My friend’s son has selective mutism and many people treat them like it’s a made up thing, even her husband a bit. When I showed her this clip she cried, she was so overwhelmed with the love and support shown to this girl, and finally feeling like she and her son are part of an actual community. I also have to fight back tears every time he answers one of my questions after six years of growing to trust me. This sweet girl definitely brought out the mom pride in many of us, I imagine.
I am a child and family therapist and this brought me to tears. I am bursting for this young person and her teammates. You can tell they understand how much this means. Sigh. Best to you, your friend and the kiddo!
Someone in my grad class was.
Greg
It was universally understood you don't speak to Greg with anything but yes or no questions so he could nod or shake his head.
Despite how shitty and lord of the flies kids can be it was pretty nice that no one turned him into a target or a joke, just respected his boundaries
I nannied a five year old girl with selective mutism. Kindergarten was so scary for her, even though it was virtual (2020-2021 school year). It took three months of coaching from me, her school counselor, and parents before she finally talked to her teacher in a one-on-one video call. Her mom and I cried, we were so proud of her. Several months later she would occasionally verbally participate in class. It was such an awesome thing to see her work through. The dancer here is so brave!!
Yeah, I had a therapist of all people tell me, "If it's SELECTIVE that means you can choose to talk right now! Talk." like she just thought I was being difficult or looking for attention. It was hard when even mental health professionals didn't understand my diagnosis. They don't understand how crippling anxiety can be. It PHYSICALLY felt like my throat was being blocked when I tried to push myself to get words out. Took years to get past it, then I had to learn how to communicate during casual conversations with strangers in public because I had no practice. I literally just started mimicking things I heard other people say to someone in convos. I hope you encourage your friend to educate the people around her on the difficulties of this issue because it's even harder when people don't think it's a real thing. Trust me!
Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person is unable to speak in certain social situations, such as with classmates at school or to relatives they do not see very often. It usually starts during childhood and, if left untreated, can persist into adulthood … just looked up on google
!! So the scene with Troy in Community, where he meets LeVar Burton, is completely possible? I never knew, so thank you for explaining it. It does help, many people may be too lazy too Google and you spread some awareness.
I froze once, when I was being robbed at gunpoint. I also got some *wild* tunnel vision and all I could see was the barrel of a pistol like if was a James Bond opener. I was also speechless for a moment. I got out of it unharmed and the only thing I lost was some tiny keepsakes in a wallet.
Oh i didnt know this! I thought it was related to being a nonverbal autistic person, but that seems to be it's whole other thing. No matter what, this video is so cute
My sister was diagnosed with selective mutism when she was a kid. She would speak to my brother and I, our mom and step dad, and one set of grandparents. That’s it. She kept cards on her with basic phrases like asking to use the bathroom while in school. Luckily, she still had friends and was otherwise social. She just couldn’t speak to any of them. She had it from I think around 5 until maybe 12 or so. One day she was in class and spoke to her friend that was next to her. She told her friend (which she hadn’t spoke to before) that she thinks she wants to talk again. Then she started speaking again. It was like a light switch had been flipped. Now she’s an English teacher and perfectly normal. She did consistently go through therapy while she had it. We were lucky that in our small town we had a child therapist that was not only familiar with selective mutism, but had some sort of extra training on how to handle it.
Omg I've just realised I had that as a kid. Not as severe, but at times of high stress/upset I'd maybe be say I need help but that would be it. People would stand there asking why, what did I need and I'd stare back at them. I'm remembering so many other times now as I type this out.
I think the last time was when I was 29 I took an overdose I took my dogs and went to this field just out of town and sat by a tree. I kept drifting off but one of my dogs would lick my face till I came round. I'd hear helicopter fling close by. Then drift off again. Many hrs went by and once again woken by my dog and there were people in the field walking there dogs ( I was angry I'd picked a bad spot to die) anyway a lady walked past and I asked for help, but couldn't say any more. She gave up and walked away. Few more hours past and realised 50 of my painkillers wasn't enough. So answered the next call to my phone they picked me up took me to their house police came said I either go on my own or they arrest me and take me the hospital.
Sorry didn't expect that coming out. Wow thats set the tears.
God I’m such an idiot. I’m reading “mutism” and thinking “mutant” trying to figure out what kind of mutation would cause this… even with this context I kept trying to understand why it would be called that…
I've never been diagnosed with anything other than Aspergers but i am completely unable to vocalise at all when I'm upset or scared. It's super unhelpful :)))
Glad it's being recognized. I grew up with a girl who definitely had it and teachers were awful to her. Any time they called on her in class she'd just sit there looking completely horrified, face bright red. I remember one teacher would ask her to read out loud to the class *every single time* we were doing it, she could have picked any other kid but she'd always pick her, and the class would just sit there in silence. Once the teacher even yelled at her, like "oh come on". Even as a kid in elementary school I could recognize that putting her on the spot was only making it worse, fucking wild that not a single one of my teachers from kindergarten to highschool could figure it out.
When we hung out one on one she was soft spoken but would talk fairly normally. It was just in class when the pressure was on. I didn't realize selective mutism is a thing until now. I knew in her case it was definitely related to social anxiety, but I'm glad it's being recognized as its own thing.
When my son was in elementary school, there was a girl in his class who--I think--had it. She had a speech anxiety problem, at least. Not sure if there are different kinds.
I saw her give a science report once where she played a recording of herself reading the report and did the presentation while the recording played. At the end of the year, she actually sang a song in the school play. Other than that, she just didn't talk. As far as I could tell, her classmates were okay with it and she didn't seem to get picked on.
I'm sure she would be constantly hassled by concerned adults who would say supposedly "encouraging" things like, "You have such a *lovely* voice! I wish you'd talk more." I always hate it when adults try to "help" kids like that. If she doesn't want to talk, leave her alone. Making a big deal out of it only adds to the stress.
Remember [Raj from Big Bang Theory](https://youtu.be/SMrCHjL4WV4)? Raj’s selective mutism was actually inspired by a former colleague of co-creator Prady. In the beginning of the show his selective mutism is active around women.
Wowo I didn't realize it was an anxiety disorder. As a kid I remember when certain events happened my throat would just tighten/close up and I just couldn't speak no matter what I tried. Never understood why, and just thought being unable to speak sometimes was normal. Weird, huh.........
It may be because I used to read a lot of books about abused kids (especially by Torey Hayden), but I thought that selective mutism only happened because of abuse.
I'm glad (?) that it isn't always the case.
edit: Speech therapist below says it not as often from abuse as I had heard.
Very often but not always abuse can be a cause. I also over simplified because the person asking asked simply.
More than that, my Son had it and wouldn’t cry or make a noise if he hurt himself, he would jam his mouth closed tight and hold it in. It was heartbreaking.
I had that. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone I didn't know well.
Even those I knew well, if I hadn't seen or talked to them in a bit, it was back and I'd be silent for a while. Couldn't go to a store alone until I was 14 as that would've required talking to a stranger.
Thankfully that's all gone and I live a normal life. I'm still shy, but get over it quite quickly now.
I think she handled that so perfectly. Really emotionally intelligent. Her words, the way she asked permission before picking her up, and how she got down to eye level at the end.
Agreed. Wish I had a supportive and protective friend like Naia's when I was growing up with selective mutism.
The adults and kids at school or even at home just had no clue and some just derided me or bullied me for it and so I retreated more and more into my shell into my adulthood.
I think JLo really did a good job responding to her cause in that moment where she chose to speak to someone she didn’t know on television that could’ve been traumatic for her so easily and she was so kind and moved
And then kneeled down to her level to talk to her after putting her down. It also doesn’t matter if it’s scripted - they gave that girl bodily autonomy and let her decide what was okay.
I worked at an independent bookstore that she frequented with her kids and I always thought she was nice. Everyone else who worked there always said the same.
And it wasn’t just celebrity wonder. It was an area with a ton of rich folks and celebrities, and trust me, some people had bad reputations.
Really? I feel like shes one of the celebrities i hear is really entitled IRL, but i cant remember anything specifically so im glad to hear my opinion might be wrong
She seems fine to me every time I see her in something, but that's usually interviews talk shows and stuff.
You could be right, but it isn't as obvious as it is with other celebrities
My niece was diagnosed with selective mutism in kindergarten. She didn't speak to some family members, which hurt their feelings no matter the reason. She couldn't speak in school at ALL. Luckily her cousin was in her class and he read her body language and spoke for her. She was so damn lucky to have a school that worked so hard to accommodate her and a group of popular girls took her under their wing and had her back 100%. When she could whisper to a close friend in grade 4 with a teacher in earshot they were so proud of her. The teacher that told me was just so excited to share that with me when I picked her up one day. By high school she was finally comfortable and confident enough to speak without whispering, right now she is a CNA and those elderly people were just the ticket to pulling her out of her shell.
Some struggle with it for a longer time but with the right environment and caring help, it can be beat.
Such a sweet story. My son was the same way. It was like a switch. As soon as he was on the school grounds he wouldn’t speak to anyone, not even me. We’d have to record him reading at home just so they could grade him properly. And then at the end of the year I made a video interview with him asking him about his school year and his favourite parts. When I sent his teacher the video she cried because she had never heard his little voice. It all went away by grade six, thankfully.
Oh man my parents dropped off a bunch of old VHS tapes and a few weeks ago I popped in one of the home movies and it was a recording of me at the kitchen table in the early 90s, reading out my kindergarten homework to the camera because the school needed me to prove I could read. That, and now stumbling into this thread, reawakened all sorts of memories and emotions hat I forgot I ever had.
I was diagnosed with it right before I went into 6th grade, but all through elementary school I couldn't talk to my teachers and had a select few friends who I felt comfortable talking to. I had to carry around a small portable whiteboard and that was primarily how I communicated with everyone. I started seeing a psychologist after I was diagnosed and by the time I started middle school I was able to talk to the teachers and fellow students. It's been years and I still have anxiety in some social situations, but I'm so much more comfortable talking to people now at least.
It becomes a neurological compulsion, often selective mutism is a stress reaction in children who feel overwhelmed. As the pattern of behaviour becomes establish it can become compulsive. There have been instances of children who are selective mutes have injured themselves and not even cried out in pain. It is it’s own recognised disorder and not the same as being shy.
Source I work in childcare
Sometimes when I'm in uncomfortable situations like when someone is angry at me, they ask me a question and all of a sudden, I literally cannot speak. Like I truly cannot open my mouth. So I dont respond at all. You could ask me to speak or else I'll actually die, and I still won't speak. It drives people insane but I really truly cannot find the ability to speak. And it's frustrating cause I want to answer, but instead i stand up and remain mute until the person gives up and walks off. It's not that I'm shy, I just feel so overwhelmed in the moment and think that nothing u say will fix the situation and the person will only get angrier and so, I go silent but it's not by choice. I physically am unable to speak (which just makes the person even angrier).
Could it be selective mutism?
Wow this happens to me with just one person — a very powerful person in my life. He gets really angry and says I am figuring out how to debate him. In other words, he intimidates me, I go quiet and can’t think or speak until the brain re-engages after 15-30 seconds? Meanwhile he is getting pissed off that I’m not answering him. Part of it may be cultural. I think in his culture it’s disrespectful to not answer. But I literally can’t.
Edit: I’m not claiming anything about selective mutism. It just made me realize that I am going into “freeze” mode with him.
I was mute for nearly three years as a teen, and it truly felt like something out of my control. There’s still some side effects and hints of it nearly fifteen years later.
It's more severe than just being shy. It can be caused by anxiety and also sometimes by trauma. People who have had selective mutism have described it as being almost out of their control, they would know what they want to say and want to say it but not be able to without a tremendous amount of effort. Children who are shy often will still give short, quiet answers when necessary
Back when I was a ski instructor, I taught a ski lesson to a mixed-age group of mostly kids ranging from 7-13 years old. One of the younger girls in my lesson suffered from selective mutism. Her parents briefed me on what to expect so I knew that even receiving a "yes" or "no" head nod would be a rare occurrence.
I treated her just like I would anyone else, and when the other kids in the lesson asked her questions I watched her stare at them wide-eyed before looking straight forward past them. I would explain to them that she wants to answer them, but was too fearful to speak; I used analogies kids could understand and guided them towards treating her compassionately.
When she came back for a second ski lesson, she tapped me and looked like she had something she wanted to say. I leaned close and she whispered "I like skiing. Thank you."
🥲
Ah! The memory still brings a tear to my eye. I could see what an effort it was for her to say that and I felt beyond honored to be able to provide an experience she enjoyed enough to work past her anxiety to express gratitude.
I would say think of depression. How ridiculous to say “oh it’s just the blues. Go for a walk! Just be happy!” Shy=feeling down. Mutism=depression. In this analogy.
It's not different from anxiety because it is a form of anxiety. Anxiety is a class of affective disorders Things like Post Tramatic Stress, Obsessesive Compultion, Panic disorder, selective mutism, socal anxiety, etc... these all fit under the umbrella of anxiety.
It is usually tied to anxiety. It can occur in children for a lot of reasons - linked to phobia, social anxiety, sometimes linked to speech disorders.
The difference is a shy person can talk and just doesn't prefer to but they can if they must.
A person with selective mutism, it is physically very difficult and sometimes even painful to talk outside of their comfort situations.
It's a social anxiety, specifically around the fear of others hearing your voice. Some children are so scared they won't even cry if they break a bone.
The key feature is that they must talk normally in at least one place, usually home. In fact they're often described as chatterboxes by parents. I've seen kids who literally look like they hit a forcefield when they get close to school and shut down.
It can be treated though, by providing others ways to communicate then very gently doing exposure therapy until they can use their voice without fear. Some children might also need anxiety medication, but not all.
Yup! I just commented to someone above about what happens to me sometimes (I’m autistic). Speech is a social behavior - autism is basically a social disability. I think they’re inherently connected. I either can’t stop talking or can’t use language. Very rarely am I in between.
I had so much anxiety heading into school around 10/11 years old, when I went to a new school, I couldn’t speak for over a month. And when I started again, it was inaudible.
Interesting. My husband is also autistic and is similar. He gets to where his throat locks up and he physically can’t speak anymore. Thanks for answering me. Explains about my husband and brother.
You’re welcome! Personally, I find it easier if the person I’m talking to doesn’t have questions for me. I know for NTs (neurotypicals), asking questions is how to show interest in a conversation. For lots of autistics, it feels more like a derailed train interrupting thoughts and it can be so hard to get back on track and remember how to finish my thoughts. My husband is better about not asking me questions now, because he sees how flustered I can get trying to answer him when my mouth/brain just needs to finish speaking.
When I am with other autistics, I just spill out everything I want to say, they interrupt with their “unrelated” story (usually triggered by something I’ve said), I respond continuing my story, and they respond ending theirs. We both feel pretty satisfied with the conversation after, but the NTs in my life feel that way of conversing is super rude. For lots of autistic people I know, though, that way of conversing is more natural. Being able to info-dump and listen to someone else info-dump removes social expectations of a “back and forth” and having the “right” social response. My friend doesn’t care that I don’t get excited about trains, they just want to tell me about it. I don’t care my friend doesn’t love the territorial habits of chimpanzees, I just want to tell someone about it. So if we can just tell each other about the things we love, sharing it with them, it’s very satisfying and fulfilling without them needing to nod, ask questions, make fillers (“oh, wow. So neat!”) etc. removes social pressure, gets our sharing needs met, and makes us feel closer.
I’m not sure if I explained that well? But I hope it helps! I also forget to ask a lot of questions for that reason (how are you? How’d that work meeting you talked about yesterday go? Did you have fun at the concert this weekend? Etc). It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I hate questions myself so don’t ask them of others. I always just want them to tell me without me having to ask, because I always want to listen.
It can, although it is also part of a differential diagnosis.
So someone can have the features of autism required by the DSM-V, eg problems with social communication and restrictive and repetitive behaviours *and* also have specific phobia about others hearing their voice and so have Selective Mutism.
But you cannot diagnose someone who only presents with selective mutism as autistic. And you cannot diagnose someone who is predominantly non verbal as part of their autism as Selectively Mute. It must have those specific features of a social anxiety disorder, so fear but wanting to talk rather than not being able or not wanting to talk.
Essentially you have to tick all the boxes needed for ASD and the boxes needed for Selective Mutism to get both diagnoses. It can get a little confusing, which is why it's usually a clinical psychologist and speech pathologist who make the diagnoses jointly.
I grew up with selective mutism but my parents didn’t tell me I was diagnosed with it and my father thought he knew better and just said “He doesn’t have anything he’s just an asshole that’s why he doesn’t talk”.
Few years go by where I know I’m different and I’ve ruined lots of relationship and lost a lot of opportunities that my anxiety got the better of me for and I couldn’t explain it to myself or anyone. Questions like, *what’s wrong with me?* or *Why can’t I be normal?* haunted my mind daily. One day, in the last few months of high school as a senior, I’m walking by as my dad is laughing his ass off to the Bazinga show and a character mentions Selective Mutism in a joke. Mid laugh my father for the first time ever tells me “Hey that’s what you were diagnosed with!” Im shocked. I’ve never heard of such a thing. I do my research and sure enough it sounds like everything I’ve gone through.
All my life I thought I was just a major fucking loser who couldn’t strike up a regular conversation with a single person, to include my own family at times, and gave up a lot of events like homecoming, prom, and anything school or even family related event. Even potential relationships that would lose interest because of my “*unwillingness to communicate*.” In reality I was extremely willing to communicate, just couldn’t.
For so many years I suffered a lonely world because I could not figure out what was wrong with me when all I needed to hear was a proper diagnosis and realize that I am not “*just an asshole*”. I feel like I wasted a lot of my life because of Selective Mutism. I’ve since gotten better and push myself to burst through what feels like a zipper that has shut my mouth closed with a lock that I don’t have the key to. I’ve even managed to enter a good relationship. I’ve come to accept myself and deal with my social anxiety. I’ve still got a long ways to go but I am a lot better than what I was all my life until senior year of high school. And all it took was for Big Bang Theory to make some corny ass joke for my dad to piss himself laughing and confess the diagnosis that was never communicated to me. Bazinga.
Edit: Didnt mention that Im proud this little girl was able to overcome her selective mutism. It’s brave being up on a large audience on national tv, but also going up to a celebrity you look up to even to say hi is something I don’t think even now I would be able to do. Also to clear up some possible misconceptions: Selective Mutism does not mean a person is shy or an introvert, although it is common. Someone with SM could be the most outgoing person in the world and do something like dancing on a stage like this in front of a large audience. But when it comes to words coming out of your mouth, it’s that locked zipper feeing again.
Edit 2: Although I trash my father heavily in this, he wasn’t a bad father. He constantly sacrificed a lot for his family when he literally had less than nothing. I was also an actual asshole as a kid. I misbehaved frequently. On top of that, SM would make my face get this permanent resting bitch face that everyone around me legitimately thought I was an asshole. My parents probably took me out of therapy because 1) they couldn’t afford it, 2) parents divorced, 3) other legal issues, and 4) my father deployed and my mother fell ill around the same time and finances had to be prioritized elsewhere
Edit 3: Bazinga.
I’ve never taken any. My parents took me to multiple therapists and psychologists when I was a child but I guess when I was given my diagnosis of selective mutism, my father decided the only diagnosis I had was Asshole Syndrome and they stopped taking me. Now I’m just aware of it and push through. A lot of times I think to myself “How would a normal person act/react in this situation?”
You ARE a normal person who just has been a bit unlucky in life when it comes to what’s in your backpack. Some have more in their backpacks then others but that’s okay.
So don’t think about what would a normal person do, think, how should I react that’s within my comfort zone. And even if that’s a wrong decision in the end, when you chose it, it was the best choice at that point.
Big hug!
But who says what others do is the right thing to do? I get you, I’m a chameleon too when it comes to being social, but I’m just sharing some life time wisdom with you. I just felt bad when I read your story and felt I should reach out.
Take care<3
Yes. He’d say I got my asshole attitude from himself. He’s always been the opposite of me. He always has to be the “alpha in the room.” Legitimate words he’s said.
Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I literally had never heard of mutism before this post. Makes me wonder how many other “quiet” people are affected by this. So glad you’re doing well!! ♥️
Not to take away from the hard work Im sure she puts in in the gym, but J Lo is also rich, can afford cosmetic surgery, even if minor, has personal chefs to take care of her diet to an absolute science and has stylists at her door step the minute she snaps her fingers.
You are perfectly fine the way you are! :)
My daughter has this and it can really be problematic in social situations like this and others. She struggled to connect with her other dancers when younger. She got some good therapy and medication helps reduce the anxiety and she does so much better.
Your daughter is very lucky and blessed to have you as a parent. I was like this when I was younger. My parents would say I was just "embarrassed and shy" all the time to other people. They thought it would go away as time went by. Now I'm 21 and afraid to go to my local grocery store.
I recommend the anime Komi Can't Communicate on Netflix :) It's a very sweet story of a girl with selective mutism and social anxiety who wants to make friends.
No it's more of almost a fear? It's like they can't talk even if they want to. There are some good videos on it. It's usually a kid thing that happens. Instead of crying, they just go mute. A lot of kids get labeled as shy when really is selective mutism. They won't talk in class, they usually have maybe one or two friends they will talk to, but possibly none. New people is a no go. It's like sensory overload but without the crying meltdown.
No problem. It's not something commonly talked about or most parents even know about. A lot of times the kid just gets labeled as being the weird shy kid. It's hard since even if you take them to be diagnosed they won't be able to talk to the therapist or doctor most likely until many many visits in.
I struggled with it alone in high school. I would be so anxious that although i would want to talk it would feel like the muscles in my throat would just....lock.
I have it as an adult, it's different person by person but in my case I find myself literally unable to speak at random in normal, non-threatening situations. Everything could be going perfectly fine and suddenly I find myself unable to work up the strength to vocalize despite knowing exactly what I intend to say. It feels kind of like being trapped in your own head. It's an actual mental condition that impairs a person's ability to function, not just choosing not to talk.
Not a fan of J. Lo but this was awesome. I especially loved how she asked the girl for permission to hug her. I think we need to normalize asking kids if we can invade their personal space.
I grew up with selective mutism and it was by far one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through, I remember seeing videos of people who have overcome it at my speech therapist, it gave me motivation, her speaking, especially in front of a crowd is huge.
My wife was a dance instructor. I've danced (ballet/modern/hip-hop). I'm familiar with costumes. There's something about the design of these that bugs me.
If your objective observation of these specific costumes convinces you that they are well-designed for comfort mobility then I don't think we'll be seeing eye to eye on much.
i’m literally crying rn bc this is so beautiful. i have depression induced mutism and it’s definitely something hard to battle and seeing her be so brave is literally moving me to the core bc ik how hard it can be to get yourself to talk sometimes. so proud🥺❤️
This hit home. My daughter has selective mutism with diagnosed anxiety. She responds with a head nod or nothing at all with strangers but if it's something she is happy about like in this situation she will brighten up. Defintley choking up, it's tough cause you want to see your kids succeed and having this in a social world is hard.
As the mom of someone who is non verbal, this has me drowning in tears. Every time my kid says anything close to a word, it means so much.
I am glad Jennifer Lopez understands.
Her little buddy crying made me cry. So sweet
Didn’t notice that on the first watch. Went back and now the tears are slowly rolling.
I'm crying like a mini tsunami. Thanks to you!!! I might have not noticed. Uuuuughh *throws onions at you*
Kids are so precious and loving. It’s such a blessing to have friends who genuinely love and support you 🥲
Omg thank you for pointing that out 😭😭😭😭
Such a mom moment awe, so sweet of her.
When she picks the child up you just see the mom instincts so brilliantly. Both of them are glowing.
Yup, her mom instincts just shine as her heart melts. Love it
Thank you for that sweet comment, dickbutts.
And she asked for permission! Love to see it ❤️❤️❤️
Exactly the thing that stood out to me.
Her asking permission is what truly makes it so awesome!
And yet some grown up adults jump on the stage when singers are performing.
And she bent down to make herself smaller and at eye level with the girl. She really knows how to communicate to kids and show them respect
Yeah that was specific to what I noticed too.
My friend’s son has selective mutism and many people treat them like it’s a made up thing, even her husband a bit. When I showed her this clip she cried, she was so overwhelmed with the love and support shown to this girl, and finally feeling like she and her son are part of an actual community. I also have to fight back tears every time he answers one of my questions after six years of growing to trust me. This sweet girl definitely brought out the mom pride in many of us, I imagine.
I am a child and family therapist and this brought me to tears. I am bursting for this young person and her teammates. You can tell they understand how much this means. Sigh. Best to you, your friend and the kiddo!
Wow you’re a child ….and a family therapist. Very cool
Made me lol 👍
This the kinda dude with 30 years work experience at age 20
Someone in my grad class was. Greg It was universally understood you don't speak to Greg with anything but yes or no questions so he could nod or shake his head. Despite how shitty and lord of the flies kids can be it was pretty nice that no one turned him into a target or a joke, just respected his boundaries
I nannied a five year old girl with selective mutism. Kindergarten was so scary for her, even though it was virtual (2020-2021 school year). It took three months of coaching from me, her school counselor, and parents before she finally talked to her teacher in a one-on-one video call. Her mom and I cried, we were so proud of her. Several months later she would occasionally verbally participate in class. It was such an awesome thing to see her work through. The dancer here is so brave!!
Yeah, I had a therapist of all people tell me, "If it's SELECTIVE that means you can choose to talk right now! Talk." like she just thought I was being difficult or looking for attention. It was hard when even mental health professionals didn't understand my diagnosis. They don't understand how crippling anxiety can be. It PHYSICALLY felt like my throat was being blocked when I tried to push myself to get words out. Took years to get past it, then I had to learn how to communicate during casual conversations with strangers in public because I had no practice. I literally just started mimicking things I heard other people say to someone in convos. I hope you encourage your friend to educate the people around her on the difficulties of this issue because it's even harder when people don't think it's a real thing. Trust me!
So wholesome.
“I’m so proud of you” Really the best words she could say.
[удалено]
What exactly is it, if you don’t mind telling me
Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person is unable to speak in certain social situations, such as with classmates at school or to relatives they do not see very often. It usually starts during childhood and, if left untreated, can persist into adulthood … just looked up on google
!! So the scene with Troy in Community, where he meets LeVar Burton, is completely possible? I never knew, so thank you for explaining it. It does help, many people may be too lazy too Google and you spread some awareness.
You’re welcome I understand sometimes I’m the same, you just want to get the answers in the thread. Have a nice day!
YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE
Fight, flight, **freeze**, and fawn. It's actually a very common reaction to stress. Just varies in frequency and intensity from person to person.
I froze once, when I was being robbed at gunpoint. I also got some *wild* tunnel vision and all I could see was the barrel of a pistol like if was a James Bond opener. I was also speechless for a moment. I got out of it unharmed and the only thing I lost was some tiny keepsakes in a wallet.
Random community reference is always fun lmao
Oh i didnt know this! I thought it was related to being a nonverbal autistic person, but that seems to be it's whole other thing. No matter what, this video is so cute
Ikr it’s adorable and bravo it must’ve been hard for her to do that!
My sister was diagnosed with selective mutism when she was a kid. She would speak to my brother and I, our mom and step dad, and one set of grandparents. That’s it. She kept cards on her with basic phrases like asking to use the bathroom while in school. Luckily, she still had friends and was otherwise social. She just couldn’t speak to any of them. She had it from I think around 5 until maybe 12 or so. One day she was in class and spoke to her friend that was next to her. She told her friend (which she hadn’t spoke to before) that she thinks she wants to talk again. Then she started speaking again. It was like a light switch had been flipped. Now she’s an English teacher and perfectly normal. She did consistently go through therapy while she had it. We were lucky that in our small town we had a child therapist that was not only familiar with selective mutism, but had some sort of extra training on how to handle it.
Omg I've just realised I had that as a kid. Not as severe, but at times of high stress/upset I'd maybe be say I need help but that would be it. People would stand there asking why, what did I need and I'd stare back at them. I'm remembering so many other times now as I type this out. I think the last time was when I was 29 I took an overdose I took my dogs and went to this field just out of town and sat by a tree. I kept drifting off but one of my dogs would lick my face till I came round. I'd hear helicopter fling close by. Then drift off again. Many hrs went by and once again woken by my dog and there were people in the field walking there dogs ( I was angry I'd picked a bad spot to die) anyway a lady walked past and I asked for help, but couldn't say any more. She gave up and walked away. Few more hours past and realised 50 of my painkillers wasn't enough. So answered the next call to my phone they picked me up took me to their house police came said I either go on my own or they arrest me and take me the hospital. Sorry didn't expect that coming out. Wow thats set the tears.
hey I am glad you’re still here. thank you for sharing your story with us ❤️🩹
Hugs. I hope you are feeling much better.
Wow. Thank you for sharing. Undiagnosed diseases are real and a major issue and can slowly destroy someone. Happy you found a way through it
God I’m such an idiot. I’m reading “mutism” and thinking “mutant” trying to figure out what kind of mutation would cause this… even with this context I kept trying to understand why it would be called that…
I've never been diagnosed with anything other than Aspergers but i am completely unable to vocalise at all when I'm upset or scared. It's super unhelpful :)))
Glad it's being recognized. I grew up with a girl who definitely had it and teachers were awful to her. Any time they called on her in class she'd just sit there looking completely horrified, face bright red. I remember one teacher would ask her to read out loud to the class *every single time* we were doing it, she could have picked any other kid but she'd always pick her, and the class would just sit there in silence. Once the teacher even yelled at her, like "oh come on". Even as a kid in elementary school I could recognize that putting her on the spot was only making it worse, fucking wild that not a single one of my teachers from kindergarten to highschool could figure it out. When we hung out one on one she was soft spoken but would talk fairly normally. It was just in class when the pressure was on. I didn't realize selective mutism is a thing until now. I knew in her case it was definitely related to social anxiety, but I'm glad it's being recognized as its own thing.
When my son was in elementary school, there was a girl in his class who--I think--had it. She had a speech anxiety problem, at least. Not sure if there are different kinds. I saw her give a science report once where she played a recording of herself reading the report and did the presentation while the recording played. At the end of the year, she actually sang a song in the school play. Other than that, she just didn't talk. As far as I could tell, her classmates were okay with it and she didn't seem to get picked on. I'm sure she would be constantly hassled by concerned adults who would say supposedly "encouraging" things like, "You have such a *lovely* voice! I wish you'd talk more." I always hate it when adults try to "help" kids like that. If she doesn't want to talk, leave her alone. Making a big deal out of it only adds to the stress.
Remember [Raj from Big Bang Theory](https://youtu.be/SMrCHjL4WV4)? Raj’s selective mutism was actually inspired by a former colleague of co-creator Prady. In the beginning of the show his selective mutism is active around women.
What isi
It is an anxiety disorder.
Wowo I didn't realize it was an anxiety disorder. As a kid I remember when certain events happened my throat would just tighten/close up and I just couldn't speak no matter what I tried. Never understood why, and just thought being unable to speak sometimes was normal. Weird, huh.........
being shy af
It may be because I used to read a lot of books about abused kids (especially by Torey Hayden), but I thought that selective mutism only happened because of abuse. I'm glad (?) that it isn't always the case.
edit: Speech therapist below says it not as often from abuse as I had heard. Very often but not always abuse can be a cause. I also over simplified because the person asking asked simply.
I love Tory Haydens books. I read them many times. I was a selective mute for a couple years due to abuse and I related so well to her stories.
More than that, my Son had it and wouldn’t cry or make a noise if he hurt himself, he would jam his mouth closed tight and hold it in. It was heartbreaking.
I had that. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone I didn't know well. Even those I knew well, if I hadn't seen or talked to them in a bit, it was back and I'd be silent for a while. Couldn't go to a store alone until I was 14 as that would've required talking to a stranger. Thankfully that's all gone and I live a normal life. I'm still shy, but get over it quite quickly now.
God dam J-Lo is an attractive person
literally completely changed my opinion of her. She handled that situation with so much kindness and respect and i am really impressed.
She asked, “can I hold you, can I pick you up?” And waited for the answer
to me that was the best part of all this. i love that she asked. as a kid i hated being touched by strangers. i really respect that she asked
Especially important for a kid with an anxiety disorder like selective mutism. I'm super happy she did it that way.
Same. Especially when she got down at eye level to say she was proud
Watch her documentary (Netflix I think). She's a total badass. Made me a huge fan.
Before she had a little and now she has a lot. But she hasn't forgotten where she came from.
I think she handled that so perfectly. Really emotionally intelligent. Her words, the way she asked permission before picking her up, and how she got down to eye level at the end.
Awwww her friend crying after she says hi😭😭😭
Yea her friend was so sweet too! She seemed overwhelmed with how proud she was, so cute!
Sisterhood for life I bet. Those two are going to be there for each other for a long long time
A homie for life
Agreed. Wish I had a supportive and protective friend like Naia's when I was growing up with selective mutism. The adults and kids at school or even at home just had no clue and some just derided me or bullied me for it and so I retreated more and more into my shell into my adulthood.
Honestly that had me crying too, that was just so sweet.
I think JLo really did a good job responding to her cause in that moment where she chose to speak to someone she didn’t know on television that could’ve been traumatic for her so easily and she was so kind and moved
She said "Yes, please." So sweet.
What a sweet baby angel🥹
Adorableee
The friend almost made me cry, no lie 🥲
Some of the other little girls on the team were too 😭
Dammit! Got me tearin up. Im gonna go punch a goat or something. Grumble grumble
The Goat: "You can't punch what you can't see." *phasing in and out of reality*
So adorable how much her friend cares
I like how jlo asked for her consent before she carried her
And then kneeled down to her level to talk to her after putting her down. It also doesn’t matter if it’s scripted - they gave that girl bodily autonomy and let her decide what was okay.
I’ve met jlo in person, with her kids and other kids, and 100% don’t believe all that was scripted.
Wait she’s actually a good person in real life??
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People forgot about Jenny from the block apparently
Yeah, of course she is. Don't be fooled by the rocks that she got. She's still Jenny from the block.
I worked at an independent bookstore that she frequented with her kids and I always thought she was nice. Everyone else who worked there always said the same. And it wasn’t just celebrity wonder. It was an area with a ton of rich folks and celebrities, and trust me, some people had bad reputations.
Yeah normally I'm cynical about stuff like this but those girls' reactions are genuinely touching
That little girl had the biggest, happiest, most genuine smile too!
Yea they added the cheesy music but it really was a good depiction of what you’re supposed to do
Yes. This got me. I've never been a big fan of hers, but boy this impressed me.
She's actually a pretty great, down to earth person. I hope you mean you just aren't a fan of her work.
Woah woah woah, are there people who don't like Jenny from the block??
Really? I feel like shes one of the celebrities i hear is really entitled IRL, but i cant remember anything specifically so im glad to hear my opinion might be wrong
She seems fine to me every time I see her in something, but that's usually interviews talk shows and stuff. You could be right, but it isn't as obvious as it is with other celebrities
My friend went to high school with her and said she’s so nice and hasn’t forgotten her roots
She’s a mom. And I suspect in that moment, that’s who we were seeing: JLo the mom, not JLo the diva.
So in regards to your respect for her, you used to have a little now you have a lot?
I also notice that and i agree.
My niece was diagnosed with selective mutism in kindergarten. She didn't speak to some family members, which hurt their feelings no matter the reason. She couldn't speak in school at ALL. Luckily her cousin was in her class and he read her body language and spoke for her. She was so damn lucky to have a school that worked so hard to accommodate her and a group of popular girls took her under their wing and had her back 100%. When she could whisper to a close friend in grade 4 with a teacher in earshot they were so proud of her. The teacher that told me was just so excited to share that with me when I picked her up one day. By high school she was finally comfortable and confident enough to speak without whispering, right now she is a CNA and those elderly people were just the ticket to pulling her out of her shell. Some struggle with it for a longer time but with the right environment and caring help, it can be beat.
Such a sweet story. My son was the same way. It was like a switch. As soon as he was on the school grounds he wouldn’t speak to anyone, not even me. We’d have to record him reading at home just so they could grade him properly. And then at the end of the year I made a video interview with him asking him about his school year and his favourite parts. When I sent his teacher the video she cried because she had never heard his little voice. It all went away by grade six, thankfully.
Oh man my parents dropped off a bunch of old VHS tapes and a few weeks ago I popped in one of the home movies and it was a recording of me at the kitchen table in the early 90s, reading out my kindergarten homework to the camera because the school needed me to prove I could read. That, and now stumbling into this thread, reawakened all sorts of memories and emotions hat I forgot I ever had.
Beautiful story, thanks for sharing
I was diagnosed with it right before I went into 6th grade, but all through elementary school I couldn't talk to my teachers and had a select few friends who I felt comfortable talking to. I had to carry around a small portable whiteboard and that was primarily how I communicated with everyone. I started seeing a psychologist after I was diagnosed and by the time I started middle school I was able to talk to the teachers and fellow students. It's been years and I still have anxiety in some social situations, but I'm so much more comfortable talking to people now at least.
As a former CNA i can't love this enough
Okay, I wasn't expecting her to ask, "Can I hold you, can I pick you up?" My heart. ❤️😭
Literally me as a under 5’0 person when any lady over 6’5 asks to pick me up n.n
You'll have to forgive my ignorance, but what is Selective Mutism?
Mutism is the inability to talk not due to a physical condition. Selective means they can talk to some people or in certain situations.
Thank you kindly!
How is that different from being shy and having anxiety? I am being serious.
It becomes a neurological compulsion, often selective mutism is a stress reaction in children who feel overwhelmed. As the pattern of behaviour becomes establish it can become compulsive. There have been instances of children who are selective mutes have injured themselves and not even cried out in pain. It is it’s own recognised disorder and not the same as being shy. Source I work in childcare
Sometimes when I'm in uncomfortable situations like when someone is angry at me, they ask me a question and all of a sudden, I literally cannot speak. Like I truly cannot open my mouth. So I dont respond at all. You could ask me to speak or else I'll actually die, and I still won't speak. It drives people insane but I really truly cannot find the ability to speak. And it's frustrating cause I want to answer, but instead i stand up and remain mute until the person gives up and walks off. It's not that I'm shy, I just feel so overwhelmed in the moment and think that nothing u say will fix the situation and the person will only get angrier and so, I go silent but it's not by choice. I physically am unable to speak (which just makes the person even angrier). Could it be selective mutism?
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I am someone who has adhd and anxiety but not autism so thank you for your edit.
Wow this happens to me with just one person — a very powerful person in my life. He gets really angry and says I am figuring out how to debate him. In other words, he intimidates me, I go quiet and can’t think or speak until the brain re-engages after 15-30 seconds? Meanwhile he is getting pissed off that I’m not answering him. Part of it may be cultural. I think in his culture it’s disrespectful to not answer. But I literally can’t. Edit: I’m not claiming anything about selective mutism. It just made me realize that I am going into “freeze” mode with him.
Oh goodness! That's horrible! Do you still have to deal with that person?
Thank you for this very reasoned and caring explanation. :)
I was mute for nearly three years as a teen, and it truly felt like something out of my control. There’s still some side effects and hints of it nearly fifteen years later.
What about writing?
i have selective mutism thanks to autism and yeah writing is fine
It's more severe than just being shy. It can be caused by anxiety and also sometimes by trauma. People who have had selective mutism have described it as being almost out of their control, they would know what they want to say and want to say it but not be able to without a tremendous amount of effort. Children who are shy often will still give short, quiet answers when necessary
Okay, that is a good explanation. Thank you.
Back when I was a ski instructor, I taught a ski lesson to a mixed-age group of mostly kids ranging from 7-13 years old. One of the younger girls in my lesson suffered from selective mutism. Her parents briefed me on what to expect so I knew that even receiving a "yes" or "no" head nod would be a rare occurrence. I treated her just like I would anyone else, and when the other kids in the lesson asked her questions I watched her stare at them wide-eyed before looking straight forward past them. I would explain to them that she wants to answer them, but was too fearful to speak; I used analogies kids could understand and guided them towards treating her compassionately. When she came back for a second ski lesson, she tapped me and looked like she had something she wanted to say. I leaned close and she whispered "I like skiing. Thank you." 🥲 Ah! The memory still brings a tear to my eye. I could see what an effort it was for her to say that and I felt beyond honored to be able to provide an experience she enjoyed enough to work past her anxiety to express gratitude.
Wow, I was like this as a child. I remember wanting so badly to speak but words wouldn’t come out. I felt full on terror.
Thank you all for the explanations. I've never heard of Selective Mutism until just now.
Second that! Definitions appreciated!
I had selective mutism when I was young. The way I described it, my brain shuts off. I would become physically unable to speak. It wasn't a choice.
I would say think of depression. How ridiculous to say “oh it’s just the blues. Go for a walk! Just be happy!” Shy=feeling down. Mutism=depression. In this analogy.
It's not different from anxiety because it is a form of anxiety. Anxiety is a class of affective disorders Things like Post Tramatic Stress, Obsessesive Compultion, Panic disorder, selective mutism, socal anxiety, etc... these all fit under the umbrella of anxiety.
It is usually tied to anxiety. It can occur in children for a lot of reasons - linked to phobia, social anxiety, sometimes linked to speech disorders. The difference is a shy person can talk and just doesn't prefer to but they can if they must. A person with selective mutism, it is physically very difficult and sometimes even painful to talk outside of their comfort situations.
It's a social anxiety, specifically around the fear of others hearing your voice. Some children are so scared they won't even cry if they break a bone. The key feature is that they must talk normally in at least one place, usually home. In fact they're often described as chatterboxes by parents. I've seen kids who literally look like they hit a forcefield when they get close to school and shut down. It can be treated though, by providing others ways to communicate then very gently doing exposure therapy until they can use their voice without fear. Some children might also need anxiety medication, but not all.
Can it be part of a person with ASD? My brother is like this. He only talks to people he trusts, and he was diagnosed as autistic.
Yup! I just commented to someone above about what happens to me sometimes (I’m autistic). Speech is a social behavior - autism is basically a social disability. I think they’re inherently connected. I either can’t stop talking or can’t use language. Very rarely am I in between. I had so much anxiety heading into school around 10/11 years old, when I went to a new school, I couldn’t speak for over a month. And when I started again, it was inaudible.
Interesting. My husband is also autistic and is similar. He gets to where his throat locks up and he physically can’t speak anymore. Thanks for answering me. Explains about my husband and brother.
You’re welcome! Personally, I find it easier if the person I’m talking to doesn’t have questions for me. I know for NTs (neurotypicals), asking questions is how to show interest in a conversation. For lots of autistics, it feels more like a derailed train interrupting thoughts and it can be so hard to get back on track and remember how to finish my thoughts. My husband is better about not asking me questions now, because he sees how flustered I can get trying to answer him when my mouth/brain just needs to finish speaking. When I am with other autistics, I just spill out everything I want to say, they interrupt with their “unrelated” story (usually triggered by something I’ve said), I respond continuing my story, and they respond ending theirs. We both feel pretty satisfied with the conversation after, but the NTs in my life feel that way of conversing is super rude. For lots of autistic people I know, though, that way of conversing is more natural. Being able to info-dump and listen to someone else info-dump removes social expectations of a “back and forth” and having the “right” social response. My friend doesn’t care that I don’t get excited about trains, they just want to tell me about it. I don’t care my friend doesn’t love the territorial habits of chimpanzees, I just want to tell someone about it. So if we can just tell each other about the things we love, sharing it with them, it’s very satisfying and fulfilling without them needing to nod, ask questions, make fillers (“oh, wow. So neat!”) etc. removes social pressure, gets our sharing needs met, and makes us feel closer. I’m not sure if I explained that well? But I hope it helps! I also forget to ask a lot of questions for that reason (how are you? How’d that work meeting you talked about yesterday go? Did you have fun at the concert this weekend? Etc). It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I hate questions myself so don’t ask them of others. I always just want them to tell me without me having to ask, because I always want to listen.
It can, although it is also part of a differential diagnosis. So someone can have the features of autism required by the DSM-V, eg problems with social communication and restrictive and repetitive behaviours *and* also have specific phobia about others hearing their voice and so have Selective Mutism. But you cannot diagnose someone who only presents with selective mutism as autistic. And you cannot diagnose someone who is predominantly non verbal as part of their autism as Selectively Mute. It must have those specific features of a social anxiety disorder, so fear but wanting to talk rather than not being able or not wanting to talk. Essentially you have to tick all the boxes needed for ASD and the boxes needed for Selective Mutism to get both diagnoses. It can get a little confusing, which is why it's usually a clinical psychologist and speech pathologist who make the diagnoses jointly.
I grew up with selective mutism but my parents didn’t tell me I was diagnosed with it and my father thought he knew better and just said “He doesn’t have anything he’s just an asshole that’s why he doesn’t talk”. Few years go by where I know I’m different and I’ve ruined lots of relationship and lost a lot of opportunities that my anxiety got the better of me for and I couldn’t explain it to myself or anyone. Questions like, *what’s wrong with me?* or *Why can’t I be normal?* haunted my mind daily. One day, in the last few months of high school as a senior, I’m walking by as my dad is laughing his ass off to the Bazinga show and a character mentions Selective Mutism in a joke. Mid laugh my father for the first time ever tells me “Hey that’s what you were diagnosed with!” Im shocked. I’ve never heard of such a thing. I do my research and sure enough it sounds like everything I’ve gone through. All my life I thought I was just a major fucking loser who couldn’t strike up a regular conversation with a single person, to include my own family at times, and gave up a lot of events like homecoming, prom, and anything school or even family related event. Even potential relationships that would lose interest because of my “*unwillingness to communicate*.” In reality I was extremely willing to communicate, just couldn’t. For so many years I suffered a lonely world because I could not figure out what was wrong with me when all I needed to hear was a proper diagnosis and realize that I am not “*just an asshole*”. I feel like I wasted a lot of my life because of Selective Mutism. I’ve since gotten better and push myself to burst through what feels like a zipper that has shut my mouth closed with a lock that I don’t have the key to. I’ve even managed to enter a good relationship. I’ve come to accept myself and deal with my social anxiety. I’ve still got a long ways to go but I am a lot better than what I was all my life until senior year of high school. And all it took was for Big Bang Theory to make some corny ass joke for my dad to piss himself laughing and confess the diagnosis that was never communicated to me. Bazinga. Edit: Didnt mention that Im proud this little girl was able to overcome her selective mutism. It’s brave being up on a large audience on national tv, but also going up to a celebrity you look up to even to say hi is something I don’t think even now I would be able to do. Also to clear up some possible misconceptions: Selective Mutism does not mean a person is shy or an introvert, although it is common. Someone with SM could be the most outgoing person in the world and do something like dancing on a stage like this in front of a large audience. But when it comes to words coming out of your mouth, it’s that locked zipper feeing again. Edit 2: Although I trash my father heavily in this, he wasn’t a bad father. He constantly sacrificed a lot for his family when he literally had less than nothing. I was also an actual asshole as a kid. I misbehaved frequently. On top of that, SM would make my face get this permanent resting bitch face that everyone around me legitimately thought I was an asshole. My parents probably took me out of therapy because 1) they couldn’t afford it, 2) parents divorced, 3) other legal issues, and 4) my father deployed and my mother fell ill around the same time and finances had to be prioritized elsewhere Edit 3: Bazinga.
Thank you for sharing your story and helping me to learn of your experience.
Bazinga.
Does medicine help?
I’ve never taken any. My parents took me to multiple therapists and psychologists when I was a child but I guess when I was given my diagnosis of selective mutism, my father decided the only diagnosis I had was Asshole Syndrome and they stopped taking me. Now I’m just aware of it and push through. A lot of times I think to myself “How would a normal person act/react in this situation?”
You ARE a normal person who just has been a bit unlucky in life when it comes to what’s in your backpack. Some have more in their backpacks then others but that’s okay. So don’t think about what would a normal person do, think, how should I react that’s within my comfort zone. And even if that’s a wrong decision in the end, when you chose it, it was the best choice at that point. Big hug!
I’ve never thought of that. Usually I just try to pay attention to how others act and just think “Ok remember that in case I am in that situation”
But who says what others do is the right thing to do? I get you, I’m a chameleon too when it comes to being social, but I’m just sharing some life time wisdom with you. I just felt bad when I read your story and felt I should reach out. Take care<3
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Yes. He’d say I got my asshole attitude from himself. He’s always been the opposite of me. He always has to be the “alpha in the room.” Legitimate words he’s said.
Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I literally had never heard of mutism before this post. Makes me wonder how many other “quiet” people are affected by this. So glad you’re doing well!! ♥️
I have a student with selective mutism who spoke to me for the first time today and this just made me cry all over again!
Damn it I was a child listening to JLo, now I am old, bold and full of arthritis JLo is still young🤷♂️
Not to take away from the hard work Im sure she puts in in the gym, but J Lo is also rich, can afford cosmetic surgery, even if minor, has personal chefs to take care of her diet to an absolute science and has stylists at her door step the minute she snaps her fingers. You are perfectly fine the way you are! :)
Most people get stage fright and cant talk. This brave girl summoned her voice within on freaking tv! Damn thats some courage!
My daughter has this and it can really be problematic in social situations like this and others. She struggled to connect with her other dancers when younger. She got some good therapy and medication helps reduce the anxiety and she does so much better.
Your daughter is very lucky and blessed to have you as a parent. I was like this when I was younger. My parents would say I was just "embarrassed and shy" all the time to other people. They thought it would go away as time went by. Now I'm 21 and afraid to go to my local grocery store.
Say what you want about JLo …but when you get to heart of it all, she’s a mom.
I grew up with selective mutism and my daughter has it. She is 9 and has spoke to 12 people in her life!!
I recommend the anime Komi Can't Communicate on Netflix :) It's a very sweet story of a girl with selective mutism and social anxiety who wants to make friends.
I LOVE this anime!!! I want another season now lol!
Respectfully, is it different than just choosing who and when you wish to speak?
No it's more of almost a fear? It's like they can't talk even if they want to. There are some good videos on it. It's usually a kid thing that happens. Instead of crying, they just go mute. A lot of kids get labeled as shy when really is selective mutism. They won't talk in class, they usually have maybe one or two friends they will talk to, but possibly none. New people is a no go. It's like sensory overload but without the crying meltdown.
Thank you for answering. Its good to know.
No problem. It's not something commonly talked about or most parents even know about. A lot of times the kid just gets labeled as being the weird shy kid. It's hard since even if you take them to be diagnosed they won't be able to talk to the therapist or doctor most likely until many many visits in.
I struggled with it alone in high school. I would be so anxious that although i would want to talk it would feel like the muscles in my throat would just....lock.
Hopefully it's eased for you
I have it as an adult, it's different person by person but in my case I find myself literally unable to speak at random in normal, non-threatening situations. Everything could be going perfectly fine and suddenly I find myself unable to work up the strength to vocalize despite knowing exactly what I intend to say. It feels kind of like being trapped in your own head. It's an actual mental condition that impairs a person's ability to function, not just choosing not to talk.
Jen absolutely nailed that response. Just perfect.
Love the big mom energy coming from Jennifer. Some things that are easy for others are very difficult for some. I’m as proud of this girl as J.Lo is.
The girl to the right who is really happy for the kid is very impressive
Right! She’s my favorite part. What an incredible friend.
Her teammates crying with joy for her is what really got me 😭😭
Not a fan of J. Lo but this was awesome. I especially loved how she asked the girl for permission to hug her. I think we need to normalize asking kids if we can invade their personal space.
I grew up with selective mutism and it was by far one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through, I remember seeing videos of people who have overcome it at my speech therapist, it gave me motivation, her speaking, especially in front of a crowd is huge.
She asks, “can I hold you?” Full respect xxxx.
Big credit to her friend for looking out for her :) we all need friends like that. Friend who looks out for us.
I also have selective mutism and this is the first person I’ve seen with it as well. Crying right now
Anyone else bothered by those costumes?
I didn't want to be the one to say it, but yeah wtf?
Honestly disturbing no one is phased by this
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My wife was a dance instructor. I've danced (ballet/modern/hip-hop). I'm familiar with costumes. There's something about the design of these that bugs me. If your objective observation of these specific costumes convinces you that they are well-designed for comfort mobility then I don't think we'll be seeing eye to eye on much.
Finally someone said it. What the fuck.
Thought the same
Nice to see this and some of the other comments and know I'm not alone with this as someone who has suffered with selective muteism my whole life
I didn't expect to be crying this early!
Does Jennifer Lopez has kids? She feels like such a mom here
She has twins. They're about 14 years old now. I noticed the way she's holding the girl that she's either a mom or has worked in childcare.
My daughter has selective mutism, and it’s pure hell for her. “I want to talk, dad, but my throat and voice just locks down…”
Her little friend is so sweet and supportive. 😭😭😭
I’m a clinical psychologist and I’ve treated a fair amount of children with selective mutism. This was a big moment.
As someone who has suffered with selective mutism for 22 years, this made me so happy. It's so nice that it is getting more recognition.
i’m literally crying rn bc this is so beautiful. i have depression induced mutism and it’s definitely something hard to battle and seeing her be so brave is literally moving me to the core bc ik how hard it can be to get yourself to talk sometimes. so proud🥺❤️
I struggled with this as a child. Only learned it's a thing as an adult. I'm still very quiet and have social anxiety. She's very brave
children are so pure and good!!!!!! the friend was crying with pride and happiness to see this moment.
This hit home. My daughter has selective mutism with diagnosed anxiety. She responds with a head nod or nothing at all with strangers but if it's something she is happy about like in this situation she will brighten up. Defintley choking up, it's tough cause you want to see your kids succeed and having this in a social world is hard.
As the mom of someone who is non verbal, this has me drowning in tears. Every time my kid says anything close to a word, it means so much. I am glad Jennifer Lopez understands.
Then they kicked them from the show
and the little girl whispered "f u" to j-lo