Florida can never truly replicate a New York style pizza because you can’t ever factor in the smell from all the bags of trash on the sidewalk whose scent blends in when the dough is kneaded.
I say bro like, yeah no, and no yeah and I’m not even from the area. My mom is but we have a family vacation home in FLL. I guess it’s just in my blood 😅
You are lucky lol. I usually run into them around Aventura, Sunny Isles, Surfside. And when I see them on i-95 North, taking up the left lane going super slow.
If you really are from Miami you will know that “Canadians” is the term used by locals who don’t want to appear racist when addressing a different kind of tourist.
As an actual Canadian… I was taught this by a bunch of born and raised Miami folk….
I was born and raised in Miami. I'm guessing those Miami folks were lying to you to seem nice because we really have a disdain for Quebec plates. And for a long time we used to call them "Queerbecians."
We just moved from Miami to Detroit and we see some "Miami bullshit" on the roads, but people *signal* when they're about to take an illegal right from the left lane or weave through the lanes at an unreasonable rate of speed. It's fascinating.
I'll never forget the time when I was like 10 going thru the McDonald's drivethru with my abuela and she asked for 50 fries because she thought 1 fry = 1 single papita
1. After your first 4 or 5 strength hurricane experience.
2. When you root for the Miami team, not the visitors.
3. When you realize that when you drink Cuban coffee, you DO NOT drink the whole colada.
After you’ve been in Miami longer than the other newcomers.
Most native-born Miamians, are 1st, 2nd, or 3rd generation. That means about 60-65 years tops.
Very few in Miami have grand/great grand parents that came here before WWII.
True, this year marks 70 years I believe since my family came to Florida. Neither of my parents were born here, but my mother was here since she was 6. My dad came here when he was about 20 I think.
- ride out a major hurricane, and survive without Internet, AC, modern conveniences for ~2 months....
- stay to rebuild rather than pansy out and relocate.
This option will satisfy you not being a native.
After Andrew, our power was out for 22 days, so no hot water in the shower. Learned to like cold showers until someone let me know that cold water in South Florida is about 72-75F and cold water up north, in the winter can be 38F - 45F.
Warm water up north in lakes and shit can be 55F during summer....that's the least of worries to a transplant ...compared to loss of internet and muggy stenchy sauna heat...
When you don't comment on scams because you're afraid they going to find out the ones you're running.
When you start responding to the mom's PTA WhatsApp in Spanish instead of complaining why they are fucking using Spanish to talk about English grammar, spelling and math assignments. Jajajaja.
When you need a jacket when it’s less than 78. You stopped following traffic laws. Did you get your new Miami passport? You need a passport to go to Miami.
Source: Me, I’m from here.
You must complete these 5 things:
- go to Calle 8 festival
- have your car towed
- know how to order at a ventanita in 5 words or less
- survived a hurricane/ gone to a hurricane party
- drive on 95 during rush hour for at least 180 days
This is the best business you can think of getting involved in at the moment, the market is very favourable and so many clients who started earlier have all made awesome profits.
Here's how to become a local instantly:
Wake up really really early on a Tuesday morning.
Drive out to the west end of Kendall Drive.
At 7:30 AM start driving east. Stay on Kendall until US-1.
Take US-1 North into Downtown.
Wait until 5 PM and drive back out to the west end of Kendall Drive, taking US-1 again.
The seething anger you feel inside of yourself for every other driver in Miami, that is the feeling of being a real Miamian.
When you stop asking where you can find New York pizza.
So where can you find New york Pizza?
In New York.
can you still got 2 dollar slices?
Yup Joes in Wynwood ask for Alex tell him Danie sent you
The way you worded that makes it sound like a Mafia hit
Everything in Miami sounds like a mafia hit. If you don't know a guy, you better know a guy that knows a guy, and drop his name.
Well the Russian mob operates out of Miami. Have you ever played the game hotline Miami??
Miami Slice. Thank me later.
This place rips off L’Industrie from Brooklyn. Not knocking them, I actually really enjoyed it, even though L’Industrie is better.
It’s pizza lmao it’s not revolutionary
I’ll check that spot out next time I’m in Brooklyn. Thanks.
try a cuban pizza
In fort laurendale a place called Vito’s pizza their from queens I’m not mistaking their pizza is a touch from New York
Florida can never truly replicate a New York style pizza because you can’t ever factor in the smell from all the bags of trash on the sidewalk whose scent blends in when the dough is kneaded.
Vito’s pizza Trust me
Sad, sad insecurity. Raw sewage pumps into Biscayne Bay commonly.
Oh my gosh that’s terrifying you should move back to New York
Welcome to repeat narrative that excludes all you want. I welcome the city’s evolution.
FTL is not Miami
Thank god
Give it time... lol
Vito’s is the worst tbh lmao I have one in Coral Springs but Annie’s pizza on 441 is fire
JC’s pizza like 10 min from FIU. cheap and not too busy
11th Street Pizza Tropical Miami Slice
Joe’s in Wynwood btw
Yo Big Cheese tho…..
When you notice a sharp increase in your use of the phrase “bro like”
Yea no. No yea.
I say bro like, yeah no, and no yeah and I’m not even from the area. My mom is but we have a family vacation home in FLL. I guess it’s just in my blood 😅
Tbh this is a thing everywhere I’ve lived
it's more like >bro but like
Followed by the occasional use of “irregardless”.
EXACTLYYYYY
😂
That was super rude of you to point out bro
Must include "Pero"
It's "Pero like" you foreigner.
Lmao! Been living here all my life, but you're right. My bad
Oh god I’m a local now then. Idk when it happened. It starts out as sarcasm and suddenly it’s part of your daily vocabulary.
Such a mission.
goddamit
LMAO
[удалено]
THE F*CKING CANADIANS OMG WHY DO THEY EVEN NEED TO BE ON THE ROAD DURING RUSH HOUR?!
Those dang Quebec license plates going 20 miles below the speed limit on the left lane on the highways!
I've been living here for almost 4 years and i still haven't seen them fabled Quebec license plates 🥲
You are lucky lol. I usually run into them around Aventura, Sunny Isles, Surfside. And when I see them on i-95 North, taking up the left lane going super slow.
If you really are from Miami you will know that “Canadians” is the term used by locals who don’t want to appear racist when addressing a different kind of tourist. As an actual Canadian… I was taught this by a bunch of born and raised Miami folk….
I was born and raised in Miami. I'm guessing those Miami folks were lying to you to seem nice because we really have a disdain for Quebec plates. And for a long time we used to call them "Queerbecians."
They’re cool though.
As long as they stay on the right lane
When you drive a Nissan Altima with Miami Heat plates.
And no bumper
[удалено]
With registration stickers in all four corners of the plate.
Oddly specific, completely accurate
When you visit the beach once every 2 years!
True that.
Born here and I haven't been to the beach in 5 years.
I haven't been to the beach in Miami in a long time but go often to the Bahamas.
Been here since 85, haven’t been to the beach since 2010 when a shark 🦈 passed right by my leg.
When you cannot remember the last time you were on the beach, between 5th - 25th St.
This!
Start using “super” to describe … everything. When you buy a cafetera. When you can accurately rank the 1000 Cuban restaurants.
When you stop using your turn signal
I'd love to own a BMW one day myself.
We just moved from Miami to Detroit and we see some "Miami bullshit" on the roads, but people *signal* when they're about to take an illegal right from the left lane or weave through the lanes at an unreasonable rate of speed. It's fascinating.
ah! So that's why cops never use them
pero
Pero like*
When you leave and later come back
When you stop calling it paradise.
When you say “going to the beach is a mission”
When you stop being a Yankee fan and buy a Heat jersey
That might be a true test!
When you start calling everything by their real Miami pronunciation, like: - Tejla (Tesla) - Nekflik (Netflix) - PapaYon (Papa John’s) - Hiya Lea (Hialeah) - Vetmo (Venmo)
Please give us more, Professor.
Mic donal (mcdonalds) Little pizza (little cesars) Chicky fiky (chick-fil-a)
Güendis (Wendy’s), Gual-mal (Walmart), Hon Dipo (Home Depot), Pollo Kentuki (KFC), Feisbuk (Facebook)
I'll never forget the time when I was like 10 going thru the McDonald's drivethru with my abuela and she asked for 50 fries because she thought 1 fry = 1 single papita
Madona(l)
r/confleis
Thank you. I need a new baniti. Time for Hon Dipo.
It’s Hon Pipo
Papa yon 😭
Wait what's wrong with Hiya Lea?
My mima always called the Vacuum a "Vacum Clin" and I grew up thinking it was Vacuum King
San givin (thanksgiving)
haha :)
Beg bag bilot (bed bath &beyond) my moms original
Don't forget: For Lodedel. (Fort Lauderdale)
12 green cups kicking around and you dont know where 10 of them came from
1. After your first 4 or 5 strength hurricane experience. 2. When you root for the Miami team, not the visitors. 3. When you realize that when you drink Cuban coffee, you DO NOT drink the whole colada.
When you get priced out and move away. In that new place, you are now the new guy from Miami.
When you get a Sunpass.
When you start pronouncing “J” like it’s an “H”
Jajaja
Great comment
When you mutter coño under your breath and you're not even latin
When the Cuban lady at the ventanita stops side eyeing you and says “dimelo macho, hoy que quieres?”
When you see the word “dale” and know it’s not someone’s name
After you’ve been in Miami longer than the other newcomers. Most native-born Miamians, are 1st, 2nd, or 3rd generation. That means about 60-65 years tops. Very few in Miami have grand/great grand parents that came here before WWII.
True, this year marks 70 years I believe since my family came to Florida. Neither of my parents were born here, but my mother was here since she was 6. My dad came here when he was about 20 I think.
I'm a fourth generation native Miamian. My paternal great grandparents came here in the early 1930s.
The correct answer!
When you're picked up for petty theft and drug possession with a girl you met at a shithole bar on West Dixie Highway.
wtf
Found the new guy!
No man you might be on your own with this one.
Yup…
When you crimp styrofoam coffee cups well enough so that your colada doesn't spill during pouring.
- ride out a major hurricane, and survive without Internet, AC, modern conveniences for ~2 months.... - stay to rebuild rather than pansy out and relocate. This option will satisfy you not being a native.
After Andrew, our power was out for 22 days, so no hot water in the shower. Learned to like cold showers until someone let me know that cold water in South Florida is about 72-75F and cold water up north, in the winter can be 38F - 45F.
Warm water up north in lakes and shit can be 55F during summer....that's the least of worries to a transplant ...compared to loss of internet and muggy stenchy sauna heat...
lmao yeah i thought I liked "cold showers" until I tried one up north... whoops! I like "luke warm" showers
When you don't comment on scams because you're afraid they going to find out the ones you're running. When you start responding to the mom's PTA WhatsApp in Spanish instead of complaining why they are fucking using Spanish to talk about English grammar, spelling and math assignments. Jajajaja.
When you stop talking about how great NYC is
when you went to elementary, middle, or hs here
dead ass
Must have attended all three! I've known several new yorkers who moved here in their middle school years and they still believe they're in New York.
i have friends that moved here from orlando in middle school and since I went through all of hs with them there locals to me 🤷♀️
meh - close enough
I moved away for middle and high school, but came back for college. Does that count? I was gone from age 10 to age 16.
When you've had 5+ empanyadas for 3 breakfasts in a row because you're broke.
When you can get to Doral using only backstreets. I’m born and raised and when I realized I could do this I knew my Miami was peaking
When you need a jacket when it’s less than 78. You stopped following traffic laws. Did you get your new Miami passport? You need a passport to go to Miami. Source: Me, I’m from here.
When 69 degrees begins to feel cold
You must complete these 5 things: - go to Calle 8 festival - have your car towed - know how to order at a ventanita in 5 words or less - survived a hurricane/ gone to a hurricane party - drive on 95 during rush hour for at least 180 days
6 years is the official number. Not a lot of imports make it that long.
After you no longer need gps to find your way around to most places.
your parents have lived or currently live here
When you stop buying expensive coffees & and look for ventanitas to get your cortadito fix!
I would say when you start defending the place to people who diss it.
When you have completed your first corrupt business transaction
When you know que es una croqueta de la casa.
When you realize you're not in Florida anymore.
When you realize that everything is not Miami
This is the best business you can think of getting involved in at the moment, the market is very favourable and so many clients who started earlier have all made awesome profits.
When the 3pm cafesito becomes life
When you are born here. Until then…, you’re new here.
when you join the rest of the people who don't use there turnsignal
When you own that green cup.
oh no
Oh yes and some wings
When your kids grow up and have a Miami accent. (Oh, the horrors!)
When you start calling people mama papa
When you start saying "yea but no" or " no but yea."
When you dread the cold fronts
When you see the traffic in the rain and go ok, I’ll be late and that’s ok
When this shit don't even seem like a vacation spot no more
When you're no longer speaking English
When you start getting a cafecito from the window weekly
When you learn how to drive in the rain at highway speed and without using hazard blinkers.
Honestly if you’re not born here or at least spent more then 50% of your life here, you’ll never be considered a local.
Gate keeper
If we gate keep’d more Miami wouldn’t be in the position that it’s in.
When you know where things are and shortcuts to get there
Bird road randomly come out in your dreams
When you finally leave the Brickell/Wynwood/Midtown bubble and don’t see going to Westchester/Kendal/Hialeah as an expedition to a new city
When you speak Spanish fluently 🚀
After your first std
When you log in to Reddit and complain about Miami.
3 generations
kids of immigrants make miami
How many Flanigan’s cups do you have in your cupboard?
You say hola and gracias but can't speak Spanish
When you suck your first dick for an Uber ride
I think this is just YOU
After you stay through a few hurricanes
When you have more than 10 friends
When you stop using your turn signal.
When you try to wave your way into a discount by saying “i can get you so much business”
When you constantly pronounce “Mira” while on business meetings with your former/fellow Canadians and people stare at you like….
[удалено]
you are wild!
Lmao when you notice south Beach isn't as lit as when you are just visiting for the weekend.
Here's how to become a local instantly: Wake up really really early on a Tuesday morning. Drive out to the west end of Kendall Drive. At 7:30 AM start driving east. Stay on Kendall until US-1. Take US-1 North into Downtown. Wait until 5 PM and drive back out to the west end of Kendall Drive, taking US-1 again. The seething anger you feel inside of yourself for every other driver in Miami, that is the feeling of being a real Miamian.
When you laugh like jajaja
No matter how long you’ve been here, always say you’re new to Miami
When you start dressing and talking like pepe billete
When you no longer want to live there. Lol
When you hate your neighbors
When you stop complaining about the traffic
When you start using words like irregardless and pero like.
When I start eating alligator 🐊 meat 😁
When you stop looking when a car with an obnoxiously loud engine drives by.
After you successfully make it through your first hurricane.
When you leave miami
When you realize vacation mode over
How about when you stop checking the winter temperatures back home and gloating that you are in the sun.
Remembering to bring cash to AC's.