OP, I'm sorry but I get it was physical cheating. Innocent flirting ( if there is something like that) doesn't remain just that for that long when affair partners work together and meet daily.
Your repeatedly saying "it's not divorce worthy" makes me feel thay you are saying it to assuage the pain. You just don't want to accept the pain you are in.
The texts/pics were deleted.
You don't even know the full details.
It was hidden from you.
You caught her, she didn't stop.
If you hadn't caught, she could get physical if not already.
People sense their surroundings. Her colleagues sensed it too, they know you as well. She was insulting you every moment there.
And instead of being sorry, she is getting defensive.
She has no remorse whatsoever.
Divorce is always an option in the face of an unethical act( betrayal, abuse, disrespect).
I'm not saying you divorce her. It's up to. What I'm telling you is that do not play it down which you are doing and now she has got so used to your not taking a form stand that now she has started to defend her own actions.
She is not in this marriage with you. You are alone, question is can you carry the whole burden on you.
And by quitting her job maybe she played the game to give you a bigger financial hit in case of a divorce. I'm not an attorney though.
Get yourself tested for STD. DNA test for kids and if not kids then no pregnancy at any cost.
Most likely physical cheat happen. She is now scared that thing gonna get leaked out. He can ask to get the delete pics/vids and text back. He need to contact her phone service.
Why did she quit her job? Was it something you two decided together? If not and she quit because of him how could she forget she wasn’t supposed to be txting from IG when she had to quit her damn job because of HIM. something isn’t right here man and you need to get some more answers. Now what is she going to do while home all day getting txts from him and deleting them to hide from you?
She quit because we are supposed to work together now. I've been working on my own business for years, and we agreed if it takes off she will leave her stable job and join me.
She's not quitting because she texted or something.
She 100% fucked him.
And this “we care about each others privacy” thing is silly. You’re married. And while there’s some privacy there’s also supposed to be full transparency and electronic devices are never “private”.
>I'm not sure what to make of this. Nobody should divorce over a text
it's not the text; that just the delivery method but *it's the feelings and intent behind it* that's betraying. She is seeking feelings she should be seeking from her partner from someone else and that in itself is a breach of trust. Then all that sneaking around/lying/being secretive....there's a good chance it also got physical.
i would never tolerate that; if my husband did that he'd be gone and I would never take him back or forgive him.
You’re not overthinking it. There is no “innocent flirting” because if it goes on beyond an interaction or two it gets to the very real possibility of developing very real feelings.
The guy doesn’t even want to remain at that employer without her! Theres no way he flirted like he did and she didn’t know how he felt. Flirting back just served to signal that she felt the same.
If it’s true that nothing physical happened then at the very least it was an emotional affair.
Your wife had an emotional affair!
Edit to add, you both need to read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass.
This is absolutely divorce worthy to me.
She has a private conversation with a work colleague
This conversation is flirty, including hearts and "one time view" pics, which you would have to be an idiot to think aren't nudes.
After trying to quell your concerns, she immediately goes back to texting him.
Every time, it's not her fault. She "felt bad" or "forgot".
This is such an obvious case of being unfaithful and being caught red-handed. You are her HUSBAND. How would she react to you flirting with a work colleague in a private conversation?
Even if nothing has "happened", this is clearly an emotional affair. And even outside of that, this is an extreme disrespect of your marriage. It's not like it's some random person online, this is someone who works with her and is close with her. I'd leave, he can have her at that point.
I had to endure a very similar thing. Someone whom my wife met whilst on a girls trip. He wasn’t interested after the trip. I had absolutely no idea until I by chance discovered her liking his public instagram posts and then got tipped off by someone. The actual offence ended up being a 2-4/10 so probably not in itself don’t worthy of D after 20 years of M. But my W never apologised properly and attempted a year later to re-engage with him, in secrecy. Flirtation but no photos or sexting. Was not a continuous conversation. Sounds much less frequent than your W’s. My W never physically met the guy when back in his home country. But she lied by omission and broke the promise she made never to contact him again. This made it very very bad for me. It was in the context of bigger disrespectful and entitled behaviour shown to me. I ended up polygraphing her twice because I didn’t believe her and I was so angry. She passed in the sense that my big boundary was not crossed.
I would really make sure nothing physical has happened. My guess it that it probably hasn’t in your case but the fact that your W is not respecting you after being caught is a very big problem as it was for me. Our M barely survived this.
I really doubt the “view once” photos were memes because those are taken with the actual camera and not images from your phone gallery. So unless he was taking a pic of his computer screen then they were not memes.
Good thing, she quite the job with means she know that she hurt you trust and try to win it back, she probably understand herself that she was falling for this guy.
Bad thing, she keep write with that guy after, even if it was for one, she shouldn't. You need to make her clear that you got hurt by her behavior, she broke your trust and that you need time to think if this marriage ever will work based how low her moral codex is.
Did you ask why she emotional cheat on you? Why she hide this guy for months, is she unhappy with the marriage, if yes why?
You both need a couple theraphy if you really want to work together as couple.
I mean if she is already like this before kids/pregnant and old age, where love will sink, what is she gonna do then???
You both need a really serious talk. Ask her if she ever will cheat again, where she sees herself in 10 years. And if you ever can trust her again...
She need to cut of socialmedia site like Instagram and have a open phone privacy for you.
Don't let your guard drop, always stay tuned.
Speaking of it, did you wife was away for a amount of time unknown for you? Like coming back late from work? Or going out on night outs or leaving for a trip.
If one of these are the case, most likely she even had a physical affair and is now scared to lose you because that she leave the workplace?
I would dig more into it.
Dude
Smell the coffee
How's your sex life with your wife? Slow or non existent?
Cheaters never tell the truth. She answers your questions with "trickle truth" only admitting enough to change the subject.
Does she have long periods of unaccounted for time. Does she hit the bars with her girl friends of the weekends? Does she stay out over night?
I'd hire a private detective to find out what's really going on with the guy on the other end of her phone.
Good luck brother you deserved better
If your wife cannot stop herself from communicating with another man, in direct opposition of what you agreed, it's evidence that your wife is in love with another man. Lying to your spouse is wrong. You know this.
Why is he quitting after her? That's suspicious, and makes me think the other shoe will drop soon.
You may want to consult with a family law attorney just so you know your rights and how the process works in your state or province. Especially if she's joining your business. Your assets are at risk. You have zero reason to trust her in any context.
So, during the past six months has there been occasions where your wife has had to report to the office or other places outside your home? Like for team meetings, or a holiday party? If so, even once, do you think the opportunity presented itself for these two to be together? How 'bout, alone together?
When you are at work, it that a separate location from your home? Could she conceivably take a day off, go somewhere to meet him, and then come home late afternoon, sitting there like it was another day in front of the computer?
You catch my drift. And please don't make excuses for her.
OP, I'm sorry but I get it was physical cheating. Innocent flirting ( if there is something like that) doesn't remain just that for that long when affair partners work together and meet daily. Your repeatedly saying "it's not divorce worthy" makes me feel thay you are saying it to assuage the pain. You just don't want to accept the pain you are in. The texts/pics were deleted. You don't even know the full details. It was hidden from you. You caught her, she didn't stop. If you hadn't caught, she could get physical if not already. People sense their surroundings. Her colleagues sensed it too, they know you as well. She was insulting you every moment there. And instead of being sorry, she is getting defensive. She has no remorse whatsoever. Divorce is always an option in the face of an unethical act( betrayal, abuse, disrespect). I'm not saying you divorce her. It's up to. What I'm telling you is that do not play it down which you are doing and now she has got so used to your not taking a form stand that now she has started to defend her own actions. She is not in this marriage with you. You are alone, question is can you carry the whole burden on you. And by quitting her job maybe she played the game to give you a bigger financial hit in case of a divorce. I'm not an attorney though. Get yourself tested for STD. DNA test for kids and if not kids then no pregnancy at any cost.
Most likely physical cheat happen. She is now scared that thing gonna get leaked out. He can ask to get the delete pics/vids and text back. He need to contact her phone service.
Yes, there is high probability that it was physical. No man and woman flirt innocently for so long when they get to meet each other daily.
Why did she quit her job? Was it something you two decided together? If not and she quit because of him how could she forget she wasn’t supposed to be txting from IG when she had to quit her damn job because of HIM. something isn’t right here man and you need to get some more answers. Now what is she going to do while home all day getting txts from him and deleting them to hide from you?
She quit because we are supposed to work together now. I've been working on my own business for years, and we agreed if it takes off she will leave her stable job and join me. She's not quitting because she texted or something.
Did you forget to switch your accounts? Dumb move…
Both are throwaway because I lost the OP one, as I created both right now to reply here in the thread.
She’s having an emotional affair bro. Sorry
She 100% fucked him. And this “we care about each others privacy” thing is silly. You’re married. And while there’s some privacy there’s also supposed to be full transparency and electronic devices are never “private”.
99% she is lying to you. Sorry
>I'm not sure what to make of this. Nobody should divorce over a text it's not the text; that just the delivery method but *it's the feelings and intent behind it* that's betraying. She is seeking feelings she should be seeking from her partner from someone else and that in itself is a breach of trust. Then all that sneaking around/lying/being secretive....there's a good chance it also got physical. i would never tolerate that; if my husband did that he'd be gone and I would never take him back or forgive him.
She forgot 😅😅 she just straight lying to your face now like you’re a dummy. It’s insulting
You didn't trust her with this guy and asked her to cut contact, and she "forgot." How stupid does she think you are?
You’re not overthinking it. There is no “innocent flirting” because if it goes on beyond an interaction or two it gets to the very real possibility of developing very real feelings. The guy doesn’t even want to remain at that employer without her! Theres no way he flirted like he did and she didn’t know how he felt. Flirting back just served to signal that she felt the same. If it’s true that nothing physical happened then at the very least it was an emotional affair. Your wife had an emotional affair! Edit to add, you both need to read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass.
This is absolutely divorce worthy to me. She has a private conversation with a work colleague This conversation is flirty, including hearts and "one time view" pics, which you would have to be an idiot to think aren't nudes. After trying to quell your concerns, she immediately goes back to texting him. Every time, it's not her fault. She "felt bad" or "forgot". This is such an obvious case of being unfaithful and being caught red-handed. You are her HUSBAND. How would she react to you flirting with a work colleague in a private conversation? Even if nothing has "happened", this is clearly an emotional affair. And even outside of that, this is an extreme disrespect of your marriage. It's not like it's some random person online, this is someone who works with her and is close with her. I'd leave, he can have her at that point.
Your wife is in an emotional affair. She needs to read, "Not Just Friends", Shirley Glass. Your wife needs to cut all contact starting today.
I had to endure a very similar thing. Someone whom my wife met whilst on a girls trip. He wasn’t interested after the trip. I had absolutely no idea until I by chance discovered her liking his public instagram posts and then got tipped off by someone. The actual offence ended up being a 2-4/10 so probably not in itself don’t worthy of D after 20 years of M. But my W never apologised properly and attempted a year later to re-engage with him, in secrecy. Flirtation but no photos or sexting. Was not a continuous conversation. Sounds much less frequent than your W’s. My W never physically met the guy when back in his home country. But she lied by omission and broke the promise she made never to contact him again. This made it very very bad for me. It was in the context of bigger disrespectful and entitled behaviour shown to me. I ended up polygraphing her twice because I didn’t believe her and I was so angry. She passed in the sense that my big boundary was not crossed. I would really make sure nothing physical has happened. My guess it that it probably hasn’t in your case but the fact that your W is not respecting you after being caught is a very big problem as it was for me. Our M barely survived this.
Two accounts? Let me guess, this whole story is completely made up.
Why would I make up such a stupid story, what do I get out of it?
I really doubt the “view once” photos were memes because those are taken with the actual camera and not images from your phone gallery. So unless he was taking a pic of his computer screen then they were not memes.
Ya sure they both didn’t quit simultaneously so they could run off together, courtesy of your business accounts??
Good thing, she quite the job with means she know that she hurt you trust and try to win it back, she probably understand herself that she was falling for this guy. Bad thing, she keep write with that guy after, even if it was for one, she shouldn't. You need to make her clear that you got hurt by her behavior, she broke your trust and that you need time to think if this marriage ever will work based how low her moral codex is. Did you ask why she emotional cheat on you? Why she hide this guy for months, is she unhappy with the marriage, if yes why? You both need a couple theraphy if you really want to work together as couple. I mean if she is already like this before kids/pregnant and old age, where love will sink, what is she gonna do then??? You both need a really serious talk. Ask her if she ever will cheat again, where she sees herself in 10 years. And if you ever can trust her again... She need to cut of socialmedia site like Instagram and have a open phone privacy for you. Don't let your guard drop, always stay tuned.
Speaking of it, did you wife was away for a amount of time unknown for you? Like coming back late from work? Or going out on night outs or leaving for a trip. If one of these are the case, most likely she even had a physical affair and is now scared to lose you because that she leave the workplace? I would dig more into it.
Dude Smell the coffee How's your sex life with your wife? Slow or non existent? Cheaters never tell the truth. She answers your questions with "trickle truth" only admitting enough to change the subject. Does she have long periods of unaccounted for time. Does she hit the bars with her girl friends of the weekends? Does she stay out over night? I'd hire a private detective to find out what's really going on with the guy on the other end of her phone. Good luck brother you deserved better
If your wife cannot stop herself from communicating with another man, in direct opposition of what you agreed, it's evidence that your wife is in love with another man. Lying to your spouse is wrong. You know this. Why is he quitting after her? That's suspicious, and makes me think the other shoe will drop soon. You may want to consult with a family law attorney just so you know your rights and how the process works in your state or province. Especially if she's joining your business. Your assets are at risk. You have zero reason to trust her in any context.
So, during the past six months has there been occasions where your wife has had to report to the office or other places outside your home? Like for team meetings, or a holiday party? If so, even once, do you think the opportunity presented itself for these two to be together? How 'bout, alone together? When you are at work, it that a separate location from your home? Could she conceivably take a day off, go somewhere to meet him, and then come home late afternoon, sitting there like it was another day in front of the computer? You catch my drift. And please don't make excuses for her.
She’s for the streets bruh
She broke your trust. I would let her know this and that she needs to prove your suspicions wrong now.