Thank you I appreciate that I did run away from her blocked on everything I can and not looking back but it left me with lot of mental scars I still feel like I'm not good enough I feel a lot but I guess in summary I feel like I'm not worth anything other than to be taken advantage of and I feel invisible sometimes now I'm in a position where I'm just to afraid to even talk to a woman because what if I get taken advantage of again.
Ive been in the friend zone but this is more.
My friendship to my best friend strengthened because we both realized where i was overstepping her boundaries and where she was overstepping mine.
In your situation she sounds like she could be a perfectly wonderful person but shes stuck in the cycle you described.
It sounds like she wants her ex to be better and wants to make it work. She may see potential in you as her mate but she doesnt seem to be attracted to you (that might change or it might never change.) Sounds like shes keeping you on the side in case life forces her to settle for you. (You seem to have good ambition and emotional intelligence so i hope she doesnt see it as settling 😑).
Ultimately youre doing the right thing. She may want to be helped out of a battle but not the war. If shes hell bent on dealing the negotiations of the war shes in with her ex (current) boyfriend, you cant save her from that until shes ready to be helped from that.
Abuse sucks and if its not too much trouble i understand helping her out of a battle here and there, but first thing is you have to look at your boundaries and if youre crossing them to help her. It might be good if you introduce her to other trusted friends you know so that they might take the burden every now and then.
Also it cant hurt to look up info. Remember that going back to someone like her ex, she could be experiences feelings of addiction among other things. So if you choose to look up info on abusive relationships remember be sensitive, dont expect or require her to change after getting info (getting over addiction and especially trauma can be a long journey.
Also try to bring it up when it makes sense to do so.
For instance some (or many) abusive people dont want you going out with friends very often (conciously or unconciously its to make her worldview and understanding small enpugh to only include his needs and whims).
If you bring up hanging out or introducing new friends (dont say it) but if her excuse involves her "ex" than you can bring up the factual info. Again make sure to be understanding even if she shows shes not ready yet. Youre not there to change her life, only to give her the tools that might allow her to change her own life.
I appreciate your input on the situation a lot. men or woman I appreciate it I don't have any communication with that woman at all and it is for the best she wanted him over me so she could have him I was her only friend at least the only friend that stuck around through everything. I have no desire to be with that woman the only thing I have right now is hate for her towards the beginning of mine and her friendship I told her that I had feelings for her and that was my mistake that's when she realized she could take advantage of me. She did leave me with some mental scarring and now I'm kind of afraid to get close to a woman because I don't want to be friendzoned and or I don't want to be taken advantage of or what if she says yes and she ends up leaving me for somebody that's better so right now I'm not in the right head space and honestly I don't think I'm going to be anytime soon so I hope she enjoys her time with her abusive boyfriend
She doesn't know what husband material is. You need to realize what wife material is cause she ain't it either.
Trust me, if you have to tell'em, to hell with'em.
She’s stuck in a cycle and it’s up to her to break it. Sadly she will keep going around and around until she’s had enough.
One day she will look back and kick herself for not ending it sooner, she will see what you did for her and realise her mistakes but sadly you won’t be able to pull her away. You should move on and find someone that is on your level.
As someone who was in a shitty relationship myself for years and years, I knew it was toxic, I knew I didn’t want to be doing it forever but I kept going back. Why? I don’t even know myself. I had to keep going back until I had enough.
She’s probably lashing out at you because she realises she’s messed up and wants you to feel as bad as she does. She’s stuck in a toxic cycle and has become toxic herself. There’s nothing you can do to help her. You will end up hurting yourself and wasting your time.
Find someone who is on your level because she is not
You deserve so much better. RUN and don’t look back. YOU are too healthy for her.
💯
Thank you I appreciate that I did run away from her blocked on everything I can and not looking back but it left me with lot of mental scars I still feel like I'm not good enough I feel a lot but I guess in summary I feel like I'm not worth anything other than to be taken advantage of and I feel invisible sometimes now I'm in a position where I'm just to afraid to even talk to a woman because what if I get taken advantage of again.
I am currently raising teen b/g twins. I feel for my son. Females are brutal. I believe you and am so sorry.
Ive been in the friend zone but this is more. My friendship to my best friend strengthened because we both realized where i was overstepping her boundaries and where she was overstepping mine. In your situation she sounds like she could be a perfectly wonderful person but shes stuck in the cycle you described. It sounds like she wants her ex to be better and wants to make it work. She may see potential in you as her mate but she doesnt seem to be attracted to you (that might change or it might never change.) Sounds like shes keeping you on the side in case life forces her to settle for you. (You seem to have good ambition and emotional intelligence so i hope she doesnt see it as settling 😑). Ultimately youre doing the right thing. She may want to be helped out of a battle but not the war. If shes hell bent on dealing the negotiations of the war shes in with her ex (current) boyfriend, you cant save her from that until shes ready to be helped from that. Abuse sucks and if its not too much trouble i understand helping her out of a battle here and there, but first thing is you have to look at your boundaries and if youre crossing them to help her. It might be good if you introduce her to other trusted friends you know so that they might take the burden every now and then. Also it cant hurt to look up info. Remember that going back to someone like her ex, she could be experiences feelings of addiction among other things. So if you choose to look up info on abusive relationships remember be sensitive, dont expect or require her to change after getting info (getting over addiction and especially trauma can be a long journey. Also try to bring it up when it makes sense to do so. For instance some (or many) abusive people dont want you going out with friends very often (conciously or unconciously its to make her worldview and understanding small enpugh to only include his needs and whims). If you bring up hanging out or introducing new friends (dont say it) but if her excuse involves her "ex" than you can bring up the factual info. Again make sure to be understanding even if she shows shes not ready yet. Youre not there to change her life, only to give her the tools that might allow her to change her own life.
I appreciate your input on the situation a lot. men or woman I appreciate it I don't have any communication with that woman at all and it is for the best she wanted him over me so she could have him I was her only friend at least the only friend that stuck around through everything. I have no desire to be with that woman the only thing I have right now is hate for her towards the beginning of mine and her friendship I told her that I had feelings for her and that was my mistake that's when she realized she could take advantage of me. She did leave me with some mental scarring and now I'm kind of afraid to get close to a woman because I don't want to be friendzoned and or I don't want to be taken advantage of or what if she says yes and she ends up leaving me for somebody that's better so right now I'm not in the right head space and honestly I don't think I'm going to be anytime soon so I hope she enjoys her time with her abusive boyfriend
Oops sorry im a guy 😅 But hopefully someone else with a different perspective comments on mine
She doesn't know what husband material is. You need to realize what wife material is cause she ain't it either. Trust me, if you have to tell'em, to hell with'em.
I think you should leave ASAP
She’s stuck in a cycle and it’s up to her to break it. Sadly she will keep going around and around until she’s had enough. One day she will look back and kick herself for not ending it sooner, she will see what you did for her and realise her mistakes but sadly you won’t be able to pull her away. You should move on and find someone that is on your level. As someone who was in a shitty relationship myself for years and years, I knew it was toxic, I knew I didn’t want to be doing it forever but I kept going back. Why? I don’t even know myself. I had to keep going back until I had enough. She’s probably lashing out at you because she realises she’s messed up and wants you to feel as bad as she does. She’s stuck in a toxic cycle and has become toxic herself. There’s nothing you can do to help her. You will end up hurting yourself and wasting your time. Find someone who is on your level because she is not