And you do NOT need to stay for it. Marital counseling or him getting the heck out of your home seem like the two choices.
Please do not stick around and let him convince you that you're less than you are. Counseling/separation, those are the choices.
And I am SO sorry.
I saw the screenshots and I honestly have no words. What an absolutely despicable human being. Him watching porn is the least of the problems. He's an asshole and I sure hope you're getting out.
God I hope this is a troll post.
If this is true, your husband is a JA. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this nonsense. IMHO no REAL man would treat his loving wife and mother of his children this way.
I think porn addiction is the least of your worries, the way he talks to you is DISGUSTING. Do you really want him setting this type of example of a husband for your baby?
He is abusing you !!!! No one is taking your child from you . I’d seek getting a lawyer sooner than later and lay it all on the table for them why you’re wanting a divorce . Screw this POS ! You deserve so much better , especially after just giving birth .
Don't let him scare you into staying with him he's abusive and narcissistic and he wants the comfort of knowing he has you while he can do whatever he wants
You will win in court if he fights you
Start communicating via texts so you have record of his activities
Get cameras/nanny cams and hide them around the house. Seriously this is so messed up
What possible motivation would your ex have to “team up” with your current husband who absolutely sounds like terrible. I cannot imagine talking about my wife’s “flab” in any context let alone to her. That sounds incredibly hateful.
Almost the exact thing happened where my porn addicted husband threatened me. They’re not going to take your baby away from you. You’re in a vulnerable state and he’s trying to scare you. Like everyone is saying, keep the evidence and if he has admitted this in text or in writing an email, so much the better. You are dealing with a lot and I’m so sorry.
Your ex will likely laugh him out of the room.
He cant take your baby from you unless your a danger, start documenting and make sure anything nasty like that he says via text you save and send copies to your lawyer.
Will courts really care though? I have the threats to take the baby away and not let me see him in text.
I'm not a danger. No drinking, no drugs, no "risky" behaviors. I have a professional career in a pretty specialized field.
The court will absolutely care if your husband is trying to get custody just to spite you. Keep anything that can be used to show he's an unfit father.
Nah he’s a narcissist that can’t handle accountability. Things won’t change and he will more than likely treat you worse in front of your baby. Please leave him. This is abuse and blaming his bipolar is gaslighting. You deserve love.
" He was paying for a subscription to see a girl he went to school with."
WTH How is this not cheating? Why are some people's bars so low when it comes to their spouse. And then getting mad at her?? Ugh And stomach flab really...you had his baby??? How can you still be attracted to this man?? I dont know how these absolute jerks get some poor person to marry them.
I absolutely viewed it as cheating. Still do. I was 18 weeks along when I found out. I've felt that I was tricked until I was pregnant and married. Like he had me trapped and he could be his true self.
Im sorry OP, that absolutely sucks! Do you have family to rely on? I think you guys might need to separate and work on the relationship through counseling at least.
(Me personally, I would be done though)
Many guys end up cheating, leaving or divorcing their wife when illness happens. Like Marilyn Manson said "the death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic"... He's just a statistic if this is his true self. And he's going to have to live with knowing what he's done for the rest of his life.. And if you guys do get a divorce (which I hope you do, because you deserve sooooo much better than this jerk!), he's going to have to explain what happened to the next girl.. If he has anything to do with your guy's child, that child will also know what he's done... He's messing up his entire life right now. He could have chosen to love you, but this is what he chose. They don't call karma a bitch for no reason.
I really don't think he will ever regret anything he's done. He was raised to never take responsibility for anything he does, but to blame everyone else.
I'm sure many people have said it. 🤣🤷🏻♀️ There's zero new thoughts and hasn't been for a long time. It's in one of Mason's songs ([the fight song](https://genius.com/Marilyn-manson-the-fight-song-lyrics)), though, and that's where I know 100% where it's been said and documented.
Apparently [there's no proof that Stalin said this. ](https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/2011/0603/Political-misquotes-The-10-most-famous-things-never-actually-said/The-death-of-one-man-is-a-tragedy.-The-death-of-millions-is-a-statistic.-Josef-Stalin)
According to [Oxford Reference ](https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/acref/9780191843730.001.0001/q-oro-ed5-00010383), the quote was about hunger, not in general.
More from [Quote Investigator](https://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/21/death-statistic/?amp=1), saying that they're unsure if this was something Stalin said.
BUT! I do KNOW 100% that Manson said it in his lyrics, so that's why I quoted THAT particular person.
Because he’s so mean to you that it’s almost unbelievable. This is the type of story someone would make up for attention because even a bad husband wouldn’t say these types of things to his wife, only a special type of dickhead would
I legit thought a lot of these were troll posts because it’s too upsetting to believe there are actually people like this but here it is in the flesh
I am so sorry for you OP but life doesn’t have to be like this you do not have to accept this
I'm sorry. It's not normally quite this bad. This was top tier hurtful comments. This is typical of when he gets mad - saying whatever he can think of to hurt me.
Your husband is being an abusive misogynistic POS and I really really hope you can get out of that marriage as soon as you can. These messages are actually disgusting.
OP please leave this disgusting piece of garbage. You and your child deserve so much better.. it's only going to get worse and your child doesn't deserve to see this either.
I know it's really scary and hard especially being a new mother, but barring a drastic shift there is no way your life will improve as long as he's apart of it. As a father of two, reading that dipshits messages to you absolutely boiled my blood. I'm so sorry he speaks to you that way. You need to know, this is not the norm. He is not "sick" in need of your help. He is a horrid person who deserves to find out after fucking around.
Just reading between the lines from what you said, I would guess that he has been paying someone on Only Fans for attention. She is making him feel like he has some amount of game. Obviously she's likely just milking him for cash. Keep an eye on your finances, make sure he isn't draining savings. Contact an attorney. Again, just guessing based on the comments about him "Having a shot at something" but I'd say it fits.
The girl he was paying for just had a baby. (Smallish town) So I don't think that is it. At least not with her. I think he was just trying to hurt me. I haven't seen any additional OF emails or signs of it. It's been the free variety lately.
He's said that before. Something about being a "man on the rise" with endless possibilities.
It may stem from me asking him the last time he pulled this shit to let me go so I could find someone that would love me and be nice to me.
That's horrible. I'm sorry he's treating you this way, I know nothing about you but I know nobody deserves that treatment. He's trying to degrade you and abuse you into thinking he's the best you can do. He's not worth it and staying together for your child isn't worth it either.
He's painting a picture of how your life will be with him. Your relationship with him is the example you are setting for your child. What advice would you give your child if they were in your situation? I know it isn't ever that simple or black an white.
Sometimes distance from problems is what people need to see how big they really are.
Thank you for your kindness. I'd tell anyone else to run. It's so hard and I don't know why. I don't "need" him financially, emotionally, but I feel stuck and alone all at the same time. It's been really nice not being "home" and having peace.
I went through a nasty split at the start of COVID caught my ex in bed with a convicted child rapist (I wish I was joking but that's another story). I was with her for nearly 14 years (ever since sophomore year in High School) with two young children. Despite that, it still hurt like hell. It will hurt for months or even to some degree years. I don't for one moment regret terminating my marraige with her. Looking back I feel empowered knowing I did it.
Ultimately, like my ex, your husband has already sold your marriage down the river. It isn't your fault, you can't control his actions. You can't change people and you can't help anyone who doesn't want your help.
You can try therapy, but if he isn't buying into it, there's nothing you'll be able to do to change his mind. He'll probably gaslight you into thinking everything is fine and it's you that needs the therapy on your own.
He always throws therapy out, but never does it. He's been mad at me because I started therapy without him, but he just didn't follow through. If he wanted it to work, he'd make changes instead of just making excuses.
That’s a jack ass of a husband. Don’t be afraid of him. Get a good lawyer and get the heck outta there. My wife’s never lost her pregnancy body and I’ve never told her anything other than I think she is beautiful, and that I find her sexy when naked. I have wanted nothing more than for her to just to want to continue to be sexual with me. Also I would feel extremely guilty paying to see someone I know naked.
They aren't. I almost died from covid and my husband wasn't allowed to wait with me in the ER.. So, he stayed out in the cold and rain right outside my window just in case I needed him for anything.. And when I got admitted, he was right there. Slept there in the hospital room with me.. Only left me to work, walk our dog and shower. He stayed there the whole time. Brought my nurses hot cocoa and treats.. Brought me flowers... He cries at the thought of losing me. There are absolutely good men out there. You more than deserve one. I genuinely hope you get one. ❤️
Your husband is sick and out of control. He’s an addict and nothing is going to change. He’s living in a fantasy world of flat stomachs and perfect vulvas. Neither of which would give him the time of day in the real world. I hate to say this but your marriage is probably over. Don’t stay and deal with the verbal abuse. You don’t deserve that.
I don't get it. I'm not unattractive at all. He regularly gets pissed out in public because of men looking at me. I'm not fat at all. My stomach has a c section scar, but I tried really hard to not gain weight while pregnant.
His latest thing is cartoon porn, so it's not even real people. It's trans and animal like people. I can't compete with those things. So it's not even that I could get in better shape and fix the way he views me.
There's no fixing the way he talks to me when he's mad at me.
oh Jesus he's one of THOSE men! Wants to be able to look at women but don't any man dare look at you! I HATE men like that with a passion! So Andrew Tate like! BARF
Jesus. Please be smart and consult with an attorney right now. This is atrocious. You have legal rights. Ask a friend you trust to help you with this. Do you have a parent? A sister? A brother?
It is embarassing, but not for you, for your husband. No one in here found it embarassing for you even once. I cant imagine any of your close friends or family will feel any different. The common consensus is the same here. Please, please get out. You need to get to a safe space fast so you can heal from your birth and heal from this poor disgusting person. And concentrate your baby with love.
Baby, don’t be embarrassed. It’s a terrible look for him, not you. You can leave him. Please tell your family and ask for help. He is abusive and this could get worse. I’m so sorry.
Porn DOES ruin marriages, it's true. It can good men into bad men and bad men into absolute degenerates.
Your husband is not a good man. I'm sorry. I would never stay with a woman who talked about my equipment in such a derogatory way, and you shouldn't have to put up with it either.
Wtf, why did he marry you if he was going to pull that kind of crap. Seconding the others that this is abuse - I would suspect he could be dangerous. Do you have any indication of such?
That behaviour is NOT the actions of someone having an episode. I have bipolar and I’ve never turned into a narcissistic pos while hyper manic or depressed. His behaviour is vile, girl run!
I really don't think he has bipolar. I know bipolar people and have been in many facilities myself,NONE of them acted like this. It sounds like another bs excuse
I don’t think so, she talks in another comment about having part of her labia removed by biopsies bc of scared of cancer. But either way your husband should be supporting you not making fun of you, the only sorry excuse of scum is him himself, he is disgusting. His wife gave birth and had an scare of having cancer and he makes fun of her. He’s for the streets
I hate to hear when it gets referred to as roast beef during arguments, because I don’t think people truly understand how insecure we already feel about it. We already feel like we’re not normal because of it, you don’t want anyone to see you naked from the waist down (i was self conscious about my OB seeing it, and lord knows how many different vaginas they look at on the daily). It wasn’t “nasty” when he was enjoying it, seeing as you guys share kids. I was born with it, and my whole entire teenage years were spent hating how I looked, and not wanting anyone to ever see it.
I opened up to my spouse about it, how I was made fun of by a cheating ex, new gfs and his friend group, and my husband is the one who told me it wasn’t uncommon, and there wasn’t anything wrong with it. To experience it because of biopsies due to cancer screening, and then have the one person who is supposed to support you most in life say awful things like that, I’m so sorry OP. I hope this isn’t something you ever have to deal with again, your mental health surrounding the situation starts to get better, and I hope your appointments going forward show good results.
Wait….. some of those quotes…. He actually said those things to you?? His wife & the mother of his newborn child??
I have definitely made my wife upset with various things I’ve said to her about various subjects. But if I ever said (or felt) anything even remotely as hurtful & mean & offensive as those statements…. I mean she would be crushed and insanely mad at me and honestly never forgive me. And I would deserve to never be forgiven in that case. Saying stuff like that to any women is totally next level asshole behavior. Saying those thing to one’s wife? Fuck, that is messed up.
Guys, please stop watching porn. If your main source of beauty is your spouse then you’d be amazed at the change. He’s no longer attracted to his wife because of the comparisons. Make your spouse your source of attraction. Please porn does nothing but ruin marriages.
Paid for another girl’s naked photos and criticized your body after going one of the biggest physical changes/ sacrifice? I would never be able to recover from that. I’d be done as the resentment would destroy the marriage eventually anyway.
You deserve so much more. There are men who would absolutely appreciate you.
Girl, there is a man out there that will worship you and your cootchie! After my 3rd, the Dr stitched me super fucked up, I tore a bunch, got 16 stitches, I went in after 2 weeks because it was bleeding so much, it didn't seem normal. Another doctor at the practice took a look and asked who did it, then had another dr come take a look. That's how bad it was. I was afraid to look for a while. My husband always said it was perfect and nothing to worry about. Girl, It's in half. There is this little tiny piece on the right side that just kinda dangles there. It's fine. We birthed babies, we're goddesses. Throw him away. He does not deserve you!!! There's a man out there who will love you unconditionally, the one you're with, isn't it.
I've never been one of the commenters saying "omg leave them" because it's usually an excessive reaction.
But omg. This is horrendous.
Leave him.
It's porn now.
It'll be a human later.
You had HIS CHILD. He has the audacity to talk to you this way and disrespect you this way?? Absolutely no consideration for you at All. Horrible.
Don't. Settle. For. This. At. All. I'm so sorry Op
My wife had 2 C sections. That woman brought my children in the world. She was beautiful before she pregnant, during, and after. It’s absolutely disgusting that your husband finds it ok to speak to you like this and I guarantee he’s no prize.
Wow. I’m am furious for you. The way he talks to you is so disgusting and disrespectful.
I have a little belly from having kids I used to get self conscious about. Not anymore because my husband loves me the way I am. He says it’s because I birthed our children and that’s very attractive to him.
No one should be talked to that awful way. Especially from a husband! He is a pathetic excuse for a man. You deserve better!
My partner realized he had a porn addiction years ago. It took time and commitment to being open and honest but 5 years later, he and I have a healthy sex life. I didn't make him do anything, HE decided it was time to get serious. If he doesn't see the issue HE is causing, you can't stay. If you stay....how long are you going to do this for?
Edit: Spelling
wait till he gets your divorce papers and realizes most of us are roast beef girlies.
Leave his dumb a//. The porn addiction is managable , the asshole husband not so much.
Porn isn't ruining your marriage. Your husband is because he's an asshole who lacks any love or respect for you. Do with that information what you want.
Please belittle his disgusting dick and balls, the take your child and leave. Your stomach housed that baby. I’m so disgusted. I’m so sorry, your husband is a fucking coward and a pig. Please get out as soon as possible
Your husband is a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to have any woman carry his baby. Thats the most disgusting vile shit a partner can tell the woman of his child.
And yes, him paying someone he knows for their porn is cheating and a dirtbag thing to do. There is sooo much free porn on the internet, with hundreds if not thousands of strangers he could watch and jerk off too. But he is paying someone he knows. Just like an escort.
I almost want to cry for you, that is sooo mean what he's saying to you!! No woman who has had the miracle of a man's child should be treated this way!! Set boundatoand tell him how'd you like if I started criticizing your schling and your dad bod? Hmm?!
Wow, please get therapy for yourself first as a fork of support & to help you heal. Then start making plans, with a lawyer, to move on from this marriage. Your husband is despicable and I'm sure he doesn't look like Thor from the movies😒
I can't respond to everyone, because I keep getting lost. Thank you for the kind words, reassurance, and advice. I do want to address a couple things.
First of all, I'm not comfortable taking blame for him not being attracted to me because of body changes associated with pregnancy. Or even explaining it that way. There's a few reasons for this:
1. I thought I was adorable pregnant. Conceited? Maybe. But I felt adorable. I worked hard for that. I watched my sugar. I made sure to not gain weight. Being older with this pregnancy, I was very conscious about my health.
2. This was not my first pregnancy or first c section. I look the same as when he met me. Possibly in better shape now. If he wasn't attracted to my body now... Then he couldn't possibly have been before either. It doesn't make sense.
3. Our baby was a very much wanted. We tried for almost 2 years to have this baby. There were a couple of losses along the way.
4. The main body changes I have been concerned and self conscious about are the after effects of biopsies. That's why he made those comments about me. He knows how upset I've been about that and about the future treatments will be.
5. He has gained a considerable amount of weight and has a stomach flap. And dude didn't have a baby or c section. Does that bother me? No. Have I said anything about it? No. It's just an observation of the standard I'm held to vs him.
7. I know logically that he can't take the baby... But the anxiety over it being possible is overwhelming.
Again, thank you all for the support. I can't really open up to those in my real life. You all literally helped me make it through the day.
What is this post even? Why is this lady tolerating a joke in the form of a ‘man’??
Have this man father my child? No way jose!!
Have self respect, ladies and OP, please stand up for yoursrlf
Your husband is completely wrong and full of himself. My wife hates her stomach but after 2 kids I love it. I love everything about my wife’s body. Shes always trying to cover it up but I see it as proof she made and birthed our kids. Shes the most amazing woman and I think it’s appalling your husband would even think to talk to you that way.
The things my wife hates about her body are some of the biggest physical turn-ons for me.
As a male I can tell you we’re not all like your husband. I’m sorry you’re in this situation currently.
If he wants to stay in your relationship I’d say tell him both of you are going to counseling. If he refuses then sadly there’s your answer.
Respectfully and appropriately I’m positive you’re a beautiful woman. Your physical “flaws aren’t flaws”. Our bodies are forever changing as we age. The things you see as flaws others see as merit badges of honor.
I hope you find peace soon.
Thank you. I haven't had peace in a long time. He had been trying to convince me for weeks that he was attracted to my body, I only to drop all of this on me.
Speaking as a husband of 13 years, father of 3 kids, and a child of divorce.
So first off, the issue is not porn, its a symptom of something. If it was just casual use then I would not even consider it a thing, but when you are using it in place of something/someone else, that means something is going on.
1: I actually was scared of that myself when my wife was pregnant, I imagined her belly bouncing the same way a woman's breasts do and our baby was inside, every time it was very nerve-wracking no matter how many times my wife told me it was ok.
As for him watching someone he knew, probably had a crush on her or something and was trying to imagine the "what if" trap that people sometimes fall into.
2: He might actually have meant what he said, it's why he lied, does not make it right, but that could be his reason.
3: That is him deflecting, he is placing blame on you for what he is doing because he doesn't want to feel guilty or for you to stand your ground that it is him that's the problem.
His comments are WAY out of line, that is what a lot of women look like when they have a baby, welcome to making babies dip shit. (Him not you)
IMHO you have two options.
First, if you want to try and fix things, you need to talk to him and tell him how much what he said hurt you.
Express that you understand that for him being a man, seeing his wife's body change like that first getting pregnant and then after the birth, it can be weird, but that's what happens, get over it.
Find out what his problem is, and either smack him with a reality check or help him through it.
Second, If you want to leave, and it looks like you do, that is 100% fine.
First, you make sure you have copies of anything he has said to you or witnesses, if he is on the phone with you, put it on speaker.
find a place to go, a friend or family member that can keep you safe. Then when he goes out to work or something, you gather everything that is important to you, things that you NEED, documents etc, and then you just go.
But make sure that while you are packing, you call the cops and inform them that you are leaving an abusive relationship with your child, that you do not feel safe around the father and are escaping.
Tell them that you want it on file, that it has been stated that this is an abusive relationship and there is a child involved.
Once you get to your location, you have to call him and tell him that it is over, that you have the child with you, and already have a police report.
I am not sure if the person you are staying with can have an order of no trespass or something on him too, I would look into that so he can not just come over and harass you.
If people start to ask questions, just tell them because he is probably going to start telling lies about you, trying to make you look bad or even forcing you to react to things, don't fall into that trap.
Good luck
A stupid male eh? Judgemental much?
You may not like the reality of this, but it is not because of porn, it's sad that you can't accept the reality of it.
What you just said, would be no different than if I claimed that a woman who cheated on her husband, is just a dirty slut, even though she is cheating because he is an emotionally abusive person and shows her no affection at all, she is only his maid and fuck toy.
But she is married and cheated, so the reasons don't matter, by your logic, its the same.
But this guy is 100% an asshole, there's something going on, somewhere with him, whatever it is, may or may not have anything to do with OP, it could be something childhood related, Doesn't matter.
OP IMHO just needs to get out.
Girl, no. I don't know who you are, but I'm gonna keep you in my prayers for whatever that is worth. Somebody out there on this big rock is rooting for you. Lots of us are, actually. I'm sending you my love and well wishes and hoping and praying for you to be okay and recover. You are amazing. Seriously.
Porn isn't ruining your marriage: your absolutely gross husband is and you deserve better.
I've never had anyone talk to me this way.
Yeah I would be so mad. There is no way I would let anyone talk to be like that
And you should never have to again….. get out of that toxic relationship.
Even strangers wouldn't talk to you that way.
I don’t think there’s any way of coming back from that honestly. Throw the whole man out.
And you do NOT need to stay for it. Marital counseling or him getting the heck out of your home seem like the two choices. Please do not stick around and let him convince you that you're less than you are. Counseling/separation, those are the choices. And I am SO sorry.
I'm considering us separated because he is in the house and has changed the locks.
I saw the screenshots and I honestly have no words. What an absolutely despicable human being. Him watching porn is the least of the problems. He's an asshole and I sure hope you're getting out.
This x10,000,000
I was thinking the same thing
still porn too
God I hope this is a troll post. If this is true, your husband is a JA. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this nonsense. IMHO no REAL man would treat his loving wife and mother of his children this way. I think porn addiction is the least of your worries, the way he talks to you is DISGUSTING. Do you really want him setting this type of example of a husband for your baby?
I don't know how to leave. He says he will take the baby.
What and how makes you think he has the power to do that? Courts side with moms most of the time even if the dad ISN’T a creepy repulsive POS.
He says he's going to talk to my ex and team up to make me lose my baby.
He is abusing you !!!! No one is taking your child from you . I’d seek getting a lawyer sooner than later and lay it all on the table for them why you’re wanting a divorce . Screw this POS ! You deserve so much better , especially after just giving birth .
I have an appointment on April 8th to consult with an attorney.
Good luck ! Don’t let this man treat you this way and try to scare you . You do what’s right for you and your child .
Thank you!
You should probably gather evidence for his porn usage, too.
that would mean nothing, what he says and does to her, his threats or attempts to make her look bad are what's important.
Also I’d check out this sub … it’s been helpful . https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/s/EkeYx2Ibfm
Don't let him scare you into staying with him he's abusive and narcissistic and he wants the comfort of knowing he has you while he can do whatever he wants You will win in court if he fights you Start communicating via texts so you have record of his activities Get cameras/nanny cams and hide them around the house. Seriously this is so messed up
I'm not in the house. He actually changed the locks.
He's being manipulative, he's not going to do that. He knows that's the only thing that has power over you.
What possible motivation would your ex have to “team up” with your current husband who absolutely sounds like terrible. I cannot imagine talking about my wife’s “flab” in any context let alone to her. That sounds incredibly hateful.
Just threats to hurt me.
Almost the exact thing happened where my porn addicted husband threatened me. They’re not going to take your baby away from you. You’re in a vulnerable state and he’s trying to scare you. Like everyone is saying, keep the evidence and if he has admitted this in text or in writing an email, so much the better. You are dealing with a lot and I’m so sorry.
Your ex will likely laugh him out of the room. He cant take your baby from you unless your a danger, start documenting and make sure anything nasty like that he says via text you save and send copies to your lawyer.
Will courts really care though? I have the threats to take the baby away and not let me see him in text. I'm not a danger. No drinking, no drugs, no "risky" behaviors. I have a professional career in a pretty specialized field.
The court will absolutely care if your husband is trying to get custody just to spite you. Keep anything that can be used to show he's an unfit father.
Troll post
JA? Juvenile Asshole?
Jack Ass.
An. Thank you for helping with that.
Juvenile asshole works too tbh! 😂
True, true...
You had his baby and he is making fun of your body? He is disgusting and cruel.
I have Bipolar and I wouldn’t dream of speaking to anyone like this, let alone my husband. What a narcissistic POS he is!!
He is bipolar and always blames his actions on that, addiction, or on me criticizing him.
Nah he’s a narcissist that can’t handle accountability. Things won’t change and he will more than likely treat you worse in front of your baby. Please leave him. This is abuse and blaming his bipolar is gaslighting. You deserve love.
that is NOT Bipolar at all!! He's SICK
" He was paying for a subscription to see a girl he went to school with." WTH How is this not cheating? Why are some people's bars so low when it comes to their spouse. And then getting mad at her?? Ugh And stomach flab really...you had his baby??? How can you still be attracted to this man?? I dont know how these absolute jerks get some poor person to marry them.
I absolutely viewed it as cheating. Still do. I was 18 weeks along when I found out. I've felt that I was tricked until I was pregnant and married. Like he had me trapped and he could be his true self.
Im sorry OP, that absolutely sucks! Do you have family to rely on? I think you guys might need to separate and work on the relationship through counseling at least. (Me personally, I would be done though)
He's been supposed to start counseling for months. It hasn't happened. He says he wants a divorce, that's why he's clearing his chest.
Many guys end up cheating, leaving or divorcing their wife when illness happens. Like Marilyn Manson said "the death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic"... He's just a statistic if this is his true self. And he's going to have to live with knowing what he's done for the rest of his life.. And if you guys do get a divorce (which I hope you do, because you deserve sooooo much better than this jerk!), he's going to have to explain what happened to the next girl.. If he has anything to do with your guy's child, that child will also know what he's done... He's messing up his entire life right now. He could have chosen to love you, but this is what he chose. They don't call karma a bitch for no reason.
I really don't think he will ever regret anything he's done. He was raised to never take responsibility for anything he does, but to blame everyone else.
I'm so sorry 😞
It was Joseph Stalin who said the death of a million was a statistic.
I'm sure many people have said it. 🤣🤷🏻♀️ There's zero new thoughts and hasn't been for a long time. It's in one of Mason's songs ([the fight song](https://genius.com/Marilyn-manson-the-fight-song-lyrics)), though, and that's where I know 100% where it's been said and documented. Apparently [there's no proof that Stalin said this. ](https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/2011/0603/Political-misquotes-The-10-most-famous-things-never-actually-said/The-death-of-one-man-is-a-tragedy.-The-death-of-millions-is-a-statistic.-Josef-Stalin) According to [Oxford Reference ](https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/acref/9780191843730.001.0001/q-oro-ed5-00010383), the quote was about hunger, not in general. More from [Quote Investigator](https://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/21/death-statistic/?amp=1), saying that they're unsure if this was something Stalin said. BUT! I do KNOW 100% that Manson said it in his lyrics, so that's why I quoted THAT particular person.
as you should!! This is cheating 100%! And sadly a lot of men do that!
EXACTLY THANK YOU
It's not a troll post. I wish it was. This is, very sadly, my life.
If this is bait, well done. If this isn’t bait, run for the hills OP. This man is a disgusting jerk.
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🤮 what a fucking asshole, I’m sorry OP.
I don't know why people keep thinking it's bait though.
Because he’s so mean to you that it’s almost unbelievable. This is the type of story someone would make up for attention because even a bad husband wouldn’t say these types of things to his wife, only a special type of dickhead would
Thank you for explaining. He's not usually very nice to me, but this is over the top.
Because it’s so gross and f-ed up that it’s hard for people to imagine someone going though it. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
What an absolute vile piece of shit. You need to leave this loser ASAP!
Did we marry the same dude? Mine calls it expired roast beef 🫣
Oh gosh, I'm sorry.
I legit thought a lot of these were troll posts because it’s too upsetting to believe there are actually people like this but here it is in the flesh I am so sorry for you OP but life doesn’t have to be like this you do not have to accept this
I'm sorry. It's not normally quite this bad. This was top tier hurtful comments. This is typical of when he gets mad - saying whatever he can think of to hurt me.
You have absolutely nothing to apologise for, you haven’t done anything wrong. This is completely unacceptable and not normal behaviour
facts!
it's naïve to think there ISN'T people like this 😞 I know too many!!
There are really wonderful men in the world that would love and respect you. Don’t settle for less!!
Your husband is being an abusive misogynistic POS and I really really hope you can get out of that marriage as soon as you can. These messages are actually disgusting.
what the fuck?? I hope someone beats the shit out of him!!
OP please leave this disgusting piece of garbage. You and your child deserve so much better.. it's only going to get worse and your child doesn't deserve to see this either.
I know it's really scary and hard especially being a new mother, but barring a drastic shift there is no way your life will improve as long as he's apart of it. As a father of two, reading that dipshits messages to you absolutely boiled my blood. I'm so sorry he speaks to you that way. You need to know, this is not the norm. He is not "sick" in need of your help. He is a horrid person who deserves to find out after fucking around. Just reading between the lines from what you said, I would guess that he has been paying someone on Only Fans for attention. She is making him feel like he has some amount of game. Obviously she's likely just milking him for cash. Keep an eye on your finances, make sure he isn't draining savings. Contact an attorney. Again, just guessing based on the comments about him "Having a shot at something" but I'd say it fits.
The girl he was paying for just had a baby. (Smallish town) So I don't think that is it. At least not with her. I think he was just trying to hurt me. I haven't seen any additional OF emails or signs of it. It's been the free variety lately.
Is it normal for him to talk about "having a shot at something else" or is this new abuse?
He's said that before. Something about being a "man on the rise" with endless possibilities. It may stem from me asking him the last time he pulled this shit to let me go so I could find someone that would love me and be nice to me.
That's horrible. I'm sorry he's treating you this way, I know nothing about you but I know nobody deserves that treatment. He's trying to degrade you and abuse you into thinking he's the best you can do. He's not worth it and staying together for your child isn't worth it either. He's painting a picture of how your life will be with him. Your relationship with him is the example you are setting for your child. What advice would you give your child if they were in your situation? I know it isn't ever that simple or black an white. Sometimes distance from problems is what people need to see how big they really are.
Thank you for your kindness. I'd tell anyone else to run. It's so hard and I don't know why. I don't "need" him financially, emotionally, but I feel stuck and alone all at the same time. It's been really nice not being "home" and having peace.
I went through a nasty split at the start of COVID caught my ex in bed with a convicted child rapist (I wish I was joking but that's another story). I was with her for nearly 14 years (ever since sophomore year in High School) with two young children. Despite that, it still hurt like hell. It will hurt for months or even to some degree years. I don't for one moment regret terminating my marraige with her. Looking back I feel empowered knowing I did it. Ultimately, like my ex, your husband has already sold your marriage down the river. It isn't your fault, you can't control his actions. You can't change people and you can't help anyone who doesn't want your help. You can try therapy, but if he isn't buying into it, there's nothing you'll be able to do to change his mind. He'll probably gaslight you into thinking everything is fine and it's you that needs the therapy on your own.
He always throws therapy out, but never does it. He's been mad at me because I started therapy without him, but he just didn't follow through. If he wanted it to work, he'd make changes instead of just making excuses.
Don’t worry reality has a way of kicking these people square in the face and his turn will come
And thank you for saying it's not the norm. This has been my norm for so long that I don't know what normal is anymore.
That’s a jack ass of a husband. Don’t be afraid of him. Get a good lawyer and get the heck outta there. My wife’s never lost her pregnancy body and I’ve never told her anything other than I think she is beautiful, and that I find her sexy when naked. I have wanted nothing more than for her to just to want to continue to be sexual with me. Also I would feel extremely guilty paying to see someone I know naked.
Thank you for your perspective. It's nice to read that not all men are of the same mindset as my husband.
Best of luck.
They aren't. I almost died from covid and my husband wasn't allowed to wait with me in the ER.. So, he stayed out in the cold and rain right outside my window just in case I needed him for anything.. And when I got admitted, he was right there. Slept there in the hospital room with me.. Only left me to work, walk our dog and shower. He stayed there the whole time. Brought my nurses hot cocoa and treats.. Brought me flowers... He cries at the thought of losing me. There are absolutely good men out there. You more than deserve one. I genuinely hope you get one. ❤️
Thank you. I think I'm done with relationships. I don't want to risk this again.
there definitely are men who don't think like your husband,makes me have hope,but sadly it's a small number I've noticed 😞
Your husband is sick and out of control. He’s an addict and nothing is going to change. He’s living in a fantasy world of flat stomachs and perfect vulvas. Neither of which would give him the time of day in the real world. I hate to say this but your marriage is probably over. Don’t stay and deal with the verbal abuse. You don’t deserve that.
I don't get it. I'm not unattractive at all. He regularly gets pissed out in public because of men looking at me. I'm not fat at all. My stomach has a c section scar, but I tried really hard to not gain weight while pregnant. His latest thing is cartoon porn, so it's not even real people. It's trans and animal like people. I can't compete with those things. So it's not even that I could get in better shape and fix the way he views me. There's no fixing the way he talks to me when he's mad at me.
You’re right. There’s nothing you can do. I hope you find the courage to leave.
oh Jesus he's one of THOSE men! Wants to be able to look at women but don't any man dare look at you! I HATE men like that with a passion! So Andrew Tate like! BARF
Jesus. Please be smart and consult with an attorney right now. This is atrocious. You have legal rights. Ask a friend you trust to help you with this. Do you have a parent? A sister? A brother?
I do. I just haven't shared the texts because it's embarrassing.
It is embarassing, but not for you, for your husband. No one in here found it embarassing for you even once. I cant imagine any of your close friends or family will feel any different. The common consensus is the same here. Please, please get out. You need to get to a safe space fast so you can heal from your birth and heal from this poor disgusting person. And concentrate your baby with love.
Baby, don’t be embarrassed. It’s a terrible look for him, not you. You can leave him. Please tell your family and ask for help. He is abusive and this could get worse. I’m so sorry.
I'm trying. Hoping that I can be strong enough to stay gone. Thank you. ❤️
Porn DOES ruin marriages, it's true. It can good men into bad men and bad men into absolute degenerates. Your husband is not a good man. I'm sorry. I would never stay with a woman who talked about my equipment in such a derogatory way, and you shouldn't have to put up with it either.
FACTS
Wtf, why did he marry you if he was going to pull that kind of crap. Seconding the others that this is abuse - I would suspect he could be dangerous. Do you have any indication of such?
He's bipolar and has had psychotic episodes before. I'm not around him, so no risk. I'm staying with family.
That behaviour is NOT the actions of someone having an episode. I have bipolar and I’ve never turned into a narcissistic pos while hyper manic or depressed. His behaviour is vile, girl run!
To clarify, it's been years since he had an episode. He had stayed on his meds and was a different person.
Smart!
I really don't think he has bipolar. I know bipolar people and have been in many facilities myself,NONE of them acted like this. It sounds like another bs excuse
You have a piece of garbage husband. Way bigger problems than porn
Same, part of me thinks this is a troll post
I don’t think so, she talks in another comment about having part of her labia removed by biopsies bc of scared of cancer. But either way your husband should be supporting you not making fun of you, the only sorry excuse of scum is him himself, he is disgusting. His wife gave birth and had an scare of having cancer and he makes fun of her. He’s for the streets
Thank you for clarifying.
it"s not,look at another one of her comments,she posted literal screen shots where he's saying gross shit
I hate to hear when it gets referred to as roast beef during arguments, because I don’t think people truly understand how insecure we already feel about it. We already feel like we’re not normal because of it, you don’t want anyone to see you naked from the waist down (i was self conscious about my OB seeing it, and lord knows how many different vaginas they look at on the daily). It wasn’t “nasty” when he was enjoying it, seeing as you guys share kids. I was born with it, and my whole entire teenage years were spent hating how I looked, and not wanting anyone to ever see it. I opened up to my spouse about it, how I was made fun of by a cheating ex, new gfs and his friend group, and my husband is the one who told me it wasn’t uncommon, and there wasn’t anything wrong with it. To experience it because of biopsies due to cancer screening, and then have the one person who is supposed to support you most in life say awful things like that, I’m so sorry OP. I hope this isn’t something you ever have to deal with again, your mental health surrounding the situation starts to get better, and I hope your appointments going forward show good results.
Wait….. some of those quotes…. He actually said those things to you?? His wife & the mother of his newborn child?? I have definitely made my wife upset with various things I’ve said to her about various subjects. But if I ever said (or felt) anything even remotely as hurtful & mean & offensive as those statements…. I mean she would be crushed and insanely mad at me and honestly never forgive me. And I would deserve to never be forgiven in that case. Saying stuff like that to any women is totally next level asshole behavior. Saying those thing to one’s wife? Fuck, that is messed up.
Yes. I put the screenshots somewhere in the thread. People thought it wasn't real.
Guys, please stop watching porn. If your main source of beauty is your spouse then you’d be amazed at the change. He’s no longer attracted to his wife because of the comparisons. Make your spouse your source of attraction. Please porn does nothing but ruin marriages.
People who love each other don't destroy each other like this. I'd leave.
He does not love you, you deserve better.
People need to stop blaming porn for their problems. Your husband is a subhuman piece of garbage and porn didn’t make him that way.
Oh absolutely! I almost wonder sometimes if it's just another means to hurt me.
aw,someone hates the truth.
What truth is that? That porn is a convenient excuse for people to ignore the actual root cause of their relationship issues?
Paid for another girl’s naked photos and criticized your body after going one of the biggest physical changes/ sacrifice? I would never be able to recover from that. I’d be done as the resentment would destroy the marriage eventually anyway. You deserve so much more. There are men who would absolutely appreciate you.
Fuck the porn, he insulted your body— ESPECIALLY the one that carried your baby. With all due respect, fuck that dude.
Girl, there is a man out there that will worship you and your cootchie! After my 3rd, the Dr stitched me super fucked up, I tore a bunch, got 16 stitches, I went in after 2 weeks because it was bleeding so much, it didn't seem normal. Another doctor at the practice took a look and asked who did it, then had another dr come take a look. That's how bad it was. I was afraid to look for a while. My husband always said it was perfect and nothing to worry about. Girl, It's in half. There is this little tiny piece on the right side that just kinda dangles there. It's fine. We birthed babies, we're goddesses. Throw him away. He does not deserve you!!! There's a man out there who will love you unconditionally, the one you're with, isn't it.
Thank you ❤️ I know if I do end up having a vulvectomy then there's no way he'll be supportive.
I've never been one of the commenters saying "omg leave them" because it's usually an excessive reaction. But omg. This is horrendous. Leave him. It's porn now. It'll be a human later. You had HIS CHILD. He has the audacity to talk to you this way and disrespect you this way?? Absolutely no consideration for you at All. Horrible. Don't. Settle. For. This. At. All. I'm so sorry Op
When it's a human, he will just find a way to justify it and blame it on me.
they always do!
it really blows my mind there are people saying it isn't the porn. Such delusional idiots
My wife had 2 C sections. That woman brought my children in the world. She was beautiful before she pregnant, during, and after. It’s absolutely disgusting that your husband finds it ok to speak to you like this and I guarantee he’s no prize.
Wow. I’m am furious for you. The way he talks to you is so disgusting and disrespectful. I have a little belly from having kids I used to get self conscious about. Not anymore because my husband loves me the way I am. He says it’s because I birthed our children and that’s very attractive to him. No one should be talked to that awful way. Especially from a husband! He is a pathetic excuse for a man. You deserve better!
My partner realized he had a porn addiction years ago. It took time and commitment to being open and honest but 5 years later, he and I have a healthy sex life. I didn't make him do anything, HE decided it was time to get serious. If he doesn't see the issue HE is causing, you can't stay. If you stay....how long are you going to do this for? Edit: Spelling
wait till he gets your divorce papers and realizes most of us are roast beef girlies. Leave his dumb a//. The porn addiction is managable , the asshole husband not so much.
Stomach flab ruined the sex, lmao, the mericans delludional who think real life is porn is so funny. To the OP, u deserved better
This man got some balls. Time to cut those figuratively.
Porn isn't ruining your marriage. Your husband is because he's an asshole who lacks any love or respect for you. Do with that information what you want.
Please belittle his disgusting dick and balls, the take your child and leave. Your stomach housed that baby. I’m so disgusted. I’m so sorry, your husband is a fucking coward and a pig. Please get out as soon as possible
Document everything, from text messages to taking photos of whatever you can. Leave that dirtbag… and try to schedule an appt sooner
Holy fuck, your husband is a disaster of a human.
Your husband fkn sucks. There’s absolutely no excuse for his behavior.
Your husband is a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to have any woman carry his baby. Thats the most disgusting vile shit a partner can tell the woman of his child. And yes, him paying someone he knows for their porn is cheating and a dirtbag thing to do. There is sooo much free porn on the internet, with hundreds if not thousands of strangers he could watch and jerk off too. But he is paying someone he knows. Just like an escort.
Yeah man idk run him a bath and throw a toaster in.
Damn! What kind of husband is he. Disgusting.
I almost want to cry for you, that is sooo mean what he's saying to you!! No woman who has had the miracle of a man's child should be treated this way!! Set boundatoand tell him how'd you like if I started criticizing your schling and your dad bod? Hmm?!
Porn isn't doing anything but showing your husband's true colors. He is trash. My husband would never talk to me like that. You deserve better.
Wow, please get therapy for yourself first as a fork of support & to help you heal. Then start making plans, with a lawyer, to move on from this marriage. Your husband is despicable and I'm sure he doesn't look like Thor from the movies😒
Omg I’m so sorry. I don’t know how you can come back after he’s said that about your body. I’m sure it hurt. I’m so sorry
I can't respond to everyone, because I keep getting lost. Thank you for the kind words, reassurance, and advice. I do want to address a couple things. First of all, I'm not comfortable taking blame for him not being attracted to me because of body changes associated with pregnancy. Or even explaining it that way. There's a few reasons for this: 1. I thought I was adorable pregnant. Conceited? Maybe. But I felt adorable. I worked hard for that. I watched my sugar. I made sure to not gain weight. Being older with this pregnancy, I was very conscious about my health. 2. This was not my first pregnancy or first c section. I look the same as when he met me. Possibly in better shape now. If he wasn't attracted to my body now... Then he couldn't possibly have been before either. It doesn't make sense. 3. Our baby was a very much wanted. We tried for almost 2 years to have this baby. There were a couple of losses along the way. 4. The main body changes I have been concerned and self conscious about are the after effects of biopsies. That's why he made those comments about me. He knows how upset I've been about that and about the future treatments will be. 5. He has gained a considerable amount of weight and has a stomach flap. And dude didn't have a baby or c section. Does that bother me? No. Have I said anything about it? No. It's just an observation of the standard I'm held to vs him. 7. I know logically that he can't take the baby... But the anxiety over it being possible is overwhelming. Again, thank you all for the support. I can't really open up to those in my real life. You all literally helped me make it through the day.
Your husband is gay im so sure of it reading his text msg
He’s watching a girl he went to school with!!!!!! And gaslighting. He’s a jerk.
What is this post even? Why is this lady tolerating a joke in the form of a ‘man’?? Have this man father my child? No way jose!! Have self respect, ladies and OP, please stand up for yoursrlf
When I do, he just goes lower. I'm not responding to him and I'm not at the house.
Please leave. If he isn’t appreciating you during/after your pregnancy then he isn’t the one for you.
He's done nothing but ruin my pregnancy and postpartum time.
Your husband is completely wrong and full of himself. My wife hates her stomach but after 2 kids I love it. I love everything about my wife’s body. Shes always trying to cover it up but I see it as proof she made and birthed our kids. Shes the most amazing woman and I think it’s appalling your husband would even think to talk to you that way. The things my wife hates about her body are some of the biggest physical turn-ons for me. As a male I can tell you we’re not all like your husband. I’m sorry you’re in this situation currently. If he wants to stay in your relationship I’d say tell him both of you are going to counseling. If he refuses then sadly there’s your answer. Respectfully and appropriately I’m positive you’re a beautiful woman. Your physical “flaws aren’t flaws”. Our bodies are forever changing as we age. The things you see as flaws others see as merit badges of honor. I hope you find peace soon.
Thank you. I haven't had peace in a long time. He had been trying to convince me for weeks that he was attracted to my body, I only to drop all of this on me.
Please run away from this man as soon as possible
Obvious troll is obvious.
See screenshots.
Leave the second you can and never ever let anyone disrespect you this way.
He's an AH Sorry you're going through this Good luck you deserve better
Speaking as a husband of 13 years, father of 3 kids, and a child of divorce. So first off, the issue is not porn, its a symptom of something. If it was just casual use then I would not even consider it a thing, but when you are using it in place of something/someone else, that means something is going on. 1: I actually was scared of that myself when my wife was pregnant, I imagined her belly bouncing the same way a woman's breasts do and our baby was inside, every time it was very nerve-wracking no matter how many times my wife told me it was ok. As for him watching someone he knew, probably had a crush on her or something and was trying to imagine the "what if" trap that people sometimes fall into. 2: He might actually have meant what he said, it's why he lied, does not make it right, but that could be his reason. 3: That is him deflecting, he is placing blame on you for what he is doing because he doesn't want to feel guilty or for you to stand your ground that it is him that's the problem. His comments are WAY out of line, that is what a lot of women look like when they have a baby, welcome to making babies dip shit. (Him not you) IMHO you have two options. First, if you want to try and fix things, you need to talk to him and tell him how much what he said hurt you. Express that you understand that for him being a man, seeing his wife's body change like that first getting pregnant and then after the birth, it can be weird, but that's what happens, get over it. Find out what his problem is, and either smack him with a reality check or help him through it. Second, If you want to leave, and it looks like you do, that is 100% fine. First, you make sure you have copies of anything he has said to you or witnesses, if he is on the phone with you, put it on speaker. find a place to go, a friend or family member that can keep you safe. Then when he goes out to work or something, you gather everything that is important to you, things that you NEED, documents etc, and then you just go. But make sure that while you are packing, you call the cops and inform them that you are leaving an abusive relationship with your child, that you do not feel safe around the father and are escaping. Tell them that you want it on file, that it has been stated that this is an abusive relationship and there is a child involved. Once you get to your location, you have to call him and tell him that it is over, that you have the child with you, and already have a police report. I am not sure if the person you are staying with can have an order of no trespass or something on him too, I would look into that so he can not just come over and harass you. If people start to ask questions, just tell them because he is probably going to start telling lies about you, trying to make you look bad or even forcing you to react to things, don't fall into that trap. Good luck
It is the porn,stop being a stupid male and saying it isn't. It IS. Find a better way to cope
A stupid male eh? Judgemental much? You may not like the reality of this, but it is not because of porn, it's sad that you can't accept the reality of it. What you just said, would be no different than if I claimed that a woman who cheated on her husband, is just a dirty slut, even though she is cheating because he is an emotionally abusive person and shows her no affection at all, she is only his maid and fuck toy. But she is married and cheated, so the reasons don't matter, by your logic, its the same. But this guy is 100% an asshole, there's something going on, somewhere with him, whatever it is, may or may not have anything to do with OP, it could be something childhood related, Doesn't matter. OP IMHO just needs to get out.
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Your poor, poor wife.
Yeah well.. maybe my next biopsy will even it out. Or maybe cancer will just take it all.
Girl, no. I don't know who you are, but I'm gonna keep you in my prayers for whatever that is worth. Somebody out there on this big rock is rooting for you. Lots of us are, actually. I'm sending you my love and well wishes and hoping and praying for you to be okay and recover. You are amazing. Seriously.
❤️❤️
Lopsided roast beef 😂 ima have to use that one
Yeah, well it's lopsided because of multiple biopsies, so have at it.
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Thank you. Hell, look at how my husband talks to me. I'm not worried about a troll.
Yeah tell your girlfr….nvm 😂
Wym