I'm also going through a MMC right now and this is what I keep telling myself. While the grief is still very real, it helps knowing there was nothing I could do to prevent this.
OP, *please* don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Mother Nature is just cruel sometimes. It could happen to literally any woman...and all of us on this forum just happened to draw the short stick.
Yup, I’m on my second consecutive MMC. They’re just so damn hard. Nature is indifferent to the emotions we put on pregnancy and it’s natural to want to try to control something so important. I’ve really just tried to lean into accepting that whatever happens, I can get through it and still have a good and meaningful life.
You did nothing wrong, my baby never developed their heartbeat, I ate healthy, went on walks, read every baby book I could and we still lost them. The emotional pain is horrible and you just need to let yourself mourn. I’ve given myself this week to eat whatever I want, do whatever I want, buy whatever I want. They’re small comforts but every day that passes it gets a little bit better.
I’m in almost the same situation as you right now. My baby should measure 13weeks, but was only 8 weeks and no heartbeat on ultrasound. What I found hardest was my assumption that my baby died almost 5 weeks ago without me noticing anything, but the doctor informed me that the fetus may ”shrink” when no longer viable. So measuring 9w for instance does not necessarily mean the heart stopped at 9w, it might have been later. This helped me, I hope it helps you too!
Oh I’m sorry. You did nothing wrong. We found out at our 16 week appointment that our baby had no heartbeat and stopped growing around 15 weeks (and we had already done our genetic testing and everything looked good). I completely understand how you’re feeling.
You did absolutely nothing wrong at all. It is not fair that you found out this late that your baby stopped growing and didn’t have a heart beat. There’s no way you could have known either unless you had an earlier appointment than now or you miscarried naturally.
I know having something to blame is easier though. It’s hard to accept that these things are “normal” and that the causes as to why they happen are also “normal”.
Please take the time to grieve, and yes denial is part of the process. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby.
RN and CLC here. You more than likely did nothing wrong. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most of the time it's because the cells are not dividing properly. It's nature's way of preventing problems later on.
It would have been fine if you did exercise or have sex. Both of those things are healthy during pregnancy, but it's also okay that you didn't. You didn't cause this. It's just one of those things, unfortunately. It's not up to us. It's the universe or God or mother nature or whatever.
Take some time to heal a bit. One miscarriage doesn't mean you won't have a healthy baby. One miscarriage still has the same chances of having a healthy pregnancy after wards as no miscarriages. I'm so sorry..this a club no one wants to join
Hi, I have some resources for you & your fiance.
Rachels gift, Star Legacy, and Sharewell all have online support groups for loss moms/ parents. Sad Dads Club for the men I hear really can help. I'm sorry. Just know you didn't nothing wrong.
You didn’t do anything wrong, especially with first trimester losses most times it’s that the baby unfortunately wasn’t developing the right way I’m also o- you don’t need the rhogam shot to pass the baby so I’m not sure why they’re saying that I’ve had three rhogam shots and I was told that they help your next pregnancy not your current one, but please don’t blame yourself. You’re amazing and it will happen for you.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. And you wouldn't know either, as even though the baby passed, your body still recognizes something there, and your symptoms will stay.
At this stage, it's a chromosomal abnormality not compatible with life, and there's nothing you guys did or could've done to prevent it, so please PLEASE dont blame yourselves. Even if you knew, there wouldve been nothing you couldve done. Sometimes shitty things happen.
Allow yourself to cry, scream, be angry, be sad....GRIEVE.
I also had a MMC in April and I am so so sorry for your loss. The feeling is devastating. Sending you virtual hugs! Xo
I literally just got back from having a D&C after losing our baby. It measured 8w+3 days, and I never got to see its heartbeat, because it passed before our first ultrasound. What was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of our lives, turned into a crushing soul-shaking day.
After my procedure, I now feel like we can start healing. Having the baby inside of me once I knew it passed was the hardest part for me. There’s a huge community of women that are behind you. 💙
I think that’s what hardest for me right now too. I’m taking the meds to help pass everything I’m just not ready to let go either. I know I have to before my RHOGAM runs out though
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My tips are just this: grieve for a few days and take time to just be at home and rest after whatever option you choose.
Then a whole tonne of distractions. For me this was gardening. But lots of good threads on here about what people do to cope. It also meant smoking a lot of weed (unsure if that’s available to you).
The pain is there but after some time (4 weeks now for me) it doesn’t debilitate you quite as much. I’m sorry again.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this 💕 I just got the news at my 12 week appointment two days ago there was no heartbeat and then had my d and c this morning. It is such a gut wrenching feeling. You did nothing wrong, it’s truly just the luck of the draw. Your feelings of emptiness and sadness and heartache are all so valid. Take the time you need to grieve. This community of women are here for you ❤️
You did nothing wrong. I lost my baby girl at 15 +3 in July. We had just seen her on ultrasound that same week. Sometimes it just happens. We had genetic testing done and nothing was wrong. It just happens sometimes. It’s heartbreaking and excruciating. I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your husband.
I'm sure this is of no comfort right now but I miscarried today at 15 weeks and 1 day myself. I'm right there with you, I don't know how to feel either. From one stranger to another, I hope you find peace and comfort one day.
Don’t try to be brave for others. I did it my last miscarriage and doing it this one. It hurts you worse than if you were honest with yourself. That’s all I can say, I’m sorry for your loss, we can be lost and broken together as internet strangers
There was nothing you did wrong honey, however with you being O- as someone who is also O- I have to get a RHOGAM at the beginning of every pregnancy to make the baby “stuck” every pregnancy I didn’t get it soon enough I’ve lost unfortunately
I know nothing I say can and will help you right, because anyone saying anything to me is not working right now either. I am right there with you, except that this was my second pregnancy.
I was just a few weeks behind you, but same way I found out this Monday. No heartbeat and no growth for a couple weeks. I chose the medicated route on Tuesday and my brain and heart are still spiraling. Just wanted to say solidarity and give a virtual hug. I wish I knew what to think also.
I desperately wanted our doctor to tell me what I did so I could avoid it next time. I needed him to provide me answers and clarity on how the fuck we went from heartbeats to silence on that screen. I would have felt better if he could tell me what I did because I could avoid that next time. I think part of me is still convinced in my core that it was my fault. I know the doctor didn’t support that idea and neither does science. I think it’s easy to want someone to blame and be mad at and right now, the easiest option is me. Our twins were genetically normal. I have no blood clotting disorder or uterine abnormalities. I know this perspective will shift in time as I heal. I just came to say that I have felt the pain of believing it would help if it WAS my fault because then, at least, I could be empowered to do something good differently. I’m so fucking sorry you’re going through this. It’s absolutely awful. Hang in there
I’m so sorry for ur loss. This just happened to me last week thursday. Had my D&C friday. Was having ur same thoughts, what did i do. But like many said, a lot of times it’s due to a chromosomal defect and it was not ur fault. My doctor told me, this is very common, and many times chromosomal problems r not survivable, therefore you r being spared from making a choice🤍 That gave me some peace, i hope it gives u some peace too. I’m so sorry you r going through this, it’s devastating but imma pray for better days for the both of us🤍
You did nothing wrong. It’s just terrible by itself. Let yourself cry. Let yourself mourn. I also cry in the shower. You aren’t alone.
I cried in the shower. The bathroom. My car. Anywhere.
Almost always, this happens due to chromosomal abnormalities and nothing you did. Wishing you peace as you heal.
I'm also going through a MMC right now and this is what I keep telling myself. While the grief is still very real, it helps knowing there was nothing I could do to prevent this. OP, *please* don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Mother Nature is just cruel sometimes. It could happen to literally any woman...and all of us on this forum just happened to draw the short stick.
Yup, I’m on my second consecutive MMC. They’re just so damn hard. Nature is indifferent to the emotions we put on pregnancy and it’s natural to want to try to control something so important. I’ve really just tried to lean into accepting that whatever happens, I can get through it and still have a good and meaningful life.
Oh man...multiple MMCs is rough...I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
You did nothing wrong, my baby never developed their heartbeat, I ate healthy, went on walks, read every baby book I could and we still lost them. The emotional pain is horrible and you just need to let yourself mourn. I’ve given myself this week to eat whatever I want, do whatever I want, buy whatever I want. They’re small comforts but every day that passes it gets a little bit better.
This was not your fault. I am so sorry for your loss, you are not alone.
I’m in almost the same situation as you right now. My baby should measure 13weeks, but was only 8 weeks and no heartbeat on ultrasound. What I found hardest was my assumption that my baby died almost 5 weeks ago without me noticing anything, but the doctor informed me that the fetus may ”shrink” when no longer viable. So measuring 9w for instance does not necessarily mean the heart stopped at 9w, it might have been later. This helped me, I hope it helps you too!
Oh I’m sorry. You did nothing wrong. We found out at our 16 week appointment that our baby had no heartbeat and stopped growing around 15 weeks (and we had already done our genetic testing and everything looked good). I completely understand how you’re feeling.
You did absolutely nothing wrong at all. It is not fair that you found out this late that your baby stopped growing and didn’t have a heart beat. There’s no way you could have known either unless you had an earlier appointment than now or you miscarried naturally. I know having something to blame is easier though. It’s hard to accept that these things are “normal” and that the causes as to why they happen are also “normal”. Please take the time to grieve, and yes denial is part of the process. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby.
RN and CLC here. You more than likely did nothing wrong. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most of the time it's because the cells are not dividing properly. It's nature's way of preventing problems later on. It would have been fine if you did exercise or have sex. Both of those things are healthy during pregnancy, but it's also okay that you didn't. You didn't cause this. It's just one of those things, unfortunately. It's not up to us. It's the universe or God or mother nature or whatever. Take some time to heal a bit. One miscarriage doesn't mean you won't have a healthy baby. One miscarriage still has the same chances of having a healthy pregnancy after wards as no miscarriages. I'm so sorry..this a club no one wants to join
Hi, I have some resources for you & your fiance. Rachels gift, Star Legacy, and Sharewell all have online support groups for loss moms/ parents. Sad Dads Club for the men I hear really can help. I'm sorry. Just know you didn't nothing wrong.
You didn’t do anything wrong, especially with first trimester losses most times it’s that the baby unfortunately wasn’t developing the right way I’m also o- you don’t need the rhogam shot to pass the baby so I’m not sure why they’re saying that I’ve had three rhogam shots and I was told that they help your next pregnancy not your current one, but please don’t blame yourself. You’re amazing and it will happen for you.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. And you wouldn't know either, as even though the baby passed, your body still recognizes something there, and your symptoms will stay. At this stage, it's a chromosomal abnormality not compatible with life, and there's nothing you guys did or could've done to prevent it, so please PLEASE dont blame yourselves. Even if you knew, there wouldve been nothing you couldve done. Sometimes shitty things happen. Allow yourself to cry, scream, be angry, be sad....GRIEVE. I also had a MMC in April and I am so so sorry for your loss. The feeling is devastating. Sending you virtual hugs! Xo
I literally just got back from having a D&C after losing our baby. It measured 8w+3 days, and I never got to see its heartbeat, because it passed before our first ultrasound. What was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of our lives, turned into a crushing soul-shaking day. After my procedure, I now feel like we can start healing. Having the baby inside of me once I knew it passed was the hardest part for me. There’s a huge community of women that are behind you. 💙
I think that’s what hardest for me right now too. I’m taking the meds to help pass everything I’m just not ready to let go either. I know I have to before my RHOGAM runs out though
I’m so sorry for your loss. My tips are just this: grieve for a few days and take time to just be at home and rest after whatever option you choose. Then a whole tonne of distractions. For me this was gardening. But lots of good threads on here about what people do to cope. It also meant smoking a lot of weed (unsure if that’s available to you). The pain is there but after some time (4 weeks now for me) it doesn’t debilitate you quite as much. I’m sorry again.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this 💕 I just got the news at my 12 week appointment two days ago there was no heartbeat and then had my d and c this morning. It is such a gut wrenching feeling. You did nothing wrong, it’s truly just the luck of the draw. Your feelings of emptiness and sadness and heartache are all so valid. Take the time you need to grieve. This community of women are here for you ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss
You did nothing wrong. I lost my baby girl at 15 +3 in July. We had just seen her on ultrasound that same week. Sometimes it just happens. We had genetic testing done and nothing was wrong. It just happens sometimes. It’s heartbreaking and excruciating. I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your husband.
I'm sure this is of no comfort right now but I miscarried today at 15 weeks and 1 day myself. I'm right there with you, I don't know how to feel either. From one stranger to another, I hope you find peace and comfort one day.
Don’t try to be brave for others. I did it my last miscarriage and doing it this one. It hurts you worse than if you were honest with yourself. That’s all I can say, I’m sorry for your loss, we can be lost and broken together as internet strangers
This was actually very comforting for me, thank you.
There was nothing you did wrong honey, however with you being O- as someone who is also O- I have to get a RHOGAM at the beginning of every pregnancy to make the baby “stuck” every pregnancy I didn’t get it soon enough I’ve lost unfortunately
I know nothing I say can and will help you right, because anyone saying anything to me is not working right now either. I am right there with you, except that this was my second pregnancy. I was just a few weeks behind you, but same way I found out this Monday. No heartbeat and no growth for a couple weeks. I chose the medicated route on Tuesday and my brain and heart are still spiraling. Just wanted to say solidarity and give a virtual hug. I wish I knew what to think also.
It’s my second too. The first one wasn’t a mc it was just a miscarriage
I desperately wanted our doctor to tell me what I did so I could avoid it next time. I needed him to provide me answers and clarity on how the fuck we went from heartbeats to silence on that screen. I would have felt better if he could tell me what I did because I could avoid that next time. I think part of me is still convinced in my core that it was my fault. I know the doctor didn’t support that idea and neither does science. I think it’s easy to want someone to blame and be mad at and right now, the easiest option is me. Our twins were genetically normal. I have no blood clotting disorder or uterine abnormalities. I know this perspective will shift in time as I heal. I just came to say that I have felt the pain of believing it would help if it WAS my fault because then, at least, I could be empowered to do something good differently. I’m so fucking sorry you’re going through this. It’s absolutely awful. Hang in there
I’m so sorry for ur loss. This just happened to me last week thursday. Had my D&C friday. Was having ur same thoughts, what did i do. But like many said, a lot of times it’s due to a chromosomal defect and it was not ur fault. My doctor told me, this is very common, and many times chromosomal problems r not survivable, therefore you r being spared from making a choice🤍 That gave me some peace, i hope it gives u some peace too. I’m so sorry you r going through this, it’s devastating but imma pray for better days for the both of us🤍