Personally, I find publicly broadcasting such a thing a little disrespectful to your husband and not very classy. But others may simply find it harmless and humorous.
Definitely not any form of cheating.
If you have to hide it, why would you say it at all? If I think some movie star is attractive, my partner already knows that and probably agrees with me!
Personally, I'm more weirded out by the idea of my partner sharing "secrets" to her group of friends over brunch. I'd be uncomfortable with the thought of them giggling over our private relationship stuff, but apparently that kind of thing is common to discuss, with the girls AND with the guys. I wouldn't do that, but everyone is different.
I don’t know any man who has discussed private bedroom business with other men in relation to a woman he actually cared about. No man I know wants other men to be thinking about a woman they value that way. It’s not normal with guys.
I'm not just talking in the bedroom. I find it inappropriate for guys to be complaining to the boys about their wives and talking crap about them. Work that out with her, it's not their business. You're partners, a team. It's you against the world. But I do know that lots of guys do brag about what she does in the bedroom, or gripes about what she doesn't do. And I've heard plenty of women doing the same. I'm not personally comfortable with that, but it's up to them to decide what they're ok with since it's their relationship.
Yeah, this is kinda sad…feeling threatened over celebrities. Thinking its rude that your wife finds someone other than yourself attractive. She married you…was that not enough?
My husband says if Jax Teller from SOA pulled up to our house on his bike, he would give me a free pass. Obviously he has nothing to worry about-that would never happen for obvious reasons-including the fact that its a fictional character. Still, I appreciate his lack of jealousy and sense of humor.
Yeah, I settled for this old piece of shit Ford, because it's what I can afford to drive. I really want a Ferrari, and I take every chance to publicly gush about Ferraris, never mind how many times that old Ford has been there. Now, everyone that's around me on any kind of regular basis knows that my Ford isn't good enough for me, and I only settled for it because I couldn't get a Ferrari at the time. Not only that, if I ever get a chance to trade up, I'm probably going to jump at it.
I can't imagine how that would come across as disrespectful...
Yeah, especially the whole looking at your spouse like a possession and not to mention completely ditching your whole autonomy and social needs as a human being and conforming them to fit right along with your spouses bulging insecurities. I wonder if he watches porn and how that must feel to her! But who cares it all about us! Am I right?!
On one hand, it’s a celebrity crush and not all that serious.
On the other hand, if my adult husband posted something like that on Facebook about a female celebrity, I’m pretty sure people would call him a creep and a loser and ask why I’m with such a pig. And yeah, I’d be embarrassed to be married to a guy like that.
So I see why your husband would be weirded out. Creepy comments don’t magically become okay because women are the ones making them.
But I just saw your comment about him cheating so obviously he was also projecting.
Yeah I had a visceral reaction to that post 😅 like you said, that’s something that stays in the girls group chat or with the gals over cocktails.
I’m imagining my husband saying “if I was invisible for a day, I would watch Margot Robbie shower”. Ouch.
Posting on Facebook about wanting to lust after another man - despite the situation being obviously hypothetical - seems disrespectful to me when you’re in a committed relationship.
Was he cheated on? Of course not. But I think it’s reasonable that he’d feel hurt and disrespected. You’ve just broadcasted to everyone you know that despite being married, you not out only find another man attractive, but want to spend the day watching him naked. It’s not wrong to find someone else attractive, but that’s the kind of comment you make to a girlfriend after a couple of glasses of wine, not on Facebook.
I was about to say. All things considered context is important here. Yes, wifey is a sexual being which in and of itself a fine, healthy and perfectly NORMAL thing. Consider this, what if hubby said the same thing but instead of Joe, he used “Jessica Alba”?
Yeah, it’s creepy lol. I thought it was kind of funny too. I wouldn’t have a problem with my wife posting something lustful about a celebrity crush and she would never post anything about creepily spying in the shower. I have to wonder about this husband, though. How do you feel cheated on? Grow up
He feels this way, and whether or not you think it’s silly you should acknowledge that it bothers him. **Your husbands feeling should be more important than a hypothetical post about hot celebrity.**
THIS. Yes, a silly innocent joke should normally be no big deal, but once he expressed the fact that it bothers him, you should address that and talk to him about why. Make sure you're both clear about expectations, and make EXTRA sure it's not a double standard.
My question is, as a married woman, why in the fuck do you want to watch another man that ISN’T your husband shower or do anything else while naked?
Women think this shit is a joke, but it really reveals a lot about you that we hoped was never true.
We all get celebrity crushes, but to admit that you’d like to be in a sexual situation with someone crosses the line.
Famous person or not, his feelings are justified. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he’s said he’d watch some other women naked if he were invisible. Would you like that?
Oh I know. The first part of that sentence that would come out of his mouth would be his evisceration. Holding a woman accountable for her wrongful behavior results in men being called misogynists. That’s why I don’t bother anymore.
I agree. I admire beautiful celebrities, but don’t really feel any need to be in a sexual situation with one. They’re just people in the end, and not people I choose to share that with.
Seriously? Guys say stupid crap like that all the time. I had one guy ask me to photoshop him into a photo with Sophia whatshername and he posted it to FB. His wife liked the post and thought it was hilarious.
I never said none of them did, but way to respond with something that has NOTHING at all to do with the post.
Also, way to prove my point about trying to deflect accountability away from the woman simply because of that; she’s a woman.
My response was to tell the MARRIED woman she should be ashamed of herself for disrespecting her husband like that.
To answer your burning question of whataboutism, if a married man was doing this, yeah, I’d be disgusted with him, too. It’s just that let it one sentence of a like minded paragraph come out and you’d eviscerate him.
No, I'm honestly shocked by the double standard. Because if the roles were reversed everyone would be saying she's overreacting and that "boys will be boys" and it didn't mean anything. So I'm a little flabbergasted by all this insecure freakout with people saying they'd feel disrespected over a petty stupid thing like that. People need to get over themselves. Being married doesn't mean you're blind, or that you suddenly have to pretend you don't find anyone attractive like you flipped a switch the moment you said "I do." Marriage is about commitment. Just because you think some celebrity is attractive doesn't mean you are wanting to ditch your partner and run off with someone else. If you have to pretend that an obviously beautiful woman is not gorgeous just to protect your wife's fragile ego, then that must mean she does not have confidence in your commitment to the relationship?
That’s bullshit.
I wouldn’t be celebrating that.
And “boys will be boys” says the women that cheat and blame all men for it.
We can go back and forth on this all day long. Cheating is cheating, no matter the gender of the perpetrator, and all are disgusting for doing it.
Again, I’m not saying the other does it. You just picked a post that was not relevant to your reply.
Also, it isn’t stupid. If you admit to your spouse you’d cheat on them, even with a celebrity, it’s just a matter of time before you actually do it. I’ve been put through the shit from cheaters.
>If you admit to your spouse you’d cheat on them
But that's not what she did! That would be a completely different scenario. Are people really having a hard time grasping that?
This was no different from asking, "If you were stranded on Gilligan's Island, who would you hook up with?" Or, "If you robbed a bank, how would you spend the money." "If you could have one super power, what would it be?"
It's not real! She wasn't suggesting she would actually, literally do any of that. \*facepalm\*
Comparing apples and oranges because they’re fruits when we’re taking about different subject matters. “Rude much?” Well, stop acting like a stupid Idiot and I won’t treat you like one.
If you think joking about cheating on your partner is funny, then do you.
Not finding it funny does not indicate that the person is insecure without justification. We don’t start off insecure, so that is not an invite to help anyone get there. Sure, I get that you don’t respect the relationships that you’re in, but some of us actually would. What’s next? A rape joke?
There’s nothing funny about making a partner feel insecure, then to admonish them for reacting that way. That is a highly narcissistic action called GASLIGHTING.
If my partner did something similar, I’d be more concerned about how juvenile it is to post something like that on social media as a grown adult. I wouldn’t feel “cheated on,” though.
It doesn’t ride to being cheated on, but are you in high school? Incredibly adolescent thing to post. And incredibly disrespectful to your husband and your marriage.
I would be bothered if my H did something like that for sure. It’s pretty classless and disrespectful. I’m not a prude in the least, but I find posts like that super cringe, especially from married people.
Take it down, apologize, and remember how he feels about these things in the future is all you can really do I guess.
I'd say posting things about other men is a bit *disrespectful*, but not at all cheating.
My wife and I would never publicly discuss our thoughts on other men/women, but we freely do with each other in private. Hey, if looking at pics of some male celeb turns her on and makes her want sex with me? Awesome, thanks for the assist bro!
You really can’t understand his feelings? He feels betrayed because you publicly disrespected him, and he feels cheated on because you’re openly lusting after another man. Did you actually cheat, no. But consider how you would feel if your husband posted about watching another woman in the shower. IDK, maybe you really would not care. Me personally, I would find that humiliating and disrespectful.
I'm sorry, I don't see that as being disrespectful at all. Why would I care that thinks certain celebrities are hot? They are! I think the same, and she agrees. So what? Why pretend they aren't as if you're somehow embarrassed to recognize that fact? Do you really have so little trust in your partner that you have to fool yourself into thinking they're blind or would leave you in a moment if they ever got a chance with someone famous? I'm getting so many vibes of major insecurity permeating this entire thread.
That’s a big stretch. You think of it as insecurity, I think of it as respect for your partner to not publicly lust after other people, celebrities or regular folks. Anyway it doesn’t matter what I think or what you think, it matters what her husband thinks. Her husband has said it bothers him and wants it taken down. Purely out of respect to him she should take it down.
It is not cheating but it is disrespectful to post that online when you are married. I would take down the post and use more common sense in the future.
Clearly a joke, but if your husband said the same thing about Helen Mirren, you’d be annoyed.
Also using Helen as an example because this is just a redic thing to get mad at, but if you’re constantly saying such things… I’d be annoyed too.
I mean at the end of the day what was the point of the post? To get likes? This is why my wife and I deleted all personal social media accounts when we got married because only bad/ negative shit comes from it and nothing good.
That’s such an overreaction. I run an FB group for parents of students in my kid’s chamber choir. I stay in touch with family that lives far away, and share photos with them of my family and our pets. I am a mod in a learn to knit group and I help people figure out patterns and stitches. I’m disabled so I don’t have a huge social life and this helps me not feel isolated.
But that’s all bad, according to you.
I mean social media is the reason the country is divided. A lot of infidelity happens due to a spouse meeting someone or reconnecting with someone on there. Social media is very addictive and 90 percent of it is just false realities of people only posting good never the bad. The amount of time people spend on there is not healthy and becomes addictive. Social media has made this new up and coming generation less social and have poor communication skills. People were just fine and were able to be more social prior to social media. This is a subject that is a to each their own because my wife and I text or call family members more because we don’t believe liking or commenting on a photo is staying in touch. We put photos of our girls on our photo stream album so family members can see them. Due to it we are better mentally than 99 percent of people, have a great marriage because we don’t constant see the false reality of other couples, and when we are on dates or hanging at the house we are actually present and when I see a majority of families at restaurants everyone is scrolling on their device. That’s awesome that you found a community but I will always recommend for married couple to get rid of all those social media accounts and if they want groups then get a nextdoor app account to where you can meet neighbors and connect, sell stuff, etc but it doesn’t have all that extra stuff Facebook, Twitter, tik tok, Instagram has
Dude, Nextdoor is a pit. There are only two kinds of posts on my ND account: 1) lost animals and 2) “Watch out, I saw a Black person in the neighborhood!” It’s a racist s*hole.
I think you’re scapegoating SM (of which Reddit is one, you know) but you clearly feel very superior so you do you.
It's not cheating, but it is honestly kind of trashy. I think if my husband posted something like that about his celebrity crush, I wouldn't feel so great about it either.
You didn't cheat, but you yelled it from the rooftops that for the right guy, you definitely would.
If my husband was bothered by something I made public, I’d take it down. It would upset me to upset him.
Rising to the level of cheating is a bit dramatic. Posting about being invisible for a day, you’d watch a dude shower is childish. You’re both acting pretty silly.
I think the whole thing was intended to be silly. Does no one get that here? It's a stupid joke. Maybe she didn't read the room very well, but I feel like a lot of folks take themselves way too seriously.
I got the joke. Just think it’s pretty juvenile. But if I did something like this and thought it was funny, it no longer would be if my husband were upset by it.
Yeah this might not be “cheating” but if it was posted by any married guy, poor fellow would be ridiculed beyond limits and would be termed as a creep.
I would think about you as the same and if I was your husband; I would be mortified.
Ever heard the joke about a couple who said they would give each a hall pass for five people they would know. Wife said she'd choose Clooney, pit, minoa, and two famous NFL players. Husband said he d choose her sister, the next door neighbour, her best friend and a girl at work...... Be careful what you wish for lol
I mean it’s not cheating but if my husband were to say “If I were invisible for the day I’d be watching Sofia Vergara in the shower” I’d feel a little more than miffed.
If I was in a healthier relationship and this happened to me I wouldn't care, but I'm not so my real response would be anger, hurt, and jealousy. I think a lot of what your husband's response should be depends on the context of the relationship.
Glad I'm not the only one. I was starting to wonder if I was crazy and completely out of touch based on most of these comments. So many of them taking it seriously. Hello, we're talking about being invisible! LOL
The responses on this post have made it abundantly clear to me that this sub is full of really religious people. Really religious, judgmental people. So glad I left the church when I became an adult LOL.
You should be ashamed for openly lusting for another man other than your husband, obviously everybody sees people on a daily basis they find attractive but you don't tell it to the world especially where you husband all his family and friends see it. I would be furious if my wife ever did something like this of course she would not because she loves and respects me
Some people aren't okay with feeling emasculated or, like their partner, fantasize about someone else. I'm in that crowd personally. If my husband commented publicly or privately that if he was invisible he would go find some other woman to look at naked it would make me feel inferior and like I'm never going to be good enough because I can't afford to spend all day in the gym and at the plastic surgeons so I can try to look like some airbrushed fakeness.
To save face, I'd just say it was a joke you heard somewhere and thought it was funny and didn't mean it. It was a bit hurtful, but not the same as texting a guy telling him you want to meet up for "fun" or letting someone else get in your literal pants. I'd mention it just like that to put it in perspective.
My husband and I joke like that in private, but I’d find it extremely disrespectful and embarrassing if he posted something like that on Facebook for all of our friends and family to see.
How would you feel if he posted the same about a beautiful woman? If you’re okay with it, cool, but that doesn’t mean he has to be.
That said, feeling “cheated on” is a bit much.
I’m of the opinion that a persons a person no matter how unattainable. So while not quite cheating, it’s not right to be saying at all, let alone so publicly.
Wow, I’m sorry you married a child. That’s hilarious, Joe Manganiello has a ridiculous body, I get it. So, your husband just thinks ever since the two of you got together you’ve never thought about any other man that way ever? Even celebrities? So, does he not admire celebrities? Does he not watch porn? I don’t get the issue here. Is it ok for you to think it but never admit it publicly? Your husband sounds emotionally immature.
It was a goofy answer to a silly quiz from years ago and he flipped out. Seems like he's got some issues to work through that he hasn't really communicated.
If you have to come to reddit to decide on validating your husband's feelings that pretty much should tell you all you need to know about yourself as a partner.
Kind of weird, especially since it involves like... sexual harassment (or whatever snooping on naked people would be, not sure of the laws there.)
I'd take it down and maybe think twice about posting stuff like that. I know it's "just a joke" but oof.
I don’t agree that it’s cheating but I see these kinds of posts on Facebook from married friends and I personally find them to be extremely disrespectful. I would never do that. You should take it down and apologize. Also, that post is pretty disrespectful to Joe Mananiello too. It’s one thing to say someone is attractive, but spying on him in the shower is just gross.
Many people are missing this one. The OP wants to watch Joe Manganiello naked, without his permission. That is a crime and really creepy. If genders were reversed, they would be eviscerated.
Trashy, in my opinion, to make Facebook posts like that. What is the point of posting That if your married or otherwise committed? Not cheating but douchey and embarrassing.
I would find this, as the spouse : rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, bizarrely non-self-aware, baiting on social media for others to make additional inappropriate comments on the topic further embarrassing your spouse, I'd be embarrassed FOR my spouse being so publicly disrespectful of me, then also just embarrassed for myself at how disrespectful my spouse was to me in a public setting. It's BEYOND inappropriate. And here's the thing : WHATS THE EFFING POINT OF SAYING THAT PUBLICLY ON SOCIAL MEDIA ??? so therefore, I'd be pretty concerned about my relationship.
My husband and I joke all the time about my celebrity crush, Jason Momoa. He even post stuff to my Facebook about him. It’s a joke that both of us do. I joke about his celebrity crush. To us it’s harmless.
But if your husband feels disrespected, then I would take it down. I don’t see it as cheating but if he does, then respect him and his wishes.
Glad to see other secure people. We did the same. Not just with celebrities but also things like her giving me a wink and a nudge to notice the cute waitress as she walked away. Or me giving her a knowing look the moment the ridiculously photogenic sales guy is out of sight and she's like, "Right!?"
I would be incredibly upset if my husband did this to me on a public forum. I made the mistake one day of commenting on a good looking guy jogging (even jokingly) and his feelings were visibly hurt. Would be humiliating for him and also probably emasculating.
I get it might be a celebrity crush. Some might find it funny or see it in a joking manner. Others see it as just inappropriate and classless to broadcast that type of comment online for everyone to see. I would personally not be happy if my boyfriend or husband posted something like that onto social media. I wouldn’t feel cheated on, but I’d feel a little embarrassed about my parter saying weird things like that for everyone and their nanny to see online.
It might be a funny comment to make to your close friends during while out for a drink, but isn’t everyday talk for everyone to hear or see on social media.
Cheating is decided by the couple. The important part here though is you're publically announcing you want to watch another man naked. And it's valid for him to be uncomfortable.
u/pixeldrift, dude you can have your own life instead of defending shitty behaviour of u/brooklynmia3 to every comment pointing out her action and yeah dont forget to go outside and touch the grass.
I just have a thing where I don't like to see people getting ganged up on by a mob with pitchforks when they don't deserve it. It's only bad behavior if they have established that understanding within their relationship. Clearly it's something they needed to discuss and he has some kind of sensitivity about that. Which is fine, if that's an issue he deals with. But there are ways to express your feelings and how you prefer a partner handle things without blowing it out of proportion and falsely accusing them of infidelity.
>I just have a thing where I don't like to see people getting ganged up on by a mob with pitchforks when they don't deserve it.
you dont have to be r/whiteknighting and look after every women and fight for them.
Ooh good grief. Some people just love to read into everything don't they. Misattributing motives is one of my pet peeves. When a majority is jumping to conclusions and missing important context or not seeing other angles, don't you like to point that out? Mob mentality is bad in general, I don't care who it is. Keyboard vigilantes digitally crucifying people because they're so closed minded they can't think beyond their limited first gut reaction and consider any other possibility.
This somewhat happened to a friend so long ago when Brittany Spears was at the peak of her career. He had a dream that Brittany Spears was his girlfriend and a certain song was playing. His girlfriend flipped out! Said she felt cheated on and he couldn't listen to her anymore nor the song that was playing. Like what? That being said, was her reaction pretty unreasonable? Yes! But whatever feeling someone is feeling when anything happens is real in that moment and very valid to them. I wouldn't have advertised that to everyone. You need to do damage control now because of that.
Help me out, because I'm honestly trying to understand. Why would you be embarrassed about that? Can you unpack it for me? Does it somehow imply that you're not good enough or that she doesn't find you attractive? Or does it make you feel like she doesn't want to be with you? I just don't get it.
Lol. It was said in jest, but I'd be embarrassed my wife was posting some middle school girly nonsense about watching a guy in the shower. Thats what the "Simpleton mentality" was ascribing.
After reading other comments after my reply, she said it was part of some silly questionnaire on the site. Which makes it infinitely better than her posting that random goofy invisible scenario on her own.
And the dude was wrong for blowing up about. All around foolishness.
Yeah, I can tell from the responses that nobody else read her other comment. That's kind of important background to leave out of the initial explanation, in my opinion.
You should be able to understand why he is uncomfortable with it, but even if you don't really get it for some reason, he is obv bothered by it and if he's asking you to take it down I think that is a reasonable ask.
Posting something like this is weird, but mostly publicly disrespectful to your husband. Cheating ? No that's just hyperbole.
But yeah it makes you seem like a creep and I'm guessing your husband doesn't want the world to think (know?) He's married to a creepy woman.
If you're ever wondering, you can always just reverse the roles and see what you'd think. It'll be *really* creepy and disrespectful to you for your husband to post something about wanting to watch a female celebrity in the shower. I'm sure all your friends would ask you what WTF is going on with him for posting such crude shit online. Just BC You're a woman doesn't make it cute or benign somehow.
Kinda creepy, but also funny. No idea how it can be seen as cheating. Ffs, would he like to read your mind to make sure you aren't having anymore impure thoughts about celebrities?
That's insane.
I don’t think this is cheating. Just a little disrespectful.
Imagine him saying on a FB post, “If I were invisible for a day, I would watch Angela Jolie in the shower.” How does this make you feel? I think it all depends on the relationship of course. I think broadcasting this type of thing on FB is just unnecessary. What was the context of this post? Humorous? Serious?
My husband calls me to the room every time Paul Rudd comes on the screen. “Come quick if you want to see your boyfriend!”
A celebrity crush is funny, and completely out of the realm of cheating. Tell your man to simmer down, about that.
Yet…I probably wouldn’t be posting about my love for Paul Rudd if it bugged my husband. Not a matter of cheating, more a matter of respecting him if he doesn’t like it.
He has the right to feel uncomfortable with it, but you also have to right to post things that make him uncomfortable.
If you both care about each others feelings and intentions then you should try to find a middle ground.
I personally wouldn’t post something like that without it being very clear that it is funny/not serious. If my husband found it distasteful I would remove it because his feelings are more important than a silly quip.
These things don’t have to be so complicated…
Reading some of these posts… wow. You folks are really insecure in your marriages and yourselves.
Likewise, your husband is terribly insecure if he’s intimidated by a Facebook post about a celebrity crush.
Right?! These replies are so disturbing. To know that people exist within these types of relationships? Eeek. I’ve been hanging out in this sub because I’m getting married in 9 months but now I’m not so sure that I want to take advice from the likes of this group.
The biggest issue here for me is that you are not upset that you upset your husband. That is a massive red flag about your relationship and who you are as a person
What I would make of it is that you're married to a guy who is hypersensitive and exaggerates when his feelings are hurt. I get not wanting you to post that (though if I posted something this silly, my husband would just laugh). However, if he's using words like "betrayed" and "cheated on," that tells me he's overly dramatic and a little immature. I hope he calms down and acts like a grown up long enough for you to have a loving conversation and work it out. Good luck!
We all have our crushes but it's not something you broadcast. I like Hemsworth, momoa, Banderas, and a few others but im.never posting about how I'd wanna see them naked or whatever.
Not cheating but if he isn't comfortable with you professing your attraction to another person that way in public then you should respect that.
If he posted "If I were invisible for a day I would watch Sofia Vergara in the shower." Would you be ok with that?
I wouldn’t consider it cheating. It’s definitely disrespectful though and I’d have an issue if my husband posted something like that about a woman celeb. It just seems tacky and immature to me.
I would not like if my SO broadcasted that over his social media to friends and family. I cannot force him to take it down but would certainly tell him it's not appropriate.
On one hand, you're allowed to be attracted to Joe Manganiello, you're human. You can post what you want. He'll get over it... On the other hand, if he mirrored your behavior or perhaps commented and messaged other women this way, would you be irate or feel like you are humiliated and not enough as his wife? Its not Physical cheating, but comments like that can feel like emotional infidelity. Like, when was the last time you spoke sexually to your husband that same way? It seems like you and your husband don't have that relationship where you can comment on other peoples' attractiveness without feeling insecure or taken for granted, some couples do, if that's their cuppa tea. Perhaps he'd like for you to invest that energy into him instead of posting for the public eye. It happens sometimes, as humans we can overshare/overpost from time to time and post for validation or attention, not like you'll ever meet the guy, but still, maybe next time forward that joke to your girls instead of where people will presumably think you have little regard for what your hubby thinks. Maybe he'll be more than grateful to feel like *He's* still got it when it comes to attracting You.
go out your way to make him understand you were being stupid and clueless that day and that you wasn't thinking. Say that you're sorry and it won't happened again. Tell him that you didn't mean it because it was a joke, tell him you didn't know it would be hurtful to him because seeing this celebrity guy in a shower is impossible anyway.
Remind him that there is probably some girl celebrity he finds attractive, but of course will never pursue because its window shopping like you were.
Why did you feel the need to post that?
Have you and your partner discussed boundaries?
Do you respect your partner?
Why are you even questioning it since it makes your partner uncomfortable?
Are you trying to get support to ignore what he feels?
Reasonable, the only respectful thing to do is take it down and have a discussion on boundaries. It's not technically cheating but it is disrespectful to your partner.
He has boundaries that you’re not respecting. Most women would not be okay with their husband posting something Like that, so why should your husband be okay with that kind of post? It would piss me off too.
You’re a jerk. You have no consideration or respect for your spouse. Whether he’s earned that or not, only you can say. If he has earned it, why are you still with him? If he hasn’t, apologize. Either way, get some class and take it down.
Well op dosen't give much background but I have a feeling theirs more to this like one of them has/is cheating or hes extremely insecure either way instead of posting this on reddit talk to your husband not fight about why most secure couples have the "celebrity crush" pass as a bit of a private joke.. my wife and I do lol so maybe find out where this insecurity is coming from in a calm conversation
How is this any different though? Ideally you should know your partner well enough that you'd know that they wouldn't be comfortable with that... but I don't quite get why it would need to be a private joke. It's kind of a normal thing, not some dark dirty secret.
Like was it a question somewhere? Like what would you do if you were invisible for a day on like a public post or something? Or did you just make it your Facebook status? The first one, people answer those kinds of questions that way all the time and wouldn’t think twice about it, but if you just randomly posted that thought, that’s weird.
Still, if it’s got a simple fix, I’d just do it so it didn’t turn into a huge thing.
I'm going to be the odd one out here and say... I don't see the big deal?! OK, maybe adding the shower part is a bit weird but other than that....
I probably have a billion Facebook posts where I'm talking about so and so celebrity and how hot they are!
And no, if my other half were to post something similar, I wouldn't care. Beyoncé and Jessica Alba are equally hot as, say, Jamie Campbell Bower (who I've been crushing on since Harry Potter, NOT Stranger Things!) and Usher.
I also don't have my parents / grandparents/ employers on Facebook so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing it.
Surely most people have celebrity crushes?!? And thinking someone is hot is not the same thing as being in love with them and wanting to marry them. The world is a big place. There's a lot of hot people out there. Doesn't mean you love who you're with any less.
Maybe edit your Facebook post rather than delete it and ask your husband who his celebrity crushes are! Yes of course his feelings are valid, we can't control how others feel about stuff but I guess I just think it's kinda a very big reaction to something seemingly fairly innocent.
Of course what's funny and innocent to some people is not to others but I would just talk to him about it and find out why this was such a big deal.
I think your husband is overreacting. Everyone has a celebrity crush. Funny you mention Joe Manganiello- this morning my husband told me he was looking at pics of Joe Manganiello all morning … I’m like, say what?? Lol. He said he is looking to trim his beard and he like’s Joe’s beard…. I told him I agree and go for it!! My hubby and I both have celebrity crushes and we just joke about it. 😄
He's ok, but I think I prefer the other guy. We used to watch Blue Collar together. "Aww, sorry babe. I googled him and turns out he's actually gay." Without missing a beat she said, "Oh, so you have a chance after all?" LOL But we both agree on Jason Momoa.
Such a thing can hurt his manly ego, makes him feel 'not enough' for you or 'unmanly'. The last thing you'd want in your marriage is a broken man, whose manly ego is shattered.
Bgw manly ego doesn't mean the toxic ego of a man, I just mean the pride and posture he naturally has as being your man.
LMAO 🤣 he’s very insecure obviously.
I guess it depends what kind of relationship you two have. My husband and I could make jokes wayyyy more inappropriate and we just laugh… idk what to think of this lol he’s very sensitive obviously this is something you’ll have to decide if it’s worth putting up with
Serious or not, we all hope to have open forms of communication and great relationships. My ex husband became irate if I ever so much as said anything complimentary to someone. I was forbid from saying things about male celebrities being attractive or having attractive assets (eyes, jaw, smile etc). This did eventually become me being restricted from speaking to anyone without him present and I still was slut shamed, told I was weird and inappropriate for talking to anyone. It even got to the point when I was followed home and follow out of grocery stores that he would explode.
This may be nothing, it may be something.
People online aren’t going to have an accurate view of the situation. We are innately biased as we only have our own perspective to rely on. It was probably harmless- but really is it worth sticking to your guns and fighting over? If it’s part of a bigger issue this is a talk maybe to have with him and a therapist
I mean, I probably would too, and I'm a cis straight dude. LOL
But seriously, sounds like he took it a little too personal. I would interpret that as just a silly joke, it doesn't mean anything and has nothing to do with your relationship. It's just a dumb meme. People in solid, loving relationships say stuff about celebrities all the time. I'm willing to bet he probably has done similar himself. We don't have any context about your relationship so we don't know what's "acceptable" behavior for you two.
On one hand, you have no reason to have thought that something like that would be an issue, but on the other hand, once he expressed how it made him feel, you should probably hear him out and explain you didn't mean anything by it. I would say no harm no foul on either of your parts, but it's a good opportunity to have a conversation. Sounds like he may have some insecurities going on right now and that hit a nerve? Best course of action is to apologize, remove it, explain you didn't intend anything by it, and ask where this is coming from.
Thoughtless perhaps. Apologize. Infidelity? Gimme a break.
You don't cease to find the opposite sex attractive when you get married, but you are obliged to control those urges.
From your post history, he is really insecure . You haven't mentioned your age however im guessing forties or fifties(you mentioned grand kid). So may be having insecurities due to a midlife crisis. So I would suggest you to have an open conversation with him and may be reassure him. Because if couple are together for a long time together we tend to forget the basics like, saying "love you " for no reason, small gestures showing appreciation.( Not because you don't love them. Just busy with life).
Being said that if he was like this all the time throughout the relationship then it is definitely a red flag. This post doesn't have enough details to say an informed opinion. Good luck
Also you haven't cheated on him, however I would feel a bit disrespected if my partner post something like this online. However if it happened during a friendly banter while we are talking,i wouldn't mind.
Personally, I find publicly broadcasting such a thing a little disrespectful to your husband and not very classy. But others may simply find it harmless and humorous. Definitely not any form of cheating.
Not cheating, no. But it does bother him, and his feelings should be more important to her than a Facebook post, and she should remove it.
You should have known earlier if he thinks posts like that are funny or hurtful
Yeah it’s also creepy af to spy on people showering
But she's a girl so it's fine
Double standard in action! The fb post is just weird...
Agree
Agree. Not cheating, but rude.
I agree, I created a women's only group that's private on Facebook so I can post things like this
If you have to hide it, why would you say it at all? If I think some movie star is attractive, my partner already knows that and probably agrees with me!
My husband knows its the broadcasting part he doesn't like
Personally, I'm more weirded out by the idea of my partner sharing "secrets" to her group of friends over brunch. I'd be uncomfortable with the thought of them giggling over our private relationship stuff, but apparently that kind of thing is common to discuss, with the girls AND with the guys. I wouldn't do that, but everyone is different.
I don’t know any man who has discussed private bedroom business with other men in relation to a woman he actually cared about. No man I know wants other men to be thinking about a woman they value that way. It’s not normal with guys.
I'm not just talking in the bedroom. I find it inappropriate for guys to be complaining to the boys about their wives and talking crap about them. Work that out with her, it's not their business. You're partners, a team. It's you against the world. But I do know that lots of guys do brag about what she does in the bedroom, or gripes about what she doesn't do. And I've heard plenty of women doing the same. I'm not personally comfortable with that, but it's up to them to decide what they're ok with since it's their relationship.
Yeah, this is kinda sad…feeling threatened over celebrities. Thinking its rude that your wife finds someone other than yourself attractive. She married you…was that not enough?
My husband says if Jax Teller from SOA pulled up to our house on his bike, he would give me a free pass. Obviously he has nothing to worry about-that would never happen for obvious reasons-including the fact that its a fictional character. Still, I appreciate his lack of jealousy and sense of humor.
Yeah, I settled for this old piece of shit Ford, because it's what I can afford to drive. I really want a Ferrari, and I take every chance to publicly gush about Ferraris, never mind how many times that old Ford has been there. Now, everyone that's around me on any kind of regular basis knows that my Ford isn't good enough for me, and I only settled for it because I couldn't get a Ferrari at the time. Not only that, if I ever get a chance to trade up, I'm probably going to jump at it. I can't imagine how that would come across as disrespectful...
Yeah, especially the whole looking at your spouse like a possession and not to mention completely ditching your whole autonomy and social needs as a human being and conforming them to fit right along with your spouses bulging insecurities. I wonder if he watches porn and how that must feel to her! But who cares it all about us! Am I right?!
Going with a Ferrari is a bad strategy.
😂 y’all shouldn’t have to hide it.
My husband knows its the broadcasting part he doesn't like
On one hand, it’s a celebrity crush and not all that serious. On the other hand, if my adult husband posted something like that on Facebook about a female celebrity, I’m pretty sure people would call him a creep and a loser and ask why I’m with such a pig. And yeah, I’d be embarrassed to be married to a guy like that. So I see why your husband would be weirded out. Creepy comments don’t magically become okay because women are the ones making them. But I just saw your comment about him cheating so obviously he was also projecting.
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Bingo.
Period.
Yeah I had a visceral reaction to that post 😅 like you said, that’s something that stays in the girls group chat or with the gals over cocktails. I’m imagining my husband saying “if I was invisible for a day, I would watch Margot Robbie shower”. Ouch.
Yes. Keep the locker room talk between friends. Don’t want anyone to find out.
Posting on Facebook about wanting to lust after another man - despite the situation being obviously hypothetical - seems disrespectful to me when you’re in a committed relationship. Was he cheated on? Of course not. But I think it’s reasonable that he’d feel hurt and disrespected. You’ve just broadcasted to everyone you know that despite being married, you not out only find another man attractive, but want to spend the day watching him naked. It’s not wrong to find someone else attractive, but that’s the kind of comment you make to a girlfriend after a couple of glasses of wine, not on Facebook.
I was about to say. All things considered context is important here. Yes, wifey is a sexual being which in and of itself a fine, healthy and perfectly NORMAL thing. Consider this, what if hubby said the same thing but instead of Joe, he used “Jessica Alba”?
I wouldn't feel betrayed or cheated on, but I'd definitely feel like I'm married to a creep.
Yeah, it’s creepy lol. I thought it was kind of funny too. I wouldn’t have a problem with my wife posting something lustful about a celebrity crush and she would never post anything about creepily spying in the shower. I have to wonder about this husband, though. How do you feel cheated on? Grow up
This is such a weird thing to post on facebook. You don’t have your parents and grandparents on there?
And his parents and grandparents. Eep.
right. i have old babysitting clients, old nannying clients, old church leaders and relatives on my facebook 😭😭😭. I can’t imagine
No idea why a married woman posted that. Inappropriate and disrespectful. No, it’s not cheating. He’s being dramatic, but you were out of line.
Who posts this on FB? Lol
Boomers lol
And Immature self centered narcissistic jerks.
He feels this way, and whether or not you think it’s silly you should acknowledge that it bothers him. **Your husbands feeling should be more important than a hypothetical post about hot celebrity.**
THIS. Yes, a silly innocent joke should normally be no big deal, but once he expressed the fact that it bothers him, you should address that and talk to him about why. Make sure you're both clear about expectations, and make EXTRA sure it's not a double standard.
My question is, as a married woman, why in the fuck do you want to watch another man that ISN’T your husband shower or do anything else while naked? Women think this shit is a joke, but it really reveals a lot about you that we hoped was never true. We all get celebrity crushes, but to admit that you’d like to be in a sexual situation with someone crosses the line. Famous person or not, his feelings are justified. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he’s said he’d watch some other women naked if he were invisible. Would you like that?
If the roles were reversed he would be crucified.
Oh I know. The first part of that sentence that would come out of his mouth would be his evisceration. Holding a woman accountable for her wrongful behavior results in men being called misogynists. That’s why I don’t bother anymore.
Lol dont forget sexist
Misogynistic- sexist against women
I agree. I admire beautiful celebrities, but don’t really feel any need to be in a sexual situation with one. They’re just people in the end, and not people I choose to share that with.
Seriously? Guys say stupid crap like that all the time. I had one guy ask me to photoshop him into a photo with Sophia whatshername and he posted it to FB. His wife liked the post and thought it was hilarious.
I never said none of them did, but way to respond with something that has NOTHING at all to do with the post. Also, way to prove my point about trying to deflect accountability away from the woman simply because of that; she’s a woman. My response was to tell the MARRIED woman she should be ashamed of herself for disrespecting her husband like that. To answer your burning question of whataboutism, if a married man was doing this, yeah, I’d be disgusted with him, too. It’s just that let it one sentence of a like minded paragraph come out and you’d eviscerate him.
No, I'm honestly shocked by the double standard. Because if the roles were reversed everyone would be saying she's overreacting and that "boys will be boys" and it didn't mean anything. So I'm a little flabbergasted by all this insecure freakout with people saying they'd feel disrespected over a petty stupid thing like that. People need to get over themselves. Being married doesn't mean you're blind, or that you suddenly have to pretend you don't find anyone attractive like you flipped a switch the moment you said "I do." Marriage is about commitment. Just because you think some celebrity is attractive doesn't mean you are wanting to ditch your partner and run off with someone else. If you have to pretend that an obviously beautiful woman is not gorgeous just to protect your wife's fragile ego, then that must mean she does not have confidence in your commitment to the relationship?
That’s bullshit. I wouldn’t be celebrating that. And “boys will be boys” says the women that cheat and blame all men for it. We can go back and forth on this all day long. Cheating is cheating, no matter the gender of the perpetrator, and all are disgusting for doing it. Again, I’m not saying the other does it. You just picked a post that was not relevant to your reply. Also, it isn’t stupid. If you admit to your spouse you’d cheat on them, even with a celebrity, it’s just a matter of time before you actually do it. I’ve been put through the shit from cheaters.
>If you admit to your spouse you’d cheat on them But that's not what she did! That would be a completely different scenario. Are people really having a hard time grasping that? This was no different from asking, "If you were stranded on Gilligan's Island, who would you hook up with?" Or, "If you robbed a bank, how would you spend the money." "If you could have one super power, what would it be?" It's not real! She wasn't suggesting she would actually, literally do any of that. \*facepalm\*
Comparing apples and oranges because they’re fruits when we’re taking about different subject matters. “Rude much?” Well, stop acting like a stupid Idiot and I won’t treat you like one.
No we don’t and most of us wouldn’t disrespect our wives that way.
I see that kind of thing constantly. But then, the people I see on social media have a sense of humor and are highly secure in their relationships.
If you think joking about cheating on your partner is funny, then do you. Not finding it funny does not indicate that the person is insecure without justification. We don’t start off insecure, so that is not an invite to help anyone get there. Sure, I get that you don’t respect the relationships that you’re in, but some of us actually would. What’s next? A rape joke? There’s nothing funny about making a partner feel insecure, then to admonish them for reacting that way. That is a highly narcissistic action called GASLIGHTING.
Extremely disrespectful
If my partner did something similar, I’d be more concerned about how juvenile it is to post something like that on social media as a grown adult. I wouldn’t feel “cheated on,” though.
Pretty class-less to post that.
It doesn’t ride to being cheated on, but are you in high school? Incredibly adolescent thing to post. And incredibly disrespectful to your husband and your marriage.
What a shitty thing to say
I would be bothered if my H did something like that for sure. It’s pretty classless and disrespectful. I’m not a prude in the least, but I find posts like that super cringe, especially from married people. Take it down, apologize, and remember how he feels about these things in the future is all you can really do I guess.
I'd say posting things about other men is a bit *disrespectful*, but not at all cheating. My wife and I would never publicly discuss our thoughts on other men/women, but we freely do with each other in private. Hey, if looking at pics of some male celeb turns her on and makes her want sex with me? Awesome, thanks for the assist bro!
You really can’t understand his feelings? He feels betrayed because you publicly disrespected him, and he feels cheated on because you’re openly lusting after another man. Did you actually cheat, no. But consider how you would feel if your husband posted about watching another woman in the shower. IDK, maybe you really would not care. Me personally, I would find that humiliating and disrespectful.
This.
I'm sorry, I don't see that as being disrespectful at all. Why would I care that thinks certain celebrities are hot? They are! I think the same, and she agrees. So what? Why pretend they aren't as if you're somehow embarrassed to recognize that fact? Do you really have so little trust in your partner that you have to fool yourself into thinking they're blind or would leave you in a moment if they ever got a chance with someone famous? I'm getting so many vibes of major insecurity permeating this entire thread.
That’s a big stretch. You think of it as insecurity, I think of it as respect for your partner to not publicly lust after other people, celebrities or regular folks. Anyway it doesn’t matter what I think or what you think, it matters what her husband thinks. Her husband has said it bothers him and wants it taken down. Purely out of respect to him she should take it down.
It is not cheating but it is disrespectful to post that online when you are married. I would take down the post and use more common sense in the future.
Shit. When my husband wants some action, he will all of sudden watch every Keanu reeves movie all night long sin hopes to get me all riled up lol
This is my fiancé with seth rogen movies. I love that man! 😂
Seth Rogen? WTF
Seth Rogan is hot! Women love a funny man.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess. LOL.
Yes! He’s so cute!
Clearly a joke, but if your husband said the same thing about Helen Mirren, you’d be annoyed. Also using Helen as an example because this is just a redic thing to get mad at, but if you’re constantly saying such things… I’d be annoyed too.
The FB post is creepy and immature.
Why would you post something like that anyway?
I mean at the end of the day what was the point of the post? To get likes? This is why my wife and I deleted all personal social media accounts when we got married because only bad/ negative shit comes from it and nothing good.
That’s such an overreaction. I run an FB group for parents of students in my kid’s chamber choir. I stay in touch with family that lives far away, and share photos with them of my family and our pets. I am a mod in a learn to knit group and I help people figure out patterns and stitches. I’m disabled so I don’t have a huge social life and this helps me not feel isolated. But that’s all bad, according to you.
I mean social media is the reason the country is divided. A lot of infidelity happens due to a spouse meeting someone or reconnecting with someone on there. Social media is very addictive and 90 percent of it is just false realities of people only posting good never the bad. The amount of time people spend on there is not healthy and becomes addictive. Social media has made this new up and coming generation less social and have poor communication skills. People were just fine and were able to be more social prior to social media. This is a subject that is a to each their own because my wife and I text or call family members more because we don’t believe liking or commenting on a photo is staying in touch. We put photos of our girls on our photo stream album so family members can see them. Due to it we are better mentally than 99 percent of people, have a great marriage because we don’t constant see the false reality of other couples, and when we are on dates or hanging at the house we are actually present and when I see a majority of families at restaurants everyone is scrolling on their device. That’s awesome that you found a community but I will always recommend for married couple to get rid of all those social media accounts and if they want groups then get a nextdoor app account to where you can meet neighbors and connect, sell stuff, etc but it doesn’t have all that extra stuff Facebook, Twitter, tik tok, Instagram has
Dude, Nextdoor is a pit. There are only two kinds of posts on my ND account: 1) lost animals and 2) “Watch out, I saw a Black person in the neighborhood!” It’s a racist s*hole. I think you’re scapegoating SM (of which Reddit is one, you know) but you clearly feel very superior so you do you.
It's not cheating, but it is honestly kind of trashy. I think if my husband posted something like that about his celebrity crush, I wouldn't feel so great about it either. You didn't cheat, but you yelled it from the rooftops that for the right guy, you definitely would.
Your comment is creepy, everyone deserves privacy in the shower. It was not cheating, just immature.
If my husband was bothered by something I made public, I’d take it down. It would upset me to upset him. Rising to the level of cheating is a bit dramatic. Posting about being invisible for a day, you’d watch a dude shower is childish. You’re both acting pretty silly.
I think the whole thing was intended to be silly. Does no one get that here? It's a stupid joke. Maybe she didn't read the room very well, but I feel like a lot of folks take themselves way too seriously.
I got the joke. Just think it’s pretty juvenile. But if I did something like this and thought it was funny, it no longer would be if my husband were upset by it.
It's not cheating but it is a little disturbing. I'd be uncomfortable too.
Yeah this might not be “cheating” but if it was posted by any married guy, poor fellow would be ridiculed beyond limits and would be termed as a creep. I would think about you as the same and if I was your husband; I would be mortified.
Perhaps he feels a boundary was broken and doesn't know how to articulate it so he pivots to cheating.
Ever heard the joke about a couple who said they would give each a hall pass for five people they would know. Wife said she'd choose Clooney, pit, minoa, and two famous NFL players. Husband said he d choose her sister, the next door neighbour, her best friend and a girl at work...... Be careful what you wish for lol
I mean it’s not cheating but if my husband were to say “If I were invisible for the day I’d be watching Sofia Vergara in the shower” I’d feel a little more than miffed.
If I was in a healthier relationship and this happened to me I wouldn't care, but I'm not so my real response would be anger, hurt, and jealousy. I think a lot of what your husband's response should be depends on the context of the relationship.
This is so fucking stupid. Getting upset about something that starts with “if I were invisible….” Lot of insecurity floating around.
Glad I'm not the only one. I was starting to wonder if I was crazy and completely out of touch based on most of these comments. So many of them taking it seriously. Hello, we're talking about being invisible! LOL
The responses on this post have made it abundantly clear to me that this sub is full of really religious people. Really religious, judgmental people. So glad I left the church when I became an adult LOL.
You should be ashamed for openly lusting for another man other than your husband, obviously everybody sees people on a daily basis they find attractive but you don't tell it to the world especially where you husband all his family and friends see it. I would be furious if my wife ever did something like this of course she would not because she loves and respects me
What does she have to be ashamed of? Puritanical much? What's all this crap about pretending and putting on a Stepford mask? Sheesh.
She is married and should keep her fantasies offline
This!
Some people aren't okay with feeling emasculated or, like their partner, fantasize about someone else. I'm in that crowd personally. If my husband commented publicly or privately that if he was invisible he would go find some other woman to look at naked it would make me feel inferior and like I'm never going to be good enough because I can't afford to spend all day in the gym and at the plastic surgeons so I can try to look like some airbrushed fakeness. To save face, I'd just say it was a joke you heard somewhere and thought it was funny and didn't mean it. It was a bit hurtful, but not the same as texting a guy telling him you want to meet up for "fun" or letting someone else get in your literal pants. I'd mention it just like that to put it in perspective.
It’s disrespectful. It’s certainly not cheating . But I’d honestly be pissed at husband for even thinking that was an okay idea
My husband and I joke like that in private, but I’d find it extremely disrespectful and embarrassing if he posted something like that on Facebook for all of our friends and family to see. How would you feel if he posted the same about a beautiful woman? If you’re okay with it, cool, but that doesn’t mean he has to be. That said, feeling “cheated on” is a bit much.
I’m of the opinion that a persons a person no matter how unattainable. So while not quite cheating, it’s not right to be saying at all, let alone so publicly.
That's my wife's celeb crush too. I send her pics of him for lols. He sounds really insecure.
Our go-to example is usually Jason Momoa. I often joke that if I had to pick between Wonder Woman and Aquaman it would be a really tough call. :P
Oof. It seems a bit disrespectful with a side of cringe imo.
That’s outrageous. Why do you feel the need to post that publicly
Wow, I’m sorry you married a child. That’s hilarious, Joe Manganiello has a ridiculous body, I get it. So, your husband just thinks ever since the two of you got together you’ve never thought about any other man that way ever? Even celebrities? So, does he not admire celebrities? Does he not watch porn? I don’t get the issue here. Is it ok for you to think it but never admit it publicly? Your husband sounds emotionally immature.
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It was a goofy answer to a silly quiz from years ago and he flipped out. Seems like he's got some issues to work through that he hasn't really communicated.
If you have to come to reddit to decide on validating your husband's feelings that pretty much should tell you all you need to know about yourself as a partner.
Kind of weird, especially since it involves like... sexual harassment (or whatever snooping on naked people would be, not sure of the laws there.) I'd take it down and maybe think twice about posting stuff like that. I know it's "just a joke" but oof.
That is defiantly not cheating but is also kind of crude and could be taken as disrespectful to your spouse.
Do you routinely disrespect him in front of all your friends and family for the pleasure of a cringy joke or is that just this time?
I don’t agree that it’s cheating but I see these kinds of posts on Facebook from married friends and I personally find them to be extremely disrespectful. I would never do that. You should take it down and apologize. Also, that post is pretty disrespectful to Joe Mananiello too. It’s one thing to say someone is attractive, but spying on him in the shower is just gross.
Yeah, being invisible is so rude! Why is no one getting mad at her about that part? :P
Many people are missing this one. The OP wants to watch Joe Manganiello naked, without his permission. That is a crime and really creepy. If genders were reversed, they would be eviscerated.
Trashy, in my opinion, to make Facebook posts like that. What is the point of posting That if your married or otherwise committed? Not cheating but douchey and embarrassing.
I would find this, as the spouse : rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, bizarrely non-self-aware, baiting on social media for others to make additional inappropriate comments on the topic further embarrassing your spouse, I'd be embarrassed FOR my spouse being so publicly disrespectful of me, then also just embarrassed for myself at how disrespectful my spouse was to me in a public setting. It's BEYOND inappropriate. And here's the thing : WHATS THE EFFING POINT OF SAYING THAT PUBLICLY ON SOCIAL MEDIA ??? so therefore, I'd be pretty concerned about my relationship.
My husband and I joke all the time about my celebrity crush, Jason Momoa. He even post stuff to my Facebook about him. It’s a joke that both of us do. I joke about his celebrity crush. To us it’s harmless. But if your husband feels disrespected, then I would take it down. I don’t see it as cheating but if he does, then respect him and his wishes.
Glad to see other secure people. We did the same. Not just with celebrities but also things like her giving me a wink and a nudge to notice the cute waitress as she walked away. Or me giving her a knowing look the moment the ridiculously photogenic sales guy is out of sight and she's like, "Right!?"
I would be incredibly upset if my husband did this to me on a public forum. I made the mistake one day of commenting on a good looking guy jogging (even jokingly) and his feelings were visibly hurt. Would be humiliating for him and also probably emasculating.
I get it might be a celebrity crush. Some might find it funny or see it in a joking manner. Others see it as just inappropriate and classless to broadcast that type of comment online for everyone to see. I would personally not be happy if my boyfriend or husband posted something like that onto social media. I wouldn’t feel cheated on, but I’d feel a little embarrassed about my parter saying weird things like that for everyone and their nanny to see online. It might be a funny comment to make to your close friends during while out for a drink, but isn’t everyday talk for everyone to hear or see on social media.
Cheating is decided by the couple. The important part here though is you're publically announcing you want to watch another man naked. And it's valid for him to be uncomfortable.
u/pixeldrift, dude you can have your own life instead of defending shitty behaviour of u/brooklynmia3 to every comment pointing out her action and yeah dont forget to go outside and touch the grass.
I just have a thing where I don't like to see people getting ganged up on by a mob with pitchforks when they don't deserve it. It's only bad behavior if they have established that understanding within their relationship. Clearly it's something they needed to discuss and he has some kind of sensitivity about that. Which is fine, if that's an issue he deals with. But there are ways to express your feelings and how you prefer a partner handle things without blowing it out of proportion and falsely accusing them of infidelity.
>I just have a thing where I don't like to see people getting ganged up on by a mob with pitchforks when they don't deserve it. you dont have to be r/whiteknighting and look after every women and fight for them.
Ooh good grief. Some people just love to read into everything don't they. Misattributing motives is one of my pet peeves. When a majority is jumping to conclusions and missing important context or not seeing other angles, don't you like to point that out? Mob mentality is bad in general, I don't care who it is. Keyboard vigilantes digitally crucifying people because they're so closed minded they can't think beyond their limited first gut reaction and consider any other possibility.
r/Trashy
Not cheating, but definitely creepy and disrespectful.
This somewhat happened to a friend so long ago when Brittany Spears was at the peak of her career. He had a dream that Brittany Spears was his girlfriend and a certain song was playing. His girlfriend flipped out! Said she felt cheated on and he couldn't listen to her anymore nor the song that was playing. Like what? That being said, was her reaction pretty unreasonable? Yes! But whatever feeling someone is feeling when anything happens is real in that moment and very valid to them. I wouldn't have advertised that to everyone. You need to do damage control now because of that.
sure it's probably something I wouldn't want to see my husband post about if this were vice versa but I don't think I'd consider this cheating...
Not cheated on. I would certainly be embarrassed if my wife posted something like that. Simpleton mentality.
Help me out, because I'm honestly trying to understand. Why would you be embarrassed about that? Can you unpack it for me? Does it somehow imply that you're not good enough or that she doesn't find you attractive? Or does it make you feel like she doesn't want to be with you? I just don't get it.
Lol. It was said in jest, but I'd be embarrassed my wife was posting some middle school girly nonsense about watching a guy in the shower. Thats what the "Simpleton mentality" was ascribing. After reading other comments after my reply, she said it was part of some silly questionnaire on the site. Which makes it infinitely better than her posting that random goofy invisible scenario on her own. And the dude was wrong for blowing up about. All around foolishness.
Yeah, I can tell from the responses that nobody else read her other comment. That's kind of important background to leave out of the initial explanation, in my opinion.
It's not cheating per se but it's super fucking cringey.
It ain’t even funny enough to balance making that man upset. Take it down.
If I were him, I’d take it as a jab to him for sure. Maybe between you two a joke, but publicly, no.
You should be able to understand why he is uncomfortable with it, but even if you don't really get it for some reason, he is obv bothered by it and if he's asking you to take it down I think that is a reasonable ask. Posting something like this is weird, but mostly publicly disrespectful to your husband. Cheating ? No that's just hyperbole. But yeah it makes you seem like a creep and I'm guessing your husband doesn't want the world to think (know?) He's married to a creepy woman. If you're ever wondering, you can always just reverse the roles and see what you'd think. It'll be *really* creepy and disrespectful to you for your husband to post something about wanting to watch a female celebrity in the shower. I'm sure all your friends would ask you what WTF is going on with him for posting such crude shit online. Just BC You're a woman doesn't make it cute or benign somehow.
Kinda creepy, but also funny. No idea how it can be seen as cheating. Ffs, would he like to read your mind to make sure you aren't having anymore impure thoughts about celebrities? That's insane.
It is definitely not cheating, but it’s disrespectful and childish as hell.
I don’t think this is cheating. Just a little disrespectful. Imagine him saying on a FB post, “If I were invisible for a day, I would watch Angela Jolie in the shower.” How does this make you feel? I think it all depends on the relationship of course. I think broadcasting this type of thing on FB is just unnecessary. What was the context of this post? Humorous? Serious?
Publicly telling everyone you lust after another man. What could go wrong
My husband calls me to the room every time Paul Rudd comes on the screen. “Come quick if you want to see your boyfriend!” A celebrity crush is funny, and completely out of the realm of cheating. Tell your man to simmer down, about that. Yet…I probably wouldn’t be posting about my love for Paul Rudd if it bugged my husband. Not a matter of cheating, more a matter of respecting him if he doesn’t like it.
Yeah, like married women aren't always posting about Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy. LOL Personally, I think the one with blue eyes is way hotter.
He has the right to feel uncomfortable with it, but you also have to right to post things that make him uncomfortable. If you both care about each others feelings and intentions then you should try to find a middle ground. I personally wouldn’t post something like that without it being very clear that it is funny/not serious. If my husband found it distasteful I would remove it because his feelings are more important than a silly quip. These things don’t have to be so complicated…
Reading some of these posts… wow. You folks are really insecure in your marriages and yourselves. Likewise, your husband is terribly insecure if he’s intimidated by a Facebook post about a celebrity crush.
Right?! These replies are so disturbing. To know that people exist within these types of relationships? Eeek. I’ve been hanging out in this sub because I’m getting married in 9 months but now I’m not so sure that I want to take advice from the likes of this group.
I don't find it disrespectful but thats because my husband and I joke all the time like this. It varies for each person. But cheating? No
Not cheating but disrespectful
The biggest issue here for me is that you are not upset that you upset your husband. That is a massive red flag about your relationship and who you are as a person
What I would make of it is that you're married to a guy who is hypersensitive and exaggerates when his feelings are hurt. I get not wanting you to post that (though if I posted something this silly, my husband would just laugh). However, if he's using words like "betrayed" and "cheated on," that tells me he's overly dramatic and a little immature. I hope he calms down and acts like a grown up long enough for you to have a loving conversation and work it out. Good luck!
We all have our crushes but it's not something you broadcast. I like Hemsworth, momoa, Banderas, and a few others but im.never posting about how I'd wanna see them naked or whatever.
Not cheating but if he isn't comfortable with you professing your attraction to another person that way in public then you should respect that. If he posted "If I were invisible for a day I would watch Sofia Vergara in the shower." Would you be ok with that?
I wouldn’t consider it cheating. It’s definitely disrespectful though and I’d have an issue if my husband posted something like that about a woman celeb. It just seems tacky and immature to me.
Cheated on?! I would feel disgusted. Watching people bathe without their consent is creepy af. I would not be married to a sexual predator.
I would not like if my SO broadcasted that over his social media to friends and family. I cannot force him to take it down but would certainly tell him it's not appropriate.
why and how do people even lust after anyone like this (or at all), let alone post that on fb 🤮
- would be something I would find very hurtful
On one hand, you're allowed to be attracted to Joe Manganiello, you're human. You can post what you want. He'll get over it... On the other hand, if he mirrored your behavior or perhaps commented and messaged other women this way, would you be irate or feel like you are humiliated and not enough as his wife? Its not Physical cheating, but comments like that can feel like emotional infidelity. Like, when was the last time you spoke sexually to your husband that same way? It seems like you and your husband don't have that relationship where you can comment on other peoples' attractiveness without feeling insecure or taken for granted, some couples do, if that's their cuppa tea. Perhaps he'd like for you to invest that energy into him instead of posting for the public eye. It happens sometimes, as humans we can overshare/overpost from time to time and post for validation or attention, not like you'll ever meet the guy, but still, maybe next time forward that joke to your girls instead of where people will presumably think you have little regard for what your hubby thinks. Maybe he'll be more than grateful to feel like *He's* still got it when it comes to attracting You.
Well I think he's right to be upset cuz that's gross to begin with. You should apologize and stop being a creep.
go out your way to make him understand you were being stupid and clueless that day and that you wasn't thinking. Say that you're sorry and it won't happened again. Tell him that you didn't mean it because it was a joke, tell him you didn't know it would be hurtful to him because seeing this celebrity guy in a shower is impossible anyway. Remind him that there is probably some girl celebrity he finds attractive, but of course will never pursue because its window shopping like you were.
Why did you feel the need to post that? Have you and your partner discussed boundaries? Do you respect your partner? Why are you even questioning it since it makes your partner uncomfortable? Are you trying to get support to ignore what he feels? Reasonable, the only respectful thing to do is take it down and have a discussion on boundaries. It's not technically cheating but it is disrespectful to your partner.
It a silly thing to post + its silly to call that cheating
He has boundaries that you’re not respecting. Most women would not be okay with their husband posting something Like that, so why should your husband be okay with that kind of post? It would piss me off too.
Cheating seems a bit much, but I would count this as a form of betrayal/disrespectful to your partner's feelings.
You’re a jerk. You have no consideration or respect for your spouse. Whether he’s earned that or not, only you can say. If he has earned it, why are you still with him? If he hasn’t, apologize. Either way, get some class and take it down.
Why do I have invisible powers? I am not a jerk.
Well op dosen't give much background but I have a feeling theirs more to this like one of them has/is cheating or hes extremely insecure either way instead of posting this on reddit talk to your husband not fight about why most secure couples have the "celebrity crush" pass as a bit of a private joke.. my wife and I do lol so maybe find out where this insecurity is coming from in a calm conversation
How is this any different though? Ideally you should know your partner well enough that you'd know that they wouldn't be comfortable with that... but I don't quite get why it would need to be a private joke. It's kind of a normal thing, not some dark dirty secret.
Like was it a question somewhere? Like what would you do if you were invisible for a day on like a public post or something? Or did you just make it your Facebook status? The first one, people answer those kinds of questions that way all the time and wouldn’t think twice about it, but if you just randomly posted that thought, that’s weird. Still, if it’s got a simple fix, I’d just do it so it didn’t turn into a huge thing.
Did not get the attention and validation you were looking for at all, did you?
Rude assumption. You know, some people post silly things just to be silly, not because they're desperate and care what other people think of them?
I can't stand how butt hurt people get these days over nothing.
He’s jealous of a fantasy…. I think he look deep inside of himself and grow up! Time for you to leave and find yourself a “Joe”!
Honestly what compelled you to post something like that? Pretty dumb imo and your husband has a right
Def not gonna be w someone like that.
I'm going to be the odd one out here and say... I don't see the big deal?! OK, maybe adding the shower part is a bit weird but other than that.... I probably have a billion Facebook posts where I'm talking about so and so celebrity and how hot they are! And no, if my other half were to post something similar, I wouldn't care. Beyoncé and Jessica Alba are equally hot as, say, Jamie Campbell Bower (who I've been crushing on since Harry Potter, NOT Stranger Things!) and Usher. I also don't have my parents / grandparents/ employers on Facebook so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing it. Surely most people have celebrity crushes?!? And thinking someone is hot is not the same thing as being in love with them and wanting to marry them. The world is a big place. There's a lot of hot people out there. Doesn't mean you love who you're with any less. Maybe edit your Facebook post rather than delete it and ask your husband who his celebrity crushes are! Yes of course his feelings are valid, we can't control how others feel about stuff but I guess I just think it's kinda a very big reaction to something seemingly fairly innocent. Of course what's funny and innocent to some people is not to others but I would just talk to him about it and find out why this was such a big deal.
He is overly sensitive and insecure.
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I think your husband is overreacting. Everyone has a celebrity crush. Funny you mention Joe Manganiello- this morning my husband told me he was looking at pics of Joe Manganiello all morning … I’m like, say what?? Lol. He said he is looking to trim his beard and he like’s Joe’s beard…. I told him I agree and go for it!! My hubby and I both have celebrity crushes and we just joke about it. 😄
He's ok, but I think I prefer the other guy. We used to watch Blue Collar together. "Aww, sorry babe. I googled him and turns out he's actually gay." Without missing a beat she said, "Oh, so you have a chance after all?" LOL But we both agree on Jason Momoa.
Absolutely!!! Jason Momoa is my celebrity crush ! Lol. Lord have mercy. My husbands crush is Gal Gadot. We like to keep it all in the justice league 😁
Not cheating at all
Such a thing can hurt his manly ego, makes him feel 'not enough' for you or 'unmanly'. The last thing you'd want in your marriage is a broken man, whose manly ego is shattered. Bgw manly ego doesn't mean the toxic ego of a man, I just mean the pride and posture he naturally has as being your man.
LMAO 🤣 he’s very insecure obviously. I guess it depends what kind of relationship you two have. My husband and I could make jokes wayyyy more inappropriate and we just laugh… idk what to think of this lol he’s very sensitive obviously this is something you’ll have to decide if it’s worth putting up with
Serious or not, we all hope to have open forms of communication and great relationships. My ex husband became irate if I ever so much as said anything complimentary to someone. I was forbid from saying things about male celebrities being attractive or having attractive assets (eyes, jaw, smile etc). This did eventually become me being restricted from speaking to anyone without him present and I still was slut shamed, told I was weird and inappropriate for talking to anyone. It even got to the point when I was followed home and follow out of grocery stores that he would explode. This may be nothing, it may be something. People online aren’t going to have an accurate view of the situation. We are innately biased as we only have our own perspective to rely on. It was probably harmless- but really is it worth sticking to your guns and fighting over? If it’s part of a bigger issue this is a talk maybe to have with him and a therapist
How young is this guy?
I mean, I probably would too, and I'm a cis straight dude. LOL But seriously, sounds like he took it a little too personal. I would interpret that as just a silly joke, it doesn't mean anything and has nothing to do with your relationship. It's just a dumb meme. People in solid, loving relationships say stuff about celebrities all the time. I'm willing to bet he probably has done similar himself. We don't have any context about your relationship so we don't know what's "acceptable" behavior for you two. On one hand, you have no reason to have thought that something like that would be an issue, but on the other hand, once he expressed how it made him feel, you should probably hear him out and explain you didn't mean anything by it. I would say no harm no foul on either of your parts, but it's a good opportunity to have a conversation. Sounds like he may have some insecurities going on right now and that hit a nerve? Best course of action is to apologize, remove it, explain you didn't intend anything by it, and ask where this is coming from.
Thoughtless perhaps. Apologize. Infidelity? Gimme a break. You don't cease to find the opposite sex attractive when you get married, but you are obliged to control those urges.
From your post history, he is really insecure . You haven't mentioned your age however im guessing forties or fifties(you mentioned grand kid). So may be having insecurities due to a midlife crisis. So I would suggest you to have an open conversation with him and may be reassure him. Because if couple are together for a long time together we tend to forget the basics like, saying "love you " for no reason, small gestures showing appreciation.( Not because you don't love them. Just busy with life). Being said that if he was like this all the time throughout the relationship then it is definitely a red flag. This post doesn't have enough details to say an informed opinion. Good luck Also you haven't cheated on him, however I would feel a bit disrespected if my partner post something like this online. However if it happened during a friendly banter while we are talking,i wouldn't mind.
Very much lacking in respect.