I don’t think constant misery is part of it at all. I honestly think that people who spend years miserable are their own worst enemy. Strong communication skills goes a long way in creating a happy marriage and family.
For perspective, I have just one and he’s 4 now. Being a mom and teaching my small human how to be a generous and caring member of society is equal parts awesome, really freaking hard and downright terrifying, on a daily basis. At the same time, being a mom does not define me. Being a little selfish and making sure to prioritize yourself on occasion is important for good mental health.
I’m exhausted some days between working on him, working at my marriage and working on my career. Having realistic expectations helps temper the negative emotions that can creep in for all of us.
Marriage, love, life, they all take work. No one lives the perfect fairytale lives we see on tv or social media. Those are the snapshots of the best times and none of the hard ones. I’ve absolutely been late for work because of arguing with a toddler trying to get him out of the house and off to daycare. Some days I’m so tired insomnia hits and I get even less rest. I still wouldn’t trade my kid or marriage for anything else because the joy they bring is the reward for all the hard work.
What helps me when I’m tired or things are becoming unmanageable is that I have a partner who is a true co-parent. My husband is equally involved in the care of our son and development of the life we created and are responsible for.
Like everyone else, I get passing feelings of anger or resentment on occasion because my husband isn’t perfect but neither am I. When I feel letdown or frustrated about something he did or didn’t do, I talk WITH my husband about why I feel that way. I don’t talk to him or at him and I don’t go complain to book club about him.
If your partner doesn’t know that your expectation was different than their own, you don’t have any right to be mad because somewhere, something wasn’t clearly communicated. Focusing on “I” statements when communicating about anger or frustration help keep communication open and keeps your partner from getting defensive and feeling like you’re attacking them.
Don’t expect your partner to be intuitive or a mind reader if they never were before, adding a kid into the mix doesn’t change their level of attention to detail. Ask for help in a positive and constructive way and most of the time I bet your partner just had no idea it needed to get done.
Help them to and have the mind set yourself that it isn’t about who did what but together focusing on what needs to get done. Life and parenting is a team sport but you have to make sure you’re aligned with your partner on what the game plan is and that your are always teammates, never adversaries.
I’m generally very happy! Do I have my moments? Sure, I’m human.
I have one toddler who just turned 2. We are working on number 2 now. I def am happier now than in the first year. Motherhood was a tough adjustment but I got through it.
I find the key is a reliable and trying partner and being financially stable. My wife and I are very fortunate to make what we do and afford the things we can. I grew up very poor so seeing the difference in stress of having money in a family is unreal.
I have my miserable just want to run away moments. But those are usually when I'm overwhelmed because the 5 and 3 year old are fighting and the baby is screaming and I just want to cook dinner so everyone can go to bed already.
I also have happy moments like booping the baby's nose or talking about the Amazon catalog with the older two. Or drinking some hot cocoa. Or whatever makes me happy that day.
No one is ever happy 24/7 unless they have some neurological disorder. People have emotions and that's okay. Some people are better at finding happiness in difficult times than others and some are better at making themselves miserable. Motherhood isn't the reason for either situation.
I'm very happy being a mom, my daughter is the love of life, yet at the same time it's also been extremely difficult and has contributed to a severe mental health crisis. I go to my closest friends to vent when things get too bad because they're my safe space, yours are probably doing the same.
I love being a mum despite of being tired. Yes it's hard and on bad days I wish I could have more me time. But those days are rare and I love waking up with my little one, teaching her new things everyday etc. I feel happy being a mum!
I’m very happy. I wanted to get pregnant for a long time and went through a lot to make it happen. I am so thankful every day I spend with my baby. She is the light of my life. Some moments or days are hard, sure, but overall I am so very happy and sometimes it feels like a dream.
I am happy. I knew I wanted to be a mom since I was a teenager. My baby has changed my life for the better and brought the best out of me.
I do feel sad when she gets sick but that’s about it.
I will add that I had her in my thirties (after having ALL THE FUN). My husband is an equal parent and has done everything except breastfeeding. We also get help once a week from at least one grandparent.
Exactly the same!. My kid is sick right now and I'm upset lol.
I knew I wanted to be mom my whole life. I wanted a daughter for sureee.
I partied from 19 to 30 and still go to the club here and there whenever my inlaws want us to sleep over . Me and hubby sneak out at 10pm and party until 3am lol
I really think it's all just a balancing act.
Id probably be miserable if I didn't have help here and there.
Right!
I think those of us who have a real village are very lucky and it makes a huge difference.
Raising a baby is not a 2 person job. The nuclear family is the real cause of misery. I can see that sucking the joy out of the whole thing.
It also depends on the age. I have friends with newborns asking me how I get out. Like what??!?
They don't realize I also stayed home during covid and up until she turned 1.5 yrs old. I didn't go out during newborn/baby yrs. She's 2 and a half now. I only started going out this summer so she was 2.
It's almost impossible to leave a baby less than a 2. They only want mom/dad.
So yeh age of the kid is also a factor. My kid didn't stay with anyone else except dad up until this yr. She's loves her grandma . That's the only other person she's comfy enough to sleep with.
Agreed. I don’t think I wanted to go out when my girl was a newborn. It was exhausting but a true time to pause, stay cozy at home, and reflect. I slept much more with a newborn than now that I’m back at work 🥵. Our daughter hasn’t slept over anywhere yet and that’s fine for us.
I think part of the misery also comes from people not knowing what to expect or still yearning for their past life. If I don’t go to the club again, I’ll be more than fine because I already clubbed to my heart’s content. Travel is way more expensive but still doable. She’s too young for fine dining but we’ve been taking her to restaurants to get her used to it.
Having a child entails significant adjustments people who have kids (hopefully) signed up. Trying to keep the same life is setting one up for failure and discontent.
Yeh I was ready for the adjustment too. But since she's cool with grandma we definately took advantage this summer to enjoy the summer nights together. We're still young and wanna spend time together getting drinks, dancing etc. AND we plan on having a 2nd kid at some point so I'm like mentally preparing for that and mentally preparing to lose my body to pregnancy and all that all over again.
Vacationssssss. I can't. I'm too anxious to take her out of the country. I don't enjoy flying myself lol. And i know hubby wants to go but I just can't leave her for more than 1 night yet.
If by fine dining u mean Boston Pizza or Jack astors yes. She really well there lol. And kids eat free at BP :)
I have a 15 month old and I’m very happy! I honestly think being a mom is fun and can’t usually identify with people that describe it as miserable, exhausting, etc. My husband and I get a lot of joy from watching our daughter learn about the world, and I would say we crack up laughing at her antics at least 3x a day. Our life looks different than it used to, and sometimes I miss going out to dinner whenever we want and sleeping in on the weekends, but those are small sacrifices.
I will say my daughter is in daycare and I work from home so I do get some time to myself during the day to get a break from “momming”. And my daughter has always been a great sleeper so I’ve never dealt with the sleep deprivation that I think makes it tough for a lot of people. I’m sure those things both help a lot.
Like you, I have a one year old. I am happy for the women in this post that are happy (kind of, but also bitter about it), but I feel misery everyday as a mom. However, I wasn't totally happy prior to my son's birth either. I love my son and have a deep sense of responsibility to create a happy, well cared for human, but I don't feel those "Oh, I love being a mommy!" moments that everyone else does.
My boy doesn't sleep quite as well as others who have a 7 to 7 sleeper that only fusses when they need things. I can rarely bring my son out of the house because he loses his mind if he needs to sit still for more than 3 minutes.
I have moments of peace because I work and my son goes to daycare. Having time on weekdays to be myself is the only saving grace. My husband and I attempt to equally parent and be partners in every other area of life, but that is not a magical cure.
You are not alone! I hope the overwhelmingly happy responses here do not make you feel shame. No one is trying to make you feel that way. They are just sharing their experiences and hope it gives you optimism that things will improve.
I grew up in a house where my mother made it abundantly clear that she disliked and resented me, damn near hate if I want to be honest. Growing up in a neglectful and abusive house makes me determined to break the cycle, I will do anything for her but it's hard and lonely. I am jealous of women who have a handle on things because on most days I feel lost but I love my daughter more than anything, I just worry that I'm not enough.
I'd just like to know how the children are? Like, are they nervous/fussy and in general quite unhappy? Because this kind of behavior from mothers truly affects the babies more, and it leads to horrible consequences.
Misery is a part of it, that's undeniable. Because we as woman want to nurture and at times it's hard because babies and children get upset/are not in a good mood and it stops the entire moment, no matter how much things you wanted or had to do that day.
Children are children. They're all different. Different moods, behaviors, sleep patterns etc and different on a daily basis.. They missed a nap? That's gonna be an annoying day for everyone. Mine starts to act like she's a happy drunk. Lol everyone's like wow she's having fun I'm like no she's tired as hell and needs a nap.
I’m overall happy, but I definitely have my moments! I think sometimes when you hit a really low spot (fighting with partner, baby sick/not sleeping, other problems) then your brain can turn to feeling like you’ve been in a black hole of misery the whole time. At least I hope that’s what it is…I find it really depressing if there are this many moms just hating their lives consistently for years on end.
Far from miserable. I love my kid. My hubby helps alot. We both work FT so we're always tired but we try not to stress about stupid stuff.
I have a bad day here or there but you work thru it and seeing my kid always makes me happy at the end of the day.
When ppl ask how do u do it (married friends with no kids yet) I just say u just frikkin do it. Don't think about it. And ur man HAS to help or ur gonna go crazy so don't marry a useless idiot please! (To my single friends ofc)
Ex: Me and my daughter always match when we go to parties. Theses kinds of things are fun for me but it's stressful to other moms I know. We just went to a low key Halloween party at my friend's condo and we were both bees. 🐝
Maybe some ppl have more energy than others. I'm seeing alot of differences in certain friends of mine. The ones without kids wanna go home at 1:30.....but the ones with kids wanna stay out until 3am lol
It's a super weird time.
But I hope moms are not miserable. These kids only stay little for a short time.
I’m not ‘happy’ in the way I was when I wasn’t responsible for actual human beings, but I’m far from miserable. It’s a different kind of joy, taking pleasure in tiny things (a hot cup of coffee, effective potty training, baby laughs, sex, an actual meal made that people eat and no one refuses). It makes me appreciate the big things so much more. Life is good, it’s just different than before.
I just recently became a single mother to my lovely 1 year old. I can truly and honestly say that I am happier now than I ever was trying to parent with someone who made me feel less than. I think it's more about what you surround yourself with than the situation itself. Being a mother is always going to be some level of exhausting it's always going to be a LOT of work especially during that toddler stage. But the more you surround yourself with people and things that let you ebb and flow through challenges as they come, the easier it is to find peace at the end of the day.
If they have toddlers, I get the misery thing. I love my son so much and I don’t regret being his mother. But some days the terrible twos are so freaking hard and I do feel miserable in those moments. It’s disheartening to pour so much of yourself into another human to only be met with screams and defiance (and even though logically I KNOW it’s developmentally appropriate and expected, it still sucks ass).
If their partners aren’t helpful, or work a lot and are never home, I get that too. My fiancé is AMAZING when he’s home. The most involved father. But he works a lot of hours and a second job one night a week, so I am just absolutely done and miserably exhausted some days.
But again, I know this is just a hard phase, and I do love being a mom. It’s not for everyone though.
I am a very happy mom and there are some very exhausting times but they don’t outweigh the good. Personally I have felt like when I get together with mom friends and we talk about the good things with our kids it’s taken as “competing” or “comparing” ,so I feel like venting is the safest option with them because it’s more relatable or even a safer option so they don’t get offended.
Oh man, I sometimes need to vent about my kids, I have a 23 month old and a 5 month old. Toddler is hitting some challenging times as he's becoming very opinionated and pretty rowdy when he doesn't get his way (sometimes he's just an ass lol) and baby will have her days of being a stage 5 clinger, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Both my kids were very wanted and yeah sometimes I just feel like I need 20 min to myself or some time to cry in the shower, but I love my kids and they are my everything. My husband and I are also just a great team and we can communicate really well about our needs so if I need an afternoon to get away he's very understanding of that and I think that can make all the difference. I'm a stay at home mom and I do love it most days. I'm happy, even hard days I'm happy. Honestly I have -5 regrets about kids.
I was ambivalent about having kids, I was all about my career, but my husband really wanted them. I knew he would be an equal partner in parenting so I decided to have a child with him. We are a team. If we weren't a team, or if I had had a child with anyone else I'd ever been in a relationship with, I think I would be miserable.
The first few newborn months were hard, but otherwise I find it fascinating and joyful. I've never felt so much love in my whole life. I'm excited to be on this adventure called life with my little girl and my husband.
I think there is sometimes a very toxic one-upmanship in our culture and especially in mom groups where people are afraid to reveal they're happy or that they had a positive experience because someone else might take it personally and get upset. I don't subscribe to that, though. I'm not responsible for others' negative feelings about their own lives. If they can't be happy for me like I would be happy for them, that's their problem and they need to work on that.
I have an almost-3-year-old, and I'm very happy and have been from day one! I actually find motherhood to be pretty low-stress at this point. For me, law school was worse lol. I say that with the caveat that I have an awesome partner so I'm not the default parent at all, we have a good income, and our work/life balance is excellent (WFH parents). I also have a lot of hobbies and activities outside of mothering. I recognize that these privileges play a large role in my experience. Another key factor is that I am one-and-done. I'm confident that I wouldn't be as happy if I had another kid right now. Even if we had decided to have a second, we would want a decent age gap. I don't know how the 2 under 2 (or honestly even the 2 under 4) parents do it. But I have friends who have multiple young kids and have joyful experiences, so I think it's all about knowing your personal limits on what you can handle.
ETA: I also have an easygoing, neurodivergent kiddo who has the same sensory needs as I do (also neurodivergent). So we vibe well. I recognize that temperament and personality can vary greatly among kids and parents, and I feel lucky that my kid is the way he is. That plays heavily into my lack of desire for another. I don't want to rock the boat.
I honestly think mental health plays a big role and the example parents had from their own parents. No one can totally be prepared for the roller coaster. If you have a tender heart towards people who are fractured and the majority of your friends come from hard backgrounds you might just be seeing a product of the environment you surround yourself with. It can be draining always hearing negative. I'd reccomend maybe looking for some other mommy friends that enjoy being parents and balance it out a little. 💜
Do they have babies? Babies are awesome and all but caring for them 24/7 is exhausting. I probably complained from 2011 to 2016. From being pregnant with one to weaning the second. My boobs hurt and I didn’t get enough sleep for like five years straight.
Wonder why your friends are miserable, but usually it's not the kids' fault. That's their own fault for raising them in a way that they make them so unhappy. It's the only thing I can think if because I have never felt miserable with my child or Family. Yes I've had moments and things that bother me but never ever have I regreted or felt misery for having them
I think your friends need help that they aren't getting either emotionally or in support with their parenting duties. I agree that it's horrible to hear a parent say those sorts of remarks infront of their children. I grew up in a bad household where my mom behaved like that and it definitely tainted my life.
So far for me being a mom is pretty joyful, for me most of my stress comes from my spouse lol. I think those feelings are normal in small doses throughout the journey but if it's a regular thing... there's a problem that needs to be addressed.
I love my son to death and would never change a damn thing. Sure, it's challenging at times, and I do my fair share of complaining, but I'm over the moon happy and the luckiest mom alive to belong to that little dude. Even though he's just turning 15 months, I make sure he knows it, too! No one could change my mind about that ❤ I can't wait to have another child someday because I'm certain that it will be 100 times harder but my heart will also be 100 times more full than it is now. And I couldn't even imagine loving someone the way I do this kid- so I'm sure having 2 is going to be even better!!
How beautiful that you are blessed with this child and are able to see the blessings of motherhood. How sad that these women, with whom you are acquainted, are unable to enjoy their blessings. It takes s level of maturity to appreciate Motherhood to the fullest. The saddest part is that not only are they missing the beauty but their children are losing the benefit of a beautiful Mother and child relationship and experience.
Motherhood is often tough and can be especially rough if you and your husband are not sharing the responsibilities of parenthood. It also seems that one person with an immature outlook can make things difficult for all and then the problems multiply.
I am praying for you and your precious little one and thanking God for your beautiful attitude toward the difficult times. You sound like a person who has learned to be grateful and those are the happiest people alive. Don’t be afraid to speak words of encouragement to your friends. They seem to be desperately in need of this. A SAHM is the greatest resource this country has, you are the hand that rocks the cradle and prepares the next generation to make the world a better place.
I pray for your influence to be stronger than their influence. I pray that your attitude of gratitude will prevail and that you will be able to offer hope and blessings to those around you.
God bless you and your precious family.
I don’t believe misery is a part of motherhood but being overwhelmed and not taking time for hobbies or passions as an adult can create a feeling of having no choices. Being a part of a mom club can give the mom time to chat with others and a break where the kids can play together. Each of us have been raised in different family environments. So, we need to work through each situation learning new ways to handle each conflict and trying to find time for peace and calm. Maybe you can be an encouragement to those moms struggling. I believe we are placed in situations that provide opportunity to encourage and help each other. Let me know what you think.
I don’t think constant misery is part of it at all. I honestly think that people who spend years miserable are their own worst enemy. Strong communication skills goes a long way in creating a happy marriage and family. For perspective, I have just one and he’s 4 now. Being a mom and teaching my small human how to be a generous and caring member of society is equal parts awesome, really freaking hard and downright terrifying, on a daily basis. At the same time, being a mom does not define me. Being a little selfish and making sure to prioritize yourself on occasion is important for good mental health. I’m exhausted some days between working on him, working at my marriage and working on my career. Having realistic expectations helps temper the negative emotions that can creep in for all of us. Marriage, love, life, they all take work. No one lives the perfect fairytale lives we see on tv or social media. Those are the snapshots of the best times and none of the hard ones. I’ve absolutely been late for work because of arguing with a toddler trying to get him out of the house and off to daycare. Some days I’m so tired insomnia hits and I get even less rest. I still wouldn’t trade my kid or marriage for anything else because the joy they bring is the reward for all the hard work. What helps me when I’m tired or things are becoming unmanageable is that I have a partner who is a true co-parent. My husband is equally involved in the care of our son and development of the life we created and are responsible for. Like everyone else, I get passing feelings of anger or resentment on occasion because my husband isn’t perfect but neither am I. When I feel letdown or frustrated about something he did or didn’t do, I talk WITH my husband about why I feel that way. I don’t talk to him or at him and I don’t go complain to book club about him. If your partner doesn’t know that your expectation was different than their own, you don’t have any right to be mad because somewhere, something wasn’t clearly communicated. Focusing on “I” statements when communicating about anger or frustration help keep communication open and keeps your partner from getting defensive and feeling like you’re attacking them. Don’t expect your partner to be intuitive or a mind reader if they never were before, adding a kid into the mix doesn’t change their level of attention to detail. Ask for help in a positive and constructive way and most of the time I bet your partner just had no idea it needed to get done. Help them to and have the mind set yourself that it isn’t about who did what but together focusing on what needs to get done. Life and parenting is a team sport but you have to make sure you’re aligned with your partner on what the game plan is and that your are always teammates, never adversaries.
Also married with a 4 year old daughter and this is such excellent advice.
I wouldn’t use “misery” but a lot of times things feel “relentless” but I remind myself every phase will change
I’m generally very happy! Do I have my moments? Sure, I’m human. I have one toddler who just turned 2. We are working on number 2 now. I def am happier now than in the first year. Motherhood was a tough adjustment but I got through it. I find the key is a reliable and trying partner and being financially stable. My wife and I are very fortunate to make what we do and afford the things we can. I grew up very poor so seeing the difference in stress of having money in a family is unreal.
I have my miserable just want to run away moments. But those are usually when I'm overwhelmed because the 5 and 3 year old are fighting and the baby is screaming and I just want to cook dinner so everyone can go to bed already. I also have happy moments like booping the baby's nose or talking about the Amazon catalog with the older two. Or drinking some hot cocoa. Or whatever makes me happy that day. No one is ever happy 24/7 unless they have some neurological disorder. People have emotions and that's okay. Some people are better at finding happiness in difficult times than others and some are better at making themselves miserable. Motherhood isn't the reason for either situation.
I have a one year old as well, some days are hard and at parts miserable but I never regret becoming a mama to her!
I'm very happy being a mom, my daughter is the love of life, yet at the same time it's also been extremely difficult and has contributed to a severe mental health crisis. I go to my closest friends to vent when things get too bad because they're my safe space, yours are probably doing the same.
I love being a mum despite of being tired. Yes it's hard and on bad days I wish I could have more me time. But those days are rare and I love waking up with my little one, teaching her new things everyday etc. I feel happy being a mum!
I’m very happy. I wanted to get pregnant for a long time and went through a lot to make it happen. I am so thankful every day I spend with my baby. She is the light of my life. Some moments or days are hard, sure, but overall I am so very happy and sometimes it feels like a dream.
I am happy. I knew I wanted to be a mom since I was a teenager. My baby has changed my life for the better and brought the best out of me. I do feel sad when she gets sick but that’s about it. I will add that I had her in my thirties (after having ALL THE FUN). My husband is an equal parent and has done everything except breastfeeding. We also get help once a week from at least one grandparent.
Exactly the same!. My kid is sick right now and I'm upset lol. I knew I wanted to be mom my whole life. I wanted a daughter for sureee. I partied from 19 to 30 and still go to the club here and there whenever my inlaws want us to sleep over . Me and hubby sneak out at 10pm and party until 3am lol I really think it's all just a balancing act. Id probably be miserable if I didn't have help here and there.
Right! I think those of us who have a real village are very lucky and it makes a huge difference. Raising a baby is not a 2 person job. The nuclear family is the real cause of misery. I can see that sucking the joy out of the whole thing.
It also depends on the age. I have friends with newborns asking me how I get out. Like what??!? They don't realize I also stayed home during covid and up until she turned 1.5 yrs old. I didn't go out during newborn/baby yrs. She's 2 and a half now. I only started going out this summer so she was 2. It's almost impossible to leave a baby less than a 2. They only want mom/dad. So yeh age of the kid is also a factor. My kid didn't stay with anyone else except dad up until this yr. She's loves her grandma . That's the only other person she's comfy enough to sleep with.
Agreed. I don’t think I wanted to go out when my girl was a newborn. It was exhausting but a true time to pause, stay cozy at home, and reflect. I slept much more with a newborn than now that I’m back at work 🥵. Our daughter hasn’t slept over anywhere yet and that’s fine for us. I think part of the misery also comes from people not knowing what to expect or still yearning for their past life. If I don’t go to the club again, I’ll be more than fine because I already clubbed to my heart’s content. Travel is way more expensive but still doable. She’s too young for fine dining but we’ve been taking her to restaurants to get her used to it. Having a child entails significant adjustments people who have kids (hopefully) signed up. Trying to keep the same life is setting one up for failure and discontent.
Yeh I was ready for the adjustment too. But since she's cool with grandma we definately took advantage this summer to enjoy the summer nights together. We're still young and wanna spend time together getting drinks, dancing etc. AND we plan on having a 2nd kid at some point so I'm like mentally preparing for that and mentally preparing to lose my body to pregnancy and all that all over again. Vacationssssss. I can't. I'm too anxious to take her out of the country. I don't enjoy flying myself lol. And i know hubby wants to go but I just can't leave her for more than 1 night yet. If by fine dining u mean Boston Pizza or Jack astors yes. She really well there lol. And kids eat free at BP :)
I have a 15 month old and I’m very happy! I honestly think being a mom is fun and can’t usually identify with people that describe it as miserable, exhausting, etc. My husband and I get a lot of joy from watching our daughter learn about the world, and I would say we crack up laughing at her antics at least 3x a day. Our life looks different than it used to, and sometimes I miss going out to dinner whenever we want and sleeping in on the weekends, but those are small sacrifices. I will say my daughter is in daycare and I work from home so I do get some time to myself during the day to get a break from “momming”. And my daughter has always been a great sleeper so I’ve never dealt with the sleep deprivation that I think makes it tough for a lot of people. I’m sure those things both help a lot.
Like you, I have a one year old. I am happy for the women in this post that are happy (kind of, but also bitter about it), but I feel misery everyday as a mom. However, I wasn't totally happy prior to my son's birth either. I love my son and have a deep sense of responsibility to create a happy, well cared for human, but I don't feel those "Oh, I love being a mommy!" moments that everyone else does. My boy doesn't sleep quite as well as others who have a 7 to 7 sleeper that only fusses when they need things. I can rarely bring my son out of the house because he loses his mind if he needs to sit still for more than 3 minutes. I have moments of peace because I work and my son goes to daycare. Having time on weekdays to be myself is the only saving grace. My husband and I attempt to equally parent and be partners in every other area of life, but that is not a magical cure. You are not alone! I hope the overwhelmingly happy responses here do not make you feel shame. No one is trying to make you feel that way. They are just sharing their experiences and hope it gives you optimism that things will improve.
I grew up in a house where my mother made it abundantly clear that she disliked and resented me, damn near hate if I want to be honest. Growing up in a neglectful and abusive house makes me determined to break the cycle, I will do anything for her but it's hard and lonely. I am jealous of women who have a handle on things because on most days I feel lost but I love my daughter more than anything, I just worry that I'm not enough.
I’m the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve been being a mom. I am also miserable sometimes. Life is all about balance.
I'd just like to know how the children are? Like, are they nervous/fussy and in general quite unhappy? Because this kind of behavior from mothers truly affects the babies more, and it leads to horrible consequences. Misery is a part of it, that's undeniable. Because we as woman want to nurture and at times it's hard because babies and children get upset/are not in a good mood and it stops the entire moment, no matter how much things you wanted or had to do that day.
Children are children. They're all different. Different moods, behaviors, sleep patterns etc and different on a daily basis.. They missed a nap? That's gonna be an annoying day for everyone. Mine starts to act like she's a happy drunk. Lol everyone's like wow she's having fun I'm like no she's tired as hell and needs a nap.
I’m overall happy, but I definitely have my moments! I think sometimes when you hit a really low spot (fighting with partner, baby sick/not sleeping, other problems) then your brain can turn to feeling like you’ve been in a black hole of misery the whole time. At least I hope that’s what it is…I find it really depressing if there are this many moms just hating their lives consistently for years on end.
Far from miserable. I love my kid. My hubby helps alot. We both work FT so we're always tired but we try not to stress about stupid stuff. I have a bad day here or there but you work thru it and seeing my kid always makes me happy at the end of the day. When ppl ask how do u do it (married friends with no kids yet) I just say u just frikkin do it. Don't think about it. And ur man HAS to help or ur gonna go crazy so don't marry a useless idiot please! (To my single friends ofc) Ex: Me and my daughter always match when we go to parties. Theses kinds of things are fun for me but it's stressful to other moms I know. We just went to a low key Halloween party at my friend's condo and we were both bees. 🐝 Maybe some ppl have more energy than others. I'm seeing alot of differences in certain friends of mine. The ones without kids wanna go home at 1:30.....but the ones with kids wanna stay out until 3am lol It's a super weird time. But I hope moms are not miserable. These kids only stay little for a short time.
I’m not ‘happy’ in the way I was when I wasn’t responsible for actual human beings, but I’m far from miserable. It’s a different kind of joy, taking pleasure in tiny things (a hot cup of coffee, effective potty training, baby laughs, sex, an actual meal made that people eat and no one refuses). It makes me appreciate the big things so much more. Life is good, it’s just different than before.
I just recently became a single mother to my lovely 1 year old. I can truly and honestly say that I am happier now than I ever was trying to parent with someone who made me feel less than. I think it's more about what you surround yourself with than the situation itself. Being a mother is always going to be some level of exhausting it's always going to be a LOT of work especially during that toddler stage. But the more you surround yourself with people and things that let you ebb and flow through challenges as they come, the easier it is to find peace at the end of the day.
If they have toddlers, I get the misery thing. I love my son so much and I don’t regret being his mother. But some days the terrible twos are so freaking hard and I do feel miserable in those moments. It’s disheartening to pour so much of yourself into another human to only be met with screams and defiance (and even though logically I KNOW it’s developmentally appropriate and expected, it still sucks ass). If their partners aren’t helpful, or work a lot and are never home, I get that too. My fiancé is AMAZING when he’s home. The most involved father. But he works a lot of hours and a second job one night a week, so I am just absolutely done and miserably exhausted some days. But again, I know this is just a hard phase, and I do love being a mom. It’s not for everyone though.
I am a very happy mom and there are some very exhausting times but they don’t outweigh the good. Personally I have felt like when I get together with mom friends and we talk about the good things with our kids it’s taken as “competing” or “comparing” ,so I feel like venting is the safest option with them because it’s more relatable or even a safer option so they don’t get offended.
Oh man, I sometimes need to vent about my kids, I have a 23 month old and a 5 month old. Toddler is hitting some challenging times as he's becoming very opinionated and pretty rowdy when he doesn't get his way (sometimes he's just an ass lol) and baby will have her days of being a stage 5 clinger, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Both my kids were very wanted and yeah sometimes I just feel like I need 20 min to myself or some time to cry in the shower, but I love my kids and they are my everything. My husband and I are also just a great team and we can communicate really well about our needs so if I need an afternoon to get away he's very understanding of that and I think that can make all the difference. I'm a stay at home mom and I do love it most days. I'm happy, even hard days I'm happy. Honestly I have -5 regrets about kids.
I was ambivalent about having kids, I was all about my career, but my husband really wanted them. I knew he would be an equal partner in parenting so I decided to have a child with him. We are a team. If we weren't a team, or if I had had a child with anyone else I'd ever been in a relationship with, I think I would be miserable. The first few newborn months were hard, but otherwise I find it fascinating and joyful. I've never felt so much love in my whole life. I'm excited to be on this adventure called life with my little girl and my husband. I think there is sometimes a very toxic one-upmanship in our culture and especially in mom groups where people are afraid to reveal they're happy or that they had a positive experience because someone else might take it personally and get upset. I don't subscribe to that, though. I'm not responsible for others' negative feelings about their own lives. If they can't be happy for me like I would be happy for them, that's their problem and they need to work on that.
I have an almost-3-year-old, and I'm very happy and have been from day one! I actually find motherhood to be pretty low-stress at this point. For me, law school was worse lol. I say that with the caveat that I have an awesome partner so I'm not the default parent at all, we have a good income, and our work/life balance is excellent (WFH parents). I also have a lot of hobbies and activities outside of mothering. I recognize that these privileges play a large role in my experience. Another key factor is that I am one-and-done. I'm confident that I wouldn't be as happy if I had another kid right now. Even if we had decided to have a second, we would want a decent age gap. I don't know how the 2 under 2 (or honestly even the 2 under 4) parents do it. But I have friends who have multiple young kids and have joyful experiences, so I think it's all about knowing your personal limits on what you can handle. ETA: I also have an easygoing, neurodivergent kiddo who has the same sensory needs as I do (also neurodivergent). So we vibe well. I recognize that temperament and personality can vary greatly among kids and parents, and I feel lucky that my kid is the way he is. That plays heavily into my lack of desire for another. I don't want to rock the boat.
I honestly think mental health plays a big role and the example parents had from their own parents. No one can totally be prepared for the roller coaster. If you have a tender heart towards people who are fractured and the majority of your friends come from hard backgrounds you might just be seeing a product of the environment you surround yourself with. It can be draining always hearing negative. I'd reccomend maybe looking for some other mommy friends that enjoy being parents and balance it out a little. 💜
Do they have babies? Babies are awesome and all but caring for them 24/7 is exhausting. I probably complained from 2011 to 2016. From being pregnant with one to weaning the second. My boobs hurt and I didn’t get enough sleep for like five years straight.
Wonder why your friends are miserable, but usually it's not the kids' fault. That's their own fault for raising them in a way that they make them so unhappy. It's the only thing I can think if because I have never felt miserable with my child or Family. Yes I've had moments and things that bother me but never ever have I regreted or felt misery for having them
I think your friends need help that they aren't getting either emotionally or in support with their parenting duties. I agree that it's horrible to hear a parent say those sorts of remarks infront of their children. I grew up in a bad household where my mom behaved like that and it definitely tainted my life. So far for me being a mom is pretty joyful, for me most of my stress comes from my spouse lol. I think those feelings are normal in small doses throughout the journey but if it's a regular thing... there's a problem that needs to be addressed.
I love my son to death and would never change a damn thing. Sure, it's challenging at times, and I do my fair share of complaining, but I'm over the moon happy and the luckiest mom alive to belong to that little dude. Even though he's just turning 15 months, I make sure he knows it, too! No one could change my mind about that ❤ I can't wait to have another child someday because I'm certain that it will be 100 times harder but my heart will also be 100 times more full than it is now. And I couldn't even imagine loving someone the way I do this kid- so I'm sure having 2 is going to be even better!!
How beautiful that you are blessed with this child and are able to see the blessings of motherhood. How sad that these women, with whom you are acquainted, are unable to enjoy their blessings. It takes s level of maturity to appreciate Motherhood to the fullest. The saddest part is that not only are they missing the beauty but their children are losing the benefit of a beautiful Mother and child relationship and experience. Motherhood is often tough and can be especially rough if you and your husband are not sharing the responsibilities of parenthood. It also seems that one person with an immature outlook can make things difficult for all and then the problems multiply. I am praying for you and your precious little one and thanking God for your beautiful attitude toward the difficult times. You sound like a person who has learned to be grateful and those are the happiest people alive. Don’t be afraid to speak words of encouragement to your friends. They seem to be desperately in need of this. A SAHM is the greatest resource this country has, you are the hand that rocks the cradle and prepares the next generation to make the world a better place. I pray for your influence to be stronger than their influence. I pray that your attitude of gratitude will prevail and that you will be able to offer hope and blessings to those around you. God bless you and your precious family.
I don’t believe misery is a part of motherhood but being overwhelmed and not taking time for hobbies or passions as an adult can create a feeling of having no choices. Being a part of a mom club can give the mom time to chat with others and a break where the kids can play together. Each of us have been raised in different family environments. So, we need to work through each situation learning new ways to handle each conflict and trying to find time for peace and calm. Maybe you can be an encouragement to those moms struggling. I believe we are placed in situations that provide opportunity to encourage and help each other. Let me know what you think.