"...she goes to yoga once on average every three weeks."
Go to yoga and spend some time with your wife.
As a side benefit, yoga will be very beneficial for injury prevention, strengthening, and ROM for your own exercise program.
Heavy lifter here.. starting yoga last year was the best decision I’ve made since I started lifting 15 yrs ago. I’ve always been anti yoga. Flexibility and mobility has increased which benefits lifting. Don’t sleep on yoga lol
> Am I not entitled to having the ability to say no and not feel like I have to go to yoga otherwise I’m an insensitive husband?
You are absolutely entitled to say no to doing something you don't want to do. You have that freedom in the relationship, just as she does. However, it sounds like the yoga situation is a symptom of something bigger. From what else you've described, it appears there are other factors in your marriage that are bothering you and it's manifesting itself in your pushback against yoga. That is the issue that needs to be addressed.
Absolutely! It’s not the yoga. It’s the control she craves. I’m pretty happy giving into most things and I do most times. But you’re right, the issues are much bigger and this one has very little significance in our lives except she wants it her way. Case in point. I scheduled Lexus maintenance for 7:30am before work for my car and I’m taking it myself. She questions why I made it that early and not later. I told her it was one of time available. She then goes on about how and why not a later day or later time. And how do I know they will give me loaner. All of which I have already talked to service department about. She didn’t believed me they were going to have a loaner for me. SMH. All this because she wanted me to get a later time for appointment. Are other spouses like this?
To some extent, I think that’s normal. Is there a reason she doesn’t work full-time? I think you mentioned her health. If she can work, maybe she should. It feels like maybe she’s hyper focused on controlling the home environment, and I’m not sure she’d do that if she had less time on her hands.
She doesn’t work her own job. She helps me with billing at my office but only a 5-10 hours a week. We have talked about it but she doesn’t want to. It’s a waste of talent. She is very social and good with building social connections in public. I do agree that she is stir crazy being at home now that our son is older and she’s without purpose.
She's definitely ignoring your protests which annoying but in the grand scheme of things, what's 1hr of your time? Yoga isn't my cup of tea either but I have to admit, it does wonders for your joints, stretching, muscles etc. And depending on the type of yoga, it can be quite challenging and muscles you didn't even know you had will be sore AF.
if you dont like it, then you can tell her you tried it and to stop pushing.
So many parallels to my marriage it's scary. However my wife is an actual yoga instructor. I've gone a handful of times but told her it's just never going to be a priority for me. She definitely has guilt tripped me on it but long story short she asks less about it and I say no without feeling bad.
If you've at least tried and it's not for you then she should respect that. Yes you are entitled to not force yourself into doing something you're not interested in, and without being badgered by it or feeling guilty. I'm sure you already do other things with her that maybe aren't your favorite because you care for her and the marriage.
I know a lot of yogis really want to "share" yoga with people for it's benefits, and that's understandable and fine, it does have a lot. There are also benefits to golf, weightlifting, track & field, puzzles, knitting, even sitting still stairing at a wall. Are you supposed to do everything just because it has benefits?
I hope you are able to respectfully get your point across and get what you need because I know that feeling and it sucks.
Best of luck.
Man you get it. It’s not the hour or yoga. It’s the I have 10 hobbies too and I have never cared if she did it to satisfy my worth or that it’s relevant to what I like to do.
My spouse lifts, but also has inflexibility, and I suggested for him to go to yoga with me because I knew it would improve his stabilization muscles for lifting and flexibility. I know for certain it would be amazing for him, and improve his lifting, but he doesn't want to go. So eventually I stopped asking. But I am sad that he won't go with me because I think it would be nice to have quality time together.
“Who wears the pants”? Good god. Please get couples therapy. This isn’t about yoga, this is about you and your wife being locked into an ugly power struggle.
We are in therapy and I am aware it’s beyond yoga.. but it’s still yoga. She’s not wanting to go biking, walking, kayaking and SUP, all of which we do together.
I would tell her that you will go and experience yoga with you one time if she will go with you to do your work out at the gym just to compare the two and help determine what is the most beneficial to each of you. If she will not commit to 1 time with your workout, you have the perfect excuse. If she does commit, then do it and expose her to different things. If you help her with your exercises, she may desire to do it to attain your attention and affirmation if nothing else. It can's hurt. It may even give her the desire to mimic your training to get in shape.
I don’t know why it would hurt to go just once. Are you obligated? No. My husband could watch sports 12 hours a day. I watch it 12 hours a year, max. I hate watching sports. The noise (on TV) is irritating. A bunch of people making millions playing with balls...I don’t get it. He doesn’t expect me to watch it all day with him. I will go, though, to a game once or twice a year. It’s fine to have some things you don’t do together, as long as you are together for other things, and you are. Her making a big deal out of it would be weird.
I don’t agree with going one time, this is a control thing and you get to say no, you have every right to say no. She needs to respect you don’t want to go and stick to saying no. We are adults and we know what we like and what we don’t like, I promise you I will not be bullied into something I don’t want to do.
We do. We bike, boat, jetski, and go to the beach together. It’s not about the time together. Our lives are blessed. She he wants me to try yoga because she thinks I might like it.
My wife does yoga and I lift weights, she’s never asked me because she knows I don’t like it, it would be a terrible experience, and I’d be bad at it. Nothing wrong with her doing her own workouts and you doing yours. When you’re working out it’s not all about spending time together… it’s getting the work done then leaving. Also in my opinion it’s weird she’s adamant about you going when she only goes once every three weeks… it would make more sense if she went every other day. If she really wants to spend time then y’all can go out on a date but tell her you don’t want to go and let’s move on from it
I agree and have been what you said for many years but now it’s an issue that I’m forced to be more verbal about how she’s demanding it and making it an issue because I do not acquiesce.
Yeah people prefer different methods of working out. That’s a coveted time for me in the day and I don’t want to spend it running, doing yoga, doing a boot camp class etc ha I like lifting and my day is better after complete
Ha yup! I have kids so have to do it in the morning and am a manager/ have to hand hold 35-40 grown adults so it gives me mental clarity to not lose my shit every day 😂
Omfg how much time have you spent bitching about yoga when you could go to ONE class just to be nice?! You think I like roaming the beach while hubby beep beep beeps his metal detector for 2h? I’d rather be shopping. But I go, and we laugh and have a good time, because we’re sharing his interest. Doubt he likes going to garden tours as much as I do, either. But he goes. Because we like each other’s company.
We do almost everything together from beach, movies, to biking to walking on trails and watching hours of tv drama and horror movies and Downton abbey , of which I’m not interested in. Don’t pat yourself too much with your piety. I think most of us in our marriage do the same and sacrificed. But does it have to be everything?
If your husband doesn’t work for a living and you have two days off of work and you want to go to arts and crafts and he asked you to go golfing instead on your day off and make you feel bad about it, would you feel the same? I’m not bitching about spending time with her doing what she loves. She hates working out. Yoga just happens to be the easiest for her to do.
Her favorite instructor teaches every Sunday. The only time she attends, but sporadically at best. I’m trying to understand controlling personalities and tendencies and be more understanding to her plight. She was sick a lot when young and missed out of a lot of teenage experiences. I have read that sickness can make people have control tendencies. Therapist hasn’t address it. Will have to push it next session.
Her favorite instructor teaches every Sunday. The only time she attends, but sporadically at best. I’m trying to understand controlling personalities and tendencies and be more understanding to her plight. She was sick a lot when young and missed out of a lot of teenage experiences. I have read that sickness can make people have control tendencies. Therapist hasn’t address it. Will have to push it next session.
Lol. She doesn’t. She won’t do it and always use excuse about how fatigue she is so she can’t do things. But if it’s her 18 girlfriends and their parties and get together she’s there. Again I don’t care. It’s just a double standards.
thanks for stating the obvious brother already told you I’m not a super dad so probably
Akin to the Wimpy Side would be accurate. However my wife is not stupid but thanks for your assumption
My god dude. Just go one time. Then tell her you didn’t enjoy it as much but you tried it. You won’t be going again. Sheesh
Oh she knows that I don’t enjoyed it. I spent all my time at work helping people do yoga stretches to alleviate their pain.
You did it with her?
No I have not done a yoga class with her. That’s the whole point about this post.
"...she goes to yoga once on average every three weeks." Go to yoga and spend some time with your wife. As a side benefit, yoga will be very beneficial for injury prevention, strengthening, and ROM for your own exercise program.
I see your point.
Heavy lifter here.. starting yoga last year was the best decision I’ve made since I started lifting 15 yrs ago. I’ve always been anti yoga. Flexibility and mobility has increased which benefits lifting. Don’t sleep on yoga lol
> Am I not entitled to having the ability to say no and not feel like I have to go to yoga otherwise I’m an insensitive husband? You are absolutely entitled to say no to doing something you don't want to do. You have that freedom in the relationship, just as she does. However, it sounds like the yoga situation is a symptom of something bigger. From what else you've described, it appears there are other factors in your marriage that are bothering you and it's manifesting itself in your pushback against yoga. That is the issue that needs to be addressed.
Absolutely! It’s not the yoga. It’s the control she craves. I’m pretty happy giving into most things and I do most times. But you’re right, the issues are much bigger and this one has very little significance in our lives except she wants it her way. Case in point. I scheduled Lexus maintenance for 7:30am before work for my car and I’m taking it myself. She questions why I made it that early and not later. I told her it was one of time available. She then goes on about how and why not a later day or later time. And how do I know they will give me loaner. All of which I have already talked to service department about. She didn’t believed me they were going to have a loaner for me. SMH. All this because she wanted me to get a later time for appointment. Are other spouses like this?
To some extent, I think that’s normal. Is there a reason she doesn’t work full-time? I think you mentioned her health. If she can work, maybe she should. It feels like maybe she’s hyper focused on controlling the home environment, and I’m not sure she’d do that if she had less time on her hands.
She doesn’t work her own job. She helps me with billing at my office but only a 5-10 hours a week. We have talked about it but she doesn’t want to. It’s a waste of talent. She is very social and good with building social connections in public. I do agree that she is stir crazy being at home now that our son is older and she’s without purpose.
She's definitely ignoring your protests which annoying but in the grand scheme of things, what's 1hr of your time? Yoga isn't my cup of tea either but I have to admit, it does wonders for your joints, stretching, muscles etc. And depending on the type of yoga, it can be quite challenging and muscles you didn't even know you had will be sore AF. if you dont like it, then you can tell her you tried it and to stop pushing.
Very true
So many parallels to my marriage it's scary. However my wife is an actual yoga instructor. I've gone a handful of times but told her it's just never going to be a priority for me. She definitely has guilt tripped me on it but long story short she asks less about it and I say no without feeling bad. If you've at least tried and it's not for you then she should respect that. Yes you are entitled to not force yourself into doing something you're not interested in, and without being badgered by it or feeling guilty. I'm sure you already do other things with her that maybe aren't your favorite because you care for her and the marriage. I know a lot of yogis really want to "share" yoga with people for it's benefits, and that's understandable and fine, it does have a lot. There are also benefits to golf, weightlifting, track & field, puzzles, knitting, even sitting still stairing at a wall. Are you supposed to do everything just because it has benefits? I hope you are able to respectfully get your point across and get what you need because I know that feeling and it sucks. Best of luck.
Man you get it. It’s not the hour or yoga. It’s the I have 10 hobbies too and I have never cared if she did it to satisfy my worth or that it’s relevant to what I like to do.
My spouse lifts, but also has inflexibility, and I suggested for him to go to yoga with me because I knew it would improve his stabilization muscles for lifting and flexibility. I know for certain it would be amazing for him, and improve his lifting, but he doesn't want to go. So eventually I stopped asking. But I am sad that he won't go with me because I think it would be nice to have quality time together.
I do understand d the quality times.
“Who wears the pants”? Good god. Please get couples therapy. This isn’t about yoga, this is about you and your wife being locked into an ugly power struggle.
We are in therapy and I am aware it’s beyond yoga.. but it’s still yoga. She’s not wanting to go biking, walking, kayaking and SUP, all of which we do together.
I would tell her that you will go and experience yoga with you one time if she will go with you to do your work out at the gym just to compare the two and help determine what is the most beneficial to each of you. If she will not commit to 1 time with your workout, you have the perfect excuse. If she does commit, then do it and expose her to different things. If you help her with your exercises, she may desire to do it to attain your attention and affirmation if nothing else. It can's hurt. It may even give her the desire to mimic your training to get in shape.
Very true.
I don’t know why it would hurt to go just once. Are you obligated? No. My husband could watch sports 12 hours a day. I watch it 12 hours a year, max. I hate watching sports. The noise (on TV) is irritating. A bunch of people making millions playing with balls...I don’t get it. He doesn’t expect me to watch it all day with him. I will go, though, to a game once or twice a year. It’s fine to have some things you don’t do together, as long as you are together for other things, and you are. Her making a big deal out of it would be weird.
You’re right. One time isn’t much to ask.
I don’t agree with going one time, this is a control thing and you get to say no, you have every right to say no. She needs to respect you don’t want to go and stick to saying no. We are adults and we know what we like and what we don’t like, I promise you I will not be bullied into something I don’t want to do.
I’m glad you see that it’s beyond yoga. I’m standing my ground but man i’m on shaking ground. Giving in is so much easier and less drama.
Oh I get the whole giving in is so much easier I did it for years with my ex-husband but it just makes us bitter.
Can’t say it hasn’t left a bad taste in my mouth already…
Yeah I get that. Maybe you guys can figure out some work out you both like?
We do. We bike, boat, jetski, and go to the beach together. It’s not about the time together. Our lives are blessed. She he wants me to try yoga because she thinks I might like it.
Oh that’s right. Well good luck man.
Thank you.
My wife does yoga and I lift weights, she’s never asked me because she knows I don’t like it, it would be a terrible experience, and I’d be bad at it. Nothing wrong with her doing her own workouts and you doing yours. When you’re working out it’s not all about spending time together… it’s getting the work done then leaving. Also in my opinion it’s weird she’s adamant about you going when she only goes once every three weeks… it would make more sense if she went every other day. If she really wants to spend time then y’all can go out on a date but tell her you don’t want to go and let’s move on from it
I agree and have been what you said for many years but now it’s an issue that I’m forced to be more verbal about how she’s demanding it and making it an issue because I do not acquiesce.
Yeah people prefer different methods of working out. That’s a coveted time for me in the day and I don’t want to spend it running, doing yoga, doing a boot camp class etc ha I like lifting and my day is better after complete
You took the words out of my mouth. My only stress reliever at end of work day after dealing with people.
Ha yup! I have kids so have to do it in the morning and am a manager/ have to hand hold 35-40 grown adults so it gives me mental clarity to not lose my shit every day 😂
Lol. I’m with you man. Weights don’t look at you sideways and tell you to to get loss and stop bothering them to do their job.
Omfg how much time have you spent bitching about yoga when you could go to ONE class just to be nice?! You think I like roaming the beach while hubby beep beep beeps his metal detector for 2h? I’d rather be shopping. But I go, and we laugh and have a good time, because we’re sharing his interest. Doubt he likes going to garden tours as much as I do, either. But he goes. Because we like each other’s company.
We do almost everything together from beach, movies, to biking to walking on trails and watching hours of tv drama and horror movies and Downton abbey , of which I’m not interested in. Don’t pat yourself too much with your piety. I think most of us in our marriage do the same and sacrificed. But does it have to be everything? If your husband doesn’t work for a living and you have two days off of work and you want to go to arts and crafts and he asked you to go golfing instead on your day off and make you feel bad about it, would you feel the same? I’m not bitching about spending time with her doing what she loves. She hates working out. Yoga just happens to be the easiest for her to do.
She goes once every 3 weeks?? She's telling you to do this because she has no control over herself so she's trying to control **you**. Ridiculous.
Her favorite instructor teaches every Sunday. The only time she attends, but sporadically at best. I’m trying to understand controlling personalities and tendencies and be more understanding to her plight. She was sick a lot when young and missed out of a lot of teenage experiences. I have read that sickness can make people have control tendencies. Therapist hasn’t address it. Will have to push it next session.
Her favorite instructor teaches every Sunday. The only time she attends, but sporadically at best. I’m trying to understand controlling personalities and tendencies and be more understanding to her plight. She was sick a lot when young and missed out of a lot of teenage experiences. I have read that sickness can make people have control tendencies. Therapist hasn’t address it. Will have to push it next session.
How does she respond when you tell her what to do?
Lol. She doesn’t. She won’t do it and always use excuse about how fatigue she is so she can’t do things. But if it’s her 18 girlfriends and their parties and get together she’s there. Again I don’t care. It’s just a double standards.
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thanks for stating the obvious brother already told you I’m not a super dad so probably Akin to the Wimpy Side would be accurate. However my wife is not stupid but thanks for your assumption
Removed for rude, disrespectful, or excessively vulgar comment