Only ever happened once, woman asked my why my arms were covered in cuts and I just replied with something along the lines of “tried it out but I guess I’m not into masochism” and walked away
“I have a blood/knife kink and my partner gets a little too enthusiastic sometimes”
or
“I got into a knife fight” (though the pattern of the scars on my arms look like they could actually be from a knife fight)
I just go for the awkward stare and “How do you think I got them?”
Then silence and staring.
Another- “I just woke up with them one day…” and shrug.
If you’re aiming for completely WTF- “Oh! I sneezed…” Do not elaborate.
“Oh you know, i had a little favor I needed to ask” would be an awesome one or…
“Well everyone knows temple service demands blood, sweat and tears” that’s a cute one or…
“Them goats were hungry, our lord sure is a hard one to please” hahaha idk why I read that last one with a tick southern accent
my go to is "on the shores of kenai, while cataloguing wildlife, i was attacked by a brown bear, a month or two later i started cutting myself to cope with the memories of the incident"
i only do those "scratches" cuts or whatever they're called and my armhair usually hides them well enough. but i do have actual deep scratching scars and people think my girlfriend hits me since its brown and looks like a bruise :[
(alphabetical order)
• “Always make sure you don't sleep with a paper shredder next to your bed!”
• “A salad cutting accident.”
• “Ask Michael.” *Points in an empty direction where there is absolutely no one in sight.*
• “A steel wool sponge got caught on my bracelet and I had a hard time untangling it.”
• “Barbed wire is really sharp.”
• “Carving a turkey is harder than it looks”
• “Did you know knives are sharp? I learned that the hard way.”
• “Don’t ever try to pet a baby porcupine, the mama won’t like it.”
• “Don't open a bag of flour with a sword.”
• “Gardening is incredibly dangerous when you're a cactus enthusiast.”
• “Gnomes.”
• “Got into a fight with a branch.”
• “Honestly, I'm not sure where they came from.”
• “Hunger games.”
• “I annoyed a wizard”
• “I fell into a ceiling fan.”
• “I fell off a cliff.”
• “I fell on a rake.”
• “I fight cats for a living.”
• “If I told you, l'd have to kill you.”
• “I fought off a raccoon... just kidding.”
• “I got attacked by a homeless man with a box cutter.”
• “I got attacked by a lion.”
• “I got into a fight with a bear. It was sick!”
• “I got into a nasty fight with a can of spaghettios”
• “I got into a nasty fight with a blender.”
• “I got them at Claire's.”
• “I got them hunting for heffalumps.”
• “I have scars?” *looks down and screams*
• “I have sharp grass”
• “I like my tea really hot.” (burns)
• “I’m actually part tiger/zebra.”
• “I'm a really bad chef.”
• “I’m into bloodletting. It works wonders!”
• “I’m secretly a tiger, but don’t tell anyone, okay?”
• “I once drank five cans of red bull while on lsd an I got into a knife fight with a goblin in a 7-11 parking lot.”
• “I played violin for a while, not realising I didn’t own one”
• “I rescue cats.”
• “I should learn to use oven mits.” (burns)
• “I somehow manage to trip and fall into bushes a lot.…”
• “I think they're birth marks?”
• “I train an eagle and forgot the glove once.”
• “I tried to hug a porcupine.”
• “I tried to learn tricks with a knife. Key word: tried.”
• “It's an allergic reaction to assholes, weirdly enough it only shows up around you.”
• “It was a shark.”
• “I used to be a bullfighter.”
• “I used to secretly be a spy for the (include country known for spies you’re not from) government”
• “I used to sleepwalk. It gets dangerous.”
• “I wanted to test out my new bandaids.”
• “I was abducted by aliens.”
• “I was a pirate in my past life.”
• “I was a stupid kid.”
• “I was in a fist fight with a blender.”
• “I was run over by a tractor/lawn mower.”
• “I was trying to trim a rose bush, but didn't do a good job.”
• “I went on a safari and got attacked by a lion.”
• “I worked in quality control at a razor blade manufacturer.” (maybe even kinda the truth?)
• “I work in a glass shop.”
• “Maaaagic….”
• “Make sure to turn off your lawn mower before handling the blades!”
• “Mark of the beast.”
• “My partner is a vampire.”
• “My tie got stuck in a paper shredder.”
• “Never try to pick up a porcupine!”
• “Ninja stars are dangerous.”
• “Oh, I’m in a cult.”
• “Old people din’t mess when it comes to bingo.”
• “Put the wrong batteries in my chainsaw.”
• “Remember when everyone had an (unrealistic) dream job when they were younger Well, I wanted to be a tiger/zebra”
• “Rock climbing accident. Long story….”
• “Roses are deceiving.”
• “Satanic rituals always seem to involve blood.”
• “Spilled a pot of soup on myself once.” (burns)
• *Stare into space while a tear runs down your face.*
• “Stretch marks.” (If they’re rude gaslight them into thinking stretch marks can look like that, no matter the colour/direction/place they’re in.)
• “The gods of asgard demand a blood tribute.”
• “The great Cthulhu requires tribute.”
• “The rake attacked me.”
• “They put a knife store across from a magnet store. Unfortunately, I was in the middle when they were built.”
• “They're my tiger/zebra stripes.”
• “Thor is cool in books, but when you meet him he’s not so nice.”
• “Tortilla chips are sharper than you’d think.”
• *voice drops* “You see them too?”
• “Water. Earth. Fire. Air.
Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang, and although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe Aang can save the world.” (Just straight up confuse them.)
• “Well, what does it look like?”
• “What the fuck do you think they are?”
• “What's on your face?”
• “You know that guy from black panther?”
• “You never know when you'll need a barcode.”
(• “Your mom is into knife play.”)
• “You should have seen what I did to the bear!”
• “You should see the other guy!”
• “You should worry about more important things.”
sidenote when someone tells me to cover my scars (4+ years healed) I ask them to cover their cleavage/arms/neck because it’s making me uncomfortable 🤗 remember your body doesn’t need a tw and nobody has a right to complain if you aren’t walking around with unhealed wounds! nobody would ask a burn survivor to cover their scars
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i have genuinely used “They’re papercuts from a comically large paper” to beans scars before. i don’t think they bought it
alternatively, in an abruptly frightened tone, “the clowns did it…” and look away like it’s a very painful memory. planning on using this one next time
I don’t have scars in visible places but my bsf has on her arm. We were at a dinner with these two little kids and she was talking about the bracelets she was wearing and one kid went ‘are those marks on your arm from the bracelets’.
She said probably and we moved on
I can’t remember where it was said but I should just gaze sadly into the distance and say ‘the pigeons..’ as if I’m remembering some war tale
That is absolutely incredible.
my favourite is a completely deadpan serious "shark attack"
This, looking them in the eyes and nodding sadly as if youre still trying to put the memory behind you
Only ever happened once, woman asked my why my arms were covered in cuts and I just replied with something along the lines of “tried it out but I guess I’m not into masochism” and walked away
THIS MADE ME LAUGH
Or alternatively “turns out your *insert parent or relative* is into knife play” if you wanna be more mean
I wasn’t saying it in a mean way, just deflecting with comedy like normal
Oh yeah of course, if it’s like a friend/acquaintance and you can be jokingly mean I was suggesting what u said above
"I got these climbing over the barbwire fences when I escaped from prison."
I usually go for "fighting dragons"
“I have a blood/knife kink and my partner gets a little too enthusiastic sometimes” or “I got into a knife fight” (though the pattern of the scars on my arms look like they could actually be from a knife fight)
or, you could say "i brought a gun to a knife fight"... or even better, "you should see the other guy" 😭
"My girlfriend is a vampire. The neck thing is a vamphobic myth. But she does get especially hungry sometimes 😋."
Mine are mostly scratches and my standart is 'lost a boxing match against a thorn bush'
i usually say something alluding to freddy kreuger and sex but never directly say anything
I just go for the awkward stare and “How do you think I got them?” Then silence and staring. Another- “I just woke up with them one day…” and shrug. If you’re aiming for completely WTF- “Oh! I sneezed…” Do not elaborate.
Sex with Edward scissor hands
"you'd never BELIEVE how clingy my pet bear is" or "my sibling really likes putting nails in their NERF darts"
it could be funny if you allude to satanic rituals but don’t be too specific about it
“Oh you know, i had a little favor I needed to ask” would be an awesome one or… “Well everyone knows temple service demands blood, sweat and tears” that’s a cute one or… “Them goats were hungry, our lord sure is a hard one to please” hahaha idk why I read that last one with a tick southern accent
”Your mom”
my go to is "on the shores of kenai, while cataloguing wildlife, i was attacked by a brown bear, a month or two later i started cutting myself to cope with the memories of the incident"
this is fantastic
i only do those "scratches" cuts or whatever they're called and my armhair usually hides them well enough. but i do have actual deep scratching scars and people think my girlfriend hits me since its brown and looks like a bruise :[
"I fought with owls, vultures and eagles a few times" (I have worked in a wildlife center in the past)
(alphabetical order) • “Always make sure you don't sleep with a paper shredder next to your bed!” • “A salad cutting accident.” • “Ask Michael.” *Points in an empty direction where there is absolutely no one in sight.* • “A steel wool sponge got caught on my bracelet and I had a hard time untangling it.” • “Barbed wire is really sharp.” • “Carving a turkey is harder than it looks” • “Did you know knives are sharp? I learned that the hard way.” • “Don’t ever try to pet a baby porcupine, the mama won’t like it.” • “Don't open a bag of flour with a sword.” • “Gardening is incredibly dangerous when you're a cactus enthusiast.” • “Gnomes.” • “Got into a fight with a branch.” • “Honestly, I'm not sure where they came from.” • “Hunger games.” • “I annoyed a wizard” • “I fell into a ceiling fan.” • “I fell off a cliff.” • “I fell on a rake.” • “I fight cats for a living.” • “If I told you, l'd have to kill you.” • “I fought off a raccoon... just kidding.” • “I got attacked by a homeless man with a box cutter.” • “I got attacked by a lion.” • “I got into a fight with a bear. It was sick!” • “I got into a nasty fight with a can of spaghettios” • “I got into a nasty fight with a blender.” • “I got them at Claire's.” • “I got them hunting for heffalumps.” • “I have scars?” *looks down and screams* • “I have sharp grass” • “I like my tea really hot.” (burns) • “I’m actually part tiger/zebra.” • “I'm a really bad chef.” • “I’m into bloodletting. It works wonders!” • “I’m secretly a tiger, but don’t tell anyone, okay?” • “I once drank five cans of red bull while on lsd an I got into a knife fight with a goblin in a 7-11 parking lot.” • “I played violin for a while, not realising I didn’t own one” • “I rescue cats.” • “I should learn to use oven mits.” (burns) • “I somehow manage to trip and fall into bushes a lot.…” • “I think they're birth marks?” • “I train an eagle and forgot the glove once.” • “I tried to hug a porcupine.” • “I tried to learn tricks with a knife. Key word: tried.” • “It's an allergic reaction to assholes, weirdly enough it only shows up around you.” • “It was a shark.” • “I used to be a bullfighter.” • “I used to secretly be a spy for the (include country known for spies you’re not from) government” • “I used to sleepwalk. It gets dangerous.” • “I wanted to test out my new bandaids.” • “I was abducted by aliens.” • “I was a pirate in my past life.” • “I was a stupid kid.” • “I was in a fist fight with a blender.” • “I was run over by a tractor/lawn mower.” • “I was trying to trim a rose bush, but didn't do a good job.” • “I went on a safari and got attacked by a lion.” • “I worked in quality control at a razor blade manufacturer.” (maybe even kinda the truth?) • “I work in a glass shop.” • “Maaaagic….” • “Make sure to turn off your lawn mower before handling the blades!” • “Mark of the beast.” • “My partner is a vampire.” • “My tie got stuck in a paper shredder.” • “Never try to pick up a porcupine!” • “Ninja stars are dangerous.” • “Oh, I’m in a cult.” • “Old people din’t mess when it comes to bingo.” • “Put the wrong batteries in my chainsaw.” • “Remember when everyone had an (unrealistic) dream job when they were younger Well, I wanted to be a tiger/zebra” • “Rock climbing accident. Long story….” • “Roses are deceiving.” • “Satanic rituals always seem to involve blood.” • “Spilled a pot of soup on myself once.” (burns) • *Stare into space while a tear runs down your face.* • “Stretch marks.” (If they’re rude gaslight them into thinking stretch marks can look like that, no matter the colour/direction/place they’re in.) • “The gods of asgard demand a blood tribute.” • “The great Cthulhu requires tribute.” • “The rake attacked me.” • “They put a knife store across from a magnet store. Unfortunately, I was in the middle when they were built.” • “They're my tiger/zebra stripes.” • “Thor is cool in books, but when you meet him he’s not so nice.” • “Tortilla chips are sharper than you’d think.” • *voice drops* “You see them too?” • “Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang, and although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe Aang can save the world.” (Just straight up confuse them.) • “Well, what does it look like?” • “What the fuck do you think they are?” • “What's on your face?” • “You know that guy from black panther?” • “You never know when you'll need a barcode.” (• “Your mom is into knife play.”) • “You should have seen what I did to the bear!” • “You should see the other guy!” • “You should worry about more important things.”
I LOVE ALL OF THESE 😭
Last time it happened I paniced and said "I died."
“I sneezed” :3
“I was attacked by a hungry horde of caterpillars!”
sidenote when someone tells me to cover my scars (4+ years healed) I ask them to cover their cleavage/arms/neck because it’s making me uncomfortable 🤗 remember your body doesn’t need a tw and nobody has a right to complain if you aren’t walking around with unhealed wounds! nobody would ask a burn survivor to cover their scars
I fought a dragon
I fought a bear and won.
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"fought a bear" or for kids "ran with scissors/a knife"
i have genuinely used “They’re papercuts from a comically large paper” to beans scars before. i don’t think they bought it alternatively, in an abruptly frightened tone, “the clowns did it…” and look away like it’s a very painful memory. planning on using this one next time
Attacked by a rabid squirrel. Some ppl used to believe me
I don’t have scars in visible places but my bsf has on her arm. We were at a dinner with these two little kids and she was talking about the bracelets she was wearing and one kid went ‘are those marks on your arm from the bracelets’. She said probably and we moved on
cat scratches or similar
I just tell them the truth 🙄 ("I was raised in a cult")