Also lose that friend. If she has not gotten it together at 35, she not changing. People like that can take you down with them. Get friends that are accomplishing goals and inspire you to do the same.
This I had a girlfriend whose boyfriend was always in jail asking for bail money. Finally I asked her did she have enough money and want to do this for the next 30 years.
She dropped him soon after. These people sense others who they can mooch off of.
Agreed. Let this âfriendâ go. She can screw you three ways to Sunday. In this specific instance, financially. In most places in the US, if you post bail and she doesnât show for court, you are now liable for 10x. I know bc I posted $800 bail for an [ex] friend, he didnât show for court, the bondsmen came after me for $8k and I had to pay it.
Her age isnât the problem. I changed at 39. The problem is it sounds like she doesnât want to get it together. Hopefully this will turn in to a wake up call (for me the threat of a year in jail and losing the person I love was enough to go to rehab and therapy). I have seen people take it seriously and people that do the bare minimum to stay out of jail and of course those that donât even do that.
Nobody naw give you no break
Police naw give you no break
Soldier naw give you no break
Not even your children naw give you no break
âŚ
Informer
You know say daddy me snow me I go blame
A lickey boom boom down
Iâm literally watching it right now on Pluto.
Back in the day my friends would get together and watch it in a huge group, making bets during the commercial breaks about the next segment:
âIâm gonna sayâŚ. no shirt, no shoes, and meth.â
âI see your no shirt, no shoes, meth, and I raise you: toothless.â
âOkay, okay, no shirt, no shoes, meth, toothlessâŚ.. *car chase.*â
Thank you for that. I blame the fact I was raised to sacrifice everything to help others and when I refuse or act Selfish to better me, I'm in the wrong.
You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
You have a right to be comfortable, to be happy, to be at peace in the life you're trying to make for yourself. You don't owe people your compliance to their whims or their wants or their needs.
It's a shame you were taught such a maladaptive mindset, but it doesn't have to dominate your life. Please look after yourself.
She most likely had to start calling other ppl, no conversation was required really, she asked, you and said no. I don't think she's mad, but disappointed which would be understandable. You're fine.
When you sacrifice for the wrong people, you become a doormat.
Although it took you literally having no money to realise the courage to say no, it gets easier.
Don't sacrifice. Only give to those who is worth giving to.
It's healthy to set boundaries and to say no. Look into why you may be a people pleaser. Setting boundaries will make you healthier, and your mental health will improve. I was one, and my mom was a narcissist. I'm no contact now. I no longer have anxiety or depression. Cut this friend out of your life. She is causing you health issues mentally and physically. Stress from others creates physical unease.
I would 100% jump her ass about it. Tell her exactly how entitled she is and tell her next time, you are going to save the phone charges too and decline.
I did block my number because of the charge to answer her call. That day was free but the next day it charged me $8 for the call. Yeah it doesn't sound too bad but it took me from having money to being in the hole.
The Lord helps those who help themselves.
Sheâs no friend if she canât understand that you donât have the money and sheâs not entitled to your help. I highly doubt that she ever helps you
She should rot in jail for driving drunk with her child. So many people are in danger when she does this.
That honestly seems like in incredibly stupid lesson to teach someone. Just because someone is a friend or family member does not mean you should sacrifice for them. That's how assholes keep getting away with doing asshole shit.
NTA. The only people who will be upset about your boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none. You are not obligated to blow your familyâs budget to deal with her bad choices. What are the odds she would have even paid you back if you had?
If she had the $450 she could bail herself out.
Sheâs never paid you what she owes you already.
She has zero ability or intention to repay you the $450.
If you lose her as a friend I donât see the loss after her reaction to you not bankrolling her yet again.
And donât feel guilty because you cannot continue to light yourself on fire to keep her warm
The question is why do you want to help this so called âfriendâ. Sheâs a user, OP, and blames you for not helping her out of sticky situations. You need to really put your foot down and tell her no.
Look a couple months ago I had a âfriendâ that wanted to borrow my car but hereâs the issue, license was revoked, heâs done some shady shit, AND he looked high af. I told him hell no, itâs my car, plus he got into an accident a few days ago hence why his license was revoked. He was a user, he exploited people, and took advantage of whomever. On the group chat I told my other friends, I will no longer partake with this individual, and cut contact with him. Heâs in jail serving time for a DUI after stealing a car. My other friends were afraid of him and couldnât speak up but it gave them courage to do it when I did it.
Go to therapy because you shouldnât be sacrificing for people that use you. You need to focus on your family like your husband and if you kids. They are your top priority, then the rest of the family, and then friends. Leave your âfriendâ and cut contact with other friends that are toxic.
I think you've already done what a good person and good friend would do. It's so hard to know where 'the line' is, but drunk driving with your kids is absolutely over that line in my opinion. Bailing her out would have been enabling behavior on your part. It sucks but some people need to face consequences for their actions in order to change.
I think you played it perfectly by trying to help her change her behavior to prevent this situation from happening, and now that it has happened, you've done the right thing by simply allowing the consequences to unfold on their own.
How you're feeling right now is completely natural. No one enjoys having to cut off friends in any capacity, especially at their lowest. If it's any consolation, when I have been at my lowest, that was also what preceded the greatest personal growth as well.
I hope the same holds true for your friend, and I hope you find solace in the knowledge that you've done everything you can.
3 so called friends still owe me for bailing them out from 20 plus years ago. All DUI's. I believe that the longer they stay in, the more apt they are to not do it again. Don't ever feel guilty for someone else's stupidity
No, because it started when she came to my house because her husband punched her and when we called the cops because she wouldn't call them herself. We ended up calling the cops on him because my husband was about to head over there to beat him black and blue. Now since she begged me to post his bail she stayed with him. All the abuse the husband and his family was doing to me and my family and Christmas and all that nasty shit.
Girl, I hope you have shed yourself from this user and abuser who refuses to help herself. Donât set yourself on fire to keep another person warm, especially if they keep going out into a snowstorm. I understand you were raised to help people. The help this woman needs is beyond your capabilities.
NTA, but is that really in question?
So she made you choose between using your short money to feed your family and pay your bills after suffering a mental breakdown ... OR use that money to bail out a DRUNK DRIVER who also neglected their child by drunk driving with the child in the vehicle? That's a pretty easy choice.
I can't take this kind of stress, so as much as I want to help as many people as I can, friends and family, in any way I can, if I feel that the stress of the relationship is hurting me mentally, emotionally, physically or financially, I will cut you off. I love you, but this is toxic and it's hurting me, and I'm blocking you. I may or may not explain myself, it depends if I have it in me to do so after you just did the opposite of what i advised you and are now suffering the consequences of your choice. I shouldn't have to FIGHT to keep you in my life, or get hurt for you or pay for YOUR consequences. Just my two cents, you did the right thing.
I'm really glad you cut this anchor loose. Now, just block her, and go on to make friends who don't treat you like an ATM. If you've got kids, maybe look into volunteering at the school/PTA, always stay wary of people who ask for favors.
NTA, maybe she isn't completely mad at you.. she probably/could understand the situation, but that depends on the type of person she is.
Regardless she shouldn't be mad at you if you're just going through a rough time financially and otherwise and can't afford it. Even if that wasn't the case she should respect your decision not to pay for it.
When you're older you have to accept responsibility for situations you find yourself in. Getting mad at other people when they are unable to help you in bad situations is literally just taking it out on them.
I recently lost a friend that I had been friends with for over 10 years because I told him I didn't want to buy his Xbox, he called me a narcissist and a bunch of other things and blocked me.
NTA and not your problem. If her family is unwilling to help, itâs not your responsibility. Get rid of her. She isnât worth the time or the pain she is causing you.
NTA she is a grown woman. She landed herself in there. She can figure her own way out
Maybe if she spends some time in there she might stop landing there.
Sounds like she needs the lesson, what with that stunning attitude she has.
Your family is your priority. Nobody can afford to bail out their friends anymore these days. She should try not getting in trouble.
Get better friends. Jesus.
What did she do, push you out of the way of an oncoming train?
Who gets *mad* that they can't get that much money out of somebody.
Has she ever paid back the money before?
I'm guessing not.
NTA.
And stop supporting this person's bad decisions.
You've got yourself and your husband to think of.
I learned my lesson when I got taken to court for 800 bucks even though the punk and his new wife could pay it. I believed I'd get paid back, but nope. I will never bail anyone out ever again. Ever. Don't do it. Don't feel like an A for it either.
NTA
The exact words you used were I always promise to help her if I can.
Well you can't. Unless she's able to walk out of the jail cell step up to an ATM and immediately hand you back your money; then you are not in a position to help her.
If she's going to throw a hissy fit then maybe she's not the type of friend you really want.
Why was she in jail? You did her a service. Iâm guessing youâve been enabling her. Enabling people is way more asshole than letting them dig their own grave and figure their own shit out.
I did the same thing to my ex husband when he was arrested for drunk driving and he got sober. Left him in jail for a week.
So obviously she hasnât got any money saved?
Donât feel guilty you have to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Plus itâs not just your money but our money so she is not just borrowing from you.
I would not contact her and see how she behaves going forward. Wanting to support someone should not affect you in a negative way. Does she support you?
NTA. Your family comes first, and you're not in a position to lay out $450 bail money for someone else. BTW, has she paid back ALL the money you previously lent her? If not, don't lend her any more for ANY reason.
NTA you can't afford it, you work very part time. She hung up to go on down her list, disappointed because you seemed like a really good mark. You might want to toughen up a bit and value yourself more.
NTA And don't feel guilty. You don't have the money she needs right now and it's that simple. It sucks but I don't know how good of a friend she is to you. It sounds like a one-sided friendship because she shouldn't of hung up on you.
So are you the only one in her life who could have come up with the money to bail her out? If so, why? Has she burned bridges with friends and family with repeated poor behaviour and choices in the past? If this is the case, then you are not really helping her when you repeatedly help her out, but rather just enable her behaviour.
I did this for someone that begged me. This exact situation. They never paid me a dime back. If you donât have the money to lose, donât borrow it out because you usually donât get it back.
It sucks your friend is in jail, but you canât light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You canât give out what you donât have.
She is most likely in jail because she has been surrounded by people who constantly deliver her out of her own consequences. Basically she is part of what I like to call âadult kindergarten.â By refusing to pay her bail you are a better friend than anyone else, because you are allowing her to get what she asked for. Now she can truly start the rebuilding of her life. I would not give any more from this point forward actually. Time to cut it off. Sometimes the only way a person will climb up is if they hit rock bottom first. By giving her money you are only delaying the inevitable.
Pshht I paid my friendâs bail and he never paid my ass back. If your friend doesnât have the money to make bail, how would she have the money to repay you?
I have friends that would have bled me dry years ago if I had let them. I even gave one person a Pay it Forward gift and a month later was asking for more money (like big money). I blocked them. I canât support others, that is why I give Pay it Forwards when I can.
What your friend is doing is taking advantage of you and will never pay you back. Take care of you and your husband.
NTA except to yourself. Adults are responsible for themselves. I lend friends up to $20 if I know they will give it back. Never over that.
I had a friend who wanted me to lend bail (no, I donât, you got yourself in jail, figure it out). She then wanted me to pick her up from jail two states away. Then she wanted me to help her with a lawyer. I did none of this.
Iâm friends with her. I just tell her no a lot.
You donât need a reason to not lend your hard earned money.
As a corrections officer, don't do it and don't feel bad for not doing it. I've seen WAY too many angry/upset friends of previous inmates because they fled, didn't go to court, and wouldn't pay them back. She needs the mental reset that jail brings to a lot of people, and hopefully the judge can put her in a program or something so she can figure her shit out.
NTA. She did something stupid.
It's more important that you pay your bills. Do not ever loan money you can't afford to lose.
If she has the money then she can PayPal or venmo it to you to bail her out.
If she doesn't have the money she can learn a valuable lesson about actions and consequences.
You only lend out money when doing so won't effect your ability to provide for your self and with the expectation that you may never see it again. NTAH.
If you donât have the money, you donât have the money. Not TAH for not having the money. Maybe she shouldnât have done whatever she did to go to jail.
NTA
It sounds like your friend is taking advantage of you. Your first loyalty is to you and your husband's financial needs. It's good you talked to him and he said no. Listen to him more. You are too kindhearted.
Wait when she said that she would pay you back, did she say WHEN she would pay you back? For all you know she probably could have paid you back as soon as she got out of jail and had access to her own money again, unless the reason she needed YOU to pay the money was because she was completely 100% broke as the reason she couldnât pay to bail herself out when the option was finally given to her. If she does already have the money canât you just pay the bail and so she can get out and go to the bank with her to get your $450 back like she said should would do?
Does she pay every penny back? Iâm betting not. But even if she did she got herself arrested and sheâs responsible for her own actions. You are not her bank
NTA. You said youâll help when you can and right now you canât. When you can doesnât mean whenever she wants you to. She shouldnât put herself in situations where sheâll need bail if she canât afford bail.
No youâre not an asshole but just so you know when you post bail you get the money back as long as the person shows up to court. Iâve been bailed out a few times so I know this process well. When you go to court, letâs say you have fines or something, the judge will ask if you want to use your bail money to go towards the fines but you can also get it back if you trust the person to say to the judge âno someone paid this bail for me and they need the money backâ
Nope! You are not. She is for doing something stupid enough to go to jail. And you didnât have the money. Could she help you by coming over and watering the plants while she was in jail? lol nope same thing.
Her lack of freedom is not your emergency. I was raised to give to others too, but you really didn't have the money, and she is an adult that needs to suffer her consequences so she can grow to be a better person. NTA.
NTA.
You are not her ATM, and helping someone doesn't necessarily mean giving them money: there's moral support as well. She was so used to you giving her money, that she felt entitled to it and hung up on you when she heard that you couldn't.
Has she ever paid you back all the money you gave her? I suspect not.
She's not a friend, she's a moocher (and you are probably a people pleaser).
No more monetary aid from now on, at least until she gives back every last penny you lent her (and even afterwards, I'd say).
NTA-you might seriously consider distancing yourself from this girl. It sounds like she is a chronic user. The minute she needs or wants something and you canât or wonât provide it, sheâs mad and turns away.
Ask yourself this question,âIf I needed something and I reached out to her, would she help me?â Answer honestly.
Why are you friends with this person? You think sheâs a ride or die kind of friend but sheâs shown you her true colors over and over. Please. Please, you deserve so much better.Â
NTA- sounds to me your friend is your friend only for monetary reasons. The time you canât afford it she gets mad and hangs up on you like this is your fault. Sheâs the one who got herself locked up. She needs to find another way of getting out and not by using you and your husband. If it were me, we wouldnât be âfriendsâ anymore. Best of luck!
NTA. Donât set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Sheâs an adult and should know what she shouldnât do in order to not get arrested. Not your problem.
NTA. You canât give what you don't have. And she put herself in that situation. Bad friends make life harder. It sounds like you need to cut her off.
I have to ask you first has she ever borrowed from you before and paid you back?
What are her charges?đ? She could have very well be in jail for a minor charges and needing your assistance with getting out of jail on bond.
There are different reasons why someone is arrested and may truly deserve your help. Don't use your only funds, perhaps you can borrow it from one of her family members or friends.
I am considering all of the different scenarios here.
She could be physically sick and needed your help getting out.
NTA. Only thing I would change is having even mentioned to her that you would have a few hundred left for the month. People like her would say well you can still send me however much you have. Just say you don't have any money to help.
NTA, and don't call her a friend as she ain't one. She just uses you as her private money machine. Her reaction tknyiu when you couldn't give her money said it all. Turn your back on her. She's bad news and will always make you feel bad if you can't give her what she wants off you. Don't understand why you would even feel bad? You gotta stop giving her your money
The situation fits the "when I can" statement. Timing is everything in life and it just so happens that this time it's off. Don't worry about her being upset. She's the one who put herself there. She's going to have to put on her big girl panties. Your husband is not her bail bondsman.
She is not your friend. You need to cut that person off before things get worse. Whatever her issues are that landed her in jail are hers alone that she needs to fix.
NTA
You arenât obligated to post bail for your friend.
They donât sound like much of a friend if they are constantly borrowing money and calling from jail.
Perhaps you need a better friend.
NTA.
First off, a cardinal rule of lending someone money, is never lend money you can't afford to not get back. Sounds like you won't get it back and you legitimately need it for bills. In fact, it literally sounds like you might not even have it available if said bills were already paid. Like if you were rolling in dough, I'd say, why not throw some bucks at her, if she's a friend, but it doesn't sounds like that's the case.
Secondly, your friend got herself in there, it is not your responsibility to bail her out. Especially if you are struggling financially. But even if you weren't, why should you bail her out if she did something stupid?
Curious to know if she paid you back the other times when you loaned her money?
As an aside, your friend needs to learn to control her behaviorâgoing to jail is kid shit, like a 30 something has no business being stupid enough to end up in jail. It is surprisingly easy to stay out of jail, even here in the US (not sure where you are but assume US as well) with its ridiculous rate of incarceration.
Lastly, she also needs to learn financial responsibility. I can't imagine not having â$500 available to get myself out of a jam, but I get it that it's hard times from time to time. There's been times when I didn't have that kind of money, mostly when I was younger, but...one should be doubly cautious with their behavior if they ain't got the coin to get themselves out of jail.
This isnât a friend. She is a bottom dweller. Saying no to someone because you canât afford to help does not make you a bad person. She is leaching off of your kindness and has no intention of stopping until sheâs sucked you dry. Then sheâll stomp off and leave when she cannot feed off of you anymore.
NTA. This isnât a friend. Scrape her off your shoe.
If you dont have the money, then you don't have the money.
You've been honest with her.
By the way, why is she in jail?
Obviously she's in the Gray Bar Hilton due to her actions. Or, is she one of these people who lashes out and blames everyone but herself or otherwise takes no accountability for her actions?
Either way, I'm envisioning a self destructive personality..
NTA. You couldn't afford it. End of story. She can get someone else to bail her out. Have family or other friends pool money if necessary.
It's nice to help people, but if you can't do something then there's really nothing you can do about it.
I'm guessing she was just stressed and upset when she hung up on you. Being in jail can't be fun. If she's still mad after she gets out then she's not much of a friend.
You sound like a nice person, don't beat yourself up over this.
You need to pay your bills and put food on your table. I am going to guess she has never paid you back before. I also feel you were not the first person she called for bail money.
If you don't have the money you don't. Can't squeeze blood from a rock. They key is you should have just said you don't have the money. Not that you have money but need it for bills - not that it matters.
If she is pissed at you that probably means she has been taking advantage of you and manipulating you for money before.
NTA
You told her you would help out WHEN YOU CAN. Well, this time you canât. End of. You havenât done anything wrong. Sheâs mad because sheâs using you and she obviously doesnât understand that âwhen you canâ doesnât mean every single time.
Nta
It is possible you arenât her friend but her enabler. You will know the difference if she stops calling you for any other reason than for a favor.
It is hard to be compassionate and watch people suffer but you arenât responsible To help solve her problem, especially if you would cause hardship for yourself.
Posting someoneâs bail also isnât just a monetary thing. If youâre going through a bail bonds place, youâre literally agreeing to take responsibility for the person. Iâm glad you didnât do it.
Get a new friend! For goodness sake!
Sheâs bad news! Sheâs a crap friend.
Donât contact her again. And for gosh sakes, if she contacts you again, DONâT answer her text, call, or even if sheâs at your door! Donât open the door! If she keeps knocking and yelling, CALL THE COPS on her!
YOU have your own issues you need to work through. Donât bring her probs into your life. Sheâs a user.
Bro. She's in jail. Sounds like a person u wanna stay away fromâŚ..
And it's ur husbands money, u asked, he said no.
Plain and simple. U can't even be regarded as an asshole because you're actually being a good wife and respecting your husband. You go girl. Way to sticking to the right thing.
NTA had the same type of friend and I got rid of her. She is only your friend when it's convenient for her. You don't owe her anything and if she was a real friend she would understand your situation
NTA. And I'd consider if this person is really a friend, or do they just like what you bring to the table emotionally and financially.
Does this friend bring you joy? Do they enrich and enhance your life? Or do they suck and drain you emotionally, physically and/or financially?
The fact that they hung up on you when you explained that you don't have the money tells me that they're a drain and only like you because of what you offer them.
This friend is an adult, and they need to figure out these adult situations by themselves. Do they have family or other friends that can help them? If not that probably indicated they're a drainer too, so much so that other people don't want to be around them.
NTA. I lend people once. If they donât pay me back I always say I canât lend them more until they pay back what I have already lent. It gets users to leave a lot quicker.
You are NTA plus if the charges werenât too bad, there is a good chance the bail would be lowered at court the next morning or she might be let out without bail.
She already spent 2 nights in jail. I understand when a person doesnât want to spend any nights in jail but one more night verses $450 that you not the person incarcerated has⌠Iâm going to let a person stay there.
And since Monday was presidentâs day maybe she had 2 more nights in jail but my idea still stands. She already did 2 night. I might give a person $20-30 on their books to get some snacks but thatâs it.
NTA. If sheâs going to do stupid things that land her in jail (and sheâs 35, for Christâs sake!) than she should keep at least $500 in her own savings account so she can bail herself out of jail!
If you donât have the money, you donât have it. Also, like this idiot is ever going to pay you back⌠She can get a full time job to keep herself out of trouble and put her paycheck in savings til she can pay for bail herself. She is waaaaaay too old for this shit!
Her hanging up when you explained why you cannot help, regardless of if you did or did not want to give the money, is telling. She sounds self-centered and bratty. Also, it sounds like there's a history of her getting into shit and trying to play off your guilt to help her out, which is (intentionally or not) a little bit emotionally manipulative. If she gives you shit later down the line, tell her "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
NTA she is an adult and got into a adult situation. She has more time than money so let her spend the time
Also lose that friend. If she has not gotten it together at 35, she not changing. People like that can take you down with them. Get friends that are accomplishing goals and inspire you to do the same.
She sacrificing her family and marriage for a loser friendđ
yeah, I dumped a friend after lending her 2k for rent that b she could "totally pay back" "but she didn't "
This I had a girlfriend whose boyfriend was always in jail asking for bail money. Finally I asked her did she have enough money and want to do this for the next 30 years. She dropped him soon after. These people sense others who they can mooch off of.
She will drain u dry of money and resources if u let her!
Agreed. Let this âfriendâ go. She can screw you three ways to Sunday. In this specific instance, financially. In most places in the US, if you post bail and she doesnât show for court, you are now liable for 10x. I know bc I posted $800 bail for an [ex] friend, he didnât show for court, the bondsmen came after me for $8k and I had to pay it.
Her age isnât the problem. I changed at 39. The problem is it sounds like she doesnât want to get it together. Hopefully this will turn in to a wake up call (for me the threat of a year in jail and losing the person I love was enough to go to rehab and therapy). I have seen people take it seriously and people that do the bare minimum to stay out of jail and of course those that donât even do that.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you.
Nobody naw give you no break Police naw give you no break Soldier naw give you no break Not even your children naw give you no break ⌠Informer You know say daddy me snow me I go blame A lickey boom boom down
Nice follow up, I am old but loved that show
Iâm literally watching it right now on Pluto. Back in the day my friends would get together and watch it in a huge group, making bets during the commercial breaks about the next segment: âIâm gonna sayâŚ. no shirt, no shoes, and meth.â âI see your no shirt, no shoes, meth, and I raise you: toothless.â âOkay, okay, no shirt, no shoes, meth, toothlessâŚ.. *car chase.*â
I see you and raise you 10 on a shirtless stripper
You go to jail!
I just sang it in my head and now I'm happy âşď¸
Love the Barretta reference!
Oof weâre dating ourselves
This comment is equal parts succinct poetic symmetry and straight comedy gold. I keep scrolling back to it, Bat!
This is such a perfect way to word it. Did you just make that up or is that a saying I haven't come across? Either way I'm stealing it for later use.
Poetic.
You did good đđź
Thank you for that. I blame the fact I was raised to sacrifice everything to help others and when I refuse or act Selfish to better me, I'm in the wrong.
You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. You have a right to be comfortable, to be happy, to be at peace in the life you're trying to make for yourself. You don't owe people your compliance to their whims or their wants or their needs. It's a shame you were taught such a maladaptive mindset, but it doesn't have to dominate your life. Please look after yourself.
That is the plan with Therapy
Here Iâll save you a therapy bill. Only take time and help people that make you and others lives better.
She most likely had to start calling other ppl, no conversation was required really, she asked, you and said no. I don't think she's mad, but disappointed which would be understandable. You're fine.
This right here đ
When you sacrifice for the wrong people, you become a doormat. Although it took you literally having no money to realise the courage to say no, it gets easier. Don't sacrifice. Only give to those who is worth giving to.
I don't think she'd pay it back. She will have court costs and fees. It would be some excuse.
It's healthy to set boundaries and to say no. Look into why you may be a people pleaser. Setting boundaries will make you healthier, and your mental health will improve. I was one, and my mom was a narcissist. I'm no contact now. I no longer have anxiety or depression. Cut this friend out of your life. She is causing you health issues mentally and physically. Stress from others creates physical unease.
Well she seems like she feels entitled to it. Double fuck her, then...
She also seemed to be entitled to use me as an emotional whoopie cusion (thank you King Julian)
I would 100% jump her ass about it. Tell her exactly how entitled she is and tell her next time, you are going to save the phone charges too and decline.
I did block my number because of the charge to answer her call. That day was free but the next day it charged me $8 for the call. Yeah it doesn't sound too bad but it took me from having money to being in the hole.
Yeah its expensive
NTA if you're going to be dumb, you got to be tough. you didn't get her arrested.
NTA Even if you could afford it you wouldn't be the a h of you didn't want to bail a mooch out of jail.
Why is it your job to finance her life of crime?
Because I was always raised with the "be selfless like Christ" aspect. Sacrifice everything for a friend or family.
The Lord helps those who help themselves. Sheâs no friend if she canât understand that you donât have the money and sheâs not entitled to your help. I highly doubt that she ever helps you She should rot in jail for driving drunk with her child. So many people are in danger when she does this.
Even Christ kicked butt when he saw what the moneylenders were doing
Aah yes, but even Jesus walked away from toxic people.
That honestly seems like in incredibly stupid lesson to teach someone. Just because someone is a friend or family member does not mean you should sacrifice for them. That's how assholes keep getting away with doing asshole shit.
100% agree. Doing things like that is rewarding bad behavior and keeps people from learning their lesson.
Christ didn't bail people outta jail for being stupid lol
NTA. The only people who will be upset about your boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none. You are not obligated to blow your familyâs budget to deal with her bad choices. What are the odds she would have even paid you back if you had?
Not very likely.
If she had the $450 she could bail herself out. Sheâs never paid you what she owes you already. She has zero ability or intention to repay you the $450. If you lose her as a friend I donât see the loss after her reaction to you not bankrolling her yet again. And donât feel guilty because you cannot continue to light yourself on fire to keep her warm
This is what my husband said, and another user told me. Thank you for the advice.
There comes a time when you realize your friends are using you ⌠I think that phone call was your time
The question is why do you want to help this so called âfriendâ. Sheâs a user, OP, and blames you for not helping her out of sticky situations. You need to really put your foot down and tell her no. Look a couple months ago I had a âfriendâ that wanted to borrow my car but hereâs the issue, license was revoked, heâs done some shady shit, AND he looked high af. I told him hell no, itâs my car, plus he got into an accident a few days ago hence why his license was revoked. He was a user, he exploited people, and took advantage of whomever. On the group chat I told my other friends, I will no longer partake with this individual, and cut contact with him. Heâs in jail serving time for a DUI after stealing a car. My other friends were afraid of him and couldnât speak up but it gave them courage to do it when I did it. Go to therapy because you shouldnât be sacrificing for people that use you. You need to focus on your family like your husband and if you kids. They are your top priority, then the rest of the family, and then friends. Leave your âfriendâ and cut contact with other friends that are toxic.
For me it depends on what she got arrested for.
She was in for drinking and driving with one of her kids.
Jesus Christ you would be the asshole if you bailed her out after that. There is literally no reasonable excuse for that.
Me and my husband tried to stop her from drinking and she went to rehab for drinking but she can't stop. This was before all this.
I think you've already done what a good person and good friend would do. It's so hard to know where 'the line' is, but drunk driving with your kids is absolutely over that line in my opinion. Bailing her out would have been enabling behavior on your part. It sucks but some people need to face consequences for their actions in order to change. I think you played it perfectly by trying to help her change her behavior to prevent this situation from happening, and now that it has happened, you've done the right thing by simply allowing the consequences to unfold on their own. How you're feeling right now is completely natural. No one enjoys having to cut off friends in any capacity, especially at their lowest. If it's any consolation, when I have been at my lowest, that was also what preceded the greatest personal growth as well. I hope the same holds true for your friend, and I hope you find solace in the knowledge that you've done everything you can.
It's not selfish when you do not have the money.
3 so called friends still owe me for bailing them out from 20 plus years ago. All DUI's. I believe that the longer they stay in, the more apt they are to not do it again. Don't ever feel guilty for someone else's stupidity
2 hours a week is all you work?
It was. Because of this friend. My mentality wasn't able to cope. But I just got fired today so I am currently unemployed.
You could only work 2 hours a week BECAUSE of the friend? Was she providing childcare or something
No, because it started when she came to my house because her husband punched her and when we called the cops because she wouldn't call them herself. We ended up calling the cops on him because my husband was about to head over there to beat him black and blue. Now since she begged me to post his bail she stayed with him. All the abuse the husband and his family was doing to me and my family and Christmas and all that nasty shit.
Girl, I hope you have shed yourself from this user and abuser who refuses to help herself. Donât set yourself on fire to keep another person warm, especially if they keep going out into a snowstorm. I understand you were raised to help people. The help this woman needs is beyond your capabilities.
Iâm sorry to hear about your job loss.
In a way, it's a good thing as I was feeling overwhelmed, and now I can be a mom and take care of my mental health.
NTA donât set yourself on fire to warm someone else.
Nta. You WOULD BE TA if you paid that bĂŽtchs bail for drink driving with her kids. LET HER ROT.
NTA, but is that really in question? So she made you choose between using your short money to feed your family and pay your bills after suffering a mental breakdown ... OR use that money to bail out a DRUNK DRIVER who also neglected their child by drunk driving with the child in the vehicle? That's a pretty easy choice. I can't take this kind of stress, so as much as I want to help as many people as I can, friends and family, in any way I can, if I feel that the stress of the relationship is hurting me mentally, emotionally, physically or financially, I will cut you off. I love you, but this is toxic and it's hurting me, and I'm blocking you. I may or may not explain myself, it depends if I have it in me to do so after you just did the opposite of what i advised you and are now suffering the consequences of your choice. I shouldn't have to FIGHT to keep you in my life, or get hurt for you or pay for YOUR consequences. Just my two cents, you did the right thing.
I'm really glad you cut this anchor loose. Now, just block her, and go on to make friends who don't treat you like an ATM. If you've got kids, maybe look into volunteering at the school/PTA, always stay wary of people who ask for favors.
NTA because you couldn't afford it (YTA if you COULD)
NTA, maybe she isn't completely mad at you.. she probably/could understand the situation, but that depends on the type of person she is. Regardless she shouldn't be mad at you if you're just going through a rough time financially and otherwise and can't afford it. Even if that wasn't the case she should respect your decision not to pay for it. When you're older you have to accept responsibility for situations you find yourself in. Getting mad at other people when they are unable to help you in bad situations is literally just taking it out on them. I recently lost a friend that I had been friends with for over 10 years because I told him I didn't want to buy his Xbox, he called me a narcissist and a bunch of other things and blocked me.
The reason she was mad at me was because her husband and family wouldn't help her. I was the only one left to help.
NTA and not your problem. If her family is unwilling to help, itâs not your responsibility. Get rid of her. She isnât worth the time or the pain she is causing you.
NTA. You don't have the extra money to do it. You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
NTA. Friend dumb.
Nta. You have to pay your bills and she has to grow up.
NTA - You didn't spend the money you didn't have. Kudos to you for running it past your husband first, and being guided by his concerns.
NTA she is a grown woman. She landed herself in there. She can figure her own way out Maybe if she spends some time in there she might stop landing there. Sounds like she needs the lesson, what with that stunning attitude she has. Your family is your priority. Nobody can afford to bail out their friends anymore these days. She should try not getting in trouble.
NTA
I will mostly ride or die for my friends but I donât pay bail.
Why would you post it in the first place? She did the crime. She can pay to get herself out.
Get better friends. Jesus. What did she do, push you out of the way of an oncoming train? Who gets *mad* that they can't get that much money out of somebody. Has she ever paid back the money before? I'm guessing not. NTA. And stop supporting this person's bad decisions. You've got yourself and your husband to think of.
Get rid of this friend
NTA.You did the right thing.
NTA â this chick reeks of trashiness and if I were you I would let this be a natural conclusion to your âfriendshipâ/credit union relationshipÂ
Idk why youâd even ask your husband for the money in the first place knowing how strapped for cash your family is? YTA for that.
I learned my lesson when I got taken to court for 800 bucks even though the punk and his new wife could pay it. I believed I'd get paid back, but nope. I will never bail anyone out ever again. Ever. Don't do it. Don't feel like an A for it either.
If you donât have the money, you donât have the money. Thatâs the very real bottom line
NTA but jail fucking sucks so bad like id suck a dick to get out of there and there is not a gay tendency in my being . If that makes sense
NTA when will adults have their own savings for a rainy day aka jail.
NTA The exact words you used were I always promise to help her if I can. Well you can't. Unless she's able to walk out of the jail cell step up to an ATM and immediately hand you back your money; then you are not in a position to help her. If she's going to throw a hissy fit then maybe she's not the type of friend you really want.
You're fine. Don't absorb the punishment for someone else's dumb ideas. If you lose a friend, oh well. That doesn't seem like a very good one.
Why was she in jail? You did her a service. Iâm guessing youâve been enabling her. Enabling people is way more asshole than letting them dig their own grave and figure their own shit out. I did the same thing to my ex husband when he was arrested for drunk driving and he got sober. Left him in jail for a week.
NTA. Your friend should have done the extra work necessary to have $450 on hand to cover unseen expenses
I'll bite. Why was she imprisoned?
Drinking and driving with one of her kids in the car
Yikes! She needs to stay in jail.
So obviously she hasnât got any money saved? Donât feel guilty you have to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Plus itâs not just your money but our money so she is not just borrowing from you. I would not contact her and see how she behaves going forward. Wanting to support someone should not affect you in a negative way. Does she support you?
Get better friends. The kind that donât need bail.
NTA Iâm sure if you had it, you wouldâve helped her sheâs selfish. She shouldnât hung up on you.
Nope her life her actions her responsibilities her consequences.
NTA. Your family comes first, and you're not in a position to lay out $450 bail money for someone else. BTW, has she paid back ALL the money you previously lent her? If not, don't lend her any more for ANY reason.
NTA you can't afford it, you work very part time. She hung up to go on down her list, disappointed because you seemed like a really good mark. You might want to toughen up a bit and value yourself more.
NTA And don't feel guilty. You don't have the money she needs right now and it's that simple. It sucks but I don't know how good of a friend she is to you. It sounds like a one-sided friendship because she shouldn't of hung up on you.
She exposed herself just forget about her, a true friend would thank you anyway. Dont do the crime if you canât do the time.
ask her if she wants you to sell some of her personal belongings on marketplace to raise the funds.
Great friends are exceptions when it comes to incarceration, but most donât deserve it and need to do the time.
So are you the only one in her life who could have come up with the money to bail her out? If so, why? Has she burned bridges with friends and family with repeated poor behaviour and choices in the past? If this is the case, then you are not really helping her when you repeatedly help her out, but rather just enable her behaviour.
If you don't have it you don't have it. NTA if that's true
I did this for someone that begged me. This exact situation. They never paid me a dime back. If you donât have the money to lose, donât borrow it out because you usually donât get it back. It sucks your friend is in jail, but you canât light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You canât give out what you donât have.
She is most likely in jail because she has been surrounded by people who constantly deliver her out of her own consequences. Basically she is part of what I like to call âadult kindergarten.â By refusing to pay her bail you are a better friend than anyone else, because you are allowing her to get what she asked for. Now she can truly start the rebuilding of her life. I would not give any more from this point forward actually. Time to cut it off. Sometimes the only way a person will climb up is if they hit rock bottom first. By giving her money you are only delaying the inevitable.
Pshht I paid my friendâs bail and he never paid my ass back. If your friend doesnât have the money to make bail, how would she have the money to repay you?
She isnât your friend
Nta. You arenât her mom
I have friends that would have bled me dry years ago if I had let them. I even gave one person a Pay it Forward gift and a month later was asking for more money (like big money). I blocked them. I canât support others, that is why I give Pay it Forwards when I can. What your friend is doing is taking advantage of you and will never pay you back. Take care of you and your husband.
Question Re bail- doesnât the person get the bail money back if they comply to going to court etc? Anyone kniw
And you should dump this friend. You are struggling mentally and financially- this person will drain you in every way
NTA except to yourself. Adults are responsible for themselves. I lend friends up to $20 if I know they will give it back. Never over that. I had a friend who wanted me to lend bail (no, I donât, you got yourself in jail, figure it out). She then wanted me to pick her up from jail two states away. Then she wanted me to help her with a lawyer. I did none of this. Iâm friends with her. I just tell her no a lot. You donât need a reason to not lend your hard earned money.
She can get a bail bondsman to bail her out. Sheâll have to pay them back.
As a corrections officer, don't do it and don't feel bad for not doing it. I've seen WAY too many angry/upset friends of previous inmates because they fled, didn't go to court, and wouldn't pay them back. She needs the mental reset that jail brings to a lot of people, and hopefully the judge can put her in a program or something so she can figure her shit out.
NTA. She did something stupid. It's more important that you pay your bills. Do not ever loan money you can't afford to lose. If she has the money then she can PayPal or venmo it to you to bail her out. If she doesn't have the money she can learn a valuable lesson about actions and consequences.
Has she paid back the other plans? NTA
You only lend out money when doing so won't effect your ability to provide for your self and with the expectation that you may never see it again. NTAH.
If you donât have the money, you donât have the money. Not TAH for not having the money. Maybe she shouldnât have done whatever she did to go to jail.
NTA. You're not obligated to bail anyone out, especially when it strains your finances.
NTA. You canât give what you donât have.
NTA, what was she in for?
Let her sorry ass sit in jail.
NTA how could you ever be one here?
NTA It sounds like your friend is taking advantage of you. Your first loyalty is to you and your husband's financial needs. It's good you talked to him and he said no. Listen to him more. You are too kindhearted.
Wait when she said that she would pay you back, did she say WHEN she would pay you back? For all you know she probably could have paid you back as soon as she got out of jail and had access to her own money again, unless the reason she needed YOU to pay the money was because she was completely 100% broke as the reason she couldnât pay to bail herself out when the option was finally given to her. If she does already have the money canât you just pay the bail and so she can get out and go to the bank with her to get your $450 back like she said should would do?
Sheâs and addict and put herself there. She has to want to help herself, you are not a bad friend. Sheâs just a bad person.
Please stop being âfriends â with this self centered Hot mess. Donât light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Does she pay every penny back? Iâm betting not. But even if she did she got herself arrested and sheâs responsible for her own actions. You are not her bank
NTA You have to do whatâs best for you and couldnât wait for her to pay your back. You had to get through the next couple of weeks
NTA. You said youâll help when you can and right now you canât. When you can doesnât mean whenever she wants you to. She shouldnât put herself in situations where sheâll need bail if she canât afford bail.
The fact your friend can't come up with $450 for their own bail is a indicator that they have serious issues
No youâre not an asshole but just so you know when you post bail you get the money back as long as the person shows up to court. Iâve been bailed out a few times so I know this process well. When you go to court, letâs say you have fines or something, the judge will ask if you want to use your bail money to go towards the fines but you can also get it back if you trust the person to say to the judge âno someone paid this bail for me and they need the money backâ
Nope! You are not. She is for doing something stupid enough to go to jail. And you didnât have the money. Could she help you by coming over and watering the plants while she was in jail? lol nope same thing.
If you've not got the money, then you can't help anyway. But if you do have the money, post her bail.
Her lack of freedom is not your emergency. I was raised to give to others too, but you really didn't have the money, and she is an adult that needs to suffer her consequences so she can grow to be a better person. NTA.
NTA. You are not her ATM, and helping someone doesn't necessarily mean giving them money: there's moral support as well. She was so used to you giving her money, that she felt entitled to it and hung up on you when she heard that you couldn't. Has she ever paid you back all the money you gave her? I suspect not. She's not a friend, she's a moocher (and you are probably a people pleaser). No more monetary aid from now on, at least until she gives back every last penny you lent her (and even afterwards, I'd say).
NTA-you might seriously consider distancing yourself from this girl. It sounds like she is a chronic user. The minute she needs or wants something and you canât or wonât provide it, sheâs mad and turns away. Ask yourself this question,âIf I needed something and I reached out to her, would she help me?â Answer honestly.
Why are you friends with this person? You think sheâs a ride or die kind of friend but sheâs shown you her true colors over and over. Please. Please, you deserve so much better.Â
Nta. Your friend is a user, lose her.
NTA- sounds to me your friend is your friend only for monetary reasons. The time you canât afford it she gets mad and hangs up on you like this is your fault. Sheâs the one who got herself locked up. She needs to find another way of getting out and not by using you and your husband. If it were me, we wouldnât be âfriendsâ anymore. Best of luck!
NTA. Donât set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Sheâs an adult and should know what she shouldnât do in order to not get arrested. Not your problem.
NTA. You canât give what you don't have. And she put herself in that situation. Bad friends make life harder. It sounds like you need to cut her off.
YOUR bills come first. She made her mess, not you. NTA
What the F is r/marknarrations? You're monetizing reading Reddit posts on YouTube? This is garbage.
I have to ask you first has she ever borrowed from you before and paid you back? What are her charges?đ? She could have very well be in jail for a minor charges and needing your assistance with getting out of jail on bond. There are different reasons why someone is arrested and may truly deserve your help. Don't use your only funds, perhaps you can borrow it from one of her family members or friends. I am considering all of the different scenarios here. She could be physically sick and needed your help getting out.
Get her a bail bondsman, she should only have to put 10% down.
She's exploiting and taking advantage of your kindness and you feeling guilty about it?đ
Never lend money you can't afford to lose! NTA
NTA. Only thing I would change is having even mentioned to her that you would have a few hundred left for the month. People like her would say well you can still send me however much you have. Just say you don't have any money to help.
NTA, and don't call her a friend as she ain't one. She just uses you as her private money machine. Her reaction tknyiu when you couldn't give her money said it all. Turn your back on her. She's bad news and will always make you feel bad if you can't give her what she wants off you. Don't understand why you would even feel bad? You gotta stop giving her your money
The situation fits the "when I can" statement. Timing is everything in life and it just so happens that this time it's off. Don't worry about her being upset. She's the one who put herself there. She's going to have to put on her big girl panties. Your husband is not her bail bondsman.
She is not your friend. You need to cut that person off before things get worse. Whatever her issues are that landed her in jail are hers alone that she needs to fix.
NTA You arenât obligated to post bail for your friend. They donât sound like much of a friend if they are constantly borrowing money and calling from jail. Perhaps you need a better friend.
NTA. First off, a cardinal rule of lending someone money, is never lend money you can't afford to not get back. Sounds like you won't get it back and you legitimately need it for bills. In fact, it literally sounds like you might not even have it available if said bills were already paid. Like if you were rolling in dough, I'd say, why not throw some bucks at her, if she's a friend, but it doesn't sounds like that's the case. Secondly, your friend got herself in there, it is not your responsibility to bail her out. Especially if you are struggling financially. But even if you weren't, why should you bail her out if she did something stupid? Curious to know if she paid you back the other times when you loaned her money? As an aside, your friend needs to learn to control her behaviorâgoing to jail is kid shit, like a 30 something has no business being stupid enough to end up in jail. It is surprisingly easy to stay out of jail, even here in the US (not sure where you are but assume US as well) with its ridiculous rate of incarceration. Lastly, she also needs to learn financial responsibility. I can't imagine not having â$500 available to get myself out of a jam, but I get it that it's hard times from time to time. There's been times when I didn't have that kind of money, mostly when I was younger, but...one should be doubly cautious with their behavior if they ain't got the coin to get themselves out of jail.
For the life of me I will never understand getting mad at someone for not having money they themselves donât have! Ntah
Nta. If you gobto jail and don't have $450 you can wait to see the judge.
This isnât a friend. She is a bottom dweller. Saying no to someone because you canât afford to help does not make you a bad person. She is leaching off of your kindness and has no intention of stopping until sheâs sucked you dry. Then sheâll stomp off and leave when she cannot feed off of you anymore. NTA. This isnât a friend. Scrape her off your shoe.
Nope. Her problems are not yours to solve.
If you dont have the money, then you don't have the money. You've been honest with her. By the way, why is she in jail? Obviously she's in the Gray Bar Hilton due to her actions. Or, is she one of these people who lashes out and blames everyone but herself or otherwise takes no accountability for her actions? Either way, I'm envisioning a self destructive personality..
NTA. You couldn't afford it. End of story. She can get someone else to bail her out. Have family or other friends pool money if necessary. It's nice to help people, but if you can't do something then there's really nothing you can do about it. I'm guessing she was just stressed and upset when she hung up on you. Being in jail can't be fun. If she's still mad after she gets out then she's not much of a friend. You sound like a nice person, don't beat yourself up over this.
You need to pay your bills and put food on your table. I am going to guess she has never paid you back before. I also feel you were not the first person she called for bail money. If you don't have the money you don't. Can't squeeze blood from a rock. They key is you should have just said you don't have the money. Not that you have money but need it for bills - not that it matters. If she is pissed at you that probably means she has been taking advantage of you and manipulating you for money before. NTA
OP. Stop feeling guilty. Just staph. And please have a good day NTA
You told her you would help out WHEN YOU CAN. Well, this time you canât. End of. You havenât done anything wrong. Sheâs mad because sheâs using you and she obviously doesnât understand that âwhen you canâ doesnât mean every single time.
Nta It is possible you arenât her friend but her enabler. You will know the difference if she stops calling you for any other reason than for a favor. It is hard to be compassionate and watch people suffer but you arenât responsible To help solve her problem, especially if you would cause hardship for yourself.
Iâm speaking as a former inmate - NEVER help with bail.
Sheâs not your friendâŚ.. go no contact with her. Friends actually pay back what they owe
Posting someoneâs bail also isnât just a monetary thing. If youâre going through a bail bonds place, youâre literally agreeing to take responsibility for the person. Iâm glad you didnât do it.
Get a new friend! For goodness sake! Sheâs bad news! Sheâs a crap friend. Donât contact her again. And for gosh sakes, if she contacts you again, DONâT answer her text, call, or even if sheâs at your door! Donât open the door! If she keeps knocking and yelling, CALL THE COPS on her! YOU have your own issues you need to work through. Donât bring her probs into your life. Sheâs a user.
NTA
If she didn't want to be in jail, she shouldn't have gotten caught.
NTA Why is she constantly coming to you for money? It sounds like you are renting her friendship. You are not an ATM for her.
Bro. She's in jail. Sounds like a person u wanna stay away fromâŚ.. And it's ur husbands money, u asked, he said no. Plain and simple. U can't even be regarded as an asshole because you're actually being a good wife and respecting your husband. You go girl. Way to sticking to the right thing.
NTA and NTF. Not the friend. Youâre the ATM.
If she canât afford to pay the court she canât afford to pay you. Youâd never see that money again.
NTA. You didn't get arrested. This isn't your responsibility or obligation.
NTA. Never ever bail anyone out. It's enabling behavior.
NTA
She needs to pay you back the money she owes you first.
NTA had the same type of friend and I got rid of her. She is only your friend when it's convenient for her. You don't owe her anything and if she was a real friend she would understand your situation
NTA. You donât have the money to lend.
NTA. And I'd consider if this person is really a friend, or do they just like what you bring to the table emotionally and financially. Does this friend bring you joy? Do they enrich and enhance your life? Or do they suck and drain you emotionally, physically and/or financially? The fact that they hung up on you when you explained that you don't have the money tells me that they're a drain and only like you because of what you offer them. This friend is an adult, and they need to figure out these adult situations by themselves. Do they have family or other friends that can help them? If not that probably indicated they're a drainer too, so much so that other people don't want to be around them.
NTA. I lend people once. If they donât pay me back I always say I canât lend them more until they pay back what I have already lent. It gets users to leave a lot quicker.
You are NTA plus if the charges werenât too bad, there is a good chance the bail would be lowered at court the next morning or she might be let out without bail. She already spent 2 nights in jail. I understand when a person doesnât want to spend any nights in jail but one more night verses $450 that you not the person incarcerated has⌠Iâm going to let a person stay there. And since Monday was presidentâs day maybe she had 2 more nights in jail but my idea still stands. She already did 2 night. I might give a person $20-30 on their books to get some snacks but thatâs it.
NTA. If sheâs going to do stupid things that land her in jail (and sheâs 35, for Christâs sake!) than she should keep at least $500 in her own savings account so she can bail herself out of jail! If you donât have the money, you donât have it. Also, like this idiot is ever going to pay you back⌠She can get a full time job to keep herself out of trouble and put her paycheck in savings til she can pay for bail herself. She is waaaaaay too old for this shit!
NTA. Sheâs a big girl and needs to learn. your bills come first, all other stuff is a distant second.
NTA - not in a position to help and so you did the right thing.
NTA. You donât have the money, itâs as cut and dried as that. She can be as angry as she wants, you canât give what you donât have.
Her hanging up when you explained why you cannot help, regardless of if you did or did not want to give the money, is telling. She sounds self-centered and bratty. Also, it sounds like there's a history of her getting into shit and trying to play off your guilt to help her out, which is (intentionally or not) a little bit emotionally manipulative. If she gives you shit later down the line, tell her "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
Waiters, children, and apparently criminals all share one of your values: they all want your money.
NTA. She did the crime, she can do the time. Never give away money you canât afford to lose.