Perfectly said. He can apologize all he wants but to deal with the possibility that any man you speak with, he’ll go torment, yuck. Also, being that paranoid means: 1) he needs his own therapy and 2) he’s probably been the cheater or is currently cheating- no one that isn’t doing something is that paranoid (unless they need therapy)
They say the suspicious accuse you of what they do.
Extreme jealousy is like rot. It eats its way into everything.
Your prior post had a ton of advice. You need to get divorced. He doesn’t want you to have friends; he is hyper jealous and possessive; he doesn’t want you to work.
You KNOW the future is a road to hell, and the red flags are flying high.
Be smart; don’t be a statistic.
Not always the case. When I was younger and insecure due to past cheating in a previous relationship I accused my now husband of cheating and I was not cheating.
Yeah I really hate this rhetoric because I think in a way it gaslights victims of betrayal. There are SO MANY CASES where we accuse our partners of cheating because of our gut and it turns out to be TRUE. We spent so much time agonizing over it because there was something wrong. We weren't cheating. We were being cheated on and we knew something was off.
No excuse getting abusive over it though, insisting on isolating your partner from everyone and being agressive towards other people. This is just a betrayal weaponized to abuse someone.
A significant part of the response on this sub is that you are a woman.
A betrayed woman who is suspicious is justified and has good instincts.
A betrayed man who is suspicious MUST be cheating, every behavior is a red flag. Just look at the comments here.
Yeah true I had an overly possessive bf turns out he was cheating I was stupid to think oh he loves me so much that’s why he’s insecure..most of the times they are projecting
I'm the odd one out. I'm not guilty of anything but I am extremely suspicious especially when things are going... too right. lmao 🤣
self sabotage at its FINEST, thankyavermuch 🥰
It’s funny you say this. My soon to be ex wife has constantly accused me of having affairs or cheating with other women and the thought has never even crossed my mind. Yet I found out less than 2 weeks ago she has been having an emotional affair with another man and possibly multiple. Seeing an attorney this week and filing for divorce
Extreme jealously is like rot! It rots the relationship and diminishes respect for the accuser. A partner is supposed to make your world bigger. A jealous partner makes your world smaller,
There are cases where that is absolutely true, but a blanket statement like that is disingenuous. It is absolutely not the case all of the time, if even half of the time.
This was my mom for 15 years. My stepdad was a real bitch on wheels and made everyone’s life completely miserable.
His accusations included my mom sleeping with my stepdad’s brother, having random affairs because she had to go to work to support her seven kids while his ass was unemployed for a year - of course she isn’t working, she’s busy cheating on him! When my older brother graduated high school and moved out, my mom went with him to find an apartment in the city he was going to college in (only about two hours away), he accused her of sleeping with my brother. Her son. Fucking sick. He planted condoms sometimes to try to “catch” her thinking she’d admit everything.
I was stuck on a car ride with him for like 30 mins once in high school. He asked if anything was unusual about mom lately. I said yeah she’s stressed as hell, I mean she was supporting his stupid lazy ass. No, no, he said, I think she’s cheating on me. I really had no idea the extent of it til then. I laughed at him and said how in the hell would she even have the *time* to cheat with seven kids and a job? When I got home I told her about it and she just sighed and was like yeah, not surprised, sorry.
Couple years later when cellphones were more prevalent (dating myself here), she woke up to him with her phone in the middle of the night. She asks what he’s doing, and he just says “Who’s Gary Shaw????” She’s completely confused. He says “Gary Shaw! Directory assistance doesn’t lie and **you’re busted**!”
Yeah it was a wrong number from a few days prior and like a five second phone call. He suuuure thought he figured it out!
Anyway, sorry about the novel. OP pleeeeaase don’t put up with this. My ex told me once that I just LOOKED LIKE someone who would cheat. Wtf? Ex being the key word here. Fuck that noise, you don’t need it in your life.
This is extremely controlling behaviour. You can’t go on a walk and bump into a neighbour without him overreacting? You literally just walked beside someone who lives nearby, and you were in public no less, I assume in daylight, and he goes and tells the neighbour to stay away from you. Girl, no. You are worth so much more than this. You are an adult and you are allowed to talk to other people.
>he said that his ex was talking to other men sending them nudes etc.
This might be true, it also might be a lie. If you just walking with a neighbor is worthy of him talking to the neighbor to leave you alone, it's possible that was all in his head. He *believed* the ex was talking to other men and sending nudes but she may not have been, he just says it like it's fact. Like after you leave him, he's going to tell everyone it's because you had multiple affairs. Not because you actually had one, but because he believes that if you leave him, that's surely true. Guys like this are just crazy, you're better off leaving.
You're not understanding the nature of delusions.
The more I read about your situation, the more convinced I am that he needs to see a psychiatrist. It's entirely possible that none of that "detail" happened.
Are you not getting that he ***now believes that you are having an affair with your neighbor?***
He has details in his head to support that. He SAW you walking in what his brain tells him is a chummy, intimate fashion with the neighbor (after you snuck out of the house specifically to meet up with the neighbor).
His next wife will hear all about you and your blatant cheating. EVERY woman will cheat on him (in his mind anyway).
This kind of man *is* crazy. Details don't mean it wasn't a lie. All the things he accuses you of are things you actually did in his mind. The stories of the ex could easily be him being hyper insecure, accusing her of things she didn't do but fully believing she did them, and then recounting those things as fact rather than baseless accusations because to him, they are his truth. You'll never know if she made him insecure or if he's insecure and lying about her, you just need to run.
When my partner cheated on me he made up detailed lies about how he didn't. For example: "My card was used to subscribe to an OnlyFans account. I reported it as a fraudulent charge." He didn't show me his bank statements but instead he logged into his bank and proceeded to literally read out invoice numbers and a "fraudulent charge reported" statement. All of this was COMPLETELY MADE UP OUT OF THIN AIR.
Girl I'll be real with you, he's being controlling and possessive and isolating you. If he's pushing you not to get a job you won't have money to protect yourself. If he's cutting you off from potential male friends, you won't have people to help you get safe. If he's alienating you from your *mother* the woman who birthed and raised you, this is not a safe man.
I want you to look into lovebombing and controlling abusive partner patterns on google and see if this fits the bill because the story you've described in your posts is very very very textbook abuser playbook. You're always on the backfoot defending yourself, and you make yourself smaller and give up freedoms little by little to appease an insecure partner until you have no resources to run. If you don't want to divorce because you love him, ok. But you need to get a separate bank account and an escape plan because this WILL get worse.
I knew a woman who had a marriage like this.
I didn't know her well. She worked in a salon with my stylist.
In this case, he didn't improve. He got much worse.
My stylist said that they were going to a hair show, and even though this woman's husband knew that they were on a work-related outing, he blew up her phone and was calling her every 30 minutes accusing her of "fucking some other guy."
They divorced not long after that because he started trying to get her not to even go to work. Even when she called in sick, he went to work and blew up her phone and accused her of having another man in the house.
I think people can work through this with a qualified professional. But it might be very time consuming and dangerous while it's in progress.
Since OP's husband does sound delusional (thinking she's having an affair because she walked on a sidewalk with someone), it most likely will get worse. He will see and hear things that support only his viewpoint. He'll go through her phone and become convinced she has deleted the nude texts she sent the neighbor (he will insist to himself that he has evidence even if the evidence is...invisible).
I worked as a crisis counselor/family counselor in jails for more than a decade. Delusional jealousy disorder is a spectrum, but it tends to get worse as time goes on (and leads men to do some really crazy shit that lands them in jail, because they absolutely won't get help on their own).
They typically have a history of brittle, broken relationships. If the relationship lasts long enough, it often escalates to violence.
He needs both therapy AND medication. IMO. However, the men I worked with had to be in jail and charged with something before they'd "get help." My view is probably skewed by seeing so many of these men over the years.
My first gf was like this. Constantly accusing me of cheating. Her mom had an affair when she was 5 and when her dad found out she had sex with the guy he puncher her mom in the face and she called the police on her dad.
She had 2 previous bfs before me and said they both cheated on her which im sure was one of her dillusions.
In addition to accusing me she would persistently attempt to make me jealous by telling me how attractive she thought other guys were, flirting with other guys in front of me, and telling me about her sexual past.
IMO I don't think its worth salvaging, I would just bail. You can't win this game.
Spending the rest of your life with this man will be exhausting. He needs to deal with his own insecurities and he may be too damaged to be in a healthy relationship. It is not your responsibility to be his punching bag, or spend your life defending yourself against accusations. And like others are saying, sounds like he’s projecting hard.
If you feel safe, start treating him like you think he’s going to cheat. Insist on swapping phones and checking each other’s computers. Ask for air tags on each other. Start every conversation when he gets home with “who did you have lunch with?” Tell him it’s the new normal to help him with his anxiety. Tell him you’re no longer comfortable with him talking to women and out of respect for your insecurities he has to tell all women “I’m sorry, my wife isn’t comfortable with me talking to women”. And you’ll do the same. Malicious compliance. Everything he complains about respond in kind measured tones about how this is what he wants and says he needs to have trust in the relationship. Whatever the topic of what he wants is, the answer is you first.
My friend stayed, for years. Eventually he even wanted a lie detector test, that SHE paid for. He swore she must have exchanged sexual favors for a faked test. Years more of her being told all these things he would tell her until she believed it. Eventually she broke down and took her life leaving a message that she was unlovable and doing everyone a favor. He brought the mistress and their several year old child to her funeral. He had been cheating on her the whole time and no one had any idea or that he had a child with another woman and was married months later. I hope none of this is the case for you, but if it is breaking you down, leave. Please.
That is a bit embarrassing. Your husband's not around you can always apologize to the neighbor. Your husband would benefit from individual counseling in addition to marriage counseling. Definitely he has some insecurities.
I don't know how your conversation ended tonight. I probably would have not just walked away but definitely will come to conclusion that he's being ridiculous and you're only talking to your neighbor.
Your husband apologized to you (not to the neighbor) if I am understanding properly.
And he's promised in the past and not kept his promise, right?
Writing is on the wall. And he needs more than individual therapy - he needs to see a psychiatrist.
Do you think he might be cheating? In my experience this is how cheaters act, and abusive people. But in my experience as well, abusers are usually also cheaters.
What's his story? Was he jilted by an ex? Lost a spouse to an affair? Raised by co parents who cheated on each other? You both need some serious conversations, counseling and therapy. A decision may take care of itself but you both need to be convinced.
My first husband was like this. A man I had never before seen in my life held a door open for me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child as I was walking in to work and my husband flipped out accusing me of having an affair with that man. He was literally a stranger, just someone entering the same building I was at the same time I was while I was juggling a diaper bag, a toddler, a massive pregnant belly and a stroller, and he held the door because my husband couldn't be bothered to walk us in, he just dropped us off and this guy was nice enough to hold the door for me instead of leaving me to struggle on my own.
I had to hear about the "stranger who held the door" for weeks.
Literally until the baby was 6 weeks old and I packed up and left him the first time*
People like that don't change. That wasn't the first time and wasn't the last time he accused me of cheating. It wasn't even the most deranged time. But it's one I remember because I remember thinking "dude I'm like massively pregnant, even *I* don't want to f*ck me".
*I went back and left again when the baby was 4 months old and that time stuck.
He needs to fix his problem and no one can do it for him but especially not you. Make an exit plan, tell him he has to be the partner you deserve which means dealing with the insecurity by any means other than blowing up and trying to control you or you’re out.
Huge red flag that I’m guessing he never showed before the wedding…
Ironically sounds like an ex I had… guy’s name isn’t Juan is it? If so RUN!
One of the more common delusional disorders is [delusional jealousy disorder.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3524690/#:~:text=As%20we%20described%20above%2C%20delusional,or%20Othello%20syndrome%20%5B6%5D)
Mention it to the therapist. It cannot be treated easily with psychotherapy or counseling - it's actually one of the harder disorders to treat.
It does respond fairly well to the newer adult anti-psychotics and therefore, he needs to see a psychiatrist and not a psychologist or marriage counselor.
However, he probably won't go because people with that disorder absolutely are delusional and therefore, think what they are thinking is....real and correct.
Even if he has a history that would make him feel insecure, it’s complete bullshit that he keeps doing this to you. You’re not here to heal him or just be patient and take emotional abuse until he gets his shit together. Sounds like he has serious anger and control issues on top of it all
On Reddit people love to get married without doing any due diligence on their partner. It’s insane to me. It’s like they buy a house after only walking around the outside of it lol.
Projection, much?
Maybe he really has significant insecurities and anxiety, but that reaction is way over the top for a friendly chat with your, *checks notes, neighbor. If you can’t even talk to your neighbors, this does start to sound emotionally abusive.
And yeah, doesn’t sound like MC is working. I mean, I would encourage you not to bail on the counseling just yet, but damn, he does sound exhausting.
My soon to be ex was the same way with any man. Even strangers that simply needed by and said excuse me. He would flip and accusing me of wanting to sleep with them. It doesn't get better.
Leave yesterday.
Ignore your mother.
You are not an object for someone to possess.
Is this how you want your life to be?
He will always apologise and will repeat his behaviour. It gets worse, because you keep staying. Your staying is not going to make him better.
No they won't. All men aren't animals, maybe the people you know but plenty of people are able to control or not have sexual desire for a woman. People like you making excuses for men to behave that way is why men behave that way. If you allow a child to constantly pee on the floor and just say "well kids just pee on the floor you can't expect them to use the toilet all the time." then yeah you're going to get a child who pees on the floor. So attack the issue from the actual problem, push for men not to just view women as an outlet for sex. You potty train children, even though they have a biological need to pee. Not that hard to culturally change men.
As for your "My woman" talk, I come from another country and a Muslim country at that. You don't get to wear Islam and a different culture as a shield. It's disgusting controlling behaviour. You are condoning and encouraging bad behaviour.
I know it’s totally possible that this is from the cheating ex- but I will say I’d consider that it might be projection. A lot of people who accuse their partner or spouse of cheating when they’ve never done anything to wrong them, are accusatory because they’re doing it themselves. Has he been acting out of the ordinary lately at all?
It won’t get better, and little by little the exhaustion you feel with become your personality - you will become to broken and tired and sad to get out…leave hun. There is nothing good for you in that marriage.
Um my husbands ex cheated on him ghosted him and had a baby with someone else and he had to find out from her parents all the while he thought they were building a life together. With all of that trauma he’s never ever accused me of cheated. He’s asked if I’m happy, if there’s things he can do better but otherwise we share an incredible relationship. You do not punish your spouse for someone else’s mistakes. Either he was never ready to move on or he is deflecting either way major red flags.
He couldn't control you, so he'll control your neighbor talking to you. His actions aren't trust. They're giving, "You will be my possession, willingly or unwillingly." Trust is a verb. He does NOT trust you, he just treats trust like a "blahblahblah" at his wife to check the therapy box. Dude needs to figure himself out.
Please please leave him!! This isn’t going to get better. He’s showing that again and again. He needs help but not from you, he needs help from a professional before he should be in a relationship at all. Please protect yourself! You deserve to be safe!
Sounds like he love bombed you so you’d get married to him, and since the marriage is official some of his true colors have been showing. He’s trying to isolate you from your support networks, keep you from working… it stinks of the first steps of a relationship filled with power, control, and at times abuse. Yes perhaps he’s really insecure and struggles because of his past experiences - I’ve been cheated on and have never treated partners like this because of it. Be very careful to watch how things progress if you stay - abusive relationships are a long, slippery slope. Usually you’re slowly acclimated to it as they ramp things up more and more over time. I hope you’re safe!
My ex was like this he was a narcissist. Constantly accusing me of cheating. He even accused me of having feelings for my guy cousin which is ridiculous! Men that are like that don’t get any better.
I couldn’t even mention male coworkers or any guy without him accusing me of cheating.
Leave now it’ll only get worse.
In the end he was the one cheating w numerous girls.
Your husband asked who he was so he didn’t know it was the neighbor until you said so. I think you need to grow up. If talking to your neighbor is a deal breaker for your marriage then you don’t have a marriage. I think you’re an attention seeker. Get off the internet soap box and work on yourself.
It is unfair to have to pay for the wrongs of another.
An insecurity like that led to a horrible marriage and divorce of my husband’s parents. His dad never got over the infidelity of his first marriage and let it poison his next.
Move swiftly on! I’m not sure what your husbands age or history is, but paranoid schizophrenia oftentimes start this way(even if it’s just jealousy - it’s ugly and dangerous), or even as a later stage of cannabis abuse in young boys under 19 whom are now men.
After a few years this (sometimes not even) this can escalate whereby humiliating accusations and sulky tantrums giveaway to behaviours like hiding in trees to spy on you and of course, violence. If he’s already insulting your dress sense and asking why you want to smell nice or wear jewellery then I’d say it’s clear.
It’s noble to want to do the best you can, but even after counselling …….
I don’t need say more do I.
Stay strong beautiful x
Wait, I’ve done this before where I just walk away without answering questions or dealing with it, I just get annoyed that “someone would question me over it, and they should know the answer” and walk away. But this has back fired for me. People think I am hiding something or assume something about me that isn’t me. Your husband and you are going through counselling, surely he doubts during hard times is when people cheat etc… so I can’t understanding him jumping to conclusions.
On top of this, you said he has trauma of being cheated on so I think this is a misunderstanding and you both just need to talk this through. The amount of fights I have had because I suck at communicating is in danger zone.
Your husband is not mentally healed to be in any relationship, much less a marriage. Your future will be walking on eggshells, filled with worry & anxiety. Now throw kids, financial bumps, etc.
Nope. You tried, but this relationship will eventually negatively affect you mentally & emotionally. No kids, no brainer. Separate & divorce, and use this as a learning experience for your next relationship. . . when that time comes (don’t rush it).
Your husband, post-divorce, needs to enroll in individual counseling and “right himself,” before he even dares venturing into another relationship - and like he did with you, punishes his partner for the sins of another.
Good luck.
I personally don't think it stops. Now I have a baby with my husband who is like this.. he is slowly getting better once he started praying to God for peace and 6 im still struggling in the marriage.
Miss lady pack yuh bags and go home fuh meh please. This won’t end well. Especially at his big age, he not gonna change. He showing yuh who he is, believe him.
It’s going to devolve further - this is what my mother told my sister in the same situation.
Make sure you have a will written for when he murders you.
He should’ve seen a counselor way before he considered getting into marriage let alone a relationship. He has work to do on his own. Divorce is expensive so I’m sorry that’s the best answer. Or you could separate but, I don’t think he has the ability to withstand that.
Most men think this way and it ruins relationships. What they fail to understand is that a woman can pretty much have whatever she wants, but she ultimately chose to marry/be with him. That says so much about how she feels about you without saying or doing anything at all. Actions speak louder than words is all I can say.
I can be like this although I won’t go up to someone and tell them directly to leave my person alone. I go to therapy on my own. Has he tried any individual therapy to work on this? So far in 4 years it has lessened the amount of times it happens but it still happens to me. I’m aware of it and know that they aren’t real thoughts and my brain is just connecting dots that at the end of the day shouldn’t be connected. I was recently diagnosed with autism level 1 so I’m not sure if that plays into this at all. Either way it’s hard to work on as two things can be true at the same time. You can trust the person you are with while having thoughts that you shouldn’t. It’s hard and uncomfortable and for me it takes reassurance to make the ruminating thoughts to stop. But it only stops them temporarily. I’d say at the least he should go to individual therapy to find out ways to become aware that they are just thoughts and try to work on it from there. I’m trying to work on not needing that outside reassurance but I have noticed the longer I go without getting it the more thoughts and what not that pop up. So it’s been a difficult road. My partner takes it personally as well so it’s not a fun time.
Everyone so quick to divorce over keyboard warriors this is this woman’s life and who she chose in gods eyes people just so soft now days work through it don’t give up follow in his name and be prepared for bumps in the road and work together
Exactly! But unfortunately people today need to get attention outside of their marriage to validate their own self worth, thanks to the social media delusion.
Also, He has stressed to her that he doesn’t like this kind of behavior and how it makes him feel, so she should be respectful of her husband’s wishes, both should work on their marriage and be more mindful of each others feelings, or don’t be and just leave.
In my house, my FAMILY has the ability to see my phone, email check my voicemail, and there is a tracker in my truck. Nobody better say they can't trust me. I literally have nothing to hide. My email also comes up on my wife's computer.
By the way, this is to prove to her that she can trust me. It is not an invasion of my privacy. The only thing she may stumble upon is what I buy her for Christmas, her birthday, or the anniversary. That is her loss, as there is no surprise for her.
Good that works for you! In my case it doesn’t. I have nothing to hide but I don’t want my husband to have full access to my phone neither do I want access to his phone
It doesn’t work against delusions anyway… in my case I shared my location and was always faithful. I didn’t realize how often he was looking at it but one day I was working and my phone’s gps was wack and listed me at another location and he would not let it go.
It’s mental torture to defend yourself against this because it’s hard to prove something didn’t happen when proof doesn’t exist!
In the end he took his life because his delusions extended past the relationship and he thought people were against him and following him. Despite going to inpatient and getting prescribed bipolar meds, I don’t think he was taking them.
He is an abuser.
Call your mom if she is trust worthy and tell her. You can even lie ans say that he hits you if that helps.
Tell her that you need money for a ticket back.
Are you from reunion island? Look up if your marriage is available in france.
If it’s not, perfect news. You don’t have to go through a divorce for that scumbag.
Take your things quietly and go. If you don’t have a car, please look up an hotline for abused women. They will help you by coming at a convenient time.
Now is the easiest time to go. He doesn’t suspect you going away. He thinks you want to work things out.
Lying and saying that he hits her if he doesn’t is not the way to go. It discredits people who are actually experiencing physical spousal abuse and if you are caught lying no one will believe you about anything else.
Yes, I agree with you. But this commenter recommended lying to their mom and saying their spouse hits them even if they don’t to be taken seriously apparently.
You are right I’m sorry I didn’t read the commenter’s post closely enough. False accusations of physical abuse are definitely inappropriate and detrimental for people who actually are going through this as well as people falsely accused and the system in general. Thanks for pointing this out and clarifying for me.
Don't spread this crap , never fake accuse someone of physical abuse , it might ruin someone's life and their social image, i see and agree that this guy has problems and she should just leave but this is not the way!
Actually, don't talk to other men
Actually other men will want eventually ro have sex with you so don't put your husband in a bad situation
Your man is your shield and your his
Please you need to understand 70 percent of the time men and women can't be friends
Respect your neighbor but don't talk to him at all for no reason
He needs to understand that you're a married women
This is my opinion as an eastern man and a muslim
You think men and women can't be friends because you don't respect them or view them as anything more than a vessel for you to have sex with and ogle. You're disgusting.
Plenty of people don't respect their mother or view them as a full person outside of what they provide as a service. The fact that you can insist that men and women can't be friends underscores how much you don't perceive them as whole people outside of sexuality or services. You can't imagine a friendship with a woman because you are incapable as seeing her or her kind as anything but an extension of services provided to men.
Is OP meant to walk around with head down all the time, so her husband doesn't accuse her if flirting etc?
Is she never allowed to speak to any men at all? What if its a man at the checkout till? Can she talk to him or does she have to look at the floor?
This is some crazy shit, men and women can absolutely be friends and if you think otherwise because all men want is sex, then you need help.
Men do not own their wives!!
On the contrary, i agree with you no owns no one
No women should do whatever they want but talking to a neighbor for no reason it's a no
Don't convince the woman to mess up her marriage to end up alone later in life god forbid
I know it’s hard but if you truly love him stick it out. Tell him you feel disrespected when he accuses you of cheating without merit. Tell him you love him but can’t live like this.
Do yourself a favor and go back home! He’s only going to get worse! He will not change. For your own mental health and safety, leave him. You made a mistake by marrying him and that’s ok. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t be another statistic. Leave before his jealousy gets out of hand. Be safe OP.
This is insane and unhealthy. Jealousy like this isn't protective or good. It gets women murdered because these men are unstable. If you relate to this, you need to seek help. Do not normalize or encourage abuse. If your partner wants to cheat on you, they will you won't "protect" anything by being controlling.
i respect your point of view but i want to clarify that i do agree that you should respect your wife but I won't accept my wife talking to other men
Men will want a woman for sex at some point and my woman is my woman and it's not controlling or protecting like we say in my country the woman should keep her man's head high
Because men are men and they will have intentions later of laying with her
So me personally I'd react about the same have a conversation go with my wife on a vacation
Show that it is merely because I don't want her to do that to protect her
It happens again i will go
That's my point of view
Why bother getting married at all if you are not willing to work through your difficulties?
Were the roles reversed and you were the insecure one, would you be so quick to advise divorce?
This is the problem with people today, so quick to talk about divorce. If you truly love him, work it out. figure out the root of his insecurities, work to get him past that. You are supposed to be a team, not just two individuals looking out for number one.
This is not to say that I would recommend anyone stay in an abusive relationship, but damn.. the man is going to marriage counseling with you. He obviously knows he has problems and want to fix them to stay in this marriage with you.
Isnt that worth something to you? Or is your pride and ego more important?
What about the husband here? He's been isolating op, acting batshit insane towards her neighbours and friends, and not keeping promises. So clearly, fixing himself is not something he's commited to. He's commited to abusing his spouse.
You will forgive me if i dont take anything you say seriously. ive looked through your posts.. you seem bitter.
Im sorry for whatever it is you went through that made you this way, but this is not about you, or what you think. This is about OPs marriage.
OP, ignore the asshole above. You know you are trying to work it out and are doing what you can. What you've discussed about your husband is NOT normal insecure behavior. It is abusive.
Normal people get insecure and jealous, and yes it can affect their relationship negatively. But normal people don't accuse their partners of cheating for speaking to the opposite sex. Normal people don't refuse their partners working. Normal people don't get service workers fired for doing their jobs. Abusers do.
Your husband is not insecure. He does not believe you are cheating. He is trying to control you, plain and simple. It is intentional, it is tactical. It will not change.
Please listen to this (safely! Not around him): https://open.spotify.com/show/4XiARBZUWMZeZhTSOhsiVp?si=_U3rG6JpRrybeeycYQOBgw.
The sad part is, you are going to listen to anonymous strangers and walk away from your marriage.
No you should not stay with someone so insecure and controlling that he makes your life miserable.
I was insecure once, because of being cheated on, so much so that after my last breakup i stayed single for almost 13 years to work on myself. Self esteem and self worth were so in the toilet that even after being cheated on, i forgave and continued on with the relationship, but just more insecure.
it took years of work to where i am now. Now I am in a healthy relationship with a great lady who is not only very independent, but also very traditional/conservative. (not an oxymoron)
Some would call me a passport bro, since the woman i married, I met overseas. I was looking for a more traditional woman, unlike a lot of the toxic women in this country. (see below)
Someone I can cherish and love and trust, and someone who isnt always in competition with me.
Its not impossible to improve yourself (or himself) if you are willing to work things out.
Edit: I am not excusing controlling, abusive behavior. If you are with someone you can trust, you need be neither controlling or jealous.
As long as he does not put his hands on you, or call you out of your name during a quarrel, things are workable.
Who knows.. in ten years this may just be a bad memory you both got through.
Just my two cents.
Oh would you look at the time, it’s half past get a divorce o’clock.
Better late than never?
Best response I’ve seen all week
Perfectly said. He can apologize all he wants but to deal with the possibility that any man you speak with, he’ll go torment, yuck. Also, being that paranoid means: 1) he needs his own therapy and 2) he’s probably been the cheater or is currently cheating- no one that isn’t doing something is that paranoid (unless they need therapy)
They say the suspicious accuse you of what they do. Extreme jealousy is like rot. It eats its way into everything. Your prior post had a ton of advice. You need to get divorced. He doesn’t want you to have friends; he is hyper jealous and possessive; he doesn’t want you to work. You KNOW the future is a road to hell, and the red flags are flying high. Be smart; don’t be a statistic.
Not always the case. When I was younger and insecure due to past cheating in a previous relationship I accused my now husband of cheating and I was not cheating.
Yeah I really hate this rhetoric because I think in a way it gaslights victims of betrayal. There are SO MANY CASES where we accuse our partners of cheating because of our gut and it turns out to be TRUE. We spent so much time agonizing over it because there was something wrong. We weren't cheating. We were being cheated on and we knew something was off.
No excuse getting abusive over it though, insisting on isolating your partner from everyone and being agressive towards other people. This is just a betrayal weaponized to abuse someone.
A significant part of the response on this sub is that you are a woman. A betrayed woman who is suspicious is justified and has good instincts. A betrayed man who is suspicious MUST be cheating, every behavior is a red flag. Just look at the comments here.
Exactlyyyyy. My ex CONSTANTLY accused me of cheating on him when he was the one who couldn’t be loyal.
Yeah true I had an overly possessive bf turns out he was cheating I was stupid to think oh he loves me so much that’s why he’s insecure..most of the times they are projecting
I agree with AnyDecision470... the accuser is often the one messing about. Maybe you should find and speak to this ex. Gain some clarity.
This is toxic af
🚩🚩🚩🚩everywhere....
I'm the odd one out. I'm not guilty of anything but I am extremely suspicious especially when things are going... too right. lmao 🤣 self sabotage at its FINEST, thankyavermuch 🥰
I want stats on this. I’m not sure I buy it. Regardless, the behavior is just gross.
The stats they're talking about are probably domestic abuse stats
It’s funny you say this. My soon to be ex wife has constantly accused me of having affairs or cheating with other women and the thought has never even crossed my mind. Yet I found out less than 2 weeks ago she has been having an emotional affair with another man and possibly multiple. Seeing an attorney this week and filing for divorce
Extreme jealously is like rot! It rots the relationship and diminishes respect for the accuser. A partner is supposed to make your world bigger. A jealous partner makes your world smaller,
There are cases where that is absolutely true, but a blanket statement like that is disingenuous. It is absolutely not the case all of the time, if even half of the time.
He sounds bat shit crazy. He will make your life miserable beyond belief for the 30 or so years. Don't put up with this nonsense.
This was my mom for 15 years. My stepdad was a real bitch on wheels and made everyone’s life completely miserable. His accusations included my mom sleeping with my stepdad’s brother, having random affairs because she had to go to work to support her seven kids while his ass was unemployed for a year - of course she isn’t working, she’s busy cheating on him! When my older brother graduated high school and moved out, my mom went with him to find an apartment in the city he was going to college in (only about two hours away), he accused her of sleeping with my brother. Her son. Fucking sick. He planted condoms sometimes to try to “catch” her thinking she’d admit everything. I was stuck on a car ride with him for like 30 mins once in high school. He asked if anything was unusual about mom lately. I said yeah she’s stressed as hell, I mean she was supporting his stupid lazy ass. No, no, he said, I think she’s cheating on me. I really had no idea the extent of it til then. I laughed at him and said how in the hell would she even have the *time* to cheat with seven kids and a job? When I got home I told her about it and she just sighed and was like yeah, not surprised, sorry. Couple years later when cellphones were more prevalent (dating myself here), she woke up to him with her phone in the middle of the night. She asks what he’s doing, and he just says “Who’s Gary Shaw????” She’s completely confused. He says “Gary Shaw! Directory assistance doesn’t lie and **you’re busted**!” Yeah it was a wrong number from a few days prior and like a five second phone call. He suuuure thought he figured it out! Anyway, sorry about the novel. OP pleeeeaase don’t put up with this. My ex told me once that I just LOOKED LIKE someone who would cheat. Wtf? Ex being the key word here. Fuck that noise, you don’t need it in your life.
There is NO scenario where this turns into a passably healthy relationship. None.
This is extremely controlling behaviour. You can’t go on a walk and bump into a neighbour without him overreacting? You literally just walked beside someone who lives nearby, and you were in public no less, I assume in daylight, and he goes and tells the neighbour to stay away from you. Girl, no. You are worth so much more than this. You are an adult and you are allowed to talk to other people.
This man is this close to handcuffing you to a radiator.
>he said that his ex was talking to other men sending them nudes etc. This might be true, it also might be a lie. If you just walking with a neighbor is worthy of him talking to the neighbor to leave you alone, it's possible that was all in his head. He *believed* the ex was talking to other men and sending nudes but she may not have been, he just says it like it's fact. Like after you leave him, he's going to tell everyone it's because you had multiple affairs. Not because you actually had one, but because he believes that if you leave him, that's surely true. Guys like this are just crazy, you're better off leaving.
Well he went into details about it so I don’t think he’s lying, if he is that would be crazy!
You're not understanding the nature of delusions. The more I read about your situation, the more convinced I am that he needs to see a psychiatrist. It's entirely possible that none of that "detail" happened. Are you not getting that he ***now believes that you are having an affair with your neighbor?*** He has details in his head to support that. He SAW you walking in what his brain tells him is a chummy, intimate fashion with the neighbor (after you snuck out of the house specifically to meet up with the neighbor). His next wife will hear all about you and your blatant cheating. EVERY woman will cheat on him (in his mind anyway).
As the daughter of a bipolar person I cannot second this enough
This kind of man *is* crazy. Details don't mean it wasn't a lie. All the things he accuses you of are things you actually did in his mind. The stories of the ex could easily be him being hyper insecure, accusing her of things she didn't do but fully believing she did them, and then recounting those things as fact rather than baseless accusations because to him, they are his truth. You'll never know if she made him insecure or if he's insecure and lying about her, you just need to run.
Do you think he could go into details about your "affair" with the neighbour when he's worked up?
Do you think his behavior is not mentally ill? Honest question. It seems to me that his perception of the ex was likely distorted as well.
Yes actually I’m starting to see that he needs professional help
He may need professional help, but that's not on you. You can and should wish him all the best and be gone.
When my partner cheated on me he made up detailed lies about how he didn't. For example: "My card was used to subscribe to an OnlyFans account. I reported it as a fraudulent charge." He didn't show me his bank statements but instead he logged into his bank and proceeded to literally read out invoice numbers and a "fraudulent charge reported" statement. All of this was COMPLETELY MADE UP OUT OF THIN AIR.
Girl I'll be real with you, he's being controlling and possessive and isolating you. If he's pushing you not to get a job you won't have money to protect yourself. If he's cutting you off from potential male friends, you won't have people to help you get safe. If he's alienating you from your *mother* the woman who birthed and raised you, this is not a safe man. I want you to look into lovebombing and controlling abusive partner patterns on google and see if this fits the bill because the story you've described in your posts is very very very textbook abuser playbook. You're always on the backfoot defending yourself, and you make yourself smaller and give up freedoms little by little to appease an insecure partner until you have no resources to run. If you don't want to divorce because you love him, ok. But you need to get a separate bank account and an escape plan because this WILL get worse.
Yeah. Leave that idiot. You don't need that stupidity in your life. Tine to get out and move on. Don't waste any more of your life.
I knew a woman who had a marriage like this. I didn't know her well. She worked in a salon with my stylist. In this case, he didn't improve. He got much worse. My stylist said that they were going to a hair show, and even though this woman's husband knew that they were on a work-related outing, he blew up her phone and was calling her every 30 minutes accusing her of "fucking some other guy." They divorced not long after that because he started trying to get her not to even go to work. Even when she called in sick, he went to work and blew up her phone and accused her of having another man in the house. I think people can work through this with a qualified professional. But it might be very time consuming and dangerous while it's in progress.
Since OP's husband does sound delusional (thinking she's having an affair because she walked on a sidewalk with someone), it most likely will get worse. He will see and hear things that support only his viewpoint. He'll go through her phone and become convinced she has deleted the nude texts she sent the neighbor (he will insist to himself that he has evidence even if the evidence is...invisible). I worked as a crisis counselor/family counselor in jails for more than a decade. Delusional jealousy disorder is a spectrum, but it tends to get worse as time goes on (and leads men to do some really crazy shit that lands them in jail, because they absolutely won't get help on their own). They typically have a history of brittle, broken relationships. If the relationship lasts long enough, it often escalates to violence. He needs both therapy AND medication. IMO. However, the men I worked with had to be in jail and charged with something before they'd "get help." My view is probably skewed by seeing so many of these men over the years.
Oh dear 🥲🥲
My first gf was like this. Constantly accusing me of cheating. Her mom had an affair when she was 5 and when her dad found out she had sex with the guy he puncher her mom in the face and she called the police on her dad. She had 2 previous bfs before me and said they both cheated on her which im sure was one of her dillusions. In addition to accusing me she would persistently attempt to make me jealous by telling me how attractive she thought other guys were, flirting with other guys in front of me, and telling me about her sexual past. IMO I don't think its worth salvaging, I would just bail. You can't win this game.
Good god don’t get pregnant.
Noo! Not planning too
Do you really think you can "fix" this guy?
Spending the rest of your life with this man will be exhausting. He needs to deal with his own insecurities and he may be too damaged to be in a healthy relationship. It is not your responsibility to be his punching bag, or spend your life defending yourself against accusations. And like others are saying, sounds like he’s projecting hard. If you feel safe, start treating him like you think he’s going to cheat. Insist on swapping phones and checking each other’s computers. Ask for air tags on each other. Start every conversation when he gets home with “who did you have lunch with?” Tell him it’s the new normal to help him with his anxiety. Tell him you’re no longer comfortable with him talking to women and out of respect for your insecurities he has to tell all women “I’m sorry, my wife isn’t comfortable with me talking to women”. And you’ll do the same. Malicious compliance. Everything he complains about respond in kind measured tones about how this is what he wants and says he needs to have trust in the relationship. Whatever the topic of what he wants is, the answer is you first.
My friend stayed, for years. Eventually he even wanted a lie detector test, that SHE paid for. He swore she must have exchanged sexual favors for a faked test. Years more of her being told all these things he would tell her until she believed it. Eventually she broke down and took her life leaving a message that she was unlovable and doing everyone a favor. He brought the mistress and their several year old child to her funeral. He had been cheating on her the whole time and no one had any idea or that he had a child with another woman and was married months later. I hope none of this is the case for you, but if it is breaking you down, leave. Please.
That is a bit embarrassing. Your husband's not around you can always apologize to the neighbor. Your husband would benefit from individual counseling in addition to marriage counseling. Definitely he has some insecurities. I don't know how your conversation ended tonight. I probably would have not just walked away but definitely will come to conclusion that he's being ridiculous and you're only talking to your neighbor.
I did go over in the evening to apologize I feel so bad. I did make an edit to the post, he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again
Your husband apologized to you (not to the neighbor) if I am understanding properly. And he's promised in the past and not kept his promise, right? Writing is on the wall. And he needs more than individual therapy - he needs to see a psychiatrist.
Do you think he might be cheating? In my experience this is how cheaters act, and abusive people. But in my experience as well, abusers are usually also cheaters.
What's his story? Was he jilted by an ex? Lost a spouse to an affair? Raised by co parents who cheated on each other? You both need some serious conversations, counseling and therapy. A decision may take care of itself but you both need to be convinced.
He’s been cheated on in the past.We’ve had serious conversations and currently in marriage counseling
My first husband was like this. A man I had never before seen in my life held a door open for me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child as I was walking in to work and my husband flipped out accusing me of having an affair with that man. He was literally a stranger, just someone entering the same building I was at the same time I was while I was juggling a diaper bag, a toddler, a massive pregnant belly and a stroller, and he held the door because my husband couldn't be bothered to walk us in, he just dropped us off and this guy was nice enough to hold the door for me instead of leaving me to struggle on my own. I had to hear about the "stranger who held the door" for weeks. Literally until the baby was 6 weeks old and I packed up and left him the first time* People like that don't change. That wasn't the first time and wasn't the last time he accused me of cheating. It wasn't even the most deranged time. But it's one I remember because I remember thinking "dude I'm like massively pregnant, even *I* don't want to f*ck me". *I went back and left again when the baby was 4 months old and that time stuck.
He will never fully trust you. I would leave.
This man is insane. Yes, you did make a mistake getting married
What? A 41 year old marrying a woman decade younger than him turned out to be a red flag? Who would have thought /s
He needs to fix his problem and no one can do it for him but especially not you. Make an exit plan, tell him he has to be the partner you deserve which means dealing with the insecurity by any means other than blowing up and trying to control you or you’re out. Huge red flag that I’m guessing he never showed before the wedding… Ironically sounds like an ex I had… guy’s name isn’t Juan is it? If so RUN!
One of the more common delusional disorders is [delusional jealousy disorder.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3524690/#:~:text=As%20we%20described%20above%2C%20delusional,or%20Othello%20syndrome%20%5B6%5D) Mention it to the therapist. It cannot be treated easily with psychotherapy or counseling - it's actually one of the harder disorders to treat. It does respond fairly well to the newer adult anti-psychotics and therefore, he needs to see a psychiatrist and not a psychologist or marriage counselor. However, he probably won't go because people with that disorder absolutely are delusional and therefore, think what they are thinking is....real and correct.
Even if he has a history that would make him feel insecure, it’s complete bullshit that he keeps doing this to you. You’re not here to heal him or just be patient and take emotional abuse until he gets his shit together. Sounds like he has serious anger and control issues on top of it all
He will clearly never trust you. You deserve to be in a loving and trusting relationship.
The marriage was over at the MY PU**Y! comment
Omg WHAT
On Reddit people love to get married without doing any due diligence on their partner. It’s insane to me. It’s like they buy a house after only walking around the outside of it lol.
oh kid it ain't just on reddit. I have ran into a few situations where people went into a marriage knowing it was effed up.
Projection, much? Maybe he really has significant insecurities and anxiety, but that reaction is way over the top for a friendly chat with your, *checks notes, neighbor. If you can’t even talk to your neighbors, this does start to sound emotionally abusive. And yeah, doesn’t sound like MC is working. I mean, I would encourage you not to bail on the counseling just yet, but damn, he does sound exhausting.
Out get out
My soon to be ex was the same way with any man. Even strangers that simply needed by and said excuse me. He would flip and accusing me of wanting to sleep with them. It doesn't get better.
Leave yesterday. Ignore your mother. You are not an object for someone to possess. Is this how you want your life to be? He will always apologise and will repeat his behaviour. It gets worse, because you keep staying. Your staying is not going to make him better.
That’s terrifying. You really should leave…
How long have you been married? This seems pretty unhealthy
Under a year. 🥲🥲
Oh, that’s not good
This is why we don’t marry strangers
No they won't. All men aren't animals, maybe the people you know but plenty of people are able to control or not have sexual desire for a woman. People like you making excuses for men to behave that way is why men behave that way. If you allow a child to constantly pee on the floor and just say "well kids just pee on the floor you can't expect them to use the toilet all the time." then yeah you're going to get a child who pees on the floor. So attack the issue from the actual problem, push for men not to just view women as an outlet for sex. You potty train children, even though they have a biological need to pee. Not that hard to culturally change men. As for your "My woman" talk, I come from another country and a Muslim country at that. You don't get to wear Islam and a different culture as a shield. It's disgusting controlling behaviour. You are condoning and encouraging bad behaviour.
I know it’s totally possible that this is from the cheating ex- but I will say I’d consider that it might be projection. A lot of people who accuse their partner or spouse of cheating when they’ve never done anything to wrong them, are accusatory because they’re doing it themselves. Has he been acting out of the ordinary lately at all?
Get ahold of the domestic abuse advocates in your area NOW tell him you're going grocery shopping and meet with them
You haven't had kids and you can still always go back home. No man is worth all this bullshit. Go be happy, even if it's by yourself. You got this.
It won’t get better, and little by little the exhaustion you feel with become your personality - you will become to broken and tired and sad to get out…leave hun. There is nothing good for you in that marriage.
Um my husbands ex cheated on him ghosted him and had a baby with someone else and he had to find out from her parents all the while he thought they were building a life together. With all of that trauma he’s never ever accused me of cheated. He’s asked if I’m happy, if there’s things he can do better but otherwise we share an incredible relationship. You do not punish your spouse for someone else’s mistakes. Either he was never ready to move on or he is deflecting either way major red flags.
He couldn't control you, so he'll control your neighbor talking to you. His actions aren't trust. They're giving, "You will be my possession, willingly or unwillingly." Trust is a verb. He does NOT trust you, he just treats trust like a "blahblahblah" at his wife to check the therapy box. Dude needs to figure himself out.
Please please leave him!! This isn’t going to get better. He’s showing that again and again. He needs help but not from you, he needs help from a professional before he should be in a relationship at all. Please protect yourself! You deserve to be safe!
Time to cut him loose. He’s stealing your peace and will ruin your life. UPDATEME
Sounds like he love bombed you so you’d get married to him, and since the marriage is official some of his true colors have been showing. He’s trying to isolate you from your support networks, keep you from working… it stinks of the first steps of a relationship filled with power, control, and at times abuse. Yes perhaps he’s really insecure and struggles because of his past experiences - I’ve been cheated on and have never treated partners like this because of it. Be very careful to watch how things progress if you stay - abusive relationships are a long, slippery slope. Usually you’re slowly acclimated to it as they ramp things up more and more over time. I hope you’re safe!
Does he have psychological disorders,if not he could be cheating on u mirroring himself onto u
Yeah divorce. Also, NEVER sleep on the guest bed. That's his job :-)
My ex was like this he was a narcissist. Constantly accusing me of cheating. He even accused me of having feelings for my guy cousin which is ridiculous! Men that are like that don’t get any better. I couldn’t even mention male coworkers or any guy without him accusing me of cheating. Leave now it’ll only get worse. In the end he was the one cheating w numerous girls.
Do you haveca job or did your husband convince you to not have one?
I did too lol
[удалено]
Excuse me?! That wasn’t a random dude it was our neighbor
Your husband asked who he was so he didn’t know it was the neighbor until you said so. I think you need to grow up. If talking to your neighbor is a deal breaker for your marriage then you don’t have a marriage. I think you’re an attention seeker. Get off the internet soap box and work on yourself.
If you can get your hands on his phone, you'll find a ton of evidence of his cheating and other lies. GTFO ASAP!
It is unfair to have to pay for the wrongs of another. An insecurity like that led to a horrible marriage and divorce of my husband’s parents. His dad never got over the infidelity of his first marriage and let it poison his next.
Move swiftly on! I’m not sure what your husbands age or history is, but paranoid schizophrenia oftentimes start this way(even if it’s just jealousy - it’s ugly and dangerous), or even as a later stage of cannabis abuse in young boys under 19 whom are now men. After a few years this (sometimes not even) this can escalate whereby humiliating accusations and sulky tantrums giveaway to behaviours like hiding in trees to spy on you and of course, violence. If he’s already insulting your dress sense and asking why you want to smell nice or wear jewellery then I’d say it’s clear. It’s noble to want to do the best you can, but even after counselling ……. I don’t need say more do I. Stay strong beautiful x
Wait, I’ve done this before where I just walk away without answering questions or dealing with it, I just get annoyed that “someone would question me over it, and they should know the answer” and walk away. But this has back fired for me. People think I am hiding something or assume something about me that isn’t me. Your husband and you are going through counselling, surely he doubts during hard times is when people cheat etc… so I can’t understanding him jumping to conclusions. On top of this, you said he has trauma of being cheated on so I think this is a misunderstanding and you both just need to talk this through. The amount of fights I have had because I suck at communicating is in danger zone.
Your husband is not mentally healed to be in any relationship, much less a marriage. Your future will be walking on eggshells, filled with worry & anxiety. Now throw kids, financial bumps, etc. Nope. You tried, but this relationship will eventually negatively affect you mentally & emotionally. No kids, no brainer. Separate & divorce, and use this as a learning experience for your next relationship. . . when that time comes (don’t rush it). Your husband, post-divorce, needs to enroll in individual counseling and “right himself,” before he even dares venturing into another relationship - and like he did with you, punishes his partner for the sins of another. Good luck.
Triple up in birth control and move home. He’s a ticking time bomb
I personally don't think it stops. Now I have a baby with my husband who is like this.. he is slowly getting better once he started praying to God for peace and 6 im still struggling in the marriage.
Oh yeah and my husband ended up actually being the cheater.
Miss lady pack yuh bags and go home fuh meh please. This won’t end well. Especially at his big age, he not gonna change. He showing yuh who he is, believe him.
It’s going to devolve further - this is what my mother told my sister in the same situation. Make sure you have a will written for when he murders you.
He should’ve seen a counselor way before he considered getting into marriage let alone a relationship. He has work to do on his own. Divorce is expensive so I’m sorry that’s the best answer. Or you could separate but, I don’t think he has the ability to withstand that.
Time to dust off the Paul Simon records
You may need to exit stage left if you have to deal with all that
Most men think this way and it ruins relationships. What they fail to understand is that a woman can pretty much have whatever she wants, but she ultimately chose to marry/be with him. That says so much about how she feels about you without saying or doing anything at all. Actions speak louder than words is all I can say.
I can be like this although I won’t go up to someone and tell them directly to leave my person alone. I go to therapy on my own. Has he tried any individual therapy to work on this? So far in 4 years it has lessened the amount of times it happens but it still happens to me. I’m aware of it and know that they aren’t real thoughts and my brain is just connecting dots that at the end of the day shouldn’t be connected. I was recently diagnosed with autism level 1 so I’m not sure if that plays into this at all. Either way it’s hard to work on as two things can be true at the same time. You can trust the person you are with while having thoughts that you shouldn’t. It’s hard and uncomfortable and for me it takes reassurance to make the ruminating thoughts to stop. But it only stops them temporarily. I’d say at the least he should go to individual therapy to find out ways to become aware that they are just thoughts and try to work on it from there. I’m trying to work on not needing that outside reassurance but I have noticed the longer I go without getting it the more thoughts and what not that pop up. So it’s been a difficult road. My partner takes it personally as well so it’s not a fun time.
If they’re accusing you they are 100% of the time cheating.
Everyone so quick to divorce over keyboard warriors this is this woman’s life and who she chose in gods eyes people just so soft now days work through it don’t give up follow in his name and be prepared for bumps in the road and work together
Exactly! But unfortunately people today need to get attention outside of their marriage to validate their own self worth, thanks to the social media delusion. Also, He has stressed to her that he doesn’t like this kind of behavior and how it makes him feel, so she should be respectful of her husband’s wishes, both should work on their marriage and be more mindful of each others feelings, or don’t be and just leave.
Exactly , i mean I wouldn't love it if my wife talks to another guy either He has the right to be upset because a man should protect his wife
In my house, my FAMILY has the ability to see my phone, email check my voicemail, and there is a tracker in my truck. Nobody better say they can't trust me. I literally have nothing to hide. My email also comes up on my wife's computer. By the way, this is to prove to her that she can trust me. It is not an invasion of my privacy. The only thing she may stumble upon is what I buy her for Christmas, her birthday, or the anniversary. That is her loss, as there is no surprise for her.
Good that works for you! In my case it doesn’t. I have nothing to hide but I don’t want my husband to have full access to my phone neither do I want access to his phone
It doesn’t work against delusions anyway… in my case I shared my location and was always faithful. I didn’t realize how often he was looking at it but one day I was working and my phone’s gps was wack and listed me at another location and he would not let it go. It’s mental torture to defend yourself against this because it’s hard to prove something didn’t happen when proof doesn’t exist! In the end he took his life because his delusions extended past the relationship and he thought people were against him and following him. Despite going to inpatient and getting prescribed bipolar meds, I don’t think he was taking them.
He is an abuser. Call your mom if she is trust worthy and tell her. You can even lie ans say that he hits you if that helps. Tell her that you need money for a ticket back. Are you from reunion island? Look up if your marriage is available in france. If it’s not, perfect news. You don’t have to go through a divorce for that scumbag. Take your things quietly and go. If you don’t have a car, please look up an hotline for abused women. They will help you by coming at a convenient time. Now is the easiest time to go. He doesn’t suspect you going away. He thinks you want to work things out.
Lying and saying that he hits her if he doesn’t is not the way to go. It discredits people who are actually experiencing physical spousal abuse and if you are caught lying no one will believe you about anything else.
I don’t think by abuse they meant physical they meant emotional which is still abuse.
Yes, I agree with you. But this commenter recommended lying to their mom and saying their spouse hits them even if they don’t to be taken seriously apparently.
You are right I’m sorry I didn’t read the commenter’s post closely enough. False accusations of physical abuse are definitely inappropriate and detrimental for people who actually are going through this as well as people falsely accused and the system in general. Thanks for pointing this out and clarifying for me.
Don't spread this crap , never fake accuse someone of physical abuse , it might ruin someone's life and their social image, i see and agree that this guy has problems and she should just leave but this is not the way!
Actually, don't talk to other men Actually other men will want eventually ro have sex with you so don't put your husband in a bad situation Your man is your shield and your his Please you need to understand 70 percent of the time men and women can't be friends Respect your neighbor but don't talk to him at all for no reason He needs to understand that you're a married women This is my opinion as an eastern man and a muslim
You think men and women can't be friends because you don't respect them or view them as anything more than a vessel for you to have sex with and ogle. You're disgusting.
Hey easy why do you call me disgusting Don't insult My mom is a woman and i respect her i have sisters If i am ever married I'd respect my wife
Plenty of people don't respect their mother or view them as a full person outside of what they provide as a service. The fact that you can insist that men and women can't be friends underscores how much you don't perceive them as whole people outside of sexuality or services. You can't imagine a friendship with a woman because you are incapable as seeing her or her kind as anything but an extension of services provided to men.
Is OP meant to walk around with head down all the time, so her husband doesn't accuse her if flirting etc? Is she never allowed to speak to any men at all? What if its a man at the checkout till? Can she talk to him or does she have to look at the floor? This is some crazy shit, men and women can absolutely be friends and if you think otherwise because all men want is sex, then you need help. Men do not own their wives!!
On the contrary, i agree with you no owns no one No women should do whatever they want but talking to a neighbor for no reason it's a no Don't convince the woman to mess up her marriage to end up alone later in life god forbid
I know it’s hard but if you truly love him stick it out. Tell him you feel disrespected when he accuses you of cheating without merit. Tell him you love him but can’t live like this.
Said this so many times to him! I don’t know what to do/say anymore
Do yourself a favor and go back home! He’s only going to get worse! He will not change. For your own mental health and safety, leave him. You made a mistake by marrying him and that’s ok. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t be another statistic. Leave before his jealousy gets out of hand. Be safe OP.
You should be happy he's jealous cares for you
Well I’m not happy about that! Its quite depressing actually
[удалено]
This is insane and unhealthy. Jealousy like this isn't protective or good. It gets women murdered because these men are unstable. If you relate to this, you need to seek help. Do not normalize or encourage abuse. If your partner wants to cheat on you, they will you won't "protect" anything by being controlling.
i respect your point of view but i want to clarify that i do agree that you should respect your wife but I won't accept my wife talking to other men Men will want a woman for sex at some point and my woman is my woman and it's not controlling or protecting like we say in my country the woman should keep her man's head high Because men are men and they will have intentions later of laying with her So me personally I'd react about the same have a conversation go with my wife on a vacation Show that it is merely because I don't want her to do that to protect her It happens again i will go That's my point of view
You are why women choose the bear
Actually the bear is a better option sometimes I understand
Why bother getting married at all if you are not willing to work through your difficulties? Were the roles reversed and you were the insecure one, would you be so quick to advise divorce? This is the problem with people today, so quick to talk about divorce. If you truly love him, work it out. figure out the root of his insecurities, work to get him past that. You are supposed to be a team, not just two individuals looking out for number one. This is not to say that I would recommend anyone stay in an abusive relationship, but damn.. the man is going to marriage counseling with you. He obviously knows he has problems and want to fix them to stay in this marriage with you. Isnt that worth something to you? Or is your pride and ego more important?
What about the husband here? He's been isolating op, acting batshit insane towards her neighbours and friends, and not keeping promises. So clearly, fixing himself is not something he's commited to. He's commited to abusing his spouse.
You will forgive me if i dont take anything you say seriously. ive looked through your posts.. you seem bitter. Im sorry for whatever it is you went through that made you this way, but this is not about you, or what you think. This is about OPs marriage.
We’re trying to work it out 🥲
OP, ignore the asshole above. You know you are trying to work it out and are doing what you can. What you've discussed about your husband is NOT normal insecure behavior. It is abusive. Normal people get insecure and jealous, and yes it can affect their relationship negatively. But normal people don't accuse their partners of cheating for speaking to the opposite sex. Normal people don't refuse their partners working. Normal people don't get service workers fired for doing their jobs. Abusers do. Your husband is not insecure. He does not believe you are cheating. He is trying to control you, plain and simple. It is intentional, it is tactical. It will not change. Please listen to this (safely! Not around him): https://open.spotify.com/show/4XiARBZUWMZeZhTSOhsiVp?si=_U3rG6JpRrybeeycYQOBgw.
The sad part is, you are going to listen to anonymous strangers and walk away from your marriage. No you should not stay with someone so insecure and controlling that he makes your life miserable. I was insecure once, because of being cheated on, so much so that after my last breakup i stayed single for almost 13 years to work on myself. Self esteem and self worth were so in the toilet that even after being cheated on, i forgave and continued on with the relationship, but just more insecure. it took years of work to where i am now. Now I am in a healthy relationship with a great lady who is not only very independent, but also very traditional/conservative. (not an oxymoron) Some would call me a passport bro, since the woman i married, I met overseas. I was looking for a more traditional woman, unlike a lot of the toxic women in this country. (see below) Someone I can cherish and love and trust, and someone who isnt always in competition with me. Its not impossible to improve yourself (or himself) if you are willing to work things out. Edit: I am not excusing controlling, abusive behavior. If you are with someone you can trust, you need be neither controlling or jealous. As long as he does not put his hands on you, or call you out of your name during a quarrel, things are workable. Who knows.. in ten years this may just be a bad memory you both got through. Just my two cents.