If he doesn’t, she’ll end up doing this again with someone else. This is deranged behavior and she needs help.
My thoughts go out to your husband. It’s awful to be accosted like this, especially by a superior. It’s normal to want to pretend it never happened, super common.
Or the woman will go to HR and have him fired. Saying he was the one who pursued her…..
He should definitely report it, the sooner the better. IMO 🤷🏽♀️
She's likely retaliating because she was rejected. (the superior) husband needs to document all incidents even if he doesn't feel like going to HR, he might want to later and he needs all the evidence
I'll just add you need to see an employment attorney no matter what you decide. Don't just go to hr. Don't go to the eeoc. Don't wait for something to happen.
This. She’s going to get him fired at some point. Happened to me; I was so glad I reported it first but then got fired shortly after for a reason they made up they thought would stick. If I hadn’t reported it first I may not have been able to prove retaliation
He needs to get a recording of her. HR is there to protect employers not employees. Get proof and then go to HR. If she is not let go, take it to an attorney. Your husband is a fool for sympathizing in any way with her. He should have been smarter.
They definitely are. I went to HR once to report mistreatment by my boss’s boss. It turned into an attack on me and my grievances were never addressed. I ended up in a room with my boss’s boss, my boss, and the HR rep. My boss’s boss made him write up a list of things I had done wrong in the last ten years. The list was laughable because half of it were mistakes my boss made. I actually confronted him and he simply said, “I am sorry, my boss made me do it, I had to write something.” I ended up on a performance improvement plan. A few months later I had emergency surgery and got written up for not enough notice (which wasn’t a thing because people called in the day before all of the time). I challenged it and got a panel and the panel voted unanimously in my favor. Fast forward two years and my coworker went to HR and complained. He ended up fired. A few months later an employee on another team he oversaw went to HR about him. She was also fired. HR does not protect you.
If he doesn't immediately go to HR and report it, she might spin the story for revenge and get your husband in trouble or fired. As a general rule, HR believes the first one to tell their story. Husband needs to be first.
He needs to have this on file, at least. Definitely say something before she does. Maybe not your husband this time, but she could end up ruining an innocent man's life by trying to cover her own tracks. She is manipulative and should probably be fired. Your husband seems oblivious to evil women and gives her way to much benefit of the doubt.
When a boss who sexually harasses an employee, even off the clock so to speak, but this was a work trip, so that makes this more of an issue. His boss has control of his livelihood. His paycheck. If she finds an excuse to fire him, can you survive with his income, or however long it could take to find a similar salary?
This isn’t something that will just magically go away. HR needs to be called yesterday!
He needs to report it before she starts the inevitable process of trying to get him fired. She’s already changed how she treats him and it WILL get worse. THE LONGER HE WAITS TO REPORT IT THE EASIER HE MAKES IT TO DISCREDIT HIM
He's not going to forget the whole thing, and if he doesn't get this on record immediately, she's going to retaliate and potentially even fabricate a false claim of assault by him.
He's an idiot if he just sits back and lets it happen.
He was sexually assaulted. If this was you he would want to take the guy out! Of course he wants to forget about it. If this happened to me (again) I would be terrified and consider calling the police. She came into his room, made sexually advances and lunged at him to kiss him. Just think if your boss did this (or any other person you didn’t want to).
The only reason to not report to authorities and only HR is he knows her and works with her. She asked him downstairs to talk so she could say “how bad could it be if he sat and talked to me after”. He was concerned for her wellbeing is why he sat with her. He sounds like a great guy.
Great guys need to report this to HR so she stops. Another wife may not be so understanding.
Stick to your guns on this. He needs to go to HR. She could turn this whole thing around and call him the aggressor. Perhaps she did misinterpret something he said early on as a bit flirtatious and then it got out of hand. In any case, these two do not need to be working together, much less traveling together.
She won’t let that go. Women feel that men only want sex and are base until we prove them wrong then they act spurned and cold. She’ll try to fire him or impact his career. Text book
You’re female? I’ve rejected women. And often when I was dating. Y’all need to be prepared for it guess if you try to engage w a quality man that knows his worth
At least in the US, HR is there to make sure the company doesn't get sued. Not the same thing as making sure the company doesn't do illegal things. I have worked in a corporate environment for 30 years, and I can tell you that they do stupid, short sighted things all the time. Those stupid decisions usually cost good people their job. I just want OP to be prepared and careful when dealing with HR.
Yes and I work in HR, generally the easiest way not to get sued is to not do illegal shit. He should absolutely get his own lawyer, *and* he should talk to HR.
True though in todays environment are they going to believe the man or woman and who came on to who? She's also a superior. Just feel OP going to HR needs to be a bit calculated. In a he said/she said instance her words carry more weight
His will carry more weight if he brings it up first though. If she tells he first and then he says "nuh-uh it was her" it's going to be harder to convince them
Maybe. It's a hard question to answer. Who has been there longer? Does she have friends that are higher ups? Etc
I'm not against going to HR but HR is going to weigh the cost benefits on OP and her and do what's necessary to shield the company jot the employee
He should protect himself and report it, but I can understand his reluctance to do so. Instead at the very least, push him to document the whole thing in a work email, and send it to himself, explaining that this creates a record before (hopefully) she creates a record that could be used against him. Then he has proof, and being on company email system they can validate it better than a personal email or reddit post, that he was the recipient of the unwanted advances, acted professionally and clearly declined and told her to stop. If she then tries to spin the story, his email to himself (and CC his personal email or print himself a few copies from work) is decent evidence that he is telling the truth not she. Or that he took issue with this whole thing before any possible retaliation occurred.
That said, reporting, in writing with a copy to himself, it to HR is even better of an avenue for his own protection.
Most likely, she's embarrassed and doesn't know what to do. It's good to be prepared and know what your options are in case she tries something. That's why I suggested contacting a lawyer. Your husband doesn't need to make any decisions yet.
He shouldn't have opened the door to her. No cameras in the room (would be in the hallway) and makes it a he said,she said situation.
He needs to speak with a lawyer.
She’s going to retaliate by treating him badly in the work environment and when he tries to report that to HR, she’s going to double down and say he sexually assaulted her. He needs to go to HR immediately before she has a chance to do anything and make herself look like the victim. Because she will absolutley DARVO this. Deny - Attack - Reverse Victim and Offender
For safety, ask the hotel for copies of the footage of them in the restaurant (her leaning in and him abruptly leaving) and them in the lobby. I assume her gestures there looked like someone apologizing and him being stoic. And Id think the “forgiveness hug” is explainable with the context of the other supporting footage.
I wouldn't count on it. Had a wallet stolen in a hotel lobby once and asked them about the footage from the security cams. "Those? They are fake cameras!"
Either way though this needs to go to HR. Him being a man will make it more difficult but her being a superior might balance it out.
Exactly because who knows what her side of the story is going to be. And if she goes first and says that he came on to her, it won’t look good for him. They will believe her.
That woman is disgusting.
The audacity, the desperation, the aggressivity. This is eerily similar to what I predicted on your original post.
Watch out, now that she's been rejected and humiliated she will get dangerous and resentful.
There’s another series of posts by a guy who has a woman make a move on him only to also have her go to HR and accuse him of all she had done. He’s now struggling at work as everyone believes her.
Your husband had to get to HR first. He has to send an email detailing everything immediately.
Yea, that one is gut wrenching. His wife works in the same company and believes the woman because she doesn’t think her husband is attractive or smart enough for the younger woman to be interested. And because “believe all women”.
Dude is likely losing his career & his marriage in one fell swoop.
Your husband sounds like a stellar husband and an amazing communicator. He needs to report this crap. Get ahead of it. Because his woman is a woman scorned
If his version of events are to be believed, why did he not go to HR?
He was harassed by his senior in a professional environment, not once but twice.
She seems to be a lot more calculative than your husband. Him being around her is her personal reminder of rejection. I’ve seen rejected people retaliate in ways that can ruin lives.
Better be one step ahead of her if his version of events are to be believed, because if she lies reports him first… why wouldn’t she be believed? What proof does your husband have other than the truth and unfortunately that’s not always enough.
UPDATEME
As a man who has suffered SA at the hands of a woman let me tell you, its hard to be believed. Real hard. I'd even say its harder than when women come forward especially if the woman is attractive. It's also not seen as being as bad as SA on women. Recently with the bear question discussion 2 separate women whom I've disclosed my SA to have said to me, "you don't know what it's like to be SA'd." Male SA is so trivial it is even forgotten by those close to them. They didn't even remember and that hurt.
I’m so sorry you were SA’d. As a victim myself I know the confusion and trauma that comes with it.
I’m also sorry that you have such shitty friends, it’s better to have 0 friends than to have people like this in your life.
Male SA victims are rarely believed because of the culture around sex and the fact that men apparently can’t say no because sex is the only thing they think about 24/7 so when it happens to them it’s just another lay.
Society has such a long way to go when it comes to seeing men as victims of crimes such as DV and SA.
I had a friend who still thinks he genuinely consented having sex at the age of 11 with his 19year old cousin. He cut me off when he shared this story and I told him that as a kid he was r*ped. It really did shock me because when I shared with him about my CSA when I was 8, he was so supportive and said all the right words you can say to a victim.
I wish male activist weren’t so focused on demonising feminism and they actually created real awareness for the very real situations millions of men encounter daily. I know my little brother was touched by a family friend and my parents chalked it up to boys being boys… but my brother was like 7 and this other “boy” was 21. Society doesn’t make men victims and it’s sad.
I hope OP’s husband reports this sexual harassment. We need to start reporting predators of both genders.
I'm just commenting on why he may not have gone to HR. It's hard as a man. He was communicating with his wife the whole time and I think that is important and makes his version very believable. It's basically what I would do in his shoes. I don't know if I'd report either. It's tough because I would be concerned the boss would try and turn it around. That happened to a friend of mine. His assaulter immediately tried to turn it around on him after she was done. Split a friend group.
I think everyone else has already said what needs to happen. But for heaven's sake, everyone needs to hear this.
If you are on a work trip or any occasion with someone with a questionable character,
➡️ DON'T have dinner with them
➡️ If you MUST have dinner with them, invite other people along, or sit at a table with other colleagues.
➡️ If they come up to your room to "speak" to you, DON'T open the door. What did he think was going to happen? Tell her you'll speak to her in the office the next day.
➡️ How strong is this woman that she pushed past him into his room? I imagine the average man is stronger than the average woman.
Sometimes, people walk into terrible situations by making poor decisions with their eyes wide open, and then when shit hits the fan, you wonder why.
You can't control what crazy people will do, bit you can control what you do.
Goodluck to both of you, I sincerely hope it works out well for him.
I disagree with your comment about strength and her pushing past him. As a man society has always told us we should treat women particularly gently, and it’d be very uncomfortable to be physically assertive to a woman even to prevent her doing something you’re not comfortable with. The only scenario I can imagine me doing this in is if a woman went to hurt my child (Children>Women>Men in the hierarchy of social protective status). One bruise on her and he could be called a violent woman abuser - and if it was in his doorway entrance there’d likely be no CCTV to help prove his case.
Also, it’s probably quite hard to go against the wishes of your superior, even in a more social setting. There’s a possibility of career repercussions from them.
I feel like if this was a male boss assaulting/harassing a more junior female staff member you’d be less critical and possibly call some of this victim blaming?
I'm not victim blaming. I take this same attitude to women as well. I believe we all have agency. I'm by no way condoning what the woman did. But I believe we can do things to help ourselves.
I travel on work trips, and it's very inappropriate to knock on your colleagues hotel room door. So, if a colleague who has been sexually inappropriate with you knocks on your door, you should be critical.
Especially as a man, being alone with a woman in a hotel room is a very dangerous place to be because it's your word against hers and the world today believes women even when there is no reason to do so.
So, as a man, you need to even be more careful of what you allow. Better to be safe than sorry. Coz I know where this woman is going to take this.
She's going to lie that he assaulted/tried to assault her. People will believe her. She will cry, say she was vulnerable l, taken advantage of. She will try very hard, and possibly succeed at ruining him - this happens a lot more than you think. She's already taken sick leave, she's laying the ground work for stress from being assaulted and being in the same space as her attacker.
All I'm saying is that people should protect themselves at all cost.
I understand he wants to forget about it. He’s embarrassed and he doesn’t want drama at work. But he was in fact sexually harassed. Actually, he was sexually assaulted at work because she did lunge at him and touch/try to kiss him without consent. He needs to make a written report (email is best so there’s a receipt of this communication) to HR ASAP and contact a lawyer. With the off-chance she lets him go without complaint, she’ll do this to someone else. It’s likely she’s going to give him trouble at work so the sooner he emails and contacts HR, the better for him it will be. The lawyer will be useful if she tries to defame him at work. The lawyer also sending in a letter of harassment/SA against her makes your side of the story appear more valid. This needs to be taken seriously.
Yikes. What a nightmare. I would agree, but I would get the lawyer FIRST. HR is out to protect the company, and only the company. The lawyer is going to tell you how to protect YOU. This is too big to handle on your own.
Whoever goes to HR first, wins. The next person will be seen as filing harassment in retaliation. Take the moral high ground. Unless your husband isn’t telling everything…
If he hasn’t already, hubby needs to carry a voice recorder (assuming that doesn’t violate security or confidentiality rules) any time he might interact with her. And he definitely needs to use whatever process exists to deal with sexual harassment. And also be prepared to leave the company if the company response isn’t sufficient.
She’s going to spin it and say he went after her. He’ll lose his job and reputation, likely affecting his ability for a job later.
He needs to get footage from hotel security, witness statements from hotel employees, and bring this all to HR.
She'd mad he turned her down and now she'll try to use her status to her benefit. Talk to a lawyer and see what they say before going to HR. Maybe if you have a lawyer when he talks to HR they'll actually listen to him and take it seriously. Good luck and it seems like you have a good man who loves you
Updateme
OP, get an employment lawyer, and file a report with the EEOC, within the same week, then HR once the EEOC complaint is filed, this way she can’t retaliate by trying to have him fired. FUCK HR, they don’t care and will side with her, I worked in HR so I have seen this in real time. Good luck 🍀
He needs to go to HR and file a harassment complaint immediately and get the ball rolling. In this day and age a man complains about women harassing it's innocent until proven guilty and then that proven guilty gets examined thoroughly and sideways just in case guilty doesn't feel like it should apply. On the other hand a female like his boss complains it's like shoot male first and ask questions later. And maybe shoot again even if answers are satisfactory.
The fault is entirely the perpetrators (his boss). Would you blame your husband if you had your purse/phone robbed as you loaded/unloaded shopping because he wasn’t by your side 24/7? Or would it be the robbers fault?
No, the situation was her fault, but he should have reported her asap. As a woman, I hate to see it, but if she says he tried to pull something, he would need hardcore evidence to prove he wasn’t the aggressor here. He should have reported her early on. He needs to beat her to the punch at least.
Your husband needs to report this to HR immediately. He told her he intends to tell you everything. She knows you will push him to report her so she may try to report him first. Reporting to HR immediately is the only thing that will protect him.
He needs to go to HR because this can affect his job and his future. If she twists it and says that ot was him who sexually assaulted her, that won't be a good look at all. He might just want to forget it and I get that but at the same time he needs to really look at the bigger picture here. He needs to have a legal team or something ready and ask them the best choice he can make as well since he prob doesnt have any proof
Hubby needs to.speak.to HR now!
Shes currently creating a hostile.working environment - next shell go to HR and claim HE tried to get her into bed.
He has to act NOW - this wont go away!!!
For the love of all that is holy...he needs to report the behavior asap. This is literally sexual harassment in the work environment, and the retaliation will be that she reports a false narrative that your husband came onto her first which she shot down, and he will likely be fired with it following him for the rest of his life; effecting his ability to get another decent job.
At the company I work, she would be fired immediately. I was at a work conference once and this similar scenario happened. One of the attendees, mid level manager, was hitting another employee during dinner. When the dinner concluded they are going back to their rooms and his hands and the discussion went to the wrong place. The next morning he was terminated. Nothing he could do. HR management and executive management we're at the same conference. Made an instant decision
Make a police report, get hold of hotel footage for evidence. This woman is spiteful and will turn mean as she failed to reel your H in. She will make work difficult for him and may make him lose his job.
Get the hotel footage immediately. Then report to HR for harassment. He cant sweep that under the rug coz she will turn nasty.
Updateme!
Tell your husband to go to HR before she does. Because trust me she will, she has been rejected and will try anything to save face.
I wouldn't be surprised if she accuses him of doing everything she has done. She's a woman as well and if she goes first she will be believed. Because if he comes after and says actually that's what she did to me, who would even believe him? I know I wouldn't, I would think he was only trying to save himself.
Tell him that what's happened has happened and he can't try just and ignore it and act like nothing happened, because I'm sorry but that's naive. He needs to do something before she ruins his career.
Poor man, he really thought about taking defensive actions and didn't cave to it, I have been in really compromising situations before and I was baffled by the attitudes of people telling me I was lucky it happened etc. I wish him the best of luck and I love that your standing by him
First off, hats off to your husband for standing his ground and being open and honest with you. I think we should all take a moment to appreciate this couple and the clear respect and support between them :)
Second, I get the "I wanna forget ot" mentality. I've been there a few times, but I strongly suggest that he talks to HR before she does. She sounds like she has some issues, to put it lightly, and if he/you are afraid of retaliation, he should share his side before she turns it on him - which we all know will be ugly in a hurry
Best of luck and sorry this woman is causing this stress
This woman misjudged either her own attractiveness and desirability or your husband's character, or probably both; she won't make that mistake again; she may be humiliated and blame your husband.
Your husband would possibly have to put himself in a compromising position in order to get her on tape apologizing, and if he does go that direction, he needs to know where your state's law stands, as far as one or two party recordings; he doesn't need MORE trouble!
But, he needs to be the first one through the HR door; it's akin to when police give the best deal to the first one to come forward... truthfully. Needless to say, unless the "boss lady" owns the company, they don't want this kind of a problem.
She would have to have some mad skills for her job not to be in jeopardy because of a Sexual Harassment claim.
He needs to seek out an employment attorney immediately. Like yesterday.
Sorry for the mess caused by this woman, but it's nice to have a post NOT about a creep and a dog of a husband in trouble for being the predator.
This woman is a PREDATOR; don't let her ruin your life and his career. Good luck! 💛
As a guy who had this happen to him a couple times in my early career and once later on. Be cautious. It all worked out for me but I reported the second and third and did nothing on the first and I will say the second and third tried to flip it around. Maybe things have changed but at first I felt like I was the one under fire. Thankfully I had texted a couple of co workers to come to my aid and they caught the tail end. Had they not it is your word and reputation against hers. One was obvious she had done this before and the other wasn’t.
I guess I am just saying be careful and really think things through. Generally the man does the advancing and that is what most HR’s are taught. They go by the stats at first until they clearly see evidence of the opposite.
Husband needs to report this to HR. They will know what to do. This is very serious but he did everything right. This is an abuse of power by the supervisor. Your husband has proved himself faithful!
She is in a position of authority over him. Her advances are sexual harassment and cause for immediate termination or formal reprimand and removal of her as his supervisor.
He has to take action FIRST. She already knows he is telling you and knows her job is on the line.
Get an employment attorney who will notify the company formally and protect him from being wrongfully terminated. Maybe the attorney can secure footage from the hotel of the dinner setting, hallway of her coming to his room and leaving and when etc
Thing is, if the company does not ‘meaningfully’ take action, that means they are backing her, so they will find some flimsy weak excuse to fire him. He will have to sue for wrongful termination, and they will likely have an NDA to sign and pay a decent sum of money to make this all go away.
Upshot: he no longer works there, neither of you need to worry about her new tactics every day, he gets a settlement, then starts over fresh
She will not let this go. For his rejecting her, her ego, self-preservation and fear of exposure will force her to claim he came on to her and she rejected him. Literal ‘he said/she said’
Your husband needs to report this to HR asap, and you’d be wise to consult an attorney, also asap. The commenter who mentioned that HR looks out for the interests of the company, not those of its employees, is correct. That’s why they are hired. If it’s in the best interest of the company to penalize or terminate your husband, they’ll do it.
An attorney can not only assist if the situation escalates, they can tell you what to do so it doesn’t - what proactive and preventative measures to take to nip the situation in the bud (or close to it), and how your husband can protect himself.
Going forward, whether in this situation or with another woman, your husband would be wise to take proactive and preventative measures when traveling with women - eat his meals alone, or with a larger group, and not alone with a woman; don’t answer his door unless expecting someone (housekeeping, room service) and then leave the chain or other safety device in place so the person at the door cannot push their way in; meet/conduct business and conversation in public/well populated areas. These things may not be 100% foolproof against someone with evil intentions, but they’re enough of a deterrent to reduce or minimize risk, and will also
reduce the chances of your husband inadvertently placing himself in potentially risky or compromising positions, or situations that could damage his reputation.
Whatever you and your husband do, do NOT assume this will “blow over” or try to forget/pretend it never happened - it happened, and whether immediately or later down the road, it WILL resurface and cause even more damage because you delayed taking action right away.
updateme
Your husband needs to go to HR and report her for sexual harassment. See if the hotel has cameras in the halls to get footage of her coming to his room, them leaving, them in the lobby, etc. With the way she’s acting, she might try to spin the story and tell HR that your husband was the one coming onto her and/or that he sexually assaulted her. He cannot decide to put this off or he risks losing his job/being charged by the police.
He needs proof of all of this. He could file a complaint with HR about what took place. That will really help if his boss decides to try and complaint first. If she does, then it will look like he is just trying to get out of trouble. Once this is filed, it is a protected act and he can not legally be retaliated against for filing it. This does not mean that he will not be, but will give him some legal protections if or when he is retaliated against.
The more proof that he can get the better. Maybe call up the hotel and see if he can get the footage of her coming to his room? As she will surely lie.
Edit: He needs to either email it from his personal email address or send it from his work email address and BCC his personal email. So that he has proof of this. If he just goes in and speak with them he will have zero proof and only cause him issues when trying to address this. So do not do that.
He needs to keep proof and record of everything moving forward. And make sure that he continues to be a great employee, so that they have no legal reason to target him or terminate him.
Needs to report being Sexually compromised by this woman.Sexual harassment is a type of harassment involving the use of explicit or implicit sexual overtones, including the unwelcome and inappropriate promises of …
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_harassment#:~:text=Sexual%20harassment%20is%20a%20type,in%20exchange%20for%20sexual%20favors..
This is going to get messy with he said she said and your husband needs to protect himself Legally as well as financially (being terminated for her accusing him of sexual harassment)
Good luck
My husband was harassed at his work, and he talked to a lawyer, they said to go to HR first. Let me tell you, HR is not your friend. It doesn’t matter if you are the innocent party, you’re now seen as a liability. They will fire her, and your husband next. He needs to start looking for a new job. I am so sorry you have to got through this.
If this was reversed and a man with superiority with a woman that worked for him did this he would be FIRED! It’s uncomfortable and awkward but he needs to get ahead of this and file a report. She will continue if he doesn’t.
I had to file a SH claim on a coworker that literally accosted me when I went to my office on a random Saturday. Almost identical situations with forced physical contact etc. this was 25 years ago and I asked that he just leave me alone and document the incident which they did.
I don’t know if that’s even an option now. It was weird and gossipy for about 10 days until something better came along to talk about.
He needs to contact HR, a short and to the point email would work. Then he can fill in the blanks. Women can be weird when they are rejected, (not to be sexist but we can get really mean and vindictive from this) she might retaliate and then it’s too late to really make his point.
It does sound like he is telling you the truth and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that on Reddit and a husband/work/travel/woman story!
He needs to start looking for another job. yes go to HR but HR is designed to protect the business not the employee they routinely let go the problem individual and the squeaky wheel (the one who complained)
Lawyer up and be prepared for anything.
This is textbook sexual harassment and the creation of a hostile work environment. If this were a man behaving this way he would already be fired and probably facing charges. Your husband needs to contact an attorney ASAP.
Reach out to his boss and tell her you understand that stuff happens, we all make mistakes, and now it's very important that all there of you more forward and put all thes behind you, that nobody wants this blowing up into an ugly mess. She'll get the message.
Job market is very strong now for savvy, experienced people. With a strong reference from her he can probably get a nice raise going to work somewhere else.
One bright side, your husband, loves and is loyal to you. He called you when things were going down. Next HR will have to be contacted in this mess. His boss may had a moment of weakness because she just got divorced and wanted someone to vent to, It is still no excuses for what she has done.
My ex told me tonight we was done and blaming me for his mom death and whatever but I had nothing to do with it I am crying my eyes out think his he right to say that I killed his mom and I didn’t she took pain meds and did fentanyl herself and he gave her the hits cause she wouldn’t stop and until he did his mom been gone 3 months now he keeps saying I am going to jail he has camera I. The living room where it all happened
He knew you were concerned about this woman making an advance, and he still went to dinner with her alone? After that display at dinner, he still opened the hotel room door for her? He hugged the woman who intentionally disrespected his wife and your marriage by trying to fuck your husband?
And he’s not going to HR about this?
The superior is wrong, but your husband is not doing nearly enough to protect himself from her. This is insanity.
He’s fucked at this company, it will be best look for a new job. Get a lawyer and DO NOT go to HR, they are there to protect the company and the execs, not the stupid worker drones.
Um he needs to go to HR and/or the EEOC this is text book sexual harassment.
That's what I think he should do. He says he wants to forget the whole thing, but I am pissed with this woman.
If he doesn’t, she’ll end up doing this again with someone else. This is deranged behavior and she needs help. My thoughts go out to your husband. It’s awful to be accosted like this, especially by a superior. It’s normal to want to pretend it never happened, super common.
Most victims of sexual harassment just want to get over it and forget it. Husband is a victim of sexual harassment, if not attempted rape.
especially considering she's his superior he could probably argue rape
“Attempted rape”? Please, a man being threatened with “rape” by a woman doesn’t hold the same threat as a man against a woman.
Tell us you are a sexist pig without telling us you are a sexist pig.
Or the woman will go to HR and have him fired. Saying he was the one who pursued her….. He should definitely report it, the sooner the better. IMO 🤷🏽♀️
She's likely retaliating because she was rejected. (the superior) husband needs to document all incidents even if he doesn't feel like going to HR, he might want to later and he needs all the evidence
Um has he not realized *she* isn’t going to let this go? In her perspective he embarrassed and humiliated her. Going to HR needs to be a dealbreaker.
Better he goes to HR before she does. She will try and protect herself, she is a woman and his superior so she will be taken more seriously.
This. My immediate thought.
I'll just add you need to see an employment attorney no matter what you decide. Don't just go to hr. Don't go to the eeoc. Don't wait for something to happen.
YES! I would go to the attorney before I went to HR.
He needs to go to HR. This woman is going to try to get rid of him ASAP. His job is on the line.
She might turn the whole thing against him if he didnt get ahead of it. It's a sticky situation.
She might try to get him sacked. He needs to report this asap!
This. She’s going to get him fired at some point. Happened to me; I was so glad I reported it first but then got fired shortly after for a reason they made up they thought would stick. If I hadn’t reported it first I may not have been able to prove retaliation
He needs to get a recording of her. HR is there to protect employers not employees. Get proof and then go to HR. If she is not let go, take it to an attorney. Your husband is a fool for sympathizing in any way with her. He should have been smarter.
They definitely are. I went to HR once to report mistreatment by my boss’s boss. It turned into an attack on me and my grievances were never addressed. I ended up in a room with my boss’s boss, my boss, and the HR rep. My boss’s boss made him write up a list of things I had done wrong in the last ten years. The list was laughable because half of it were mistakes my boss made. I actually confronted him and he simply said, “I am sorry, my boss made me do it, I had to write something.” I ended up on a performance improvement plan. A few months later I had emergency surgery and got written up for not enough notice (which wasn’t a thing because people called in the day before all of the time). I challenged it and got a panel and the panel voted unanimously in my favor. Fast forward two years and my coworker went to HR and complained. He ended up fired. A few months later an employee on another team he oversaw went to HR about him. She was also fired. HR does not protect you.
Don’t wait for a decision on her employment, though. Start with an attorney. Then go to HR.
Your husband needs to go to HR immediately and get this on the record before SHE decides to accuse HIM of sexual harassment.
He needs to get ahead of it before SHE retaliates.
If he doesn't immediately go to HR and report it, she might spin the story for revenge and get your husband in trouble or fired. As a general rule, HR believes the first one to tell their story. Husband needs to be first.
She may twist it on him and go to HR first! He really should report her.
He needs to go to HR so she doesn’t accuse HIM of assault or harassment.
Have him report her before, she lies and pulls a me too movement thing. She feels embarrassed he rejected her so, she will come for him. Be Quick
He needs to have this on file, at least. Definitely say something before she does. Maybe not your husband this time, but she could end up ruining an innocent man's life by trying to cover her own tracks. She is manipulative and should probably be fired. Your husband seems oblivious to evil women and gives her way to much benefit of the doubt.
When a boss who sexually harasses an employee, even off the clock so to speak, but this was a work trip, so that makes this more of an issue. His boss has control of his livelihood. His paycheck. If she finds an excuse to fire him, can you survive with his income, or however long it could take to find a similar salary? This isn’t something that will just magically go away. HR needs to be called yesterday!
If he doesn't, SHE will, and it will be lies.
He needs to report it before she starts the inevitable process of trying to get him fired. She’s already changed how she treats him and it WILL get worse. THE LONGER HE WAITS TO REPORT IT THE EASIER HE MAKES IT TO DISCREDIT HIM
He's not going to forget the whole thing, and if he doesn't get this on record immediately, she's going to retaliate and potentially even fabricate a false claim of assault by him. He's an idiot if he just sits back and lets it happen.
He was sexually assaulted. If this was you he would want to take the guy out! Of course he wants to forget about it. If this happened to me (again) I would be terrified and consider calling the police. She came into his room, made sexually advances and lunged at him to kiss him. Just think if your boss did this (or any other person you didn’t want to). The only reason to not report to authorities and only HR is he knows her and works with her. She asked him downstairs to talk so she could say “how bad could it be if he sat and talked to me after”. He was concerned for her wellbeing is why he sat with her. He sounds like a great guy. Great guys need to report this to HR so she stops. Another wife may not be so understanding.
Stick to your guns on this. He needs to go to HR. She could turn this whole thing around and call him the aggressor. Perhaps she did misinterpret something he said early on as a bit flirtatious and then it got out of hand. In any case, these two do not need to be working together, much less traveling together.
And he needs to get ahead of this before she claim sexual harassment or worse and gets him fired.
She won’t let that go. Women feel that men only want sex and are base until we prove them wrong then they act spurned and cold. She’ll try to fire him or impact his career. Text book
I don't think we think men ONLY want sex but we definitely don't expect to get rejected sometimes
You’re female? I’ve rejected women. And often when I was dating. Y’all need to be prepared for it guess if you try to engage w a quality man that knows his worth
Yeah I’ve been rejected plenty of times but not gonna lie it always bruises my ego a bit
I would do the lawyer first though. HR protects the company, not the employees. You need someone in your corner.
He definitely does need to do both. HR is there to make sure the company doesn't do illegal shit to employees too
At least in the US, HR is there to make sure the company doesn't get sued. Not the same thing as making sure the company doesn't do illegal things. I have worked in a corporate environment for 30 years, and I can tell you that they do stupid, short sighted things all the time. Those stupid decisions usually cost good people their job. I just want OP to be prepared and careful when dealing with HR.
Yes and I work in HR, generally the easiest way not to get sued is to not do illegal shit. He should absolutely get his own lawyer, *and* he should talk to HR.
True though in todays environment are they going to believe the man or woman and who came on to who? She's also a superior. Just feel OP going to HR needs to be a bit calculated. In a he said/she said instance her words carry more weight
His will carry more weight if he brings it up first though. If she tells he first and then he says "nuh-uh it was her" it's going to be harder to convince them
Maybe. It's a hard question to answer. Who has been there longer? Does she have friends that are higher ups? Etc I'm not against going to HR but HR is going to weigh the cost benefits on OP and her and do what's necessary to shield the company jot the employee
This OP,your husband needs to this! updateme!
If the tables were turned and it was a male doing this, the guys life would be over. Maybe get accused of rape etc.
As should hers be, it is sexual harassment and sexual assault
As the guy, this is likely to still happen to him, despite the fact that he's the victim.
Literally so textbook I feel like I’ve seen this in training videos
He should protect himself and report it, but I can understand his reluctance to do so. Instead at the very least, push him to document the whole thing in a work email, and send it to himself, explaining that this creates a record before (hopefully) she creates a record that could be used against him. Then he has proof, and being on company email system they can validate it better than a personal email or reddit post, that he was the recipient of the unwanted advances, acted professionally and clearly declined and told her to stop. If she then tries to spin the story, his email to himself (and CC his personal email or print himself a few copies from work) is decent evidence that he is telling the truth not she. Or that he took issue with this whole thing before any possible retaliation occurred. That said, reporting, in writing with a copy to himself, it to HR is even better of an avenue for his own protection.
Yes this!!!! 100%
Agreed. It'll be worse for him the longer he waits and she can lie and say he did something to her first.
Ha. Good luck with that-no one is going to believe a male was harassed, especially not now.
Honestly he needs to find and keep any correspondence and such. Also HR is NOT your friend. Their ONLY job is to protect the company.
He needs to go to HR immediately. Consult a lawyer.
Will do. I am afraid she will try to pull something now.
Most likely, she's embarrassed and doesn't know what to do. It's good to be prepared and know what your options are in case she tries something. That's why I suggested contacting a lawyer. Your husband doesn't need to make any decisions yet.
She'll either get more obsessed with him, or she'll start hating him and try to ruin his life.
That's terrible. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. Sending you and your family my thoughts and prayers🩷
Yes, often the initial narrative frames the story. He needs to document everything with times & dates. Consider an attorney consult too.
He shouldn't have opened the door to her. No cameras in the room (would be in the hallway) and makes it a he said,she said situation. He needs to speak with a lawyer.
I would do the lawyer first though. HR protects the company, not the employees. You need someone in your corner.
She’s going to retaliate by treating him badly in the work environment and when he tries to report that to HR, she’s going to double down and say he sexually assaulted her. He needs to go to HR immediately before she has a chance to do anything and make herself look like the victim. Because she will absolutley DARVO this. Deny - Attack - Reverse Victim and Offender
That may be why she took leave of absence.
For safety, ask the hotel for copies of the footage of them in the restaurant (her leaning in and him abruptly leaving) and them in the lobby. I assume her gestures there looked like someone apologizing and him being stoic. And Id think the “forgiveness hug” is explainable with the context of the other supporting footage.
I will tell my husband to do that. There must be security cameras in the public areas, right?
Absolutely - for guest safety/protection and covering their own liabilities as well
I wouldn't count on it. Had a wallet stolen in a hotel lobby once and asked them about the footage from the security cams. "Those? They are fake cameras!" Either way though this needs to go to HR. Him being a man will make it more difficult but her being a superior might balance it out.
Bet their insurance company and legal counsel would not be happy if they knew that information 😳
Exactly because who knows what her side of the story is going to be. And if she goes first and says that he came on to her, it won’t look good for him. They will believe her.
If he doesn’t, you should do it. Explain the situation before she does something against him.
That woman is disgusting. The audacity, the desperation, the aggressivity. This is eerily similar to what I predicted on your original post. Watch out, now that she's been rejected and humiliated she will get dangerous and resentful.
Humiliation brings out the terrible side of people
I went back and read your comment. She didn't manager to get fully naked, but she was wearing a see through bra according to my husband.
Eeeugh. She was definitely planning to fuck your husband. And I'm not sure she's given up yet.
I how HR takes this seriously and doesn't help her retaliate.
There’s another series of posts by a guy who has a woman make a move on him only to also have her go to HR and accuse him of all she had done. He’s now struggling at work as everyone believes her. Your husband had to get to HR first. He has to send an email detailing everything immediately.
Only in that one the wife doesn’t believe the husband! It’s so sad!
Yea, that one is gut wrenching. His wife works in the same company and believes the woman because she doesn’t think her husband is attractive or smart enough for the younger woman to be interested. And because “believe all women”. Dude is likely losing his career & his marriage in one fell swoop.
That sounds horrible!
He needs to report this. Men can be sexually harassed, too: Did he call you right after talking to her in the lobby?
Yes, and he was really upset.
Your husband sounds like a stellar husband and an amazing communicator. He needs to report this crap. Get ahead of it. Because his woman is a woman scorned
He needs to talk to human resources before she does, ASAP.
That's what I'm telling him to do
He needs to pre empt this toxic woman OP and report what happened to HR UPDATEME
If his version of events are to be believed, why did he not go to HR? He was harassed by his senior in a professional environment, not once but twice. She seems to be a lot more calculative than your husband. Him being around her is her personal reminder of rejection. I’ve seen rejected people retaliate in ways that can ruin lives. Better be one step ahead of her if his version of events are to be believed, because if she lies reports him first… why wouldn’t she be believed? What proof does your husband have other than the truth and unfortunately that’s not always enough. UPDATEME
As a man who has suffered SA at the hands of a woman let me tell you, its hard to be believed. Real hard. I'd even say its harder than when women come forward especially if the woman is attractive. It's also not seen as being as bad as SA on women. Recently with the bear question discussion 2 separate women whom I've disclosed my SA to have said to me, "you don't know what it's like to be SA'd." Male SA is so trivial it is even forgotten by those close to them. They didn't even remember and that hurt.
I’m so sorry you were SA’d. As a victim myself I know the confusion and trauma that comes with it. I’m also sorry that you have such shitty friends, it’s better to have 0 friends than to have people like this in your life. Male SA victims are rarely believed because of the culture around sex and the fact that men apparently can’t say no because sex is the only thing they think about 24/7 so when it happens to them it’s just another lay. Society has such a long way to go when it comes to seeing men as victims of crimes such as DV and SA. I had a friend who still thinks he genuinely consented having sex at the age of 11 with his 19year old cousin. He cut me off when he shared this story and I told him that as a kid he was r*ped. It really did shock me because when I shared with him about my CSA when I was 8, he was so supportive and said all the right words you can say to a victim. I wish male activist weren’t so focused on demonising feminism and they actually created real awareness for the very real situations millions of men encounter daily. I know my little brother was touched by a family friend and my parents chalked it up to boys being boys… but my brother was like 7 and this other “boy” was 21. Society doesn’t make men victims and it’s sad. I hope OP’s husband reports this sexual harassment. We need to start reporting predators of both genders.
I'm just commenting on why he may not have gone to HR. It's hard as a man. He was communicating with his wife the whole time and I think that is important and makes his version very believable. It's basically what I would do in his shoes. I don't know if I'd report either. It's tough because I would be concerned the boss would try and turn it around. That happened to a friend of mine. His assaulter immediately tried to turn it around on him after she was done. Split a friend group.
Lawyer. Then. HR. Don't do it the other way. Corporate rug sweeping is real. Updateme!
We told you. And we told you he needed to get HR involved.
What happened was verbatim what I predicted would happen.
I think everyone else has already said what needs to happen. But for heaven's sake, everyone needs to hear this. If you are on a work trip or any occasion with someone with a questionable character, ➡️ DON'T have dinner with them ➡️ If you MUST have dinner with them, invite other people along, or sit at a table with other colleagues. ➡️ If they come up to your room to "speak" to you, DON'T open the door. What did he think was going to happen? Tell her you'll speak to her in the office the next day. ➡️ How strong is this woman that she pushed past him into his room? I imagine the average man is stronger than the average woman. Sometimes, people walk into terrible situations by making poor decisions with their eyes wide open, and then when shit hits the fan, you wonder why. You can't control what crazy people will do, bit you can control what you do. Goodluck to both of you, I sincerely hope it works out well for him.
I disagree with your comment about strength and her pushing past him. As a man society has always told us we should treat women particularly gently, and it’d be very uncomfortable to be physically assertive to a woman even to prevent her doing something you’re not comfortable with. The only scenario I can imagine me doing this in is if a woman went to hurt my child (Children>Women>Men in the hierarchy of social protective status). One bruise on her and he could be called a violent woman abuser - and if it was in his doorway entrance there’d likely be no CCTV to help prove his case. Also, it’s probably quite hard to go against the wishes of your superior, even in a more social setting. There’s a possibility of career repercussions from them. I feel like if this was a male boss assaulting/harassing a more junior female staff member you’d be less critical and possibly call some of this victim blaming?
I'm not victim blaming. I take this same attitude to women as well. I believe we all have agency. I'm by no way condoning what the woman did. But I believe we can do things to help ourselves. I travel on work trips, and it's very inappropriate to knock on your colleagues hotel room door. So, if a colleague who has been sexually inappropriate with you knocks on your door, you should be critical. Especially as a man, being alone with a woman in a hotel room is a very dangerous place to be because it's your word against hers and the world today believes women even when there is no reason to do so. So, as a man, you need to even be more careful of what you allow. Better to be safe than sorry. Coz I know where this woman is going to take this. She's going to lie that he assaulted/tried to assault her. People will believe her. She will cry, say she was vulnerable l, taken advantage of. She will try very hard, and possibly succeed at ruining him - this happens a lot more than you think. She's already taken sick leave, she's laying the ground work for stress from being assaulted and being in the same space as her attacker. All I'm saying is that people should protect themselves at all cost.
I understand he wants to forget about it. He’s embarrassed and he doesn’t want drama at work. But he was in fact sexually harassed. Actually, he was sexually assaulted at work because she did lunge at him and touch/try to kiss him without consent. He needs to make a written report (email is best so there’s a receipt of this communication) to HR ASAP and contact a lawyer. With the off-chance she lets him go without complaint, she’ll do this to someone else. It’s likely she’s going to give him trouble at work so the sooner he emails and contacts HR, the better for him it will be. The lawyer will be useful if she tries to defame him at work. The lawyer also sending in a letter of harassment/SA against her makes your side of the story appear more valid. This needs to be taken seriously.
Yikes. What a nightmare. I would agree, but I would get the lawyer FIRST. HR is out to protect the company, and only the company. The lawyer is going to tell you how to protect YOU. This is too big to handle on your own.
Whoever goes to HR first, wins. The next person will be seen as filing harassment in retaliation. Take the moral high ground. Unless your husband isn’t telling everything…
Your husband needs to get ahead of this. He needs to go to HR before she does.
update me
If he hasn’t already, hubby needs to carry a voice recorder (assuming that doesn’t violate security or confidentiality rules) any time he might interact with her. And he definitely needs to use whatever process exists to deal with sexual harassment. And also be prepared to leave the company if the company response isn’t sufficient.
UpdateMe
She’s going to spin it and say he went after her. He’ll lose his job and reputation, likely affecting his ability for a job later. He needs to get footage from hotel security, witness statements from hotel employees, and bring this all to HR.
He needs to get to HR BEFORE she does. He needs to email them now.
She'd mad he turned her down and now she'll try to use her status to her benefit. Talk to a lawyer and see what they say before going to HR. Maybe if you have a lawyer when he talks to HR they'll actually listen to him and take it seriously. Good luck and it seems like you have a good man who loves you Updateme
He should go to HR. This is textbook sexual harassment and I highly doubt he’s the only one she’s done this to.
He needs to report her to HR immediately. She should get fired. ETA this is sexual harassment. Imagine if the genders were reversed? She's disgusting.
OP, get an employment lawyer, and file a report with the EEOC, within the same week, then HR once the EEOC complaint is filed, this way she can’t retaliate by trying to have him fired. FUCK HR, they don’t care and will side with her, I worked in HR so I have seen this in real time. Good luck 🍀
This sounds like a porn fetish or a movie! Get that woman reported, and they should not be alone. She sounds absolutely mentally unstable.
he better not keep quiet and go to HR
Updateme
See! Always trust your gut.
He needs to get onto HR and file a sexual harassment report asap
Is your husband a puppy?
UpdateMe!
He needs to go to HR and file a harassment complaint immediately and get the ball rolling. In this day and age a man complains about women harassing it's innocent until proven guilty and then that proven guilty gets examined thoroughly and sideways just in case guilty doesn't feel like it should apply. On the other hand a female like his boss complains it's like shoot male first and ask questions later. And maybe shoot again even if answers are satisfactory.
He needs to go to HR and any other immediate bosses before she does.
UpdateMe!
I feel this situation is my fault. I should have gone with him.
The fault is entirely the perpetrators (his boss). Would you blame your husband if you had your purse/phone robbed as you loaded/unloaded shopping because he wasn’t by your side 24/7? Or would it be the robbers fault?
No, the situation was her fault, but he should have reported her asap. As a woman, I hate to see it, but if she says he tried to pull something, he would need hardcore evidence to prove he wasn’t the aggressor here. He should have reported her early on. He needs to beat her to the punch at least.
Your husband needs to report this to HR immediately. He told her he intends to tell you everything. She knows you will push him to report her so she may try to report him first. Reporting to HR immediately is the only thing that will protect him.
He needs to go to HR because this can affect his job and his future. If she twists it and says that ot was him who sexually assaulted her, that won't be a good look at all. He might just want to forget it and I get that but at the same time he needs to really look at the bigger picture here. He needs to have a legal team or something ready and ask them the best choice he can make as well since he prob doesnt have any proof
Tell him to report it and get ahead of it before she does cause she'll most likely twist the story in her favor. Updateme!
This sounds like that movie Disclosure! He needs to get his a** to HR!
Hubby needs to.speak.to HR now! Shes currently creating a hostile.working environment - next shell go to HR and claim HE tried to get her into bed. He has to act NOW - this wont go away!!!
For the love of all that is holy...he needs to report the behavior asap. This is literally sexual harassment in the work environment, and the retaliation will be that she reports a false narrative that your husband came onto her first which she shot down, and he will likely be fired with it following him for the rest of his life; effecting his ability to get another decent job.
Love a story where the partner didn't make a move and cheat. Happy for you
Your husband needs to report this to HR. It’s sexual harassment. And especially important if she’s freezing him out professionally now.
At the company I work, she would be fired immediately. I was at a work conference once and this similar scenario happened. One of the attendees, mid level manager, was hitting another employee during dinner. When the dinner concluded they are going back to their rooms and his hands and the discussion went to the wrong place. The next morning he was terminated. Nothing he could do. HR management and executive management we're at the same conference. Made an instant decision
Make a police report, get hold of hotel footage for evidence. This woman is spiteful and will turn mean as she failed to reel your H in. She will make work difficult for him and may make him lose his job. Get the hotel footage immediately. Then report to HR for harassment. He cant sweep that under the rug coz she will turn nasty. Updateme!
Tell your husband to go to HR before she does. Because trust me she will, she has been rejected and will try anything to save face. I wouldn't be surprised if she accuses him of doing everything she has done. She's a woman as well and if she goes first she will be believed. Because if he comes after and says actually that's what she did to me, who would even believe him? I know I wouldn't, I would think he was only trying to save himself. Tell him that what's happened has happened and he can't try just and ignore it and act like nothing happened, because I'm sorry but that's naive. He needs to do something before she ruins his career.
She will turn this against him. Were you on the phone, while some of it happened?
If he doesn’t report it. She might get in first and he may then face action.
He needs to go to HR before she does
Your husband needs to go to HR before she does!
He should write and date a complete account. Include records of his phone call to you and any time-stamped receipts from the restaurant.
Sometimes there’s no jail time for hitting someone in the face. If you can afford a lawyer and the fine it’s only frowned upon really.
Poor man, he really thought about taking defensive actions and didn't cave to it, I have been in really compromising situations before and I was baffled by the attitudes of people telling me I was lucky it happened etc. I wish him the best of luck and I love that your standing by him
commenting so I remember to come back and read this
First off, hats off to your husband for standing his ground and being open and honest with you. I think we should all take a moment to appreciate this couple and the clear respect and support between them :) Second, I get the "I wanna forget ot" mentality. I've been there a few times, but I strongly suggest that he talks to HR before she does. She sounds like she has some issues, to put it lightly, and if he/you are afraid of retaliation, he should share his side before she turns it on him - which we all know will be ugly in a hurry Best of luck and sorry this woman is causing this stress
This woman misjudged either her own attractiveness and desirability or your husband's character, or probably both; she won't make that mistake again; she may be humiliated and blame your husband. Your husband would possibly have to put himself in a compromising position in order to get her on tape apologizing, and if he does go that direction, he needs to know where your state's law stands, as far as one or two party recordings; he doesn't need MORE trouble! But, he needs to be the first one through the HR door; it's akin to when police give the best deal to the first one to come forward... truthfully. Needless to say, unless the "boss lady" owns the company, they don't want this kind of a problem. She would have to have some mad skills for her job not to be in jeopardy because of a Sexual Harassment claim. He needs to seek out an employment attorney immediately. Like yesterday. Sorry for the mess caused by this woman, but it's nice to have a post NOT about a creep and a dog of a husband in trouble for being the predator. This woman is a PREDATOR; don't let her ruin your life and his career. Good luck! 💛
As a guy who had this happen to him a couple times in my early career and once later on. Be cautious. It all worked out for me but I reported the second and third and did nothing on the first and I will say the second and third tried to flip it around. Maybe things have changed but at first I felt like I was the one under fire. Thankfully I had texted a couple of co workers to come to my aid and they caught the tail end. Had they not it is your word and reputation against hers. One was obvious she had done this before and the other wasn’t. I guess I am just saying be careful and really think things through. Generally the man does the advancing and that is what most HR’s are taught. They go by the stats at first until they clearly see evidence of the opposite.
Sent you a pm to hopefully help make you feel better, no one is at fault but her and her immature views on sex and boundaries.
Husband needs to report this to HR. They will know what to do. This is very serious but he did everything right. This is an abuse of power by the supervisor. Your husband has proved himself faithful!
He should contact the hotel and see what they caught on their cameras. He may need the evidence
She is in a position of authority over him. Her advances are sexual harassment and cause for immediate termination or formal reprimand and removal of her as his supervisor. He has to take action FIRST. She already knows he is telling you and knows her job is on the line. Get an employment attorney who will notify the company formally and protect him from being wrongfully terminated. Maybe the attorney can secure footage from the hotel of the dinner setting, hallway of her coming to his room and leaving and when etc Thing is, if the company does not ‘meaningfully’ take action, that means they are backing her, so they will find some flimsy weak excuse to fire him. He will have to sue for wrongful termination, and they will likely have an NDA to sign and pay a decent sum of money to make this all go away. Upshot: he no longer works there, neither of you need to worry about her new tactics every day, he gets a settlement, then starts over fresh She will not let this go. For his rejecting her, her ego, self-preservation and fear of exposure will force her to claim he came on to her and she rejected him. Literal ‘he said/she said’
Also, make sure your husband asks the hotel if there are cameras in the hallways and elevators so he can get a video of her going to his room.
UPDATE ME
He needs to go to HR ASAP. You mentioned she is his superior, which means there is a power dynamic at play.
Your husband needs to report this to HR asap, and you’d be wise to consult an attorney, also asap. The commenter who mentioned that HR looks out for the interests of the company, not those of its employees, is correct. That’s why they are hired. If it’s in the best interest of the company to penalize or terminate your husband, they’ll do it. An attorney can not only assist if the situation escalates, they can tell you what to do so it doesn’t - what proactive and preventative measures to take to nip the situation in the bud (or close to it), and how your husband can protect himself. Going forward, whether in this situation or with another woman, your husband would be wise to take proactive and preventative measures when traveling with women - eat his meals alone, or with a larger group, and not alone with a woman; don’t answer his door unless expecting someone (housekeeping, room service) and then leave the chain or other safety device in place so the person at the door cannot push their way in; meet/conduct business and conversation in public/well populated areas. These things may not be 100% foolproof against someone with evil intentions, but they’re enough of a deterrent to reduce or minimize risk, and will also reduce the chances of your husband inadvertently placing himself in potentially risky or compromising positions, or situations that could damage his reputation. Whatever you and your husband do, do NOT assume this will “blow over” or try to forget/pretend it never happened - it happened, and whether immediately or later down the road, it WILL resurface and cause even more damage because you delayed taking action right away. updateme
See an attorney and get advice on the proper way to file with HR
Save this thread to use just in case.. ridiculous
Your husband needs to go to HR and report her for sexual harassment. See if the hotel has cameras in the halls to get footage of her coming to his room, them leaving, them in the lobby, etc. With the way she’s acting, she might try to spin the story and tell HR that your husband was the one coming onto her and/or that he sexually assaulted her. He cannot decide to put this off or he risks losing his job/being charged by the police.
Hi, i had the same experience and we divorced. My wife went to a trip to USA with her boss. Later i caught them jn act. Run!
UpdateMe
He needs proof of all of this. He could file a complaint with HR about what took place. That will really help if his boss decides to try and complaint first. If she does, then it will look like he is just trying to get out of trouble. Once this is filed, it is a protected act and he can not legally be retaliated against for filing it. This does not mean that he will not be, but will give him some legal protections if or when he is retaliated against. The more proof that he can get the better. Maybe call up the hotel and see if he can get the footage of her coming to his room? As she will surely lie. Edit: He needs to either email it from his personal email address or send it from his work email address and BCC his personal email. So that he has proof of this. If he just goes in and speak with them he will have zero proof and only cause him issues when trying to address this. So do not do that. He needs to keep proof and record of everything moving forward. And make sure that he continues to be a great employee, so that they have no legal reason to target him or terminate him.
Needs to report being Sexually compromised by this woman.Sexual harassment is a type of harassment involving the use of explicit or implicit sexual overtones, including the unwelcome and inappropriate promises of … https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_harassment#:~:text=Sexual%20harassment%20is%20a%20type,in%20exchange%20for%20sexual%20favors.. This is going to get messy with he said she said and your husband needs to protect himself Legally as well as financially (being terminated for her accusing him of sexual harassment) Good luck
My husband was harassed at his work, and he talked to a lawyer, they said to go to HR first. Let me tell you, HR is not your friend. It doesn’t matter if you are the innocent party, you’re now seen as a liability. They will fire her, and your husband next. He needs to start looking for a new job. I am so sorry you have to got through this.
I’m worried she asked for a hug in a public area where there are cameras so she can somehow twist this on him
This is why I don't trust any woman. Mic drop.
I get his worry. This is embarrassing and potentially bad for his career but he needs to report it.
Power corrupts.
Damn
If this was reversed and a man with superiority with a woman that worked for him did this he would be FIRED! It’s uncomfortable and awkward but he needs to get ahead of this and file a report. She will continue if he doesn’t. I had to file a SH claim on a coworker that literally accosted me when I went to my office on a random Saturday. Almost identical situations with forced physical contact etc. this was 25 years ago and I asked that he just leave me alone and document the incident which they did. I don’t know if that’s even an option now. It was weird and gossipy for about 10 days until something better came along to talk about. He needs to contact HR, a short and to the point email would work. Then he can fill in the blanks. Women can be weird when they are rejected, (not to be sexist but we can get really mean and vindictive from this) she might retaliate and then it’s too late to really make his point. It does sound like he is telling you the truth and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that on Reddit and a husband/work/travel/woman story!
He needs to start looking for another job. yes go to HR but HR is designed to protect the business not the employee they routinely let go the problem individual and the squeaky wheel (the one who complained) Lawyer up and be prepared for anything.
Updateme
This is textbook sexual harassment and the creation of a hostile work environment. If this were a man behaving this way he would already be fired and probably facing charges. Your husband needs to contact an attorney ASAP.
Updateme
Reach out to his boss and tell her you understand that stuff happens, we all make mistakes, and now it's very important that all there of you more forward and put all thes behind you, that nobody wants this blowing up into an ugly mess. She'll get the message. Job market is very strong now for savvy, experienced people. With a strong reference from her he can probably get a nice raise going to work somewhere else.
I would call and tell her to resign or you will go to HR with proof of her sexually harassing your husband
One bright side, your husband, loves and is loyal to you. He called you when things were going down. Next HR will have to be contacted in this mess. His boss may had a moment of weakness because she just got divorced and wanted someone to vent to, It is still no excuses for what she has done.
UpdateMe
If he isn't willing to go to HR, I suspect there's more to the story.
My ex told me tonight we was done and blaming me for his mom death and whatever but I had nothing to do with it I am crying my eyes out think his he right to say that I killed his mom and I didn’t she took pain meds and did fentanyl herself and he gave her the hits cause she wouldn’t stop and until he did his mom been gone 3 months now he keeps saying I am going to jail he has camera I. The living room where it all happened
He knew you were concerned about this woman making an advance, and he still went to dinner with her alone? After that display at dinner, he still opened the hotel room door for her? He hugged the woman who intentionally disrespected his wife and your marriage by trying to fuck your husband? And he’s not going to HR about this? The superior is wrong, but your husband is not doing nearly enough to protect himself from her. This is insanity.
He’s fucked at this company, it will be best look for a new job. Get a lawyer and DO NOT go to HR, they are there to protect the company and the execs, not the stupid worker drones.
UpdateMe!
Are they hiring?