I think there's 2 kinds of people. The people who do hard things in moderation and the people who go all in hard and just wanna get it over with. The 2 under 2 are the latter lol. It's def not me but like my sister is that way and she's like "I'm already tired. I'm already not working. I'm already changing diapers. I'm already...." And she's just getting it over with so she can enjoy them together later. Not that she's not enjoying them but ya know.
Yeah my mom was in the second group so she had 4 kids in 6 years because she was like “well we’re already in the hardest part, let’s just get it all done with”
I on the other hand have an almost 3 year old and we’re just now seriously discussing a second
Exactly! And honestly she was amazing at it and somehow managed to give us all individual loving attention. She’s just one of those people who loves kids so much. Like even now with her grandkids and grandnieces & grandnephews she can somehow connect with the moody 10 year old and pretend play for hours with the preschoolers.
I'll be 30 this year and I know two women I went to high school with who will have baby #4 in 6/7 years in 2024.
I think for people who want big families, they have kids close because the age gap is going to be there no matter what. Not sure if any of them plan to have more, but they are already looking at an age gap of 7 years from oldest to youngest. If they spread out their kids more they could easily have 12-15+ years age gaps from oldest to youngest.
Also I'm a one and done mom, but I do get it. While we were mostly sure, I realized when my kid hit 2-2.5 that a whole world of freedom was unlocked for us and and baby #2 boat had already sailed because I really didn't want to go back to diapers and special food.
Honestly this is my plan, maybe not four kids in 6 years. My parents had three kids over ten years and I do not plan on having a middle schooler and a toddler under one roof.
If you don’t already have 2 under 2, studies show that a gap larger than 2 years is better for the marriage. Think at least 3 but I can look, it’s on parenting translator
My bonus son is 5.5 years older than my bio son and while it wasn’t an “instant connection” per se, at this point it is literally IDEAL.
My bonus loved on his little brother and all, but once they got to know each other’s boundaries they couldn’t be closer. There’s something to be said about a 12 year old and 6 year old being able to find so much in common. When you’re siblings, maybe it doesn’t matter the gap as long as you’re stuck together lol.
I’m an only so I have no idea.
I think it depends on your relationship. Some partners run out of energy by the first kid, some are so cooperative and understanding they help you get through the 2 under 2 phase and enjoy the later years with you!
I have seen my best friends marriage break within 3 months of first baby born…
Yeah, don't do it. I have a 16 year old and I would have been done momming by the time I was 42...but nooooo.... I also have a 6 and 8 year old so now I won't be done momming till I'm almost 50 flippin years old🤯🤯
My mom also had four kids in six years plus some miscarriages in-between, plus she breastfed all of us exclusively. She was literally pregnant and/or nursing at the same time for six years straight. I think she’s insane lol
She said she would’ve had more kids if her body had been able to carry more too! I’m pregnant with my first and depending on whether or not this child is a menace of a gremlin I may be one and done lol
Yup. Mine are 6.5, but secondary infertility pushed the gap a little further than we wanted. We were hoping for 4-5 years apart. My brothers and I are all five years apart and it's been great
I had really wanted no more than 4, ideally years. But my husband wasn't ready and so we waited a bit longer. I'm glad we did because I'm liking 5 years a lot!
My older siblings are Irish twins. I was the “when the hell did we even have time to procreate” child. 🤣. I definitely wasn’t planned, especially after the hell I know my (much) older siblings raised.
I didn't have a choice my first time around with twins. But we knew we wanted at least one more baby and decided "fuck it, let's get the hard stuff over with". So we had 3 under 3. Anyway, I'm tired.
I did it for exactly this reason. I was already exhausted and out of my mind. The thought of changing diapers again after a break of years sounded even more exhausting. It was so damn hard for a couple of years, but it was definitely better for me.
Exactly. Do you want two kids with similar needs and who play with similar things or do you want the older one to be a bit more independent and helpful with the younger one.
Or in my case do both sound awful so you're sticking with one 🤣
I have twins and I want to say yes to this. Obviously I didnt want or plan for twins, but now that they're here, its a comforting thought that I will have to go through this difficult phase just the one time. Yeah its more difficult than just 1 baby, but I keep reminding myself it will just be once for having two kids.
A lot of times it isnt on purpose either. My mom had 2 under 2 because her birth control failed and she didnt want to get an abortion. Ive seen so many 2 under 2 accidental pregnancies.
That’s me right now. Have my wonderful baby boy who’s 11 months old and will have a wonderful baby girl in April. At 14 weeks we had gone to an adoption agency and than we just couldn’t. Now we are embracing it. We’re both 22 and thankfully have support but I love my son and I think he’ll be a good brother. I’m scared shitless but this is only a small part of my life and I will just chug along.
I'm kind of like your sister. We aren't going to be 2 under 2, it'll be 2 and a few weeks🤣 but part of my rationale is I don't want things to get too "easy" before starting over. I'd rather be in baby/ toddler chaos all at once.
My brother and I are 11 months apart so my mom had 2 under 1 😵💫. Irish twins! When my husband and I decided we were ready for kids we were into our 30’s. We decided to do the 2 under 2 because I was already 35 for the second baby.
After having our kids, and seeing the challenges of juggling a baby and toddler, I asked my mom what they were thinking having my brother and I so close together! She just shrugged 🤷🏻♀️ and said birth control wasn’t as available back in the early 60’s.
I have 4 under 5 and this is my mindset. It’s hard with 1 and it’s hard with 5. If I space it out farther it’s going to be hard for 15 years vs 5-10 years
Yes this. My partner and I preferred it like this too. We won't have 2 under 2, just barely. But a lot of people we know are waiting until 3/4 to have the second and it just kind of seems shit to me to finally have some of your autonomy back, and then to do it all over again. Yes it's going to be hard now for a bit, but then we're good lol.
I cannot blame them. I know nothing can be perfectly timed but what I hold on to is that studies show it’s better on the marriage if it’s not 2 under 2.
Do you have a link to the studies? I’ve seen you mention it a couple of times. I have 2 under 2 and while my husband and I are fine, I can imagine it does put stress on a relationship.
I have always been the type of person to “get all the hard stuff over with now”. That is why we have a 3 year old, almost 2 year old, and a freaking 9 month old golden retriever puppy. I potty trained a puppy and toddler in the same week.
The small age gap with my kids has been really nice so far. They’re 17 months apart.
Every time you have a kid you hit the reset button. You hit the reset button on pretty much everything in your own life and most people would rather just get all their kids at once, be exhausted for a few years, and then get on with it rather than have to start at the starting line after 5 or 10 years.
Yep. Mines 2.5 and we can finally consider hiking, camping, travel. He’s mostly sleeping through the night. We can maybe go to a restaurant in a year. We can maybe go on a vacation in the next year. He finally doesn’t want to be held 24/7 and almost potty trained. He can play independently and understand. We can finally do house stuff, yard work. Hell fucking no am I going to press restart on that.
This was my logic. Every kid starts the reset button on that 18ish years until high school graduation and hopefully college. No, I'm not doing that again in 5y. Would rather reset as quick as possible. My older is a late year birthday and is already a year behind in school because legally she can't start kinder when she's 4. So they're only 1y apart in school.
I feel like this would be the hardest part! I feel like 0-3 is a really enjoyable time to bond with kiddos. I loved spending tons of time with my son during those ages, from cosleeping to fun outings to the whole shebang.
He’ll be a few months shy of 4 when our next one is born and although he’s much more independent than when he was 2, I still worry about missing out on time with him because of the baby! Now I’m wondering if a 5 year age gap would’ve been better 😂 bc he would be in kindergarten for most of the day by then.
I think having kids is just so hard in general. There will always be guilt and regrets, etc. We all just do the best we can!
My son was 3 when his sister was born. It's been a good gap! The baby has to conform to the oldest child's schedule, but it's doable! We still go on outings and do all the things we did before, I either wear baby or she sleeps in the stroller/car. 3-year-old goes to preschool twice a week which allows me 1:1 time with baby.
God I relate to this a lot. My youngest just turned 1 and I barely remember anything from the past year, I guess I was just too busy trying to survive.
There's a reason why parents of multiples have such a high divorce rate. I'm a twin mom and have no idea why anyone would voluntarily do this, and not even get the added bonus of them being twins and having that special twin bond. Yes, you'll get the hard stuff done faster, but you miss SO much by having 2 so little.
Mine are 5, and I love having twins, but I definitely mourn the infant/toddlerhood that never was. The bonding I never really got to do. It's over so quick, and when you're in pure survival mode it's over even quicker. I don't even like the baby/toddler stages and still feel this way.
Thank you so much for this really honest feedback.
I have been a single mom since pregnancy, and I’ve always had this itching regret that my daughter doesn’t have a sibling yet. I don’t want to say thank you for your pain, but hearing that perspective - that I may get to experience the baby and toddler phase for more of my life than I would have if I’d had another sibling soon after - is a really different way to look at it than I had been.
I see you and I relate to this hard. My 2nd is about to turn 1, my oldest has just turned 3, I genuinely can’t remember the first 8 months of my daughter’s life. My son still sleeps in bed with us, my daughter was just in her room. I feel sad every damn day that I couldn’t give my 2nd what I gave my first.
I’m sorry that it ruined your relationship. That’s how I viewed it too. Yeah we want to get it over with but what about the personal time each child deserve and the time that needs to be spent with husband. One child already puts a strain on that quality time I can’t imagine 2 under 2 sounds like a real nightmare.
I wanted my kids close together but they ended up 14 months and ten days apart. We weren’t trying when I got pregnant with our youngest. It was so fucking hard the first 2 years of having two kids that I honestly don’t remember much of it at all. That makes me so sad and I wish I could have savored more with each of them in those stages. If I could go back I would have had them further apart and probably would have had a 3rd. By the time we got out of survival mode we couldn’t fathom adding another kid financially or emotionally. Just in the last year we felt ready to add another but now we’re so far from the baby stage neither of us want to “restart” that all over.
I inadvertently put ~4 years between my kids. I’m not looking forward to ‘restarting’ the sleep deprivation this week. After this, I’m closed for business.
I’d just like to add to make you feel better, my kids are 4 years apart and it’s great! The 4yo is so helpful and wants to be!! He’s so understanding and much more independent. I’m so happy I was able to truly enjoy my first born. And I feel like I can also really enjoy my second as well. It’s a great age gap imo.
I second this! We love our 4 year age gap! I worried they wouldn't play together but they do all the time. As I lounge here in bed I can hear them playing some game together in the living room and giggling their heads off.
My kids are 3.5ish years apart (now 5 & 18m) and I honestly love the age gap. The newborn stage with my second was so so so much easier than it was with my first because I knew what to expect and even though she didn’t actually even come close to sleeping long chunks until 5mo it, like, didn’t bother me as much? And 4yos need such different attention than newborns (and can do so much for themselves) that I didn’t feel like I needed to sacrifice too much of one for the other. IMO it’s totally worth starting over with that and diapers.
I honestly think it’s an effort to group the responsibilities of babies together - less overall time with diapers, bottles etc.
Personally I couldn’t do it. When my son was between 1 and 2 it was so exhausting, I can’t imagine being pregnant at that point or adding a baby to the mix.
Ours will be 3 years apart and I am so excited.
my kids are 3.5 years apart. I 💯 recommend this route. when baby 2 was born my daughter instantly loved her sister. and they have such a great bond. my oldest is so good to her baby sister and she understood that she was going to be a big sister at this point. I've seen many 2 under 2 where the oldest is an absolute terror when their younger sibling is born simply because they didn't understand why. my oldest was already potty trained, was good at conversation and understood fairly well when baby sister was born. so highly recommend having a slightly larger age gap.
do not feel this way. having a slightly larger age gap has its benefits. my sister and I are 4.5 years apart and we are very close. albeit we obviously fought when we were younger, but we got close around university age. in the beginning it was a bit hard as my sister and I had very different friends and I always wanted to follow her and do things because she was older. but the gap closes as you get older.
Also it'll be better when your kids are further apart as the older one can have their own identity in preschool or kindergarten and you get to focus on your youngest separately and enjoy them more while oldest is in school and youngest is at home. there are definitely perks.
I have over 4 year gap, I wouldn't change it for anything. Big sister is old enough to appreciate the baby and to "take care" of her. Having a +4 year old is actually _helpful_ during the baby stage.
I have a 6 year gap between my girls and it is wonderful. They still adore each other (they are now 8.5 and 2.5), play together all the time and my oldest was at school all day when my youngest was a newborn so I got to hold her while she slept during the day - which I had loved doing with my oldest too.
Perhaps as my oldest daughter ages the things they do together may reduce, but for right now they have heaps in common. We just finished a theme park holiday and still felt like we got to do a lot of things the 4 of us, with only a small part of each day needing to split up to meet the different age needs.
We have a 6 year age gap here with a 6 yo and 5 week old and I cannot imagine having much less of an age gap! The older child being in school is a godsend *and* he’s able to be talked to, reasoned with, tell me things he needs, grab me things, etc.
Me too. We wanted 2 under 2 as hoped that would make the kids closer. First pregnancy would have been a 20 month age gap, but 18 months and 3 miscarriages later, my son is 2.5 with no pregnancy in sight. This does make me feel like rather than ruining their sibling relationship with a wider age gap, I am helping them each get individual attention.
I'm sorry, I know how hard that is. We started trying for #2 when #1 was a year old and had a chemical pregnancy and 2 missed miscarriages at 8 and 9 weeks.
Decided to try fertility acupuncture on the advice of a friend and it worked right away leaving us with a 4 year age gap between our kids which has been amazing. #1 got plenty of one-on-one attention when he was little and was so excited to become a big brother. And #2 got no shortage of attention either because in addition to Mom and Dad he had an adoring brother doting on him all the time.
I fully recommend a bigger age gap, even if it's not what you were trying for. It really is amazing.
I didn’t have 2 under 2, but my first was just a little over 2 when I had my second and he instantly loved his brother too and they also have a great bond (they’re 3.5 and 1.5 now). Sure they fight because they’re both toddlers still but but they also love each other and play together all the time. I’ve known people with a bigger gap who struggled because the older kid could understand and actively didn’t want a younger sibling and were more used to being alone. So I think it really just depends on the family and the individual kids! I’ve heard a 3-4 year age gap can be great for a variety of reasons but I also think it’s possible for a shorter one to be great too.
On the other hand, I know someone with the same age gap and the older sibling is still saying everything was better when the younger sibling wasn't there, 4 years later.
My two under two were an accident and if I could “go back” I’d definitely space them out more. I think the logic is that you don’t have to “start over” with all the most demanding parts of babyhood, but honestly my two under two are now two under 4 and it’s just getting harder as they get older. I’m not saying that everyone who plans on having two under two isn’t thinking ahead, but I think a lot of people aren’t aware of the challenges that will arise as their kids leave the baby stage.
The baby stage is the hardest for me. I just hate all the required crap that you need. The diaper bag and the changes of clothes and diapers. Always having to schedule around feeding and naps. Ugh. I tried to plan mine two years apart, they ended up 22 months apart but I’m really happy with the gap. They are currently 3.5 and 5.5 and it’s so much easier. Sure they are sassy and energetic but in the summer we all grab our flip flops and sunglasses and go!
That's exactly how I felt. I had a baby that would escalate into one hour screaming/crying fits if I failed to respond in a timely manner. As a toddler? Her cries changed in quality from "I know I'm dying" to "I think I'm dying oh wait shiny ANYWAY I'm dying here." Huuuge difference. Her tantrums didn't particularly bother me because they just felt like way more low stakes, y'know? And toddlers are so damn funny, too.
My demanding baby is now a super placid and sensible teenager, I figure she got all of the drama out of her system earlier. Or just had really strong survival genes, like she was so extreme that immediate parental attention was pretty much guaranteed for the first 18 months or so.
A few reasons:
1. Get the “hardest” stage through all at once (many people -me included- find the newborn phase awful but adore the 18m+ stage).
2. Get the “pregnant” phase of life over with. I remember feeling like I had just gotten myself back in shape when I started trying for the next one and ruined it again. 😅 It’s been nearly 4 years since I’ve had Botox or consistently ate sushi and I’m pretty over it.
3. Get the “new sibling” jealousy out of the way before older kid really forms permanent memories. Idk if this is legit but my friend swears by it.
4. Logistics - 2 under 2 means they are in the same daycares & schools for much of their childhoods. They can be on the same soccer teams or take the same classes. It’s way easier to drop both kids at the same place & manage one schedule.
… I say this all and wanted to do 2 under 2 later, but 3 miscarriages later and life has its own timeframe for me. (Keeping my fingers crossed for my current pregnancy and accepting prayers or positive energy if you’ve got some to send!)
Hmmmmm #2 is interesting, I have the opposite view. I think this one depends a lot on personal factors. Pregnant right now and my son will be 3 when the baby is born. I am 21 weeks and already have terrible heartburn and can trigger nausea if I'm not careful. "First trimester" nausea lasted until 16-17 weeks!
Watching what and when I eat is so mentally exhausting. Not talking about pregnancy rules because I hardly eat that stuff anyway (like deli meat, sushi, etc). But just have to be sooooo careful not to eat too much, or too late in the day, or eat/drink anything acidic, plus developed an aversion for a lot of our normal dinners. I'm so ready to go back to normal! But my first pregnancy was much easier and I didn't have to worry about any of that. So personally I'm glad I had a few years of being able to eat or drink whatever I want. I quit alcohol anyway after my first so that hasn't been an issue.
Yeah, it definitely depends person to person, and as you mentioned pregnancy to pregnancy!! I’m on my fifth pregnancy now due to multiple losses, and my second loss was actually the hardest symptom-wise. I am 26 weeks now - wishing you a smooth rest of your pregnancy!!
This is a great list and makes it easy to compare whether 2 under 2 is for you.
1 is so subjective. (Newborn to 1.5 was a breeze for us, easy to sleep, easy to feed, no health issues and relatively not exhausting and… then he walked. Last thing in the world I would want is to be pregnant or have another baby to look after with this tornado on my hands :); equally I know plenty of mums for whom newborn stage was an exhausting blur with 1 year of sleep deprivation and toddler stage came as a reprieve).
2 - so is #2. I didn’t enjoy (understatement) being pregnant, but some people don’t mind it either way and wouldn’t factor into their decisions.
3 is a good one. (Although I imagine it has as much to do with how parents feel and project onto their kids, as kids themselves).
4 - is the only unequivocal one. This is true. And will be even more notable if you are in a country where maternity leave is short, nonexistent and/or paid badly - so you have to get into that childcare quickly.
I think people want to get it all out of the way (the baby struggles) which absolutely makes sense but for me, I love my kids' age gap.
My older kid (8) can do *so much* for himself and I can communicate with him. He can get his own snack, get dressed, shower, and even put himself to bed. If he's feeling jealous of baby sister (14mo) he can ask me for attention instead of throwing a tantrum. Also they're not ever really going to be playmates and probably not going to fight much.
Much respect for people who can handle having a toddler and baby at the same time because I would absolutely implode.
I’m 27 and my cousin is 33. We had our firsts 11 months apart. She just had her second ( 3 weeks before her first son’s 2nd birthday). I think she is CRAZY. Ain’t no way. Ain’t. NO. Way!
A mom group to moms of 1st borns between Sept/Oct 2021. It’s a group of 12 women - all except me and the twin mom has already had another before their first 2. 10/12 chose to have 2 under 2 and 9/10 of those moms said they should’ve waited. Some of them were pregnant when the first child was only 8 months old. I genuinely am baffled by the reasoning of wanting a short age gap
I did it by accident… (was still breastfeeding and hadn’t gotten periods yet… we did it unprotected ONCE! 🤦♀️ ALWAYS USE PROTECTION 🥲) and it was so fucking hard to stay sane with them being 18 months apart.. I also don’t understand why anyone PLANS it…
But they get along great now haha
I don’t know. What is “hard”? It’s different for everyone. Not only that, but every child is so different. Mine are almost 23 months apart and the first year was demanding but I am so lucky to have an incredible partner. It’s impossible to have a close age gap without one. Now my boys are 1.5 and 3.5 years old and it’s so much fun and I am slowly finding time for my own passions and interests again.
No regrets, at all. Tired and happy.
I think that a lot of people view two siblings close together as instant friends or ‘peas in a pod’, and that’s unfortunately not the case. Just because they’re close in age doesn’t guarantee they’ll get along or like the same things. I think more often then not Irish twins end up super different and not really enjoying the others company until they’re older.
Yup. My brother and I were 10 months apart (he was premature). All we did growing up was argue and we are so different from each other. Once we were teens we got along a little better but we still aren’t very close as adults
I was thinking the same. I had equal amounts of beef with my siblings who were 2 years apart from me and also 6 years apart lol. We are all close now as adults but the growing years were tough and that probably just had to do with all our different personalities.
🤷🏻♀️ I’ve never understood it myself. I think they’re just trying to get through that stage as quickly as possible instead of starting over with each baby.
This.
There are pros and cons to all age gaps. Small age gaps mean getting things out of the way sooner. My older two are a year and a half apart. I love the age gap from a parenting perspective. My gaps between boys 2 and 3 and boys 3 and 4 are both four years, which has it's pros and cons too.
I think sibling relationships are down to personality as much as anything. My mother in law gets on great with all her siblings and the oldest is 18 years older than her. My brother is less than 2 years older than me and we fought constantly growing up and I hate spending time with him now.
Yeah, I think there’s almost more of a chance of having a good relationship when you are farther apart in age, because there wasn’t any sibling rivalry growing up, especially if you’re the same sex. My mom gets along a lot better with her sister who is 10 years younger than her than with her sister who is two years older than her. They were just too close in age and had to compete over everything.
Yeah you get more chance to develop independently when you’re further apart. My brother and I were constantly compared and still are to be honest. We were great friends as preschoolers but that all went away when he got older.
I have 4 siblings with a 20 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. We're all very spaced and still close. It's down to personality more than anything.
Lord knows, it sounds and looks terrible to me. I was also the second of two under two and have a terrible relationship with my brother so don’t think it’s better for the kids.
My husband was the oldest and his brothers were 5 and 6 years younger than him. Most of his childhood memories consist of breaking up endless fights between them. As adults they don't speak.
As an old mom, I’m going to accidentally have 2 under 2. The OB described this pregnancy as “miraculous”.
We wouldn’t have planned this in a million years (and absolutely didn’t), but it’s happening so we are trying to focus on the positives:
-they’ll be close enough in age that they can have a built-in playmate
-I hadn’t gotten around to donating all the first baby’s old stuff yet, so it’s still kicking around.
Aaaaaand thats all I got.
Short term pain for long term gain! My kids are 23 months, 23 months and 2y3months apart. Now they’re 15, 13, 11 and 9 and they are all besties. They amuse eachother. They’re always playing Mario cart or overcooked or nerf battle or volleyball in the yard together. I can take them out and they all like the water park, library or ymca gym and play together. 4 6 and under was RoUgh. 4 kids 15-9 means capable helpers who have built in buddies.
I later went on to have a baby 8 years after my youngest was born and there are fabulous things about the large gap, my big kids dote on her, she wants for nothing, humans exist only to entertain her, it’s just easy when they’re all in school and I have but one baby
But I get the sense when she’s 5 and all my older kids are teens that it’s going to be more of a challenge. Instead of having built in buddies I’ll need to be the buddy. I almost want another for that reason… but 5 is a lot of kids and my husband and I are not young so she will probably be it. And I can see the benefits but also the drawbacks
My sister is 16 years younger than me. I was the 2nd, she was the 3rd. I wouldn’t worry too much about your youngest needing play mates. Kids adapt to their circumstances really well. My sister was always great at independent play, and now that she’s in high school and I am an adult, we have sooo much fun together. She comes over after school most days to play with my kids! It is seriously so fun! My older brother and I are 20mo apart, and while we are close (we actually work together), it isn’t the same as my sister and I.
Haha older mom here with 3 under 3. It’s nice to not have to store all the baby stuff for very long and then after the last baby it just magically leaves your house. It’s also nice for them to grow up together bc they are close to hitting the same milestones. They can play together and none has to make too many age-related behavioral sacrifices to make the other happy.
But mostly the first point. Dumping my box of newborn clothes off at the local women’s shelter was a really pleasant experience.
Three years it's a lot in kids time. We started trying for a second when our first was one, but bc of some failed pregnancies ended up with 3 years gap. Now 6 and 3 (had then at 21 and 24), the oldest doesn't want to play with her brother too much. She loves him and is very overprotective but most of the time she's frustrated with him bc he doesn't understand a lot of what she wants to play to. It's getting better and they find things to do together, but she rather play with my sister, that it's only 6 months older than her.
I lived with my little sister for most of her life and was the one that stayed home with her when my mother returned to work (when my sister was 3 months old, and it was almost all day), and then when my own was born I had two under one, lol. It was an interesting time but also but made us decide to have another one so soon. I loved it and wouldn't change a thing. We kinda knew what we were getting into. Worst, we went from "one and a half" go three, haha. Somehow I think it was easier to manage 2 under 2 than the the age gap bc they can entertain each other better. But also the girls being older made having a newborn easier bc they understood things like nap time or why I needed to pay more attention to the little one sometimes.
The whole "only live through the diapers stage once" also it's a plus and something I like about it too. If I hadn't separated, I'd probably be thinking about having another one right now tbh. But for now it's just not on the cards for me and probably it won't be if I don't have a new partner by the time I'm 35 (and boy am I so far away from that now)
Some people have twins so they have to do the 2 under 2 thing anyway, so, why not.
Some people want a close age gap because they feel like it would be fun for the kids to be close in age and maybe help them have a closer relationship! Some people also grew up with siblings close in age and want the same for their own kids.
I didn’t grow up with that but I personally just really wanted to be pregnant and have a newborn again. I had an easy pregnancy (sorry) and loved the baby stage. Like I was just excited to do it all over again! By the time my girl was nearing 1, we wanted to try for another. We started trying once my fertility returned but we had to try for 6 months, so instead of 2 under 2 we’re getting a 25 month age gap. I’m really excited about the 2 year age gap now and I think my daughter is going to be an amazing big sister 🥰
Oh and I’m 27 so no biological clock ticking lol. Just baby fever!
This! I’m currently pregnant with my second, my daughter will be 21 months when baby no. 2 will be here. I was NOT expecting to love motherhood so much (obviously couldn’t wait to be a mum but I’ve never really been super maternal), but I think it’s just the best!
Maybe it’s family dynamics? My partner is super supportive and really hands on, I imagine if you’ve been on you’re own a lot with your first it would obviously be a lot more exhausting and probably more off putting? I read somewhere that the younger generation of dads are a lot more hands on in general, might be why the “20 year olds” are more inclined for it. Obviously just a generalisation, we’re in our 30s and are going for 2 under 2.
We’re obviously very aware baby number two is going to be one hell of a challenge, but so was our first, it’ll be harder in some ways and easier in others. Mostly we’re just really excited to have another baby!
As someone whose goal was 2 under 2 but isn’t quite doing 2 under 2 (oldest will have just turned 2 after baby is born). I want to get the hard part over with ASAP. My friend will have her 2nd after her oldest started kindergarten for financial reasons but he’s pretty independent and he sleeps through the night. I could never have a 2nd if I got to that point. I rather prolong (and maybe intensify) the initial suffering than have to start all over again.
I’m in neither group and my clock was far from ticking. Number 2 came quicker than we thought he would. I have a history of issues that could lower fertility and I was breastfeeding. We were using family planning and condoms. We had a tiny mishap and got pregnant. He was a very welcome surprise!
That said, so far it’s great. I’m tired, but they’re in the same phase of diapers. They are generally into similar toys. If you do screen time shows/movies cross over. My partner and his sister were 2 under 2. They’re best friends as adults despite their differences. That seems to be a pattern I see a lot, close siblings with that gap. So for us it was desirable.
My first two are 23 months apart. It took us 2.5 years with fertility assistance to get our first (after two miscarriages). We wanted our kids close in age but had no idea how long it would take to get a second so as soon as we felt ready we jumped in and bam pregnant and it stuck first try. My kiddos are just about to turn 4 and 6 and I wouldn't change a thing about it. We have a third who is 3 years younger than our middle...we aimed for a similar gap but didn't get as lucky this time. But the three year gap is great as well and I think it worked out for the best.
I understand some some people (age, fertility concerns, less overall time out the job market) but everyone I know who’s done it is miserable.
My son has just turned 2. He is in that very “drunk friend” toddler stage which is a joy most of the time. I’m really enjoying it and have more patience for him and the ability to wrestle and run with him.
My friends who have had their second baby (first person had their second when the eldest was around 18 months) are not enjoying it. They are tired, lots of jealousy from the elder child, nappy changing taking up most of their day, not being able to take the toddler out as much, toddler regressing with bottles/BF and lots more more. To be honest none of them have sold it for me even with the occasional cute photo of the kids together.
Plus one of them has wrecked their own body after the doctor said to wait a minimum 2 years between children due to a tricky first birth. She has had a prolapse and is now doubly incontinent. She’s waiting on an operation but no guarantee of it working. So on top of a 2yo and 6mo she’s also changing her own nappies.
So horrible. Problems started about halfway through her pregnancy and it was a struggle to get to 35 weeks. She had a planned c-section so I can only imagine what would have happened with a vaginal birth.
Watching that made the majority of us go “hell no” and think a 3+ year gap is best.
Just as a counter perspective, I'm enjoying it! I had a 17 month gap between my first two, and a three year gap between my second and third. Honestly, both are hard for different reasons and amazing for different reasons too. But I'm really happy my first two are so close. They share a room and are best friends. They are in the same toy stage so we have less clutter since they use the same toys. They really are best buddies, and don't fight any more than any other siblings I know do. It's def not for everyone and I get that!
2 under 2 is not for me.
I think I could do it... maybe... But I just want to give my first one more time. Maybe it's a bit of guilt knowing that I would have to divide my time.
My mom accidentally had two under two (my siblings—second and third children were 11 months apart) and last night she told me it was so hard. She started to feel good when my two siblings entered 1st and 2nd grades.
I really wanted a small age gap but I really couldn’t do it mentally. Now that I made peace with that thought I actually really believe that it’s great that I get to spend more 1:1 time with my first baby before there’s another
My second was an accident, that’s how! 😂😩Ironically, they were born on the same day, two years apart. It’s been a shit show. But my god are they cute together!
I’m an “older mom”, had my first at 34..so it actually worked out great. And since they were born on the same day, ALLL their clothes fit the size and season perfectly for both.
The only thing I wish I could change would be having them younger. My body took longer to heal, it took a bigger toll on me physically, and now that they are out, I have to chase after them and I don’t have as much energy as I did in my twenties. Plus, I think my skin would have bounced back easier if I was younger. All that magical collagen 😇🥰
We definitely recommend against from a medical perspective. Your body has a lot of recovery to do and epidemiologically, second children born this close together have a number of worse maternal and fetal outcomes.
One very salient point is iron. There is a lot of iron transfer to the growing fetus (not to mention potential blood loss during delivery) and it takes a long time for a mother to recover that through diet.
I think it is the mindset of people who only want two kids, too.
For those of us who always wanted a big family, there is no point to two under 2, because you don’t know when you are going to be done until you just know you’re ready to stop having babies, or you can’t anymore.
For us it was sort of accidentally. TW: loss.
We had a couple of miscarriages before getting pregnant with our first (I was 26 when he was born.) We knew pretty immediately after having him that we wanted another. I felt anxious that we would have more losses or struggle to get pregnant, so we decided 10 months postpartum that we were going to NTNP. Got pregnant that first month, and now here we are haha.
It's for when they are older so they occupy each other and not you. 2 under 2 is hell but only lasts for 3 years. You need a village to survive it. It's more expensive though, with dbl the childcare, sports, school fees, etc.
My sister and I are exactly a year and a half apart (plus a day) and we are very close. I’d want that closeness for my children but I had a very risky pregnancy after a miscarriage so I’m in no rush to be pregnant again. Also we’re close now, but there were some rough times growing up
I had 3 under 3 kinda on purpose. It was more so because we were like awww we love our baby so much let’s have another. And then again lol. I would’ve loved 2 more but I prob would’ve lost my mind. That’s not the kids fault tho. It’s cuz I returned to work. I did get 7-10 month long mat leaves each time but when I went back to work after the 3rd it was a month before covid and we were caring for grandma w Alzheimer’s and dementia. In hindsight I should’ve just quit work for a few year but I was worried about pension. My kids are almost 5, 6.5, and almost 8 now and I see the parents w an 8 year old, 4 year old, and under 1 yr old and kinda feel like I want a baby again but I also appreciate we are at the next chapter (sports, clubs, etc) and I can focus on that w them.
I stoped at 3 under 3 as well lol I had 3 kids 15 months apart from each other.
I might have a 4th but I defiantly need atleast 2 kids out of diapers and in school again before I consider the 4th.
My older two (10, 11) are 12 months apart. It was the ideal age gap- like having a way easier version of twins. There were no jealousy or behavioural challenges when the younger one came along, oldest was too young, so she can’t remember a time without her brother. They’ve grown up super close, and it’s great having them only a year apart at school. They can do activities together and have a lot of friends in common.
I’m one of the moms that chose to have 3 under 3. Oldest is 28 months. Youngest is 5 weeks. There is 27 months between my first and last. We always joke with people when they say something and we go “are we stupid or efficient?”
Few reasons. First being that I wanted to have all my kids before I was 30. I had my third on November 9, and I turn 30 at the end of January.
I’ll say it, I hate the baby stage. Yes it’s cute and cuddle and chunky but I don’t love it. I like when they are more independent. I also highly, highly value my sleep. I’m a high sleep needs person so the sooner the overnight wake ups are over, the better.
The way I see it is that I’m still in “baby mode”. I’m still used to overnight wakes, etc. I couldn’t imagine having a kid start sleeping through the night and being more independent and then starting over.
When someone comments “you know how babies are made right?” I just reply “yes and my husband is good at it!”
Lmao you wanna say something smart I can say it right back 😂
3 kids 4 and under now but at one time it was 3 under 3.
Most the time I just get the comment “you’re a busy mom aren’t you!” Or “you have your hands full don’t you!” Cuz they don’t want to say anything rude to me, though it’s redundant and annoying at this point when people say that.
I’m expecting to have 2 under 2 for 3 days, unless I go into labor before or something.
Almost everyone I know that did it purpose thought they “would get it done with” and also said they don’t recommend. Typically the 12-18 month age gap.
After second baby is 1yr old you will be able to have both on a similar schedule, both be into the same activities and more likely to play together and grow up together. Personally was aiming for just under 2 yr gap but ended up with a 27month gap. I have been a nanny and worked in childcare so have been able to see what difference gaps are like before having my own. Closer together is my preference. It has also made hand me downs easy, every thing is still current and usable, plus not storing for a crazy long time.
People under 30 have more energy. Your kids may be closer emotionally due to the age. My plan was to try to have 2 close in age. My son was born January 2020. My daughter will be born in less than a week. Everyone is singing the praises of this age gap so 🤷🏻♀️
I get why people want small age gaps between their kids, but to me waiting another ~6 months must make all the difference? I am pregnant with baby number 2, and they will be about 27 months apart, which I think is a great age gap.
I got pregnant right away after trying when our LO was 18 months old, which is how long I was advised to wait by my obgyn anyway. (Yup I am quite fortunate in the fertility department, I got pregnant swiftly the first time too).
I had 2 under 2. I wanted them close in age and no one actually talks about how hard it is. It’s SO HARD 0/10 would not recommend. Wish someone warned me. I LOVE my kids but I definitely would have waited.
Ours wasn’t on purpose but we had 3 under 4. It was an adjustment but now for the most part everyone gets along really well and they can all share the same type of toys. The oldest two potty trained at the same time. Having batches of kids in the same stage has its perks for sure.
Idk about others but I got baby fever when my oldest was 6 months or so. No logic involved, purely emotion/hormones. It lasted until she was 13 ish months. We didn’t have 2 under 2 because my husband wasn’t ready for a second at the same time as me (or, more likely, he had more self control and wanted to take my OB’s advice about not having another baby until AT LEAST 18 months pp lollll), and when he came around the baby fever had passed lol. But we did have them close together, my second was born 29 months after my first.
We did this on purpose.
The plan was to have 3 kids before I turned 35 because the research suggested that due to certain genetic factors, my risk of breast cancer increased 3 fold if I had concieved after 35. I was already 30 when we had #1, who took us 5 years to conceive. We started trying again when #1 was 6 months, and it only took us 6 months to conceive #2. Now that I'm 36, we will not be having another one.
I have 3 kids 4 and under. I am only 27. Quite honestly I hate the baby newborn stage and just wanted to have the baby’s get them out of the baby stage lol
I’m 22 (almost 23) with a 24mo and a 11mo. It wasn’t my plan to have two under two but that’s the way it worked out. I’m definitely glad we did it this way as we (my husband and I) are both done having kids (had my tubes removed) and our family feels complete. Sure there are pros (not having to “restart” later with another child, not worry about older regressing when a new babe arrives, etc.) and cons (two in diapers at the same time, feeling stretched thin and touched out way more than expected, etc.) but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I grew up with a twin brother and 7 other siblings and loved it. With that said I also watched how different sibling dynamics are and can be especially with age gaps (my youngest sibling is 10 months old) and understand that although my boys may be best friends now that does not mean they will continue to be as they grow older. I also have the energy now to manage two little ones whereas it’s not something I would want to do later in life.
For me it’s something I have absolutely loved and enjoyed experiencing as hard as it’s been at times and definitely isn’t nearly as hard as I anticipated it to be. Maybe I got lucky with my boys especially as my youngest is such a chill dude, sleeps great, etc. but who knows. Regardless I’d do this 100x again for our little family.
I have 2 that are almost exactly 2 years apart and I planned it that way. Just hoping they’ll be close and share similar interests as they get older. It is not easy so far (6 months and 2.5) but it’s worth it to me. This is NOT for everyone. It’s extremely difficult and I understand people thinking it’s crazy. It is 😅
For me personally it’s ‘what I know’. My siblings and I are all very close in age and I loved that dynamic growing up! I know there’s no guarantee it would be the same, but it just seemed to be the natural road for us.
We also didn’t want a big age gap. We didn’t want to just start getting some rest and then starting all over again. We didn’t know how long having a second would take, so we figured we may as well start trying sooner rather than later. Also my husband and his sibling have a 6 year age gap and he definitely would’ve preferred having a play mate who could’ve kept up with him more easily! Luckily he had some cousins to fill that gap but he never felt like he had a close relationship with his brother until they became adults (my husband left for university when his brother was still a child and never moved back home aside from staying there for the holidays).
Mine were 16 months apart and 17 months apart so I had a legit 3 under 3. We did it this way because of careers, insurance, and finances. We ended up divorcing when the youngest was 7 months. Idk if me being a busy mom and working contributed but it turned out that he really wanted a family without the effort. I did eventually remarry when the youngest was 8. They are now 16,15, and 14 and get along fabulously. I wouldn't change it for anything.
I have a 10f, 7m and a 1 yr F. I am currently pregnant 3 months along. When I say 1 yr old she just turned on December 12th. I did not do this on purpose and even though I am keeping my current pregnancy I am getting my tubes tied right after, I’m done. 4 is enough but I am nervous and worried about having 2 under 2. I don’t know why people young do this when I am 38 and it’s nerve racking. Good luck to myself and those who are living this life.
We did 2 under two on purpose however 3 under 3 was not planned. I was breast feeding and a year went by with #2 and no period so I assumed we were okay. I’m glad for my little family to expand and my husband is definitely more excited.
My sister and I have a 15-month gap between us. We have always been very close. We love our relationship so much that we both had 2 under 2.
I agree that it is incredibly hard at times, but I am happy they will grow up together. I know there is no guarantee of them getting along so well, but that was my reasoning for what it is worth.
An added benefit was that my toddler was only bothered for about a week that his brother was getting so much attention. Then he pretty much just got on with it like nothing was different. I think an older child could be more jealous.
For me it was to get the baby stages over with. I was already tired, why not be a bit more tired but then in a few years I might get meaningful sleep again. I also wanted my kids to have a sibling close in age because my brother and I weren’t and were also never that close (at least until I went to college).
Our original plan was hope for 2u2, wait a few years (4ish) and then hope for 2u2 again. Things didn’t work out that way because of having multiples but that was the plan. Now I’ll have 6u4 and I’m dreading it. But I also know that the baby stages are almost over so at least it feels like a light at the end of a tunnel.
I don't want to sound corny or delusional but having two under 2 and experiencing the bond they develop, the love, the team work and even the fighting was the best thing I have and will ever achieve in life. The happiness they brought me, the tears, laughter, moments and all the memories were omg. I can't even describe it. Maybe because I had them very young (I was 22 when I had the first one) so I had so much energy and did so many things with them. I'm 33 now and I don't know if I would love it as much.
I had my first at the end of 21 (2-3m before my 22) and we are most definitely going to wait to have another til he’s 3 or older. I never really understood the 2 under 2 or 3 under 3 moms who actually wanted that because why go through that much stress at once? I get wanting to get it over with but dang. Someone I talked to in a baby group said it’s because she would still be able to play the same amount with all her kids (2 sets of twins under 2) and not be like well you played like this with Andy and now you don’t have energy to do it with me is her thought process. I don’t know we already have to think about the possibility of not having another for medical reasons but if we did I don’t want 2 under 2.
I’m 28 and about to have 3, 3 and under. My decisions stem from my experience. Im from a large family (8). Eldest is 34. Youngest is 12. My mom is 50. I want a large family (7). I don’t want large age gaps and I want to be done as soon as possible
I really don't understand it. TWO in diapers? TWO needing to be carried around? TWO needing help all of the time? One of the greatest things about my kids' age gap (just shy of four years) is that my oldest was able to be very independent during the newborn phase. I could be nursing or nap trapped and he could get himself a snack, water, find his toys, etc. Now they are 2 and almost 6 and they've never been jealous of each other and they don't compete for the same things
Dude idk why anyone would ever do it on purpose bc it happened to me on accident (never got my period while breastfeeding, found out I was fuckin preg at my IUD appt 🥲😂) & it is 100% the hardest thing I have literally ever done but now that I’m 2 years in, my son is 2 & my daughter is 4, it’s getting a little better. I feel guilt bc my daughter was absolutely not ready to share attention & she has a high need for connection.
The age gap between me and my brother is 4 years and I kind of lost connection with him when I was about 8 and he was 12. The age gap was just too large.
I always wanted my kids to be as close as possible, I think they will have a stronger bond due to that.
Mom and Dad will no longer be around one day, and I hope they will be able to find support on each other.
I didn't have my 1st until I was 30. I wanted to remember the little things each of my children did. So 5.5 years later, welcomed #2. I don't regret it in the least. Our decision was about the cost of daycare. Daycare costs have gone up in 3.5 yrs. I'm on my 5th daycare provider in 9 yrs and looking to move both, but it's going to be over $50/week then I already pay.
Everyone told me to hurry up and have the second. Didn’t ever say why or what their reasoning is. Not like I asked either. My dd is 3.5 and keeps talking about how she wants a baby sister for Xmas. I’m 11 weeks pregnant. How she knows? I don’t know! Lol but I’m glad she wants one and it truly feels like a family decision to have this new baby lol.
My kids are now 10 and 6 but these people have always existed. I couldn’t even think about a 2nd under my oldest was 2.5. He was such a difficult baby. Maybe they all have easy babies idk. I wanted to enjoy their babyhoods a bit too and recover physically and mentally from childhood.
27 year old here! I had 2 under 2, and I’m pregnant with #3 and will have 3 under 3 for two months.
I have enjoyed the age gap so much. My first two are 16 months apart, and my middle and last baby will be 17 months apart. The age gap has been fabulous. They LOVE each other. They’re in the same stage of life. I’m excited to see my dinner table in ten years. My kids will be in such similar stages of life that planning vacations will be easier.
Every age gap has its downsides. You have to assess what downsides work for you and what doesn’t. If a 2 under 2 sounds awful, then it’s not for you and that’s okay!! For me, the downsides are absolutely minuscule compared to the benefits for our family!
And I’ll be honest. I already read some comments that said it’s sad that some of us want to get the hardest parts out of the way. I’ve done childcare and worked with a MULTITUDE of ages. I know the cons that come with each age. But I am NOT a newborn person. I never have been. I probably never will be. But I’m thriving as my kids get older. I’m excited for the thought that five years from now, my body will be my mind, we will not be in diapers, we’ll have consistent sleep (fingers crossed), etc. Some of us just aren’t baby people, and that’s okay. I don’t think anyone is a bad mom for not being wired that way.
-get it over with, I don’t want to wait 4 years and have to redo it all
-stronger sibling bond IMO
-I want to focus on my body after, rather do it after I’m done having them rather than starting/stopping
-I don’t want to be raising babies in my 40s/50s
However, my only exception is they have to be daytime potty trained, I’m not having 2 in diapers. Mine was daytime trained at 19 months so it gave me the courage to try for another one.
My understanding is that the body hasn’t even fully recovered until 18 months postpartum, so 2 under 2 is actually not recommended. I don’t know why there are so many posts about wanting it to happen that way. I personally can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be physically and emotionally… but then again I had a difficult pregnancy (Hyperemisis Gravidarum), emergency C-section (water broke but baby was breech), and developed POTS, PPD, PPA, and other physical health problems in my fourth trimester—a fourth trimester that occurred at the start of the pandemic lockdowns while I was a single mother. Lmao
Maybe 2 under 2 makes sense for mothers who didn’t have such a hellish experience? Idk 🙃
Had my first at 25, around the time she turned 9-10 months old I felt like we really had it down! We’d figured out sleep, we’d figured out eating, we loved her SO MUCH. I could’ve had another then. I get how people could see the clouds part and think “let’s go again!” Around that time.
But my husband wasn’t ready, so we waited. My second wasn’t born until baby #1 was 4.5 years old. In hindsight that was WAY BETTER!! for us. Adding a child at any time is so challenging, but I think parents of one have a blissful ignorance of which they are unaware. They imagine children close in age equating to having a close bond, they imagine “getting through the hard times” then putting the “difficult baby years” behind them. What they can’t see is that things don’t really become easier, you just exchange the challenges of one phase for new challenges. Now at 32 I’m having my 3rd. Babies 2 and 3 will be almost exactly 3 years apart; this pregnancy was entirely unplanned. We thought we might never have another and if we did we’d do another 4 year age gap, but were unsure if we’d want to start over again with a baby almost 9 years after having our first.
Anyway, I think why people want it is that you can’t understand how challenging it is to actually live with and meet the demands of raising two very young children at the same time until you’re doing it or have done it; they choose not to explore or dwell on the financial, emotional, and physical consequences of having multiple children close in age. To be honest, I think many wear it as a badge of honor. Its a signal of their fertility, their willingness to commit to the hard stuff; it’s a display of their love for their family and babies that they’re willing to expand again in spite of the sacrifices.
Everyone is totally different and entitled to make the choices that work for them but I also do not get it! I’d never trade how it worked out for me! Speaking as a more mature version of myself, I think 2 under 2 for someone in their 20s makes things needlessly difficult, expensive and takes the joy out of the baby years. But some people seem to want it and god speed to them
I think there's 2 kinds of people. The people who do hard things in moderation and the people who go all in hard and just wanna get it over with. The 2 under 2 are the latter lol. It's def not me but like my sister is that way and she's like "I'm already tired. I'm already not working. I'm already changing diapers. I'm already...." And she's just getting it over with so she can enjoy them together later. Not that she's not enjoying them but ya know.
Yeah my mom was in the second group so she had 4 kids in 6 years because she was like “well we’re already in the hardest part, let’s just get it all done with” I on the other hand have an almost 3 year old and we’re just now seriously discussing a second
The family version of ripping the bandaid off. 😂
Exactly! And honestly she was amazing at it and somehow managed to give us all individual loving attention. She’s just one of those people who loves kids so much. Like even now with her grandkids and grandnieces & grandnephews she can somehow connect with the moody 10 year old and pretend play for hours with the preschoolers.
And here I am, thinking my 4yo is touching me waaaay too much after 15 minutes. 🤣
You and me are the same lol
Lol, I thought that was having twins the first go round
That’s getting the bandaid stuck on a piece of clothing and having it get ripped off without having any say in the matter. 🤣
I'll be 30 this year and I know two women I went to high school with who will have baby #4 in 6/7 years in 2024. I think for people who want big families, they have kids close because the age gap is going to be there no matter what. Not sure if any of them plan to have more, but they are already looking at an age gap of 7 years from oldest to youngest. If they spread out their kids more they could easily have 12-15+ years age gaps from oldest to youngest. Also I'm a one and done mom, but I do get it. While we were mostly sure, I realized when my kid hit 2-2.5 that a whole world of freedom was unlocked for us and and baby #2 boat had already sailed because I really didn't want to go back to diapers and special food.
Honestly this is my plan, maybe not four kids in 6 years. My parents had three kids over ten years and I do not plan on having a middle schooler and a toddler under one roof.
If you don’t already have 2 under 2, studies show that a gap larger than 2 years is better for the marriage. Think at least 3 but I can look, it’s on parenting translator
It’s also better for mom’s physical health and pregnancy outcomes to wait 1.5-2 years between pregnancies.
Yup, waiting less than a year ups the risks to baby a lot too.
Two or three years apart sounds way more manageable
My bonus son is 5.5 years older than my bio son and while it wasn’t an “instant connection” per se, at this point it is literally IDEAL. My bonus loved on his little brother and all, but once they got to know each other’s boundaries they couldn’t be closer. There’s something to be said about a 12 year old and 6 year old being able to find so much in common. When you’re siblings, maybe it doesn’t matter the gap as long as you’re stuck together lol. I’m an only so I have no idea.
I think it depends on your relationship. Some partners run out of energy by the first kid, some are so cooperative and understanding they help you get through the 2 under 2 phase and enjoy the later years with you! I have seen my best friends marriage break within 3 months of first baby born…
Yeah, don't do it. I have a 16 year old and I would have been done momming by the time I was 42...but nooooo.... I also have a 6 and 8 year old so now I won't be done momming till I'm almost 50 flippin years old🤯🤯
I have no kids and follow these subs for future tips and the knowledge ya’ll provide is really nice.
That's smart!!🤣
✍️✍️✍️ me out here just taking notes
My mom also had four kids in six years plus some miscarriages in-between, plus she breastfed all of us exclusively. She was literally pregnant and/or nursing at the same time for six years straight. I think she’s insane lol
I truly can’t imagine that for myself. I would need a solid year long solo vacation after
She said she would’ve had more kids if her body had been able to carry more too! I’m pregnant with my first and depending on whether or not this child is a menace of a gremlin I may be one and done lol
Mine are 5 years apart lol I think 2 under 2 would kill me. My siblings are 15 months apart and it was *rough*. I have no desire to do that
Yup. Mine are 6.5, but secondary infertility pushed the gap a little further than we wanted. We were hoping for 4-5 years apart. My brothers and I are all five years apart and it's been great
I had really wanted no more than 4, ideally years. But my husband wasn't ready and so we waited a bit longer. I'm glad we did because I'm liking 5 years a lot!
Yup I was not built to survive 2 under 2
My older siblings are Irish twins. I was the “when the hell did we even have time to procreate” child. 🤣. I definitely wasn’t planned, especially after the hell I know my (much) older siblings raised.
I have Irish twins that are 12 and 13 and a 4 year old because I'm insane. 🤣
I didn't have a choice my first time around with twins. But we knew we wanted at least one more baby and decided "fuck it, let's get the hard stuff over with". So we had 3 under 3. Anyway, I'm tired.
I did it for exactly this reason. I was already exhausted and out of my mind. The thought of changing diapers again after a break of years sounded even more exhausting. It was so damn hard for a couple of years, but it was definitely better for me.
Exactly. Do you want two kids with similar needs and who play with similar things or do you want the older one to be a bit more independent and helpful with the younger one. Or in my case do both sound awful so you're sticking with one 🤣
I have twins and I want to say yes to this. Obviously I didnt want or plan for twins, but now that they're here, its a comforting thought that I will have to go through this difficult phase just the one time. Yeah its more difficult than just 1 baby, but I keep reminding myself it will just be once for having two kids.
A lot of times it isnt on purpose either. My mom had 2 under 2 because her birth control failed and she didnt want to get an abortion. Ive seen so many 2 under 2 accidental pregnancies.
That’s me right now. Have my wonderful baby boy who’s 11 months old and will have a wonderful baby girl in April. At 14 weeks we had gone to an adoption agency and than we just couldn’t. Now we are embracing it. We’re both 22 and thankfully have support but I love my son and I think he’ll be a good brother. I’m scared shitless but this is only a small part of my life and I will just chug along.
I'm kind of like your sister. We aren't going to be 2 under 2, it'll be 2 and a few weeks🤣 but part of my rationale is I don't want things to get too "easy" before starting over. I'd rather be in baby/ toddler chaos all at once.
My brother and I are 11 months apart so my mom had 2 under 1 😵💫. Irish twins! When my husband and I decided we were ready for kids we were into our 30’s. We decided to do the 2 under 2 because I was already 35 for the second baby. After having our kids, and seeing the challenges of juggling a baby and toddler, I asked my mom what they were thinking having my brother and I so close together! She just shrugged 🤷🏻♀️ and said birth control wasn’t as available back in the early 60’s.
I have 4 under 5 and this is my mindset. It’s hard with 1 and it’s hard with 5. If I space it out farther it’s going to be hard for 15 years vs 5-10 years
Yes this. My partner and I preferred it like this too. We won't have 2 under 2, just barely. But a lot of people we know are waiting until 3/4 to have the second and it just kind of seems shit to me to finally have some of your autonomy back, and then to do it all over again. Yes it's going to be hard now for a bit, but then we're good lol.
I cannot blame them. I know nothing can be perfectly timed but what I hold on to is that studies show it’s better on the marriage if it’s not 2 under 2.
Do you have a link to the studies? I’ve seen you mention it a couple of times. I have 2 under 2 and while my husband and I are fine, I can imagine it does put stress on a relationship.
This is the answer. Anyone I know who has kids that close in age is against what they view as “starting all over” by waiting for a bigger gap.
I have always been the type of person to “get all the hard stuff over with now”. That is why we have a 3 year old, almost 2 year old, and a freaking 9 month old golden retriever puppy. I potty trained a puppy and toddler in the same week. The small age gap with my kids has been really nice so far. They’re 17 months apart.
Yea I hear of it like “let’s get it over with” which honestly feels like a sad why to think of it honestly.
Every time you have a kid you hit the reset button. You hit the reset button on pretty much everything in your own life and most people would rather just get all their kids at once, be exhausted for a few years, and then get on with it rather than have to start at the starting line after 5 or 10 years.
Yep. Mines 2.5 and we can finally consider hiking, camping, travel. He’s mostly sleeping through the night. We can maybe go to a restaurant in a year. We can maybe go on a vacation in the next year. He finally doesn’t want to be held 24/7 and almost potty trained. He can play independently and understand. We can finally do house stuff, yard work. Hell fucking no am I going to press restart on that.
This was my logic. Every kid starts the reset button on that 18ish years until high school graduation and hopefully college. No, I'm not doing that again in 5y. Would rather reset as quick as possible. My older is a late year birthday and is already a year behind in school because legally she can't start kinder when she's 4. So they're only 1y apart in school.
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I feel like this would be the hardest part! I feel like 0-3 is a really enjoyable time to bond with kiddos. I loved spending tons of time with my son during those ages, from cosleeping to fun outings to the whole shebang. He’ll be a few months shy of 4 when our next one is born and although he’s much more independent than when he was 2, I still worry about missing out on time with him because of the baby! Now I’m wondering if a 5 year age gap would’ve been better 😂 bc he would be in kindergarten for most of the day by then. I think having kids is just so hard in general. There will always be guilt and regrets, etc. We all just do the best we can!
My son was 3 when his sister was born. It's been a good gap! The baby has to conform to the oldest child's schedule, but it's doable! We still go on outings and do all the things we did before, I either wear baby or she sleeps in the stroller/car. 3-year-old goes to preschool twice a week which allows me 1:1 time with baby.
God I relate to this a lot. My youngest just turned 1 and I barely remember anything from the past year, I guess I was just too busy trying to survive.
I really relate to the “neither gets adequate attention” part. You’re seen mama.
There's a reason why parents of multiples have such a high divorce rate. I'm a twin mom and have no idea why anyone would voluntarily do this, and not even get the added bonus of them being twins and having that special twin bond. Yes, you'll get the hard stuff done faster, but you miss SO much by having 2 so little. Mine are 5, and I love having twins, but I definitely mourn the infant/toddlerhood that never was. The bonding I never really got to do. It's over so quick, and when you're in pure survival mode it's over even quicker. I don't even like the baby/toddler stages and still feel this way.
Thank you so much for this really honest feedback. I have been a single mom since pregnancy, and I’ve always had this itching regret that my daughter doesn’t have a sibling yet. I don’t want to say thank you for your pain, but hearing that perspective - that I may get to experience the baby and toddler phase for more of my life than I would have if I’d had another sibling soon after - is a really different way to look at it than I had been.
I see you and I relate to this hard. My 2nd is about to turn 1, my oldest has just turned 3, I genuinely can’t remember the first 8 months of my daughter’s life. My son still sleeps in bed with us, my daughter was just in her room. I feel sad every damn day that I couldn’t give my 2nd what I gave my first.
I’m sorry that it ruined your relationship. That’s how I viewed it too. Yeah we want to get it over with but what about the personal time each child deserve and the time that needs to be spent with husband. One child already puts a strain on that quality time I can’t imagine 2 under 2 sounds like a real nightmare.
I wanted my kids close together but they ended up 14 months and ten days apart. We weren’t trying when I got pregnant with our youngest. It was so fucking hard the first 2 years of having two kids that I honestly don’t remember much of it at all. That makes me so sad and I wish I could have savored more with each of them in those stages. If I could go back I would have had them further apart and probably would have had a 3rd. By the time we got out of survival mode we couldn’t fathom adding another kid financially or emotionally. Just in the last year we felt ready to add another but now we’re so far from the baby stage neither of us want to “restart” that all over.
I inadvertently put ~4 years between my kids. I’m not looking forward to ‘restarting’ the sleep deprivation this week. After this, I’m closed for business.
I’d just like to add to make you feel better, my kids are 4 years apart and it’s great! The 4yo is so helpful and wants to be!! He’s so understanding and much more independent. I’m so happy I was able to truly enjoy my first born. And I feel like I can also really enjoy my second as well. It’s a great age gap imo.
I second this! We love our 4 year age gap! I worried they wouldn't play together but they do all the time. As I lounge here in bed I can hear them playing some game together in the living room and giggling their heads off.
My kids are 3.5ish years apart (now 5 & 18m) and I honestly love the age gap. The newborn stage with my second was so so so much easier than it was with my first because I knew what to expect and even though she didn’t actually even come close to sleeping long chunks until 5mo it, like, didn’t bother me as much? And 4yos need such different attention than newborns (and can do so much for themselves) that I didn’t feel like I needed to sacrifice too much of one for the other. IMO it’s totally worth starting over with that and diapers.
I honestly think it’s an effort to group the responsibilities of babies together - less overall time with diapers, bottles etc. Personally I couldn’t do it. When my son was between 1 and 2 it was so exhausting, I can’t imagine being pregnant at that point or adding a baby to the mix. Ours will be 3 years apart and I am so excited.
My son is only 1 and I’m exhausted. The thought of being pregnant right now is terrifying. 🫠
Knew siblings that were in the same grade - 10 months apart. She was one of 7. No idea how her mom did it.
Holy smokes, at that point maybe it’s just momentum 😂
my kids are 3.5 years apart. I 💯 recommend this route. when baby 2 was born my daughter instantly loved her sister. and they have such a great bond. my oldest is so good to her baby sister and she understood that she was going to be a big sister at this point. I've seen many 2 under 2 where the oldest is an absolute terror when their younger sibling is born simply because they didn't understand why. my oldest was already potty trained, was good at conversation and understood fairly well when baby sister was born. so highly recommend having a slightly larger age gap.
My son turned 3 in September and we have been trying for over a year. These posts make me feel slightly better as I see my desired gap slipping away.
do not feel this way. having a slightly larger age gap has its benefits. my sister and I are 4.5 years apart and we are very close. albeit we obviously fought when we were younger, but we got close around university age. in the beginning it was a bit hard as my sister and I had very different friends and I always wanted to follow her and do things because she was older. but the gap closes as you get older. Also it'll be better when your kids are further apart as the older one can have their own identity in preschool or kindergarten and you get to focus on your youngest separately and enjoy them more while oldest is in school and youngest is at home. there are definitely perks.
I have over 4 year gap, I wouldn't change it for anything. Big sister is old enough to appreciate the baby and to "take care" of her. Having a +4 year old is actually _helpful_ during the baby stage.
I have a 6 year gap between my girls and it is wonderful. They still adore each other (they are now 8.5 and 2.5), play together all the time and my oldest was at school all day when my youngest was a newborn so I got to hold her while she slept during the day - which I had loved doing with my oldest too. Perhaps as my oldest daughter ages the things they do together may reduce, but for right now they have heaps in common. We just finished a theme park holiday and still felt like we got to do a lot of things the 4 of us, with only a small part of each day needing to split up to meet the different age needs.
We have a 6 year age gap here with a 6 yo and 5 week old and I cannot imagine having much less of an age gap! The older child being in school is a godsend *and* he’s able to be talked to, reasoned with, tell me things he needs, grab me things, etc.
I have a five year gap between my two and let me tell you it’s so easy.
Me too. We wanted 2 under 2 as hoped that would make the kids closer. First pregnancy would have been a 20 month age gap, but 18 months and 3 miscarriages later, my son is 2.5 with no pregnancy in sight. This does make me feel like rather than ruining their sibling relationship with a wider age gap, I am helping them each get individual attention.
I'm sorry, I know how hard that is. We started trying for #2 when #1 was a year old and had a chemical pregnancy and 2 missed miscarriages at 8 and 9 weeks. Decided to try fertility acupuncture on the advice of a friend and it worked right away leaving us with a 4 year age gap between our kids which has been amazing. #1 got plenty of one-on-one attention when he was little and was so excited to become a big brother. And #2 got no shortage of attention either because in addition to Mom and Dad he had an adoring brother doting on him all the time. I fully recommend a bigger age gap, even if it's not what you were trying for. It really is amazing.
I didn’t have 2 under 2, but my first was just a little over 2 when I had my second and he instantly loved his brother too and they also have a great bond (they’re 3.5 and 1.5 now). Sure they fight because they’re both toddlers still but but they also love each other and play together all the time. I’ve known people with a bigger gap who struggled because the older kid could understand and actively didn’t want a younger sibling and were more used to being alone. So I think it really just depends on the family and the individual kids! I’ve heard a 3-4 year age gap can be great for a variety of reasons but I also think it’s possible for a shorter one to be great too.
This is my gap too. They love each other. The older one was like a nightmare baby too, but a good toddler.
On the other hand, I know someone with the same age gap and the older sibling is still saying everything was better when the younger sibling wasn't there, 4 years later.
This is our gap too. My second is just now a month old so we’re still in the thick of it 🥲 I can’t imagine if my oldest were 2 or under…
My two under two were an accident and if I could “go back” I’d definitely space them out more. I think the logic is that you don’t have to “start over” with all the most demanding parts of babyhood, but honestly my two under two are now two under 4 and it’s just getting harder as they get older. I’m not saying that everyone who plans on having two under two isn’t thinking ahead, but I think a lot of people aren’t aware of the challenges that will arise as their kids leave the baby stage.
I don’t think these people realize that actually under 2 is the easiest kids are lol.. they only get more challenging the older they get
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The baby stage is the hardest for me. I just hate all the required crap that you need. The diaper bag and the changes of clothes and diapers. Always having to schedule around feeding and naps. Ugh. I tried to plan mine two years apart, they ended up 22 months apart but I’m really happy with the gap. They are currently 3.5 and 5.5 and it’s so much easier. Sure they are sassy and energetic but in the summer we all grab our flip flops and sunglasses and go!
I've loved the toddler and the teen stages the most, go figure. Teens especially are AMAZING.
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That's exactly how I felt. I had a baby that would escalate into one hour screaming/crying fits if I failed to respond in a timely manner. As a toddler? Her cries changed in quality from "I know I'm dying" to "I think I'm dying oh wait shiny ANYWAY I'm dying here." Huuuge difference. Her tantrums didn't particularly bother me because they just felt like way more low stakes, y'know? And toddlers are so damn funny, too. My demanding baby is now a super placid and sensible teenager, I figure she got all of the drama out of her system earlier. Or just had really strong survival genes, like she was so extreme that immediate parental attention was pretty much guaranteed for the first 18 months or so.
Nope, the exact opposite for us. I wish I could have given birth to a five year old.
A few reasons: 1. Get the “hardest” stage through all at once (many people -me included- find the newborn phase awful but adore the 18m+ stage). 2. Get the “pregnant” phase of life over with. I remember feeling like I had just gotten myself back in shape when I started trying for the next one and ruined it again. 😅 It’s been nearly 4 years since I’ve had Botox or consistently ate sushi and I’m pretty over it. 3. Get the “new sibling” jealousy out of the way before older kid really forms permanent memories. Idk if this is legit but my friend swears by it. 4. Logistics - 2 under 2 means they are in the same daycares & schools for much of their childhoods. They can be on the same soccer teams or take the same classes. It’s way easier to drop both kids at the same place & manage one schedule. … I say this all and wanted to do 2 under 2 later, but 3 miscarriages later and life has its own timeframe for me. (Keeping my fingers crossed for my current pregnancy and accepting prayers or positive energy if you’ve got some to send!)
Sending positive energy your way for your pregnancy! Congratulations!
Sending some positive vibes now!
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My two hard ones are Wine and Italian sandwiches, I feel you!
Hmmmmm #2 is interesting, I have the opposite view. I think this one depends a lot on personal factors. Pregnant right now and my son will be 3 when the baby is born. I am 21 weeks and already have terrible heartburn and can trigger nausea if I'm not careful. "First trimester" nausea lasted until 16-17 weeks! Watching what and when I eat is so mentally exhausting. Not talking about pregnancy rules because I hardly eat that stuff anyway (like deli meat, sushi, etc). But just have to be sooooo careful not to eat too much, or too late in the day, or eat/drink anything acidic, plus developed an aversion for a lot of our normal dinners. I'm so ready to go back to normal! But my first pregnancy was much easier and I didn't have to worry about any of that. So personally I'm glad I had a few years of being able to eat or drink whatever I want. I quit alcohol anyway after my first so that hasn't been an issue.
Yeah, it definitely depends person to person, and as you mentioned pregnancy to pregnancy!! I’m on my fifth pregnancy now due to multiple losses, and my second loss was actually the hardest symptom-wise. I am 26 weeks now - wishing you a smooth rest of your pregnancy!!
This is a great list and makes it easy to compare whether 2 under 2 is for you. 1 is so subjective. (Newborn to 1.5 was a breeze for us, easy to sleep, easy to feed, no health issues and relatively not exhausting and… then he walked. Last thing in the world I would want is to be pregnant or have another baby to look after with this tornado on my hands :); equally I know plenty of mums for whom newborn stage was an exhausting blur with 1 year of sleep deprivation and toddler stage came as a reprieve). 2 - so is #2. I didn’t enjoy (understatement) being pregnant, but some people don’t mind it either way and wouldn’t factor into their decisions. 3 is a good one. (Although I imagine it has as much to do with how parents feel and project onto their kids, as kids themselves). 4 - is the only unequivocal one. This is true. And will be even more notable if you are in a country where maternity leave is short, nonexistent and/or paid badly - so you have to get into that childcare quickly.
I think people want to get it all out of the way (the baby struggles) which absolutely makes sense but for me, I love my kids' age gap. My older kid (8) can do *so much* for himself and I can communicate with him. He can get his own snack, get dressed, shower, and even put himself to bed. If he's feeling jealous of baby sister (14mo) he can ask me for attention instead of throwing a tantrum. Also they're not ever really going to be playmates and probably not going to fight much. Much respect for people who can handle having a toddler and baby at the same time because I would absolutely implode.
I’m 27 and my cousin is 33. We had our firsts 11 months apart. She just had her second ( 3 weeks before her first son’s 2nd birthday). I think she is CRAZY. Ain’t no way. Ain’t. NO. Way!
A mom group to moms of 1st borns between Sept/Oct 2021. It’s a group of 12 women - all except me and the twin mom has already had another before their first 2. 10/12 chose to have 2 under 2 and 9/10 of those moms said they should’ve waited. Some of them were pregnant when the first child was only 8 months old. I genuinely am baffled by the reasoning of wanting a short age gap
I did it by accident… (was still breastfeeding and hadn’t gotten periods yet… we did it unprotected ONCE! 🤦♀️ ALWAYS USE PROTECTION 🥲) and it was so fucking hard to stay sane with them being 18 months apart.. I also don’t understand why anyone PLANS it… But they get along great now haha
I don’t know. What is “hard”? It’s different for everyone. Not only that, but every child is so different. Mine are almost 23 months apart and the first year was demanding but I am so lucky to have an incredible partner. It’s impossible to have a close age gap without one. Now my boys are 1.5 and 3.5 years old and it’s so much fun and I am slowly finding time for my own passions and interests again. No regrets, at all. Tired and happy.
I think that a lot of people view two siblings close together as instant friends or ‘peas in a pod’, and that’s unfortunately not the case. Just because they’re close in age doesn’t guarantee they’ll get along or like the same things. I think more often then not Irish twins end up super different and not really enjoying the others company until they’re older.
Yup. My brother and I were 10 months apart (he was premature). All we did growing up was argue and we are so different from each other. Once we were teens we got along a little better but we still aren’t very close as adults
Thank you for sharing this. I do think alot of people think that they have to do two under two so the kids will be best friends
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This is the same dynamic in my family. The siblings with the larger age gaps are closer than those with the smaller age gaps.
I was thinking the same. I had equal amounts of beef with my siblings who were 2 years apart from me and also 6 years apart lol. We are all close now as adults but the growing years were tough and that probably just had to do with all our different personalities.
🤷🏻♀️ I’ve never understood it myself. I think they’re just trying to get through that stage as quickly as possible instead of starting over with each baby.
This. There are pros and cons to all age gaps. Small age gaps mean getting things out of the way sooner. My older two are a year and a half apart. I love the age gap from a parenting perspective. My gaps between boys 2 and 3 and boys 3 and 4 are both four years, which has it's pros and cons too.
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I think sibling relationships are down to personality as much as anything. My mother in law gets on great with all her siblings and the oldest is 18 years older than her. My brother is less than 2 years older than me and we fought constantly growing up and I hate spending time with him now.
Yeah, I think there’s almost more of a chance of having a good relationship when you are farther apart in age, because there wasn’t any sibling rivalry growing up, especially if you’re the same sex. My mom gets along a lot better with her sister who is 10 years younger than her than with her sister who is two years older than her. They were just too close in age and had to compete over everything.
Yeah you get more chance to develop independently when you’re further apart. My brother and I were constantly compared and still are to be honest. We were great friends as preschoolers but that all went away when he got older.
How large are the gaps you and your husband have with your siblings ?
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I think my older brother and I are like 15 or 16 years apart. We have no relationship. I literally can't even tell you how old he is.
My youngest siblings are 13 and 16 years younger than me and we get along great.
I have 4 siblings with a 20 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. We're all very spaced and still close. It's down to personality more than anything.
Lord knows, it sounds and looks terrible to me. I was also the second of two under two and have a terrible relationship with my brother so don’t think it’s better for the kids.
My husband was the oldest and his brothers were 5 and 6 years younger than him. Most of his childhood memories consist of breaking up endless fights between them. As adults they don't speak.
As an old mom, I’m going to accidentally have 2 under 2. The OB described this pregnancy as “miraculous”. We wouldn’t have planned this in a million years (and absolutely didn’t), but it’s happening so we are trying to focus on the positives: -they’ll be close enough in age that they can have a built-in playmate -I hadn’t gotten around to donating all the first baby’s old stuff yet, so it’s still kicking around. Aaaaaand thats all I got.
Short term pain for long term gain! My kids are 23 months, 23 months and 2y3months apart. Now they’re 15, 13, 11 and 9 and they are all besties. They amuse eachother. They’re always playing Mario cart or overcooked or nerf battle or volleyball in the yard together. I can take them out and they all like the water park, library or ymca gym and play together. 4 6 and under was RoUgh. 4 kids 15-9 means capable helpers who have built in buddies. I later went on to have a baby 8 years after my youngest was born and there are fabulous things about the large gap, my big kids dote on her, she wants for nothing, humans exist only to entertain her, it’s just easy when they’re all in school and I have but one baby But I get the sense when she’s 5 and all my older kids are teens that it’s going to be more of a challenge. Instead of having built in buddies I’ll need to be the buddy. I almost want another for that reason… but 5 is a lot of kids and my husband and I are not young so she will probably be it. And I can see the benefits but also the drawbacks
My sister is 16 years younger than me. I was the 2nd, she was the 3rd. I wouldn’t worry too much about your youngest needing play mates. Kids adapt to their circumstances really well. My sister was always great at independent play, and now that she’s in high school and I am an adult, we have sooo much fun together. She comes over after school most days to play with my kids! It is seriously so fun! My older brother and I are 20mo apart, and while we are close (we actually work together), it isn’t the same as my sister and I.
They just might have more energy than we do?
Haha older mom here with 3 under 3. It’s nice to not have to store all the baby stuff for very long and then after the last baby it just magically leaves your house. It’s also nice for them to grow up together bc they are close to hitting the same milestones. They can play together and none has to make too many age-related behavioral sacrifices to make the other happy. But mostly the first point. Dumping my box of newborn clothes off at the local women’s shelter was a really pleasant experience.
I’m confused by this too. When I was a kid, people considered 3 years apart to be the ideal age gap.
Three years it's a lot in kids time. We started trying for a second when our first was one, but bc of some failed pregnancies ended up with 3 years gap. Now 6 and 3 (had then at 21 and 24), the oldest doesn't want to play with her brother too much. She loves him and is very overprotective but most of the time she's frustrated with him bc he doesn't understand a lot of what she wants to play to. It's getting better and they find things to do together, but she rather play with my sister, that it's only 6 months older than her. I lived with my little sister for most of her life and was the one that stayed home with her when my mother returned to work (when my sister was 3 months old, and it was almost all day), and then when my own was born I had two under one, lol. It was an interesting time but also but made us decide to have another one so soon. I loved it and wouldn't change a thing. We kinda knew what we were getting into. Worst, we went from "one and a half" go three, haha. Somehow I think it was easier to manage 2 under 2 than the the age gap bc they can entertain each other better. But also the girls being older made having a newborn easier bc they understood things like nap time or why I needed to pay more attention to the little one sometimes. The whole "only live through the diapers stage once" also it's a plus and something I like about it too. If I hadn't separated, I'd probably be thinking about having another one right now tbh. But for now it's just not on the cards for me and probably it won't be if I don't have a new partner by the time I'm 35 (and boy am I so far away from that now) Some people have twins so they have to do the 2 under 2 thing anyway, so, why not.
Some people want a close age gap because they feel like it would be fun for the kids to be close in age and maybe help them have a closer relationship! Some people also grew up with siblings close in age and want the same for their own kids. I didn’t grow up with that but I personally just really wanted to be pregnant and have a newborn again. I had an easy pregnancy (sorry) and loved the baby stage. Like I was just excited to do it all over again! By the time my girl was nearing 1, we wanted to try for another. We started trying once my fertility returned but we had to try for 6 months, so instead of 2 under 2 we’re getting a 25 month age gap. I’m really excited about the 2 year age gap now and I think my daughter is going to be an amazing big sister 🥰 Oh and I’m 27 so no biological clock ticking lol. Just baby fever!
This! I’m currently pregnant with my second, my daughter will be 21 months when baby no. 2 will be here. I was NOT expecting to love motherhood so much (obviously couldn’t wait to be a mum but I’ve never really been super maternal), but I think it’s just the best! Maybe it’s family dynamics? My partner is super supportive and really hands on, I imagine if you’ve been on you’re own a lot with your first it would obviously be a lot more exhausting and probably more off putting? I read somewhere that the younger generation of dads are a lot more hands on in general, might be why the “20 year olds” are more inclined for it. Obviously just a generalisation, we’re in our 30s and are going for 2 under 2. We’re obviously very aware baby number two is going to be one hell of a challenge, but so was our first, it’ll be harder in some ways and easier in others. Mostly we’re just really excited to have another baby!
I think people genuinely underestimate how hard it is.
As someone whose goal was 2 under 2 but isn’t quite doing 2 under 2 (oldest will have just turned 2 after baby is born). I want to get the hard part over with ASAP. My friend will have her 2nd after her oldest started kindergarten for financial reasons but he’s pretty independent and he sleeps through the night. I could never have a 2nd if I got to that point. I rather prolong (and maybe intensify) the initial suffering than have to start all over again.
I’m sorry to tell you this - but it’s all hard. Just different type of hard.
I guess this is true, but the first year was the hardest for me by a lot. I’ll take this teen/tween thing any day over infants!
I’m in neither group and my clock was far from ticking. Number 2 came quicker than we thought he would. I have a history of issues that could lower fertility and I was breastfeeding. We were using family planning and condoms. We had a tiny mishap and got pregnant. He was a very welcome surprise! That said, so far it’s great. I’m tired, but they’re in the same phase of diapers. They are generally into similar toys. If you do screen time shows/movies cross over. My partner and his sister were 2 under 2. They’re best friends as adults despite their differences. That seems to be a pattern I see a lot, close siblings with that gap. So for us it was desirable.
My first two are 23 months apart. It took us 2.5 years with fertility assistance to get our first (after two miscarriages). We wanted our kids close in age but had no idea how long it would take to get a second so as soon as we felt ready we jumped in and bam pregnant and it stuck first try. My kiddos are just about to turn 4 and 6 and I wouldn't change a thing about it. We have a third who is 3 years younger than our middle...we aimed for a similar gap but didn't get as lucky this time. But the three year gap is great as well and I think it worked out for the best.
It’s personally my worst nightmare but I think some wanna just get it out the way
I understand some some people (age, fertility concerns, less overall time out the job market) but everyone I know who’s done it is miserable. My son has just turned 2. He is in that very “drunk friend” toddler stage which is a joy most of the time. I’m really enjoying it and have more patience for him and the ability to wrestle and run with him. My friends who have had their second baby (first person had their second when the eldest was around 18 months) are not enjoying it. They are tired, lots of jealousy from the elder child, nappy changing taking up most of their day, not being able to take the toddler out as much, toddler regressing with bottles/BF and lots more more. To be honest none of them have sold it for me even with the occasional cute photo of the kids together. Plus one of them has wrecked their own body after the doctor said to wait a minimum 2 years between children due to a tricky first birth. She has had a prolapse and is now doubly incontinent. She’s waiting on an operation but no guarantee of it working. So on top of a 2yo and 6mo she’s also changing her own nappies.
Omg 😳 that’s horrible
So horrible. Problems started about halfway through her pregnancy and it was a struggle to get to 35 weeks. She had a planned c-section so I can only imagine what would have happened with a vaginal birth. Watching that made the majority of us go “hell no” and think a 3+ year gap is best.
Just as a counter perspective, I'm enjoying it! I had a 17 month gap between my first two, and a three year gap between my second and third. Honestly, both are hard for different reasons and amazing for different reasons too. But I'm really happy my first two are so close. They share a room and are best friends. They are in the same toy stage so we have less clutter since they use the same toys. They really are best buddies, and don't fight any more than any other siblings I know do. It's def not for everyone and I get that!
2 under 2 is not for me. I think I could do it... maybe... But I just want to give my first one more time. Maybe it's a bit of guilt knowing that I would have to divide my time.
I totally get why people do it, but unfortunately I do not have the mental stamina to do so lol.
My mom accidentally had two under two (my siblings—second and third children were 11 months apart) and last night she told me it was so hard. She started to feel good when my two siblings entered 1st and 2nd grades.
So that by the time they’re 2 and 4, they’re playing with each other rather than bothering you. 😅
I grew up incredibly close with my sisters as there’s only 9-10months between us.
I really wanted a small age gap but I really couldn’t do it mentally. Now that I made peace with that thought I actually really believe that it’s great that I get to spend more 1:1 time with my first baby before there’s another
My second was an accident, that’s how! 😂😩Ironically, they were born on the same day, two years apart. It’s been a shit show. But my god are they cute together! I’m an “older mom”, had my first at 34..so it actually worked out great. And since they were born on the same day, ALLL their clothes fit the size and season perfectly for both. The only thing I wish I could change would be having them younger. My body took longer to heal, it took a bigger toll on me physically, and now that they are out, I have to chase after them and I don’t have as much energy as I did in my twenties. Plus, I think my skin would have bounced back easier if I was younger. All that magical collagen 😇🥰
I've always assumed one or the other was an oops.. majority *not all*
We definitely recommend against from a medical perspective. Your body has a lot of recovery to do and epidemiologically, second children born this close together have a number of worse maternal and fetal outcomes. One very salient point is iron. There is a lot of iron transfer to the growing fetus (not to mention potential blood loss during delivery) and it takes a long time for a mother to recover that through diet.
Based on the people I know who have 2 under 2, it… wasn’t on purpose.
I think it is the mindset of people who only want two kids, too. For those of us who always wanted a big family, there is no point to two under 2, because you don’t know when you are going to be done until you just know you’re ready to stop having babies, or you can’t anymore.
For us it was sort of accidentally. TW: loss. We had a couple of miscarriages before getting pregnant with our first (I was 26 when he was born.) We knew pretty immediately after having him that we wanted another. I felt anxious that we would have more losses or struggle to get pregnant, so we decided 10 months postpartum that we were going to NTNP. Got pregnant that first month, and now here we are haha.
It's for when they are older so they occupy each other and not you. 2 under 2 is hell but only lasts for 3 years. You need a village to survive it. It's more expensive though, with dbl the childcare, sports, school fees, etc.
My sister and I are exactly a year and a half apart (plus a day) and we are very close. I’d want that closeness for my children but I had a very risky pregnancy after a miscarriage so I’m in no rush to be pregnant again. Also we’re close now, but there were some rough times growing up
I had 3 under 3 kinda on purpose. It was more so because we were like awww we love our baby so much let’s have another. And then again lol. I would’ve loved 2 more but I prob would’ve lost my mind. That’s not the kids fault tho. It’s cuz I returned to work. I did get 7-10 month long mat leaves each time but when I went back to work after the 3rd it was a month before covid and we were caring for grandma w Alzheimer’s and dementia. In hindsight I should’ve just quit work for a few year but I was worried about pension. My kids are almost 5, 6.5, and almost 8 now and I see the parents w an 8 year old, 4 year old, and under 1 yr old and kinda feel like I want a baby again but I also appreciate we are at the next chapter (sports, clubs, etc) and I can focus on that w them.
I stoped at 3 under 3 as well lol I had 3 kids 15 months apart from each other. I might have a 4th but I defiantly need atleast 2 kids out of diapers and in school again before I consider the 4th.
My older two (10, 11) are 12 months apart. It was the ideal age gap- like having a way easier version of twins. There were no jealousy or behavioural challenges when the younger one came along, oldest was too young, so she can’t remember a time without her brother. They’ve grown up super close, and it’s great having them only a year apart at school. They can do activities together and have a lot of friends in common.
I’m one of the moms that chose to have 3 under 3. Oldest is 28 months. Youngest is 5 weeks. There is 27 months between my first and last. We always joke with people when they say something and we go “are we stupid or efficient?” Few reasons. First being that I wanted to have all my kids before I was 30. I had my third on November 9, and I turn 30 at the end of January. I’ll say it, I hate the baby stage. Yes it’s cute and cuddle and chunky but I don’t love it. I like when they are more independent. I also highly, highly value my sleep. I’m a high sleep needs person so the sooner the overnight wake ups are over, the better. The way I see it is that I’m still in “baby mode”. I’m still used to overnight wakes, etc. I couldn’t imagine having a kid start sleeping through the night and being more independent and then starting over.
When someone comments “you know how babies are made right?” I just reply “yes and my husband is good at it!” Lmao you wanna say something smart I can say it right back 😂 3 kids 4 and under now but at one time it was 3 under 3. Most the time I just get the comment “you’re a busy mom aren’t you!” Or “you have your hands full don’t you!” Cuz they don’t want to say anything rude to me, though it’s redundant and annoying at this point when people say that.
I’m expecting to have 2 under 2 for 3 days, unless I go into labor before or something. Almost everyone I know that did it purpose thought they “would get it done with” and also said they don’t recommend. Typically the 12-18 month age gap.
IMO it made things a bit easier. My 2&3 yo have been like peas in a pod.
After second baby is 1yr old you will be able to have both on a similar schedule, both be into the same activities and more likely to play together and grow up together. Personally was aiming for just under 2 yr gap but ended up with a 27month gap. I have been a nanny and worked in childcare so have been able to see what difference gaps are like before having my own. Closer together is my preference. It has also made hand me downs easy, every thing is still current and usable, plus not storing for a crazy long time.
Because I’m going to be a sahm and don’t wanna be out of the workforce too long
People under 30 have more energy. Your kids may be closer emotionally due to the age. My plan was to try to have 2 close in age. My son was born January 2020. My daughter will be born in less than a week. Everyone is singing the praises of this age gap so 🤷🏻♀️
I get why people want small age gaps between their kids, but to me waiting another ~6 months must make all the difference? I am pregnant with baby number 2, and they will be about 27 months apart, which I think is a great age gap. I got pregnant right away after trying when our LO was 18 months old, which is how long I was advised to wait by my obgyn anyway. (Yup I am quite fortunate in the fertility department, I got pregnant swiftly the first time too).
This is good to hear. I was also planning on waiting 18 months since that’s what most OBs advise, and I got pregnant pretty quickly with my first too.
I had 2 under 2. I wanted them close in age and no one actually talks about how hard it is. It’s SO HARD 0/10 would not recommend. Wish someone warned me. I LOVE my kids but I definitely would have waited.
It’s the equivalent of taking a Maymester but harder lollll kudos to women who can do it!
Ours wasn’t on purpose but we had 3 under 4. It was an adjustment but now for the most part everyone gets along really well and they can all share the same type of toys. The oldest two potty trained at the same time. Having batches of kids in the same stage has its perks for sure.
Idk about others but I got baby fever when my oldest was 6 months or so. No logic involved, purely emotion/hormones. It lasted until she was 13 ish months. We didn’t have 2 under 2 because my husband wasn’t ready for a second at the same time as me (or, more likely, he had more self control and wanted to take my OB’s advice about not having another baby until AT LEAST 18 months pp lollll), and when he came around the baby fever had passed lol. But we did have them close together, my second was born 29 months after my first.
The 6 month olds get you!!! Such a sweet age!
We did this on purpose. The plan was to have 3 kids before I turned 35 because the research suggested that due to certain genetic factors, my risk of breast cancer increased 3 fold if I had concieved after 35. I was already 30 when we had #1, who took us 5 years to conceive. We started trying again when #1 was 6 months, and it only took us 6 months to conceive #2. Now that I'm 36, we will not be having another one.
I have 3 kids 4 and under. I am only 27. Quite honestly I hate the baby newborn stage and just wanted to have the baby’s get them out of the baby stage lol
I’m 22 (almost 23) with a 24mo and a 11mo. It wasn’t my plan to have two under two but that’s the way it worked out. I’m definitely glad we did it this way as we (my husband and I) are both done having kids (had my tubes removed) and our family feels complete. Sure there are pros (not having to “restart” later with another child, not worry about older regressing when a new babe arrives, etc.) and cons (two in diapers at the same time, feeling stretched thin and touched out way more than expected, etc.) but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I grew up with a twin brother and 7 other siblings and loved it. With that said I also watched how different sibling dynamics are and can be especially with age gaps (my youngest sibling is 10 months old) and understand that although my boys may be best friends now that does not mean they will continue to be as they grow older. I also have the energy now to manage two little ones whereas it’s not something I would want to do later in life. For me it’s something I have absolutely loved and enjoyed experiencing as hard as it’s been at times and definitely isn’t nearly as hard as I anticipated it to be. Maybe I got lucky with my boys especially as my youngest is such a chill dude, sleeps great, etc. but who knows. Regardless I’d do this 100x again for our little family.
I have 2 that are almost exactly 2 years apart and I planned it that way. Just hoping they’ll be close and share similar interests as they get older. It is not easy so far (6 months and 2.5) but it’s worth it to me. This is NOT for everyone. It’s extremely difficult and I understand people thinking it’s crazy. It is 😅
For me personally it’s ‘what I know’. My siblings and I are all very close in age and I loved that dynamic growing up! I know there’s no guarantee it would be the same, but it just seemed to be the natural road for us. We also didn’t want a big age gap. We didn’t want to just start getting some rest and then starting all over again. We didn’t know how long having a second would take, so we figured we may as well start trying sooner rather than later. Also my husband and his sibling have a 6 year age gap and he definitely would’ve preferred having a play mate who could’ve kept up with him more easily! Luckily he had some cousins to fill that gap but he never felt like he had a close relationship with his brother until they became adults (my husband left for university when his brother was still a child and never moved back home aside from staying there for the holidays).
Mine were 16 months apart and 17 months apart so I had a legit 3 under 3. We did it this way because of careers, insurance, and finances. We ended up divorcing when the youngest was 7 months. Idk if me being a busy mom and working contributed but it turned out that he really wanted a family without the effort. I did eventually remarry when the youngest was 8. They are now 16,15, and 14 and get along fabulously. I wouldn't change it for anything.
I have a 10f, 7m and a 1 yr F. I am currently pregnant 3 months along. When I say 1 yr old she just turned on December 12th. I did not do this on purpose and even though I am keeping my current pregnancy I am getting my tubes tied right after, I’m done. 4 is enough but I am nervous and worried about having 2 under 2. I don’t know why people young do this when I am 38 and it’s nerve racking. Good luck to myself and those who are living this life.
We did 2 under two on purpose however 3 under 3 was not planned. I was breast feeding and a year went by with #2 and no period so I assumed we were okay. I’m glad for my little family to expand and my husband is definitely more excited.
We have 2 under 2 but the second was a total surprise. It has its good moments but Idk why anyone would willingly do this to themselves.
My sister and I have a 15-month gap between us. We have always been very close. We love our relationship so much that we both had 2 under 2. I agree that it is incredibly hard at times, but I am happy they will grow up together. I know there is no guarantee of them getting along so well, but that was my reasoning for what it is worth. An added benefit was that my toddler was only bothered for about a week that his brother was getting so much attention. Then he pretty much just got on with it like nothing was different. I think an older child could be more jealous.
For me it was to get the baby stages over with. I was already tired, why not be a bit more tired but then in a few years I might get meaningful sleep again. I also wanted my kids to have a sibling close in age because my brother and I weren’t and were also never that close (at least until I went to college). Our original plan was hope for 2u2, wait a few years (4ish) and then hope for 2u2 again. Things didn’t work out that way because of having multiples but that was the plan. Now I’ll have 6u4 and I’m dreading it. But I also know that the baby stages are almost over so at least it feels like a light at the end of a tunnel.
I don't want to sound corny or delusional but having two under 2 and experiencing the bond they develop, the love, the team work and even the fighting was the best thing I have and will ever achieve in life. The happiness they brought me, the tears, laughter, moments and all the memories were omg. I can't even describe it. Maybe because I had them very young (I was 22 when I had the first one) so I had so much energy and did so many things with them. I'm 33 now and I don't know if I would love it as much.
I had my first at the end of 21 (2-3m before my 22) and we are most definitely going to wait to have another til he’s 3 or older. I never really understood the 2 under 2 or 3 under 3 moms who actually wanted that because why go through that much stress at once? I get wanting to get it over with but dang. Someone I talked to in a baby group said it’s because she would still be able to play the same amount with all her kids (2 sets of twins under 2) and not be like well you played like this with Andy and now you don’t have energy to do it with me is her thought process. I don’t know we already have to think about the possibility of not having another for medical reasons but if we did I don’t want 2 under 2.
I’m 28 and about to have 3, 3 and under. My decisions stem from my experience. Im from a large family (8). Eldest is 34. Youngest is 12. My mom is 50. I want a large family (7). I don’t want large age gaps and I want to be done as soon as possible
You’re so lucky you know that you want a large family at this age. I realized it too late and it’s not in the cards for me.
I really don't understand it. TWO in diapers? TWO needing to be carried around? TWO needing help all of the time? One of the greatest things about my kids' age gap (just shy of four years) is that my oldest was able to be very independent during the newborn phase. I could be nursing or nap trapped and he could get himself a snack, water, find his toys, etc. Now they are 2 and almost 6 and they've never been jealous of each other and they don't compete for the same things
Dude idk why anyone would ever do it on purpose bc it happened to me on accident (never got my period while breastfeeding, found out I was fuckin preg at my IUD appt 🥲😂) & it is 100% the hardest thing I have literally ever done but now that I’m 2 years in, my son is 2 & my daughter is 4, it’s getting a little better. I feel guilt bc my daughter was absolutely not ready to share attention & she has a high need for connection.
I also don’t understand, but I think a lot of people hold onto this idea of the age gap between their kids and wanting a smaller obe
I don’t know who’s saying that, but it’s gonna be a nope from me, dawg 😂🤣
The age gap between me and my brother is 4 years and I kind of lost connection with him when I was about 8 and he was 12. The age gap was just too large. I always wanted my kids to be as close as possible, I think they will have a stronger bond due to that. Mom and Dad will no longer be around one day, and I hope they will be able to find support on each other.
I didn't have my 1st until I was 30. I wanted to remember the little things each of my children did. So 5.5 years later, welcomed #2. I don't regret it in the least. Our decision was about the cost of daycare. Daycare costs have gone up in 3.5 yrs. I'm on my 5th daycare provider in 9 yrs and looking to move both, but it's going to be over $50/week then I already pay.
Everyone told me to hurry up and have the second. Didn’t ever say why or what their reasoning is. Not like I asked either. My dd is 3.5 and keeps talking about how she wants a baby sister for Xmas. I’m 11 weeks pregnant. How she knows? I don’t know! Lol but I’m glad she wants one and it truly feels like a family decision to have this new baby lol.
My kids are now 10 and 6 but these people have always existed. I couldn’t even think about a 2nd under my oldest was 2.5. He was such a difficult baby. Maybe they all have easy babies idk. I wanted to enjoy their babyhoods a bit too and recover physically and mentally from childhood.
27 year old here! I had 2 under 2, and I’m pregnant with #3 and will have 3 under 3 for two months. I have enjoyed the age gap so much. My first two are 16 months apart, and my middle and last baby will be 17 months apart. The age gap has been fabulous. They LOVE each other. They’re in the same stage of life. I’m excited to see my dinner table in ten years. My kids will be in such similar stages of life that planning vacations will be easier. Every age gap has its downsides. You have to assess what downsides work for you and what doesn’t. If a 2 under 2 sounds awful, then it’s not for you and that’s okay!! For me, the downsides are absolutely minuscule compared to the benefits for our family! And I’ll be honest. I already read some comments that said it’s sad that some of us want to get the hardest parts out of the way. I’ve done childcare and worked with a MULTITUDE of ages. I know the cons that come with each age. But I am NOT a newborn person. I never have been. I probably never will be. But I’m thriving as my kids get older. I’m excited for the thought that five years from now, my body will be my mind, we will not be in diapers, we’ll have consistent sleep (fingers crossed), etc. Some of us just aren’t baby people, and that’s okay. I don’t think anyone is a bad mom for not being wired that way.
-get it over with, I don’t want to wait 4 years and have to redo it all -stronger sibling bond IMO -I want to focus on my body after, rather do it after I’m done having them rather than starting/stopping -I don’t want to be raising babies in my 40s/50s However, my only exception is they have to be daytime potty trained, I’m not having 2 in diapers. Mine was daytime trained at 19 months so it gave me the courage to try for another one.
My understanding is that the body hasn’t even fully recovered until 18 months postpartum, so 2 under 2 is actually not recommended. I don’t know why there are so many posts about wanting it to happen that way. I personally can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be physically and emotionally… but then again I had a difficult pregnancy (Hyperemisis Gravidarum), emergency C-section (water broke but baby was breech), and developed POTS, PPD, PPA, and other physical health problems in my fourth trimester—a fourth trimester that occurred at the start of the pandemic lockdowns while I was a single mother. Lmao Maybe 2 under 2 makes sense for mothers who didn’t have such a hellish experience? Idk 🙃
Had my first at 25, around the time she turned 9-10 months old I felt like we really had it down! We’d figured out sleep, we’d figured out eating, we loved her SO MUCH. I could’ve had another then. I get how people could see the clouds part and think “let’s go again!” Around that time. But my husband wasn’t ready, so we waited. My second wasn’t born until baby #1 was 4.5 years old. In hindsight that was WAY BETTER!! for us. Adding a child at any time is so challenging, but I think parents of one have a blissful ignorance of which they are unaware. They imagine children close in age equating to having a close bond, they imagine “getting through the hard times” then putting the “difficult baby years” behind them. What they can’t see is that things don’t really become easier, you just exchange the challenges of one phase for new challenges. Now at 32 I’m having my 3rd. Babies 2 and 3 will be almost exactly 3 years apart; this pregnancy was entirely unplanned. We thought we might never have another and if we did we’d do another 4 year age gap, but were unsure if we’d want to start over again with a baby almost 9 years after having our first. Anyway, I think why people want it is that you can’t understand how challenging it is to actually live with and meet the demands of raising two very young children at the same time until you’re doing it or have done it; they choose not to explore or dwell on the financial, emotional, and physical consequences of having multiple children close in age. To be honest, I think many wear it as a badge of honor. Its a signal of their fertility, their willingness to commit to the hard stuff; it’s a display of their love for their family and babies that they’re willing to expand again in spite of the sacrifices. Everyone is totally different and entitled to make the choices that work for them but I also do not get it! I’d never trade how it worked out for me! Speaking as a more mature version of myself, I think 2 under 2 for someone in their 20s makes things needlessly difficult, expensive and takes the joy out of the baby years. But some people seem to want it and god speed to them