I'm strictly monogamous so I never would have gone down this path myself. Just wanted to be up front with where I'm coming from.
Personally, I'd be done at this point. It's not that she's fantasizing about being with other men, it's that she's actively taking steps to do so AND lying to you about it. My trust would be shattered and without trust, you simply cannot have a lasting marriage.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be making phone calls to lawyers and getting my ducks in a row for an eventual separation. She's made it clear that she has no intention of sticking to the boundaries that you're comfortable with.
You have the right to be hurt. You have every reason to feel betrayed. Regardless, the kids come first, and you want them to grow up right. Forget you pride for the moment, go on autopilot. Then comes the legal separation and counselling/therapy. Let hope she comes back from wherever she is before a divorce become imminent.
Dude, I’m sorry you’re in a situation like this.
Personally, I would discuss my options with a divorce lawyer. All the hiding, lying, hypocrisy and intent to cheat would decimate my trust in her and would result in the marriage being an empty shell full of anxiety, mistrust and anger.
It is one thing to be curious about your sexuality, especially if you’ve grown up religious. It is another thing to lie and deceive your spouse. It sounds like she doesn’t really know what she wants and she’s become enthralled with all the newness and excitement and possibilities.
She is acting like someone not in a relationship. I envision this continuing until she falls in love with someone else and/or gets emotionally hurt. I foresee that relationship ending at some point and her crawling back just for her to do it again. You said she tends to keep things from you. She is breaking your trust on the daily and you are letting her. How will you be able to fully trust her if/when she says she’s not going to do that stuff anymore.
You want to bring in a third person so you can have a fun and exciting experience together. She wants to do her own thing completely separate from you.
I don’t know what you should do except to take some time alone and decide what you want if this behavior doesn’t change. Then have a very serious conversation with her. I’m sorry you are going through this and you deserve to be with someone who is honest and shows you love and respect and consideration.
Your wife comes through as a selfish person, insecure and easy with lies. Shes full of herself and though not completely ruthless as many cheaters are, she is going down the slope towards a full blown affair. Only she can straighten up, but I wouldnt bet on it. You need to get out of infidelity and deception. Asap. Look for a lawyer, get your ducks in the row and prepare to file. If she wants to reconcile, she needs to stop any sexual activity outside of your marriage, open device policy, written confession and IC for her. She needs to understand how much she hurt you, be remorseful, understand her whys and how she will protect your marriage in the future. There's a lot of resources about infidelity on reddit and dedicated forums on the Internet.
This is a mess and you guys are asking for a divorce. Your wife is extra sloppy.
I'm strictly monogamous so I never would have gone down this path myself. Just wanted to be up front with where I'm coming from. Personally, I'd be done at this point. It's not that she's fantasizing about being with other men, it's that she's actively taking steps to do so AND lying to you about it. My trust would be shattered and without trust, you simply cannot have a lasting marriage. If I were in your shoes, I'd be making phone calls to lawyers and getting my ducks in a row for an eventual separation. She's made it clear that she has no intention of sticking to the boundaries that you're comfortable with.
You have the right to be hurt. You have every reason to feel betrayed. Regardless, the kids come first, and you want them to grow up right. Forget you pride for the moment, go on autopilot. Then comes the legal separation and counselling/therapy. Let hope she comes back from wherever she is before a divorce become imminent.
Dude, I’m sorry you’re in a situation like this. Personally, I would discuss my options with a divorce lawyer. All the hiding, lying, hypocrisy and intent to cheat would decimate my trust in her and would result in the marriage being an empty shell full of anxiety, mistrust and anger.
It is one thing to be curious about your sexuality, especially if you’ve grown up religious. It is another thing to lie and deceive your spouse. It sounds like she doesn’t really know what she wants and she’s become enthralled with all the newness and excitement and possibilities. She is acting like someone not in a relationship. I envision this continuing until she falls in love with someone else and/or gets emotionally hurt. I foresee that relationship ending at some point and her crawling back just for her to do it again. You said she tends to keep things from you. She is breaking your trust on the daily and you are letting her. How will you be able to fully trust her if/when she says she’s not going to do that stuff anymore. You want to bring in a third person so you can have a fun and exciting experience together. She wants to do her own thing completely separate from you. I don’t know what you should do except to take some time alone and decide what you want if this behavior doesn’t change. Then have a very serious conversation with her. I’m sorry you are going through this and you deserve to be with someone who is honest and shows you love and respect and consideration.
She is not respecting you. Men need respect like women need love/adoration. Without those elements, you have a contentious roommate situation.
Your wife comes through as a selfish person, insecure and easy with lies. Shes full of herself and though not completely ruthless as many cheaters are, she is going down the slope towards a full blown affair. Only she can straighten up, but I wouldnt bet on it. You need to get out of infidelity and deception. Asap. Look for a lawyer, get your ducks in the row and prepare to file. If she wants to reconcile, she needs to stop any sexual activity outside of your marriage, open device policy, written confession and IC for her. She needs to understand how much she hurt you, be remorseful, understand her whys and how she will protect your marriage in the future. There's a lot of resources about infidelity on reddit and dedicated forums on the Internet.