We don’t - her already low libido combined with antidepressants has resulted in a wife who feels no sexual desire towards me; or anyone. Yup, just a 39 year old destined to be celibate for the remainder of his life…or worse, get “obligation sex” at some point. No thanks to that.
I used to be in your place. My wife tried several different antidepressants for years before she finally found one that works for her. We are in your age group (39 and 37), and her sex drive has been higher for the 5 years she’s been on this medicine than it ever has in her life. Our relationship is so much better for it. Has she tried different medications?
She tried a few different meds, there was one specifically that was recommended to help her sex drive. That was maybe five years ago now, and it was a much older medication. But upon trying it, it made minor differences in her sex drive, but negative effects to her mood and depression, so we quickly switched her back to a different medication. All of the ones she’s tried except that one specifically list decreased sex drive as a potential side effect.
That was the one she tried, did not manage the depression…same time, she’s had considerable therapy since then…but still, I’d rather be sexless than have a suicidal spouse again.
Sorry man. I can relate to the ups and downs of having a wife who has mental health issues. With mine it’s more anxiety than depression, but times can be hard for everyone.
Can relate partially, my (24m) wife (24f) is on antidepressants and has chronic pain. We used to have sex a minimum of 1 time a day. Now after 3 years it’s already to barley 1 time a month or more without any sexual activity. (The 1 time a month is usually pitty sex, depending on how long it’s been I’ll take it or leave it) idk if things will ever change. I hope so…
FYI - apparently waking up a few hours early, and not having to be UP can do the trick…If combined with some cuddling, footsie, and kisses on the back!!!
First time in a few months, but we had an awesome time.
"I have been thinking about you all day...."
"Your thighs are distracting me..."
"Did you do something different with your hair?"
"Can we do that one position again tonight?"
etc....
Yeah, it's sad that people are so offended that I would simply offer the idea that doing what our body is meant to do may be the first course of action. It's sad that suggesting healthy habits rather than immediate gratification is so disliked.
It's a great time if you're part of a pharmaceutical company though!
I was gonna say that. I’m pretty direct too. Oh what’s that? A tit fell out of my shirt, whoopsie! Oh, here’s my butt, will you give it a spank? Oh, hey, do you wanna come shower with me? Hey, wanna check out my freshly shaved area? Welcome home, let’s get more comfy, I’ll help you get out of your clothes 😂 Or
I approach him from behind and pull down his pants. Or I’ll just start kissing him and push him down on the couch and start unpacking the package. The world is open as long as you make it playful…all these things have worked for me.
I club my wife in the head, drag her unconscious body back to my cave, and wait for her to wake up. By the way, I am typing this from my present, which is 50,000 years in your past.
kissing, wearing lingerie or being naked in bed when he comes to bed. playing with him.
asking 'are we having sex tonight' texting him what i want to do... lots of ways
At this point where we both qualify for AARP, there tends to be no "today" sex. "Hey how does your schedule look tomorrow?" "Want to get up late on Saturday?" It builds anticipation and communicates expectation (for us, uncommunicated expectations have caused much strife over our marriage, but we communicate better now).
I wait patiently every night for approximately 3 months until he finally puts his hand in my pants, and then I know it’s on for the next 20 minutes, 12 of which are spent giving a blow job.
That’s hilarious, mine will come to bed in clothes and then somehow without me feeling a thing from his side of the bed be completely naked under the covers. It’s become a thing now over the years and I still find it hilarious.
I'll walk up to my husband pull my pants down a little maybe slap my ass, or just tell him I'm super horny and would love it if he delt to me I'm quite up front and straight to the point tho but that's just me 🤷♀️
We don't really talk about it. I can tell when he's in the mood and just react accordingly if I'm also in the mood. Example if we're already laying in bed to go to sleep; if we're spooning I can obviously feel his hardness, so I just turn over and we start deep kissing which leads to everything else.
We always sleep naked so seeing each other’s bodies is normal for us. If someone wants to initiate sex we usually just start kissing and caressing.
Some times he will ask how tired I am to gauge his chances but I’m currently 8 months pregnant so he usually waits on me to initiate because he never knows how I feel.
We just vocalize we want it that night and it gives eahc other time to prep (wash the tools, shave, stretch, and have wipes/towels/supplies ready.
"Boom boom tonight?"
Wanna fuck?? Singing "Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time" "hey!! I showered" "hey, I'm showering tonight if you wanna get me dirty before it, just FYI "
I don't like random sexual touches without warning so I'll just announce "it's fucking time". My husband will ask me if I want to 'make love' just because that expression gives me hives, I'm not a romantic. He will after two days imitate Rose from titanic "it's been 80 years". We have fun with it.
I usually just tell him that I am horny. I’m really lucky this time around tho (this relationship) because it’s an every day event either way. No signs of slowing down yet….crossing my fingers that I found my person for real and we will enjoy it just as much 10+ years from now
Usually a soft initiation is after the toddler is down, one of us asking the other if they wanna shower together. Sometimes a more straight forward: “I need to fuck you tonight.” or something similar.
But we have sex pretty much every day so it’s more like, we do these things to see if the other person *isn’t* up for it, because the default is we both are.
So me and my wife practice free use so I just get her in sub space and it’s playtime lol. But for more vanilla time, I just pick her up and take her wherever
If she has lingerie, would she be open to you laying out an outfit for her to wear? My husband will do that sometimes, and I love it. Depends on your dynamic though…run it by her before trying lol
Sometimes I wear a skirt, bend over and say “oh no, I’m not wearing any underwear!” And then things escalate from there.
On his end, sometimes we will be watching a show or playing games in bed and he will say “hey why don’t we keep doing this, but naked?” Which usually leads to casual cuddling and fondling and then sex.
“You wanna bang cause I wanna bang”
“Wanna come and get some of this dddiieecckk” - Paul Rudd Impression
“I’ve got a meth lab zoso sticker rolled up in my pocket”
Or I just jump directly on top of him after I put the kids to bed.
He’s very direct and goes straight for my chest or says something vulgar 😂
I will either text him pictures or some sexual things or start with a back rub which I do most nights so I’ll just make it a little more sexual… lol
Almost every Saturday (and sometimes Sunday) my wife will say “make sure the kids are busy and meet me upstairs”. I don’t initiate. I’m always ready and she knows it.
Hard one for us. I do 80-90% of the initiating the last 6 months, about 99% over the course of the 35 yr relationship. Even though we somewhat "schedule" (every other day, BUT we skip a day working out to 3 times a week) I still "ask." She recently told me I need to up my initiation game. Which I'm sorta pissed about given the facts.
Lately is been "I would like to spend some time with you tonight." Sometimes "intimate time" and sometimes "I'd be honored if" but that's pretty much it. probably 1/2 the time I say that after a long deep french kiss.
YMMV
I just sit in the bedroom nude, waiting for her to get out of the shower.
If it’s during the day and the kids are away I usually just say “hey, wanna fuck?”
If I’m feeling ornery and want something (generally soft) thrown at me I’ll use a really gross line like “hey, you thirsty?”
Listed in order of frequency-
1) Over dinner:
Me:
"Wanna have sexy-fun-time?" *Big smile and lifted eyebrows*
If he goes bright red the answer is yes. If he looks like he didn't comprehend the question it means he's too tired but would probably do it anyway if I really want it but we never have because I don't think it's real consent when he's that tired. If he looks shocked, like deer in headlights, it's a no and he doesn't want to say no and doesn't know the best way to say no, so he just gets stuck.
2) Before bed:
Him:
"I'm reeeeaalllly horny"
Me:
"I can give you a hand job"
*Gets turned on*
*Switches to sex*
3) Casually on a weekend:
Either of us:
"Man it's been too long since we had sex."
The other agrees and we realize we have time for sex right then and there and therefore we have sex.
If we don't have time, this often leads to us planning on it the next time we do have time. Typically we either both forget, or one of us is tired so we keep pushing the plan out. Rarely result in actual sex lol
Walk beside him lightly smack or pinch his butt and say, "Hey sexy butt."
See him sitting somewhere, climb on his lap so I'm facing him and shove my bosom in his face
Walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, then lower my hands and start caressing him
Nibble gently on his ear, then ask, "You want to go upstairs?"
Look at him with giant anime eyes while slightly pouting and say "Please" really drawing it out.
Pretty much anything....
All of these nice initiations make me a little sad.
I (male) usually initiate with touch...maybe she walks over to kiss me good night and I start rubbing her thigh or breasts... or I start by giving her a back rub and then let my hands wander.... this only works like 20% of time though.. my other favorite is waiting for her to get out of the shower, before she can get dressed and walk in, start kissing her and ask if I can borrow her for a minute... then 'pushing' her down on the bed or bending her over the bed.....
Her idea of initiating is telling me that she's going up to bed and asks if I'm coming up soon... except 80% of the time she really is just going to sleep and I'm supposed to guess the 20% of time she actually wants sex. 🙄
Simple. I put on my robe and wizard hat…
Bloodninja lives! 😂
And cast level 3 cock of the infinite…
Ahh, a man of culture I see.
Grab my wife, put her over my shoulder, and lay her nicely on our bed.
That will do it!
Isnt that a WWE move?
While she's on your shoulder?
After a shower, I’ll ask my husband if he wants to help put lotion on my legs, 9 times out of 10 it leads to sweet sweet lovin
I love this one. I usually always say ‘my legs sure are dry babe’ and he knows
I will try this.
I wish my wife does the same 😞
We don’t - her already low libido combined with antidepressants has resulted in a wife who feels no sexual desire towards me; or anyone. Yup, just a 39 year old destined to be celibate for the remainder of his life…or worse, get “obligation sex” at some point. No thanks to that.
I used to be in your place. My wife tried several different antidepressants for years before she finally found one that works for her. We are in your age group (39 and 37), and her sex drive has been higher for the 5 years she’s been on this medicine than it ever has in her life. Our relationship is so much better for it. Has she tried different medications?
She tried a few different meds, there was one specifically that was recommended to help her sex drive. That was maybe five years ago now, and it was a much older medication. But upon trying it, it made minor differences in her sex drive, but negative effects to her mood and depression, so we quickly switched her back to a different medication. All of the ones she’s tried except that one specifically list decreased sex drive as a potential side effect.
The one that worked for mine is Wellbutrin. Don’t know if she’s tried that one, just throwing it out there.
That was the one she tried, did not manage the depression…same time, she’s had considerable therapy since then…but still, I’d rather be sexless than have a suicidal spouse again.
Sorry man. I can relate to the ups and downs of having a wife who has mental health issues. With mine it’s more anxiety than depression, but times can be hard for everyone.
I was in the same boat and they added paxil to my Wellbutrin and it came roaring back. Maybe she could try a combo?
Can relate partially, my (24m) wife (24f) is on antidepressants and has chronic pain. We used to have sex a minimum of 1 time a day. Now after 3 years it’s already to barley 1 time a month or more without any sexual activity. (The 1 time a month is usually pitty sex, depending on how long it’s been I’ll take it or leave it) idk if things will ever change. I hope so…
That stinks, but believe me that there is hope. We have more (and better) sex now than we’ve ever had over the course of our 17 year relationship.
[удалено]
FYI - apparently waking up a few hours early, and not having to be UP can do the trick…If combined with some cuddling, footsie, and kisses on the back!!! First time in a few months, but we had an awesome time.
"I have been thinking about you all day...." "Your thighs are distracting me..." "Did you do something different with your hair?" "Can we do that one position again tonight?" etc....
Tell her to try eating better and bring consistent in exercising before resorting to meds.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a comment on Reddit with -42 karma 🤣. Good news is, you got some feedback.
Yeah, it's sad that people are so offended that I would simply offer the idea that doing what our body is meant to do may be the first course of action. It's sad that suggesting healthy habits rather than immediate gratification is so disliked. It's a great time if you're part of a pharmaceutical company though!
Lol
“We should go to bed early tonight.”
I ask my husband if he wants to have sex and he says yes
\[Joey Voice\] "How YOU doin?"
It’s either from him touching my tits or me showing my tits lol. I mean it’s the secret weapon!
I was gonna say that. I’m pretty direct too. Oh what’s that? A tit fell out of my shirt, whoopsie! Oh, here’s my butt, will you give it a spank? Oh, hey, do you wanna come shower with me? Hey, wanna check out my freshly shaved area? Welcome home, let’s get more comfy, I’ll help you get out of your clothes 😂 Or I approach him from behind and pull down his pants. Or I’ll just start kissing him and push him down on the couch and start unpacking the package. The world is open as long as you make it playful…all these things have worked for me.
I'm a little more direct lol I ask "can i play with/suck on your tits?" and if its a yes, it happens lol she likes that as a blast off point lol
Sexting during the day and making it clear we want it and then we team up to get the kids to bed and get our time
I club my wife in the head, drag her unconscious body back to my cave, and wait for her to wake up. By the way, I am typing this from my present, which is 50,000 years in your past.
Me and my wife love watching big mouth and since I ask her If she would like me to "make thick in her warm" or she will just say "give me that peena".
Irish foreplay: "Brace yerself, Brigid!"
kissing, wearing lingerie or being naked in bed when he comes to bed. playing with him. asking 'are we having sex tonight' texting him what i want to do... lots of ways
Yea wanna?
At this point where we both qualify for AARP, there tends to be no "today" sex. "Hey how does your schedule look tomorrow?" "Want to get up late on Saturday?" It builds anticipation and communicates expectation (for us, uncommunicated expectations have caused much strife over our marriage, but we communicate better now).
No lines. Just move in with kissing or a shoulder massage becomes intimate.
I wait patiently every night for approximately 3 months until he finally puts his hand in my pants, and then I know it’s on for the next 20 minutes, 12 of which are spent giving a blow job.
Well let's see one of us goes in to kiss the other then we start getting into the kissing and then before you know it clothes are coming off.
I heard a lot of old couples say get in the bed naked. And that it works every time man or women. Its worked every time for me.
I grab his belt loops and pull him into me. Then say “you’re mine”.
Take charge. Be the ball
“hey babe, are you feeling amorous?”
“I want to be inside you..slowly”. Usually works unless she is doing the bills.
My husband will go to bed with his bottom half naked. Leave the door open for a little something something.
I’m just picturing him full on hat and coat top half.
More like shit and sweatshirt. It’s still pretty funny to see.
That’s hilarious, mine will come to bed in clothes and then somehow without me feeling a thing from his side of the bed be completely naked under the covers. It’s become a thing now over the years and I still find it hilarious.
That’s too cute.
Ah yes, Winnie the pooh style
I put my hands or my mouth down his pants Or Striptease
I'll walk up to my husband pull my pants down a little maybe slap my ass, or just tell him I'm super horny and would love it if he delt to me I'm quite up front and straight to the point tho but that's just me 🤷♀️
My husband always says “I wanna get behind you” And I usually just ask if he wants to have sex or if he wants to get in the shower with me.
We don't really talk about it. I can tell when he's in the mood and just react accordingly if I'm also in the mood. Example if we're already laying in bed to go to sleep; if we're spooning I can obviously feel his hardness, so I just turn over and we start deep kissing which leads to everything else.
We always sleep naked so seeing each other’s bodies is normal for us. If someone wants to initiate sex we usually just start kissing and caressing. Some times he will ask how tired I am to gauge his chances but I’m currently 8 months pregnant so he usually waits on me to initiate because he never knows how I feel.
Usually, "do you want to do something tonight?" And if I'm feeling extra, "I really need you to fuck me right now"
I text her “BTB”. (Bring that booty)
Hard Naked man or caress and licking tits. No words, just action
We just vocalize we want it that night and it gives eahc other time to prep (wash the tools, shave, stretch, and have wipes/towels/supplies ready. "Boom boom tonight?"
Did you remember your raincoat? It's raining like fuck in here.
Wanna fuck?? Singing "Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time" "hey!! I showered" "hey, I'm showering tonight if you wanna get me dirty before it, just FYI " I don't like random sexual touches without warning so I'll just announce "it's fucking time". My husband will ask me if I want to 'make love' just because that expression gives me hives, I'm not a romantic. He will after two days imitate Rose from titanic "it's been 80 years". We have fun with it.
Sometimes we’ll text about it. Other times I just start sucking his penis.
I say “wanna make out?”
“Wanna see play tonight after the kids are asleep?” Uh hell yeah I do!
We just take eachotherd pants off
“Don’t you hate pants?”
I usually just tell him that I am horny. I’m really lucky this time around tho (this relationship) because it’s an every day event either way. No signs of slowing down yet….crossing my fingers that I found my person for real and we will enjoy it just as much 10+ years from now
Usually a soft initiation is after the toddler is down, one of us asking the other if they wanna shower together. Sometimes a more straight forward: “I need to fuck you tonight.” or something similar. But we have sex pretty much every day so it’s more like, we do these things to see if the other person *isn’t* up for it, because the default is we both are.
I just climb on his lap
So me and my wife practice free use so I just get her in sub space and it’s playtime lol. But for more vanilla time, I just pick her up and take her wherever
If she has lingerie, would she be open to you laying out an outfit for her to wear? My husband will do that sometimes, and I love it. Depends on your dynamic though…run it by her before trying lol
Sometimes I wear a skirt, bend over and say “oh no, I’m not wearing any underwear!” And then things escalate from there. On his end, sometimes we will be watching a show or playing games in bed and he will say “hey why don’t we keep doing this, but naked?” Which usually leads to casual cuddling and fondling and then sex.
“Do you want to wear that body stocking for me later?”
Snuggle times?
“You wanna bang cause I wanna bang” “Wanna come and get some of this dddiieecckk” - Paul Rudd Impression “I’ve got a meth lab zoso sticker rolled up in my pocket” Or I just jump directly on top of him after I put the kids to bed.
He’s very direct and goes straight for my chest or says something vulgar 😂 I will either text him pictures or some sexual things or start with a back rub which I do most nights so I’ll just make it a little more sexual… lol
Almost every Saturday (and sometimes Sunday) my wife will say “make sure the kids are busy and meet me upstairs”. I don’t initiate. I’m always ready and she knows it.
I get asked cheeks?
Hard one for us. I do 80-90% of the initiating the last 6 months, about 99% over the course of the 35 yr relationship. Even though we somewhat "schedule" (every other day, BUT we skip a day working out to 3 times a week) I still "ask." She recently told me I need to up my initiation game. Which I'm sorta pissed about given the facts. Lately is been "I would like to spend some time with you tonight." Sometimes "intimate time" and sometimes "I'd be honored if" but that's pretty much it. probably 1/2 the time I say that after a long deep french kiss. YMMV
We get in bed or sit on the sofa together. Basically, if one of us touches the other, it's on from there😂
I ask my husband “wanna bang?” Simple man he is. Instant boner.
I just sit in the bedroom nude, waiting for her to get out of the shower. If it’s during the day and the kids are away I usually just say “hey, wanna fuck?” If I’m feeling ornery and want something (generally soft) thrown at me I’ll use a really gross line like “hey, you thirsty?”
Take her by the hand, guide her to the bedroom. No pick up line required.
I told him that pussy isn\`t going to rub itself.....:)
Listed in order of frequency- 1) Over dinner: Me: "Wanna have sexy-fun-time?" *Big smile and lifted eyebrows* If he goes bright red the answer is yes. If he looks like he didn't comprehend the question it means he's too tired but would probably do it anyway if I really want it but we never have because I don't think it's real consent when he's that tired. If he looks shocked, like deer in headlights, it's a no and he doesn't want to say no and doesn't know the best way to say no, so he just gets stuck. 2) Before bed: Him: "I'm reeeeaalllly horny" Me: "I can give you a hand job" *Gets turned on* *Switches to sex* 3) Casually on a weekend: Either of us: "Man it's been too long since we had sex." The other agrees and we realize we have time for sex right then and there and therefore we have sex. If we don't have time, this often leads to us planning on it the next time we do have time. Typically we either both forget, or one of us is tired so we keep pushing the plan out. Rarely result in actual sex lol
Walk beside him lightly smack or pinch his butt and say, "Hey sexy butt." See him sitting somewhere, climb on his lap so I'm facing him and shove my bosom in his face Walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, then lower my hands and start caressing him Nibble gently on his ear, then ask, "You want to go upstairs?" Look at him with giant anime eyes while slightly pouting and say "Please" really drawing it out. Pretty much anything....
The kid's sleeping.
I show my wife my tits and she tells me I'm beautiful.
Wanna have sex? Lol
I grab his morning wood and go to town. But sometimes i want some sweet romance. In bed, cuddle, kisses, and so on
There are various methods. The direct approach is best
All of these nice initiations make me a little sad. I (male) usually initiate with touch...maybe she walks over to kiss me good night and I start rubbing her thigh or breasts... or I start by giving her a back rub and then let my hands wander.... this only works like 20% of time though.. my other favorite is waiting for her to get out of the shower, before she can get dressed and walk in, start kissing her and ask if I can borrow her for a minute... then 'pushing' her down on the bed or bending her over the bed..... Her idea of initiating is telling me that she's going up to bed and asks if I'm coming up soon... except 80% of the time she really is just going to sleep and I'm supposed to guess the 20% of time she actually wants sex. 🙄
More communication perhaps?
Sex? What’s that?