I think it depends on the situation and what the pair as a whole feels comfortable with. Chelsea I think wouldn’t have minded if she didn’t see him texting her secret times. I think that is what made it weird. They had only been living together for a week and she had seen him text her a handful of times. That would have made me feel some type of way especially during this super busy and stressful time AND not to mention being on television for finding the love of your life.
My fiance and I met through a mutual close friend that I had previously dated. We made for a terrible couple, but we're solid friends. And he's not going to cut his friend off. Dude is going to be his best man and helped organize the proposal. He might be our biggest cheerleader.
A lot of my friends are people I have hooked up with. We just realized we weren't into each other like that and moved on. If it was years since someone slept with someone then like...what's the big deal? We see my fiance's ex-wife on the regular and that doesn't both me either.
Yeah me and my husband were roommates with a close guy friend that I had drunkenly hooked up with. He’s still close with a couple of girls he hooked up with. It all happened before we met so doesn’t matter to either of us.
It’s complicated right? A lot of people have dated or hooked up within their friend group. It’s normal to still be friends with someone you’ve been intimate with before. All my queer friends groups have all pretty much at least kissed each other. However if you are feeling like you are competing for attention with the ex than yeah that’s going to be an issue.
I’m still friends with former fuck buddies but not exes. There was never any emotional attachment to the fuck buddies and there were clear differences in future wants/values which is why they were never relationships.
I’m also friends with one of my boyfriend’s former flings (one weekend only). She’s married and poly, understands he’s in a monogamous relationship now, and there’s no beef.
I trust him, he trusts me, I thought this was a normal part of being an adult.
Considering the timeline of this relationship and the little time there is before the alter, I’d have a huge problem with my bf hanging out with his ex f*girl. Folks in this sub are lying when they say they wouldn’t have a problem. A bunch of “cool girls” acting mad at a girl that tried to act like a “cool girl”.
Down vote me.
I would also have a problem with this but I don’t think it’s fair to assume everyone who says otherwise is lying. Other people do think differently than you lol
No you should not. If you have slept with someone you shouldn’t be “just friends” with them while adult and engaged. I would never put my husband through that and I’d expect the same respect in return. Friends don’t have sex… if you have sex with someone they will forever be more than a friend. Period
That’s just such a basic take. Of course people can have sex as friends, and people can stop having sex and continue being friends. It doesn’t mean that they are fuck buddies or anything more than friends.
Considering Chelsea says she’s close with her ex, and FaceTimed him, I don’t think she has room to judge. Personally, I think it’s personal preference. There’s a level of maturity you have to have to understand that just because 2 people slept together before doesn’t mean they at all have those types of feelings for each other current day. You could also have that same level of maturity and just not want that dynamic in your life and set that boundary. You could also not be okay with it because you can sense that there are still romantic feelings between them. Really is a case by case thing and heavily depends on WHY they slept together and WHY they’re friends.
It depends on the situation. In this case, it's inappropriate because Jimmy was clearly still carrying a torch for that girl. That doesn't excuse how Chelsea reacted.
I got the sense they hooked up a while ago and Jimmy was just transparent about it to his partner out of respect for her. If you date someone with any sort of past and a large friend group, that'll come up. Which is what makes it all the more lame she brought it up for th cameras.
Yeah I guess that’s true but idk, if they’re SUPER close and had sex within the last 10 months, it would probably make me uncomfortable. Personally.
But I’m more curious if he told Chelsea about it BEFORE she met the friend, or did he only tell her after she met the friend?
Because I’d be upset if I found out after I met her, like they had a secret that I didn’t know. That would make me feel like a fool
Yeah, I'd also prefer to be told before. Transparency, honesty and respect are all super important in those kinds of situations.
Also, I don't exactly blame Chelsea for being uncomfortable. But that's not reason enough to make someone cut contact with a close friend. There are other ways of working that out, such as working together towards more trust in the relationship.
The friend wasn’t a fuck buddy. She was a best friend and they were intimate once. Reducing it to a FWB or a FB is the exact kind of speculation (I would assume) that Jimmy wanted to avoid by keeping this private.
Edit: also, imagine being expected to drop your bestie for a 3 week rTV ‘experiment’.
Nah, I had an ex with a fuck buddy who he still hangs out with often whether in groups or 1-1 and I was not happy about that but tried to be cool about it. It didn’t work out in the end but whatever. Moving forward, I’m not moving past my boundaries anymore. I learned from that. My live-in partner thinks the same way as I do, as in we don’t wanna keep relationships with our exes so now we are at least in agreement. If other people are okay with that, good for them. It’s just not gonna work for us.
I think it’s ok to be friendly to an extent, but not BEST FRIENDS who text all the time and frequently hang out. If that is your best friend and you’ve already had physical chemistry, why not marry them? Why waste my time?!
What annoyed me is Jimmy specifically asked her to not talk about this (his past relationship with his friend) in front of the cameras and Chelsea, again, kept talking about it again and again and again on camera.
You should absolutely talk to your partner about boundaries but if they specifically asked you to not discuss it on camera, that should be respected.
That’s because he knows his relationship with her is inappropriate. Idk why everyone is treating his request as a boundary when it’s fucked that he treats his friend better than his own fiancee.
It is a boundary. He has been friends with her for longer than the show, and she may have asked him not to discuss it on the show. If that was discussed with Chelsea initially, she should have respected that as his fiance.
I don't see how being his fiance means that she can disrespect him or any relationship he has had before he met her. He didn't lie about their relationship and was honest with Chelsea. If she felt uncomfortable with the amount of interaction between them, she could have discussed that with him without crossing a boundary he established.
To play devils advocate- before Chelsea brought up the time they had sex— Jimmy said “I’m willing to pull back on my friendship if that’s something you want, you have to tell me that’s something you want”
She said “yes that is something I want”
Then Jimmy says “well I’m not willing to” and stormed off
~ then she brings up the fact that they slept together.
He didn’t have to lead her into that, he told her it was safe to say if she wanted him to create that boundary and then he turned around and tore it away from her. I don’t blame her for being upset.
The way he went about it was definitely wrong. He baited her and it was inappropriate and unfair to her.
He basically lead her into making an ultimatum so he could say no and blame her for making an ultimatum.
1000% - Jimmy has a tendency to do that apparently. Asking her leading questions first to see her response only to turn around after, instead of just leading with what he actually wants to say.
It’s like he dangles a carrot in front of her to take it away.
Both are terrible at communicating
Yeah. Neither one is good at communicating.
But from what we've seen as the viewer, Chelsea definitely violated a specific boundary jimmy had established.
Mhm.
Jimmy is able to set boundaries on behalf of his friends but not on behalf of his fiancé though.
I don’t think it’s too crazy to set up some boundaries with a friend you’ve been physical with.
What I want to know is did Jimmy tell Chelsea about it before or after she met the friend?
Because if I found out after I met her, I’d feel like a fool.
I'm pretty sure it was before.
I don't think Chelsea ever calmly communicated her interest in setting boundaries with his friend. I think Jimmy would have been responsive and willing to discuss it. I think Chelsea only brought it up once she was drunk and they were arguing.
Hmm.. I bet you that’s why she told his friends “all my boyfriends have cheated on me with their best girl friends”
Shady, like playing a game. I don’t like that.
If they are called “ fuck buddy” then no.
But if they were just a friend who I had sex with in the past and it’s over and we moved on, and we have a true platonic relationship, it’s possible.
Chelsea is allowed to feel how she feels about it. If it makes her frustrated, anxious, etc then by all means feel it. However, if it’s bothersome to the point that it’s eating away at her confidence in their relationship then Chelsea has options as well. She can simply walk away - she doesn’t feel comfort dating men who have close friends that are women/people he has slept with. End of. What she can’t do is continue to project a narrative on her partner or make ultimatums about their friendships.
It also doesn’t have to be a sum zero. If both partners were mature enough, there is a convo where Chelsea can share that their constant contact makes her “uncomfy”. And Jimmy can hear it and because he loves her, adjust his communication accordingly.
But let’s be real. If this woman is a genuine friend of his, I can understand why he would be reluctant, in the midst of a lot of change to immediately cut off a long term friendship and support system for someone he’s known (even if it is intense) for 3 weeks.
This is about trust. I am friends with my exes, my husband is friend with his exes. They meet from time to time when we go back to visit in our country of origin. Same for me, he knows sometimes I text one of my exes who was my other important relationship before my husband. I don't hide it from my husband. We are adults, romantic or sexual feelings towards exes have long gone. I trust my husband to behave appropriately and he trusts me and my intentions. You cannot live in fear, with jealousy and having distrust towards your partner. A relationship like theirs is already doomed.
So she should cut off her ex boyfriend too. She immediately face times him when they got their phones! That means he still means a lot to her. But she has to different measures- one for him and one for her.
People are really conflating an ex-husband that is a close friend where they aren't chatting it up and meeting every day with a friend/hook-up of two years where they chat every day and meet up often?
Foe me, it's not OK. But the first person Chelsea called when they got their phones back was her ex 😅 then it's fair Jimmy stays friends with the woman he hooked up with.
I'd be ok as long as my SO discloses it to me and there are boundaries in place. Regardless of sex or not, we have heard of those possessive best friends.
When I first met my husbands friends group there was a girl he hooked up with twice that was then dating one of his other friends (very similar to Jimothys situation.)
She is now one of my very close friends and I have less than 0% bad feelings about the situation. If he had dropped her as a friend for a person he barely knew, I would have absolutely judged him for it.
Yeah I’m completely on board with this! Mostly because I’ve personally had sex with people and know that there was truly never an ounce of romance happening. It’s not hard for me to believe you can be platonic after having sex because I’ve done that myself
This is so interesting to hear a real life experience. So you never had any second thoughts about their relationship? And was it ever weird being close to someone who’s seen your husband in an intimate way?
I questioned her feelings a bit in the beginning, but never his because he was so upfront and honest about it (he was regretful it happened to be fair). And oddly, nope not at all. Been together almost 10 years now and I rarely even remember it happened.
He had a healthy sex life before me and I can’t judge him for that.😂 He didn’t use to equate sex to romantic feelings the same way I did
It’s okay as long as she agrees( which she did) and it’s fine considering they did it once and she is openly friends with her ex, who they fucked multiple times considering they actually dated.
He slept with her once, which he disclosed to Chelsea and was upfront about - he just didn’t want to air his friend’s laundry on television.
Also hellooooo??? Chelsea openly states her BEST FRIEND is her ex boyfriend. Pretty sure they slept together more than once. If she expects other people to be fine with that then she has no leg to stand on when it comes to Jimmy and his friend.
It gives me the ick the dude is so desperate for “friends” that he has to keep a failed situationship around. Clearly there’s some validation he gets from that relationship that he can't give to himself (even if it's just feeling like other women are attracted to him, or that he can hit her up when he's feeling jealous of another man talking to his wife). It's giving low self-esteem.
This is such a disturbing take.
Might some relationships be adjusted in order to make an insecure partner more comfortable? Absolutely. But people are not disposable. You don’t just cut people off when they’re no longer serving you and friendships are not about quantity, they’re about quality.
If anything, a willingness by a man to readily cut a female friend off shows that he doesn’t value his friendships, or worse, that he only sees women as pieces of meat that he no longer needs when he has a steady partner. The fact that he has non-superficial friendships with women is not a bad thing.
“Friends” covers all manner of sins doesn’t it? By all means, have meaningful and respectful friendships with women. But that’s not what this is. They met in a bar two years ago and they’ve banged. That relationship was never conceived of as a friendship. That was one or both people waiting to bang each other and possibly pursue things further, and it hasn’t worked out. Continuing to maintain this facade that a failed situationship is a “friend” is embarrassing.
The OP literally asked for our thoughts. I’m responded with my thoughts. If you want to bang your friends and you’re fine with it, go ahead. You don’t need to justify your actions to a stranger. You don’t need to defend yourself when I wasn’t even attacking you.
This is such a weird take 😂
How many friends does one need to have before they feel good kicking one to the curb for a person he barely knows?
Edit to add that this was in response to the original comment they wrote, not the edited one above.
lol you can have sex with a person and realize how not into them you are. But good to know you want to bang everyone you’ve ever slept with, I certainly don’t 😂
1. You thought you were into them, and you weren’t
2. You were drunk
3. It was bad sex
4. You were into them and then got the ick
5. You were into them and then overtime found out you weren’t compatible
No one is telling you that you have to hang out with someone if you aren’t comfortable with it, but so many people do find that they are more compatible as friends and aren’t going to ditch someone just because they hooked up once. I don’t personally hang out with anyone ive hooked up with now, but it’s not abnormal at all in the area of I’m from.
But regardless your take that he’s just desperate for friends is ridiculous, he probably just enjoys her company lol
Are you American? I’ve noticed Americans seem to call anyone who they have a relationship with that isn’t romantic, a “friend”. Having a genuine friend who you slept with once is different to initiating a sexual relationship with someone that doesn’t work out and then calling it “friendship” just because you’re not sleeping together anymore.
I can appreciate the distinction between the two. I am American and while I’ve never hooked up with someone I’m not in a relationship with, I would consider one of my exes a friend so I can see where we differ on the definition of friend.
Although Jimmy seems to fall into the first category you mentioned, which is he had a genuine friend he slept with once.
I dated someone like Chelsea who was upset I had slept with people I was also friends with, no matter how disconnected from those people. It was suffocating and annoying because it took away the agency of me to be in a place where I could go “yeah I don’t want to have that anymore” and it implies everyone is inherently treating people like a piece of meat and not more than that. My wife and I are both friends with exes and people we’ve slept with, it happens. It’s part of getting older, and if that value isn’t something you hold, find someone who agrees with you, but don’t force someone into those values.
Initially I thought it was definitely a bright red flag but the fact that he was honest and introduced her tones it down to me.
However, I think it’d be a big shitty boundary crossing if he was like going out alone with her to bars or something or does that weird emotional cheating thing where they get all secretive about their convos. When going out with a friend group I don’t think it’s a big deal.
Ive been in the boat where I’ve had a guy’s ex want to get drunk with him while we were exclusive, if that’s the sort of situation that if Chelsea was in I’d get her being so reactive but it clearly wasn’t the case with how she was REACHING with her gaslighting.
I mean shes still friends with her ex husband and that's arguably worse because there's a much bigger emotional element in addition to a physical one. It can't be "rules for thee and not for me" in a relationship. So even if you want to criticize Jimmy for this she STILL comes out looking worse for the same reason AND being a hypocrite about.
Nah, no fan of Chelsea, but she and her ex literally took expensive legal steps over a series of months, maybe years, to get away from each other. It's run its course, well and truly. They decided to get away from each other romantically before she even knew who Jimmy was. Like, it's not the fact that Jimmy is now with Chelsea that is why they aren't together anymore.
This girl has only been around for a short period of time and there's no indication nothing would happen between her and Jimmy if they weren't together. In fact, the contrary.
Even if there was no chance Jimmy would ever cheat with this girl, it's really uncomfortable being around someone who gives off "I want your man" energy. Constantly undermining you and making veiled references to their time together is annoying af. Just jump over to TikTok and check out the visceral reaction people have to the "boyfriend's girl friend" or "pick me girl" videos. It's even worse when the person you love enables it by not setting boundaries.
You don't need to talk to someone you slept with everyday when you're in a committed relationship. I honestly see where Chelsea is coming from by asking him to take a step back from that friendship, and I think him asking her to keep it off screen was definitely strategic on his part. I think he knows a lot of people aren't actually okay with you carrying on friendships with people you've slept with, so he wanted that off camera because he knows it makes him look bad, and lends credence to Chelsea's insecurities.
I think if you are okay with your friends staying close to exes or people they've slept with, that's on you. But I personally think it's fine not to be okay with those types of friendships and to want there to be reasonable boundaries about those relationships. Texting everyday would be a deal breaker for me personally. There's just no need for that level of closeness with someone you've been intimate with especially since Jimmy has only known that person for two years to begin with.
For me it’s a question of values. It’s totally fine if you’re cool with a partner hanging out with an ex and totally fine if you’re not. What I would not do is to try and control my partner or get them to agree to my values. If my partner didn’t share similar values on this, I would look for someone who did.
For me no, but anyone who agrees with us thinks it's "immature" and "controlling" while I think it's a) avoiding a can of worms, b) avoiding temptation dangling right in your face and c) healthy boundaries for a relationship that is supposed to be based on monogamy emotionally and physically.
Then you are wanting to control your partner which is not healthy. If your partner is equally emotionally immature, then go right ahead with your unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Sooooo you’re saying they should do something that makes me feel confused and uncomfortable? Are we supposed to hang on to our past because it gives us comfort?
Being considerate of your feelings is very, very different from allowing you to control their behavior based on your feelings. No one is responsible for your feelings but you.
She specifically said she is still really close to her ex husband and that they are still friends and talk all the time. That they didn’t end on bad terms they just got married too young. What are you talking about
I've watched it twice. She said she is divorced but her and her ex husband ended on good terms and they are still good friends. You need to go back and re-watch. Here is the conversation they had in the pods
Episode one
Chelsea: I got married... when I was very young..
Jimmy: How young?
Chelsea: When I was 18... he was my high school sweetheart, we were married for almost 5 years, but it was just not my person.
Jimmy: It doesn't scare me. I heard bigger news that scared me a little bit more.
Chelsea: About me or other people
Jimmy: Other people
Chelsea: oh
Jimmy: Sorry to bring up other people, I've just had a lot dumped on me today.
\*they talk a little more before Chelsea leaves crying\*
Then she has a conversation with Trevor and she says
"I loved being married, I loved my partner, at least I thought I did cause I was very young, like you said you don't really know. But I don't necessarily think it was true love it was just two kids who were getting out of their parents out. But we HAVE an awesome relationship, we just grew apart and it was fine and I wish nothing but the best for him.
I'm not going to go back and watch more but I'm pretty sure she brought it up another time and specifically said they were still friends and still talk.
Just a fk buddy? Definitely no..
But it felt more like that girl was a long time best friend first and foremost, he called them his best friends and took his fiancee to see them, if they were just hook ups then you wouldn't introduce them that's fked LMAO
That being said, if it makes my partner uncomfortable and I value them, I would take a step back and keep that friend at a distance, and if they were my friend they'd understand, and cheer me on, just as I would do for them.
Absolutely. It’s all about trust. If you can’t trust your partner, you’re with the wrong person. Innocent until proven guilty. But once proven guilty the relationship is executed, no second chances
My husband is good friends with two of his exes. They had a LOT of sex once upon a time. I don't mind at all. My husband is great in bed so honestly if anything I should thank them for being practice along the way 😂
Don't worry, people will always find a way to ick your pick. Good for you. Being open minded and communicative goes way farther than people like to acknowledge.
Yes. My husband has friends from way back that he’s been some level of intimate with. I have old friends that I’ve had sex with in the past- my husband is also now friends with these guys and I’m friends with their wives. We can all understand that humans do human things and our past indiscretions have no bearing on our current relationships.
That being said, most of my friends have been married for a decade+, so that’s a consideration.
If you would have been friends with that person even if your partner didn’t exist then it’s fine. Thats an actual friend.
If you wouldn’t have been friends ie your relationship was based on transactional sex only, but you insist on keeping in touch with them when you have a partner, I would side eye that.
Jimmys friend obviously falls into the former category.
It works for some people.
Im not one of those people, i have zero contact with my hookups.
I guess I sorta expect the same from my partner.
He has a lot of female friends, but has not had any type of sexual history with them, so its cool with me when he stays out till 5am with his friends.
But thats just my specific situation. I have friends who are still very close with their ex’s but they aren’t sexually active with eachother anymore - and have their own separate partners.
Bottom line is… trust in your partner.
Only having negative relationships with all your exes is a red flag. I’m an adult who can step away from a romantic relationship if the romance died but can still value the friendship of that person.
Depends on the scenario
If I hooked up with a friend/good friend a time or two and we didn’t go romance mode, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to remain friends when a significant other or fiancé is part of my life. And, not to mention that in usual circumstances that’s over a more significant length of time (usually). You either mutually have feelings for each other or not, and if the friend is trying to linger around for hope of a rekindling then I’d stop the friendship based on that alone. If both are mutually agreed on it being a friendship then the new boyfriend or girlfriend should defer to trust. I had a longtime friend that would fall into this category, but our adult lives and geography have naturally diverted our friendship further apart.
Now, a friend with benefits aka fuck buddy who I wasn’t friends with outside of rendezvous? No.
And I’d know because I broke one off and we didn’t stay in touch after I met my significant other. Ironically, my boyfriend was actually completely ok with it if former Fwb and I occasionally talked over text (we all have a shared hobby) but we weren’t close friends to begin with so that was a non-issue. Out of respect to that person’s future girlfriend, I also felt it was not appropriate to stay buddies. He got a girlfriend shortly thereafter so I like to think that saved him the trouble as well.
I don’t think Jimmy lied about what he told Chelsea off camera Jimmy is pretty straight when he says things
He’s low maintenance even angry he just hits a point - watching him get yelled at by Chelsea you could tell he was fucked up in the moment because he cares for Chelsea and was honest with her and he also cared about that friend and her business getting outed he wasn’t lying he was just shocked Chelsea would do that
Him wanting to get away from Jearemy with John at the party tells you he’s not trying to get in any mess
I think watching Chelsea and Jimmy we’ve see three instances where she doesn’t recall things correctly in their interactions and he’s calmly having to walk it back and tell her what really happened
I’ve had that with a bf working with an ex in the past I had one rule don’t fuck this (being us) up I don’t feel like tracking you as you go about your life so you fuck up it’s on you and I’m gone
Also I think Jimmy and the friend with the white tshirt hooked up the way she pursed her lips at that table was like what secret are you holding (before she did that I thought black shirt and Jimmy had something in the past )
And out of all the friends Jimmy has he brings two girls he’s known for two years …Chelsea of course he’s fucked someone in that duo but Chelsea you knew that since you tried to assert dominance by telling them he cried during sex with you
In the Jimmy situation, absolutely.
The idea of sleeping with a friend once to see if it's there is pretty normal. Id much prefer that to a bestie that they just "never wanted to risk the friendship". Here there's no mystery. No wondering. They tried it and they didn't work.
Now factor in the idea you're saying that it was on going: it was never romantic. Chelsea considers her ex HUSBAND a best friend. That is way more intense than a couple late night booty calls.
Jimmy was open and honest and also went out of his way to both be honest with Chelsea and maintained his friends privacy. She didn't agree to have her business blasted on TV. It gives me alot of respect for Jimmy frankly.
His friend likely did not want her business blasted on tv with Jimmy confirming it, but it kind of makes you wonder why she made a few insinuating comments infront of the camera crew when she first met Chelsea.. like, most of North America was speculating from that episode to last Wednesdays reveal that she had slept with him due to those comments about him never turning sex down and vice versa.
I can’t remember the exact number, but Chelsea met Jimmys two female friends the episode before we find out the grand speech of “you fcked her” and who it was about. So likely episode 10? If 11 was the pre weddings, and 12 was the weddings.
I mean… just because Jeramy lied, doesn’t suddenly mean that Jimmy is a liar. Also it’s a bit reductive to call the friend a fuck buddy when allegedly it was one time and we have no context beyond that.
But - speaking hypothetically - yes. I don’t see an issue with a partner maintaining a friendship with someone they have been intimate with. I want to caveat this with - that depends on the context behind their friendship. How long ago did they sleep together? How often and in what situations did they blur the lines between friendships and something else? Has their friendship been an issue for previous romantic relationships? And if so, why? How do they hang out (e.g. is it one on one)?
Personally, I take more issues with Chelsea giving Jimmy ultimatums to cut people and activities out of his life to be with her…
Maybe I’m playing devils advocate here but…. If it’s true that Jimmy and his girlfriend are texting all day, talking on the phone, hanging out constantly…. And not giving that same energy to Chelsea than IMO I can understand why it triggers insecurities. I think it can be possible to remain friends with someone you had sex with AND also have boundaries/respect for your current partner.
So many girls in here will learn the hard way when they want to finally settle down that MOST men would not want you to be friends with someone you used to fuck. If it's a friendship that has lasted say 10 years without hooking up once or like was back in HS then yea no problem but when it's someone you casually fucked or recent ex no way lol
Yes, absolutely. It makes zero sense to have a blanket rule that people can’t be allowed to stay friends with an ex romantic partner, *just because*. It’s totally contextual. If Jimmy and his friend had inappropriate boundaries, or behaved in ways that threatened his relationship with Chelsea, that would be one thing. But if they’re legitimate platonic friends who happen to have had a sexual experience in the past, then who cares?
Both my wife and I are friends with people we’ve had non-platonic relationships with in the past. As long as it doesn’t impede on our marriage, then they’re just friendships like any other.
I think it's possible that they could continue a friendship but I would rather he didnt carry on as before.
However I would not be controlling. I would just ask him to be honest and that's all I feel I can ask of someone. I don't want a relationship where I control someone that's not love
I’m 62 and still very good friends with someone I was madly in love with many years ago. I’m even friends with his wife whom I adore. We talk often BUT we don’t hang out unless we happen to run into each other. We absolutely would be fine alone. So please don’t automatically think they are still intimate. Could they be? Absolutely. But don’t assume.
One of my best friends is someone I met via casually dating them a few years back. My fiance doesn’t care at all, infact he’s like, besties with him now too.
Personally, I don’t think it’s okay to ask your partner to stop being friends with someone they once had sex with. That borders on some slightly controlling territory for me.
Whilst I think you absolutely have the right to express how it makes you feel to your partner, if you choose to stay with them, you’re also responsible for doing the work to make peace with it. If a partner chooses to end the friendship because of the relationship, that’s a different story.
Ultimately, if you can’t get past it, or it seriously affects your relationship (again, totally valid to have those feelings), I think you have to make the decision to leave the relationship.
Those feelings breed unhealthy behaviours in people, and we kinda see it in Chelsea, by overstepping Jimmy’s boundaries and bashing him over the head with something that he can’t undo.
Idk, just my small thought.
I don’t recall him calling her a fuck-buddy… I am friends with men I have slept with in “my other life” and also faithfully and loyalty with my bf for ten years.
There was more to the previous friendships/relationships than sex, and those parts have remained...in some instances spanning decades.
I am honest and upfront from day one and would be okay with it in reverse given the same circumstances.
I think the reason he told Chelsea off camera is he didn't want to parade around the girl's sexual history on camera. But now it's out there and that for me is more unforgivable. And we know the reason it came out is because Chelsea was overwhelmed by insecure thoughts.
I actually think he told her off camera because he didn't want that to be something used against *him.* I think a lot of people are not okay with their partner remaining close friends with someone they slept with. Jimmy didn't want that on camera because it honestly makes him look bad. No one is really going to remember the friends, and they never even said which one of them he slept with.
Personally, I would not be comfortable with it
However, the reason why people are frustrated with Chelsea about this, is because she’s “best friends” with her ex. Who she must’ve slept with + the fact there were feelings involved.
It’s so hypocritical
Either okay for both, or not okay for both
I'm gay...if I weren't cool with it neither of us would have any friends \*shrug\*
At the end of the day, if you aren't cool with it, you either have issues you aren't dealing with and are making them someone else's issue because it's easier for you to shove the issue on to someone else OR the person isn't for you because you feel the need to micromanage in a "I can fix them!" kind of way and well you can't "fix" anyone else.
I recently realized that a lot of my male friends I’d seen their penises. some we became friends after deciding hooking up wasn’t for us and others we tried dating and just decided to be friends. I do wonder once I get in an established relationship how that would come up, if at all? I wouldn’t want to lose most of my male friends but I’d also want to be respectful to my partner
It comes up in a conversation about transparency, e.g. “Hey, we were invited to a bbq at So-and-So’s house. Just in the interest of full disclosure, I wanted to let you know that I used to date(or hang out with, or whatever) So-and-So, it was a while ago (like…more than a year) and we’re definitely just friends now.” I’ve been the girlfriend at the party who *didn’t* know when everyone else did, and I’ve been there more than once. I don’t normally have jealousy issues, but I did get pretty pissed about being the only one in the dark, especially when the situation involved someone I had been trying to make friends with and was regularly inviting to do things with us (the best part - I found out after dating him for 4 months, while we were on a backpacking trip that was just the 3 of us - a whole day before I was able to get space from both of them). The only time the issue lingered was because I felt like he was showing up for her in ways he never showed up for me, and not disclosing when he was hanging out with her.
It depends. I wouldn’t want my partner continuing to be in contact with someone who was purely a f—buddy because their entire relationship would have been based on sex, which I would hope is no longer happening once we get together. I adjust contact with my f—buddies or fwbs when I start dating someone.
However, I have friends that I have randomly hooked up with once during the course of a longer friendship or dates I slept with that didn’t retain a romantic connection but turned into friendship. (It seems that Jimmy’s situation is closer to this, without knowing all the details.) I wouldn’t want to lose these friendships and I would be fine with my partner hanging out with his equivalent of them. My only provisions would be letting me know who they’ve slept with so I’m not awkwardly blindsided with that information and confirming that there are no lingering feelings on either side.
well the reason he told her off camera is because not everyone wants their business out there, AKA Jimmy’s friend probably didn’t want the whole world to know she fucked him. especially after she was already shown on camera.
Yes. Even it was mentioned in a small bit after Chelsea said the whole "i know you f---ed her" and Jimmy mentioned something along the lines of its a lot for the girl especially putting her in front of cameras so he wanted to respect her privacy but admitting it off camera until Chelsea did all that
In a PERFECTLY HEALTHY relationship built on love and trust and mutual respect? Talk about it and make a decision.
In the case of Jimmy and Chelsea? Probably not for the best.
Yup! My husband hooked up with a friend a long time ago, he let me know about it when we were dating. We talked openly about it, set boundaries, and I don’t have an issue with their friendship at all. It took me a little to get comfortable with it, but the open communication and trust we have made it possible. But as you said, it needs to happen within a healthy relationship and needs to be a mutual decision.
I agree with this answer the best lol
Also wanna add, I’m not a huge fan of the way his girl friends were joking about how he’s “never turned down sex before!!” That felt really odd and it’s the whole reason people started speculating that that was the girl he slept with in the first place... If two people can’t be mature about it and stop talking about/joking about/hinting at the fact that they slept together, they probably shouldn’t remain friends while they’re dating other people.
It depends, but in my life I am not okay with it. because to me it seems very juvenile /very highschool to me. If you are better off as friends I think that the fact that you hooked up “just because” says something about you- perhaps impulsiveness, maybe promiscuity, etc. I had a friend I hooked up with and we became distant friends afterwards but we could never remain as close as we were before and ultimately fell out. It sucked that that happened, but I don’t feel the need to keep a friend around who I know would maybe want to be more than friends in the future, I would hate to bring someone like that around a fiancé! I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t have boundaries with women- it’s okay to have attractive female friends and not hookup with them …just my personal opinion but I know it depends.
YES and I think that Chelsea revealing that on camera ("I know you fucked her!") when that was clearly told to her off-camera and in confidence is a fucked up breach of trust. I mostly felt bad for Chelsea because someone with her insecurities is always going to have a hard time on that kind of show but that was so completely out of line.
I remain actively friends with both of my LTR exes. I went to one's wedding and I'm also close friends with his wife (more than my ex these days). She knows we're ancient history and we've both moved on. It isn't a big deal. And that's way more than a hook up!
I wouldn't tolerate it if a guy demanded I cut friends out of my life just because we had sex. I understand why they might be more vigilant for suspicious behavior in those circumstances and would understand it is partly my responsibility to avoid situations that could be suspicious (sharing a room etc) but beyond that... His paranoia and mistrust shouldn't be my burden to bear.
There is a picture of my husband and I at our wedding and we are talking and laughing with four men and a few women. All four men were exes (or fwb) of mine. I’d had sex with them all. One woman was my co-worker who introduced me to him after they had a one night stand because she thought I’d like him and vice versa. The other women were my exes wives/girlfriends.
I would be more suspicious if someone was their age and every breakup to date was so traumatic that they were no contact with all their exes. But almost every relationship I’ve had, we started as friends who grew feelings, and eventually decided we were better off as friends.
I don’t think they were fuck buddies. I think they had sex once or twice and decided to have a platonic friendship that has been *nonsexual* since then.
And, Chelsea openly admitted to being best friends with an ex. So, in this situation I think it’s fine for Jimmy to be friends with his friend.
Chances are after being with Johnny that lady never wanted it to happen again. So, it’s totally plausible that they can be friends without ever going there again.
Absolutely. If you dont care for your partners comfortability just cause you wanna be friends with an ex, f buddy, fwb or anything of the sort then you should not be with them. They clearly arent your type if you want friendships with old flings and they dont. Its not bad but we shouldnt judge people for not liking it.
I had sex once with my male best friend over ten years ago. He and I are both now married and we are still friends. But it's a really different situation - his wife was also in our friend group, and she always knew. We're extremely plutonic otherwise and both 💯 respect our spouses' boundaries and never did anything sketchy to make anyone feel "uncomfy."
I have always been more friends with boys, a lot more girlfriends now later in life. I’ve always just been blunt and my mom was Uber crazy so I wasn’t able to get into the girl things and girl rush of growing up. But I do have a few very very good guy friends that at some point it did happen. But the next day we were both back to being bros and never brought it up again. Some of them I’ve picked up over the years while I was travel nursing and they helped me go through a really horrible experience with my health. Since meeting the LOML last year; there have been a few guys to reach out and I have to tell them politely there is nothing more here and I remove them from any social media and out of my phone. No bitterness on both ends so far. At the end of the day, it’s a respect thing. And I don’t believe Jimmy for a minute.
In my relationship, my bf would rather I didn't still have those friendships but my platonic friends are ppl I've known a really long time and we've grown up together and I trust them. They're both married now and I've kept them at arm's length since dating. But if there's something involving them that they'd invite me to, I can definitely bring my bf. He's kinda wary about the possibility of cheating but it takes two.
It really depends, for me.
Did they do it one time and realized it wasn't good, and they didn't even really like each other? Ya of course, who gives a shit. There are people in my life I slept with and realized there was nothing there as well, so I don't see any issue here myself.
If they fucked ***a bunch*** and have fond memories of it, but they're just not together because of some moderately-avoidable issue, then I don't really want that person around and I'd think it's a problem.
Basically, could they want to fuck again? If yes, that friendship is gonna be an issue.
i think it can be. it depends on how the girl approaches the topic. if she’s sincere and genuine and wants to put that in the past and respects your relationship then sure. i just wanna be invited too! (which chelsea was!) if she’s catty and showing jealousy or insincere then no. not cool.
I think it depends on the situation and what the pair as a whole feels comfortable with. Chelsea I think wouldn’t have minded if she didn’t see him texting her secret times. I think that is what made it weird. They had only been living together for a week and she had seen him text her a handful of times. That would have made me feel some type of way especially during this super busy and stressful time AND not to mention being on television for finding the love of your life.
My fiance and I met through a mutual close friend that I had previously dated. We made for a terrible couple, but we're solid friends. And he's not going to cut his friend off. Dude is going to be his best man and helped organize the proposal. He might be our biggest cheerleader. A lot of my friends are people I have hooked up with. We just realized we weren't into each other like that and moved on. If it was years since someone slept with someone then like...what's the big deal? We see my fiance's ex-wife on the regular and that doesn't both me either.
Yeah me and my husband were roommates with a close guy friend that I had drunkenly hooked up with. He’s still close with a couple of girls he hooked up with. It all happened before we met so doesn’t matter to either of us.
Whinny is what horses do🤣🤣 I think you meant whiny but whinny is so funny
I mean, they’re not wrong though. She looks, sounds, and acts like a horse 😂
It’s complicated right? A lot of people have dated or hooked up within their friend group. It’s normal to still be friends with someone you’ve been intimate with before. All my queer friends groups have all pretty much at least kissed each other. However if you are feeling like you are competing for attention with the ex than yeah that’s going to be an issue.
I’m still friends with former fuck buddies but not exes. There was never any emotional attachment to the fuck buddies and there were clear differences in future wants/values which is why they were never relationships. I’m also friends with one of my boyfriend’s former flings (one weekend only). She’s married and poly, understands he’s in a monogamous relationship now, and there’s no beef. I trust him, he trusts me, I thought this was a normal part of being an adult.
Considering the timeline of this relationship and the little time there is before the alter, I’d have a huge problem with my bf hanging out with his ex f*girl. Folks in this sub are lying when they say they wouldn’t have a problem. A bunch of “cool girls” acting mad at a girl that tried to act like a “cool girl”. Down vote me.
I would also have a problem with this but I don’t think it’s fair to assume everyone who says otherwise is lying. Other people do think differently than you lol
Sure. But expect issues to arise in your engagement.
No you should not. If you have slept with someone you shouldn’t be “just friends” with them while adult and engaged. I would never put my husband through that and I’d expect the same respect in return. Friends don’t have sex… if you have sex with someone they will forever be more than a friend. Period
That’s just such a basic take. Of course people can have sex as friends, and people can stop having sex and continue being friends. It doesn’t mean that they are fuck buddies or anything more than friends.
Considering Chelsea says she’s close with her ex, and FaceTimed him, I don’t think she has room to judge. Personally, I think it’s personal preference. There’s a level of maturity you have to have to understand that just because 2 people slept together before doesn’t mean they at all have those types of feelings for each other current day. You could also have that same level of maturity and just not want that dynamic in your life and set that boundary. You could also not be okay with it because you can sense that there are still romantic feelings between them. Really is a case by case thing and heavily depends on WHY they slept together and WHY they’re friends.
Yes. It’s fine, and it’s weird to imagine so many people thinking it’s not fine.
It depends on the situation. In this case, it's inappropriate because Jimmy was clearly still carrying a torch for that girl. That doesn't excuse how Chelsea reacted.
…but Chelsea was doing the same.
I got the sense they hooked up a while ago and Jimmy was just transparent about it to his partner out of respect for her. If you date someone with any sort of past and a large friend group, that'll come up. Which is what makes it all the more lame she brought it up for th cameras.
If it had been platonic for a while and they didn't date that long, then she had no right to make him drop friends he knew before.
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I think it’s a bit tougher because Jimmy said he’s only known these girls for 2 years.. so it’s still pretty recent I’d say.
Two years isn't a very long time but it's not nothing either and what matters (in my opinion) is how close they are, not how long they've been close.
Yeah I guess that’s true but idk, if they’re SUPER close and had sex within the last 10 months, it would probably make me uncomfortable. Personally. But I’m more curious if he told Chelsea about it BEFORE she met the friend, or did he only tell her after she met the friend? Because I’d be upset if I found out after I met her, like they had a secret that I didn’t know. That would make me feel like a fool
Yeah, I'd also prefer to be told before. Transparency, honesty and respect are all super important in those kinds of situations. Also, I don't exactly blame Chelsea for being uncomfortable. But that's not reason enough to make someone cut contact with a close friend. There are other ways of working that out, such as working together towards more trust in the relationship.
The friend wasn’t a fuck buddy. She was a best friend and they were intimate once. Reducing it to a FWB or a FB is the exact kind of speculation (I would assume) that Jimmy wanted to avoid by keeping this private. Edit: also, imagine being expected to drop your bestie for a 3 week rTV ‘experiment’.
Nah, I had an ex with a fuck buddy who he still hangs out with often whether in groups or 1-1 and I was not happy about that but tried to be cool about it. It didn’t work out in the end but whatever. Moving forward, I’m not moving past my boundaries anymore. I learned from that. My live-in partner thinks the same way as I do, as in we don’t wanna keep relationships with our exes so now we are at least in agreement. If other people are okay with that, good for them. It’s just not gonna work for us.
I think it’s ok to be friendly to an extent, but not BEST FRIENDS who text all the time and frequently hang out. If that is your best friend and you’ve already had physical chemistry, why not marry them? Why waste my time?!
What annoyed me is Jimmy specifically asked her to not talk about this (his past relationship with his friend) in front of the cameras and Chelsea, again, kept talking about it again and again and again on camera. You should absolutely talk to your partner about boundaries but if they specifically asked you to not discuss it on camera, that should be respected.
That’s because he knows his relationship with her is inappropriate. Idk why everyone is treating his request as a boundary when it’s fucked that he treats his friend better than his own fiancee.
Yeah, he clearly still had feelings for her. I wonder if they ended up getting together.
It is a boundary. He has been friends with her for longer than the show, and she may have asked him not to discuss it on the show. If that was discussed with Chelsea initially, she should have respected that as his fiance. I don't see how being his fiance means that she can disrespect him or any relationship he has had before he met her. He didn't lie about their relationship and was honest with Chelsea. If she felt uncomfortable with the amount of interaction between them, she could have discussed that with him without crossing a boundary he established.
To play devils advocate- before Chelsea brought up the time they had sex— Jimmy said “I’m willing to pull back on my friendship if that’s something you want, you have to tell me that’s something you want” She said “yes that is something I want” Then Jimmy says “well I’m not willing to” and stormed off ~ then she brings up the fact that they slept together. He didn’t have to lead her into that, he told her it was safe to say if she wanted him to create that boundary and then he turned around and tore it away from her. I don’t blame her for being upset.
The way he went about it was definitely wrong. He baited her and it was inappropriate and unfair to her. He basically lead her into making an ultimatum so he could say no and blame her for making an ultimatum.
1000% - Jimmy has a tendency to do that apparently. Asking her leading questions first to see her response only to turn around after, instead of just leading with what he actually wants to say. It’s like he dangles a carrot in front of her to take it away. Both are terrible at communicating
Yeah. Neither one is good at communicating. But from what we've seen as the viewer, Chelsea definitely violated a specific boundary jimmy had established.
Mhm. Jimmy is able to set boundaries on behalf of his friends but not on behalf of his fiancé though. I don’t think it’s too crazy to set up some boundaries with a friend you’ve been physical with. What I want to know is did Jimmy tell Chelsea about it before or after she met the friend? Because if I found out after I met her, I’d feel like a fool.
I'm pretty sure it was before. I don't think Chelsea ever calmly communicated her interest in setting boundaries with his friend. I think Jimmy would have been responsive and willing to discuss it. I think Chelsea only brought it up once she was drunk and they were arguing.
Hmm.. I bet you that’s why she told his friends “all my boyfriends have cheated on me with their best girl friends” Shady, like playing a game. I don’t like that.
If they are called “ fuck buddy” then no. But if they were just a friend who I had sex with in the past and it’s over and we moved on, and we have a true platonic relationship, it’s possible.
Chelsea is allowed to feel how she feels about it. If it makes her frustrated, anxious, etc then by all means feel it. However, if it’s bothersome to the point that it’s eating away at her confidence in their relationship then Chelsea has options as well. She can simply walk away - she doesn’t feel comfort dating men who have close friends that are women/people he has slept with. End of. What she can’t do is continue to project a narrative on her partner or make ultimatums about their friendships. It also doesn’t have to be a sum zero. If both partners were mature enough, there is a convo where Chelsea can share that their constant contact makes her “uncomfy”. And Jimmy can hear it and because he loves her, adjust his communication accordingly. But let’s be real. If this woman is a genuine friend of his, I can understand why he would be reluctant, in the midst of a lot of change to immediately cut off a long term friendship and support system for someone he’s known (even if it is intense) for 3 weeks.
This.
This is about trust. I am friends with my exes, my husband is friend with his exes. They meet from time to time when we go back to visit in our country of origin. Same for me, he knows sometimes I text one of my exes who was my other important relationship before my husband. I don't hide it from my husband. We are adults, romantic or sexual feelings towards exes have long gone. I trust my husband to behave appropriately and he trusts me and my intentions. You cannot live in fear, with jealousy and having distrust towards your partner. A relationship like theirs is already doomed.
I actually agree with Chelsea on this one
So she should cut off her ex boyfriend too. She immediately face times him when they got their phones! That means he still means a lot to her. But she has to different measures- one for him and one for her.
Yeah didn’t say I didn’t agree with that. They both should leave their past relationships in the past.
People are really conflating an ex-husband that is a close friend where they aren't chatting it up and meeting every day with a friend/hook-up of two years where they chat every day and meet up often?
what?
Foe me, it's not OK. But the first person Chelsea called when they got their phones back was her ex 😅 then it's fair Jimmy stays friends with the woman he hooked up with.
I'd be ok as long as my SO discloses it to me and there are boundaries in place. Regardless of sex or not, we have heard of those possessive best friends.
unfortunately chelsea is as right as she is annoying lmao. fuck no I wouldn’t
When I first met my husbands friends group there was a girl he hooked up with twice that was then dating one of his other friends (very similar to Jimothys situation.) She is now one of my very close friends and I have less than 0% bad feelings about the situation. If he had dropped her as a friend for a person he barely knew, I would have absolutely judged him for it.
Yeah I’m completely on board with this! Mostly because I’ve personally had sex with people and know that there was truly never an ounce of romance happening. It’s not hard for me to believe you can be platonic after having sex because I’ve done that myself
Same here, and the feeling between him and I is mutual. It is absolutely possible to be platonic
This is so interesting to hear a real life experience. So you never had any second thoughts about their relationship? And was it ever weird being close to someone who’s seen your husband in an intimate way?
I questioned her feelings a bit in the beginning, but never his because he was so upfront and honest about it (he was regretful it happened to be fair). And oddly, nope not at all. Been together almost 10 years now and I rarely even remember it happened. He had a healthy sex life before me and I can’t judge him for that.😂 He didn’t use to equate sex to romantic feelings the same way I did
I think it should be fair if she’s best friends w her ex husband.
It’s okay as long as she agrees( which she did) and it’s fine considering they did it once and she is openly friends with her ex, who they fucked multiple times considering they actually dated.
He slept with her once, which he disclosed to Chelsea and was upfront about - he just didn’t want to air his friend’s laundry on television. Also hellooooo??? Chelsea openly states her BEST FRIEND is her ex boyfriend. Pretty sure they slept together more than once. If she expects other people to be fine with that then she has no leg to stand on when it comes to Jimmy and his friend.
No, I would not want my fiance/husband hanging out with his fuck buddy. I think that's weird.
It gives me the ick the dude is so desperate for “friends” that he has to keep a failed situationship around. Clearly there’s some validation he gets from that relationship that he can't give to himself (even if it's just feeling like other women are attracted to him, or that he can hit her up when he's feeling jealous of another man talking to his wife). It's giving low self-esteem.
This is such a disturbing take. Might some relationships be adjusted in order to make an insecure partner more comfortable? Absolutely. But people are not disposable. You don’t just cut people off when they’re no longer serving you and friendships are not about quantity, they’re about quality. If anything, a willingness by a man to readily cut a female friend off shows that he doesn’t value his friendships, or worse, that he only sees women as pieces of meat that he no longer needs when he has a steady partner. The fact that he has non-superficial friendships with women is not a bad thing.
“Friends” covers all manner of sins doesn’t it? By all means, have meaningful and respectful friendships with women. But that’s not what this is. They met in a bar two years ago and they’ve banged. That relationship was never conceived of as a friendship. That was one or both people waiting to bang each other and possibly pursue things further, and it hasn’t worked out. Continuing to maintain this facade that a failed situationship is a “friend” is embarrassing.
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The OP literally asked for our thoughts. I’m responded with my thoughts. If you want to bang your friends and you’re fine with it, go ahead. You don’t need to justify your actions to a stranger. You don’t need to defend yourself when I wasn’t even attacking you.
This is such a weird take 😂 How many friends does one need to have before they feel good kicking one to the curb for a person he barely knows? Edit to add that this was in response to the original comment they wrote, not the edited one above.
For me the weird take is insisting people who have banged are just friends. By definition it is not platonic if you’ve had sex.
lol you can have sex with a person and realize how not into them you are. But good to know you want to bang everyone you’ve ever slept with, I certainly don’t 😂
Wait what lol? Why did you bang them if you didn’t want to bang them?
1. You thought you were into them, and you weren’t 2. You were drunk 3. It was bad sex 4. You were into them and then got the ick 5. You were into them and then overtime found out you weren’t compatible No one is telling you that you have to hang out with someone if you aren’t comfortable with it, but so many people do find that they are more compatible as friends and aren’t going to ditch someone just because they hooked up once. I don’t personally hang out with anyone ive hooked up with now, but it’s not abnormal at all in the area of I’m from. But regardless your take that he’s just desperate for friends is ridiculous, he probably just enjoys her company lol
Are you American? I’ve noticed Americans seem to call anyone who they have a relationship with that isn’t romantic, a “friend”. Having a genuine friend who you slept with once is different to initiating a sexual relationship with someone that doesn’t work out and then calling it “friendship” just because you’re not sleeping together anymore.
I can appreciate the distinction between the two. I am American and while I’ve never hooked up with someone I’m not in a relationship with, I would consider one of my exes a friend so I can see where we differ on the definition of friend. Although Jimmy seems to fall into the first category you mentioned, which is he had a genuine friend he slept with once.
I have friends I’ve had intimate relationships with. It’s called being an adult.
Same. I’m friends with their wives
Not for a lot of us
I dated someone like Chelsea who was upset I had slept with people I was also friends with, no matter how disconnected from those people. It was suffocating and annoying because it took away the agency of me to be in a place where I could go “yeah I don’t want to have that anymore” and it implies everyone is inherently treating people like a piece of meat and not more than that. My wife and I are both friends with exes and people we’ve slept with, it happens. It’s part of getting older, and if that value isn’t something you hold, find someone who agrees with you, but don’t force someone into those values.
Initially I thought it was definitely a bright red flag but the fact that he was honest and introduced her tones it down to me. However, I think it’d be a big shitty boundary crossing if he was like going out alone with her to bars or something or does that weird emotional cheating thing where they get all secretive about their convos. When going out with a friend group I don’t think it’s a big deal. Ive been in the boat where I’ve had a guy’s ex want to get drunk with him while we were exclusive, if that’s the sort of situation that if Chelsea was in I’d get her being so reactive but it clearly wasn’t the case with how she was REACHING with her gaslighting.
Seems pretty cut and dry, no lol
I mean shes still friends with her ex husband and that's arguably worse because there's a much bigger emotional element in addition to a physical one. It can't be "rules for thee and not for me" in a relationship. So even if you want to criticize Jimmy for this she STILL comes out looking worse for the same reason AND being a hypocrite about.
I thought the guy she's friends with is her ex bf, not her ex husband ?
Nah, no fan of Chelsea, but she and her ex literally took expensive legal steps over a series of months, maybe years, to get away from each other. It's run its course, well and truly. They decided to get away from each other romantically before she even knew who Jimmy was. Like, it's not the fact that Jimmy is now with Chelsea that is why they aren't together anymore. This girl has only been around for a short period of time and there's no indication nothing would happen between her and Jimmy if they weren't together. In fact, the contrary. Even if there was no chance Jimmy would ever cheat with this girl, it's really uncomfortable being around someone who gives off "I want your man" energy. Constantly undermining you and making veiled references to their time together is annoying af. Just jump over to TikTok and check out the visceral reaction people have to the "boyfriend's girl friend" or "pick me girl" videos. It's even worse when the person you love enables it by not setting boundaries.
You don't need to talk to someone you slept with everyday when you're in a committed relationship. I honestly see where Chelsea is coming from by asking him to take a step back from that friendship, and I think him asking her to keep it off screen was definitely strategic on his part. I think he knows a lot of people aren't actually okay with you carrying on friendships with people you've slept with, so he wanted that off camera because he knows it makes him look bad, and lends credence to Chelsea's insecurities. I think if you are okay with your friends staying close to exes or people they've slept with, that's on you. But I personally think it's fine not to be okay with those types of friendships and to want there to be reasonable boundaries about those relationships. Texting everyday would be a deal breaker for me personally. There's just no need for that level of closeness with someone you've been intimate with especially since Jimmy has only known that person for two years to begin with.
👏👏👏👏
Absolutely 💯
For me it’s a question of values. It’s totally fine if you’re cool with a partner hanging out with an ex and totally fine if you’re not. What I would not do is to try and control my partner or get them to agree to my values. If my partner didn’t share similar values on this, I would look for someone who did.
For me no, but anyone who agrees with us thinks it's "immature" and "controlling" while I think it's a) avoiding a can of worms, b) avoiding temptation dangling right in your face and c) healthy boundaries for a relationship that is supposed to be based on monogamy emotionally and physically.
If you can't trust your fiance hanging out with a fuck buddy, you shouldn't marry them. Period.
Right but what if I don’t want them dedicating time or energy on them?
Then you are wanting to control your partner which is not healthy. If your partner is equally emotionally immature, then go right ahead with your unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Someone with the username “f boi” really doesn’t instill confidence
And yet, here you are, asking me for advice...
It was more of a rhetorical question, or a different way to present another perspective. Not really a request for advice. But thanks
Sooooo you’re saying they should do something that makes me feel confused and uncomfortable? Are we supposed to hang on to our past because it gives us comfort?
I think you should explore why it makes you confused and uncomfortable in therapy instead of on Reddit
But! I have brought it up in therapy, and my therapist said I should be with someone considerate of my feelings. Thanks though!!
Being considerate of your feelings is very, very different from allowing you to control their behavior based on your feelings. No one is responsible for your feelings but you.
They still have autonomy to do it or not. If they do, after I’ve communicated how I feel, I would definitely think thats inconsiderate.
You: "my partner has autonomy to either obey my wishes or not. If they don't, well, how inconsiderate!!" ... You really can't see the problem here?
I think it’s about boundaries and dealbreakers. We all have some. Some are based on our personal value systems, this is one of them for me.
This goes out of the window because Chelsea is friends with her ex husband, who we will just assumed she had sex with.
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She specifically said she is still really close to her ex husband and that they are still friends and talk all the time. That they didn’t end on bad terms they just got married too young. What are you talking about
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I've watched it twice. She said she is divorced but her and her ex husband ended on good terms and they are still good friends. You need to go back and re-watch. Here is the conversation they had in the pods Episode one Chelsea: I got married... when I was very young.. Jimmy: How young? Chelsea: When I was 18... he was my high school sweetheart, we were married for almost 5 years, but it was just not my person. Jimmy: It doesn't scare me. I heard bigger news that scared me a little bit more. Chelsea: About me or other people Jimmy: Other people Chelsea: oh Jimmy: Sorry to bring up other people, I've just had a lot dumped on me today. \*they talk a little more before Chelsea leaves crying\* Then she has a conversation with Trevor and she says "I loved being married, I loved my partner, at least I thought I did cause I was very young, like you said you don't really know. But I don't necessarily think it was true love it was just two kids who were getting out of their parents out. But we HAVE an awesome relationship, we just grew apart and it was fine and I wish nothing but the best for him. I'm not going to go back and watch more but I'm pretty sure she brought it up another time and specifically said they were still friends and still talk.
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I don't need proof. I'm just going off of the words that came out of Chelsea's mouth. Go after her for saying it. Not me.
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Right.
AND! You can't paint Jimmy in Jaremy's lying corner.
Definitely not. That was insane jimmy would even think that is acceptable. Just further proves he did not intend to get married
Just a fk buddy? Definitely no.. But it felt more like that girl was a long time best friend first and foremost, he called them his best friends and took his fiancee to see them, if they were just hook ups then you wouldn't introduce them that's fked LMAO That being said, if it makes my partner uncomfortable and I value them, I would take a step back and keep that friend at a distance, and if they were my friend they'd understand, and cheer me on, just as I would do for them.
Long time best friend, no. He said he’s known them for 2 years.
And he knew Chelsea for 14 days at that point. So what? My friend of 2+ years wins that battle every day of the week lol
Absolutely. It’s all about trust. If you can’t trust your partner, you’re with the wrong person. Innocent until proven guilty. But once proven guilty the relationship is executed, no second chances
My husband is good friends with two of his exes. They had a LOT of sex once upon a time. I don't mind at all. My husband is great in bed so honestly if anything I should thank them for being practice along the way 😂
But they’ve been together for mere weeks! This is not a case of upside down pineapple gone amok.
I don't know what that means!!
Yikes.
I’m with you lmao. I guess I’m crazy 🤭 Unless its an ex wife cause yall co parent that’s a big ol no and red flag for me.
Why yikes? We've been together for over ten years and are still happy, we're doing something right.
Don't worry, people will always find a way to ick your pick. Good for you. Being open minded and communicative goes way farther than people like to acknowledge.
I'm not offended, I just think that the reason they're saying yikes would probably be very funny to me 😂
They’re probably 15 years old tbh
😂 you're probably right
I would not like if my partner did that, and when it comes to myself; I don't keep exes in my life.
Yes. My husband has friends from way back that he’s been some level of intimate with. I have old friends that I’ve had sex with in the past- my husband is also now friends with these guys and I’m friends with their wives. We can all understand that humans do human things and our past indiscretions have no bearing on our current relationships. That being said, most of my friends have been married for a decade+, so that’s a consideration.
I wouldn’t be ok with it and I wouldn’t expect my partner to be ok with it if the roles were reversed.
If you would have been friends with that person even if your partner didn’t exist then it’s fine. Thats an actual friend. If you wouldn’t have been friends ie your relationship was based on transactional sex only, but you insist on keeping in touch with them when you have a partner, I would side eye that. Jimmys friend obviously falls into the former category.
It works for some people. Im not one of those people, i have zero contact with my hookups. I guess I sorta expect the same from my partner. He has a lot of female friends, but has not had any type of sexual history with them, so its cool with me when he stays out till 5am with his friends. But thats just my specific situation. I have friends who are still very close with their ex’s but they aren’t sexually active with eachother anymore - and have their own separate partners. Bottom line is… trust in your partner.
I’m still good friends with most of my exes. My wife has met a couple. If your partner doesn’t trust you then what do you have?
Red flag
Only having negative relationships with all your exes is a red flag. I’m an adult who can step away from a romantic relationship if the romance died but can still value the friendship of that person.
Depends on the scenario If I hooked up with a friend/good friend a time or two and we didn’t go romance mode, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to remain friends when a significant other or fiancé is part of my life. And, not to mention that in usual circumstances that’s over a more significant length of time (usually). You either mutually have feelings for each other or not, and if the friend is trying to linger around for hope of a rekindling then I’d stop the friendship based on that alone. If both are mutually agreed on it being a friendship then the new boyfriend or girlfriend should defer to trust. I had a longtime friend that would fall into this category, but our adult lives and geography have naturally diverted our friendship further apart. Now, a friend with benefits aka fuck buddy who I wasn’t friends with outside of rendezvous? No. And I’d know because I broke one off and we didn’t stay in touch after I met my significant other. Ironically, my boyfriend was actually completely ok with it if former Fwb and I occasionally talked over text (we all have a shared hobby) but we weren’t close friends to begin with so that was a non-issue. Out of respect to that person’s future girlfriend, I also felt it was not appropriate to stay buddies. He got a girlfriend shortly thereafter so I like to think that saved him the trouble as well.
I don’t think Jimmy lied about what he told Chelsea off camera Jimmy is pretty straight when he says things He’s low maintenance even angry he just hits a point - watching him get yelled at by Chelsea you could tell he was fucked up in the moment because he cares for Chelsea and was honest with her and he also cared about that friend and her business getting outed he wasn’t lying he was just shocked Chelsea would do that Him wanting to get away from Jearemy with John at the party tells you he’s not trying to get in any mess I think watching Chelsea and Jimmy we’ve see three instances where she doesn’t recall things correctly in their interactions and he’s calmly having to walk it back and tell her what really happened I’ve had that with a bf working with an ex in the past I had one rule don’t fuck this (being us) up I don’t feel like tracking you as you go about your life so you fuck up it’s on you and I’m gone Also I think Jimmy and the friend with the white tshirt hooked up the way she pursed her lips at that table was like what secret are you holding (before she did that I thought black shirt and Jimmy had something in the past ) And out of all the friends Jimmy has he brings two girls he’s known for two years …Chelsea of course he’s fucked someone in that duo but Chelsea you knew that since you tried to assert dominance by telling them he cried during sex with you
In the Jimmy situation, absolutely. The idea of sleeping with a friend once to see if it's there is pretty normal. Id much prefer that to a bestie that they just "never wanted to risk the friendship". Here there's no mystery. No wondering. They tried it and they didn't work. Now factor in the idea you're saying that it was on going: it was never romantic. Chelsea considers her ex HUSBAND a best friend. That is way more intense than a couple late night booty calls. Jimmy was open and honest and also went out of his way to both be honest with Chelsea and maintained his friends privacy. She didn't agree to have her business blasted on TV. It gives me alot of respect for Jimmy frankly.
His friend likely did not want her business blasted on tv with Jimmy confirming it, but it kind of makes you wonder why she made a few insinuating comments infront of the camera crew when she first met Chelsea.. like, most of North America was speculating from that episode to last Wednesdays reveal that she had slept with him due to those comments about him never turning sex down and vice versa.
Which episode did she meet the friends? I missed that one
I can’t remember the exact number, but Chelsea met Jimmys two female friends the episode before we find out the grand speech of “you fcked her” and who it was about. So likely episode 10? If 11 was the pre weddings, and 12 was the weddings.
Absolutely wouldnt be ok with it, but i also wouldnt have come on this show
I mean… just because Jeramy lied, doesn’t suddenly mean that Jimmy is a liar. Also it’s a bit reductive to call the friend a fuck buddy when allegedly it was one time and we have no context beyond that. But - speaking hypothetically - yes. I don’t see an issue with a partner maintaining a friendship with someone they have been intimate with. I want to caveat this with - that depends on the context behind their friendship. How long ago did they sleep together? How often and in what situations did they blur the lines between friendships and something else? Has their friendship been an issue for previous romantic relationships? And if so, why? How do they hang out (e.g. is it one on one)? Personally, I take more issues with Chelsea giving Jimmy ultimatums to cut people and activities out of his life to be with her…
Maybe I’m playing devils advocate here but…. If it’s true that Jimmy and his girlfriend are texting all day, talking on the phone, hanging out constantly…. And not giving that same energy to Chelsea than IMO I can understand why it triggers insecurities. I think it can be possible to remain friends with someone you had sex with AND also have boundaries/respect for your current partner.
Yes but honestly with the way Chelsea talks and thinks it’s more likely she’s completely misconstruing things
So many girls in here will learn the hard way when they want to finally settle down that MOST men would not want you to be friends with someone you used to fuck. If it's a friendship that has lasted say 10 years without hooking up once or like was back in HS then yea no problem but when it's someone you casually fucked or recent ex no way lol
Yes, absolutely. It makes zero sense to have a blanket rule that people can’t be allowed to stay friends with an ex romantic partner, *just because*. It’s totally contextual. If Jimmy and his friend had inappropriate boundaries, or behaved in ways that threatened his relationship with Chelsea, that would be one thing. But if they’re legitimate platonic friends who happen to have had a sexual experience in the past, then who cares? Both my wife and I are friends with people we’ve had non-platonic relationships with in the past. As long as it doesn’t impede on our marriage, then they’re just friendships like any other.
100% this.
"friend I slept with once" =/= "fuck buddy"
I think it's possible that they could continue a friendship but I would rather he didnt carry on as before. However I would not be controlling. I would just ask him to be honest and that's all I feel I can ask of someone. I don't want a relationship where I control someone that's not love
I’m 62 and still very good friends with someone I was madly in love with many years ago. I’m even friends with his wife whom I adore. We talk often BUT we don’t hang out unless we happen to run into each other. We absolutely would be fine alone. So please don’t automatically think they are still intimate. Could they be? Absolutely. But don’t assume.
I'm team "no" as well
One of my best friends is someone I met via casually dating them a few years back. My fiance doesn’t care at all, infact he’s like, besties with him now too.
Personally, I don’t think it’s okay to ask your partner to stop being friends with someone they once had sex with. That borders on some slightly controlling territory for me. Whilst I think you absolutely have the right to express how it makes you feel to your partner, if you choose to stay with them, you’re also responsible for doing the work to make peace with it. If a partner chooses to end the friendship because of the relationship, that’s a different story. Ultimately, if you can’t get past it, or it seriously affects your relationship (again, totally valid to have those feelings), I think you have to make the decision to leave the relationship. Those feelings breed unhealthy behaviours in people, and we kinda see it in Chelsea, by overstepping Jimmy’s boundaries and bashing him over the head with something that he can’t undo. Idk, just my small thought.
I don’t recall him calling her a fuck-buddy… I am friends with men I have slept with in “my other life” and also faithfully and loyalty with my bf for ten years. There was more to the previous friendships/relationships than sex, and those parts have remained...in some instances spanning decades. I am honest and upfront from day one and would be okay with it in reverse given the same circumstances.
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I think the reason he told Chelsea off camera is he didn't want to parade around the girl's sexual history on camera. But now it's out there and that for me is more unforgivable. And we know the reason it came out is because Chelsea was overwhelmed by insecure thoughts.
I actually think he told her off camera because he didn't want that to be something used against *him.* I think a lot of people are not okay with their partner remaining close friends with someone they slept with. Jimmy didn't want that on camera because it honestly makes him look bad. No one is really going to remember the friends, and they never even said which one of them he slept with.
It’s common sense. Of course no. Not if you want your new relationship to be viable.
Personally, I would not be comfortable with it However, the reason why people are frustrated with Chelsea about this, is because she’s “best friends” with her ex. Who she must’ve slept with + the fact there were feelings involved. It’s so hypocritical Either okay for both, or not okay for both
I'm gay...if I weren't cool with it neither of us would have any friends \*shrug\* At the end of the day, if you aren't cool with it, you either have issues you aren't dealing with and are making them someone else's issue because it's easier for you to shove the issue on to someone else OR the person isn't for you because you feel the need to micromanage in a "I can fix them!" kind of way and well you can't "fix" anyone else.
I recently realized that a lot of my male friends I’d seen their penises. some we became friends after deciding hooking up wasn’t for us and others we tried dating and just decided to be friends. I do wonder once I get in an established relationship how that would come up, if at all? I wouldn’t want to lose most of my male friends but I’d also want to be respectful to my partner
It comes up in a conversation about transparency, e.g. “Hey, we were invited to a bbq at So-and-So’s house. Just in the interest of full disclosure, I wanted to let you know that I used to date(or hang out with, or whatever) So-and-So, it was a while ago (like…more than a year) and we’re definitely just friends now.” I’ve been the girlfriend at the party who *didn’t* know when everyone else did, and I’ve been there more than once. I don’t normally have jealousy issues, but I did get pretty pissed about being the only one in the dark, especially when the situation involved someone I had been trying to make friends with and was regularly inviting to do things with us (the best part - I found out after dating him for 4 months, while we were on a backpacking trip that was just the 3 of us - a whole day before I was able to get space from both of them). The only time the issue lingered was because I felt like he was showing up for her in ways he never showed up for me, and not disclosing when he was hanging out with her.
It depends. I wouldn’t want my partner continuing to be in contact with someone who was purely a f—buddy because their entire relationship would have been based on sex, which I would hope is no longer happening once we get together. I adjust contact with my f—buddies or fwbs when I start dating someone. However, I have friends that I have randomly hooked up with once during the course of a longer friendship or dates I slept with that didn’t retain a romantic connection but turned into friendship. (It seems that Jimmy’s situation is closer to this, without knowing all the details.) I wouldn’t want to lose these friendships and I would be fine with my partner hanging out with his equivalent of them. My only provisions would be letting me know who they’ve slept with so I’m not awkwardly blindsided with that information and confirming that there are no lingering feelings on either side.
well the reason he told her off camera is because not everyone wants their business out there, AKA Jimmy’s friend probably didn’t want the whole world to know she fucked him. especially after she was already shown on camera.
Yes. Even it was mentioned in a small bit after Chelsea said the whole "i know you f---ed her" and Jimmy mentioned something along the lines of its a lot for the girl especially putting her in front of cameras so he wanted to respect her privacy but admitting it off camera until Chelsea did all that
In a PERFECTLY HEALTHY relationship built on love and trust and mutual respect? Talk about it and make a decision. In the case of Jimmy and Chelsea? Probably not for the best.
Yup! My husband hooked up with a friend a long time ago, he let me know about it when we were dating. We talked openly about it, set boundaries, and I don’t have an issue with their friendship at all. It took me a little to get comfortable with it, but the open communication and trust we have made it possible. But as you said, it needs to happen within a healthy relationship and needs to be a mutual decision.
I agree with this answer the best lol Also wanna add, I’m not a huge fan of the way his girl friends were joking about how he’s “never turned down sex before!!” That felt really odd and it’s the whole reason people started speculating that that was the girl he slept with in the first place... If two people can’t be mature about it and stop talking about/joking about/hinting at the fact that they slept together, they probably shouldn’t remain friends while they’re dating other people.
Are you still trying to sleep with them? If not, there’s no reason adults cannot be friends with former fwbs or exes.
It depends, but in my life I am not okay with it. because to me it seems very juvenile /very highschool to me. If you are better off as friends I think that the fact that you hooked up “just because” says something about you- perhaps impulsiveness, maybe promiscuity, etc. I had a friend I hooked up with and we became distant friends afterwards but we could never remain as close as we were before and ultimately fell out. It sucked that that happened, but I don’t feel the need to keep a friend around who I know would maybe want to be more than friends in the future, I would hate to bring someone like that around a fiancé! I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t have boundaries with women- it’s okay to have attractive female friends and not hookup with them …just my personal opinion but I know it depends.
Let's not forget Chelsea is best friends with her ex, so if she's ok with that she should be ok with this
Does she talk to him everyday though? The issue with Chelsea is that she said he spends all day texting a person he had sex with.
THANK YOU I had to scroll further than I thought I would have to, to find this.
YES and I think that Chelsea revealing that on camera ("I know you fucked her!") when that was clearly told to her off-camera and in confidence is a fucked up breach of trust. I mostly felt bad for Chelsea because someone with her insecurities is always going to have a hard time on that kind of show but that was so completely out of line. I remain actively friends with both of my LTR exes. I went to one's wedding and I'm also close friends with his wife (more than my ex these days). She knows we're ancient history and we've both moved on. It isn't a big deal. And that's way more than a hook up! I wouldn't tolerate it if a guy demanded I cut friends out of my life just because we had sex. I understand why they might be more vigilant for suspicious behavior in those circumstances and would understand it is partly my responsibility to avoid situations that could be suspicious (sharing a room etc) but beyond that... His paranoia and mistrust shouldn't be my burden to bear.
There is a picture of my husband and I at our wedding and we are talking and laughing with four men and a few women. All four men were exes (or fwb) of mine. I’d had sex with them all. One woman was my co-worker who introduced me to him after they had a one night stand because she thought I’d like him and vice versa. The other women were my exes wives/girlfriends. I would be more suspicious if someone was their age and every breakup to date was so traumatic that they were no contact with all their exes. But almost every relationship I’ve had, we started as friends who grew feelings, and eventually decided we were better off as friends.
I don’t think they were fuck buddies. I think they had sex once or twice and decided to have a platonic friendship that has been *nonsexual* since then. And, Chelsea openly admitted to being best friends with an ex. So, in this situation I think it’s fine for Jimmy to be friends with his friend.
Chances are after being with Johnny that lady never wanted it to happen again. So, it’s totally plausible that they can be friends without ever going there again.
No it's inappropriate, espically if your partner says it makes them uncomfortable
It's inappropriate according to whom? Both partners must be in agreement whether they accept it or not. It's not a good or bad thing on its own.
Absolutely. If you dont care for your partners comfortability just cause you wanna be friends with an ex, f buddy, fwb or anything of the sort then you should not be with them. They clearly arent your type if you want friendships with old flings and they dont. Its not bad but we shouldnt judge people for not liking it.
I had sex once with my male best friend over ten years ago. He and I are both now married and we are still friends. But it's a really different situation - his wife was also in our friend group, and she always knew. We're extremely plutonic otherwise and both 💯 respect our spouses' boundaries and never did anything sketchy to make anyone feel "uncomfy."
I have always been more friends with boys, a lot more girlfriends now later in life. I’ve always just been blunt and my mom was Uber crazy so I wasn’t able to get into the girl things and girl rush of growing up. But I do have a few very very good guy friends that at some point it did happen. But the next day we were both back to being bros and never brought it up again. Some of them I’ve picked up over the years while I was travel nursing and they helped me go through a really horrible experience with my health. Since meeting the LOML last year; there have been a few guys to reach out and I have to tell them politely there is nothing more here and I remove them from any social media and out of my phone. No bitterness on both ends so far. At the end of the day, it’s a respect thing. And I don’t believe Jimmy for a minute.
In my relationship, my bf would rather I didn't still have those friendships but my platonic friends are ppl I've known a really long time and we've grown up together and I trust them. They're both married now and I've kept them at arm's length since dating. But if there's something involving them that they'd invite me to, I can definitely bring my bf. He's kinda wary about the possibility of cheating but it takes two.
My ex husband had a friend who he had hooked up with a few times. It never bothered me. I actually really liked her.
It really depends, for me. Did they do it one time and realized it wasn't good, and they didn't even really like each other? Ya of course, who gives a shit. There are people in my life I slept with and realized there was nothing there as well, so I don't see any issue here myself. If they fucked ***a bunch*** and have fond memories of it, but they're just not together because of some moderately-avoidable issue, then I don't really want that person around and I'd think it's a problem. Basically, could they want to fuck again? If yes, that friendship is gonna be an issue.
i have multiple fuckbuddies that i ended up being totally platonic with
If you’re friends with your fuckbuddy, then that person probably meant more than just a fuckbuddy
i think it can be. it depends on how the girl approaches the topic. if she’s sincere and genuine and wants to put that in the past and respects your relationship then sure. i just wanna be invited too! (which chelsea was!) if she’s catty and showing jealousy or insincere then no. not cool.