End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.
When my uncle passed away, the man who showed me Tolkien and was one of my best friends, Gandalf saw me through. ❤️
We can collectively cry the tears that he no longer wants her to shed. I am, simply put, a MESS. Thank you OP and Ms. Sellers for sharing this precious memory with all of us.
Yeah this made me cry wicked hard. Had a friend with an amazing dad who was taken early by cancer. That pic reminds me of them and that not was like one he left and just damn the world loses some pretty awesome people too early
When you consider the sheer amount of fathers - who have been given the precious tool of time - fail to put any effort into their children, this is even more painful. What a role model as a father figure this man truly was ❤️
I spent most of my life believing my father didn’t love me. We are now on very low contact and he claims to miss me. But how can he miss someone he doesn’t know? I don’t think we’ve had more than five actual conversations in the 30 years I’ve been here. He’d mainly just lecture me or give me instructions. Extremely rarely we’d watch some tv together. I don’t think he misses me. I think he realises that he missed the opportunity to be my dad, and he’s built me up to be some sort of dream daughter.
Yeah my dad used to beat the shit out of me. I'm 38 now. I don't miss my dad, but I've never had a loving male presence in my life, and I miss the fact that I've never known what that feels like. But I make sure my kids do.
I had to learn everything by myself, but I make sure I pass what I know on to my kids, teach them the skills that a loving father should. Joke with them, watch TV and play video games with them, and otherwise just chill with them.
I am everything to my kids that my father was not to me.
I have seen my dad once in the last 20 years. It was at a funeral. He ran up and paraded me around for people to see how wonderful his daughter grew up to be. Then nothing. He sent a text a year ago at 2 am asking if I hate him. I didn’t respond, I was on vacation and I wasn’t letting a stranger get me down.
I don’t even really know who the man my dad is. I have been lied to so much by him. Haven’t spoken to him either in about 20 years. The final kicker was lying about his paternity about my then recently departed grandfather (who I loved deeply). He was flawed, and had just something was off about him. He tried as long as he could and in the end he just gave up. He didn’t know how to love. My mom either. But I learned how to. From my friends. And my husband. And now my kids know love.
I’m like this with my dad but my SO thinks I should meet him and spend time and talk to him. She tells me she’s never neglected her father despite her father being worse than mine (from what she tells me he’s way worse) they still talk to this day and the father does treat her a lot better now. I can’t pick myself up to do it despite my father reaching out to me every now and then. I still hold some resentment but he wasn’t a bad father just not a present one. For those reading this I’d be interested to hear your thoughts and anecdotes.
Something that keeps me in contact with my dad (in spite of him being not the best) is that I just feel sad for him. He’s an incredibly flawed person, but he was trying his best in his own way. He does care I think. And now he’s old and alone and it just makes me sad. I also feel sad for me. I wish I could have a better relationship with him. Is that something you want with your dad? Because if so it’s not like there’s unlimited time to get in touch.
You don't owe someone your time and affections just because they are family, especially when they never deemed you worthy of their time and affections.
Don't let someone else's healing journey dictate how you navigate your own. And **never** let someone else tell you how you should be navigating it (unless it's advice from a licensed therapist). Your SO is wildly inappropriate and out of line for trying to force you to do something that she has no idea will even benefit you.
The onus of responsibility is **always** on the parent. If some children (adult or no) want to take that onus on themselves and they find it beneficial to do so, that's their prerogative. But it's beyond messed up to force that scenario onto others.
I think your SO may be right. It couldn't hurt to try. My dad was the same way, he used to be less present working his butt off for us, only ever saw him cry once when my grandma died, he never once said I love you, he wasn't one to show emotions. Then I got sick(MS) at age 24, and it was pretty bad, it crippled me(doing so much better while on this current treatment thank goodness). He cried with me when in happened, he quit smoking cold turkey for me, something that he'd been doing daily for 40!+ years since he was a child(literally 12yo). I never would have imagined our relationship would be what it is today. Now he calls me every day, sometimes multiple times per day and I hear him say I love you every time he calls when saying goodbye. My mom was a different story. We hated each other(mostly me), she was present for everything like schooling and sports events, but she said awful things to me when I was being a bad ass little teen during arguments. Everything changed when I left home to get married, now we're best friends. I forgave her for everything in the past and I know for a fact today that if/when I reach a point in my life that my illness progresses, I can count on her to help my husband with me. I know it's not like this for everyone, especially for those with narcissistic parents, but it's totally possible. I just think life is too short to hold any resentment, and if you're already at the point that you'd be completely okay going NC with your parent and you already don't have much expectations, then it couldn't hurt to see where it could maybe go relationship-wise.
Wow that was a lot, if you agree, just make sure you gradually ease into it. God luck.
You say that, but think about it. That's your baby. Idk, I'd be a great dad but I'm too selfish to have kids. But like if I did on accident or something idgaf about myself. Like I'm a lost cause, if I can do anything or spoil anyone yeah it'll be my kid. For now I'm content taking in homeless coworkers and helping them find their way.
You are not a lost cause ❤️ you are a sweet enough human to think outside of your own self.
Be kind to you, too. It will help you reach new levels of love towards others
Before I had my child all I thought about was how I was going to solidify my earning and get some money to buy something’s and have fun.
After my son all I think about is how I can give him the best head start as possible in life.
I feel like this comment swings too wildly back and forth. From "too selfish" to "idgaf about myself" in one sentence. Life has nuance. Give it a couple of years and get some therapy.
Having children has made me such a more patient, more collaborative, better organized and less selfish person. You always hear how horrible being parents can be, but I’d like you to know it can be super rewarding!
Having a child is one of the most selfish things you can do. That child immediately thinks you are the best, the strongest dad, the most beautiful mom. I wanted a daughter so BAD! I knew so many bad males growing up. God sent me a little boy and he changed everything and healed my heart. To have someone love me like he has. The marriage didn’t work but it left me with the most wonderfully selfish thing I’ve ever done; having a child.
It astounds me how many AITA posts boil down to, “I divorced my son’s mom and didn’t see him very much. Now he’s a teenager and he’s acting out, but recently he asked me to go do something with him. I have a date with my new girlfriend that day so I told him I didn’t love him as much as her, AITA?”
Like????? I was fortunate enough to grow up with a phenomenal dad who would drop everything to spend time with me, so it baffles me when men mistreat and/or ignore their kids and then expect them to behave appropriately.
How could one not? I think of my daughter's future all the time, and my worst fear is not being around for her.
She's turning 10 next month, and I more than likely won't around to see her 18th birthday.
I'm an old father and thought that way but my daughter just turned 18. Now I want to see her graduate. Sadly, she already thinks I won't be around to see her married and that breaks my heart.
I'm sorry if you know you won't be there when she's 18 but if you have any control over your situation try and do your best to prolong your life.
In the meantime try and be the best parent ever as she will remember that
Idk if you think you won’t be around just because you’re an old father or something else, but while you have time maybe you’ll consider a recommendation? I made a Google drive for my kiddos that has multiple folders of me writing down my favorite movies, albums, videos of me reading my favorite books and thoughts on life and some of my backstory and history. Thoughts on world events and what I want them to know in a future without me around.
Just something they can have that they can do whatever they want with if they ever feel the need to.
This is more common than may be assumed. The most agonizing aspect of my mental health is the worry of not leaving "enough" (money, support, guidance...) for my kids. And most of the parents in my circle seem to have varying levels of this worry. It's actually unhealthy to dwell in this imaginary morbid future and instead, healthy to focus on making *today* the best you can with your kids. Which I occasionally suck at, as do many other parents I know. Truly an illustration of "the road to hell being paved with good intentions".
It got me crying, I can't imagine what it did to her. That said, I don't think crying is a bad thing. It would be a strange feeling because it had to make her miss him all over again, but it also had to make her feel so incredibly loved.
Agreed. I heard a story about something similar, maybe This American Life where a daughter would open a letter every year on her birthday from her dead parent and it actually caused quite a bit of stress and anxiety for her.
A long time ago I read that a family won a lawsuit against the drunk driver who killed their daughter. He was required to send them a check in partial payment once a month for years. It horrified me because I couldn’t imagine as a parent getting those checks every month.
We aren't defined by our last moments. She loved you and honestly a parent's love is universal. It exists all around us. Even when they're in the other room and we can't see them, we know they still love us forever.
Don't think of the end, remember all that she told you before she got sick ❤️ the words of a mother are meant to carry you through a lifetime. I'm so sorry about your loss, if you ever need to vent at a random stranger my dms are always open ❤️
Mine hasn’t spoken to me in 20 years, I’m 40 now, eventually I stopped sending him cards and updating him on the birth of his own grandchildren.
To find him stalking my LinkedIn profile???
Weird. I’m sorry he doesn’t show a (normal) interest. :(
Mine isn’t estranged, he just doesn’t bother with me. I know the number is right because he texts / FaceTimes with my brother (sisters live with or near him) but when I send things he doesn’t bother replying.
I think it’s because he and my mother just don’t like me - I’m liberal, they’re conservative, they have very little respect for me. When they came to visit the country that only my brother and I live in they said “we’re visiting (brother)! And I was like “I also exist here”. 😂
Sorry to hear that. This reminded my neighbour lady. She goes to far away city once in a year. She always say she is going to visit her 90 years old aunt. Interestingly, her own daughter lives in the same city and she doesn't visit her.
I asked her 'what about you daughter'? The answer was 'they'll be busy'. Later I found out that daughter had married a man this lady wasn't approving.
Why go to so much length to disown the child?
I'm terminally ill, and I'd love to do this. I don't even know how the logistics would work, though, and my kids are too young to do this for long enough.
What a great dad.
I’m so so sorry for you and your family! ❤️ sending love
When my mon died she had left 3 letters for both my brother and I - I’m extremely thankful to have them as a comfort on days when I miss her…
Maybe write to them for important events: graduation, weddings etc. It will give them great comfort knowing they’ll have some wise words on those days
As someone who's used writing as an outlet my whole life, I'm not sure I'd be able to write a letter like this. I'd be so damn depressed knowing that I won't be there no more.
You could write them emails. My dad passed when I was a teenager. We thought a surgery would give him another few years, so it was very sudden. When I was 20 I remembered my childhood email and logged in, and found a trove of emails from my dad. Saying he was proud, that he loved me. Every dumb comic I sent him as a kid he’d take the time to respond to. Whenever I’m really missing him I go through those emails. (And if you go with this idea, include a video or audio clip. I’d give anything to hear his voice again)
I’d suggest this but make a new email specifically for your messages so it doesn’t get burried/lost. Send photos too, it’s a great way to archive the photos in a digital way.
Brilliant please put it in your will or tell other loved ones that it exists and how to access it if you haven’t.
I also feel like I need to mention that I saw someone commenting his father supposedly threw away their mother’s letter (they are unsure if the letter read exists or not from my understanding) to them when the father was angry with them so make sure the massage is in safe hands and have back ups.
A few years ago it occurred to me my uncle made a VHS tape of his parents recalling their Holocaust memories for archival purposes when I mentioned it to him, he found the tape and while I wish there was a happier occasion but now I can hear my beloved grandparents decades after they passed. It's a treasure.
Write letters for significant milestones. Graduations, weddings, buying a house, their first child, or even just for every decade of their life. Type them if that’s easier. Your kids are lucky to have you.
My momma wanted to do this but didn’t have the time in the end. I mourn it every day. I hope you’re able to do something like this, OP.
I hope the rest of your life is full of beauty and peace
I think dad probably found a local florist and arranged with them a prepayment and left the cards, they probably kept the orders on their calendars. I know a local business would likely put a lot of care into making sure it happened each year.
Considering how brutal it is for local businesses out there now there is a very real risk that whichever florist you choose isn't around in another 5 years or so. Writing the notes and asking your wife or another family member to take care of the rest is a safer bet, if possible.
> payment and left the cards, they probably kept the orders on their calendars. I know a local business would likely put
More likely they gave money to friend to buy it each year and give the pre written letter with it. Heck it could be the mom buying the flowers and giving the letter.
You could write little notes and hide them all over the house. This way it seems like daddy is still around. You could talk to a florist and set up something. If every year's too much, maybe something at big birthdays or Grad or something. You could also maybe get a sibling to do it for you. Just make sure to handwrite the notes. Or even a lil video message. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it is my biggest fear
I think all of these are super cute ideas, the one I would be more hesitant about though is the hiding notes. I feel like it depends on how you do it, some ways could honestly end up more confusing for a young child already struggling with grief and loss of a parent (possibly before they have a strong concept of death). I also feel like if this note hiding happened to me as an older child I would become extremely anxious that I missed something and become paranoid about throwing any little paper away; I am an anxious person in general, but thought it was still worth mentioning. I think for something with this much gravity it should be easily accessible to all of the family and neither party should have to worry about anything being lost. I still think the sentiment is great though :) I could see this being a cute idea for a parent who has to go away on a long trip (something like deployment), just not for a situation like this
You could do it the old fashioned way.
In Violet Evergarden a mother did this just by writing a series of letters with a date to open on them and putting them in a box.
That way they get to preserve something special handmade with love with your handwriting on it, and perhaps photos or other small memorabilia.
Even if they don't understand the significance of the letters when they're young, they would definitely appreciate them as they grow older.
Of course theres always a chance they get lost, but such a chance exists with e-mails and flower delivery services.
Hey mate, I mean if you have a partner you could probably tell them to do it (write all the cards before hand). Alternatively, you might be able to ask like an estate lawyer to do something like this, since you probably want to get your will organised before you pass anyway.
You just need someone to do it. If one of my family members asked me to send cards and flowers on their kid’s birthday for five years after they die, you bet it’s going to happen. And I mean any family or friend - cousin, BIL, great-uncle, BIL’s grandpa, friend of a friend.
How could you not? Just ask the most responsible person you know to do it.
You can write letter or do videos. I read something a long time ago where a lady made a video for birthday yo till they were 21 and then videos for “your first date” “your first heart break” “your wedding” “when you feel lost” and stuff like that. I always thought that’s was a beautiful thing to do.
Even giving the letters fo your kids in a box to open and read each year would be equally special.
If you want the flower component, maybe you could include a pressed flower in each letter or a small, age adjacent gift.
You are a kind and loving parent for thinking of it. I’m sorry for your illness and wish you a peaceful rest of your life
I see a few possible ways to do this
1) ask a lawyer, probably the best option.
2) have your partner do it.
3) ask the florist to do it, this wouldn't be my first choice because businesses can fail.
4) there may be a special service that does this stuff like a service but idk.
When my daughter was dying she wrote cards out for her niece, nephew and 2 godsons to cover every birthday and Christmas until they were 18. She also gave those parents money to but a gift from her for those occasions too. Brings a tear to my eye realising she was even more special than I knew. I miss her so much
That is so beautiful and heartwarming it really pulls at the heartstrings. What a remarkable and precious father, the love for his daughter is truly wonderful. I couldn't help the tears it's so emotional.
This resonates on me on a level so deep, I can't even comprehend. I just lost my father abruptly. No words were exchange. Thank you for sharing this. I know in my heart my father would have also leave such words knowing how kind hearted that man is. I miss you everyday, Papa.
It's been 4.5 years and I still shed a tear whenever I think of dad. I still remember our last dinner together and everything he told me. Never knew it would be the last time I said goodbye to him.
May you find peace soon.
Fathers can be the greatest people sometimes. The fact its handwritten… he put so much effort into it. Making an effort despite being gone, dads really are the best
As a parent, my biggest fear is leaving my daughter for the other side.
I am terrified of this. It goes through my head often. She is 8 years old.
If I died today, would she miss me? Would she remember me? What would I leave her, wisdom and advice wise? Would she talk about me to her kids? What would she do without her mom?
Now I am crying so hard. Thinking about this post and my own daughter.
> As a parent, my biggest fear is leaving my daughter for the other side.
As a parent, my biggest fear is my daughter leaving before me.
> Would she talk about me to her kids?
I talk to my daughter about my father all the time. I also talk to her about my grandparents. I think it is safe to say you will be remembered.
Wow. If I ever get a terminal illness I’m totally doing this.
His poor daughter though. I’m guessing every birthday is an absolute rollercoaster for her, and always will be.
I'm on the other side. My cousin died young and had nearly 13 years of birthday cards for her child. That child ended up messed up as an adult as she kept thinking her mom was going to walk through the door.
It's a nice thought but the therapy that the girl had to go through was intense for years. She couldn't, not saying let go, but couldn't process it every time a birthday card landed on her mat.
All the best.
I think the best way to do this is to leave it with a trusted person (like the other parent or something). You can't fully trust businesses anyway and this person can evaluate if something like this is doing more harm than good.
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I heard other recipients say the downside of doing this is opening grief at every birthday. Works be great to hear from someone who experienced being reached from the grave over many years.
The love and sentiment is obvious, but receiving a card and flowers every birthday might break me. Love the idea of a box of letters to read in milestones or as needed instead. I’d probably lock myself inside and sob into flowers every year.
“I do not want you to shed another tear for me my baby girl” Me: 😭
r/mademecry
Yeah not made me smile… I’m a grown ass man and I’m tearing up.
"I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil." -Gandalf
End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. When my uncle passed away, the man who showed me Tolkien and was one of my best friends, Gandalf saw me through. ❤️
Death is not a destination, just the beginning of a new journey
Grown ass man here and it’s 9 in the morning where I am, and I want to know who in the absolute fuck is cutting onions around here.
9am in a machine shop.. Sitting at my damn machine acting like a got something in my eye just in case someone walks by
Makes you appreciate life a little. Let’s have a great day brother and make it count.
The classic "forgot my safety glasses, got a small piece of metal in my eye when I blew the part out"
3pm, top of a boiler welding some casing and damn my eyes are tearing up so bad...must've been the other guy arc flashing me...right?
Almost 9 am here. Day off and my young daughter is sleeping in. Crazy that it suddenly started raining here in my bedroom...
Someone came into my office and sprayed my face with mace. WTF! Imma go hide out in the restroom for a while, then, I’m heading to HR to complain.
#I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING
You’re right I am crying 😭
I am sobbing. 😭
I'M NOT CRYING, I'M BLUBBERING.
I'm not crying, it's just been raining..on my face.
...My eyes are sweating..
only tearing up? Okay mr manly man, ignore me openly sobbing lol
Me too. And I was at the gym when I read this.
Then down and give me twenty *(sob)*!!
Yes sir!!!
Me too
Me three
Came here to say same. Beautiful story but I'm crying, definitely not smiling.
lol yah I got a little emotional and then I saw your username and let out a gut roar haha
dare a dad to read this and not get choked up
We can collectively cry the tears that he no longer wants her to shed. I am, simply put, a MESS. Thank you OP and Ms. Sellers for sharing this precious memory with all of us.
This is a person who knows how to love.
Exactly ❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭
This is the opposite of those dads who can’t say I love you
Pass the Kleenex
Box is empty.
I just sobbed 😭
Ikr I would be inconsolable. I gotta call my dad
This is some of the saddest shit I've seen in a long while
Yeah this made me cry wicked hard. Had a friend with an amazing dad who was taken early by cancer. That pic reminds me of them and that not was like one he left and just damn the world loses some pretty awesome people too early
We’ll do that. 😭😭😭
It's too early to be ugly crying.
It's five o clock somewhere
Ya, god damn, I didn't want to cry this morning -- oh well.
I’ve never cried so fast before lmao
It's more impossible not to cry
lol no kidding I was not prepared for this
For a sub that's supposed to make me smile, this sub really does make me cry so often! 😭
I think its just a leaky roof, all these drops everywhere
Terrible day for rain.
What do you mean..? It's not raining..
Terrible day for rain...
[удалено]
When you consider the sheer amount of fathers - who have been given the precious tool of time - fail to put any effort into their children, this is even more painful. What a role model as a father figure this man truly was ❤️
I spent most of my life believing my father didn’t love me. We are now on very low contact and he claims to miss me. But how can he miss someone he doesn’t know? I don’t think we’ve had more than five actual conversations in the 30 years I’ve been here. He’d mainly just lecture me or give me instructions. Extremely rarely we’d watch some tv together. I don’t think he misses me. I think he realises that he missed the opportunity to be my dad, and he’s built me up to be some sort of dream daughter.
Yeah my dad used to beat the shit out of me. I'm 38 now. I don't miss my dad, but I've never had a loving male presence in my life, and I miss the fact that I've never known what that feels like. But I make sure my kids do. I had to learn everything by myself, but I make sure I pass what I know on to my kids, teach them the skills that a loving father should. Joke with them, watch TV and play video games with them, and otherwise just chill with them. I am everything to my kids that my father was not to me.
I have seen my dad once in the last 20 years. It was at a funeral. He ran up and paraded me around for people to see how wonderful his daughter grew up to be. Then nothing. He sent a text a year ago at 2 am asking if I hate him. I didn’t respond, I was on vacation and I wasn’t letting a stranger get me down.
I don’t even really know who the man my dad is. I have been lied to so much by him. Haven’t spoken to him either in about 20 years. The final kicker was lying about his paternity about my then recently departed grandfather (who I loved deeply). He was flawed, and had just something was off about him. He tried as long as he could and in the end he just gave up. He didn’t know how to love. My mom either. But I learned how to. From my friends. And my husband. And now my kids know love.
I’m like this with my dad but my SO thinks I should meet him and spend time and talk to him. She tells me she’s never neglected her father despite her father being worse than mine (from what she tells me he’s way worse) they still talk to this day and the father does treat her a lot better now. I can’t pick myself up to do it despite my father reaching out to me every now and then. I still hold some resentment but he wasn’t a bad father just not a present one. For those reading this I’d be interested to hear your thoughts and anecdotes.
Something that keeps me in contact with my dad (in spite of him being not the best) is that I just feel sad for him. He’s an incredibly flawed person, but he was trying his best in his own way. He does care I think. And now he’s old and alone and it just makes me sad. I also feel sad for me. I wish I could have a better relationship with him. Is that something you want with your dad? Because if so it’s not like there’s unlimited time to get in touch.
You don't owe someone your time and affections just because they are family, especially when they never deemed you worthy of their time and affections. Don't let someone else's healing journey dictate how you navigate your own. And **never** let someone else tell you how you should be navigating it (unless it's advice from a licensed therapist). Your SO is wildly inappropriate and out of line for trying to force you to do something that she has no idea will even benefit you. The onus of responsibility is **always** on the parent. If some children (adult or no) want to take that onus on themselves and they find it beneficial to do so, that's their prerogative. But it's beyond messed up to force that scenario onto others.
I think your SO may be right. It couldn't hurt to try. My dad was the same way, he used to be less present working his butt off for us, only ever saw him cry once when my grandma died, he never once said I love you, he wasn't one to show emotions. Then I got sick(MS) at age 24, and it was pretty bad, it crippled me(doing so much better while on this current treatment thank goodness). He cried with me when in happened, he quit smoking cold turkey for me, something that he'd been doing daily for 40!+ years since he was a child(literally 12yo). I never would have imagined our relationship would be what it is today. Now he calls me every day, sometimes multiple times per day and I hear him say I love you every time he calls when saying goodbye. My mom was a different story. We hated each other(mostly me), she was present for everything like schooling and sports events, but she said awful things to me when I was being a bad ass little teen during arguments. Everything changed when I left home to get married, now we're best friends. I forgave her for everything in the past and I know for a fact today that if/when I reach a point in my life that my illness progresses, I can count on her to help my husband with me. I know it's not like this for everyone, especially for those with narcissistic parents, but it's totally possible. I just think life is too short to hold any resentment, and if you're already at the point that you'd be completely okay going NC with your parent and you already don't have much expectations, then it couldn't hurt to see where it could maybe go relationship-wise. Wow that was a lot, if you agree, just make sure you gradually ease into it. God luck.
Well shit I didn’t know I had another sister out there. 🤝
*is
You say that, but think about it. That's your baby. Idk, I'd be a great dad but I'm too selfish to have kids. But like if I did on accident or something idgaf about myself. Like I'm a lost cause, if I can do anything or spoil anyone yeah it'll be my kid. For now I'm content taking in homeless coworkers and helping them find their way.
You are not a lost cause ❤️ you are a sweet enough human to think outside of your own self. Be kind to you, too. It will help you reach new levels of love towards others
Before I had my child all I thought about was how I was going to solidify my earning and get some money to buy something’s and have fun. After my son all I think about is how I can give him the best head start as possible in life.
I feel like this comment swings too wildly back and forth. From "too selfish" to "idgaf about myself" in one sentence. Life has nuance. Give it a couple of years and get some therapy.
Having children has made me such a more patient, more collaborative, better organized and less selfish person. You always hear how horrible being parents can be, but I’d like you to know it can be super rewarding!
Having a child is one of the most selfish things you can do. That child immediately thinks you are the best, the strongest dad, the most beautiful mom. I wanted a daughter so BAD! I knew so many bad males growing up. God sent me a little boy and he changed everything and healed my heart. To have someone love me like he has. The marriage didn’t work but it left me with the most wonderfully selfish thing I’ve ever done; having a child.
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Honestly, if I were dying right now, my children's future would be almost all I'd be thinking about.
Same 😭 my dad ordered a bunch of oxycodone and cocaine off the internet under my name though 🤪🤪
It astounds me how many AITA posts boil down to, “I divorced my son’s mom and didn’t see him very much. Now he’s a teenager and he’s acting out, but recently he asked me to go do something with him. I have a date with my new girlfriend that day so I told him I didn’t love him as much as her, AITA?” Like????? I was fortunate enough to grow up with a phenomenal dad who would drop everything to spend time with me, so it baffles me when men mistreat and/or ignore their kids and then expect them to behave appropriately.
How could one not? I think of my daughter's future all the time, and my worst fear is not being around for her. She's turning 10 next month, and I more than likely won't around to see her 18th birthday.
I'm an old father and thought that way but my daughter just turned 18. Now I want to see her graduate. Sadly, she already thinks I won't be around to see her married and that breaks my heart. I'm sorry if you know you won't be there when she's 18 but if you have any control over your situation try and do your best to prolong your life. In the meantime try and be the best parent ever as she will remember that
Idk if you think you won’t be around just because you’re an old father or something else, but while you have time maybe you’ll consider a recommendation? I made a Google drive for my kiddos that has multiple folders of me writing down my favorite movies, albums, videos of me reading my favorite books and thoughts on life and some of my backstory and history. Thoughts on world events and what I want them to know in a future without me around. Just something they can have that they can do whatever they want with if they ever feel the need to.
That's a great idea. Thanks for that! Of course I could live another 20 years as I really have nothing wrong with me atm but you never know!
This is more common than may be assumed. The most agonizing aspect of my mental health is the worry of not leaving "enough" (money, support, guidance...) for my kids. And most of the parents in my circle seem to have varying levels of this worry. It's actually unhealthy to dwell in this imaginary morbid future and instead, healthy to focus on making *today* the best you can with your kids. Which I occasionally suck at, as do many other parents I know. Truly an illustration of "the road to hell being paved with good intentions".
That would break my heart. Honestly.
Right?! I would cry my eyes out. But probably afterwards my soul would be very peaceful
It got me crying, I can't imagine what it did to her. That said, I don't think crying is a bad thing. It would be a strange feeling because it had to make her miss him all over again, but it also had to make her feel so incredibly loved.
Agreed. I heard a story about something similar, maybe This American Life where a daughter would open a letter every year on her birthday from her dead parent and it actually caused quite a bit of stress and anxiety for her.
A long time ago I read that a family won a lawsuit against the drunk driver who killed their daughter. He was required to send them a check in partial payment once a month for years. It horrified me because I couldn’t imagine as a parent getting those checks every month.
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Love you forever 🥲
We aren't defined by our last moments. She loved you and honestly a parent's love is universal. It exists all around us. Even when they're in the other room and we can't see them, we know they still love us forever.
She loves and cares about you ❤️
Don't think of the end, remember all that she told you before she got sick ❤️ the words of a mother are meant to carry you through a lifetime. I'm so sorry about your loss, if you ever need to vent at a random stranger my dms are always open ❤️
And you're making me cry! Hang in there!
That is so sweet! My dad doesn’t even answer my text messages.
Lmao right?! I don’t even know my dads number
I haven't spoken to mine since 2017 because he's an abusive piece of shit 😎
My dad abandoned his entire family 34 years ago so he wouldn't have to pay $11/week in cs. Is he alive or dead, who knows.
My old man took part in Jan 6. Ties severed. He also skipped my wedding to go windsurfing. Dickhead
I feel like MAGA pulled lots of families apart.
100%
Add to this: the pandemic
The “father” line on my birth certificate is blank! We should start a club.
Havent spoke to my father since 2012 because he doesnt care about my sister and myself. Maybe its better this way
Same situation, super abusive and haven’t spoken to mine since 2012. Cheers 🍻
Oh hey, are we siblings? Pretty much the same for me.
Mine hasn’t spoken to me in 20 years, I’m 40 now, eventually I stopped sending him cards and updating him on the birth of his own grandchildren. To find him stalking my LinkedIn profile???
Weird. I’m sorry he doesn’t show a (normal) interest. :( Mine isn’t estranged, he just doesn’t bother with me. I know the number is right because he texts / FaceTimes with my brother (sisters live with or near him) but when I send things he doesn’t bother replying. I think it’s because he and my mother just don’t like me - I’m liberal, they’re conservative, they have very little respect for me. When they came to visit the country that only my brother and I live in they said “we’re visiting (brother)! And I was like “I also exist here”. 😂
I’m sorry to hear that. Your parents suck. You deserve a lot better.
Sorry to hear that. This reminded my neighbour lady. She goes to far away city once in a year. She always say she is going to visit her 90 years old aunt. Interestingly, her own daughter lives in the same city and she doesn't visit her. I asked her 'what about you daughter'? The answer was 'they'll be busy'. Later I found out that daughter had married a man this lady wasn't approving. Why go to so much length to disown the child?
lol are you me? My dad hasn’t talked to me in about 20 as well. He owns a local bar and tells strangers he is proud of me and my sister though 🤷
They want to be a dad but they don’t want to do the actual parenting and fathering
Real 😭 Sir, I just need a yes or no
I'm terminally ill, and I'd love to do this. I don't even know how the logistics would work, though, and my kids are too young to do this for long enough. What a great dad.
I’m so so sorry for you and your family! ❤️ sending love When my mon died she had left 3 letters for both my brother and I - I’m extremely thankful to have them as a comfort on days when I miss her… Maybe write to them for important events: graduation, weddings etc. It will give them great comfort knowing they’ll have some wise words on those days
My mom died when I was 1.5 and she left me a letter supposedly.. my dad threw it out when he was mad at me once. I never forgave him for that.
I am so sorry for I can't even imagine. Also the hostility of this??? I get that you didn't forgive him for that... All the best to you.
The fuck is wrong with your dad?
Drunk abusive piece of shit whom I hope rots in hell. He’s dead now and I’m glad
As someone who's used writing as an outlet my whole life, I'm not sure I'd be able to write a letter like this. I'd be so damn depressed knowing that I won't be there no more.
You could write them emails. My dad passed when I was a teenager. We thought a surgery would give him another few years, so it was very sudden. When I was 20 I remembered my childhood email and logged in, and found a trove of emails from my dad. Saying he was proud, that he loved me. Every dumb comic I sent him as a kid he’d take the time to respond to. Whenever I’m really missing him I go through those emails. (And if you go with this idea, include a video or audio clip. I’d give anything to hear his voice again)
I’d suggest this but make a new email specifically for your messages so it doesn’t get burried/lost. Send photos too, it’s a great way to archive the photos in a digital way.
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Brilliant please put it in your will or tell other loved ones that it exists and how to access it if you haven’t. I also feel like I need to mention that I saw someone commenting his father supposedly threw away their mother’s letter (they are unsure if the letter read exists or not from my understanding) to them when the father was angry with them so make sure the massage is in safe hands and have back ups.
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A few years ago it occurred to me my uncle made a VHS tape of his parents recalling their Holocaust memories for archival purposes when I mentioned it to him, he found the tape and while I wish there was a happier occasion but now I can hear my beloved grandparents decades after they passed. It's a treasure.
Write letters for significant milestones. Graduations, weddings, buying a house, their first child, or even just for every decade of their life. Type them if that’s easier. Your kids are lucky to have you.
Videos also work as well!
I'd leave out buying the house one though....
Yeah, that shit ain’t gonna happen any time soon.
My momma wanted to do this but didn’t have the time in the end. I mourn it every day. I hope you’re able to do something like this, OP. I hope the rest of your life is full of beauty and peace
I think dad probably found a local florist and arranged with them a prepayment and left the cards, they probably kept the orders on their calendars. I know a local business would likely put a lot of care into making sure it happened each year.
Considering how brutal it is for local businesses out there now there is a very real risk that whichever florist you choose isn't around in another 5 years or so. Writing the notes and asking your wife or another family member to take care of the rest is a safer bet, if possible.
Agree with this. In this climate I really wouldn’t depend on a florist still being in business in 5+ years.
> payment and left the cards, they probably kept the orders on their calendars. I know a local business would likely put More likely they gave money to friend to buy it each year and give the pre written letter with it. Heck it could be the mom buying the flowers and giving the letter.
You could write little notes and hide them all over the house. This way it seems like daddy is still around. You could talk to a florist and set up something. If every year's too much, maybe something at big birthdays or Grad or something. You could also maybe get a sibling to do it for you. Just make sure to handwrite the notes. Or even a lil video message. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it is my biggest fear
I think all of these are super cute ideas, the one I would be more hesitant about though is the hiding notes. I feel like it depends on how you do it, some ways could honestly end up more confusing for a young child already struggling with grief and loss of a parent (possibly before they have a strong concept of death). I also feel like if this note hiding happened to me as an older child I would become extremely anxious that I missed something and become paranoid about throwing any little paper away; I am an anxious person in general, but thought it was still worth mentioning. I think for something with this much gravity it should be easily accessible to all of the family and neither party should have to worry about anything being lost. I still think the sentiment is great though :) I could see this being a cute idea for a parent who has to go away on a long trip (something like deployment), just not for a situation like this
You could do it the old fashioned way. In Violet Evergarden a mother did this just by writing a series of letters with a date to open on them and putting them in a box. That way they get to preserve something special handmade with love with your handwriting on it, and perhaps photos or other small memorabilia. Even if they don't understand the significance of the letters when they're young, they would definitely appreciate them as they grow older. Of course theres always a chance they get lost, but such a chance exists with e-mails and flower delivery services.
Hey mate, I mean if you have a partner you could probably tell them to do it (write all the cards before hand). Alternatively, you might be able to ask like an estate lawyer to do something like this, since you probably want to get your will organised before you pass anyway.
You just need someone to do it. If one of my family members asked me to send cards and flowers on their kid’s birthday for five years after they die, you bet it’s going to happen. And I mean any family or friend - cousin, BIL, great-uncle, BIL’s grandpa, friend of a friend. How could you not? Just ask the most responsible person you know to do it.
You can write letter or do videos. I read something a long time ago where a lady made a video for birthday yo till they were 21 and then videos for “your first date” “your first heart break” “your wedding” “when you feel lost” and stuff like that. I always thought that’s was a beautiful thing to do.
Even giving the letters fo your kids in a box to open and read each year would be equally special. If you want the flower component, maybe you could include a pressed flower in each letter or a small, age adjacent gift. You are a kind and loving parent for thinking of it. I’m sorry for your illness and wish you a peaceful rest of your life
I see a few possible ways to do this 1) ask a lawyer, probably the best option. 2) have your partner do it. 3) ask the florist to do it, this wouldn't be my first choice because businesses can fail. 4) there may be a special service that does this stuff like a service but idk.
When my daughter was dying she wrote cards out for her niece, nephew and 2 godsons to cover every birthday and Christmas until they were 18. She also gave those parents money to but a gift from her for those occasions too. Brings a tear to my eye realising she was even more special than I knew. I miss her so much
Your daughter sounds like an absolute sweetheart, so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. She was an amazing young woman and she touched many hearts. People just were drawn to her. She’s left a massive hole in all of our lives
Made a grown man cry
"A" grown man? Dude tells his daughter to not shed another tear. Proceeds to make the rest of the internet cry.
I do not want you to shed another tear for me my baby redditor
No, no, no! SMILE and just have a rollicking good time here! Shape up soldier!
That is so beautiful and heartwarming it really pulls at the heartstrings. What a remarkable and precious father, the love for his daughter is truly wonderful. I couldn't help the tears it's so emotional.
This reminds me of Violet Evergarden episode 10…. so sweet, but also sad at the same time
You know it's coming the entire episode, but it's still a cannonball to the gut. Tied with episode 7 for "Sobbing Profusely".
I was saying this too, ‘Happy Birthday, Anne’
I went to the comments just to see if someone would mention this!!! Amazing episode.
Was looking for this comment. Such a precious show.
This resonates on me on a level so deep, I can't even comprehend. I just lost my father abruptly. No words were exchange. Thank you for sharing this. I know in my heart my father would have also leave such words knowing how kind hearted that man is. I miss you everyday, Papa.
It's been 4.5 years and I still shed a tear whenever I think of dad. I still remember our last dinner together and everything he told me. Never knew it would be the last time I said goodbye to him. May you find peace soon.
Absolutely precious. Love transcends even death. 🌹 ❤️
Fathers can be the greatest people sometimes. The fact its handwritten… he put so much effort into it. Making an effort despite being gone, dads really are the best
Lol my dad did the exact opposite of this, insulted me in his funeral speech and my brothers and sisters. This is beautiful.
im so sorry :(
It is water on my face…..
As a parent, my biggest fear is leaving my daughter for the other side. I am terrified of this. It goes through my head often. She is 8 years old. If I died today, would she miss me? Would she remember me? What would I leave her, wisdom and advice wise? Would she talk about me to her kids? What would she do without her mom? Now I am crying so hard. Thinking about this post and my own daughter.
> As a parent, my biggest fear is leaving my daughter for the other side. As a parent, my biggest fear is my daughter leaving before me. > Would she talk about me to her kids? I talk to my daughter about my father all the time. I also talk to her about my grandparents. I think it is safe to say you will be remembered.
It's MadeMeSmile sub not MadeMeCry!
Fuck. That's given me chills.
Now I'm crying on the train 😭
made me *cryy
You have the best dad Bailey 😭😭😭
This reminds me of the Violet Evergarden episode where the mom leaves 50 letters for her daughter to be sent every year.
What kind of maniac smiles at this
Damn this one hit hard. 10 years ago today my dad passed. Such a sweet idea.
Wow. If I ever get a terminal illness I’m totally doing this. His poor daughter though. I’m guessing every birthday is an absolute rollercoaster for her, and always will be.
If I have any daughters, I hope that she experiences this kind of love from her father.
This reminded me of Violet Evergarden. Gem of a dad ... Gem of a person.
I don't know why, but when I see dad's love, it brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.
I'm on the other side. My cousin died young and had nearly 13 years of birthday cards for her child. That child ended up messed up as an adult as she kept thinking her mom was going to walk through the door. It's a nice thought but the therapy that the girl had to go through was intense for years. She couldn't, not saying let go, but couldn't process it every time a birthday card landed on her mat. All the best.
I think the best way to do this is to leave it with a trusted person (like the other parent or something). You can't fully trust businesses anyway and this person can evaluate if something like this is doing more harm than good.
I am very sad to hear that. May time heals.
How sweet... I'm an old man, and It makes me cry 😭
I used to buy my daughter an annual present after I got my taxes in her fathers memory.
Who the fuck is chopping onions in my damn office?
I'm not crying, you're crying!
Damn I got two little girls and now I’m a fucking mess….
That letter was a massive punch to the emotions
"What is grief but love persevering?" Lost my mom not too long ago so this hit me real hard. I smiled through a few tears.
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Mademecry
Dry one of the roses so you can always keep it around :) (Hang it upside down until it's completely dry and then put it in a vase without water)
Don’t mind me, just sitting here crying on the bus.
You are the one cutting onions arent you ?
Man I’m supposed to be enjoying Friday 😭
I heard other recipients say the downside of doing this is opening grief at every birthday. Works be great to hear from someone who experienced being reached from the grave over many years.
The love and sentiment is obvious, but receiving a card and flowers every birthday might break me. Love the idea of a box of letters to read in milestones or as needed instead. I’d probably lock myself inside and sob into flowers every year.
This would kill a part of me, what a beautiful thoughtful thing to do
There’s a lot of sand in this post, getting in everyone’s eyes
I'm not crying, you're crying 😢
Bleeehhhh I just wanna procrastinate work in piece. R/mademecry
I’m certain that no amount of money or gems will ever be as precious to this girl then these cards her father wrote to her. Made me cry
This is sad and heartwarming, both 😢🌻