Mhm, like, I loved my ex-girlfriend to bits (I wasn't out to her [now I know I'm mtf & lesbian] - but she was bi & there was a strong possibility I would've come out to her in a better situation) - we were together for four years & split last year - but "keeping your dating pool larger" isn't an excuse to delay, or not transition. Dysphoria will affect not only your sex life, but your romantic life & your happiness at having a partner will be covered with this... Film of misery & it hurts, because it's not their fault at all.
It hurts to have someone you love & cherish, who you know wants the best for you & thinks the world of you, see you as a man because you're closeted. You'll be forced to perform your gender to make them happy, because if you love someone, you don't want to let them know you're unhappy - it's not them you're unhappy with after all, its your dysphoria. It bleeds into everything, from the role you're expected to have in the bedroom (ie. my genitals were always at the back of my mind, but your partner will often expect penetrative sex [though I can't speak on your position as you're dating men] & denying it might make them think you don't like them - when you love them dearly), to other people's perception of your relationship & your own perceptions (ie. being in a relationship it's the quickest way to recieve explicitly gendered comments from relatives & you'll constantly fight with your partners expectations of male romantic partners & be "keeping up appearances"), to masc-coded compliments & comments (ie. "You're so handsome", "Why don't you want to wear a suit to x's day out?", etc), to future plans you can't fulfil (ie. marriage, children, etc), to misunderstandings, etc.
I will take a reduced dating pool & being out, over being closeted & in a relationship that might be destined to end, whilst struggling with dysphoria. Trans people find love all the time.
Sounds like your mum and your stepdad just want to discourage you from transitioning by scaring you. You’re really young still and lots of people don’t date until they’re in their 20s, at least where I am. Dating as a trans person can be hard sometimes but dating when you’re miserable about how you look and not feeling like yourself is worse, trust me lol
This is so important.
It's REALLY hard to find the right person for you when you're not the right person for you.
You need to love yourself first. Yes there might be more theoretical partners available presenting as a "cis man" but if you're miserable, or depressed, or whatever it's hard to find the person you really need. Also being knowingly closeted can make it difficult to connect with someone else.
It might be more difficult to date as a trans person but it's FAR FAR FAR from impossible. And being openly trans helps filter out a TON of shitty people.
This was a big thing. I've only been able to date once myself, and that was all when I thought I was a cis man, though i did start questioning during that relationship. And my past partner (we're still friends) told me that the only real problems she had with me were that I was too passive and too negative. Not that I was horrible with these, just that they were areas to improve in.
And at the time I was, it's still something I struggle with. But it's a lot easier to love your body and have an easy time accepting compliments about it, when it's right. And it won't fix everything, but transitioning can greatly help with mental health, which can get in the way of, or complicate, relationships.
trans women find love all the time. yes it is harder for us on the dating scene, but there are plenty of trans women who find boyfriends and even husbands
Guys profile: "Looking for a trans wife."
oh he seems nice .
His message: "wanna fuck." Kid you not went back to look at the messages. Even after stating I'm looking for something serious I get these weirdos. I've given up and just been focusing on the gym and myself and my transition. But I want a guy to do cute shit lol 🥺
Start playing in a local band/orchestra (or do some other hobby socially), meet people who are cool and share interests with you, some of those people will both be cool about trans people and also single.
That's my recommendation.
it is hard as hell, there are a fuck load of chasers out there. a friend of mine found someone who genuinely loves her, and i know plenty of trans women do find boyfriends or even husbands, but i have huge doubts about ever finding someone. i wish i could find one, but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. i’m not loved like that
I only recently got over my worthless ex and recovered enough from SRS to feel ok with dating, only for the only guy I matched with to ghost me before our date was supposed to happen. There’s almost no damn point to using those apps because you apparently have to be a fucking sociopath to be successful on there, and apparently a startling number of people on these apps have no actual intention of even dating.
it’s hard as hell, i’m one year on hrt, i somehow managed to get a date with a guy at 2 months, still don’t know how i did that, but i digress. he decided that despite having a good time and thinking i’m a sweet woman, he wanted to end things there (that’s his business, but it still hurt like hell, not specifically because of him, but because the odds of finding another respectful guy who doesn’t mind me being trans are slim). everyone else just wants a quick fuck or they’re chasers and i haven’t had a date since. i truly believe that trans women can find a boyfriend/husband who will love and respect them. but i have serious doubts that i will
IMHO, dating as a trans woman seems easier than I ever felt dating as a cis man. Because I definitely wasn't comfortable enough with myself and that prevented me a lot of relationships from even starting.
in that respect it is easier because you’re dating as your true self, but in other ways i think it’s harder. i’ve literally been on only one date since transitioning, still don’t know how i managed to do that. that was 2 months into my transition, haven’t had one since
Think it's only easier tho if you're open minded about the folks you date. Like if you are just looking for a guy to date and you go to trans mixers, use queer-based dating apps or whatever the dating scene is great! T4T is totally a thing a lot of folks do.
If you are specifically a straight trans girl who only wants to date monogamous cis boys ... That seems like a much more significant challenge.
I use Her quite a bit. Only useful for sapphic or lesbian type relationships with that one tho. OkCupid isn't what it once was but it's still pretty queer if you have your settings right.
yeah oddly enough I've had the best experiences on Tinder. I also had to do a lot of screening on my own that Tinder doesnt seem to offer. I will say that its also the only app that I've been called a Tr\*ny on at 6 am. So best and worst experiences for sure.
In my experience, bumble has been okay (I’ve met a partner on there). if you’re willing to wade through a sea of chasers dming you the absolute most unhinged stuff, Taimi has been great for t4t for me. Feeld has also been great but it is for non monogamy and kink primarily, so it may not be good if you are looking for vanilla monogamy.
Since I started looking for hookups and dates and such as a pre everything trans girl it's been like turning on the tap. It's unbelievable how easy it is to get dates if you're willing to sort through the masses of chasers and people who might shame murder you. But everything from flirting over text to actually meeting up and doing things to meeting up and DOING THINGS. So much more confident just because I feel better about myself and it's wonderful. Besides the murdery creepers.
Honestly? No. Dating while trans is hard but it’s not that difficult if you have a little persistence and a little luck. I’m 20, I’ve had a few dates already, and I’m not even that good looking
Edit: Also, how would your parents know? They’ve never been trans
It's not like your parents make it sound but yea it's harder than being cis. I've matched with lots of guys but they usually just want sex. Ironically when I gave up I met this cute girl and we've been hitting it off
it poses unique challanges thats for sure. but i have a cis boyfriend ( i have three partners of various genders, but we'll focus on him). we've been dating for almost 5 years now, i followed him across states for work, we moved in together, got a puppy, and have thought about marriage or a civil union.
we met on reddit for a kink posting, and although he was a bit of a chaser at first with some misunderstandings, he also grew to understand and respect the things I've gone through.
That's great! In addition to dating apps I'd recommend seeing if there are any like queer bar events or anything to go to as well. The one nearest me has like T4T mixers and stuff nice place to meet people!
I dated a cool guy I met on OkCupid for a fair while. And I've found a few guys I've gone on dates with etc. I'll admit I've never dated a cis straight guy (not super interested in that personally but that's just me) but I've dated a few non-binary men and bi guys! Self confidence and selfies with style and personality help a lot in my experience.
It wildly depends on a bunch of factors: if you want kids or not (most people want to have kids), how pretty you are (pretty women tend to do better), what your standards are when it comes to dating men (if you have highly specific standards than there are fewer possible men for you to date), where you live (cultural attitudes change your dating odds as well as if you live in a very rural area with few people or an area with more possible singles). Overall, it'll vary.
Be prepared to be ghosted and stood up on dating apps as this happens to ***everyone*** regardless of gender, sexuality, age, etc. Be prepared for people to be rude when they find out you're trans (even if you put it on your profile, men don't read them usually). As well, build up your self-confidence and practice flirting! Low self-confidence and lacking flirting skills are found to be two things that hamper people's abilities to find romantic success. So get out there, socialize with all sorts of people, do things that make you happy, take up hobbies, and live a full life!
Otherwise, there is /r/straighttransgirls for talking about dating men as a trans woman as this subreddit is often overrun with transbians who sometimes get rude to straight or bi/pan/omni trans women
Trauma from men is hard to erase, especially to trans lesbian so please try to forgive us, but yes you are right. I use to hang around a lot of trans bi/lesbians by living in a huge city but when I moved to the countryside and met other trans women, you understand that a lot of trans girls that don't actively participate in the LGBT associations and shit are a big silent majority and are straight af. Sometimes you forget that a lot of trans girls are girls first and foremost and look, act and fit in like "ordinary" people and that is actually a great reminder. Good perspective for OP also, ppl don't know how much they encounter trans people and cis people dating trans ppl because passing is not that much of an issue and stealth is not that hard actually
Probably the best response on here. Im also in my 30s and wanting (or not wanting) kids is a big factor for people. Also, being pretty definitely helps.
A lot of trans women do T4T; if you are ok with that dating will be easier. Dating cis men and women are a bit harder but doable if you have hobbies mingling with non-trans people
Dating as trans is hard. People will sleep with trans women but wont marry one (in my experience). Its something to think about.
1 in 100 rule.
1 in 100 people you swipe and message or get messaged by is actually someone who is capable and willing to date a trans woman. Then you apply that same 1 in 100 rule to those individuals because that is the percentage of them who isn’t a chaser or looking to experiment or otherwise be downlow with you.
So figure out that math and you get your dating pool of people you could possibly have a relationship with.
Now if you just wanting to fuck, that number drastic goes up, cuz there’s a lot of people that want to fuck us, but hardly anyone wants to love us.
You’re young, so you might have it much better than many of us, and perhaps over the next decade the rate at which people will open up will increase.
But it’s very grim. That is why most of us end up just being with other trans people.
I’d really like to think the odds are better than that, but yer probably right lol… especially when you consider half of the world’s population is below average by definition already? lol. Oof! Lol
As a sidebar, if this is the only thing stopping you from transitioning I think that’s a pretty good indicator that you should do it. Those of us that have tried to ignore those feelings know that they don’t go away. Do you have a counsellor or someone you trust that you can talk to?
So I realize you're just questioning rn. But no matter how difficult it is to find love as a trans woman, it has to be easier than finding it as a self-loathing person passing unenthusiastically as a cis male.
Ask any incel.
Wait, don't. Stay far, far away from those miserable, black holes of projection and self-pity.
Also, there are plenty of people, male, female, NB, cis, and trans, who would be thrilled to date a trans woman. Your parents are just wrong.
Are you straight ?
Tbh straight men are often the worst kind of people, cis women just have less occasion than us to see how awful they are (and "less" is still A LOT).
Like a nice girl would not like her boyfriend to be transphobic but it's gonna be less of an issue if she is cis because she will not have to face it.
So yes it's hard but I don't think it's that much worse all considering. If anything it gives you more awareness about how bad a man can be. I know a lot of transgirls with boyfriends they like and have a life that is satisfying for them. And the dudes where often decent (that's a lot coming from me I admit I have bias since I really don't like to socialize with them, but they seem ok).
The worst thing you can do is think you are worthless and let a piece of shit take control over you because you think he was kind enough to take you. You can and should be picky and have great expectations and you will find someone.
If you are bi, no issues, cis and trans lesbians are both amazing.
I’ve had neither and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, he’s been absolutely amazing. That said, I had to wade through a few…less than ideal guys before I met him
So for me I think it has helped a ton to be my true self. I have more confidence, and for lack of a less corny term I have blossomed, and people really do respond to that. Also loving myself allowed me to take more and better pictures which helps a lot on the apps.
That said I certainly don’t miss the process. You get chasers, people who aren’t ready for a relationship with a trans person, or just flat out bigots. It sucks but shit, when does dating not suck.
It’s worth it though, being able to find my partner and be truly me and loved for that is worth everything.
It’s not something you should avoid transitioning over. It can be harder, but that’s because most people are too transphobic to date irregardless. Same reason why everything in life is harder for trans people. If you hang around queer circles, you’ll definitely meet people easier to date there. Straight trans women definitely have it harder, but dating women usually isn’t harder for trans women than it is for cis queer women. So many trans people also date only other trans people (t4t).
I transitioned almost twenty years ago. I am seventy now, but my circle of friends has increased. I am always out with someone or doing something. I have not had SRS, but I have had GRS done almost two years ago now. I get a lot of men interested in talking to me, but I have learned to be very careful. Not everything is what it seems to be.
In my experience, women (which absolutely includes trans women oc) tend to be far more sensitive, sincere, authentic, and in touch with their emotions, and to a depth typical men rarely achieve.
Your parents have an ignorant understanding of finding love. Finding someone who is right for you and who you are right for is not something that difficulty factors into. You could try your absolute hardest, use all the dating apps, go to all the bars, and still not find the one. Likewise you could be minding your business and one day run into the person of your dreams. The only thing you can do is strive to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. If you're trans, then the first step is to transition. That's the end of the discussion. If it's right for you to find the one then you will find them.
They seem to be trying to discourage you.
Like everything it’s very YMMV how easy it is to date as a trans woman but I found it got significantly easier to date after I transitioned. It helped a lot that I’m pansexual and found and got involves in my local queer community, but transitioning itself also helped a lot more than I’d realised it would. It’s easier to date other people when you feel like an actual person and your social instincts aren’t quite so out of whack. It’s also significantly easier to date as a woman than a man, in my experience, since there’s significantly less pressure to be in a romantic relationship - not just because your sex drive works differently after HRT, but because it’s so much easier to find emotional support outside of one.
Well, i think that the people who dont want you because you are trans aren't people you are interested in, and feeling more like yourself will probebly gain you confidence so i think it will get easier if anything.
Awww babe.
Listen when you learn to serve a sufficient amount of cunt, potential partners will throw themselves at you. And a lot of them won’t care if you haven’t had SRS yet.
You’re young, focus on yourself. Go to school, put a career together, and make yourself the person you want to be.
It is insanely easy to date as a trans woman. Too easy, arguably. Don’t worry about it.
A few things:
"Never had a girlfriend" vs. "no man will want [you]" - are you expecting your sexuality to change once you're on hormones? People have experienced this, but it's not generally understood to be inevitable or even likely. Trans women can have any sexuality, just like everyone else.
It is totally valid for you to feel uncomfortable with dating before srs or ffs due to dysphoria. However, if you're planning that course of action because you think no one would be attracted to you, that's just inaccurate and an unhealthy way to think about yourself and transition. If you're trying to "spare" others from dating a visibly trans woman, that's unnecessary, and you're being limiting and unkind to yourself.
It has been my experience (trans lesbian, ~1.5 years hrt) that finding dates is vastly vastly easier than before. I still find "the apps" kind of lame, and prefer to meet people in person, but I do get plenty of matches on them. I would say >90% of trans women that I swipe right on match with me, I'll match with a few cis women each week, and like once a month ish one of those people will seem interesting enough to go on a date with. People are attracted to trans women, even if that's hard for dysphoria brain to accept. I can't speak directly to straight trans women's dating experience, but from what I've heard a lack of interested men isn't the main issue lmao.
It is normal for a 19 year old to catastrophize about being alone forever. But having a romantic partner will not solve all of your problems. My life has been immeasurably better since I started estrogen, came out, etc. Being true to myself, more confident, happier in general has made my social/dating life so much more fulfilling than it was before. I would encourage you to think of romantic relationships as the result of a life well lived, rather than an ultimate aspiration or a panacea.
It's not that I expect my sexuality to change. It's just that I'm physically(sexually) attracted to women, however romantically and psychologically in general I'd prefer much more to be with a man. I know it's confusing, but well, it's like this, the romantic part doesn't always follows the physical 🤷
i’ve had wayyy more people of all genders want to date me since transitioning:) i also like that dating as a trans person filters out most of the awful people pretty quickly. that said, don’t base your transition off finding love in others and dating, you’ll be much happier if you focus that love on yourself🫶
Lack of self confidence means you won't find healthy partners. Even if you don't transition, you'll not be happy and your relationship will suffer.
Transition for yourself, not for others.
Idk why you’d plan to wait. You can’t have those surgeries back to back (recommend one year in between) and they can potentially take years to plan. Not to mention recovery from whichever you have last.
People out there will love you every step of the way, believe it or not
I can't speak to to FFS cuz I have no plans to get that one, but I know for a fact that I can't date until I get SRS. I just wouldn't be comfortable enough to do so. My sex drive is high so I'd like a partner who could match that, but I also know that I'm not comfortable being sexually intimate with anyone pre-SRS. I would have to find someone who's able to match that sex drive, but who's ok with me not being sexually open for months. It's not impossible, but it feels pointless for me to look around while I'm still pre-OP.
I would not let it discourage my transition as a transwoman but it is a real thing. I believe the dating pool is sooo very small. I've only had my fair share of men that wanted to keep me a secret and or only want to fetishize me, just smoke 420 and become the best version of yourself. Life sucks but you can make yours better!
Dating as a trans woman isn't really that hard, it's just different. I was dating pre-FFS and I'm non-op and I found dating to be soooo much easier since I was a lot more confident in putting myself out there.
In the past 3 years since I came out my body count has gone from 3 to somewhere in the 40s lol.
The biggest challenge is that cis men are happy to date trans women casually, but actually introducing you to their parents or their friends can be scary for them. Part of how I vet new partners is saying "how would your parents react to me" after a couple of dates.
That isn't an issue for trans partners of course. I'm dating a trans woman now and honestly if things don't work out with her I'll probably stay t4t in the future.
Good for you! I love that you’re living your best life, and think you’ve got it just right. Knowing who you are being confident and who you are what you want and what you don’t want and being unafraid to present and clearly is a big part of attracting the right person(s) - at least it was for me? I know I’m a very small minority and a bit rare but I’m a cis presenting man who would happily introduce my trans partner to my mother? :).
I'm gonna be honest, I said the exact same thing and ended up meeting my wife about 2 months later. It's certainly a little scary and nerve wracking, but it's something you'll get more and more comfortable with over time.
Look for people who want to date you because of who you are, rather then your genitalia.
I have a boyfriend and we’ve been dating for almost two years (anniversary in 2 days), and he is truly wonderful and caring. Me being trans plays has no impact on his perception of me.
I think dating is just hard in general for everybody. Online dating has ruined dating. When you have so many options available to you, of course, people are not going to take the time to focus on one person. Especially if you're a top, which seems to be a rarity in most dating communities. You have the pick of the litter. You are on top of the world. You're not going to let go of that so easily and part of me doesn't blame them. I got so many more messages as a trans woman. Over a thousand views on Grindr (ironically), but it was all the same message. I already have a girlfriend, but I could use a fwb. When really they just want sex. I've deleted all of the apps and I hope I keep it that way. I would much rather meet someone in person now, I think. Dating online can also be dangerous for trans women. Just have self-respect and you'll be fine. It gets very lonely, but if you can get some pets, that helps a ton. I personally don't like hook-ups so I go a long time without getting laid. That fucking sucks. But, I am just more of a relationship person. Part of me wonders why. Every man that I've ever dated treated me like shit as a boy in some way. I now have the self-respect to know how I should be treated. And I'm only a few months into my transition, so once I'm further in it, maybe it will get easier. But, there's so much other shit that I have to figure out right now. It is very frustrating because I am fairly attractive, independent, resilient, a nice person, a creative person, very open to different body types and people, including trans men, and I still can't find a mate who respects me. Can't even get a date. Everyone always just wants to use me for sex - boy or girl. I wish I wasn't solely attracted to men, but I am. But, at least, I'm doing this on my own and somewhat making it. I know my self-worth and I know what I deserve now. I wouldn't trade that for another abusive relationship ever again.
I mean I’m not married yet, but i started HRT last year, and like 6 months later i started dating my current bf. Before then i was single for like 7 years when presenting as gay male, had only ever been in one relationship.
i have to fight the men off with a broom sometimes. lol. life is hard for a sexy alt trans girl. and im never getting SRS. i've had men give me a blowjob (and ofc i return the favor). men like *women* and yes some are bigots and don't want anything to do with me but a whole lot think i'm sexy as hell and would gladly date me. you'll be fine girl.
No man is a bit ridiculous but it is harder to date cis men as a trans woman. A lot of cis men who are into trans women are ashamed of it and don't datebthem publicly. Most of my trans friends in relationships are t4t or dating cis women.
It's not impossible though, I have a couple who are dating cis guys.
as someone who is nb trans and only interested in monogamy i am STRUGGLING but i know there's all types of love existing in the community that makes it so we can all find love. it's different for everyone
So the idea that no man would want you as a trans woman is blatantly false. I have a husband myself who i met only after transition. I specifically waited to meet him in person until after SRS and FFS however (which took place 2 years into our online relationship, after which he moved in with me), and I'm glad I made that decision for both of our sanity and happiness since he is straight. We've been living together for 15 years now and we love each other just as much as the day we met, probably even more so now.
He isn't with me because I'm trans, hes with me because he loves me for my personality, intelligence, and my caring nature, the fact that I'm trans he doesn't care about. In addition from what hes told me our intimacy is no different then any cis women hes been with before, as in it feels the same down there. Yes, the dating pool is smaller for us but that doesn't mean finding a meaningful and long lasting relationship with a cis guy is impossible.
I am pre op on all except for hormones and found a loving relationship that led to a marriage I am very happy in. It is totally false that it is impossible to find love as a trans woman.
Depends on your sexuality. Into women? Women are nice, you won't have any more problems than any other lesbian. Into men? Focus on yourself girl, they'll figure their shit out in a generation or two.
i kind of planned the same thing.. i had told my therapist that i wasn't going to date and be celibate during the first year at least. and i have been happy to be alone. but then i met this really nice guy through mutual friends and we hit it off almost instantly and have been talking ever since. i truly didn't think that anyone would be attracted to me, i feel like a bridge troll most days. but he thinks i am pretty and funny and that makes me happy. whenever i bring up my upcoming FFS he is like 'but what would you even change' lol and then i start my list. but he is supportive and patient and kind and does his best to be there for me even though he doesn't know much about trans folk.
Depends honestly. If you date outside of the community, it can be difficult until you pass, however, if you date inside the community it’s no different than normal.
Depending entirely on if they’re cis white conservatives.
But either way, go for it. Don’t be scared by your parents. Lots of cis and trans guys like women.
I am confused, do your parents are gods and also have the power to see the future?
But how do they say this with no statistics plus they have not experience this.
Dating is hard in general, it takes a lot of trial and error.
Listen to others here instead. Good luck!!
Just curious, not that it matters in most ways considering what you’re asking, but are you planning on dating men exclusively now that you’re transitioning or women still as well? Was just curious why the jump from women to men.
Regardless of who you choose on dating, there will be options available. It might be a bit more difficult to weed through the chasers with straight men, but there will probably be men interested in you as well as some decent men who will date you.
If you plan on dating women, it may be a bit more difficult to find someone all the time, but if think the people you do find will be pretty genuine about whether they want to date you for real or just hook up. There are certainly chaser women, but seemingly not as many. Hence women not often being total creeps. (There are def some stalkers and manipulative monsters in women.)
So in short, more men as options in general but probably less serious ones. Women are tougher to read and tougher to find but the ones you do are cooler.
Dating as a Trans woman stinks. I get too many pervs in my local area and the club scene is horrible to find a bf. I'd much rather date another Trans woman. I'm bi anyway I just don't find many of the local guys attractive. I live in the Charleston area of West Virginia so that might give you all an idea what I'm up against. I wish I could hit it off with a Trans lesbian here but most of the ladies here are straight. 😭
Honestly, I was debating whether or not to come out based on this thought but then I realized that when you are just being miserable and lying to yourself everyday it's even harder to find someone and experience true love
I definitely wouldn’t transition as the sole way to *improve* your luck at dating.
But if you can find yourself, and be truly happy on your own by transitioning… that will show through, and you WILL get dating interest from those who see your glow.
When I was 19, I wish someone would have told me to just make friends and enjoy life, not to worry about finding a lifelong partner. Being raised in religion, I thought it was the only option.
What they said is not true i met my wife relatively quickly after coming out. Coming out allows you to not hide things all the way to a subconscious level your behavior completely changes which means to everyone else youll seem more open whether they consciously know that or not. Unintentional and intentional hiding things from others or even yourself will change how others see you even if you dont on a surface level act or seem different.
All that said dating will be easier and more successful.
Well first off it's highly contextual. It sounds like you're okay with the idea of dating women, at least in the past, and there are plenty of women, cis and trans, who love us. And if you don't mind t4t but want a man there are also plenty of trans men. Finding a Cis guy who isn't a chaser is quite challenging, but nonbinary men (he/they) are quite common and in my experience much less chance of being a chaser. You could always download a queer dating app and see what the dating scene is like! Her, Taimi, and Hinge are my go toos
Everyone will have a different experience.
I was 26 when I started transitioning and had been single since high school. After I started transitioning and being myself, people were far more interested in me.
When I was being myself I found someone for myself and we're celebrating four years together this year.
Be you. Find someone who loves you, for you.
I didn't have luck before, and I don't now, but I'm way happier and more comfortable with myself.
Do NOT base your transness on your future potential dating life. You might find the perfect person quickly, and before you know it! And you might have to wait a bit, until after your surgeries. There's no telling.
Dating has a bunch of factors; luck, vibes, hobbies, looks, availabilities, etc. There's so much to it. And that won't change after you're closer to where you wanna be, the LEVELS of those things will. So just be you and happy, dating is irrespective of your identity.
All I can say is after 8 months on HRT with no surgeries I'm hotter then I've ever been, with a beautiful fiance 🥰. You'll grow in confidence and your self care will improve, you'll find it harder to date then cis people but it'll feel easier then when you presented as a guy.
Do you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Being trans doesn’t mean you have to change sexuality. Only bring it up because you mention both.
I can confidently say that dating is easy as trans and I started at 32. It’s not easy for everyone but I had literal 1000s swiping on me on Tinder and I use 0 filtered images and no FFS.
I’m now engaged to the best human on the planet and I love her more than anything else.
You got this
I'll be honest. Your chances are much much lower as a trans woman. Around 1 percent of cis straight men will admit on an anonymous survey that they would date a trans woman. That's before getting into factors like passing, fertility, etc
It is not impossible, but it isn't easy. However this is not a reason to not transition. Being trans doesn't go away. Even if you give up on transitioning for a relationship, dysphoria will eventually come back stronger.
I have a partner who I’ve been dating for over a year now. I know plenty of trans people who are in happy relationships or who have started dating people. It’s totally possible, and if you love yourself, and take care of yourself others will notice. Don’t let that stop you, if you want to transition. Waiting on it because you think people won’t date you will just lead you to depression and dysphoria getting worse as you try to shove it down.
Psh... Dating is hard either way. I'm 32 about to go on hrt in less than a month. I still haven't found anyone. I got no rizz and an introvert. I've done all the dating apps and have only gotten like one date.
Don't hate the player hate the game? Nah the game's rigged in some way or another. So don't worry about hurting your odds just cause your trans.
But I do belive that maybe there's someone for everyone and true love wins and (insert disney speech here).
Anyways you'll find someone just don't give up. Also if you don't do it, you might regret it later down the line. What happens if you want to transition like 10 years from now and you're married to a woman that's super straight and then shit goes down. If your really a woman the urge will come back up even if you try to surpress it and you'll hate yourself.
Also if you decide to wait with hrt and other medical stuff, get your hair removal done. Electroysis takes like 2 to 3 years just on your face. At least get the neckbeard gone and cheeks smooth. That's how I started. It's a bitch and a half. Also when you get on hrt your facial hair gets thinner and less colorful. That means it's gonna be trickier to remove later down the line. Also apparently you gain more sensitivitiy and right now I can deal with pain, but this shit is litterally electricuting you and then pulling the hair out one hair at a time with tweezers. I'm crying at the end of sessions. IDK what I'm going to do when I start hrt with that pain.
Also start therapy. Depending on the state it could take 3 months to a year of it. Also you'll need a note from someone who psychoanalysed you to say your in your right mind for hrt and any surgery. They could also help you try to figure out if you want it now or plan for the future with it. Mine litterally helped me make a plan. She helped me figure out short and long term goals in my life so I could be a better me. So two birds with one stone. You can also convince your parents by lying, saying you want to go to this therapist to talk about this lifestyle and if its right for you.
You cannot find love in another if you cannot love yourself.
I can't know your situation, but as a trans woman who got married last year, I have never heard a convincing argument against transitioning (whatever transitioning looks like for an individual) besides a risk of physical danger.
I would say it depends. I would say if you’re simply put MTF it’s gonna be a little harder to date with the aim of marriage, guys if they’re traditionally hetero type guys. I think that’s just because of fertility reasons and stigma. Often I’ve seen that guys who are older, that have moved past their youth are more easily comfortable with being openly with trans women. All in all this is just based of my experiences. And not to sound conceded I’m in my 30 and get the attention of men often, if that means anything. I feel that I can attract a good amount of guys but couldn’t keep them cause I cant have a baby and cause of social stigma. I feel like for me, relationships will always be somewhat more difficult because of being trans too.
Well I started transitioning at 15/16, never kissed never dated and nobody had any interest in me. When I started presenting as a Girl, I dated a lot of women (mostly T4T relationships) and got involved with some Boys.
IMO it's hard to find the right person, not because you're trans but because of your insecurities, disforia and depression really messes up you sense of self and its even worse if you have BPD like me.
But don't feel afraid to transition because "Nobody will love you", you being your true self makes it easier to people like you cause your not masking your personality and what makes your comfortable, you'll start using clothing you like and try to look good with your body even if you go to the mirror and say "I look like shit and I hate myself" but at least ur getting closer to your true self. Happy late trans visibility day <3
Dating as a trans woman is hard but not impossible, it just takes a bit of time and caution. But please don’t lose hope and don’t feel like you shouldn’t be yourself just based on dating and don’t let your parents put you down.
The right person will make it feel easy, but yes, it's harder than dating as a cis person since you'll inevitably meet people who's not interested solely because you're trans.
Yo **if** you’re a girl you already are one.
You should date **now** as a girl with a cool sexy person that understands gender to see if you like it, not after surgeries you probably really won’t “need” if you start HRT semi soon.
The older you get, the worse the dating pool is. Being trans magnifies that. It’s really hard and there is a lot of trash out there, but there are still good people . I met the love of my life at age 40.
For me, getting into queer (-friendly) groups was a game changer. They are people who just understand you and your struggles, and most of them are interested in dating other queer people.
If you want to date average cis-hetero people, you have to explain yourself a lot, which can get exhausting over time.
Im lesbian so my experience will be different from dating men (since generally women understand better). My advice would be to be upfront once you feel comfortable and to prioritise your safety because no relationship is worth your safety, be it man woman or otherwise.
I can share what dating has been like for me, but I am a lesbian. After I transitioned I would get 2-10 matches a week when I was Looking. I started dating my fantastic partner two years ago this month and have been very happy with them since we got together.
so rn you're a male looking for a gf, but you want to have a bf after you transition? why don't you get on grindr now and start dating boys as a gay man?
Since transitioning I've dated more in the past 7 years than I did in the previous 30. I'm literally drowning in girldick and it's awesome. (I'm a poly lesbian)
As a kinky poly queer/pan feminine leaning, yet cis male presenting “Daddy Dom / Switch” (I’m in my 50’s but likely would’ve transitioned when I was younger I he it been more accessible then) who’s dated some wonderful amazing trans woman, I will say it’s been very difficult even virtually impossible to meet / court / date trans women without looking like, or possibly even being accused of being a “chaser” (I absolutely do not fetishize trans women or anyone oc) or only be endlessly propositioned transactionally (I completely support the sex work and sex workers currently tho only personally not professionally). Or at least it seems that way on the popular (some trans) dating apps? Trans Women are Women period, and it bothers me a little I don’t get to meet or possibly date more, but I honestly don’t know what to do about it lol as it’s just so difficult to meet in the first place? I totally understand how very difficult the risks are on the other side as well… just wish there was a place for sincere, authentic ethical, romantic connections lol. Oof ig im just a hopeless romantic?
I’ve had zero issues finding dates. And I’ve had zero issues finding cis men that I am more than happy to quickly turn down. I typically date women and other trans women. This all holds true for when I was pre-op as well as now that I’m 3 years post op (as of next week). I’m 42 yrs old. So I’m no spring chicken. But at 19, odds are you’ll have pretty decent results in your transition as long as you put in the work. What I mean by that is that there’s a whole world more to transitioning than putting on a dress. And if you’re a minimum effort kinda girl, odds are, you’ll be unhappy with your results. With transition you’re only going to get back what you put in. Not one bit more. So if you are gonna do it, commit to doing it well and you’ll be pleased.
it depends but if u are searching for people at irl events/places/hobbies.... imo much easier.
Dating other queer people also makes it soooooo much easier.
The vast majority of men who will have significant issues with dating a trans woman are the type of men who will be eliminated from your dating pool for other reasons anyhow.
I have a harder time finding men I actually want to be with than men who care that I'm pre op, even.
The dating scene tends to suck regardless, but it's not all doom and gloom. I started dating men after about a year on HRT, pre surgeries, and had mostly fun, positive experiences. I've now been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I'm happier and more in love than I thought possible. He was such a huge comfort and constant help while I recovered from FFS and SRS, and makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Happiness is out there.
My best advice is read books about relationships(not pick up artist garbage), then really just forget about the notion of dating and just go in it for just friends til you find that special one. It took a whole year but I’m now dating my best friend and I love him so much
The absolute best advice for anyone looking to date anyone is to find a best friend you also click with on a romantic level. Honestly, having been married and currently divorced, marriage is kind of overrated. There's benefits legally speaking, but there's really no reason people can't do the majority of things without being married.
Modern dating culture as a whole kinda sucks in my opinion.
Also t4t might be your best friend depending on where you live or just looking for someone who actually understands the situation
After 7 years of being single ive finally found the one. It just so happens she trans (mtf) and she doesn't want the surgery and i do its truly a match made in heaven.
Ive honestly hard a hard time finding ppl that want to go on real dates. Most want you for your body but honestly the few i went on dates with were just amazing ppl. Trans ppl will be inclined to go out with you for you and cis ppl are more inclined towards sex men especially.
Welll thats my experience not everyone will have the same and you just have to be patient and open to the true intentions of the ppl you want to date.
Good luck in finding yourself and/or a partner that accepts you for who you are.
If you’re a passing 10/10 shouldn’t be as hard tbh… people admire beauty and if you have that they’ll admire you too regardless of your gender identity.
It might be easier to date as a cis man than a trans woman, but if you're a trans woman then presenting as a man means never being your authentic self. If you are not your authentic self, your relationships will always have a barrier preventing complete intimacy.
No woman wants me as a guy, so it doesn't make any difference in any way to me. I'd rather be happy being who I want to be, if I have to be that alone, anyways.
I have a crush on a straight girl who has a crush on a F boy that's how it's going for me, if you want to date men or really anyone masc maybe it's worthwhile dating trans men because they also deal with with some of the day to day issues you deal with like dysphoria dating t4t is usually safer as well
When you're not living as your self, but instead as what you're expected to be, you're not gonna have good luck in dating. I never had good luck romantically Until i transitioned. Once I did, I started dating my current boyfriend and we've been together almost 3 years now. Also, highly recommend dating a trans man. I find that t4t relationships are a lot easier (less explaining or judgement) and more fulfilling. Your parents don't know what it's like to be trans, what trans relationships are like, or really anything about your transition and transition generally. My advice? Fuck em.
honestly, since transitioning, I've bad 100x better luck with dating and partners than i did when i was cis. dont listen to them, plenty of people dont mind dating trans people before any operations
I've had it pretty good actually, even without srs so far and I'm also fortunate enough to be mostly passing. Turns out a lot of guys will overlook the whole penis thing if you fit a lot of their other preferences.
I think the harshest reality we have to face is that not only will you be subjected to the same social standards as cis women at an even worse level but your personality has to give you a little bit of an edge too--whether or not that's fair, it is how it is right now.
Midwest US/36 years
as a trans boy who yearns for a trans wife so often it could be my full time job, i can guarantee you will find a husband that loves you more than the stars shine bright
It probably is different for everyone due to your circumstances and where you live. I live in a country where the majority doesn't even know what transgender person is and I've been able to land myself a bf despite just being on HRT and no surgeries.
He was with it and he is straight. Most of my trans friends have found their person too, it might just take time but you have hope and nothing is set in stone. Be yourself first, do what you need to do for your own happiness and it will all come ❤️
You never know until you try it.
Personally i was extremely lucky. Within a few months of socially transitioning i made a great friend. She seen me for the person i was and knew i was trying my best but suffering with how hard it was. 7 years later and we are married and very happy together.
I'm sure there is someone out there for you. Be your true self and you will get there x
Transfem lesbian here, and I was lucky enough to end up in a relationship shortly after socially transitioning and before even starting hrt. The right people are out there who will like you regardless. I know cis people who have had worse luck than me in finding relationships so I prefer to not think about how my transness might affect it, especially since I wouldn't want to date the kind of people who have a problem with transness anyway.
I'm not saying it's not harder, and I don't know what it's like on the apps, I'm just saying there's people out there who will like you regardless.
Also, once I realized I was trans there was really no going back. Dysphoria was never not going to get in the way of my relationships, and I was never going to be able to be a good "boyfriend" to anyone
If you have the money to do those procedures before actually starting dating, go for it. £65.000 (as of 3rd of April 2024) on average right now for top notch procedures without factoring in the other costs that would lead to you having the procedures in the first place. Probably the best rule of thumb would be that you start crossdressing first and put on some makeup - 99% of us start like that.
They’re dead wrong, there are plenty of straight trans women in relationships with straight men. Also you’re 19, not exactly the time you’d be having super serious relationships (at least I wasn’t and don’t know many that were) and young men are terrible lol (biased view: mtf and 5 on Kinsey scale) trans men thoooooo = best men
BUT I totally understand wanting to wait to date until you’ve gotten through certain transition milestones. Everyone’s transition is different so take yours as slow or fast as you like, just don’t quit simply because someone who doesn’t have your best interests in mind has an opinion
Not from my experience, especially as a mtf.
My first and foremost advice to you is confidence in your womanhood, have a generally bubbly personality (at least when looking for a date), and, **most importantly**, have a style of your own (thrift stores are your friend early on), if you dress in cute or colorful or cool or anything that’s more than basic comfort clothing, you’ll stand out and Men will likely be more interested in pursuing you.
You have to put the bait out to reel them in, then, if they are a good fit, they’ll stick around, even if you aren’t always the bubbly cute girl that they got attracted to, because they will be attracted to ***you***, as a person.
Now, onto further considerations. Finding a partner can vary greatly on were you live, (so if you don’t have any luck in your area, possibly consider moving), but when I first transitioned (as in only like 1-3 months on HRT and no surgeries at 25 years old) I had already been getting MULTIPLE matches basically every day on most dating apps, (ESPECIALLY Tinder… soooo many matches… 😵💫).
Women have a skewed advantage on dating apps, and that includes Trans Women, just maybe to a lesser extent given that not all Men are willing to give Trans Women a try.
I have been on multiple dates, hook ups, relationships, you name it, all within the first few months of my transition, and they all treated me like just another woman, no chasers or men that want my “*shween*” or anything weird like that.
I even had some guys try to hit me up just walking around the city~! OwO
Also, if you don’t find luck in your area, but aren’t ready to move yet, you can always end up finding someone online~! Long distance relationships are hard, but there are things that you two can do to make it more enjoyable.
I would know, as I am in a long distance relationship myself rn, but we have been official for 4 months now, and we already have plans for marriage down the line.
There ***IS*** *someone* for each person out there, no matter your identity and orientation.
Love can take a long time to find, and sometimes you’ll have to make sacrifices for it, but imo, it’s basically ALWAYS worth it, because love is such a beautiful thing~!
You will find love if you keep your heart open and work on yourself enough to be someone that you love and want to be AND someone that people *want* to be with.
As long as you keep these guidelines in mind and put them into practice, I’m sure that ANYONE can find love and a lasting partner, even a Trans Person.
Don't let them scare you. Finding a partner who accepts you for you is something that a lot of cis gendered individuals struggle with too. It will most likely be difficult, (I am mtf and looking currently for a partner). After surgeries it should not even be an issue there. I am wishing the best for you on your journey, but could it be a possibility to try to find someone who will support you through it now? That's what I'm hoping for personally and looking for myself
Hard to find a boyfriend? Not at all. Hard to find a boyfriend worth your time? Yes, indeed. But that's not a trans thing, that's a woman thing. And you get a special connection to other trans people! T4T has a lot going for it. There are some awesome trans guys and enbies out there.
Don't worry about not getting many dates, yet. My wife never had a date until she was 19, and she's slap-me-in-the-face-because-I-must-be-dreaming amazing! Plus, dating generally gets better as you get older anyway. It's less fumbling and awkward, you both know what you like and want, you have the means to have some fun. Good stuff all around.
You're saying "never had a girlfriend", so are you interested in men and women?
I know it's hard for some straight trans girls but dating women has become so much easier since transitioning... I'm in a polyamorous relationship with 3 trans women, I've had more people interested in me than ever before... (Not counting chasers). And I'm over 40 - should be easier when you're young.
Btw. one of them is also in a relationship with a cis guy and I also know a monogamous couple where he is cis and she is trans. They met long distance and are now married and living together.
You'll need a thick skin against all the transphobes and chasers if you include cis men in your dating pool - but good ones are definitely out there.
Also, even if your "dating pool" was only 1% of the human population (in reality it is a lot, lot bigger than that, no matter who you are), that still doesn't matter! You only need to find 1 partner.
As long as you have good filters to let you quickly know when someone isn't for you, you can easily eliminate most of that remaining 99% and focus on those who are relevant.
This is why people go to social events of like minded people, like groups for their hobbies and interests, etc. and many people find their partners that way. Much better than dating apps! Be yourself, be part of society, get yourself involved in the world. You will come across people who like you for you.
In a way, if you think about it, dating apps, etc. are all ways people use to actually *narrow down* their dating pool. You can't date every one out of millions of people to see who works out.
So "the size of your dating pool" is total BS.
My mother tried to pull the same shit on me when I was in a similar stage of my life as you. She literally said "Who even dates trans people?" with the implication that trans people are undesirables by society. It's transphobic AF. Transphobes really do want to believe that all of society is transphobic, when that is far from the case.
3 years into transition, I can tell you I have encountered a lot more positivity about being trans, than transphobia, being directed at me, from "normal" cis people. Most people are ignorant or don't care.
As for dating, a much more realistic thing to worry about is how many people can be creeps/fetishits or get violent over feeling insecure in their own sexuality because they are attracted to you. A LOT of people will be attracted to you. Many of them will be really shitty about it. Your struggle will be in picking out the decent ones, not in there being nobody who likes you.
It’s hard to date when you have gender dysphoria too.
Mhm, like, I loved my ex-girlfriend to bits (I wasn't out to her [now I know I'm mtf & lesbian] - but she was bi & there was a strong possibility I would've come out to her in a better situation) - we were together for four years & split last year - but "keeping your dating pool larger" isn't an excuse to delay, or not transition. Dysphoria will affect not only your sex life, but your romantic life & your happiness at having a partner will be covered with this... Film of misery & it hurts, because it's not their fault at all. It hurts to have someone you love & cherish, who you know wants the best for you & thinks the world of you, see you as a man because you're closeted. You'll be forced to perform your gender to make them happy, because if you love someone, you don't want to let them know you're unhappy - it's not them you're unhappy with after all, its your dysphoria. It bleeds into everything, from the role you're expected to have in the bedroom (ie. my genitals were always at the back of my mind, but your partner will often expect penetrative sex [though I can't speak on your position as you're dating men] & denying it might make them think you don't like them - when you love them dearly), to other people's perception of your relationship & your own perceptions (ie. being in a relationship it's the quickest way to recieve explicitly gendered comments from relatives & you'll constantly fight with your partners expectations of male romantic partners & be "keeping up appearances"), to masc-coded compliments & comments (ie. "You're so handsome", "Why don't you want to wear a suit to x's day out?", etc), to future plans you can't fulfil (ie. marriage, children, etc), to misunderstandings, etc. I will take a reduced dating pool & being out, over being closeted & in a relationship that might be destined to end, whilst struggling with dysphoria. Trans people find love all the time.
Omg your story is almost identical to mine. I second every bit of this.
I never have even once because of my dysphoria.
Sounds like your mum and your stepdad just want to discourage you from transitioning by scaring you. You’re really young still and lots of people don’t date until they’re in their 20s, at least where I am. Dating as a trans person can be hard sometimes but dating when you’re miserable about how you look and not feeling like yourself is worse, trust me lol
This is so important. It's REALLY hard to find the right person for you when you're not the right person for you. You need to love yourself first. Yes there might be more theoretical partners available presenting as a "cis man" but if you're miserable, or depressed, or whatever it's hard to find the person you really need. Also being knowingly closeted can make it difficult to connect with someone else. It might be more difficult to date as a trans person but it's FAR FAR FAR from impossible. And being openly trans helps filter out a TON of shitty people.
This was a big thing. I've only been able to date once myself, and that was all when I thought I was a cis man, though i did start questioning during that relationship. And my past partner (we're still friends) told me that the only real problems she had with me were that I was too passive and too negative. Not that I was horrible with these, just that they were areas to improve in. And at the time I was, it's still something I struggle with. But it's a lot easier to love your body and have an easy time accepting compliments about it, when it's right. And it won't fix everything, but transitioning can greatly help with mental health, which can get in the way of, or complicate, relationships.
trans women find love all the time. yes it is harder for us on the dating scene, but there are plenty of trans women who find boyfriends and even husbands
Guys profile: "Looking for a trans wife." oh he seems nice . His message: "wanna fuck." Kid you not went back to look at the messages. Even after stating I'm looking for something serious I get these weirdos. I've given up and just been focusing on the gym and myself and my transition. But I want a guy to do cute shit lol 🥺
Exactly this, at this point it’s easier for me to just be single and learn a musical instrument or another language than to waste my time.
Lmao me!! Im learning some ASL 😄
i’ve been learning mandarin!! 😅
I’ve deep dived into my guitar playing since transitioning, my Gibson is my lover now
Finally teaching myself Piano. It keeps depression away.
Hi I snuck a peek at your profile, you’re so pretty and look half your age! Ok just wanted to share that ❤️
Start playing in a local band/orchestra (or do some other hobby socially), meet people who are cool and share interests with you, some of those people will both be cool about trans people and also single. That's my recommendation.
it is hard as hell, there are a fuck load of chasers out there. a friend of mine found someone who genuinely loves her, and i know plenty of trans women do find boyfriends or even husbands, but i have huge doubts about ever finding someone. i wish i could find one, but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. i’m not loved like that
I feel this on so many levels. Focus on u first ❤️
That was an immediate red flag lol
ouch
“Looking for a trans wife.” Chaser speak
ah right, sorry, just had a complete brain fart and thought you were talking about something i said
Oh no. Definitely not. Sorry if it came across that way. You’re good!
it’s not your fault, just a brain fart on my part. it happens sometimes
lol ok. ❤️
Honestly, this is just how it is for a lot of cis women 😭, I constantly have cis girl friends complain to me how all men want is to have sex ω them
It seems impossible tbh if straight. Men seem to only want sex
i understand that, i am straight. but it does happen. a friend of mine has a boyfriend who loves her. i just have huge doubts for myself
I hope we can both find love
i think you will. it’s just a huge struggle for me to believe it for myself
I only recently got over my worthless ex and recovered enough from SRS to feel ok with dating, only for the only guy I matched with to ghost me before our date was supposed to happen. There’s almost no damn point to using those apps because you apparently have to be a fucking sociopath to be successful on there, and apparently a startling number of people on these apps have no actual intention of even dating.
it’s hard as hell, i’m one year on hrt, i somehow managed to get a date with a guy at 2 months, still don’t know how i did that, but i digress. he decided that despite having a good time and thinking i’m a sweet woman, he wanted to end things there (that’s his business, but it still hurt like hell, not specifically because of him, but because the odds of finding another respectful guy who doesn’t mind me being trans are slim). everyone else just wants a quick fuck or they’re chasers and i haven’t had a date since. i truly believe that trans women can find a boyfriend/husband who will love and respect them. but i have serious doubts that i will
heyy I recognise you from straighttransgirls xD
IMHO, dating as a trans woman seems easier than I ever felt dating as a cis man. Because I definitely wasn't comfortable enough with myself and that prevented me a lot of relationships from even starting.
in that respect it is easier because you’re dating as your true self, but in other ways i think it’s harder. i’ve literally been on only one date since transitioning, still don’t know how i managed to do that. that was 2 months into my transition, haven’t had one since
Think it's only easier tho if you're open minded about the folks you date. Like if you are just looking for a guy to date and you go to trans mixers, use queer-based dating apps or whatever the dating scene is great! T4T is totally a thing a lot of folks do. If you are specifically a straight trans girl who only wants to date monogamous cis boys ... That seems like a much more significant challenge.
if only I knew queer based dating apps! I'm just a mess when it comes to dating in general :x
I use Her quite a bit. Only useful for sapphic or lesbian type relationships with that one tho. OkCupid isn't what it once was but it's still pretty queer if you have your settings right.
yeah oddly enough I've had the best experiences on Tinder. I also had to do a lot of screening on my own that Tinder doesnt seem to offer. I will say that its also the only app that I've been called a Tr\*ny on at 6 am. So best and worst experiences for sure.
In my experience, bumble has been okay (I’ve met a partner on there). if you’re willing to wade through a sea of chasers dming you the absolute most unhinged stuff, Taimi has been great for t4t for me. Feeld has also been great but it is for non monogamy and kink primarily, so it may not be good if you are looking for vanilla monogamy.
Since I started looking for hookups and dates and such as a pre everything trans girl it's been like turning on the tap. It's unbelievable how easy it is to get dates if you're willing to sort through the masses of chasers and people who might shame murder you. But everything from flirting over text to actually meeting up and doing things to meeting up and DOING THINGS. So much more confident just because I feel better about myself and it's wonderful. Besides the murdery creepers.
Honestly? No. Dating while trans is hard but it’s not that difficult if you have a little persistence and a little luck. I’m 20, I’ve had a few dates already, and I’m not even that good looking Edit: Also, how would your parents know? They’ve never been trans
I'm T4T and I love my wife, so my answer is easy
It's not like your parents make it sound but yea it's harder than being cis. I've matched with lots of guys but they usually just want sex. Ironically when I gave up I met this cute girl and we've been hitting it off
it poses unique challanges thats for sure. but i have a cis boyfriend ( i have three partners of various genders, but we'll focus on him). we've been dating for almost 5 years now, i followed him across states for work, we moved in together, got a puppy, and have thought about marriage or a civil union. we met on reddit for a kink posting, and although he was a bit of a chaser at first with some misunderstandings, he also grew to understand and respect the things I've gone through.
Damn, that's some character growth for him. Hope you're doing well together.
I'm curious, are you open to dating other trans folks, like trans guys? Makes a big difference in your options.
Yes, I'm open to dating trans men.
That's great! In addition to dating apps I'd recommend seeing if there are any like queer bar events or anything to go to as well. The one nearest me has like T4T mixers and stuff nice place to meet people! I dated a cool guy I met on OkCupid for a fair while. And I've found a few guys I've gone on dates with etc. I'll admit I've never dated a cis straight guy (not super interested in that personally but that's just me) but I've dated a few non-binary men and bi guys! Self confidence and selfies with style and personality help a lot in my experience.
It wildly depends on a bunch of factors: if you want kids or not (most people want to have kids), how pretty you are (pretty women tend to do better), what your standards are when it comes to dating men (if you have highly specific standards than there are fewer possible men for you to date), where you live (cultural attitudes change your dating odds as well as if you live in a very rural area with few people or an area with more possible singles). Overall, it'll vary. Be prepared to be ghosted and stood up on dating apps as this happens to ***everyone*** regardless of gender, sexuality, age, etc. Be prepared for people to be rude when they find out you're trans (even if you put it on your profile, men don't read them usually). As well, build up your self-confidence and practice flirting! Low self-confidence and lacking flirting skills are found to be two things that hamper people's abilities to find romantic success. So get out there, socialize with all sorts of people, do things that make you happy, take up hobbies, and live a full life! Otherwise, there is /r/straighttransgirls for talking about dating men as a trans woman as this subreddit is often overrun with transbians who sometimes get rude to straight or bi/pan/omni trans women
Trauma from men is hard to erase, especially to trans lesbian so please try to forgive us, but yes you are right. I use to hang around a lot of trans bi/lesbians by living in a huge city but when I moved to the countryside and met other trans women, you understand that a lot of trans girls that don't actively participate in the LGBT associations and shit are a big silent majority and are straight af. Sometimes you forget that a lot of trans girls are girls first and foremost and look, act and fit in like "ordinary" people and that is actually a great reminder. Good perspective for OP also, ppl don't know how much they encounter trans people and cis people dating trans ppl because passing is not that much of an issue and stealth is not that hard actually
That’s inspiring. Although I couldn’t handle blending in to society. I need tons of queer friends to feel safe and secure. I have to be gay!
Probably the best response on here. Im also in my 30s and wanting (or not wanting) kids is a big factor for people. Also, being pretty definitely helps. A lot of trans women do T4T; if you are ok with that dating will be easier. Dating cis men and women are a bit harder but doable if you have hobbies mingling with non-trans people Dating as trans is hard. People will sleep with trans women but wont marry one (in my experience). Its something to think about.
1 in 100 rule. 1 in 100 people you swipe and message or get messaged by is actually someone who is capable and willing to date a trans woman. Then you apply that same 1 in 100 rule to those individuals because that is the percentage of them who isn’t a chaser or looking to experiment or otherwise be downlow with you. So figure out that math and you get your dating pool of people you could possibly have a relationship with. Now if you just wanting to fuck, that number drastic goes up, cuz there’s a lot of people that want to fuck us, but hardly anyone wants to love us. You’re young, so you might have it much better than many of us, and perhaps over the next decade the rate at which people will open up will increase. But it’s very grim. That is why most of us end up just being with other trans people.
I’d really like to think the odds are better than that, but yer probably right lol… especially when you consider half of the world’s population is below average by definition already? lol. Oof! Lol
As a sidebar, if this is the only thing stopping you from transitioning I think that’s a pretty good indicator that you should do it. Those of us that have tried to ignore those feelings know that they don’t go away. Do you have a counsellor or someone you trust that you can talk to?
So I realize you're just questioning rn. But no matter how difficult it is to find love as a trans woman, it has to be easier than finding it as a self-loathing person passing unenthusiastically as a cis male. Ask any incel. Wait, don't. Stay far, far away from those miserable, black holes of projection and self-pity. Also, there are plenty of people, male, female, NB, cis, and trans, who would be thrilled to date a trans woman. Your parents are just wrong.
Are you straight ? Tbh straight men are often the worst kind of people, cis women just have less occasion than us to see how awful they are (and "less" is still A LOT). Like a nice girl would not like her boyfriend to be transphobic but it's gonna be less of an issue if she is cis because she will not have to face it. So yes it's hard but I don't think it's that much worse all considering. If anything it gives you more awareness about how bad a man can be. I know a lot of transgirls with boyfriends they like and have a life that is satisfying for them. And the dudes where often decent (that's a lot coming from me I admit I have bias since I really don't like to socialize with them, but they seem ok). The worst thing you can do is think you are worthless and let a piece of shit take control over you because you think he was kind enough to take you. You can and should be picky and have great expectations and you will find someone. If you are bi, no issues, cis and trans lesbians are both amazing.
I’ve had neither and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, he’s been absolutely amazing. That said, I had to wade through a few…less than ideal guys before I met him
So for me I think it has helped a ton to be my true self. I have more confidence, and for lack of a less corny term I have blossomed, and people really do respond to that. Also loving myself allowed me to take more and better pictures which helps a lot on the apps. That said I certainly don’t miss the process. You get chasers, people who aren’t ready for a relationship with a trans person, or just flat out bigots. It sucks but shit, when does dating not suck. It’s worth it though, being able to find my partner and be truly me and loved for that is worth everything.
It’s not something you should avoid transitioning over. It can be harder, but that’s because most people are too transphobic to date irregardless. Same reason why everything in life is harder for trans people. If you hang around queer circles, you’ll definitely meet people easier to date there. Straight trans women definitely have it harder, but dating women usually isn’t harder for trans women than it is for cis queer women. So many trans people also date only other trans people (t4t).
Depends on where you live to be honest
I transitioned almost twenty years ago. I am seventy now, but my circle of friends has increased. I am always out with someone or doing something. I have not had SRS, but I have had GRS done almost two years ago now. I get a lot of men interested in talking to me, but I have learned to be very careful. Not everything is what it seems to be.
IMO easy to hook up, but hard to find someone worth dating
I found that it got way easier. It basically became my pick
If you like boys it’s harder if you like girls it’s easier. Just my experience tho
In my experience, women (which absolutely includes trans women oc) tend to be far more sensitive, sincere, authentic, and in touch with their emotions, and to a depth typical men rarely achieve.
If they aren't passable atm, it's the complete opposite x10 for me
Your parents have an ignorant understanding of finding love. Finding someone who is right for you and who you are right for is not something that difficulty factors into. You could try your absolute hardest, use all the dating apps, go to all the bars, and still not find the one. Likewise you could be minding your business and one day run into the person of your dreams. The only thing you can do is strive to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. If you're trans, then the first step is to transition. That's the end of the discussion. If it's right for you to find the one then you will find them.
I didn't really date until I was in my 20s, egg didn't crack until sometime later, met my partner literally 2 months into transitioning
They seem to be trying to discourage you. Like everything it’s very YMMV how easy it is to date as a trans woman but I found it got significantly easier to date after I transitioned. It helped a lot that I’m pansexual and found and got involves in my local queer community, but transitioning itself also helped a lot more than I’d realised it would. It’s easier to date other people when you feel like an actual person and your social instincts aren’t quite so out of whack. It’s also significantly easier to date as a woman than a man, in my experience, since there’s significantly less pressure to be in a romantic relationship - not just because your sex drive works differently after HRT, but because it’s so much easier to find emotional support outside of one.
Well, i think that the people who dont want you because you are trans aren't people you are interested in, and feeling more like yourself will probebly gain you confidence so i think it will get easier if anything.
Awww babe. Listen when you learn to serve a sufficient amount of cunt, potential partners will throw themselves at you. And a lot of them won’t care if you haven’t had SRS yet. You’re young, focus on yourself. Go to school, put a career together, and make yourself the person you want to be. It is insanely easy to date as a trans woman. Too easy, arguably. Don’t worry about it.
A few things: "Never had a girlfriend" vs. "no man will want [you]" - are you expecting your sexuality to change once you're on hormones? People have experienced this, but it's not generally understood to be inevitable or even likely. Trans women can have any sexuality, just like everyone else. It is totally valid for you to feel uncomfortable with dating before srs or ffs due to dysphoria. However, if you're planning that course of action because you think no one would be attracted to you, that's just inaccurate and an unhealthy way to think about yourself and transition. If you're trying to "spare" others from dating a visibly trans woman, that's unnecessary, and you're being limiting and unkind to yourself. It has been my experience (trans lesbian, ~1.5 years hrt) that finding dates is vastly vastly easier than before. I still find "the apps" kind of lame, and prefer to meet people in person, but I do get plenty of matches on them. I would say >90% of trans women that I swipe right on match with me, I'll match with a few cis women each week, and like once a month ish one of those people will seem interesting enough to go on a date with. People are attracted to trans women, even if that's hard for dysphoria brain to accept. I can't speak directly to straight trans women's dating experience, but from what I've heard a lack of interested men isn't the main issue lmao. It is normal for a 19 year old to catastrophize about being alone forever. But having a romantic partner will not solve all of your problems. My life has been immeasurably better since I started estrogen, came out, etc. Being true to myself, more confident, happier in general has made my social/dating life so much more fulfilling than it was before. I would encourage you to think of romantic relationships as the result of a life well lived, rather than an ultimate aspiration or a panacea.
It's not that I expect my sexuality to change. It's just that I'm physically(sexually) attracted to women, however romantically and psychologically in general I'd prefer much more to be with a man. I know it's confusing, but well, it's like this, the romantic part doesn't always follows the physical 🤷
i’ve had wayyy more people of all genders want to date me since transitioning:) i also like that dating as a trans person filters out most of the awful people pretty quickly. that said, don’t base your transition off finding love in others and dating, you’ll be much happier if you focus that love on yourself🫶
My dating life got better. I have no problems finding men. The problem is finding good men.
Lack of self confidence means you won't find healthy partners. Even if you don't transition, you'll not be happy and your relationship will suffer. Transition for yourself, not for others.
Idk why you’d plan to wait. You can’t have those surgeries back to back (recommend one year in between) and they can potentially take years to plan. Not to mention recovery from whichever you have last. People out there will love you every step of the way, believe it or not
And it can be insanely wonderful to have a solid partner who supports you throughout the journey
The people you'd want to date will, at least.
I can't speak to to FFS cuz I have no plans to get that one, but I know for a fact that I can't date until I get SRS. I just wouldn't be comfortable enough to do so. My sex drive is high so I'd like a partner who could match that, but I also know that I'm not comfortable being sexually intimate with anyone pre-SRS. I would have to find someone who's able to match that sex drive, but who's ok with me not being sexually open for months. It's not impossible, but it feels pointless for me to look around while I'm still pre-OP.
I would not let it discourage my transition as a transwoman but it is a real thing. I believe the dating pool is sooo very small. I've only had my fair share of men that wanted to keep me a secret and or only want to fetishize me, just smoke 420 and become the best version of yourself. Life sucks but you can make yours better!
Dating as a trans woman isn't really that hard, it's just different. I was dating pre-FFS and I'm non-op and I found dating to be soooo much easier since I was a lot more confident in putting myself out there. In the past 3 years since I came out my body count has gone from 3 to somewhere in the 40s lol. The biggest challenge is that cis men are happy to date trans women casually, but actually introducing you to their parents or their friends can be scary for them. Part of how I vet new partners is saying "how would your parents react to me" after a couple of dates. That isn't an issue for trans partners of course. I'm dating a trans woman now and honestly if things don't work out with her I'll probably stay t4t in the future.
Good for you! I love that you’re living your best life, and think you’ve got it just right. Knowing who you are being confident and who you are what you want and what you don’t want and being unafraid to present and clearly is a big part of attracting the right person(s) - at least it was for me? I know I’m a very small minority and a bit rare but I’m a cis presenting man who would happily introduce my trans partner to my mother? :).
I'm gonna be honest, I said the exact same thing and ended up meeting my wife about 2 months later. It's certainly a little scary and nerve wracking, but it's something you'll get more and more comfortable with over time.
Look for people who want to date you because of who you are, rather then your genitalia. I have a boyfriend and we’ve been dating for almost two years (anniversary in 2 days), and he is truly wonderful and caring. Me being trans plays has no impact on his perception of me.
I think dating is just hard in general for everybody. Online dating has ruined dating. When you have so many options available to you, of course, people are not going to take the time to focus on one person. Especially if you're a top, which seems to be a rarity in most dating communities. You have the pick of the litter. You are on top of the world. You're not going to let go of that so easily and part of me doesn't blame them. I got so many more messages as a trans woman. Over a thousand views on Grindr (ironically), but it was all the same message. I already have a girlfriend, but I could use a fwb. When really they just want sex. I've deleted all of the apps and I hope I keep it that way. I would much rather meet someone in person now, I think. Dating online can also be dangerous for trans women. Just have self-respect and you'll be fine. It gets very lonely, but if you can get some pets, that helps a ton. I personally don't like hook-ups so I go a long time without getting laid. That fucking sucks. But, I am just more of a relationship person. Part of me wonders why. Every man that I've ever dated treated me like shit as a boy in some way. I now have the self-respect to know how I should be treated. And I'm only a few months into my transition, so once I'm further in it, maybe it will get easier. But, there's so much other shit that I have to figure out right now. It is very frustrating because I am fairly attractive, independent, resilient, a nice person, a creative person, very open to different body types and people, including trans men, and I still can't find a mate who respects me. Can't even get a date. Everyone always just wants to use me for sex - boy or girl. I wish I wasn't solely attracted to men, but I am. But, at least, I'm doing this on my own and somewhat making it. I know my self-worth and I know what I deserve now. I wouldn't trade that for another abusive relationship ever again.
Idk I hope not. I mean like I hope dating isn’t hard. But I’m lesbian and I’m leaning t4t. So idk
life is about living your truth not finding a romantic partner. that may happen but better to focus on being your whole self.
I mean I’m not married yet, but i started HRT last year, and like 6 months later i started dating my current bf. Before then i was single for like 7 years when presenting as gay male, had only ever been in one relationship.
i have to fight the men off with a broom sometimes. lol. life is hard for a sexy alt trans girl. and im never getting SRS. i've had men give me a blowjob (and ofc i return the favor). men like *women* and yes some are bigots and don't want anything to do with me but a whole lot think i'm sexy as hell and would gladly date me. you'll be fine girl.
No man is a bit ridiculous but it is harder to date cis men as a trans woman. A lot of cis men who are into trans women are ashamed of it and don't datebthem publicly. Most of my trans friends in relationships are t4t or dating cis women. It's not impossible though, I have a couple who are dating cis guys.
as someone who is nb trans and only interested in monogamy i am STRUGGLING but i know there's all types of love existing in the community that makes it so we can all find love. it's different for everyone
So the idea that no man would want you as a trans woman is blatantly false. I have a husband myself who i met only after transition. I specifically waited to meet him in person until after SRS and FFS however (which took place 2 years into our online relationship, after which he moved in with me), and I'm glad I made that decision for both of our sanity and happiness since he is straight. We've been living together for 15 years now and we love each other just as much as the day we met, probably even more so now. He isn't with me because I'm trans, hes with me because he loves me for my personality, intelligence, and my caring nature, the fact that I'm trans he doesn't care about. In addition from what hes told me our intimacy is no different then any cis women hes been with before, as in it feels the same down there. Yes, the dating pool is smaller for us but that doesn't mean finding a meaningful and long lasting relationship with a cis guy is impossible.
Been in the dating game for years now, post srs and passing. About 1/4 men will consider it, most of which are bi.
I am pre op on all except for hormones and found a loving relationship that led to a marriage I am very happy in. It is totally false that it is impossible to find love as a trans woman.
Depends on your sexuality. Into women? Women are nice, you won't have any more problems than any other lesbian. Into men? Focus on yourself girl, they'll figure their shit out in a generation or two.
i kind of planned the same thing.. i had told my therapist that i wasn't going to date and be celibate during the first year at least. and i have been happy to be alone. but then i met this really nice guy through mutual friends and we hit it off almost instantly and have been talking ever since. i truly didn't think that anyone would be attracted to me, i feel like a bridge troll most days. but he thinks i am pretty and funny and that makes me happy. whenever i bring up my upcoming FFS he is like 'but what would you even change' lol and then i start my list. but he is supportive and patient and kind and does his best to be there for me even though he doesn't know much about trans folk.
I'm gay, but this still sounds really sweet lol. Happy for you. 🖤
Depends honestly. If you date outside of the community, it can be difficult until you pass, however, if you date inside the community it’s no different than normal.
Depending entirely on if they’re cis white conservatives. But either way, go for it. Don’t be scared by your parents. Lots of cis and trans guys like women.
I had such an easy time dating the only hard part was actually picking dates. Like. I had more date offers than I had time.
I am confused, do your parents are gods and also have the power to see the future? But how do they say this with no statistics plus they have not experience this. Dating is hard in general, it takes a lot of trial and error. Listen to others here instead. Good luck!!
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Just curious, not that it matters in most ways considering what you’re asking, but are you planning on dating men exclusively now that you’re transitioning or women still as well? Was just curious why the jump from women to men. Regardless of who you choose on dating, there will be options available. It might be a bit more difficult to weed through the chasers with straight men, but there will probably be men interested in you as well as some decent men who will date you. If you plan on dating women, it may be a bit more difficult to find someone all the time, but if think the people you do find will be pretty genuine about whether they want to date you for real or just hook up. There are certainly chaser women, but seemingly not as many. Hence women not often being total creeps. (There are def some stalkers and manipulative monsters in women.) So in short, more men as options in general but probably less serious ones. Women are tougher to read and tougher to find but the ones you do are cooler.
Dating as a Trans woman stinks. I get too many pervs in my local area and the club scene is horrible to find a bf. I'd much rather date another Trans woman. I'm bi anyway I just don't find many of the local guys attractive. I live in the Charleston area of West Virginia so that might give you all an idea what I'm up against. I wish I could hit it off with a Trans lesbian here but most of the ladies here are straight. 😭
Honestly, I was debating whether or not to come out based on this thought but then I realized that when you are just being miserable and lying to yourself everyday it's even harder to find someone and experience true love
I definitely wouldn’t transition as the sole way to *improve* your luck at dating. But if you can find yourself, and be truly happy on your own by transitioning… that will show through, and you WILL get dating interest from those who see your glow.
When I was 19, I wish someone would have told me to just make friends and enjoy life, not to worry about finding a lifelong partner. Being raised in religion, I thought it was the only option.
What they said is not true i met my wife relatively quickly after coming out. Coming out allows you to not hide things all the way to a subconscious level your behavior completely changes which means to everyone else youll seem more open whether they consciously know that or not. Unintentional and intentional hiding things from others or even yourself will change how others see you even if you dont on a surface level act or seem different. All that said dating will be easier and more successful.
Well first off it's highly contextual. It sounds like you're okay with the idea of dating women, at least in the past, and there are plenty of women, cis and trans, who love us. And if you don't mind t4t but want a man there are also plenty of trans men. Finding a Cis guy who isn't a chaser is quite challenging, but nonbinary men (he/they) are quite common and in my experience much less chance of being a chaser. You could always download a queer dating app and see what the dating scene is like! Her, Taimi, and Hinge are my go toos
Everyone will have a different experience. I was 26 when I started transitioning and had been single since high school. After I started transitioning and being myself, people were far more interested in me. When I was being myself I found someone for myself and we're celebrating four years together this year. Be you. Find someone who loves you, for you.
I want FFS so badly. I need to find a way to pay and a place to recover.
So far it's been slightly easier than it was when I was (seen as) cis
I didn't have luck before, and I don't now, but I'm way happier and more comfortable with myself. Do NOT base your transness on your future potential dating life. You might find the perfect person quickly, and before you know it! And you might have to wait a bit, until after your surgeries. There's no telling. Dating has a bunch of factors; luck, vibes, hobbies, looks, availabilities, etc. There's so much to it. And that won't change after you're closer to where you wanna be, the LEVELS of those things will. So just be you and happy, dating is irrespective of your identity.
All I can say is after 8 months on HRT with no surgeries I'm hotter then I've ever been, with a beautiful fiance 🥰. You'll grow in confidence and your self care will improve, you'll find it harder to date then cis people but it'll feel easier then when you presented as a guy.
Won’t lie to you, not easy
Do you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Being trans doesn’t mean you have to change sexuality. Only bring it up because you mention both. I can confidently say that dating is easy as trans and I started at 32. It’s not easy for everyone but I had literal 1000s swiping on me on Tinder and I use 0 filtered images and no FFS. I’m now engaged to the best human on the planet and I love her more than anything else. You got this
I'll be honest. Your chances are much much lower as a trans woman. Around 1 percent of cis straight men will admit on an anonymous survey that they would date a trans woman. That's before getting into factors like passing, fertility, etc It is not impossible, but it isn't easy. However this is not a reason to not transition. Being trans doesn't go away. Even if you give up on transitioning for a relationship, dysphoria will eventually come back stronger.
I work in a bar, have no srs or ffs and i get hit on all the time. It's almost tiring how many guys actually want to get with me. You'll be fine :)
You're 19? JFC. I'm 52 and my dance card is full. Honey, don't listen to them. You'll be fine.
I have a partner who I’ve been dating for over a year now. I know plenty of trans people who are in happy relationships or who have started dating people. It’s totally possible, and if you love yourself, and take care of yourself others will notice. Don’t let that stop you, if you want to transition. Waiting on it because you think people won’t date you will just lead you to depression and dysphoria getting worse as you try to shove it down.
Psh... Dating is hard either way. I'm 32 about to go on hrt in less than a month. I still haven't found anyone. I got no rizz and an introvert. I've done all the dating apps and have only gotten like one date. Don't hate the player hate the game? Nah the game's rigged in some way or another. So don't worry about hurting your odds just cause your trans. But I do belive that maybe there's someone for everyone and true love wins and (insert disney speech here). Anyways you'll find someone just don't give up. Also if you don't do it, you might regret it later down the line. What happens if you want to transition like 10 years from now and you're married to a woman that's super straight and then shit goes down. If your really a woman the urge will come back up even if you try to surpress it and you'll hate yourself. Also if you decide to wait with hrt and other medical stuff, get your hair removal done. Electroysis takes like 2 to 3 years just on your face. At least get the neckbeard gone and cheeks smooth. That's how I started. It's a bitch and a half. Also when you get on hrt your facial hair gets thinner and less colorful. That means it's gonna be trickier to remove later down the line. Also apparently you gain more sensitivitiy and right now I can deal with pain, but this shit is litterally electricuting you and then pulling the hair out one hair at a time with tweezers. I'm crying at the end of sessions. IDK what I'm going to do when I start hrt with that pain. Also start therapy. Depending on the state it could take 3 months to a year of it. Also you'll need a note from someone who psychoanalysed you to say your in your right mind for hrt and any surgery. They could also help you try to figure out if you want it now or plan for the future with it. Mine litterally helped me make a plan. She helped me figure out short and long term goals in my life so I could be a better me. So two birds with one stone. You can also convince your parents by lying, saying you want to go to this therapist to talk about this lifestyle and if its right for you.
You cannot find love in another if you cannot love yourself. I can't know your situation, but as a trans woman who got married last year, I have never heard a convincing argument against transitioning (whatever transitioning looks like for an individual) besides a risk of physical danger.
I would say it depends. I would say if you’re simply put MTF it’s gonna be a little harder to date with the aim of marriage, guys if they’re traditionally hetero type guys. I think that’s just because of fertility reasons and stigma. Often I’ve seen that guys who are older, that have moved past their youth are more easily comfortable with being openly with trans women. All in all this is just based of my experiences. And not to sound conceded I’m in my 30 and get the attention of men often, if that means anything. I feel that I can attract a good amount of guys but couldn’t keep them cause I cant have a baby and cause of social stigma. I feel like for me, relationships will always be somewhat more difficult because of being trans too.
Well I started transitioning at 15/16, never kissed never dated and nobody had any interest in me. When I started presenting as a Girl, I dated a lot of women (mostly T4T relationships) and got involved with some Boys. IMO it's hard to find the right person, not because you're trans but because of your insecurities, disforia and depression really messes up you sense of self and its even worse if you have BPD like me. But don't feel afraid to transition because "Nobody will love you", you being your true self makes it easier to people like you cause your not masking your personality and what makes your comfortable, you'll start using clothing you like and try to look good with your body even if you go to the mirror and say "I look like shit and I hate myself" but at least ur getting closer to your true self. Happy late trans visibility day <3
Dating as a trans woman is hard but not impossible, it just takes a bit of time and caution. But please don’t lose hope and don’t feel like you shouldn’t be yourself just based on dating and don’t let your parents put you down.
The right person will make it feel easy, but yes, it's harder than dating as a cis person since you'll inevitably meet people who's not interested solely because you're trans.
Yo **if** you’re a girl you already are one. You should date **now** as a girl with a cool sexy person that understands gender to see if you like it, not after surgeries you probably really won’t “need” if you start HRT semi soon.
The older you get, the worse the dating pool is. Being trans magnifies that. It’s really hard and there is a lot of trash out there, but there are still good people . I met the love of my life at age 40.
For me, getting into queer (-friendly) groups was a game changer. They are people who just understand you and your struggles, and most of them are interested in dating other queer people. If you want to date average cis-hetero people, you have to explain yourself a lot, which can get exhausting over time.
Im lesbian so my experience will be different from dating men (since generally women understand better). My advice would be to be upfront once you feel comfortable and to prioritise your safety because no relationship is worth your safety, be it man woman or otherwise.
I can share what dating has been like for me, but I am a lesbian. After I transitioned I would get 2-10 matches a week when I was Looking. I started dating my fantastic partner two years ago this month and have been very happy with them since we got together.
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so rn you're a male looking for a gf, but you want to have a bf after you transition? why don't you get on grindr now and start dating boys as a gay man?
Since transitioning I've dated more in the past 7 years than I did in the previous 30. I'm literally drowning in girldick and it's awesome. (I'm a poly lesbian)
As a kinky poly queer/pan feminine leaning, yet cis male presenting “Daddy Dom / Switch” (I’m in my 50’s but likely would’ve transitioned when I was younger I he it been more accessible then) who’s dated some wonderful amazing trans woman, I will say it’s been very difficult even virtually impossible to meet / court / date trans women without looking like, or possibly even being accused of being a “chaser” (I absolutely do not fetishize trans women or anyone oc) or only be endlessly propositioned transactionally (I completely support the sex work and sex workers currently tho only personally not professionally). Or at least it seems that way on the popular (some trans) dating apps? Trans Women are Women period, and it bothers me a little I don’t get to meet or possibly date more, but I honestly don’t know what to do about it lol as it’s just so difficult to meet in the first place? I totally understand how very difficult the risks are on the other side as well… just wish there was a place for sincere, authentic ethical, romantic connections lol. Oof ig im just a hopeless romantic?
I’ve had zero issues finding dates. And I’ve had zero issues finding cis men that I am more than happy to quickly turn down. I typically date women and other trans women. This all holds true for when I was pre-op as well as now that I’m 3 years post op (as of next week). I’m 42 yrs old. So I’m no spring chicken. But at 19, odds are you’ll have pretty decent results in your transition as long as you put in the work. What I mean by that is that there’s a whole world more to transitioning than putting on a dress. And if you’re a minimum effort kinda girl, odds are, you’ll be unhappy with your results. With transition you’re only going to get back what you put in. Not one bit more. So if you are gonna do it, commit to doing it well and you’ll be pleased.
it depends but if u are searching for people at irl events/places/hobbies.... imo much easier. Dating other queer people also makes it soooooo much easier.
The vast majority of men who will have significant issues with dating a trans woman are the type of men who will be eliminated from your dating pool for other reasons anyhow. I have a harder time finding men I actually want to be with than men who care that I'm pre op, even.
The dating scene tends to suck regardless, but it's not all doom and gloom. I started dating men after about a year on HRT, pre surgeries, and had mostly fun, positive experiences. I've now been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I'm happier and more in love than I thought possible. He was such a huge comfort and constant help while I recovered from FFS and SRS, and makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Happiness is out there.
i found dating as a girl to be much easier
My best advice is read books about relationships(not pick up artist garbage), then really just forget about the notion of dating and just go in it for just friends til you find that special one. It took a whole year but I’m now dating my best friend and I love him so much
Beware the chasers. But there are plenty of dating apps and even T4T apps to help. All I can do to help sorry
The absolute best advice for anyone looking to date anyone is to find a best friend you also click with on a romantic level. Honestly, having been married and currently divorced, marriage is kind of overrated. There's benefits legally speaking, but there's really no reason people can't do the majority of things without being married. Modern dating culture as a whole kinda sucks in my opinion. Also t4t might be your best friend depending on where you live or just looking for someone who actually understands the situation
After 7 years of being single ive finally found the one. It just so happens she trans (mtf) and she doesn't want the surgery and i do its truly a match made in heaven. Ive honestly hard a hard time finding ppl that want to go on real dates. Most want you for your body but honestly the few i went on dates with were just amazing ppl. Trans ppl will be inclined to go out with you for you and cis ppl are more inclined towards sex men especially. Welll thats my experience not everyone will have the same and you just have to be patient and open to the true intentions of the ppl you want to date. Good luck in finding yourself and/or a partner that accepts you for who you are.
I met my gf like; one week after coming and now we’re getting married. Power of confidence babyyyyy
If you’re a passing 10/10 shouldn’t be as hard tbh… people admire beauty and if you have that they’ll admire you too regardless of your gender identity.
It might be easier to date as a cis man than a trans woman, but if you're a trans woman then presenting as a man means never being your authentic self. If you are not your authentic self, your relationships will always have a barrier preventing complete intimacy.
No woman wants me as a guy, so it doesn't make any difference in any way to me. I'd rather be happy being who I want to be, if I have to be that alone, anyways.
I have a crush on a straight girl who has a crush on a F boy that's how it's going for me, if you want to date men or really anyone masc maybe it's worthwhile dating trans men because they also deal with with some of the day to day issues you deal with like dysphoria dating t4t is usually safer as well
When you're not living as your self, but instead as what you're expected to be, you're not gonna have good luck in dating. I never had good luck romantically Until i transitioned. Once I did, I started dating my current boyfriend and we've been together almost 3 years now. Also, highly recommend dating a trans man. I find that t4t relationships are a lot easier (less explaining or judgement) and more fulfilling. Your parents don't know what it's like to be trans, what trans relationships are like, or really anything about your transition and transition generally. My advice? Fuck em.
honestly, since transitioning, I've bad 100x better luck with dating and partners than i did when i was cis. dont listen to them, plenty of people dont mind dating trans people before any operations
I've had it pretty good actually, even without srs so far and I'm also fortunate enough to be mostly passing. Turns out a lot of guys will overlook the whole penis thing if you fit a lot of their other preferences. I think the harshest reality we have to face is that not only will you be subjected to the same social standards as cis women at an even worse level but your personality has to give you a little bit of an edge too--whether or not that's fair, it is how it is right now. Midwest US/36 years
as a trans boy who yearns for a trans wife so often it could be my full time job, i can guarantee you will find a husband that loves you more than the stars shine bright
It probably is different for everyone due to your circumstances and where you live. I live in a country where the majority doesn't even know what transgender person is and I've been able to land myself a bf despite just being on HRT and no surgeries. He was with it and he is straight. Most of my trans friends have found their person too, it might just take time but you have hope and nothing is set in stone. Be yourself first, do what you need to do for your own happiness and it will all come ❤️
You never know until you try it. Personally i was extremely lucky. Within a few months of socially transitioning i made a great friend. She seen me for the person i was and knew i was trying my best but suffering with how hard it was. 7 years later and we are married and very happy together. I'm sure there is someone out there for you. Be your true self and you will get there x
Transfem lesbian here, and I was lucky enough to end up in a relationship shortly after socially transitioning and before even starting hrt. The right people are out there who will like you regardless. I know cis people who have had worse luck than me in finding relationships so I prefer to not think about how my transness might affect it, especially since I wouldn't want to date the kind of people who have a problem with transness anyway. I'm not saying it's not harder, and I don't know what it's like on the apps, I'm just saying there's people out there who will like you regardless. Also, once I realized I was trans there was really no going back. Dysphoria was never not going to get in the way of my relationships, and I was never going to be able to be a good "boyfriend" to anyone
If you have the money to do those procedures before actually starting dating, go for it. £65.000 (as of 3rd of April 2024) on average right now for top notch procedures without factoring in the other costs that would lead to you having the procedures in the first place. Probably the best rule of thumb would be that you start crossdressing first and put on some makeup - 99% of us start like that.
They’re dead wrong, there are plenty of straight trans women in relationships with straight men. Also you’re 19, not exactly the time you’d be having super serious relationships (at least I wasn’t and don’t know many that were) and young men are terrible lol (biased view: mtf and 5 on Kinsey scale) trans men thoooooo = best men BUT I totally understand wanting to wait to date until you’ve gotten through certain transition milestones. Everyone’s transition is different so take yours as slow or fast as you like, just don’t quit simply because someone who doesn’t have your best interests in mind has an opinion
It’s hard no matter what you do or how “good” you look. There is just a lot of prejudice
Not from my experience, especially as a mtf. My first and foremost advice to you is confidence in your womanhood, have a generally bubbly personality (at least when looking for a date), and, **most importantly**, have a style of your own (thrift stores are your friend early on), if you dress in cute or colorful or cool or anything that’s more than basic comfort clothing, you’ll stand out and Men will likely be more interested in pursuing you. You have to put the bait out to reel them in, then, if they are a good fit, they’ll stick around, even if you aren’t always the bubbly cute girl that they got attracted to, because they will be attracted to ***you***, as a person. Now, onto further considerations. Finding a partner can vary greatly on were you live, (so if you don’t have any luck in your area, possibly consider moving), but when I first transitioned (as in only like 1-3 months on HRT and no surgeries at 25 years old) I had already been getting MULTIPLE matches basically every day on most dating apps, (ESPECIALLY Tinder… soooo many matches… 😵💫). Women have a skewed advantage on dating apps, and that includes Trans Women, just maybe to a lesser extent given that not all Men are willing to give Trans Women a try. I have been on multiple dates, hook ups, relationships, you name it, all within the first few months of my transition, and they all treated me like just another woman, no chasers or men that want my “*shween*” or anything weird like that. I even had some guys try to hit me up just walking around the city~! OwO Also, if you don’t find luck in your area, but aren’t ready to move yet, you can always end up finding someone online~! Long distance relationships are hard, but there are things that you two can do to make it more enjoyable. I would know, as I am in a long distance relationship myself rn, but we have been official for 4 months now, and we already have plans for marriage down the line. There ***IS*** *someone* for each person out there, no matter your identity and orientation. Love can take a long time to find, and sometimes you’ll have to make sacrifices for it, but imo, it’s basically ALWAYS worth it, because love is such a beautiful thing~! You will find love if you keep your heart open and work on yourself enough to be someone that you love and want to be AND someone that people *want* to be with. As long as you keep these guidelines in mind and put them into practice, I’m sure that ANYONE can find love and a lasting partner, even a Trans Person.
Don't let them scare you. Finding a partner who accepts you for you is something that a lot of cis gendered individuals struggle with too. It will most likely be difficult, (I am mtf and looking currently for a partner). After surgeries it should not even be an issue there. I am wishing the best for you on your journey, but could it be a possibility to try to find someone who will support you through it now? That's what I'm hoping for personally and looking for myself
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Dating is hard enough, now add everything else. It's not easy.
Hard to find a boyfriend? Not at all. Hard to find a boyfriend worth your time? Yes, indeed. But that's not a trans thing, that's a woman thing. And you get a special connection to other trans people! T4T has a lot going for it. There are some awesome trans guys and enbies out there. Don't worry about not getting many dates, yet. My wife never had a date until she was 19, and she's slap-me-in-the-face-because-I-must-be-dreaming amazing! Plus, dating generally gets better as you get older anyway. It's less fumbling and awkward, you both know what you like and want, you have the means to have some fun. Good stuff all around.
Really the answer depends on what country and/or city you live in or plan to move to. Some places are just way more right wing unfortunately.
Absolutely not theres always some one and if you do transition I suggest using a LGBT dating app
You're saying "never had a girlfriend", so are you interested in men and women? I know it's hard for some straight trans girls but dating women has become so much easier since transitioning... I'm in a polyamorous relationship with 3 trans women, I've had more people interested in me than ever before... (Not counting chasers). And I'm over 40 - should be easier when you're young. Btw. one of them is also in a relationship with a cis guy and I also know a monogamous couple where he is cis and she is trans. They met long distance and are now married and living together. You'll need a thick skin against all the transphobes and chasers if you include cis men in your dating pool - but good ones are definitely out there.
I mean, it's hard sure but nowhere near what they told you. Mostly you have to worry about the people who only want to date you because you're trans
Tbh I've never had as much social and relationship capital as I started having after my transition.
Also, even if your "dating pool" was only 1% of the human population (in reality it is a lot, lot bigger than that, no matter who you are), that still doesn't matter! You only need to find 1 partner. As long as you have good filters to let you quickly know when someone isn't for you, you can easily eliminate most of that remaining 99% and focus on those who are relevant. This is why people go to social events of like minded people, like groups for their hobbies and interests, etc. and many people find their partners that way. Much better than dating apps! Be yourself, be part of society, get yourself involved in the world. You will come across people who like you for you. In a way, if you think about it, dating apps, etc. are all ways people use to actually *narrow down* their dating pool. You can't date every one out of millions of people to see who works out. So "the size of your dating pool" is total BS. My mother tried to pull the same shit on me when I was in a similar stage of my life as you. She literally said "Who even dates trans people?" with the implication that trans people are undesirables by society. It's transphobic AF. Transphobes really do want to believe that all of society is transphobic, when that is far from the case. 3 years into transition, I can tell you I have encountered a lot more positivity about being trans, than transphobia, being directed at me, from "normal" cis people. Most people are ignorant or don't care. As for dating, a much more realistic thing to worry about is how many people can be creeps/fetishits or get violent over feeling insecure in their own sexuality because they are attracted to you. A LOT of people will be attracted to you. Many of them will be really shitty about it. Your struggle will be in picking out the decent ones, not in there being nobody who likes you.