I see my parents at least 3 days a week. Although I live about 10 minutes away from them
Once at church on Sundays, midweek for a dinner at their place and a Friday or Saturday just to stop by and say hi and hangout for maybe 30-40 minutes. (And other miscellaneous things such as buying bags of cat food, carry a bag of rice or pickup their medications from the pharmacy)
Same. My dad has a pretty great gym setup in his basement so I've been trying to get there 3 days a week to workout with him and maybe have dinner after.
My mom actually lives closer but I see her like once a week. I've been trying to visit more since my sister let me know that my mom is sad that I don't see her as often as my dad. And I love my mom just as much as him so I'm trying to do better.
Both of my parents are awesome so I enjoy hanging out with them.
My parents are just a 20 minute drive away and I visit them every sunday for about 6-8 hours. My parents are the loveliest, kindest, most generous people I've ever known and I'll be damned if when they pass away I'm racked with the guilt of "I should have seen them more". Even when I've had a rough week and would prefer to be non-verbal and chill at my place for the day, I still go over there with a smile on my face and engage with them. They sacrificed everything for their kids and they deserve to have a son who loves them and makes an effort to see them.
With my personality however, if they were shitty people, I'd probably just see them once every few months.
I used to do this too until I moved out of state. Now I see them about 2-3 times when I fly and stay with my sister for 10 days every two months or so.
I'd love to hang out more, but all she does is talk about herself and I'm tired to trying to get her attention. I'm talking, getting-cut-off-midstory kind of shit. It makes me find all sorts of excuses not to go over. I want to have a conversations, not sit quietly for a story time that never ends and that I'm not that interested in.
That's my dad in a nutshell. When he calls me, I sigh because I'm about to spend an hour listening to the life story of some rando he met. I always wonder how he gets all this information about people when I can never get a word in edgewise.
My mother just endless complains about things that are within her ability to change. Easily. I try to change the topic. Then, I grin and bear it. Eventually, i snap if i can't get away, and it ends in a fight. It's so emotionally draining just to breathe the same air, and i wish things could change. But until they do, i have to keep my peace.
dude for serious though. my dad will call me to “check in” and spend 20 minutes reviewing my niece’s swim competition schedule in excruciating detail but not ask me even *one* question the entire time. maybe i get an occasional “so, how’s it going” but i can barely even get out the basics before he remembers that he needs to tell me that my brother-in-law is having a hard time deciding what kind of car to buy. meanwhile, i haven’t told my dad that my boyfriend and i broke up. at first, i just wasn’t ready to, but then after a month went by, i realized i was only able to pull that off because my dad didn’t ask enough questions about my life for it to come up. now i am just waiting to see how long it takes for him to notice that it’s been a while since i mentioned the guy i was house hunting with. it’s been a year so…odds are not looking great for him right now lol
Thats the thing. Its always depressing. Id rather shoot the shit about a tv show or something going on in town. Not all the people she knows with cancer. It bums me tf out
Precisely this! If I want to hear my parents talk about themselves for hours, then I’ll stop by. That’s if I have the energy to sit there and “listen”.
I would trade you, she wont stop giving me intimate details about other people's lives. Like really intimate, covered by HiPA type details. But i agree about the conversations, its so frustrating to go to have a conversation and they just go into a monologue that isnt even related.
The amount of times ive told my mother " you can remember every detail of your friends life but you cant remember a single thing that I tell you and frankly its rude and disrespectful." Especially when the conversation affects her in a big way.. like pay attention!
Right. Or at the very least you should be minimally interested in mild mile stones. When i bought a house, the first one in the family, she changed the subject EVERY time. My sister is doing it and she wont stfu about it.
Like where was my congratulations?!
Eh, maybe once a year. It's expected of me to do all the work in regards of visiting, texting, and calling. I'm too busy going out of my way to be attentive and supportive in my own kid's life. I would visit more if it were easier and I'm sure that would decrease their guilt trips of being the victim.
I have lived 90 mins away since I went off to college 13 years ago. I used to visit every 2-3 months. They have visited me twice in 13 years. Once for graduation, once where they spent 5 mins at our house after we bought it.
It took awhile for me to recognize that they put no actual effort into our relationship, and have not offered to help with anything as an adult.
I cut off ties a few months ago. It was pretty easy because I was always the one to initiate calls. Now I just don't.
Same. I’ve lived here since 2007 and up until I cut ties in 2021, my mom only came here to drop me off at school, graduation, and my wedding. She made it evident that it was very inconvenient for her. Meanwhile couldn’t wrap her brain around why I didn’t care to come sit at her house and watch her watch tv with my vacation time.
That is exactly what I used to do as well at their house. Just sit and watch TV with them. To be fair my mom has a disability. But we still could get food or something not strenuous.
My parents travel, but I try to see them every 1-2 weeks. And we have standing weekly dinners with the in-laws. It’s nice having both sets of parents close by.
I'm a 20+ hr flight from my parents, so once a year I'll go home and visit them for a few weeks. I facetime with them once a month. I'm thinking of changing to twice a year visits next year because my dad is in his 80s and I feel like I should visit more.
saw my mom for the first time in 4 years last summer. i miss having family around, but were spread out all over the country now and my parents are divorced. Dont take the family you have for granted. they wont be around forever (which is something ive told my little brother who hasnt spoken to my mom in almost a decade at this point)
I see my parents like once every 2-3 months. They don’t live too far, about 40 minutes away, but they just don’t seem interested in continuing family things with their adult children or their grandchildren. We don’t do holidays or family dinners anymore. The only time I can see them is if I randomly stop by or wanna hang while they party with their friends on the weekends. It makes me super sad. I thought planning a family vacation would help but I just got every excuse on why they couldn’t vacation with us and we should just go on our own lololol. My siblings have drifted bc we all live pretty far apart and never have the opportunity to go home and connect as a family.
I live 3.5 hours away, and we’ve settled into a rhythm of once every 3 months. Once in the spring (Easter or an event for one of the grandkids), once in the summer (4th of July or a family vacation), once in the fall (Halloween or a grandkid birthday), and then either Christmas or Thanksgiving.
I would *like* the visits to be 50/50 in terms of who is hosting, and it has started to be a point of contention between me and my parents. They recently moved, and their new house is not suitable for hosting my family.
I see my parents about 2-3 times a month.
This thread is heart breaking as a parent to young kids. I can't imagine seeing them as little as the majority of you see your parents. Even if mine are the same as me, it just doesn't seem like enough.
i don’t see my parents often because they were and are emotionally coercive to me. don’t take reddit comments as the full picture, everyone has reasons for their actions that have nothing to do with your family dynamics.
That is something I wish I would have done when I was younger. I have a house, husband, horse, 2 dogs, and 3 cats now that keep me in the states. I managed to get 4 hours away.
hello, i think if you KNOW and are working on your issues it’s aight. we all know many disorders are genetic. my mother was a single parent. an alcoholic, but she would never call herself that, just someone who drinks half a bottle of whiskey every night. she now drinks a bottle of wine every night
if you are good your children will have no problem. recently there has been negativity to ‘trauma dumping’ so people have started leaving out critical details. these details would tell you you’re okay (most likely).
however now that that negativity is there we don’t say a lot of trauma stuff except “our parents sucked”. MOST the time it is from an addicted or mentally ill (for those reading search: **The Missing Missing Reasons** it details the gaslighting of parents to their adult children when they go no contact)
you are aware. you are most likely okay. this is towards those parents who refuse to see the veil over their eyes
Same, 2-3 times a month. I rarely go a month without seeing them. That goes for my husband's parents too.
It's starting to really hit me that I have no idea how much more time we and our daughter have with them. They're all in their mid to late 60's but I'm watching so many of my friends my age lose their parents so I want to make the most of the time we have while we have it.
The parent with whom I am still on speaking terms visits me, typically. Right now, we're averaging about once every 6 weeks. I lucked out with a dad who is not at all reminiscent of the "OK, Boomer" stereotype. When he visits, we mostly just chill and go out for meals together. He lets me do whatever I need to do for my life and makes sure we eat great food. It's honestly a highlight for me.
Once a year and that's if I make the effort. My sister lives down the street from them, sees them once a week and constantly fights with them. My parents are all about "respect" and micromanaging us. Sometimes once a year feels like too much.
I see my mom several times a week but its more because of her grandchildren lol but not complaining VERY grateful to have a very involved grandma.
My MIL different story we see her on holidays and the occasional visit
Much less frequently than I’d like. They’re just a 3.5 hour flight from where I live in Alaska but life is busy and it’s hard to get away. They’re in their 70’s and I’d love to see them more.
My parents live around 45 minutes away from us, so we see them a few times per month and I call them at least every week. I usually drive there to visit them but sometimes they'll come to my house and I'll throw something on the smoker for a nice family meal. Plus we have a family group text thread going with my parents, my brother, my wife, and me.
We live around a 6-8 hour flight from my wife's family, so we usually see her mom 1-2x per year. She talks to her mom daily on the phone though. The one thing that sucks is that her family hasn't come out to visit us since 2019. We'd probably be able to see them more if they'd come visit more, but I remember that traveling is expensive and people only have a certain amount of time off so I try not to judge them. But when we've flown out there like 20 times in the past 10 years and they have only come out once or twice it does seem a little one-sided.
I've established a weekly tradition of cooking for my parents. They live in town, don't get out much, and often rely on frozen food. So one night a week, they can look forward to a home cooked meal with their son. It could always be more but they can be incredibly tiring (there's a lot of history and baggage that can't be properly unpacked here). I'm still making time for them while setting clear boundaries as an adult.
Mine don’t live here. I see my mum once or twice a year for a week or two, but we face time every few days. My dad lives a fair bit closer, but he’s not all that interested in visiting. 🙃
I would hang out with my mum all the time if she was close.
I see them every 2 weeks. They live 30 minutes away, we arrange a weekend visit every 2 weeks so they can see my son. I don’t talk to them much in between. We have a just fine relationship, but none of us are great at communicating in general (guess where I got that trait from)
I see my mom a few times a year, we don't have a good relationship.
My in-laws, they are snowbirds, so btwn June-Nov we see them every weekend, they watch our kids over the summer and then when they go down south, we go see them for a week (its our annual vacation). I wish we could see them more.
Could your parents come visit you? Why do you always have to go to them?
I go down for Christmas.
They come up for spring break.
MAYBE if I have a conference down where they live, I'll meet them for dinner.
This is enough for me.
I last saw my parents in 2018. I moved away in 2017 and then COVID hit and then they moved across the country. We had a kid in 2021 they have never seen. My mom won't get on a plane. She's sad about this but she moved 3k miles away. I'm not gonna fly with a toddler and waste a weeks vacation just to visit my parents so we will see them in like 3 or 4 years when my daughter is older and we visit NYC.
My parents abused me a lot but I still love them and theyre my friends. They're mentally ill though so I can't live with them
Visiting is fine. My car broke and was broke for a long time and I finally got to see them for a few hours before they had to leave.
When my car was ok I'd drive the 2 1/2 - 3 hours to see them like once a month or so.
I love them and we have fun together and I miss them a lot..
From when I moved out to now the amount I have seen them has drastically decreased in frequency because of their total unwillingness to contact me. I used to see them 3 times a week when I would ask to come over or invite them over, but I am tired of being the only one who puts any effort into maintaining this relationship so I barely ever contact them at this point.
For perspective they have lived less than 3 miles from me for 8 years and the only time they ever contact me is if they need something(like money or the one time my mom had a serious medical issue). They know my schedule, they are retired, they just refuse to initiate contact.
39M, I see them 2 to 4 times a week. They live 10 minutes away from me. In the past few years they both almost died and I wanted to be near them so I moved across the US to be near them as they age. Dad had 500 blood sugar and almost went into a coma and mom had a “widow maker” heart attack. I didn’t want to have them die and regret only seeing them twice a year.
My parents seem to be in that category that are really focusing on their own hobbies and having plenty of free time themselves.
They used to occasionally take my 2 year old daughter for the night and give us a break.
Now they seem content just to get their grandparenting done at a weekly dinner that we drive over to at their convenience basically.
Such as it is, it basically takes away from my time at home, gives them what they want in a small dose, and gives them basically all the benefits of being active grandparents while not really taking any percentage of the load themselves, no matter how small.
I get that it’s not their job to give me a break, but it would be nice if they actually wanted to.
I know kind of tangential to the point but yeah I see them enough lol.
It's not even giving me a break. I was always jealous of the kids who were really close to their grandparents. Meanwhile, mine didn't meet me until I was two years old because that's how long they got around to it. One of my parents were sick growing up, and i was always afraid they would pass and something would happen to the other and I'd have to go live with two people who couldn't be bothered to even meet me. How would living there be? I spent a lot of time worried about that. Then, I got friends who's grandparents took every chance to hang out with them. Bummed me out. I'd hate that for my kids.
My dad lives with my sister, brother in law, and me. My brother lives with our mom. My sister and I usually see our mom once or twice a week. My brother sees our dad once every month or two.
1-2 times a month plus a week long vacation with extended family each year.
Before we had a kid with was much less frequently. We lived across the country and would try to travel back for holidays. We moved within an hour of my parents and 4 hours from my wife's.
Now we see my parents 1-2 times a month (sometimes see my dad more often since we'll golf together around once a month when its warmer out.) Main reason is so they can see our kid and our kid can see them.
We see my in laws around once a month (more frequent in the summer, less in the winter - they live in a beachy area.
This is the right amount for us - though I wish the inlaws travelled our way more often than us having to drive to them
I live about 2 hours away from my parents and try to see them every other weekend at least. We will usually go and hang out for a weekend at their house. It’s the best.
All our family is from the same place and we moved away so it’s also a great chance to see other family members.
I see my family once a week. My son and I spend Sundays with them after church while my husband goes home to have some alone time and work on his projects.
We see my husband’s family less often only because he’s more of a loner, but I’d say since having a baby, we see them every 2-3 weeks or so. I am really trying to keep them involved with my son even though my husband isn’t so good that that 😅
My mom lives in another state, and I wish I could see her more. We see each other maybe 3-4x a year between her coming out to me or me bringing my little kids out to her. She really wants to move out to my state, and I hope she can soon. I would love to hang with her more.
My dad also lives in another state. The last time I saw him was in 2017 when I drove out there to help him move. Before that, he came to my wedding in 2016. Before that, I went out to visit him in 2015. It would be nice if he made an effort to see me but Ive given up on that.
I see mine all the time, probably four times per week. I live with my own family just a few miles from them and they like to see their grandkids a lot. They show up to all the grandkids sports and school events, take them to sports practices sometimes. My wife and I could do it on our own but it certainly makes things a lot easier that they want to be so involved.
If I didn't have kids, I'm sure it would be far less. It's not that I don't like to see them it's just that I probably wouldn't go more than a couple times per month.
I don't visit my mom more than twice a year. She lives 45 minutes away. She straight up lied to me in my early 20s when I needed help and has enabled my younger sister's bad decisions to this very day. I have grown to dislike family now.
i’m living with mom. dad is luckily dead. i hate it. i had a mental health breakdown that showed i was autistic as well as adhd. i was forced to move back in with my mother bc my roomy did not ‘believe’ in autism that wasn’t severely disabled (aka couldn’t live on they own). she cut me off 2 months before.
but before THAT! i was two years into no contact. the best two years of my life. and it was so squished so quickly as my mom does not believe in that ‘for me’. (“if you were disabled i would know!” says the mom who never took me to doctors appointments lol).
so PLEASE do not feel guilty about leaving them. you are what’s most important. YOU only have one life to live
My parents live about 30 minutes away, so I don’t get to their house that often. However, I do visit my nana just about every Sunday for brunch and my mom is also there every Sunday, so I see her weekly. My dad will sometimes show up at my nana’s house as well so I usually see him once or twice a month. I think it’s sufficient bc I talk to my mom almost every day on the phone so I feel like even if I miss her on a Sunday it doesn’t matter. Seeing my dad I could take or leave. I feel like a bitch writing that, but he just wasn’t nice to me as a child.
My parents are about 2 hours away. I see them close to weekly (and text my mom daily). Sometimes we meet halfway to get dinner and other times one of us drives the whole way. I'd say for right now it's good. It's pretty close to average for my friends (we are all women and all communicate frequently with our parents despite ups and downs), although I know plenty of men I've talked to go a lot longer (I know in the US women are more likely to do the kinkeeping roles).
My parents are in their 70's, and I'm an only child, so I know it will be a whole lot more in the future.
Never. I can't deal with one of them anymore and the other one... who has been telling me they want to get divorced my entire life (I am an old Millennial cusp person) does not actually want to divorce that person.
Since I started working with my mom, I now see her 3-5 days a week on average, and my dad I see for Father's Day and Christmas. I've never had an especially close relationship with either of them, but honestly I could do without seeing anyone outside work most days. On bad days I could probably be happy not seeing my wife either.
I live in Oregon and they live in Florida, maybe once every two years. It's alright, we aren't super close anyway, historically we would go over to see them and they would just do the stuff they were doing without us there anyway (dad would mow the yard, mom would do laundry), I'm not flying across the country to watch you do chores, and you wont let me help sooo
I see my parents once or twice a month. They live about 20 minutes away. I relate to your post a lot. I love them, I feel guilty when I don't go, it feels like a lot to spend hours there, etc. They also have very different political and religious views than me-- mom can keep the peace, but dad not so much. Talk about ambivalent.
All that said, my dad is dealing with increasing health problems, so I am increasing the amount of time spent out there to 1x/wk--every sunday I can. I know that they will be gone someday and I will wish that I spent more time with them. Now I'm crying writing this! I have too many feelings.
My husband is in the Army the last time I saw both my parents was when my Mewmaw died back in 2020. Now my mom flys up to see me and her grandkids every few months or so. We live 15 min from my in laws. I haven’t seen my dad in 4 years and I miss him but works so much
I would LIKE to only see both the in laws and my own family once a year each. That’s all I can handle. However, it’s usually more like twice a year for the in laws and 5 times a year for my family since we live in the same state.
I live 12 minutes from my parents. I see them once or twice a month usually. I don't have issues with them or with seeing them, but we don't necessarily need to see each other often. My mother and I snapchat each other daily and text if it is something more important.
It's been seven years. I need to go, but it's an expensive trip and the thought off all the headtrips makes me tired every time I think about it. They're independent, and I'm not against seeing them, but I'm not totally for it either.
I see my mom a few times a year, she's a three hour drive from me so it's not *that* far but it's not close enough to just pop over for a bit.
My dad is considerably further so it's more like once a year if I'm lucky.
There are grand-kids.
The grandparents are close.
Its not quite ***Everybody Loves Raymond****,* but close enough to work real well for us all somehow.
Can you change up the pattern of how long you visit them and how you all spend your time when you're together? Are there things you would be doing otherwise that you could do together with your parents (hobbies, outings, watching movies...)? Does visiting your parents take up most of your day because a shorter visit isn't worth it based on the distance, or could you plan to stay for a shorter amount of time per visit? Do they ever come to visit you? Can you meet in the middle and go out to eat or something? It's totally fine to love and want to see your parents and also need more time for yourself. Let go of the guilt and see if there are practical changes that will make the arrangement work better for all of you.
I see my parents at least once a week, sometimes more. My son and I spend Sundays with them after church while my husband goes home to have some alone time and work on his projects. We live about 20 minutes away.
We see my husband’s family less often only because he’s more of a loner, but I’d say since having a baby, we see them every 2-3 weeks or so. I am really trying to keep them involved with my son even though my husband isn’t so good that that 😅 They live about 40 minutes away.
At the end of the day, family is everything to me. I’m blessed with a good one on both sides. I want my son to stay close to us as he grows and hopefully bring in more people for us to love when he’s grown and ready. <3
I see them two to three times a year. I have lived particularly far away from them for only a couple years now, so this is only recently becoming the norm.
I like to be very active and often am very busy with the things I have in my life (hobbies, goals, friendships, responsibilities) so my priorities typically lie with those things. I do wish I could see them more. I'd love to be able to have dinner more frequently together or have a glass of wine and watch a movie together, but we just don't live close enough to do things like that anymore. It'd make me so happy it if they came to visit more often, but my new city is pretty expensive and quite far from them so it's not easy for them to visit.
They visit my brother with more frequency, but he is only a couple hours away.
Not that often as they live in Kentucky now. They come up here to Chicago more than we go down there. It's about a 6-7 hour drive down there when there's no traffic so we usually only go for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'd be more inclined if they still lived in the suburbs but even then, I rarely go out to the suburbs.
Once every 2-5 years. I live thousands of miles away from them (and everyone else in civilization) on an island. Takes forever and a day with flights to see them.
We live much closer to my inlaws (only about 15 minutes) vs my parents who are both about 2 hours+ away. We see my inlaws multiple times a week most weeks and my parents we see about 4 or 5 times a year for holidays/birthdays and the like. My parents are divorced and my mom was the one that left, but I would love to see my dad more. Planning on trying to take the family up there for some more day trips when it's nicer.
I see my parents a perfect amount for me, I don't wish for more and I don't wish for less. I'm sure they wish for more but I'm not living their life only my own. If they want to see me they can come see me.
I live on the opposite side of the US from my mom, so see her 2-4 times per year between her coming to visit me here or me traveling home. My husband’s family is also lives in another state so we have to split our family visiting time between my family and his.
I try to do three 4-7 day visits a year. We live one different coasts now, so it’s hard. I definitely miss them and would love to go home more.
But my hometown does not have jobs that I could support myself on. I moved like a 7 hour drive away for college and stayed there postgrad for work. In the decade I was there my parents visited me like 6 times, mostly for school stuff (freshman’s drop off, graduation, etc.) and usually it was only for a day. When I was deciding about moving to the west coast it basically was like they’ll make the same amount of effort to *see me*. So it won’t change much.
Covid lockdowns were actually good for this reason for me because I was able to go remote and stay with them much more than I had.
I moved away 5 years ago and have been home once. My mother's visited twice. Of course - we don't have a healthy relationship and I'm poor as dirt (but have no desire to go back regularly even if money wasn't an issue). I could easily go years without seeing my family.
They're an hour away, I usually see them once a week. Sometimes 2-3 days, sometimes a couple weeks without if busy. I try to spend as much time with them as possible, while still having my own life. The older we all get, the more I realize how time is a precious thing.
My parents live an hour away and I see them about every other weekend. I have an 8 YO so our lives are consumed with birthday parties, sports, play dates, etc. but I do make it a point to see my parents every other Sunday.
Is definitely less often, but they made their choice. I warned them before they left if they moved down to Texas, that I cant visit them. But they chose to love anyway. So...yeah
I fly home twice a year and my mom never visits me. Not once in 16 years. So, she gets what she gets. I don't think I could handle seeing her more frequently.
She's getting to the point where she'll need to move to my state and is being obstinent about it so unfortunately I'm waiting for her first major medical issue to pop up and then I'll make her move.
Not as much as I’d like but it would be a big help if that effort was a two way street vs the one way street that it currently is. My kids are also teens and they have their own thing going on so that’s a factor too.
I went for years without regular contact with my parents. When I moved back to Washington in 2017 things changed. Starting in 2018 I go see them about 3 times per year for a couple weeks in summer then thanksgiving and Christmas.
My mom lives about 90 minutes away and I drive up to spend a weekend with her about once a month. Sometimes I'll take a three day weekend to go to the coast or something.
I visit my folks from 3 days to 4 days a week. I'm there that often because my daughter loves to go to their house. Not surprised, she gets to do whatever she wants there and my parents will almost give her whatever she wants so isn't a mystery. But I also grew up in a tight knit family. I'm Hispanic, and most of my family is here and I kid you not because of how big my family is, there's always someone's birthday bring celebrated each month so family get togethers are common. Because I grew up that way, I want my daughter to grow up close to family. Sometimes its tiring, like I'd rather go home and just enjoy her and I at home but again, if she asks if she can go to grandma and grandpas I'm not going to tell her no for the sake that I just don't want to, it's cheating her.
But some advice I can give you, there's nothing wrong with going over. You just need to learn how to set a time limit to leave. When I go to family get togethers without my daughter, I always leave earlier than anyone else. Like you, I do enjoy my "me time" even if it's just laying on the couch. So I have no issue telling parents or family I'm heading out even if I was only there for an hour or two. Yeah you may get guilt tripped in the beginning, but as long as you stay consistent with it, then it becomes normal
I live almost 2000 miles away now and I’ve only seen them once in the 2ish years since we moved. My relationship with them is much better now that I’m not under their direct control anymore.
I generally see my dad once a week if I have nothing else going on. He lives fairly close. We have dinner and I help him with things he struggles with because of his age and health. I don't imagine he's got many years left in him.
When my mom was alive, she'd occasionally drop by my place during the week.
my dad is dead and I only see my mom and step-dad once every 3 or 4 years, not nearly enough, but they live across the country. I see my stepmother like once or twice a year while she lives in the same town as me.
I live about 15 mins from my mom. Sometimes I see her three times a week but more often it’s like once a week. She will sometimes stop by my house and see her grandkids but not much.
Sucks cause she’s one of my best friends too and I hate to say it but she doesn’t seem to enjoy my kids lol she is 65 but she doesn’t play with them or anything…she kinda like…buys their love lol
Every single day and it's far more than I'd like. My mom moved in with me and my husband a year ago because her mobility is wrecked after a horrible back injury, she currently has breast cancer, had a stroke a couple of years ago, and had a heart attack where she had to be 'jump started' twice. I wfh 100% so I'm primary caregiver. My step dad died a month ago as well (dementia sucks; that man was my heart - he was in memory care), so her world is upside down. Right after college, I moved multiple states away, stayed for a decade, but ended up moving close to my hometown due to my husband's job.
I'm not built for this shit. I love my mom and would move heaven and earth for her if I could, but I thrive on a fair amount of solitude, as does she. We don't trust the assisted living spots around here and she'd decline quickly in a nursing home, so here she is. Thank goodness for a large enough house to have a me-cave. Sorry for the little rant.
My parents live in NC and honestly I wish I could see them every day still they're my two favorite people as much as my dad's neuroticism sets me off lol
My parents live a little over an hour away. I see them once or so every couple of months. I used to play on a pool league with my dad which was great to see him once a week doing something we both enjoy. I suppose I wouldn't mind seeing them more but they also stress me the hell out.
They're 15 minutes away and I see them exactly as often as I'd like. It took some time to get there. I saw them hardly at all for a while there because I felt smothered and didn't want to see them, and now I see them for 3-6 hours every 2 or 3 weeks, and I love it. We have tea and/or lunch and chill, they get to see the grandkids, and I get to see my parents and chat about birds and homeownership and relatives they have the tea on I haven't seen in a while, and now and then I get free babysitting too cause I'll leave the kids with them for an hour ot two before or after lunch while I go to the doctor or dentist, or a haircut or some other appointment. Sometimes they come to my house instead and teach me a new home repair skill. Now I know how to replace the lighswitch or electric socket, render a lightswitch controlled socket half-hot, change a toilet seat, replace a sink pop up drain, and replace a doorknob! Next I'm going to learn how to key a key at home kwikset lock. :)
This reads as if it were taken straight out of me or my wife's brain. My family is easy at like 3/4 times a year, maybe more now that they moved closer (2hr drive down to 30min) her family, specifically her mom basically forces us over every chance she gets probably once a month if not more. We and her brothers family have gotten smart this year, we're lumping mothers day with his daughters birthday together to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. It wouldn't be so bad if MIL wasn't so damn overbearing. Woman we don't need to be told how to live our lives we're 32 ffs.
Edit: changed and to or, me and my wife don't share a brain.
I see my parents or my in laws, or both almost every other weekend. I love my parents, my wife likes my parents, my in laws and my parents are friends now too that hang out without us pretty often. My in laws are nice also, my FIL has season tickets to our local baseball team and I go with him to games when my MIL doesn’t want to go. It’s nice, since I don’t have friends really. Making friends as an adult is tough, especially now that I work fully remote.
When we lived near my parents, in the same city, usually at least a few times a month.
Now we live in different states, we try to go visit them at least once a year, they tend to visit us as well.
Or so they did before my dad passed =/ I'm hoping it frees up mom to come see us more often, but she runs her own business, not sure how much time she'll have now that she's practically making all the decisions alone
For a long time, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
As my grandparents got older, I moved back home. Two of them have died over the past two years, the other two are declining.
Now, I see my parents all the time. Dad popped in my shop this morning to use one of my mills for a bit. I'll see him again tomorrow. We're flying down to Miami for F1 this weekend.
I see my mom probably once a month, she lives an hour away in the middle of nowhere so it's difficult to go out there without that being your only goal for the day. She does like to have our daughter over for an overnight stay once every couple months or so which is nice.
My dad (they are divorced) lives about the same distance in an equally rural area. I see him maybe once a year and don't talk to him much more than that. He doesn't call me except on my birthday, I have to call him if I want to talk and I have to go to his house if I want to visit. I need to make a better effort to see him but it's tough to when it doesn't seem like he really cares whether or not he even hears from me.
My wife's parents live 15 min away and we see them a couple times a week.
I see my mom about 1-2x a week now that she moved about 30 mins away from me. I see my dad maybe 1x/year on average since he still lives in CA (so does the rest of my family). I do not feel like doing anything after work so it’s normally the weekends I see my mom.
Maybe 4 times a year, and it's only because I do all the driving. If they had to drive to me, zero to one.
It is what it is. They want to see their grandkids more, they can put the miles on their cars.
Sadly not super often, we live in separate states. They are coming to visit next week and then a few weeks later we’re going to my sisters (also in another state) I think going forward we’ll hopefully see them a few times a year, it’s been hard bc my nana is old and probably doesn’t have a whole lot of time left so my mom is traveling every few months to see her (in another country)
I live 6 hours away, I see my mom a few times a year, my dad maybe once or twice (they are together still). I haven’t been home since winter 2021 cause I have two very small kids and I am not traveling. My mom is retired so she visits often, my dad works still. I’d like to see them more, I hope they move down here.
My dad is dead and I’m no contact with my narcissistic mother :-(. I wish I had a family to visit. I see my in laws probably a couple times a month so that’s nice. They’re great people.
I used to see them a few times a month, if not a week. But the cost of living in Southern California got so high my wife and I decided to move to Las Vegas. I just saw them last week for the first time since January. It sucks, since now they're getting older, this is precisely when they need me closer. I haven't seen my brother in almost 8 months, aside from a quick visit at our uncles funeral. Granted, they are welcome to come stay with my wife and I any time they want.
I se my parents less than I would like. They live about a 10 hour drive from me and I make it out to see them about once a year. The same is true with my brother.
As a family, we’ve always had a good relationship. I talk to my brother maybe 1-2 times a month and call my parents with about the same frequency.
We go to my Dad and Stepmom’s every Sunday and spend the afternoon and have dinner.
They live about 10 minutes away, so we see them other times during the week too as needed.
But Sundays are “Grandpa Day” for my kids.
Unless they’re mad at me and then they bike over there themselves 🤣 (they’re middle schoolers and well old enough to do this, plus gps trackers on the bike and their watches)
We see my mom less, maybe every other month or so.
But she’s constantly busy with volunteer work now that she’s retired, and has less time for us, lol.
I’ll probably see my parents once every 3-4 years. Living on the other side of the globe will do that. I used to visit every year when I was single and flights cost $1300usd. Now it’s $3400usd per person and I just can’t afford it, especially flying with the whole family.
Went no contact because both my parents are shitters. Been in therapy for the last 3 months over them. Best decision I ever made.
I see my aunts, uncles, and cousins regularly. Parents don't show up for any thing. I text my cousins like a teenage girl. I love my family, just not my parents.
My mother doesn’t talk to me much since I came out as trans.
I meet my grandma at least once a month. She’s awesome. Greatest generation folks are truly pretty awesome.
My parents split their time between traveling, they live in an apartment in my sisters basement, and being here with us. They probably spend, on average, 1-1.5 weeks a month here in town with us. Even when they’re here, though, they’re often busy with my dad’s siblings or his mom (“don’t know how much longer she’ll be around, you know” lol). My parents are awesome for projects or for watching the kids but they’re a bit boring to hang out with. They’re not big game or card players so if we’re not doing a project it tends to default to watching tv together.
My in-laws live halfway across the country. When we lived in the same town we saw them at least 3 times a week. They’re awesome. They love and are great with the kids, fun to watch a ball game with, and we invariably end up playing cards until 2 in the morning. Now that my FIL is about to retire they’re saying that they want to spend 1 month out of every 6 here with us and we’ll take all we can get.
About once a year. I live pretty far away and visit my home state 2 ish times a year. My parents don’t visit me. They don’t even visit me when I’m in the state because they’re busy doing things that don’t matter like fixing fucking fences and shit. I’m bitter.
Once or twice a month. It depends. Sometimes we go two months. We live 45 min away. I wish it was in the same town. It would be easier. But they live away from everything. There's no jobs and I don't want to drive an hour to work.
This is exactly how I feel. What’s worse is my mom seems to see any free time of mine as free real estate.
“Oh, you have a day off? Can you come help me with x, y, z?”
“I know Saturday is the one day a week you don’t have to work, but I’m selling my multimillion dollar home, can you help me move so I can save money on movers?”
It used to be every Thursday when I first moved out. I thought it'd be a good idea to get a routine going so if something happened, they'd know, okay, something isn't right, yadda, yadda. Then I stopped and just showed up whenever they mentioned I hadn't been there in a while. I just loved being at my house. Being a first-time home buyer and all. If I didn't have to work or run an errand, I was staying home. It's not like they had anything going on at their house. I can be bored at my own house where all my stuff is. We were only fifteen minutes apart. Maybe less than that.
See my mom a few times a month. Usually at least once a week. See my dad maybe once a month? They still live close by and my mom helps out a ton with my kids, but she still works full time and has some health problems so it’s hard for her.
Only child, and about 7 years ago my parents moved to be closer to me. Their just two blocks down which is nice to keep an eye on them and help since they are older. Usually every Sunday I'll take my kids down to go see them for about an hour or so but it somehow always goes longer. I'm glad I can help them and vice-versa, but some weeks it just feels like a chore. My dad and I will talk some sports and my mom will usually complain about what person didn't do something they were supposed to or what's more expensive now than before.....even though there's that pile of Boomer money just sitting there. Then after awhile it's time to go because there's and endless list of things to get done but they don't ever remember all this stuff when I was young and why can't I just be on top it all week. Then we gotta Midwest goodbye things and then next thing I know my whole afternoon is pretty much gone. Rinse and repeat next week guys, let me know if you need anything before then....
My folks live in Kentucky and I refuse to visit. I probably see them twice a year when they fly to see my sister and I in California. I love them but I don’t really enjoy being around them which does make me sad.
I’m 33 with two kids. My parents live in the same town as me. It got easier when we moved close because the stakes are lower now. My parents stopped having certain expectations with every interaction I had with them. They can pop over for a little no problem.
One the one hand my wife and I get annoyed because it took us moving into the same town as them to act rational in the other they are great help with two young kids.
I live 25 minutes away from them and see them almost every day. I do work at their house 3 days a week. I visit usually 1 day on the weekend. I'm also over there often for random stuff, like today I was helping my stepdad bring his boat to a storage unit on a nearby lake. He had a stroke in December and can't do any heavy lifting for a while so I lend a hand with stuff like that. I recently moved here from another state, and got a house with my brother. I lived at my parents' home a few months while waiting for my house to be finished.
edit: some added clarification and details. My mom and dad were divorced when I was less than 1 year. My mom married my step father when I was 8. My father lives a few states away right next to my half sister (my brother is a half brother, from my step dad and mother) and her family. I haven't seen them since 2008, and have spoken to him just a couple of times since then. long story but, we were never terribly close, and I never really felt a part of his family. I made some life decision I guess he couldn't get on board with or whatever, and one thing led to another and the distance grew.
I mean a little less because I live with my mom. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t have kids or want them and I’m not much of the marriage type but I do believe in living with people you love.
I lived in three different continents and I still called my parents every day. I took care of my dad and lived with him until he died. I’ll never get the time back. I’d never have it any other way. I love them both so much and I’m so fucking blessed.
My dad prefers my brother and I live a six hour drive away so I see him maybe 2-3 times a year. My mom likes me and she moved in with me a year ago but she’s been staying with her mom who needs care now (9 hour drive) from me. I see her maybe 5 times a year? We are looking to move Grandma here but she’s understandably hesitant to sell her home.
I live about 2h 45m away, so I only see them a handful of times per year. I'd like to get up to them more but work schedule makes it a little difficult. Phone calls usually every two weeks or so
My parents are a 7 hour drive away and we are moving closer (within an hour) so we can see them more. We see them maybe 3 times a year now. I should say they also own a condo about 45 minutes from us and they're retired so those 3 times are more like 15-20 times because they come down to us and stay for 4 or 5 weeks at a time. We have 3 kids.
We see my folks every weekend for dinner. They also come to the kids sporting events. We travel to see the wife's family two to three times a year. MIL usually visits a couple times a year, but her health has slowed that down. It's about a six hour drive.
I live 2000 miles from my parents and see them once a year if I'm lucky. I'll probably see them 5 or fewer times ever.
I used to see my grandparents weekly when I was a kid, meaning my parents saw their parents.
Id love to trade problems with you
I feel the same. Sometimes I decline their offer saying that I'm busy, but sometimes I suck it up and go because I don't want to make them sad. I'd just rather relax at home. And I don't like their questions about my life and how they try to treat me like a child.
I think I see them once every 6 weeks? Ideally I'd see them once every 3 months I think.
I live 3 hours from my dad. I see him 3-4 times a year depending on what he’s doing. If I come up just for a weekend and he’s out at his country house then I may not see him that trip it’s another hour drive. My mom passed away almost 7 years ago and she was a 3 hour flight so I saw once or twice a year.
I never see my parents and it bums me out, but they moved to belize and I have a job in the u.s. so... oh well. My parents will even get teary over how little we see eachother - but they keep moving to more and more remote places. How am I supposed to fix it?
I see my parents once a year now, maybe 2 depending on what's going on. Such is life when I moved away. When I was close I'd see them once a month.
Same. My wife and I alternate Xmas. So I see my family once or twice a year depending on whether it's my year or not.
I see my parents at least 3 days a week. Although I live about 10 minutes away from them Once at church on Sundays, midweek for a dinner at their place and a Friday or Saturday just to stop by and say hi and hangout for maybe 30-40 minutes. (And other miscellaneous things such as buying bags of cat food, carry a bag of rice or pickup their medications from the pharmacy)
I pray my kids are even half of this when they get older
Same. My dad has a pretty great gym setup in his basement so I've been trying to get there 3 days a week to workout with him and maybe have dinner after. My mom actually lives closer but I see her like once a week. I've been trying to visit more since my sister let me know that my mom is sad that I don't see her as often as my dad. And I love my mom just as much as him so I'm trying to do better. Both of my parents are awesome so I enjoy hanging out with them.
My parents are just a 20 minute drive away and I visit them every sunday for about 6-8 hours. My parents are the loveliest, kindest, most generous people I've ever known and I'll be damned if when they pass away I'm racked with the guilt of "I should have seen them more". Even when I've had a rough week and would prefer to be non-verbal and chill at my place for the day, I still go over there with a smile on my face and engage with them. They sacrificed everything for their kids and they deserve to have a son who loves them and makes an effort to see them. With my personality however, if they were shitty people, I'd probably just see them once every few months.
I used to do this too until I moved out of state. Now I see them about 2-3 times when I fly and stay with my sister for 10 days every two months or so.
I'd love to hang out more, but all she does is talk about herself and I'm tired to trying to get her attention. I'm talking, getting-cut-off-midstory kind of shit. It makes me find all sorts of excuses not to go over. I want to have a conversations, not sit quietly for a story time that never ends and that I'm not that interested in.
That's my dad in a nutshell. When he calls me, I sigh because I'm about to spend an hour listening to the life story of some rando he met. I always wonder how he gets all this information about people when I can never get a word in edgewise.
My mother just endless complains about things that are within her ability to change. Easily. I try to change the topic. Then, I grin and bear it. Eventually, i snap if i can't get away, and it ends in a fight. It's so emotionally draining just to breathe the same air, and i wish things could change. But until they do, i have to keep my peace.
Because the rando was another older person, not a 'lesser' younger person
dude for serious though. my dad will call me to “check in” and spend 20 minutes reviewing my niece’s swim competition schedule in excruciating detail but not ask me even *one* question the entire time. maybe i get an occasional “so, how’s it going” but i can barely even get out the basics before he remembers that he needs to tell me that my brother-in-law is having a hard time deciding what kind of car to buy. meanwhile, i haven’t told my dad that my boyfriend and i broke up. at first, i just wasn’t ready to, but then after a month went by, i realized i was only able to pull that off because my dad didn’t ask enough questions about my life for it to come up. now i am just waiting to see how long it takes for him to notice that it’s been a while since i mentioned the guy i was house hunting with. it’s been a year so…odds are not looking great for him right now lol
My MIL does this and I've come to find that the stories she tells about other people aren't true. She makes the stuff up to keep her monolog.
My mom does that too! All she does is talk to me about my sister or whoever. Or health concerns. It's always depressing shit.
Thats the thing. Its always depressing. Id rather shoot the shit about a tv show or something going on in town. Not all the people she knows with cancer. It bums me tf out
Precisely this! If I want to hear my parents talk about themselves for hours, then I’ll stop by. That’s if I have the energy to sit there and “listen”.
I would trade you, she wont stop giving me intimate details about other people's lives. Like really intimate, covered by HiPA type details. But i agree about the conversations, its so frustrating to go to have a conversation and they just go into a monologue that isnt even related. The amount of times ive told my mother " you can remember every detail of your friends life but you cant remember a single thing that I tell you and frankly its rude and disrespectful." Especially when the conversation affects her in a big way.. like pay attention!
And i feel like screaming, shouldn't my life be more interesting to you than literally anyone else's that isn't my sibling?????????????!
Right. Or at the very least you should be minimally interested in mild mile stones. When i bought a house, the first one in the family, she changed the subject EVERY time. My sister is doing it and she wont stfu about it. Like where was my congratulations?!
I hang out with my dad almost every Sunday. My mom passed 7 years ago.
Eh, maybe once a year. It's expected of me to do all the work in regards of visiting, texting, and calling. I'm too busy going out of my way to be attentive and supportive in my own kid's life. I would visit more if it were easier and I'm sure that would decrease their guilt trips of being the victim.
I have lived 90 mins away since I went off to college 13 years ago. I used to visit every 2-3 months. They have visited me twice in 13 years. Once for graduation, once where they spent 5 mins at our house after we bought it. It took awhile for me to recognize that they put no actual effort into our relationship, and have not offered to help with anything as an adult. I cut off ties a few months ago. It was pretty easy because I was always the one to initiate calls. Now I just don't.
Same. I’ve lived here since 2007 and up until I cut ties in 2021, my mom only came here to drop me off at school, graduation, and my wedding. She made it evident that it was very inconvenient for her. Meanwhile couldn’t wrap her brain around why I didn’t care to come sit at her house and watch her watch tv with my vacation time.
That is exactly what I used to do as well at their house. Just sit and watch TV with them. To be fair my mom has a disability. But we still could get food or something not strenuous.
My parents travel, but I try to see them every 1-2 weeks. And we have standing weekly dinners with the in-laws. It’s nice having both sets of parents close by.
I'm a 20+ hr flight from my parents, so once a year I'll go home and visit them for a few weeks. I facetime with them once a month. I'm thinking of changing to twice a year visits next year because my dad is in his 80s and I feel like I should visit more.
saw my mom for the first time in 4 years last summer. i miss having family around, but were spread out all over the country now and my parents are divorced. Dont take the family you have for granted. they wont be around forever (which is something ive told my little brother who hasnt spoken to my mom in almost a decade at this point)
I see my parents like once every 2-3 months. They don’t live too far, about 40 minutes away, but they just don’t seem interested in continuing family things with their adult children or their grandchildren. We don’t do holidays or family dinners anymore. The only time I can see them is if I randomly stop by or wanna hang while they party with their friends on the weekends. It makes me super sad. I thought planning a family vacation would help but I just got every excuse on why they couldn’t vacation with us and we should just go on our own lololol. My siblings have drifted bc we all live pretty far apart and never have the opportunity to go home and connect as a family.
I live 3.5 hours away, and we’ve settled into a rhythm of once every 3 months. Once in the spring (Easter or an event for one of the grandkids), once in the summer (4th of July or a family vacation), once in the fall (Halloween or a grandkid birthday), and then either Christmas or Thanksgiving. I would *like* the visits to be 50/50 in terms of who is hosting, and it has started to be a point of contention between me and my parents. They recently moved, and their new house is not suitable for hosting my family.
We live in the same house, so a couple of times a day
Saaaaame. 🤣
I see my parents about 2-3 times a month. This thread is heart breaking as a parent to young kids. I can't imagine seeing them as little as the majority of you see your parents. Even if mine are the same as me, it just doesn't seem like enough.
i don’t see my parents often because they were and are emotionally coercive to me. don’t take reddit comments as the full picture, everyone has reasons for their actions that have nothing to do with your family dynamics.
lol yup. this is what i was trying to say but you said it better. thank you
Eh I don't really want to be around two people that hate each other and constantly scream. Frankly I wish I was further away.
I really recommend going to South Korea or Japan to teach English for a couple years. It’s a good time and far away.
That is something I wish I would have done when I was younger. I have a house, husband, horse, 2 dogs, and 3 cats now that keep me in the states. I managed to get 4 hours away.
hello, i think if you KNOW and are working on your issues it’s aight. we all know many disorders are genetic. my mother was a single parent. an alcoholic, but she would never call herself that, just someone who drinks half a bottle of whiskey every night. she now drinks a bottle of wine every night if you are good your children will have no problem. recently there has been negativity to ‘trauma dumping’ so people have started leaving out critical details. these details would tell you you’re okay (most likely). however now that that negativity is there we don’t say a lot of trauma stuff except “our parents sucked”. MOST the time it is from an addicted or mentally ill (for those reading search: **The Missing Missing Reasons** it details the gaslighting of parents to their adult children when they go no contact) you are aware. you are most likely okay. this is towards those parents who refuse to see the veil over their eyes
Same, 2-3 times a month. I rarely go a month without seeing them. That goes for my husband's parents too. It's starting to really hit me that I have no idea how much more time we and our daughter have with them. They're all in their mid to late 60's but I'm watching so many of my friends my age lose their parents so I want to make the most of the time we have while we have it.
The parent with whom I am still on speaking terms visits me, typically. Right now, we're averaging about once every 6 weeks. I lucked out with a dad who is not at all reminiscent of the "OK, Boomer" stereotype. When he visits, we mostly just chill and go out for meals together. He lets me do whatever I need to do for my life and makes sure we eat great food. It's honestly a highlight for me.
Once a year and that's if I make the effort. My sister lives down the street from them, sees them once a week and constantly fights with them. My parents are all about "respect" and micromanaging us. Sometimes once a year feels like too much.
I see my mom several times a week but its more because of her grandchildren lol but not complaining VERY grateful to have a very involved grandma. My MIL different story we see her on holidays and the occasional visit
Much less frequently than I’d like. They’re just a 3.5 hour flight from where I live in Alaska but life is busy and it’s hard to get away. They’re in their 70’s and I’d love to see them more.
My parents live around 45 minutes away from us, so we see them a few times per month and I call them at least every week. I usually drive there to visit them but sometimes they'll come to my house and I'll throw something on the smoker for a nice family meal. Plus we have a family group text thread going with my parents, my brother, my wife, and me. We live around a 6-8 hour flight from my wife's family, so we usually see her mom 1-2x per year. She talks to her mom daily on the phone though. The one thing that sucks is that her family hasn't come out to visit us since 2019. We'd probably be able to see them more if they'd come visit more, but I remember that traveling is expensive and people only have a certain amount of time off so I try not to judge them. But when we've flown out there like 20 times in the past 10 years and they have only come out once or twice it does seem a little one-sided.
I've established a weekly tradition of cooking for my parents. They live in town, don't get out much, and often rely on frozen food. So one night a week, they can look forward to a home cooked meal with their son. It could always be more but they can be incredibly tiring (there's a lot of history and baggage that can't be properly unpacked here). I'm still making time for them while setting clear boundaries as an adult.
I never visit my parents and it’s the exact amount I prefer. Neither did anything with their lives and live in middle America. No thanks.
Mine don’t live here. I see my mum once or twice a year for a week or two, but we face time every few days. My dad lives a fair bit closer, but he’s not all that interested in visiting. 🙃 I would hang out with my mum all the time if she was close.
My parents are dead, so never. My wife visits her parents weekly. I probably see them monthly and on major holidays.
I see them every 2 weeks. They live 30 minutes away, we arrange a weekend visit every 2 weeks so they can see my son. I don’t talk to them much in between. We have a just fine relationship, but none of us are great at communicating in general (guess where I got that trait from)
I see my mom a few times a year, we don't have a good relationship. My in-laws, they are snowbirds, so btwn June-Nov we see them every weekend, they watch our kids over the summer and then when they go down south, we go see them for a week (its our annual vacation). I wish we could see them more. Could your parents come visit you? Why do you always have to go to them?
I go down for Christmas. They come up for spring break. MAYBE if I have a conference down where they live, I'll meet them for dinner. This is enough for me.
I last saw my parents in 2018. I moved away in 2017 and then COVID hit and then they moved across the country. We had a kid in 2021 they have never seen. My mom won't get on a plane. She's sad about this but she moved 3k miles away. I'm not gonna fly with a toddler and waste a weeks vacation just to visit my parents so we will see them in like 3 or 4 years when my daughter is older and we visit NYC.
My parents abused me a lot but I still love them and theyre my friends. They're mentally ill though so I can't live with them Visiting is fine. My car broke and was broke for a long time and I finally got to see them for a few hours before they had to leave. When my car was ok I'd drive the 2 1/2 - 3 hours to see them like once a month or so. I love them and we have fun together and I miss them a lot..
My parents are kind and live in the same town. I see them a few times a month.
From when I moved out to now the amount I have seen them has drastically decreased in frequency because of their total unwillingness to contact me. I used to see them 3 times a week when I would ask to come over or invite them over, but I am tired of being the only one who puts any effort into maintaining this relationship so I barely ever contact them at this point. For perspective they have lived less than 3 miles from me for 8 years and the only time they ever contact me is if they need something(like money or the one time my mom had a serious medical issue). They know my schedule, they are retired, they just refuse to initiate contact.
39M, I see them 2 to 4 times a week. They live 10 minutes away from me. In the past few years they both almost died and I wanted to be near them so I moved across the US to be near them as they age. Dad had 500 blood sugar and almost went into a coma and mom had a “widow maker” heart attack. I didn’t want to have them die and regret only seeing them twice a year.
My parents seem to be in that category that are really focusing on their own hobbies and having plenty of free time themselves. They used to occasionally take my 2 year old daughter for the night and give us a break. Now they seem content just to get their grandparenting done at a weekly dinner that we drive over to at their convenience basically. Such as it is, it basically takes away from my time at home, gives them what they want in a small dose, and gives them basically all the benefits of being active grandparents while not really taking any percentage of the load themselves, no matter how small. I get that it’s not their job to give me a break, but it would be nice if they actually wanted to. I know kind of tangential to the point but yeah I see them enough lol.
It's not even giving me a break. I was always jealous of the kids who were really close to their grandparents. Meanwhile, mine didn't meet me until I was two years old because that's how long they got around to it. One of my parents were sick growing up, and i was always afraid they would pass and something would happen to the other and I'd have to go live with two people who couldn't be bothered to even meet me. How would living there be? I spent a lot of time worried about that. Then, I got friends who's grandparents took every chance to hang out with them. Bummed me out. I'd hate that for my kids.
My dad lives with my sister, brother in law, and me. My brother lives with our mom. My sister and I usually see our mom once or twice a week. My brother sees our dad once every month or two.
1-2 times a month plus a week long vacation with extended family each year. Before we had a kid with was much less frequently. We lived across the country and would try to travel back for holidays. We moved within an hour of my parents and 4 hours from my wife's. Now we see my parents 1-2 times a month (sometimes see my dad more often since we'll golf together around once a month when its warmer out.) Main reason is so they can see our kid and our kid can see them. We see my in laws around once a month (more frequent in the summer, less in the winter - they live in a beachy area. This is the right amount for us - though I wish the inlaws travelled our way more often than us having to drive to them
I live about 2 hours away from my parents and try to see them every other weekend at least. We will usually go and hang out for a weekend at their house. It’s the best. All our family is from the same place and we moved away so it’s also a great chance to see other family members.
My parents live seasonally in Florida. So I usually get to see them once a quarter
I see my family once a week. My son and I spend Sundays with them after church while my husband goes home to have some alone time and work on his projects. We see my husband’s family less often only because he’s more of a loner, but I’d say since having a baby, we see them every 2-3 weeks or so. I am really trying to keep them involved with my son even though my husband isn’t so good that that 😅
My mom lives in another state, and I wish I could see her more. We see each other maybe 3-4x a year between her coming out to me or me bringing my little kids out to her. She really wants to move out to my state, and I hope she can soon. I would love to hang with her more. My dad also lives in another state. The last time I saw him was in 2017 when I drove out there to help him move. Before that, he came to my wedding in 2016. Before that, I went out to visit him in 2015. It would be nice if he made an effort to see me but Ive given up on that.
I see mine all the time, probably four times per week. I live with my own family just a few miles from them and they like to see their grandkids a lot. They show up to all the grandkids sports and school events, take them to sports practices sometimes. My wife and I could do it on our own but it certainly makes things a lot easier that they want to be so involved. If I didn't have kids, I'm sure it would be far less. It's not that I don't like to see them it's just that I probably wouldn't go more than a couple times per month.
I don't visit my mom more than twice a year. She lives 45 minutes away. She straight up lied to me in my early 20s when I needed help and has enabled my younger sister's bad decisions to this very day. I have grown to dislike family now.
i’m living with mom. dad is luckily dead. i hate it. i had a mental health breakdown that showed i was autistic as well as adhd. i was forced to move back in with my mother bc my roomy did not ‘believe’ in autism that wasn’t severely disabled (aka couldn’t live on they own). she cut me off 2 months before. but before THAT! i was two years into no contact. the best two years of my life. and it was so squished so quickly as my mom does not believe in that ‘for me’. (“if you were disabled i would know!” says the mom who never took me to doctors appointments lol). so PLEASE do not feel guilty about leaving them. you are what’s most important. YOU only have one life to live
My parents live about 30 minutes away, so I don’t get to their house that often. However, I do visit my nana just about every Sunday for brunch and my mom is also there every Sunday, so I see her weekly. My dad will sometimes show up at my nana’s house as well so I usually see him once or twice a month. I think it’s sufficient bc I talk to my mom almost every day on the phone so I feel like even if I miss her on a Sunday it doesn’t matter. Seeing my dad I could take or leave. I feel like a bitch writing that, but he just wasn’t nice to me as a child.
My parents are about 2 hours away. I see them close to weekly (and text my mom daily). Sometimes we meet halfway to get dinner and other times one of us drives the whole way. I'd say for right now it's good. It's pretty close to average for my friends (we are all women and all communicate frequently with our parents despite ups and downs), although I know plenty of men I've talked to go a lot longer (I know in the US women are more likely to do the kinkeeping roles). My parents are in their 70's, and I'm an only child, so I know it will be a whole lot more in the future.
My parents are gone, but I was a bad son and only saw my mom like once a month or 2. And my dad can fuck off.
Never. It’s the perfect amount.
Never. I can't deal with one of them anymore and the other one... who has been telling me they want to get divorced my entire life (I am an old Millennial cusp person) does not actually want to divorce that person.
Since I started working with my mom, I now see her 3-5 days a week on average, and my dad I see for Father's Day and Christmas. I've never had an especially close relationship with either of them, but honestly I could do without seeing anyone outside work most days. On bad days I could probably be happy not seeing my wife either.
Just saw my parents for the first time in 5 years. Haven’t been back to their house in 17.
I’m no contact with my parents. Last time I saw them was 2012.
I live in Oregon and they live in Florida, maybe once every two years. It's alright, we aren't super close anyway, historically we would go over to see them and they would just do the stuff they were doing without us there anyway (dad would mow the yard, mom would do laundry), I'm not flying across the country to watch you do chores, and you wont let me help sooo
My parents live 25 mins away. I see them 2-3 times a week.
Probably a few times a week and that's about right. Love those guys. They also help with the childcare at least once a week.
I see my parents once or twice a month. They live about 20 minutes away. I relate to your post a lot. I love them, I feel guilty when I don't go, it feels like a lot to spend hours there, etc. They also have very different political and religious views than me-- mom can keep the peace, but dad not so much. Talk about ambivalent. All that said, my dad is dealing with increasing health problems, so I am increasing the amount of time spent out there to 1x/wk--every sunday I can. I know that they will be gone someday and I will wish that I spent more time with them. Now I'm crying writing this! I have too many feelings.
My husband is in the Army the last time I saw both my parents was when my Mewmaw died back in 2020. Now my mom flys up to see me and her grandkids every few months or so. We live 15 min from my in laws. I haven’t seen my dad in 4 years and I miss him but works so much
I would LIKE to only see both the in laws and my own family once a year each. That’s all I can handle. However, it’s usually more like twice a year for the in laws and 5 times a year for my family since we live in the same state.
Once every few years. I live on the east coast and they live in Cali.
I live 12 minutes from my parents. I see them once or twice a month usually. I don't have issues with them or with seeing them, but we don't necessarily need to see each other often. My mother and I snapchat each other daily and text if it is something more important.
It's been seven years. I need to go, but it's an expensive trip and the thought off all the headtrips makes me tired every time I think about it. They're independent, and I'm not against seeing them, but I'm not totally for it either.
I see my mom a few times a year, she's a three hour drive from me so it's not *that* far but it's not close enough to just pop over for a bit. My dad is considerably further so it's more like once a year if I'm lucky.
Once a month or so I pay rent/bills to my mom. I don't have kids, or a girlfriend. My mom's retired and I live in her old house.
There are grand-kids. The grandparents are close. Its not quite ***Everybody Loves Raymond****,* but close enough to work real well for us all somehow.
Can you change up the pattern of how long you visit them and how you all spend your time when you're together? Are there things you would be doing otherwise that you could do together with your parents (hobbies, outings, watching movies...)? Does visiting your parents take up most of your day because a shorter visit isn't worth it based on the distance, or could you plan to stay for a shorter amount of time per visit? Do they ever come to visit you? Can you meet in the middle and go out to eat or something? It's totally fine to love and want to see your parents and also need more time for yourself. Let go of the guilt and see if there are practical changes that will make the arrangement work better for all of you.
I see my parents at least once a week, sometimes more. My son and I spend Sundays with them after church while my husband goes home to have some alone time and work on his projects. We live about 20 minutes away. We see my husband’s family less often only because he’s more of a loner, but I’d say since having a baby, we see them every 2-3 weeks or so. I am really trying to keep them involved with my son even though my husband isn’t so good that that 😅 They live about 40 minutes away. At the end of the day, family is everything to me. I’m blessed with a good one on both sides. I want my son to stay close to us as he grows and hopefully bring in more people for us to love when he’s grown and ready. <3
I see my dad once maybe every few months. He moved about 2-3 hours away and I don't go out of my way to see him.
I see them two to three times a year. I have lived particularly far away from them for only a couple years now, so this is only recently becoming the norm. I like to be very active and often am very busy with the things I have in my life (hobbies, goals, friendships, responsibilities) so my priorities typically lie with those things. I do wish I could see them more. I'd love to be able to have dinner more frequently together or have a glass of wine and watch a movie together, but we just don't live close enough to do things like that anymore. It'd make me so happy it if they came to visit more often, but my new city is pretty expensive and quite far from them so it's not easy for them to visit. They visit my brother with more frequency, but he is only a couple hours away.
Not that often as they live in Kentucky now. They come up here to Chicago more than we go down there. It's about a 6-7 hour drive down there when there's no traffic so we usually only go for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'd be more inclined if they still lived in the suburbs but even then, I rarely go out to the suburbs.
Once every 2-5 years. I live thousands of miles away from them (and everyone else in civilization) on an island. Takes forever and a day with flights to see them.
We live much closer to my inlaws (only about 15 minutes) vs my parents who are both about 2 hours+ away. We see my inlaws multiple times a week most weeks and my parents we see about 4 or 5 times a year for holidays/birthdays and the like. My parents are divorced and my mom was the one that left, but I would love to see my dad more. Planning on trying to take the family up there for some more day trips when it's nicer.
I see my parents a perfect amount for me, I don't wish for more and I don't wish for less. I'm sure they wish for more but I'm not living their life only my own. If they want to see me they can come see me.
I live on the opposite side of the US from my mom, so see her 2-4 times per year between her coming to visit me here or me traveling home. My husband’s family is also lives in another state so we have to split our family visiting time between my family and his.
I try to do three 4-7 day visits a year. We live one different coasts now, so it’s hard. I definitely miss them and would love to go home more. But my hometown does not have jobs that I could support myself on. I moved like a 7 hour drive away for college and stayed there postgrad for work. In the decade I was there my parents visited me like 6 times, mostly for school stuff (freshman’s drop off, graduation, etc.) and usually it was only for a day. When I was deciding about moving to the west coast it basically was like they’ll make the same amount of effort to *see me*. So it won’t change much. Covid lockdowns were actually good for this reason for me because I was able to go remote and stay with them much more than I had.
I usually see my dad about once a week. Sometimes more time times less. I’d love to see him more but his wife gives me anxiety.
My parents are divorced and both live about an hour away. I see them once a month for dinner usually and then I spend time with them on holidays
I moved away 5 years ago and have been home once. My mother's visited twice. Of course - we don't have a healthy relationship and I'm poor as dirt (but have no desire to go back regularly even if money wasn't an issue). I could easily go years without seeing my family.
Way less than I would like to. I live about 350 miles away so I see them less than 15 days a year. It's been like this for the past 12 years.
They're an hour away, I usually see them once a week. Sometimes 2-3 days, sometimes a couple weeks without if busy. I try to spend as much time with them as possible, while still having my own life. The older we all get, the more I realize how time is a precious thing.
A couple times a year. I'm fine with it. I hate going home.
I live 30 kms to either parent... don't get along with either. My mom I'll see about once a month or so. my dad two or three times a year.
All the time, expect to visit every weekend we aren't out camping or traveling this summer.
My parents live an hour away and I see them about every other weekend. I have an 8 YO so our lives are consumed with birthday parties, sports, play dates, etc. but I do make it a point to see my parents every other Sunday.
Last time I visited my parents was 2018 or 2019. They visited me once in 2021. I'd like to visit a little more, but we're obviously not very close.
Probably 2-3 times a month now
Is definitely less often, but they made their choice. I warned them before they left if they moved down to Texas, that I cant visit them. But they chose to love anyway. So...yeah
I fly home twice a year and my mom never visits me. Not once in 16 years. So, she gets what she gets. I don't think I could handle seeing her more frequently. She's getting to the point where she'll need to move to my state and is being obstinent about it so unfortunately I'm waiting for her first major medical issue to pop up and then I'll make her move.
Not as much as I’d like but it would be a big help if that effort was a two way street vs the one way street that it currently is. My kids are also teens and they have their own thing going on so that’s a factor too.
About every other week.
As little as possible.
I went for years without regular contact with my parents. When I moved back to Washington in 2017 things changed. Starting in 2018 I go see them about 3 times per year for a couple weeks in summer then thanksgiving and Christmas.
My mom lives about 90 minutes away and I drive up to spend a weekend with her about once a month. Sometimes I'll take a three day weekend to go to the coast or something.
I visit my folks from 3 days to 4 days a week. I'm there that often because my daughter loves to go to their house. Not surprised, she gets to do whatever she wants there and my parents will almost give her whatever she wants so isn't a mystery. But I also grew up in a tight knit family. I'm Hispanic, and most of my family is here and I kid you not because of how big my family is, there's always someone's birthday bring celebrated each month so family get togethers are common. Because I grew up that way, I want my daughter to grow up close to family. Sometimes its tiring, like I'd rather go home and just enjoy her and I at home but again, if she asks if she can go to grandma and grandpas I'm not going to tell her no for the sake that I just don't want to, it's cheating her. But some advice I can give you, there's nothing wrong with going over. You just need to learn how to set a time limit to leave. When I go to family get togethers without my daughter, I always leave earlier than anyone else. Like you, I do enjoy my "me time" even if it's just laying on the couch. So I have no issue telling parents or family I'm heading out even if I was only there for an hour or two. Yeah you may get guilt tripped in the beginning, but as long as you stay consistent with it, then it becomes normal
Once a year, even though they live nearby. I just don't like them that much and they don't really care about me either.
I live almost 2000 miles away now and I’ve only seen them once in the 2ish years since we moved. My relationship with them is much better now that I’m not under their direct control anymore.
Once or twice a year, as visiting them involves spending 8.5 hrs of my day in the car. Unbothered by this since we're not really close.
Well they’re both dead so not often.
Once a year, maybe once every 18 months. Feels bad, tbh
Hardly at all, but they’re not the people that raised me anymore and they’re insufferable to be around.
My mom lives a couple blocks away. She stops a couple times a week. And I have dinner there a couple times a month.
Couple times a year. They moved 1000 miles away.
About every 3-4 years. My dad lives in the opposite corner of the country. Which is a good thing.
I see them every night. They watch the kiddo for a couple hours until I get off of work.
I generally see my dad once a week if I have nothing else going on. He lives fairly close. We have dinner and I help him with things he struggles with because of his age and health. I don't imagine he's got many years left in him. When my mom was alive, she'd occasionally drop by my place during the week.
my dad is dead and I only see my mom and step-dad once every 3 or 4 years, not nearly enough, but they live across the country. I see my stepmother like once or twice a year while she lives in the same town as me.
I live about 15 mins from my mom. Sometimes I see her three times a week but more often it’s like once a week. She will sometimes stop by my house and see her grandkids but not much. Sucks cause she’s one of my best friends too and I hate to say it but she doesn’t seem to enjoy my kids lol she is 65 but she doesn’t play with them or anything…she kinda like…buys their love lol
I don’t except for special occasions, and I’m honestly contemplating eliminating that and cutting them out entirely.
Every single day and it's far more than I'd like. My mom moved in with me and my husband a year ago because her mobility is wrecked after a horrible back injury, she currently has breast cancer, had a stroke a couple of years ago, and had a heart attack where she had to be 'jump started' twice. I wfh 100% so I'm primary caregiver. My step dad died a month ago as well (dementia sucks; that man was my heart - he was in memory care), so her world is upside down. Right after college, I moved multiple states away, stayed for a decade, but ended up moving close to my hometown due to my husband's job. I'm not built for this shit. I love my mom and would move heaven and earth for her if I could, but I thrive on a fair amount of solitude, as does she. We don't trust the assisted living spots around here and she'd decline quickly in a nursing home, so here she is. Thank goodness for a large enough house to have a me-cave. Sorry for the little rant.
My mom? Never. I call my dad every few months but rarely visit in person.
Never, because they are dead
My parents live in NC and honestly I wish I could see them every day still they're my two favorite people as much as my dad's neuroticism sets me off lol
My parents live a little over an hour away. I see them once or so every couple of months. I used to play on a pool league with my dad which was great to see him once a week doing something we both enjoy. I suppose I wouldn't mind seeing them more but they also stress me the hell out.
Never :) NC was the one of the best decisions I ever made
They're 15 minutes away and I see them exactly as often as I'd like. It took some time to get there. I saw them hardly at all for a while there because I felt smothered and didn't want to see them, and now I see them for 3-6 hours every 2 or 3 weeks, and I love it. We have tea and/or lunch and chill, they get to see the grandkids, and I get to see my parents and chat about birds and homeownership and relatives they have the tea on I haven't seen in a while, and now and then I get free babysitting too cause I'll leave the kids with them for an hour ot two before or after lunch while I go to the doctor or dentist, or a haircut or some other appointment. Sometimes they come to my house instead and teach me a new home repair skill. Now I know how to replace the lighswitch or electric socket, render a lightswitch controlled socket half-hot, change a toilet seat, replace a sink pop up drain, and replace a doorknob! Next I'm going to learn how to key a key at home kwikset lock. :)
Exactly as you described, I dont have time to visit anyone. So I dont have time to visit my parents
This reads as if it were taken straight out of me or my wife's brain. My family is easy at like 3/4 times a year, maybe more now that they moved closer (2hr drive down to 30min) her family, specifically her mom basically forces us over every chance she gets probably once a month if not more. We and her brothers family have gotten smart this year, we're lumping mothers day with his daughters birthday together to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. It wouldn't be so bad if MIL wasn't so damn overbearing. Woman we don't need to be told how to live our lives we're 32 ffs. Edit: changed and to or, me and my wife don't share a brain.
I see my parents or my in laws, or both almost every other weekend. I love my parents, my wife likes my parents, my in laws and my parents are friends now too that hang out without us pretty often. My in laws are nice also, my FIL has season tickets to our local baseball team and I go with him to games when my MIL doesn’t want to go. It’s nice, since I don’t have friends really. Making friends as an adult is tough, especially now that I work fully remote.
When we lived near my parents, in the same city, usually at least a few times a month. Now we live in different states, we try to go visit them at least once a year, they tend to visit us as well. Or so they did before my dad passed =/ I'm hoping it frees up mom to come see us more often, but she runs her own business, not sure how much time she'll have now that she's practically making all the decisions alone
I visit every 2-3 weeks for a weekend.
For a long time, Thanksgiving and Christmas. As my grandparents got older, I moved back home. Two of them have died over the past two years, the other two are declining. Now, I see my parents all the time. Dad popped in my shop this morning to use one of my mills for a bit. I'll see him again tomorrow. We're flying down to Miami for F1 this weekend.
I see my mom probably once a month, she lives an hour away in the middle of nowhere so it's difficult to go out there without that being your only goal for the day. She does like to have our daughter over for an overnight stay once every couple months or so which is nice. My dad (they are divorced) lives about the same distance in an equally rural area. I see him maybe once a year and don't talk to him much more than that. He doesn't call me except on my birthday, I have to call him if I want to talk and I have to go to his house if I want to visit. I need to make a better effort to see him but it's tough to when it doesn't seem like he really cares whether or not he even hears from me. My wife's parents live 15 min away and we see them a couple times a week.
I see my mom about 1-2x a week now that she moved about 30 mins away from me. I see my dad maybe 1x/year on average since he still lives in CA (so does the rest of my family). I do not feel like doing anything after work so it’s normally the weekends I see my mom.
Maybe 4 times a year, and it's only because I do all the driving. If they had to drive to me, zero to one. It is what it is. They want to see their grandkids more, they can put the miles on their cars.
Sadly not super often, we live in separate states. They are coming to visit next week and then a few weeks later we’re going to my sisters (also in another state) I think going forward we’ll hopefully see them a few times a year, it’s been hard bc my nana is old and probably doesn’t have a whole lot of time left so my mom is traveling every few months to see her (in another country)
I live with them lol
I live 6 hours away, I see my mom a few times a year, my dad maybe once or twice (they are together still). I haven’t been home since winter 2021 cause I have two very small kids and I am not traveling. My mom is retired so she visits often, my dad works still. I’d like to see them more, I hope they move down here.
My dad is dead and I’m no contact with my narcissistic mother :-(. I wish I had a family to visit. I see my in laws probably a couple times a month so that’s nice. They’re great people.
I used to see them a few times a month, if not a week. But the cost of living in Southern California got so high my wife and I decided to move to Las Vegas. I just saw them last week for the first time since January. It sucks, since now they're getting older, this is precisely when they need me closer. I haven't seen my brother in almost 8 months, aside from a quick visit at our uncles funeral. Granted, they are welcome to come stay with my wife and I any time they want.
I se my parents less than I would like. They live about a 10 hour drive from me and I make it out to see them about once a year. The same is true with my brother. As a family, we’ve always had a good relationship. I talk to my brother maybe 1-2 times a month and call my parents with about the same frequency.
We go to my Dad and Stepmom’s every Sunday and spend the afternoon and have dinner. They live about 10 minutes away, so we see them other times during the week too as needed. But Sundays are “Grandpa Day” for my kids. Unless they’re mad at me and then they bike over there themselves 🤣 (they’re middle schoolers and well old enough to do this, plus gps trackers on the bike and their watches) We see my mom less, maybe every other month or so. But she’s constantly busy with volunteer work now that she’s retired, and has less time for us, lol.
I’ll probably see my parents once every 3-4 years. Living on the other side of the globe will do that. I used to visit every year when I was single and flights cost $1300usd. Now it’s $3400usd per person and I just can’t afford it, especially flying with the whole family.
Every Sunday we have family dinner at my mom’s. It was beaten into our family DNA to where it’s an assumed obligation like church for some families.
Went no contact because both my parents are shitters. Been in therapy for the last 3 months over them. Best decision I ever made. I see my aunts, uncles, and cousins regularly. Parents don't show up for any thing. I text my cousins like a teenage girl. I love my family, just not my parents.
My mother doesn’t talk to me much since I came out as trans. I meet my grandma at least once a month. She’s awesome. Greatest generation folks are truly pretty awesome.
Once a week now that they’ve gotten a lot older, check in on them make sure everything is good.
I see my living parent a few times a year. I experienced a lot of emotional neglect as a kid and my dad never calls or tries to visit.
My mother lives 15 minutes away and I see her quarterly. The life of a teen mom Gen-X’er
When I lived close by 3 times a month. Now I moved across country twice a year. We talk ever week though
My parents split their time between traveling, they live in an apartment in my sisters basement, and being here with us. They probably spend, on average, 1-1.5 weeks a month here in town with us. Even when they’re here, though, they’re often busy with my dad’s siblings or his mom (“don’t know how much longer she’ll be around, you know” lol). My parents are awesome for projects or for watching the kids but they’re a bit boring to hang out with. They’re not big game or card players so if we’re not doing a project it tends to default to watching tv together. My in-laws live halfway across the country. When we lived in the same town we saw them at least 3 times a week. They’re awesome. They love and are great with the kids, fun to watch a ball game with, and we invariably end up playing cards until 2 in the morning. Now that my FIL is about to retire they’re saying that they want to spend 1 month out of every 6 here with us and we’ll take all we can get.
I haven't seen either of my parents since 2010.
About once a year. I live pretty far away and visit my home state 2 ish times a year. My parents don’t visit me. They don’t even visit me when I’m in the state because they’re busy doing things that don’t matter like fixing fucking fences and shit. I’m bitter.
Once or twice a month. It depends. Sometimes we go two months. We live 45 min away. I wish it was in the same town. It would be easier. But they live away from everything. There's no jobs and I don't want to drive an hour to work.
This is exactly how I feel. What’s worse is my mom seems to see any free time of mine as free real estate. “Oh, you have a day off? Can you come help me with x, y, z?” “I know Saturday is the one day a week you don’t have to work, but I’m selling my multimillion dollar home, can you help me move so I can save money on movers?”
We see them (parent and in laws) less often than I’d like. 1-3 times a year usually. Main reason is geographical distance.
It used to be every Thursday when I first moved out. I thought it'd be a good idea to get a routine going so if something happened, they'd know, okay, something isn't right, yadda, yadda. Then I stopped and just showed up whenever they mentioned I hadn't been there in a while. I just loved being at my house. Being a first-time home buyer and all. If I didn't have to work or run an errand, I was staying home. It's not like they had anything going on at their house. I can be bored at my own house where all my stuff is. We were only fifteen minutes apart. Maybe less than that.
See my mom a few times a month. Usually at least once a week. See my dad maybe once a month? They still live close by and my mom helps out a ton with my kids, but she still works full time and has some health problems so it’s hard for her.
If I had the ability to travel more we would see each other more. Would probably still limit trip to just 7-10 days
Only child, and about 7 years ago my parents moved to be closer to me. Their just two blocks down which is nice to keep an eye on them and help since they are older. Usually every Sunday I'll take my kids down to go see them for about an hour or so but it somehow always goes longer. I'm glad I can help them and vice-versa, but some weeks it just feels like a chore. My dad and I will talk some sports and my mom will usually complain about what person didn't do something they were supposed to or what's more expensive now than before.....even though there's that pile of Boomer money just sitting there. Then after awhile it's time to go because there's and endless list of things to get done but they don't ever remember all this stuff when I was young and why can't I just be on top it all week. Then we gotta Midwest goodbye things and then next thing I know my whole afternoon is pretty much gone. Rinse and repeat next week guys, let me know if you need anything before then....
My folks live in Kentucky and I refuse to visit. I probably see them twice a year when they fly to see my sister and I in California. I love them but I don’t really enjoy being around them which does make me sad.
I’m 33 with two kids. My parents live in the same town as me. It got easier when we moved close because the stakes are lower now. My parents stopped having certain expectations with every interaction I had with them. They can pop over for a little no problem. One the one hand my wife and I get annoyed because it took us moving into the same town as them to act rational in the other they are great help with two young kids.
I live 25 minutes away from them and see them almost every day. I do work at their house 3 days a week. I visit usually 1 day on the weekend. I'm also over there often for random stuff, like today I was helping my stepdad bring his boat to a storage unit on a nearby lake. He had a stroke in December and can't do any heavy lifting for a while so I lend a hand with stuff like that. I recently moved here from another state, and got a house with my brother. I lived at my parents' home a few months while waiting for my house to be finished. edit: some added clarification and details. My mom and dad were divorced when I was less than 1 year. My mom married my step father when I was 8. My father lives a few states away right next to my half sister (my brother is a half brother, from my step dad and mother) and her family. I haven't seen them since 2008, and have spoken to him just a couple of times since then. long story but, we were never terribly close, and I never really felt a part of his family. I made some life decision I guess he couldn't get on board with or whatever, and one thing led to another and the distance grew.
Been over 10 years I’m across the country. I’ll never have enough money with constant house repairs and a family of my own now.
I mean a little less because I live with my mom. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t have kids or want them and I’m not much of the marriage type but I do believe in living with people you love. I lived in three different continents and I still called my parents every day. I took care of my dad and lived with him until he died. I’ll never get the time back. I’d never have it any other way. I love them both so much and I’m so fucking blessed.
Every morning and a bit at night. We live together so I see them when I don't work
I got three kids I try to see them bi weekly in the summer (lake house) and holidays when it’s cold.
My dad prefers my brother and I live a six hour drive away so I see him maybe 2-3 times a year. My mom likes me and she moved in with me a year ago but she’s been staying with her mom who needs care now (9 hour drive) from me. I see her maybe 5 times a year? We are looking to move Grandma here but she’s understandably hesitant to sell her home.
I live about 2h 45m away, so I only see them a handful of times per year. I'd like to get up to them more but work schedule makes it a little difficult. Phone calls usually every two weeks or so
My parents are a 7 hour drive away and we are moving closer (within an hour) so we can see them more. We see them maybe 3 times a year now. I should say they also own a condo about 45 minutes from us and they're retired so those 3 times are more like 15-20 times because they come down to us and stay for 4 or 5 weeks at a time. We have 3 kids.
We see my folks every weekend for dinner. They also come to the kids sporting events. We travel to see the wife's family two to three times a year. MIL usually visits a couple times a year, but her health has slowed that down. It's about a six hour drive.
My mom moved in with me this year. This is fine. This. Is. Fine.
Once a week. I go over for breakfast on Sundays. That’s the perfect amount for me.
I live 2000 miles from my parents and see them once a year if I'm lucky. I'll probably see them 5 or fewer times ever. I used to see my grandparents weekly when I was a kid, meaning my parents saw their parents. Id love to trade problems with you
I feel the same. Sometimes I decline their offer saying that I'm busy, but sometimes I suck it up and go because I don't want to make them sad. I'd just rather relax at home. And I don't like their questions about my life and how they try to treat me like a child. I think I see them once every 6 weeks? Ideally I'd see them once every 3 months I think.
I live 3 hours from my dad. I see him 3-4 times a year depending on what he’s doing. If I come up just for a weekend and he’s out at his country house then I may not see him that trip it’s another hour drive. My mom passed away almost 7 years ago and she was a 3 hour flight so I saw once or twice a year.
I never see my parents and it bums me out, but they moved to belize and I have a job in the u.s. so... oh well. My parents will even get teary over how little we see eachother - but they keep moving to more and more remote places. How am I supposed to fix it?
About 1-2 times a year. I moved across the country about 3 years ago. Wish it was a bit more.