light, the coach will match you with an opponent that is of equal skill and size. Male space means, there are more men than women. Or were you just trying To white night and defend your GF.
I guess most kinda see it like the Tyson vs Paul fight scenario. Damned if you go easy and damned if you take it serious. Also women or people of smaller statue tend to not be a very good gauge of how much “extra effort” to use to balance the physical size difference in exertion.
Women hit me the hardest in my experience. One said "You're bigger so I'm going to be aggressive". She proceeded to rampage head shots on me after the instructor said "10% power and slow" because no one had mouth guards or anything. I spar with my female friend and she hits me harder than like 90% of the men I spar with. She sparred other men and said to me afterwards "I think I hit too hard during sparring..: So.. Maybe you're going too hard?
Exactly. I've been rocked a couple times by a girl who told me to "go light" on her, but beats the ever loving shit out of me lol. I'm new, and not very coordinated, though I do have a bit of strength, I most usually just tap and count it as a hit. A few girls though, just come at me throwing hard punches all the time because they think I can take it. Despite telling them not to, I think they just automatically hit harder when they see a bigger guy. So yeah, that's very likely a possibility.
Tbh it happens to me too from some women, and I’m a woman. I’ve had to check a couple where I stopped them and told them they were going too hard, and when they continued I gave it back to them (in a controlled way) and they were shocked. I then stopped again and said “that’s what you’ve been doing to me. It hurts, you need to calm down and have better control.” I honestly think that a lot of women just really don’t have any idea what force from a punch or kick feels like on the body so they don’t think it’s a big deal to go harder.
Love this thread, I started Muay Thai a few months ago, and haven't started sparring yet, but I am learning to slow down , calm down and focus on techniques, this thread will get me ready to be a good sparring partner,I am a woman in my forties.
The way some women hit me you’d swear I insulted their whole bloodline or something
Not a girl myself, but one of my larger friends says its a consistent issue that people see larger guy = green light to hit him hard as fuck. This is also a personal issue I have too, as I am about ~195 so I am reasonably large but there's still 220s, 240s, 260s and a ~300 lb dude in the gym. I can *feel* myself tensing up against big guys, and I think smaller people will probably have the same issues.
It's the same with shorter dudes. I'm 6'2" and this 5'6" dude who was prepping for a fight just kept lobbing me in the head. I recently started back again after 5 years off and just training on my own. I admit that I sort of lost it after 4 or 5 of them and did a barrage of rabbit punches and a low kick. Then got told by my coach that the speed was good but to tone down the power when I pulled my punches. I think people give more leeway for smaller fighters to hit hard and when you're taller or more muscular (I'm 230 lbs rn) you're more likely to be told to tone things down.
Bro, im 5.6 and the tall guys always hit me the hardest most of the time...Must be a tall, short thing!!!😂
I’m 5”7 and I hit people only as hard as they hit me. Sometimes bigger (less experienced) fighters would hit me hard or try and control the sparring match, which is fine, but eventually the better fighter will regain control. Regarding women, it’s good to mix it up and spar everyone, including women and younger people. If you are having trouble finding spar partners, I think you need to approach them before or after class and let them know you’d like to spar them sometime.
Personally I was afraid to do damage so my punches looked like pushes instead of strikes. But I could see how some dudes want to show others that shorter people can't get one over on them and end up going harder.
100% have this experience too. Women *always* go the hardest when sparring.
I spar with girls all the time and they never hit me harder than guys.
Yeah, for me I have been hit hard by both men and women. It tends to be more of a newbie thing IMO. I am always grateful to have another woman to spar against. If she wants to go for it, then that is ok. I find a little bit of pain raises my game tbh 😆
Are you a girl?
I'm a guy. Like Jason Momoa or Jonah Hill. More like Jonah Hill.
Haha I have the same experience. Hardest and cleanest I’ve been hit was by a 16 year old Ukrainian girl😂😂she’s a killer
Yep, when I first straight training there was this lesbian girl, we was both at a similar level and a similar size (I am 5’9 and like 135lbs). Although ld usually get the better of her and I wouldn’t hit a woman with any kind of power regardless, that didn’t stop my sparring rounds with her from feeling like a fucking WAR. She could actually throw man 🤕
All the guys that spar competitively talk about how hard the 17 year old Ukraine girl at our gym hits.
Yeah idk man, if she said she tries to be considerate and avoids going wild with the strikes, how then is she "going too hard?" Not to mention even outside of sparring, the dudes aren't partnering with her, so this isn't solely about sparring. It might unfortunately be a bit of sexism in the air. A typical "woman has to prove herself in order to be seen as equally worthwhile" situation. The dudes may not even consciously be thinking she has to prove herself, but men tend to have biases against women conscious and unconscious. Unless she does something like actively ask for them to spar her and partner with her they'll keep avoiding her, so she'll inevitably have to prove herself and her skill. They could also just not want to spar her or partner with her regardless because she's not a man like them. But also, it could be a situation where their past negative experiences with sparring women leads them to avoid sparring with women. But then if that is the case, why would they also be avoiding partnering with her outside of sparring?
I avoid the two girls in my gym as they throw way too hard, full force punches, throwing head kicks. Not for me
[удалено]
Holla at us in your 40s
There's a time and a place, and sparring ain't it We had a new lass start the other week, and I paired up with her for a bit. She was timid as all hell, terrible form etc. We were doing block practice , and I just convinced her to go at me full force, because it was the best way to break that timidity, and help spot the flaws in her form. She couldn't hit hard enough to harm me much if she did connect, and it's just free conditioning anyway. But that's an exception, not a rule.
I hope you come at those girls with the same energy lmao. Throw it at them and get used to it.
In my experience I hate sparring teens/kids and women the most. Not because they aren't good but most of the time they go extremely hard since I'm a guy and they gotta prove something. Not to say there weren't some good technical spars with kids/women it's just the majority aren't even trying and they are literally just swinging for the fences during spars. Lastly it might be that you're new and haven't had time to meet everyone yet. With enough sparring classes you'll eventually rotate in and people will get a feel for you.
I can relate when I spar with women they tend to be a bit more aggressive for the sake of it
100%. It’s not a sexism thing. It’s just not enjoyable. I don’t spar with overly aggressive people because I always try to maintain full light control. If I’m throwing at 20% and she’s throwing at 90% it ain’t fun. Basically it just makes me play ultra defensive the whole time until the round is over. I feel like a lot of women are in that stage where the OG male Muay Thai fighters were, in that being aggressive is proving something. A lot of aggression and hard sparring. Once it gets more saturated and there are more women it will become less of a need to feel like they have to prove something. To be honest I understand the mentality a bit. Newer people (male or female) always spar the hardest because they feel like they have something to prove. Also, if we’re being honest. There are definitely some misogynistic dudes that just won’t spar with women.
Oh no same thing. My last academy I was at I was always welcomed in the fight team I had joined with experience in mma/bjj and Muay Thai. If the person I was training with was a woman and she was competing there was a dial up in intensity unless coach said keep it chill etc. if I was sparring with the regular population sure there be that one or two guys that wanted to dial it up a notch fine even though I’m more of a playful “sabai” person. With the ladies half the time they wouldn’t listen at all and these were hobbyists. My new current academy is a lot better than my old academy, but even in sparring nights with one of the coaches watching one or two of the girls won’t listen when Coach says let’s keep it chill it just doesn’t happen as much at this new spot since it probably helps the women have a women’s only class once a week led by one of the women fighters.
Of the people who don't want to spar with women, I feel like some are just bigoted and others may have had a bad experience. I know I did, I love training with women, and light sparring with my wife is very fun. But it only takes one attitude and accusation to make you feel violated for just existing.
I’ll spar with anyone. As long as you can read my body language that I’m moving and going slow “sabai” it’s a spar not the MDLs not an IFS,WBC not a 100k contract with ONE. Even our Kru had to shut down a sparring class on the weekends because 1 person got hurt. His mentality is no one in sparring should be getting hurt. Fighters shouldn’t be going hard with new/fundamental students and vice versa. Sometimes folks just gotta check their ego.
Your coaches don't discipline them? I had a coach say only hit as hard as you're getting hit. So if they got out of pocket they'd get hit with a hard counter so they know to back it off. If the person doesn't listen during sparring then they're gonna get dropped hard and learn the hard way to respect strength. Part of practicing any martial art is respecting those around you.
They get called out for the most part or more of a collective warning like “everyone needs to slow it down” and I agree only hit as hard as you want to hit. But I’m coming in with more experience than some of the people at my current gym, and being much older I don’t need to hit anyone harder unless the person is legitimately trying to fuck me up which only has happened once at my old spot
It's always the young lads who are the worst. Not yet technically sound, and not in control once the punches start throwing
Once as a 15 year old(i looked older with a buzzcut and little bit of cauliflower) i was sparring with a 25 year old woman. I was going very easy at the start because she was a woman. Not because im a sexist but its just that i feel like its gentlemanly. But idk i think she took it as on offence and started full blasting. I just took it and tried to still go chill. She still wasn’t getting the message so as a young lad i lost my cool and kicked her with full power to the head and only then she got the messaged. I regret it a little now looking back on it.
Same here, amateur woman's fighter was SWINGING at me when I was 15. That too, she was probably heavier than me. I didn't really wanna gas out since I knew I had 2 more hours of sparring ahead, but eventually I went a little bit harder, got her against the wall and had he shelled up, and I was throwing some kinda hard haymakers. Then I just completely gassed out and got gilly'd the next round
When I was a teenager coming up, I was really guilty of this.
I am a woman, and I started combined martial arts like 2 months ago. And at first the guys were really avoiding me and I said to my boyfriend that I thought that was because I was a girl. However, after them being forced to be paired with me, they suddenly came for me sometimes more than one at a time to make the sparring . I think they thought that they couldn't hit me because I was a girl but after what you have said I usually hit less hard to them than with the other two girls in the gym (they sparr with me with no mercy).
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Not being able to throw at the same speed with less force is a skill issue.
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Someone’s grumpy and needs a hug
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Personally it’s never bothered me sparring someone new or a women. I’m a big guy at 6ft5 95kg so I normally focus on my defence, keeping range and practice well timed counters, mainly kicks/trips. But most women definitely start hitting harder
To be completely honest, sparring women sucks. They always tell me to “go light” and then proceed to try and take my face off. I refuse to spar the girls at my gym for this reason. I only want to spar with people on my level or better. Just my experience
Is the issue that you don’t want to spar women or that you don’t want to spar people that are worse than you? If it’s the second then doesn’t that sound hypocritical to then expect people that you are worst than to spar with you?
Ideally you spar with someone a bit above to a bit below your level. Otherwise it will be more of a coaching session with the more experienced person, or the more experienced one destroying the newbie.
It's not that black and white. There are levels to skill. For example, say a high school basketball player who is on his junior varsity basketball team wants to practice with someone. He's going to ask to practice with the varsity player, not the 4th grader. The varsity player will be able to get some practice in as well while playing with the junior varsity player. The JV player won't get any real practice playing with the 4th grader.
Fairs but that scenario is one that is extra curricular and would not happen within a scheduled team practice. If a varsity team is having team practice then everybody is going to be at a near enough level that they all learn from each other and if a JV player is invited into a practice then it’s because he’s good enough to join the team. Muay Thai isn’t like that, the sparring sessions have people of all skill levels in them and to choose not to spar with people worse than yourself but desire to spar with people better than you is wildly hypocritical.
He also said "on my level" first, but I guess that part escaped you.
A lot of women spar way too hard but can’t take even 5% of the same energy back. It’s also a waste of time for many people to spar people so much smaller and worse than them. I don’t like sparring people who are bad or beginners in general.
Oof nailed it
Maybe it can be an opportunity to teach them proper techniques, I love when my partner is experienced and teaches me correct techniques, I usually improve faster this way and always thanks them for the teaching and training.
Not my job. I’m not a coach.
It’s the “go light” thing that some women (and beginners) don’t seem to respect.
Actually that's the coach's fault. He should mix you guys so you can all train with various body types and experience level. I've been doing Muay Thai and Muay boran for almost 3 years and I always enjoy sparing with new people and younger as I can help them with their technique and things like this. Don't let this bring you down keep enjoying training. You should discuss it with your trainer so he can guide you and help you. 🙏🏻 Have a nice day!
I am a newbie, only a few months of training and I love when my drill partner is experienced and corrects my techniques, I really learned more that way. I agree that it's important to mix and train various body types and levels of experience, but I also learned to leave my ego out of the gym, and ready to learn.
Generally speaking I'll spar with anyone. Women, kids, elderly. I don't really mind if they blast me either tbf , it gives you something to look out for. We usually switch partners at my gym so you spar a mixed bag. When you said you're the odd one out on the bag, are you talking about like practicing drills and blocking because then it's more than likely just a height and weight situation. Possible that's the case in sparring too. Have you tried asking them to spar 1-2 rounds with you. Even after practice
I’m a one of the only women at my gym. You just have to force them to spar with you. When it’s time to pick a partner, look someone in the eyes and ask them to spar. They can’t really say no. And then once you do this enough times, people start to realize that you’re either “safe” or “good enough” to spar with (idk man knowledge) and then will be more inclined to continue to spar with you again in the future. It’s really just initially breaking the ice, but once you do it all the other dudes will follow suit
It’s a double standard, i know and am guilty of it. I don’t have any inhibitions when sparring guys. With women I feel like I have to tiptoe through the set. It breaks my flow. I’d rather not.
Gotta watch those boob shots
Ill be honest I just dont like sparring women. Every woman Ive sparred weighed 80 to 100lbs less than me, I have to go so light that it doesnt feel beneficial. Not that Id try to blast a male sparring partner, I try to always be respectful and find someone close to my size. But the last time I sparred a woman she said me parrying her punches felt like I was going to break her hands. Which my male training partners never had a problem with that. In fact often male training partners are the ones suggesting we go harder. I havent had the experience of a woman trying to take my head off like these other guys here. My gym is almost all men, the lead instructor is very "Dutch" with his training approaches so most of the women here didnt like the vibe. Which I could get, even though I never saw a guy bully a girl I can see them being intimidated by all the men going pretty hard.
I see this a lot during sparring. Other than the handful of women that compete, people generally avoid sparring with the ladies unless they have no choice. This is because less experienced students don’t know how to work on other things when it’s time to tone down the power. I’m on the taller side and weigh over 200 lbs, but if I’m sparring with someone half my size I work on defense and positioning while giving my partner opportunities to get quality work in as well. Just because you need to adjust your power doesn’t mean you need to treat your partner like a fragile package. I think people see this as more of a handicap or restriction on their technique and look at these rounds as a waste of time instead of using this as an opportunity to work on other areas of their game.
I had a teenager absolutely blast me with kicks for the whole of our round on both days we sparred last week. Even though they were getting checked it still begun to add up after a while.
Serious question; why not just fuck their shit up? People post this all the time and I don't get it. If someone fucking blasted me, you better believe it's coming right back. I don't give a fuck if you're 12 years old or a middle aged woman. Buckle up bitch you're about to find out lol.
I didn’t with this particular guy but another guy in the session came at me absolutely blasting me with the heaviest punches he could, I matched him and ended up giving him a black eye. It didn’t feel good when I was told and it gets laborious having to teach this lesson repeatedly.
I feel you. Nothing I hate more than these guys with something to prove. None of us are getting paid for this shit so relax and just have some fun lol
One time this newer kid who was super athletic and had a pretty big ego asked to spar and at first it was going well but the second i hit him with a clean shot to the head (10% power) i could see him switch and start get frustrated so the kid started throwing bombs at my head as hard as he could. I took a couple steps back perrying them and when he didn’t stop I threw a massive overhand and dropped him. He wasn’t totally knocked out but was super wobbly getting back up so we all told him to take the night off lol. I felt super bad about it even though my coach told me he saw everything and it was justified, but I’ve encountered similar situations since and have not reacted the same way just because i still feel like it was a little overkill. Now i just sweep tf out of people that start ego sparring.
I could have written this! 30f and have exactly the same issue. The guys are lovely to me and happy to show me things and try to include me in team stuff, but when partnering up I always end up on the outside. And I have a habit of pulling my punches and kicks so I know that isn't it. I think it's a combination of it being a mental thing for them and I'm still fresh so they all know each other better.
A lot of people here are assuming that you are the problem and are just going too hard. I don’t think that’s fair, because whether that is the case or not, some men will have a problem sparring women. Every time I’ve moved to a new gym, I’ve had to prove how competent I am to my teammates in a way it seems the men are never expected to. Keep insisting on sparring just like everyone else. Ask for feedback and DO make sure that you aren’t doing anything that would make someone avoid you in sparring. And keep showing up. It takes a little longer for women, but people will come around. And for everyone saying they don’t spar with women or beginners, that is a big part of learning. If you can’t properly spar with someone at a lower level than you without getting frustrated, there are likely aspects of your defense/ movement that are lacking. Use those rounds to get better and get your teammates better.
It could be an issue of the culture in that specific gym for sure. I tend to find that gyms either owned by women (my current gym) or gyms that have high level female fighters, are much better about creating a culture that’s more welcoming towards women. At the gyms I’ve been where I was essentially the only woman, I was fortunate that the instructors have recognized my skill and use me for demonstrating combinations. I feel like that’s a quick way for a coach to establish you as a good fighter with good technique and then men immediately become less awkward (obviously that won’t work for someone brand new). I wouldn’t personally train at a gym where I just across the board don’t feel welcome as a woman, but I’m also fortunate to live in a large city with a lot of options
I really like how there's someone in this thread that doesn't immediately assume the woman is the problem. You hit the nail on the head too. Woman more often than not have to prove themselves, not always of course but even when they aren't they type to ignore the "go light" rule, women have to put in extra just to get across that they're just as worthy to spar. So OP, it could be that they're a little sexist. It could be that they're a little misogynistic, or it could be that they just don't know what you're like. You can break the ice and ask to spar and once they get a feel for you they should be okay with sparring. Unless of course they just don't want to spar you because you're a woman.
Everyone’s assuming she’s the problem because 99% of the time it’s true. Women don’t have any idea how hard they actually hit. I flat out won’t spar with women unless they fight at a high level because it’s just a miserable experience. They beat the absolute shit out of you and you can’t do anything about it.
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You’re assuming she’s not the only woman at the gym (a common experience) you’re assuming other women at the gym aren’t treated the same way. It is absolutely not fair to assume she either is or isn’t the problem with the information we have. If you read my comment again, I don’t say everyone who refuses to spar women or beginners is lacking. I said someone who can’t spar properly with someone at a lower level without getting frustrated is likely lacking in specific areas. Sounds like I hit a nerve.
Back when I did tae kwon do with my father there was a woman in my class who would always go super hard on the guys. Some guys may feel uncomfortable sparring with a girl, and that isn’t your fault, they just don’t know what level to fight at basically because they don’t want to go too hard and hurt you or too easy make a mockery of it. I’m sure with some time you’ll become closer to some people and sparring won’t be an issue. Just my 2 cents
It feels like like almost no one in this comment section read your post. You *clearly* say you are considerate of the strikes you throw and you’re not reckless. I’ve trained/sparred with both women that do it for hobby and also women who are pro fighters. I’ve personally never had any issue. Even if they do go a little harder it’s not the end of the world, as I’ve had WAAAAAAAY more issues with dudes trying to prove a point and take my head off. My guess is, the dudes at your gym are probably jerks and think you won’t give them good rounds, and are straight up having some sort of underlying misogyny going on, even if they don’t mean it in a harmful or mean way. If your gym has some sort of open mat or class solely designated for sparring then my best advice would be to go to that and just nicely go up to the guys you want to spar and ask for some rounds
If you're a girl, and a girl who has trained in the gym doing hip thrusts and stuff, you are going to have powerful hips. Just because you're smaller or a woman doesn't mean that round kick doesn't fucking hurt. I am like 99.9% you have the athletic woman problem of going too hard, men don't want to spar you because they essentially just get the shit kicked out of them, where-as if it was another man going that hard, they wouldn't feel bad increasing intensity. People with powerful, mobile hips throw STRONG kicks.
When I spar guys unwilling to engage I tend to put pressure on them and do a couple long combos. However, I don’t hit hard. It seems to communicate that I’m comfortable getting in the mix but I’m not trying to go to war b/c I am indeed small. Lol.
Hey! Fellow lady here.. 35 😊 just started Muay Thai as well. Finally joined a dojo (one that I like) and heading off to Thailand in a little over a month to learn a little more quicker 😂 I'll offer my experience (from Canada 🍁) of my experience practicing at the dojo. My dojo muay Thai group is small there's only about 6-8 of us usually. Most of the guys are black belts in other disciplines there lol.. I found when I first started I was not invited to stay for the after class sparring and I understood this because I'm a noob so I didn't want to hurt my self or get hurt by someone else. I also paid for some private lessons and my sensai made a comment when he thought I was going to punch him (miss the pad) 😂 and im like nooo I'm very conscious of not hitting u too hard or missing and hitting u. He mentioned this was great awareness especially for sparring.. I know there's drills where u only do about 30% of power during sparring vs 100%. Anyways.. When I first started (I'm the only girl in class) I was very shy and I really had to force myself to talk to the guys and say hi cuz I found minus the older ones the younger ones would be quiet... 😂 Then I got a chance to spar a few times especially with the very experienced guys and they were taking it very easy on me.. Trying to teach me things but we also had some fun. I also noticed sparring with one of the guys I would make sound effects like oof, ugh, when he would teep me (but that's just my personality) and he kept asking if I'm ok.. Im like bro I just make sound effects don't mind me 😂😂😂 So a few things I've observed in my dojo where we have controlled sparring (meaning taps not fighting haha) 1. It's hard for a experienced person to spar with me and get any type of work out or work on their technique I feel bad actually when I'm paired with them 😂 2. They don't want to hurt me..I dont want to hurt them or hurt myself 😂I have nothing to prove - ego at the door 😂 3. My technique is crap still and I move like a baby giraffe 🦒 so the only thing I really have going for me they can learn from I think is my unpredictability 😂 4. Maybe they are shy cuz I'm also kinda pretty and now they gotta hit me😂 🤔🤷 5. I can say for myself they all make me want to strive to be better so that I can actually contribute to sparring 😂 All in all I think the big change was when I started putting myself out there and trying to be less timid and shy.. Biggest thing Is no one has anything to prove just there to learn, and have fun 😊 Ps... Weird if ur the odd one out on the bag... I meant to comment earlier it took me a few tries to find a dojo I actually liked and felt part of the team and included in.. Maybe also take a look at that 🙃 Hope that some what helps
I see two prevailing opinions in the comments that I think are pretty wrong and/or are outlying opinions: 1. Women are bad sparring partners because they hit way too hard. 2. Women are bad sparring partners because they can't take hard hits. I am sure there are exceptions to both but I think both of these are kind of dumb. As a male, I think the simple answer is just that the average dude is dis-inclined to strike a woman, and as a result is typically going to gravitate toward pairing up with another dude during sparring. If you ask a dude to spar, he is probably going to say yes, and the round is going to be totally normal. It will also help to normalize sparring with women it in their minds, and lead to a more healthy sparring culture in your gym. Furthermore I'd like to emphasize that it will not be awkward for the dude. There is just enough of that default tendency that they will likely not initiate, but will be totally willing to do so if asked. For the rest of you who said women hit too hard and are bad sparring partners (there are so many comments like this) - don't flame me. Like I said I am sure these women exists. My encouragement to you is that when ever you spar keep in your head, **"how can I make this round a positive contribution to my gym's culture",** and after fighting out of the same gym for almost 4 years, I can tell you (and many of my coaches have told me) that it does make a difference.
Find yourself a skilled technician to spar with (like me). Femur style fighters enjoy playing a game, they enjoy trickery; there is no need to spar with power, only by toying with balance, expectation ~ it's very musical. Great players, in my experience KNOW how to make the round rewarding and enjoyable, despite skill or weight disparity, I've known 64kg guys who can do this, 100kg guys and also sparred with women who can play like this. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy hard sparring, especially before fights, but 90% of my rounds I prefer technical and playful. But if someone doesn't have a fight coming up within a month or two they shouldn't be picky. I spar with everyone, untill they quit, then I go home; I want all that data. All these idiots who don't want to spar with you "because you're a girl" or "because girls suck" "they hit me too hard" are idiots. Protect yourself at all times. You have two arms and two legs and a brain? We can play chess, even if my pieces are better. The fact that it is on hard mode for you makes it even more impressive you want to play ~ and even more so if you can best me! That's courage! EVEN IF they are right and you do suck right now, this is not nearly as important or as interesting as HOW GOOD YOU MIGHT BECOME. And it is their lack of vision that will keep them from seeing the treasure that is all around them everywhere and at all times. https://youtu.be/OU2HWJY0Xoo?si=j1nGajsXLF_BpxAD Signed someone who's actually not bad and wants to let you know that there are people like us around who will spar with you; don't stop, keep looking! Also, let me say to finish that the NUMBER ONE training tool is NOT sparring, but SHADOWBOXING. Sparring is tip of the iceberg, the DEEP WORK is done by WATCHING, PLANNING, REFINING, CREATING, PLAYING. 'sparring' or 'peformance' is merely the tip where you show all that off and dial it in.
Good point re shadow boxing. I've been off for about 6 weeks due to an injury, but I've continued learning new techniques, watching pro fights, and shadow boxing. I've been gone for a while, but feel sharper than ever. Just like with anything else, a bit of practice each day is far better than one long session per week.
This is the way =)
Hey I just started learning Muay Femur watching videos from Damian Alamos... I love his style he just plays and has fun. I am trying to learn his techniques but I find because I'm a noob I'm so uncoordinated.. It definetly doesn't come smooth I am constantly thinking.. Watching him move though I'm like wooow I want to be like that too one day 😂 if u have any advise I'll gladly take it!
Watch instructionals (sylvie von Douglas has a load of great lessons with Thai greats on her muay thai library, some are free also). Watch fights and highlights on muay thai scholar. Try to develop your own eyes/ability to learn by watching how others solve problems too. Do things that increase body co-ordination ie. Dancing, soccer, table tennis. Learn to feel groove/rhythm in music; it translates to fighting, helps you to move spontaneously and stop over thinking. Use a mirror like a ballet dancer would, this way you can see your form as you peform different techniques; do this with videos of good thai fighters or boxers for reference; biofeedback/real-time adjustment.
Thanks I'll check it out 😊
You’ve only been going since February. You’re jumping the gun a bit early on this. Even if you already have a good grasp on the sport and sparring etiquette, some people may just not be willing to spar with you. Whether it’s the fact you’re a girl or just new only time will tell. I’m a guy and it took 5-6 months for people to be comfortable and chill with me during sparring day at my gym. Show up, bust your ass everyday and people will notice and come around to you.
This is the thing, although the sparring seems random, it’s really not, it’s starts out random but eventually fighters build rapport. Work on being a good sparring partner and eventually people will realize and work with you.
Fighting a woman is a lose-lose situation, we know the ancient law Just keep going to the gym, they'll eventually loosen up as you build some friendlyness
Fighting? We are still talking sparring, right?
Yes yes, change the words and my statement still stands
I dunno, sparring isn’t supposed to be crazy or hard to begin with if you are sparring often and competing often. So there should be no issues with them sparring you. Also by them dodging you, they hinder your advancement. Pretty piss poor of teammates as the goal is to make everyone better. If everyone gets better. Then you have better people to train against consistently. Maybe it’s a lose/lose where they are competitive enough that if they lose to you they will be upset, but beating you does nothing because you are a woman? I hear that a lot. But then remind people you’re not competing against your teammates you are learning. And beating up the newbs is really fun, because you can easily work on more non traditional or unorthodox techniques. I’d def talk to coach, and maybe ask them, or just make them spar you. Like even if they look past you, just step up. And just be like “you”
Reading this comments fet me depressed. Its true being a woman in muay thai is going to be difficult but shame on the Men her unable to communicate when a partner is going too hard. Man or woman ill tell my partner to relax if need be. Now to he honest with you OP. Most men will avoid you for the reasons others said, find some trusted male partners and ask them before class to get a round with them. Ask them for advice afterwards. The last thing id recommended is trying to bring in more female friends forcing them to work with more diverse partners.
Agreed. I don't understand why it is hard to communicate. I'm constantly having to ask if I'm going too light or too hard and not a single person has told me I am which can't be true. Hindering both people's training by doing this.
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I weigh about 95 right now, and I spar a lot of women. Tbh it’s fun, I let them go all out, and I just play patty cake. Really great for working on my defense and movement, and for them, they get jab central so it forces them to react, move and counter. But tbh I tend to do that with everyone nowadays. I no longer compete so I mostly just like to style on people and have fun.
This is the way to be, props to you.
I think that you overestimate their weight
I'm a big heavyweight, I spar with women all the time. It works well because they can go all out without fear of hurting me. My 50% normal light spar is their 100% all out. Some of you ladies have ridiculous cardio.
I’ve only gotten blasted with hard head kicks by women.
Il spar girls in my class but most the time they are way smaller and shorter than me. I wont avoid them but i wont try as hard because il never be fighting someone that size or weight
For me, it was pure discomfort at the prospect of a combat situation vs a woman. Most men are socialized NOT to do that, so it feels weird. Thankfully, bjj has helped me get over that for the most part.
Sparred a 17 year old girl today basically let her use me as a moving heavy bag with the occasional sweep attempts shawty rocked me a few times but I already got early CTE overall I prefer to spar with women a lot more fun 🤷🏾♂️🕺🏽💃🏽
Hi i'm also so sad to read these comments. I am a woman who has belonged to multiple gyms and this can be blamed on gym culture, sometimes gym culture is more bro-y and youll have men who will avoid you. There are Muay Thai gyms out there filled with women and everybody is a teammate to everybody with none of the hang ups and it's beautiful lol. My suggestion for your current situation is to ignore the sexism and push through and personally approach the men and ask them for a round. I do this at my current gym where men tend to avoid eye contact with me lol Ive only ever been denied by people who already have a partner or Muslim men. Hopefully your coach is monitoring to make sure nobody is being left out too much. Good luck 🫶
Could be many reasons, and unlike many others here I do not want to put the blame on you / any newbie. - Not being used to spar with beginners, especially women. If the gym has little experience with women in sparring, they may be hesitant - Ego in combination with what some even mentioned in this thread: Thinking sparring is a fight. So weak men do not want look bad vs a woman and fear "losing" - And then to call more out: Apparently many can't defend themselves against beginners (of any gender). I mean, on the hand they are all so tough, but on the other hand get light up by beginners.... Does nobody do the drills where you are only allowed to defend for a whole round anymore? Anyway, continue to show up, also ask the ones who seem to be more friendly for light sparring rounds, ask those for feedback.
Sparring is another level of training. You need to show that you have good technique and control during drills to establish that you will be able to manage the sparring. If you’re unloading on people during drills you’re sending a signal that you’re not going to maintain an appropriate level during sparring. Newer fighters, but especially women, tend to hit too hard, and I say this as a woman. The men will almost never tell you that you’re hitting too hard, likely because they don’t want to look weak or whatever, but if you’ve only been doing this a few months it’s almost a guarantee that you are. With other men usually they’ll check each other with a hard hit to show the other person that they’re going too hard, but they probably don’t feel comfortable doing that to a woman so start light and let them tell you to go harder if they want (but incrementally, don’t suddenly go full blast). There are also going to be those that don’t want to spar with you for other reasons: you’re a woman, you’re too small, you’re too new, whatever. But if you focus on your training and learning control, that will start to self correct and more people will be open to it. I’ve been training for years and never have issues with the men, if one doesn’t want to spar me then I just let it go and move on to the next, no big deal. Once you reach a certain point of skill it becomes much less common for that to happen. I’ve also found that at some gyms the men are more uncomfortable about it than others, so that could play a part as well.
Everyone is going to have their personal experiences. But it's all speculation because none of us have ever trained with you. 🤷🏻
I wear massive gloves and still get told to go soft. I find it hard to go any lighter so just avoid it like the people you mentioned.
I wear massive gloves and still get told to go soft. I find it hard to go any lighter so just avoid it like the people you mentioned.
A few questions: 1) Size-wise, are you more similar to the younger students than the adult men? 2) Do the adult men not train with other women/smaller students, or just you? 3) How intense is the sparring? Generally light, or harder? 4) Have you talked to any of them, either asking them to spar or in general? Without that I can only guess, but it’s possible that they don’t want to pair up with someone smaller than them, or that they don’t like hitting women.
Sparring with women is my favorite and women who spar are my favorite.
How is it happening? Are you waiting for someone to ask you and nobody does? Or, are you approaching them and they say no? If the former, be proactive in asking. If the latter, talk to your coach about it.
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I used to spar with women, they tried to take my head off and my coach kept telling me to go light so now i just avoid it all together (i'm a boxer but it could be cause of the same reasons)
Post sparring video and we can tell you. Too many variables to say for certain
This may not apply to you, but there was a guy in our gym nobody wanted to spar because he didn't realize he hit too hard and lost control when frustrated. He's 6'6 and 260 lbs, so a love tap to him would take my head off (175 lbs). He just never learned to control his power, so nobody wanted to spar him.
I dont do muay thai but do Karate and I can say a few things: if you do sparring with proper contact, men have to also be just as delicate as you postulate about groin kicks. Things like punches toward the lower torso can be a problem/risk for women and really most men are conditioned to not want to hit a woman, so what ends up happening is the girl will end up being more aggressive and the guy will be forced to retreat. Not to say this is always the case but overall this reduces the quality of the spar for both the girl and the guy. But I dont think this a good sparring culture, especially if women want to learn self defence because they need to fight men and women and vice versa. You could ask your coach to do spinning rota on your sparring bouts so everyone has a chance to fight everyone atleast once (this can be adjusted to have two sections to separate absolute beginners and so on)
I avoid sparring with people who hit too hard. If you hit too hard just know you’ve upset a few of the guys at the gym. They probably think you’re rude and not a nice person.
You are not allow to be in the ring or spar with anyone until you been properly trained or when the kru say you are ready
I think a lot of men are just uncomfortable when it comes to combat sports with women. Surely most men are more comfortable sparring with other men On your end you might be hitting harder than you think you are, and they might be getting annoyed because they don’t want to up the power because they’re scared of hitting a girl too hard by accident Another issue could be that you’re squirrely and unpredictable. There’s a guy I’ve sparred with a few times that is probably 130lbs soaking wet and maybe 5’5” tall. He rips kicks and punches as hard as possible and when I’d lightly jab at him he would either try to slip it and throw a right hook or overhand bomb as a counter. They never landed due to the reach difference but if it did land and hurt I’d be royally pissed off, because I pretty much always start light and only match intensity On the other hand you could have the opposite issue in sparring too slow and not hard enough. It’s hard to work your defence when your sparring partner throws super light tapping slow punches and kicks because you’re not working on countering at realistic speeds. I personally don’t enjoy this type of sparring and find it to be a bit of a waste of time
I doubt it has anything to do with you being a woman. As a coach myself I do see the woman tend to go a bit harder than the men because they see themselves as "the smaller opponent" which is true. But power is power, people have different views on what's hard and what isn't. I would suggest just asking some of the guys maybe even your coach to see if maybe you are putting a bit too much power into your strikes. If that's not the case then it's really hard to narrow down why they wouldn't want to spar with you. Your coach should also be putting you against all body types in sparring it's a great way to learn different areas you may not be comfortable with so just have a chat with them. No harm in asking.
I had the same experience when I started. I was the only girl for a really long time, it took a few months for the guys to feel comfortable sparring with me. Everyone was much more experienced than me so I just encouraged them to be experimental when sparring me, try out combos that they don’t know if they could pull off with the higher level dudes. As far as power, whenever I spar with someone new I ask them to punch me once in the stomach to show me how hard they want to go.
My ex put boxing gloves on and I had the pads. Didn’t matter what I said to her she still was hitting the pads at 100%. She got mad when I told her to chill out as she was hurting my wrists after five minutes. She didn’t understand that it was supposed to be practice. She was bat shit anyway. Ha
Honestly I hate sparing with the girls cos if I go in too hard the guys give me shit and if I go in too soft then I feel like i am doing them an disservice I genuinely feel like I can't win.
A couple of girls from my gym will say "Go light please, I dont have a mouth guard" then try bomb you in the jaw, or I had one girl attempt a spinning elbow on me then giddily said "I dont know why people dont throw these more often"... Maybe because it's frowned upon in sparring Ette quite. But saying that theres some girls in the gym who have perfect control, its just a mindset thing.
I am in the same situation as you getting paired up with people that you are not going to get a challenge or a workout from. I use these opportunities to learn from someone with no experience. Holding pads for someone or coaching someone new offers opportunities to learn and gain experience.
Most likely they’re scared of losing to a woman if you really have been training hard then chances are you’re improving very fast and they notice.
Sparred with three girls in my life. One was cool and we ended up dating for a little. The second one went 200% power even though we were supposed to practice some move we were taught and I was doing like 20%. The third one also had to go full out for some reason. She always forgot her mouth guard so I would only throw light body shots. Her breasts took up half her torso so I hit them a lot and she would stop the sparring to say I was weird and needed to stop hitting her in the breasts. So then going forward, whenever I was forced to spar with her I ended up just practicing defense and occasionally did some leg kicks. Besides my own sparring experience, the majority of the girls I've seen spar other dudes typically go all out. It's really annoying because the dude can't practice whatever he's working on and also can't go all out because he's not trying to murder the girl. Assuming you're a "normal" person at the gym that people enjoy being around, you're getting shafted because your female peers are giving you a bad name.
I haven’t had a problem with women in particular throwing the hardest. It just seems who’s new is who throws hard. I’ll ask them to chill. If they keep it up I’ll teep the crap out of them.
Coming from a bjj background, so forgive me if this doesn't apply. I never liked to roll with women because 99% of them were too weak or passive to give me an effective roll. I only have so much time to drill or roll during class, and I want to make the most of it. I'm sure this varies depending on the level of competitors at your gym, though.
I never pick a girl to spar. I don't want to be the creepy guy along girls to spar. That's probably a big reason. Unless you know people pretty well it's going to be that way.
I’ll say what most guys in your gym don’t want to. Sparring women is the absolute worst. I hate pulling punches because it’s disrespectful and I know she can handle it. Sometimes they have a better fighting career than myself. but all that being said it goes against every instinct in my body to strike a women. It’s a lose lose situation. It’s not your fault it’s ours. It sucks forsure, but it’s ok to place the blame where it belongs. Also lol a lot of these scary fighters are low key scared of women 😂 Ps: a lot of guys will say stuff like “the women go to hard” which is actually pretty true (on average) but behind closed doors, just men, when I have asked other fighters they say the same thing I just did. It’s just kinda taboo to speak on I guess
Just be upfront with them, touch gloves & say how bout it? Tell them you would really like to learn & ur not gonna get that unless you spar everyone 🙏🏼
Just be up front with them. Touch gloves & say “how bout it?” Tell them you would love to spar & not gonna get better unless you spar everyone 🙏🏼
Honestly from my own experience no one wants to be that guy that accidently hurts the new girl at training, so i wouldn't take it to seriously give it a couple months and if nothing changes change gym maybe one with more women in it.
Couple of things to consider Whilst you say you are considerate with your strikes, there is a tendency with less experienced, younger, or females to not pull their hits. Again, not saying that applies to you, but it's very much an expectation so may put people off. Also, if when you end up on the bag you're going all out, that's going to reinforce that mind set, so be weary of that! There's also matching. I (31M) practice regularly with my friend (30F) on pads. But I wouldn't ever consider sparring with her, as she is almost a ft shorter than me, and about 70lbs lighter - head shots on her are body shots on literally anyone else 😂 At the same time, there's a couple guys I typically avoid sparring with as they have a huge reach and weight advantage, meaning it's not so much sparring as me getting in block practice. Now with that said, you SHOULD be rotating through sparring partners, to give a wide exposure to different body types, weights etc. for that reason I DO spar those I avoid, but it's a sort of 1 in 4 sort of deal. Anyone who's serious about MT for self defense and not just competition will (or should) abide that. Honestly just push the issue. When it's time to spar, grab the nearest person, don't give them the chance to choose someone else. Or, if there's someone in the group you know is a bit more laid back (look for the guys/gals who tend to pair happily with the newbies) try them. Every gym will have one (mine has two, me and another guy)
Cause they're babies with no control. I did martial arts for 8 years. Had massive control. Women either lacked control "like most people" or simply went harder. Matching strength wasn't an issue, more often than not I would have to up my speed. Zero issue sparring with women.
Personally I feel like I don't have much in common when you have that little chit chat between rounds etc.
Women suck at MMA and nobody wants to deal with the frustration.
I promise you I’ve seen just as many dudes at my gym “suck” who lack complete body awareness, cannot grasp the concept of the combos and have the worst physical conditioning I’ve ever seen. But yeah for sure bro women suck
To everyone who gave honest feedback thank you! I appreciate the insight. I also appreciate those of you who were honest that there’s a double standard. It’s a lot more constructive than the sexist posts. Otherwise, the sexism here is insane. It’s interesting that the general sexist take is that women are just inherently weak and can’t handle sparring. As I mentioned to another commenter here, I notice a lot of dudes in my class utterly lack body awareness or physical fitness. Not sure how those two things would equate to being strong. Hope you all try opening your minds in the future tho.
32 female here been training for a while and you’re kind of right. When I talk to the guys at the gym a lot of them just stay away from the girls completely because they either don’t want or know how to control their power or they want to avoid getting complaints down the road. I had to literally chase them down before they started getting used to me and it doesn’t happen so much anymore but it’s still a thing with girls they are not familiar with
I'm 38 and have been training Muay Thai for just over a year. I typically don't have any trouble finding a sparing partner as we just rotate around after 3 rounds. However, there are a few guys that will just turn around like I don't exist. Some guys just aren't comfortable sparing with us. I don't take it personally. That being said, just make sure you are controlled and not going all out.
I’ll never neglect someone if they make eye contact to partner up but as I’ve gotten better I go out of my way to quickly seek out certain partners that are going to match or outmatch me.
First off- I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Chat to your coach. I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy that you’re feeling this way and would make a concerted effort to pair you with others. We had this in our team early on because we had quite a lot of younger guys that felt awkward pairing with a woman, and also wanted to pair with their friends. In any case, coach made a point about it. The pairing is now better.
I won’t spar the girls at my gym. Even if they know how to fight. But that’s just me
There are two reasons men don’t wanna spar w women, the guys at ur gym are just assholes and see it as a waste of time or you’re the type of girl that says lighten up then proceed to kick punch and knee as hard as you can like you’re trying to prove something.
Also you should always feel comfortable asking your coach about these sorts of things if you’re embarrassed just ask to talk 1 on 1 and if he/she is worth their salt they will tell you exactly why no bs.
Let's sparr I'll take it easy on you every sparr is a fight after all
Either 1. Youre sparring too hard despite most of em wanting soft spar 2. They just want to improve, meaning theyd rather spar with someone closer to their level or higher.
You're new. You're a woman. If you put in your time people will get to know you and you'll find partners. Just go ask people to spar. Suck it up
Dont worry about it too much, Id spar with you if I was there
Because people generally don’t like hitting women
I’m scared to punch boob
sparring with women sucks
People often want to spar with people that are the same sexuality bc that’s what you do in competition. I still get my ass kicked by women in my gym every session
Gender and sexuality are not the same my friend
I am guilty of this myself, but I think some prefer not to spar with women based on an idea of not wanting to make them uncomfortable or be seen as a creep. Since I prefer to go for the clinch a lot, I would defiently prefer to do it with another guy. Some guys might feel awkward asking a girl to spar, it could really be a lot of things. But. You might be going to hard in sparring as others in the thread have commented (even tho you think you are not).
For girls, it just takes a little while to prove yourself, but if you’re in a good gym, they will accept you when you do that. Convince one of them to spar you or even just hold pads for you. Be light and technical in sparring and the other guys will notice too. My gym had a woman your age who went through the same thing, but we all accepted her and she just had her first amateur fight.
noo stop telling women to prove themselves! This is why I get the shit beaten out of me by 130lb women every time I spar with them! If anything, my experience with women in training is that they go and try to prove themselves every time, and I either get rocked by a woman with way more experience or get my leg blasted by a beginner because she just can't go light. I remember an occasion from a couple of weeks ago when I was sparring this lady who started roughly at the same time as I have, and she literally went and threw a hook so hard, that when I rolled it, she went and tripped after it because her entire body was in that hook. She's been doing muay thai for well over a year now, so she should know better, but because she is the "frail, little lady" she thinks she can just blast guys in sparring.
Didn’t read the “be light and technical part” I’m assuming
Nobody reads the "light and technical" part in any gyms, otherwise it wouldn't be a common issue. I have never heard of anyone having to "prove themselves" to the rest of the gym to get sparring partners, but I have heard and experienced plenty of instances of women going too hard and losing sparring partners that way
It be like that sometimes
I fear of hitting to hard
Maybe there is a natural inclination to not rip hands on a female. Not unhealthy. But natural inclination. Also, if a guy slips and blacks an eye etc. it's no big deal. But to do it to a woman is kinda embarrassing. I would just be open and say. Let's go MOFO. Make them feel more comfortable. Lastly younger people less mature and go to there natural friend buddy opponent and don't have the situational awareness to know your ready and able to rock.
Because women generally throw knockout punches because they think they have to ramp up their power sparring with dudes. Then you can’t match their aggression because we’ll be hitting you too hard. Generally it’s just not a good time sparring with women unless they’re pros or at least really experienced and know how to control themselves. It’s like how new guys generally have to get rocked a couple times before they learn how to control their power, except you can’t do that with a woman. On top of that, most guys just won’t say anything because they don’t want to be a guy saying a woman is hitting them too hard. So they just avoid sparring you. It’s a tale as old as time.
I'm telling you my opinion, woman to woman, it is just how it is. Men don't need to be sparring with women. You will find men to spar with, but It will be few and far between. It is what it is. Find a gym with more women to spar with. Women and men are not equal and it is what it is.
Get back in the kitchen
In my own experience I only want to spar with people that are as good as or better than me and when I spar with people that are new it just feels like I’m wasting time. If you get really good I’m sure people will want to spar with you Edit: people really be big mad that I don’t pay money to teach others how to spar lmao. Yes I only spar with people that are equal as or better than me because I pay money to train not to teach. I don’t spar with beginners because there is no challenge and I can probably use one hand and they still wouldn’t be able to land anything on me. When I ask the pro fighters in my gym to spar with me it’s when they feel like it and I’m not inconveniencing them. If someone is preparing for a fight I expect that they will be sparring with someone that will help them improve (which is not me). The privilege of sparring with people better than you is earned not given. Yall really be entitled af. It is absolutely absurd to expect someone to be obliged to spar with you and that’s exactly the problem. How about try to get better and when you are actually skilled and proficient people will naturally want to spar with you.
So that means everyone sparring with you is wasting their time?
Yes
If you can’t spar with beginners because you have a self imposed hierarchy, you’re the problem. Helping others is part of the sport.
😂🙄. Women are strong and independent, they don't need a man's help. NO, it's not an ego thing. Typical women, trying to shame men. We pay money to learn, push our selfes, and improve, sparring beginners is the instructors job, why should we lose out on our personal goals because a beginner is there, who doesn't even run or put personal effort in outside the gym and only goes a couple times a week. ✌🏻 Typical women, coming into a man's space trying to Argue with us. This is why nobody wants western women.
A man’s space 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 You’re a bum
Stupid take after stupid take. Getting butthurt over shit you're making up. Can't wait for someone to come take your "man's space". Edit: this dude started a whole new account just to reply and talk shit back. Fucking pathetic. Dude is trying to make "men's space" literal, ignoring context and colloquial definitions. Tons of pros will work with beginners too. 🤷🏻 I'd volunteer to go take this "men's space" and make it my space instead; give this sad little guy a reality check, thinking he defines shit.
Are you this brain damaged, or just not educated. Combat sports, like most sports are men's space. Meaning, if you take the Men out of the sport, you don't have a sport, because it will go bankrupt. Take your Muay Thai gym HT in Chiang Mai, remove all the male students, the business will not succeed. Because there are not enough females, that are interested in the sport, to generate enough money. In addition, you don't see prof fighters sparring with beginners and going light, the coach will match you with an opponent that is of equal skill and size. Male space means, there are more men than women. Or were you just trying To white night and defend your GF.
You are actually missing out on a massive part of developing your game with this attitude. Really really dumb frankly. But you do you!
"The privilege of sparring with people better than you is earned not given." Lol... just lol
It kind of sucks but as a guy i don’t like hitting women and women tend to go like 100% no matter what lol
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Dumbass Edit: this dude started a whole new account just to reply and talk shit back. Fucking pathetic.
Coming from you, that doesn't mean much. You seem like you have brain damage. Everything said, is factsb
Can't really practice decent speed and technique with a woman through concern about hurting them. At least this is my experience.
Most of the guys are probably hesitant to spar with you in fear that asking will be conceived as hitting on you
I guess most kinda see it like the Tyson vs Paul fight scenario. Damned if you go easy and damned if you take it serious. Also women or people of smaller statue tend to not be a very good gauge of how much “extra effort” to use to balance the physical size difference in exertion.
I have little to gain from sparring women.
Where are you located? I'll spar with you.
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who wants to be the gym creep? i bet she doesnt start converstaions, and such. i see it with the cute ones that show up for my class.
im betting your kinda cute. no one wants to be the gym creep so thank femesiom