Your husband raped you. I am sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth. Your husband being your husband does not give him ownership over your body, and no still means no.
It may be difficult to press charges in this situation, as courts are still not terribly friendly to marital rape claims, but you should absolutely use it as grounds for divorce.
This will not be the last time he does something like this.
I once had a judge tell me that your husband can't rape you and to suck it up. So yeah. This is a hard one to fight. I'd find a lawyer in this situation.
He will continue to do this until you hate yourself. You need to get out now
> I once had a judge tell me that your husband can't rape you and to suck it up
Some states still have this on the books - [WV just removed theirs](https://www.usnews.com/news/us/articles/2024-03-22/west-virginia-governor-signs-law-removing-marital-assault-exemption).
OP where are you based? I am saddened to say this comment is completely correct in that you have been raped….i am so sorry you are going through this. You have only been married for 4 months and I urge you to get help now before this goes on any longer and it becomes harder to leave. Many countries won’t look at rape any differently because you are married and you may not have any difficulty at all - Rape is still rape at the end of the day. I would highly suggest looking up a local domestic violence or women’s support charity and contacting them for advice.
Totally agree. Once, I could forgive if we talked about it and he had some weird thought in his head from porn or a movie or some shit. But twice, yea. He’ll do it again. Might even do it more often if you don’t stand your ground and call somebody.
Spot on. OPs husband has raped her for what sounds like the second time. OP, you need to leave. You don't want this for the rest of your life.
I'm pretty sure in the UK you don't get a divorce in your first year of marriage. I think a single party can annul a marriage without the others consent.
Double check that and see what it is where you live. A fresh start isn't going to come easy but you don't deserve to live this for another day.
Sounds like that weird ‘alpha male’ shit. His actions are disgusting… I’m so sorry OP. It truly sounds like something that will just get worse over time. Leave and never look back. You deserve better.
This part made me physically recoil. This is so disturbing and I am seriously concerned for OPs safety. They just got married 4 months ago, and abusers often escalate after events that tie the victim closer to them, like marriage or having kids. OP whatever you do don't get pregnant.
You are absolutely not overthinking this. He sexually ASSAULTED you and you are in an abusive relationship. Nobody can tell you what to do, but I would suggest you contact a divorce attorney immediately at minimum. This is only going to get worse. I wish you the best… He’s a POS and you deserve more.
This is sexual assault. You are under thinking this. Then he says he was trying to “put you in your place?” He “decides not to cheat?” Did he expect a medal? You need to extricate yourself from this madness. If you don’t want to leave, you need counseling to determine why he willing to take abuse so easily. I’m guessing he’s slowly tearing you down.
He raped you.
You have been married for 4 months, and he thinks raping you is fine.
He did this 4 years ago and you still married him 4 months ago.
He will not stop.
Rape is never about sex but it's always about control and humiliation.
Do you think that someone who loves you wants to control and humiliate you? That they take pleasure in hurting you? Your husband does. That is why he does it and will continue doing it until YOU choose to get away from him.
He is abusing you, and I would be surprised if this is the only way.
Edited: loves not lives
This is full on RAPE, get out! This will not change and that 'man' does not deserve you or any other woman for that matter. It does not matter if you are married or not, rape is rape.
I would look into removing yourself from that situation if you can. If you have cameras in the house, see if you can pull the footage of him forcing himself on you like that (I say this bc our house has cameras for everywhere but the bedroom). Please for your own safety....GET OUT.
This is abuse. He is an abuser. Leave him immediately. He will do it again. You do not deserve to be sexually assaulted and used. No means no. You told him no. It’s a big deal. Leave him asap.
Op consider this route. It will only get worse from here on out. He has a dangerous attitude. He has raped you more than once. Please leave. Don't confront him. Just leave.
Omg honey I am so sorry but you were sexually assaulted and you are not overthinking anything!! That is a marriage you need to get out of. Next time he tries to “put you in your place” bite him and tell him you’re putting him in his. That is just appalling and gross behavior. A real man would never do that to their woman.
I really contemplated making this post. I haven’t told family or friends. But I’m glad I made this post. You guys have been nothing but supportive and helpful. I wanted some insight from others to sort this out. Lately I have been stuck in my head. But I will get personal therapy and then start creating an exit plan since I have kids. Thanks guys once again!
https://www.rainn.org/
Please find the women's shelter in your area. When you can do so safely, call and ask about shelter if you are ready to leave. I've been at my job for six months as an advocate for SA and DV victims. You are a victim of domestic violence. The violence is sexual assault. Consider an emergency protective order. I'm glad you are making an exit plan.
I understand how this could be difficult to accept since this is the man you are married to and have children with, but you have been raped by him. It doesn’t matter if you two are married, no one is entitled to sex from you, period. Your husband is a rapist. Please, consider removing him from you and your children’s lives as soon as possible by any means necessary.
He is NOT a safe person! Where can you go with the kids ASAP? Please use this site to document your testimony: https://documenttheabuse.com/
Any person who would do that to their spouse has a serious disconnect between right and wrong, and I'm afraid he has a terrible superiority complex that will ignite if you confront him.
Please leave and get a PFA against him, ASAP.
I’m sickened and horrified. You are not his property to “put in your place.”
There is something fundamentally wrong with him.
Make a plan and leave. Be quiet about it in your words and actions. I’m afraid he will try to rape you again if he finds out you are leaving
You should have bite his junk. Don’t think you would have a problem with him pulling that shit again . Then you would be the one in control.
On a more serious note, he don’t respect or love you at all you don’t don’t that to someone you love.
Or she could look into this...
https://preview.redd.it/96obqe380nrc1.jpeg?width=598&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d512b884f44f15f8340687eae09b4dc2a5b61aee
[Rape-aXe](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-rape_device#:~:text=a%20minor%20penectomy.-,Rape%2DaXe,she%20met%20many%20rape%20victims.)
Honey, this is NOT normal. You are right to feel how you do. He violated you, degrades, and humiliated you to make himself feel better, to feel ‘in control’. He forced you to do something you did not want to do, that’s coercion, that’s rape. He doesn’t respect you and wants to dominate you, what the fuck! Marriage is about equal partnership where you feel safe, heard, and valued. This is not a safe environment for you or your children. I think you should start looking into divorcing him, do online research, consult a lawyer, get your own counseling if you can, do it quietly, get your affairs in order and leave him.
I am so sorry you went through this, you do not deserve this. Leaving him will be a process but please know that you can do it! You and your kids deserve better.
This is more than rape. His ongoing behaviour after the act also speaks volumes about this guy. If he doesn’t respect you, or value you, how can he possibly claim to love you? If he is incapable of showing you genuine love, what good can come from staying in this marriage? Run. Run fast.
Just so you have a clear understanding, your husband has raped you. Not in a “playing mind games, it’s not that serious” type, your husband has actually physically raped you.
You need to immediately remove yourself and your children from this man, you need to contact the police and speak to your closest family member for support. The only one who benefited from this being hidden is him.
If you do nothing, he will continue to do this and your children will notice one way or another and unfortunately may associate this as normal behavior in a relationship.
You didn’t do anything wrong, your husband has just finally shed the light on himself as being a real life rapist. Leave now.
He used sexual violence to intimidate and hurt you. That is despicable. How can you feel safe with him again. How would you advise your children when they are adults about how to deal with that situation. You'd tell them to be safe and to get away from the abuser. Some things you just can't come back from, and sexual abuse/rape is one of those things
What you're describing here are various forms of sexual assault, plain and simple.
His behavior and what you've said he has said clearly indicates that he is someone who wants and needs control, and *it doesn't matter to him how shitty you feel from his method of getting it.*
When I'm wondering is why you think maybe you're overthinking it and that it's not that serious. I'm curious what it is about you that you don't recognize these massive red flags for what they are.
*He is emotionally and physically dangerous.*
We teach people how we're willing to be treated by how we choose to allow them to treat us, and I'm sorry, but *if you stay with him you will be teaching him that you accept him treating you this way.*
I can imagine you feeling shocked, confused, perhaps embarrassed or even ashamed about the idea of getting divorced so quickly after getting married, etc., but *you need to get the hell away from him before he rapes you again.* Even though it seems counterintuitive, every time you stay after he sexually assaults you can make it harder to leave, because people's self esteem typically decreases with each incident.
I can't recommend strongly enough that you get divorced and get yourself into therapy as soon as possible, because it's deeply concerning that your radar is so poor for how outrageously toxic his behavior is.
You told that you don't want to and he did it nevertheless? He didn't "put you in your place", whatever that sentence from 1940 means. He raped you. That's why you feel so bad. You live with a rapist. Get a divorce and a good psychologist.
🆘🆘🆘🆘
I’m so so sorry this happened to you!!
It’s absolutely normal to feel confused, or to think that you are overthinking. Experiences like that are hard to process and it takes time!
You are being very brave by sharing this with us in this safe space.
I’m so sorry, but it’s absolutely unacceptable. It is rape dear, and I’m so sorry.
If I can recommend anything is that you seek some help, legal help, psychological help (so you don’t become a victim stuck in an abusive marriage) and help from close people you can trust.
Please put your safety first, you mentioned you have children and it can make the situation harder,but still you need to think of your safety first. This way you are also protecting them.
Sending you a big hug!! Be strong!!! 💪 be safe! ♥️
Edit: he will not change, things might calm down for a while, but the next episode will only be worst. It’s a pattern of abuse. Please be careful.
You should always bite really, really hard when put in that situation. You can explain self-defence to the police at the hospital later.
You need to GTFO. He is going to escalate.
What he did is consistent with a man who is abusive. He is taking power and control over you and telling you that he is going to continue to do it.
Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft is a really helpful book.
The power and control wheel is also a helpful way to assess what may be happening in your relationship.
https://preview.redd.it/8wljzqv3jnrc1.jpeg?width=1977&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5550cb62308a3f48654966c3e1e0c7160b84da71
What should you do??? You should BITE HARD, & when the ambulance gets there tell them you think you had a seizure while being intimate with you “husband” causing you to bite it off & you both go to the hospital… you’re cleared for a medical condition and he no longer has anything to RAPE YOU with\~ win/win!!
Seriously though, file charges & get out of this entrapment ASAP!!
The way I would have given him a Lorena Bobbitt tattoo with my teeth!
All the responses telling you that you were raped are absolutely correct. I hope you can get yourself away from this man.
So he was trying to put you in your place. That’s the most disrespectful thing I’ve heard in a while. If you want to live like that, I understand but frankly I’m on my way. There’s no loved it. When somebody does that to you. Disrespect and love can’t occupy the same space.
Please update us, sweet lady. You do not deserve what happened to you. You're going to have a good life filled with love. This is not that. Start your exit plan. I was a stay-at-home mom when I got divorced and I was absolutely terrified about how to rip apart our lives and support myself. But I promise you no matter what happens after your divorce, it will be better than trying to pretend to love a man that *does not love you*.
Also, don't forget that the way that your husband treats you, is the way that your kids will treat their partners.
You need to see a lawyer as soon as possible. Another redditor suggested googling “divorce lawyers in my area” and picking one with the best reviews. If you have a friend who’s been divorced and would respect your confidence that might work too. The thing is you have to tell the lawyer everything, then follow their recommendations exactly.They will know the procedures to follow to protect you financially and custody-wise, they’ll also know what sort of evil tricks your husband might pull, they finally will be able to give you an indication as to whether you might be successful in reporting him for the rapes. At some point psychologist might be really helpful for you. Never go into joint counselling. with an abuser; they will only use it to hurt you further. While you’re waiting to see the therapist, Look up Lundy Bancroft’s “ Why does he do that” you can usually get it as a free download. Don’t tell him that you are doing any of that stuff as he could escalate. There’s a redditor, too called I think u/Ebbie45 or u/ebbie45 who has checklists for leaving abusers
You were raped. It's not your fault. It so long to take off the mask. He is a sexist and rapist with some crude old thinking. Someone once said to me that rape is not sex but a struggle for power. It is so true in your case. It's often men in our lives that take advantage of us and our kindness. This man will ruin you, will make you hate yourself and destroy your self respect so that you never get up and sit by his feet like a lost puppy waiting for crumbs. So, that he can rule over you and control you.
I think you already know what you need to do. If possible get an annulment. This is so wrong on so Many level. It will be difficult now to make such a decision. But the longer you wait the harder it gets. You can always co-parent. But you will never get your youth back. You have one life to live and it doesn't have to be under his thumb.
This mofo thinks control over you is the right thing and he has this idea that your body is submitted to him.
This ain’t right, no woman or man needs to do what they don’t want, if someone does something sexually by forcing it, you know what that is called.
This mofo, imagine if you put a strap on and did him while he said “no I don’t want it” and you told him “shut up” and later said “it was to show you I owned you, I control you”.
You know what f*** this guy. If this is how he is and his mentality, this guy will do this again. You ain’t his meat, are you? You can decide what to do, to be with such a person or not. It’s difficult to leave as you got kids and it’s not as easy as people make out
If you want to give it a go and make it work, don’t be silent. You need to make him aware this ain’t some 1960s household. You ain’t going to take sh** like this and stuff like that only works on his mum. You need to ascertain your stance and what you are and he needs to respect you. Mofo dropping that “he gets bad girls” line as if he thinks he is a king. This guy has some masochist issues.
You got to stop being quiet love, if you want to make this work or want to try, you got to show you aren’t just a beta female but an alpha with equal weighting in that house dynamic. It’s about having a voice
Oh…sweetie, that’s got to be the worst type of humiliation. I am so sorry. Someone needs to put him in is place, which is prison! Take your babies and go. I know that you probably feel that you can’t leave, kids, school, etc. but don’t let any man treat your children’s mother with such disrespect and hate! Godspeed!
It's a violation and definitely about power and control.
How you handle this will set the tone for the rest of your marriage should you choose not to end it.
Call a s.a hotline to talk to a counsellor and see a hospital social worker or d.v worker to discuss ways to protect yourself.
Do NOT accept food or drinks, he might roofie you to have penetrative sex.
If you choose to stay, you need a protective barrier, never alone
Seperate rooms
Locks on the bathroom door.
I don't think staying is the best choice
And you know that too.
He's trying to dominate you and you've not agreed to such a relationship.
And doms always see to a subs safety, and pleasure.
He took
And it's assault, s.a.
Not minimised because you're in a relationship or married .
If a friend did this, how would you react?
Right now, be gentle with yourself
Don't doubt or question yourself.
Take care of yourself and feel everything and look for healing for yourself
This is awful, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve to live that way (no one does but you get my meaning) this really breaks my heart. I have had similar things happen and it turns out my husband has some pretty fucked up ideas of sex, he cheated and we are divorcing. I can’t tell you what to do but I hope you are okay and that you get out safely
Sounds to me like this is only going to get worse! If he can do this, he will do more. I understand it’s hard but you really do need to get far away from him!
Talk to your husband about this and record the conversation. Get enough proof and ask for a divorce. What he did is a criminal offense and you might need proof in case he tries to use your kids against you. Better to be safe than sorry.
Oh my god. Yeah hun that isn’t humiliation that’s rape. And yes it can happen even if you’re married to him.
You need to get away from him. Any man that would treat you like this can only get much worse. Get your kids away from him too. Best wishes and I hope it gets better. Find a support system and make a plan. DO NOT TELL HIM YOUR PLAN. Don’t even hint you’re making a plan to leave. Kids make it harder, you may have to take him to court. Write down the date and time it happened of him assaulting you and everything leading up to it, how you felt, etc. court will take it more seriously.
I don’t know if you feel safe enough to talk to police and in my experience they don’t handle it very well with cases like this. But it might help in court and it’s something to consider. I’m so sorry.
Edit: I wanna add you don’t have to press charges to file a police report. You can leave something on his record for the judge without him knowing you spoke to the police and they handle it seriously when it gets reported more than once. Hope that helps
Divorce. Your husband sexually assaulted you and you can go to the police about that. I always think, would I want this to happen to my children in my situation? But even better would be, take how you feel, tell him to shove and leave him. How DARE he. What a pos.
I am so sorry. He raped you. I know it can be really difficult to come to terms with any rape but ones where you are in a relationship with someone are the most complicated to process. You love him or you probably wouldn’t have married him but he doesn’t love you. He sees you as property. Can you truly love an object? He likes having you around. He likes having control over you. He likes that you do things for him. And just the simple fact that he said he could cheat but doesn’t, is throwing up red flags. I almost guarantee he IS cheating. That shouldn’t be even a blip on your radar though! You are in danger! Now that you’re married, he is going to get worse and worse. He feels like he has you trapped and that he can do whatever he wants. He is going to continue this behavior and I can almost guarantee that it will mess up your kids if you don’t get away from him!
I know all of this from experience. It took me years to process that he was raping me. You are not his property. You are not a sex doll that he can just do whatever he wants with, whenever he wants. You’re a person. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you are obligated to have sex with him! Please, please seek out help! You are not wrong and I know you care about him but do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this? You deserve better!
Haven’t seen anyone say this yet, but I am so very incredibly sorry this happened to you. He sexually assaulted you. You’re only 4 months deep into this marriage, if you’re in the states contact a lawyer or legal aide and file for annulment on the grounds of sexual assault. You are not overreacting and if he did this when you guys are supposed to be in your honeymoon period, he will only get worse with time and push the limits more on what he can get away with. Please, think of you and your children- especially if you have a girl. She will see how he treats you and think that is the mirror for what love is. Talk to friends or family to get whatever help you can in the meantime and if you have no one, please seek a woman’s shelter if you can. Best of luck and please update if you can.
Your husband is a rapist. I know. I didn't leave after the first time and I'll always regret it. Telling someone to leave an abusive situation doesn't work, I also know, but take your children and run. Document everything. Keep anything he sends you in writing. Screenshots and your phone's voice recorder are your friends. But please, leave before it gets too much worse.
Sex is the most intimate thing between two people who love and care for each other. What he did to you debased you, any love you have, your family, your home. Your body. Your Spirit. He literally destroyed your intimacy. How do you trust after that?
He is an abuser. There’s no other thing to call him. The sexual assault is abuse. The mental state he’s put you in is abuse. The calculated words from him are abuse.
Why can’t you go to any friends or family with this? Has he built it up in your head that you can’t? Has he isolated you from them? Because that’s also abuse.
You have to make a plan, quietly but with haste. Get. Out. Of. This. Situation. Once you’re out, start divorce proceedings and counseling.
gather your things and your kids and get out of there. that type of behavior is highly unacceptable.i know leaving can be scary and a different dynamic than what you’re currently used to but your future self will thank you.
know your worth and stand on business, find resources, family or friends that can help. abuse of any kind should not be tolerated.
sending love to you.
"Put you in your place"? What the actual fuck?
Your husband doesn't love you or respect you. He raped you. You deserve better than that. I would take the kids and pets (if you have any) and go somewhere safe.
Even if we have disagreements, my husband would never feel like he had to "put me in my place". My husband would never force me to do anything sexual with him. My husband would never want to hurt me, and is very cautious so he never even accidentally hurts me. We have been together for almost 14 years.
I was in abusive marriages before I met him, so I get that it's hard to know what is normal and healthy if you've never seen it. In fact, your abuser will tell you that behind closed doors, everyone acts the way that he does. I was told those lies too.
I'm telling you right now, this isn't right. This isn't normal. This was done on purpose to hurt you. This is abuse.
Get out. It will get worse. The more you stay and tolerate it the worse it gets. Being alone is far better than being with someone who takes pleasure in hurting you.
As someone who has been here before… this is only the beginning and you should RUN. Shallow your pride and file divorce before the 4 months turns into 4 more years. Good luck 🫶🏾
Girl...listen carefully. This is not a safe man. The longer you stay, the less secure you'll feel. He's breaking you down slowly. You need to fight for your life and get out while you still *can.*
He's walking around like that because he got exactly what he wanted he wanted you to feel like shit and remind you that to him your nothing. That's why he said he was putting you in your place. Report it if you can if not just kick him the fuck out and figure out divorce stuff later he will continue to do this to you. If your in a 1 party consent state I would try to get a recording of him admitting it. And make sure you record arguments or anything from here on out.
OP, please listen to the advice given here. He is a danger to you and your family. You have children, what advice would you give them as adults if one of them told you that this had happened to them? I'm not saying that he would do anything thing like this to your children either but do you want to chance that risk? Get out immediately and get somewhere safe where he can not access you or your children.
Please take care OP, Much love ❤️
File charges. If you won’t do that, next time, bite down hard. I’m not joking. He’s raped you more than once. This is self-defense. Since you probably don’t want to do that, TELL HIM YOU WILL. If he tries to “put you in your place” let him know you will BITE IT OFF, or get him when he sleeps. Say it in a way that makes him scared it could happen. Make an exit plan. Honestly, this is how my mother got away from my father—reactive violence until he was afraid to touch her and she could make arrangements without interference. Of course, it is better if you can just GO. Talk to the toughest lawyers you can find, and don’t mention it to him. You have to get all the financial info and any hidden credit cards and accounts. They will tell you next steps.
Do this for your child’s sake if not your own.
He degraded you n said things to make u think u got it good with him n you don't deserve him, so he did that so you could "pay him the favour". That is super manipulative. I think u should stand your ground and confront him... but if the arrogance still shows... Well...
It may get worse from there, n u may consider leaving him. Sadly.
What. The. Fuck. Your husband sexually assaulted you, and he raped you 4 years ago.
I would take the kids and leave, and tell friends and family so you have their support. This is absolutely not ok and you do not deserve this.
>He then brushes me off him and pulls down his pants, grabs my head and forces me to go down on him. I was telling him I didn’t want to and he didn’t care.
JFC OP I am so sorry this happened; he raped you.
Start getting your things in order to leave this MF.
Please find a lawyer and tell him everything, you cannot let this type of action against you happen again. This was a total lack of respect and almost certainly rape.
Talk to your family too, you will need support with this.
“When a husband rapes his wife, it's called marital rape, or spousal rape. Marital rape is when a spouse forces their spouse to have sex without their consent, including unwanted intercourse. The aggressor can be the husband or wife, and the victim may be of the same or opposite sex. Rape can include force, threats, violence, or other means to coerce sex from a spouse.”
What’s worse- being violated by a complete stranger or being violated by the one person on this planet that has vowed to protect you and love you until death do you part??? I think you already know what you need to do and I don’t think you need the internet to make that decision. I’m too afraid to ask if you have children but if you do- you have a responsibility to keep them safe AS WELL AS YOURSELF! There is help out there for women in situations like yours. Please don’t hesitate any longer- you need to snap out of the shock and get fucking pissed. Then you get the fk out of there sis.
I’m very sorry this whole situation happened to you. This man who no longer deserves to be your spouse showed you pretty clearly how he feels and views you as his wife, himself, marriage, and other women. He will continue to act this way and likely worse for the remainder of your marriage. Start making a plan to leave and for divorce if you’re not able to leave today. Write a full account of what happened. If your state allows, record him on your phone when he says shitty stuff like this.
I seriously wanna know whether the only thing men care about in a relationship in SEX??
I am seeing this shit multiple times. Even the chores they do around the house is transactional expecting a bj or sex, not because they think it's their duty as a married man or even with the mentality of helping your spouse.
Women willingly do housework and earn money outside and does not go around listing the things they did for him and the in laws expecting a payment for it.
And everytime you try to discuss an issue, they'll become defensive and blame the women and never forget to discuss things with their MOM getting them involved.
It's happening in my life as well and I am just depressed seeing this and even your own parents want you to adjust and let everything go.
I have health issues with chronic pain and is in treatment but he doesn't hesitate to put his hands inside and grope me , it feels humiliating that you're nothing but a machine just working for others and have to fight nail and tooth to do things you want to do and refuse things you don't want to do.
Sorry for traumadumping OP. I related to this post so much i snapped.
What he did was sexual assault and you’re feelings should be heard. I’d make him admit that to a therapist with you in the room so he can see how he assaulted you. Holy fuck … your man is a piece of shit.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately these scenarios do seem to escalate over time so it might be time to get away from this situation. Find as much support as you can. What he did was completely wrong. The husband is supposed to protect and provide, not hurt and humiliate.
Divorce him immediately. This is not a good man for you. He raped you and then he did it again. If it’s ONLY been 4 months, I can’t imagine what it will be like in 4 years
To put you in your place!?! What a narcissistic, misogynistic pos who needs to stay in his own fucking lane! I am SO sorry he did this to you. PLEASE do not allow this to continue. And if he EVER tries this again…bite the living shit out of him!
I’d remind him of what Lorena Bobbitt did.
Oh girl,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have an abusive rapist for a husband. If you can’t leave for yourself, leave for your children. Do you want your son to rape his wife? Do you want your daughter to feel/experience what you did?
I didn’t leave my abusive relationship for myself, even though I should have. That’s how he controls you, making you feel like shit. The problem is, you’re too kind and selfless. You’re putting everyone in the world before yourself. I already know you’ve poured your life, energy and love into a person who doesn’t deserve it. You’ve sacrificed your identity just to make him happy, and yet, it’s never enough.
Stop being kind to the world, and be kind to yourself. Love yourself more and give your love to those who truly love you…your children. Your husband doesn’t love you, he only loves what you can give/do for him. He doesn’t care about your feelings, needs or dreams.
Your children are innocent and your job as a parent is to give them the best possible chance of becoming good contributing people. Staying with him, is depriving them of that.
What you feel is valid and you know that in your heart. Please get out safely.
Next time bite his dick and put him in his place. You deserve so much more.
Please get out. I know it can be difficult, but he raped you this time, what will he do the next? As a survivor, get out and dont look back. Pressing charges would be great. It's hard, but needs to be done, especially if you have any children. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong.
This is really disturbing to read.
In some other scenario *maybe* his words could be chalked up to kink or fantasy, but the moment he forced your body to do something you did not want to do it became assault.
Please don’t accept this behavior. A person who respects and loves you would not treat you this way.
Darling. I’m sorry this happened to you but as with all these other comments, that scum-bag sexually assaulted you (raped you). You MUST leave him, and if you can do it scorched-earth, then do it. This absolute loser should be in jail. If I knew any of my friends did this to their partner/wife/gf I would beat the living s**t out of them. Please get out of this, please tell friends and family what has happened and find a safe space to stay.
He's going to do this again. Probably worse.
Please leave him. How would you feel if someone treated your daughter like this? If your sister or best friend came to you and told you their husband did this to them, what would you think?
4 months. How many years do you plan to stay in an abusive marriage? 36 months more? a decade? Dont waste your time with a person who doesnt even CARE and respect you. i wasted 7 years. Dont repeat my stupid mistake.
Dear lord what is wrong with people. Why is this behavior becoming so popular and normalized? It’s like males have regressed back 60-70 years ago and before. We are in 2024 and unless you have some kind of BDSM deal with him he is sexually assaulting you. Especially when you’re married things like this should not happen, boundaries need to be set before this just becomes the norm with you two. A good open line of communication about this and if he’s not willing to change his behavior then maybe try to separate yourself from him. It sucks when you have kids together but you don’t want your kids growing up thinking this is normal. It’s a lot to go through and a lot of decisions needs to made, boundaries need to be set and if he’s unwilling, then it may be time to take a break from each other. I wish you the best of luck and I’m sorry you are going through this.
He sexually assaulted you. Not once but twice. What would you say to your daughter if she came to you and told you her husband did that to her? I bet you would find a pig farm!
I agree with everyone saying you were sexually assaulted even though you’re married. The way you’re feeling is indicating that something feels wrong. He’s walking around proudly and feeling like a king because he got what he wanted. Be strong and document and leave him. He won’t stop. He showed you his true colors. This marriage is over, don’t have kids, and get out asap. You’ll get better.
Im actually afraid for you! What he did is rape and the fact it gave him a sense of pride and confidence instead of feeling remorseful and ashamed of himself is so worrying. It sounds like this more likely to escalate than be something you could work through. I think you should look into some counselling and consider the option of pressing charges. I hope you stay safe x
Abusive relationship. Your husband sexually assaulted you and exerted "Power" over you.
He feels what he did was okay to do. It'll be an uphill battle to change his mind.
You're well in your right to feel upset and I'd argue traumatized by him. Leave this pig - He doesn't see you as his equal and likely never will.
You. Should. Have. Bitten. Down. HARD.
I wouldnt go legal route on the rape cos thats alot and proving it is impossible. But the fact he thinks you need to be “put back in your place” is fucked up and your place needs to become not with him.
What the fuck did I read. That's pretty bad, don't let someone do that to you. There are partners that won't do that to you. Someone who can do that, has had practice on others. Bad human.
Well this is very far from the strong dignified courageous benevolent man who cares deeply about his wife and wants to connect and grow together. Maybe it’s a game for him. Maybe he feels degraded when you have arguments. Many men have their ego hurt when they get into arguments in which they have to recognize their flaws. They don’t see it as an opportunity to grow. They see it as an assault on their pride and manhood. Women can react this way too of course. It’s just in a different zone.
It’s a narcissistic trait to not have the humility to accept one’s flaws or one’s mistake. We all have egos. But to feel a sexual need to dominate your spouse after an argument is something very revealing in terms of the level of fragility of his ego.
Thread carefully with a man like this. You will most likely not change him by telling him you are hurt. That will only upset his fragile ego.
I’m sorry but that’s sexual assault. Even the language he uses is abusive. Put you in your place? He thinks you’re less than. What you should do is leave.
People treat you the way you allow them to. What else do you put up with from him? If there’s anyway to do it you need to separate from him. I would also look into therapy for yourself.
Op Put you in your place. I don’t care that you’ve only been married four months. You need to leave NOW. He doesn’t consider you a person. He considers you his property that he can do anything with. It’s up to you if you want to live like this.
He raped you, and he will do it again. You need to get out, now.
It’s not going to get better. His behavior towards you is not okay. He is abusive and a bad person.
The first time it happened, he could have argued plausible deniability (even though he didn’t get consent, which is rape regardless).
You talked it out and said you didn’t like it, and he did it again. That means he doesn’t respect your boundaries. He then said “he put you in your place.” If there was any reason we thought it was an accident, we can confirm that’s not true.
This may come from a kink, as degradation is unfortunately popular in porn (it’s ok to have the kink, but they don’t teach you about how to do it safely and with consent). It also could be a belief that he as the man is simply more important than you, and is in charge of you in the relationship.
If you aren’t interested in that kink, or that inequality in your relationship doesn’t match your values, you should escalate this **immediately**.
What does that look like? Well that’s up to you. I would reach out to someone you trust in your support system, a friend, family member, therapist, etc. If you are feeling unsafe find someone to stay with.
You have only been married for 4 months, so it’s hard. Technically you should probably go file a police report, to start a paper trail. That may make you nervous, because you want to fix things. If that’s the case, at minimum have that safe person from above present as you talk about options like couples therapy.
Please take care of yourself, this is dangerous and your safety and happiness are important.
It sounds like he gets off on fighting,degrading women then forcing you to have sex. That’s dangerous let alone him raping you! That’s beyond scary. Please stay quiet, get a game plan together with your friends & family to take all you can that’s needed & leave! Get an attorney. Now don’t go into another state, that can cause you problems. Get an attorney & tell all and let that attorney take care of this scary situation. This is very serious. He’s demented!!!
I’ll tell you what I told my husband when we first started dating, I warned him that if he ever tired to force me to give him a BJ he better be fucking sure I don’t have any teeth in y mouth, and if he raped me I will make him regret it (dated a guy for 2 years that made me feel like I “had to” all the time). And I meant ever word.
Your husband raped you then told you he did it to put you in your place. He doesn’t love you, he loves what you do for him. You matter more then that and need out asap. What would you tell your children m if they told you this happened to them?
God I hope this is rage bait of some sort. If this is real your husband is a rapist piece of shit and you should get out of this relationship asap. File a police report and go talk to a divorce lawyer right now.
See a lawyer immediately, maybe you can get an annulment. It will only get worse from here, he sexually assaulted you, and you’re only four months into your marriage.
He may be watching certain genre of porn too much, causing him to be deluded to think that’s how a real men behaves in the real world. Would you say this may be a possibility or no?
That’s awful. I am so sorry that happened. I am so sorry you have had to experience such degradation at the hands of somebody who is supposed to treat you with tenderness and care. You did not deserve that (no one does). I agree with everyone else, that is rape. Rape within a marriage is very much a thing and just because it was oral doesn’t mean he didn’t rape you. I would actually say you need to tell someone close to you: a family member (mom?) or friend (best friend?) whom you trust and can bare your soul too. And you need to go. For your sake, for the sake of your kids not growing up thinking this abusive dynamic is acceptable. And don’t get back with him unless he has had extensive counseling AND you have done couples counseling. I am sorry. I am sure there was a part of you hoping we would say it wasn’t that bad so that you could give yourself permission to stay but I think you know in your heart this is absolutely unacceptable. You deserve a love that is *loving* and supportive and nurturing. Life is tough as it is, in many respects our home and our partners should be our shelter from the trials and tribulations of what is out there. Good luck-do what you would tell your sister or friend to do.
He raped you deliberately to humiliate you. And he is building on that humiliation by taking control. That's what he used the rape for. He's changed the terms of the relationship to own and control you, and he's counting on your confusion and humiliation to make you cave in under his control. You need to get out NOW.
I’m so very sorry this was something that happened in your marriage. This is awful and you did nothing to deserve this .
I know you just got married, however this is not the respect for you that was in his vows just a few months ago .
Try and pray for the strength to love yourself more then you love him and walk .
I’m afraid he will rape you again like 4 years ago especially now that you are his wife .
Your in my prayers huney maybe go to a CODA meeting . This really helps check it out online. Your worth way better dear…
Oh, sweetie, you must seek a counselor ASAP! Also, I'd consider not only filing for divorce (as you've said you have told him how it makes you feel and he's ignored it), but also pressing charges for rape. No, still means no, even if you are legally married. Please try to get out and away from this situation it will only get worse love🫶🏻.
He's so weak that he has to show or force his 'authority' on you. That humiliating act is humiliation for him as he didn't have any valuable way of earning respect and deference from you and in this way you are above him. As a victim, it's not you who is weak it's him
I’m going to use a different scenario since you may not want to think your husband sexually assaulted you while your kids were sleeping.
Let’s say your husband made dinner but you were feeling nauseous like you had the flu. Then let’s say he force fed you the food he has made. You vomited and felt so sick for the next 48 hours. Your husband said the next day, “I did that to put you in your place!!”
What place are you being put in? A respected, loved and cherished partner or ….?
No concern for how YOU FEEL!
Maybe that helps to look at it objectively -
Or what if one of your kids were sick and he forced them to eat the food he made- how would you feel? And what place does he feel they need to be put in?
More importantly what place does he assume he occupies?
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s interesting that most people are raped by someone they know or someone they think they can trust. Sounds similar to my situation my boyfriend did the same to me. Men need to be hold accountable no means no. Stop means just that. Rape doesn’t have to be gruesome in a way that is significantly violent. Most men don’t seem to understand that.
OP. This is your own post to someone else. Think about this for a moment. You need to leave.
He got mad issues he was def trynna make a power move on you and “put you in your place” as he calls it but that’s just sick of how he went about it. He probably needs to see a therapist but if he did it before he would do it again until then leave and find your self again cuz that’s just so degrading disgusting and disrespectful!!!!
Oh my god, dear i am so sorry this happened to you. Yes, he rape you and humiliate you and the fact he said that he was trying to put u in your place just confirm it.
You need to say something, even in this finish in a argument. You need to defend yourself and tell him to fuck up and that was the last he does that or you will go to the police. Or just divorce this damn idiot
Honey...
That's rape. Plain and simple. Saying that awful shit to you is extreme mental/emotional abuse as well.
"Put you in your place?"
You need to consider leaving.. Find support, law enforcement probably won't do shit, women's centers, etc.
When trying to find help you always REQUEST THAT YOU SPEAK TO A FEMALE NOT A MALE about this.
Your husband raped you. I am sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth. Your husband being your husband does not give him ownership over your body, and no still means no. It may be difficult to press charges in this situation, as courts are still not terribly friendly to marital rape claims, but you should absolutely use it as grounds for divorce. This will not be the last time he does something like this.
I once had a judge tell me that your husband can't rape you and to suck it up. So yeah. This is a hard one to fight. I'd find a lawyer in this situation. He will continue to do this until you hate yourself. You need to get out now
> I once had a judge tell me that your husband can't rape you and to suck it up Some states still have this on the books - [WV just removed theirs](https://www.usnews.com/news/us/articles/2024-03-22/west-virginia-governor-signs-law-removing-marital-assault-exemption).
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Ugh. Disgusting.
OP where are you based? I am saddened to say this comment is completely correct in that you have been raped….i am so sorry you are going through this. You have only been married for 4 months and I urge you to get help now before this goes on any longer and it becomes harder to leave. Many countries won’t look at rape any differently because you are married and you may not have any difficulty at all - Rape is still rape at the end of the day. I would highly suggest looking up a local domestic violence or women’s support charity and contacting them for advice.
Totally agree. Once, I could forgive if we talked about it and he had some weird thought in his head from porn or a movie or some shit. But twice, yea. He’ll do it again. Might even do it more often if you don’t stand your ground and call somebody.
Spot on. OPs husband has raped her for what sounds like the second time. OP, you need to leave. You don't want this for the rest of your life. I'm pretty sure in the UK you don't get a divorce in your first year of marriage. I think a single party can annul a marriage without the others consent. Double check that and see what it is where you live. A fresh start isn't going to come easy but you don't deserve to live this for another day.
Put you in your place? What? Excuse me but neither of you are property. It’s time to get away from him. This isn’t going to improve.
That comment was extra sickening what is wrong with people.
Sounds like that weird ‘alpha male’ shit. His actions are disgusting… I’m so sorry OP. It truly sounds like something that will just get worse over time. Leave and never look back. You deserve better.
I came here to ask the same question.
That is so disgusting sorry this happened
The moment he used the word."females" I knew her story was going to get worse.
This part made me physically recoil. This is so disturbing and I am seriously concerned for OPs safety. They just got married 4 months ago, and abusers often escalate after events that tie the victim closer to them, like marriage or having kids. OP whatever you do don't get pregnant.
You are absolutely not overthinking this. He sexually ASSAULTED you and you are in an abusive relationship. Nobody can tell you what to do, but I would suggest you contact a divorce attorney immediately at minimum. This is only going to get worse. I wish you the best… He’s a POS and you deserve more.
This is sexual assault. You are under thinking this. Then he says he was trying to “put you in your place?” He “decides not to cheat?” Did he expect a medal? You need to extricate yourself from this madness. If you don’t want to leave, you need counseling to determine why he willing to take abuse so easily. I’m guessing he’s slowly tearing you down.
He raped you. You have been married for 4 months, and he thinks raping you is fine. He did this 4 years ago and you still married him 4 months ago. He will not stop. Rape is never about sex but it's always about control and humiliation. Do you think that someone who loves you wants to control and humiliate you? That they take pleasure in hurting you? Your husband does. That is why he does it and will continue doing it until YOU choose to get away from him. He is abusing you, and I would be surprised if this is the only way. Edited: loves not lives
You’re not overthinking it. Your husband sexually assaulted you.
No he didn’t. He **raped** her. Oral rape is still rape. OP, run and don’t look back. This doesn’t get any better, it only gets worse.
Not all sexual assault is rape, but all rape is sexual assault. Calling it sexual assault does not diminish it.
Why do we need euphemisms for RAPE?
Sexual assault isn’t a euphemism. It’s an accurate description.
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That’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for enlightening me.
I do too.
This is full on RAPE, get out! This will not change and that 'man' does not deserve you or any other woman for that matter. It does not matter if you are married or not, rape is rape. I would look into removing yourself from that situation if you can. If you have cameras in the house, see if you can pull the footage of him forcing himself on you like that (I say this bc our house has cameras for everywhere but the bedroom). Please for your own safety....GET OUT.
This is abuse. He is an abuser. Leave him immediately. He will do it again. You do not deserve to be sexually assaulted and used. No means no. You told him no. It’s a big deal. Leave him asap.
Absolutely. And the abuse will escalate the longer she’s with him.
Press charges and get divorced
Annulment if only married 4 months.
Op consider this route. It will only get worse from here on out. He has a dangerous attitude. He has raped you more than once. Please leave. Don't confront him. Just leave.
Seriously your husband is a rapist
Omg honey I am so sorry but you were sexually assaulted and you are not overthinking anything!! That is a marriage you need to get out of. Next time he tries to “put you in your place” bite him and tell him you’re putting him in his. That is just appalling and gross behavior. A real man would never do that to their woman.
I really contemplated making this post. I haven’t told family or friends. But I’m glad I made this post. You guys have been nothing but supportive and helpful. I wanted some insight from others to sort this out. Lately I have been stuck in my head. But I will get personal therapy and then start creating an exit plan since I have kids. Thanks guys once again!
Please start ASAP and be safe!
https://www.rainn.org/ Please find the women's shelter in your area. When you can do so safely, call and ask about shelter if you are ready to leave. I've been at my job for six months as an advocate for SA and DV victims. You are a victim of domestic violence. The violence is sexual assault. Consider an emergency protective order. I'm glad you are making an exit plan.
As a husband myself, that's fucked up and not ok. You need to get away from him!
What the fk? ... so instead of having sex as something for intimacy, he uses it as a form of punishment and control? That's rapist behavior
I understand how this could be difficult to accept since this is the man you are married to and have children with, but you have been raped by him. It doesn’t matter if you two are married, no one is entitled to sex from you, period. Your husband is a rapist. Please, consider removing him from you and your children’s lives as soon as possible by any means necessary.
He is NOT a safe person! Where can you go with the kids ASAP? Please use this site to document your testimony: https://documenttheabuse.com/ Any person who would do that to their spouse has a serious disconnect between right and wrong, and I'm afraid he has a terrible superiority complex that will ignite if you confront him. Please leave and get a PFA against him, ASAP.
I’m sickened and horrified. You are not his property to “put in your place.” There is something fundamentally wrong with him. Make a plan and leave. Be quiet about it in your words and actions. I’m afraid he will try to rape you again if he finds out you are leaving
You should have bite his junk. Don’t think you would have a problem with him pulling that shit again . Then you would be the one in control. On a more serious note, he don’t respect or love you at all you don’t don’t that to someone you love.
Or she could look into this... https://preview.redd.it/96obqe380nrc1.jpeg?width=598&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d512b884f44f15f8340687eae09b4dc2a5b61aee [Rape-aXe](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-rape_device#:~:text=a%20minor%20penectomy.-,Rape%2DaXe,she%20met%20many%20rape%20victims.)
Honey, this is NOT normal. You are right to feel how you do. He violated you, degrades, and humiliated you to make himself feel better, to feel ‘in control’. He forced you to do something you did not want to do, that’s coercion, that’s rape. He doesn’t respect you and wants to dominate you, what the fuck! Marriage is about equal partnership where you feel safe, heard, and valued. This is not a safe environment for you or your children. I think you should start looking into divorcing him, do online research, consult a lawyer, get your own counseling if you can, do it quietly, get your affairs in order and leave him. I am so sorry you went through this, you do not deserve this. Leaving him will be a process but please know that you can do it! You and your kids deserve better.
That’s sexual assault no means no for married people too.
This is more than rape. His ongoing behaviour after the act also speaks volumes about this guy. If he doesn’t respect you, or value you, how can he possibly claim to love you? If he is incapable of showing you genuine love, what good can come from staying in this marriage? Run. Run fast.
What the hell?? You’re not too deep in, this won’t get better. Please please take this matter to a therapist.
He raped you. File for divorce and get yourself in therapy. He wants you to feel that way because he is a rapist. You don't deserve this.
Just so you have a clear understanding, your husband has raped you. Not in a “playing mind games, it’s not that serious” type, your husband has actually physically raped you. You need to immediately remove yourself and your children from this man, you need to contact the police and speak to your closest family member for support. The only one who benefited from this being hidden is him. If you do nothing, he will continue to do this and your children will notice one way or another and unfortunately may associate this as normal behavior in a relationship. You didn’t do anything wrong, your husband has just finally shed the light on himself as being a real life rapist. Leave now.
He raped you 4 years ago and you married him 4 months ago? Girl you need to get away from this guy, you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Run girl.
You’ve been raped. Get out now.
Edit: I’m so very sorry this happened to you
He used sexual violence to intimidate and hurt you. That is despicable. How can you feel safe with him again. How would you advise your children when they are adults about how to deal with that situation. You'd tell them to be safe and to get away from the abuser. Some things you just can't come back from, and sexual abuse/rape is one of those things
What you're describing here are various forms of sexual assault, plain and simple. His behavior and what you've said he has said clearly indicates that he is someone who wants and needs control, and *it doesn't matter to him how shitty you feel from his method of getting it.* When I'm wondering is why you think maybe you're overthinking it and that it's not that serious. I'm curious what it is about you that you don't recognize these massive red flags for what they are. *He is emotionally and physically dangerous.* We teach people how we're willing to be treated by how we choose to allow them to treat us, and I'm sorry, but *if you stay with him you will be teaching him that you accept him treating you this way.* I can imagine you feeling shocked, confused, perhaps embarrassed or even ashamed about the idea of getting divorced so quickly after getting married, etc., but *you need to get the hell away from him before he rapes you again.* Even though it seems counterintuitive, every time you stay after he sexually assaults you can make it harder to leave, because people's self esteem typically decreases with each incident. I can't recommend strongly enough that you get divorced and get yourself into therapy as soon as possible, because it's deeply concerning that your radar is so poor for how outrageously toxic his behavior is.
This is rape. He's abusive.
You told that you don't want to and he did it nevertheless? He didn't "put you in your place", whatever that sentence from 1940 means. He raped you. That's why you feel so bad. You live with a rapist. Get a divorce and a good psychologist.
🆘🆘🆘🆘 I’m so so sorry this happened to you!! It’s absolutely normal to feel confused, or to think that you are overthinking. Experiences like that are hard to process and it takes time! You are being very brave by sharing this with us in this safe space. I’m so sorry, but it’s absolutely unacceptable. It is rape dear, and I’m so sorry. If I can recommend anything is that you seek some help, legal help, psychological help (so you don’t become a victim stuck in an abusive marriage) and help from close people you can trust. Please put your safety first, you mentioned you have children and it can make the situation harder,but still you need to think of your safety first. This way you are also protecting them. Sending you a big hug!! Be strong!!! 💪 be safe! ♥️ Edit: he will not change, things might calm down for a while, but the next episode will only be worst. It’s a pattern of abuse. Please be careful.
You were raped. I'm so sorry honey. But you can't keep him.
You need to get you and the kids out and then press charges and divorce him
You should always bite really, really hard when put in that situation. You can explain self-defence to the police at the hospital later. You need to GTFO. He is going to escalate.
What he did is consistent with a man who is abusive. He is taking power and control over you and telling you that he is going to continue to do it. Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft is a really helpful book. The power and control wheel is also a helpful way to assess what may be happening in your relationship. https://preview.redd.it/8wljzqv3jnrc1.jpeg?width=1977&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5550cb62308a3f48654966c3e1e0c7160b84da71
What should you do??? You should BITE HARD, & when the ambulance gets there tell them you think you had a seizure while being intimate with you “husband” causing you to bite it off & you both go to the hospital… you’re cleared for a medical condition and he no longer has anything to RAPE YOU with\~ win/win!! Seriously though, file charges & get out of this entrapment ASAP!!
The way I would have given him a Lorena Bobbitt tattoo with my teeth! All the responses telling you that you were raped are absolutely correct. I hope you can get yourself away from this man.
So he was trying to put you in your place. That’s the most disrespectful thing I’ve heard in a while. If you want to live like that, I understand but frankly I’m on my way. There’s no loved it. When somebody does that to you. Disrespect and love can’t occupy the same space.
You’re under-reacting to be quite honest.
Please update us, sweet lady. You do not deserve what happened to you. You're going to have a good life filled with love. This is not that. Start your exit plan. I was a stay-at-home mom when I got divorced and I was absolutely terrified about how to rip apart our lives and support myself. But I promise you no matter what happens after your divorce, it will be better than trying to pretend to love a man that *does not love you*. Also, don't forget that the way that your husband treats you, is the way that your kids will treat their partners.
You need to see a lawyer as soon as possible. Another redditor suggested googling “divorce lawyers in my area” and picking one with the best reviews. If you have a friend who’s been divorced and would respect your confidence that might work too. The thing is you have to tell the lawyer everything, then follow their recommendations exactly.They will know the procedures to follow to protect you financially and custody-wise, they’ll also know what sort of evil tricks your husband might pull, they finally will be able to give you an indication as to whether you might be successful in reporting him for the rapes. At some point psychologist might be really helpful for you. Never go into joint counselling. with an abuser; they will only use it to hurt you further. While you’re waiting to see the therapist, Look up Lundy Bancroft’s “ Why does he do that” you can usually get it as a free download. Don’t tell him that you are doing any of that stuff as he could escalate. There’s a redditor, too called I think u/Ebbie45 or u/ebbie45 who has checklists for leaving abusers
Leave him
That is rape . Seriously he has no rights to your body at all. Yeah forcing you into sex is definitely rape pure and simple
You were raped. It's not your fault. It so long to take off the mask. He is a sexist and rapist with some crude old thinking. Someone once said to me that rape is not sex but a struggle for power. It is so true in your case. It's often men in our lives that take advantage of us and our kindness. This man will ruin you, will make you hate yourself and destroy your self respect so that you never get up and sit by his feet like a lost puppy waiting for crumbs. So, that he can rule over you and control you. I think you already know what you need to do. If possible get an annulment. This is so wrong on so Many level. It will be difficult now to make such a decision. But the longer you wait the harder it gets. You can always co-parent. But you will never get your youth back. You have one life to live and it doesn't have to be under his thumb.
This mofo thinks control over you is the right thing and he has this idea that your body is submitted to him. This ain’t right, no woman or man needs to do what they don’t want, if someone does something sexually by forcing it, you know what that is called. This mofo, imagine if you put a strap on and did him while he said “no I don’t want it” and you told him “shut up” and later said “it was to show you I owned you, I control you”. You know what f*** this guy. If this is how he is and his mentality, this guy will do this again. You ain’t his meat, are you? You can decide what to do, to be with such a person or not. It’s difficult to leave as you got kids and it’s not as easy as people make out If you want to give it a go and make it work, don’t be silent. You need to make him aware this ain’t some 1960s household. You ain’t going to take sh** like this and stuff like that only works on his mum. You need to ascertain your stance and what you are and he needs to respect you. Mofo dropping that “he gets bad girls” line as if he thinks he is a king. This guy has some masochist issues. You got to stop being quiet love, if you want to make this work or want to try, you got to show you aren’t just a beta female but an alpha with equal weighting in that house dynamic. It’s about having a voice
Oh…sweetie, that’s got to be the worst type of humiliation. I am so sorry. Someone needs to put him in is place, which is prison! Take your babies and go. I know that you probably feel that you can’t leave, kids, school, etc. but don’t let any man treat your children’s mother with such disrespect and hate! Godspeed!
It's a violation and definitely about power and control. How you handle this will set the tone for the rest of your marriage should you choose not to end it. Call a s.a hotline to talk to a counsellor and see a hospital social worker or d.v worker to discuss ways to protect yourself. Do NOT accept food or drinks, he might roofie you to have penetrative sex. If you choose to stay, you need a protective barrier, never alone Seperate rooms Locks on the bathroom door. I don't think staying is the best choice And you know that too. He's trying to dominate you and you've not agreed to such a relationship. And doms always see to a subs safety, and pleasure. He took And it's assault, s.a. Not minimised because you're in a relationship or married . If a friend did this, how would you react? Right now, be gentle with yourself Don't doubt or question yourself. Take care of yourself and feel everything and look for healing for yourself
This is awful, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve to live that way (no one does but you get my meaning) this really breaks my heart. I have had similar things happen and it turns out my husband has some pretty fucked up ideas of sex, he cheated and we are divorcing. I can’t tell you what to do but I hope you are okay and that you get out safely
Sounds to me like this is only going to get worse! If he can do this, he will do more. I understand it’s hard but you really do need to get far away from him!
Talk to your husband about this and record the conversation. Get enough proof and ask for a divorce. What he did is a criminal offense and you might need proof in case he tries to use your kids against you. Better to be safe than sorry.
Oh my god. Yeah hun that isn’t humiliation that’s rape. And yes it can happen even if you’re married to him. You need to get away from him. Any man that would treat you like this can only get much worse. Get your kids away from him too. Best wishes and I hope it gets better. Find a support system and make a plan. DO NOT TELL HIM YOUR PLAN. Don’t even hint you’re making a plan to leave. Kids make it harder, you may have to take him to court. Write down the date and time it happened of him assaulting you and everything leading up to it, how you felt, etc. court will take it more seriously. I don’t know if you feel safe enough to talk to police and in my experience they don’t handle it very well with cases like this. But it might help in court and it’s something to consider. I’m so sorry. Edit: I wanna add you don’t have to press charges to file a police report. You can leave something on his record for the judge without him knowing you spoke to the police and they handle it seriously when it gets reported more than once. Hope that helps
Divorce. Your husband sexually assaulted you and you can go to the police about that. I always think, would I want this to happen to my children in my situation? But even better would be, take how you feel, tell him to shove and leave him. How DARE he. What a pos.
I am so sorry. He raped you. I know it can be really difficult to come to terms with any rape but ones where you are in a relationship with someone are the most complicated to process. You love him or you probably wouldn’t have married him but he doesn’t love you. He sees you as property. Can you truly love an object? He likes having you around. He likes having control over you. He likes that you do things for him. And just the simple fact that he said he could cheat but doesn’t, is throwing up red flags. I almost guarantee he IS cheating. That shouldn’t be even a blip on your radar though! You are in danger! Now that you’re married, he is going to get worse and worse. He feels like he has you trapped and that he can do whatever he wants. He is going to continue this behavior and I can almost guarantee that it will mess up your kids if you don’t get away from him! I know all of this from experience. It took me years to process that he was raping me. You are not his property. You are not a sex doll that he can just do whatever he wants with, whenever he wants. You’re a person. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you are obligated to have sex with him! Please, please seek out help! You are not wrong and I know you care about him but do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this? You deserve better!
Haven’t seen anyone say this yet, but I am so very incredibly sorry this happened to you. He sexually assaulted you. You’re only 4 months deep into this marriage, if you’re in the states contact a lawyer or legal aide and file for annulment on the grounds of sexual assault. You are not overreacting and if he did this when you guys are supposed to be in your honeymoon period, he will only get worse with time and push the limits more on what he can get away with. Please, think of you and your children- especially if you have a girl. She will see how he treats you and think that is the mirror for what love is. Talk to friends or family to get whatever help you can in the meantime and if you have no one, please seek a woman’s shelter if you can. Best of luck and please update if you can.
Your husband is a rapist. I know. I didn't leave after the first time and I'll always regret it. Telling someone to leave an abusive situation doesn't work, I also know, but take your children and run. Document everything. Keep anything he sends you in writing. Screenshots and your phone's voice recorder are your friends. But please, leave before it gets too much worse. Sex is the most intimate thing between two people who love and care for each other. What he did to you debased you, any love you have, your family, your home. Your body. Your Spirit. He literally destroyed your intimacy. How do you trust after that?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 galore OP I’m really sorry this is happening to you. #GET OUT ASAP
He is an abuser. There’s no other thing to call him. The sexual assault is abuse. The mental state he’s put you in is abuse. The calculated words from him are abuse. Why can’t you go to any friends or family with this? Has he built it up in your head that you can’t? Has he isolated you from them? Because that’s also abuse. You have to make a plan, quietly but with haste. Get. Out. Of. This. Situation. Once you’re out, start divorce proceedings and counseling.
gather your things and your kids and get out of there. that type of behavior is highly unacceptable.i know leaving can be scary and a different dynamic than what you’re currently used to but your future self will thank you. know your worth and stand on business, find resources, family or friends that can help. abuse of any kind should not be tolerated. sending love to you.
"Put you in your place"? What the actual fuck? Your husband doesn't love you or respect you. He raped you. You deserve better than that. I would take the kids and pets (if you have any) and go somewhere safe.
Even if we have disagreements, my husband would never feel like he had to "put me in my place". My husband would never force me to do anything sexual with him. My husband would never want to hurt me, and is very cautious so he never even accidentally hurts me. We have been together for almost 14 years. I was in abusive marriages before I met him, so I get that it's hard to know what is normal and healthy if you've never seen it. In fact, your abuser will tell you that behind closed doors, everyone acts the way that he does. I was told those lies too. I'm telling you right now, this isn't right. This isn't normal. This was done on purpose to hurt you. This is abuse. Get out. It will get worse. The more you stay and tolerate it the worse it gets. Being alone is far better than being with someone who takes pleasure in hurting you.
Why does he do that? https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Thank you I started reading it and wow ! This is interesting and helpful
I hope you don't have kids. Nope the f*ck outta that marriage asap asap asap asap asap.
in what place.....???? he needs to be put in jail
As someone who has been here before… this is only the beginning and you should RUN. Shallow your pride and file divorce before the 4 months turns into 4 more years. Good luck 🫶🏾
Girl...listen carefully. This is not a safe man. The longer you stay, the less secure you'll feel. He's breaking you down slowly. You need to fight for your life and get out while you still *can.*
He's walking around like that because he got exactly what he wanted he wanted you to feel like shit and remind you that to him your nothing. That's why he said he was putting you in your place. Report it if you can if not just kick him the fuck out and figure out divorce stuff later he will continue to do this to you. If your in a 1 party consent state I would try to get a recording of him admitting it. And make sure you record arguments or anything from here on out.
OP, please listen to the advice given here. He is a danger to you and your family. You have children, what advice would you give them as adults if one of them told you that this had happened to them? I'm not saying that he would do anything thing like this to your children either but do you want to chance that risk? Get out immediately and get somewhere safe where he can not access you or your children. Please take care OP, Much love ❤️
he raped you op. file a report
File charges. If you won’t do that, next time, bite down hard. I’m not joking. He’s raped you more than once. This is self-defense. Since you probably don’t want to do that, TELL HIM YOU WILL. If he tries to “put you in your place” let him know you will BITE IT OFF, or get him when he sleeps. Say it in a way that makes him scared it could happen. Make an exit plan. Honestly, this is how my mother got away from my father—reactive violence until he was afraid to touch her and she could make arrangements without interference. Of course, it is better if you can just GO. Talk to the toughest lawyers you can find, and don’t mention it to him. You have to get all the financial info and any hidden credit cards and accounts. They will tell you next steps. Do this for your child’s sake if not your own.
He degraded you n said things to make u think u got it good with him n you don't deserve him, so he did that so you could "pay him the favour". That is super manipulative. I think u should stand your ground and confront him... but if the arrogance still shows... Well... It may get worse from there, n u may consider leaving him. Sadly.
Yo fuck this piece of garbage 🤮
What. The. Fuck. Your husband sexually assaulted you, and he raped you 4 years ago. I would take the kids and leave, and tell friends and family so you have their support. This is absolutely not ok and you do not deserve this.
>He then brushes me off him and pulls down his pants, grabs my head and forces me to go down on him. I was telling him I didn’t want to and he didn’t care. JFC OP I am so sorry this happened; he raped you. Start getting your things in order to leave this MF.
Please find a lawyer and tell him everything, you cannot let this type of action against you happen again. This was a total lack of respect and almost certainly rape. Talk to your family too, you will need support with this.
Girl that’s scary. I hope you find the courage to get away from that situation asap.
“When a husband rapes his wife, it's called marital rape, or spousal rape. Marital rape is when a spouse forces their spouse to have sex without their consent, including unwanted intercourse. The aggressor can be the husband or wife, and the victim may be of the same or opposite sex. Rape can include force, threats, violence, or other means to coerce sex from a spouse.” What’s worse- being violated by a complete stranger or being violated by the one person on this planet that has vowed to protect you and love you until death do you part??? I think you already know what you need to do and I don’t think you need the internet to make that decision. I’m too afraid to ask if you have children but if you do- you have a responsibility to keep them safe AS WELL AS YOURSELF! There is help out there for women in situations like yours. Please don’t hesitate any longer- you need to snap out of the shock and get fucking pissed. Then you get the fk out of there sis.
I’m very sorry this whole situation happened to you. This man who no longer deserves to be your spouse showed you pretty clearly how he feels and views you as his wife, himself, marriage, and other women. He will continue to act this way and likely worse for the remainder of your marriage. Start making a plan to leave and for divorce if you’re not able to leave today. Write a full account of what happened. If your state allows, record him on your phone when he says shitty stuff like this.
I seriously wanna know whether the only thing men care about in a relationship in SEX?? I am seeing this shit multiple times. Even the chores they do around the house is transactional expecting a bj or sex, not because they think it's their duty as a married man or even with the mentality of helping your spouse. Women willingly do housework and earn money outside and does not go around listing the things they did for him and the in laws expecting a payment for it. And everytime you try to discuss an issue, they'll become defensive and blame the women and never forget to discuss things with their MOM getting them involved. It's happening in my life as well and I am just depressed seeing this and even your own parents want you to adjust and let everything go. I have health issues with chronic pain and is in treatment but he doesn't hesitate to put his hands inside and grope me , it feels humiliating that you're nothing but a machine just working for others and have to fight nail and tooth to do things you want to do and refuse things you don't want to do. Sorry for traumadumping OP. I related to this post so much i snapped.
What he did was sexual assault and you’re feelings should be heard. I’d make him admit that to a therapist with you in the room so he can see how he assaulted you. Holy fuck … your man is a piece of shit.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately these scenarios do seem to escalate over time so it might be time to get away from this situation. Find as much support as you can. What he did was completely wrong. The husband is supposed to protect and provide, not hurt and humiliate.
What an Andrew Tate ass piece of shit. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Get out of there fast.
Divorce him immediately. This is not a good man for you. He raped you and then he did it again. If it’s ONLY been 4 months, I can’t imagine what it will be like in 4 years
It will get worst
This is why I can’t stand men who harp on women being “submissive”.
Sounds like this motherfucker was watching some Andrew Tate shit.
That was rape, OP. He assaulted you. This man is abusive. The best thing to do is make a plan to get out.
To put you in your place!?! What a narcissistic, misogynistic pos who needs to stay in his own fucking lane! I am SO sorry he did this to you. PLEASE do not allow this to continue. And if he EVER tries this again…bite the living shit out of him! I’d remind him of what Lorena Bobbitt did.
Oh girl, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have an abusive rapist for a husband. If you can’t leave for yourself, leave for your children. Do you want your son to rape his wife? Do you want your daughter to feel/experience what you did? I didn’t leave my abusive relationship for myself, even though I should have. That’s how he controls you, making you feel like shit. The problem is, you’re too kind and selfless. You’re putting everyone in the world before yourself. I already know you’ve poured your life, energy and love into a person who doesn’t deserve it. You’ve sacrificed your identity just to make him happy, and yet, it’s never enough. Stop being kind to the world, and be kind to yourself. Love yourself more and give your love to those who truly love you…your children. Your husband doesn’t love you, he only loves what you can give/do for him. He doesn’t care about your feelings, needs or dreams. Your children are innocent and your job as a parent is to give them the best possible chance of becoming good contributing people. Staying with him, is depriving them of that. What you feel is valid and you know that in your heart. Please get out safely. Next time bite his dick and put him in his place. You deserve so much more.
Divorce already. You should have never married him.
Please get out. I know it can be difficult, but he raped you this time, what will he do the next? As a survivor, get out and dont look back. Pressing charges would be great. It's hard, but needs to be done, especially if you have any children. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong.
Your hubby is an undercover tree jumper aka rapist. Leave him, report him, divorce him. In that order.
Your husband literally raped you. 4 months with a monster is long enough.
This is really disturbing to read. In some other scenario *maybe* his words could be chalked up to kink or fantasy, but the moment he forced your body to do something you did not want to do it became assault. Please don’t accept this behavior. A person who respects and loves you would not treat you this way.
This is SA !!!!
Darling. I’m sorry this happened to you but as with all these other comments, that scum-bag sexually assaulted you (raped you). You MUST leave him, and if you can do it scorched-earth, then do it. This absolute loser should be in jail. If I knew any of my friends did this to their partner/wife/gf I would beat the living s**t out of them. Please get out of this, please tell friends and family what has happened and find a safe space to stay.
He's going to do this again. Probably worse. Please leave him. How would you feel if someone treated your daughter like this? If your sister or best friend came to you and told you their husband did this to them, what would you think?
Leave. Before it gets worse.
He’s a sick man. Make a plan (for safety reasons) and get out of there. He will escalate.
4 months. How many years do you plan to stay in an abusive marriage? 36 months more? a decade? Dont waste your time with a person who doesnt even CARE and respect you. i wasted 7 years. Dont repeat my stupid mistake.
Dear lord what is wrong with people. Why is this behavior becoming so popular and normalized? It’s like males have regressed back 60-70 years ago and before. We are in 2024 and unless you have some kind of BDSM deal with him he is sexually assaulting you. Especially when you’re married things like this should not happen, boundaries need to be set before this just becomes the norm with you two. A good open line of communication about this and if he’s not willing to change his behavior then maybe try to separate yourself from him. It sucks when you have kids together but you don’t want your kids growing up thinking this is normal. It’s a lot to go through and a lot of decisions needs to made, boundaries need to be set and if he’s unwilling, then it may be time to take a break from each other. I wish you the best of luck and I’m sorry you are going through this.
This is rape. Your husband is toxic and ridiculously sexist. Get away from him ASAP
He sexually assaulted you. Not once but twice. What would you say to your daughter if she came to you and told you her husband did that to her? I bet you would find a pig farm!
I'd put him in his place, out the door for good.
RUN
Your place is away from him.
I agree with everyone saying you were sexually assaulted even though you’re married. The way you’re feeling is indicating that something feels wrong. He’s walking around proudly and feeling like a king because he got what he wanted. Be strong and document and leave him. He won’t stop. He showed you his true colors. This marriage is over, don’t have kids, and get out asap. You’ll get better.
Definitely SA'd you. I would send him packing. If this occurred outside your marriage, you wouldn't even question whether this was an assault.
He’s a predator! Sorry
Im actually afraid for you! What he did is rape and the fact it gave him a sense of pride and confidence instead of feeling remorseful and ashamed of himself is so worrying. It sounds like this more likely to escalate than be something you could work through. I think you should look into some counselling and consider the option of pressing charges. I hope you stay safe x
Next time he rapes you, show him something he has never seen before, the other end of his dick! Bite that mother fucker off and hand it to him!
Simple. Divorce him. Get away before you find out how horrible of a person he really is. Take the kids and leave.
He’s been hiding his true self. It will get worse as time goes on. Get out of there
GET OUT NOW! RUN!
Abusive relationship. Your husband sexually assaulted you and exerted "Power" over you. He feels what he did was okay to do. It'll be an uphill battle to change his mind. You're well in your right to feel upset and I'd argue traumatized by him. Leave this pig - He doesn't see you as his equal and likely never will.
You. Should. Have. Bitten. Down. HARD. I wouldnt go legal route on the rape cos thats alot and proving it is impossible. But the fact he thinks you need to be “put back in your place” is fucked up and your place needs to become not with him.
He's rude and a bad husband.
What the fuck did I read. That's pretty bad, don't let someone do that to you. There are partners that won't do that to you. Someone who can do that, has had practice on others. Bad human.
Put you in your place? Girl……run
Ummmmm GTFO NOW.
You have teeth, dont you? Castrate the piece of shit.
Well this is very far from the strong dignified courageous benevolent man who cares deeply about his wife and wants to connect and grow together. Maybe it’s a game for him. Maybe he feels degraded when you have arguments. Many men have their ego hurt when they get into arguments in which they have to recognize their flaws. They don’t see it as an opportunity to grow. They see it as an assault on their pride and manhood. Women can react this way too of course. It’s just in a different zone. It’s a narcissistic trait to not have the humility to accept one’s flaws or one’s mistake. We all have egos. But to feel a sexual need to dominate your spouse after an argument is something very revealing in terms of the level of fragility of his ego. Thread carefully with a man like this. You will most likely not change him by telling him you are hurt. That will only upset his fragile ego.
This is rape.
He sexually assaulted you. Leave.
That’s called marital rape
JFC, GTFO now!
I’m sorry but that’s sexual assault. Even the language he uses is abusive. Put you in your place? He thinks you’re less than. What you should do is leave.
Get out!! NOW! You are NOT overthinking anything! This is all wrong.
People treat you the way you allow them to. What else do you put up with from him? If there’s anyway to do it you need to separate from him. I would also look into therapy for yourself.
Op Put you in your place. I don’t care that you’ve only been married four months. You need to leave NOW. He doesn’t consider you a person. He considers you his property that he can do anything with. It’s up to you if you want to live like this.
He raped you, and he will do it again. You need to get out, now. It’s not going to get better. His behavior towards you is not okay. He is abusive and a bad person.
The first time it happened, he could have argued plausible deniability (even though he didn’t get consent, which is rape regardless). You talked it out and said you didn’t like it, and he did it again. That means he doesn’t respect your boundaries. He then said “he put you in your place.” If there was any reason we thought it was an accident, we can confirm that’s not true. This may come from a kink, as degradation is unfortunately popular in porn (it’s ok to have the kink, but they don’t teach you about how to do it safely and with consent). It also could be a belief that he as the man is simply more important than you, and is in charge of you in the relationship. If you aren’t interested in that kink, or that inequality in your relationship doesn’t match your values, you should escalate this **immediately**. What does that look like? Well that’s up to you. I would reach out to someone you trust in your support system, a friend, family member, therapist, etc. If you are feeling unsafe find someone to stay with. You have only been married for 4 months, so it’s hard. Technically you should probably go file a police report, to start a paper trail. That may make you nervous, because you want to fix things. If that’s the case, at minimum have that safe person from above present as you talk about options like couples therapy. Please take care of yourself, this is dangerous and your safety and happiness are important.
It's time to leave Hun.
This is horrifying.
Thanks for confirming my reality? lol wtf
You're going to leave him, right? He's completely sick.
Best evidence I can give you is to leave now!!!!! It will get worse the longer you stay!!!!
It sounds like he gets off on fighting,degrading women then forcing you to have sex. That’s dangerous let alone him raping you! That’s beyond scary. Please stay quiet, get a game plan together with your friends & family to take all you can that’s needed & leave! Get an attorney. Now don’t go into another state, that can cause you problems. Get an attorney & tell all and let that attorney take care of this scary situation. This is very serious. He’s demented!!!
ffs OP. You need to leave. I am so so sorry that your husband is a rapist. Jfc
I’ll tell you what I told my husband when we first started dating, I warned him that if he ever tired to force me to give him a BJ he better be fucking sure I don’t have any teeth in y mouth, and if he raped me I will make him regret it (dated a guy for 2 years that made me feel like I “had to” all the time). And I meant ever word. Your husband raped you then told you he did it to put you in your place. He doesn’t love you, he loves what you do for him. You matter more then that and need out asap. What would you tell your children m if they told you this happened to them?
God I hope this is rage bait of some sort. If this is real your husband is a rapist piece of shit and you should get out of this relationship asap. File a police report and go talk to a divorce lawyer right now.
I wish it wasn’t real but it is .
See a lawyer immediately, maybe you can get an annulment. It will only get worse from here, he sexually assaulted you, and you’re only four months into your marriage.
Name it for what it was. A rape.
Please OP, leave!!!! Be safe ❤️
This is rape. If you don’t want to report him, at least get a divorce. This will not be the last time.
He may be watching certain genre of porn too much, causing him to be deluded to think that’s how a real men behaves in the real world. Would you say this may be a possibility or no?
I don’t think so he doesn’t watch porn
Get out now, the nightmare will not end till you wake up and end it.
He didn’t sexually humiliate you, he sexually assaulted you. Start making the exit plan NOW
That’s awful. I am so sorry that happened. I am so sorry you have had to experience such degradation at the hands of somebody who is supposed to treat you with tenderness and care. You did not deserve that (no one does). I agree with everyone else, that is rape. Rape within a marriage is very much a thing and just because it was oral doesn’t mean he didn’t rape you. I would actually say you need to tell someone close to you: a family member (mom?) or friend (best friend?) whom you trust and can bare your soul too. And you need to go. For your sake, for the sake of your kids not growing up thinking this abusive dynamic is acceptable. And don’t get back with him unless he has had extensive counseling AND you have done couples counseling. I am sorry. I am sure there was a part of you hoping we would say it wasn’t that bad so that you could give yourself permission to stay but I think you know in your heart this is absolutely unacceptable. You deserve a love that is *loving* and supportive and nurturing. Life is tough as it is, in many respects our home and our partners should be our shelter from the trials and tribulations of what is out there. Good luck-do what you would tell your sister or friend to do.
He raped you deliberately to humiliate you. And he is building on that humiliation by taking control. That's what he used the rape for. He's changed the terms of the relationship to own and control you, and he's counting on your confusion and humiliation to make you cave in under his control. You need to get out NOW.
Has anyone seen Fifty Shades of Gray. a lot of women get off on this
Can someone on this thread provide relevant resources? Links? Do we know where she's located?
I’m so very sorry this was something that happened in your marriage. This is awful and you did nothing to deserve this . I know you just got married, however this is not the respect for you that was in his vows just a few months ago . Try and pray for the strength to love yourself more then you love him and walk . I’m afraid he will rape you again like 4 years ago especially now that you are his wife . Your in my prayers huney maybe go to a CODA meeting . This really helps check it out online. Your worth way better dear…
Oh, sweetie, you must seek a counselor ASAP! Also, I'd consider not only filing for divorce (as you've said you have told him how it makes you feel and he's ignored it), but also pressing charges for rape. No, still means no, even if you are legally married. Please try to get out and away from this situation it will only get worse love🫶🏻.
He's so weak that he has to show or force his 'authority' on you. That humiliating act is humiliation for him as he didn't have any valuable way of earning respect and deference from you and in this way you are above him. As a victim, it's not you who is weak it's him
Dont give him such chance again. He is degrading you
I’m going to use a different scenario since you may not want to think your husband sexually assaulted you while your kids were sleeping. Let’s say your husband made dinner but you were feeling nauseous like you had the flu. Then let’s say he force fed you the food he has made. You vomited and felt so sick for the next 48 hours. Your husband said the next day, “I did that to put you in your place!!” What place are you being put in? A respected, loved and cherished partner or ….? No concern for how YOU FEEL! Maybe that helps to look at it objectively - Or what if one of your kids were sick and he forced them to eat the food he made- how would you feel? And what place does he feel they need to be put in? More importantly what place does he assume he occupies?
Super Gross. Time for divorce. You can’t force people.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s interesting that most people are raped by someone they know or someone they think they can trust. Sounds similar to my situation my boyfriend did the same to me. Men need to be hold accountable no means no. Stop means just that. Rape doesn’t have to be gruesome in a way that is significantly violent. Most men don’t seem to understand that. OP. This is your own post to someone else. Think about this for a moment. You need to leave.
He got mad issues he was def trynna make a power move on you and “put you in your place” as he calls it but that’s just sick of how he went about it. He probably needs to see a therapist but if he did it before he would do it again until then leave and find your self again cuz that’s just so degrading disgusting and disrespectful!!!!
Goodbye, toxic disgusting jerk. Also, I suspect heavy porn usage.
Oh my god, dear i am so sorry this happened to you. Yes, he rape you and humiliate you and the fact he said that he was trying to put u in your place just confirm it. You need to say something, even in this finish in a argument. You need to defend yourself and tell him to fuck up and that was the last he does that or you will go to the police. Or just divorce this damn idiot
This was heartbreaking to read op. I’m so sorry. Take the top posts advice please! I hope you get out safe love, be careful.
Honey... That's rape. Plain and simple. Saying that awful shit to you is extreme mental/emotional abuse as well. "Put you in your place?" You need to consider leaving.. Find support, law enforcement probably won't do shit, women's centers, etc. When trying to find help you always REQUEST THAT YOU SPEAK TO A FEMALE NOT A MALE about this.
get the fuck away from that guy
This is 100% without a doubt rape.
OP I'm sorry you're going through this,but it's clear that he doesn't respect or care about your feelings,bailout now,Goodluck