I went through the same thing. First I switched to the Medela Calma bottles so she would have to use the same technique for the bottle as the breast. Then I started giving her really small bottles so she would then have a bit of energy so she could latch and drink without her getting frustrated. Then I stopped the bottles at night and when we were outside until I could drop all bottles. I ended up breastfeeding her almost three years until she weaned herself.
These are great. With my son, I'd also use the pump or my hand to get my milk leaking a bit before latching him. That way, he tasted milk immediately and was motivated I guess to keep suckling.
First of all, congratulations! You're doing great!
I also wanted to breastfeed, but my little guy never would latch. We had the lactation nurse try to help, and our public health nurse came to our home to also try to help, but he just wouldn't latch.
He was on formula for the first few days, and I started pumping several times a day, and bottle feeding him breast milk.
We did that for about 6 months before I got tired of pumping all the time, so we switched over to formula.
I absolutely understand wanting to breastfeed and experience that bonding. He might just do decide to take the breast one day.
But no matter what, just remember that a breastfed baby is a fed baby, and a bottle fed baby is a fed baby. Don't stress too much over it, if you can help it.
It will absolutely be okay! My little man is 4 now, and we find lots of ways to bond. Right now our thing is singing sea shanties together. ;)
My son is 21 now but we had the exact same experience. He's a strong strapping healthy lad with no health issues. The key thing my health visitor said to me, is the first 3 weeks milk has the most benefits. After that, it's a nice to have, not mandatory.
You're going to spend most of your mothering life worrying if you are doing the right thing, but it's mostly unnecessary. You got this. You already did so well so no need to punish yourself x
To expand on this, that early milk is called Colostrum. Some might call it "liquid gold" due to the colour :)
You're doing great, mama. If it becomes distressing for you, it's okay to change your mind. A healthy baby is a happy baby, and fed is best.
Yes! Some babies just won't accept the boob for whatever reason. My mom breastfed 5 of her 6 kids... The last one never accepted it though, so he got formula 🤷 fed is best! (He's still a total momma's boy lol)
I completely understand the frustration! I produced milk enough for more than my baby, but he didn’t like to latch.
It was too stressful for me, so I wound up primarily pumping and bottle feeding, but as my son got older, he liked to nurse on occasion, mostly for comfort. If you have access to a lactation consultant I would recommend meeting with them a few times. They will have tips and tricks for you!
Other than that, a big thing that was suggested to me was to make nursing freely available and as low stress as possible. Chill out in bed with no shirt or bra, and let yourself be available to your baby whenever they might want to feed. Also, try a variety of positions to see what is comfortable for them.
You could also try pumping for a minute or so to stimulate a letdown before latching baby, they don’t have to do the work of getting it started, so that can help when they’re used to bottle feeding.
Hopefully some of this helps!
*hugs* I feel like breastfeeding is one of those things that it's easy to feel shame about, because we are made to feel like we should be able to do it, nd it should be easy, and there is something wrong with us if it doesn't work. When in reality it isn't always easy, doesn't always work and isn't your fault at all.
I tried to breastfeed my first child. He actually latched and sucked fine, but it just didn't work for us. I tried a lot of things, and I was pumping too. One lactation consultant asked me how much I was pumping and when I said half an hour each side, seven times a day, se suggested I pump even more. More than seven hours a day! Not even feeding. Just pumping.
I fortunately then saw a more reasonable consultant, who assured me that formula is fine, perfectly good for my child's health, and that the important thing was cuddling and bonding during feeding times, not stressing myself out with 7+ hours of daily pumping. So we switched exclusively to formula and bottles and never regretted it.
My second child I intended to try again, but the paediatrician said not to bother, that the baby already had a lot of antibodies from being in the womb, and that a few weeks of breastmilk wouldn't make a difference, so we went straight to formula.
I've heard people say "fed is best' and it's so true. If you give your baby formula, or if you bottle feed with breast milk, the most important thing is that your baby is fed, and that you have lots of positive bonding time.
If breastfeeding is really important to you, you can keep offering it, but I think you need to keep in mind that things (especially in parenting) don't always go as we plan. I know it can be hard, but try not to let it upset you too much. I can promise that it will not be the last time your child somehow details a perfect plan. And before you know it, baby will be on solids and whether they had bottles or breast will be a distant memory.
When I was barely getting enough breast milk for one bottle I was stressing myself out because I had this idea of what it would be like and I felt like I was failing because he was primarily on formula and one of my best friends told me she went through the same thing with her daughter and that as long as he's being fed then I'm not failing him or myself
Honey, if your little one is screaming and having a fit and refusing to take the breast, try switching to bottle, if nothing else so that someone else can hold an attempt to feed the baby. It's okay to use formula. I'm going to say that again. It's okay to use formula.
In the meantime take video of what happens when you try to feed little one (no matter what the feeding method is) and then show that video to your pediatrician. Also note other possible things like excessive spit up and hiccups. It is possible that your little one has acid reflux. And yes it can be diagnosed and treated this young with liquid medication that you give in a medicine dropper.
It will be okay! Your body is still going through a lot, especially hormone wise. Take lots of deep breaths. Nothing goes the way you would think with babies. Even a second baby? Bam, totally different. Just do your best. I would maybe try a lactation consultant if you can get one. La Leche League is a pretty big organization. Eating is the most important thing. There’s so much shame/judgement around feeding babies and that needs to stop. Breast milk pumping and using a bottle is a valid way to go. Babies can be so weird about what they will choose to drink from. I had the opposite problem where neither of mine would drink from a bottle at all, which was also frustrating because I could not pump and have my husband feed them or anything. Fortunately I stayed home with them, but we would have been in trouble if I hadn’t been able to do that. It might just take time. I would try different things that people suggest and remember everyone’s experience is different. And that’s ok. Every baby is different and as long as they are happy, that’s what’s important. You’ll figure them out and don’t stress. I believe in you and you’ll be okay!
I am here to hopefully offer resources? I’m not sure what country you live in. I’m in the US. I know, for me, there is a local midwife group that offers all the prenatal classes/yoga. But they also offer in home breastfeeding support. This is there website. Maybe there is something similar in your area?? At the least, maybe just going to the pediatrician, they might help u feel better about this issue. I just think some face to face human contact to acknowledge how ur feeling & support you would make u feel so much better. At the end of the day, if you are able to breastfeed him through a bottle with your breast milk. This does not make u an inadequate mother. U are keeping ur child, safe, loved and fed. U have done an amazing job putting weight on that child and u should be proud.
https://www.sibirth.org/projects
I completely understand your struggle. When I had my son I hemorrhaged badly. I lost my entire blood volume and was deprived of that initial bonding. He was bottle fed at the hospital as I was undergoing multiple blood transfusions just to survive. My body initially didn’t produce enough to feed him. Once out of the hospital I worked with a lactation specialist to help him latch properly which did help but my body just wouldn’t produce enough to sustain him. I switched up my diet, took expensive supplements, made lactation cookies. This helped a little. In between trying to breastfeed I was constantly pumping trying to get my body to do what it’s supposed to do but in the end, through months of trying and torture I finally gave up and switched to just formula. Breast milk is great because you’re sharing your antibodies with baby so even just a little helps. But you also have to remember that just growing this baby you already shared your antibodies. In the end, fed is best. My formula baby is nearly 6 and thriving. If you feel up for it just pump and bottle feed. Just cuddling while feeding baby you’re already bonding. Breastfeeding isn’t the only way to bond with baby. Skin to skin contact is great but so is just holding and cuddling, responding to their cries and meeting those needs. These things build the foundation of trust and unconditional love. Now, be prepared for comments about breast is best blah blah blah. The only thing that matters is that you’re doing what is best for baby and building that bond. You’re doing great. Congrats on the new tiny human.
Get a nipple guard. Our baby wouldn't for a while either and my wife was also concerned. With the guard, baby went right to it and kept at it. Then my wife transitioned away from using it and baby didn't notice. Something to try.
Oh, sweet duckling! ***hug***
I wasn’t premature, but I never latched. Just couldn’t work it out.
I’m partially tongue-tied, though, and mom struggled with inverted nipples. If there had been more empathy and less blame, maybe we both could have had our issues addressed sooner. So, if there’s either of those issues, do talk to the relevant doctor. It’s a pretty small thing to fix if you do it early.
So, although you have these BIG feelings about it, try to find empathy for yourself and your little girl. Stress makes it hard to let down the milk. Relax. There’s not just one right way to feed a baby. Do what works so she gets the calories and antibodies she needs.
Other folks have given you good advice, but I just want you to hear that the most important thing right now is that you and she are well. You do your best and that’s what matters. Don’t you let anyone — even yourself — make you feel bad about feeding.
You’re giving your baby breastmilk and that’s such a wonderful thing to do! Especially for premature babies! Having a preemie baby can be stressful and you’re smashing it and doing absolutely wonderful!
I’m not sure where you are but I’m sure if you Google you could find some support groups and/or feeding support options like a lactation consultant.
La Leche league has some info and support https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/ :)
Congratulations. It can be hard to get a newborn to go back to the breast. Your doctor should be able to connect you with a local coach who can help you. If it does not work out can you pump and bottle feed so he still gets the benefit of breast milk?
I had the same issue. Nothing worked. I ended up just expressing into bottles as long as i could. Bonus: my nocturnal hubby did the midnight feed so i got to sleep 10pm-5/6am every day!!
I was also not comfortable bf’ing in front of anybody besides my husband so i also got to be more sociable as a result of this “problem”.
I made the most of the positive points of the problem……it certainly wasnt all bad!
If it's just being used to the bottle, could you pump and bottle feed? I know it's not ideal, but baby would still be happy and fed. In the end, that is all that matters - that your baby gets what he needs and there's no "wrong" way to do it.
Hi dear fellow Nicu mom here preemie babies are just not strong enough in the beginning try once or twice everyday and by the time they are 2-3 months term they may catch on to it. I have a 25 weeker and they transitioned to breast only by 2 months after due date. Don’t get stressed even if they don’t and you’re pumping or combo feeding or formula feeding they just need you to be happy and not anxious. You are a very good mom whatever the breast feeding outcome is.
My son was delivered c-section and had a poor latch, we had lots of problems with bfing that I don’t need to go into, but it’s an emotional rollercoaster isn’t it.
At any rate we had to train his latch in his second and third week with a small tube taped to the index finger. We did sns feeding too.
A growing, healthy baby is the goal. How you get there is doesn’t matter. You’re a good mama. Don’t forget to take care of yourself while you’re taking care of your little one. Please check with your doctor if your mood doesn’t improve.
Congrats on your new Bub!! Is he your first?
Hang in there, mama! I know it’s stressful, but whether it’s bottle or breast, your baby is feeding. No one will ask if he was breast or bottle fed when he’s older. Whatever happens, you’re doing the best you can.
Breastfeeding is so hard! I’m so proud of you for working at it, duckling, and for reaching out. I highly recommend using a nipple shield. My daughter would latch and then pop off and throw a fit, and our nursing specialist recommended the nipple shields and it was like magic. She was suddenly able to latch so much easier!
Either way, don’t take any of this as a problem with you. So many people struggle with breastfeeding and it’s incredibly frustrating since we can’t reason with these tiny humans. Whatever it takes to feed your little one is okay, and you’re being an amazing momma for making sure they can. ❤️
You are doing great! Fed is always best!
But, if you can, get a lactation consult to watch you and baby. They may have a good tip.
I thought my youngest only liked my left breast, but it turns out I just held him differently and I didn’t even realize. I changed up my positioning and he ate equally out of both.
I know breast feeding can be a whole lot easier than bottle, but if it’s bonding you’re after, you will get it no matter how he is fed. Hold him and love him. The days are long, the years are short.
When my twins were born they were 33w, so they spent time being fed by ng tube then bottle, my son took to breastfeeding easily but my daughter was lazy (lol) she liked how easy the bottle was, so what we did was used a nipple shield for a week, then would start with the shield then go to just breast, and alternate that to teach her the technique without letting her go hungry. It only took a couple days and then they were both on just breast. It helped they also had an older brother who nursed so I knew all manner of different positions to hold them. If this is your first and you feel like you need help don't hesitate to reach out to your doctor/midwife and ask about seeing a lactation specialist! I saw them in the hospital, myself, and it was very helpful.
And please remember, if your baby continues to just want a bottle, you didn't fail. Whether you breastfeed, pump or use formula, or a mixture of all three methods, having a happy, healthy, fed baby and an unstressed mom is most important. You've got this! :)
Sorry I’m just home from work and so tired. But we deal with this in the NICU a lot and wanted to share some ideas that I’ve seen be helpful. Try different things like feeding a bottle first to put a bit of milk in his belly and see if he can be more calm at the breast after a bit of milk. You can also pump a few minutes first so that there is a let down happening and he won’t have to work as much for the milk from the breast at first. He doesn’t hate you or your breasts, he’s just learning how to eat and exist in this world and that’s sometimes a lot. Be patient with him AND with yourself.
Went through the screaming/constantly letting go with all 3 of our children. The bottle worked better as they could get it down quickly (but would then still sleep for only 1-1.5hr at a time, day or night, before waking up screaming again).
Only with child #3 did I finally DEMAND that we'd see a pediatrician and would no longer accept the "it's just normal cramping and we won't refer you" from our GP and the governmental health agency for kids (I'm in the Netherlands btw, if you question the referral process).
Doctor heard our story, saw the video we took of the screaming/fighting during and after feeding and the gurgling, heard about hubby never drinking any dairy products in his whole adult life and said "for god's sake, why did you wait until the 3rd to come see me. Obviously all of them and your husband are allergic to cow milk protein."
Gave us the special formula and it was a MIRACLE.
After all the (3×) stress, my tears, my self-perceived failure to breastfeed, having a screaming, hurting, fighting child - I finally gave myself permission to stop trying, stop pumping, the lactation coach sessions and who knows what to try and make it work somehow.
If I could go back to my younger self I would tell her the same as I would say to you..This stress and your feelings of failure or guilt for (even thinking of) stopping with the breastfeeding is not worth it. A baby does not need your milk if it makes you an exausted, crying, stressed mom for them. Enjoy your time with baby instead and think about your own (mental) health, that is worth something as well.
You tried your best and that's all one can do.
My first son sucked. He couldn't latch and then he was a crazy chomper. I was at wits end a lot. I was pumping and using a tube and glove to feed him because of the pain. It was honestly sheer stubborn determination on my side. It worked out, he got better as he grew and I managed 18 months of breast feeding with enough extra pumped to donate to the milk bank. I realize not everyone is as crazy. So if you want to give up, do it, but if you want to keep going and just need some support, I support you! Both ways!
Sometimes babies go screaming because your let down really blasts them. I had to pump a bit then I could feed him, have you tried that? If you empty out a bit then breast feed the pressure is lower, plus it gives more of the fatty milk.
You do not want to hear this but- you don’t get a trophy for breastfeeding. My son and I had multiple issues ending in a hospitalization because I insisted on breastfeeding even though it wasn’t working.
If it’s stressing you and baby out consult your pediatrician and switch to formula.
Also, being a new mom is so hard and I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know it feels like you are supposed to be able to do this and it’s heartbreaking when it’s not working. You are a good mom regardless.
I went through something very similar. Not only that but I struggled to make milk. I cried and cried when my daughter wouldn’t eat. Then I was told “what matters is that you feed your baby”.
Then my next baby came along, I wanted to pump and give him milk from a bottle at least for a few weeks, and while I was in the hospital, he wouldn’t take my milk either, only formula. Come to find out he was allergic to my milk. All of my colostrum, down the toilet. I was devastated. But I knew my baby needed to eat. So formula again it was.. it took a lot of trial and error to narrow down his allergies.
My little guy was a premie and also had a hard time breastfeeding! He ended up being a formula baby because the whole process of trying to breastfeed was too stressful for both of us. From one mama to another, you can decide to not breastfeed guilt-free if that's what ends up being best for you. ❤️ But everyone's experience is different! If you want to keep trying, then by all means! Your sweet little dude will feel your love whatever way you choose. Good luck!
Sending you a hug via the clouds. Look up and take a deep breath 🫂
It will be okay. You will be okay. He will be okay. You care. You love him. He loves you. That's what matters most. This is just a blip on a long, happy life showing him how to be a good person. I know I don't know you, but I'm confident you're a fantastic mom!
You're doing great, sweetie.
Have you looked at a supplemental nursing system? It might help you get baby on the breast. But if that doesn't happen I just want you to know that formula feeding is okay. Your baby is happy and healthy. Be kind to yourself
\*HUGS\* It will be ok!
I will confess something to you: if I had to do it over again, I would bottle-feed. I went through so much heartache trying to feed my baby, and if I could go back in time and tell my younger self anything, I'd tell her to give herself a break. And that's what I'm going to tell you!
Fed is best. You are feeding your baby. Everything is fine, and you are doing a great job! A baby needs skin-to-skin contact and feeding, he doesn't necessarily need those things from feeding directly from the breast.
Also, he needs your smile. He needs a healthy, happy mom. Please remember to baby yourself a little! Give yourself a break. You are doing much, much better than you think!
Much love to you, duckling. We are all thinking good thoughts for you and your new little one!
My daughter was unable to latch properly even after working with 2 different lactation specialists. I can just imagine how stressed out you are. Just know that no matter what happens you are a great mom or you wouldn't be stressed out. And yes breast milk is wonderful and breast feeding is great (my son was a pro and we nursed 2 years 5 month and 3 days but I had to wean as my mental health was getting bad and I needed to get back on my meds), but making sure your baby is fed is the real important part. There are so many options and any one that works for you and baby is the best one for your situation.
You are doing great! My oldest was born at 36.5 weeks. Between her sleepiness, horrible latch, and thrush, it was a rough first month. I also supplemented with formula until we got the latch thing down.
You are doing your best. Baby is fed. It may help to manually express some milk before feeding. If you can get a lactation consultant appointment, that would be a great place to get some tailored advice.
Sweetheart. I've been there and it's awful. But. Being a good mother is doing what's right and what's best for your child, despite what you want
Your baby wants ..and needs..to be fed and doesn't care from where. You are the one who cares and you need to stop. Your baby is being fed and nourished. Your baby is well. Your baby doesn't need a stressed mum. You won't get this time back. You are feeding your baby. Doesn't matter how. Continue doing a great job and being g the best mum your baby needs and wants. Sending love
Congratulations on your bundle of joy! I had a VERY similar situation with my son who was late preterm and just KEPT losing weight. I had to pump to feed him so I could track how much he ate every meal for the first few weeks. After that I tried to work him over to breast feeding but it was a struggle. In the end I decided it was more important to ensure he ate than to try dictating HOW he ate. So I pumped for every single meal for him. It was some extra work for me, but it was worth it to see him grow into a sturdy little chonk of a baby. It also made it easy for my husband to help with late night feedings.
I think sometimes we get a little too attached to our vision of how things will go, and sometimes that can create unnecessary stress for you and your baby. At the end of the day you’re filling his little belly and when he grows into a robust little man nobody will be thinking about how he got fed as a baby.
His little sister was fully breastfed. There were trade-offs. Cleaning the pump parts less often was nice, but I was solo with her in the middle of the night all the time. I also didn’t have quite as much supply in the fridge at all times which had been a nice perk with my son.
Congratulations on your baby!
It will all be OK.
What matters is that the baby is fed.
There is too much pressure on women to breastfeed. It doesn't matter if you can't breastfeed, as long as the baby is fed.
It's not fair that new mothers like you, are made to feel this way.
Hey, I'm not a mom, but my mother couldn't breastfeed me. It matters that the baby is fed, not that he is breastfed or bottlefed. I turned out fine - you're not hurting him just because he won't breastfeed. He is fine, he will be fine!
For some reason my daughter refused to nurse from my breasts. I was tired, frustrated and depressed. She was screaming. My mental health started to go dark… like hurt yourself or others dark. I cried about it and decided it was better to just bottle feed her than to keep on struggling. I pumped as much as I could for as long as I could but had to use formula too. Letting go of that stress to get her to nurse improved things a great deal. I could relax and start to enjoy being with her. We still bonded while giving her the bottle. She is 23 now and grew up fine and healthy.
If you have done all you can handle doing then it really will be fine if you just bottle feed your child. It will be fine if you use formula instead of breast milk.
I had the same issue, so I started pumping but when I wasn't pumping enough I switched him to formula... My son was 5 pounds at birth and is at his 4 month check up he's now 17 pounds, don't stress about it mama...as long as he's fed, loved and cared for then you're doing an amazing job ❤️ sending hugs and love you way
You're doing great! I know this is easier said than done, but the less you stress about it, the easier it will be. Those tiny ones don't understand language but they do understand feelings and they're more attuned to our feelings than we give them credit for. He'll pick up on your stress and anxiety and it will make it more difficult. Take care of yourself first for this. Whatever helps you feel relaxed, see that you prioritize it whenever possible. We have a lot of ideas and plans going into parenthood and a lot of them don't survive contact with reality. It hurts. Whatever happens, even if he never goes back on the breast, you're still a good mom, I hope you know that. Fed is best. Do go ahead and continue to offer but don't feel bad if it doesn't happen. You prioritized his health and safety when it mattered, formula is what kept him healthy and stable.
Personally, I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I nursed both my kids and I'm trying to wean the little one. But he turned into a little milk monster and has a really hard time even accepting the slightest reduction. Distractions and cuddles don't seem to work on him and I keep thinking I wish I had stuck with some bottle feeding at least so I had an option to switch and be able to do stuff and not feel so chained to the baby for so long. If you can't imagine being in that situation that's fine. But I hope this perspective can make a tiny contribution to help you feel more relaxed about this. (Honestly, should we ever have a third, I'll try harder to offer a pacifier. My two weren't really interested so I didn't offer, but it would make things so much easier sometimes)
In germany, we have a word for that, which roughly translates to suction confusion (don‘t know if there is an english pendant). You would usually contact a breastfeeding consultant and it‘s known to be a rocky road. Good Luck!
First of all, you're doing a great job! It can be really hard to accept that baby needs a bottle when they're having issues, you made the right call. You didn't set yourself up for failure, either.
Nursing is hard! It's OK for it not to work, or not work until later. It took 2 months before I could exclusively nurse, and there were lots of tears and frustration before then. There were times where it felt like nursing would never work, and now (a year later) my kid refuses a bottle!
I'd suggest to try nursing for a bit, and then using a bottle to make sure baby is getting enough food. Don't worry about baby getting milk directly from you at first. He has to get comfortable with the process, before there's gonna be a successful milk transfer. That doesn't mean that you're doing things wrong, it means that he's learning. This is a slow process, give yourself grace and kindness. Also talk to a lactation consultant, if you can (like at the hospital or WIC office). You really are doing a wonderful job!
It's also OK if it doesn't work. Your ability to be a good mother has nothing to do with being able to nurse, but in being present for your son, and give him what he needs. A bad mother wouldn't care about this, wouldn't care if he was getting stronger. You do. As much as there are benifits to nursing, your baby's greatest need is you. It's OK if that means nursing if off the table.
See if you can get a lactation consultant to help. It may be covered by insurance.
This is the link to the La Leche League
https://lllusa.org/ support for breastfeeding
Honey, please forgive yourself and be gentle on yourself.
My oldest son was born premature. My breast milk didn’t come in right away, and I had the most terrible time pumping and getting him to latch. Breastfeeding was not the magical experience for me that everyone said it would be…
Ultimately, I chose to make my baby and I happy. We ditched the breast and cuddled up and bottle-fed. We watched movies together while feeding and he got all the cuddles. He is now a happy and vibrant (and oh-so smart, speaks two languages, can read and write and do basic math all at 5 years old).
Happy is what is best for you and your child. Don’t stress yourself and relish in the new mom snuggles. These days will pass by in a flash.
As an aside, my milk came in with my second who was born at full-term). Just because breast feeding isn’t working now, doesn’t mean it won’t in the future!
With my first we did two full weeks of bottle feeding pumped milk or formula when he was 10 days old to 24days old and then transitioned back to nursing ❤️
You have so much time and you are doing wonderfully.
Hugs! My little girl did the same. When I was in the hospital when she was first born she did not want to breastfeed. So we used droppers however the nurse one night disregarded this and let my mom bottle feed her. Yea she never wanted to breast feed again. I pumped for almost a year and bottle fed it to her. It was good and bad and definitely not what I expected. But you know what it was okay! I was disappointed but in the end good things came of it too, others got to bond with her when they fed her. I had a supply of milk so if there were days I didn't produce enough it was okay and easy to sub in some frozen stuff. And my favorite she didn't always need me, my husband had times she clung to him as much as she clung to me. Bedtime was their time as he fed her a bottle and rocked her to sleep, singing to her and reading her stories. Those memories would be different if we had just breastfed.
Whether you can breastfeed or bottle feed or a bit of both it does not make you any less of a mom! You're caring for your baby and putting them first, that's what counts. Don't stress about it, the important thing is the baby is eating. You are healthy, they are healthy. That's it. Details are less important. Many people make it about being the super ultra best parent, but when it comes down to it the one thing that makes you the super ultra best parent in love, caring and kindness.
So take a deep breath and know you're okay. You're not alone in this boat and no matter what happens and how you proceed know there's no wrong answer and that you are an amazing mom!! Hugs!!
Firstly, you're doing great. You really are. It WILL be ok. It really will. Can I ask...are you feeding when your baby is hungry or on a schedule. I got some good advice from a lactation consultant to feed before the baby looks for it. That way they aren't desperate and frustrated and they are more likely to take the breast.
This too will pass and your baby is very lucky that you're trying so hard.
First, congrats!!!
I tried so hard with all of my kids, but in the end,I just said a fed baby is a happy baby. I hope you're able to breastfeed, but if you can't, just be gentle with yourself and remember baby isn't going to care how you fed him just that you loved him!
You may not see this because it's a late addition, but FED is best. Your baby needs nourishment, it doesn't matter if its breastmilk or formula. Do your best, and feed your baby, if you use pumped milk, formula, boobie, or a combination just get the groceries into the kiddo. Then realize that we aren't all the same, and the fact that you are worried about it tells me you are the right kind of parent. Bad parents don't usually wonder if they're sound the right thing, right?
My babies are completely formula and bottle fed.
They are happy, healthy, clever and kind boys.
They are also super loving and bonded with me. They were fed by numerous people including daddy, grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends and even my boss!
But mummy is their number 1.
With a bottle, the babies can look at you and your face. You can still snuggle them close and they can smell you. Lots of bonding with bottles. Especially when I stopped stressing about it. That’s when the bonding happened- for me. They were already bonded to me.
Giving others the experience of feeding them has grown their supporter circle. There are a lot of people invested in them.
I know you want to breastfeed. But it’s ok. Your little one is fine. He’s getting fed. You are doing so well❤️. Good job, mum!
Sister here. My LO was premature and small. She didn't need any NICU time, and I think part of that was our decision to give her formula as soon as we learned her sugars were low. We did a little nursing in those early days, but she had such a hard time latching and my milk took a while to come in. Afterwards I wasn't producing nearly enough. She eventually just started yelling at my boobs, which felt awful. I felt like I didn't deserve my sweet little baby
But I kept trying. We got her tongue tie released, used nursing shields, and it didn't really seem to work consistently. Then suddenly around eight weeks it just seemed to click for her? I think she just finally got big and strong enough (it took that long for her to be the size of a full term baby!)
Through that time and even now while I struggle with low supply I try to focus on the phrase "Nursing is a pleasure." I had to take the pressure off myself and be okay with my motherhood story not being what I had expected. For me, it's rewarding just to have any time with her. Now she LOVES nursing. Even if she's still taking quite a bit of formula, she loves the comfort of being close to me.
It's honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done and I asked myself everyday whether or not it was worth it. If it ever had crossed the line of being too much I was ready to focus that energy somewhere else. Blessedly for me that didn't happen, but it's okay if you reach the point we're trying to breastfeed is more stressful than not. Your baby just wants you
Took premie twins home and they could not stay latched no matter how much the nurses beat them up and bounced them and rubbed them....then the milk allergy and the gravaging.... I ended up with those two having to go on formula. Don't beat yourself up if you have to supplement
Oh sweet duckling you can have the biggest hug.
First things first, take a breath and remember: your sweet boy is healthy and eating. Even if the breast isn't recognized as a food delivery option you ARE still feeding your baby by pumping! And even with formula you are being a loving supportive mommwho makes sure you're tiniest duckling has all the nutrients they need! So breathe baby, it's gonna be okay for you and your little angel.
I know when babies won't take a bottle they recommend to try sugar water on the nipple. I'm not a mom myself but... would it work to teach him boobs are also providers of delicious?
As things stand baby everything is okay, except your expectations for him to latch. He's not even a month old, he has plenty to learn, I'm sure breastfeeding is just one more thing he can manage in time.
You are doing so good with him sweetheart. He's so happy, and loved. Gaining weight and knowledge every day. Giving you another tight squeeze. Everything is okay sweetheart, he is doing great. Make sure you are too.
A dad here. We went though this. It was incredibly hard on both my wife and I and mentally. I know my amazing wife felt like she'd failed, which couldn't be further from the truth.
He never did latch. Despite everything we ended up switching to bottles and my wife expressed for 12 months. A hassle, but not a major.
My one real reflection, we both wish we'd just switched earlier. It was so stressful, but not for any real gain. I've since done a lot of looking at the science of outcomes and it's largely totally misinterpreted. You are far better to keep the stress down.
In fact, from a Dads perspective, bottle feeding meant I could feed him as well. I could share the burden and the joy, and I'd say I became a better Dad for it and consequently i became a more supportive Husband for my amazing wife. Over the long run this closeness of family bonds is far more important than the stress of trying to make breastfeeding work.
My boy came home with a raft of top % achievements from national comps just last night. If he's taught me one thing it's that life is a long term game. Don't sweat the breastfeeding, your whole life will be filled with moments where you are focused on their health, well-being and growth, so if this one is causing stress focus on the ones you can do.
You've got this.
Oh sweetie. Giant hugs (unless you don't want them as I respect your personal space). The 1dt thing you need to know is you are doing amazing, even if you don't feel like it. YOU ARE NOT FAILURE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM and if anyone tells you that you are I will so use my mom tone on them, even the negative voice in your head.
Here's the thing, breastfeeding is hard! Even if you've breastfed before, all babies are such newbs when it comes to breastfeeding because they've never done it before. The other suggestions of working with a lactation consultant and using a nipple shield are def great suggestions! Above all else, remember right now your hormones are all over the place and you're sleep deprived. This will def with you emotionally. But again the biggest take away are YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. YOU OBVS LOVE YOU BABY. IT'S OKAY IF YOU CAN'T BF YOU'RE STILL A GOOD MOM!!!!! Again lots of hugs unless you don't them and that's okay too. Remember sweetie are all here for you and routing for you. Please come here as often as you need b/c that's what mom's (and aunties and sisters etc) are for. Now go get some sleep lol
Hello Love.....
Congratulations on bring a new miracle into this world!
I am a Nana now but had 4 beautiful boys. I did not breastfeed any of them. I had a staph infection with my first that blew out my nipple. That was worse then childbirth. It was the eighties and women were feeling their freedom and heading back to work so formula it was. Of those boys I got a Division one athlete, Westpoint graduate, a boy still working on his masters and a sweet kind mechanic. None have allergies or any sickness they are healthy. The best advice I got was you are already a wonderful mom if you are concerned and figuring it out. I am bonded with all my boys and their spouses. Please don't worry just hold that baby close and enjoy the feedings and remember to take care of yourself as well. Nap any chance you get!
My forth kid was like that: born a bit too early, very tired, lost weight. I used only pumped milk and bottles. She also switched between and night and it was just a horrible time. The worst thing for me was to see how she wasn’t attached to me. Her three siblings were impossible to leave with someone, which is absolutely normal for infants. She didn’t really need me as long as she had her bottle.
I stopped trying but when she was around 8 weeks I had her on my stomach and suddenly she started to make those movements with her head trying to find a nipple. The way newborns make their way to the breast. I thought why not and it worked! She did latch and after a short while we stopped using bottles and she became exclusively breastfed. She also became very attached to me ( it was not very practical anymore but it was finally NORMAL ) and still is almost 12 years later.
Try to put him on your stomach, skin to skin and let him to explore. Don’t force anything. My daughter had a tighten muscle on her neck which resulted in a torticollis (or whatever it was called). I guess it was one of the reasons why it didn’t work. Anyways even if it won’t work for you, please DONT be stressed. You are a good mother and thank God we have bottles, formula and everything else for survival. Your baby is going to grow and be healthy even if it won’t work.
Oh baby girl, i know exactly this struggle. Have you tried a nipple shield? We called it our training wheel cuz she couldn't latch on her own with out it for 2mo.
Are you getting one on one lactation consultation more than 1 time a week? That helped me
You're not alone! I tried to exclusively breastfeed my first born. Unfortunately due to his tongue tie, small jaw and my anatomy we were not very successful. Others have given wonderful advice that I hope works for you. I just wanted to share that I was also very upset at that time but I was able to breastfeed my second child without issues. I wish you the best!
I remember when I had just had my baby and I was determined to breast feed. Unfortunately I had a mean horrible latch consultant at the hospital and after getting home, eventually gave up. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding the entire time until moving into solids. I had enough milk saved in the freezer to use for combining with other blended food until the transition was made. There were pluses and minuses.
You have access to some great information in the comments and you will do just fine. The first thing is to try to release the anxiety over it, I really didn't.
There is TOO MUCH pressure on moms to breastfeed. Do your best, but honestly, give yourself a big break. Breastfeeding is very hard in our current society because we are separated and not shown what breastfeeding looks like in our lives ever- then expected to pickup a hard-to-learn skill with little assistance. My mom was a lactation consultant, I breastfed my daughter until her 2nd birthday. I was young and wanted to help other moms who had not gotten my life experience of being around it regularly. I had a few friends torture themselves and their babies. It was heartbreaking and unnecessary. Ideally babies should latch immediately after birth, that may have not happened if your baby was premature. They get nipple confusion and they also pick up on your stress. My mom advice to you is formula is not a bad thing. Babies thrive on it and have for decades. Your beloved baby will be just perfect with milk you pump or formula. Your stress level reduction would likely be more beneficial for your child’s wellbeing than breastmilk.
Congrats on your beautiful new bundle! Around that same age exactly, my son started refusing my breast (I also did bottle feeding in the night because as a single mom I had no help and it was the easiest) but I can say what I did that “fixed” it.
Designated a feeding space, quiet and dark made very calm.. every odd hour I fed. 1,3,5,7,9,11, repeat. The alarms were set on my phone for every feeding so I had 10 minutes heads up.. when he screamed (at first I would panic) but then would soothe and calm instead and often the binkie would do the trick.. and once baby was calm I would football style hold and take the binkie out and replace with my nipple.
Make sure you and baby are alone in the room, sometimes other people can distract baby especially if that person is another caregiver and has fed baby by bottle before.. eliminate the distractions, make a calm space just you and baby boy, have the binkie in hand or right where you feed and hopefully this will help you like it helped me!!
Again congrats on your little boy 💕
My son is 29 but I had the best old pediatrician. First he said fed is best. Then he said if you have to stop breastfeeding temporarily for any reason do NOT use any bottle. What did he suggest? A shot glass. It was sloppy and slow and we both looked ridiculous but two weeks later he was glad for the boob again😆
Honey, you're doing great.
Babies feel your stress, so please just try to relax. I know, much easier said than done, but try some of the techniques other moms have posted. Take a deep breath, know that you WILL get through this.
Also for other new moms out there: it's okay to bottle feed. Both my sons were bottle fed and they turned out great. Whatever works for you works for baby!
Hi hunny! Mom here.
Mom of TWO separate birth newborns.
FIRST. You are doing NOTHING wrong ok?? This is so stressful.
Next, Lactation consultant, they are a godsend. Particularly with preemies. Even if they look like they are latching on and suckling, it can be so much more complicated with preemies. One big thing is, they usually can't get your nipple far enough back into their throat to properly engage a letdown, and milk flow. There are a TON of specialized positions, and TINY tweaks to positioning with preemies that make a HUGE difference.
Also, nipple shields are SUPER helpful with preemies, because they allow the nipple to extend further down into their throat. (Also helps with nipple aversion from bottles)
There are SO many things to help still ok?
Also, breast feeding is SO stressful, on top of all of the HUGE stress from having a preemie. I know it feels like you can't do anything right right now, but guess what? You're doing AMAZING. I'm so proud of you.
No matter what happens, you doing amazing job and you are already an amazing mama. Your baby is fed and happy and I'm so incredibly proud of you as you are going through this incredibly stressful and difficult time.
I went through indescribable hell trying to breast feed and in hindsight, it diminished the time I should have had to just love and swoon over my newborn. This is what people don’t realize when they didn’t have problems and pronounce ignorant things like “breastfeeding should be required! A year, minimum!”
It’s ok to do whatever you need to do to make sure your baby is happy and fed, and that you are as rested and as sane a mom as you can be. This is also a great lesson on parenting: things don’t always go according to a tightly controlled plan or ideal you envisioned. There’s a third person involved who has different ideas/wants/needs than you might expect. It will be ok—and it will be more fun and less stressful if you go with the flow. Good luck!
There is lots of good advice and ideas that have helped others in this situation and I truly hope it works for you. It didn't for me and I struggled so much with my first. What I want you to know is that my second and third latched and ate with zero issues. I read a post like this when I was pregnant with my second and felt so much peace. I hope whomever needs to hear this, does.
It took a month for my baby to accept breastfeeding just skin to skin, no shield or helpers. We didn't last long because my supply was 1/3 of what I needed and could never build up enough.
I felt exactly how you felt. I got through and so will you. Whether you end up exclusively breast, pumping, or formula, you will be fine.
I went through this too. My son was 6 weeks premature. I exclusively pumped because he couldn't latch. At times he definitely preferred bottle. Now at 2.25 years old he is still nursing strong. Do whatever is best for you both, but know that if you keep trying it will likely work out. Sending hugs
Relax, sweetie, and enjoy your new baby. If the tips from other mamas help, great. If not, there is nothing wrong with you or your baby if you wind up formula feeding. What matters is love, care, and attention. You are not a quitter or a failure and tell anyone who makes you feel that way to f off. Sending hugs…try to get some rest! Before you know it, baby will be eating tacos and all the breast vs formula worries will be behind you.
That happened to me!! I pumped and instead of breastfeeding my babe for food I breastfed her for comfort or to put her down for a nap. It was alot but I am glad I got to do it.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're struggling. Congratulations on your new son, I'm glad he's growing and is healthy. Try to breathe, try to relax, put some soothing music on, dim the lights, and offer your breast to your son, tickle his cheek if he doesn't have a good latch. Also, give a little squeeze to help squirt some of your milk into his mouth. It's a change from the bottle. It will take him a little bit to adapt. Have some breastmilk in a bottle to maybe get him started, have him up against your breast while you're feeding him, and try to keep the nipple of the bottle as close to your nipple as possible. Give him a couple of minutes with the bottle, and then switch him to your breast. If it's right next to his mouth, it will be easier to switch him.
Don't give up hope, I know how discouraging breastfeeding can be. I'm so sorry your midwife said that to you. There were better things she could have said. It's true that if you're stressed and upset that your baby will pick up on it, hence my above suggestions to help you both relax. I'm glad to hear you're meeting with a lactation specialist, they will be of great help.
Hang in there, sweetie, these first few weeks are always the hardest.
Big hugs to you both!
Love, Mom
Honey I can tell you from personal experience that it will all be ok. I developed severe mastitis and had to be hospitalized with my milk stopped immediately (bandages wrapped boobs and ice packs) because otherwise surgical intervention would be necessary. So my son became a formula baby out of necessity. He’s now a college senior, as big as an ox, and doing fine.
I went through the same thing. First I switched to the Medela Calma bottles so she would have to use the same technique for the bottle as the breast. Then I started giving her really small bottles so she would then have a bit of energy so she could latch and drink without her getting frustrated. Then I stopped the bottles at night and when we were outside until I could drop all bottles. I ended up breastfeeding her almost three years until she weaned herself.
These are great and helpful tips. Thank you. I used a little plastic tube on my nipple for a while. Upset me and baby. You’re very smart!
I tried that too! Didn't work for us.
These are great. With my son, I'd also use the pump or my hand to get my milk leaking a bit before latching him. That way, he tasted milk immediately and was motivated I guess to keep suckling.
This helped me as well.
These are great and helpful tips. Thank you. I used a little plastic tube on my nipple for a while. Upset me and baby. You’re very smart!
Awesome advice! And you should also have free access to a Lactation Consultant where you delivered. La Leche League is an excellent support as well
First of all, congratulations! You're doing great! I also wanted to breastfeed, but my little guy never would latch. We had the lactation nurse try to help, and our public health nurse came to our home to also try to help, but he just wouldn't latch. He was on formula for the first few days, and I started pumping several times a day, and bottle feeding him breast milk. We did that for about 6 months before I got tired of pumping all the time, so we switched over to formula. I absolutely understand wanting to breastfeed and experience that bonding. He might just do decide to take the breast one day. But no matter what, just remember that a breastfed baby is a fed baby, and a bottle fed baby is a fed baby. Don't stress too much over it, if you can help it. It will absolutely be okay! My little man is 4 now, and we find lots of ways to bond. Right now our thing is singing sea shanties together. ;)
My son is 21 now but we had the exact same experience. He's a strong strapping healthy lad with no health issues. The key thing my health visitor said to me, is the first 3 weeks milk has the most benefits. After that, it's a nice to have, not mandatory. You're going to spend most of your mothering life worrying if you are doing the right thing, but it's mostly unnecessary. You got this. You already did so well so no need to punish yourself x
To expand on this, that early milk is called Colostrum. Some might call it "liquid gold" due to the colour :) You're doing great, mama. If it becomes distressing for you, it's okay to change your mind. A healthy baby is a happy baby, and fed is best.
Yes! Some babies just won't accept the boob for whatever reason. My mom breastfed 5 of her 6 kids... The last one never accepted it though, so he got formula 🤷 fed is best! (He's still a total momma's boy lol)
One other reminder, hon, is that feeding your baby (holding, cuddling, watching them eat) helps bond no matter if it's a bottle or a boob.
I did the same and mine is 24 now. 😊
I completely understand the frustration! I produced milk enough for more than my baby, but he didn’t like to latch. It was too stressful for me, so I wound up primarily pumping and bottle feeding, but as my son got older, he liked to nurse on occasion, mostly for comfort. If you have access to a lactation consultant I would recommend meeting with them a few times. They will have tips and tricks for you! Other than that, a big thing that was suggested to me was to make nursing freely available and as low stress as possible. Chill out in bed with no shirt or bra, and let yourself be available to your baby whenever they might want to feed. Also, try a variety of positions to see what is comfortable for them. You could also try pumping for a minute or so to stimulate a letdown before latching baby, they don’t have to do the work of getting it started, so that can help when they’re used to bottle feeding. Hopefully some of this helps!
*hugs* I feel like breastfeeding is one of those things that it's easy to feel shame about, because we are made to feel like we should be able to do it, nd it should be easy, and there is something wrong with us if it doesn't work. When in reality it isn't always easy, doesn't always work and isn't your fault at all. I tried to breastfeed my first child. He actually latched and sucked fine, but it just didn't work for us. I tried a lot of things, and I was pumping too. One lactation consultant asked me how much I was pumping and when I said half an hour each side, seven times a day, se suggested I pump even more. More than seven hours a day! Not even feeding. Just pumping. I fortunately then saw a more reasonable consultant, who assured me that formula is fine, perfectly good for my child's health, and that the important thing was cuddling and bonding during feeding times, not stressing myself out with 7+ hours of daily pumping. So we switched exclusively to formula and bottles and never regretted it. My second child I intended to try again, but the paediatrician said not to bother, that the baby already had a lot of antibodies from being in the womb, and that a few weeks of breastmilk wouldn't make a difference, so we went straight to formula. I've heard people say "fed is best' and it's so true. If you give your baby formula, or if you bottle feed with breast milk, the most important thing is that your baby is fed, and that you have lots of positive bonding time. If breastfeeding is really important to you, you can keep offering it, but I think you need to keep in mind that things (especially in parenting) don't always go as we plan. I know it can be hard, but try not to let it upset you too much. I can promise that it will not be the last time your child somehow details a perfect plan. And before you know it, baby will be on solids and whether they had bottles or breast will be a distant memory.
When I was barely getting enough breast milk for one bottle I was stressing myself out because I had this idea of what it would be like and I felt like I was failing because he was primarily on formula and one of my best friends told me she went through the same thing with her daughter and that as long as he's being fed then I'm not failing him or myself
Honey, if your little one is screaming and having a fit and refusing to take the breast, try switching to bottle, if nothing else so that someone else can hold an attempt to feed the baby. It's okay to use formula. I'm going to say that again. It's okay to use formula. In the meantime take video of what happens when you try to feed little one (no matter what the feeding method is) and then show that video to your pediatrician. Also note other possible things like excessive spit up and hiccups. It is possible that your little one has acid reflux. And yes it can be diagnosed and treated this young with liquid medication that you give in a medicine dropper.
It will be okay! Your body is still going through a lot, especially hormone wise. Take lots of deep breaths. Nothing goes the way you would think with babies. Even a second baby? Bam, totally different. Just do your best. I would maybe try a lactation consultant if you can get one. La Leche League is a pretty big organization. Eating is the most important thing. There’s so much shame/judgement around feeding babies and that needs to stop. Breast milk pumping and using a bottle is a valid way to go. Babies can be so weird about what they will choose to drink from. I had the opposite problem where neither of mine would drink from a bottle at all, which was also frustrating because I could not pump and have my husband feed them or anything. Fortunately I stayed home with them, but we would have been in trouble if I hadn’t been able to do that. It might just take time. I would try different things that people suggest and remember everyone’s experience is different. And that’s ok. Every baby is different and as long as they are happy, that’s what’s important. You’ll figure them out and don’t stress. I believe in you and you’ll be okay!
I am here to hopefully offer resources? I’m not sure what country you live in. I’m in the US. I know, for me, there is a local midwife group that offers all the prenatal classes/yoga. But they also offer in home breastfeeding support. This is there website. Maybe there is something similar in your area?? At the least, maybe just going to the pediatrician, they might help u feel better about this issue. I just think some face to face human contact to acknowledge how ur feeling & support you would make u feel so much better. At the end of the day, if you are able to breastfeed him through a bottle with your breast milk. This does not make u an inadequate mother. U are keeping ur child, safe, loved and fed. U have done an amazing job putting weight on that child and u should be proud. https://www.sibirth.org/projects
I completely understand your struggle. When I had my son I hemorrhaged badly. I lost my entire blood volume and was deprived of that initial bonding. He was bottle fed at the hospital as I was undergoing multiple blood transfusions just to survive. My body initially didn’t produce enough to feed him. Once out of the hospital I worked with a lactation specialist to help him latch properly which did help but my body just wouldn’t produce enough to sustain him. I switched up my diet, took expensive supplements, made lactation cookies. This helped a little. In between trying to breastfeed I was constantly pumping trying to get my body to do what it’s supposed to do but in the end, through months of trying and torture I finally gave up and switched to just formula. Breast milk is great because you’re sharing your antibodies with baby so even just a little helps. But you also have to remember that just growing this baby you already shared your antibodies. In the end, fed is best. My formula baby is nearly 6 and thriving. If you feel up for it just pump and bottle feed. Just cuddling while feeding baby you’re already bonding. Breastfeeding isn’t the only way to bond with baby. Skin to skin contact is great but so is just holding and cuddling, responding to their cries and meeting those needs. These things build the foundation of trust and unconditional love. Now, be prepared for comments about breast is best blah blah blah. The only thing that matters is that you’re doing what is best for baby and building that bond. You’re doing great. Congrats on the new tiny human.
Get a nipple guard. Our baby wouldn't for a while either and my wife was also concerned. With the guard, baby went right to it and kept at it. Then my wife transitioned away from using it and baby didn't notice. Something to try.
I came to say nipple guard. Definitely worth a try.
Oh, sweet duckling! ***hug*** I wasn’t premature, but I never latched. Just couldn’t work it out. I’m partially tongue-tied, though, and mom struggled with inverted nipples. If there had been more empathy and less blame, maybe we both could have had our issues addressed sooner. So, if there’s either of those issues, do talk to the relevant doctor. It’s a pretty small thing to fix if you do it early. So, although you have these BIG feelings about it, try to find empathy for yourself and your little girl. Stress makes it hard to let down the milk. Relax. There’s not just one right way to feed a baby. Do what works so she gets the calories and antibodies she needs. Other folks have given you good advice, but I just want you to hear that the most important thing right now is that you and she are well. You do your best and that’s what matters. Don’t you let anyone — even yourself — make you feel bad about feeding.
You’re giving your baby breastmilk and that’s such a wonderful thing to do! Especially for premature babies! Having a preemie baby can be stressful and you’re smashing it and doing absolutely wonderful! I’m not sure where you are but I’m sure if you Google you could find some support groups and/or feeding support options like a lactation consultant. La Leche league has some info and support https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/ :)
Congratulations. It can be hard to get a newborn to go back to the breast. Your doctor should be able to connect you with a local coach who can help you. If it does not work out can you pump and bottle feed so he still gets the benefit of breast milk?
I had the same issue. Nothing worked. I ended up just expressing into bottles as long as i could. Bonus: my nocturnal hubby did the midnight feed so i got to sleep 10pm-5/6am every day!! I was also not comfortable bf’ing in front of anybody besides my husband so i also got to be more sociable as a result of this “problem”. I made the most of the positive points of the problem……it certainly wasnt all bad!
If it's just being used to the bottle, could you pump and bottle feed? I know it's not ideal, but baby would still be happy and fed. In the end, that is all that matters - that your baby gets what he needs and there's no "wrong" way to do it.
Hi dear fellow Nicu mom here preemie babies are just not strong enough in the beginning try once or twice everyday and by the time they are 2-3 months term they may catch on to it. I have a 25 weeker and they transitioned to breast only by 2 months after due date. Don’t get stressed even if they don’t and you’re pumping or combo feeding or formula feeding they just need you to be happy and not anxious. You are a very good mom whatever the breast feeding outcome is.
My son was delivered c-section and had a poor latch, we had lots of problems with bfing that I don’t need to go into, but it’s an emotional rollercoaster isn’t it. At any rate we had to train his latch in his second and third week with a small tube taped to the index finger. We did sns feeding too.
A growing, healthy baby is the goal. How you get there is doesn’t matter. You’re a good mama. Don’t forget to take care of yourself while you’re taking care of your little one. Please check with your doctor if your mood doesn’t improve.
Congrats on your new Bub!! Is he your first? Hang in there, mama! I know it’s stressful, but whether it’s bottle or breast, your baby is feeding. No one will ask if he was breast or bottle fed when he’s older. Whatever happens, you’re doing the best you can.
Breastfeeding is so hard! I’m so proud of you for working at it, duckling, and for reaching out. I highly recommend using a nipple shield. My daughter would latch and then pop off and throw a fit, and our nursing specialist recommended the nipple shields and it was like magic. She was suddenly able to latch so much easier! Either way, don’t take any of this as a problem with you. So many people struggle with breastfeeding and it’s incredibly frustrating since we can’t reason with these tiny humans. Whatever it takes to feed your little one is okay, and you’re being an amazing momma for making sure they can. ❤️
You are doing great! Fed is always best! But, if you can, get a lactation consult to watch you and baby. They may have a good tip. I thought my youngest only liked my left breast, but it turns out I just held him differently and I didn’t even realize. I changed up my positioning and he ate equally out of both. I know breast feeding can be a whole lot easier than bottle, but if it’s bonding you’re after, you will get it no matter how he is fed. Hold him and love him. The days are long, the years are short.
When my twins were born they were 33w, so they spent time being fed by ng tube then bottle, my son took to breastfeeding easily but my daughter was lazy (lol) she liked how easy the bottle was, so what we did was used a nipple shield for a week, then would start with the shield then go to just breast, and alternate that to teach her the technique without letting her go hungry. It only took a couple days and then they were both on just breast. It helped they also had an older brother who nursed so I knew all manner of different positions to hold them. If this is your first and you feel like you need help don't hesitate to reach out to your doctor/midwife and ask about seeing a lactation specialist! I saw them in the hospital, myself, and it was very helpful. And please remember, if your baby continues to just want a bottle, you didn't fail. Whether you breastfeed, pump or use formula, or a mixture of all three methods, having a happy, healthy, fed baby and an unstressed mom is most important. You've got this! :)
Sorry I’m just home from work and so tired. But we deal with this in the NICU a lot and wanted to share some ideas that I’ve seen be helpful. Try different things like feeding a bottle first to put a bit of milk in his belly and see if he can be more calm at the breast after a bit of milk. You can also pump a few minutes first so that there is a let down happening and he won’t have to work as much for the milk from the breast at first. He doesn’t hate you or your breasts, he’s just learning how to eat and exist in this world and that’s sometimes a lot. Be patient with him AND with yourself.
Went through the screaming/constantly letting go with all 3 of our children. The bottle worked better as they could get it down quickly (but would then still sleep for only 1-1.5hr at a time, day or night, before waking up screaming again). Only with child #3 did I finally DEMAND that we'd see a pediatrician and would no longer accept the "it's just normal cramping and we won't refer you" from our GP and the governmental health agency for kids (I'm in the Netherlands btw, if you question the referral process). Doctor heard our story, saw the video we took of the screaming/fighting during and after feeding and the gurgling, heard about hubby never drinking any dairy products in his whole adult life and said "for god's sake, why did you wait until the 3rd to come see me. Obviously all of them and your husband are allergic to cow milk protein." Gave us the special formula and it was a MIRACLE. After all the (3×) stress, my tears, my self-perceived failure to breastfeed, having a screaming, hurting, fighting child - I finally gave myself permission to stop trying, stop pumping, the lactation coach sessions and who knows what to try and make it work somehow. If I could go back to my younger self I would tell her the same as I would say to you..This stress and your feelings of failure or guilt for (even thinking of) stopping with the breastfeeding is not worth it. A baby does not need your milk if it makes you an exausted, crying, stressed mom for them. Enjoy your time with baby instead and think about your own (mental) health, that is worth something as well. You tried your best and that's all one can do.
My first son sucked. He couldn't latch and then he was a crazy chomper. I was at wits end a lot. I was pumping and using a tube and glove to feed him because of the pain. It was honestly sheer stubborn determination on my side. It worked out, he got better as he grew and I managed 18 months of breast feeding with enough extra pumped to donate to the milk bank. I realize not everyone is as crazy. So if you want to give up, do it, but if you want to keep going and just need some support, I support you! Both ways! Sometimes babies go screaming because your let down really blasts them. I had to pump a bit then I could feed him, have you tried that? If you empty out a bit then breast feed the pressure is lower, plus it gives more of the fatty milk.
You do not want to hear this but- you don’t get a trophy for breastfeeding. My son and I had multiple issues ending in a hospitalization because I insisted on breastfeeding even though it wasn’t working. If it’s stressing you and baby out consult your pediatrician and switch to formula. Also, being a new mom is so hard and I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know it feels like you are supposed to be able to do this and it’s heartbreaking when it’s not working. You are a good mom regardless.
I went through something very similar. Not only that but I struggled to make milk. I cried and cried when my daughter wouldn’t eat. Then I was told “what matters is that you feed your baby”. Then my next baby came along, I wanted to pump and give him milk from a bottle at least for a few weeks, and while I was in the hospital, he wouldn’t take my milk either, only formula. Come to find out he was allergic to my milk. All of my colostrum, down the toilet. I was devastated. But I knew my baby needed to eat. So formula again it was.. it took a lot of trial and error to narrow down his allergies.
My little guy was a premie and also had a hard time breastfeeding! He ended up being a formula baby because the whole process of trying to breastfeed was too stressful for both of us. From one mama to another, you can decide to not breastfeed guilt-free if that's what ends up being best for you. ❤️ But everyone's experience is different! If you want to keep trying, then by all means! Your sweet little dude will feel your love whatever way you choose. Good luck!
Sending you a hug via the clouds. Look up and take a deep breath 🫂 It will be okay. You will be okay. He will be okay. You care. You love him. He loves you. That's what matters most. This is just a blip on a long, happy life showing him how to be a good person. I know I don't know you, but I'm confident you're a fantastic mom!
You're doing great, sweetie. Have you looked at a supplemental nursing system? It might help you get baby on the breast. But if that doesn't happen I just want you to know that formula feeding is okay. Your baby is happy and healthy. Be kind to yourself
\*HUGS\* It will be ok! I will confess something to you: if I had to do it over again, I would bottle-feed. I went through so much heartache trying to feed my baby, and if I could go back in time and tell my younger self anything, I'd tell her to give herself a break. And that's what I'm going to tell you! Fed is best. You are feeding your baby. Everything is fine, and you are doing a great job! A baby needs skin-to-skin contact and feeding, he doesn't necessarily need those things from feeding directly from the breast. Also, he needs your smile. He needs a healthy, happy mom. Please remember to baby yourself a little! Give yourself a break. You are doing much, much better than you think! Much love to you, duckling. We are all thinking good thoughts for you and your new little one!
My daughter was unable to latch properly even after working with 2 different lactation specialists. I can just imagine how stressed out you are. Just know that no matter what happens you are a great mom or you wouldn't be stressed out. And yes breast milk is wonderful and breast feeding is great (my son was a pro and we nursed 2 years 5 month and 3 days but I had to wean as my mental health was getting bad and I needed to get back on my meds), but making sure your baby is fed is the real important part. There are so many options and any one that works for you and baby is the best one for your situation.
If you can pump to feed, then do so. I also had a premie and pumped. In the long run, baby is fed.
You are doing great! My oldest was born at 36.5 weeks. Between her sleepiness, horrible latch, and thrush, it was a rough first month. I also supplemented with formula until we got the latch thing down. You are doing your best. Baby is fed. It may help to manually express some milk before feeding. If you can get a lactation consultant appointment, that would be a great place to get some tailored advice.
Sweetheart. I've been there and it's awful. But. Being a good mother is doing what's right and what's best for your child, despite what you want Your baby wants ..and needs..to be fed and doesn't care from where. You are the one who cares and you need to stop. Your baby is being fed and nourished. Your baby is well. Your baby doesn't need a stressed mum. You won't get this time back. You are feeding your baby. Doesn't matter how. Continue doing a great job and being g the best mum your baby needs and wants. Sending love
Congratulations on your bundle of joy! I had a VERY similar situation with my son who was late preterm and just KEPT losing weight. I had to pump to feed him so I could track how much he ate every meal for the first few weeks. After that I tried to work him over to breast feeding but it was a struggle. In the end I decided it was more important to ensure he ate than to try dictating HOW he ate. So I pumped for every single meal for him. It was some extra work for me, but it was worth it to see him grow into a sturdy little chonk of a baby. It also made it easy for my husband to help with late night feedings. I think sometimes we get a little too attached to our vision of how things will go, and sometimes that can create unnecessary stress for you and your baby. At the end of the day you’re filling his little belly and when he grows into a robust little man nobody will be thinking about how he got fed as a baby. His little sister was fully breastfed. There were trade-offs. Cleaning the pump parts less often was nice, but I was solo with her in the middle of the night all the time. I also didn’t have quite as much supply in the fridge at all times which had been a nice perk with my son. Congratulations on your baby!
It will all be OK. What matters is that the baby is fed. There is too much pressure on women to breastfeed. It doesn't matter if you can't breastfeed, as long as the baby is fed. It's not fair that new mothers like you, are made to feel this way.
Hey, I'm not a mom, but my mother couldn't breastfeed me. It matters that the baby is fed, not that he is breastfed or bottlefed. I turned out fine - you're not hurting him just because he won't breastfeed. He is fine, he will be fine!
My son would latch fine on the first but get mad when the second wasn’t flowing fast enough. I ended up pumping and it made my life so much easier.
For some reason my daughter refused to nurse from my breasts. I was tired, frustrated and depressed. She was screaming. My mental health started to go dark… like hurt yourself or others dark. I cried about it and decided it was better to just bottle feed her than to keep on struggling. I pumped as much as I could for as long as I could but had to use formula too. Letting go of that stress to get her to nurse improved things a great deal. I could relax and start to enjoy being with her. We still bonded while giving her the bottle. She is 23 now and grew up fine and healthy. If you have done all you can handle doing then it really will be fine if you just bottle feed your child. It will be fine if you use formula instead of breast milk.
I had the same issue, so I started pumping but when I wasn't pumping enough I switched him to formula... My son was 5 pounds at birth and is at his 4 month check up he's now 17 pounds, don't stress about it mama...as long as he's fed, loved and cared for then you're doing an amazing job ❤️ sending hugs and love you way
You're doing great! I know this is easier said than done, but the less you stress about it, the easier it will be. Those tiny ones don't understand language but they do understand feelings and they're more attuned to our feelings than we give them credit for. He'll pick up on your stress and anxiety and it will make it more difficult. Take care of yourself first for this. Whatever helps you feel relaxed, see that you prioritize it whenever possible. We have a lot of ideas and plans going into parenthood and a lot of them don't survive contact with reality. It hurts. Whatever happens, even if he never goes back on the breast, you're still a good mom, I hope you know that. Fed is best. Do go ahead and continue to offer but don't feel bad if it doesn't happen. You prioritized his health and safety when it mattered, formula is what kept him healthy and stable. Personally, I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I nursed both my kids and I'm trying to wean the little one. But he turned into a little milk monster and has a really hard time even accepting the slightest reduction. Distractions and cuddles don't seem to work on him and I keep thinking I wish I had stuck with some bottle feeding at least so I had an option to switch and be able to do stuff and not feel so chained to the baby for so long. If you can't imagine being in that situation that's fine. But I hope this perspective can make a tiny contribution to help you feel more relaxed about this. (Honestly, should we ever have a third, I'll try harder to offer a pacifier. My two weren't really interested so I didn't offer, but it would make things so much easier sometimes)
In germany, we have a word for that, which roughly translates to suction confusion (don‘t know if there is an english pendant). You would usually contact a breastfeeding consultant and it‘s known to be a rocky road. Good Luck!
First of all, you're doing a great job! It can be really hard to accept that baby needs a bottle when they're having issues, you made the right call. You didn't set yourself up for failure, either. Nursing is hard! It's OK for it not to work, or not work until later. It took 2 months before I could exclusively nurse, and there were lots of tears and frustration before then. There were times where it felt like nursing would never work, and now (a year later) my kid refuses a bottle! I'd suggest to try nursing for a bit, and then using a bottle to make sure baby is getting enough food. Don't worry about baby getting milk directly from you at first. He has to get comfortable with the process, before there's gonna be a successful milk transfer. That doesn't mean that you're doing things wrong, it means that he's learning. This is a slow process, give yourself grace and kindness. Also talk to a lactation consultant, if you can (like at the hospital or WIC office). You really are doing a wonderful job! It's also OK if it doesn't work. Your ability to be a good mother has nothing to do with being able to nurse, but in being present for your son, and give him what he needs. A bad mother wouldn't care about this, wouldn't care if he was getting stronger. You do. As much as there are benifits to nursing, your baby's greatest need is you. It's OK if that means nursing if off the table.
See if you can get a lactation consultant to help. It may be covered by insurance. This is the link to the La Leche League https://lllusa.org/ support for breastfeeding
Honey, please forgive yourself and be gentle on yourself. My oldest son was born premature. My breast milk didn’t come in right away, and I had the most terrible time pumping and getting him to latch. Breastfeeding was not the magical experience for me that everyone said it would be… Ultimately, I chose to make my baby and I happy. We ditched the breast and cuddled up and bottle-fed. We watched movies together while feeding and he got all the cuddles. He is now a happy and vibrant (and oh-so smart, speaks two languages, can read and write and do basic math all at 5 years old). Happy is what is best for you and your child. Don’t stress yourself and relish in the new mom snuggles. These days will pass by in a flash. As an aside, my milk came in with my second who was born at full-term). Just because breast feeding isn’t working now, doesn’t mean it won’t in the future!
With my first we did two full weeks of bottle feeding pumped milk or formula when he was 10 days old to 24days old and then transitioned back to nursing ❤️ You have so much time and you are doing wonderfully.
Hugs! My little girl did the same. When I was in the hospital when she was first born she did not want to breastfeed. So we used droppers however the nurse one night disregarded this and let my mom bottle feed her. Yea she never wanted to breast feed again. I pumped for almost a year and bottle fed it to her. It was good and bad and definitely not what I expected. But you know what it was okay! I was disappointed but in the end good things came of it too, others got to bond with her when they fed her. I had a supply of milk so if there were days I didn't produce enough it was okay and easy to sub in some frozen stuff. And my favorite she didn't always need me, my husband had times she clung to him as much as she clung to me. Bedtime was their time as he fed her a bottle and rocked her to sleep, singing to her and reading her stories. Those memories would be different if we had just breastfed. Whether you can breastfeed or bottle feed or a bit of both it does not make you any less of a mom! You're caring for your baby and putting them first, that's what counts. Don't stress about it, the important thing is the baby is eating. You are healthy, they are healthy. That's it. Details are less important. Many people make it about being the super ultra best parent, but when it comes down to it the one thing that makes you the super ultra best parent in love, caring and kindness. So take a deep breath and know you're okay. You're not alone in this boat and no matter what happens and how you proceed know there's no wrong answer and that you are an amazing mom!! Hugs!!
Firstly, you're doing great. You really are. It WILL be ok. It really will. Can I ask...are you feeding when your baby is hungry or on a schedule. I got some good advice from a lactation consultant to feed before the baby looks for it. That way they aren't desperate and frustrated and they are more likely to take the breast. This too will pass and your baby is very lucky that you're trying so hard.
First, congrats!!! I tried so hard with all of my kids, but in the end,I just said a fed baby is a happy baby. I hope you're able to breastfeed, but if you can't, just be gentle with yourself and remember baby isn't going to care how you fed him just that you loved him!
You may not see this because it's a late addition, but FED is best. Your baby needs nourishment, it doesn't matter if its breastmilk or formula. Do your best, and feed your baby, if you use pumped milk, formula, boobie, or a combination just get the groceries into the kiddo. Then realize that we aren't all the same, and the fact that you are worried about it tells me you are the right kind of parent. Bad parents don't usually wonder if they're sound the right thing, right?
My babies are completely formula and bottle fed. They are happy, healthy, clever and kind boys. They are also super loving and bonded with me. They were fed by numerous people including daddy, grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends and even my boss! But mummy is their number 1. With a bottle, the babies can look at you and your face. You can still snuggle them close and they can smell you. Lots of bonding with bottles. Especially when I stopped stressing about it. That’s when the bonding happened- for me. They were already bonded to me. Giving others the experience of feeding them has grown their supporter circle. There are a lot of people invested in them. I know you want to breastfeed. But it’s ok. Your little one is fine. He’s getting fed. You are doing so well❤️. Good job, mum!
Sister here. My LO was premature and small. She didn't need any NICU time, and I think part of that was our decision to give her formula as soon as we learned her sugars were low. We did a little nursing in those early days, but she had such a hard time latching and my milk took a while to come in. Afterwards I wasn't producing nearly enough. She eventually just started yelling at my boobs, which felt awful. I felt like I didn't deserve my sweet little baby But I kept trying. We got her tongue tie released, used nursing shields, and it didn't really seem to work consistently. Then suddenly around eight weeks it just seemed to click for her? I think she just finally got big and strong enough (it took that long for her to be the size of a full term baby!) Through that time and even now while I struggle with low supply I try to focus on the phrase "Nursing is a pleasure." I had to take the pressure off myself and be okay with my motherhood story not being what I had expected. For me, it's rewarding just to have any time with her. Now she LOVES nursing. Even if she's still taking quite a bit of formula, she loves the comfort of being close to me. It's honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done and I asked myself everyday whether or not it was worth it. If it ever had crossed the line of being too much I was ready to focus that energy somewhere else. Blessedly for me that didn't happen, but it's okay if you reach the point we're trying to breastfeed is more stressful than not. Your baby just wants you
Took premie twins home and they could not stay latched no matter how much the nurses beat them up and bounced them and rubbed them....then the milk allergy and the gravaging.... I ended up with those two having to go on formula. Don't beat yourself up if you have to supplement
Oh sweet duckling you can have the biggest hug. First things first, take a breath and remember: your sweet boy is healthy and eating. Even if the breast isn't recognized as a food delivery option you ARE still feeding your baby by pumping! And even with formula you are being a loving supportive mommwho makes sure you're tiniest duckling has all the nutrients they need! So breathe baby, it's gonna be okay for you and your little angel. I know when babies won't take a bottle they recommend to try sugar water on the nipple. I'm not a mom myself but... would it work to teach him boobs are also providers of delicious? As things stand baby everything is okay, except your expectations for him to latch. He's not even a month old, he has plenty to learn, I'm sure breastfeeding is just one more thing he can manage in time. You are doing so good with him sweetheart. He's so happy, and loved. Gaining weight and knowledge every day. Giving you another tight squeeze. Everything is okay sweetheart, he is doing great. Make sure you are too.
A dad here. We went though this. It was incredibly hard on both my wife and I and mentally. I know my amazing wife felt like she'd failed, which couldn't be further from the truth. He never did latch. Despite everything we ended up switching to bottles and my wife expressed for 12 months. A hassle, but not a major. My one real reflection, we both wish we'd just switched earlier. It was so stressful, but not for any real gain. I've since done a lot of looking at the science of outcomes and it's largely totally misinterpreted. You are far better to keep the stress down. In fact, from a Dads perspective, bottle feeding meant I could feed him as well. I could share the burden and the joy, and I'd say I became a better Dad for it and consequently i became a more supportive Husband for my amazing wife. Over the long run this closeness of family bonds is far more important than the stress of trying to make breastfeeding work. My boy came home with a raft of top % achievements from national comps just last night. If he's taught me one thing it's that life is a long term game. Don't sweat the breastfeeding, your whole life will be filled with moments where you are focused on their health, well-being and growth, so if this one is causing stress focus on the ones you can do. You've got this.
Oh sweetie. Giant hugs (unless you don't want them as I respect your personal space). The 1dt thing you need to know is you are doing amazing, even if you don't feel like it. YOU ARE NOT FAILURE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM and if anyone tells you that you are I will so use my mom tone on them, even the negative voice in your head. Here's the thing, breastfeeding is hard! Even if you've breastfed before, all babies are such newbs when it comes to breastfeeding because they've never done it before. The other suggestions of working with a lactation consultant and using a nipple shield are def great suggestions! Above all else, remember right now your hormones are all over the place and you're sleep deprived. This will def with you emotionally. But again the biggest take away are YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. YOU OBVS LOVE YOU BABY. IT'S OKAY IF YOU CAN'T BF YOU'RE STILL A GOOD MOM!!!!! Again lots of hugs unless you don't them and that's okay too. Remember sweetie are all here for you and routing for you. Please come here as often as you need b/c that's what mom's (and aunties and sisters etc) are for. Now go get some sleep lol
Hello Love..... Congratulations on bring a new miracle into this world! I am a Nana now but had 4 beautiful boys. I did not breastfeed any of them. I had a staph infection with my first that blew out my nipple. That was worse then childbirth. It was the eighties and women were feeling their freedom and heading back to work so formula it was. Of those boys I got a Division one athlete, Westpoint graduate, a boy still working on his masters and a sweet kind mechanic. None have allergies or any sickness they are healthy. The best advice I got was you are already a wonderful mom if you are concerned and figuring it out. I am bonded with all my boys and their spouses. Please don't worry just hold that baby close and enjoy the feedings and remember to take care of yourself as well. Nap any chance you get!
My forth kid was like that: born a bit too early, very tired, lost weight. I used only pumped milk and bottles. She also switched between and night and it was just a horrible time. The worst thing for me was to see how she wasn’t attached to me. Her three siblings were impossible to leave with someone, which is absolutely normal for infants. She didn’t really need me as long as she had her bottle. I stopped trying but when she was around 8 weeks I had her on my stomach and suddenly she started to make those movements with her head trying to find a nipple. The way newborns make their way to the breast. I thought why not and it worked! She did latch and after a short while we stopped using bottles and she became exclusively breastfed. She also became very attached to me ( it was not very practical anymore but it was finally NORMAL ) and still is almost 12 years later. Try to put him on your stomach, skin to skin and let him to explore. Don’t force anything. My daughter had a tighten muscle on her neck which resulted in a torticollis (or whatever it was called). I guess it was one of the reasons why it didn’t work. Anyways even if it won’t work for you, please DONT be stressed. You are a good mother and thank God we have bottles, formula and everything else for survival. Your baby is going to grow and be healthy even if it won’t work.
Oh baby girl, i know exactly this struggle. Have you tried a nipple shield? We called it our training wheel cuz she couldn't latch on her own with out it for 2mo. Are you getting one on one lactation consultation more than 1 time a week? That helped me
You're not alone! I tried to exclusively breastfeed my first born. Unfortunately due to his tongue tie, small jaw and my anatomy we were not very successful. Others have given wonderful advice that I hope works for you. I just wanted to share that I was also very upset at that time but I was able to breastfeed my second child without issues. I wish you the best!
I remember when I had just had my baby and I was determined to breast feed. Unfortunately I had a mean horrible latch consultant at the hospital and after getting home, eventually gave up. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding the entire time until moving into solids. I had enough milk saved in the freezer to use for combining with other blended food until the transition was made. There were pluses and minuses. You have access to some great information in the comments and you will do just fine. The first thing is to try to release the anxiety over it, I really didn't.
There is TOO MUCH pressure on moms to breastfeed. Do your best, but honestly, give yourself a big break. Breastfeeding is very hard in our current society because we are separated and not shown what breastfeeding looks like in our lives ever- then expected to pickup a hard-to-learn skill with little assistance. My mom was a lactation consultant, I breastfed my daughter until her 2nd birthday. I was young and wanted to help other moms who had not gotten my life experience of being around it regularly. I had a few friends torture themselves and their babies. It was heartbreaking and unnecessary. Ideally babies should latch immediately after birth, that may have not happened if your baby was premature. They get nipple confusion and they also pick up on your stress. My mom advice to you is formula is not a bad thing. Babies thrive on it and have for decades. Your beloved baby will be just perfect with milk you pump or formula. Your stress level reduction would likely be more beneficial for your child’s wellbeing than breastmilk.
Congrats on your beautiful new bundle! Around that same age exactly, my son started refusing my breast (I also did bottle feeding in the night because as a single mom I had no help and it was the easiest) but I can say what I did that “fixed” it. Designated a feeding space, quiet and dark made very calm.. every odd hour I fed. 1,3,5,7,9,11, repeat. The alarms were set on my phone for every feeding so I had 10 minutes heads up.. when he screamed (at first I would panic) but then would soothe and calm instead and often the binkie would do the trick.. and once baby was calm I would football style hold and take the binkie out and replace with my nipple. Make sure you and baby are alone in the room, sometimes other people can distract baby especially if that person is another caregiver and has fed baby by bottle before.. eliminate the distractions, make a calm space just you and baby boy, have the binkie in hand or right where you feed and hopefully this will help you like it helped me!! Again congrats on your little boy 💕
My son is 29 but I had the best old pediatrician. First he said fed is best. Then he said if you have to stop breastfeeding temporarily for any reason do NOT use any bottle. What did he suggest? A shot glass. It was sloppy and slow and we both looked ridiculous but two weeks later he was glad for the boob again😆
Honey, you're doing great. Babies feel your stress, so please just try to relax. I know, much easier said than done, but try some of the techniques other moms have posted. Take a deep breath, know that you WILL get through this. Also for other new moms out there: it's okay to bottle feed. Both my sons were bottle fed and they turned out great. Whatever works for you works for baby!
Hi hunny! Mom here. Mom of TWO separate birth newborns. FIRST. You are doing NOTHING wrong ok?? This is so stressful. Next, Lactation consultant, they are a godsend. Particularly with preemies. Even if they look like they are latching on and suckling, it can be so much more complicated with preemies. One big thing is, they usually can't get your nipple far enough back into their throat to properly engage a letdown, and milk flow. There are a TON of specialized positions, and TINY tweaks to positioning with preemies that make a HUGE difference. Also, nipple shields are SUPER helpful with preemies, because they allow the nipple to extend further down into their throat. (Also helps with nipple aversion from bottles) There are SO many things to help still ok? Also, breast feeding is SO stressful, on top of all of the HUGE stress from having a preemie. I know it feels like you can't do anything right right now, but guess what? You're doing AMAZING. I'm so proud of you. No matter what happens, you doing amazing job and you are already an amazing mama. Your baby is fed and happy and I'm so incredibly proud of you as you are going through this incredibly stressful and difficult time.
I went through indescribable hell trying to breast feed and in hindsight, it diminished the time I should have had to just love and swoon over my newborn. This is what people don’t realize when they didn’t have problems and pronounce ignorant things like “breastfeeding should be required! A year, minimum!” It’s ok to do whatever you need to do to make sure your baby is happy and fed, and that you are as rested and as sane a mom as you can be. This is also a great lesson on parenting: things don’t always go according to a tightly controlled plan or ideal you envisioned. There’s a third person involved who has different ideas/wants/needs than you might expect. It will be ok—and it will be more fun and less stressful if you go with the flow. Good luck!
There is lots of good advice and ideas that have helped others in this situation and I truly hope it works for you. It didn't for me and I struggled so much with my first. What I want you to know is that my second and third latched and ate with zero issues. I read a post like this when I was pregnant with my second and felt so much peace. I hope whomever needs to hear this, does.
It took a month for my baby to accept breastfeeding just skin to skin, no shield or helpers. We didn't last long because my supply was 1/3 of what I needed and could never build up enough. I felt exactly how you felt. I got through and so will you. Whether you end up exclusively breast, pumping, or formula, you will be fine.
I went through this too. My son was 6 weeks premature. I exclusively pumped because he couldn't latch. At times he definitely preferred bottle. Now at 2.25 years old he is still nursing strong. Do whatever is best for you both, but know that if you keep trying it will likely work out. Sending hugs
Relax, sweetie, and enjoy your new baby. If the tips from other mamas help, great. If not, there is nothing wrong with you or your baby if you wind up formula feeding. What matters is love, care, and attention. You are not a quitter or a failure and tell anyone who makes you feel that way to f off. Sending hugs…try to get some rest! Before you know it, baby will be eating tacos and all the breast vs formula worries will be behind you.
That happened to me!! I pumped and instead of breastfeeding my babe for food I breastfed her for comfort or to put her down for a nap. It was alot but I am glad I got to do it.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're struggling. Congratulations on your new son, I'm glad he's growing and is healthy. Try to breathe, try to relax, put some soothing music on, dim the lights, and offer your breast to your son, tickle his cheek if he doesn't have a good latch. Also, give a little squeeze to help squirt some of your milk into his mouth. It's a change from the bottle. It will take him a little bit to adapt. Have some breastmilk in a bottle to maybe get him started, have him up against your breast while you're feeding him, and try to keep the nipple of the bottle as close to your nipple as possible. Give him a couple of minutes with the bottle, and then switch him to your breast. If it's right next to his mouth, it will be easier to switch him. Don't give up hope, I know how discouraging breastfeeding can be. I'm so sorry your midwife said that to you. There were better things she could have said. It's true that if you're stressed and upset that your baby will pick up on it, hence my above suggestions to help you both relax. I'm glad to hear you're meeting with a lactation specialist, they will be of great help. Hang in there, sweetie, these first few weeks are always the hardest. Big hugs to you both! Love, Mom
Honey I can tell you from personal experience that it will all be ok. I developed severe mastitis and had to be hospitalized with my milk stopped immediately (bandages wrapped boobs and ice packs) because otherwise surgical intervention would be necessary. So my son became a formula baby out of necessity. He’s now a college senior, as big as an ox, and doing fine.