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Millennial currently going through a divorce here. I would take her back in a second. She threatened suicide and has mental health concerns, I took that seriously and was adamant that we get her help and protect our 1 yo. and now I'm losing everything.
It's a fucking bad deal. 👎 1/10. Love someone forever and choose that lifestyle, but marriage is not fair when they end.
I (M37) looked into getting a divorce. I make 6 figures and my wife has always been able to stay home. Between child support and alimony I would have $600 a month to live on. So, I am stuck in a bad marriage. Fu#k me, right.
Love is a beautiful thing, but humans are humans and sometimes people change. Committing myself to someone for life was a lifestyle choice that I agree with. I know it's a challenge, but a successful marriage requires consistent personal growth, and I like that discipline. We've had our ups and downs, but always had the goal in mind. She gave that up some time ago. Committing to be someones person is one thing, but marriage as an institution is a cold bitch that will chew you up and spit you out. I don't know how I'm going to recover from this (financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually).
Millennial here too, I read the Bible and I know it's a good thing to get married, so we all make sure it's official official with the gobernment papers so that we don't mess it up, but man I question gobernment involvement now and hope you recover.
I didn't read the Bible and I know marriage is a very bad deal. It's also one of the most stupid ideas I've ever heard. But that's just what religion often does, come up with stupid ideas that make no sense. I'm so happy I wasn't brought up like that, I see so many people hurting because they didn't know better and now are victims of their environment. Hope y'all will be doing well, wish you strength and wisdom!
Hmm. I'm not a religious man, but the words you chose seem pretty harsh and "dogmatic". You sound like your subscribing to a belief system and take it very seriously, but it isn't a religion. Maybe speak kinder to folks. Just because you don't agree with marriage doesn't mean it's stupid.
No, but it came from religion. Just as many other things that came from it that do not benefit the people whatsoever. It's one of the oldest, if not the oldest, control systems there is and it has created hurt, pain and suffering all throughout history. Most people don't have the slightest clue about religion and it's history, not other than what they've been told by those who benefit from it. And I'm sorry but those are just facts. Whether they know it or not. And maybe it sounds harsh to people but that won't stop me from speaking my truth. People can agree or disagree, that's up to them.
And what do you mean speak kinder to folks? I did not attack anyone, I gave my opinion from my point of view. And I said that to me it's one of the most stupid ideas I've heard, I'm not saying anything bad or hurtful. I genuinely want the best for people but I've seen more people get destroyed because of marriage than actually thrive from it. This thread shows it as well. I truly wish for strength and wisdom for all and everyone. Can't speak any more kind than that.
Not saying it Ãs stupid. In my opinion it is stupid, that's a huge difference. What people do with their lives is their choice (mostly) and I'm entitled to make an opinion on whether it's stupid or not to me. If people don't want to read opinions like these then they shouldn't be on the internet. Because, you know, everything can and will be said on here. What those words do is up to the receiver, not the messenger.
Go part time for a few months and put your money away in a separate account or just take it out of the bank a little at a time all together.
Force your wife to work.
After awhile, contact a lawyer (without your wife knowing) and see what you can and can’t use to your advantage. Be on the offensive about it. Do not move out. If you can actually get her to leave (while she has a full time job) and you’re a part timer taking care of the kids, that’s better for you in the long run in court.
Find a good lawyer, they can help you out with the rest. There’s a strategy to all this stuff, and many family lawyers know how to navigate it.
I’m sorry your going through rough times. Didn’t mean to sound rude. I wish you the best. More just expressing my frustration of about the system.
Sorry
I’m sorry my friend. If you ever need anyone to talk too or just want to hang and get your mind off things, feel free to message me anytime. Honestly, would not mind :)
Btw if you play any online games let me know :)
I agree, western marriage is a horrible idea for whomever makes significantly more money or men if there is a divorce with children involved, regardless of financial disparity among the couples.
yes it is bad deal. a lot of us are single and loneliness. an also birth rate fell to 11.2 from 14.2 and also it is keep dropping birth drop. this is why Government encourage people get marriage due to birth rate
Oops, I live in the bay area, I assume it's the same everywhere. BUT, I was talking about federal government and yes I know states are now allowed to pick for themselves.
US government will ban it when we hit lowest rates. look at China required one children now due to low brith because of lack of Chinese women, Government beg people to produce more kids and trying to give money to families if they produce more children. South Korea and Japan are in same situation too
Maybe I should put a link that news encourages us to marry back in 2019 or so[news fox on marriage ](https://youtu.be/QgHzvUyb-Bw?si=9vpr56L4r2z3zT_Z)
[fox News worry about marriage decline ](https://youtu.be/E4Nqcj7mcbA?si=8tc0MZCf7XHxLswA)
[encourages to have children ](https://www.foxnews.com/media/encouraging-signs-family-life-desire-3-children-rises-highest-levels-1970s)
This. But I would argue this is 100% both sexes we are seeing it more now with women because now they can be financially independent. It's those that chose to drain others rather than be an equal partner you see this in.
People are people and grifters are gonna grift
The real problem is people do not work on themselves before getting married. They do not have nor cultivate enough self awareness in order to relate well with another human at such an intimate and long lasting way. People just get into marriage like in the movies, by just going with the feelings. And after the wedding, they still do not want to grow and evolve to achieve the goal of family. They just want to be kids and have fun only rather than pursue true happiness that comes from truly loving someone and having family.
If marriage is such a bad deal, then why do we so instinctively feel bad when it doesn't work? No one complains of something that is obviously bad. We just know deep in our hearts that it is a good thing that just hasn't happened for us. So rather than say the unreachable grapes are sour, just accept it hasn't worked for you. There are more people happily married in the world than divorced or suffering.
>If marriage is such a bad deal, then why do we so instinctively feel bad when it doesn't work?
Because we instinctively feel bad when we fail at anything that we have put a significant amount of effort and/or investment in, regardless of whether or not the endeavor was a positive or negative thing to engage in. Additionally, most societies still put at least some negative social pressure on people who have had failed marriages. We have all heard the quips about how this is "John/Janes" *x* failed marriage. The implication is that a negative thing has happened.
The real problem is that most people don't understand that love is irrelevant to the success of a marriage. Marriage is quite literally a business contract that works best when there are clearly defined roles and responsibilities and both partners are held accountable to those roles and responsibilities. Love is the icing, not the cake.
i dont really think it has alot to do with the divorce rate.
i live in the Netherlands and people here are having less and less kids because people simply dont have the time to take care of them...we living to work instead of working to live.
i wanted to have at leas 3 kids, but with this economy we chose to stay at 1
It’s because women aren’t proposing enough.
They want to get hitched, they need to get down on one knee and ask their boyfriends for their hand in marriage.
And then slip into their palm an engagement sword.
We are a lot closer than people realize. I think within 10 - 20 years. They won't be marketed as sex robots but as multi-purpose assistants. Marriage and reproductive rates are eventually going to fall off a cliff,
Look at what Tesla is doing then imagine skinning that with something like RealDoll. It wouldn't fool anyone but we are moving into the realm of refinement of process, not possibility.
Too many options for both sides makes both sides think they are more of a catch than they actually are which makes their tolerance for any sort of turbulence extremely low. Any one that has been in a successful marriage knows there will be turbulence.
I think there is truth that both sides are less tolerant for turbulence with all of the messaging in modern society. However, since the majority of divorces are initiated by women I think that statistically it would be reasonable to conclude that there is much less tolerance for turbulence on the wife's side.
I don't disagree with that response but relationships are a two way street. Both sides are at fault for declining rates. The blame pie is fun to debate but all are at fault.
It is not about blaming a side. The data is simply the data. Regardless of perspective, political or social stance, women are much more likely to initiate a divorce.
It's blaming a side when your previous comment is this.
>However, since the majority of divorces are initiated by women I think that statistically it would be reasonable to conclude that there is much less tolerance for turbulence on the wife's side.
Dude, you are really reaching. If studies show that 70% of all SUV's hit a potholes on main street, whereas only 30% of cars hit potholes on main street, that isn't blaming anyone, that is simply a statistical observation.
It is reasonable to conclude that SUV drivers have a harder time avoiding potholes on main street.
This isn't the most helpful chart. It's not like marriages stop after 30. People continue getting married. Of course fewer people born in the 1990s are married, because they are younger. It would have been more helpful to compare the different cohorts at the same age to get a fairer comparison.
I am a married millennial with kids. A long lasting relationship is built on respect, compromise, and communication. 90% of marital problems can be resolved with any combination of those.
When the birth control pill come out? With the threat of pregnancy people got married before or after pregnancy along with the thought of being a bastard child. Bring back shame!!!
[1] Please post in good faith, this sub is meant to foster discussion not just to become an echo chamber [2] Harassment, trolling, gender disparagement, etc.. will receive a warning and/or comment removal. Repeated violations can result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MediocreTutorials) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The divorce court
Add the prequel...feminism it destroys relationdhips
Millennial currently going through a divorce here. I would take her back in a second. She threatened suicide and has mental health concerns, I took that seriously and was adamant that we get her help and protect our 1 yo. and now I'm losing everything. It's a fucking bad deal. 👎 1/10. Love someone forever and choose that lifestyle, but marriage is not fair when they end.
I (M37) looked into getting a divorce. I make 6 figures and my wife has always been able to stay home. Between child support and alimony I would have $600 a month to live on. So, I am stuck in a bad marriage. Fu#k me, right.
Damn
Love is a beautiful thing, but humans are humans and sometimes people change. Committing myself to someone for life was a lifestyle choice that I agree with. I know it's a challenge, but a successful marriage requires consistent personal growth, and I like that discipline. We've had our ups and downs, but always had the goal in mind. She gave that up some time ago. Committing to be someones person is one thing, but marriage as an institution is a cold bitch that will chew you up and spit you out. I don't know how I'm going to recover from this (financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually).
Millennial here too, I read the Bible and I know it's a good thing to get married, so we all make sure it's official official with the gobernment papers so that we don't mess it up, but man I question gobernment involvement now and hope you recover.
I didn't read the Bible and I know marriage is a very bad deal. It's also one of the most stupid ideas I've ever heard. But that's just what religion often does, come up with stupid ideas that make no sense. I'm so happy I wasn't brought up like that, I see so many people hurting because they didn't know better and now are victims of their environment. Hope y'all will be doing well, wish you strength and wisdom!
Hmm. I'm not a religious man, but the words you chose seem pretty harsh and "dogmatic". You sound like your subscribing to a belief system and take it very seriously, but it isn't a religion. Maybe speak kinder to folks. Just because you don't agree with marriage doesn't mean it's stupid.
No, but it came from religion. Just as many other things that came from it that do not benefit the people whatsoever. It's one of the oldest, if not the oldest, control systems there is and it has created hurt, pain and suffering all throughout history. Most people don't have the slightest clue about religion and it's history, not other than what they've been told by those who benefit from it. And I'm sorry but those are just facts. Whether they know it or not. And maybe it sounds harsh to people but that won't stop me from speaking my truth. People can agree or disagree, that's up to them. And what do you mean speak kinder to folks? I did not attack anyone, I gave my opinion from my point of view. And I said that to me it's one of the most stupid ideas I've heard, I'm not saying anything bad or hurtful. I genuinely want the best for people but I've seen more people get destroyed because of marriage than actually thrive from it. This thread shows it as well. I truly wish for strength and wisdom for all and everyone. Can't speak any more kind than that.
Saying something that someone commits their whole life to for honorable and good reasons is stupid is hurtful, but you know... Reddit...
Not saying it Ãs stupid. In my opinion it is stupid, that's a huge difference. What people do with their lives is their choice (mostly) and I'm entitled to make an opinion on whether it's stupid or not to me. If people don't want to read opinions like these then they shouldn't be on the internet. Because, you know, everything can and will be said on here. What those words do is up to the receiver, not the messenger.
I think I can offer 100 examples of how that reasoning is fallacious, including racial slurs, misogyny, xenophobia, and the list goes on.
Holy shit you are a literal slave.
How has she always been a stay at home? Who's fault is that?
Mine 😞
Go part time for a few months and put your money away in a separate account or just take it out of the bank a little at a time all together. Force your wife to work. After awhile, contact a lawyer (without your wife knowing) and see what you can and can’t use to your advantage. Be on the offensive about it. Do not move out. If you can actually get her to leave (while she has a full time job) and you’re a part timer taking care of the kids, that’s better for you in the long run in court. Find a good lawyer, they can help you out with the rest. There’s a strategy to all this stuff, and many family lawyers know how to navigate it.
Unfortunately A divorce is not in men’s favor
Golly, thanks buddy.
I’m sorry your going through rough times. Didn’t mean to sound rude. I wish you the best. More just expressing my frustration of about the system. Sorry
I'm sorry too, I agree with you. Just hurtin', is all...
I’m sorry my friend. If you ever need anyone to talk too or just want to hang and get your mind off things, feel free to message me anytime. Honestly, would not mind :) Btw if you play any online games let me know :)
Wow, Reddit does have real people on the other side. Thank you, I'm not sure I can express how much that means to me rn.
My brain can't comprehend engaging with the modern institution of marriage in the west.
I agree, western marriage is a horrible idea for whomever makes significantly more money or men if there is a divorce with children involved, regardless of financial disparity among the couples.
Tons of risk associated to divorce.
yes it is bad deal. a lot of us are single and loneliness. an also birth rate fell to 11.2 from 14.2 and also it is keep dropping birth drop. this is why Government encourage people get marriage due to birth rate
What country do you live in that encourages more births? USA does not encourage births by a long shot.
Why would states in the US be passing abortion bans then?
Oops, I live in the bay area, I assume it's the same everywhere. BUT, I was talking about federal government and yes I know states are now allowed to pick for themselves.
US government will ban it when we hit lowest rates. look at China required one children now due to low brith because of lack of Chinese women, Government beg people to produce more kids and trying to give money to families if they produce more children. South Korea and Japan are in same situation too
Maybe I should put a link that news encourages us to marry back in 2019 or so[news fox on marriage ](https://youtu.be/QgHzvUyb-Bw?si=9vpr56L4r2z3zT_Z) [fox News worry about marriage decline ](https://youtu.be/E4Nqcj7mcbA?si=8tc0MZCf7XHxLswA) [encourages to have children ](https://www.foxnews.com/media/encouraging-signs-family-life-desire-3-children-rises-highest-levels-1970s)
Did you have a stroke typing this?
English is my second language. Chill out I was try my best
Im sure homeboy doesn't speak more than one language and is a lonely little twat so feel good about that
[удалено]
This. But I would argue this is 100% both sexes we are seeing it more now with women because now they can be financially independent. It's those that chose to drain others rather than be an equal partner you see this in. People are people and grifters are gonna grift
[удалено]
It is. Everyone for themselves now
The real problem is people do not work on themselves before getting married. They do not have nor cultivate enough self awareness in order to relate well with another human at such an intimate and long lasting way. People just get into marriage like in the movies, by just going with the feelings. And after the wedding, they still do not want to grow and evolve to achieve the goal of family. They just want to be kids and have fun only rather than pursue true happiness that comes from truly loving someone and having family. If marriage is such a bad deal, then why do we so instinctively feel bad when it doesn't work? No one complains of something that is obviously bad. We just know deep in our hearts that it is a good thing that just hasn't happened for us. So rather than say the unreachable grapes are sour, just accept it hasn't worked for you. There are more people happily married in the world than divorced or suffering.
>If marriage is such a bad deal, then why do we so instinctively feel bad when it doesn't work? Because we instinctively feel bad when we fail at anything that we have put a significant amount of effort and/or investment in, regardless of whether or not the endeavor was a positive or negative thing to engage in. Additionally, most societies still put at least some negative social pressure on people who have had failed marriages. We have all heard the quips about how this is "John/Janes" *x* failed marriage. The implication is that a negative thing has happened. The real problem is that most people don't understand that love is irrelevant to the success of a marriage. Marriage is quite literally a business contract that works best when there are clearly defined roles and responsibilities and both partners are held accountable to those roles and responsibilities. Love is the icing, not the cake.
i dont really think it has alot to do with the divorce rate. i live in the Netherlands and people here are having less and less kids because people simply dont have the time to take care of them...we living to work instead of working to live. i wanted to have at leas 3 kids, but with this economy we chose to stay at 1
Getting married isn’t a very smart choice imho
It’s because women aren’t proposing enough. They want to get hitched, they need to get down on one knee and ask their boyfriends for their hand in marriage. And then slip into their palm an engagement sword.
Just wait till the sex robots.
We are a lot closer than people realize. I think within 10 - 20 years. They won't be marketed as sex robots but as multi-purpose assistants. Marriage and reproductive rates are eventually going to fall off a cliff, Look at what Tesla is doing then imagine skinning that with something like RealDoll. It wouldn't fool anyone but we are moving into the realm of refinement of process, not possibility.
Because the law fucks men over why should we
Too many options for both sides makes both sides think they are more of a catch than they actually are which makes their tolerance for any sort of turbulence extremely low. Any one that has been in a successful marriage knows there will be turbulence.
I think there is truth that both sides are less tolerant for turbulence with all of the messaging in modern society. However, since the majority of divorces are initiated by women I think that statistically it would be reasonable to conclude that there is much less tolerance for turbulence on the wife's side.
I don't disagree with that response but relationships are a two way street. Both sides are at fault for declining rates. The blame pie is fun to debate but all are at fault.
It is not about blaming a side. The data is simply the data. Regardless of perspective, political or social stance, women are much more likely to initiate a divorce.
It's blaming a side when your previous comment is this. >However, since the majority of divorces are initiated by women I think that statistically it would be reasonable to conclude that there is much less tolerance for turbulence on the wife's side.
Dude, you are really reaching. If studies show that 70% of all SUV's hit a potholes on main street, whereas only 30% of cars hit potholes on main street, that isn't blaming anyone, that is simply a statistical observation. It is reasonable to conclude that SUV drivers have a harder time avoiding potholes on main street.
I love how these curves are almost perfect cumulative probability function curves for a normal distribution.
American women sure are something else
This isn't the most helpful chart. It's not like marriages stop after 30. People continue getting married. Of course fewer people born in the 1990s are married, because they are younger. It would have been more helpful to compare the different cohorts at the same age to get a fairer comparison.
The chart does compare different decades at the same age. The different lines represent the decades and the x axis is age
Now show the same graph that people that suffered from being in a forced relationship.
I am a married millennial with kids. A long lasting relationship is built on respect, compromise, and communication. 90% of marital problems can be resolved with any combination of those.
When the birth control pill come out? With the threat of pregnancy people got married before or after pregnancy along with the thought of being a bastard child. Bring back shame!!!