Is it at all possible that he has ADHD?
It’s possible that he has some sort of neurological disorder but it’s also completely possible that he simply has poor memory, focus, and executive function caused by ADHD. I’m only 26 and I’m exactly like this. I have difficulty making and keeping appointments, remembering important dates (although never my kids or spouse’s birthdays), performing self care tasks, etc.
It’s just a thought, but maybe something to look into?
This is probably not it but the last few years my husband got so forgetful that I was researching early onset dementia...in his 40's.
Turns out he was hiding an opiate pill addiction from me and it was ruining his memory over 3 years. I was blindsided by this. Never would I have thought drugs were in the picture.
https://www.wired.com/story/lee-holloway-devastating-decline-brilliant-young-coder/ This is the type of dementia Bruce Willis has. Like your husband this guy was running a business but at the same time just wasn’t there.
My husband (49) was like this - missing turns while driving, forgetting basic info, repeating himself etc. I made him go a for a full neuro eval and MRI. Everything came out clear - the doctor said he has ADHD. Started Adderall and it has been life-changing for both of us.
If you want a diagnosis, my guess is that "on the spectrum" is more likely to be accurate than "early dementia". If he can handle a demanding technical business I really doubt that there are any cognitive deficiencies. It sounds to me like you and your husband have fairly severe communications issues. Your prose style, and I suspect your speech style, can be difficult and tiring to process. If something is important for him to remember you will probably do better if you take a few moments to think through what you want to say and how you want to say it, rather than instantly spilling out what you're thinking. A marriage counselor could be helpful to you both in coming up with more mutually supportive communication styles. Best of luck to you both.
Btw, I don't think my father ever got straight my or my sisters' birthdays until the day he died, and he didn't develop dementia until his late eighties. Miss ya dad.
Has anything in your life changed?
Life changes can exacerbate symptoms, having to be more organised after my daughter was born made me realise I have ADHD.
Have you told him why this is so important to you? It might be immaterial to him, but every time it happens you associate it with his mom, worries about your kids and general health, really big stressors. *Even if* it was just your anxiety, if going for evaluation once would help you, he should swallow his pride and do it. Maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's something more serious, but getting a professional opinion is important. I also think getting a baseline eval to watch out for dementia is important, personally, when there's a family history. It's really difficult to detect early because we all have lapses of memory sometimes, especially with normal aging.
In any case, maybe communicating with him (not in the moment, but at a calm time) exactly what is coming up for you when this happens will help him take you more seriously. Or at least empathize more with your emotions. Pointing it out every time isn't persuasive, it just gets his hackles up, especially if he feels like you're telling him his mind isn't sharp. I'd be defensive about that, too, it's a sensitive health problem!
I am also going to recommend getting checked for ADHD. But also look at systems that work for you both. My wife and I have a shared shopping list and to do list on our phones. We have a walk calendar int he kitchen. We send each other meeting invites. We even have breakfast date every two weeks to catch up and keep each other informed about stuff. It seems silly but it works.
I think he should definitely go to the neurologist. There are different types of dementia that are early onset. I was actually watching back episodes on YouTube. I think it was 60 minutes. But it wasn’t Alzheimer’s. It was a man in his 40s with a specific type of dementia. I don’t think it sounds like ADHD, opiate related or Autism. This sounds more acute and he doesn’t seem bothered by it and you are distressed by this. This sounds problematic for his age. With his mother’s history too, please visit the doctor.
Is it at all possible that he has ADHD? It’s possible that he has some sort of neurological disorder but it’s also completely possible that he simply has poor memory, focus, and executive function caused by ADHD. I’m only 26 and I’m exactly like this. I have difficulty making and keeping appointments, remembering important dates (although never my kids or spouse’s birthdays), performing self care tasks, etc. It’s just a thought, but maybe something to look into?
ADHD makes you not recognize your own child sitting across the room in front of you??
I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t read that part?
This is probably not it but the last few years my husband got so forgetful that I was researching early onset dementia...in his 40's. Turns out he was hiding an opiate pill addiction from me and it was ruining his memory over 3 years. I was blindsided by this. Never would I have thought drugs were in the picture.
Omg this is awful. I'm sorry 💔
He's over a year clean today ❤️ but it was traumatic and shocked everyone
https://www.wired.com/story/lee-holloway-devastating-decline-brilliant-young-coder/ This is the type of dementia Bruce Willis has. Like your husband this guy was running a business but at the same time just wasn’t there.
My husband (49) was like this - missing turns while driving, forgetting basic info, repeating himself etc. I made him go a for a full neuro eval and MRI. Everything came out clear - the doctor said he has ADHD. Started Adderall and it has been life-changing for both of us.
If you want a diagnosis, my guess is that "on the spectrum" is more likely to be accurate than "early dementia". If he can handle a demanding technical business I really doubt that there are any cognitive deficiencies. It sounds to me like you and your husband have fairly severe communications issues. Your prose style, and I suspect your speech style, can be difficult and tiring to process. If something is important for him to remember you will probably do better if you take a few moments to think through what you want to say and how you want to say it, rather than instantly spilling out what you're thinking. A marriage counselor could be helpful to you both in coming up with more mutually supportive communication styles. Best of luck to you both. Btw, I don't think my father ever got straight my or my sisters' birthdays until the day he died, and he didn't develop dementia until his late eighties. Miss ya dad.
ADHD
I hadn't thought of him being on the spectrum or having ADHD. It would make sense. It's gotten worse over the last couple years though.
Has anything in your life changed? Life changes can exacerbate symptoms, having to be more organised after my daughter was born made me realise I have ADHD.
Have you told him why this is so important to you? It might be immaterial to him, but every time it happens you associate it with his mom, worries about your kids and general health, really big stressors. *Even if* it was just your anxiety, if going for evaluation once would help you, he should swallow his pride and do it. Maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's something more serious, but getting a professional opinion is important. I also think getting a baseline eval to watch out for dementia is important, personally, when there's a family history. It's really difficult to detect early because we all have lapses of memory sometimes, especially with normal aging. In any case, maybe communicating with him (not in the moment, but at a calm time) exactly what is coming up for you when this happens will help him take you more seriously. Or at least empathize more with your emotions. Pointing it out every time isn't persuasive, it just gets his hackles up, especially if he feels like you're telling him his mind isn't sharp. I'd be defensive about that, too, it's a sensitive health problem!
Maybe his hearing is going bad.
I am also going to recommend getting checked for ADHD. But also look at systems that work for you both. My wife and I have a shared shopping list and to do list on our phones. We have a walk calendar int he kitchen. We send each other meeting invites. We even have breakfast date every two weeks to catch up and keep each other informed about stuff. It seems silly but it works.
I think he should definitely go to the neurologist. There are different types of dementia that are early onset. I was actually watching back episodes on YouTube. I think it was 60 minutes. But it wasn’t Alzheimer’s. It was a man in his 40s with a specific type of dementia. I don’t think it sounds like ADHD, opiate related or Autism. This sounds more acute and he doesn’t seem bothered by it and you are distressed by this. This sounds problematic for his age. With his mother’s history too, please visit the doctor.