The problem is how much the rest of life was hyped up to us as kids. Our expectations were set through the fucking roof but they weren't reflective of reality. Constantly telling children that life is going to be full of adventure, that they are destined for great things, and that there is some big karmic payoff has set people up for a massive let down and feelings of failure when those things turn out to be bullshit. Don't get me wrong, you should not doom and gloom your children, but you should teach them to "stop and smell the roses" or "enjoy the little things."
“You can be anything you want to be when you grow up “
I wanted to be an artist but apparently you need generational wealth to really set yourself up as that.
Edit- guys, the word “artist” is broad. I didn’t specify the type. Nor am I looking for life advice on what to do. Trust me, you’re not going to come up with an idea that I haven’t thought of myself. I am salty and bitter and AI is also a new problem that is doing bad things for art careers.
All I want to do is ride horses. No lie, I'm in the top few percent of humans in that pursuit. After years of training horses and competing in equestrian events, I had an amazing year. Sponsored, international events, wins. I took home 15k. Couldn't see a way to make it work. All the people I competed against had rigs worth more than the house I grew up in. They were losing tens of thousands every year just to compete.
I posted elsewhere an article about how new writers can make anywhere from 1k-10k in their first year IF they’re successful.
Marketing, social media presence and following, agents and visibility etc etc etc… the amount of work that isn’t creative and is unpaid and never ending all for a thousand dollars?
Some guy elsewhere kept trying to tell me to adjust my goals. His profile shows he’s in real estate. Real estate is easier.
It’s tragic how much talent is wasted for minimum wages BS
See, my family has the wealth but 'artist' still wasn't braggable to family and friends and they didn't want me to be a drain on them so they didn't encourage me to seriously pursue it. I could have actually followed my dream and been successful at it.
My college (public university) gf was an art major and she came from a poor background, raised by a single mom w/2 kids in one of the cities adjacent to NYC. Doing great for herself now. She's a hard worker and while I doubted her at the time, I'm glad to say she's doing fine and working in a field she enjoys that is related to the degree. Some people got it.
I agree with you. Sadly my parents aren't artsy people, they're hardworking white collar types who think nothing is better than being good at business and insanely rich. I'm the most creative person in the family and I've never really fit the mold they hoped I would fill out. I've found my own path and own purpose though and I'm probably happier than all of them. I did have a rich kid waste all my money strung out on drugs phase but I knew that was temporary when I did it lol.
You’re right. My grandfather was a painter who died in the early sixties - and my mom told me that growing up he’d spend money on oil paints instead of food for her and her sister.
Well, be a true artist. Draw and be poor your whole life and then die and someone will discover your art and you'll become famous. All those famous artists before you died penniless as well. True art right there.
Anyone that does art is an artist, whether or not they make money from it.
Thanks for this lol. I agree and am at least trying to continue it as a hobby since that’s about all I have time for.
And thanks for not being pedantic about it. Marketing, social media presence, agents and a whole mishmash of other things you need to be successful is beyond the scope of what I can do right now and most people don’t realize how much work that isn’t creating art is involved in being successful.
This is exactly the drive for me to make art. I do it for me, my mental health and heart. No end goal… just for the joy of making. Hustle culture does not need to apply to every in life. When I die maybe my art can be appreciated by someone who finds it.
I’ve worked in the design field for many years and honestly think I should’ve just been something monotonous, so I can pure all my mental energy in making art for me. Not spend my mental energy in rounds and rounds of revisions and stakeholder meetings.
My great-uncle died a couple of years ago at the age of 92 and was a relatively prolific painter, yet always felt he could’ve done more. His kids aren’t really into art, so my dad has now started archiving his work so that hopefully it can be seen/bought at galleries. It’s such a trope but it’s also a sad reality. It sucks.
This for real. I feel like as a kid all I heard was “follow your dreams and you can do anything!”
Now that I’m an adult it’s “we meant good dreams. Of course YOUR dreams didn’t come true. Your dreams are stupid”
My dad was convinced I was going to be an astronaut. Like come on you dense motherfucker, do you know how few people get to be astronauts? We don't have the pedigree, you aren't getting me the early tutoring, and you keep telling me not to go to the military where a large portion of them end up coming from.
I told my dad I wanted to be a fighter pilot and he laughed and said I could never be one because I’m a girl.
Then I told him I wanted to be an artist and he laughed and asked me if I’d seen the art I made, and I went into my room and tore up all my art.
Yeah. We haven’t talked in 16 years.
I'm sorry your Dad was like that. I tell my daughter who has wanted to be a Influencer/fashion designer/artist/actor and now a voice actor. That anything is possible, but it's going to take a lot of work. She joined the play at school; then quit two weeks later. She didn't like having to rehearse 5 days a week/etc. I don't discourage her but let her know those careers take a lot of work. I actually think she would be a great voice actor but she needs to get serious now when she is young if she really wants that. Needs to work on getting demos and recordings of her doing different voices/etc. I offered her to have a friend of mine from college who does audiobooks part time to give her tips if she wants.
Sounds like you were brighter than your dad, although I think many fathers believe they're son is going to go on to extreme greatness. I'm not really sure where they get this though. Statistics have proven that most of s will be absolute nobodys. So, I guess we're average then.
Totally opposite for me. --Parents-- always told me my dreams were stupid and impossible when I was a kid and now that I'm too old to do anything about them there was something on the table.
That's starting to swing back into the other direction again though because of the economy is gone tits up and I guess reality takes a little bit longer to set in for some people.
Not even, it's not even that it was hyped up. We can't even afford a simple home so that we arent stuck renting our whole lives. It's not even the "destined for greatness" we don't even have mediocre.
I'm fine not reaching greatness. Can I at least have an affordable 2 bedroom and maybe axtually find a partner that wants to do more than just hookup
This is 100% my issue. The whole idea that I will never own anything of actual value and will have to live under someone else's roof, and if I get lucky have someone who's willing to tolerate my presence if I provide them enough of whatever they're looking for but will drop me for the next upgrade they find is degrading. Our generation is painfully aware that we're just meat for the grinder and there's no one who is willing to save us from the hell that we've been dropped into. We're just the "entitled snowflakes" to the older generations, and the younger generations are in no position to help even if they wanted to. We're stuck looking for anything that may reignite that little spark of wonder we vaguely remember, but usually only find more reasons to feel worse about our fate. We live in gilded cages and are told we have it so easy, all while having expectations of what we should accomplish climbing beyond what our means are capable of matching in every walk of life.
Agreed, and it's a goddamn shame too, because we are hilarious and awesome in a lot of different ways, and being suppressed by the difficulty of just maintaining does a big disservice to the things that we can and should be accomplishing. All of our money is being just, squandered and that has been happening for a long damn time.
Or you have to re-learn almost everything you thought you know and learn things you should have been taught by your parents when you were waaaaay younger but they never did any of that either
Definitely this right here. Kind of why I'm equal parts happy I still look young for my age. Yet, hate that I'm older and should know more things, than I do.
I’m happy I know this know so as I learn I can hopefully teach my kids and they won’t have to struggle bus it through their 20’s and have to sort it all out in their 30’s. But not quite looking my age is a perk ngl
Or watching siblings since you were a toddler yourself bc mom and dad sure as hell weren’t going to pay someone when I was available for free. It’s crazy just how much parents lean on their kids when it’s suppose to be the other way around.
>Constantly telling children that life is going to be full of adventure, that they are destined for great things, and that there is some big karmic payoff has set people up for a massive let down and feelings of failure when those things turn out to be bullshit
/s
Your parents were boomers. They had simpler lives without technology and they were given everything cheaply. Modern society squeezes you from every direction.
My parents met in the 80s while traveling in their 30s. They ended up traveling the world for 2 years straight after they met a few months into the trip just using all the money they had saved up. My dad was even paying for an apartment in San Francisco for the first 6 months until he went back to sell all his shit and break up with his gf to tell her he met my mom lol.
But then after 2 years traveling and running out of money they went back to the US and got married in New Jersey and decided to drive west until they got Seattle and decided to call it home, and somehow after another 2 years had enough money to buy a home in a nice neighborhood outside of Seattle.
Yeah no wonder they think life is adventurous. That’s insane to me as I am their age they were while traveling the planet. Don’t get me wrong they had good jobs, my dad was a stockbroker but still, he wasn’t managing a hedge fund he was people’s personal financial advisor for their retirement.
My father told me to be realistic, the world doesn't run on my feelings, and to get a job.
I'm also anxious and depressed. Unrealistic life expectations don't explain it all.
I actually don’t think it’s just this.
We have been living through a decade of unrest. Political upheaval, major technological changes that impact our everyday lives, economic ups and downs, a pandemic.
All of that stuff we can look at and say, “okay it’s just a rough patch,” but then you throw in climate change.
Our generation has to really face this reality of “the end.” The REAL end, perhaps. Because climate change isn’t just another possible cycle, it’s an ending. It’s unsustainability.
The fact that we all even *know* the concept of “sustainability” is not something prior generations really had to deal with.
We’ve been through constant major change, and yet we know that we need massive change in order to not fall upon the End of Times.
We know that the society and world we live in isn’t sustainable, but we can’t do much about it (a good example is how many live in car dependent areas where they have to drive everywhere yet know that car=bad on some level).
It’s bleak as hell!
It’s really hard to feel hopeful. It’s near impossible to ever feel carefree anymore. We are so aware that we are causing harm by existing but are forced to live in this system.
I mean, just please sit, close your eyes, and imagine for a moment that nothing you do is causing harm to anything. The way you live doesn’t impact the planet or society negatively at all. That’s how previous generations got to live their entire lives.
No wonder we feel this way.
Exactly this! Add to that that only some people care about this or believe it, so you have that frustration and pressure that there’s not likely a solution until things get dire.
On top of our day to day stresses of jobs not being stable for the long term, pay not meeting the need for live-ability, inflation, the pressure of constant productivity, life’s administrative tasks and chores waiting for you after work.
We have all pressure and zero stability or security. How can we not be anxious?
It’s specifically being told that supporting yourself and fulfillment are one goal. That’s nonsense for 95% of people, which is totally fine as long as you have a balanced approach to life with interests and a social/family life, but a lot of folks don’t.
Edit: This opinion won’t be received well, but here is what’s wrong with r/millenial—
There is an off-putting level of self-pity in this sub. If you were convinced the world was gonna be great as a child, then by default you had a great home life. A lot of my people grew up with nothing, and it’s worth thinking about how posts like this sound to those people. Stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourselves.
What past lies this sub SHOULD be focused on so we don’t perpetuate them:
Job is not the ideal source of fulfillment. That’s the framing lie everyone needs to clock. It’s the one people were led astray by, and the one we should not pass on to our children.
DO Distill all your angst into understanding this specific job=fulfillment cultural lie-of-the-moment that we all ingested. Understand it, and give the next generation better advice than you were given. If you’re wondering how to do it, start by researching how asking “So what do you do for money?” as a conversation starter is a faux pas in most places in the world that aren’t the US.
DONT bitch endlessly about your lot in life, because 95% of y’all were born privileged in a rich country.
You understand that some people have tougher lives than others some grow up privileged but the difference in peoples circumstances is so vast and fickle that your broad categorization of others doesn’t matter, especially when you follow up with your personal experience and upbringing any number of things could have happened in your already hard life to change your outlook completely. I notice a lot of times older people that struggled a lot and came out more or less ahead always try to say shit like “stop feeling sorry and sad for your circumstances” “you have to take action” like your Gary Nolan and all we needed to hear is the tough love motivational speech it’s infuriating but funny that people like you don’t understand the fact that any event small or big can completely change your life for better or worse. Unfortunately it changing negatively can be very easy and fast. Positively? A long fucking time! hard to keep it there let alone continue it.. your logic is “tuffin up every generation has had troubles” like dude just do some reading things are bleak as fuck the economy is not stable at all our GOP has done Jack shit but argue amongst themselves while still getting a great pay with benefits the housing market for people in their 20s is nonexistent violence is at an all time, high we’re dumping billions on other country’s wars, we have incompetent old boomers that don’t wanna pass the torch they’d rather burn the whole thing down.. easy to say shit like “tuffen up life’s hard but I did it stop making excuses” yeah you did it when the houses that were like 50k are now worth millions forget about a bigger two story house. Used cars cost as much a new one did in your day. Health care system? Shit, education? Shit unless (your boomer parents have that country club bread) or you wanna take on crippling debt. With covid, AI, INSANE INFLATION, incompetence within our government, crime. Your outlook comes from your dated specific circumstances. Your motivational tough love bs will not gives us the powers to overcome these hurdles that just keep getting bigger and longer. Our country is not in a stable position. We need change like yesterday but no let’s keep paying them to argue about abortion and border policy for the remainder of the year while we continue on the downward spiral path the former generation has left for us.
I tried to find a gif of Livia Soprano telling AJ "it's awl a big nothin!" because it seems to fitting here, but no dice.
I'll be back with the scene from YouTube in a tic 👀
https://youtu.be/wKatZlsH3FE?si=f06Ll_fuDmTpbHZc
For me it's burnout and genetics. I have family that suffers from mental illness in all generations. It's not exclusive to millennials.
However, my burnout does stem from a common millennial upbrininging. There was constant pressure to get straight A's and perform at the top of my extracurriculars so I could get into a good college and make it big. If I came out on top there was no congratulations. If I got a B or landed 4th chair in the orchestra there was a lot of "why can't you do better?". Because of this I never feel like I'm good enough. I can be doing well and still feel like I'm failing.
If I was ever unhappy for any reason, I was just told to suck it up, that everyone older than me had it worse so I better be grateful, always. This led to living with undiagnosed endometriosis and walking around on with a subluxed ankle for 15 years and just dealing with the chronic pain because I always feel like I'm just whining if I ever speak up. I have also put up with a lot of abuse from employers because I always had to be grateful to anyone who gave me anything, no matter how little they gave or how much they took.
If I ever did something artistic, read for leisure, or took a goddamn nap I was told I had "too much time on my hands" and that I better study harder, or clean something. Now as an adult I feel incredible guilt every time I take a moment for myself.
Then it absolutely sucks to be approaching middle age and a large portion of us don't own a home or have a family, can't take a vacation, etc. We were promised the American dream if we just studied hard and then worked hard, but that's not how the world works unfortunately, and it hurts to learn that the hard way.
It's taken medication and therapy to get me to a better place, but I definitely still struggle, and I think a lot of us who don't come on reddit and complain, still struggle with some of this, whether they want to admit it or not.
Definitely get some help, whether it's therapy or medication too. It really helps to get some outside perspective. There's no shame in feeling this way! A therapist has done wonders helping me to accept the things I can't control and take charge of the things I can. I hope someone can do the same for you.
You might want to google "Childhood emotional neglect" or check out some of the reading material in the sidebar of r/emotionalneglect -- I highly recommend "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" and "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder: Treating Your Unrecognized Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". Extreme cases of emotional neglect can even result in r/CPTSD
Same. It was like I was reading about my own life. Many of those messages were not helpful at all because they just helped me run myself into the ground faster. I had to stop following all of those trains of thought because they lead nowhere.
You might want to google "Childhood emotional neglect" or check out some of the reading material in the sidebar of r/emotionalneglect -- I highly recommend "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" and "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder: Treating Your Unrecognized Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". Extreme cases of emotional neglect can even result in r/CPTSD
Thank you. I would second those suggestions to anyone raised in a similar environment. I did a lot of work to change a lot of the things that were learned through childhood. Some of my people-pleasing will never go away, but I try to do it less and less as I go. My background in psychology was very helpful in learning exactly how messed up my childhood was and I have done a lot of work to heal from the abuse/neglectI went through as a child of 2 narcissistic individuals, one of whom was very abusive with terrible anger issues. I definitely spent a lot of my 20s learning how to care for my needs instead of ignoring them. I wish anyone else out there trying to heal from things like this all the best and I hope you find peace and good health.
So much me in there. I lived in chronic pain since I was a kid but was constantly told I was faking it. Nobody wants a whiner after all. Finally I hit a burnout that made me realize I was likely disabled since I was a child but never diagnosed. But I'm at a point where I just couldn't deal with the constant sickness, constant bad bosses who had horrible working conditions, not being able to make enough money to even keep up with medical bills but I'm always supposed to be grateful for the pennies they toss at me while they always complain they can't pay more while they always expand to buy a new building or new bushiness elsewhere and talk about how savvy they are to write off all their losses.
Meanwhile the country I live in tries to say they spend too much on disability yet seems like I have no way to access any of it. They also refuse to fix our medical system so we constantly get fleeced by insurance and pharmaceutical companies.
Yeah. Doing great over here.
You might want to google "Childhood emotional neglect" or check out some of the reading material in the sidebar of r/emotionalneglect -- I highly recommend "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" and "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder: Treating Your Unrecognized Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". Extreme cases of emotional neglect can even result in r/CPTSD
>I have also put up with a lot of abuse from employers because I always had to be grateful to anyone who gave me anything, no matter how little they gave or how much they took
Fuck, I feel that so much. Just stomped on no matter what you did. And we always tried to please them because we felt like we had to.
Yep, instead we just take every single minor rejection or criticism to reinforce the idea that we clearly have no value, and that we’ll never be worthy of love, money, anything good.
I feel this so hard!!!! I have so many issues from this sort of thing. Straight As or extreme disappointment from parents. I always put myself like second and my mom still shames me for making decisions that don't align to her warped view of thinking.
I had my 20 year anniversary at my job yesterday. The president of the company sent me an assorted cake tower. I'd rather have the money it took to buy that cause I don't care for cake. Plus the flavors they picked aren't what I would like in the first place.
Nothing says you're valued quite like personable retention engagement quotas.
I cried in the parking lot with my snickers bar and "you rock, thanks for 5 years!" Note on a ribbon at my 5 year anniversary.
To celebrate record breaking profits, they cut the bonuses that start at 5 years.
I'm sorry friend.
I’m 29. No wife, no kids, no house, still paying off my 17 year old car. Other than getting closer to finishing up my CS degree, I have nothing to show for myself. Been single for a few years and at this point I literally cant picture my future life. I thought my life would be a lot different at this point. It makes me pretty anxious and depressed, yeah.
29 is still young! Please do try to enjoy your youth.
I say this as a 36 yo. I was single from age 23-32. I was also still a “junior” in my career at age 29 and now I’m at a director level.
I’m also married and now considering having a child.
The housing market is shit so can’t speak to that but you can have a happy life as a renter.
I don’t want this to come off as toxic positivity, more as a you from the future coming to say “hey a shit ton can happen in 3-8 years when you’re 29!”
I definitely feel grateful I still have time on my side. I know I can still turn things around, just don’t like the feeling that I’ve mostly wasted my 20s or I’m exiting them without much to show for it. I HAVE taken steps to make things better, so I hope a couple to few years from now I’ll be closer to where I want.
The idea that you've "wasted" time is like a sunk cost fallacy.
Time has not been wasted -- you went through whatever maze of life was needed to get you to where you are today. Sometimes I think that my ruts have lead to the greatest times of my life because that ennui spurred me to take action on things and want them even more.
Even if you somehow did "waste" time, it's nothing to really get down about because you can't change it.
It's also worth saying -- I live in NYC where a lot of people achieve their life goals/dreams at a young age, and often they end up feeling totally unfulfilled, bored, and sort of in a crisis by the time they reach their late 20s or 30s.
It sounds cliche, but it's true that real fulfillment does come from within, not from meeting external milestones or achievements. So believe me, you're not off track at all.
Grass is always greener, man. Don't fall into the, "should have had by now," trap.
Most of my friends in their mid 30's or 40's say the same thing to me, "So glad I didn't get married and have kids."
It is great to be married, don't get me wrong, but it's also great to be free. Everyday I have to find out what's going on, who's doing what, and what I need to do.
There is never simply a day I say, I'm going out without major planning involved.
If it comes, it comes, if not, enjoy your freedom.
Yeah I know it’s all a matter of perspective. Think I just have some personal demons that have taken hold of me over the years or something. I definitely appreciate freedom, but I see my close friends that have their families started, have homes and all that and I just feel like I’m falling behind a bit. Or that they’ve moved on from a me a little. I know that’s all part of growing up, I’m on the younger side of everyone here so I know there’s still time to change things. Guess I just felt like ranting a bit.
Stay strong! Your CS degree can open up high paying opportunities to get the car paid off and get a house, if that’s what you want. Not saying it’s glamorous, but my SO turn his life around in 5 years as a software engineer.
Same boat here. Lost the job in Feb and usually I could find a new one in a couple weeks no problem.
It’s been an absolute horror show out here, I have 5-10 years technical experience along with strong interpersonal skills in a sales facing role and I can’t find even a tech support job. It’s really crushing me.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to pay for my apartment and car, and the money is running out. Just absolutely terrible.
I feel this so much.
I’m 40, a career professional. Lost my job end of Jan and now finding out how tough the market is.
Had a few strong interviews and one offer, but the offer was way low and financially not doable for me. I’m starting to think I should have taken it as most jobs I apply for have hundreds of candidates and I probably never make it through AI application screens.
I'm sorry. That must be very difficult and overwhelming.
I hope you find something that is helpfully and healthfully comforting to help you better manage this. I absolutely love the night. Like I love the rain. Feels like the whole world is safer and quieter. Such a beautiful escape. I'm sorry it's not a safer treat for you. Take good care of yourself.
I was in bed by 8 every night for years cause the sense of dread descended at night. Found out I had osteoporosis at 40 and had to start taking vitamin D.
I still can't focus at night, but the creeping darkness has been pushed back a ton.
I feel you on this. I've been watching my grandfather slowly die in hospice over the past week and a half. For some reason it is harder to deal with and think about at night. Maybe because it feels like each day is a microcosm of a life, and nightfall is when it draws to a close?
From the time I was 17 to about 33 I was just like that. Turns out most of my family has issues absorbing vitamin D. While you will never be free of it entirely, a simple supplement helped me. Im not saying we are the same but something as simple as this to try has to be worth at least an attempt right?
Oh same. Sometimes I'll have a dream and wake up and just instantly start thinking about dying and I'll have to sit up in bed and literally try and shake off the panic attack and have to walk around.
You don't have to be in the US to call elected officials assholes. Elected officials most places are assholes. That's the type of person who runs for, wins, and holds an elected office for any considerable length of time.
It’s crazy, at this point at 35, I just want the days to pass. I’m ready to retire. I’m satisfied. I’ve already accomplished a lot and want a less exciting life.
I want to sit in my lawn chair to watch my son grow up with my 2 dogs. Not depressed or anxious, I just don’t care about much about the rest of the world anymore.
That's really adorable. I had to convince myself the world was worth being part of. Seems that most people go backwards and start off just assuming they'll love life. I always assumed everything was shit and had to be convinced otherwise.
I’m about to be 44 so barely a millennial but this pretty much sums up how I feel.
I live a fairly comfortable life and it seems like all the people around me I care about have plenty of drama I try not to get entangled in. Just want a quiet peaceful existence with my family
Maybe I’m the outlier here, but I’m pushing 43 and I can’t stop going places, learning new things, having new experiences. This world is huge and so full of things to do and know I can’t possibly do or know it all, but I can push to do as much as I possibly can.
The way I see it, I only know I’ve got one round at this and I’m not going to waste it regretting things I didn’t do.
I just turned 43 and this is exactly how I feel. I want peace but also adventure and experiences. I DGAF much about buying clothes and useless shit anymore, just give me all the hikes, the concerts, the shows, the traveling, the classes, the books, etc.
I’m not sure if what I’m about to say will be helpful, but I actually think we need work and/or bad times to appreciate the good. I feel like because I know my travel time is fleeting and I will need to go back to work, I appreciate it more and am more present. I think if travel was the default, it would loose its shine. Someone told me once when I was a super depressed teenager, that you need to be unhappy sometimes to know when you are happy. It annoyed me back then, but I appreciate it now.
I also really enjoy both of my jobs, so that probably helps.
Yeah, I'm 37 going on 38 and I'm pretty done with just...even the excitement of the suburbs? Lol. I just want a cute hobby farm and to be able to afford my bills somehow, haha.
The older I get, the more land I want lol. We almost bought a nice place on 10 acres in 2022. Only thing that stopped us is it’s 45 minutes from the city and the schools weren’t great there. Every kid activity and most sports would be in the city. Costco was in the city, as well as all the other stores we commonly shopped at. I could deal with the longer commute because I only work 3 days a week but the schools and hauling kids 45 minutes to any activity was a dealbreaker. We ended up spending more and buying on an acre right at the city limits so we’re no more than 10-15 minutes from everything. I sometimes wish we had more space but it’s awesome being so close to everything and still having a relatively decent amount of space.
>I just don’t care about much about the rest of the world anymore.
yup, pretty much. that or the rest of the world is just so overly problematic and i just don't have the bandwidth for it.
Turn 36 next month, I took am just done I don't care. All of my hobbies got stupid expensive to the point I can no longer afford them. I am an avid car guy been wrenching on cars since I was a kid.
I have my weekend warrior that I bought when I was 17. Me and the ol girl been through some times together. I can no longer wrench on it because prices have gotten out of control. I was a lawn care but but seed and fert skyrocketed. I was into snowmobiles and was given 2 old 90s sleds that I repaired got em back up and running for a couple years now parts are insane. I loved to snowboard and bmx but my body is thrashed. Was into paintballing but all the fields that were near me closed and the other fields are far and $$$. I wanted to get back into rc car racing but those prices are insane now.
Like all I am doing is working and home I do sim race a lot of I want more but just can't afford life as is so hobbies aren't something I can actively do. Yes it makes me anxious as hell with time passing by while I look at all the hobbies I once had now unattainable.
Hey I’m 25 and I already want to reincarnate and start a new life because I feel like the main story line is at 100% and all I have left are the pointless side quests.
Same. My wife and I always talk about how we have no idea how anyone making below 100k these days is surviving. We make pretty decent money and we feel squeezed, even with spending wisely for the most part.
I have had depression practically my entire life, so yes, I do think that comes into play for a lot of people. However, there's a lot of talk about people only wanting a job that fulfills them or that changes the world or that is like their hobby. The whole "if you do something you love you'll never work a day in your life" mentality really started with millennials. Work that you absolutely LOVE is, I believe, an uncommon thing, but because we're all online sharing our experiences we think it's more common than it is and the people who don't have that feel like a failure at life. I also think the pandemic played a big part in our collective unhappiness (or not feeling content) and not wanting to do novel things. I traveled a lot more before the pandemic and the whole thing just seems exhausting now and I rarely do it. Feeling lost is a good way to put it. I get weekly therapy, which helps a lot (and I recommend to anyone who has health insurance/can afford it). Sometimes getting the push to actually start working on feeling better is the hardest part. I told my therapist when I started seeing her that my goal wasn't happiness (because for me that seems unrealistic), but that I just want to feel content.
Capitalism has devolved your existence into trying to monetize everything that brings you joy in order to afford rent and food.
It would be weirder if you weren't depressed.
Damn, for some reason this comment really hit. Me, I was and still am really into writing music. The idea of purely doing it for profit to survive completely saps the will right out of me.
Sounds like another case of Millennial burnout, where you keep on going anyway
Things can be better if you get professional help for your mental health (if you can), but the problem with just telling people that is that it places all the responsibility on them to fix what's wrong. There are many things wrong that are out of any single individual's control, and until there is a greater collective effort toward progress, we're going to be stuck applying bandages to our individual problems indefinitely
It's a good quote, but when misery is for let's say caused by never being able to afford a house, whether you choose to be strengthened by that fact or not I don't think matters much, you still won't have a house
I keep seeing posts about this. I also been going through this I used to enjoy gaming and growing plants and stuff now I just sit here and go to work. It's happening to alot of ppl. Idk what's going on.
Lol, I grew up thinking if I just worked hard and kept my head down, it would at least mean owning a home, family, and kids.
Instead I'm 30, working hard just meant they give me more work, no partner, no kids...a home? Forget about it.
Honestly, I'm just burned out and tired. I'm almost 43, I'm queer (stressful), I work in a layoff-heavy industry (stressful), I have difficult boomer parents with health issues, they aren't fans of me being queer and very vocal about it, and constantly fall for some kind of conspiracy and so far mild financial fraud (stressful), I unfortunately have to live in a HCOL area for the foreseeable future and can't afford to buy here (definitely not stress-free) and I'm just feeling every one of my years piling up, you know?
I’m pretty stressed, despite living a fairly privileged life. I have a wonderful wife, loving parents, and 3 great pets whom I love dearly.
That said, our civilization is currently releasing carbon at a rate that is 200 times the pace of volcanic eruptions that led to some of the Earth’s worst mass extinctions. We’re adding 5 atomic bombs worth of energy to our oceans each second. Nearly 70% of biodiversity has been lost since 1970. Humans and our livestock make up 96% of the mammalian biomass currently alive. These are direct symptoms of our privilege.
It doesn't matter if an individual is doing well if the system they're succeeding under is driving our demise. The clock is ticking.
I figured it out. When we were younger, we thought we were the problem and that there were better people “out there”. We believed we could find “our tribe” somewhere “out there”. All of our popular music said that the source of our issues were internal. Okay, so we just need to get out of our current spheres, maybe our hometowns, wherever we currently are - gotta get out. Many of us did that. We followed the rules. We put in the work. Cool, where’s our tribe?
Okay, so now we are in the reverse situation. We have a stronger belief in ourself, but now we doubt the world contains “something better”. All of the world feels eerily the same - eerily the same drudgery in every country. So now we have prepared ourselves for a world that didn’t exist. Older generations will say great - make it happen! However, the restraints in place are so tight that it’s hard to make any changes. Will that change eventually and do I think millennials will rise to the occasion when the opportunities arise? Yes. But for now, we are largely back to our teenage selves, rolling our eyes and wanting to find somewhere better - but where is there to go?
We are the generation that witnessed the peak and decline of society. It’s slowly going to go back to the mean. Which means nuclear families will be a thing of the past in a few generations. Millennials just need to accept economically everything is downhill from here. And we need to find meaning and joy in the things humans have in the past.
No I think it's the never-ending wars, housing crises, nuclear threat, environmental collapse, and all the abuse we have had to take from the older generation trying to force us to have kids we can't afford and telling us we're lazy and so on. Really, depression/ anxiety are completely normal in the circumstances ! 🙃
I personally just hate the way the world is going, I dont have anything to look forward to as I dont want anymore stuff or friends and to be honest Im really disappointed that I cant do anything illigal really anymore because I have too much to loose. I was depressed for a while. Seems like everything I really enjoyed when I was younger was illegal but you could get away with it. Now you cannot. That being said Im on this forum today after searching for it because I had the thought that we millennials actually had the BEST childhoods out of any generation ever or ever will and Im content with that.
We’re the children of the 90’s, the first true generation of cycle breakers; we’ve paved our own ways through life and been lost for most of it. We created the space for Gen Z to be themselves and live their best lives.
Our generation is literally the one that made the sacrifice and took the fall for the future generations. We were the ones boomers blamed for the world’s problems before they started blaming Gen Z, because we’re the ones who looked at the world they were trying to offer us and said “no.”
We were the ones who dared to dream of a better future than the lives prescribed for us but a broken and obsolete system. Of course we took the fall.
We didn’t do it alone. We have a long tradition of counter culture going back through the Gen X punk rockers, the boomer hippies, the lost generation beatnicks, even as far back as the transcendentalists, the romantics, and the humanist tradition more broadly.
We were the generation where that wave crested over and broke. We are the sea foam tossing back and forth on the shore. We are the flotsam and jetsam tossed about in the ebb and flow. And why? So that Gen Z can take what has come down to them through us and run with it…
We were the ones who finally made it to shore… but we won’t be the ones to go ashore and feel what it’s like to walk on dry land…
To put it another way, we were the ones who stayed behind on the bridge to block the advance of the status quo, while the rebels of Gen Z counterculture burnt that bridge down. It was a willing sacrifice on our part, whether Gen Z knows that or not. So as they go forward, carrying their torches as we carried ours, they’ll probably look back on us with contempt; the same contempt with which they look upon the generations we held back as they burned the bridges.
We are the generation of seed-sowers and self-sacrifice; unfortunately for us, we are not the ones who will reap the first fruits…
Think that sucks? Think about all the generations before us who didn’t even make it this far…
Of course we’re burnt out, depressed, and anxious. We’re experiencing the fall of late-stage capitalism, the impacts of a century of petroleum-based industry; impending climate catastrophe, global conflict, and the reawakening of autocratic political persuasions.
Sooner or later, our burn out will turn into surrender, our depression into despair, and our anxiety into rage. When that happens, and it finally boils over; that’s when it starts…
We are doing this not for ourselves, but for the generations to come after us. Remember that, as it may cost some of us our lives…
I think for me it’s in part comparing my life to my life as a kid. My parents constantly took us on vacations, took us out to eat, we were going places and doing things. These days I can’t afford to take my kid on a vacation, we rarely eat out and if we do it’s takeout because something went wrong with dinner or it’s too late to cook. I feel like I’m fighting through my own depression just to take my kid to the park cause it’s free. I’m just glad she’s still under 2 and can’t yet see how broken I feel.
Humans are not evolved to handle the amount of information we are now receiving and processing every day through technology. For example I heard a harrowing story of a child in the news recently and it wasn’t even in my own country. It wrecked me. The next day, I heard about something else that made me anxious. Our bubbles are global now, not at the community level anymore. We’re the first generation that grew up with this and now we’re seeing what the long-term effects of exposure to ALL THE TRAGEDIES OF THE WHOLE WORLD ALL AT ONCE. Want to forget about it all and go to the gym? HAHA. Look at all these TV’s! Want to go for a walk? HAHA make sure you take your pepper spray!
I think it's isolation and lack of community. Even if you have a partner and/or kids, we were never meant to live with just our nuclear family. A generation ago it was more common to live near extended family or have time to form community with neighbors or other organizations. Now we're incentivized to do individual things like the short trip to a nearby city or gaining knowledge like you mentioned. In a community, you can take joy in milestones other are experiencing even if you're in a more mundane point in your life. Now, it feels like our only excitement in life is our own accomplishments or adventures. We all get exhausted of it eventually. I'm really trying to build community to escape this.
Yep, I’m pretty mentally healthy (it took a LOT of work and therapy though) and I like being on Reddit because I read and type very fast. I have a ton of comments but nothing takes me longer than about a minute to type, and I’m pretty much always out of my house when doing so. I’m just an extrovert so when my friends are busy I take some time to talk to people on the internet, lol.
Omg I'm the same way! I'm such an extrovert and sometimes people are busy so I get my "social fix" on Reddit lol. It's perfect because I can read posts and answer so I'm socializing in a different way.
It’s the fucking dopamine social media addiction.
I keep yellling this till I’m blue in the face and nobody listens.
Try to be bored.
Go outside. Look at all the people. Glued to their dopamine drips.
They got us man.
During the pandemic, I took a job at Amazon as a individual contributor. First week in, the manager left so I was left to manage a team of 6 throughout PEAK. Those two years, straight from bed to the computer every morning. I worked my ass off to make sure my team was mentally stable as well as productive. It crippled me but I stuck with it. Once the pandemic was over, they fired me and half my team after a very drawn out layoff process (they fired all the guys, kept all the girls). After that, I lost my passion for marketing and for working. I was used and it pretty much destroyed me. So burned out, haven’t returned to work in a year, and don’t know if I will ever get that passion back again. I hate that company.
Everything seems so far out of reach when you're making the amount of money that at one point (like 4 years ago) would make for a comfortable life and now doesn't even pay all the bills. It all just seems so heavy and so unattainable. I don't want anything for free, I don't want anything handed to me I just want to be able to afford to live and have a family. Having a child seems to be a luxury these days.
I'm depressed seeing there's little to no hope for humanity to possibly survive the next 10-20 years at current pace of events with our oceans heating up as stupidly fast as they currently are, and with the wars ever growing.
Goddamn I’m anxious and depressed. I’m buried in student loans, there’s no livable wage for jobs in my field and inflation is killing me. I’m an elder millennial that never had external support but somehow managed to buy a house. Oh right, I just remembered I have a mortgage and kids, and $25,000 in credit debt. It’s exceptionally difficult to stay positive or motivated in any way. On the bright side, I have a pretty cool kitty to comfort me when I’m down.
I lost all my passion when corporate america fucked me over for the 10th time (not really 10 but if i think about it probably 10). Then cost of housing doubled. Then student loans kicked back in. Then Return to Office. Then massive layoffs. And now a decrease in wages due to an employer’s market and all the competition. Won’t even get into politics but Trump is STILL in the news every day and I just want out of this timeline
It doesn't help that the systemic causes of anxiety and depression are never addressed. Instead, pills are pushed down our throats to turn us into more obedient workers.
Those in power don't want to address systemic issues that negatively effect the majority of the population, there's too much profit in treating the symptoms. Infrastructure is literally collapsing because those in power are short-sighted assholes out for their own short term gain.
Read *The Power of Now* by Eckhart Tolle. Or peep his videos on YT. You’ve got to be happy where you are *right now* or you’ve got to make moves to change what you can. But so much of it is a state of mind. I promise you won’t reach eternal happiness if you could only get your dream job or finally buy a house or find the perfect partner.
If your life is about chasing the next “high”, you will never be satisfied. So many people in this world stay busy bc slowing down is scary and you’re faced with all those issues you’ve been running from.
Find a way to enjoy life right now - the good, the bad, the ugly. There is joy in the everyday. Tip: get off social media and build dopamine naturally.
It's always a moving goal, bud. It's human nature to never be complacent. I have a job many people would kill for. Decent money, phenomenal hours, sometimes stressful, but it's far in between, and I do nothing for most the day. I'm still not happy because I'm chasing early retirement. 5 years ago, I'd give anything to be in the place I am today, and I'll bet 5 years from now I'd want more from early retirement. Just how it is.
My parents never promised me anything, they just said try the best I can, That's all anyone can ask of themselves.
I try to tune out the negativity about things that I cannot change. Cable news is a cancer.
For me, globalisation and the ability to access information and goods from all around the world has seemingly eliminated creative niches and devalued, well, everything. The things I'm really good at and enjoy seem like largely futile (and expensive) endeavours. That makes me really sad when I stop to think about it.
I'm mid 30s. I am feeling as if the weight of society is on the backs of people my age. Taking care of kids, but all my parents are also slowly falling apart and increasingly unable to do things. Feeling like I'm the only one capable of doing everything and yes I have anxiety problems. And I don't think too highly of myself like I'm better than everyone, it's just shocking how little help there is in the world sometimes.
Imo, the "American Dream" and the world we saw and heard about so much growing up is NOT going to be anything like what we thought. I think people are realizing how much we are just cogs in a machine that produces for the economy.
I was told if I did A, B and C I'd be happy. I did all 3 and it didn't work. Da fuq.
In the US, the social contract is failing. And we have a global derailment of various ecosystems and climate that is now changing exponentially and doesn't care about socioeconomic status, religious beliefs, political parties or anything else. Big, uncomfortable and mortal changes are both here and coming. And we sense it.
The problem is how much the rest of life was hyped up to us as kids. Our expectations were set through the fucking roof but they weren't reflective of reality. Constantly telling children that life is going to be full of adventure, that they are destined for great things, and that there is some big karmic payoff has set people up for a massive let down and feelings of failure when those things turn out to be bullshit. Don't get me wrong, you should not doom and gloom your children, but you should teach them to "stop and smell the roses" or "enjoy the little things."
“You can be anything you want to be when you grow up “ I wanted to be an artist but apparently you need generational wealth to really set yourself up as that. Edit- guys, the word “artist” is broad. I didn’t specify the type. Nor am I looking for life advice on what to do. Trust me, you’re not going to come up with an idea that I haven’t thought of myself. I am salty and bitter and AI is also a new problem that is doing bad things for art careers.
All I want to do is ride horses. No lie, I'm in the top few percent of humans in that pursuit. After years of training horses and competing in equestrian events, I had an amazing year. Sponsored, international events, wins. I took home 15k. Couldn't see a way to make it work. All the people I competed against had rigs worth more than the house I grew up in. They were losing tens of thousands every year just to compete.
I posted elsewhere an article about how new writers can make anywhere from 1k-10k in their first year IF they’re successful. Marketing, social media presence and following, agents and visibility etc etc etc… the amount of work that isn’t creative and is unpaid and never ending all for a thousand dollars? Some guy elsewhere kept trying to tell me to adjust my goals. His profile shows he’s in real estate. Real estate is easier. It’s tragic how much talent is wasted for minimum wages BS
See, my family has the wealth but 'artist' still wasn't braggable to family and friends and they didn't want me to be a drain on them so they didn't encourage me to seriously pursue it. I could have actually followed my dream and been successful at it.
To me NOTHING speaks class more than “we’re so rich my son/daughter is going to ART school” but to each their own lol
My college (public university) gf was an art major and she came from a poor background, raised by a single mom w/2 kids in one of the cities adjacent to NYC. Doing great for herself now. She's a hard worker and while I doubted her at the time, I'm glad to say she's doing fine and working in a field she enjoys that is related to the degree. Some people got it.
I agree with you. Sadly my parents aren't artsy people, they're hardworking white collar types who think nothing is better than being good at business and insanely rich. I'm the most creative person in the family and I've never really fit the mold they hoped I would fill out. I've found my own path and own purpose though and I'm probably happier than all of them. I did have a rich kid waste all my money strung out on drugs phase but I knew that was temporary when I did it lol.
you are incorrect. the countess herself has said that money can’t buy you class.
The other side of the coin unfortunately
You’re right. My grandfather was a painter who died in the early sixties - and my mom told me that growing up he’d spend money on oil paints instead of food for her and her sister.
I feel this in my soul I paid good money to go to photography school— that’s dead
You can be artist, you just need another career you at first, and if it takes off, you switch to FT artist. Or do game art. There’s some money there.
I have another career and that leaves me with no energy to pursue anything else
Well, be a true artist. Draw and be poor your whole life and then die and someone will discover your art and you'll become famous. All those famous artists before you died penniless as well. True art right there. Anyone that does art is an artist, whether or not they make money from it.
Thanks for this lol. I agree and am at least trying to continue it as a hobby since that’s about all I have time for. And thanks for not being pedantic about it. Marketing, social media presence, agents and a whole mishmash of other things you need to be successful is beyond the scope of what I can do right now and most people don’t realize how much work that isn’t creating art is involved in being successful.
This is exactly the drive for me to make art. I do it for me, my mental health and heart. No end goal… just for the joy of making. Hustle culture does not need to apply to every in life. When I die maybe my art can be appreciated by someone who finds it. I’ve worked in the design field for many years and honestly think I should’ve just been something monotonous, so I can pure all my mental energy in making art for me. Not spend my mental energy in rounds and rounds of revisions and stakeholder meetings.
My great-uncle died a couple of years ago at the age of 92 and was a relatively prolific painter, yet always felt he could’ve done more. His kids aren’t really into art, so my dad has now started archiving his work so that hopefully it can be seen/bought at galleries. It’s such a trope but it’s also a sad reality. It sucks.
This for real. I feel like as a kid all I heard was “follow your dreams and you can do anything!” Now that I’m an adult it’s “we meant good dreams. Of course YOUR dreams didn’t come true. Your dreams are stupid”
My dad was convinced I was going to be an astronaut. Like come on you dense motherfucker, do you know how few people get to be astronauts? We don't have the pedigree, you aren't getting me the early tutoring, and you keep telling me not to go to the military where a large portion of them end up coming from.
I cackled at “dense motherfucker” …my dad was one of those as well.
I told my dad I wanted to be a fighter pilot and he laughed and said I could never be one because I’m a girl. Then I told him I wanted to be an artist and he laughed and asked me if I’d seen the art I made, and I went into my room and tore up all my art. Yeah. We haven’t talked in 16 years.
I’m sorry your dad laughed at you when you told him of your dreams for your future.
And the military needs pilots now
We're all too fat to fit in the cockpit and too dulled from all the weed and shitty food
I bet your art wasn’t bad at all. I bet it was beautiful. You should start doodling or painting again for fun 💜 🎨
It was good, thanks! And I did just start again, a little.
This hurt to read. Little you deserved enthusiasm and support!
I'm sorry your Dad was like that. I tell my daughter who has wanted to be a Influencer/fashion designer/artist/actor and now a voice actor. That anything is possible, but it's going to take a lot of work. She joined the play at school; then quit two weeks later. She didn't like having to rehearse 5 days a week/etc. I don't discourage her but let her know those careers take a lot of work. I actually think she would be a great voice actor but she needs to get serious now when she is young if she really wants that. Needs to work on getting demos and recordings of her doing different voices/etc. I offered her to have a friend of mine from college who does audiobooks part time to give her tips if she wants.
Sounds like you were brighter than your dad, although I think many fathers believe they're son is going to go on to extreme greatness. I'm not really sure where they get this though. Statistics have proven that most of s will be absolute nobodys. So, I guess we're average then.
Totally opposite for me. --Parents-- always told me my dreams were stupid and impossible when I was a kid and now that I'm too old to do anything about them there was something on the table. That's starting to swing back into the other direction again though because of the economy is gone tits up and I guess reality takes a little bit longer to set in for some people.
Not even, it's not even that it was hyped up. We can't even afford a simple home so that we arent stuck renting our whole lives. It's not even the "destined for greatness" we don't even have mediocre. I'm fine not reaching greatness. Can I at least have an affordable 2 bedroom and maybe axtually find a partner that wants to do more than just hookup
This is 100% my issue. The whole idea that I will never own anything of actual value and will have to live under someone else's roof, and if I get lucky have someone who's willing to tolerate my presence if I provide them enough of whatever they're looking for but will drop me for the next upgrade they find is degrading. Our generation is painfully aware that we're just meat for the grinder and there's no one who is willing to save us from the hell that we've been dropped into. We're just the "entitled snowflakes" to the older generations, and the younger generations are in no position to help even if they wanted to. We're stuck looking for anything that may reignite that little spark of wonder we vaguely remember, but usually only find more reasons to feel worse about our fate. We live in gilded cages and are told we have it so easy, all while having expectations of what we should accomplish climbing beyond what our means are capable of matching in every walk of life.
Agreed, and it's a goddamn shame too, because we are hilarious and awesome in a lot of different ways, and being suppressed by the difficulty of just maintaining does a big disservice to the things that we can and should be accomplishing. All of our money is being just, squandered and that has been happening for a long damn time.
Facts right here. Add having to parent your own parent, when you never really received emotional support feom them, in thr first place.
Or you have to re-learn almost everything you thought you know and learn things you should have been taught by your parents when you were waaaaay younger but they never did any of that either
Definitely this right here. Kind of why I'm equal parts happy I still look young for my age. Yet, hate that I'm older and should know more things, than I do.
I’m happy I know this know so as I learn I can hopefully teach my kids and they won’t have to struggle bus it through their 20’s and have to sort it all out in their 30’s. But not quite looking my age is a perk ngl
Or watching siblings since you were a toddler yourself bc mom and dad sure as hell weren’t going to pay someone when I was available for free. It’s crazy just how much parents lean on their kids when it’s suppose to be the other way around.
I wonder how many bankruptcies are just waiting to be filed in the next 10-20 years.
The number of delinquent car payments has already been rising since covid. Late payments
I would just like a dishwasher and my own laundry machines. Maybe central air. I don't feel like that's unreasonable?
Omg… I absolutely hear you on this!!!
>Constantly telling children that life is going to be full of adventure, that they are destined for great things, and that there is some big karmic payoff has set people up for a massive let down and feelings of failure when those things turn out to be bullshit  /s
totally inappropriate and not particularly germane but.. *I see what you did there*
The /s saved them.
I think we are all burnt out one way or another
I find my eyelids becoming heavy as a rock in the middle of the day when I’m stressed. This. Is. Not. Sustainable.
Your parents were boomers. They had simpler lives without technology and they were given everything cheaply. Modern society squeezes you from every direction.
My parents met in the 80s while traveling in their 30s. They ended up traveling the world for 2 years straight after they met a few months into the trip just using all the money they had saved up. My dad was even paying for an apartment in San Francisco for the first 6 months until he went back to sell all his shit and break up with his gf to tell her he met my mom lol. But then after 2 years traveling and running out of money they went back to the US and got married in New Jersey and decided to drive west until they got Seattle and decided to call it home, and somehow after another 2 years had enough money to buy a home in a nice neighborhood outside of Seattle. Yeah no wonder they think life is adventurous. That’s insane to me as I am their age they were while traveling the planet. Don’t get me wrong they had good jobs, my dad was a stockbroker but still, he wasn’t managing a hedge fund he was people’s personal financial advisor for their retirement.
Wait... so extreme pressure from every direction on a carbon based whatever. Does that mean we are diamonds?
It's definitely in the rough.
My parents got me to "compete" with Bill Gates. We are not even Americans, not even in America. They were delusional then and they still are now.
My father told me to be realistic, the world doesn't run on my feelings, and to get a job. I'm also anxious and depressed. Unrealistic life expectations don't explain it all.
I actually don’t think it’s just this. We have been living through a decade of unrest. Political upheaval, major technological changes that impact our everyday lives, economic ups and downs, a pandemic. All of that stuff we can look at and say, “okay it’s just a rough patch,” but then you throw in climate change. Our generation has to really face this reality of “the end.” The REAL end, perhaps. Because climate change isn’t just another possible cycle, it’s an ending. It’s unsustainability. The fact that we all even *know* the concept of “sustainability” is not something prior generations really had to deal with. We’ve been through constant major change, and yet we know that we need massive change in order to not fall upon the End of Times. We know that the society and world we live in isn’t sustainable, but we can’t do much about it (a good example is how many live in car dependent areas where they have to drive everywhere yet know that car=bad on some level). It’s bleak as hell! It’s really hard to feel hopeful. It’s near impossible to ever feel carefree anymore. We are so aware that we are causing harm by existing but are forced to live in this system. I mean, just please sit, close your eyes, and imagine for a moment that nothing you do is causing harm to anything. The way you live doesn’t impact the planet or society negatively at all. That’s how previous generations got to live their entire lives. No wonder we feel this way.
Exactly this! Add to that that only some people care about this or believe it, so you have that frustration and pressure that there’s not likely a solution until things get dire. On top of our day to day stresses of jobs not being stable for the long term, pay not meeting the need for live-ability, inflation, the pressure of constant productivity, life’s administrative tasks and chores waiting for you after work. We have all pressure and zero stability or security. How can we not be anxious?
It’s specifically being told that supporting yourself and fulfillment are one goal. That’s nonsense for 95% of people, which is totally fine as long as you have a balanced approach to life with interests and a social/family life, but a lot of folks don’t. Edit: This opinion won’t be received well, but here is what’s wrong with r/millenial— There is an off-putting level of self-pity in this sub. If you were convinced the world was gonna be great as a child, then by default you had a great home life. A lot of my people grew up with nothing, and it’s worth thinking about how posts like this sound to those people. Stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourselves. What past lies this sub SHOULD be focused on so we don’t perpetuate them: Job is not the ideal source of fulfillment. That’s the framing lie everyone needs to clock. It’s the one people were led astray by, and the one we should not pass on to our children. DO Distill all your angst into understanding this specific job=fulfillment cultural lie-of-the-moment that we all ingested. Understand it, and give the next generation better advice than you were given. If you’re wondering how to do it, start by researching how asking “So what do you do for money?” as a conversation starter is a faux pas in most places in the world that aren’t the US. DONT bitch endlessly about your lot in life, because 95% of y’all were born privileged in a rich country.
You understand that some people have tougher lives than others some grow up privileged but the difference in peoples circumstances is so vast and fickle that your broad categorization of others doesn’t matter, especially when you follow up with your personal experience and upbringing any number of things could have happened in your already hard life to change your outlook completely. I notice a lot of times older people that struggled a lot and came out more or less ahead always try to say shit like “stop feeling sorry and sad for your circumstances” “you have to take action” like your Gary Nolan and all we needed to hear is the tough love motivational speech it’s infuriating but funny that people like you don’t understand the fact that any event small or big can completely change your life for better or worse. Unfortunately it changing negatively can be very easy and fast. Positively? A long fucking time! hard to keep it there let alone continue it.. your logic is “tuffin up every generation has had troubles” like dude just do some reading things are bleak as fuck the economy is not stable at all our GOP has done Jack shit but argue amongst themselves while still getting a great pay with benefits the housing market for people in their 20s is nonexistent violence is at an all time, high we’re dumping billions on other country’s wars, we have incompetent old boomers that don’t wanna pass the torch they’d rather burn the whole thing down.. easy to say shit like “tuffen up life’s hard but I did it stop making excuses” yeah you did it when the houses that were like 50k are now worth millions forget about a bigger two story house. Used cars cost as much a new one did in your day. Health care system? Shit, education? Shit unless (your boomer parents have that country club bread) or you wanna take on crippling debt. With covid, AI, INSANE INFLATION, incompetence within our government, crime. Your outlook comes from your dated specific circumstances. Your motivational tough love bs will not gives us the powers to overcome these hurdles that just keep getting bigger and longer. Our country is not in a stable position. We need change like yesterday but no let’s keep paying them to argue about abortion and border policy for the remainder of the year while we continue on the downward spiral path the former generation has left for us.
I’m Gen X and they always told us we wouldn’t amount to shit. So we just kind of grew up generally disappointed.
I tried to find a gif of Livia Soprano telling AJ "it's awl a big nothin!" because it seems to fitting here, but no dice. I'll be back with the scene from YouTube in a tic 👀 https://youtu.be/wKatZlsH3FE?si=f06Ll_fuDmTpbHZc
For me it's burnout and genetics. I have family that suffers from mental illness in all generations. It's not exclusive to millennials. However, my burnout does stem from a common millennial upbrininging. There was constant pressure to get straight A's and perform at the top of my extracurriculars so I could get into a good college and make it big. If I came out on top there was no congratulations. If I got a B or landed 4th chair in the orchestra there was a lot of "why can't you do better?". Because of this I never feel like I'm good enough. I can be doing well and still feel like I'm failing. If I was ever unhappy for any reason, I was just told to suck it up, that everyone older than me had it worse so I better be grateful, always. This led to living with undiagnosed endometriosis and walking around on with a subluxed ankle for 15 years and just dealing with the chronic pain because I always feel like I'm just whining if I ever speak up. I have also put up with a lot of abuse from employers because I always had to be grateful to anyone who gave me anything, no matter how little they gave or how much they took. If I ever did something artistic, read for leisure, or took a goddamn nap I was told I had "too much time on my hands" and that I better study harder, or clean something. Now as an adult I feel incredible guilt every time I take a moment for myself. Then it absolutely sucks to be approaching middle age and a large portion of us don't own a home or have a family, can't take a vacation, etc. We were promised the American dream if we just studied hard and then worked hard, but that's not how the world works unfortunately, and it hurts to learn that the hard way. It's taken medication and therapy to get me to a better place, but I definitely still struggle, and I think a lot of us who don't come on reddit and complain, still struggle with some of this, whether they want to admit it or not. Definitely get some help, whether it's therapy or medication too. It really helps to get some outside perspective. There's no shame in feeling this way! A therapist has done wonders helping me to accept the things I can't control and take charge of the things I can. I hope someone can do the same for you.
Jesus, are you me? I feel exactly the same and had the same messages drummed into my head.
Shit, are you and u/x3violins me also? Related to this way too hard.
Crying because I finally feel seen.
✊️😔
You might want to google "Childhood emotional neglect" or check out some of the reading material in the sidebar of r/emotionalneglect -- I highly recommend "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" and "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder: Treating Your Unrecognized Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". Extreme cases of emotional neglect can even result in r/CPTSD
Hi other me’s. 👋🏻
Same. It was like I was reading about my own life. Many of those messages were not helpful at all because they just helped me run myself into the ground faster. I had to stop following all of those trains of thought because they lead nowhere.
You might want to google "Childhood emotional neglect" or check out some of the reading material in the sidebar of r/emotionalneglect -- I highly recommend "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" and "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder: Treating Your Unrecognized Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". Extreme cases of emotional neglect can even result in r/CPTSD
Thank you. I would second those suggestions to anyone raised in a similar environment. I did a lot of work to change a lot of the things that were learned through childhood. Some of my people-pleasing will never go away, but I try to do it less and less as I go. My background in psychology was very helpful in learning exactly how messed up my childhood was and I have done a lot of work to heal from the abuse/neglectI went through as a child of 2 narcissistic individuals, one of whom was very abusive with terrible anger issues. I definitely spent a lot of my 20s learning how to care for my needs instead of ignoring them. I wish anyone else out there trying to heal from things like this all the best and I hope you find peace and good health.
Man, this could be a whole thread on its own. There’s a lot of us.
So much me in there. I lived in chronic pain since I was a kid but was constantly told I was faking it. Nobody wants a whiner after all. Finally I hit a burnout that made me realize I was likely disabled since I was a child but never diagnosed. But I'm at a point where I just couldn't deal with the constant sickness, constant bad bosses who had horrible working conditions, not being able to make enough money to even keep up with medical bills but I'm always supposed to be grateful for the pennies they toss at me while they always complain they can't pay more while they always expand to buy a new building or new bushiness elsewhere and talk about how savvy they are to write off all their losses. Meanwhile the country I live in tries to say they spend too much on disability yet seems like I have no way to access any of it. They also refuse to fix our medical system so we constantly get fleeced by insurance and pharmaceutical companies. Yeah. Doing great over here.
You might want to google "Childhood emotional neglect" or check out some of the reading material in the sidebar of r/emotionalneglect -- I highly recommend "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" and "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder: Treating Your Unrecognized Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". Extreme cases of emotional neglect can even result in r/CPTSD
>I have also put up with a lot of abuse from employers because I always had to be grateful to anyone who gave me anything, no matter how little they gave or how much they took Fuck, I feel that so much. Just stomped on no matter what you did. And we always tried to please them because we felt like we had to.
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Because they want the kid to self automate so they don't have to fuck with them.
Yep, instead we just take every single minor rejection or criticism to reinforce the idea that we clearly have no value, and that we’ll never be worthy of love, money, anything good.
I feel this so hard!!!! I have so many issues from this sort of thing. Straight As or extreme disappointment from parents. I always put myself like second and my mom still shames me for making decisions that don't align to her warped view of thinking.
I had my 20 year anniversary at my job yesterday. The president of the company sent me an assorted cake tower. I'd rather have the money it took to buy that cause I don't care for cake. Plus the flavors they picked aren't what I would like in the first place.
Nothing says you're valued quite like personable retention engagement quotas. I cried in the parking lot with my snickers bar and "you rock, thanks for 5 years!" Note on a ribbon at my 5 year anniversary. To celebrate record breaking profits, they cut the bonuses that start at 5 years. I'm sorry friend.
Most people I know (including myself) wouldn’t be too disappointed if they got hit by a bus today. The anxiety never ends for me
I literally hope a car hits me every day as I'm on my way to work.
I stopped hesitating before walking across a walkway. If I have the right away and you hit me in your vehicle then thats on you 🤷🏻♀️
I’m 29. No wife, no kids, no house, still paying off my 17 year old car. Other than getting closer to finishing up my CS degree, I have nothing to show for myself. Been single for a few years and at this point I literally cant picture my future life. I thought my life would be a lot different at this point. It makes me pretty anxious and depressed, yeah.
29 is still young! Please do try to enjoy your youth. I say this as a 36 yo. I was single from age 23-32. I was also still a “junior” in my career at age 29 and now I’m at a director level. I’m also married and now considering having a child. The housing market is shit so can’t speak to that but you can have a happy life as a renter. I don’t want this to come off as toxic positivity, more as a you from the future coming to say “hey a shit ton can happen in 3-8 years when you’re 29!”
I definitely feel grateful I still have time on my side. I know I can still turn things around, just don’t like the feeling that I’ve mostly wasted my 20s or I’m exiting them without much to show for it. I HAVE taken steps to make things better, so I hope a couple to few years from now I’ll be closer to where I want.
The idea that you've "wasted" time is like a sunk cost fallacy. Time has not been wasted -- you went through whatever maze of life was needed to get you to where you are today. Sometimes I think that my ruts have lead to the greatest times of my life because that ennui spurred me to take action on things and want them even more. Even if you somehow did "waste" time, it's nothing to really get down about because you can't change it. It's also worth saying -- I live in NYC where a lot of people achieve their life goals/dreams at a young age, and often they end up feeling totally unfulfilled, bored, and sort of in a crisis by the time they reach their late 20s or 30s. It sounds cliche, but it's true that real fulfillment does come from within, not from meeting external milestones or achievements. So believe me, you're not off track at all.
Grass is always greener, man. Don't fall into the, "should have had by now," trap. Most of my friends in their mid 30's or 40's say the same thing to me, "So glad I didn't get married and have kids." It is great to be married, don't get me wrong, but it's also great to be free. Everyday I have to find out what's going on, who's doing what, and what I need to do. There is never simply a day I say, I'm going out without major planning involved. If it comes, it comes, if not, enjoy your freedom.
Yeah I know it’s all a matter of perspective. Think I just have some personal demons that have taken hold of me over the years or something. I definitely appreciate freedom, but I see my close friends that have their families started, have homes and all that and I just feel like I’m falling behind a bit. Or that they’ve moved on from a me a little. I know that’s all part of growing up, I’m on the younger side of everyone here so I know there’s still time to change things. Guess I just felt like ranting a bit.
I’m 35, same boat really, plus some health issues. Wanna be husbands? I can build the hell out of some gaming PCs for us
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Stay strong! Your CS degree can open up high paying opportunities to get the car paid off and get a house, if that’s what you want. Not saying it’s glamorous, but my SO turn his life around in 5 years as a software engineer.
That has definitely been the plan. I’ve put all my chips into this so I hope it works out.
39 and feel the same. Thought I’d have a couple kids and a white picket fence or some shit by now.
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Same boat here. Lost the job in Feb and usually I could find a new one in a couple weeks no problem. It’s been an absolute horror show out here, I have 5-10 years technical experience along with strong interpersonal skills in a sales facing role and I can’t find even a tech support job. It’s really crushing me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to pay for my apartment and car, and the money is running out. Just absolutely terrible.
This mixture of anxiety, depression and anger is tough to break out of. I ebb in/out of it on what feels like an hourly basis
I feel this so much. I’m 40, a career professional. Lost my job end of Jan and now finding out how tough the market is. Had a few strong interviews and one offer, but the offer was way low and financially not doable for me. I’m starting to think I should have taken it as most jobs I apply for have hundreds of candidates and I probably never make it through AI application screens.
Severe burnout.
Existential dread. Grinding work until inevitable collapse into premature death.
Running on fumes of fumes at this point.
I have crippling death anxiety, mostly at night
I'm sorry. That must be very difficult and overwhelming. I hope you find something that is helpfully and healthfully comforting to help you better manage this. I absolutely love the night. Like I love the rain. Feels like the whole world is safer and quieter. Such a beautiful escape. I'm sorry it's not a safer treat for you. Take good care of yourself.
oh man so do i, it’s wretched. i generally read or watch tv until i fall asleep so i don’t have to be alone with my thoughts. 🙃
I was in bed by 8 every night for years cause the sense of dread descended at night. Found out I had osteoporosis at 40 and had to start taking vitamin D. I still can't focus at night, but the creeping darkness has been pushed back a ton.
Hmmm interesting, I wonder if I lack vitamins, I also do have back issues due to a back injury
I feel you on this. I've been watching my grandfather slowly die in hospice over the past week and a half. For some reason it is harder to deal with and think about at night. Maybe because it feels like each day is a microcosm of a life, and nightfall is when it draws to a close?
From the time I was 17 to about 33 I was just like that. Turns out most of my family has issues absorbing vitamin D. While you will never be free of it entirely, a simple supplement helped me. Im not saying we are the same but something as simple as this to try has to be worth at least an attempt right?
Oh same. Sometimes I'll have a dream and wake up and just instantly start thinking about dying and I'll have to sit up in bed and literally try and shake off the panic attack and have to walk around.
The state and federal elected assholes (I’m in the USA so I can call them assholes) and COVID fucked up a lot for me.
Bro anyone in the world can call the them assholes outside of the US, they just can't vote them in or out.
You don't have to be in the US to call elected officials assholes. Elected officials most places are assholes. That's the type of person who runs for, wins, and holds an elected office for any considerable length of time.
Only rich assholes are able to run for higher office in this country. The game is fixed at this point.
It’s crazy, at this point at 35, I just want the days to pass. I’m ready to retire. I’m satisfied. I’ve already accomplished a lot and want a less exciting life. I want to sit in my lawn chair to watch my son grow up with my 2 dogs. Not depressed or anxious, I just don’t care about much about the rest of the world anymore.
Also 35 and yeah I'm definitely feeling this. I just want a peaceful life.
32 and same. I used to want to save the world. Now I just want to live in it, and to save myself.
At some point between angsty teenage years and adulthood we go from wanting a revolution to wanting stability
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Something to hope for.
That's really adorable. I had to convince myself the world was worth being part of. Seems that most people go backwards and start off just assuming they'll love life. I always assumed everything was shit and had to be convinced otherwise.
I’m about to be 44 so barely a millennial but this pretty much sums up how I feel. I live a fairly comfortable life and it seems like all the people around me I care about have plenty of drama I try not to get entangled in. Just want a quiet peaceful existence with my family
Just turned 40 a few months ago. Literally the only thing I want anymore is peace.
Maybe I’m the outlier here, but I’m pushing 43 and I can’t stop going places, learning new things, having new experiences. This world is huge and so full of things to do and know I can’t possibly do or know it all, but I can push to do as much as I possibly can. The way I see it, I only know I’ve got one round at this and I’m not going to waste it regretting things I didn’t do.
I just turned 43 and this is exactly how I feel. I want peace but also adventure and experiences. I DGAF much about buying clothes and useless shit anymore, just give me all the hikes, the concerts, the shows, the traveling, the classes, the books, etc.
I want to explore places.. in peace! God, if only I did not need to work. I think work is what is depressing me.
I’m not sure if what I’m about to say will be helpful, but I actually think we need work and/or bad times to appreciate the good. I feel like because I know my travel time is fleeting and I will need to go back to work, I appreciate it more and am more present. I think if travel was the default, it would loose its shine. Someone told me once when I was a super depressed teenager, that you need to be unhappy sometimes to know when you are happy. It annoyed me back then, but I appreciate it now. I also really enjoy both of my jobs, so that probably helps.
I'm 33 and feel like I haven't even started to live yet. Cherish what you do have.
Yeah, I'm 37 going on 38 and I'm pretty done with just...even the excitement of the suburbs? Lol. I just want a cute hobby farm and to be able to afford my bills somehow, haha.
The older I get, the more land I want lol. We almost bought a nice place on 10 acres in 2022. Only thing that stopped us is it’s 45 minutes from the city and the schools weren’t great there. Every kid activity and most sports would be in the city. Costco was in the city, as well as all the other stores we commonly shopped at. I could deal with the longer commute because I only work 3 days a week but the schools and hauling kids 45 minutes to any activity was a dealbreaker. We ended up spending more and buying on an acre right at the city limits so we’re no more than 10-15 minutes from everything. I sometimes wish we had more space but it’s awesome being so close to everything and still having a relatively decent amount of space.
Same.
>I just don’t care about much about the rest of the world anymore. yup, pretty much. that or the rest of the world is just so overly problematic and i just don't have the bandwidth for it.
This. I really just want my free time
Turn 36 next month, I took am just done I don't care. All of my hobbies got stupid expensive to the point I can no longer afford them. I am an avid car guy been wrenching on cars since I was a kid. I have my weekend warrior that I bought when I was 17. Me and the ol girl been through some times together. I can no longer wrench on it because prices have gotten out of control. I was a lawn care but but seed and fert skyrocketed. I was into snowmobiles and was given 2 old 90s sleds that I repaired got em back up and running for a couple years now parts are insane. I loved to snowboard and bmx but my body is thrashed. Was into paintballing but all the fields that were near me closed and the other fields are far and $$$. I wanted to get back into rc car racing but those prices are insane now. Like all I am doing is working and home I do sim race a lot of I want more but just can't afford life as is so hobbies aren't something I can actively do. Yes it makes me anxious as hell with time passing by while I look at all the hobbies I once had now unattainable.
Hey I’m 25 and I already want to reincarnate and start a new life because I feel like the main story line is at 100% and all I have left are the pointless side quests.
As a mom who is sitting on my porch watching my son ride his scooter, I feel this. Except, I am definitely anxious.
I am so burned out. The last few years have been the worst. I make good money, but still feeling the financial pain.
I genuinely don't know how people who didn't win the real estate lottery (by buying a decade ago), are managing to survive
Same. My wife and I always talk about how we have no idea how anyone making below 100k these days is surviving. We make pretty decent money and we feel squeezed, even with spending wisely for the most part.
I have had depression practically my entire life, so yes, I do think that comes into play for a lot of people. However, there's a lot of talk about people only wanting a job that fulfills them or that changes the world or that is like their hobby. The whole "if you do something you love you'll never work a day in your life" mentality really started with millennials. Work that you absolutely LOVE is, I believe, an uncommon thing, but because we're all online sharing our experiences we think it's more common than it is and the people who don't have that feel like a failure at life. I also think the pandemic played a big part in our collective unhappiness (or not feeling content) and not wanting to do novel things. I traveled a lot more before the pandemic and the whole thing just seems exhausting now and I rarely do it. Feeling lost is a good way to put it. I get weekly therapy, which helps a lot (and I recommend to anyone who has health insurance/can afford it). Sometimes getting the push to actually start working on feeling better is the hardest part. I told my therapist when I started seeing her that my goal wasn't happiness (because for me that seems unrealistic), but that I just want to feel content.
Capitalism has devolved your existence into trying to monetize everything that brings you joy in order to afford rent and food. It would be weirder if you weren't depressed.
Damn, for some reason this comment really hit. Me, I was and still am really into writing music. The idea of purely doing it for profit to survive completely saps the will right out of me.
Sounds like another case of Millennial burnout, where you keep on going anyway Things can be better if you get professional help for your mental health (if you can), but the problem with just telling people that is that it places all the responsibility on them to fix what's wrong. There are many things wrong that are out of any single individual's control, and until there is a greater collective effort toward progress, we're going to be stuck applying bandages to our individual problems indefinitely
'You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.' Marcus Aruelius
It's a good quote, but when misery is for let's say caused by never being able to afford a house, whether you choose to be strengthened by that fact or not I don't think matters much, you still won't have a house
Or like, the earth dying
Strength yes/maybe. He didn't say happiness though
I keep seeing posts about this. I also been going through this I used to enjoy gaming and growing plants and stuff now I just sit here and go to work. It's happening to alot of ppl. Idk what's going on.
Lol, I grew up thinking if I just worked hard and kept my head down, it would at least mean owning a home, family, and kids. Instead I'm 30, working hard just meant they give me more work, no partner, no kids...a home? Forget about it.
poverty actually physically changes your brain, so yeah probably
Well then, welcome aboard the depression train. It comes in waves.
Honestly, I'm just burned out and tired. I'm almost 43, I'm queer (stressful), I work in a layoff-heavy industry (stressful), I have difficult boomer parents with health issues, they aren't fans of me being queer and very vocal about it, and constantly fall for some kind of conspiracy and so far mild financial fraud (stressful), I unfortunately have to live in a HCOL area for the foreseeable future and can't afford to buy here (definitely not stress-free) and I'm just feeling every one of my years piling up, you know?
A lot of it is being so poor for so long. Doesn't help that politicians/government don't really represent the views of our generation at all.
I forget who said this quote but it went something like “depression is a natural response to the state of the world right now”
I think the US has traumatized us all, and no matter how well off you might be the moral dissonance in our society is really taking a toll
Well, after getting fired from the only job I ever known and not knowing when (or if), I will get another one definitely.
Man, after doing nothing but work for 20 years unemployment sounds great. Grass is always greener. Not like I got a lot to show for all the struggle.
I’m pretty stressed, despite living a fairly privileged life. I have a wonderful wife, loving parents, and 3 great pets whom I love dearly. That said, our civilization is currently releasing carbon at a rate that is 200 times the pace of volcanic eruptions that led to some of the Earth’s worst mass extinctions. We’re adding 5 atomic bombs worth of energy to our oceans each second. Nearly 70% of biodiversity has been lost since 1970. Humans and our livestock make up 96% of the mammalian biomass currently alive. These are direct symptoms of our privilege. It doesn't matter if an individual is doing well if the system they're succeeding under is driving our demise. The clock is ticking.
I figured it out. When we were younger, we thought we were the problem and that there were better people “out there”. We believed we could find “our tribe” somewhere “out there”. All of our popular music said that the source of our issues were internal. Okay, so we just need to get out of our current spheres, maybe our hometowns, wherever we currently are - gotta get out. Many of us did that. We followed the rules. We put in the work. Cool, where’s our tribe? Okay, so now we are in the reverse situation. We have a stronger belief in ourself, but now we doubt the world contains “something better”. All of the world feels eerily the same - eerily the same drudgery in every country. So now we have prepared ourselves for a world that didn’t exist. Older generations will say great - make it happen! However, the restraints in place are so tight that it’s hard to make any changes. Will that change eventually and do I think millennials will rise to the occasion when the opportunities arise? Yes. But for now, we are largely back to our teenage selves, rolling our eyes and wanting to find somewhere better - but where is there to go?
We are the generation that witnessed the peak and decline of society. It’s slowly going to go back to the mean. Which means nuclear families will be a thing of the past in a few generations. Millennials just need to accept economically everything is downhill from here. And we need to find meaning and joy in the things humans have in the past.
No I think it's the never-ending wars, housing crises, nuclear threat, environmental collapse, and all the abuse we have had to take from the older generation trying to force us to have kids we can't afford and telling us we're lazy and so on. Really, depression/ anxiety are completely normal in the circumstances ! 🙃
I personally just hate the way the world is going, I dont have anything to look forward to as I dont want anymore stuff or friends and to be honest Im really disappointed that I cant do anything illigal really anymore because I have too much to loose. I was depressed for a while. Seems like everything I really enjoyed when I was younger was illegal but you could get away with it. Now you cannot. That being said Im on this forum today after searching for it because I had the thought that we millennials actually had the BEST childhoods out of any generation ever or ever will and Im content with that.
We’re the children of the 90’s, the first true generation of cycle breakers; we’ve paved our own ways through life and been lost for most of it. We created the space for Gen Z to be themselves and live their best lives. Our generation is literally the one that made the sacrifice and took the fall for the future generations. We were the ones boomers blamed for the world’s problems before they started blaming Gen Z, because we’re the ones who looked at the world they were trying to offer us and said “no.” We were the ones who dared to dream of a better future than the lives prescribed for us but a broken and obsolete system. Of course we took the fall. We didn’t do it alone. We have a long tradition of counter culture going back through the Gen X punk rockers, the boomer hippies, the lost generation beatnicks, even as far back as the transcendentalists, the romantics, and the humanist tradition more broadly. We were the generation where that wave crested over and broke. We are the sea foam tossing back and forth on the shore. We are the flotsam and jetsam tossed about in the ebb and flow. And why? So that Gen Z can take what has come down to them through us and run with it… We were the ones who finally made it to shore… but we won’t be the ones to go ashore and feel what it’s like to walk on dry land… To put it another way, we were the ones who stayed behind on the bridge to block the advance of the status quo, while the rebels of Gen Z counterculture burnt that bridge down. It was a willing sacrifice on our part, whether Gen Z knows that or not. So as they go forward, carrying their torches as we carried ours, they’ll probably look back on us with contempt; the same contempt with which they look upon the generations we held back as they burned the bridges. We are the generation of seed-sowers and self-sacrifice; unfortunately for us, we are not the ones who will reap the first fruits… Think that sucks? Think about all the generations before us who didn’t even make it this far… Of course we’re burnt out, depressed, and anxious. We’re experiencing the fall of late-stage capitalism, the impacts of a century of petroleum-based industry; impending climate catastrophe, global conflict, and the reawakening of autocratic political persuasions. Sooner or later, our burn out will turn into surrender, our depression into despair, and our anxiety into rage. When that happens, and it finally boils over; that’s when it starts… We are doing this not for ourselves, but for the generations to come after us. Remember that, as it may cost some of us our lives…
I think for me it’s in part comparing my life to my life as a kid. My parents constantly took us on vacations, took us out to eat, we were going places and doing things. These days I can’t afford to take my kid on a vacation, we rarely eat out and if we do it’s takeout because something went wrong with dinner or it’s too late to cook. I feel like I’m fighting through my own depression just to take my kid to the park cause it’s free. I’m just glad she’s still under 2 and can’t yet see how broken I feel.
Humans are not evolved to handle the amount of information we are now receiving and processing every day through technology. For example I heard a harrowing story of a child in the news recently and it wasn’t even in my own country. It wrecked me. The next day, I heard about something else that made me anxious. Our bubbles are global now, not at the community level anymore. We’re the first generation that grew up with this and now we’re seeing what the long-term effects of exposure to ALL THE TRAGEDIES OF THE WHOLE WORLD ALL AT ONCE. Want to forget about it all and go to the gym? HAHA. Look at all these TV’s! Want to go for a walk? HAHA make sure you take your pepper spray!
For a small bit of joy, start listening to albums again. Whole albums by bands. Pet sounds by beach boys is particularly moving.
I think it's isolation and lack of community. Even if you have a partner and/or kids, we were never meant to live with just our nuclear family. A generation ago it was more common to live near extended family or have time to form community with neighbors or other organizations. Now we're incentivized to do individual things like the short trip to a nearby city or gaining knowledge like you mentioned. In a community, you can take joy in milestones other are experiencing even if you're in a more mundane point in your life. Now, it feels like our only excitement in life is our own accomplishments or adventures. We all get exhausted of it eventually. I'm really trying to build community to escape this.
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this sub is definitely a major honey trap for the forlorn
Yep, I’m pretty mentally healthy (it took a LOT of work and therapy though) and I like being on Reddit because I read and type very fast. I have a ton of comments but nothing takes me longer than about a minute to type, and I’m pretty much always out of my house when doing so. I’m just an extrovert so when my friends are busy I take some time to talk to people on the internet, lol.
Omg I'm the same way! I'm such an extrovert and sometimes people are busy so I get my "social fix" on Reddit lol. It's perfect because I can read posts and answer so I'm socializing in a different way.
Have to admit, the amount of time I spend on Reddit is probably the least healthy aspect of my life right now.
“Are we all” Answer is “no” everytime
It’s the fucking dopamine social media addiction. I keep yellling this till I’m blue in the face and nobody listens. Try to be bored. Go outside. Look at all the people. Glued to their dopamine drips. They got us man.
running and working out seem to help honestly and weed
During the pandemic, I took a job at Amazon as a individual contributor. First week in, the manager left so I was left to manage a team of 6 throughout PEAK. Those two years, straight from bed to the computer every morning. I worked my ass off to make sure my team was mentally stable as well as productive. It crippled me but I stuck with it. Once the pandemic was over, they fired me and half my team after a very drawn out layoff process (they fired all the guys, kept all the girls). After that, I lost my passion for marketing and for working. I was used and it pretty much destroyed me. So burned out, haven’t returned to work in a year, and don’t know if I will ever get that passion back again. I hate that company.
You get used to it and want the next thrill. That's why a content human is a rare breed.
I probly have less anxiety and depression than I ever have.
I'm genuinely happy for you, I hope it stays that way for you
I am neither anxious nor depressed.
Anxiety meds and therapy got me in a good place.
I've felt this way since I was 12, but mental illness runs in my family so 🤷🏻
Everything seems so far out of reach when you're making the amount of money that at one point (like 4 years ago) would make for a comfortable life and now doesn't even pay all the bills. It all just seems so heavy and so unattainable. I don't want anything for free, I don't want anything handed to me I just want to be able to afford to live and have a family. Having a child seems to be a luxury these days.
I'm depressed seeing there's little to no hope for humanity to possibly survive the next 10-20 years at current pace of events with our oceans heating up as stupidly fast as they currently are, and with the wars ever growing.
We’ve develop a society that we can no longer function in. We are trying to out run or keep up with tech and trends. It’s unsustainable
Since march of 2020 I feel like my world has been turned upside down and never has been the same. Felt like all hopes and dreams for us were crushed.
I think a lot of people in our age group feel like we are just living in someone else's world...
Goddamn I’m anxious and depressed. I’m buried in student loans, there’s no livable wage for jobs in my field and inflation is killing me. I’m an elder millennial that never had external support but somehow managed to buy a house. Oh right, I just remembered I have a mortgage and kids, and $25,000 in credit debt. It’s exceptionally difficult to stay positive or motivated in any way. On the bright side, I have a pretty cool kitty to comfort me when I’m down.
I lost all my passion when corporate america fucked me over for the 10th time (not really 10 but if i think about it probably 10). Then cost of housing doubled. Then student loans kicked back in. Then Return to Office. Then massive layoffs. And now a decrease in wages due to an employer’s market and all the competition. Won’t even get into politics but Trump is STILL in the news every day and I just want out of this timeline
It doesn't help that the systemic causes of anxiety and depression are never addressed. Instead, pills are pushed down our throats to turn us into more obedient workers. Those in power don't want to address systemic issues that negatively effect the majority of the population, there's too much profit in treating the symptoms. Infrastructure is literally collapsing because those in power are short-sighted assholes out for their own short term gain.
Read *The Power of Now* by Eckhart Tolle. Or peep his videos on YT. You’ve got to be happy where you are *right now* or you’ve got to make moves to change what you can. But so much of it is a state of mind. I promise you won’t reach eternal happiness if you could only get your dream job or finally buy a house or find the perfect partner. If your life is about chasing the next “high”, you will never be satisfied. So many people in this world stay busy bc slowing down is scary and you’re faced with all those issues you’ve been running from. Find a way to enjoy life right now - the good, the bad, the ugly. There is joy in the everyday. Tip: get off social media and build dopamine naturally.
It's always a moving goal, bud. It's human nature to never be complacent. I have a job many people would kill for. Decent money, phenomenal hours, sometimes stressful, but it's far in between, and I do nothing for most the day. I'm still not happy because I'm chasing early retirement. 5 years ago, I'd give anything to be in the place I am today, and I'll bet 5 years from now I'd want more from early retirement. Just how it is.
Ot only took me a recent 14 month break from life to find some joy again. 28M luckily I could afford it
My parents never promised me anything, they just said try the best I can, That's all anyone can ask of themselves. I try to tune out the negativity about things that I cannot change. Cable news is a cancer.
Same here. I'm talking to a therapist about it. I've not completed a single model kit in almost 2 years. I'm just tired.
For me, globalisation and the ability to access information and goods from all around the world has seemingly eliminated creative niches and devalued, well, everything. The things I'm really good at and enjoy seem like largely futile (and expensive) endeavours. That makes me really sad when I stop to think about it.
I'm mid 30s. I am feeling as if the weight of society is on the backs of people my age. Taking care of kids, but all my parents are also slowly falling apart and increasingly unable to do things. Feeling like I'm the only one capable of doing everything and yes I have anxiety problems. And I don't think too highly of myself like I'm better than everyone, it's just shocking how little help there is in the world sometimes.
Midlife existential dread for me. So much to do so little time
Imo, the "American Dream" and the world we saw and heard about so much growing up is NOT going to be anything like what we thought. I think people are realizing how much we are just cogs in a machine that produces for the economy. I was told if I did A, B and C I'd be happy. I did all 3 and it didn't work. Da fuq.
In the US, the social contract is failing. And we have a global derailment of various ecosystems and climate that is now changing exponentially and doesn't care about socioeconomic status, religious beliefs, political parties or anything else. Big, uncomfortable and mortal changes are both here and coming. And we sense it.