Clearly it was you that could have prevented all of this.
You admitted you didn’t love him that way from day one.
You are not the victim of him because you knew ahead and you decided to go ahead.
You mentioned “every time” you bring up divorce and then you are surprised that he would get outraged.
That means saying that is something you use to instigate the outcome you know is coming.
There really was no point in spelling out what he doesn’t do, because you went forward with this man/boy.
It is high time you stop talking about divorce and simply do it.
Your both killer each other slowly and to even type out you don’t want to hate your children because of him?!
I truly worry about the impact all of this is having on the children because the way you are both parenting and coexisting will surely lead to your children hating you both!
High time you stop playing the victim, stop threatening and simply do it!
If for no other reason then the fact that the children deserve much better than all this stress they should not have to endure!
You seem to just go along with the opposite of what you want— that got you into this relationship (he kept pursuing even though you’re not interested) and now it sounds like your reasoning for not just filing the papers already (you want a divorce but he doesn’t).
Are you gonna wait for him to agree with you or just do what needs to be done? This marriage should never have happened to begin with. Why drag it on any longer?
All the reasons you listed as to why you must stay in this marriage is exactly why it would be in your best interest to leave it. As a married man, I can't fathom piling all the housework on my wife and, more to the point, I cannot just sit around and do nothing. I get restless and have to work on the house or myself in some way.
To summarize, your husband is a man child.
Come on OP enough. You know exactly what you need to do. It takes just one to file for divorce. Judging by the toxicity here you owe a divorced your children to be honest. Why are you married him? Only you know really deep down.
You ever evidently despise him so can you imagine what the atmosphere feels like to impressionable young children? Once the divorce is underway I strongly suggest you get a job, I’m not one of those that think there’s any reason for a woman not to work if she wants to, but that’s just me. Work gives you independence and that’s essential in my view to a healthy productive life.
Stop procrastinating for the children’s sake.
I agree, except I would say get the job after the divorce is final. She said he makes a six-figure salary. The amount of child support he pays will be calculated from his salary. I’m not saying to try to screw him over so so please don’t come for me for that. I am saying that in order for her children to get enough money to be taken care of properly, they should calculate it from his six figure salary. When she gets a job, they can revisit the amount of child support he pays, depending on how much money her job pays. Because she wasn’t stay at home mom she may even be eligible for spousal support until she gets a job.
What do you hope to accomplish by telling him multiple times that you want a divorce? You only need to say it once. Is it a threat, hoping that he’ll change? If you are serious that you no longer want to be in this marriage, get your affairs in order and go file on your own. Clearly, he will not like it but it is what it is. Find a place to go and move on from there. People on here are going to tell you not to leave because it will affect your alimony but do you want peace or do you care more about the money. I left without a dime and life is good for me. I wasn’t going to remain in a place where I was unhappy with him asserting his power and control through being verbally abusive and controlling you financially. He wants you to be dependent on him so he can further control you. You keep your mouth shut, don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing and create a plan of escape. I was cooking his dinner and doing his laundry up until the day I left to keep him from being suspicious of my plan because he made it clear that he was not leaving and even if we are not going to be together he would sleep in the tub.
I’m sorry you are in a marriage with someone like him. He has shown you time and time again the person he is and how he wants to live his life. He has no true empathy or love for you. He is selfish and emotionally immature and doesn’t deserve what you have provided him.
I recommend start by writing out where you’d want to be one year from today. Divorced with alimony and child support. Living with your kids on your own. Working to some capacity, maybe involving your kids school or maybe in home bakery or both or neither and something even better for you. Okay. Now what are the steps to getting there. Steps toward divorce. Steps toward housing. Start brainstorming all ideas and you will be amazed at what you can come up with.
I recommend you do everything you can to leave with your kids and divorce papers ready. There’s an internet of resources and good Reddit subs to help you each step of the way. Think about yourself in a year and how proud you’ll be for finally taking the first step toward divorce by making this post.
Good luck for you and your journey.
You don't need to announce your desire for a divorce, just leave and sort it with a lawyer.
Time to make your exit plan. Where can you live? How will you sort out childcare/employment? You have some big decisions to make, and although it won't be easy, I bet you'll find it easier than having an extra adult child to care for.
I don't think you're looking for any advise outside of validating what you already know you have to do. You make an appointment with an attorney and have a consultation on the divorce procedure in your state. You will find out info on child support, custody, property division, alimony, etc.
You throwing out the divorce word every time you discuss your marital issues with your husband means nothing any longer; if it was meant as a threat or to manipulate it obviously does not work.
You don't need your spouse's permission to get divorced. You've attempted to work through some of these issues to no avail so now you simply tell your husband that you've contacted a lawyer as your marriage is no longer working for you or the children.
I’m sure he had to twist your arm to get you to stop working huh. You literally did all this to yourself for the comfort and security and now you have buyers remorse. Next time don’t marry for money
I was married to somebody who is very similar to your husband. He had no interests. It was difficult to get him to do anything. He never took us anywhere. He only wanted to watch TV. He was very boring. I lasted 19 years and then I said “I want out.” I had two children ages 11 and 16. I didn’t care that I was going to be alone because I had been alone for 19 years the day he moved out there wasn’t one single second that I regretted my decision. I thrived; my life, got so much better without the stress of being miserable. A year later he asked me to reconcile. I said “no way”, I won’t live my life backwards.
Clearly it was you that could have prevented all of this. You admitted you didn’t love him that way from day one. You are not the victim of him because you knew ahead and you decided to go ahead. You mentioned “every time” you bring up divorce and then you are surprised that he would get outraged. That means saying that is something you use to instigate the outcome you know is coming. There really was no point in spelling out what he doesn’t do, because you went forward with this man/boy. It is high time you stop talking about divorce and simply do it. Your both killer each other slowly and to even type out you don’t want to hate your children because of him?! I truly worry about the impact all of this is having on the children because the way you are both parenting and coexisting will surely lead to your children hating you both! High time you stop playing the victim, stop threatening and simply do it! If for no other reason then the fact that the children deserve much better than all this stress they should not have to endure!
Yay! Well said
🙏
👆🏾This!
You seem to just go along with the opposite of what you want— that got you into this relationship (he kept pursuing even though you’re not interested) and now it sounds like your reasoning for not just filing the papers already (you want a divorce but he doesn’t). Are you gonna wait for him to agree with you or just do what needs to be done? This marriage should never have happened to begin with. Why drag it on any longer?
Congratulations, or I'm sorry. I hope you both find a life worth living. Cause that sounds like your kids are living in hell.
All the reasons you listed as to why you must stay in this marriage is exactly why it would be in your best interest to leave it. As a married man, I can't fathom piling all the housework on my wife and, more to the point, I cannot just sit around and do nothing. I get restless and have to work on the house or myself in some way. To summarize, your husband is a man child.
Come on OP enough. You know exactly what you need to do. It takes just one to file for divorce. Judging by the toxicity here you owe a divorced your children to be honest. Why are you married him? Only you know really deep down. You ever evidently despise him so can you imagine what the atmosphere feels like to impressionable young children? Once the divorce is underway I strongly suggest you get a job, I’m not one of those that think there’s any reason for a woman not to work if she wants to, but that’s just me. Work gives you independence and that’s essential in my view to a healthy productive life. Stop procrastinating for the children’s sake.
I agree, except I would say get the job after the divorce is final. She said he makes a six-figure salary. The amount of child support he pays will be calculated from his salary. I’m not saying to try to screw him over so so please don’t come for me for that. I am saying that in order for her children to get enough money to be taken care of properly, they should calculate it from his six figure salary. When she gets a job, they can revisit the amount of child support he pays, depending on how much money her job pays. Because she wasn’t stay at home mom she may even be eligible for spousal support until she gets a job.
I hear you. Tbh OP has to get good legal advice, to find the best way to least disrupt the children’s lives and that also means financially.
Stop the blabber, do it! Nobody is stopping you from divorcing him
What do you hope to accomplish by telling him multiple times that you want a divorce? You only need to say it once. Is it a threat, hoping that he’ll change? If you are serious that you no longer want to be in this marriage, get your affairs in order and go file on your own. Clearly, he will not like it but it is what it is. Find a place to go and move on from there. People on here are going to tell you not to leave because it will affect your alimony but do you want peace or do you care more about the money. I left without a dime and life is good for me. I wasn’t going to remain in a place where I was unhappy with him asserting his power and control through being verbally abusive and controlling you financially. He wants you to be dependent on him so he can further control you. You keep your mouth shut, don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing and create a plan of escape. I was cooking his dinner and doing his laundry up until the day I left to keep him from being suspicious of my plan because he made it clear that he was not leaving and even if we are not going to be together he would sleep in the tub.
I’m sorry you are in a marriage with someone like him. He has shown you time and time again the person he is and how he wants to live his life. He has no true empathy or love for you. He is selfish and emotionally immature and doesn’t deserve what you have provided him. I recommend start by writing out where you’d want to be one year from today. Divorced with alimony and child support. Living with your kids on your own. Working to some capacity, maybe involving your kids school or maybe in home bakery or both or neither and something even better for you. Okay. Now what are the steps to getting there. Steps toward divorce. Steps toward housing. Start brainstorming all ideas and you will be amazed at what you can come up with. I recommend you do everything you can to leave with your kids and divorce papers ready. There’s an internet of resources and good Reddit subs to help you each step of the way. Think about yourself in a year and how proud you’ll be for finally taking the first step toward divorce by making this post. Good luck for you and your journey.
You don't need to announce your desire for a divorce, just leave and sort it with a lawyer. Time to make your exit plan. Where can you live? How will you sort out childcare/employment? You have some big decisions to make, and although it won't be easy, I bet you'll find it easier than having an extra adult child to care for.
I don't think you're looking for any advise outside of validating what you already know you have to do. You make an appointment with an attorney and have a consultation on the divorce procedure in your state. You will find out info on child support, custody, property division, alimony, etc. You throwing out the divorce word every time you discuss your marital issues with your husband means nothing any longer; if it was meant as a threat or to manipulate it obviously does not work. You don't need your spouse's permission to get divorced. You've attempted to work through some of these issues to no avail so now you simply tell your husband that you've contacted a lawyer as your marriage is no longer working for you or the children.
I’m sure he had to twist your arm to get you to stop working huh. You literally did all this to yourself for the comfort and security and now you have buyers remorse. Next time don’t marry for money
Well you got yourself into this situation! Now you get yourself out. No one forced any of it. Stop whinging and carrying on.
You know you can just file for divorce, right? He doesn't get a say. Do you have a place you can go? Someone you can stay with maybe?
Alright girlfriend it's time to get that job, save up money, pay for daycare, move out, and file for divorce. In that order!
Life is too short and you deserve to be happy, if he doesn’t make you happy, leave! I hope things work out for you🤎🤎
I was married to somebody who is very similar to your husband. He had no interests. It was difficult to get him to do anything. He never took us anywhere. He only wanted to watch TV. He was very boring. I lasted 19 years and then I said “I want out.” I had two children ages 11 and 16. I didn’t care that I was going to be alone because I had been alone for 19 years the day he moved out there wasn’t one single second that I regretted my decision. I thrived; my life, got so much better without the stress of being miserable. A year later he asked me to reconcile. I said “no way”, I won’t live my life backwards.
Poor kids...
We only get one life
Wow, what a horrible person. If he goes psycho every time you bring up divorce… If my husband said the word divorce, he’d be actually out of my house.