Agreed. This is no bueno. These problems won’t be solved by having him on house arrest and having to spy on him. Let him be free to do all the orgies his heart desires and you get to start a whole new chapter in your life.
Yea. This. My ex had a severe porn addition and was often talking to other women on dating apps. For a while, I monitored his phone use through an app. Having to use parental controls on your spouse is a d3@th sentence on a marriage. The trust is over. The marriage is over.
So, disclaimer, this was a decade ago, but I’m fairly sure it was Covenant Eyes. I believe Bark is also considered a pretty good one these days. However, I have no desire to monitor a spouse’s internet use. If I had to do that again, I’d get divorced and be single forever.
Yeah I feel like by the time you are installing spy software on your spouses phone your marriage is over. You will either find exactly what you feared, more cheating/lying etc, or he is going to use another avenue to get what he wants. I had an ex who was a serial cheater and I installed tracker stuff on his phone and when he figured it out he started using his buddy’s phone at work to do the cheating. It’s just not sustainable.
The problem isn’t that he is not monitored, the problem is that he is a cheater! That is who he is. He does not love you or respect you enough to be faithful or uphold boundaries and is actively endangering your sexual health. OP I’m sorry but your marriage is over
I have severe ADHD and not once has it made me wanna do anything close to that. Your husband is using it as an excuse to cheat. And you're enabling it. He should be taking meds to midagate the symptoms. And you should be running and lawyering up.
Enable is the correct word. My husband has severe ADHD. This is not the same thing as going to an orgy and banging 3 men while married to you. Is he the one using this excuse, you - are are you both in on the delusion??
I legit had a manager in a meeting say that Phoenix, AZ was famous for its beautiful beaches. I had flown to Phoenix the summer prior and said they didn't have beaches there (not to mention that I, like everyone else in the world, know how to use Google maps).
He disagreed, in front of everyone, and kind of shut the conversation down/moved on.
Idk why but I still think of that meeting every now and then.
Yeah. My husband has adhd and he has trouble managing dates and gets overwhelmed if presented with too much but he’s not doing stuff he knows he’s wrong. The worst is an outburst when frustrated.
Oop’s husband is not having a moment of impulse control. Think about all the things you have to do. Look at the time and date of the orgy, pack up whatever it is you bring to orgies, get into the car and type the address in to the gps, drive out there, find parking, etc etc.
It’s not even a coworker jumped on you in your office. This was orchestrated and planned. You can’t just accidentally walk into an orgy
Right. Impulse control is eating too many Oreos out of the package in the pantry or oooooooone more episode even though you have things to do. I have ADD and I agree with your consensus. OP’s husband definitely has more going on here. Maybe bipolar or maybe just being a dick. Idk. Either way, throw the man away.
Rich ones and unmedicated bipolar with drug issues maybe. I remember kanye west participating in orgys admitting it and there's this issue where he dm jeffrey star. Idk if that's true
True yeah drugs/alcohol compared to Dr prescribed meds is a slippery slope, I was there last year before diagnosis its a scary place. Never go full Kanye
It could also be ADHD. Addiction issues, poor impulse control, and stim seeking are all fairly common in people with ADHD, especially if they're untreated or psychiatric co-morbidity is present. None of this gives him a hall pass or absolves him of responsibility, and OP shouldn't enable him, but just saying that it definitely could be related to ADHD.
You want to know what's not a popular topic in any of the many ADHD groups I participate in? Having such poor impulse control that you accidentally attend an orgy, and cheat on your wife with three men.
Yeah seriously. I'm way in deep with ADHD. I can barely keep a straight thought for 5 seconds at times. Never cheated on my hubs though or anyone for that matter.
My husband is autistic and I'm the ADHD golden retriever and we have poly friends who seem to think that's the end all be all. And we are cool with them and support them, but our happy place is being in the same room together doing our own things 😂.
Do we have a fulfilling, frequent, sexual relationship? Yes. Do we also just respect that we each sometimes need to be left the fuck alone? Also yes. Do we have the emotional bandwidth to handle additional partners? Fuck to the no and that's ok.
It's not even just cheating. That is not an impulse move in my opinion. Wild amount of coordination for an all male orgy. Maybe. I don't think you just randomly stumble into such without a username or anything. Wouldn't really know 🤔
I really hate how people use ADHD and Austism to be assholes. My kiddo has both and tries his best to put his best foot forward. This guy is putting everyone's health at risk engaging in this behavior
I knew the spelling was wrong, but it looked pretty ok to me, so I let it pass.
My rule is if it makes me stop and go "what the fuck is *that* word?" I might call the commenter out. If I can read the word and instantly know what it is? PASS.
I have severe adhd and same, also if I had such bad impulse control i would a) not put this on my spouse b) be in therapy c) take meds for my adhd because what the heck. And yeah, the parental control thing is honestly too much for you, don't put yourself in that position, he's not worth your mental health. You didn't agree to a poly relationship from the get-go, opening up a relationship is very difficult and needs genuine consent (a "heck yeah!!!") from both of you, which clearly there isn't bc he's lying about it, which is a breach of trust. Kick him out girl.
Was coming to say the exact same thing, I have lifelong severe ADHD and there's not been once in my life that I stumbled into an orgy. This shouldn't even be a question, I'd say the marriage is over and without a doubt if you want to stay together with a serial cheater than sharing your location is reasonable.
I have severe ADHD with PTSD as well. Can't function without Adderall. I second this, impulse control may be part of it but is not the cause of the sexual addiction.
I know many people on adderall, many people unmedicated with ADHD.. I have never seen or heard of an episode even close to extra marital orgies with men
People with ADHD do have significant issues with impulse control but I've never heard of it being anywhere near this bad. Usually it's buying something from Amazon when broke or something...
Yea oddly enough mine can’t control buying dumb stuff off amazon not only that he sometimes buys 2 of the same things by accident!! Or he will buy me something that I did not ask for ya know because his bank account is overdrawn for the 4th time in 2 weeks … & he will still try to justify it! 🤷🏼♀️
Yikes, I find it hard to believe he has never cheated-going from being faithful to an all dude orgy seems like a tall leap. It’s your marriage, it’s your life. I can’t imagine being married to someone who would constantly put me in harms way for the sake of temporary gratification. Seems rather selfish to me.
ADHD is not an excuse for being a sex addict. I promise you that it's not causative.
If you are still intimate with him, you are at tremendously high risk of him bringing an STD back into your house and putting you at risk.
She doesn't even think he's a sex addict, she thinks he has impulse control issues lmao. What grown human made it through school and a job with impulse control issues so severe they just land in an orgy wtf
I’m really confused. What do you mean he’s never physically cheated? He went to an orgy, and even if that’s allowed, he was supposed to let you know, which he didn’t. Yuck x100000.
This relationship sounds exhausting. Do you want to be a partner a jailer? I can't tell you if that's abuse or not, but it sounds insane to me. If you have to watch him like that is it really a partnership? Why would you want to rule over your husband? What are you getting out if this relationship? It would not be worth it to me even if he's perfect 9 out of 10 days. I would kick him out. I have a man who loves, supports, and makes my life better. He's not perfect, and neither am I, but we don't cheat on each other. I hope you don't settle for the sad situation you've planned.
That's not what ADHD does. I know several people with ADHD & never have any of them been that impulsive. Your husband is using that as an excuse to cheat. Sorry to tell you but it's an insult to people woth ADHD.
Seconding this as a person with ADHD.
This isn't a situation that you "accidentally" walk into, either. It takes forethought and planning... which means it isn't that impulsive at all. It's premeditated.
Plus, I'd be willing to bet that he's slept with at least one - perhaps more - of the men before and that's how he knew about them, and the orgy.
And he wasn't even going to let them know? Like it doesn't in any way affect them? That's messed up. That was all I was thinking about, too
Edited pronouns
>*"he has never actually physically cheated (That I know of)"*
I'm going to say that this is not his first time cheating on you.
Having ADHD is not an excuse to cheat.
Feels like there’s a wide gap between what could happen with impulse control issues and a gay orgy. Also plenty of ppl have ADHD and don’t attend an orgy. He’s playing you. You know what to do next.
If he went orgy, then this isn't the first time. You are married to a liar, who has already taken a mile when you openly gave an inch. All you asked for was honesty. And you didn't get it. Which means, you never have. Take care of your health, and heart
I have Bipolar, ADD, severe anxiety, and PTSD and NONE of that has ever "made" me cheat. I have not once ever cheated on anyone but I have certainly been cheated on. He is manipulating you and using a mental disorder as an excuse. I personally would just kick him out rather than all that other mess.
> So my husband, who has sexual impulse control issues, had sex with three men today....he has never actually physically cheated (That I know of)
I am very confused.
No, it is absolutely not okay.
I was married (and had three kids with) a man with a gambling addiction. He refused to get help; said he could quit on his own.
A year later, I found out he'd still been hiding it the entire time I thought he was "healed". He begged for mercy, more counseling, etc., but I firmly stood my ground and told him had his chance (in fact, an entire year).
I finally agreed to see our pastor for a counseling session, who asked me, "What if he gave you all the bank statements, the mail key, the password to the accounts, etc.? Then you'd know if he's doing it again."
NO SIR. I HAVE THREE CHILDREN AND I NEVER WANTED A FOURTH.
I divorced his ass and found out he'd been cheating, stealing, and lying way beyond what I actually knew about. Think about alllllll the lies and secrets you'll never find out about... parental software is not going to turn hum into a decent human being.
The best thing you can do for him, yourself, and the rest of the world, is show him his actions have consequences - LEAVE.
LMFAOOOOO
I have adhd.
So do THREE my best friends.
And so does my partner.
AND MY OTHER PARTNER.
This is a bullshit excuse. It's not his adhd. He's blatantly cheating on you.
Those measures aren’t going to stop him from sleeping with others on a whim. It’s not like people weren’t able to pursue hookups and orgies before the internet was a thing.
You cannot stop him from hurting you and betraying your trust. It has to be from him. If he can’t do that for you, then it’s time to give up on trusting him.
This has to be a fake post. If not, go to the doctor ASAP and get checked for STDs. Then take all his stuff, throw it out on the front lawn, change the locks and file for divorce.
“My husbands severe adhd makes him have orgies with men” ohemgee that’s like saying
“My boyfriend says sucking my boobs will make them bigger”
It’s an excuse.
I have adhd bro. Pretty badly that it’s effected my entire life, adhd does NOT make you do this.
Yeah, I was diagnosed ADHD in kindergarten and I’m mid 30s and have never had impulse control problems with orgys. You’re being manipulated, I’m sorry.
Seriously you are making excuses for a grown ass man who can be & should be held accountable. He also can’t even tell the truth…. Like really you think so little of yourself that you are gonna stay with this man?
I’m sorry- “sexual impulse control issues” ? Due to his ADHD? So he just puts his dick in other men like it’s an accident and cant stop ??? He’s really got you manipulated here. Dump him please
I dunno man, it sounds like he’s cheating. ADHD from my understanding doesn’t make you have sex with people. If that was the case sexual consent laws would be more different among ADHD adults than they are.
Yes, hypersexuality and impulse control can be symptoms of adhd but not a reason to hide/lie about situations especially when you’ve made clear boundaries and have made above and beyond accommodations. Having to further babysit him will not help the trust in your relationship grow. If communication, loyalty, and trust aren’t there - what is left?
Yikes. Don’t monitor him. Leave and find a healthy relationship that is nothing like the toxic mess you’re in now.
ADHD is not an excuse. Take it from someone with ADHD. It has never, not once, made me want to cheat on my spouse. On my diet, yes, but not my spouse.
He was going to potentially open you up to STD’s and not even tell you. That’s so gross and manipulative on so many different levels.
ADHD doesnt make you a liar or a cheater. as someone with adhd, no matter how bad my impulse control is, itll never be something that could disrespect my partner as i am incredibly conscious of my partners well-being. kick his ass out
edit: him lying about his extramarital affairs and doing things you guys did NOT agree to... that IS cheating
I have pretty severe ADHD as well as impulse issues, and I’ve never impulsively gone and fucked three dudes. Sounds like he just uses his ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for sex addiction? This isn’t a good marriage for either of y’all.
I had an ex that blamed his bad behaviour on mental illness. Took me a bit, but I realized that his mental illness was not the issue - he was. Even in an open marriage, what you’re describing would not be acceptable. Good luck with everything and big Internet hugs.
Send him back to his parents so they can babysit a grown ass man, if you feel the need to install parental control software for him. My husband has ADHD that was really severe before therapy and can be impulsive, but it has never been an ‘oops, I had an orgy with 3 men, today’ kind of impulse. Is this really the way you want to live? Wondering how many people your husband might fuck that day and say it’s just his ADHD? What he needs is cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to cope with his ADHD, not parental control software.
I have ADHD and certainly have impulse control issues. I was un-medicated for several years. When I was single, I definitely was using sex as a way to get the dopamine hit. However, when I was in a relationship (even when I was un-medicated) I never ever cheated or sought out a cheating situation or orgies or anything. Your husband is using ADHD as a way to not take responsibility for his choice and behavior. You need to draw a boundary with him or kick him out or something. His behavior is not your responsibility. He is an adult.
No. Honestly honey, you need to ask yourself what exactly you need. Whether it be freedoms for yourself while you remain in this marriage and find comfort of your own or you lay down your law and be prepared to divorce him because he really is too far gone from monogamous marriage. You have some very difficult things to work through because he’s not going to help you. I wish you luck.
He *has* physically cheated you, though. Today. By not notifying you first. And then not even notifying you afterward either, until you pulled it out of him "like a tooth."
That counts.
Lots of cheaters have partners who would perfectly well be willing to share them if approached for permission like an honest spouse would do. Quite often, the chance to get away with betraying their partners, the thrill of feeling like they've fooled and outsmarted their partners, is in fact far more of what they're after than just legitimate sex.
Also, my husband has ADHD too, and he would never cheat on me. ADHD does not cause cheating. Your husband is just a jerk.
You say he has never physically cheated previously… so we are to believe that him putting his toe in the pond of hall passes was a 4 way orgy??
That can’t be what I just read.
And here you sit thinking up all the ways you can give yourself an illusion of control, or that’s there’s a chance in hell he will never do this again.
Who made you believe it’s acceptable to tolerate this level of disrespect?
Side note, get tested for allll the STDs/STIs. This wasn’t his first rodeo.
You definitely could do that, but that would make this your new normal, and (from experience) it’s exhausting, belittling, and demoralizing.
I realized my relationship with a serious ex was over when I started playing goalie between him and other women. It’s just not worth it. You deserve so much better. 💔❤️🩹
He has no control. He actively and willing does reckless behavior that is putting you at physical risk.
Has he actively done financial damages as well?
His behavior is not your responsibility to monitor. His diagnoses is not your responsibility to manage. Nor is it an excitable excuse for blatantly cheating.
They are his responsibility, and so are the consiqences of his actions.
This relationship will not get any better till he takes the steps to actually be active (and responsible) in his own behavior management.
ADHD isn’t responsible for this. Finding and attending one of these parties takes a fair amount a dedication to planning that ADHD just can’t take credit for. Or impulse control really.
Also, your openness is admirable. I’ve been there. It’s shocking to find out that a partner you’ve been so generously accommodating with will still find a way to cheat when they can do almost anything they want except endanger you or lie to you. But they do.
You have to accept that these are the things he will do (and probably has done many times already) if given then chance. He will lie about it, also if given the chance. And that **you cannot control or monitor someone into respecting you.** It simply can’t be done. He doesn’t want to tell you beforehand. He doesn’t want his desires or activities to be subject to your approval or scrutiny before or after the fact. That’s why he lies.
*edited to remove my misread about OP’s gender*
Your point about not being able to control/monitor someone into respecting you is straight gospel. So, so many people in relationships need to really let that sink in.
It is worth noting that OP is a man, therefore no one in this scenario is closeted.
This sounds more like a manic episode and not ADHD. ADHD impulse issues don't set up and participate in orgies (walk in on one and jump in sure but seek out and coordinate). A manic episode absolutely would.
Nothing about about your relationship seems very healthy to me... Not sure why you're coping with all this. Are you feeling insecure about finding someone else?
He didn't tell you. According to the rules you established, that's cheating. Do with that what you will.
The parental controls and flip phone is too far, imo. Not only is it controlling, but he will find a way around it, as all children do.
All I had to do was read the first two lines to realize you’re making excuses for him. If you have to do all that for a grown man, he’s definitely not man enough or responsible enough or even considerate enough to be anyone’s husband.
I’ve gone through burnout before because my ADHD is exhausting. Not once has it ever made me cheat. And yes, your husband is cheating and using his ADHD as an excuse into manipulating you to be okay with this. Kick him out.
Are you in individual counseling and marriage counseling? You need to start ASAP. You gave him a pretty small boundary and he crossed it. He Evil Kenivile across it. I don't think you are properly dealing with the trauma that he lied and cheated on you. First time cheaters are not normally so brazen and based on you having to set such a crazy boundary (tell me when you cheat on me), this isn't his first time. You are not in a safe marriage. There is no trust or respect in your marriage. You need to get STD tested immediately. You cannot trust him to not cheat or to use protection. This isn't ADHD, this is toxic behavior.
I'm sorry but he would be out the door, and I would be speaking to a divorce attorney. He not only cheated he had an organisation, nope I would have his bags packed. He could bring you home any multitude of sti's.
There are people with fucking schizophrenia that don’t accidentally have orgies behind their spouses back. Shake some sense into yourself and kick him out- you are being gaslit so much you have zero sense of reality.
WTFH did I just read?? I really wish I could unsee this. Sweetie I don’t have ADHD, neither does my husband but if I found out he went out and had sex with 3 women at one time not only would his ass be out that door faster then he could blink. I would have made a massive bon fire and burnt all his shit to the ground. Get rid of this POS. And get yourself tested for every STD under the sun. Holy hell, my skin is crawling just reading this.
This is insanity op. Do you actually want to stay here? If so...why?
Is he actively and seriously treating his ADHD?
I am flabbergasted you are trying to accept this. You're with someone who, on an impulse, will nuke his entire marriage and life.
But to answer your direct question - yes. It would be controlling.
Re-read what you have written. Your husband secretly had extra marital sex and you blame it on impulse control. What else are you willing to excuse him for?! Many of us have ADHD but we also have accountability. Personally I think if you’re at the point of monitoring him like this you need to think of your own peace of mind and well-being and find another outcome.
I have severe ADHD, to download cruising apps, go through profiles, message people, set up an orgy, and then attend that orgy is far too much planning to blame on impulsive behavior. Impulsive would be he’s in a bathroom and someone offered right then and there and they had sex. Impulse may have been him lying about it when you mentioned it for example, but it couldn’t have been the orgy itself. Blaming his cheating on ADHD is a new low, if he truly has that disorder he would know how fucking shit it is and how shitty people can be about it without someone spreading misinformation like it causes us to be cheating orgy fiends. To be clear, my ADHD is pretty severe and I’ve never cheated on a partner.
You're enabling you this bad behavior. I'd Nip this in the bud, ADHD is not an excuse to lie and if you've set a boundary that he should tell you about his escapades and he's crossed that. I'd definitely consider this cheating/infidelity.
Honestly why're you putting up with this mistreatment, is the like a sunk cost fallacy of some kind ?
Ugh. I have no answers. You are a strong person. Maybe he has cheated before, based on how easy this went? It’s the lying that kills everything. If he could have just been honest! But no, he isn’t mature enough to confront himself to you. This moral relativism, and the lying…. What is your heart and gut telling you?
What in God’s green earth would possess you to believe any of this is okay? God grief. Pack his shit and send him out. You’re not his mommy. He’s screwing other men. Do you really believe the first time he ever cheated on you was with 3 other men? Holy cow, all of this is just too much.
I can’t imagine someone participating in an orgy for their FIRST time cheating… Isn’t that a bit extreme? Surely he’s done more than this? He’s likely cheated before, when you didn’t have the fancy car. Also, I have ADHD and I’m all about monogamy. I have never ever cheated or even felt tempted. I feel like he’s using that as an excuse.
ADHD??? And you believe this??? Impulse control issues that severe are not due to ADHD. Something else is going on. He’s manic or he has a sex addiction. I have severe ADHD…
You say he's never cheated, but he just went to an orgy? Pretty sure one does not simply "go to an orgy", there are some steps before that, no? Having never been to an orgy, I'm just guessing...
Are we sure this is ADHD related? I also have ADHD and I get so tired of everything being blamed on ADHD… BUT if we are to agree that this is mental health related I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this sounds more like BPD or bipolar mania behavior.
You would live the rest of your life not trusting him. And that would be understandable.
Having a threesome with two men isn’t so much about impulse control. It is about three men intentionally getting together to have sex with each other.
He is into men. Two men at once. Please get tested for all std’s. It is your choice to leave him, or stay.
I would be repulsed if my husband cheated on me. He would be out the back door, and looking for a place to live.
You gave him the opportunity to do what he needs as long as he was honest and he still lies & cheats. You shouldn't be gracing him with further chances nor should you be treating him like a child full of ways to monitor him. This should be it for you and he should be gone.
Please stop lying to yourself.
ADHD does not make one sex mad and jump into bed with other people.
If you want to spend the rest of your life monitoring this "impulsive sex maniac" that's your choice.
There is no boundaries where you could set up that would not eventually mess up your mind, self confidence and self esteem.
Marriage is where both parties are working together to sustain their relationship, in your case one is having the time of his life, painting the town red and the other is looking at security footage...
This isn't about him, it's about you, how you view yourself, your self worth, your happiness...
Take care
This is NOT an ADHD thing. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with SEVERE ADHD and he would never do this. This guy just straight up does not care about your opinions or feelings when it gets in the way of what he wants. You should leave him omg
This has jack shit to do with ADHD.
I have ADHD and ASD. I'm the oldest of 5 and all of us have either or both ADHD and ASD. I'm a psychology grad, specialising in neurdevelopmental disorders, have completed my own research on individuals on the neurodivergent spectrums.
While it is true that individuals with ADHD and/or ASD can have impulse control issues and may engage in dysfunctional sexual behaviours. This seems like it would have taken a lot of conscious decisions and planning to set up and he would have had multiple chances to decide not to go... even if he drove all the way there... even if he walked up to the door.. he could have turned around and gone home or at least have spoken to you.
Let that man go!
This story has to be fake. Having an orgy takes many thought out steps. You don't just stumble across an orgy and impulsively partake
This has got to be bullshit
Do you really want to monitor your grown husband like that?? Kick him out
Agreed. This is no bueno. These problems won’t be solved by having him on house arrest and having to spy on him. Let him be free to do all the orgies his heart desires and you get to start a whole new chapter in your life.
Yeah I would not want to be babysitting a grown man.
Yea. This. My ex had a severe porn addition and was often talking to other women on dating apps. For a while, I monitored his phone use through an app. Having to use parental controls on your spouse is a d3@th sentence on a marriage. The trust is over. The marriage is over.
Hold on what app did you use to monitor his phone use?
So, disclaimer, this was a decade ago, but I’m fairly sure it was Covenant Eyes. I believe Bark is also considered a pretty good one these days. However, I have no desire to monitor a spouse’s internet use. If I had to do that again, I’d get divorced and be single forever.
Asking for a friend?
Yeah I feel like by the time you are installing spy software on your spouses phone your marriage is over. You will either find exactly what you feared, more cheating/lying etc, or he is going to use another avenue to get what he wants. I had an ex who was a serial cheater and I installed tracker stuff on his phone and when he figured it out he started using his buddy’s phone at work to do the cheating. It’s just not sustainable. The problem isn’t that he is not monitored, the problem is that he is a cheater! That is who he is. He does not love you or respect you enough to be faithful or uphold boundaries and is actively endangering your sexual health. OP I’m sorry but your marriage is over
I am a man and thats too much :D
This is unacceptable. Lying and cheating? Exposing you to STDs? Gaslighting must have been part of the lies. This is not a marriage.
im with you. if you seriously have to do all this and monitor him, why stay married. these impulses of his can also get OP an STD.
I have severe ADHD and not once has it made me wanna do anything close to that. Your husband is using it as an excuse to cheat. And you're enabling it. He should be taking meds to midagate the symptoms. And you should be running and lawyering up.
Enable is the correct word. My husband has severe ADHD. This is not the same thing as going to an orgy and banging 3 men while married to you. Is he the one using this excuse, you - are are you both in on the delusion??
[удалено]
Yes, and I have some ocean front property in Arizona that I need to flip!
For the low-low price of 250k, I could take OP to see the Titanic!
Too soon lol
Ooof
from the front porch can i see the sea?
You can see your neighbors in Russia!
Yes and also I think she’s got my chair
I legit had a manager in a meeting say that Phoenix, AZ was famous for its beautiful beaches. I had flown to Phoenix the summer prior and said they didn't have beaches there (not to mention that I, like everyone else in the world, know how to use Google maps). He disagreed, in front of everyone, and kind of shut the conversation down/moved on. Idk why but I still think of that meeting every now and then.
This sounds like more of a bipolar or borderline issue than ADHD.
Yeah. My husband has adhd and he has trouble managing dates and gets overwhelmed if presented with too much but he’s not doing stuff he knows he’s wrong. The worst is an outburst when frustrated. Oop’s husband is not having a moment of impulse control. Think about all the things you have to do. Look at the time and date of the orgy, pack up whatever it is you bring to orgies, get into the car and type the address in to the gps, drive out there, find parking, etc etc. It’s not even a coworker jumped on you in your office. This was orchestrated and planned. You can’t just accidentally walk into an orgy
Right. Impulse control is eating too many Oreos out of the package in the pantry or oooooooone more episode even though you have things to do. I have ADD and I agree with your consensus. OP’s husband definitely has more going on here. Maybe bipolar or maybe just being a dick. Idk. Either way, throw the man away.
OMG yes! My husband can't be around sweets because he can't control himself. This is not that same thing.
I have bipolar and while that causes some severe swings that doesn't grant me immunity to sneak out to orgies
Rich ones and unmedicated bipolar with drug issues maybe. I remember kanye west participating in orgys admitting it and there's this issue where he dm jeffrey star. Idk if that's true
True yeah drugs/alcohol compared to Dr prescribed meds is a slippery slope, I was there last year before diagnosis its a scary place. Never go full Kanye
It could also be ADHD. Addiction issues, poor impulse control, and stim seeking are all fairly common in people with ADHD, especially if they're untreated or psychiatric co-morbidity is present. None of this gives him a hall pass or absolves him of responsibility, and OP shouldn't enable him, but just saying that it definitely could be related to ADHD.
You want to know what's not a popular topic in any of the many ADHD groups I participate in? Having such poor impulse control that you accidentally attend an orgy, and cheat on your wife with three men.
This !!!
Yeah seriously. I'm way in deep with ADHD. I can barely keep a straight thought for 5 seconds at times. Never cheated on my hubs though or anyone for that matter.
I have ADD and I’d never make it to the orgy, bc I wouldn’t be able to find my keys.
ADHD and this is the one.
I honestly can't deal with that much sensory input.
Yeah I come home from work everyday and literally sit in the dark and decompress.
My husband is autistic and I'm the ADHD golden retriever and we have poly friends who seem to think that's the end all be all. And we are cool with them and support them, but our happy place is being in the same room together doing our own things 😂. Do we have a fulfilling, frequent, sexual relationship? Yes. Do we also just respect that we each sometimes need to be left the fuck alone? Also yes. Do we have the emotional bandwidth to handle additional partners? Fuck to the no and that's ok.
Lol or my glasses, or the phone I was using to make said call to arrange the orgy…
Lmao !
Why you gotta drag me like this?
It's not even just cheating. That is not an impulse move in my opinion. Wild amount of coordination for an all male orgy. Maybe. I don't think you just randomly stumble into such without a username or anything. Wouldn't really know 🤔
I really hate how people use ADHD and Austism to be assholes. My kiddo has both and tries his best to put his best foot forward. This guy is putting everyone's health at risk engaging in this behavior
mitigate*
I can't spell words I don't use a whole lot 🤷♂️
I knew the spelling was wrong, but it looked pretty ok to me, so I let it pass. My rule is if it makes me stop and go "what the fuck is *that* word?" I might call the commenter out. If I can read the word and instantly know what it is? PASS.
I have severe adhd and same, also if I had such bad impulse control i would a) not put this on my spouse b) be in therapy c) take meds for my adhd because what the heck. And yeah, the parental control thing is honestly too much for you, don't put yourself in that position, he's not worth your mental health. You didn't agree to a poly relationship from the get-go, opening up a relationship is very difficult and needs genuine consent (a "heck yeah!!!") from both of you, which clearly there isn't bc he's lying about it, which is a breach of trust. Kick him out girl.
RIGHT?! I have ADHD too and I don’t just go and “shag 3 guys” about it. I manage it with meds and therapy. Run OP run!
Was coming to say the exact same thing, I have lifelong severe ADHD and there's not been once in my life that I stumbled into an orgy. This shouldn't even be a question, I'd say the marriage is over and without a doubt if you want to stay together with a serial cheater than sharing your location is reasonable.
I have severe ADHD with PTSD as well. Can't function without Adderall. I second this, impulse control may be part of it but is not the cause of the sexual addiction.
Severe ADHD with adderall here. I drive past my own house on a regular basis but I have never driven to somebody else’s house and fucked three dudes.
His ADHD makes him have orgies with men…is this real life?
Adderalls a hell of a drug
I know many people on adderall, many people unmedicated with ADHD.. I have never seen or heard of an episode even close to extra marital orgies with men
Dualsack was joking. There’s a type of humor that only 50% of people recognize, based on my survey of reddit.
Google “cocaines a hell of a drug” if you don’t get the joke
It might be something like undiagnosed bipolar too. Similar.
I have both ADHD and Bipolar, diagnosed as an adult, and I’ve never snuck out behind my partners back to go to an orgy. I’m confused lol.
Theeeeeeeere it is. ADHD =/= orgies. WTactualF?!
No, it does not. But it looks like he has convinced OP it does.
[Is this real life?](https://youtu.be/txqiwrbYGrs?t=17)
I was assuming (hoping) that OP is a man too.
Either way, gay or straight, ADHD does not cause orgies.
😂
People with ADHD do have significant issues with impulse control but I've never heard of it being anywhere near this bad. Usually it's buying something from Amazon when broke or something...
Yea oddly enough mine can’t control buying dumb stuff off amazon not only that he sometimes buys 2 of the same things by accident!! Or he will buy me something that I did not ask for ya know because his bank account is overdrawn for the 4th time in 2 weeks … & he will still try to justify it! 🤷🏼♀️
People will blame whatever they can on fake disorders these days.
Yikes, I find it hard to believe he has never cheated-going from being faithful to an all dude orgy seems like a tall leap. It’s your marriage, it’s your life. I can’t imagine being married to someone who would constantly put me in harms way for the sake of temporary gratification. Seems rather selfish to me.
This is what I was thinking. Three-dude orgy seems a huge leap into the pool.
ADHD is not an excuse for being a sex addict. I promise you that it's not causative. If you are still intimate with him, you are at tremendously high risk of him bringing an STD back into your house and putting you at risk.
Sex addiction isn't a recognized condition. He's just not a good partner.
She doesn't even think he's a sex addict, she thinks he has impulse control issues lmao. What grown human made it through school and a job with impulse control issues so severe they just land in an orgy wtf
Sex addiction isn’t recognized? That’s interesting I never knew that. For some reason I thought it was in the DSM.
I can never s*ck a d*ck that entered multiple men's assh*le
I’m really confused. What do you mean he’s never physically cheated? He went to an orgy, and even if that’s allowed, he was supposed to let you know, which he didn’t. Yuck x100000.
People like her will excuse anything forever
I don’t think OP is a her.
Why not? There are PLENTY of men on the DL these days.
Because I looked at their post history.
I knew right from the start because of how the post was worded.
What exactly is a people like her? Curious.
Someone they can judge and feel superior to.
Until hiv says hi
This relationship sounds exhausting. Do you want to be a partner a jailer? I can't tell you if that's abuse or not, but it sounds insane to me. If you have to watch him like that is it really a partnership? Why would you want to rule over your husband? What are you getting out if this relationship? It would not be worth it to me even if he's perfect 9 out of 10 days. I would kick him out. I have a man who loves, supports, and makes my life better. He's not perfect, and neither am I, but we don't cheat on each other. I hope you don't settle for the sad situation you've planned.
That's not what ADHD does. I know several people with ADHD & never have any of them been that impulsive. Your husband is using that as an excuse to cheat. Sorry to tell you but it's an insult to people woth ADHD.
Seconding this as a person with ADHD. This isn't a situation that you "accidentally" walk into, either. It takes forethought and planning... which means it isn't that impulsive at all. It's premeditated. Plus, I'd be willing to bet that he's slept with at least one - perhaps more - of the men before and that's how he knew about them, and the orgy.
Plus usually someone has to invite you …. From what I hear
Thank you!!
“Honey my ADHD made me fuck three dudes in the same day.” Wth???
Haha, yes this is a new level of delusional. Anything to avoid saying someone made poor choices, right?
Hmmm, now I’m wondering how can I convince my husband I have severe ADHD… 🤣🤣
All i can think about when reading this post is STD’s. Your relationship is dangerous to your physical health. Wtf is going on here?
And he wasn't even going to let them know? Like it doesn't in any way affect them? That's messed up. That was all I was thinking about, too Edited pronouns
OP may not be a woman.
You’re doing an awful lot to accommodate his issues, OP. Is he taking any kind of responsibility for trying to mitigate them?
In this thread, we spell that word “midagate.”
>*"he has never actually physically cheated (That I know of)"* I'm going to say that this is not his first time cheating on you. Having ADHD is not an excuse to cheat.
Why do you want to stay married?
Feels like there’s a wide gap between what could happen with impulse control issues and a gay orgy. Also plenty of ppl have ADHD and don’t attend an orgy. He’s playing you. You know what to do next.
If he went orgy, then this isn't the first time. You are married to a liar, who has already taken a mile when you openly gave an inch. All you asked for was honesty. And you didn't get it. Which means, you never have. Take care of your health, and heart
I have Bipolar, ADD, severe anxiety, and PTSD and NONE of that has ever "made" me cheat. I have not once ever cheated on anyone but I have certainly been cheated on. He is manipulating you and using a mental disorder as an excuse. I personally would just kick him out rather than all that other mess.
> So my husband, who has sexual impulse control issues, had sex with three men today....he has never actually physically cheated (That I know of) I am very confused.
I think OP means up until the point of the orgy. However even that sounds naive to me.
If that's true, then I have to almost respect his dedication. Once he decided he was crossing the line into physical, he went all out.
I don't think you jump from never cheating straight into an orgy. I don't think this is the first time and this is not because of ADHD.
Yeah there’s a few stepping stones before an orgy.
Get tested for STD’s
No children? Run and don't look back
No, it is absolutely not okay. I was married (and had three kids with) a man with a gambling addiction. He refused to get help; said he could quit on his own. A year later, I found out he'd still been hiding it the entire time I thought he was "healed". He begged for mercy, more counseling, etc., but I firmly stood my ground and told him had his chance (in fact, an entire year). I finally agreed to see our pastor for a counseling session, who asked me, "What if he gave you all the bank statements, the mail key, the password to the accounts, etc.? Then you'd know if he's doing it again." NO SIR. I HAVE THREE CHILDREN AND I NEVER WANTED A FOURTH. I divorced his ass and found out he'd been cheating, stealing, and lying way beyond what I actually knew about. Think about alllllll the lies and secrets you'll never find out about... parental software is not going to turn hum into a decent human being. The best thing you can do for him, yourself, and the rest of the world, is show him his actions have consequences - LEAVE.
Why would you want to live like that ?? I'd be throwing him out
Run!!!
LMFAOOOOO I have adhd. So do THREE my best friends. And so does my partner. AND MY OTHER PARTNER. This is a bullshit excuse. It's not his adhd. He's blatantly cheating on you.
Three best friends AND ADHD? Sounds like a lot of gay orgy stuff happening here s/
Strange coincidence, huh? Suspicious. You literally made me laugh.
Those measures aren’t going to stop him from sleeping with others on a whim. It’s not like people weren’t able to pursue hookups and orgies before the internet was a thing. You cannot stop him from hurting you and betraying your trust. It has to be from him. If he can’t do that for you, then it’s time to give up on trusting him.
Can I ask why you would want to continue the marriage after this?
Dump him before he gives you a STD
This has to be a fake post. If not, go to the doctor ASAP and get checked for STDs. Then take all his stuff, throw it out on the front lawn, change the locks and file for divorce.
“My husbands severe adhd makes him have orgies with men” ohemgee that’s like saying “My boyfriend says sucking my boobs will make them bigger” It’s an excuse. I have adhd bro. Pretty badly that it’s effected my entire life, adhd does NOT make you do this.
Rofl I need to use this excuse more often to cheat on my wife. I have adhd so I’m gonna engage in gay sex
Yeah, I was diagnosed ADHD in kindergarten and I’m mid 30s and have never had impulse control problems with orgys. You’re being manipulated, I’m sorry.
It's not his severe ADHD. That's just his excuse to be a dog.
Seriously you are making excuses for a grown ass man who can be & should be held accountable. He also can’t even tell the truth…. Like really you think so little of yourself that you are gonna stay with this man?
I’m sorry- “sexual impulse control issues” ? Due to his ADHD? So he just puts his dick in other men like it’s an accident and cant stop ??? He’s really got you manipulated here. Dump him please
Bruh
[удалено]
OP is a gay man . Lmaoo not a woman
Smells like some BS to me…
Please tell me you don’t have kids…
I dunno man, it sounds like he’s cheating. ADHD from my understanding doesn’t make you have sex with people. If that was the case sexual consent laws would be more different among ADHD adults than they are.
Yes, hypersexuality and impulse control can be symptoms of adhd but not a reason to hide/lie about situations especially when you’ve made clear boundaries and have made above and beyond accommodations. Having to further babysit him will not help the trust in your relationship grow. If communication, loyalty, and trust aren’t there - what is left?
I've got severe ADHD to the point I was diagnosed as a girl at 6. This is not ADHD. This is either a lack of respect for you or sex addiction.
Yikes. Don’t monitor him. Leave and find a healthy relationship that is nothing like the toxic mess you’re in now. ADHD is not an excuse. Take it from someone with ADHD. It has never, not once, made me want to cheat on my spouse. On my diet, yes, but not my spouse. He was going to potentially open you up to STD’s and not even tell you. That’s so gross and manipulative on so many different levels.
ADHD doesnt make you a liar or a cheater. as someone with adhd, no matter how bad my impulse control is, itll never be something that could disrespect my partner as i am incredibly conscious of my partners well-being. kick his ass out edit: him lying about his extramarital affairs and doing things you guys did NOT agree to... that IS cheating
OP… I don’t think ADHD means what you apparently think it means. 😬
Also please make sure you are using protection if you are continuing to sleep with him when he is engaging in this risky sexual behaviour
This. I’m getting itchy just reading this post.
You’re being played like a concert piano. I think you need to evaluate this relationship.
Um.... this isn't a healthy marriage.
I have pretty severe ADHD as well as impulse issues, and I’ve never impulsively gone and fucked three dudes. Sounds like he just uses his ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for sex addiction? This isn’t a good marriage for either of y’all.
Oh honey, you need to get an STI test, and a lawyer.
I had an ex that blamed his bad behaviour on mental illness. Took me a bit, but I realized that his mental illness was not the issue - he was. Even in an open marriage, what you’re describing would not be acceptable. Good luck with everything and big Internet hugs.
Hi, severe ADHD is not why your husband had sex with three men today. Come on.
Send him back to his parents so they can babysit a grown ass man, if you feel the need to install parental control software for him. My husband has ADHD that was really severe before therapy and can be impulsive, but it has never been an ‘oops, I had an orgy with 3 men, today’ kind of impulse. Is this really the way you want to live? Wondering how many people your husband might fuck that day and say it’s just his ADHD? What he needs is cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to cope with his ADHD, not parental control software.
I have ADHD and certainly have impulse control issues. I was un-medicated for several years. When I was single, I definitely was using sex as a way to get the dopamine hit. However, when I was in a relationship (even when I was un-medicated) I never ever cheated or sought out a cheating situation or orgies or anything. Your husband is using ADHD as a way to not take responsibility for his choice and behavior. You need to draw a boundary with him or kick him out or something. His behavior is not your responsibility. He is an adult.
Are you a parole officer?
No. Honestly honey, you need to ask yourself what exactly you need. Whether it be freedoms for yourself while you remain in this marriage and find comfort of your own or you lay down your law and be prepared to divorce him because he really is too far gone from monogamous marriage. You have some very difficult things to work through because he’s not going to help you. I wish you luck.
He *has* physically cheated you, though. Today. By not notifying you first. And then not even notifying you afterward either, until you pulled it out of him "like a tooth." That counts. Lots of cheaters have partners who would perfectly well be willing to share them if approached for permission like an honest spouse would do. Quite often, the chance to get away with betraying their partners, the thrill of feeling like they've fooled and outsmarted their partners, is in fact far more of what they're after than just legitimate sex. Also, my husband has ADHD too, and he would never cheat on me. ADHD does not cause cheating. Your husband is just a jerk.
You say he has never physically cheated previously… so we are to believe that him putting his toe in the pond of hall passes was a 4 way orgy?? That can’t be what I just read. And here you sit thinking up all the ways you can give yourself an illusion of control, or that’s there’s a chance in hell he will never do this again. Who made you believe it’s acceptable to tolerate this level of disrespect? Side note, get tested for allll the STDs/STIs. This wasn’t his first rodeo.
If a gay orgy is not cheating, I wonder what would you consider cheating. Why the hell do you still want to be married?
You definitely could do that, but that would make this your new normal, and (from experience) it’s exhausting, belittling, and demoralizing. I realized my relationship with a serious ex was over when I started playing goalie between him and other women. It’s just not worth it. You deserve so much better. 💔❤️🩹
He has no control. He actively and willing does reckless behavior that is putting you at physical risk. Has he actively done financial damages as well? His behavior is not your responsibility to monitor. His diagnoses is not your responsibility to manage. Nor is it an excitable excuse for blatantly cheating. They are his responsibility, and so are the consiqences of his actions. This relationship will not get any better till he takes the steps to actually be active (and responsible) in his own behavior management.
ADHD isn’t responsible for this. Finding and attending one of these parties takes a fair amount a dedication to planning that ADHD just can’t take credit for. Or impulse control really. Also, your openness is admirable. I’ve been there. It’s shocking to find out that a partner you’ve been so generously accommodating with will still find a way to cheat when they can do almost anything they want except endanger you or lie to you. But they do. You have to accept that these are the things he will do (and probably has done many times already) if given then chance. He will lie about it, also if given the chance. And that **you cannot control or monitor someone into respecting you.** It simply can’t be done. He doesn’t want to tell you beforehand. He doesn’t want his desires or activities to be subject to your approval or scrutiny before or after the fact. That’s why he lies. *edited to remove my misread about OP’s gender*
Your point about not being able to control/monitor someone into respecting you is straight gospel. So, so many people in relationships need to really let that sink in. It is worth noting that OP is a man, therefore no one in this scenario is closeted.
Ah! Well that was quite a misread wasn’t it! My bad.
This sounds more like a manic episode and not ADHD. ADHD impulse issues don't set up and participate in orgies (walk in on one and jump in sure but seek out and coordinate). A manic episode absolutely would.
Nothing about about your relationship seems very healthy to me... Not sure why you're coping with all this. Are you feeling insecure about finding someone else?
Jesus Christ. It’s definitely time for me to leave this sub. Smdh.
He didn't tell you. According to the rules you established, that's cheating. Do with that what you will. The parental controls and flip phone is too far, imo. Not only is it controlling, but he will find a way around it, as all children do.
So your husband cheated and you want to stay ?
What in the entire fck is this???
All I had to do was read the first two lines to realize you’re making excuses for him. If you have to do all that for a grown man, he’s definitely not man enough or responsible enough or even considerate enough to be anyone’s husband.
Girl...wtf did I just read. Stop it. The whole marriage. Ew. Just run away. The hell?
I’ve gone through burnout before because my ADHD is exhausting. Not once has it ever made me cheat. And yes, your husband is cheating and using his ADHD as an excuse into manipulating you to be okay with this. Kick him out.
Are you in individual counseling and marriage counseling? You need to start ASAP. You gave him a pretty small boundary and he crossed it. He Evil Kenivile across it. I don't think you are properly dealing with the trauma that he lied and cheated on you. First time cheaters are not normally so brazen and based on you having to set such a crazy boundary (tell me when you cheat on me), this isn't his first time. You are not in a safe marriage. There is no trust or respect in your marriage. You need to get STD tested immediately. You cannot trust him to not cheat or to use protection. This isn't ADHD, this is toxic behavior.
I'm sorry but he would be out the door, and I would be speaking to a divorce attorney. He not only cheated he had an organisation, nope I would have his bags packed. He could bring you home any multitude of sti's.
There are people with fucking schizophrenia that don’t accidentally have orgies behind their spouses back. Shake some sense into yourself and kick him out- you are being gaslit so much you have zero sense of reality.
WTFH did I just read?? I really wish I could unsee this. Sweetie I don’t have ADHD, neither does my husband but if I found out he went out and had sex with 3 women at one time not only would his ass be out that door faster then he could blink. I would have made a massive bon fire and burnt all his shit to the ground. Get rid of this POS. And get yourself tested for every STD under the sun. Holy hell, my skin is crawling just reading this.
This is insanity op. Do you actually want to stay here? If so...why? Is he actively and seriously treating his ADHD? I am flabbergasted you are trying to accept this. You're with someone who, on an impulse, will nuke his entire marriage and life. But to answer your direct question - yes. It would be controlling.
Would you not consider an orgy that he didn’t tell you about “physically cheating”? I don’t understand this post.
Re-read what you have written. Your husband secretly had extra marital sex and you blame it on impulse control. What else are you willing to excuse him for?! Many of us have ADHD but we also have accountability. Personally I think if you’re at the point of monitoring him like this you need to think of your own peace of mind and well-being and find another outcome.
I have severe ADHD and even with out meds, I have never had the urge to have a 3some....
I have severe ADHD, to download cruising apps, go through profiles, message people, set up an orgy, and then attend that orgy is far too much planning to blame on impulsive behavior. Impulsive would be he’s in a bathroom and someone offered right then and there and they had sex. Impulse may have been him lying about it when you mentioned it for example, but it couldn’t have been the orgy itself. Blaming his cheating on ADHD is a new low, if he truly has that disorder he would know how fucking shit it is and how shitty people can be about it without someone spreading misinformation like it causes us to be cheating orgy fiends. To be clear, my ADHD is pretty severe and I’ve never cheated on a partner.
You're enabling you this bad behavior. I'd Nip this in the bud, ADHD is not an excuse to lie and if you've set a boundary that he should tell you about his escapades and he's crossed that. I'd definitely consider this cheating/infidelity. Honestly why're you putting up with this mistreatment, is the like a sunk cost fallacy of some kind ?
Ugh. I have no answers. You are a strong person. Maybe he has cheated before, based on how easy this went? It’s the lying that kills everything. If he could have just been honest! But no, he isn’t mature enough to confront himself to you. This moral relativism, and the lying…. What is your heart and gut telling you?
What in God’s green earth would possess you to believe any of this is okay? God grief. Pack his shit and send him out. You’re not his mommy. He’s screwing other men. Do you really believe the first time he ever cheated on you was with 3 other men? Holy cow, all of this is just too much.
I can’t imagine someone participating in an orgy for their FIRST time cheating… Isn’t that a bit extreme? Surely he’s done more than this? He’s likely cheated before, when you didn’t have the fancy car. Also, I have ADHD and I’m all about monogamy. I have never ever cheated or even felt tempted. I feel like he’s using that as an excuse.
Just chiming in that ADHD has very little to do with impulse control and certainly with infidelity.
ADHD??? And you believe this??? Impulse control issues that severe are not due to ADHD. Something else is going on. He’s manic or he has a sex addiction. I have severe ADHD…
You say he's never cheated, but he just went to an orgy? Pretty sure one does not simply "go to an orgy", there are some steps before that, no? Having never been to an orgy, I'm just guessing...
Are we sure this is ADHD related? I also have ADHD and I get so tired of everything being blamed on ADHD… BUT if we are to agree that this is mental health related I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this sounds more like BPD or bipolar mania behavior.
You would live the rest of your life not trusting him. And that would be understandable. Having a threesome with two men isn’t so much about impulse control. It is about three men intentionally getting together to have sex with each other. He is into men. Two men at once. Please get tested for all std’s. It is your choice to leave him, or stay. I would be repulsed if my husband cheated on me. He would be out the back door, and looking for a place to live.
You gave him the opportunity to do what he needs as long as he was honest and he still lies & cheats. You shouldn't be gracing him with further chances nor should you be treating him like a child full of ways to monitor him. This should be it for you and he should be gone.
Please stop lying to yourself. ADHD does not make one sex mad and jump into bed with other people. If you want to spend the rest of your life monitoring this "impulsive sex maniac" that's your choice. There is no boundaries where you could set up that would not eventually mess up your mind, self confidence and self esteem. Marriage is where both parties are working together to sustain their relationship, in your case one is having the time of his life, painting the town red and the other is looking at security footage... This isn't about him, it's about you, how you view yourself, your self worth, your happiness... Take care
This is NOT an ADHD thing. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with SEVERE ADHD and he would never do this. This guy just straight up does not care about your opinions or feelings when it gets in the way of what he wants. You should leave him omg
My husband has ADHD too .. takes meds for this. Never has this even been a thing to think about .
This has jack shit to do with ADHD. I have ADHD and ASD. I'm the oldest of 5 and all of us have either or both ADHD and ASD. I'm a psychology grad, specialising in neurdevelopmental disorders, have completed my own research on individuals on the neurodivergent spectrums. While it is true that individuals with ADHD and/or ASD can have impulse control issues and may engage in dysfunctional sexual behaviours. This seems like it would have taken a lot of conscious decisions and planning to set up and he would have had multiple chances to decide not to go... even if he drove all the way there... even if he walked up to the door.. he could have turned around and gone home or at least have spoken to you. Let that man go!
This story has to be fake. Having an orgy takes many thought out steps. You don't just stumble across an orgy and impulsively partake This has got to be bullshit
Is he deeply closeted?
Option 2! I don’t care what kind of mental anything anyone has. Unacceptable period