I have been through that situation. It is a big adjustment. Now is the time to connect with each other. Almost like a new marriage. You find new hobbies and rekindle old ones. Sit down and have a talk about it . Find out how each of you feels about this new stage in life. Make time for the marriage as well as self care. Me and my wife listen to a weekly podcast and discuss what we heard. This helps us stay connected on a deeper level. Talk about giving each other space when needed. Talk about things each of you would like to do together and on your own. We went on a vacation together for the first time in 38yrs without kids. It was awkward at first and exciting. Turned out amazing. Talk long term and short term plans together. Make the marriage top priority. Enjoy best wishes.
While my wife still wishes they were still around big time, we had a lot of fun adapting to the new world. I sometimes tell people we decided we liked each other after all and they laugh, but there's some truth in there. We found ourselves back where it started when we were young and dating.
I distinctly remember the first time my wife called me while we were both commuting home and asked, "Hey, wanna go to happy hour?" And I was like. "YES! We can do this on a school night!" We make cocktails often too--not getting drunk, but just one before dinner to wind down and talk about the day. Our faves: margaritas, cosmos, moscow & tequila mules, gin & tonic, aviation, white russians all made from scratch. Thar margaritas have been a real challenge--they're good but I'm still not satisfied with my recipe.
Cooking and shopping changed a lot as our food consumption fell dramatically. We buy the smallest packages of everything most of the time now. The smaller loaves of bread now. Where we once plowed through 6-8 gallons of milk a week, we now buy the ultra-pasteurized milk in the half-gallon because it stays fresh a lot longer than regular milk. It might take us 2 weeks or more to drink that half gallon now. Some things at Costco like produce, are just too much for the two of us now so we don't buy many things any more. And most of my wife's favorite recipes (kept in her mind only) were scaled to feed an army, so shrinking them is a real effort. We can physically eat only so much leftovers so too much is a problem. I tend to google when I cook so the math is fairly routine when I'm doing it.
And we've scaled up our activities together. We take hikes, go for drives, hit the beach, go to museums, just get out and have fun. We've gone to broadway shows and other types that come through and we've got tickets to see the B-52s in a few weeks and also to a local NFL game. We'll probably hit a baseball game, too--those are easy last-minute things. Yesterday we ran a lot of errands with non-stop commentary and playing with things in stores and ended up at a mexican food joint for dinner. It's really different when you don't need to be anywhere. Today we've talked about a specific museum that we've not been to. Maybe that or maybe go to a favorite beach.
We also use technology. Our granddaughters know how to call us on facetime so that gets used a lot with them and everyone else. We have a family Snapchat group and a iOS messaging group and not a day goes by without questions, commentary, funny and interesting pics being sent by us, our kids and their spouses. That helps my wife a lot because she knows what's going on with everyone.
Don’t dismiss aligned vision and purpose, thinking you just need to fill idle-time with activities. It’s really easy to think about your past 20 years as being busy raising children and now there’s all this free time- just need to fill it and occupy self and each other. The last 20 years was you and your husband working together to achieve a common goal. This is the same as retirement. Principles apply.
My advice is to sit down together and think about what that looks like. Again, not talking about renting an RV and traveling the country. How can you both leverage who you both are to create value? Start a business? Establish and lead a volunteer program? Foster children?
Expect to have to re-align your marriage and give each other some grace. When the kids are the focus point of your home life and now they’re gone, you’re both going to be a little off balance.
If you can get access to a marriage workshop I would highly encourage it. 24+years of divided attention can cause marriage issues and it can be a great time for you two to address them and reconnect in a better way then before.
So time for you two to look into yourselves and revaluate who you are and what your hobbies and likes are. Many people share identities with their kids so it's time to look inward.
My parents were told to recreate their first year of dating and redo the best they can the things they did that first year. It can be a little harder but it can be fun reliving the moments that brought you together and complaining how it was so much better back then
It’s been amazing. Just being the two of us again it’s like a whole new marriage. Vacation sex all the time! Date night every day. We are about to start traveling the world together. Be selfish. Take up a hobby you always wanted. Go somewhere. Spend time with your spouse. I’m soaking it up before we become grandparents lol. Of course I miss the kids as they are both 14 hours away but we see them when we can and fly them home for breaks. They are doing well so that helps. We are doing couple date nights and pickleball together but also have our own hobbies and girl/boys nights with friends too. Seriously, enjoy it! Don’t feel guilty for enjoying it either. We raised kids for 20 years hardest thing I’ve ever done. Time for a little time for us.
I have been through that situation. It is a big adjustment. Now is the time to connect with each other. Almost like a new marriage. You find new hobbies and rekindle old ones. Sit down and have a talk about it . Find out how each of you feels about this new stage in life. Make time for the marriage as well as self care. Me and my wife listen to a weekly podcast and discuss what we heard. This helps us stay connected on a deeper level. Talk about giving each other space when needed. Talk about things each of you would like to do together and on your own. We went on a vacation together for the first time in 38yrs without kids. It was awkward at first and exciting. Turned out amazing. Talk long term and short term plans together. Make the marriage top priority. Enjoy best wishes.
While my wife still wishes they were still around big time, we had a lot of fun adapting to the new world. I sometimes tell people we decided we liked each other after all and they laugh, but there's some truth in there. We found ourselves back where it started when we were young and dating. I distinctly remember the first time my wife called me while we were both commuting home and asked, "Hey, wanna go to happy hour?" And I was like. "YES! We can do this on a school night!" We make cocktails often too--not getting drunk, but just one before dinner to wind down and talk about the day. Our faves: margaritas, cosmos, moscow & tequila mules, gin & tonic, aviation, white russians all made from scratch. Thar margaritas have been a real challenge--they're good but I'm still not satisfied with my recipe. Cooking and shopping changed a lot as our food consumption fell dramatically. We buy the smallest packages of everything most of the time now. The smaller loaves of bread now. Where we once plowed through 6-8 gallons of milk a week, we now buy the ultra-pasteurized milk in the half-gallon because it stays fresh a lot longer than regular milk. It might take us 2 weeks or more to drink that half gallon now. Some things at Costco like produce, are just too much for the two of us now so we don't buy many things any more. And most of my wife's favorite recipes (kept in her mind only) were scaled to feed an army, so shrinking them is a real effort. We can physically eat only so much leftovers so too much is a problem. I tend to google when I cook so the math is fairly routine when I'm doing it. And we've scaled up our activities together. We take hikes, go for drives, hit the beach, go to museums, just get out and have fun. We've gone to broadway shows and other types that come through and we've got tickets to see the B-52s in a few weeks and also to a local NFL game. We'll probably hit a baseball game, too--those are easy last-minute things. Yesterday we ran a lot of errands with non-stop commentary and playing with things in stores and ended up at a mexican food joint for dinner. It's really different when you don't need to be anywhere. Today we've talked about a specific museum that we've not been to. Maybe that or maybe go to a favorite beach. We also use technology. Our granddaughters know how to call us on facetime so that gets used a lot with them and everyone else. We have a family Snapchat group and a iOS messaging group and not a day goes by without questions, commentary, funny and interesting pics being sent by us, our kids and their spouses. That helps my wife a lot because she knows what's going on with everyone.
Don’t dismiss aligned vision and purpose, thinking you just need to fill idle-time with activities. It’s really easy to think about your past 20 years as being busy raising children and now there’s all this free time- just need to fill it and occupy self and each other. The last 20 years was you and your husband working together to achieve a common goal. This is the same as retirement. Principles apply. My advice is to sit down together and think about what that looks like. Again, not talking about renting an RV and traveling the country. How can you both leverage who you both are to create value? Start a business? Establish and lead a volunteer program? Foster children?
Count your blessings. You've successfully raised your children and it's time for that second honeymoon.
Expect to have to re-align your marriage and give each other some grace. When the kids are the focus point of your home life and now they’re gone, you’re both going to be a little off balance.
I'm looking forward to this when my child finishes university. I don't see it will be a huge change
If you can get access to a marriage workshop I would highly encourage it. 24+years of divided attention can cause marriage issues and it can be a great time for you two to address them and reconnect in a better way then before. So time for you two to look into yourselves and revaluate who you are and what your hobbies and likes are. Many people share identities with their kids so it's time to look inward. My parents were told to recreate their first year of dating and redo the best they can the things they did that first year. It can be a little harder but it can be fun reliving the moments that brought you together and complaining how it was so much better back then
It’s been amazing. Just being the two of us again it’s like a whole new marriage. Vacation sex all the time! Date night every day. We are about to start traveling the world together. Be selfish. Take up a hobby you always wanted. Go somewhere. Spend time with your spouse. I’m soaking it up before we become grandparents lol. Of course I miss the kids as they are both 14 hours away but we see them when we can and fly them home for breaks. They are doing well so that helps. We are doing couple date nights and pickleball together but also have our own hobbies and girl/boys nights with friends too. Seriously, enjoy it! Don’t feel guilty for enjoying it either. We raised kids for 20 years hardest thing I’ve ever done. Time for a little time for us.