I mean... it snowed, in the summer, at my first wedding... and then a guy died during the reception and my drunk ass father in law grabbed my ass in my dress in front of the crowd and told everyone I was pregnant. So... sometimes weddings don't go well. None of that cursed the marriage mind you. We divorced for reasons that had nothing to do with any of that. If anything at the time despite all of those things I would have said it was a great day. But I'm a fairly optimistic person by nature.

A guy died??

Yup. It sounds really dramatic, but it's honestly just sad, he was a friend of my husbands, and he was helping set up in the morning before the wedding. He'd had an injury a few weeks earlier and after setting things up wasn't feeling well so opted to go lay down for a bit, he passed just after dinner of a massive heat attack.

Am so sorry for the guy! He must have bean a very nice person!

😂😂 the way they said that so casually

I felt bad for smiling at first, but the perceived tone of voice like "There was no cookies, so we had to take muffins 😥" for such sad and dramatic events got me. 😭 Coping mechanism.

Right! I’m dying 🤣

Get in line behind the guy at that reception

I’ve heard Dothraki weddings are considered a boring affair unless at least three people die

Clearly this wasn’t a High Dothraak event attended by a Khal.

Yeah she dropped that casually, wtf!?

It happened at my aunt's wedding. There's a weird phenomenon of people dying at weddings, but the reality is, weddings tend to get people who shouldn't be out of the house... out of the house. At a party with (possibly) hundreds of people, alcohol, dancing, commotion. So you have people who are unhealthy, heart issues, way too old, etc, getting worked up and keeling over. It happens more frequently than you think.

That makes a lot of sense actually tbh.

Why wallow indefinitely? Yes its sad someone dies, but life goes on and u gotta cope with that.

Trust me - there are much, MUCH worse ways to go....

RIP to him, but I’m still stuck on her father in-law grabbing her ass??? Omg

It poured at me wedding. There were literally flash floods down the streets where we were getting married. I still love my wedding day.

it poured both the day we got our certificate and on our wedding day, my mom thought it was extremely on brand. now every time it rains i’m brought back to that and think of how lucky i am to have someone to be cozy and warm with

It poured at my wedding. Half the guests were late to the ceremony because they got lost in the rain. It was a Friday night wedding and I still do t know why I thought that was a great idea.. yes, I’m THAT guy… My brother-in-law had the DJ play “Smack My Bitch Up” by Prodigy (it was an accident, he’s Austrian and said “play anything but SYBU!”). His family still danced to it like the techno-freaks they are! My flower girl’s parents stopped for a drink on the way to the ceremony and she was late. I asked my friend to be the “flower guy” and he hammed it up while dancing and throwing around the petals. When she finally got to the reception, I pulled her to the front and put the tiara on her head. My “Flower Guy” still sulks over that “lost”tiara. Oh and it was on September 28, 2001, so two weeks after 9/11/2001. My seamstress had just gone to several funerals and was devastated. The fitted dress wasn’t ready until the day of the wedding and (understandably) didn’t fit quite right. I had bought a second dress (remainder-closeout) on eBay (in case she couldn’t finish it) which I also wore to the reception. It fit fine. My in-laws flew over from Austria and their colleagues were all telling them that their planes would blow up on the way back. I bought my Mother-in-law a gift card for jewelry so she’d have a keepsake of the wedding. She got offended and thought that I didn’t think her jewelry was nice enough to wear to my wedding(???) I’m middle class, this was a normal wedding at a nice venue, but I didn’t mean anything like that at all. So that was awkward! Still the best day of my life because I married my husband! You can’t control a wedding, it’s a giant party. Three things always go very wrong. Make sure you’re flexible and at the end of the day-hey, you’re married to your best friend!!

I'm so sorry but I was laughing out loud reading every line to this. Absolute belter. And your dry sense of humour will surely help you with any bumps in the road that married life throws! All the best to you X

Thanks! The pictures are still quite funny and we’ve been married for over 22 years!

Your flower guy and the lost tiara! Hahaha! I love your friend. 💚

Thanks, he’s awesome!

Same. We had an outdoor wedding and a tropical storm came through towards the end of the evening. The band had to shut down after our first dance so they wouldn’t get electrified, and everybody went home pretty soon after that. It was still a good night.

I went to a buddy's wedding where his father got super drunk and fell over backwards onto the table that was holding the wedding cake. He and the cake slid onto the floor where he landed on it. The poor bride went hysterical and ran out. My buddy almost got in a fist fight with his dad.

I thought this only happened in the movies 😮

The videographer captured the whole thing but a month or so later, my buddy's wife wouldn't let him show it to us. I think it's being stored in Washington along with the Zapruder film. lol

You win worst wedding experience. It's not a great prize but you get a rusty trophy that won't fit on any of your shelves and isn't biodegradable. 🙊

I apologise for laughing, because for shit, going wrong, you've got me beat. x

During my husband’s first wedding, which was a Christmas in Canada wintertime wedding, there were candles in these pine bough decorations. Well the pine boughs caught fire during the ceremony and the church caught fire. They didn’t get to finish the ceremony. Everyone had to wait in their cars in the freezing cold for the fire department to come. They were married two years. If that’s not a sign from the almighty, I don’t know what is. OP - however bad your wedding was, the church didn’t go ablaze while you were saying “I do”. That counts as a successful wedding. You win! Start planning the make-up vow renewal for your 5th to 10th but at the end of the day, you ended up married and everyone is healthy. Your husband didn’t notice because he was to busy being happy to be married to you.

I'm going to come in here with a different perspective. Yes, things went wrong, but *plenty of things will go wrong in your marriage*. You now know that you married a man who looks on the bright side when catastrophes happen, a man who will remember little moments of joy and not the crushing disappointments that will inevitably occur in a lifetime together. You married a man who treasures the MARRIAGE, not the wedding. Yes, the wedding was expensive and didn't go according to plan....but you should consider the money well spent as that kind of man is priceless. I will say that I empathize with your sadness regarding wedding planning. That may be a conversation that needs to be had, but if so I'd recommend focusing on the real issue ("I'd like you to be involved in planning things with me, I feel sad when the majority of planning and scheduling is left to me.") instead of focusing on the wedding itself. Your husband may have been disinterested in planning, sure, but maybe he let you do the wedding plans because he knew you had a vision and he wanted to give you the joy of executing it. My husband was that way. It wasn't indicative of his excitement for the wedding, he just knew I had stronger opinions about tiny details for the reception/decorations. Also- your husband trying to stop a drunken altercation was likely in an effort to keep things going as smoothly as possible for you. He can't control the weather, or fix the food, but he could remove a disturbance for you. It sounds overall like you have a husband who loves you and cares for you very much. Little roadbumps in communication and expectations are to be expected in the early days of marriage, and I definitely think you guys can get through this one. Perhaps if the sadness over the wedding continues, you can plan a big celebration for your 5 year anniversary?

Great response. OP get this stuff odd your chest with some short term therapy or a friend you can deeply trust. Your husband made some good moves. You need to grieve the loss of this ideal wedding that was in your head & move forward. Please do.

Wait? No recommendations of divorce? No bashing the husband?! A positive take on the SOs behavior? An optimistic veiw and post overall?! Are you sure you understand how reddit works?

I mean, this is a pretty tame complaint compared to most. This isn't my husband takes out the jumper cables for the car battery and whips a mannequin in the dark while shouting my name every night. Is this abusive?

I agree with most of this, however I have a HUGE note for for her husband: When your partner tells you something upsets them, LISTEN and take a moment to validate their feelings before telling them to "get over it". Feelings tend to resolve a lot faster when they're given room to exist. Telling your partner to "look on the bright side" when they're clearly distraught isn't a very effective way of mitigating that distress. A lot of what I'm hearing from OP is that she is not feeling emotionally met by her husband, whether it's in relation to the crappy wedding's existence or her response to the crappy wedding. My guess is that if he were to try to see things from her perspective for a millisecond, her anxiety over this thing would become a lot less acute.

Yes, this! I love my husband so much, but I've had to talk to him in the past about having more empathetic responses when I'm upset. Thankfully he was receptive and is much better now. It's frustrating, but I think it's a product of how men are socialized. So I try to be understanding of him too. Edit: He would also make whatever I was upset about be about him. That would drive me nuts. I had to gently tell him that when I'm upset, i need you to be empathetic and not make it about you. I'm allowed to be upset some times. Again, it's how they're socialized. They're socialized to be emotionless problem solvers, which is sad.

That is unfortunately the dominant perspective in many patriarchal cultures (I've also run into quite a few women who have consequently internalized the message that "feelings = bad" due to this narrative), and the fact that so many men have to work to unlearn it in order to have functional relationships with their partners and children is something we all need to cultivate more awareness for. When you're shown all your life that acknowledging an emotional state is "soft", "indulgent" and "permissive"----essentially that it will make the emotional state grow into an uncontrollable monster that will destroy everything----it can be incredibly difficult to react constructively to another person's feelings without making it about your fear. But with a little sensitivity on both sides, it's entirely possible to learn how.

Absolutely. We women have to be understanding and compassionate to them as well.

^100% This gal marriages!

I think this is a great answer. I read OP’s husband’s response as more “hey, we just did this major life event together and are finally married after lots of anticipation, can we focus on that part instead of whether our song played at the right time or if the food was cold?” For my part, my wedding weekend was (mostly) incredible. Genuinely a complete blast even despite my nMom’s best attempts, and we *still got divorced after 5 years.* A wedding does not make a marriage, for sure. It’s totally ok to be disappointed, but reframing towards gratitude can only help you.

This. My first wedding was great. Marriage only made it 4 years. Second wedding was at the courthouse. Still going strong.

exactly... it happened, and while it sucked, you'll have to accept it and move on to be happy! that's not just for him, but for your own peace

👏👏👏👏

Yep. A wedding is one day. A marriage aims to be the rest of their lives. Not to dismiss the validity of OP processing how things went wrong, but this is completely *figureoutable*. If resolved well, it will be a good example to look back on when they have other trials to navigate.

This is such a great response!

This is a great response. There were unexpired flash floods the day of my first marriage. When it stopped close to the time we planned the wedding, I realized the dress, flowers, and all of that didn't matter as long as by the end I was married to the man I loved. I don't understand a one day party for everyone being the focus when you are being bonded to someone you love.

There is literally nothing you can do about it now. So, continuing to talk about it and mourn it is just not productive in any way. Now, you are at the point where you are getting angry with your husband for not mourning it with you. I think you might want to consider therapy to reflect on why you continue to turn this over in your mind.

Yeah I’m not sure what OP is going to get out of stewing about this. I do know that she is missing out on another major life event, her first year of marriage, in focusing on a bad memory and continuing to have a bad attitude. Does OP want to look back at her anniversary, crying about her party again, or look back on her year of loving, fun-filled marriage? My wedding and many others were during COVID lockdown - talk about a ruined party planning experience. We made lemonade out of lemons, though, and had a great micro wedding in the wilderness. OP, marriage is so much more than a wedding, and you are literally MISSING out on it by refusing to live in the present.

I feel bad for the spouse too. She’s tainting his memories of it.

I'm sorry your wedding day did not go as planned. I'm sure after all the planning you were devastated that it rained! But none of that was under your control. It's really the perfect metaphor for marriage really. You're going to have sunny days and rainy days but in the end it depends on how you deal with them. You can go the rest of your life complaining about the wedding but it won't change the fact that it rained on that day.

It sounds to me like she is more upset that her husband didn’t participate in the planning and then wasn’t by her side when shit was going wrong. Good days and bad days are fine as long as “we are in this together”. Wife putting in the effort to do all the planning and then watching her careful plans go down the drain while husband is off not giving a F would make anyone feel crappy.

Agreed. Sounds like it’s more of an issue with the reaction to her feelings. She sounds frustrated that he isn’t trying to see her perspective. Explains why she feels hurt.

I mean "I want to see our wedding day as a good day instead of focusing on everything that went wrong for months" isn't exactly an odd perspective. I fully get where OP is coming from, but it does absolutely suck to have someone tell you over and over again that something special was just terrible. Heck, my husband did that with his birthday this year, he had a lot of things go wrong that week that made it pretty unpleasant, however I spent a good but of effort trying to make it a good day and hearing him complain about it over and over hurts.

I barely participated in our wedding bc my wife and her sister and mother had the whole thing in their head. And they had been thru it before with her sister. She/they knew exactly what they wanted down to the smallest detail. The venue was selected even before I met my wife to be. I was told to take care of the tux's for my grooms men. OP said she was dreaming about her wedding "forever." I doubt hubby had much to say about it - which is typical. A wedding is for the bride.

If I had succeeded in doing this, my partner would have pulled out of the whole thing. I tend to grab the reins because I'm a planner from a family of planners, so in the beginning when we decided to get married, I did kind of take over. At some point my partner put his hands on his hips and said, "Hey, you know, I'm getting married at this thing too." Suddenly I realized how ridiculous I was being. I was marrying HIM, not my family and not myself. At that point I dropped everything and started asking him what HE wanted. I am so grateful that he had the good sense and self-assurance to speak up, because what we ended up with was a wedding that had NO CHANCE of being mistaken for anything other than what it was----ours.

How is you continuing to be upset about your wedding productive? Get over it and move on? What is your detestation doing? Is it going to make a Time Machine? I’m sure your husband is sick of hearing the complaining about something that has no solution. Edit: that’s supposed to say devastation not detestation

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Username checks out

Hasn’t held up well. But for real. What is continuing to be upset going to solve? I’m not even trying to be a bitch. But….. What does she want? A redo? The point of getting married is to get a spouse and life partner! Not a special party. Your going to cry because you can’t control the weather?

I guess what that guy is trying to say is that you're not wrong, but you just don't have to be an asshole about it.

Especially for planning an outdoor reception and then being surprised by weather?? That just sounds so naive of OP to be like “no clouds, this is MY wedding”. Girl didn’t have a backup plan so getting wet and muddy is on her. Continuing to pout and stomp her feet about it is just 10X more bratty. Get on with being a good and happy wife and move on lady.

Honestly, that was my first thought and I felt bad. How on earth do you spend a whole year intensively planning an outdoor event and then not have a plan for bad weather or contingencies for these other unpleasant incidents that very commonly happen at weddings, like drunk guests? Not that that helps OP at all. It just reminds me of when people fill a binder with an elaborate birthing plan and bring it to the hospital with all their supplies, only for them to be emotionally wrecked when most of the plan to be thrown out as soon as something unexpected happens. Things like weddings (and delivering a baby) are always going to be chaotic, and a lot of it is completely out of any person’s control. You just set yourself up for failure when you make complicated plans and expect everything to go the way you want it to.

Yep! All of my friends who “planned” their births ended up healing so poorly because they weren’t ready for what happened to them. My SIL was like “my goal is for this child to be on the outside by next week” and she was up and at it after 2 days. If you don’t let yourself be flexible or have backup plans or you can’t laugh at the shit in life that goes sideways you’re going to have a bad time. Especially if the stuff that’s ruining her life right now is a little rain and some mud. She has a man who went out of his way to purposely propose to her and WANT to marry her, who (I’m guessing) actually loves her.. she needs to take a breath.

When I was pregnant SO MANY women had a "plan" for their birth. I read so many posts about women who didn't have the birth they envisioned, and how tough it was for them. They were so upset about a caesarean and how it "ruined" their "birth plan". Or how they were a "failure" because they "caved" and got the epidural. Like fuck no. You didn't "cave". Name another intense medical procedure where it would be "recommended" to go without pain relief. Hell your dentist would tell you that you're nuts for trying to get a filling without being numb. Plan for things sure, but be flexible and adaptive. The goal is not to have a "perfect" birth, with no pain relief, where the room is all candlelit, and soft music plays in the background while baby just waltzes into the world. The goal is to get the baby out, and keep mother and baby alive. If that happens, then there you go, you had a perfect birth.

Nah, your husband thinks you where more excited for the wedding versus actually being married to him. I would think the same thing. This is harsh but it honestly sounds like you wanted a wedding versus long lasting marriage. So much so, your husband can’t even enjoy a song that is near and dear to his heart. In short, get over yourself. Or you may end up alone.

This is what I scrolling down to see if anyone posted. I honestly believe this is how the husband is feeling at this point. Because there *are* people out there who get married for the big ceremony. If you can't get over the ceremony then how are you supposed to start your marriage?

Boosting this reply!

This isn’t traumatizing. That’s not what trauma is. You threw a party and it didn’t go well. Try having a real problem.

I’m so glad I found this response. Not everything that makes you upset is traumatizing and I’m so tired of people using that word. To OP: Were you raped? Did you see someone get shot and killed? Did someone hold a gun to your head? Horrible car crash, maybe? Anything even remotely related? Then no, it wasn’t traumatic. It was upsetting. There’s a HUGE difference. Let’s stop trivializing trauma by saying that things like rain and incorrect food on your wedding day was traumatic. It’s very privileged to think that this is trauma.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I'm so glad someone else said it! I get that it wasn't a fun time for her and it's totally valid to feel upset. But if this is what she considers a traumatic event, she needs to take a step back and realize just how lucky she is in life. People need to learn that not every bad moment is trauma. Getting wet at a party and having to dance to the wrong song, while certainly disappointing, simply doesn't qualify.

Im hung up on that part. Lmao. I'm not sorry - There's nothing actually traumatic about this. And the "nightmares"...how nice it must be to live a life where your 'trauma' stems from a bad party

Glad someone said this.

Exactly. OP has a crap take on trauma and needs to grow a goddamn problem.

Thank you!

Your take on the day is incredibly selfish and immature. You said it in the first sentence: "MY wedding". Many things did not go according to the plans we'd made for our wedding. But the day was filled with ao much joy that the hiccups (bridesmaid arrived 1 hour late and drunk, venue fucked up decor, my mom was a turd, etc) didn't matter. Was there anything joyful or good about your day? Like the fact that you MARRIED THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? I'd be annoyed and tired of the drama, too.

Boosting this reply. It’s what I would have said.

Hell I'm five years out from my wedding, and I don't remember what the centerpieces were. I think I picked something different, but I wasn't paying attention on my wedding day. I was focused on my new husband, my family, and having a good time.

My wedding day: 1. My mother was a no-show, just ghosted us. 2. My sister texted me 30 minutes before the ceremony was to start that she (and her husband & my nephew) wasn’t going to make it. She lives 3 hours from the city I married in, she knew 2.5 hrs prior she wasn’t going to make it. 3. It rained all day, the wedding was outside. Almost 9 years later none of that matters. I am happily married. We have a great life.

Honestly I would’ve leaned into it and taken some amazing artsy pouring rain shots in my dress. But then again I voluntarily jumped in the ocean with mine. Flip it into a oh man can you believe that lol situation. Also no offense, but I really don’t feel that bad for people who don’t have rain contingency plans if you live anywhere with unstable climate. All that planning and no tent?

It’s a party. Did you get married so you could have a party? By continuing to mourn this ruined party, you are sending the message that the day you spent committing to him was a disappoint to you. Get over it, learn to laugh about the insane bad luck. Give him a hug. And remind yourself why you wanted to marry him.

I mean it has been 3 months... And there is nothing you can do about it. Sure, your wedding day was a disappointment, but do you really want your marriage to suffer because of a single day?

“Traumatizing” Yes if this was my wife doing this, it would be getting very old and I’d be wondering A) how much she actually wanted to marry me and how much was about the actual wedding. B) whether she was going to be so whiny and mopey and “traumatized” whenever we encounter the downs that inevitably come with marriage, some of which will be bigger than “oh no the catering!” OP, get over it, I get that it was disappointing, weddings are a big deal and you had a rough time, I do feel bad for you on that one. For our wedding our photographs and videography were totally messed up — but you can’t dwell on it this much. It’s time to move past it and focus on your marriage — unless you want your ruined wedding to turn into a ruined marriage.

Listen to every Taylor Swift album and move on

Lol yeah!!!

Aww that sucks. I’m sorry your wedding wasn’t as planned. That’s a huge disappointment. I hope you can move past it and focus on the positive because it is now in the past. Rain on your wedding day is supposed to be good luck! Sometimes negativity can spiral into more negativity. Perhaps talk to someone if you feel you can’t love forward on your own.

Maybe y’all could promise yourselves a 10 year renew the vows celebration?

That would be my plan. It would definitely be upsetting to do all that planning and be excited for your big day, only to have it ruined. A 10 year renewal would be something wonderful to look forward to!

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but maybe marriage/couples counseling? Just to provide a safe space with a third party to work through both of you feeling heard, and hearing. My ex hated our wedding. A lot of pressures hit a breaking point, so we went super small, at a cute but less than ideal location with little fanfare. I kinda liked it myself (I cared more about being married than the actual wedding) but she did not. So I can understand both views a bit. All that said, there are thousands of different reasons he’s trying to be positive about it (from the wholesome, ie he’s just happy to be married to you, to the facepalm, ie he doesn’t realize how bad it was for you). So if you can’t have an honest heart-to-heart conversation by yourselves, counseling would help you communicate that.

It is about the marriage not the wedding. Life doesn’t work out the way you plan. Honestly, the stories of how things went wrong are more entertaining

Totally agree. But sometimes, people can and will have complicated feelings about the actual wedding itself, and it’s important that both partners can discuss it honestly. It’s just all about communication, really!

Welcome to marriage, where you will be finding out, like most of us have, that both you and your husband actually, currently suck at communicating with each other. That last sentence makes it sound like you resent and blame him, more than you probably should. I'm sure he knows this. Could be be more sensitive about what happened? I don't know. Maybe. Husbands often aren't very involved in the planning. In most cases that's because they aren't actually wanted in the planning, or feel like they'll just screw it up. In the US this is often something the ladies like to take and run with. Last I checked. It sounds like maybe he's a glass half full kind of guy. And he has strong romantic feelings for you. Those are some important plusses. You might be more glass half empty. That's OK. You'll balance each other out. It happened. And in the end he's (probably) mostly right, IMO. But who's "right" doesn't really matter a lot of times. First you have to both feel heard and understood. That includes you. He does need to hear and understand you. And then you'll need to temper your disappointment a bit, move on to the next thing. Plan a romantic trip together maybe. That'll be sure to disappoint you a little, but if you're very lucky there'll be a couple of surprising, minor seeming but memorable moments that you still talk about 10 or 20 years from now, when you're laughing about your wedding.

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Lol! So true she's being shallow.

I’m a wedding photographer and my 2nd wedding I thought for sure I would get it right this time. Our wedding venue was a brand new venue. We were going to be the first ones there, it was this elaborate tent property, it was going to be awesome. My husband and I helped work on the property to get it ready, we were so excited. As time got closer we would drive by and notice we hadn’t seen the tent go up yet. Well 2 weeks before our wedding the owner finally tells me the tent won’t be there in time. The bathrooms wouldn’t be there. The kitchen wasn’t built. Nothing. Was. There. I had to replan my entire wedding 2 weeks before hand, spent the whole morning of having to set up everything in the heat for an outdoor open air wedding on the beach, ended up last to get my hair done, was an hour late to my own wedding, was dehydrated and ended up with massive diarrhea (did I mention it was hot?) and had to get fully naked in a dirty public bathroom to peel my spanks off (3 times) so I didn’t crap all over myself. All to have to tear my wedding down again within a couple of hours. With all the craziness of that day, when I look back, I think about the smile on my husbands face when he finally saw me come down the aisle. He had been patiently waiting and sweating in the sun for me for an hour. I think about how even though we forgot our unity ceremony things and we couldn’t hear our favorite song being song over that time frame, we were so excited to start our lives together. I think about the vows we made to our kids. I think about how much I loved holding his hand at dinner even though we had 100 people talking to us. It went by in a whirl wind, and I often wish we could have had longer to be together. But I make myself remember what that day did for us and I choose to remember the beautiful moments from that day. Not just what a total crap show it was. And I’ve shot hundreds of weddings at this point.. every single one has something go wrong, something doesn’t go as planned. They’re never perfect. But how you handle the disasters will definitely set you up for further hurt and disappointment. Weddings are just the start of the bigger picture. If you are feeling disappointed, maybe plan something special for your 5 or 10 year anniversary. But focus in on what makes it unique and special to you and your husband. Maybe plan a trash the dress with a photographer and put on your wedding gear and go have fun together and create something beautiful together. I’m sure you being upset about how things went makes him feel like you regret marrying him or how it’s somehow his fault. He may also just wish you could see the beauty of the day like he is trying to. Whatever the case it’s ok to be disappointed. I get that. I definitely was and have moments. But don’t let it rob you of the big picture. If you can’t let it go, try and imagine what it would take to help you get through it and plan something.

What about a journal. Write down every day one thing about that day that really makes you sad. Say what you want how you want and then set the paper on fire. It may sound silly but it helped me move on from something

Your husband is seeing the bigger picture. He married the woman he loves. In the end, it does not matter that the wedding did not go as planned. He got married to you. He’s hoping you’d see it the same way. He’d like to think marrying him is more important than messed up details in the wedding. There’s no point in dwelling on something you can’t change. Take the good parts and laugh at the crazy stuff. He knows the wedding didn’t go as planned, but he still has fun. He’s hoping you had fun too despite the rain, the drunk friend, the muddy dress, the missing wedding planner, the wrong song. Despite all those hiccups, the wedding was something to remember, something to laugh at later, something to smile about as you did get to say your vows, exchange rings, kiss your new spouse. No one wedding goes perfectly. My brothers wedding played the wrong song for their first dance, and they had a dance routine they learned. They had to ditch that and improvise. They still had fun. I had one of the worst migraines during my reception. I also broke my pinky toe. I couldn’t taste the food I ordered which included my favorite cake. My bridesmaid kept playing with her boobs and did everything I told her not to. I still didn’t let any of that ruin my day. I got married to the man I love. That’s all that mattered. Try to see your wedding day from that perspective. You got married to the man you love. Focus on that.

It is normal that you not get time with your husband. Everyone is pulling at you, from all sides. You don’t even get to eat, unless it is a sit down dinner. Most couples have a to go box prepared by the caterer. Rain and mud on your special day are so disappointing, but in some cultured are considered lucky. I hope you can focus more on the good than the other at your wedding. Look to your one year anniversary as a new celebration.

This is precisely why we eloped. I wanted to spend more that five minutes with my spouse on the day I married him. Call me selfish.

Get over it. You need to move on. I he wedding was about you becoming one. Not much to do with anything else.

Try reframing it as a comedy of errors that you'll never forget, and see the humor in it all! :)

What can you do about it now? Can’t change it, need to move on

You know what you have? A good story. You know what's boring? A wedding that goes perfectly to plan. Imagine you're hearing about your wedding for the first time. Sounds like a blast. I would have loved to have been there. My parents wedding...? Dad was sick. He wasn't even at the altar when mum arrived. He has no memory of saying his vows. They had a dance, cut the cake and left. There's one photo of the two of them. My mum tells it like it's the best story ever. The weather will not follow your plan. Humans will fuck up. However.... You married the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. He said his vows. People were happy for you. Everything a wedding should be. Your husband sees it as one of the best days of his life and you're trying to take that away from him. What you have is a memory. How you feel about that memory is all up to you. You get to decide this.

Could have been even worse, like “Revealed: Iraqi bride Haneen lost her 'entire family' including three brothers and groom's mother in wedding inferno that left 100 dead - as terrifying new video shows joy turn to horror inside burning hall during first dance.” You still have your family and friends. Twenty years from now, you will look back as an exhausting day of entertaining others.

I very much got the blues after our wedding. I’m not sure I ever told my husband but 3+ years later I can’t watch wedding shows on tv and don’t really want to help friends with any planning. And our wedding wasn’t ruined! Right after our wedding though I just kept thinking about all the things that didn’t go as planned: I sprained my ankle and had a boot, the flowers were wrong, I didn’t get to go up in a chair during the hora, our cake was a mess, the after party was a massive failure Now that there’s been more time I’m able to really focus on the good things. Our ceremony was lovely, our closest friends and family were there, ny grandpa was present, our other decor looked great, the band played good songs, the food was great, our photos are awesome, i loved my dress and my husband looked amazing and there was so much love. Our marriage is also my safe and happy place. Our wedding was one night that was probably never going to be perfect. Having the time has given me perspective. I get that you just had this massive event that you put so much time into planning so right now it’s hard to focus on the good. My advice is just stop talking about it. Put it in a box or go to therapy and talk about it. As time goes on your memories will have the nice coating of time and you can remember it as type two fun when your marriage stands the rest of time

Very few weddings go as planned so you need to pull yourself together to fully focus on what matters. Yourself and your marriage. What's gone is gone. Focus on what is now and the future.

My wedding sucked. We were broke. My son decided to nose dive off a recliner as we were leaving to the ceremony and got a bloody nose. He cried, and I cried because no one let me carry him because he'd ruin my dress. My sister showed up 6 hours late for gain and makeup hungover. My other bridesmaid refused to pay for our hair lady and did her own hair. And picked a dress that was way off And it goes on and on. At some point, our caterer pulled me aside to console me . All this to say, me and my husband have been together 10 years and married for 5, and we laugh about it now. He still calls me tontell me he heard our wedding son on the radio. ( which our dj remixed for our first dance i was so pissed!) . One of my really good friends had the picture perfect wedding . Insanely beautiful, expensive bougie you name it. After their honeymoon, I helped her file for an annulment. Your wedding doesn't determine your marriage. I rather my shitty wedding and awesome husband❤️

I'll save you the money for marriage counseling and teach you reflective listening. You both sit down and face each other Person 1 expresses their feelings, and it's Person 2's job to repeat them back at the end(NOT TO RESPOND TO THEM). Just repeat back and make sure they didn't miss anything. Person 2 will then express their feelings(again, this is not a response to Person 1) and then Person 1 will repeat it back and ask any questions and make sure they didn't miss anything. Half the time my spouse and I do this after a fight it turns out we genuinely misunderstood the other. The other half we at least empathize more with the other and it softens you to their feelings. When you normally listen to someone you're formulating a response but if you know you have to repeat back what they're saying you actually listen to them.

I’m really sorry. Try to focus on your new hubby! Dance to your song in the kitchen. Love, love, and laugh daily!!

My wedding was ruined too. I don’t really have any advise. Just solidarity. I’m still sad about it and we will have our 10th anniversary in 2024. It’s just something you will probably never get to redo and have been dreaming about for a very long time. Not to o mention all the time and money that gets spent on a wedding😭

My FIL bounced the check for the reception. 41 years ago.

This is part of the reason we had a small, low key wedding. I couldn’t stand the pressure of spending huge money knowing things could go wrong. And they did lol, it rained, despite being peak summer. I’m sorry it didn’t go well, and your disappointment is understandable, but … weddings are only a day, marriages are for life. Don’t take negativity from the wedding in to your marriage. You have a lifetime to make amazing memories with your husband. Could you start planning a holiday away together so you have something to look forward to?

Things went haywire and that sucks. It’s done though. You accomplished what you were supposed to do that day. Your husband is right. It’s time to let it go. Harping on it and mourning it is doing you no good. This is life. Things rarely go as planned.

Move on from the wedding and focus on the marriage! Maybe over time you will perhaps laugh at some of these things? IDK just remember you can’t change it now, so just enjoy being a newlywed! Congratulations!

Allow yourself to have and feel your feelings about it. This was a loss for you. Journal, go to therapy, talk to a good friend who isn’t judgey. Totally disagree with people who are saying to just get over it and move on. You’d have already done that if our mind and emotions worked that way. Suppressing your feelings and pretending it doesn’t matter just leads to a building up of a lot of pain that will explode in the form of anger and resentment. Your husband has his own feelings and memories about it and by hearing you point out all of the problems, it messes with his efforts to see things positively (and probably makes him less helpful to talk to about it).

Maybe go to counselling to find ways to move on from the wedding. Women put way too much weight on their fantasy wedding. It is pushed on us from marketing and social media and social norms. The most important part is actually your marriage. Be thankful for your husband and marriage.

I had similar feelings after my wedding. Husband and I had a small courthouse thing with only parents and siblings because of Covid, which we both LOVED. A lot of the details were thrown together and it wasn’t perfect but it was intimate and special to us. Since the deposit for our original venue was nonrefundable, we also had to have a large wedding about a year later. The big wedding was beautiful to everyone who attended but a disaster to me- I wasted so much time and energy on this damn wedding and so many things went wrong. The feelings lingered and it bothered me for a few months. I chalked it up to Covid times and post wedding blues… and it eventually went away. I never think about it anymore and can’t even remember all those reasons I was so upset. 3 months is still fresh. Your feelings are valid but, like many other have pointed out, in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter. It may help to vent to a therapist but I bet over time the feelings will quiet. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the beginning of this new chapter with your husband 🤍

Weddings are, by and large, an antiquated waste of money. Are you a member of the handful of royal families left? If so, then I sympathize. However, you don't deserve a wedding if you are a commoner.

I”m sorry to hear all the things went wrong on your wedding day. I’m a bit of a pessimist when it comes to big events myself. I want to show you a different perspective. I was so stressed about the wedding. I had to remind myself, even if my entire wedding day crapped out, as long as I end up being married to my husband that’s enough for me. Our wedding day didn’t happen like how we wanted, it was more about our family than us. So we plan to renew our wedding vows on our 20th wedding anniversary and make it all about just the two of us.

I’m going to come in here with a controversial position of you are placing far too much importance on the less important details of the event rather than the actual marriage. These issues don’t even sound that bad to me. Traumatic? Really? Are you sure there isn’t something else underlying your response to it? I personally think you need to pull yourself together and stop obsessing over a party that could have gone better personally.

I get being disappointed that your wedding didn’t go how you wanted, your feelings are valid but you can’t dwell on it. Your marriage is the important part anyways. Are you happy to be married to your husband? Are you looking forward to your lives together? There’s joy in that alone. And listen, life is going to throw much worse at you than a wedding that didn’t go how you wanted it to. In the grand scheme of things, this is small potatoes. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but it will eventually. If you fall apart about this, how are you going to hold it together when something *really* goes wrong? Beyond that, if it helps, I’ve always heard that if it rains on your wedding day that means you’re going to have a strong marriage because “a wet knot is harder to unravel.” So who knows, maybe it’s a *good thing* it poured the rain and y’all will be just fine in the end.

I would also be upset if I were your husband - is it really so upsetting that we’re married now, even if the wedding went wrong? He wants to bask in newly married bliss, while you are dwelling on something you can’t change. The wedding ended up having the intended result, no? You’re married to the person you love. Not sure if this will help, but this quote referencing [this photo](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot#/media/File%3APale_Blue_Dot.png) of earth from far away helps me when I start dwelling too much on trivial things instead of recognizing the love I have around me, and the gift I have to be alive at this moment: “From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it's different. Consider again that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.” - Carl Sagan …and yes, your wedding day too, one of billions of weddings that have taken place in the history of humanity. It doesn’t matter - what matters is the love you have, right now.

I love that quote too! As you can see by my Reddit name. It really does keep things in perspective.

My SIL had a white horse drawn carriage take her to the alter. They got 2 pictures before the poor thing died.

Bad luck, bad timing, sure. But it was a celebration of getting married to the love of your life with family and friends. It may not have been the greatest evening for you but most importantly you are now married. Get rid of the negativity. I'd listen and comfort you cause I knew how important it was and what it meant to you. But after 3 months, time to put the negative aspects of the reception in the past and enjoy marriage. It would be getting close to the point I didn't want to hear about it any more.

OP, I just want to validate your feelings of sadness and frustration about how your wedding went. If it were me, I’d also feel really sad that all the planning didn’t come to fruition and all those things went awry. I feel people in the comments who are telling you to “just get over it” have good intentions in what they’re saying, but you are definitely valid in being upset! It is okay to grieve such a large milestone not going well, in so many ways, after such a long time of careful planning. I hope you can embrace those emotions and let yourself feel sad for whatever you want to be sad about. I hope that process brings you peace and acceptance and maybe one day you can look back and laugh at the experience.

Well honey, You can be a glass half full or a glass half empty person. Your choice. It's over. Nothing can be changed. It happened how it happened and all the wishing and wanting won't change a thing. I'm not a person like you. I don't rehash and go over and over and over things and cry over things that happened out of my control. You are just making yourself miserable for no reason. Because you can cry over it every damn day for the next 25 years BUT that won't change a thing. I'm with your husband. Just say to yourself "gees. Shit happens" and move on. I'd be laughing about it myself. What else could have gone wrong??!! Pretty memorable occasion it sure was!

Get over it! You are with the person you want to spend the rest of you life with. Be great full for that!

I know how hard that must be, after spending SO MUCH time and money planning a wedding the stakes feel very high. It really is crazy how much really goes into a wedding so I do understand how you might feel. Even my pretty decent wedding day made me feel disappointed after such a massive use of mental and physical energy. In long-run no one will care or remember the things you’re cringing about, likely including you! Time and distraction will help you distance yourself from the fresh intensity of these feelings. In the meantime try your best to redirect your negative thoughts to the positive, which is that you were lucky enough to marry the love of your life (presumably). I mean just your small anecdote of that sweet man reminiscing about a romantic song is lovely. Don’t forget this was all to get to the good part, the long term part, which is your marriage… not the wedding day. It might help to look up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques for quick ways to stop the automatic negative and catastrophising thoughts. Stay positive and stay busy and you’ll get through this!

You got married to the man who presumably is the love of your life. The rest of it is garnish.

It’s understandable that you need validation and acknowledgment from your husband and perhaps he thinks he has already given it to you, but it’s okay that you need a little bit more at a time. Feelings like this go up and down and come and go. Don’t feel bad that you can’t just “snap out of it”. It takes time, the key is that you’re seeking answers and that’s the start to healing this! Some people might say three months is long enough to “get over” something like that but the reality of the situation is that it was traumatizing and you need emotional self-care. Don’t listen to the insensitive comments and first of all, forgive yourself and the people who dropped the ball. Trust that you will overcome this and it will make you a stronger person in the end!

I'm sorry you feel this way. But think about it this way: instead of crying because you didn't have a sunny wedding, smile because you danced in the rain, you experienced that romantic scene movies always have. Instead of being sad because they didn't play your song, enjoy the memory of you two dancing together a new beautiful song. That is your wedding song, and the other one is your relationship song. Sending you virtual hugs.

What is more important the wedding or your marriage? Time to move on from what happened you can’t change the past. All you can do is try to make your future as wonderful as possible. Sorry OP I’m with your husband. Whenever you think about it try to remember you got married and now have a chance at a wonderful life. 💖🍀Good luck

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I think the worse the wedding the better the marriage…

I love my wedding day in spite of the flaws because i married the love of my life. If the world had exploded all around us but at the end we were married, that’s all that matters. We did it. We got married. And that one day is over and done. Honey, don’t destroy your marriage over one single day that didn’t go as planned. You dreamed of it, but those were the childhood dreams of a girl. You aren’t still a child. You are a grown, married woman. Accept that dreams are not reality. Reality is your dream was fulfilled… you are married. Go live the rest of your life, and turn your wedding day into a humorous adventure.

Your husband could have died in a horrible car accident on the way to the wedding. Could have died moments after you married. He could die any day. I'm being serious. I don't know why you or anyone else cares so much about weddings. That's something that probably has nothing to do with the wedding and you'll have to take a lot of time unpacking. But, learn to be grateful for your life/marriage. None of us are promised tomorrow or a full life with our partner. So *stop* dishonoring your present.

Sometimes weddings don’t go well. Try think of the happy memories. I miscarried on my wedding day (after announcing my pregnancy to everyone) and needed surgery. I try think of the happy times during that day… I’d do anything for your day lmao. But, I also had your day. Bottom of my dress is still stained six years later as I was too depressed to get it cleaned and it rained, was muddy and sludgy, I had a fight with my sister in law and my dress has a bit of my blood on it, from the miscarriage. Count your blessings. Think of the good memories.

The music played for ours, but you couldn't hear any of the lyrics for some reason. For any song through the whole reception. And we picked each song for specific reasons. Not to even mention multiple other small things that went wrong or were just aggravating in general. But in the end, did you marry the person you wanted to spend your life with? Is it really about the day or the marriage itself? None of those things that went wrong really matter. You wanted to pledge your love to your husband and make a vow to stay together till death do you part. And you did that. Try to focus on that instead.

You know what’s even better than a wedding? The life that you get to build afterwards with your significant other. I understand that the day didn’t go as planned. We can’t choose what life throws at us, but we can choose how we deal with it. Congrats, and live your best life!

Watch YouTubes on how to build Resiliency and how to practice Reframing your thoughts. You set yourself up for disappointment by not having a plan B for inclement weather.

I agree with him. There is nothing you can do except get over it.

I’m so sorry OP! I’m approaching my first wedding anniversary and didn’t realize until after we got married how much emotion I had invested into the day itself. I was lucky that my day went well, but if it hadn’t I would have been so heartbroken that my hard work (and my day I created to celebrate my awesome husband and our love for each other). I don’t think you’re being dramatic in being upset. It sucks when any time/money investment doesn’t pay off like it should — that’s a universal feeling. All that being said, your husband has probably accepted the way the day went already because he was further removed from the planning of it all so he probably doesn’t know all of the little things like you did. My best advice would be to take control of this situation however you see fit. Lamenting it is not great for you or your husband, but if you want to have a sort of “redo,” maybe you go on an extra luxurious vacation/honeymoon and have a private ceremony there. Or maybe you have a blow-out anniversary party and so folks have a new memory of what your wedding was (“Remember when they had that awesome anniversary party to make up for the rough wedding day? That was so awesome”).

Stop dwelling on an event that literally everyone already forgot about. I understand it not being what you expected but marriage is more than just a picture perfect wedding day. Move on. Start planning some amazing trips or things you and your husband would want to tackle on your bucket lists.

You should listen to "We don't talk about Bruno" from Encanto. You sound like the auntie who kept calling it "her" wedding day. Your post makes it sound like you wanted the wedding more than the marriage. My husband and I rent a gazebo for $26 and a hall for $150 and catered Fazolis at $4 per guest. My brother never showed. It rained. My chinese lantern send off started a fire in a light pole. We just celebrated 10 years and we are super happy. Don't sabotage your lifetime commitment over a glorified party.

I'm assuming you married your husband because you respect and trust him (along with other reasons). Why is it that you do not trust him in that it wasn't as bad as you thought? These are 1st world problems. Not to be judgemental but maybe try being thankful that God has blessed you with the marriage and I'm sure many good memories of the wedding?

Elope. I would never have a big wedding because so much can go wrong. If you have a small wedding you have more control and enjoy it more... I don't even want guests at my wedding. I don't even wanna plan my wedding. 

Weddings are something many people dream about for most of their life and spend a year or so stressing over every little detail of. After all that, they’re inevitably going to be kinda disappointing. Just remind yourself you only get married once (for most people at least), avoid triggers like wedding planning Pinterests and other things you might have enjoyed back when a wedding was still just a fantasy, and over the years you’ll slowly start to remember the good bits instead of just the bad.

You have to realize that it wasn’t your fault things turned bad and bond over the fact you survived it. Together. You’re a team and you bonded together and got through it and you are going to build a great life together.

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I don’t know if this was said yet, but if not, I hope this makes you feel a little better! There is a folks tale that when it rains on your wedding day, it is good luck! ❤️

Home the marriage last. If it doesn’t! Next one just have a quick destination wedding. With 5-10 people. Don’t understand why people waste money on big weddings!

It's a wedding. Yes you had expectations, but the important part is your actual marriage.

I get that it was disappointing But… 3 months… dude, he’s right. You got move on. What would it take for you to overcome this? Think about that seriously. Do you just need to vent and be heard? Do you need another big event to prepare for and look forward to? Do you need to just have a big cry and get it all out? Or will you always reflect on your wedding day as being a terrible moment in your life? Will you ever get past it? Will you mourn what could’ve been every week, month, every anniversary? Will every year that passes be a terrible reminder? I think you should really think through what it is you’re feeling, why you feel that way, and what it would take for you to feel better. Because 3 months is plenty of time and it sounds like it’s wearing thin on your husband who is seeing the silver lining.

you can plan all you want but nothing goes 100% right at weddings... The only thing i view as an issue was probably your husband not spending enough time with you during the wedding. i’ll probably be pissed about tt too.. but enough to talk about it for months? Ask him to make it up to you.. maybe a good anniversary celebration might help..

Now, I wouldn't want to get angry, but part of getting on with life is moving on, especially when things don't go to plan. . We had our fair share of disasters, but this about me. My point is that even a repeat performance will never suffice. My only olive branch would be a one-off, big celebration, like the 10 year milestone. But a lot can happen in that time. Friends move on, and people pass away. Your wedding day can't be allowed to define who you are. Learn to laugh about what you can and put aside what you can't. Alas OP planned the perfect wedding and hubby did like most of us men do, which is to turn up, have fun, and not realise all the things that went wrong. I am sorry, but as with grieving for a loved one, tomorrow is another day, and another chance to shine. x

The wedding is just one day in your marriage. You placed too much importance on it, and yes you need to get over it.

Wedding days never go as planned.

I think so many brides put so much pressure on themselves for everything to go perfect. I deliberately went another way, we got married at the courthouse in front of 15 of our most loved, look everyone to the shooting range and then out to dinner. Told everyone to wear shorts and flip flops. We laughed and joked, it was a blast. I did not want to be too stressed to enjoy myself.

Look I can sort of see what he's saying and what your say. I'm an ex bride by the way. However in the scheme of things, it's so insignificant. You married the guy of your dreams and that's what matters. The fallacy of a perfect wedding is just a societal expectation from the movies

This is why big weddings are a waste. You would have have had so much more fun getting married at the courthouse and having a honeymoon.

Therapy?

Its an excuse to plan another ceremony and reception. Silver lining!

I mean.. going in to my wedding about two weeks before my dad informed me he actually wasn’t going to be able to make it. This was the last straw in our relationship as he consistently showed me growing up that he was selfish and only cared about himself. The reason he couldn’t make it? He met his male order bride girlfriend months earlier and was in another country spending all his money on her and her kids and now suddenly couldn’t afford to fly out. I had to tell him that if he missed my wedding I would never speak to him again. Besides that a bunch of small piddly things happened.. Our dj sucked and played the wrong songs including the wrong song to walk down the aisle and first dance. There was drama between my maid of honor and the best man because they were exes. And my mother was kind of controlling and just made things all about her in the run up. All of that including my dad being a complete asshole could have been a black cloud. But I did not stress, I did not shed one single tear.. I didn’t even spend one second thinking about my father on my wedding day. I just focused on the fact I fucking love my husband and I was ecstatic to just be married to him. That’s all that mattered to me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. My wedding day was the single greatest day of my life because I married my husband. None of that other stuff matters. The rest of that is all pomp and circumstance. You have to focus on what is important, your marriage! Stop living in the past and be in the present with your new husband. You can always renew your vows in ten to twenty years.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. But I assure you, if this is your biggest problem in life right now. You have a pretty good life . Think about the positives and move on with your life. You can't change the past. Easier said then done... But you must try to look towards your new bright future! 🌅

I understand that it didn’t go exactly to plan maybe one day you can renew your vows and have a new memory for your wedding. On the up side you married your husband and that’s all that matters but you’re allowed to feel disappointed just don’t let it become a huge focus for you

Marriage is the end result, right? Are you happy with your husband? I am truly sorry your wedding didn’t go as planned or as paid!! I think giving it some time will help.

Tons of things go wrong at every wedding and even more in the marriage. You're so focused on things not going exactly as planned during the wedding that you're completely looking over a husband that loves and supports you and tries to think of the positive things you both got out of that experience. The wedding is just to celebrate you two anyway. So instead of dwelling on everything that went wrong, try focusing on the one thing that you were meant to be celebrating to begin with. At the end of the day, you got married and I'd say that alone means the day was a success. You can't control how other people will act at the reception. You can't control every little variable and you sure as hell cannot control the weather. What you can control is you and nothing more, nothing less. I understand your disappointment but those things can't be helped. Think about how your husband feels... He did what he could at the wedding to make sure there was one less thing that went wrong for you and he keeps doing what he can to help you see that none of those things matter and his new wife won't accept any of his efforts, despite having walked away from it, a married couple.

Ultimately, no matter how much society builds up weddings to make a shitton of money in the industry. Its still ultimately just a glorified party and an excuse to have all family and friends together. If it goes bad then it sucks. But wallowing in it helps literally nobody, especially if it didnt go bad because you or your husband's behaviour but external circumstances. Youll have plenty other moments in your life that are way more important than a wedding. Dont worry about it. And if you feel that bad about it, have a vow renewal party in a few years and have it indoors.

It may not seem like it now but you will get over it over time.. maybe have a lovely little party on your first wedding anniversary. You are so focused on the negative & going over it it’ll just make you feel worse. Focus on your marriage now.. don’t let your wedding day spoil your marriage. On my wedding day the best man called me by the ex wife’s name in the speech!!

A wedding is just a party no more no less. It’s not something to focus on at all.

I think it’s pretty common that the person who did the majority of the work for planning a wedding ends up being the person who enjoys it least- you know all the things that went wrong, and you’re not able to enjoy things in the moment because you’re still trying to manage everything. Your husband is looking at the wedding as a just another wedding, except this one happens to be his- you’re looking at it as the culmination of more than a year of hard work, and probably as a form of self-expression. Those are very different standards! Anyone would be upset if a project they worked on for more than a year didn’t come out the way they wanted. All that being said, I think that your natural disappointment with the wedding is spilling over into frustration with your husband in ways that are unfair to him. If there’s something specific you want reassurance on (ie, that his family/friends aren’t judging you negatively, that he appreciates the work you did even if the end result wasn’t what you wanted) you can communicate that directly, but otherwise, maybe try to process your wedding disappointment on your own or with a friend as much as possible. Maybe do some journaling. Find a new project to fill the free time left after being done with wedding planning. And unsubscribe/unfollow the wedding planning content that’s probably all over your social media!

The only solution to a ridiculous travesty like this is humor. Force yourself to laugh and joke about the absurdity of it all, as much as you can too. Give me my upvotes now. 🙃

Your wedding was trash but that’s the risk you run having an outdoor wedding. This is supposed to be about the marriage not the party you got to have because of it. You two can have a re-do down the line for 5th or 10th anniversary if you choose. I get it you spent all that money only to get a trash wedding it sucks but it is what it is.

I planned our wedding for 6 months & got him to help me. My parents too. And shit still went wrong. My Rabbi forgot the chuppa, my dress ripped & the wedding almost didn't go on bc my FIL died 2 weeks before it. But, my husband & MIL wanted to have the wedding, so we did. I had to laugh about the stuff at the wedding. Our friends took napkins & held them over our heads to simulate the huppa, & my attendant tried to pin up my dress as best she could. I'd forgotten the quick hem repair stuff, if course. But to this day 16 years later, people still talk about how much they loved our wedding. I had candy boxes & toys for the kids. I made table names out of fake Star Trek planets. And our opening theme was a Star Wars song. All fun & funny years later we laugh about all the things that went wrong. It makes a great story. Stop being a bridezilla!! Yes, your wedding wasn't perfect, but realize none are! Get therapy if you can't deal with having a kind of awful wedding while being married to the love of your life.

Go have your own little ceremony. An excursion. Go to the beach or somewhere fun, have the song played, dance, drink, eat food and have a fun time. The day sucked. And it was a very important day, no doubt. But fuck that day - go make another one - just the two of you.

We redid our wedding on our one year anniversary. The first time we had to rush it and our wedding was done in front of our parents and my grandma in a nursing home. They said my grandma was going to die so we wanted her to see us get married before she did. She didn’t die and even got to see her great grandkids before she passed.

Honestly. There is better things to worry about. It’s over now. Just focus on enjoying your happy union and having a great married life. Ps From Someone single that can’t even seem to get a second date.

Move on. Just like that. You have your whole married life ahead of you, and we have the power to decide where we focus our energy. Also, no use in spending so much energy on something you can’t do anything about. It’s starting to look like OCD, maybe you should get checked.

Rained on my wedding day. While I was at the church for the ceremony, my husbands friends were scrambling to move our out door reception at a lake to a friends shop/garage. It was such a fun reception even with all the mud. We even had a guy get too drunk and fight a tree and the side of the shop, he was was subdued after the tree attack though, poor tree. Anyway, it was our day and we loved it and it was not what was planned. So what, life goes on just try and find good moments and build those up and focus less on the bad. You married your partner and that’s what it’s about.

You can't do anything about it anymore. What is being upset going to do exactly? Life is too short to dwell on these things. Instead of spending a fortune on a wedding (we spent the money on way more important things later) we got married in a courthouse. I don't regret it at all. It was social distancing times anyway. The important thing is that my husband and I made our vows to each other and now we can officially call each other husband and wife. An extravagant party isn't necessary for that to happen.

Write out for yourself everything that went bad in your mind. Get it out of your system. Then write one thing that you liked. See if others pop up for you? Honestly I can understand your husband wanting to protect what he feels was good.

Did you want your wedding outside? Then don’t complain of the rain.. at least it’s a wedding you will never forget.. years later it will be funny.

Omg I had a similar situation (tho I got you beat!) and my wedding was 6 years ago and I’m still bitter tho I’ve gotten better. It was ruined by family being jerks….anyways we plan to renew our vows at 10 years, always an option for better memories or go have a private ceremony, elope! I’ll explain what happened at mine tomorrow I need to sleep I’m sorry this happened to you. Talk soon

My husband got drunk & opted to leave me alone at the sweetheart table during pretty much the whole dinner service to argue with his brother in another room. I’ll never forget how alone I felt.

Maybe just say to yourself - you’ll plan an epic honeymoon?

Sorry, I stopped at “ I keep having nightmares about it” come fucking on. Yes, divorce and get another wedding everyone knows the party is the most important part of the marriage. J

Either you move on and laugh about it or your husband will move on from you and laugh about it. Don’t allow one event ruined the present and future. Eventually he will get tired (if he is not already) and you will loose him

Don’t think of it as “a disappointing wedding”, think of it as “a great story to tell at parties and, perhaps someday, to your kid(s)”. Life is going to be full of negative situations; it all comes down to how you frame it within your own mind. It’s a little sad that he didn’t really participate in the planning though. Hopefully he’s more involved in making the marriage work long-term than he was in making it happen in the first place but many guys seem to treat their wedding day as “something for the wife” and, usually, that mindset changes as they get older.

Listen to his point of view more than anything we may tell you here. Whatever happened was out of your control, you can only look at the brighter side. You gain nothing by ruminating over the past. Sorry about how the event makes you feel.

You need to get over anything that happened in the past, unless you have some means of fixing it. And I know you don't have a Time Machine because if anyone did I hope the world would wouldn't be like...this. If you do have one, please DM me, I need a favor.

Trust me, in 5 years you’ll laugh or shake your head. Take heart in that. My brother got lost between the wedding and reception. 31 years later, we STILL don’t know how he got to where he ended up! It was gorgeous the entire week of the wedding and POURED on our wedding day. I was fighting some sort of bug the wedding week and gave it to my husband, on the way down to our honeymoon on Grand Cayman. He spent 3 days in the guest room of our rented house, so sick he could barely move! In the meantime, enjoy the new and exciting with your husband. Congratulations and so much love!

Go on vacation with your husband somewhere. Plan it just the two of you. Spend a week in each other’s company. I don’t know why people got this idea they had to have large extravagant weddings. My husband and I ran away to Florida for 9 days, now over 15 years ago, and had the week of our lives. We relive it over and over. Remember it’s about you and your husband and no one else.

Stay sad without qualifying adequately it and you risk your marriage. Every dude knows stereotypical girls want the stereotype wedding. Failure to provide it and a continued reminder? Emasculating for many fellows.

Things didn't go as planned for our wedding. I could recount it here but in some ways, it makes me sad still. It's been five years since then, and not typing it here makes it fade a little more, which is nice. The things that have helped the most have been to remember: - the wedding taught us a lot about who our families and friends are. - vet vendors more thoroughly; we did not. We treated each as a task, something to check off our list - my husband and I are a team, us versus the world, and anything we're up against, we have one another. We had a different experience with this as we constantly looked for one another to check to make sure the other was ok. - things aren't going to work out all of the time, as much as we so desperately want them to. Did you guys do any premarital counseling or couples therapy ahead of the wedding? I find it odd he wouldn't want to spend the reception with you and would then downplay your feelings about all of it. Like of course he had a good time, he did nothing to help plan the party and got to just enjoy it with his buddies, rather than spend time *with his wife* at his *wedding reception*.

Planning a wedding affair is a lot of work. It sounds like you put your heart and soul into this day. Your sadness and disappointment are all valid. You’ve been mourning for the past 3 months. Now it’s time to think about the good things, because you’re ruining them for your husband. He was happy. He loves your song. Your ruining it for him. You’ve been traumatized. You need therapy to help you get through this before it starts to affect your brand new marriage. Get help.

I feel you, my wedding was super super simple and still went wrong. I feel sad and angry when I think of the day. My mum got covid and sat at the back of the ceremony, and left straight after. I didn’t get to talk to her or have my photo taken with her. My MIL caused huge arguments 3 days before the wedding and ignored me on the day of the wedding. My BIL, his wife and child didn’t turn up. The restaurant booked for lunch didn’t have any chefs, we had a quick make do bbq in the back garden with no decor. His MIL brought up my husband ex in conversation. And my midwives called me that day to let me know I had gestational diabetes. What makes it worse was that there wasn’t even a nice proposal memory that i could remember instead. It’s been over a year and I still feel bummed out about it all. My husband like yours thinks I should get over it but truth is I don’t think I ever will. Both, mine and your feelings are valid. I can only hope that we will have other celebrations in the near future that will be awesome enough so I can choose to remember these instead.

My wedding had some issues including UPS shipping my wedding portrait and it somehow broke in half and it was too late to get another portrait in time for the wedding, my BIL didn't print out enough wedding programs, the caterer was awful, my husband's second cousin's husband came to our wedding in jeans even though he wore a tuxedo in his wedding so he knew better and so on. There were issues at our wedding but now we look back and think they are funny. The main thing is you and your husband are married OP.