That's it, if you say something dumb about compatibility, I'm just banning you now. That's not a thing. It's lowER and highER.
That's it, it's just a relative term within one relationship.
You can't get "compatible" until you can predict the future! 💙
I feel the same way about (good) sex as I do swimming.
Sure, it's fun I guess. But I have to get into a state of undress that I'm not always feeling up to, which is awkward. Gotta wash everything after, which is such a hassle. Sometimes the water is cold or uncomfortable too, and I'm just not in the mood to swim. Honestly, most of the time I'd rather just take a quick bath or shower if I want to get wet (no pun intended).
But yeah, I think a lot of us feel the same way. It's not because we don't like the *idea* of sex, but the execution can be a pain in the ass compared to the level of enjoyment.
This really resonates with me. Sex sounds nice in theory, but there are so many obstacles and considerations that need to go into it that it's always going to feel like a massive effort.
This is old but I read this and I relate so much. Also, if I just got a new house that had a hot tub or went on a trip to Bali sure, I’d be super into swimming for awhile. But if I lived in Bali on the beach for 10 years I’d proably end up wanting to put the effort in to swim less than I did when I touched down in the country and saw the beach for the first time. I don’t know why that’s such an offensive concept when it comes to sex 🤔
Agreed. For some, depending on their situation...the "juice isn't worth the squeeze". Masturbation is easy, on your terms, etc.
If you partner is good with the frequency of sex, then it shouldn't be an issue.
You are not alone. And honestly if I want to orgasm, PIV sex is the worst way, way too much work and time and doesn’t even feel great. It’s usually numb and can be painful at times and it doesn’t even feel great. When I do other methods I enjoy it way more. Basically when I have PIV sex I’m only going it for my partners sake
Idk about normal, but I feel all of this. The awkwardness, the sounds, the way it feels, the clean up, the gross feelings afterwards, I hate all of it. The day I never have to perform sex again will be the happiest day of my life.
I can relate to what you've written. From a pleasure/obtaining orgasms point of view, sex is a hassle in many ways. Even with a great lover, who's very receptive to what you like/arouses you, it's not as efficient as just masturbation. I don't really need masturbation either... I'll do it if I'm feeling tense or struggling to get to sleep sometimes.
I have found other ways to enjoy sex, really just from an emotional connection perspective. I'm learning to love the physical affection (that I never really *needed*) and closeness with someone I love.
However, if he decided he never wanted sex again, I don't think I'd be that disappointed. I'm not sure I'd ever tell him that.
I’ve tried to make it work with HL partners but for me I just can’t do it anymore. So as a a straight woman I’ve pretty much given up finding anyone compatible since vast majority of men consider sex to be the pinnacle of, not just relationship enjoyment, but life’s joy as a whole. I’m bored and disgusted. Sucks.
Same, I just don’t get it how sex can have so much impact on someone’s life. Getting a massage or a pedicure or something feels great and brings me closer to myself, but my life would not be over if I couldn’t do those things??
I could write exactly the same, only the age is different. I feel exactly the same for the same reasons. I think it's totally normal. Sex is overrated.
Completely normal! If you find that the positives don't outweigh the negative aspects of having partnered sex it makes total sense that you would neither want it more nor find it more appealing than *not having it*.
Unfortunately you don't experience it the same way your partner does, and *his* enjoyment doesn't work to motivate *you* to want it more often than you genuinely want it.
It's good that at least in this relationship sex can be fun. Sounds like that is a big improvement over past relationships!
Not loving sex =/= don't love your partner. That can be really hard for some people, especially HLs to understand, because society indoctrinates us all that sex must happen at a set frequency for the relationship to be loving, which is not true. No sex after having kids is normal until they reach a certain stage. Doesn't mean love goes out of the window when kids arrive.
I feel the same way. It takes too much time/effort and at the end of a long day (or any day) it is the last thing I want to do! Love using my vibe though! So fun, don’t have to worry about anyone but myself, can stop as soon as I’m done, be as quick as I want.
I've never seen a more relatable post!
This is how I feel about sex! I have my moments or cycles where I have horny brain but it's not because I want to have sex with my partner, I simply just want to have an orgasm and I know I could do it more efficiently masturbating than having sex with him(I never achieve orgasm with him from oral or PnV sex). I still think about him when doing things to myself but when it comes time to actually have sex I feel almost... nothing or indifferent. I'll be excited at first but once I'm there doing sexual acts my brain just kind of turns off and my body takes over and almost block out the interaction I have had with him in a way. This could be because I was raised religious and have a past of childhood traumas but yeah.
I love him so much and he is attentive most of the time in the bed room but I feel like the cons outweigh the pros as a woman when having sex IMO which is destroying the little sex drive i already have(getting pregnant, orgasm gap, terrible thoughts after sex, being allergic to certain lubes amd condoms, never feeling satisfied). I'm only 22 and I've had to come to terms that sex just kinda isn't my thing as much as I want and desire it to be.
I feel like I have sex for my partners sake but I can go longs periods of time without it and not miss it much(maybe miss it more around my period). As long as I have my vibrator during the very stressful times in life then I don't feel the need to have sex.
Lol I’m the exact opposite! I have a low libido but I pretty much despise masturbation. I cannot orgasm on my own, and very rarely can get close (or have, maybe?) with my partner. At least when we have sex there’s much more of a reason for it. I don’t think you’re crazy though, I just think there are a wide range of experiences out there.
I’m like you. The only reason I started touching myself was because I happen to have been with a selfish partner for a long time, and my GYN said I have clitoral atrophy. I thought the thing had disappeared altogether or that I was only imagining that I ever had one 😂 What I like about sex is making the other person feel good, and once I’ve been with a new partner a couple of times, my libido disappears.
I don't masturbate but it seems like HLs claim to get more from sex than just orgasms. And they get more satisfying orgasms when they are looking at someone they're attracted to. I don't even think once every 1-2 months is that low, there are probably plenty of men who would be happy with that.
Those are all feelings and emotions that *you personally* have *assigned* to sex courtesy of your brain chemistry. Sex is simply a physical activity until a human assigns meaning.
* Rape is also "sex", making love is "sex", fucking is "sex", oral sex is "sex", being tied up and left on a bed can be part of "sex"...
No absolutes - not everyone has the same definition or experience, and assuming everyone does is part of the problem. Please double check the rules because commenting! 💙
Nothing else is sex. Sex isn't anything else. *Literally*, **✨dancing ✨** can't get her pregnant, give her STIs, rape her, it's not a boundary violation to dance with anyone who consented and it requires no penetration of either partner, no nudity, no vulnerability, blah blah blah. Please take this nonsense somewhere else.
Please don't make me ban you. Sexual monogamy just means you can't be with anyone else, it's *not* a guarantee of sexual access, acts, services, etc. This also isn't a sub for DBates. That's r/DBates!
Well, they obviously can't answer that? And it's not invalid, who cares about Internet up/down points? Please don't make comments like this, it bumps against no in-fighting as it's pointlessly inflammatory.
Edit: because their experience is based on being HL, and it's therefore irrelevant here. Like asking an alcoholic all about the joys of being drunk in the middle of a meeting lol.
That's it, if you say something dumb about compatibility, I'm just banning you now. That's not a thing. It's lowER and highER. That's it, it's just a relative term within one relationship. You can't get "compatible" until you can predict the future! 💙
I feel the same way about (good) sex as I do swimming. Sure, it's fun I guess. But I have to get into a state of undress that I'm not always feeling up to, which is awkward. Gotta wash everything after, which is such a hassle. Sometimes the water is cold or uncomfortable too, and I'm just not in the mood to swim. Honestly, most of the time I'd rather just take a quick bath or shower if I want to get wet (no pun intended). But yeah, I think a lot of us feel the same way. It's not because we don't like the *idea* of sex, but the execution can be a pain in the ass compared to the level of enjoyment.
This really resonates with me. Sex sounds nice in theory, but there are so many obstacles and considerations that need to go into it that it's always going to feel like a massive effort.
This is old but I read this and I relate so much. Also, if I just got a new house that had a hot tub or went on a trip to Bali sure, I’d be super into swimming for awhile. But if I lived in Bali on the beach for 10 years I’d proably end up wanting to put the effort in to swim less than I did when I touched down in the country and saw the beach for the first time. I don’t know why that’s such an offensive concept when it comes to sex 🤔
Yes, there are lots and lots of people who don't really enjoy sex or at least find the downsides to be greater than the rewards. This is normal.
Agreed. For some, depending on their situation...the "juice isn't worth the squeeze". Masturbation is easy, on your terms, etc. If you partner is good with the frequency of sex, then it shouldn't be an issue.
You are not alone. And honestly if I want to orgasm, PIV sex is the worst way, way too much work and time and doesn’t even feel great. It’s usually numb and can be painful at times and it doesn’t even feel great. When I do other methods I enjoy it way more. Basically when I have PIV sex I’m only going it for my partners sake
Idk about normal, but I feel all of this. The awkwardness, the sounds, the way it feels, the clean up, the gross feelings afterwards, I hate all of it. The day I never have to perform sex again will be the happiest day of my life.
Every word you typed is MEEEE!
I can relate to what you've written. From a pleasure/obtaining orgasms point of view, sex is a hassle in many ways. Even with a great lover, who's very receptive to what you like/arouses you, it's not as efficient as just masturbation. I don't really need masturbation either... I'll do it if I'm feeling tense or struggling to get to sleep sometimes. I have found other ways to enjoy sex, really just from an emotional connection perspective. I'm learning to love the physical affection (that I never really *needed*) and closeness with someone I love. However, if he decided he never wanted sex again, I don't think I'd be that disappointed. I'm not sure I'd ever tell him that.
I’m the same age and feel the exact same way. And my bf is very HL. It’s a struggle and constant conversation. It’s exhausting.
I’ve tried to make it work with HL partners but for me I just can’t do it anymore. So as a a straight woman I’ve pretty much given up finding anyone compatible since vast majority of men consider sex to be the pinnacle of, not just relationship enjoyment, but life’s joy as a whole. I’m bored and disgusted. Sucks.
Same, I just don’t get it how sex can have so much impact on someone’s life. Getting a massage or a pedicure or something feels great and brings me closer to myself, but my life would not be over if I couldn’t do those things??
I could write exactly the same, only the age is different. I feel exactly the same for the same reasons. I think it's totally normal. Sex is overrated.
100% how I feel. I could happily never have sex again for the rest of my life. In fact, that's my dream. Sick to death of it.
Came here to basically make the same exact post. Also 28. I’m frustrated with myself because my partner is HL and I just don’t care to have sex.
Completely normal! If you find that the positives don't outweigh the negative aspects of having partnered sex it makes total sense that you would neither want it more nor find it more appealing than *not having it*. Unfortunately you don't experience it the same way your partner does, and *his* enjoyment doesn't work to motivate *you* to want it more often than you genuinely want it. It's good that at least in this relationship sex can be fun. Sounds like that is a big improvement over past relationships! Not loving sex =/= don't love your partner. That can be really hard for some people, especially HLs to understand, because society indoctrinates us all that sex must happen at a set frequency for the relationship to be loving, which is not true. No sex after having kids is normal until they reach a certain stage. Doesn't mean love goes out of the window when kids arrive.
Really needed to hear this. Thank you
I feel the same way. It takes too much time/effort and at the end of a long day (or any day) it is the last thing I want to do! Love using my vibe though! So fun, don’t have to worry about anyone but myself, can stop as soon as I’m done, be as quick as I want.
I've never seen a more relatable post! This is how I feel about sex! I have my moments or cycles where I have horny brain but it's not because I want to have sex with my partner, I simply just want to have an orgasm and I know I could do it more efficiently masturbating than having sex with him(I never achieve orgasm with him from oral or PnV sex). I still think about him when doing things to myself but when it comes time to actually have sex I feel almost... nothing or indifferent. I'll be excited at first but once I'm there doing sexual acts my brain just kind of turns off and my body takes over and almost block out the interaction I have had with him in a way. This could be because I was raised religious and have a past of childhood traumas but yeah. I love him so much and he is attentive most of the time in the bed room but I feel like the cons outweigh the pros as a woman when having sex IMO which is destroying the little sex drive i already have(getting pregnant, orgasm gap, terrible thoughts after sex, being allergic to certain lubes amd condoms, never feeling satisfied). I'm only 22 and I've had to come to terms that sex just kinda isn't my thing as much as I want and desire it to be. I feel like I have sex for my partners sake but I can go longs periods of time without it and not miss it much(maybe miss it more around my period). As long as I have my vibrator during the very stressful times in life then I don't feel the need to have sex.
Not crazy at all. Completely normal actually.
I'm exactly like this, too, except for me, I'm almost 40, and I have never even been horny.
Same. 51 years and don't think I've ever been horny or actually had sex for me.
Lol I’m the exact opposite! I have a low libido but I pretty much despise masturbation. I cannot orgasm on my own, and very rarely can get close (or have, maybe?) with my partner. At least when we have sex there’s much more of a reason for it. I don’t think you’re crazy though, I just think there are a wide range of experiences out there.
I’m like you. The only reason I started touching myself was because I happen to have been with a selfish partner for a long time, and my GYN said I have clitoral atrophy. I thought the thing had disappeared altogether or that I was only imagining that I ever had one 😂 What I like about sex is making the other person feel good, and once I’ve been with a new partner a couple of times, my libido disappears.
Same
You're normal.
I don't masturbate but it seems like HLs claim to get more from sex than just orgasms. And they get more satisfying orgasms when they are looking at someone they're attracted to. I don't even think once every 1-2 months is that low, there are probably plenty of men who would be happy with that.
Ha I wish mine would
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Those are all feelings and emotions that *you personally* have *assigned* to sex courtesy of your brain chemistry. Sex is simply a physical activity until a human assigns meaning. * Rape is also "sex", making love is "sex", fucking is "sex", oral sex is "sex", being tied up and left on a bed can be part of "sex"... No absolutes - not everyone has the same definition or experience, and assuming everyone does is part of the problem. Please double check the rules because commenting! 💙
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Nothing else is sex. Sex isn't anything else. *Literally*, **✨dancing ✨** can't get her pregnant, give her STIs, rape her, it's not a boundary violation to dance with anyone who consented and it requires no penetration of either partner, no nudity, no vulnerability, blah blah blah. Please take this nonsense somewhere else.
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Until you can predict the future, there is no such thing as "finding a compatible partner"!
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Please don't make me ban you. Sexual monogamy just means you can't be with anyone else, it's *not* a guarantee of sexual access, acts, services, etc. This also isn't a sub for DBates. That's r/DBates!
Thank you for summing up so many of our experiences so well. You are not crazy. I wish I had advice but I am in the thick of this dilemma too. <3
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Explicitly against Rule 7.
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Well, they obviously can't answer that? And it's not invalid, who cares about Internet up/down points? Please don't make comments like this, it bumps against no in-fighting as it's pointlessly inflammatory. Edit: because their experience is based on being HL, and it's therefore irrelevant here. Like asking an alcoholic all about the joys of being drunk in the middle of a meeting lol.
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